Learning that some days will be better than others has really helped me with not driving myself crazy & wasting energy trying to “figure out what went wrong” and why I wasn’t able to get as much done as on a different day. That has been such a gift to have permission to just accept that some days will require more spoons than others. Also, I LOATHE meal planning and grocery shopping but actually enjoy cooking. So I can TOTALLY relate to getting overwhelmed in the store & buying a zillion things. For the past 18 months my husband just chooses our Hello Fresh items, the box arrives all proportioned, we decide which meal I’ll cook that day & we eat leftovers. NO. MORE GROCERY. SHOPPING. I got HUNDREDS of spoons back not having to deal with meal planning & shopping. (Not sure if you have those meal delivery services in Australia, but it has been a godsend!)
Yesss! I was thinking of Hello Fresh as I was reading your message. It's such a great hack! I tried a similar company for a while and I loved it but my family felt like everything tasted the same. I should try another company though. I'm also really cheap though 😂 and only tend to use it if I'm really low on spoons. Thanks for the reminder of what a great hack this is Heidi! :) #spoonsavers
Showering and getting out of bed are very taxing for me. I have anxiety disorder so it's very hard. Helpful for my husband to understand so I sent him this video.
I just found your Channel today. I guess when the student is ready the teacher appears. I'm grateful for your content. You are really really good at sharing knowledge without making someone feel bad. May you always have spoons left at the end of you day 🙂
Thank you for watching and I'm sorry it's taken me so long to reply! I'm planning to develop some new content in the second half of the year and I'm working on a Some Betterment mindset book! Stay tunned :)
Trying to explain this very concept to my husband just wasn’t getting anywhere. He kept laughing and just wasn’t listening to what I was saying. Thank you for making this video so clear and easy to understand. ❤
Good explanation. My sister reminded me of a trick pony we had when we were kids. It looked like a normal spoon, but hen you put anything on it, the hidden hinge would collapse and drop everything. Not areal spoon, you just thought it was. Or sometimes it looks like areal spoon and then it turns out you were relying on Ava by food spoon when you were really hoping for a serving spoon…
Haha! My imagination is running wild with all the analogies that could apply to the fake spoon! I think I might have been running off fake spoons all day today. We'll find out tomorrow...
I love the spoons theory. I’d love some more info on ways to increase or replenish your spoons throughout the day. Once I’ve run out, I’m DONE, but often kids/family/running a household/paid work still needs attention. Best of luck with your new channel!!
I found out for me that listening to podcasts during shower makes it cost less spoons. "Thanks" to my disability , i need a shower chair which makes shower more relaxing. Just sit and not move too much. Spoons are needed later to go back to the wheelchair 😱
I needed to pause when you brought up the topic of your husband. Ma’am you are one blessed woman. 🙏 l have been with my partner for over 20 yrs we have 3 beautiful children. Unfortunately l became chronically ill after my youngest daughter was born. I have RA, OA, fibromyalgia, herniated discs, sciatica. Sadly my list is long. Sorry back to your story I have no support from my husband. 😔 I cannot lie and say he doesn’t help me. It’s the communication aspect. He never has heard my words of living in agony there is a wall! I can never say anything example (your husband heard your words and he replies back to you. 😢 I’d give anything to have a response. I’m so sorry I wrote so much. Blessings to you and your family. I pray your spoons will always last for your entire day. Much love and respect. Barbara ✌️🌎🌍🌏💜
Oh Barb I’m so sorry :( That’s really hard. I pray for you too that your loved ones would see your pain, but that you would be healed! You are a warrior. ❤️
My sibling told me about spoon theory & it matches my wife exactly. Sometimes she'll spend multiple hours trying to get out of bed when she doesn't have to to anything she considers important. Even when she does have to do something important like go to work its a struggle. Breakfast I take care of it for her & often just bring it to her in bed.... Many say I am enabling her.... But I don't feel she becomes stronger or more of a person when I don't help her.... She often gets worse. Showers take allot of motivation, and if I didn't chase after her to make a routine of it she wouldn't, but rarely washes her hair because it's just too much effort for her... Makes the excuse that it's not good to over wash your hair... But she washes it like once every 3 months... That's not good either... Getting dressed.... My partner is almost a nudist if it wasn't for the fact other people exist so she'll normally wear a house coat.... Only will get dressed for work or if she HAS to go out... Often doesn't brush her hair anywhere near enough... Shopping.... Not her responsibility.... But when she does go... She buys constant things we don't need or have money for... It's why I keep her home... Also... If we're together if I pressure her too hard not to get something or rush her though the store.... She'll buy even more! On that note, I think she has ADHD, explained to our family doctor after speaking with her & she's been on Concerta, it helped but didn't solve any of these problems. Just helped her do much better when she does have a good day with enough spoons to spare. Work is it's own huge topic, let's just say she isn't known to keep a job for much longer then 8 months.... Rather it be her inability to adapt to social work politics, or she just crashes after around 6 months of a new job and she'll stop going to bed on time. Or taking so much longer to do basic tasks like going to the bathroom and so on... That she finds herself working on 3 hours of sleep and becomes useless to her employer. Socializing.... = nope. She is an introvert, only wants me in her life... I do think she needs to make some friends... I am also an introvert.... But.... idk Also we are living with my family as we recover from some debt & that makes her very uncomfortable and basically every single day she starts with less spoons then she would of otherwise. I offer to help her with as many things as I can. My help is clear & direct as well or I just do things. But... I can't do everything for her... But she'll keep putting off important things. (She quit one job and the employer never gave her the final paycheque she hasn't called back or chased after them & its been nearly 2 months) How can I better help a person who matches spoon theory so well?
It sounds like your wife could be suffering from ME/CFS..or CFIDS (USA)...because that is how it presents with a lot of people..I have it myself. She could also have Complex PTSD from 'Narcissistic Abuse Victim Syndrome'....and may be on the Autism Spectrum. It may be worth looking into.
I'm so sorry I didn't reply sooner. It sounds like you are a good husband and are trying to do the best you can to help your wife. I hope and pray that she's managed to find a medical professional who can help her improve. Go gently with yourselves.
Agreed! But wouldn't that be great if we could always take vacations and escape :) I like to read, listen to music, get outside, walk, jog, swim - just something you enjoy that helps boost your mood a little. Try to think of it as a micro escape.
I literally wake up most days/evenings/nights with no spoons. I don't know what to do at this point. I'm trying alternative therapies now because antidepressants, stimulants, etc., don't work.
That's a good question! I think it's a personal thing and it varies from day to day. It requires a little trial and error. I recommend downloading my free printable if you haven't already :) buymeacoffee.com/saramelinda/e/49547
That depends on the person...some people have unlimited spoons...some may only have twelve. Think of a spoon as a 'unit of mesure'...so it could also be like an envelope of money...some people only get $100 a day (or less)...some may get $10,000!
Agreed! It's different for everyone and can be different on any given day. I know that's not very helpful. Try downloading my free printable which might help :) buymeacoffee.com/saramelinda/e/49547
i really get annoyed by this limited and sickness prolonging theory. yeah, i get energetically worn out i can hardly get up but i have an equine rescue and i have to get up and get and attend to my animals. i say frack the spoons and eat with my hands. even when i feel its going to be so difficult and i am basically shut down i have responsibiltes that can have life or death consequences. i am a metal worker , i can make my own spoons. it's an excuse for people to be self absorbed and refuse accountability. when i need to i can go days on end, without a spoon or a meal. try a soup ladel , more accountability per scoop. but this avoids talking about actual feelings and challenges and dumbs them down with generic spoons. if i had spoons this crap just dropped them in the garbage disposal.
It's a theory used to describe life with limited energy & bandwidth. It's not literal spoons! If u can push yourself harder than others, good on u! Enjoy the video if u like it & if not keep looking as there is an abundance of help on RUclips. Take care ❤
@@myaccount9498 oh, the gentle move on , sweet, bu spoon people give me nightmares. spoons are a privledge. shiz, food is a privledge to kids in gaza. your theory is harmful. psa
Thanks for your comment! You have a very good point. We do need to be careful not to fall into self pity and despair and just give up. I love your metaphors, that sometimes we need to eat with our hands, create our own spoons, use a ladle instead of a spoon! This shows a spirit of determination and innovation which I think we all need in this life. Thanks again for your comment! ❤️
@somebetterment8990 honestly I probably wouldn't get up some days if it wasn't for my horse and ass. Jericho, ass, will stand right outside my window and give that loud, prolonged bray... get up and feed me.. or when I go out in the morning to feed, they gallop up to me excitedly and demand hugs... I am blessed and so grateful to have them here at my equine rescue...Happy Ass Ranch.
![Megan Thee Stallion - Neva Play (feat. RM) [Official Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/TpYTyAaTRts/mqdefault.jpg)
Download your free printable to help you manage your energy with the Spoon Theory: www.buymeacoffee.com/SaraMelinda/e/49547
Learning that some days will be better than others has really helped me with not driving myself crazy & wasting energy trying to “figure out what went wrong” and why I wasn’t able to get as much done as on a different day. That has been such a gift to have permission to just accept that some days will require more spoons than others. Also, I LOATHE meal planning and grocery shopping but actually enjoy cooking. So I can TOTALLY relate to getting overwhelmed in the store & buying a zillion things. For the past 18 months my husband just chooses our Hello Fresh items, the box arrives all proportioned, we decide which meal I’ll cook that day & we eat leftovers. NO. MORE GROCERY. SHOPPING. I got HUNDREDS of spoons back not having to deal with meal planning & shopping. (Not sure if you have those meal delivery services in Australia, but it has been a godsend!)
Yesss! I was thinking of Hello Fresh as I was reading your message. It's such a great hack! I tried a similar company for a while and I loved it but my family felt like everything tasted the same. I should try another company though. I'm also really cheap though 😂 and only tend to use it if I'm really low on spoons. Thanks for the reminder of what a great hack this is Heidi! :) #spoonsavers
Showering and getting out of bed are very taxing for me. I have anxiety disorder so it's very hard. Helpful for my husband to understand so I sent him this video.
I so hear you, Tara. It’s so hard! And it's hard for other people to understand who don't struggle. Take care ❤️
Yes. It’s very difficult. Thanks for sharing that because I have anxiety, too. I didn’t understand why I was like that.
I just found your Channel today. I guess when the student is ready the teacher appears. I'm grateful for your content. You are really really good at sharing knowledge without making someone feel bad. May you always have spoons left at the end of you day 🙂
Thank you for watching and I'm sorry it's taken me so long to reply! I'm planning to develop some new content in the second half of the year and I'm working on a Some Betterment mindset book! Stay tunned :)
Trying to explain this very concept to my husband just wasn’t getting anywhere. He kept laughing and just wasn’t listening to what I was saying. Thank you for making this video so clear and easy to understand. ❤
Thank you for watching and for your feedback! I made it as much for loved ones as for those who struggle.
Nothing has ever made more sense to me. Thanks for a great video.
Thanks for watching!
Girl u going to heaven with these videos
Thanks for watching and for your kind comment!
The "spoon theory" comes up a lot in many Autism discussion groups I follow. Great job explaining it!
Thanks very much! It's such a helpful tool!
Good explanation. My sister reminded me of a trick pony we had when we were kids. It looked like a normal spoon, but hen you put anything on it, the hidden hinge would collapse and drop everything. Not areal spoon, you just thought it was. Or sometimes it looks like areal spoon and then it turns out you were relying on Ava by food spoon when you were really hoping for a serving spoon…
Haha! My imagination is running wild with all the analogies that could apply to the fake spoon! I think I might have been running off fake spoons all day today. We'll find out tomorrow...
I love the spoons theory. I’d love some more info on ways to increase or replenish your spoons throughout the day. Once I’ve run out, I’m DONE, but often kids/family/running a household/paid work still needs attention.
Best of luck with your new channel!!
Thanks Bec! That's coming up this month!
I found out for me that listening to podcasts during shower makes it cost less spoons. "Thanks" to my disability , i need a shower chair which makes shower more relaxing. Just sit and not move too much. Spoons are needed later to go back to the wheelchair 😱
That's great that you've found a positive solution for spoon conservation! Thanks for sharing :)
Listening to this in my bath because I ran out of spoons today.
I feel you! :( Good for you for taking care of yourself.
Thank you 🥹
Thank you so much. This was so helpful.
I needed to pause when you brought up the topic of your husband. Ma’am you are one blessed woman. 🙏 l have been with my partner for over 20 yrs we have 3 beautiful children. Unfortunately l became chronically ill after my youngest daughter was born. I have RA, OA, fibromyalgia, herniated discs, sciatica. Sadly my list is long. Sorry back to your story I have no support from my husband. 😔 I cannot lie and say he doesn’t help me. It’s the communication aspect. He never has heard my words of living in agony there is a wall! I can never say anything example (your husband heard your words and he replies back to you. 😢 I’d give anything to have a response. I’m so sorry I wrote so much. Blessings to you and your family. I pray your spoons will always last for your entire day. Much love and respect. Barbara ✌️🌎🌍🌏💜
Oh Barb I’m so sorry :( That’s really hard. I pray for you too that your loved ones would see your pain, but that you would be healed! You are a warrior. ❤️
My sibling told me about spoon theory & it matches my wife exactly.
Sometimes she'll spend multiple hours trying to get out of bed when she doesn't have to to anything she considers important.
Even when she does have to do something important like go to work its a struggle.
Breakfast I take care of it for her & often just bring it to her in bed....
Many say I am enabling her.... But I don't feel she becomes stronger or more of a person when I don't help her.... She often gets worse.
Showers take allot of motivation, and if I didn't chase after her to make a routine of it she wouldn't, but rarely washes her hair because it's just too much effort for her... Makes the excuse that it's not good to over wash your hair... But she washes it like once every 3 months... That's not good either...
Getting dressed.... My partner is almost a nudist if it wasn't for the fact other people exist so she'll normally wear a house coat....
Only will get dressed for work or if she HAS to go out... Often doesn't brush her hair anywhere near enough...
Shopping.... Not her responsibility.... But when she does go... She buys constant things we don't need or have money for...
It's why I keep her home... Also... If we're together if I pressure her too hard not to get something or rush her though the store.... She'll buy even more!
On that note, I think she has ADHD, explained to our family doctor after speaking with her & she's been on Concerta, it helped but didn't solve any of these problems. Just helped her do much better when she does have a good day with enough spoons to spare.
Work is it's own huge topic, let's just say she isn't known to keep a job for much longer then 8 months....
Rather it be her inability to adapt to social work politics, or she just crashes after around 6 months of a new job and she'll stop going to bed on time. Or taking so much longer to do basic tasks like going to the bathroom and so on... That she finds herself working on 3 hours of sleep and becomes useless to her employer.
Socializing.... = nope. She is an introvert, only wants me in her life... I do think she needs to make some friends... I am also an introvert.... But.... idk
Also we are living with my family as we recover from some debt & that makes her very uncomfortable and basically every single day she starts with less spoons then she would of otherwise.
I offer to help her with as many things as I can. My help is clear & direct as well or I just do things.
But... I can't do everything for her... But she'll keep putting off important things.
(She quit one job and the employer never gave her the final paycheque she hasn't called back or chased after them & its been nearly 2 months)
How can I better help a person who matches spoon theory so well?
It sounds like your wife could be suffering from ME/CFS..or CFIDS (USA)...because that is how it presents with a lot of people..I have it myself.
She could also have Complex PTSD from 'Narcissistic Abuse Victim Syndrome'....and may be on the Autism Spectrum.
It may be worth looking into.
I'm so sorry I didn't reply sooner. It sounds like you are a good husband and are trying to do the best you can to help your wife. I hope and pray that she's managed to find a medical professional who can help her improve. Go gently with yourselves.
So helpful ❤
Good explanation, totally relatable!!👍
Thanks! 😍
Great video Sarah :) a really cool way of thinking about energy management
Thanks Sam!
this is great thank u
You're welcome! Go Gently xo
Flat out I just sit while I'm having a shower.
That's a great idea to conserve spoons when you're really low. Thanks for sharing.
I feel like I’m at a spoon deficit…a spoon debt if you will. I don’t know how to replenish anymore…
This video might help give you some ideas if you haven't watched it yet. Go gently with yourself xo ruclips.net/video/4uii4UuW7LM/видео.html
well done.
Thank you for watching :)
thank you, so what do you suggest on replenishing your spoons throughout the day? i can't always take vacations and escape.
Agreed! But wouldn't that be great if we could always take vacations and escape :)
I like to read, listen to music, get outside, walk, jog, swim - just something you enjoy that helps boost your mood a little. Try to think of it as a micro escape.
My conusoler told me to watch your video. She told me about this.
Thanks for watching!
I literally wake up most days/evenings/nights with no spoons. I don't know what to do at this point. I'm trying alternative therapies now because antidepressants, stimulants, etc., don't work.
Do what you can. Be gentle with yourself. Be proud of anything you do and celebrate even the smallest things. I'm sorry I didn't reply until now. xo
Thank you for the response. You don't owe me anything. Be gentle with yourself too, you're a good person.@@somebetterment8990
Good luck!
Thank you!!
How do you know how many spoons you have a day?
That's a good question! I think it's a personal thing and it varies from day to day. It requires a little trial and error. I recommend downloading my free printable if you haven't already :) buymeacoffee.com/saramelinda/e/49547
@@somebetterment8990 I did thanks will give it a shot
How many spoons does each person get?
That depends on the person...some people have unlimited spoons...some may only have twelve.
Think of a spoon as a 'unit of mesure'...so it could also be like an envelope of money...some people only get $100 a day (or less)...some may get $10,000!
Agreed! It's different for everyone and can be different on any given day. I know that's not very helpful. Try downloading my free printable which might help :) buymeacoffee.com/saramelinda/e/49547
Thought the Spoons Theory meant spoonfuls of drugs 😆
Haha! No definitely not! Just a metaphor to help manage energy when you have a chronic illness :)
i really get annoyed by this limited and sickness prolonging theory. yeah, i get energetically worn out i can hardly get up but i have an equine rescue and i have to get up and get and attend to my animals. i say frack the spoons and eat with my hands. even when i feel its going to be so difficult and i am basically shut down i have responsibiltes that can have life or death consequences. i am a metal worker , i can make my own spoons. it's an excuse for people to be self absorbed and refuse accountability. when i need to i can go days on end, without a spoon or a meal. try a soup ladel , more accountability per scoop. but this avoids talking about actual feelings and challenges and dumbs them down with generic spoons. if i had spoons this crap just dropped them in the garbage disposal.
It's a theory used to describe life with limited energy & bandwidth.
It's not literal spoons!
If u can push yourself harder than others, good on u!
Enjoy the video if u like it & if not keep looking as there is an abundance of help on RUclips.
Take care ❤
@@myaccount9498 oh, the gentle move on , sweet, bu spoon people give me nightmares. spoons are a privledge. shiz, food is a privledge to kids in gaza. your theory is harmful. psa
Thanks for your comment! You have a very good point. We do need to be careful not to fall into self pity and despair and just give up. I love your metaphors, that sometimes we need to eat with our hands, create our own spoons, use a ladle instead of a spoon! This shows a spirit of determination and innovation which I think we all need in this life. Thanks again for your comment! ❤️
@somebetterment8990 honestly I probably wouldn't get up some days if it wasn't for my horse and ass. Jericho, ass, will stand right outside my window and give that loud, prolonged bray... get up and feed me.. or when I go out in the morning to feed, they gallop up to me excitedly and demand hugs... I am blessed and so grateful to have them here at my equine rescue...Happy Ass Ranch.