Breaking Free: The Secret to Overcoming Enmeshment
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- Опубликовано: 29 сен 2024
- In this weeks episode of Heal The Hurt I am going to dive deep into what are the signs and characteristics of enmeshment?
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👋 WHO AM I:
Hi, I'm Kenny. I'm an Emotional Mastery Coach, Podcaster, and Author. I founded The Greatness Movement (www.thegreatne...) to help people achieve emotional mastery and become the greatest version of themselves.
🤯 MY MISSION
The science is now overwhelming. Every relational, economic, political, and social problem originates from unhealed childhood emotional pain.
Currently, our society looks for solutions to these social maladies in every other possibility but the actual source of the problem. Making things more difficult is that our unhealed emotional pain is also responsible for avoiding the source of the problem. That is why these maladies have continued for generations.
As a society, we are all stuck in the Worst Day Cycle.
Therefore, the mission of The Greatness Movement is to conquer that long avoided frontier. To do that, we need new knowledge that can be developed into a skill and ultimately refined into a tool to heal that pain and stop the generational transference of The Worst Day Cycle. In short, we need emotional mastery.
#Kenny Weiss #Enmeshment #What Is Enmeshment
Good man
I see God in you
He loves you
I see it too
Thank you so much for this mind blowing truth!!! I’m an empath & have been fighting it in my gut for so long!! Now I see that it is just disfunction from my abusive past. You’ve given me hope that I can heal.
You're welcome. I hope you take advantage of my free classes, and downloads to get you started and once you see improvement, move on to my books and other materials designed to help you heal.
"Becoming sick is how enmeshed people get their power back." Breakthrough line right there. I always sensed my wounds were self inflected and in reaction to my mother, but I wasn't quite sure.
❤❤❤Jesus Christ we thank God 🙏 for this teaching wow wow
I haven’t heard anyone mention personalization in enmeshment before - I’m so grateful you brought it up! Absolutely going through this right now; it’s like I can’t say anything about anything without it coming back to be twisted into an insult I hurled at this person, when that was literally never stated. I’ve been trying to wrap my mind around how and why this keeps happening with this relative, and now it’s so much easier to see and contextualize. Not sure how to deal with it, but at least I can put a name to it. Thank you.
Sad but true 🥲
Thank you for all your hard work… I’ve learned so much… and love the color purple… the fact that you’ve experienced estrangement from a child of yours.., brings such authenticity to your message ….. & I get to see that some parents DO the work to see how they screwed up! Own it.. and do better from that point on… does it result in a reunion? Not necessarily - but you help so many others… there’s no better use of the lessons…..
After seeing different therapists and being offered medication (once and I was like ???) I just found the cause and course of action for my problems. You can lear so many things now from RUclips.
Legend!! Sooo on the ball.
Thank you
19:59 when my ex was in hospital getting her spleen removed i cheated on her, that was the only time i ever cheated and since i havn't been in a relationship, it's been 7-8 years now.
Wow, the example of typing out a novel to say “thank you” could have come from my own life! I’ve made a concerted effort to stop, take account of myself, and to just say thank you more modestly… but the enmeshed family (sibling) DOES feel that I’m being rude when I do that, never mind my own efforts to convince myself that a simple “thank you so much” is sufficient. Any advice for when the enmeshment is kind of clinging to you even as you try to disengage from it, but you keep getting attacked and vilified for it? I know we’ve all got abandonment wounds, but I can’t be attached emotionally at the hip anymore… 😮💨
11:30
This is a 1 year old video with 1 year old comments. This should have daily hits with daily comments. A very important topic. Would rather have a nice undamaged grape though.
I have learned co-depenents have this complusion to over-explain...I do this all the time. Over-explaining and hyper-vigilance. I have worn myself out with it all, LOL. It also didn't help that I have been a special ed teacher for two decades and am so accustomed to repeating the same information in as many ways as possible. I am re-training myself to say things only once now and to be silent and just let consequences happen if necessary as long as I know the person said they understood me. I was so invalidated and enmeshed by my mother for four decades that I automatically assume people do not understand me and try to prove I am worthy of being "seen" and "heard". I grieved for a month when I realized this about myself and why I have the issues that I do. It has been a very liberating healing journey thus far...a journey I will be on the rest of my life. I turn 50 in a few months and have pledged to myself that by time I turn 50 I will be able to start a new chapter.
Wow! Someone else has this problem too!! I thought I was the only one! 😄
Research trauma and psychedelics
How’s it going?
Turning 50 is a new chapter for every woman, I feel.
Good job, new chapter. Keep going!
I love the wine analogy! I come from a very enmeshed family, I had no idea until a few years ago, and it just seemed like my family was completely normal while I had so much confusion and low self esteem and inability to keep relationships. My therapist had a really great analogy. She said that growing up it's like being in a zoo with no cages or fences, and the tigers and lions are just roaming around everywhere. We need boundaries!
Learn to just say thank you
Actually, I don’t know any healthy family.
Very insightful. My mother and grandmother were extremely enmeshed. I see the physical, emotional, and physical consequences in my mom. Naturally, this affected me as well as my mother didn't understand how unhealthy it was and carried on the patterns. She saw it as closeness. I felt suffocated. As much as I've tried to educate myself and have awareness, I've still had behaviors and made choices out of these wounds. Thank you for a truthful and informative video.
"Coming into room and feeling about people they don't know about themselves" - Lord, I am sooo tired of this "ability". This is first time i'm hearing of this. Thank You!
I wish I could heal overnight. I don't like it how you described enmeshment. It is disgusting, but it is exactly how I operate.
I will be patient with myself and make small changes every day and care for myself.
I am on board 100% to break free from this matrix that my trauma created for me.
OMG! All my life I've always felt like....what is it about me? I asked myself that question so many times and you have perfectly defined the missing piece with this video.
How exciting. I am happy for you!
One of the best explanations about enmeshment.
You’re exposing my operating system. I’m naked and uncomfortable but it’s enlightening. Validate me, my god. I’m a mess.
34:40 and onward, that is my mom, and my dad. totally. Everything is about them. Even between them, they take everything the say to each other, so personally. I used to make peace between them ALWASY, but then now in my early 40s, I have become exhausted of mothering them, they are 70+ and I am not their mother, I am tired. So no I just let them say anything to each other, do anything, i am like, yeah, you are adults, you know best what you do, what you say.
Made me cry Bcoz everything is true and have experienced through out life till 41 years and finally free...But the loss of childhood and so many relations make me cry like helpless creature...
me too
When you talked about typing out a paragraph where a simple “thank you” would suffice, I cringed. I am working so hard on this. I put myself in the other person’s shoes to help me not be so obnoxious lol.
My mother induced a stroke from poor health habits. I just watched it happen. I tried to warn her. I feel she's using it to get more attention/sympathy from others instead of dealing with her issues. Now its like shes a baby and everyone must flock around her again
I'm 7 minutes into the video and it startled me as soo as you mentioned being nice. I came to that conclusion just yesterday. i thought to myself,. I'm nice and pleasant to be around I'm told. Probable because Negative emotions are forbidding because mama will be upset. Cant have that now can we. I also can
build and repair anything too. The best of all is I have been groomed to have no needs or at least incapable of expressing them. This is my currency. I don't know how to take of myself. I think I'm almost a complete dependent.
Hi my name is Cal, I am 39 and I am mothers emotion support surrogate and her son-husband Although they rarely call me by my name. they call me son. I think that mean slave or something. Its disgusting. I'm glad i cam across your channal. I made the mistake of coming bake home to get back on my feet. I dont think Im allowed to leave. This has to be a nightmare. How do I wake up? I want to wake up! Everything your saying is absolutely true. Im living it.
I do not feel hungry at all and do not even want to eat in two situations: 1 - if I am very very happy and at peace. 2. when I am very sad and frustrated
I definitely do feel smothered by affection and avoid arguments
The drug comment I think is spot on. Perhaps this is why if one is prone to panic, he or she merely needs to have the drug at hand and doesn't necessarily need to take it. It's a mental safety net. Just knowing it is there can stop a panic attack.
Much better to address the reasons for the panic. If not it'll always be a crutch to have meds. Not empowering at all.
Thank you for sharing the signs of enmeshment
You’re welcome 😁
I had to learn:
1 Corinthians 6:13a AMPC
Food [is intended] for the stomach and the stomach for food, but God will finally end [the functions of] both and bring them to nothing.
---
●"Comfort-food":
Food is not for comfort...the God of all comfort is for comfort.
●"Soul-food":
Food is not for the soul (mind, will, emotions)...Truth, Trust, Comfort are for the soul.
●Food is not for boredom...find something to do!
Holy shit… the last few sentences.. 🤯
These are really good and greatly appreciated. Education is bringing peace through understanding.
I shared this and others. thank you
Damn......I love listening and learning and relearning this stuff you share. So much awareness in your videos. The prisoner part....yes!!!!! I was trained to be a slave. I had two choices......to allow myself to be violated or face complete abandonment and death. The hardest thing I'm learning to do is to sit and just BE with myself. 😨😨😭😭😭😭.
Jesus, anyway, everything you mention, I have been or done or am still working on.....ughhhhhh....
I’m really sad to hear you experienced all of that but I love that you’re working so hard to reclaim yourself. If you need help along the journey remember I have my free master class, that will really help you in the recovery and I would also recommend my book your journey to success. That will really show you how to break the cycle.
@@kennyweiss thank you
@@heatherguess518 You are very welcome😁
Same here....it has been a rewarding but painful process but it feels great...it's that pain and joy feeling Kenny spoke about in a video I listened to.
This is great content! I am in an enmashed relationship with my mum. I was stupid enough to get her involved in my life even I had my own family. Such a mistake...living together for 10 years, it costs my marriage and my motherhood for my only daughter as she was soooo involved with my daughter, and what I was saying doesn't make any difference. I finally moved to another city, but she was sick, so I had to move her to live with me again. She has her husband, but she doesn't want to live with her husband but loves living with me. I just don't know how we can live the way it is. I wish her can find herself, and take control of her own life!
I feel you, my mum is like that, I moved to another country 10 years ago and it was the best decision ever. She no longer can control me😌. Wish you all the best x
@@flower_7890 how did she react . I always wanted to move abroad but she is making plan so she can move in the same country as us, oh and she is trying to manipulate, convince her daughter to move to
She said she wants to be like her sister and have her kids live in the same area too .
I’m enmeshed. So many of these are both of us. I’m learning who I am and learning to separate my memories and emotions from theirs and this is great insight into all of that.
I’m also working on my mind/body relationship, healing my ulcers and too-soon oncoming menopause. I never thought the genes are activated by environment but it makes sense.
"Some humans may have one or several favorable qualities that are well-developed, but because of the multidimensional nature of humans no individual can be denoted as perfect, flawless, or unequivocally without fault. All humans are imperfect. " All these videos make me realize that all people are fucked one way or another. So there's no such thing as the right ( correct way) because what one sees as abuse and overprotective etc , those people guilty of it, really truly means well for their kids and sees it differently unless they are aware and do it with malicious intend. Maybe they are like this because they never had it growing up, and vow to not let their child feel unloved. Ugh, its hard being a human. All the blame goes to the parents and it's sad because in schools, we are being forced to not show emotions, our side doesn't matter, the bully gets away with it etc, I don't think parents should take all the blame. Some people just have issues not because of parents, but because of who they themselves are.
Your a blessing Kenny.....Thank you
Thank you for such honesty. This video has helped me understand more than any Dr consultation.
I think it would be wise, sir, to put a disclaimer with regard to your medication comment. I mean this will all sincerity! People could internalize the medication is a placebo and take themselves off with severe consequences. I say this in your favor. God bless you for exposing the TRUTH ❤ love your wisdom and thankful you freely share!
First half video is great …. Then goes into long conspiracy of psychiatric mediation… 🤔 my schizophrenic brother could not take a sugar pill for his mental condition.. we can just start there.
Your the Best of all your kindness and talent to share so many people.😊
You are so kind
Well said!
God bless you for speaking, the truth, and being the honorable person, you are about reality and the connection between mind, body and spirit. Shame on our doctors who seems to worship money, which will not follow them to the other side. God bless the doctors who are still doctors
However, as a therapist at times, I do recommend medication only because I know that the persons mind is not open to these truth so sometimes the medication is more helpful, if it is something minor non-addictive than not doing anything for the person. That’s the only time that I suggest an antidepressant is because I know the person is not capable of seeing the truth and I feel it’s better for them to be at least on a medication than nothing
12:00
This is probably the best video on RUclips and describes the dynamics in my family perfectly. My mom does not get along with her mother in law and would dump her trauma on me constantly growing up while also isolating me from my father’s family, expressing that theyre evil. She would always complain that she didn’t feel accepted by my father’s family and that she yearned for a warm, welcoming family. Something she didn’t have, as she lost her parents early. Once I was older and I suggested to have a talk with my grandmother to talk things out, she actually said she didn’t want that because she feared she would lose me. While I empathise with my mom’s situation to a certain extent, her repeated trauma dumping has become very annoying.
Gut troubles.. cramping… autoimmune diseases…. Yep! It’s the inner child telling you there’s a problem or problems.
WOWW KENNY!! We have giving or soul away😱OMG that came as a knife in my soul!😢
6:00
Kenny i would love to share a testimony with you,i have been watching you videos for about 5 years i think ive lost count,i started applying the heal the hurt in my life it was very rough at first didn't want to go down this path,but as i kept listening over and over, i began to see a part of me I had lost,i began to understand feelings where they came from,i had a divorce 2015 i was broken few years later i found you material,i feel like ive been to college took a course on me, my x wife lives in a small town in Tennessee,my daughter and my family live un the same town i currently live in Arizona, as i begin to visit my family me and my x would begin to talk,i would remember what you would teach about,the worst day cycle,i begin to see things so different,hear things different understand thingd differently,this last trip my x Robin are planning to reconcile our marriage we where married 17 divorced for 9 years and are engaged to be married the 24th of this month, I wanted to thank you Kenny for your material it has changed my life my prayer is God blesses you for all you've done thank you Kenny
‘ Feel/know more about people than they know about themselves’
Well you do look a bit like Uncle Martin from the 60s tv My favourite Martian!! Seriously tho -
Thank you - I thought I was mad when I realised this seemed to be my experience recently…no doubt for all the sorts of reasons you describe.
Thank you. I recognized myself. I took to My husband man that I didn't deeply apreciate. I am appreciated usually, I get along easily both men and women, but I fear intimacy. I had a thought, that at least he loves me.I hate to ask help. I love sport, and it is very difficult to me take time for myself, although My daughters are teenager. I always explain it is my back that needs practising. But truly I just want to feel and look better
Now I'm trying to recover, get information. I Ask fom myself which things do I like. I think that my Life is my property and I dont let here just anybody.
Thank you, Kenny for bringing this service to the world, transformative information ❤
I was born blind due to a gene mutation and now have a gene induced cancer due to a different gene mutation.
Dolores Canon says it too I have artritis in my spine starting and in my left knee if it’s in the left side of the body it’s ancestral and if it’s in the right side of the body is anger and self hatred’s.
Very enlightening......Thank you
Happy to help!
I was enmeshed with my kids and husband. I have two autoimmune diseases. I have bad genes, too. Getting sick didn't give me my power back. The body keeps score. I have childhood trauma. I think because I wasn't allowed to be my authentic self, and it made me sick. I was enmeshed with my parents and siblings. I became a nurse. I took care of everyone else. I did EMDR, internal family systems, and DBT.
I think I might be enmeshed with my adoptive mother. I’ve never had a father. And I live with my adoptive sister alone (we’re not related). How do I actually “heal” whatever that means?
Thank you ❤
You're welcome 😊
Another great book on the topic is Alice Miller's The Body Never Lies! ❤ Thank you for a great video!!
Could you share the study “adverse childhood experience study” and Bruce Lipton?
Great question. I have just created this new tool where you can type in any question and it pulls from all of my content to give you the solution you are looking for and it gives you direct links to the original source of the content and best of all, it is FREE. Give it a try. ;-)
kennyweiss.net/ask-kenny/
Wow! no Wonder I married a CERTIFIED SCIENCE Project.
Ok I have all of these attributes, however I cannot figure out how I was enmeshed as a child….
I find your content very helpful- mostly. And it’s definitely brought my comfort in my healing process. I definitely disagree that ALL illness is caused or cured by unresolved childhood trauma. I also personally know fat people who are happy, whole and not avoidant. Thought I’d share that perspective that these things might not be as black and white as they seem to you. Thanks for all the useful information!
Our emotions contribites to health state. Unhealed childhood trauma.
Precious Kenny. Thank you.
You are welcome
Dito and thank you for your videos.❤
Your videos resolves so much of my answers and confusions, every time. I have so much to write and so much to get help with, but can't do it all here. By the way, is that a real background? If so, I am curious to know what that box on the table on your right hand side is :)
Woody Allen did a movie called Zelig, the Human Chameleon...
Like most of your videos, this is clear, informative, and even entertaining. But what's with the cough Kenny? Hope you feel better.
What are the steps to recovery?
That’s a great question Tracie. That would require codependence recovery.
You can start by watching the videos on my codependence playlist.
I also have dedicated Masterclasses to walk you through the recovery process which are now 50% off for the next week.
I also have an online group which is only $59 a month to coach people through the process. Just let me know what you might be interested in and I will be happy to send you the links so you can gather more information and decide what works best for you?
Yes I would like the links
@@tracieharris8100 OK here’s a link to my book
www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1981471014/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?ie=UTF8&qid=1628359317&sr=8-3
@@tracieharris8100 here’s a link to my master classes. If you decide to take any of those let me know and I will send you the coupon code to get 50% off
thegreatnessu.com/courses
@@tracieharris8100 and here is the link to the private group
www.tguprivategroup.com
445 pm
Fantastic information ! Grape story is right on! Really appreciate your delivery styles!
Oh my gosh, this HAS been me.....I have gotten better but still suffer from my expectations of my primary relationship
Now where is the secret to overcoming enmeshment? 🙁
This is really good stuff!!!
Thank you was excellent and very informative
Glad it was helpful!
metophor doesn't work where trafficking has occurred.
Gabor Mate 🔺
This is awesome! Thank you 😊
Glad you like it!
14:40
Fascinating
Ugh. I need help. Its overwhelming.
This is the second video I've seen of yours now. I realized a while back that I am 100% enmeshed with my mother as a 37 year old man. Watching this further confirms it and makes me want to self delete because i feel hopeless and like I'll never escape it nor become anything of value. Life feels pointless. I have no one to help, no friends, no family that would see the situation with my mother or even care if they did, a diagnosed BPD gf that's even worse to deal with and that I can't escape so i don't see any other way out of this misery.
thnaks for the insights man , def helps make some realizations. at 31 i am realizing so much about my upbringing. My family , the inabilities i have struggled with my entire life in detaching, forming my own sense of self etc. Have struggled to maintain friendships , intimate relationships and so much this really opens my eyes too. Parents not very social people and growing up i was always the family comedian , i feel it is a lifetime of running and trying to find my true self when feeling i a supposed to be a certain way. Def always kind of felt like black sheep of family. the alien. Am going through alot of deep work and healing currently with childhood traumas , feeling the needs of being validated by everyone etc. very sad but needed. Thanks for the vids!
But you didnt give how to break free :)
Watch the full video. It's in the description.
Thank you
Perfect analogy
🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉
Well said sir , my greetings from trauma survivor
❤
Excellent video. Thank you so much !
You are welcome!
Well it’s an eye opening. So much to learn.and practise into the right directions. I missed my younger years? That Iam now amazed with these teachings from your video so much appreciated thank you heaps😢!
Great material, thank you 😊
Glad you enjoyed it!
17:00 transferring the problem. (very controversial, but I believe it!!)