First video I watched and instantly subscribed! Im a recovering alcoholic and the way you described what a monumental setback a binge can be hit so close to home. Six months is so spot on...
Former alcoholic 12 years sober, this channel is great. I'm also a photographer/videographer. You're missing focus because your lens is wide open (f1.8 or f1.4), stop down the lens to f4ish to have a more manageable depth of field.
There's no better feeling for an alcoholic when you know the fridge is stocked and no one is around to judge you. There's no worse feeling for alcoholic when you later realize it's all gone, and no one is around to love you.
Don’t make the mistake of thinking this is only the case for drugs/alcohol. I feel like many of us have taken this attitude towards life. It feels good to isolate yourself in a bubble of comfort, but it’s scary when you realize that you’ve put yourself and your peace of mind into this flimsy bubble and you haven’t established/maintained a foundation for your life, in other words; REAL relationships, deep connections, a sense of belonging and purpose etc. There are so many traps out there. You already have the thing you’re looking for. You just have to accept it.
This is a stunningly accurate account of how I act before binges. Highly communicative towards friends on my phone, ideas, jokes etc…then it all evaporates as the alcohol takes over…music on headphones…crying over RUclips videos, messaging people from my past…horrific stuff.
'Functioning Alcoholic' = you recognise you've got a drinking problem but you've managed somehow this far not to lose your job/house/kids yet so you don't intend on doing anything about it.
There is one definition of a functioning alcoholic thats true, and hopefully it's all of us.... "functioning alcoholic an alcoholic who doesn't drink alcohol". I would love to tell you I came up with that but it was Robin over on A Normal Alcoholic
Describes my late Daughters binges to a tee. Her last binge killed her, 14 days without any food, just straight vodka. She was only 38 and i loved her dearly. I only pray she wasn't afraid or aware she was dying. Thankyou for being so honest.
I have had 2 slip ups, since march. Was drinking heavily up until march this year. Now it's been about 1 1/2 months since the last drink. I just came home from a party at my university. I've been trying to go to the social events, but tonight I just felt sad. I was not really saying much, just sitting at a table with my classmates, who were playing a drinking game. I of course didn't participate. But I was looking around at them, seeing how much fun they seemed to be having. I was sitting there, sad, faking a smile. I really, REALLY, wanted to get a drink. But I decided to go home instead. And the first video that popped up in my feed, was this one. I made the right choice.
Yeah you did. I know it sucks, and it feels like a sacrifice, but you know as well as I do that the actual sacrifice would have been getting smashed. Future you thanks current you for it.
made my day , im almost 5 yrs sober but i still need these reminders, i know i have another relapse in me but dont know if i have another recovery and that goes for all of us
We all do forever.. I got such addictive personality due to my inability to feel emotions since my fucked up childhood.. That I even get hooked on red peppers.. They simulate burn and because of it, brain releases natural pain killers, that make me feel good.. I did just that 3 times to the point of bleeding when doing number two.. A whole jar of them I would go through in two days.. So I decide to keep addicted to just fitness and weed in small amounts. I can only buy enough for a normal person a week worth, that lasts me two days, after which I make sure not to get any until next week.. While fitness is everyday thing. I watch videos like this to remind myself not to go back to opiates, gambling or others.... I have a problem with the word "functioning" addict too.. Yes you can keep a job, seem normal.. But years go by, and you are stuck in one spot.. Making sure to always have your fix and that is primary thing... You might appear normal, but you don't progress any where in any kind... I understand what it means to have an addiction that is out of control.. So compared to that "functioning" seems reasonable, but you are still stuck in addiction and not progressing in any way as a person..
I am almost 2 years sober from alcohol and I am completely terrified of drinking again. I allow myselft a "binge" doing mdma and ketamine 1x or 2x a year on an underground rave going bonkers for 20 hours dancing and talking to people. Outside of these occaisons I am sober all time. I plan this binge, I make sure I have enough of drugs I select a good rave for this and I take at least 2-3 days off to recover.
I gave up for a year and that little alcoholic voice in my head said "See you've got it under control just have one" had a drink and that followed going back to a litre of Jim Beam a day. I'm 3 months sober again and know I can't have a single sip anymore.
I made that same mistake.. The worst part is me drinking a litre of brandy a day originally put me into a week long coma and I STILL told myself after only 3 months of sobriety “you can drink just tonight”.. Nope, I drank the next night too, and the next night, and the next, and within a week I was drinking during the day and was up to half of what I used to drink.. 8 weeks later I was back in hospital with the same problem… 8 days sober now, I won’t make that mistake again.. I can never be an occasional drinker.
Although not an alcoholic and instead struggling with issues over overconsumption of sweets and snacks, much of what you describe hits very close to home, in the best way possible. Thank you!
I hope bro is okay right now and has not relapsed since posting this, and will not relapse any more in the future. Easier said than done but I wish the same for all the rest of you too. God bless
Alcoholic here. 4 years sober, been drinking from 25 years old, I'm now 69. Had a 12 year sober stretch in the middle. I'm impressed you can remember so much detail. Most of my days are recalled vaguely, with a few bits here and there. Thank you for being honest and sharing your experience. It helps me to stay sober!
Seven years ago, I lost my mum to alcohol. I tried to help her, even took her to a meeting , but she couldn’t get past the religious tones of the fellowship. She knew she had a problem, but she kept drinking. I had to watch her slowly fade away right in front of me, and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do. When she lost her job, that was it for her-it was the beginning of the end. Alcoholism isn’t just a disease; it’s a thief. It takes everything-your mind, your dignity, your life. If you’re someone in recovery, please keep fighting . Because behind every person struggling with alcoholism, there’s a partner, a son, a daughter, a parent, or a sibling who loves them more than anything. And watching someone you love die, powerless to stop it... it’s a pain that never goes away.
@@_BatCountry Your honest sharing really helped me to see her pain from a different perspective. Instead of reacting to her death with only hatred and anger, which are still there and will take time for me to work through, I now also feel some love, understanding, and acceptance. I realised that this struggle had a hold on her, and it wasn’t letting go. Thank you for being so open and raw in sharing your recovery journey through this video. It’s strange how the RUclips algorithm works. As for me, I’m doing well. I have a son and a supportive partner, so things are going in the right direction. I wish you all the best in your recovery journey. There are people out there who care, and when used properly, the internet can be an amazing tool for connection and support. I really appreciate you taking the time to reply.
just wanted to say I feel for you. Your story makes me think about all the history of my family and relatives and how addictions affected their lives. You're right, it can take everything from a person, and cause much pain for their loved ones. For example my cousins, it destroyed their childhoods growing up with their alcoholic mother and (lack of) father. Best regards
when i got to 4 bottles of wine a night......i did think when is enough............over 4 years sober...........one day at a time......never stop trying......great video man........good luck xx
damn 4 bottles of wine a night I thought my 2 bottles of wine a night was a lot - not judging - 10 months Sober and happiest I've been for a long time.
My child, my only child, is 32 and living in LA and is in the depths of this disease. Thank you for giving me insight to what this is. The most profound thing that you said is at the end…I just want her to be okay. To any of you struggling with this disease, you need to hear that the people who love you just want you to be okay. They don’t care how creative you are, how productive you are, or any of the things you think are important…we just want you to be okay. I cannot breathe, I cannot think, my stomach is constantly heaving because she is not okay. Alcohol does not only destroy the alcoholic but cripples every mother, partner, child and friend that loves the alcoholic. How is this poison legal? Thank you for your insight. I will be praying for you.
Im so sorry. I lost one daughter in a car accident at 24 not Alcohol related and now my 32 year old daughter had been drinking enough to go into detox. She signed herself in so she could stop, was there 6 days and has been home and working for a month now. She had lost weight and her eyes were a bit yellow, which is the part I saw. I think she is ok. I can’t go a day without seeing her and looking for symptoms. When she admitted how much she had been drinking I almost died. I wanted to die. I can’t think I can’t work it out can’t sleep
I am sorry. Just make sure she knows she has you as support once she is ready.. If my mother wasn't my ancor for the last ten years, I am 100% sure I would be dead. Currently I am better then I have been in years..
I very much identify with your story. My binges were episodes of suicide binges with long periods of sobriety. I used alcohol as legal anaesthesia. I would bomb a bottle of wine in 10 minutes and then just pass out. Wake up and do it again to a point where I didn’t know if it was 8am or 8pm. I would do this for 7 to 10 days and then have to deal with consequences for months after swearing I’d never do it again. Thanks for sharing. Others’ stories help to keep my sobriety on track because it reminds me what it was like to finally come round. I hope I never have to do it again. 5 stints in rehab. Finally got my shit together 29/12/2017. And I never take it for granted. 🙏🏽
"Legal anaesthesia." Right on the money mate. Massive congratulations on finding a way out, and it's reassuring to me that people like yourself, who have a long period of sobriety, are still watching content like mine.
@@_BatCountryI think because I was a serial relapser for years and bloody years, I can’t take recovery for granted; still need the connection with those people who “get it.” 🌻
My friend your sober date was my 47th birthday! I wish you a great future. Sober 4 days here. I have too, at 54 my doctor didn't mince words. My liver is swollen and she said the numbers on my pancreas say I'm likely headed for pancreatitis. I've had 2 ft of my colon taken out. I'm not scared of death so much as I don't want to die like a dirty dog, drunk in a gutter.❤
The thing about retreating to the bed at a certain point during a binge and staying there for days just drinking, and then eventually pissing yourself and vomiting over the side of the bed is unfortunately so, so, relatable. Another quality video. ❤
My mom was a "functioning alcoholic" for decades before finally getting clean 5 years ago. I'll never touch a drink in solidarity with her. Stay safe everyone. 1 day or 10 years sober I'm proud of you ❤
This man is eloquent knowledgeable and honest in regards to his vivid description of addiction. His explanation of what happens in the addict's mind is both poignant and relatable. It saddens me to listen to him because so much of it I have experienced as an addict . 😢God bless this man!
Your account sounds like a great descriptor of my experience. I too am a periodic binge drinker who can go mobths at a time without drinking or getting the urge to, only to hit the bottle to a suicidal degree for a short period of days until my health spirals so far down that im literally unable to go out and buy more. Last Sunday was my most recent binge, which fortunately lasted only two days. But it was enough to go into acute withdrawal, along with no sleeping since the episode. The kindling effect is incredible. Thank you for all you do. Stay strong, brother!
Yeah that kindling is no joke. When I tell others a two day binge will trigger severe withdrawal they sometimes don't believe me, but it is real. Keep at it, it'll stick when you're ready for it to.
What always gets me upset about it all is that it's the only drug where withdrawals can kill you. Heroin, crack, meth, none of these will do that, although withdrawals from all these substances can still be hell. But alcohol can straight up make you have a seizure or heart attack and die. It's why long-term drinkers have to detox in a hospital under direct medical supervision. It's also an extremely neurotoxic substance that can cause permanent brain damage, alongside heightened risks for many cancers including stomach and colon cancer. It's actually one of the worst drugs to get addicted to out of any drug I could think of, and yet its still accepted
Jesus Christ man. I thought I was the only one that did this. I could swap places with u and you are telling my life story. Whenever I do alcohol assessments & they ask me how much that I drink per day & I have to explain that my alcoholism isn’t measured by daily drinking, it’s measured in 2 week spurts of a living hell followed by sobriety. Rinse and repeat
Yeah that's true, I do that too - I can't give averages when it comes to what I've been drinking. Over the last 6 years I've spent the vast majority of the time completely sober, but with a collective total of three months drinking near-fatal amounts.
Binge drinking alcoholic. Be careful drying out, it will get more and more difficult until it's impossible without either medical help or going through delirium tremens.
With the episodic disorder, does it ever end, in your guys experience and opinions, or is recurrence inevitable and it's just harm minimization and damage limitation each time? This video is terrifying and should be required viewing for teens and young adults. Thanks for making it.
It's striking how aware you are of all these steps, yet can't put the brakes on when you know what's coming down the line. Best of luck and thanks for your honesty
The production quality, your stories, your voice & intelligence, etc… this channel is so lovely and well thought-out. I see you reaching great heights with this channel & with your message. I know one day you’ll inevitably reach 2, 3, 4x the audience you have now, and I’m excited for you. Thank you for being so courageously honest about some of the darkest parts of the human experience. Your hard work most definitely has not gone unnoticed.
You just told my story my friend. 😢 Almost 5 years sober. But reliving this experience was very real. The phrase that got me was "about 10 days in I can no longer stave off the thought that I've lost my job, I'm getting evicted and my girlfriend is leaving me and my family is freaking out" because I've unfortunately come to that realization many times. Thanks for sharing buddy!
In deep shame and mile high anxiety/withdrawal currently coming off of a 3 day binge I threw away a year of sobriety over. I can relate to everything you said here. Horrified at the messages I sent out last night, woke up to cops doing a welfare check this morning, and STILL the only thing keeping me from going to the liquor store again is feeling literally too sick. Thank you for at least making me feel less alone right now.
@ Thank you. Deeply. A stranger’s words of wellness mean more than you may know. Update: several days of clarity and sobriety followed by a falter. How are YOU?
@ WHY can’t I do this?? I’ve told myself I was self medicating pain (which I do have indescribable amounts of), but my body doesn’t hurt too bad today to get to the liquor store in between doing other things…
You have just perfectly described the process, the outcome, the whole horrid horrid exchange of later stage alcohol addiction and relapse…. You made me laugh with the “naughty” buying… the first sip… here we go again…. The fight inside my brain from screaming no… to justifying why I “need and deserve” this… just one just one more…. Then the black out…. The random reach outs of dribble to people from the past… present and even future in my mental booze soaked brain! It’s pure insanity. In one of my binges I passed out and broke my leg in half… smashed face on my floor… rock bottom? For a while… 3 months later I had another day… just one more day… took me three months to recover with my leg… then I’m at the liquor store again… thanks for your videos Stu. I’ve been binge watching them! Better than binge drinking I’ve decided 😂 everything you say is raw and so relatable.. it is brilliant how you go into the crevices of this horrific drinking “lifestyle” Thankyou!! From New Zealand.
It sounds like you've really been through the ringer. I'm happy you made it through and I hope you're doing ok now (and that your leg fixed well). Thanks for the comment.
When I started watching this video, and began listening to you speak, I immediately thought, how healthy you look, and how clearly this bloke speaks. And I listened. And by the time I'd listened, and by before three quarters through the video, my good God, you really get it through. And I never really believed how heavy it could get. But for the first, really the very first time right now, really right now, you described how full effect alcohol addiction can be. Thanks for it
Prior to getting sober and making my way to the rooms, I didn't fully understand what a relapse was, but hearing stories like yours woke me to the fact that I was indeed a desperate alcoholic. I'd go weeks or months without a drink and feel great, but then I'd get moody. Anxious etc and feel like I earned a drink, or I'd do it out of spite for whomever recently pissed me off. And off to the races I'd go. Your videos are great reminders. Thank you.
Bat! This account of the depths of hell is a super courageous move. It’s not easy to be this honest, but I am entirely convinced that it is a huge part of continued success in sobriety. Nicely done, and so much gratitude for your GF. No one can keep someone else sober but having no one that cares about you is a sad reality for so many people. So beautiful that you recognized that. 🙏🙌🌈
Does alcohol makes us lonely, or do lonely people seek out alcohol? The weird thing to me is that in these binges I want to be alone, but then being alone makes me miserable. I dunno, I'll never wrap my head around it. Thanks for the comment, I'm always happy to see you here.
@@_BatCountrychicken or the egg? When you haven't showered in a week, and peed down your legs a few times, people really would rather stay away from you.
Only 8 minutes into the video, and im not an alcoholic but in a very similar vein am an episodic meth addict. I'll go sometimes years, then relapse into anywhere from a 1 to 3 month binge. It's incredible how much everything you've said fully lines up with it. The pattern is near identical, with a little added fuckery due to the inevitable complexity of acquiring meth from... well... meth heads. Exactly the same thing with "It's just going to be for one night, i'll just have a good night, a good wank, maybe a good fuck if I can wrangle it, sleep it off and resume our usual programming the next day". But inevitably, as the bag runs low, and I'm not yet sleepy, the dealers are called, and a larger amount is acquired, and within days, I'm gone, and the demon is back in the drivers seat. Stay strong people \m/,
I thought I'd replied to this one already. Just to repeat myself - a lot of my addiction was wrapped up in sexual compulsion too. But the desire to relapse into a good wank or a good fuck for one night never lasts that one night, as you said.
This is my absolute go to video anytime my mind romances about having just 1 drink. When it trys to convince me to just have a tipple & for the feeling that it will give me of warmth & security like being wrapped in a Christianing shawl for prehaps the 1st day! But the stark reality is for me after that, minute by minute my life will play out actually as described in this video!!! It is virtually like I had written it myself, every feeling, every action, every single moment is how a binge happens in my world! This video keeps me safe, so a massive thank you as always Stu! Paul
If there was a love not a like button, I would click it. I’m 27,28 in a few days. I did this for about 5 years. Currently working on getting sober. Been sober for a year & 1/2 with maybe 2 separate, week or 2 long binges. I’m doing fantastic right now and can’t see myself going back. But always keep what I did during those times in the back of my head to keep me from going back. This video made me feel less alone in what I experienced. So thank you ❤
@ I don’t see my sobriety going anywhere. I love being sober. The worst times in my life were due to drinking and while I am to blame, it’s easy to control me not becoming that person again, if I just never allow myself back into that mindset. Granted, I LOVE the feeling of drinking. The HATE I have for the after effects outweigh my love for the mind numbing immediate ones. I was drinking handles in 2 days. Waking up drinking, blacking out sleeping. Waking up and immediately drinking again. It was bad. Really, really bad. You’re very welcome for the positivity and to anyone else reading this… I’ve felt the lowest of low. There is 100% happiness at the end of your drinking road. You just have to take the turn. ❤️
@@Josh-g9x that’s wassup dude. I’m ignorant as hell on the subject but I’d say it’s better to get somewhat tested Kratom in opposed to random street drugs most likely laced w fent or other deadly substances. Glad you’re here brother and if you ever need anything please vent on the RUclips comments. Am always here 👊🙏
I absolutely appreciate your forthcoming nature and relaxed demeanour. Also I absolutely love the old style background music, as a side note. I can entirely relate to you, it's actually kind of strangley relatable. I hope you're doing OK and talking about this and producing content related to sobriety, I assume must be quite hard as opposed to avoiding the idea of alcohol and keeping as far away as possible mentally. It must be cathartic and good to know that you're helping other people. I appreciate you man, much love
Very relatable. All alcoholics are different but we're all somewhat the same. The awareness that the relapse is around the corner; its "inevitability"; the AA meeting or event that kicks it off; the complete dissociation of "sober self" from "relapse/binge self" - I felt all that.
For me its like I can stop after that 1, however for the next few days or even weeks I'll have intrusive thoughts throughout the day saying "You see? You were in control, let's do this again"
@edvards_edtrx3475 Its quite confusing for people without addiction to understand the "cant have one". Because it doesn't necessarily mean that if i have a beer i cant then stop if i really try to. But the fact is it will be on my mind for the rest of the day, just constantly thinking about that next drink which is hell. And then it will build up every time i drink. One beer, next time 5 beers, oh well why not have a few doubles to finish the night off. Then im picking up a litre of vodka before i go home and pass out then wake up at 6am and start drinking again. Morning drinking really was the beginning of the end for me, when you realise you can end the hangover there's no way to go back. I was never able to not drink in the morning after a session once i realised.
"Everybody wants everybody else to just be OK" it makes me think of my family when they see me drinking again. I'm almost 7 months sober you're story was dead on. It was triggering and sobering at the same time. Thanks for sharing
I'm always happy Stu when you put out new content, you have this way of being so honest about what it's like to be an alcoholic... me myself recognize this pattern of building up my life and then destroy it by shutting out the world an drink myself to oblivion for a few days, without really knowing what set me off... Its like I can't stand it if everything in my life is going relatively well... something self destructive says tot me 'you do not deserve things going good for you'...
Here's what a binge feels like - it starts with "one drink won't hurt", and right after that one you realize that there isn't enough alcohol in the world to fill that particular void. 3 hours later, you're still going strong even though you hate the way booze makes you feel. 6 after that you wake up after terrible "sleep" with a head full of regrets, feeling like a sack of well rotted manure. You then make the choice to either get back on the booze train, or spend the next few days in alcoholic hypochondria wondering exactly what damage you've done and why the hell you did it. Easily the most destructive substance out there.
How have you only got 11k subs? You're a natural in front of the camera. I'm blown away by how good not only in your set up, the music and advice. I've sent your channel to friends of mine who are in the media who will push your channel, the storytelling pushes myself into your story. A-Class brother
I am a binge drinker , 73 days sober , i have been a daily and morning drinker in the past , and like you , became the bi weekend binger , enough to kill me each time. I would recover , riddle with guilt etc etc , hearing you talk is calming and reassuring, this is my vibe. This is my jam ... subbed , thank you for this , i feel a relapse coming on and you articulate so well the feelings i am going through
The bit about when you take that first drink and it's like your body remembers, and all that guilt and shame and euphoria comes back... that was too real for me. It was definitely triggering. It was like those little alarm bells going off like "YEAH YOU REMEMBER THAT? SOUNDS GREAT!" but the whole rest of the story is a grim reminder of what it's like for me, when I've also started sinking into that abyss. This video was a great reminder. I celebrate 2 years of sobriety to this day Oct. 10th. Thanks for telling your story man, I loved it. Thank you.
My friend, i just found your channel last week and this is the most incredible, raw and real honesty I've every heard. Im 33 been drinking heavy since 18 and im currently 3 weeks sober. Im really beginning to hate alcohol with a passion and its making it easier to stay the hell away from it. Ive only experienced mild withdrawal luckily but even that was horrible. As a husband and father as well as health reasons i know i can never drink again and i dont want to...your story is amazing and i cant thank you enough, take care!
Thee best description of what alcohol does to us.. I've been there before several times.. thank you for this.. I've been living sober for about a year but my brother recently just passed unexpectedly from a heart attack so I relapsed, and am in the process of getting sober again.. gratitude 🙏
As someone that sleeps to these videos, your intended theme is spot on! Except for the bike adventure, that story was too wild to not be alert the whole time. How you survived that is absolutely nuts.
Either phones are starting to read our minds, or a 'Higher Power' put this video into my feed. Whichever one is true, I am very lucky, and thankful to have watched this. Thank you for sharing OUR story, and helping me remember what happens. It's only been a couple years, but how soon we forget. I subscribed, and am looking forward to watching your channel. Thank You.
Hey just wanna give a shout out to you and how greatful i am for you making youtube videos. To be able to listen and learn from you is a pleasure and to be able to show my family your videos (this guy is charismatic, intelligent and very admirable) takes away my worry of being seen as just a 'junkie' i watch all your videos religiously and they have helped me alot. Thanks and happy yule 🖤
Thank you algorithm for bringing me here. I'm a binge drinker and I want to stop. These long form relaxing videos are perfect for my evenings. Thank you. Subscribed.
I cannot tell you how much of this was beyond relateable. Spookily so. Thank you for sharing Mr Bat. I mentioned on your most recent video, I had a relapse after 154 days. 154 days on the tail of a (roughly) 40 year love affair with booze. Thankfully, while explosive, I have shook myself back into some form of focus but the remorse, the damage, you know the score. I also drank today, a little - just to find enough strength to clean up some of the mess - but I wake up tomorrow and get back on the wagon. I wish everybody who's struggling out there, the best of luck :) x
This is extremely insightful man, thank you. I connect with a lot of the things you say in this, like the 'alcohol energy', coming up with plans and ideas, messaging people, and then the shame and embarrassment when you sober up, the mental gymnastics you do when you run out to get you to go out and get more alcohol, the 'need' to get more. My father was an alcoholic, and he drank himself to death, so i know ive picked up more than a few of his bad habits as well as i can see myself repeating them, though not to the sam extent he did, not yet at least. Thank you for making these videos man. Subbed, and good luck to you mate. Good luck to us all eh? I see im not the only one in the comments this video has struck a chord with.
I have no idea why this video was recommended to me, but I'm glad to have watched it. I am not an alcoholic but I am a binge eater. How you spoke about isolation and prolonging the binge for fear of reckoning as this is exactly what happens. I find myself eating gross left over food I had been passing on for days prior, stealing food, ordering obscene amounts of food and justifying extending the binge day on day. Or worse, forcing myself to eat and then purge the copious amount of food binge-me has acquired in order to sanitise my living area giving myself the best chance I have tomorrow to stop. I eat so much I vomit, I eat so much it has permanently ruined my body, I eat so much that I find working difficult. It's this debauch ritual I can't escape and the shame feels utterly terrible. Thank you for sharing your experiences and articulating them the you have. It was quite helpful
You are so right, Bat, that as alcoholics we are all different- until we aren't. I was never physically able to binge drink and then instantly pick up the bottle the next morning. I would suffer to varying degrees, sleep more then wake up on day 3 fed up, anxious and ready to drink again. This pattern may have spared my liver thus far but my mind may never recover. A point re the bullshittery of the 'functioning alcoholic'. As a female binge drinker, i found that strangely enough I attracted alcoholics of both sexes who really got off on my 'capacity' to drink. I was told with warm admiration that I could drink more than anyone they had ever met. It took me a long and sad time before i realised that their praise was actually a warning.
it occurred to me that people who drank like I did, they had to have their reasons to blot out their consciousness like that, to that degree, and, for someone who drank like that, in order to quit, they also have to have their reasons..
I was one of those people - attracted to people who could drink. There's reassurance in it. In drink, we look for the drunkest people to look to for comfort. In sobriety, we look to the soberest. We're people of extremes.
Please stop before it does catch your Liver, Ruth. It’s only a matter of time. It doesn’t matter how you drink you alcohol. Alcohol poisons the liver. The liver cells cannot heal from repeated destruction from alcohol. Please save yourself before you have lasting and possibly lethal health problems
The part about being too close with strangers during that first hour. My God I felt that in my bones. Always cringe inducing for days afterwards. You have a way with words.
Mate, I love your storytelling abilities. You have a real knack for it! Feels like we’re getting an over the shoulder perspective from your experiences. I’d love to see an off-topic episode where you discuss your favourite lenses, and how hobbies have helped your sobriety 😊
This is absolutely my jam. Whilst I don't have an alcohol problem myself, I've re-evaluated my relationship with it this year. I can easily say no to a drink now and choose AF options over the real thing. I find this kind of content so useful in my journey of cutting down and living a healthier life. Absolutely loving the vibe of this channel happy to be a new subscriber 🤟
You've very chillingly described what my binge relapses look like. The euphoria, the horror, the despair, the utter madness. Thankfully, I've been sober for three and a half years as of today. But you know what's crazy? There is still a part of me that relishes the idea of stepping back into that world of insanity. But not today. Thank you for sharing your experience. It's a gruesome reminder of the horrors that await if I decide to walk away from what I have today.
Yeah, I still get that pang of nostalgia for despair. I even miss the psych ward I was on sometimes, even though it was absolutely traumatising. I have to recognise that for what it is: not real nostalgia, but an urge to drink again. As soon as I realise that, it goes away.
So relatable. This was me, just a slightly different flavor. Like you said, in some ways we're all different, in some ways we're the same. I lived in a constant state of detox/retox for several years. The intensity went up and down here and there. I was having a quarter life crisis, a failing relationship, multiple jobs I didn't want. I was dragging my feet through every day and just NOT loving life. So... I drank. Isolated. I'd binge for multiple days until it literally made me sick. I'd spend half a day in bed going through withdrawals. I'd be shaking, throwing up, calling into work. Not responsible behavior. But once I was in the throes of one of those relapses, it was SUCH a one track mind. I'd feel better after a few days and would be doing damage control, etc and tell myself "okay I'm done. No more of that." But me having the stubborn, addictive mind I had, I'd make it a month or so and I'd tell myself "I can take back the control again, I can have just a few." But that wasn't the case anymore. Either that or something in life would set me off and trigger a relapse and then it was right back to where I was. That was a really tough cycle to break.
You sound like you're doing much better today, and I'm happy to hear that. Your description is so familiar to me. That weird stubbornness is a curse. Thank you for the thoughtful comment, and congratulations on your progress so far.
Excellent storytelling in this video, I was captured by it. 4 years sober and have been struggling lately, this was what I needed to keep me on track. Thank you.
I'm in my mid 20's, and I've noticed some questionable behaviour with my relationship to booze and this video really made me realize how toxic it's becoming. It's a scary feeling, since I feel like I don't have that much control over it. The solo wine nights on the weekends, meeting up with people mid-week and going too far. It's easy to put it down as just "being in your 20s" It's something I've been keeping an eye on lately. This video was a real eye-opener and it's one I will return too many times over, thank you for this.
Wow, thanks for sharing that. My brother is an alcoholic, and there have been many long periods where he has "checked out" (ie. been on a bender) and I would have no idea what he's doing or what he's going through; this video has maybe given me some inkling of the depths he may have sunk to. I was angry at him for a long time for what he put our mother through, but, as you say at the end, the capacity to forgive eventually comes through. I'm glad he didn't kill himself and seems to be getting along, and I hope you also manage to work through your struggles with alcohol addiction as well. Peace!
Thank you mate, I hope your brother's sobriety is for the long term. And it's ok to be angry, it's understandable. Even as a person in recovery, I still find it hard to be entirely empathetic one someone's drinking is affecting other people.
The way you describe this, so honest and raw. I can completely relate. That feeling of just watching yourself do this act of near suicide and being happy about it. Just watching yourself kill yourself, knowing that you have committed yourself to a month of depression and self hatred and crushing loneliness. There's nothing worse. Being addicted to alcohol is just so so awful. It feels so healing to hear you talk about it.
Thank you for watching, and for the comment. Alcoholism is an act of absolute self-loathing. People say alcoholics are narcissists, and I think there's truth in that, but we also hate ourselves. It's very confusing.
An alcoholic binge is a nightmare that comes to life. As an alcoholic sober 8 years, I can say alcohol IS the worst drug on the planet. I'm lucky I'm alive.
Yeah.. I used to do that shite once a week for 9 years. The hangovers was brutal. 1 week physical hangover then 1 week mental hangover. Just thinking of the brutal hangover stops me from drinking...and they got worse in my 40s. Feck that shite! I'm 9 month sober now.. the best I've ever felt.. and I'm not gonna fck up.
Wow, sounds like my last one too. It’s nice to know we’re not alone but at the same time it’s horrible to know that others go through this mental torture. Thank you for sharing your story, it could have been mine.
I once heard someone describe themselves as a "high functioning heroin addict". The veil of "high function" is only dependent on superficial things; job, housing, relationships. But a person who is addicted is deeply dysfunctional at the core factors of their life. No truly functional person becomes addicted.
I agree. There are fringe cases and exceptions, naturally, but I completely agree with you. That core dysfunction will eventually burn everything down, and to that there are no exceptions. Thanks for the excellent comment.
I don't think I've ever before listened to a dude sit there and tell his story for 35 minutes on YT. Utterly compelling. Pushed a few buttons, too. "I deserve it." Ouch, that touched a nerve. I made a decision many years ago to never touch the hard stuff again. Just wine. (Yeah, I can hear the hollow laughs, folks.) Work has always centred me, and, three years from retirement, I worry.
Brave and deeply honest. I know that world all too well, and you describe it so perfectly. Thank you so much. I'm going to show those who've been there for me, to help them better understand. Over the last 30 years or so I've moved from chronic, constant alcoholism to a pretty stable life in recovery. But every couple of years or so I'll have exactly the relapse you've described. This video goes into my arsenal of tools to defend against that. Thanks again!
Another great episode, Bat County! Every Friday we have a tradition of ordering up some pizzas, firing up the popcorn maker, and sitting down as a family in front of the TV to watch your videos. Our youngest daughter is a HUGE fan of yours
@@Sleezy.Design haha I was just being stupid and trying to be funny. I don't have kids, and if I did, I certainly wouldn't subject them to such mature and dark subject matter...or maybe I would!
Subbed. I was never to this level but I did quit drinking after years of multiple drinks during the week and hitting it hard on friday/maybe saturday. 5 days a week of drinking minimum. What saved me forst, was my kids coming along. It stopped the hard alcohol being an option because of the hangovers and shame that came along with them. So it was only beer for 5 years. I was always a little tired. A little anxious, rarely in a stable, calm, healthy mindset. I had a 3 week stint last October where after a fanily party that my old muse whiskey was in attendance, i went through a handle of jim beam a week. After the third week I didnt have the budget to reup, soni figured id try to go three days without a drink, after hitting 3 days, and that being the most id managed in a long time, i continued to stack days, reached out to a sober friend and watching youtube videos like this and others arriculating the negative health impact of alcohol. Im 13 and a half months sober today, and i feel fortunate that its not even an issue. I never got so bad i was drinking during the day or in the morning, but i was living my life to about 70% of my potential. There was a ceiling of 70% on average that was heldnin place by the alcohol. No more, the benefits to my mental health has been insurmountable since stopping. More stable mood, better sleep, more energy, memory, sharper mind and abilitt to regulate my mood and emotions better in times of duress. Zero desire to ever drink again. I dont want to risk gettting back in the habit of drinking and convincing myself i can have a few after a hard days work. To those who are fighting the fight, it does get brighter. 11/4/2023.
Batcountry ASMR? Now your talking my language and at my preferred volume. Great vid and observations as always! Sounding smooth too! BTW Goosemanjim here its logged me in through some other account.
Just like you, my problems with alcohol started with being drunk almost constantly, drinking increasingly large quantities of wine every night after work, but still going to work etc. After initially getting sober in 2020, my alcoholism then became episodic, with me being constantly paranoid about becoming physically dependent again and binges lasting about 4-5 days followed by withdrawal. My boyfriend actually described me as being like Jeckyll and Hyde during these episodes. I turned into someone totally unrecognisable. Once again I completely relate to everything in your video, so thankyou 😊
You have one of the best channels of it's kind on the internet as far as I am concerned. I am a big fan of your work. Even your set design and overall production is outstanding. I caught the coffee cup ring launching the logo, nice touch indeed. I say be patient and keep putting out great work. Based on the videos I saw in your archive, it looks like you have found your stride with this particular subject matter. In the end, great content always makes it's way to the top. Getting with other like minded content creators who would benefit from bringing you on as a guest could also help spread the word. However, I realize it can be a full time job just promoting yourself, so at the very least reminding people to subscribe is a good start. I speak for myself and I am sure many other subscribers that are looking forward to future episodes. Your perspectives and outlook are quite inspiring. BTW, I like the way you called out the term "functional alcoholic". Clearly thought up by and for those stuck in denial.
@@_BatCountry Well maybe out of focus this time, but I am referring to your overall body of work in the last year or so. I also didn't mention I like that music. It has an almost eerie charm. When I listen to old music like that I think about the drugs and booze the musicians were possibly using at the time. I will always be an addict and so I tend to think about such things, its who I am.
Holy cow, you're insanely good at putting words together. I hope you know that! Thanks so much for the help. Alcohol isn't my main "instrument", but it is involved in the whole scheme. It disinhibits me enough for the mental gymnastics you were talking about to be much more effective. Your description also rings true for my experiences. Hearing it like this helps processing it. I know that it's not too late for me. Profound channel.
Your EXTREMELY LUCKY to me alive,I mean super lucky and I'm so happy that you're now thankful for it and have realized what was happening.i still can't believe I started drinking at 40 and trying to stop my social drinking.Extream respect for you!👍🏻 watching you prevents me daily from drinking or at least not going out with my friends.you put the fear into me and for that I'm thankful, extremely thankful for you sharing this 🙂
I read Caroline Knapp’s Drinking: A Love Story and that resonated with me as you have. The rawness of the intoxicating allure of alcohol but swaddled and dressed in all its pompous finery to disguise and misdirect your own keen eye on what’s real and what the alcohol is claiming is real. Thank you for this
I slowly weened off over many years. Was a 30 std drinker a week. Then slowly took bigger breaks over many years. Once stopped for a year - but always found I felt like I was missing out on certain occasions. The final nail in the coffin was a psilocybin experience I thought "I should/could just stop drinking" after weighing up the pros and cons during the trip. Made so much sense just to stop. 6 months in and I haven't had a drink. Nor do I crave one. Psilocybin changed me in so many ways in positive ways, and this was one. Human connection is so much more fulfilling then a short lived dopamine high..... I want to try psilocybin again in a few years. The issue is its so intense that I really need to prepare properly. Its like 1000 hrs of therapy condensed into 6.
People keep recommending psilocybin treatments to me and I'm a little skeptical, but I'm pleased to hear you had a positive - even life-changing - experience. Thanks for the insight!
@@_BatCountry The research in 1950s showed alcoholism was the number 1 thing psycodelics like LSD were good at reversing. Mushrooms are a lot less longer lived than LSD. There is no doubt in my mind that it would help given your current state of mind. I can also guarantee you that its not addictive.... what I can't say is if the treatment is worse than the cure. Can you handle being out of control and guided were ever it takes you? Showing you all kinds of things on your inner self that your brain and ego might not let you see in sober state? Do you have some one you trust implicitly to do it with? Are you open to intense vulnerability and self criticism, but also self compassion? Would you be happy to 1hr of mindfullness meditation to calm your mind before entering into it.... for me it was the most liberating thing I've ever done in 5 hrs. Not only did I stop drinking I processed the long tails of my fathers passing which bought me to my knees with grief like i've never felt, followed by releif *SMASH* and gave up drinking *SMASH* and found out what really matters in life *SMASH*.... mate, it was utterly insane, tiring and unrelenting. But also magical and liberating. I needed benzos to sleep there after for 1 night because it stirred up so much within me.... If it becomes a treatment available legally I would highly consider talking to a medical professional. Im doing again in a few years, im such a better person for it. Will brace myself before plunge into it again. I am and im not looking forward to it all in one.
I love your honesty and the manner in which you do your content. Very nice. I am sober after 32 years of constant drinking. I learn more from your video. Thanks mate. You rock. ☘
Can't believe the best video on my channel is slightly out of focus. Very on-brand, right?
First video I watched and instantly subscribed! Im a recovering alcoholic and the way you described what a monumental setback a binge can be hit so close to home. Six months is so spot on...
Think of it as a softened lens ala Jean Harlow etc - I absolutely love your channel mate, so insightful and helpful.
Former alcoholic 12 years sober, this channel is great. I'm also a photographer/videographer. You're missing focus because your lens is wide open (f1.8 or f1.4), stop down the lens to f4ish to have a more manageable depth of field.
I didn't notice, I was drunk.
Microphone looks great tho. Jokes aside, great content
There's no better feeling for an alcoholic when you know the fridge is stocked and no one is around to judge you. There's no worse feeling for alcoholic when you later realize it's all gone, and no one is around to love you.
Wise words friend. Very wise, that shit hits hard
Don’t make the mistake of thinking this is only the case for drugs/alcohol. I feel like many of us have taken this attitude towards life. It feels good to isolate yourself in a bubble of comfort, but it’s scary when you realize that you’ve put yourself and your peace of mind into this flimsy bubble and you haven’t established/maintained a foundation for your life, in other words; REAL relationships, deep connections, a sense of belonging and purpose etc.
There are so many traps out there. You already have the thing you’re looking for. You just have to accept it.
Gives me chills to read this, you’re absolutely right on both points!!
I'd argue it's a worse feeling when all of that happens, plus the stores don't start selling again for 4 hours.
Which is what prompts another trip to fill the fridge and start the cycle again.
This is a stunningly accurate account of how I act before binges. Highly communicative towards friends on my phone, ideas, jokes etc…then it all evaporates as the alcohol takes over…music on headphones…crying over RUclips videos, messaging people from my past…horrific stuff.
alcohol is hell
'Functioning Alcoholic' = you recognise you've got a drinking problem but you've managed somehow this far not to lose your job/house/kids yet so you don't intend on doing anything about it.
eeeeeeeexactly.
You just get good at hiding it.
@@bulldawg7232 There's no hiding it from people who have experienced it.
There is one definition of a functioning alcoholic thats true, and hopefully it's all of us....
"functioning alcoholic an alcoholic who doesn't drink alcohol".
I would love to tell you I came up with that but it was Robin over on A Normal Alcoholic
I’m sure you meant “thus far”. Stop drinking and commenting. You’re embarrassing yourself.
Describes my late Daughters binges to a tee. Her last binge killed her, 14 days without any food, just straight vodka. She was only 38 and i loved her dearly. I only pray she wasn't afraid or aware she was dying. Thankyou for being so honest.
Thank you for sharing this. I’m so so sorry for your loss ❤️
Im so sorry 😔
So sorry for your loss, it’s tragic
The diet was so suppressed by vodka at that point that even if she tried to eat ... probably wouldn't have been able to keep it down. 😢
@dariush3587 yes, that's right, she couldn't bring herself to face eating.
I have had 2 slip ups, since march. Was drinking heavily up until march this year. Now it's been about 1 1/2 months since the last drink. I just came home from a party at my university. I've been trying to go to the social events, but tonight I just felt sad. I was not really saying much, just sitting at a table with my classmates, who were playing a drinking game. I of course didn't participate. But I was looking around at them, seeing how much fun they seemed to be having. I was sitting there, sad, faking a smile. I really, REALLY, wanted to get a drink. But I decided to go home instead. And the first video that popped up in my feed, was this one. I made the right choice.
Yeah you did. I know it sucks, and it feels like a sacrifice, but you know as well as I do that the actual sacrifice would have been getting smashed. Future you thanks current you for it.
Wise decision
I know I'm just a stranger on the internet but I have to say: kudos to you and your willpower. This was a difficult situation and you pulled through
Gj bro
i've been avoiding parties for years because DRUNK PEOPLE ARE THE ABSOLUTE WORST.
you made the right choice
made my day , im almost 5 yrs sober but i still need these reminders, i know i have another relapse in me but dont know if i have another recovery and that goes for all of us
No I didn't care about anything like that until I got sober. I'd be curious to know too, now you mention it.
Very well said
Congratulations. I have 6 years, no relapse. It's tough, but sobriety is worth it.
We all do forever.. I got such addictive personality due to my inability to feel emotions since my fucked up childhood.. That I even get hooked on red peppers.. They simulate burn and because of it, brain releases natural pain killers, that make me feel good.. I did just that 3 times to the point of bleeding when doing number two.. A whole jar of them I would go through in two days..
So I decide to keep addicted to just fitness and weed in small amounts. I can only buy enough for a normal person a week worth, that lasts me two days, after which I make sure not to get any until next week.. While fitness is everyday thing.
I watch videos like this to remind myself not to go back to opiates, gambling or others....
I have a problem with the word "functioning" addict too..
Yes you can keep a job, seem normal.. But years go by, and you are stuck in one spot.. Making sure to always have your fix and that is primary thing... You might appear normal, but you don't progress any where in any kind... I understand what it means to have an addiction that is out of control.. So compared to that "functioning" seems reasonable, but you are still stuck in addiction and not progressing in any way as a person..
I am almost 2 years sober from alcohol and I am completely terrified of drinking again. I allow myselft a "binge" doing mdma and ketamine 1x or 2x a year on an underground rave going bonkers for 20 hours dancing and talking to people. Outside of these occaisons I am sober all time. I plan this binge, I make sure I have enough of drugs I select a good rave for this and I take at least 2-3 days off to recover.
I gave up for a year and that little alcoholic voice in my head said "See you've got it under control just have one" had a drink and that followed going back to a litre of Jim Beam a day. I'm 3 months sober again and know I can't have a single sip anymore.
Gary you can do this. I'm there too and decided to go down the antabuse route and been sober since. Its a poison.
Thanks Gary. You should be more proud of your time sober than you are sorry you slipped mate.
You’ve realized. You can do it Gary. Proud of you
I made that same mistake.. The worst part is me drinking a litre of brandy a day originally put me into a week long coma and I STILL told myself after only 3 months of sobriety “you can drink just tonight”.. Nope, I drank the next night too, and the next night, and the next, and within a week I was drinking during the day and was up to half of what I used to drink.. 8 weeks later I was back in hospital with the same problem… 8 days sober now, I won’t make that mistake again.. I can never be an occasional drinker.
That’s terrifying message Gary. Thanks for sharing it. Hope you’re doing well.
Although not an alcoholic and instead struggling with issues over overconsumption of sweets and snacks, much of what you describe hits very close to home, in the best way possible. Thank you!
I hope bro is okay right now and has not relapsed since posting this, and will not relapse any more in the future. Easier said than done but I wish the same for all the rest of you too. God bless
I'm okay, and didn't relapse. Been sober a pretty good chunk of time now. Thanks for the concern mate, I appreciate it.
Alcoholic here. 4 years sober, been drinking from 25 years old, I'm now 69. Had a 12 year sober stretch in the middle. I'm impressed you can remember so much detail. Most of my days are recalled vaguely, with a few bits here and there. Thank you for being honest and sharing your experience. It helps me to stay sober!
Easily the most descriptive and identifiable account of a binge I've ever heard. Terrifyingly beautiful
Thanks again mate.
Seven years ago, I lost my mum to alcohol. I tried to help her, even took her to a meeting , but she couldn’t get past the religious tones of the fellowship. She knew she had a problem, but she kept drinking. I had to watch her slowly fade away right in front of me, and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do. When she lost her job, that was it for her-it was the beginning of the end. Alcoholism isn’t just a disease; it’s a thief. It takes everything-your mind, your dignity, your life.
If you’re someone in recovery, please keep fighting . Because behind every person struggling with alcoholism, there’s a partner, a son, a daughter, a parent, or a sibling who loves them more than anything. And watching someone you love die, powerless to stop it... it’s a pain that never goes away.
"It's a thief." You're so right. I'm so sorry for what you went through mate, and I hope you're doing good today!
@@_BatCountry
Your honest sharing really helped me to see her pain from a different perspective. Instead of reacting to her death with only hatred and anger, which are still there and will take time for me to work through, I now also feel some love, understanding, and acceptance. I realised that this struggle had a hold on her, and it wasn’t letting go.
Thank you for being so open and raw in sharing your recovery journey through this video. It’s strange how the RUclips algorithm works.
As for me, I’m doing well. I have a son and a supportive partner, so things are going in the right direction. I wish you all the best in your recovery journey. There are people out there who care, and when used properly, the internet can be an amazing tool for connection and support. I really appreciate you taking the time to reply.
just wanted to say I feel for you. Your story makes me think about all the history of my family and relatives and how addictions affected their lives. You're right, it can take everything from a person, and cause much pain for their loved ones. For example my cousins, it destroyed their childhoods growing up with their alcoholic mother and (lack of) father. Best regards
when i got to 4 bottles of wine a night......i did think when is enough............over 4 years sober...........one day at a time......never stop trying......great video man........good luck xx
Congrats on your sobriety, that's great!
damn 4 bottles of wine a night I thought my 2 bottles of wine a night was a lot - not judging - 10 months Sober and happiest I've been for a long time.
now you binge on periods
@@ari.joel.m something’s gotta give
@@twangologyYeah the second one always made me black out no matter how far in the binge i was
My child, my only child, is 32 and living in LA and is in the depths of this disease. Thank you for giving me insight to what this is. The most profound thing that you said is at the end…I just want her to be okay. To any of you struggling with this disease, you need to hear that the people who love you just want you to be okay. They don’t care how creative you are, how productive you are, or any of the things you think are important…we just want you to be okay.
I cannot breathe, I cannot think, my stomach is constantly heaving because she is not okay.
Alcohol does not only destroy the alcoholic but cripples every mother, partner, child and friend that loves the alcoholic. How is this poison legal?
Thank you for your insight. I will be praying for you.
If it's of any use at all, my email address is in the description. Get her to talk to me.
Im so sorry. I lost one daughter in a car accident at 24 not Alcohol related and now my 32 year old daughter had been drinking enough to go into detox. She signed herself in so she could stop, was there 6 days and has been home and working for a month now. She had lost weight and her eyes were a bit yellow, which is the part I saw. I think she is ok. I can’t go a day without seeing her and looking for symptoms. When she admitted how much she had been drinking I almost died. I wanted to die. I can’t think I can’t work it out can’t sleep
@@_BatCountry Thank you. I’m trying to get her to listen to your wisdom.
I am sorry. Just make sure she knows she has you as support once she is ready.. If my mother wasn't my ancor for the last ten years, I am 100% sure I would be dead. Currently I am better then I have been in years..
Someone said "High functioning alcoholic is a PHASE, not a type." Man is that true
I very much identify with your story. My binges were episodes of suicide binges with long periods of sobriety. I used alcohol as legal anaesthesia. I would bomb a bottle of wine in 10 minutes and then just pass out. Wake up and do it again to a point where I didn’t know if it was 8am or 8pm. I would do this for 7 to 10 days and then have to deal with consequences for months after swearing I’d never do it again. Thanks for sharing. Others’ stories help to keep my sobriety on track because it reminds me what it was like to finally come round. I hope I never have to do it again. 5 stints in rehab. Finally got my shit together 29/12/2017. And I never take it for granted. 🙏🏽
"Legal anaesthesia." Right on the money mate. Massive congratulations on finding a way out, and it's reassuring to me that people like yourself, who have a long period of sobriety, are still watching content like mine.
@@_BatCountryI think because I was a serial relapser for years and bloody years, I can’t take recovery for granted; still need the connection with those people who “get it.” 🌻
@@onlyme7308Congratulations to you! You are an Inspiration to me. I’m two months sober and I’m keeping these reminders going. It really does help me.
My friend your sober date was my 47th birthday! I wish you a great future. Sober 4 days here. I have too, at 54 my doctor didn't mince words. My liver is swollen and she said the numbers on my pancreas say I'm likely headed for pancreatitis. I've had 2 ft of my colon taken out. I'm not scared of death so much as I don't want to die like a dirty dog, drunk in a gutter.❤
@@Marktheshark-e7f🙏🏽
The thing about retreating to the bed at a certain point during a binge and staying there for days just drinking, and then eventually pissing yourself and vomiting over the side of the bed is unfortunately so, so, relatable. Another quality video. ❤
It's one of those things that everyone who drinks like this goes through but very few talk about. I appreciate the comment as always mate.
That why you always keep empty bottles by your bed lol
My mom was a "functioning alcoholic" for decades before finally getting clean 5 years ago. I'll never touch a drink in solidarity with her. Stay safe everyone. 1 day or 10 years sober I'm proud of you ❤
Never say never
This man is eloquent knowledgeable and honest in regards to his vivid description of addiction. His explanation of what happens in the addict's mind is both poignant and relatable. It saddens me to listen to him because so much of it I have experienced as an addict . 😢God bless this man!
I so agree--resonates with me
Your account sounds like a great descriptor of my experience. I too am a periodic binge drinker who can go mobths at a time without drinking or getting the urge to, only to hit the bottle to a suicidal degree for a short period of days until my health spirals so far down that im literally unable to go out and buy more.
Last Sunday was my most recent binge, which fortunately lasted only two days. But it was enough to go into acute withdrawal, along with no sleeping since the episode. The kindling effect is incredible.
Thank you for all you do.
Stay strong, brother!
Yeah that kindling is no joke. When I tell others a two day binge will trigger severe withdrawal they sometimes don't believe me, but it is real. Keep at it, it'll stick when you're ready for it to.
Alcohol is the most accepted hard drug. It ruins your life, you drink to forget about your depression, anxiety, lack of agency.
What always gets me upset about it all is that it's the only drug where withdrawals can kill you. Heroin, crack, meth, none of these will do that, although withdrawals from all these substances can still be hell. But alcohol can straight up make you have a seizure or heart attack and die. It's why long-term drinkers have to detox in a hospital under direct medical supervision. It's also an extremely neurotoxic substance that can cause permanent brain damage, alongside heightened risks for many cancers including stomach and colon cancer. It's actually one of the worst drugs to get addicted to out of any drug I could think of, and yet its still accepted
Agreed The drinks industry makes a lot of money, legally, off peoples addiction..
Jesus Christ man. I thought I was the only one that did this. I could swap places with u and you are telling my life story. Whenever I do alcohol assessments & they ask me how much that I drink per day & I have to explain that my alcoholism isn’t measured by daily drinking, it’s measured in 2 week spurts of a living hell followed by sobriety. Rinse and repeat
Yeah that's true, I do that too - I can't give averages when it comes to what I've been drinking. Over the last 6 years I've spent the vast majority of the time completely sober, but with a collective total of three months drinking near-fatal amounts.
Binge drinking alcoholic. Be careful drying out, it will get more and more difficult until it's impossible without either medical help or going through delirium tremens.
I hope you can find your way back.
With the episodic disorder, does it ever end, in your guys experience and opinions, or is recurrence inevitable and it's just harm minimization and damage limitation each time? This video is terrifying and should be required viewing for teens and young adults. Thanks for making it.
I love the channel name fits so well great video hope you find and slay your demons without alcohol
It's striking how aware you are of all these steps, yet can't put the brakes on when you know what's coming down the line. Best of luck and thanks for your honesty
The production quality, your stories, your voice & intelligence, etc… this channel is so lovely and well thought-out. I see you reaching great heights with this channel & with your message.
I know one day you’ll inevitably reach 2, 3, 4x the audience you have now, and I’m excited for you. Thank you for being so courageously honest about some of the darkest parts of the human experience. Your hard work most definitely has not gone unnoticed.
Thanks you so much for the positivity and the support :D
You just told my story my friend. 😢
Almost 5 years sober. But reliving this experience was very real. The phrase that got me was "about 10 days in I can no longer stave off the thought that I've lost my job, I'm getting evicted and my girlfriend is leaving me and my family is freaking out" because I've unfortunately come to that realization many times.
Thanks for sharing buddy!
In deep shame and mile high anxiety/withdrawal currently coming off of a 3 day binge I threw away a year of sobriety over. I can relate to everything you said here. Horrified at the messages I sent out last night, woke up to cops doing a welfare check this morning, and STILL the only thing keeping me from going to the liquor store again is feeling literally too sick. Thank you for at least making me feel less alone right now.
Hope you feel better and the mental clarity has set in. You are strong! Start again
@ Thank you. Deeply. A stranger’s words of wellness mean more than you may know.
Update: several days of clarity and sobriety followed by a falter.
How are YOU?
@ WHY can’t I do this?? I’ve told myself I was self medicating pain (which I do have indescribable amounts of), but my body doesn’t hurt too bad today to get to the liquor store in between doing other things…
@@maggienolia3079 a lot of therapy + Catholicism saved me 😆
@@Jimmylimmy3939 While very spiritual, I’m deeply opposed to organized religion. No offense. I’m sincerely and genuinely grateful you found your path💖
You have just perfectly described the process, the outcome, the whole horrid horrid exchange of later stage alcohol addiction and relapse…. You made me laugh with the “naughty” buying… the first sip… here we go again…. The fight inside my brain from screaming no… to justifying why I “need and deserve” this… just one just one more…. Then the black out…. The random reach outs of dribble to people from the past… present and even future in my mental booze soaked brain! It’s pure insanity. In one of my binges I passed out and broke my leg in half… smashed face on my floor… rock bottom? For a while… 3 months later I had another day… just one more day… took me three months to recover with my leg… then I’m at the liquor store again… thanks for your videos Stu. I’ve been binge watching them! Better than binge drinking I’ve decided 😂 everything you say is raw and so relatable.. it is brilliant how you go into the crevices of this horrific drinking “lifestyle” Thankyou!! From New Zealand.
It sounds like you've really been through the ringer. I'm happy you made it through and I hope you're doing ok now (and that your leg fixed well). Thanks for the comment.
Nurse in NZ here - Thanks for telling your experience, it gives me deeper understanding. You are generous in your soul, appreciated.
11 years sober and still this was a difficult watch. As others have said here, we're only one bad decision away from the abyss.
He who makes a beast out of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man.
Avenged sevenfold ❤
@@inosuke4708 😑
Dr.Johnson, more like
@@inosuke4708 are you trolling?
That's Hunter Thompson.
When I started watching this video, and began listening to you speak, I immediately thought, how healthy you look, and how clearly this bloke speaks. And I listened. And by the time I'd listened, and by before three quarters through the video, my good God, you really get it through. And I never really believed how heavy it could get. But for the first, really the very first time right now, really right now, you described how full effect alcohol addiction can be. Thanks for it
Thank you for watching mate, and for your supportive comments. I hope you're doing good today.
Prior to getting sober and making my way to the rooms, I didn't fully understand what a relapse was, but hearing stories like yours woke me to the fact that I was indeed a desperate alcoholic. I'd go weeks or months without a drink and feel great, but then I'd get moody. Anxious etc and feel like I earned a drink, or I'd do it out of spite for whomever recently pissed me off. And off to the races I'd go. Your videos are great reminders. Thank you.
Bat! This account of the depths of hell is a super courageous move. It’s not easy to be this honest, but I am entirely convinced that it is a huge part of continued success in sobriety. Nicely done, and so much gratitude for your GF. No one can keep someone else sober but having no one that cares about you is a sad reality for so many people. So beautiful that you recognized that. 🙏🙌🌈
Does alcohol makes us lonely, or do lonely people seek out alcohol? The weird thing to me is that in these binges I want to be alone, but then being alone makes me miserable. I dunno, I'll never wrap my head around it. Thanks for the comment, I'm always happy to see you here.
@@_BatCountrychicken or the egg? When you haven't showered in a week, and peed down your legs a few times, people really would rather stay away from you.
Only 8 minutes into the video, and im not an alcoholic but in a very similar vein am an episodic meth addict. I'll go sometimes years, then relapse into anywhere from a 1 to 3 month binge. It's incredible how much everything you've said fully lines up with it. The pattern is near identical, with a little added fuckery due to the inevitable complexity of acquiring meth from... well... meth heads.
Exactly the same thing with "It's just going to be for one night, i'll just have a good night, a good wank, maybe a good fuck if I can wrangle it, sleep it off and resume our usual programming the next day". But inevitably, as the bag runs low, and I'm not yet sleepy, the dealers are called, and a larger amount is acquired, and within days, I'm gone, and the demon is back in the drivers seat.
Stay strong people \m/,
I thought I'd replied to this one already. Just to repeat myself - a lot of my addiction was wrapped up in sexual compulsion too. But the desire to relapse into a good wank or a good fuck for one night never lasts that one night, as you said.
this just made me realise I do the exact same thing but with vapes and I always manage to convince myself it will just be one
This is my absolute go to video anytime my mind romances about having just 1 drink. When it trys to convince me to just have a tipple & for the feeling that it will give me of warmth & security like being wrapped in a Christianing shawl for prehaps the 1st day! But the stark reality is for me after that, minute by minute my life will play out actually as described in this video!!! It is virtually like I had written it myself, every feeling, every action, every single moment is how a binge happens in my world! This video keeps me safe, so a massive thank you as always Stu! Paul
If there was a love not a like button, I would click it. I’m 27,28 in a few days. I did this for about 5 years. Currently working on getting sober. Been sober for a year & 1/2 with maybe 2 separate, week or 2 long binges. I’m doing fantastic right now and can’t see myself going back. But always keep what I did during those times in the back of my head to keep me from going back. This video made me feel less alone in what I experienced. So thank you ❤
Thanks for bringing some positivity to the replies, I'm stoked for you. Congrats on your sobriety, long may it continue!
@ I don’t see my sobriety going anywhere. I love being sober. The worst times in my life were due to drinking and while I am to blame, it’s easy to control me not becoming that person again, if I just never allow myself back into that mindset. Granted, I LOVE the feeling of drinking. The HATE I have for the after effects outweigh my love for the mind numbing immediate ones. I was drinking handles in 2 days. Waking up drinking, blacking out sleeping. Waking up and immediately drinking again. It was bad. Really, really bad. You’re very welcome for the positivity and to anyone else reading this… I’ve felt the lowest of low. There is 100% happiness at the end of your drinking road. You just have to take the turn. ❤️
Trying to pull myself out of a hole right now. This video lets me know im not alone.
You can do it, Josh!
How you feeling buddy? Been doing the same. Relapsed as soon as I hit 21 and slowly spinning myself down the drain. Gotta take control
@reececampbell7405 id be lying if i said im 100 percent perfect. Im off of weed and opiods but i still need to quit kratom.
@@Josh-g9x that’s wassup dude. I’m ignorant as hell on the subject but I’d say it’s better to get somewhat tested Kratom in opposed to random street drugs most likely laced w fent or other deadly substances. Glad you’re here brother and if you ever need anything please vent on the RUclips comments. Am always here 👊🙏
I absolutely appreciate your forthcoming nature and relaxed demeanour. Also I absolutely love the old style background music, as a side note. I can entirely relate to you, it's actually kind of strangley relatable. I hope you're doing OK and talking about this and producing content related to sobriety, I assume must be quite hard as opposed to avoiding the idea of alcohol and keeping as far away as possible mentally. It must be cathartic and good to know that you're helping other people. I appreciate you man, much love
Thank you mate. It's a whole other level of catharsis, it's better than therapy. Cheaper, too. :D
Very relatable. All alcoholics are different but we're all somewhat the same. The awareness that the relapse is around the corner; its "inevitability"; the AA meeting or event that kicks it off; the complete dissociation of "sober self" from "relapse/binge self" - I felt all that.
“Fuck it, just one drink”. Done it 100 times
Yep. That first one is the problem
For me its like I can stop after that 1, however for the next few days or even weeks I'll have intrusive thoughts throughout the day saying "You see? You were in control, let's do this again"
@edvards_edtrx3475 Its quite confusing for people without addiction to understand the "cant have one". Because it doesn't necessarily mean that if i have a beer i cant then stop if i really try to. But the fact is it will be on my mind for the rest of the day, just constantly thinking about that next drink which is hell. And then it will build up every time i drink. One beer, next time 5 beers, oh well why not have a few doubles to finish the night off. Then im picking up a litre of vodka before i go home and pass out then wake up at 6am and start drinking again. Morning drinking really was the beginning of the end for me, when you realise you can end the hangover there's no way to go back. I was never able to not drink in the morning after a session once i realised.
After all, I deserve it.
Your stories help remind me how easy it can be to fall in. It's so easy to make an incomplete mental calculus of what just one will do.
17 years, 7 months, 12 days. Ooh rah.
Rah
Now 17 years, 7 months, 22 days. Ooh rah!
Why count?
"Everybody wants everybody else to just be OK" it makes me think of my family when they see me drinking again. I'm almost 7 months sober you're story was dead on. It was triggering and sobering at the same time. Thanks for sharing
Oh I didn't realise you had so much sober time! Congrats, and yeah, stay vigilant, for your own sake and for everyone else's.
You’ll be a month on me, now, hitting 7 months from my last binge, this week.
Fabulous 8 months to you.
@@NicciAW congrats man, I hope you're still going strong!
@@tomsock218 Absolutely, thanks you! I hit my 8 months on the 16th. 😃
I'm always happy Stu when you put out new content, you have this way of being so honest about what it's like to be an alcoholic... me myself recognize this pattern of building up my life and then destroy it by shutting out the world an drink myself to oblivion for a few days, without really knowing what set me off... Its like I can't stand it if everything in my life is going relatively well... something self destructive says tot me 'you do not deserve things going good for you'...
Here's what a binge feels like - it starts with "one drink won't hurt", and right after that one you realize that there isn't enough alcohol in the world to fill that particular void. 3 hours later, you're still going strong even though you hate the way booze makes you feel. 6 after that you wake up after terrible "sleep" with a head full of regrets, feeling like a sack of well rotted manure. You then make the choice to either get back on the booze train, or spend the next few days in alcoholic hypochondria wondering exactly what damage you've done and why the hell you did it. Easily the most destructive substance out there.
How have you only got 11k subs? You're a natural in front of the camera. I'm blown away by how good not only in your set up, the music and advice. I've sent your channel to friends of mine who are in the media who will push your channel, the storytelling pushes myself into your story. A-Class brother
I am a binge drinker , 73 days sober , i have been a daily and morning drinker in the past , and like you , became the bi weekend binger , enough to kill me each time. I would recover , riddle with guilt etc etc , hearing you talk is calming and reassuring, this is my vibe. This is my jam ... subbed , thank you for this , i feel a relapse coming on and you articulate so well the feelings i am going through
Thank you for the sub, and I'm sorry you're going through this right now. I hope you turn a corner on it. Onwards and upwards.
The bit about when you take that first drink and it's like your body remembers, and all that guilt and shame and euphoria comes back... that was too real for me. It was definitely triggering. It was like those little alarm bells going off like "YEAH YOU REMEMBER THAT? SOUNDS GREAT!" but the whole rest of the story is a grim reminder of what it's like for me, when I've also started sinking into that abyss. This video was a great reminder. I celebrate 2 years of sobriety to this day Oct. 10th. Thanks for telling your story man, I loved it. Thank you.
My friend, i just found your channel last week and this is the most incredible, raw and real honesty I've every heard. Im 33 been drinking heavy since 18 and im currently 3 weeks sober. Im really beginning to hate alcohol with a passion and its making it easier to stay the hell away from it. Ive only experienced mild withdrawal luckily but even that was horrible. As a husband and father as well as health reasons i know i can never drink again and i dont want to...your story is amazing and i cant thank you enough, take care!
the first part is 95% my experience. thank you for the video. it's very eye-opening. unfortunately, I made it 11 days, and now I am back.
Keep at it mate. Sometimes it takes a while to stick. But it WILL stick.
You Deserve To Have a Beautiful Life. Don’t Give Up On You.🙏💞
"Ive already ruined tomorrow, might as well get a liter"
Its so true it hurts
It's crazy how we undermine ourselves, right?
@@_BatCountrydefinition of “self fulfilling “ prophecy right here
Thee best description of what alcohol does to us.. I've been there before several times.. thank you for this.. I've been living sober for about a year but my brother recently just passed unexpectedly from a heart attack so I relapsed, and am in the process of getting sober again.. gratitude 🙏
As someone that sleeps to these videos, your intended theme is spot on! Except for the bike adventure, that story was too wild to not be alert the whole time. How you survived that is absolutely nuts.
Haha I'm glad to hear that I put you to sleep :) And yeah, I don't know how I survived either. What doesn't kill us makes us stranger, I guess.
"what doesn't kill us makes us stranger"@@_BatCountry
did u invent or still that?
either way I love a good quote & that one is a true gem.
You said everybody said the could see it coming but you. But you said you planned your relapses and they were not spontaneous 😮
I’m at 9:04 in the video and just liked & subscribed. Alcoholic working in recovery, and so far your story is hauntingly familiar
Either phones are starting to read our minds, or a 'Higher Power' put this video into my feed. Whichever one is true, I am very lucky, and thankful to have watched this. Thank you for sharing OUR story, and helping me remember what happens. It's only been a couple years, but how soon we forget. I subscribed, and am looking forward to watching your channel. Thank You.
Thanks so much mate, the way you phrased that really connected with me. I'm glad you're here.
Hey just wanna give a shout out to you and how greatful i am for you making youtube videos. To be able to listen and learn from you is a pleasure and to be able to show my family your videos (this guy is charismatic, intelligent and very admirable) takes away my worry of being seen as just a 'junkie' i watch all your videos religiously and they have helped me alot. Thanks and happy yule 🖤
Thank you algorithm for bringing me here. I'm a binge drinker and I want to stop. These long form relaxing videos are perfect for my evenings. Thank you. Subscribed.
Just dont drink the day after drinking, cure the hangover first
The best account I've ever heard, brutally honest, 100% real, scary as hell, drastically horrific. Thank you for this xxx
Thank you Mittens! I'm glad this connected with you.
I cannot tell you how much of this was beyond relateable. Spookily so. Thank you for sharing Mr Bat. I mentioned on your most recent video, I had a relapse after 154 days. 154 days on the tail of a (roughly) 40 year love affair with booze. Thankfully, while explosive, I have shook myself back into some form of focus but the remorse, the damage, you know the score. I also drank today, a little - just to find enough strength to clean up some of the mess - but I wake up tomorrow and get back on the wagon. I wish everybody who's struggling out there, the best of luck :) x
It's tomorrow now. Are you back on the wagon?
I’m happy you’re alive
This is extremely insightful man, thank you. I connect with a lot of the things you say in this, like the 'alcohol energy', coming up with plans and ideas, messaging people, and then the shame and embarrassment when you sober up, the mental gymnastics you do when you run out to get you to go out and get more alcohol, the 'need' to get more. My father was an alcoholic, and he drank himself to death, so i know ive picked up more than a few of his bad habits as well as i can see myself repeating them, though not to the sam extent he did, not yet at least. Thank you for making these videos man. Subbed, and good luck to you mate. Good luck to us all eh? I see im not the only one in the comments this video has struck a chord with.
Hello mate! Thanks for watching and I'm glad this connected with you. I hope you're doing good to day!
I have no idea why this video was recommended to me, but I'm glad to have watched it. I am not an alcoholic but I am a binge eater. How you spoke about isolation and prolonging the binge for fear of reckoning as this is exactly what happens. I find myself eating gross left over food I had been passing on for days prior, stealing food, ordering obscene amounts of food and justifying extending the binge day on day. Or worse, forcing myself to eat and then purge the copious amount of food binge-me has acquired in order to sanitise my living area giving myself the best chance I have tomorrow to stop. I eat so much I vomit, I eat so much it has permanently ruined my body, I eat so much that I find working difficult. It's this debauch ritual I can't escape and the shame feels utterly terrible. Thank you for sharing your experiences and articulating them the you have. It was quite helpful
You are so right, Bat, that as alcoholics we are all different- until we aren't.
I was never physically able to binge drink and then instantly pick up the bottle the next morning. I would suffer to varying degrees, sleep more then wake up on day 3 fed up, anxious and ready to drink again.
This pattern may have spared my liver thus far but my mind may never recover.
A point re the bullshittery of the 'functioning alcoholic'. As a female binge drinker, i found that strangely enough I attracted alcoholics of both sexes who really got off on my 'capacity' to drink. I was told with warm admiration that I could drink more than anyone they had ever met. It took me a long and sad time before i realised that their praise was actually a warning.
it occurred to me that people who drank like I did, they had to have their reasons to blot out their consciousness like that, to that degree,
and, for someone who drank like that, in order to quit, they also have to have their reasons..
I was one of those people - attracted to people who could drink. There's reassurance in it. In drink, we look for the drunkest people to look to for comfort. In sobriety, we look to the soberest. We're people of extremes.
Please stop before it does catch your Liver, Ruth. It’s only a matter of time. It doesn’t matter how you drink you alcohol. Alcohol poisons the liver. The liver cells cannot heal from repeated destruction from alcohol. Please save yourself before you have lasting and possibly lethal health problems
The part about being too close with strangers during that first hour. My God I felt that in my bones. Always cringe inducing for days afterwards. You have a way with words.
I NEEDED this video right now at this exact moment. Grateful every single day to be sober and breathing
Mate, I love your storytelling abilities. You have a real knack for it! Feels like we’re getting an over the shoulder perspective from your experiences.
I’d love to see an off-topic episode where you discuss your favourite lenses, and how hobbies have helped your sobriety 😊
I am so happy you said that, I'd LOVE to do a lens video. Stay tuned. Thanks for watching mate, and I appreciate the comment.
6 months sober in a couple days, thank you for sharing your experience, strength and hope. You got yourself a like and subscribe!
Welcome! Congratulations on your sober time, and thanks for the comment. It's much appreciated.
This is absolutely my jam. Whilst I don't have an alcohol problem myself, I've re-evaluated my relationship with it this year. I can easily say no to a drink now and choose AF options over the real thing. I find this kind of content so useful in my journey of cutting down and living a healthier life. Absolutely loving the vibe of this channel happy to be a new subscriber 🤟
Welcome aboard, I'm glad this video connected with you. Thanks mate!
You've very chillingly described what my binge relapses look like. The euphoria, the horror, the despair, the utter madness. Thankfully, I've been sober for three and a half years as of today. But you know what's crazy? There is still a part of me that relishes the idea of stepping back into that world of insanity. But not today. Thank you for sharing your experience. It's a gruesome reminder of the horrors that await if I decide to walk away from what I have today.
Edgar Allan Poe.
Yeah, I still get that pang of nostalgia for despair. I even miss the psych ward I was on sometimes, even though it was absolutely traumatising. I have to recognise that for what it is: not real nostalgia, but an urge to drink again. As soon as I realise that, it goes away.
So relatable. This was me, just a slightly different flavor. Like you said, in some ways we're all different, in some ways we're the same.
I lived in a constant state of detox/retox for several years. The intensity went up and down here and there. I was having a quarter life crisis, a failing relationship, multiple jobs I didn't want. I was dragging my feet through every day and just NOT loving life. So... I drank. Isolated. I'd binge for multiple days until it literally made me sick. I'd spend half a day in bed going through withdrawals. I'd be shaking, throwing up, calling into work. Not responsible behavior. But once I was in the throes of one of those relapses, it was SUCH a one track mind.
I'd feel better after a few days and would be doing damage control, etc and tell myself "okay I'm done. No more of that." But me having the stubborn, addictive mind I had, I'd make it a month or so and I'd tell myself "I can take back the control again, I can have just a few." But that wasn't the case anymore. Either that or something in life would set me off and trigger a relapse and then it was right back to where I was. That was a really tough cycle to break.
You sound like you're doing much better today, and I'm happy to hear that. Your description is so familiar to me. That weird stubbornness is a curse. Thank you for the thoughtful comment, and congratulations on your progress so far.
I very rarely subscribe after 1 video and halfway through. But you really speak to me. Thank you. I'm sticking around.
Welcome, I'm glad to have you on board. Stay tuned, there's some good stuff coming down the line.
Excellent storytelling in this video, I was captured by it. 4 years sober and have been struggling lately, this was what I needed to keep me on track. Thank you.
You got this.
I'm in my mid 20's, and I've noticed some questionable behaviour with my relationship to booze and this video really made me realize how toxic it's becoming. It's a scary feeling, since I feel like I don't have that much control over it. The solo wine nights on the weekends, meeting up with people mid-week and going too far. It's easy to put it down as just "being in your 20s" It's something I've been keeping an eye on lately. This video was a real eye-opener and it's one I will return too many times over, thank you for this.
Ten years from now, you'll be incredibly grateful that you are one of the few who spotted the problem early.
Wow, thanks for sharing that. My brother is an alcoholic, and there have been many long periods where he has "checked out" (ie. been on a bender) and I would have no idea what he's doing or what he's going through; this video has maybe given me some inkling of the depths he may have sunk to. I was angry at him for a long time for what he put our mother through, but, as you say at the end, the capacity to forgive eventually comes through. I'm glad he didn't kill himself and seems to be getting along, and I hope you also manage to work through your struggles with alcohol addiction as well. Peace!
Thank you mate, I hope your brother's sobriety is for the long term. And it's ok to be angry, it's understandable. Even as a person in recovery, I still find it hard to be entirely empathetic one someone's drinking is affecting other people.
You are helping me so much!!! I love your posting videos! Don't stop!
The way you describe this, so honest and raw. I can completely relate. That feeling of just watching yourself do this act of near suicide and being happy about it. Just watching yourself kill yourself, knowing that you have committed yourself to a month of depression and self hatred and crushing loneliness. There's nothing worse. Being addicted to alcohol is just so so awful. It feels so healing to hear you talk about it.
Thank you for watching, and for the comment. Alcoholism is an act of absolute self-loathing. People say alcoholics are narcissists, and I think there's truth in that, but we also hate ourselves. It's very confusing.
An alcoholic binge is a nightmare that comes to life. As an alcoholic sober 8 years, I can say alcohol IS the worst drug on the planet. I'm lucky I'm alive.
Congrats on your sobriety, and thanks for dropping by!
@@NicksHEAT1995 and the most accepted by society. Almost expected
Benzos too but for tje exact same reasons i mean they're basically the same drug
Yeah.. I used to do that shite once a week for 9 years. The hangovers was brutal. 1 week physical hangover then 1 week mental hangover. Just thinking of the brutal hangover stops me from drinking...and they got worse in my 40s. Feck that shite! I'm 9 month sober now.. the best I've ever felt.. and I'm not gonna fck up.
would it be kinder to say that your reaction to alcohol is the thing you describe? So many people can enjoy alcohol in a responsible way
Wow, sounds like my last one too. It’s nice to know we’re not alone but at the same time it’s horrible to know that others go through this mental torture. Thank you for sharing your story, it could have been mine.
I once heard someone describe themselves as a "high functioning heroin addict". The veil of "high function" is only dependent on superficial things; job, housing, relationships. But a person who is addicted is deeply dysfunctional at the core factors of their life. No truly functional person becomes addicted.
I agree. There are fringe cases and exceptions, naturally, but I completely agree with you. That core dysfunction will eventually burn everything down, and to that there are no exceptions. Thanks for the excellent comment.
Listen to YOU. You should publish.
Jeez
You are definitely the best anti drinking Czar on You tube
Most heavy drinkers resonate with you
Incredible channel
Thank you Monkey!
The music in the background is amazing. It's like listening to the radio. Great content man
Thank you mate! I like my stuff to have a kind of coffee shop vibe, ya know?
prolly not that good of a subject matter to fall asleep to, but extremely soothing voice and fluent delivery, sub well earned
Thank you, and welcome to the channel! I deliberately make most of my videos easy to fall asleep to because that's exactly how I use youtube myself :0
Never stop..you're an amazing orator and you are helping so many. Godspeed.
Thank you so much for that, it means a lot. Hope you're doing good today.
I don't think I've ever before listened to a dude sit there and tell his story for 35 minutes on YT. Utterly compelling. Pushed a few buttons, too. "I deserve it." Ouch, that touched a nerve. I made a decision many years ago to never touch the hard stuff again. Just wine. (Yeah, I can hear the hollow laughs, folks.) Work has always centred me, and, three years from retirement, I worry.
Just came across your channel. Absolutely brilliant content. 7 days today for me, not giving up. Thanks for sharing your experiences, it really helps
Wow thanks, that's really great to hear. I appreciate it, and congrats on 7 days, that's huge!
@@_BatCountry Thank you! Really appreciate it :)
Brave and deeply honest. I know that world all too well, and you describe it so perfectly. Thank you so much. I'm going to show those who've been there for me, to help them better understand. Over the last 30 years or so I've moved from chronic, constant alcoholism to a pretty stable life in recovery. But every couple of years or so I'll have exactly the relapse you've described. This video goes into my arsenal of tools to defend against that. Thanks again!
Congrats on your sobriety Marc, it's a shame we had to bottom out before we fixed our lives up, but that's the pattern for people like us.
Another great episode, Bat County!
Every Friday we have a tradition of ordering up some pizzas, firing up the popcorn maker, and sitting down as a family in front of the TV to watch your videos. Our youngest daughter is a HUGE fan of yours
Thank you so much!
I like that you're showing this to your kid(s), I wish I learned what a horrible poison alcohol really is when I was a kid
@@Sleezy.Design haha I was just being stupid and trying to be funny. I don't have kids, and if I did, I certainly wouldn't subject them to such mature and dark subject matter...or maybe I would!
@@Sleezy.DesignChildren really need to be forewarned of the poison ☠️. Especially if the parents have suffered from addiction.
Subbed. I was never to this level but I did quit drinking after years of multiple drinks during the week and hitting it hard on friday/maybe saturday. 5 days a week of drinking minimum. What saved me forst, was my kids coming along. It stopped the hard alcohol being an option because of the hangovers and shame that came along with them. So it was only beer for 5 years. I was always a little tired. A little anxious, rarely in a stable, calm, healthy mindset. I had a 3 week stint last October where after a fanily party that my old muse whiskey was in attendance, i went through a handle of jim beam a week. After the third week I didnt have the budget to reup, soni figured id try to go three days without a drink, after hitting 3 days, and that being the most id managed in a long time, i continued to stack days, reached out to a sober friend and watching youtube videos like this and others arriculating the negative health impact of alcohol. Im 13 and a half months sober today, and i feel fortunate that its not even an issue. I never got so bad i was drinking during the day or in the morning, but i was living my life to about 70% of my potential. There was a ceiling of 70% on average that was heldnin place by the alcohol. No more, the benefits to my mental health has been insurmountable since stopping. More stable mood, better sleep, more energy, memory, sharper mind and abilitt to regulate my mood and emotions better in times of duress. Zero desire to ever drink again. I dont want to risk gettting back in the habit of drinking and convincing myself i can have a few after a hard days work. To those who are fighting the fight, it does get brighter. 11/4/2023.
Batcountry ASMR? Now your talking my language and at my preferred volume.
Great vid and observations as always! Sounding smooth too!
BTW Goosemanjim here its logged me in through some other account.
Thank you mate, glad you liked it :)
Youve got something with this channel fella. I love the retro vibe, lots of nostalgia.
Just like you, my problems with alcohol started with being drunk almost constantly, drinking increasingly large quantities of wine every night after work, but still going to work etc. After initially getting sober in 2020, my alcoholism then became episodic, with me being constantly paranoid about becoming physically dependent again and binges lasting about 4-5 days followed by withdrawal. My boyfriend actually described me as being like Jeckyll and Hyde during these episodes. I turned into someone totally unrecognisable. Once again I completely relate to everything in your video, so thankyou 😊
I'm always surprised when I read your comments at the similarities of our journeys.
@_BatCountry it just goes to show that like you said, even though everyone's journey is unique, there are so many similarities
This is such a good description. Spot on. And ive heard so many times, people say they cant say why. Its a scary thing
Very very scary. But you know what they say, if you can't beat your fear, do it scared.
You have one of the best channels of it's kind on the internet as far as I am concerned. I am a big fan of your work. Even your set design and overall production is outstanding. I caught the coffee cup ring launching the logo, nice touch indeed. I say be patient and keep putting out great work. Based on the videos I saw in your archive, it looks like you have found your stride with this particular subject matter. In the end, great content always makes it's way to the top. Getting with other like minded content creators who would benefit from bringing you on as a guest could also help spread the word. However, I realize it can be a full time job just promoting yourself, so at the very least reminding people to subscribe is a good start. I speak for myself and I am sure many other subscribers that are looking forward to future episodes. Your perspectives and outlook are quite inspiring. BTW, I like the way you called out the term "functional alcoholic". Clearly thought up by and for those stuck in denial.
Thank you! I'm grateful you like my production, and didn't notice that this whole video is actually slightly out of focus :D
@@_BatCountry Well maybe out of focus this time, but I am referring to your overall body of work in the last year or so. I also didn't mention I like that music. It has an almost eerie charm. When I listen to old music like that I think about the drugs and booze the musicians were possibly using at the time. I will always be an addict and so I tend to think about such things, its who I am.
Man I can relate to this....15 months in a few days so good to remind myself that guy is still part of me and I need to keep a watch on him.
Holy cow, you're insanely good at putting words together. I hope you know that!
Thanks so much for the help.
Alcohol isn't my main "instrument", but it is involved in the whole scheme. It disinhibits me enough for the mental gymnastics you were talking about to be much more effective.
Your description also rings true for my experiences.
Hearing it like this helps processing it. I know that it's not too late for me.
Profound channel.
I can relate to this so much mate , take my hat off to you for opening up like this
Thanks mate. Great username, by the way.
Your EXTREMELY LUCKY to me alive,I mean super lucky and I'm so happy that you're now thankful for it and have realized what was happening.i still can't believe I started drinking at 40 and trying to stop my social drinking.Extream respect for you!👍🏻 watching you prevents me daily from drinking or at least not going out with my friends.you put the fear into me and for that I'm thankful, extremely thankful for you sharing this 🙂
That's what I'm here for. Thanks for watching, and for the comments!
I read Caroline Knapp’s Drinking: A Love Story and that resonated with me as you have. The rawness of the intoxicating allure of alcohol but swaddled and dressed in all its pompous finery to disguise and misdirect your own keen eye on what’s real and what the alcohol is claiming is real. Thank you for this
I'll have to pick up a copy, thank you for the recommendation!
Even though two and a half years sober, i still find it helpful to hear others speak about this issue. The honesty spoken here is quietly powerful.
I slowly weened off over many years. Was a 30 std drinker a week. Then slowly took bigger breaks over many years. Once stopped for a year - but always found I felt like I was missing out on certain occasions. The final nail in the coffin was a psilocybin experience I thought "I should/could just stop drinking" after weighing up the pros and cons during the trip. Made so much sense just to stop. 6 months in and I haven't had a drink. Nor do I crave one. Psilocybin changed me in so many ways in positive ways, and this was one. Human connection is so much more fulfilling then a short lived dopamine high..... I want to try psilocybin again in a few years. The issue is its so intense that I really need to prepare properly. Its like 1000 hrs of therapy condensed into 6.
People keep recommending psilocybin treatments to me and I'm a little skeptical, but I'm pleased to hear you had a positive - even life-changing - experience. Thanks for the insight!
@@_BatCountry The research in 1950s showed alcoholism was the number 1 thing psycodelics like LSD were good at reversing. Mushrooms are a lot less longer lived than LSD. There is no doubt in my mind that it would help given your current state of mind. I can also guarantee you that its not addictive.... what I can't say is if the treatment is worse than the cure. Can you handle being out of control and guided were ever it takes you? Showing you all kinds of things on your inner self that your brain and ego might not let you see in sober state? Do you have some one you trust implicitly to do it with? Are you open to intense vulnerability and self criticism, but also self compassion? Would you be happy to 1hr of mindfullness meditation to calm your mind before entering into it.... for me it was the most liberating thing I've ever done in 5 hrs. Not only did I stop drinking I processed the long tails of my fathers passing which bought me to my knees with grief like i've never felt, followed by releif *SMASH* and gave up drinking *SMASH* and found out what really matters in life *SMASH*.... mate, it was utterly insane, tiring and unrelenting. But also magical and liberating. I needed benzos to sleep there after for 1 night because it stirred up so much within me.... If it becomes a treatment available legally I would highly consider talking to a medical professional. Im doing again in a few years, im such a better person for it. Will brace myself before plunge into it again. I am and im not looking forward to it all in one.
I love your honesty and the manner in which you do your content. Very nice. I am sober after 32 years of constant drinking. I learn more from your video. Thanks mate. You rock. ☘
Thank you mate, and congratulations on breaking out of it.