The role play illustrates behaviour that appears normal, but leaves you feeling like sh.., then feeling guilty for feeling like sh.. because you have just interacted with a ‘loved one’. The role plays brings a huge measure of peace; especially the comparison with the more helpful dynamic. Please keep doing the role play uploads, they are gold, and will help people.
@@drmtokes true. Almost like a grief response of wanting to love, to be loved, accepted, to learn what all of that is in practise, but the yearning is thwarted even through several generations. Thankfully, these role plays and healthy friends do show the way
"If I praise you, you owe me." This is true, but there's another agenda at work, too. My mom hyperidealized me in every phone call, but one thing I realized was she was telling me things she wanted me to parrot back to her. When she told me I was a perfect mother, etc., she was fishing for that exact praise. She wanted me to say "No, mom, YOU'RE the perfect mother!" to invalidate her fears and insecurities, and provide external validation that she had worth as a human being because she couldn't. Except that I couldn't lie, and it wasn't my job to be her ego for her, so I never did. I would always reply, "No, mom, I'm not perfect. I'm a 'good enough' mother, and that's all any of us can hope to be." It never changed what she said every call, but it gave me a comfortable 'out' from having to play the pedestal game so I didn't have as far to fall. It let me choose not to fall at all. I could leave whatever was in her head in her head and not filter my life through it. It's like an old guru once said, "If they call me God one day and I accept that, when they call me Dog the next, I must accept that, too." By refusing both, I was able to set boundaries and establish my own definition of self-worth no matter what she chose to believe. It's sad she never really got to know me as a person, but that was her choice. I'm still ok despite that.
This has been done to me SO MUCH. When I get a compliment, i immediately feel anxious and afraid, looking for the context: what does this person ACTUALLY want to get from me? What do I owe them for the compliment i'm given?
@@schekolda6794 Yeah, after my college boyfriend and I broke up, I was always looking for the unspoken contract in every kind word or action. In his case, he'd already have something in mind he wanted to exchange it for once the kindness started. I just wouldn't find out until a day or two later. Whenever I got a compliment or something, it instantly made me suspicious! "What do you want from me??" It didn't help that I was working with another narc at the time, but by the time she pulled the acts of giving me nice gifts over a period of a few months but immediately exclaiming "After all I've done for you???" the moment I had an issue with something she said or did, I started to get over it. Sorry, but random acts of kindness aren't a debt you can pull out of your back pocket whenever you want a free pass at being a jerk.
As a Neuroscientist, I wanted to note that I've found research papers on PubMed showing that the impulsivity in BPD is genetic. There may be other genetic factors involved as well, I just haven't read those papers yet. These gene variants are highly plastic (their expression can change more easily than typical versions of the gene) and are greatly influenced by parenting style. Healthy parenting styles at critical developmental stages (toddler and adolescence) will stabilize behavior and reduce impulsivity. Abusive parenting styles will cause people with these genetic variants to become more impulsive. In general, twin studies have shown BPD seems to be anywhere from 30-50% genetic (nature,) with the rest being environmental (nurture.) I just wanted to let people know in case it helps them out. It helps explain why roughly 1 in 4 children of a BPD parent will also develop BPD despite all the children growing up in the same environment. Recovery is absolutely possible, but if anyone is struggling with lingering symptoms and traits, this might help explain some of that. I'm certain from what I know about plasticity that gene expression can be changed in adulthood, too, but it will require more work than it would have in adolescence. There's a long, complicated answer as to why, but the point is: Just keep working at it. You can still get there.
That is awesome! If I am understanding your comment correctly - do you think that certain individuals have an overactive limbic system, and that depending on the type of parenting and family system/environment, the child with an increased vulnerability for this disorder, can have its limbic system recalibrated thus getting the parasympathetic back online is which would alleviate some of the impulsively and overactive threat responses? Thanks for your comment , I would love to hear a response if possible! 😊
Thank you so much for this. I have BPD but I want to unlearn it. I wish it wasn’t a part of who I am, but I know that I must deal with what I have, and try to make the best of it. It’s important to me that I understand it so that I don’t repeat the cycle. I did group therapy for BPD which was incredibly helpful. I wish people knew more about those of us that develop BPD through maybe seeing it modelled? It can be extra painful when you are the victim of this stuff but due to the diagnosis, you are treated like a villain! From my experience, I think BPD can pass through families. That is, until someone breaks the chain. X
Oh. My. Goodness. This is it. I’m shaking hearing it. I now have something to show my therapist and husband of how it is. No one believes me - they don’t know things can be *that* bad. They don’t believe that I get weekly suicidal threats that depend only on what I say. I’m can’t believe what I’ve seen. Someone else finally believes me.
@Hazel_Basil I did a wellness check once and the people who came were really rude and insensitive. I know that’s the dice you roll when you use suicidal threats as manipulation- but I just can’t do that again to her. It did stop the threats for over two years though.
@@TheLyanSoma I’ve come to that realization logically- my issue is trying to shut down my emotions so I can use my head and not my heart when dealing with her. In the end, I know it’s more kind to do things that way.
Yep, I experienced veiled and overt (raging) suicide threats from my 'mum' from a very early age, that were terrifying. I pushed down my fear and eventually 'forgot' all about them... until I got into therapy!! By the way, she never came close to attempting suicide. It was purely done for effect, to control, manipulate and terrorise us. Shocking, sickening stuff@@Amazing_missB
You mention that by trying to justify and explain, we give the abuser more ammunition, and that reminded me of something my friend who was abused for years by a partner with BPD said: "You tell them anything you can to get them to calm down, and then they use what you said against you later; it's like giving someone bullets to convince them to put the gun down," or something along those lines. Thanks for making this video, and also thank you for being sensitive towards/ not demonizing those with BPD or other cluster B disorders.
When you mention the "switch" and 0-90mph beginning, my jaw dropped. That's how I've described my mom to people and how unpredictable she is when suddenly she goes from fine, into violent build up, and finally into explosion territory out of nowhere and I swear to God I've had so many conversations like this with her. She loves bringing up my dad. Also, the part about defending yourself and explaining provides mom with ammunition makes sense. Any time I tried to speak, she'd just scream louder and gets angrier so I get silent and then she demands responses
Omg .. You're describing my mom with every single line thought it's npd still cuz they look same. nd bpd moms are affectionate and kind SOMETIMES but mine hehe zero. genuinely asking how you're now? Hope u moved out and you're away frm her. Did she stopped being the same.. when grey rocking? Cuz mine would yell scream hit the walls destroy the whole house till I scream back and defend myself then she calm down and smile sit and make funny faces "oh look at u. ew. Look in the mirror how ugly u aaare " and others Sorry I wrote a lot just I felt I'm not alone in it..
I feel so lost and confused when this starts happening with my mother. I dissociate hard cause reality stops making sense. I just get so confused at her reactions and words it’s like I freeze. I hope you make more videos about borderline mothers cause I’d really like to be able to call out what’s happening (if only just to myself) so I can get back into reality and have some kind of road map for navigating these blowout moments
I couldn’t help but laugh watching this video because it’s so accurate. Finding the humor is how I managed to cope. My siblings and I would act out scenarios like this with one another, and I think it’s what kept us sane throughout childhood.
Thank you. This helps to clarify my hypervigilance and reluctance to accept any compliments/positive feedback; there’s always the suspicion that the giver’s intent is purely manipulative.
I am borderline. I have worked hard to see, without excuses, the impact I've had on those I've loved. Your videos have helped so much in my growing self-awareness. They give me realities that I can tangibly work toward overcoming, without making it anyone else's responsibility. It's tricky to try to express this properly, as I understand the self-trickery/manipulation that manifests in trying to express these types of concepts, but I share your channel with my son and am working toward more transparent/healthy communication with those I value. Thank you for your work.
@@Spoonie86 if you're dealing with bpd, personally, don't give up and be gentle with yourself. If you are dealing with someone you care about who has bpd, just remember: they have to do the work, without tricking themselves, but reassurance can do so much. Validate efforts made and don't sugar coat anything.
I have so much respect for people like you who take responsibility for their mental illness. Kudos to you man, I know it’s not easy but you’re doing an amazing thing by working to better yourself!
I'm trying to work on mine as well, and let me tell you when I'm in a low cycle I literally cannot tell when im being like this and it scares the shit out of me.
@@boxybrown5300 The idea that you *want* to get better, it seems, makes a huge difference. There are many who have these issues that do not want to get better. Don't give up.
I have been searching for what type of BPD my mom exhibits and omg this is so refreshing to be so validated and heard. That I’m not crazy and what I experienced was real trauma. Thank you.
So I have BPD, and I agree that I feel blind to how my behaviors cause problems in my relationships. Having you role play, showing, identifying, and explaining the effects of the behavior are actually helpful to me. And oddly enough, it's also been difficult for me to see how fear of abandonment shows up in my life, as well. As I was listening to your mother role play, I could hear conversations that I frequently have in my head about how I think someone is abandoning me. It was helpful to recognize that in myself, as well.
Extremely valuable content. I wish every mental health professional had to watch your videos (CE's). Few seem to recognize the toxic behaviors associated Cluster B, nor do they recognize the signs of complex PTSD in individuals who grew up with parents like this.
I'm a mental health professional and I've got cPTSD due to growing up with a BPD mum. I highly value these videos and use them to learn more about myself and how I grew up and care for my patients in a better and more informed way :) Thank you Patrick!
My mom is somewhere between this and a narcissist. She'll literally talk for an hour uninterrupted. It doesn't matter if you defend yourself or not; you're guilty. And, she never remembers the things she's done that have deeply scarred you in the past, and then gaslights you about what "really" happened ("you have a bad memory"). Then there's the plying with gifts, "you'd have nothing if it weren't for me", and "guess now your'e too rich that you just have everything you want anyway". The latest one was a complete meltdown because I asked her to check if someone wanted to receive a conspiracy video before I sent it on her behalf, which ultimately led to the manufacturing of a story about how I "stole" a gravesite from her. Would love to see one that looks at the intersection between these two; the anger and cruelty/"buying" relationships for guilt, "punishment" by withholding needed information, communications, etc. and plus the extreme paranoia of being constantly persecuted beyond all rationality ("your father is stealing my information by hijacking my wireless printer signal because he's in the mafia"). And in all this, every psychiatrist that she's seen just has diagnosed her with PTSD.
Your mom sounds very similar to mine- conspiracy theory stuff included- I'd also really like to see an intersection of this and also how bizarre/delusional beliefs play into it
Wow-soooo like my Mom-sometimes after 48 years as her daughter I’m still amazed at how one small comment can lead to a diatribe of rewritten history in which she’s the martyr/hero and I’m the perpetrator/ingrate/monster. I look like my Dad and not her and when he left when I was 12, I remember apologizing to her for looking like him. My shame is deep. Yet, she’s been seeing her “wonderful” therapist for years and all he seems to do is feed her self pity. He has told her she has trauma from her childhood abuse by her brother but that is all. I’m even slightly paranoid about commenting on this because of fear she’ll find it and what the backlash would be.
OMG, Patrick, this reminds me of my mother (92) who in conversations like the one you showed, uses the killer phrase: "After all I am the one who brought you up!" Leaves me flappergasted and devastated. Very helpful channel, thanks.
It's hard having a difficult and old parent. I should probably just leave my 88 y/o mother alone, as we are stuck in a drama. I have plenty of siblings to take care of things. My therapist told me not to feel guilty about not taking care of my aging parents - she told me that I would only be obligated to care for them (or pay someone to care for them) if I was their only child.
@@barbaragremaud3499 Dear Barbara, your therapist is right. BUT: If your elderly parent is in care of a nurse etc nearly everyday a new problem arises. And who will the nurse, the authority, the doctor,the paramedics,the hospital call? It`s you. Good luck.
@@heloiseparis4148 You can disengage emotionally while still performing some of these chores. I just couldn't take it anymore from either of my high-level, narcissist parents so my brain eventually cut them off emotionally-- It was not something I had to do consciously it just happened, stepwise, over 30 years until I was no longer afraid of them, no longer shamed by them and no longer could convince myself that I loved them. I did not want to offend them and I wish them the best but I just stopped calling and since the phone only works one way for them, that was basically it. My sister failed to set any boundaries with them and so now lives with them and wipes their a$$es. They have millions and could have afforded the very best retirement community where services are provided (cleaning, cooking, transportation, delivery of groceries, activities, etc.) but they decided that my sister would become their slave. They are selfish to the very end. She now hates my guts because she has to be angry with someone about the situation and it was taboo in our family to ever disagree or be angry with the parents. They were allowed to histrionically emote and be angry all the time but the kids were required to keep all emotion in check except to cry when abused to satisfy their sadism. Seriously, it is very blissful to be fully emotionally disengaged from toxic people even if they are one's mother/father. You owe toxic people nothing.
Very helpful to have you make it so explicit. The more content like this the better. I've understood some of these things on my own through analysis, but speaking from experience the emotional dysregulation caused in these situations can make you forget what even just happened, or it could be so outside a normal frame of reference and so unintelligible that it might take a long time to finally understand, not to mention the "conflict of interest" that occurs in one's mind when the parent you wish would just love you doesn't have the capacity to do so. To top it off, trauma is frequently intergenerational and one's whole extended family might just have spent the better part of a hundred years or more solidifying the denial and deceit, narratives, mantras and slogans to rationalise the behaviour. I really feel that I made it out, literally against all odds. Thank you for making these videos.
Wow! This is triggering to just watch. Mother rarely calls and when I call, the guilt is harsh and immediate. Never soon enough, or I call at a bad time and disgust as somehow I should know her schedule. I say "the phone works both ways" just adds fuel to raging.
I used to call my mom everyday or almost everyday when I lived two provinces over with my dad (she abused me, so I had to leave but I felt responsible for her). I was a high school senior, phoning my mom and every time she answered by screaming at me. Threatening self-harm, the whole works. We are good enough, and we are valid. And we are not responsible for anyone's emotional state but our own. We need to protect and heal ourselves, which is easier when we're not constantly jumping into a fire for someone who stands in it willingly. I was going to elaborate more on the guilt/ shame/ phone obligation, but I'd end up writing a book. You don't owe her anything! You owe yourself a happy life
Yes, I used to call my mom all the time even though it "put her out" and exhausted her to talk on the phone, and I'd just go on and on trying to share my day or whatever. I think I was waiting for her to validate my feelings but it's all invalidating platitudes (even about severely painful situations like my friend's suicide, for example) or very shitty advice that makes me feel like a hapless loser. I don't get praise: I get encouragement to continue to engage in relationships with "people in need" aka codependents and abusers, and if I withdraw from her she gives me money and valuables. I'm probably the most sensitive of my siblings and definitely the "burden," and my golden sister has to advocate for me to receive equal treatment.
@@Norton57 everything you described sounds exactly like me and my situation. It's something to process through and learn from, and anyone of us can and will heal. It takes alot of work, but it will be worth every bit of work we put in 💪🙏
@@SarahElise-so3sy you are right! Update here: my grandmother died about a year and a half ago. I won't get into what she was like. After the funeral my mom started in with me - I joked about it which cut the tension, took a ten minute break, and calmly told mom that I needed her to speak to me kindly when she's upset and reminded her that I had communicated to her before about the thing that triggered her. I went grey rock for 6 months. She is now doing daily breathing exercises, taking cbd oil, and communicating and setting boundaries much better. She talks about the things that overwhelm her before they happen and does more self soothing in healthy ways. Seems like we're breaking generational patterns in our own lanes, and I'm grateful we're both putting work into ourselves.
it's amazing, this is the precise pattern I see when I have to deal to my grandma's calls. Guilty, shaming, victimization. I always feel very depressed and powerless every time she calls me, but now I can at least be more aware after seeing this video. Also, the praising part was always confusing to me, I just couldn't understand why she sometimes praised me and had a very high consideration of my goals and the other time she deliberately destroyed me with few words when I was doing something she didn't like. When I was a child and I was living with her I had this constant fear to upset her for any random reason. I remember hiding my feelings because she either made fun of me or belittle my grief and complained that the day she will die I will be drunk for happiness.
The most powerful thing I have ever watched......I'm NC now. But in the past, Mothers Day/special events, it was always some version of this video. Other days, it was the narcissistic mother wedding video. And other days again, it was the covert narc dad video. And other days again, things were "normal". I cannot thank Patrick enough for these role plays. No one else can truly understand how much pressure it is to be the child of these Cluster B parents.
this is so spot on, thank you so much!! your content is so eye-opening, I experienced this with my mom my whole life and thought it was normal. this is incredibly helpful.
Holy moly it was like watching my mom and I. Thank you so much for helping me identify ways that I’ve internalized my moms BPD behavior and coped with it.
Watching this video felt like a punch to the gut. I've had conversations like this almost verbatim with my mother. This is the first time I've ever been able to put a name to it, even provisionally.
These are exquisite. Henrik Ibsen meets Edward Albee at a party hostel by Tennessee Williams and crashed by David Mamet. You just gotta submit your screenplay to McSweeney's!
Thank you, Patrick, not only for your role play videos, but for breaking them down with information that is not only helpful to understand, but that truly provides a glimpse into and through the gauze created by our blind spots (trauma). I have finally learned from your channel that what I have endured at the hands of my parents is not my fault, and at 43, that is perhaps too late, and yet, early enough to begin to live a life free from their psychological and emotional tyranny. Your videos help me to unearth my own responses and reactions, behaviors, and subconscious beliefs about myself. It is through your excellent explanations that I am able to fully see the bigger picture at work, and to begin to take the reigns of my own life for the first time. I cannot thank you enough!
well I appreciate how you wrote the disclaimer at the beginning validating the pain that people with borderline personality disorder go through but also, this was an accurate and informative depiction of this disorder and, it is hard to take any offence to this due to the accuracy of it and, I rather like the education surrounding an awareness of the 'games people play" that have these painful issues. And it is nice to see how to manage things.
Spot on. At this point I'm back and forth on no contact for my sanity, but I felt this deeply. I realized I'm still very much using a Lot of energy to minimize codependency with her. And upset that I was unwittingly the flying monkey and the scape goat, to my poor brother, who's now locked in. Thank you for doing this, for those of us who can't yet trust therapy. I mean, even that compliment comment was spot on. Thank you
If you continue to have contact then you have only yourself to blame for being the enabler. I realized that I was enabling my own abuse by always running back for more. I finally allowed myself to drop the fear, obligation, guilt and shame that they had programmed into me since infancy. I tried to have an adult, mutually respectful relationship with them as an adult and was very willing to just excuse all the past abuse including my miserable childhood-- I was just trying to have a good relationship with them in the present moment without any resentment of the past. However, as all of us here understand, that is not possible. It was the current toxicity, the bitterness that both my toxic parents had always simmering under the surface, ready to blow, that made it impossible to have even a decent phone conversation, holiday gathering, etc. I realized that I was compromising my happiness to continue a relationship with my parents and that was something bad for my current family. I owed my husband and kids the best side of me and not the battered side that they were getting.
This was almost hurtful to watch. The emotional volatility of my mom has had me on edge for my entire life more or less. I never return her calls because she's so often blown up at the smallest perceived slight or inconvenience. It's exhausting to deal with. I'm fiery too so when she's extremely upset, what reaction do I have but to scream and yell too? There's so much anger between the two of us and it's not pretty. I don't want to be like that and I don't want her to be like that. I've learned it from her. Now I want us both to unlearn it and be better.
This one has to hit home the closest. I’ve just come to notice recently all the things my mother had done to me growing up that are deeply troubling to me. On the last phone call I had with her I asked her politely to not go through my things, as she had emptied my backpack and organized everything for me without asking the last time I visited home. There was a long pause then she started listing all the insurances and bills she would switch over and that I would be responsible for all the payments myself. I was quick to stop her and say no, I just don’t want you going through my things. And her response is “well I am your mother. If you don’t want parents you can live completely independently from me. Parents are parents no matter what age their kid is, and I know you have a history of messy backpacks so I had to fix it” Completely at a loss for words. She claims to not care whether I ever speak to her again but then gets super anxious and accuses me of toying with her when I don’t respond quickly enough.
I was adulted as a young girl. My parents fought a lot and my mother would tell me she needed help and to stick up for her by telling my father he didn't treat her right and that he was a bad person. my father, when we were alone would always tell me he was going to be leaving that he would always lover but he didn't love6 mother.
I remember when my mom threatened to kill herself. She did it twice with me. I ignored her each time. Ultimately, she took no action to harm herself and is still very much alive. To this day, I’ve never forgiven her for that, and I never will.
Some of them do though. Mine attempted and nearly died from pills. They don't know how stressful that is on the kids. I lived with fear of it. For so many years. Still do sometime s
Why won’t you ever forgive her, BPD is a disease of the brain, these are the symptoms, it’s doubtful she could control herself in the situation. I get that you are hurt by it but I’m sure it had everything to do with her illness.
Hmm.. My bio father did this with me, "Life is so hard, everybody wants something from me. I'm just done, dont be surprised if I never pick up the phone again." Me: 😶😶😶😶
How well portrayed! This was like watching a recording of my childhood with my mom. It’s so helpful to have these dynamics externalized and witnessed. Thank you 🙏🏼❤️
Oh. My. God. How....omg, I'm speechless. Have you been recording, transcribing and acting out my conversations with my mom?! Wow, I don't know what to do with this. But i know I'm anxious all the time, & I think about her and feel guilty constantly. Therapist time? I even did what she always wanted- I bought a house several houses down and she's still not happy with me. And I'm not either.
"Pick up the Pone " 😆 i caught that! Seriously though, You are a really good Actor .. I would almost think that you took acting classes. With so many "non-actor-influencers" trying to make youtube, facebook "funnies" skits, re-enactments ...Stuff like that... most of them are absolutely horrid and i cant stand to watch them😝 ... you do a REALLY GOOD JOB! especially playing multiple characters with different genders! Not to mention having to act out psychological disorders at the same time !! 👏🏼👍🏻
Omg the compliment thing! I always hated them but not sure why. It's really annoying when dates or even just matches on app, say "hi you're beautiful" or whatever. I could never put my finger on it but yes it seems transactional! Like if they flatter enough, it makes everything ok ugh!
My mom was diagnosed with BPD. My fear of my mother made her hypervigilant of me and she ALWAYS accused me of “hiding, keeping something, or lying to her”. She would yell at me if she could hear me walking around the house, so I learned to walk on my tip toes then she began to accuse me of “sneaking around and being sneaky”. I grew up suicidal, with low-self esteem, anxiety, panic attacks brain fog ect. Now I’m 24 and have just gone no contact with her. When I moved out, I wanted to get some things from her house, and she texted me, “No!!!! You cannot come back to get your things without a police officer because I KNOW you will kill me since you hate me so much!!!!!!” I have never been an aggressive person, or violent and it hurt so bad because how does she not know that about me?? The thing is, I look like my dad, who used to abuse us physically and verbally. So even though I’m a small woman she treats me like I’m my dad. Ive always had to protect her and be there for her but she was never there for me. When we were running from police when I was 4 I shielded her, held her while she cried, never got that back. She never thought about me only how she feels. Always bashed my tastes, interests and made me feel like a freak of nature who should be ashamed to be alive. I’m trying to find a therapist but no one has responded to me yet. I’m actually homeless living in my car but it’s still a million times better than walking on eggshells everyday in fear of the daily verbal abuse. I relate a lot to this video, but with the anger she would also be quick to tears. High volatility and quick to explode, always persecuting me. She wants me to mother her be her best friend everything but treats me like this video especially with the guilt tripping with suicide. If I stand up for myself she tells me, “She’s so sorry she’s such as horrible mother.” “She’s only human” and “Don’t come to her funeral” “That I ALWAYS do something horrible to her” When I always actively try my best not to it exhausting. Then! Just 30 minutes later she’ll pretend like it never happened?? And if I tell her about how she hurt me she’ll say, “I never said/did that”.
thank you so much for this video Patrick! I've recently gotten interested in the subtypes of BPD and the petulant symptomatology feels like a detailed description of my mother. Everything just clicks! The behavior of the mother portayed in this roleplay is very present in my mother but i feel she keeps most of her emotions/thoughts internally, only to act more passive agressive. She then expects you to know what is wrong and when you don't her paranoid thoughts get confirmed and she will even do more splitting of you as a person. She would also get on some type of victimised high horse. "Look what I've done for you, what I still do for you, and you treat me like this?? I always get severly mistreated and you guys are no less!!" It's such a selffulfilling prophecy, because no matter how hard you try to make her feel seen and appreciated, she will 9/10 times reject it, push you away and continue the guilt tripping and shaming of others.
I am so thankful for your videos. It’s so eye opening to what I experienced growing up. Being diagnosed with bpd now, I wonder if I developed some of her toxic habits. Definitely gonna talk to my therapist about it. This video was so helpful.
Omg, this was incredible because with real examples you have provided explanations that I can apply accordingly to past situations with my ex abusive partner who was borderline. It’s really helpful to read the explanations of the behavior because genuinely as a victim it is really really hard to unpack and understand what even went onalong with how you feel and how it changed and their motives and everything else so I really really appreciate it
The role -play is a great aid to seeing the whole picture more clearly - giving healthy and unhealthy responses to compare them is even better. Thank you. Subbed.
wow! Your videos have helped me to see my parents more clearly and to help me to not feel so alone. I feel like the little guilt trips might eat away at me more since they are so subtle.
With BPD, the overwhelming feeling of abandonment is real and not everyone with BPD actually voices this feeling to others. It may come out as a quiet withdrawal--or as hurt, or as anger. When my niece didn't inquire about my feelings, I had an overwhelming feeling of abandonment: I felt like a tiny child lost at the airport. I had to get off the phone to help myself with that powerful and painful emotion. I got my feet on the ground. But I don't keep my niece's phone number on my phone as I don't want to bump up against that feeling without a lot of emotional preparation. My daughter told me something last year that she thought I would find funny but was instead very upsetting to me---the underlying reason that my oldest sister would turn my daughter against me. (She does this historically). I was mad and excited! My daughter had settled me down that it had been taken care of with my oldest sister. Well, a year has gone by and now I really understand that there is nothing that anyone is the world can do to turn my own daughter away from me---and that includes whatever my oldest sister would do. It's never going to happen. So, with this role play, perhaps the son could say that no one could ever get between him and his mom, no matter what, he loves her. Now, it is true that the mother is not able to be reassuring to the son----but perhaps when the mother has her intellectual abilities restored she is able to give to her son something important to him. I also think it is important for the son to keep experiencing himself as a separate person from his mother----and that can be painful to feel that aloneness so comfort is needed. When he recognizes his emotions are his and his mother's belong to her---the only thing he can do is to make statements that are based in concrete reality--"We are coming to see you; you are my mother and I am your son and nothing in the world can change that. Stay safe! Have a cup of coffee! Let's plan our day together with my girlfriend! Concretely plan the day----perhaps after coffee. I did have a parent whom I loved very much but was at times very angry out of not understanding about paranoid schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. The reality was that #he needed to stay safe and #I loved him. I think it is the same for the mother in this scenario. My father was always my father even though he became so very ill and I looked out for him I still had love and respect for him---and sometimes a lot of anger because his illness brought so much pain to him and to our family and lots of pain from a harmful mental health system----especially at that time. I think suicidal feelings are when you can't think anymore----"I will take you to the hospital if you need to go" but first, a cup of coffee to see if you can feel better and get your feet back on solid ground and not so emotional."
I never believed I was responsible or complicit for any of her feelings. I never bought into her bullshit. My issue was understanding whether it was conscious or unconscious (that's where the crazy part comes in). It turns out there isn't a black and white answer to that. Thank you so much; this was very helpful.
I’ve had very different experiences than this, but the way this plays out is so freakishly familiar that it makes my hair stand on end. The vague veiled threats of self harm thing 😕
Love, love, love the the role play episode's!! Do more of these they really give a great example of what Narcissism sounds like or how to set boundaries and showing the anger or offense in the Narcissist. I was thinking if you can do some more on what bipolar personality and more on Co-dependancy and other Narcissist role play senarios that people not aware of these personalities and how to deal with them. These disorders or personality traits not sure as I have experiences throughout my life within my family or in my husbands family they definitely hit you out if no where! What I have noticed is when no drama is going on and things from the past dramas calmes down they create more...!! They will say something that is shocking or uncalled for or are very secretive about their actions and when you confront the as to why...when they hurt everyone THEY play victim?! The focus is back on them and everyone is questioning their bad behavior and why they did the hurtful things when nobody was doing anything to them or nothing bad was happening. They want the spotlight bad or good then play victim. They do not want to take responsibility or humble themselves. They talk bad behind people's backs and hold past mistakes you have done bringing them up. Anyway, Thank you for teaching these personalities and how to recognize and best way to deal with them to protect yourself! I am trying to educate my 13 yr old and 14 yr. Old daughters and teach them that their feelings, thoughts, minds and bodies are just as important to be validated, protected and to be heard! How to do it. I am trying to get away from my Co-dependancy conditioning and have a Narcissist husband recently figured that out and a bi-polar morher in law. So, please, do more role plays! Getting stronger & knowledge is power. Whew...some sane relief! Blessings 🙏💞💪
This this this! I have been expecting for a while my stepmother has an undiagnosed personality disorder and this is so painfully accurate. We’ve gone rounds similar to this but she always goes with text. She almost never says this on the phone or in person, she will go on lengthy text rants but this video really really validates what the relationship has been like. How do we as children set boundaries with someone like this? She is possessive of me and my time and I can see she struggles with loving my son which is scary to me. When you can’t confront an issue how can it ever resolve?
Lol im sorry I couldn’t help but laugh, this is my mother. When she said “i wont even be around and nobody here will even know or care about me, not like you care” 😂😂🤣 agh my poor mom, she’s no longer like this but seriously this was my childhood. She was s ticking time bomb and she was cray cray. It was a little triggering to me though when he said “you know how men are, they just dump you when they’re done with you” that is deep grounded into my brain bc of the things she would say to me about my dad. She was living with so much resentment and bitterness towards him. She even said if I invite him to my wedding, then don’t expect her to be there. That goes for my funeral as well. The thing about people like that is they do mature, my mother is in her 50’s and from what i see she’s not as crazy anymore. However I keep my distance and she so codependent she has a bum who takes advantage of her. She’ll say stuff like “I’m so depressed and fat bc Bryan “the boyfriend” doesn’t do anything sentimental or care about me” im like seriously, she needs to get rid of him. She doesn’t want to be alone though, she threw a tantrum when i moved 45mins away. Telling me im taking her grandchildren away from her and im ruining her life. She’s imprinted so many of these same struggles onto me. Regardless of much she has changed I still don’t really visit her.
Scott the Woz gives me clinically psychological advice and a role play scenario about Borderline Personality Disorder??! Never thought I’d see the day.
This was so informative and such a validation.. watching this is helping me understand so much about my mother. The analysis especially the putting you on a pedestal, always felt it was bizarre and makes me so uncomfortable. Now I have a little more clarity THANK YOU!
I had a friend with a mother like that and she described this over and over. I couldn't help her and could no longer listen to this over and over. My advise was to tell her mom, sorry you feel that way. I gotta go.
I love your role plays. I learn so much from them. Is it possible for a parent to have both narcissism and borderline? I’d be curious to see your take on that combo. My parent appears to be a combination of the two.
In my experience yes, my mother showed clearly pathological NPD + borderline traits. (I've checked with 3 therapists, trained in different countries in Europe, who all said the same things)
If you watch the video by Dr Ramani about bpd on med circle she discusses what are often thought to be 4 types of bpd, I think discouraged, petulant, impulsive, self-destructive. She mentions quiet or discouraged borderline often appears as high functioning without narcissism, petulant sharing much I'm common with covert or vulnerable narcissism, impulsive 50/50 BPD/NPD and the final type being sadly the kind manifesting in a lot of self injury and hospitalisation and really dangerous behaviours. I also think there is overlap in these when you look at the discourse on bpd mothers where survivors talk about 4 archetypes: borderline waif mother, hermit mother, Queen mother, witch mother. There people describe queen mother as almost indistinguishable from grandiose narcissist mother, however with borderline too. So personally I also think it's not that they are comorbid narcissism with borderline, but rather different ways bpd manifests. My own bpd parent shows petulant (hermit) archytype mainly, she is very covert narcissistic but she also has strong aspd/psychopathic traits and at times high grandiose narcissistic (Queen mother) traits, and I hear many other adult children of bpd parents describing this fluctuating between the types.
I'd love you to do something on DPD. I have disquieted type DPD but I've gotten so much better now that I'm in a healthy relationship with someone who isn't malignantly cluster B. Covering the different personality disorder subtypes would also be AWESOME.
Wow! This was shocking to see, when you break it down like that and very 'familiar' to my own experience. Through therapy, I now believe that my mother has both NPD and BPD and is therefore a 'covert borderline'. Richard Grannon, talks about the elation and depletion process, that Narcissists cycle through, which also resonates for me. I experienced both veiled and overt (raging) suicide threats from my 'mum' from a very early age, that were, frankly, terrifying. Unsurprisingly, I pushed down my fear, (and shame), and eventually 'forgot' all about them... until I got into therapy, that is!! By the way, she never once came anywhere close to overt / extreme self-harm or attempting suicide, unlike 23 of her four children!! I believe these threats were done purely for their controlling effect and to manipulate manipulate and terrorise us into compliance. It's shocking, unconscionable and sickening stuff. I have been 'no contact' and in recovery, for almost 3 years now.
o wow this is too close to home, i have a friend whose mother is very similar in this way to mine and we joke together about how maybe they're the same person and if they ever met they'd be friends for a short while and then fall out over something tiny and hate each other forever i'm slowly learning to assert my boundaries and make my own assessments about my behaviour rather than just believe my mother's interpretations
My sister, who was idolized by my Mother, called me codependent.That was a few years ago. I still have some vague trauma in my life. I certainly hope that I would never act like that mother, ever!!
As a borderline daughter of a borderline mother, this is quite illuminating. Unfortunately I recognize some of these patterns in myself as well, like the praising, idealization/devaluation and the intense reaction to perceived abandonment, although my bpd is generally more quiet. I am worried about how my behavior is affecting others, but I don't seem to catch all the instances I mess up and possibly make them feel unsafe. This is really helpful. For those of you who have experience with bpd people, what seem to be some of our blindspots?
The role play isn't what I can relate to with either of my parents... Moreso about a friendship that spiraled into the toxic, but the notes between segments I could definitely relate to and clarified a lot, from repeatedly being on the receiving end. I feel both validated and triggered at the same time, but it's really nice to feel that validation. I don't know if this friend has PBPD, but recognizing conversation patterns that I was almost gaslighting myself about is healing. I might be able to grieve/mourn soon, because I feel like I was starting to fall prey to the idealization bit. It's painful when things don't turn out the way you feel you were led to hope.
Watching this as I mentally prepare for the conversation with bipolar mother. The first one in seven years. She threatened to call the police to my place (she pretends I'm no contact with her because my husband controls me). So I need a recording of a conversation with her to talk through these things and have something in case she involves other people in my life. It's uncanny how bipolar parents can be similar.
Only my experiences were much more severe violent and another level of volatile, actually being so bad that I believe I’ve started to dissociate when he went into Fits of rage and adult tantrums
i swear i just saw a conversation between me and my grandmother recited to the T (i dont react like the "son", but she is pretty similar to the "mom" in this role play)
Not sure if i already commented on this one, had changed acct a bit.. it always scared me when my mom acted like this, cause it was not all the time, so i would then have a panic attack. even though i knew it was her problem not mine.. i just wanted her happy❤️💔❤️ Guilt and Shame very consuming.
The role play illustrates behaviour that appears normal, but leaves you feeling like sh.., then feeling guilty for feeling like sh.. because you have just interacted with a ‘loved one’. The role plays brings a huge measure of peace; especially the comparison with the more helpful dynamic. Please keep doing the role play uploads, they are gold, and will help people.
We need to ban the phrase "loved one". It IS confusing!
@@drmtokes I agree Michelle
@@drmtokes true. Almost like a grief response of wanting to love, to be loved, accepted, to learn what all of that is in practise, but the yearning is thwarted even through several generations. Thankfully, these role plays and healthy friends do show the way
@@patrickteahanofficial Thank you for all the work you give to these role plays. I have wanted to see these types of explanations my whole life.
Lolol, I’m glad other people notice that fractal feeling like sh… thing 😂
"If I praise you, you owe me." This is true, but there's another agenda at work, too. My mom hyperidealized me in every phone call, but one thing I realized was she was telling me things she wanted me to parrot back to her. When she told me I was a perfect mother, etc., she was fishing for that exact praise. She wanted me to say "No, mom, YOU'RE the perfect mother!" to invalidate her fears and insecurities, and provide external validation that she had worth as a human being because she couldn't. Except that I couldn't lie, and it wasn't my job to be her ego for her, so I never did. I would always reply, "No, mom, I'm not perfect. I'm a 'good enough' mother, and that's all any of us can hope to be." It never changed what she said every call, but it gave me a comfortable 'out' from having to play the pedestal game so I didn't have as far to fall. It let me choose not to fall at all. I could leave whatever was in her head in her head and not filter my life through it. It's like an old guru once said, "If they call me God one day and I accept that, when they call me Dog the next, I must accept that, too." By refusing both, I was able to set boundaries and establish my own definition of self-worth no matter what she chose to believe. It's sad she never really got to know me as a person, but that was her choice. I'm still ok despite that.
Thank you this sharing helped me understand things about my mother, I did not even see. It was like an ah ha moment. Thanks
@@samanthaholm9634 So glad! Hugs to you!
@@samanthaholm9634 If you haven't read it already, I highly suggest "Understanding the Borderline Mother" by Christine Ann Lawson. It changed my life!
This has been done to me SO MUCH. When I get a compliment, i immediately feel anxious and afraid, looking for the context: what does this person ACTUALLY want to get from me? What do I owe them for the compliment i'm given?
@@schekolda6794 Yeah, after my college boyfriend and I broke up, I was always looking for the unspoken contract in every kind word or action. In his case, he'd already have something in mind he wanted to exchange it for once the kindness started. I just wouldn't find out until a day or two later. Whenever I got a compliment or something, it instantly made me suspicious! "What do you want from me??" It didn't help that I was working with another narc at the time, but by the time she pulled the acts of giving me nice gifts over a period of a few months but immediately exclaiming "After all I've done for you???" the moment I had an issue with something she said or did, I started to get over it. Sorry, but random acts of kindness aren't a debt you can pull out of your back pocket whenever you want a free pass at being a jerk.
As a Neuroscientist, I wanted to note that I've found research papers on PubMed showing that the impulsivity in BPD is genetic. There may be other genetic factors involved as well, I just haven't read those papers yet. These gene variants are highly plastic (their expression can change more easily than typical versions of the gene) and are greatly influenced by parenting style. Healthy parenting styles at critical developmental stages (toddler and adolescence) will stabilize behavior and reduce impulsivity. Abusive parenting styles will cause people with these genetic variants to become more impulsive. In general, twin studies have shown BPD seems to be anywhere from 30-50% genetic (nature,) with the rest being environmental (nurture.) I just wanted to let people know in case it helps them out. It helps explain why roughly 1 in 4 children of a BPD parent will also develop BPD despite all the children growing up in the same environment. Recovery is absolutely possible, but if anyone is struggling with lingering symptoms and traits, this might help explain some of that. I'm certain from what I know about plasticity that gene expression can be changed in adulthood, too, but it will require more work than it would have in adolescence. There's a long, complicated answer as to why, but the point is: Just keep working at it. You can still get there.
Makes sense why one out of my three siblings shows BPD symptoms.
That's interesting. I was planning on going into research too. Wow. Thanks for the info. Hope you have a great day: )
That is awesome! If I am understanding your comment correctly - do you think that certain individuals have an overactive limbic system, and that depending on the type of parenting and family system/environment, the child with an increased vulnerability for this disorder, can have its limbic system recalibrated thus getting the parasympathetic back online is which would alleviate some of the impulsively and overactive threat responses?
Thanks for your comment , I would love to hear a response if possible! 😊
Thank you so much for this. I have BPD but I want to unlearn it. I wish it wasn’t a part of who I am, but I know that I must deal with what I have, and try to make the best of it. It’s important to me that I understand it so that I don’t repeat the cycle. I did group therapy for BPD which was incredibly helpful. I wish people knew more about those of us that develop BPD through maybe seeing it modelled? It can be extra painful when you are the victim of this stuff but due to the diagnosis, you are treated like a villain! From my experience, I think BPD can pass through families. That is, until someone breaks the chain. X
@@ClaudiaBoleyn Good for you! I know how hard it probably is to go through that, but I hope you have support as you do. It is possible to heal. ♥
Oh. My. Goodness.
This is it. I’m shaking hearing it.
I now have something to show my therapist and husband of how it is. No one believes me - they don’t know things can be *that* bad. They don’t believe that I get weekly suicidal threats that depend only on what I say.
I’m can’t believe what I’ve seen. Someone else finally believes me.
@Hazel_Basil I did a wellness check once and the people who came were really rude and insensitive. I know that’s the dice you roll when you use suicidal threats as manipulation- but I just can’t do that again to her. It did stop the threats for over two years though.
The suicidal threats don't depend on what you say. Thats the thing. You try saying the right things but you cant. Its not on you.
@@TheLyanSoma I’ve come to that realization logically- my issue is trying to shut down my emotions so I can use my head and not my heart when dealing with her. In the end, I know it’s more kind to do things that way.
Yep, I experienced veiled and overt (raging) suicide threats from my 'mum' from a very early age, that were terrifying. I pushed down my fear and eventually 'forgot' all about them... until I got into therapy!! By the way, she never came close to attempting suicide. It was purely done for effect, to control, manipulate and terrorise us. Shocking, sickening stuff@@Amazing_missB
You mention that by trying to justify and explain, we give the abuser more ammunition, and that reminded me of something my friend who was abused for years by a partner with BPD said: "You tell them anything you can to get them to calm down, and then they use what you said against you later; it's like giving someone bullets to convince them to put the gun down," or something along those lines. Thanks for making this video, and also thank you for being sensitive towards/ not demonizing those with BPD or other cluster B disorders.
Wowza 👎🔥
When you mention the "switch" and 0-90mph beginning, my jaw dropped. That's how I've described my mom to people and how unpredictable she is when suddenly she goes from fine, into violent build up, and finally into explosion territory out of nowhere and I swear to God I've had so many conversations like this with her. She loves bringing up my dad.
Also, the part about defending yourself and explaining provides mom with ammunition makes sense. Any time I tried to speak, she'd just scream louder and gets angrier so I get silent and then she demands responses
Omg .. You're describing my mom with every single line
thought it's npd still cuz they look same.
nd bpd moms are affectionate and kind SOMETIMES but mine hehe zero.
genuinely asking how you're now?
Hope u moved out and you're away frm her.
Did she stopped being the same.. when grey rocking? Cuz mine would yell scream hit the walls destroy the whole house till I scream back and defend myself then she calm down and smile sit and make funny faces "oh look at u. ew. Look in the mirror how ugly u aaare " and others
Sorry I wrote a lot just I felt I'm not alone in it..
this is my mom as well, she would then become violent and abusive
I feel so lost and confused when this starts happening with my mother. I dissociate hard cause reality stops making sense. I just get so confused at her reactions and words it’s like I freeze. I hope you make more videos about borderline mothers cause I’d really like to be able to call out what’s happening (if only just to myself) so I can get back into reality and have some kind of road map for navigating these blowout moments
Sending love to all the people who watched this and were deeply triggered. We’re going to be okay ❤️
I couldn’t help but laugh watching this video because it’s so accurate. Finding the humor is how I managed to cope. My siblings and I would act out scenarios like this with one another, and I think it’s what kept us sane throughout childhood.
Thank you. This helps to clarify my hypervigilance and reluctance to accept any compliments/positive feedback; there’s always the suspicion that the giver’s intent is purely manipulative.
I can relate!
I am borderline. I have worked hard to see, without excuses, the impact I've had on those I've loved. Your videos have helped so much in my growing self-awareness. They give me realities that I can tangibly work toward overcoming, without making it anyone else's responsibility. It's tricky to try to express this properly, as I understand the self-trickery/manipulation that manifests in trying to express these types of concepts, but I share your channel with my son and am working toward more transparent/healthy communication with those I value.
Thank you for your work.
Thank for taking care of yourself and trying to learn to behave in healthier ways. It must be so hard. Much respect!
@@Spoonie86 if you're dealing with bpd, personally, don't give up and be gentle with yourself.
If you are dealing with someone you care about who has bpd, just remember: they have to do the work, without tricking themselves, but reassurance can do so much. Validate efforts made and don't sugar coat anything.
I have so much respect for people like you who take responsibility for their mental illness. Kudos to you man, I know it’s not easy but you’re doing an amazing thing by working to better yourself!
I'm trying to work on mine as well, and let me tell you when I'm in a low cycle I literally cannot tell when im being like this and it scares the shit out of me.
@@boxybrown5300 The idea that you *want* to get better, it seems, makes a huge difference. There are many who have these issues that do not want to get better. Don't give up.
I have been searching for what type of BPD my mom exhibits and omg this is so refreshing to be so validated and heard. That I’m not crazy and what I experienced was real trauma. Thank you.
So I have BPD, and I agree that I feel blind to how my behaviors cause problems in my relationships. Having you role play, showing, identifying, and explaining the effects of the behavior are actually helpful to me. And oddly enough, it's also been difficult for me to see how fear of abandonment shows up in my life, as well. As I was listening to your mother role play, I could hear conversations that I frequently have in my head about how I think someone is abandoning me. It was helpful to recognize that in myself, as well.
Extremely valuable content. I wish every mental health professional had to watch your videos (CE's). Few seem to recognize the toxic behaviors associated Cluster B, nor do they recognize the signs of complex PTSD in individuals who grew up with parents like this.
I'm a mental health professional and I've got cPTSD due to growing up with a BPD mum. I highly value these videos and use them to learn more about myself and how I grew up and care for my patients in a better and more informed way :) Thank you Patrick!
My mom is somewhere between this and a narcissist. She'll literally talk for an hour uninterrupted. It doesn't matter if you defend yourself or not; you're guilty. And, she never remembers the things she's done that have deeply scarred you in the past, and then gaslights you about what "really" happened ("you have a bad memory"). Then there's the plying with gifts, "you'd have nothing if it weren't for me", and "guess now your'e too rich that you just have everything you want anyway". The latest one was a complete meltdown because I asked her to check if someone wanted to receive a conspiracy video before I sent it on her behalf, which ultimately led to the manufacturing of a story about how I "stole" a gravesite from her.
Would love to see one that looks at the intersection between these two; the anger and cruelty/"buying" relationships for guilt, "punishment" by withholding needed information, communications, etc. and plus the extreme paranoia of being constantly persecuted beyond all rationality ("your father is stealing my information by hijacking my wireless printer signal because he's in the mafia").
And in all this, every psychiatrist that she's seen just has diagnosed her with PTSD.
Your mom sounds very similar to mine- conspiracy theory stuff included- I'd also really like to see an intersection of this and also how bizarre/delusional beliefs play into it
Wow-soooo like my Mom-sometimes after 48 years as her daughter I’m still amazed at how one small comment can lead to a diatribe of rewritten history in which she’s the martyr/hero and I’m the perpetrator/ingrate/monster. I look like my Dad and not her and when he left when I was 12, I remember apologizing to her for looking like him. My shame is deep. Yet, she’s been seeing her “wonderful” therapist for years and all he seems to do is feed her self pity. He has told her she has trauma from her childhood abuse by her brother but that is all. I’m even slightly paranoid about commenting on this because of fear she’ll find it and what the backlash would be.
OMG, Patrick, this reminds me of my mother (92) who in conversations like the one you showed, uses the killer phrase: "After all I am the one who brought you up!" Leaves me flappergasted and devastated. Very helpful channel, thanks.
It's hard having a difficult and old parent. I should probably just leave my 88 y/o mother alone, as we are stuck in a drama. I have plenty of siblings to take care of things. My therapist told me not to feel guilty about not taking care of my aging parents - she told me that I would only be obligated to care for them (or pay someone to care for them) if I was their only child.
@@barbaragremaud3499 Dear Barbara, your therapist is right. BUT: If your elderly parent is in care of a nurse etc nearly everyday a new problem arises. And who will the nurse, the authority, the doctor,the paramedics,the hospital call? It`s you. Good luck.
@@heloiseparis4148 You can disengage emotionally while still performing some of these chores. I just couldn't take it anymore from either of my high-level, narcissist parents so my brain eventually cut them off emotionally-- It was not something I had to do consciously it just happened, stepwise, over 30 years until I was no longer afraid of them, no longer shamed by them and no longer could convince myself that I loved them. I did not want to offend them and I wish them the best but I just stopped calling and since the phone only works one way for them, that was basically it. My sister failed to set any boundaries with them and so now lives with them and wipes their a$$es. They have millions and could have afforded the very best retirement community where services are provided (cleaning, cooking, transportation, delivery of groceries, activities, etc.) but they decided that my sister would become their slave. They are selfish to the very end. She now hates my guts because she has to be angry with someone about the situation and it was taboo in our family to ever disagree or be angry with the parents. They were allowed to histrionically emote and be angry all the time but the kids were required to keep all emotion in check except to cry when abused to satisfy their sadism.
Seriously, it is very blissful to be fully emotionally disengaged from toxic people even if they are one's mother/father. You owe toxic people nothing.
as someone with bpd that i'm learning to manage every day this was enlightening. thank u
Key word - violent. Oh yes. And the description of "0 to 90". I am way too familiar with these drnamics.
Very helpful to have you make it so explicit. The more content like this the better. I've understood some of these things on my own through analysis, but speaking from experience the emotional dysregulation caused in these situations can make you forget what even just happened, or it could be so outside a normal frame of reference and so unintelligible that it might take a long time to finally understand, not to mention the "conflict of interest" that occurs in one's mind when the parent you wish would just love you doesn't have the capacity to do so. To top it off, trauma is frequently intergenerational and one's whole extended family might just have spent the better part of a hundred years or more solidifying the denial and deceit, narratives, mantras and slogans to rationalise the behaviour.
I really feel that I made it out, literally against all odds.
Thank you for making these videos.
Your explanation should be made into a poster.
Yes, yes and yes. The forgetting.
Wow! This is triggering to just watch. Mother rarely calls and when I call, the guilt is harsh and immediate. Never soon enough, or I call at a bad time and disgust as somehow I should know her schedule. I say "the phone works both ways" just adds fuel to raging.
I used to call my mom everyday or almost everyday when I lived two provinces over with my dad (she abused me, so I had to leave but I felt responsible for her).
I was a high school senior, phoning my mom and every time she answered by screaming at me. Threatening self-harm, the whole works.
We are good enough, and we are valid. And we are not responsible for anyone's emotional state but our own. We need to protect and heal ourselves, which is easier when we're not constantly jumping into a fire for someone who stands in it willingly.
I was going to elaborate more on the guilt/ shame/ phone obligation, but I'd end up writing a book. You don't owe her anything! You owe yourself a happy life
Saaaaaaaame!!
Yes, I used to call my mom all the time even though it "put her out" and exhausted her to talk on the phone, and I'd just go on and on trying to share my day or whatever. I think I was waiting for her to validate my feelings but it's all invalidating platitudes (even about severely painful situations like my friend's suicide, for example) or very shitty advice that makes me feel like a hapless loser. I don't get praise: I get encouragement to continue to engage in relationships with "people in need" aka codependents and abusers, and if I withdraw from her she gives me money and valuables. I'm probably the most sensitive of my siblings and definitely the "burden," and my golden sister has to advocate for me to receive equal treatment.
@@Norton57 everything you described sounds exactly like me and my situation. It's something to process through and learn from, and anyone of us can and will heal. It takes alot of work, but it will be worth every bit of work we put in 💪🙏
@@SarahElise-so3sy you are right! Update here: my grandmother died about a year and a half ago. I won't get into what she was like. After the funeral my mom started in with me - I joked about it which cut the tension, took a ten minute break, and calmly told mom that I needed her to speak to me kindly when she's upset and reminded her that I had communicated to her before about the thing that triggered her. I went grey rock for 6 months. She is now doing daily breathing exercises, taking cbd oil, and communicating and setting boundaries much better. She talks about the things that overwhelm her before they happen and does more self soothing in healthy ways. Seems like we're breaking generational patterns in our own lanes, and I'm grateful we're both putting work into ourselves.
Whoa! This sums up my whole life! I really like how you explain the behaviors during the re-inactment, Thank you for your videos! :)
it's amazing, this is the precise pattern I see when I have to deal to my grandma's calls. Guilty, shaming, victimization. I always feel very depressed and powerless every time she calls me, but now I can at least be more aware after seeing this video.
Also, the praising part was always confusing to me, I just couldn't understand why she sometimes praised me and had a very high consideration of my goals and the other time she deliberately destroyed me with few words when I was doing something she didn't like. When I was a child and I was living with her I had this constant fear to upset her for any random reason. I remember hiding my feelings because she either made fun of me or belittle my grief and complained that the day she will die I will be drunk for happiness.
The most powerful thing I have ever watched......I'm NC now. But in the past, Mothers Day/special events, it was always some version of this video. Other days, it was the narcissistic mother wedding video. And other days again, it was the covert narc dad video. And other days again, things were "normal". I cannot thank Patrick enough for these role plays. No one else can truly understand how much pressure it is to be the child of these Cluster B parents.
Whoa. (Keanu whisper)
Thank you for naming the parts of this conversation so I can talk about my own experiences more effectively.
this is so spot on, thank you so much!! your content is so eye-opening, I experienced this with my mom my whole life and thought it was normal. this is incredibly helpful.
Holy moly it was like watching my mom and I. Thank you so much for helping me identify ways that I’ve internalized my moms BPD behavior and coped with it.
Watching this video felt like a punch to the gut. I've had conversations like this almost verbatim with my mother. This is the first time I've ever been able to put a name to it, even provisionally.
These are exquisite. Henrik Ibsen meets Edward Albee at a party hostel by Tennessee Williams and crashed by David Mamet. You just gotta submit your screenplay to McSweeney's!
Thank you, Patrick, not only for your role play videos, but for breaking them down with information that is not only helpful to understand, but that truly provides a glimpse into and through the gauze created by our blind spots (trauma). I have finally learned from your channel that what I have endured at the hands of my parents is not my fault, and at 43, that is perhaps too late, and yet, early enough to begin to live a life free from their psychological and emotional tyranny. Your videos help me to unearth my own responses and reactions, behaviors, and subconscious beliefs about myself. It is through your excellent explanations that I am able to fully see the bigger picture at work, and to begin to take the reigns of my own life for the first time. I cannot thank you enough!
well I appreciate how you wrote the disclaimer at the beginning validating the pain that people with borderline personality disorder go through but also, this was an accurate and informative depiction of this disorder and, it is hard to take any offence to this due to the accuracy of it and, I rather like the education surrounding an awareness of the 'games people play" that have these painful issues. And it is nice to see how to manage things.
Spot on. At this point I'm back and forth on no contact for my sanity, but I felt this deeply. I realized I'm still very much using a Lot of energy to minimize codependency with her. And upset that I was unwittingly the flying monkey and the scape goat, to my poor brother, who's now locked in. Thank you for doing this, for those of us who can't yet trust therapy. I mean, even that compliment comment was spot on. Thank you
If you continue to have contact then you have only yourself to blame for being the enabler. I realized that I was enabling my own abuse by always running back for more. I finally allowed myself to drop the fear, obligation, guilt and shame that they had programmed into me since infancy. I tried to have an adult, mutually respectful relationship with them as an adult and was very willing to just excuse all the past abuse including my miserable childhood-- I was just trying to have a good relationship with them in the present moment without any resentment of the past. However, as all of us here understand, that is not possible. It was the current toxicity, the bitterness that both my toxic parents had always simmering under the surface, ready to blow, that made it impossible to have even a decent phone conversation, holiday gathering, etc. I realized that I was compromising my happiness to continue a relationship with my parents and that was something bad for my current family. I owed my husband and kids the best side of me and not the battered side that they were getting.
Thank you for helping me realize I’m not alone in this.
This was almost hurtful to watch. The emotional volatility of my mom has had me on edge for my entire life more or less. I never return her calls because she's so often blown up at the smallest perceived slight or inconvenience. It's exhausting to deal with. I'm fiery too so when she's extremely upset, what reaction do I have but to scream and yell too? There's so much anger between the two of us and it's not pretty. I don't want to be like that and I don't want her to be like that. I've learned it from her. Now I want us both to unlearn it and be better.
GO NO CONTACT!
This one has to hit home the closest. I’ve just come to notice recently all the things my mother had done to me growing up that are deeply troubling to me. On the last phone call I had with her I asked her politely to not go through my things, as she had emptied my backpack and organized everything for me without asking the last time I visited home. There was a long pause then she started listing all the insurances and bills she would switch over and that I would be responsible for all the payments myself. I was quick to stop her and say no, I just don’t want you going through my things. And her response is “well I am your mother. If you don’t want parents you can live completely independently from me. Parents are parents no matter what age their kid is, and I know you have a history of messy backpacks so I had to fix it” Completely at a loss for words. She claims to not care whether I ever speak to her again but then gets super anxious and accuses me of toying with her when I don’t respond quickly enough.
NO CONTACT!
I was adulted as a young girl. My parents fought a lot and my mother would tell me she needed help and to stick up for her by telling my father he didn't treat her right and that he was a bad person. my father, when we were alone would always tell me he was going to be leaving that he would always lover but he didn't love6 mother.
I remember when my mom threatened to kill herself. She did it twice with me. I ignored her each time. Ultimately, she took no action to harm herself and is still very much alive. To this day, I’ve never forgiven her for that, and I never will.
My mum does that as well. I clocked straight away it was an abuse tactic.
Some of them do though. Mine attempted and nearly died from pills. They don't know how stressful that is on the kids. I lived with fear of it. For so many years. Still do sometime s
@@rusinhouston I’m sorry you had to go through this x
Why won’t you ever forgive her, BPD is a disease of the brain, these are the symptoms, it’s doubtful she could control herself in the situation. I get that you are hurt by it but I’m sure it had everything to do with her illness.
Hmm.. My bio father did this with me, "Life is so hard, everybody wants something from me. I'm just done, dont be surprised if I never pick up the phone again."
Me: 😶😶😶😶
How well portrayed! This was like watching a recording of my childhood with my mom. It’s so helpful to have these dynamics externalized and witnessed. Thank you 🙏🏼❤️
Very thought provoking. Thank you Patrick!
Oh. My. God. How....omg, I'm speechless. Have you been recording, transcribing and acting out my conversations with my mom?! Wow, I don't know what to do with this. But i know I'm anxious all the time, & I think about her and feel guilty constantly. Therapist time? I even did what she always wanted- I bought a house several houses down and she's still not happy with me. And I'm not either.
NO CONTACT!
"Pick up the Pone " 😆 i caught that! Seriously though, You are a really good Actor .. I would almost think that you took acting classes. With so many "non-actor-influencers" trying to make youtube, facebook "funnies" skits, re-enactments ...Stuff like that... most of them are absolutely horrid and i cant stand to watch them😝
... you do a REALLY GOOD JOB! especially playing multiple characters with different genders! Not to mention having to act out psychological disorders at the same time !! 👏🏼👍🏻
Wow, I felt validated but mainly I felt that finally there’s an explainable language and terms to deal with all that.
Thank you so much!
Omg the compliment thing! I always hated them but not sure why. It's really annoying when dates or even just matches on app, say "hi you're beautiful" or whatever. I could never put my finger on it but yes it seems transactional! Like if they flatter enough, it makes everything ok ugh!
This video is so powerful, I can’t even tell you. It resonates so deeply with my own experience. Thank you.
My mom was diagnosed with BPD. My fear of my mother made her hypervigilant of me and she ALWAYS accused me of “hiding, keeping something, or lying to her”. She would yell at me if she could hear me walking around the house, so I learned to walk on my tip toes then she began to accuse me of “sneaking around and being sneaky”. I grew up suicidal, with low-self esteem, anxiety, panic attacks brain fog ect. Now I’m 24 and have just gone no contact with her. When I moved out, I wanted to get some things from her house, and she texted me, “No!!!! You cannot come back to get your things without a police officer because I KNOW you will kill me since you hate me so much!!!!!!” I have never been an aggressive person, or violent and it hurt so bad because how does she not know that about me?? The thing is, I look like my dad, who used to abuse us physically and verbally. So even though I’m a small woman she treats me like I’m my dad. Ive always had to protect her and be there for her but she was never there for me. When we were running from police when I was 4 I shielded her, held her while she cried, never got that back. She never thought about me only how she feels. Always bashed my tastes, interests and made me feel like a freak of nature who should be ashamed to be alive. I’m trying to find a therapist but no one has responded to me yet. I’m actually homeless living in my car but it’s still a million times better than walking on eggshells everyday in fear of the daily verbal abuse.
I relate a lot to this video, but with the anger she would also be quick to tears. High volatility and quick to explode, always persecuting me. She wants me to mother her be her best friend everything but treats me like this video especially with the guilt tripping with suicide. If I stand up for myself she tells me, “She’s so sorry she’s such as horrible mother.” “She’s only human” and “Don’t come to her funeral” “That I ALWAYS do something horrible to her” When I always actively try my best not to it exhausting.
Then! Just 30 minutes later she’ll pretend like it never happened?? And if I tell her about how she hurt me she’ll say, “I never said/did that”.
Hey Joe, hope you are doing well.
PURE GOLD. Thank you.
thank you so much for this video Patrick! I've recently gotten interested in the subtypes of BPD and the petulant symptomatology feels like a detailed description of my mother. Everything just clicks! The behavior of the mother portayed in this roleplay is very present in my mother but i feel she keeps most of her emotions/thoughts internally, only to act more passive agressive. She then expects you to know what is wrong and when you don't her paranoid thoughts get confirmed and she will even do more splitting of you as a person. She would also get on some type of victimised high horse. "Look what I've done for you, what I still do for you, and you treat me like this?? I always get severly mistreated and you guys are no less!!" It's such a selffulfilling prophecy, because no matter how hard you try to make her feel seen and appreciated, she will 9/10 times reject it, push you away and continue the guilt tripping and shaming of others.
I am so thankful for your videos. It’s so eye opening to what I experienced growing up. Being diagnosed with bpd now, I wonder if I developed some of her toxic habits. Definitely gonna talk to my therapist about it. This video was so helpful.
Omg, this was incredible because with real examples you have provided explanations that I can apply accordingly to past situations with my ex abusive partner who was borderline. It’s really helpful to read the explanations of the behavior because genuinely as a victim it is really really hard to unpack and understand what even went onalong with how you feel and how it changed and their motives and everything else so I really really appreciate it
The role -play is a great aid to seeing the whole picture more clearly - giving healthy and unhealthy responses to compare them is even better. Thank you. Subbed.
The way you did this, explaining in detail the motivations behind both, it really helped to make things clearer. Thank you.
I really like your roleplay videos, and I find them extremely helpful.
This gave me so much clarity! Thank you.
This is helpful, appreciate you. These are all too familiar to me. I wish I knew what normal interactions were like too.
As much as I love the 3- roleplays, I much more love the clinical analysis videos.
Isn't it wonderful?
this is so distressing,thank you for the helpful insight
This role play and analysis is spot on. Thank you for sharing your knowledge. You are helping many people.
So many interactions from my life that mimic this. This is my mother. Thank you, Patrick, for sharing this with us so we can begin to heal.
Love this channel so much. Very informative. Thank you!
And the Oscar goes to . . ..
wow! Your videos have helped me to see my parents more clearly and to help me to not feel so alone. I feel like the little guilt trips might eat away at me more since they are so subtle.
With BPD, the overwhelming feeling of abandonment is real and not everyone with BPD actually voices this feeling to others. It may come out as a quiet withdrawal--or as hurt, or as anger. When my niece didn't inquire about my feelings, I had an overwhelming feeling of abandonment: I felt like a tiny child lost at the airport. I had to get off the phone to help myself with that powerful and painful emotion. I got my feet on the ground. But I don't keep my niece's phone number on my phone as I don't want to bump up against that feeling without a lot of emotional preparation. My daughter told me something last year that she thought I would find funny but was instead very upsetting to me---the underlying reason that my oldest sister would turn my daughter against me. (She does this historically). I was mad and excited! My daughter had settled me down that it had been taken care of with my oldest sister. Well, a year has gone by and now I really understand that there is nothing that anyone is the world can do to turn my own daughter away from me---and that includes whatever my oldest sister would do. It's never going to happen. So, with this role play, perhaps the son could say that no one could ever get between him and his mom, no matter what, he loves her. Now, it is true that the mother is not able to be reassuring to the son----but perhaps when the mother has her intellectual abilities restored she is able to give to her son something important to him. I also think it is important for the son to keep experiencing himself as a separate person from his mother----and that can be painful to feel that aloneness so comfort is needed. When he recognizes his emotions are his and his mother's belong to her---the only thing he can do is to make statements that are based in concrete reality--"We are coming to see you; you are my mother and I am your son and nothing in the world can change that. Stay safe! Have a cup of coffee! Let's plan our day together with my girlfriend! Concretely plan the day----perhaps after coffee. I did have a parent whom I loved very much but was at times very angry out of not understanding about paranoid schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. The reality was that #he needed to stay safe and #I loved him. I think it is the same for the mother in this scenario. My father was always my father even though he became so very ill and I looked out for him I still had love and respect for him---and sometimes a lot of anger because his illness brought so much pain to him and to our family and lots of pain from a harmful mental health system----especially at that time. I think suicidal feelings are when you can't think anymore----"I will take you to the hospital if you need to go" but first, a cup of coffee to see if you can feel better and get your feet back on solid ground and not so emotional."
@M W it's the BPD person that can't seem to be steady. I do the best I can with all the faith practices but darned if I can figure out just what I am.
I never believed I was responsible or complicit for any of her feelings. I never bought into her bullshit. My issue was understanding whether it was conscious or unconscious (that's where the crazy part comes in). It turns out there isn't a black and white answer to that. Thank you so much; this was very helpful.
I’ve had very different experiences than this, but the way this plays out is so freakishly familiar that it makes my hair stand on end. The vague veiled threats of self harm thing 😕
Love, love, love the the role play episode's!!
Do more of these they really give a great example of what Narcissism sounds like or how to set boundaries and showing the anger or offense in the Narcissist.
I was thinking if you can do some more on what bipolar personality
and more on Co-dependancy and other Narcissist role play senarios that people not aware of these personalities and how to deal with them.
These disorders or personality traits not sure as I have experiences throughout my life within my family or in my husbands family they definitely hit you out if no where!
What I have noticed is when no drama is going on and things from the past dramas calmes down they create more...!!
They will say something that is shocking or uncalled for or are very secretive about their actions and when you confront the as to why...when they hurt everyone THEY play victim?!
The focus is back on them and everyone is questioning their bad behavior and why they did the hurtful things when nobody was doing anything to them or nothing bad was happening.
They want the spotlight bad or good then play victim.
They do not want to take responsibility or humble themselves.
They talk bad behind people's backs and hold past mistakes you have done bringing them up.
Anyway, Thank you for teaching these personalities and how to recognize and best way to deal with them to protect yourself!
I am trying to educate my 13 yr old and 14 yr. Old daughters and teach them that their feelings, thoughts, minds and bodies are just as important to be validated, protected and to be heard!
How to do it.
I am trying to get away from my Co-dependancy conditioning and have a Narcissist husband recently figured that out and a bi-polar morher in law. So, please, do more role plays! Getting stronger & knowledge is power. Whew...some sane relief! Blessings 🙏💞💪
Damn. This is spot on. Makes me feel seen as the kid to a parent with BPD.
His role playing is soooo good!! Roflol 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
I love these role playing videos. They are extremely helpful. Please keep them coming.
This this this! I have been expecting for a while my stepmother has an undiagnosed personality disorder and this is so painfully accurate. We’ve gone rounds similar to this but she always goes with text. She almost never says this on the phone or in person, she will go on lengthy text rants but this video really really validates what the relationship has been like. How do we as children set boundaries with someone like this? She is possessive of me and my time and I can see she struggles with loving my son which is scary to me. When you can’t confront an issue how can it ever resolve?
NO CONTACT!
This means so much to me! Thankyou Patrick
Ooh this is so good! I didn’t even realize how the compliments were a form of manipulation
Lol im sorry I couldn’t help but laugh, this is my mother. When she said “i wont even be around and nobody here will even know or care about me, not like you care” 😂😂🤣 agh my poor mom, she’s no longer like this but seriously this was my childhood. She was s ticking time bomb and she was cray cray. It was a little triggering to me though when he said “you know how men are, they just dump you when they’re done with you” that is deep grounded into my brain bc of the things she would say to me about my dad. She was living with so much resentment and bitterness towards him. She even said if I invite him to my wedding, then don’t expect her to be there. That goes for my funeral as well. The thing about people like that is they do mature, my mother is in her 50’s and from what i see she’s not as crazy anymore. However I keep my distance and she so codependent she has a bum who takes advantage of her. She’ll say stuff like “I’m so depressed and fat bc Bryan “the boyfriend” doesn’t do anything sentimental or care about me” im like seriously, she needs to get rid of him. She doesn’t want to be alone though, she threw a tantrum when i moved 45mins away. Telling me im taking her grandchildren away from her and im ruining her life. She’s imprinted so many of these same struggles onto me. Regardless of much she has changed I still don’t really visit her.
Scott the Woz gives me clinically psychological advice and a role play scenario about Borderline Personality Disorder??! Never thought I’d see the day.
This was so informative and such a validation.. watching this is helping me understand so much about my mother. The analysis especially the putting you on a pedestal, always felt it was bizarre and makes me so uncomfortable. Now I have a little more clarity THANK YOU!
I had a friend with a mother like that and she described this over and over. I couldn't help her and could no longer listen to this over and over. My advise was to tell her mom, sorry you feel that way. I gotta go.
Straight to the point!
Wow ! 😮 this is an amazing insight . thank you so so much
I love your role plays. I learn so much from them. Is it possible for a parent to have both narcissism and borderline? I’d be curious to see your take on that combo. My parent appears to be a combination of the two.
In my experience yes, my mother showed clearly pathological NPD + borderline traits. (I've checked with 3 therapists, trained in different countries in Europe, who all said the same things)
@@GeorgideMarne Thank you for sharing. I see both in my mother as well.
If you watch the video by Dr Ramani about bpd on med circle she discusses what are often thought to be 4 types of bpd, I think discouraged, petulant, impulsive, self-destructive. She mentions quiet or discouraged borderline often appears as high functioning without narcissism, petulant sharing much I'm common with covert or vulnerable narcissism, impulsive 50/50 BPD/NPD and the final type being sadly the kind manifesting in a lot of self injury and hospitalisation and really dangerous behaviours. I also think there is overlap in these when you look at the discourse on bpd mothers where survivors talk about 4 archetypes: borderline waif mother, hermit mother, Queen mother, witch mother. There people describe queen mother as almost indistinguishable from grandiose narcissist mother, however with borderline too. So personally I also think it's not that they are comorbid narcissism with borderline, but rather different ways bpd manifests. My own bpd parent shows petulant (hermit) archytype mainly, she is very covert narcissistic but she also has strong aspd/psychopathic traits and at times high grandiose narcissistic (Queen mother) traits, and I hear many other adult children of bpd parents describing this fluctuating between the types.
I'd love you to do something on DPD. I have disquieted type DPD but I've gotten so much better now that I'm in a healthy relationship with someone who isn't malignantly cluster B. Covering the different personality disorder subtypes would also be AWESOME.
It's truly wild when they have this and NPD and switch back and forth all over the place.
Wow! This was shocking to see, when you break it down like that and very 'familiar' to my own experience. Through therapy, I now believe that my mother has both NPD and BPD and is therefore a 'covert borderline'. Richard Grannon, talks about the elation and depletion process, that Narcissists cycle through, which also resonates for me. I experienced both veiled and overt (raging) suicide threats from my 'mum' from a very early age, that were, frankly, terrifying. Unsurprisingly, I pushed down my fear, (and shame), and eventually 'forgot' all about them... until I got into therapy, that is!! By the way, she never once came anywhere close to overt / extreme self-harm or attempting suicide, unlike 23 of her four children!! I believe these threats were done purely for their controlling effect and to manipulate manipulate and terrorise us into compliance. It's shocking, unconscionable and sickening stuff. I have been 'no contact' and in recovery, for almost 3 years now.
o wow this is too close to home, i have a friend whose mother is very similar in this way to mine and we joke together about how maybe they're the same person and if they ever met they'd be friends for a short while and then fall out over something tiny and hate each other forever
i'm slowly learning to assert my boundaries and make my own assessments about my behaviour rather than just believe my mother's interpretations
My sister, who was idolized by my Mother, called me codependent.That was a few years ago. I still have some vague trauma in my life. I certainly hope that I would never act like that mother, ever!!
As a borderline daughter of a borderline mother, this is quite illuminating. Unfortunately I recognize some of these patterns in myself as well, like the praising, idealization/devaluation and the intense reaction to perceived abandonment, although my bpd is generally more quiet. I am worried about how my behavior is affecting others, but I don't seem to catch all the instances I mess up and possibly make them feel unsafe. This is really helpful. For those of you who have experience with bpd people, what seem to be some of our blindspots?
Thank you!
The role play isn't what I can relate to with either of my parents... Moreso about a friendship that spiraled into the toxic, but the notes between segments I could definitely relate to and clarified a lot, from repeatedly being on the receiving end. I feel both validated and triggered at the same time, but it's really nice to feel that validation. I don't know if this friend has PBPD, but recognizing conversation patterns that I was almost gaslighting myself about is healing. I might be able to grieve/mourn soon, because I feel like I was starting to fall prey to the idealization bit. It's painful when things don't turn out the way you feel you were led to hope.
I hope I’m not this toxic. Good grief this is awful…it’s a slippery slope that’s hard to climb out of once the slide down happens
6:32 this is so fucking funny and literally what happens w my mom all the time,,, im sorry i cant help but laugh when it happens....
Thank you for these very helpful videos
Watching this as I mentally prepare for the conversation with bipolar mother. The first one in seven years. She threatened to call the police to my place (she pretends I'm no contact with her because my husband controls me). So I need a recording of a conversation with her to talk through these things and have something in case she involves other people in my life. It's uncanny how bipolar parents can be similar.
Very well done.. tq so very much 🙏🏽
Thank you 🙏 Patrick
My mom has BPD, and now I have it too. Nice
most of the video is so normal to me....so normal..... validating...
Only my experiences were much more severe violent and another level of volatile, actually being so bad that I believe I’ve started to dissociate when he went into Fits of rage and adult tantrums
Exactly my mum 😬
i swear i just saw a conversation between me and my grandmother recited to the T (i dont react like the "son", but she is pretty similar to the "mom" in this role play)
Right in the gut. The analysis is helpful
These videos are so helpful, but damn do they drum up everything
Not sure if i already commented on this one, had changed acct a bit.. it always scared me when my mom acted like this, cause it was not all the time, so i would then have a panic attack. even though i knew it was her problem not mine.. i just wanted her happy❤️💔❤️ Guilt and Shame very consuming.
Appreciate your gift to the world patrick. Any chance you would read these cards out loud? I almost never watch a screen while tubing.
Oh MAN this was my whole life in middle school
Same !