First video I watched and instantly subscribed! Im a recovering alcoholic and the way you described what a monumental setback a binge can be hit so close to home. Six months is so spot on...
Former alcoholic 12 years sober, this channel is great. I'm also a photographer/videographer. You're missing focus because your lens is wide open (f1.8 or f1.4), stop down the lens to f4ish to have a more manageable depth of field.
'Functioning Alcoholic' = you recognise you've got a drinking problem but you've managed somehow this far not to lose your job/house/kids yet so you don't intend on doing anything about it.
There is one definition of a functioning alcoholic thats true, and hopefully it's all of us.... "functioning alcoholic an alcoholic who doesn't drink alcohol". I would love to tell you I came up with that but it was Robin over on A Normal Alcoholic
This is a stunningly accurate account of how I act before binges. Highly communicative towards friends on my phone, ideas, jokes etc…then it all evaporates as the alcohol takes over…music on headphones…crying over RUclips videos, messaging people from my past…horrific stuff.
Describes my late Daughters binges to a tee. Her last binge killed her, 14 days without any food, just straight vodka. She was only 38 and i loved her dearly. I only pray she wasn't afraid or aware she was dying. Thankyou for being so honest.
There's no better feeling for an alcoholic when you know the fridge is stocked and no one is around to judge you. There's no worse feeling for alcoholic when you later realize it's all gone, and no one is around to love you.
Don’t make the mistake of thinking this is only the case for drugs/alcohol. I feel like many of us have taken this attitude towards life. It feels good to isolate yourself in a bubble of comfort, but it’s scary when you realize that you’ve put yourself and your peace of mind into this flimsy bubble and you haven’t established/maintained a foundation for your life, in other words; REAL relationships, deep connections, a sense of belonging and purpose etc. There are so many traps out there. You already have the thing you’re looking for. You just have to accept it.
made my day , im almost 5 yrs sober but i still need these reminders, i know i have another relapse in me but dont know if i have another recovery and that goes for all of us
We all do forever.. I got such addictive personality due to my inability to feel emotions since my fucked up childhood.. That I even get hooked on red peppers.. They simulate burn and because of it, brain releases natural pain killers, that make me feel good.. I did just that 3 times to the point of bleeding when doing number two.. A whole jar of them I would go through in two days.. So I decide to keep addicted to just fitness and weed in small amounts. I can only buy enough for a normal person a week worth, that lasts me two days, after which I make sure not to get any until next week.. While fitness is everyday thing. I watch videos like this to remind myself not to go back to opiates, gambling or others.... I have a problem with the word "functioning" addict too.. Yes you can keep a job, seem normal.. But years go by, and you are stuck in one spot.. Making sure to always have your fix and that is primary thing... You might appear normal, but you don't progress any where in any kind... I understand what it means to have an addiction that is out of control.. So compared to that "functioning" seems reasonable, but you are still stuck in addiction and not progressing in any way as a person..
I am almost 2 years sober from alcohol and I am completely terrified of drinking again. I allow myselft a "binge" doing mdma and ketamine 1x or 2x a year on an underground rave going bonkers for 20 hours dancing and talking to people. Outside of these occaisons I am sober all time. I plan this binge, I make sure I have enough of drugs I select a good rave for this and I take at least 2-3 days off to recover.
My mom was a "functioning alcoholic" for decades before finally getting clean 5 years ago. I'll never touch a drink in solidarity with her. Stay safe everyone. 1 day or 10 years sober I'm proud of you ❤
I have had 2 slip ups, since march. Was drinking heavily up until march this year. Now it's been about 1 1/2 months since the last drink. I just came home from a party at my university. I've been trying to go to the social events, but tonight I just felt sad. I was not really saying much, just sitting at a table with my classmates, who were playing a drinking game. I of course didn't participate. But I was looking around at them, seeing how much fun they seemed to be having. I was sitting there, sad, faking a smile. I really, REALLY, wanted to get a drink. But I decided to go home instead. And the first video that popped up in my feed, was this one. I made the right choice.
Yeah you did. I know it sucks, and it feels like a sacrifice, but you know as well as I do that the actual sacrifice would have been getting smashed. Future you thanks current you for it.
I gave up for a year and that little alcoholic voice in my head said "See you've got it under control just have one" had a drink and that followed going back to a litre of Jim Beam a day. I'm 3 months sober again and know I can't have a single sip anymore.
I made that same mistake.. The worst part is me drinking a litre of brandy a day originally put me into a week long coma and I STILL told myself after only 3 months of sobriety “you can drink just tonight”.. Nope, I drank the next night too, and the next night, and the next, and within a week I was drinking during the day and was up to half of what I used to drink.. 8 weeks later I was back in hospital with the same problem… 8 days sober now, I won’t make that mistake again.. I can never be an occasional drinker.
I hope bro is okay right now and has not relapsed since posting this, and will not relapse any more in the future. Easier said than done but I wish the same for all the rest of you too. God bless
Jesus Christ man. I thought I was the only one that did this. I could swap places with u and you are telling my life story. Whenever I do alcohol assessments & they ask me how much that I drink per day & I have to explain that my alcoholism isn’t measured by daily drinking, it’s measured in 2 week spurts of a living hell followed by sobriety. Rinse and repeat
Yeah that's true, I do that too - I can't give averages when it comes to what I've been drinking. Over the last 6 years I've spent the vast majority of the time completely sober, but with a collective total of three months drinking near-fatal amounts.
Binge drinking alcoholic. Be careful drying out, it will get more and more difficult until it's impossible without either medical help or going through delirium tremens.
With the episodic disorder, does it ever end, in your guys experience and opinions, or is recurrence inevitable and it's just harm minimization and damage limitation each time? This video is terrifying and should be required viewing for teens and young adults. Thanks for making it.
My child, my only child, is 32 and living in LA and is in the depths of this disease. Thank you for giving me insight to what this is. The most profound thing that you said is at the end…I just want her to be okay. To any of you struggling with this disease, you need to hear that the people who love you just want you to be okay. They don’t care how creative you are, how productive you are, or any of the things you think are important…we just want you to be okay. I cannot breathe, I cannot think, my stomach is constantly heaving because she is not okay. Alcohol does not only destroy the alcoholic but cripples every mother, partner, child and friend that loves the alcoholic. How is this poison legal? Thank you for your insight. I will be praying for you.
Im so sorry. I lost one daughter in a car accident at 24 not Alcohol related and now my 32 year old daughter had been drinking enough to go into detox. She signed herself in so she could stop, was there 6 days and has been home and working for a month now. She had lost weight and her eyes were a bit yellow, which is the part I saw. I think she is ok. I can’t go a day without seeing her and looking for symptoms. When she admitted how much she had been drinking I almost died. I wanted to die. I can’t think I can’t work it out can’t sleep
I am sorry. Just make sure she knows she has you as support once she is ready.. If my mother wasn't my ancor for the last ten years, I am 100% sure I would be dead. Currently I am better then I have been in years..
I quit while I was functioning. I called in sick because I didn't get drunk enough on the weekend. I realized exactly what you said, I wasnt a functioning alcoholic... I was just an alcoholic. I quit the next day and haven't had a drink since. This was June of 2023. I'm very glad I found this channel and I'm glad you're well at the time of filming.
when i got to 4 bottles of wine a night......i did think when is enough............over 4 years sober...........one day at a time......never stop trying......great video man........good luck xx
damn 4 bottles of wine a night I thought my 2 bottles of wine a night was a lot - not judging - 10 months Sober and happiest I've been for a long time.
I very much identify with your story. My binges were episodes of suicide binges with long periods of sobriety. I used alcohol as legal anaesthesia. I would bomb a bottle of wine in 10 minutes and then just pass out. Wake up and do it again to a point where I didn’t know if it was 8am or 8pm. I would do this for 7 to 10 days and then have to deal with consequences for months after swearing I’d never do it again. Thanks for sharing. Others’ stories help to keep my sobriety on track because it reminds me what it was like to finally come round. I hope I never have to do it again. 5 stints in rehab. Finally got my shit together 29/12/2017. And I never take it for granted. 🙏🏽
"Legal anaesthesia." Right on the money mate. Massive congratulations on finding a way out, and it's reassuring to me that people like yourself, who have a long period of sobriety, are still watching content like mine.
@@_BatCountryI think because I was a serial relapser for years and bloody years, I can’t take recovery for granted; still need the connection with those people who “get it.” 🌻
My friend your sober date was my 47th birthday! I wish you a great future. Sober 4 days here. I have too, at 54 my doctor didn't mince words. My liver is swollen and she said the numbers on my pancreas say I'm likely headed for pancreatitis. I've had 2 ft of my colon taken out. I'm not scared of death so much as I don't want to die like a dirty dog, drunk in a gutter.❤
The thing about retreating to the bed at a certain point during a binge and staying there for days just drinking, and then eventually pissing yourself and vomiting over the side of the bed is unfortunately so, so, relatable. Another quality video. ❤
You just told my story my friend. 😢 Almost 5 years sober. But reliving this experience was very real. The phrase that got me was "about 10 days in I can no longer stave off the thought that I've lost my job, I'm getting evicted and my girlfriend is leaving me and my family is freaking out" because I've unfortunately come to that realization many times. Thanks for sharing buddy!
This man is eloquent knowledgeable and honest in regards to his vivid description of addiction. His explanation of what happens in the addict's mind is both poignant and relatable. It saddens me to listen to him because so much of it I have experienced as an addict . 😢God bless this man!
Seven years ago, I lost my mum to alcohol. I tried to help her, even took her to a meeting , but she couldn’t get past the religious tones of the fellowship. She knew she had a problem, but she kept drinking. I had to watch her slowly fade away right in front of me, and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do. When she lost her job, that was it for her-it was the beginning of the end. Alcoholism isn’t just a disease; it’s a thief. It takes everything-your mind, your dignity, your life. If you’re someone in recovery, please keep fighting . Because behind every person struggling with alcoholism, there’s a partner, a son, a daughter, a parent, or a sibling who loves them more than anything. And watching someone you love die, powerless to stop it... it’s a pain that never goes away.
@@_BatCountry Your honest sharing really helped me to see her pain from a different perspective. Instead of reacting to her death with only hatred and anger, which are still there and will take time for me to work through, I now also feel some love, understanding, and acceptance. I realised that this struggle had a hold on her, and it wasn’t letting go. Thank you for being so open and raw in sharing your recovery journey through this video. It’s strange how the RUclips algorithm works. As for me, I’m doing well. I have a son and a supportive partner, so things are going in the right direction. I wish you all the best in your recovery journey. There are people out there who care, and when used properly, the internet can be an amazing tool for connection and support. I really appreciate you taking the time to reply.
just wanted to say I feel for you. Your story makes me think about all the history of my family and relatives and how addictions affected their lives. You're right, it can take everything from a person, and cause much pain for their loved ones. For example my cousins, it destroyed their childhoods growing up with their alcoholic mother and (lack of) father. Best regards
The part about being too close with strangers during that first hour. My God I felt that in my bones. Always cringe inducing for days afterwards. You have a way with words.
Bat! This account of the depths of hell is a super courageous move. It’s not easy to be this honest, but I am entirely convinced that it is a huge part of continued success in sobriety. Nicely done, and so much gratitude for your GF. No one can keep someone else sober but having no one that cares about you is a sad reality for so many people. So beautiful that you recognized that. 🙏🙌🌈
Does alcohol makes us lonely, or do lonely people seek out alcohol? The weird thing to me is that in these binges I want to be alone, but then being alone makes me miserable. I dunno, I'll never wrap my head around it. Thanks for the comment, I'm always happy to see you here.
@@_BatCountrychicken or the egg? When you haven't showered in a week, and peed down your legs a few times, people really would rather stay away from you.
I am a binge drinker , 73 days sober , i have been a daily and morning drinker in the past , and like you , became the bi weekend binger , enough to kill me each time. I would recover , riddle with guilt etc etc , hearing you talk is calming and reassuring, this is my vibe. This is my jam ... subbed , thank you for this , i feel a relapse coming on and you articulate so well the feelings i am going through
You have just perfectly described the process, the outcome, the whole horrid horrid exchange of later stage alcohol addiction and relapse…. You made me laugh with the “naughty” buying… the first sip… here we go again…. The fight inside my brain from screaming no… to justifying why I “need and deserve” this… just one just one more…. Then the black out…. The random reach outs of dribble to people from the past… present and even future in my mental booze soaked brain! It’s pure insanity. In one of my binges I passed out and broke my leg in half… smashed face on my floor… rock bottom? For a while… 3 months later I had another day… just one more day… took me three months to recover with my leg… then I’m at the liquor store again… thanks for your videos Stu. I’ve been binge watching them! Better than binge drinking I’ve decided 😂 everything you say is raw and so relatable.. it is brilliant how you go into the crevices of this horrific drinking “lifestyle” Thankyou!! From New Zealand.
It sounds like you've really been through the ringer. I'm happy you made it through and I hope you're doing ok now (and that your leg fixed well). Thanks for the comment.
Your account sounds like a great descriptor of my experience. I too am a periodic binge drinker who can go mobths at a time without drinking or getting the urge to, only to hit the bottle to a suicidal degree for a short period of days until my health spirals so far down that im literally unable to go out and buy more. Last Sunday was my most recent binge, which fortunately lasted only two days. But it was enough to go into acute withdrawal, along with no sleeping since the episode. The kindling effect is incredible. Thank you for all you do. Stay strong, brother!
Yeah that kindling is no joke. When I tell others a two day binge will trigger severe withdrawal they sometimes don't believe me, but it is real. Keep at it, it'll stick when you're ready for it to.
The production quality, your stories, your voice & intelligence, etc… this channel is so lovely and well thought-out. I see you reaching great heights with this channel & with your message. I know one day you’ll inevitably reach 2, 3, 4x the audience you have now, and I’m excited for you. Thank you for being so courageously honest about some of the darkest parts of the human experience. Your hard work most definitely has not gone unnoticed.
Only 8 minutes into the video, and im not an alcoholic but in a very similar vein am an episodic meth addict. I'll go sometimes years, then relapse into anywhere from a 1 to 3 month binge. It's incredible how much everything you've said fully lines up with it. The pattern is near identical, with a little added fuckery due to the inevitable complexity of acquiring meth from... well... meth heads. Exactly the same thing with "It's just going to be for one night, i'll just have a good night, a good wank, maybe a good fuck if I can wrangle it, sleep it off and resume our usual programming the next day". But inevitably, as the bag runs low, and I'm not yet sleepy, the dealers are called, and a larger amount is acquired, and within days, I'm gone, and the demon is back in the drivers seat. Stay strong people \m/,
I thought I'd replied to this one already. Just to repeat myself - a lot of my addiction was wrapped up in sexual compulsion too. But the desire to relapse into a good wank or a good fuck for one night never lasts that one night, as you said.
An alcoholic binge is a nightmare that comes to life. As an alcoholic sober 8 years, I can say alcohol IS the worst drug on the planet. I'm lucky I'm alive.
Yeah.. I used to do that shite once a week for 9 years. The hangovers was brutal. 1 week physical hangover then 1 week mental hangover. Just thinking of the brutal hangover stops me from drinking...and they got worse in my 40s. Feck that shite! I'm 9 month sober now.. the best I've ever felt.. and I'm not gonna fck up.
Thank you algorithm for bringing me here. I'm a binge drinker and I want to stop. These long form relaxing videos are perfect for my evenings. Thank you. Subscribed.
My Dr. prescribed me naltrexone, and an SSRI. It's been a tremendous help. Also therapy, AA, or just spending time with friends and family. In my case, my periodic binge drinking has been a cycle of boredom, shame, depression, and isolation. Get well soon!
The bit about when you take that first drink and it's like your body remembers, and all that guilt and shame and euphoria comes back... that was too real for me. It was definitely triggering. It was like those little alarm bells going off like "YEAH YOU REMEMBER THAT? SOUNDS GREAT!" but the whole rest of the story is a grim reminder of what it's like for me, when I've also started sinking into that abyss. This video was a great reminder. I celebrate 2 years of sobriety to this day Oct. 10th. Thanks for telling your story man, I loved it. Thank you.
I once heard someone describe themselves as a "high functioning heroin addict". The veil of "high function" is only dependent on superficial things; job, housing, relationships. But a person who is addicted is deeply dysfunctional at the core factors of their life. No truly functional person becomes addicted.
I agree. There are fringe cases and exceptions, naturally, but I completely agree with you. That core dysfunction will eventually burn everything down, and to that there are no exceptions. Thanks for the excellent comment.
"Everybody wants everybody else to just be OK" it makes me think of my family when they see me drinking again. I'm almost 7 months sober you're story was dead on. It was triggering and sobering at the same time. Thanks for sharing
I absolutely appreciate your forthcoming nature and relaxed demeanour. Also I absolutely love the old style background music, as a side note. I can entirely relate to you, it's actually kind of strangley relatable. I hope you're doing OK and talking about this and producing content related to sobriety, I assume must be quite hard as opposed to avoiding the idea of alcohol and keeping as far away as possible mentally. It must be cathartic and good to know that you're helping other people. I appreciate you man, much love
As someone that sleeps to these videos, your intended theme is spot on! Except for the bike adventure, that story was too wild to not be alert the whole time. How you survived that is absolutely nuts.
For me its like I can stop after that 1, however for the next few days or even weeks I'll have intrusive thoughts throughout the day saying "You see? You were in control, let's do this again"
@edvards_edtrx3475 Its quite confusing for people without addiction to understand the "cant have one". Because it doesn't necessarily mean that if i have a beer i cant then stop if i really try to. But the fact is it will be on my mind for the rest of the day, just constantly thinking about that next drink which is hell. And then it will build up every time i drink. One beer, next time 5 beers, oh well why not have a few doubles to finish the night off. Then im picking up a litre of vodka before i go home and pass out then wake up at 6am and start drinking again. Morning drinking really was the beginning of the end for me, when you realise you can end the hangover there's no way to go back. I was never able to not drink in the morning after a session once i realised.
It's striking how aware you are of all these steps, yet can't put the brakes on when you know what's coming down the line. Best of luck and thanks for your honesty
My friend, i just found your channel last week and this is the most incredible, raw and real honesty I've every heard. Im 33 been drinking heavy since 18 and im currently 3 weeks sober. Im really beginning to hate alcohol with a passion and its making it easier to stay the hell away from it. Ive only experienced mild withdrawal luckily but even that was horrible. As a husband and father as well as health reasons i know i can never drink again and i dont want to...your story is amazing and i cant thank you enough, take care!
Wow, sounds like my last one too. It’s nice to know we’re not alone but at the same time it’s horrible to know that others go through this mental torture. Thank you for sharing your story, it could have been mine.
You are so right, Bat, that as alcoholics we are all different- until we aren't. I was never physically able to binge drink and then instantly pick up the bottle the next morning. I would suffer to varying degrees, sleep more then wake up on day 3 fed up, anxious and ready to drink again. This pattern may have spared my liver thus far but my mind may never recover. A point re the bullshittery of the 'functioning alcoholic'. As a female binge drinker, i found that strangely enough I attracted alcoholics of both sexes who really got off on my 'capacity' to drink. I was told with warm admiration that I could drink more than anyone they had ever met. It took me a long and sad time before i realised that their praise was actually a warning.
it occurred to me that people who drank like I did, they had to have their reasons to blot out their consciousness like that, to that degree, and, for someone who drank like that, in order to quit, they also have to have their reasons..
I was one of those people - attracted to people who could drink. There's reassurance in it. In drink, we look for the drunkest people to look to for comfort. In sobriety, we look to the soberest. We're people of extremes.
Please stop before it does catch your Liver, Ruth. It’s only a matter of time. It doesn’t matter how you drink you alcohol. Alcohol poisons the liver. The liver cells cannot heal from repeated destruction from alcohol. Please save yourself before you have lasting and possibly lethal health problems
I am a recovered gambling addict, one and a half year that should have been 4 years clean if it wasn't for a single lapse. Addiciton is truly a scary thing. I remember the days where I would have 20$ on my account with a week left of the month and put it in the slots, obviously lose it and live the rest of the month on gruel and water because I couldn't even afford food. Humiliating stuff, but I'm better now and learning the pleasures of delayed gratification, slowly but surely, one day at a time
I'm more and more convinced that all us addicts have basically the same condition underneath. There's gambling addiction in my family too. Anyway, huge congratulations on your clean streak mate, long may it continue.
Mate, I love your storytelling abilities. You have a real knack for it! Feels like we’re getting an over the shoulder perspective from your experiences. I’d love to see an off-topic episode where you discuss your favourite lenses, and how hobbies have helped your sobriety 😊
its like going for a trip and youre not the operator youre just along for the ride all these crazy things happen , when you come to you have to put all the pieces together, everything that can go wrong does and hopefully the damage done isnt permanent
Absolutely. I think I probably have done some permanent damage, but I consider myself incredibly lucky to have survived at all. Thanks for the comment mate!
This is extremely insightful man, thank you. I connect with a lot of the things you say in this, like the 'alcohol energy', coming up with plans and ideas, messaging people, and then the shame and embarrassment when you sober up, the mental gymnastics you do when you run out to get you to go out and get more alcohol, the 'need' to get more. My father was an alcoholic, and he drank himself to death, so i know ive picked up more than a few of his bad habits as well as i can see myself repeating them, though not to the sam extent he did, not yet at least. Thank you for making these videos man. Subbed, and good luck to you mate. Good luck to us all eh? I see im not the only one in the comments this video has struck a chord with.
Brother you’re only speaking truth. Was on speed for a couple of years, now clean for 4 yrs and counting. From the impossible to resist convincing to the numerous days of miserable lonely self-destruction through and through. One positive thing of the addict’s mind though is that anything is a drug to you, even the healthy and progressive habits of a sober life. Success!
I’m so grateful there are others who can relate to this absolutely crazed, self annihilating style of drinking. I was a binge alcoholic. Sober for months and months followed by 10 day binges of unadulterated boozing. Litres and litres of vodka with no food. The polar opposite of the health conscious, fitness freak I am when sober.
@@GytisTosasexactly. Balance is very difficult for me to achieve. I am either sober and all in with health and fitness. Or I drink and it all goes to shit within a matter of days. I am trying to learn balance though. Going to the gym but enjoying an ice cream too for example. Sounds simple but for me it’s hard!
Another great episode, Bat County! Every Friday we have a tradition of ordering up some pizzas, firing up the popcorn maker, and sitting down as a family in front of the TV to watch your videos. Our youngest daughter is a HUGE fan of yours
@@Sleezy.Design haha I was just being stupid and trying to be funny. I don't have kids, and if I did, I certainly wouldn't subject them to such mature and dark subject matter...or maybe I would!
Wasn’t with alcohol, but I’ve had a similar experience with meth and yes, it absolutely is a rejection of responsibility. This hit way too close to home for me. Addiction and relapse can be one of the most dangerous things we will face in our lives. Hope you continue to do well, man
I used to feel like I was going into my own world when I used to binge drink. I got this false sense of happiness and hope for the future, and always full of bright ideas that never amounted to anything.
The music in the background makes it even more haunting. My addiction isnt alcohol but i can spiral from other things and the closing the blinds and only want to eat it and justifying it is so real. Thank you for this
I cannot tell you how much of this was beyond relateable. Spookily so. Thank you for sharing Mr Bat. I mentioned on your most recent video, I had a relapse after 154 days. 154 days on the tail of a (roughly) 40 year love affair with booze. Thankfully, while explosive, I have shook myself back into some form of focus but the remorse, the damage, you know the score. I also drank today, a little - just to find enough strength to clean up some of the mess - but I wake up tomorrow and get back on the wagon. I wish everybody who's struggling out there, the best of luck :) x
wow, astounding video dude, like i am watching the history of my drinking...was a 'functioning alcoholic' for a long time, kept hiding while drinking most of the time, but kept all in 'control'...one day I woke up and found hidden booze under the pillow and opened the closet and the bottle of spirit fell on me...i swear, I can't remember putting those there...was the last straw...hiding from myself, from others, losing grip with the reality...whole life started to revolve around booze, and I thought I have it under control...wow, what a lie...the fact was that I was in denial and booze got me pretty bad.once I surrendered to the truth, I begun the path to sobriety... and happy to say, 3 years sober and life Is better than ever...wish everyone strength to admit and to begin walking free from this shite... good luck,jura
Thank you for sharing this. Keeping up 6 years sober, but it hard to explain to nonalcoloholics how close to the ditch one drives everyday. Craving never leaves you...
Batcountry ASMR? Now your talking my language and at my preferred volume. Great vid and observations as always! Sounding smooth too! BTW Goosemanjim here its logged me in through some other account.
Excellent storytelling in this video, I was captured by it. 4 years sober and have been struggling lately, this was what I needed to keep me on track. Thank you.
I come from a family of alcoholics, but for myself, alcohol and drugs have never been a desire for me. I’ve never been able to experience the ‘joy’ of being drunk- it always just feels like I’m sick. It’s miserable. I don’t get why people like it. The next day hung over, I feel like I caught the flu and hate it. As much as I’ve tried to understand the allure and desire that alcohol has on my family, it’s an experience that I just can not fathom for the life of me. Same with drugs, none of them are enjoyable. I love being sober - it is the only time I can experience joy or happiness. Thank you for sharing your story, I am deeply interested in trying to understand the addicts in my life. The way you describe consuming and desiring alcohol honestly feels like an alien world, like if someone was trying to tell me how wonderful it is to eat rubber shoes. I just can’t connect that way. But listening to your story, I try to imagine the nightmare of what it must be like. My heart goes out to all who suffer from addiction. I don’t know why some of us have no reaction or interest to drugs and alcohol and yet others ruin their lives over it.
I wonder if there's some kind of genetic reason behind that - like after generations of alcoholism your own genetics conspired to make you respond badly to it. Like the opposite of immunity or something. Thank you for the thoughtful comment. I'm off to eat a rubber shoe.
I'm in my mid 20's, and I've noticed some questionable behaviour with my relationship to booze and this video really made me realize how toxic it's becoming. It's a scary feeling, since I feel like I don't have that much control over it. The solo wine nights on the weekends, meeting up with people mid-week and going too far. It's easy to put it down as just "being in your 20s" It's something I've been keeping an eye on lately. This video was a real eye-opener and it's one I will return too many times over, thank you for this.
Just like you, my problems with alcohol started with being drunk almost constantly, drinking increasingly large quantities of wine every night after work, but still going to work etc. After initially getting sober in 2020, my alcoholism then became episodic, with me being constantly paranoid about becoming physically dependent again and binges lasting about 4-5 days followed by withdrawal. My boyfriend actually described me as being like Jeckyll and Hyde during these episodes. I turned into someone totally unrecognisable. Once again I completely relate to everything in your video, so thankyou 😊
Watching this video was very cathartic for me in a way that is hard to describe. Listening to someone else break down the anatomy of their relapse in a brave and unflinching way made me feel less alone today. My relapses have looked a lot like yours historically. It’s important to remember that there are many like me who are struggling in the same ways.
Safety in numbers, right? It's reassuring to know other people have been in the same position and come out of it ok. Thanks for the comment mate, and congratulations on your progress so far.
@davelowe1977 I'm sorry, sounds awful:( And I can relate. I was in daily w/ds, often acute, to some degree or another for several years while I was tapering and after I quit benzos. Alcohol, benzos, and even psych meds all can cause a serious "brain injury", and kindle us. I've never heard of any other drugs that can do this..
I slowly weened off over many years. Was a 30 std drinker a week. Then slowly took bigger breaks over many years. Once stopped for a year - but always found I felt like I was missing out on certain occasions. The final nail in the coffin was a psilocybin experience I thought "I should/could just stop drinking" after weighing up the pros and cons during the trip. Made so much sense just to stop. 6 months in and I haven't had a drink. Nor do I crave one. Psilocybin changed me in so many ways in positive ways, and this was one. Human connection is so much more fulfilling then a short lived dopamine high..... I want to try psilocybin again in a few years. The issue is its so intense that I really need to prepare properly. Its like 1000 hrs of therapy condensed into 6.
People keep recommending psilocybin treatments to me and I'm a little skeptical, but I'm pleased to hear you had a positive - even life-changing - experience. Thanks for the insight!
@@_BatCountry The research in 1950s showed alcoholism was the number 1 thing psycodelics like LSD were good at reversing. Mushrooms are a lot less longer lived than LSD. There is no doubt in my mind that it would help given your current state of mind. I can also guarantee you that its not addictive.... what I can't say is if the treatment is worse than the cure. Can you handle being out of control and guided were ever it takes you? Showing you all kinds of things on your inner self that your brain and ego might not let you see in sober state? Do you have some one you trust implicitly to do it with? Are you open to intense vulnerability and self criticism, but also self compassion? Would you be happy to 1hr of mindfullness meditation to calm your mind before entering into it.... for me it was the most liberating thing I've ever done in 5 hrs. Not only did I stop drinking I processed the long tails of my fathers passing which bought me to my knees with grief like i've never felt, followed by releif *SMASH* and gave up drinking *SMASH* and found out what really matters in life *SMASH*.... mate, it was utterly insane, tiring and unrelenting. But also magical and liberating. I needed benzos to sleep there after for 1 night because it stirred up so much within me.... If it becomes a treatment available legally I would highly consider talking to a medical professional. Im doing again in a few years, im such a better person for it. Will brace myself before plunge into it again. I am and im not looking forward to it all in one.
I’ve never heard someone walk through this and explain it so well. The way it feels like such a fun, invigorating sexy thing to start the binge relapse - and that lasts a few days - to ending up hiding in bed under a ton of shame, guilt and fear. Ugh, and we do this over and over again. Thank you for sharing your story. This is not an easy journey but hearing about your experience makes me feel seen. 🙏
Thank you Allison. I always thought I was the only one who drank like this until I started talking about it, and listening to others. It's been the biggest part of my road to real sobriety.
I love your honesty and the manner in which you do your content. Very nice. I am sober after 32 years of constant drinking. I learn more from your video. Thanks mate. You rock. ☘
This is the most accurate description of what happened to my partner in June of this year. Wish I’d seen this earlier. He was buried in August. Thank you so much for sharing, I hope this has helped someone out there 😢
Everybody is exactly the same in my eyes. If you hear 10.000 stories of alcoholism (in this case) you will see the same 4 5 tropes repeating over over and over. We all all operate under the same principles at our cores. But life is so versatile, we end having 10.000 different stories out the very same core we all share!
I read Caroline Knapp’s Drinking: A Love Story and that resonated with me as you have. The rawness of the intoxicating allure of alcohol but swaddled and dressed in all its pompous finery to disguise and misdirect your own keen eye on what’s real and what the alcohol is claiming is real. Thank you for this
@@_BatCountry Better than the last two. Working on perhaps a sober living situation for awhile. I can tell you're very well educated. I am a I.T. guy myself. My binges are nearly identical to your own. From a Germanic/Celt to I am guessing a strong Celt - much love brother. Next time you have that feeling hit a meeting... or do whatever it takes. I have heart pains, tingling arms - all of it my brother. They go away when I dont drink and take care of myself. I hope to see Berlin one day myself.
i once went to the grociey store during winter, with an open winterjacket with bare chest beneeth, and 2 different kind of shoes that were the wrong one on each food :/ (left food in right shoe) i cringe when i think back on that moment and what other people must have thought of me, my coping mechanism tells me that they might have thought it was a lost bet or something.
Brave and deeply honest. I know that world all too well, and you describe it so perfectly. Thank you so much. I'm going to show those who've been there for me, to help them better understand. Over the last 30 years or so I've moved from chronic, constant alcoholism to a pretty stable life in recovery. But every couple of years or so I'll have exactly the relapse you've described. This video goes into my arsenal of tools to defend against that. Thanks again!
You've very chillingly described what my binge relapses look like. The euphoria, the horror, the despair, the utter madness. Thankfully, I've been sober for three and a half years as of today. But you know what's crazy? There is still a part of me that relishes the idea of stepping back into that world of insanity. But not today. Thank you for sharing your experience. It's a gruesome reminder of the horrors that await if I decide to walk away from what I have today.
Yeah, I still get that pang of nostalgia for despair. I even miss the psych ward I was on sometimes, even though it was absolutely traumatising. I have to recognise that for what it is: not real nostalgia, but an urge to drink again. As soon as I realise that, it goes away.
Liked and subscribed for the very reasons you gave. I relax to the chilled voice and fall asleep to your advice, helping me to try and stay off the drink 👍
I’ve subbed. Great video. I had 3 dry spells last year which were 5-6 weeks in duration. I’m another break now which is looking like it’s the finale now, I feel much better sober. I like what you say because so many people can’t understand why I want to stop as they think I have a good handle on drinking. Yet when I’m drinking I drink heavy on weekends, feel guilty waking up in the mornings and feeling crap all week at work. It’s the cycle of death. To the untrained eye it looks fine but I’m Done with it. The weekend warrior style drinking is a dangerous game because so many people around you don’t think you have a problem.
First in. This should make up for leaving you out of my shoutout list. Binging. I know it all so well. Binging. It was my awful pattern. Is your drink one of those energy drinks? I can't consume those things because I get too nervous and shaky - almost a hangxiety potion. That binging I partook in would leave me a useless wreck. I was never functioning after I crossed the line. I dig your newish "hairdon't." Another great descriptive and articulate video. Cheers.
I'm not a big energy drink person either. I'll sometimes have a gatorade at the gym, but usually it's just water or coffee. In this video I'm drinking hibiscus juice, I have no idea what it was :D
It started with anxiety it continued with anxiety and it ends with anxiety. My vicious life story of self medicating to the depths of hell, hardcore alcoholism
I went for about 5 years eating and drinking almost whatever I wanted. I would recognize it was a problem, but I just told myself I would stop eventually. Or I would feel so bad about it I would eat and drink more. I got used to waking up and going to work hungover, slowly gaining weight from the excess calories from not only food but especially alcohol. I was consuming my daily calories requirements with alcohol, so any food I ate was just going over my metabolic rate. Alcohol also made me more likely to binge eat, one bad decision encourages another one. I’ve lost 10 pounds in the past 2 months by eating clean, having only 2 drinks per day or whatever I can keep in my calorie limit, and walking a minimum of 10,000 steps a day. Having a limit and tracking how much I’m eating and drinking has really helped. I don’t know if I will ever stop completely, but Its becoming easier. I stay away from liquor and only drink beer and cider. Very rarely I’ll have a mixed drink or a single celebratory shot. Enjoying a single beer or cider is a more enjoyable experience than drinking 12 every night.
If it works for you then keep it up! I think the 1-2 drinks/day is definitely poisoning your ability to lose weight, but slow progress is still progress. Good for you! Don't get complacent!
Can't believe the best video on my channel is slightly out of focus. Very on-brand, right?
First video I watched and instantly subscribed! Im a recovering alcoholic and the way you described what a monumental setback a binge can be hit so close to home. Six months is so spot on...
Think of it as a softened lens ala Jean Harlow etc - I absolutely love your channel mate, so insightful and helpful.
Former alcoholic 12 years sober, this channel is great. I'm also a photographer/videographer. You're missing focus because your lens is wide open (f1.8 or f1.4), stop down the lens to f4ish to have a more manageable depth of field.
I didn't notice, I was drunk.
Microphone looks great tho. Jokes aside, great content
'Functioning Alcoholic' = you recognise you've got a drinking problem but you've managed somehow this far not to lose your job/house/kids yet so you don't intend on doing anything about it.
eeeeeeeexactly.
You just get good at hiding it.
@@bulldawg7232 There's no hiding it from people who have experienced it.
There is one definition of a functioning alcoholic thats true, and hopefully it's all of us....
"functioning alcoholic an alcoholic who doesn't drink alcohol".
I would love to tell you I came up with that but it was Robin over on A Normal Alcoholic
I’m sure you meant “thus far”. Stop drinking and commenting. You’re embarrassing yourself.
This is a stunningly accurate account of how I act before binges. Highly communicative towards friends on my phone, ideas, jokes etc…then it all evaporates as the alcohol takes over…music on headphones…crying over RUclips videos, messaging people from my past…horrific stuff.
Describes my late Daughters binges to a tee. Her last binge killed her, 14 days without any food, just straight vodka. She was only 38 and i loved her dearly. I only pray she wasn't afraid or aware she was dying. Thankyou for being so honest.
Thank you for sharing this. I’m so so sorry for your loss ❤️
Im so sorry 😔
So sorry for your loss, it’s tragic
The diet was so suppressed by vodka at that point that even if she tried to eat ... probably wouldn't have been able to keep it down. 😢
@dariush3587 yes, that's right, she couldn't bring herself to face eating.
There's no better feeling for an alcoholic when you know the fridge is stocked and no one is around to judge you. There's no worse feeling for alcoholic when you later realize it's all gone, and no one is around to love you.
Wise words friend. Very wise, that shit hits hard
Don’t make the mistake of thinking this is only the case for drugs/alcohol. I feel like many of us have taken this attitude towards life. It feels good to isolate yourself in a bubble of comfort, but it’s scary when you realize that you’ve put yourself and your peace of mind into this flimsy bubble and you haven’t established/maintained a foundation for your life, in other words; REAL relationships, deep connections, a sense of belonging and purpose etc.
There are so many traps out there. You already have the thing you’re looking for. You just have to accept it.
made my day , im almost 5 yrs sober but i still need these reminders, i know i have another relapse in me but dont know if i have another recovery and that goes for all of us
No I didn't care about anything like that until I got sober. I'd be curious to know too, now you mention it.
Very well said
Congratulations. I have 6 years, no relapse. It's tough, but sobriety is worth it.
We all do forever.. I got such addictive personality due to my inability to feel emotions since my fucked up childhood.. That I even get hooked on red peppers.. They simulate burn and because of it, brain releases natural pain killers, that make me feel good.. I did just that 3 times to the point of bleeding when doing number two.. A whole jar of them I would go through in two days..
So I decide to keep addicted to just fitness and weed in small amounts. I can only buy enough for a normal person a week worth, that lasts me two days, after which I make sure not to get any until next week.. While fitness is everyday thing.
I watch videos like this to remind myself not to go back to opiates, gambling or others....
I have a problem with the word "functioning" addict too..
Yes you can keep a job, seem normal.. But years go by, and you are stuck in one spot.. Making sure to always have your fix and that is primary thing... You might appear normal, but you don't progress any where in any kind... I understand what it means to have an addiction that is out of control.. So compared to that "functioning" seems reasonable, but you are still stuck in addiction and not progressing in any way as a person..
I am almost 2 years sober from alcohol and I am completely terrified of drinking again. I allow myselft a "binge" doing mdma and ketamine 1x or 2x a year on an underground rave going bonkers for 20 hours dancing and talking to people. Outside of these occaisons I am sober all time. I plan this binge, I make sure I have enough of drugs I select a good rave for this and I take at least 2-3 days off to recover.
My mom was a "functioning alcoholic" for decades before finally getting clean 5 years ago. I'll never touch a drink in solidarity with her. Stay safe everyone. 1 day or 10 years sober I'm proud of you ❤
Easily the most descriptive and identifiable account of a binge I've ever heard. Terrifyingly beautiful
Thanks again mate.
I have had 2 slip ups, since march. Was drinking heavily up until march this year. Now it's been about 1 1/2 months since the last drink. I just came home from a party at my university. I've been trying to go to the social events, but tonight I just felt sad. I was not really saying much, just sitting at a table with my classmates, who were playing a drinking game. I of course didn't participate. But I was looking around at them, seeing how much fun they seemed to be having. I was sitting there, sad, faking a smile. I really, REALLY, wanted to get a drink. But I decided to go home instead. And the first video that popped up in my feed, was this one. I made the right choice.
Yeah you did. I know it sucks, and it feels like a sacrifice, but you know as well as I do that the actual sacrifice would have been getting smashed. Future you thanks current you for it.
Wise decision
I gave up for a year and that little alcoholic voice in my head said "See you've got it under control just have one" had a drink and that followed going back to a litre of Jim Beam a day. I'm 3 months sober again and know I can't have a single sip anymore.
Gary you can do this. I'm there too and decided to go down the antabuse route and been sober since. Its a poison.
Thanks Gary. You should be more proud of your time sober than you are sorry you slipped mate.
You’ve realized. You can do it Gary. Proud of you
I made that same mistake.. The worst part is me drinking a litre of brandy a day originally put me into a week long coma and I STILL told myself after only 3 months of sobriety “you can drink just tonight”.. Nope, I drank the next night too, and the next night, and the next, and within a week I was drinking during the day and was up to half of what I used to drink.. 8 weeks later I was back in hospital with the same problem… 8 days sober now, I won’t make that mistake again.. I can never be an occasional drinker.
That’s terrifying message Gary. Thanks for sharing it. Hope you’re doing well.
I hope bro is okay right now and has not relapsed since posting this, and will not relapse any more in the future. Easier said than done but I wish the same for all the rest of you too. God bless
I'm okay, and didn't relapse. Been sober a pretty good chunk of time now. Thanks for the concern mate, I appreciate it.
Jesus Christ man. I thought I was the only one that did this. I could swap places with u and you are telling my life story. Whenever I do alcohol assessments & they ask me how much that I drink per day & I have to explain that my alcoholism isn’t measured by daily drinking, it’s measured in 2 week spurts of a living hell followed by sobriety. Rinse and repeat
Yeah that's true, I do that too - I can't give averages when it comes to what I've been drinking. Over the last 6 years I've spent the vast majority of the time completely sober, but with a collective total of three months drinking near-fatal amounts.
Binge drinking alcoholic. Be careful drying out, it will get more and more difficult until it's impossible without either medical help or going through delirium tremens.
I hope you can find your way back.
With the episodic disorder, does it ever end, in your guys experience and opinions, or is recurrence inevitable and it's just harm minimization and damage limitation each time? This video is terrifying and should be required viewing for teens and young adults. Thanks for making it.
I love the channel name fits so well great video hope you find and slay your demons without alcohol
My child, my only child, is 32 and living in LA and is in the depths of this disease. Thank you for giving me insight to what this is. The most profound thing that you said is at the end…I just want her to be okay. To any of you struggling with this disease, you need to hear that the people who love you just want you to be okay. They don’t care how creative you are, how productive you are, or any of the things you think are important…we just want you to be okay.
I cannot breathe, I cannot think, my stomach is constantly heaving because she is not okay.
Alcohol does not only destroy the alcoholic but cripples every mother, partner, child and friend that loves the alcoholic. How is this poison legal?
Thank you for your insight. I will be praying for you.
If it's of any use at all, my email address is in the description. Get her to talk to me.
Im so sorry. I lost one daughter in a car accident at 24 not Alcohol related and now my 32 year old daughter had been drinking enough to go into detox. She signed herself in so she could stop, was there 6 days and has been home and working for a month now. She had lost weight and her eyes were a bit yellow, which is the part I saw. I think she is ok. I can’t go a day without seeing her and looking for symptoms. When she admitted how much she had been drinking I almost died. I wanted to die. I can’t think I can’t work it out can’t sleep
@@_BatCountry Thank you. I’m trying to get her to listen to your wisdom.
I am sorry. Just make sure she knows she has you as support once she is ready.. If my mother wasn't my ancor for the last ten years, I am 100% sure I would be dead. Currently I am better then I have been in years..
Someone said "High functioning alcoholic is a PHASE, not a type." Man is that true
I quit while I was functioning. I called in sick because I didn't get drunk enough on the weekend. I realized exactly what you said, I wasnt a functioning alcoholic... I was just an alcoholic. I quit the next day and haven't had a drink since. This was June of 2023. I'm very glad I found this channel and I'm glad you're well at the time of filming.
Well done for making the decision a lot of us wish we'd made earlier. Congratulations on your sober time, long may it continue.
@@_BatCountry much love, brother. I wish you all the best as well.
Damn Why did you quit your job ??
@@seanmurphy26 I hate to admit it, but that got a pretty big laugh outta me.
when i got to 4 bottles of wine a night......i did think when is enough............over 4 years sober...........one day at a time......never stop trying......great video man........good luck xx
Congrats on your sobriety, that's great!
damn 4 bottles of wine a night I thought my 2 bottles of wine a night was a lot - not judging - 10 months Sober and happiest I've been for a long time.
now you binge on periods
@@ari.joel.m something’s gotta give
I very much identify with your story. My binges were episodes of suicide binges with long periods of sobriety. I used alcohol as legal anaesthesia. I would bomb a bottle of wine in 10 minutes and then just pass out. Wake up and do it again to a point where I didn’t know if it was 8am or 8pm. I would do this for 7 to 10 days and then have to deal with consequences for months after swearing I’d never do it again. Thanks for sharing. Others’ stories help to keep my sobriety on track because it reminds me what it was like to finally come round. I hope I never have to do it again. 5 stints in rehab. Finally got my shit together 29/12/2017. And I never take it for granted. 🙏🏽
"Legal anaesthesia." Right on the money mate. Massive congratulations on finding a way out, and it's reassuring to me that people like yourself, who have a long period of sobriety, are still watching content like mine.
@@_BatCountryI think because I was a serial relapser for years and bloody years, I can’t take recovery for granted; still need the connection with those people who “get it.” 🌻
@@onlyme7308Congratulations to you! You are an Inspiration to me. I’m two months sober and I’m keeping these reminders going. It really does help me.
My friend your sober date was my 47th birthday! I wish you a great future. Sober 4 days here. I have too, at 54 my doctor didn't mince words. My liver is swollen and she said the numbers on my pancreas say I'm likely headed for pancreatitis. I've had 2 ft of my colon taken out. I'm not scared of death so much as I don't want to die like a dirty dog, drunk in a gutter.❤
@@Marktheshark-e7f🙏🏽
11 years sober and still this was a difficult watch. As others have said here, we're only one bad decision away from the abyss.
The thing about retreating to the bed at a certain point during a binge and staying there for days just drinking, and then eventually pissing yourself and vomiting over the side of the bed is unfortunately so, so, relatable. Another quality video. ❤
It's one of those things that everyone who drinks like this goes through but very few talk about. I appreciate the comment as always mate.
Great channel ❤ currently in hospital and homeless all because of alcohol but getting there one month sober today
Thank you, and I love your attitude. Keep us posted on your progress, and congratulations on getting a hold of things.
Looks as if I'm staying in hospital to get therapy untill my council re house me so good news still going strong on day 36
@@AndrewBayley-id3tsGet well you can do it don't turn back
Good luck Andrew mate, i went through that too, hope you get their my friend ❤
50 days sober today ❤
You just told my story my friend. 😢
Almost 5 years sober. But reliving this experience was very real. The phrase that got me was "about 10 days in I can no longer stave off the thought that I've lost my job, I'm getting evicted and my girlfriend is leaving me and my family is freaking out" because I've unfortunately come to that realization many times.
Thanks for sharing buddy!
He who makes a beast out of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man.
Avenged sevenfold ❤
@@inosuke4708 😑
Dr.Johnson, more like
@@inosuke4708 are you trolling?
That's Hunter Thompson.
This man is eloquent knowledgeable and honest in regards to his vivid description of addiction. His explanation of what happens in the addict's mind is both poignant and relatable. It saddens me to listen to him because so much of it I have experienced as an addict . 😢God bless this man!
I so agree--resonates with me
Seven years ago, I lost my mum to alcohol. I tried to help her, even took her to a meeting , but she couldn’t get past the religious tones of the fellowship. She knew she had a problem, but she kept drinking. I had to watch her slowly fade away right in front of me, and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do. When she lost her job, that was it for her-it was the beginning of the end. Alcoholism isn’t just a disease; it’s a thief. It takes everything-your mind, your dignity, your life.
If you’re someone in recovery, please keep fighting . Because behind every person struggling with alcoholism, there’s a partner, a son, a daughter, a parent, or a sibling who loves them more than anything. And watching someone you love die, powerless to stop it... it’s a pain that never goes away.
"It's a thief." You're so right. I'm so sorry for what you went through mate, and I hope you're doing good today!
@@_BatCountry
Your honest sharing really helped me to see her pain from a different perspective. Instead of reacting to her death with only hatred and anger, which are still there and will take time for me to work through, I now also feel some love, understanding, and acceptance. I realised that this struggle had a hold on her, and it wasn’t letting go.
Thank you for being so open and raw in sharing your recovery journey through this video. It’s strange how the RUclips algorithm works.
As for me, I’m doing well. I have a son and a supportive partner, so things are going in the right direction. I wish you all the best in your recovery journey. There are people out there who care, and when used properly, the internet can be an amazing tool for connection and support. I really appreciate you taking the time to reply.
just wanted to say I feel for you. Your story makes me think about all the history of my family and relatives and how addictions affected their lives. You're right, it can take everything from a person, and cause much pain for their loved ones. For example my cousins, it destroyed their childhoods growing up with their alcoholic mother and (lack of) father. Best regards
The part about being too close with strangers during that first hour. My God I felt that in my bones. Always cringe inducing for days afterwards. You have a way with words.
Bat! This account of the depths of hell is a super courageous move. It’s not easy to be this honest, but I am entirely convinced that it is a huge part of continued success in sobriety. Nicely done, and so much gratitude for your GF. No one can keep someone else sober but having no one that cares about you is a sad reality for so many people. So beautiful that you recognized that. 🙏🙌🌈
Does alcohol makes us lonely, or do lonely people seek out alcohol? The weird thing to me is that in these binges I want to be alone, but then being alone makes me miserable. I dunno, I'll never wrap my head around it. Thanks for the comment, I'm always happy to see you here.
@@_BatCountrychicken or the egg? When you haven't showered in a week, and peed down your legs a few times, people really would rather stay away from you.
I am a binge drinker , 73 days sober , i have been a daily and morning drinker in the past , and like you , became the bi weekend binger , enough to kill me each time. I would recover , riddle with guilt etc etc , hearing you talk is calming and reassuring, this is my vibe. This is my jam ... subbed , thank you for this , i feel a relapse coming on and you articulate so well the feelings i am going through
Thank you for the sub, and I'm sorry you're going through this right now. I hope you turn a corner on it. Onwards and upwards.
You have just perfectly described the process, the outcome, the whole horrid horrid exchange of later stage alcohol addiction and relapse…. You made me laugh with the “naughty” buying… the first sip… here we go again…. The fight inside my brain from screaming no… to justifying why I “need and deserve” this… just one just one more…. Then the black out…. The random reach outs of dribble to people from the past… present and even future in my mental booze soaked brain! It’s pure insanity. In one of my binges I passed out and broke my leg in half… smashed face on my floor… rock bottom? For a while… 3 months later I had another day… just one more day… took me three months to recover with my leg… then I’m at the liquor store again… thanks for your videos Stu. I’ve been binge watching them! Better than binge drinking I’ve decided 😂 everything you say is raw and so relatable.. it is brilliant how you go into the crevices of this horrific drinking “lifestyle” Thankyou!! From New Zealand.
It sounds like you've really been through the ringer. I'm happy you made it through and I hope you're doing ok now (and that your leg fixed well). Thanks for the comment.
Your account sounds like a great descriptor of my experience. I too am a periodic binge drinker who can go mobths at a time without drinking or getting the urge to, only to hit the bottle to a suicidal degree for a short period of days until my health spirals so far down that im literally unable to go out and buy more.
Last Sunday was my most recent binge, which fortunately lasted only two days. But it was enough to go into acute withdrawal, along with no sleeping since the episode. The kindling effect is incredible.
Thank you for all you do.
Stay strong, brother!
Yeah that kindling is no joke. When I tell others a two day binge will trigger severe withdrawal they sometimes don't believe me, but it is real. Keep at it, it'll stick when you're ready for it to.
The production quality, your stories, your voice & intelligence, etc… this channel is so lovely and well thought-out. I see you reaching great heights with this channel & with your message.
I know one day you’ll inevitably reach 2, 3, 4x the audience you have now, and I’m excited for you. Thank you for being so courageously honest about some of the darkest parts of the human experience. Your hard work most definitely has not gone unnoticed.
Thanks you so much for the positivity and the support :D
I NEEDED this video right now at this exact moment. Grateful every single day to be sober and breathing
Only 8 minutes into the video, and im not an alcoholic but in a very similar vein am an episodic meth addict. I'll go sometimes years, then relapse into anywhere from a 1 to 3 month binge. It's incredible how much everything you've said fully lines up with it. The pattern is near identical, with a little added fuckery due to the inevitable complexity of acquiring meth from... well... meth heads.
Exactly the same thing with "It's just going to be for one night, i'll just have a good night, a good wank, maybe a good fuck if I can wrangle it, sleep it off and resume our usual programming the next day". But inevitably, as the bag runs low, and I'm not yet sleepy, the dealers are called, and a larger amount is acquired, and within days, I'm gone, and the demon is back in the drivers seat.
Stay strong people \m/,
I thought I'd replied to this one already. Just to repeat myself - a lot of my addiction was wrapped up in sexual compulsion too. But the desire to relapse into a good wank or a good fuck for one night never lasts that one night, as you said.
An alcoholic binge is a nightmare that comes to life. As an alcoholic sober 8 years, I can say alcohol IS the worst drug on the planet. I'm lucky I'm alive.
Congrats on your sobriety, and thanks for dropping by!
@@NicksHEAT1995 and the most accepted by society. Almost expected
Benzos too but for tje exact same reasons i mean they're basically the same drug
Yeah.. I used to do that shite once a week for 9 years. The hangovers was brutal. 1 week physical hangover then 1 week mental hangover. Just thinking of the brutal hangover stops me from drinking...and they got worse in my 40s. Feck that shite! I'm 9 month sober now.. the best I've ever felt.. and I'm not gonna fck up.
would it be kinder to say that your reaction to alcohol is the thing you describe? So many people can enjoy alcohol in a responsible way
Thank you algorithm for bringing me here. I'm a binge drinker and I want to stop. These long form relaxing videos are perfect for my evenings. Thank you. Subscribed.
My Dr. prescribed me naltrexone, and an SSRI. It's been a tremendous help. Also therapy, AA, or just spending time with friends and family. In my case, my periodic binge drinking has been a cycle of boredom, shame, depression, and isolation. Get well soon!
the first part is 95% my experience. thank you for the video. it's very eye-opening. unfortunately, I made it 11 days, and now I am back.
Keep at it mate. Sometimes it takes a while to stick. But it WILL stick.
You Deserve To Have a Beautiful Life. Don’t Give Up On You.🙏💞
The bit about when you take that first drink and it's like your body remembers, and all that guilt and shame and euphoria comes back... that was too real for me. It was definitely triggering. It was like those little alarm bells going off like "YEAH YOU REMEMBER THAT? SOUNDS GREAT!" but the whole rest of the story is a grim reminder of what it's like for me, when I've also started sinking into that abyss. This video was a great reminder. I celebrate 2 years of sobriety to this day Oct. 10th. Thanks for telling your story man, I loved it. Thank you.
😢 How you described the pull towards drinking, isolating yourself , riding the drunk wave ! .... I thought it was just me.
"Ive already ruined tomorrow, might as well get a liter"
Its so true it hurts
It's crazy how we undermine ourselves, right?
@@_BatCountrydefinition of “self fulfilling “ prophecy right here
I once heard someone describe themselves as a "high functioning heroin addict". The veil of "high function" is only dependent on superficial things; job, housing, relationships. But a person who is addicted is deeply dysfunctional at the core factors of their life. No truly functional person becomes addicted.
I agree. There are fringe cases and exceptions, naturally, but I completely agree with you. That core dysfunction will eventually burn everything down, and to that there are no exceptions. Thanks for the excellent comment.
Listen to YOU. You should publish.
RUclips is awesome. I can do a lead meeting and never leave my chair. Thanks for sharing!
"Everybody wants everybody else to just be OK" it makes me think of my family when they see me drinking again. I'm almost 7 months sober you're story was dead on. It was triggering and sobering at the same time. Thanks for sharing
Oh I didn't realise you had so much sober time! Congrats, and yeah, stay vigilant, for your own sake and for everyone else's.
You’ll be a month on me, now, hitting 7 months from my last binge, this week.
Fabulous 8 months to you.
@@NicciAW congrats man, I hope you're still going strong!
@@tomsock218 Absolutely, thanks you! I hit my 8 months on the 16th. 😃
I can only imagine how rough the detox from a binge like this must be!
I absolutely appreciate your forthcoming nature and relaxed demeanour. Also I absolutely love the old style background music, as a side note. I can entirely relate to you, it's actually kind of strangley relatable. I hope you're doing OK and talking about this and producing content related to sobriety, I assume must be quite hard as opposed to avoiding the idea of alcohol and keeping as far away as possible mentally. It must be cathartic and good to know that you're helping other people. I appreciate you man, much love
Thank you mate. It's a whole other level of catharsis, it's better than therapy. Cheaper, too. :D
As someone that sleeps to these videos, your intended theme is spot on! Except for the bike adventure, that story was too wild to not be alert the whole time. How you survived that is absolutely nuts.
Haha I'm glad to hear that I put you to sleep :) And yeah, I don't know how I survived either. What doesn't kill us makes us stranger, I guess.
"what doesn't kill us makes us stranger"@@_BatCountry
did u invent or still that?
either way I love a good quote & that one is a true gem.
You said everybody said the could see it coming but you. But you said you planned your relapses and they were not spontaneous 😮
“Fuck it, just one drink”. Done it 100 times
Yep. That first one is the problem
For me its like I can stop after that 1, however for the next few days or even weeks I'll have intrusive thoughts throughout the day saying "You see? You were in control, let's do this again"
@edvards_edtrx3475 Its quite confusing for people without addiction to understand the "cant have one". Because it doesn't necessarily mean that if i have a beer i cant then stop if i really try to. But the fact is it will be on my mind for the rest of the day, just constantly thinking about that next drink which is hell. And then it will build up every time i drink. One beer, next time 5 beers, oh well why not have a few doubles to finish the night off. Then im picking up a litre of vodka before i go home and pass out then wake up at 6am and start drinking again. Morning drinking really was the beginning of the end for me, when you realise you can end the hangover there's no way to go back. I was never able to not drink in the morning after a session once i realised.
After all, I deserve it.
Your stories help remind me how easy it can be to fall in. It's so easy to make an incomplete mental calculus of what just one will do.
It's striking how aware you are of all these steps, yet can't put the brakes on when you know what's coming down the line. Best of luck and thanks for your honesty
My friend, i just found your channel last week and this is the most incredible, raw and real honesty I've every heard. Im 33 been drinking heavy since 18 and im currently 3 weeks sober. Im really beginning to hate alcohol with a passion and its making it easier to stay the hell away from it. Ive only experienced mild withdrawal luckily but even that was horrible. As a husband and father as well as health reasons i know i can never drink again and i dont want to...your story is amazing and i cant thank you enough, take care!
Wow, sounds like my last one too. It’s nice to know we’re not alone but at the same time it’s horrible to know that others go through this mental torture. Thank you for sharing your story, it could have been mine.
You are so right, Bat, that as alcoholics we are all different- until we aren't.
I was never physically able to binge drink and then instantly pick up the bottle the next morning. I would suffer to varying degrees, sleep more then wake up on day 3 fed up, anxious and ready to drink again.
This pattern may have spared my liver thus far but my mind may never recover.
A point re the bullshittery of the 'functioning alcoholic'. As a female binge drinker, i found that strangely enough I attracted alcoholics of both sexes who really got off on my 'capacity' to drink. I was told with warm admiration that I could drink more than anyone they had ever met. It took me a long and sad time before i realised that their praise was actually a warning.
it occurred to me that people who drank like I did, they had to have their reasons to blot out their consciousness like that, to that degree,
and, for someone who drank like that, in order to quit, they also have to have their reasons..
I was one of those people - attracted to people who could drink. There's reassurance in it. In drink, we look for the drunkest people to look to for comfort. In sobriety, we look to the soberest. We're people of extremes.
Please stop before it does catch your Liver, Ruth. It’s only a matter of time. It doesn’t matter how you drink you alcohol. Alcohol poisons the liver. The liver cells cannot heal from repeated destruction from alcohol. Please save yourself before you have lasting and possibly lethal health problems
I am a recovered gambling addict, one and a half year that should have been 4 years clean if it wasn't for a single lapse. Addiciton is truly a scary thing. I remember the days where I would have 20$ on my account with a week left of the month and put it in the slots, obviously lose it and live the rest of the month on gruel and water because I couldn't even afford food. Humiliating stuff, but I'm better now and learning the pleasures of delayed gratification, slowly but surely, one day at a time
I'm more and more convinced that all us addicts have basically the same condition underneath. There's gambling addiction in my family too. Anyway, huge congratulations on your clean streak mate, long may it continue.
Mate, I love your storytelling abilities. You have a real knack for it! Feels like we’re getting an over the shoulder perspective from your experiences.
I’d love to see an off-topic episode where you discuss your favourite lenses, and how hobbies have helped your sobriety 😊
I am so happy you said that, I'd LOVE to do a lens video. Stay tuned. Thanks for watching mate, and I appreciate the comment.
You are helping me so much!!! I love your posting videos! Don't stop!
its like going for a trip and youre not the operator youre just along for the ride all these crazy things happen , when you come to you have to put all the pieces together, everything that can go wrong does and hopefully the damage done isnt permanent
Absolutely. I think I probably have done some permanent damage, but I consider myself incredibly lucky to have survived at all. Thanks for the comment mate!
6 months sober in a couple days, thank you for sharing your experience, strength and hope. You got yourself a like and subscribe!
Welcome! Congratulations on your sober time, and thanks for the comment. It's much appreciated.
This is extremely insightful man, thank you. I connect with a lot of the things you say in this, like the 'alcohol energy', coming up with plans and ideas, messaging people, and then the shame and embarrassment when you sober up, the mental gymnastics you do when you run out to get you to go out and get more alcohol, the 'need' to get more. My father was an alcoholic, and he drank himself to death, so i know ive picked up more than a few of his bad habits as well as i can see myself repeating them, though not to the sam extent he did, not yet at least. Thank you for making these videos man. Subbed, and good luck to you mate. Good luck to us all eh? I see im not the only one in the comments this video has struck a chord with.
Hello mate! Thanks for watching and I'm glad this connected with you. I hope you're doing good to day!
Brother you’re only speaking truth. Was on speed for a couple of years, now clean for 4 yrs and counting. From the impossible to resist convincing to the numerous days of miserable lonely self-destruction through and through. One positive thing of the addict’s mind though is that anything is a drug to you, even the healthy and progressive habits of a sober life. Success!
Absolutely god damn right. Congrats on your sober time buddy, long may it continue.
The best account I've ever heard, brutally honest, 100% real, scary as hell, drastically horrific. Thank you for this xxx
Thank you Mittens! I'm glad this connected with you.
I’m so grateful there are others who can relate to this absolutely crazed, self annihilating style of drinking. I was a binge alcoholic. Sober for months and months followed by 10 day binges of unadulterated boozing. Litres and litres of vodka with no food. The polar opposite of the health conscious, fitness freak I am when sober.
" health conscious, fitness freak I am when sober" - that's why I can never trust people like you described. There is always balance.
@@GytisTosasexactly. Balance is very difficult for me to achieve. I am either sober and all in with health and fitness. Or I drink and it all goes to shit within a matter of days. I am trying to learn balance though. Going to the gym but enjoying an ice cream too for example. Sounds simple but for me it’s hard!
Another great episode, Bat County!
Every Friday we have a tradition of ordering up some pizzas, firing up the popcorn maker, and sitting down as a family in front of the TV to watch your videos. Our youngest daughter is a HUGE fan of yours
Thank you so much!
I like that you're showing this to your kid(s), I wish I learned what a horrible poison alcohol really is when I was a kid
@@Sleezy.Design haha I was just being stupid and trying to be funny. I don't have kids, and if I did, I certainly wouldn't subject them to such mature and dark subject matter...or maybe I would!
@@Sleezy.DesignChildren really need to be forewarned of the poison ☠️. Especially if the parents have suffered from addiction.
Wasn’t with alcohol, but I’ve had a similar experience with meth and yes, it absolutely is a rejection of responsibility. This hit way too close to home for me. Addiction and relapse can be one of the most dangerous things we will face in our lives.
Hope you continue to do well, man
Thank you mate, and I hope you're doing well today too.
I very rarely subscribe after 1 video and halfway through. But you really speak to me. Thank you. I'm sticking around.
Welcome, I'm glad to have you on board. Stay tuned, there's some good stuff coming down the line.
I used to feel like I was going into my own world when I used to binge drink. I got this false sense of happiness and hope for the future, and always full of bright ideas that never amounted to anything.
Jeez
You are definitely the best anti drinking Czar on You tube
Most heavy drinkers resonate with you
Incredible channel
Thank you Monkey!
The music in the background makes it even more haunting. My addiction isnt alcohol but i can spiral from other things and the closing the blinds and only want to eat it and justifying it is so real. Thank you for this
Thanks for watching buddy, I wish you the best for the long term.
I cannot tell you how much of this was beyond relateable. Spookily so. Thank you for sharing Mr Bat. I mentioned on your most recent video, I had a relapse after 154 days. 154 days on the tail of a (roughly) 40 year love affair with booze. Thankfully, while explosive, I have shook myself back into some form of focus but the remorse, the damage, you know the score. I also drank today, a little - just to find enough strength to clean up some of the mess - but I wake up tomorrow and get back on the wagon. I wish everybody who's struggling out there, the best of luck :) x
It's tomorrow now. Are you back on the wagon?
wow, astounding video dude, like i am watching the history of my drinking...was a 'functioning alcoholic' for a long time, kept hiding while drinking most of the time, but kept all in 'control'...one day I woke up and found hidden booze under the pillow and opened the closet and the bottle of spirit fell on me...i swear, I can't remember putting those there...was the last straw...hiding from myself, from others, losing grip with the reality...whole life started to revolve around booze, and I thought I have it under control...wow, what a lie...the fact was that I was in denial and booze got me pretty bad.once I surrendered to the truth, I begun the path to sobriety... and happy to say, 3 years sober and life Is better than ever...wish everyone strength to admit and to begin walking free from this shite... good luck,jura
Just came across your channel. Absolutely brilliant content. 7 days today for me, not giving up. Thanks for sharing your experiences, it really helps
Wow thanks, that's really great to hear. I appreciate it, and congrats on 7 days, that's huge!
@@_BatCountry Thank you! Really appreciate it :)
Thank you for sharing this. Keeping up 6 years sober, but it hard to explain to nonalcoloholics how close to the ditch one drives everyday. Craving never leaves you...
Well done 6 years is amazing 🎉
Batcountry ASMR? Now your talking my language and at my preferred volume.
Great vid and observations as always! Sounding smooth too!
BTW Goosemanjim here its logged me in through some other account.
Thank you mate, glad you liked it :)
Excellent storytelling in this video, I was captured by it. 4 years sober and have been struggling lately, this was what I needed to keep me on track. Thank you.
You got this.
Never stop..you're an amazing orator and you are helping so many. Godspeed.
Thank you so much for that, it means a lot. Hope you're doing good today.
I come from a family of alcoholics, but for myself, alcohol and drugs have never been a desire for me. I’ve never been able to experience the ‘joy’ of being drunk- it always just feels like I’m sick. It’s miserable. I don’t get why people like it. The next day hung over, I feel like I caught the flu and hate it. As much as I’ve tried to understand the allure and desire that alcohol has on my family, it’s an experience that I just can not fathom for the life of me. Same with drugs, none of them are enjoyable. I love being sober - it is the only time I can experience joy or happiness.
Thank you for sharing your story, I am deeply interested in trying to understand the addicts in my life. The way you describe consuming and desiring alcohol honestly feels like an alien world, like if someone was trying to tell me how wonderful it is to eat rubber shoes. I just can’t connect that way. But listening to your story, I try to imagine the nightmare of what it must be like.
My heart goes out to all who suffer from addiction. I don’t know why some of us have no reaction or interest to drugs and alcohol and yet others ruin their lives over it.
I wonder if there's some kind of genetic reason behind that - like after generations of alcoholism your own genetics conspired to make you respond badly to it. Like the opposite of immunity or something.
Thank you for the thoughtful comment. I'm off to eat a rubber shoe.
Oh man, the best moment in a relapse takes place a second before taking the first sip.
Definitely, the relief of deciding you can/should drink and don't need to be sober is often "better" than the intoxication that follows.
@@PhishyificationYes but it’s extremely Temporary.
Anticipation is a helluva drug.
The score is part of the high
The trip home from the booze store too
I'm in my mid 20's, and I've noticed some questionable behaviour with my relationship to booze and this video really made me realize how toxic it's becoming. It's a scary feeling, since I feel like I don't have that much control over it. The solo wine nights on the weekends, meeting up with people mid-week and going too far. It's easy to put it down as just "being in your 20s" It's something I've been keeping an eye on lately. This video was a real eye-opener and it's one I will return too many times over, thank you for this.
Ten years from now, you'll be incredibly grateful that you are one of the few who spotted the problem early.
Just like you, my problems with alcohol started with being drunk almost constantly, drinking increasingly large quantities of wine every night after work, but still going to work etc. After initially getting sober in 2020, my alcoholism then became episodic, with me being constantly paranoid about becoming physically dependent again and binges lasting about 4-5 days followed by withdrawal. My boyfriend actually described me as being like Jeckyll and Hyde during these episodes. I turned into someone totally unrecognisable. Once again I completely relate to everything in your video, so thankyou 😊
I'm always surprised when I read your comments at the similarities of our journeys.
@_BatCountry it just goes to show that like you said, even though everyone's journey is unique, there are so many similarities
Watching this video was very cathartic for me in a way that is hard to describe. Listening to someone else break down the anatomy of their relapse in a brave and unflinching way made me feel less alone today. My relapses have looked a lot like yours historically. It’s important to remember that there are many like me who are struggling in the same ways.
Safety in numbers, right? It's reassuring to know other people have been in the same position and come out of it ok. Thanks for the comment mate, and congratulations on your progress so far.
Severe alcohol withdrawals or DTs sound much like acute benzo waves.. absolute indescribable hell on earth
Both alcohol and benzo's increases GABA's sedating effects so that makes sense.
For me it's a 2 week long panic attack.
@davelowe1977 I'm sorry, sounds awful:( And I can relate. I was in daily w/ds, often acute, to some degree or another for several years while I was tapering and after I quit benzos. Alcohol, benzos, and even psych meds all can cause a serious "brain injury", and kindle us. I've never heard of any other drugs that can do this..
Wow. No words to describe what you just watched. You should be so so proud ❤
Thank you for watching, it means a lot.
I slowly weened off over many years. Was a 30 std drinker a week. Then slowly took bigger breaks over many years. Once stopped for a year - but always found I felt like I was missing out on certain occasions. The final nail in the coffin was a psilocybin experience I thought "I should/could just stop drinking" after weighing up the pros and cons during the trip. Made so much sense just to stop. 6 months in and I haven't had a drink. Nor do I crave one. Psilocybin changed me in so many ways in positive ways, and this was one. Human connection is so much more fulfilling then a short lived dopamine high..... I want to try psilocybin again in a few years. The issue is its so intense that I really need to prepare properly. Its like 1000 hrs of therapy condensed into 6.
People keep recommending psilocybin treatments to me and I'm a little skeptical, but I'm pleased to hear you had a positive - even life-changing - experience. Thanks for the insight!
@@_BatCountry The research in 1950s showed alcoholism was the number 1 thing psycodelics like LSD were good at reversing. Mushrooms are a lot less longer lived than LSD. There is no doubt in my mind that it would help given your current state of mind. I can also guarantee you that its not addictive.... what I can't say is if the treatment is worse than the cure. Can you handle being out of control and guided were ever it takes you? Showing you all kinds of things on your inner self that your brain and ego might not let you see in sober state? Do you have some one you trust implicitly to do it with? Are you open to intense vulnerability and self criticism, but also self compassion? Would you be happy to 1hr of mindfullness meditation to calm your mind before entering into it.... for me it was the most liberating thing I've ever done in 5 hrs. Not only did I stop drinking I processed the long tails of my fathers passing which bought me to my knees with grief like i've never felt, followed by releif *SMASH* and gave up drinking *SMASH* and found out what really matters in life *SMASH*.... mate, it was utterly insane, tiring and unrelenting. But also magical and liberating. I needed benzos to sleep there after for 1 night because it stirred up so much within me.... If it becomes a treatment available legally I would highly consider talking to a medical professional. Im doing again in a few years, im such a better person for it. Will brace myself before plunge into it again. I am and im not looking forward to it all in one.
THANKYOU my friend - well spoken - well told - much love to you AND yr GF !!
Thanks for watching mate!
I’ve never heard someone walk through this and explain it so well. The way it feels like such a fun, invigorating sexy thing to start the binge relapse - and that lasts a few days - to ending up hiding in bed under a ton of shame, guilt and fear. Ugh, and we do this over and over again. Thank you for sharing your story. This is not an easy journey but hearing about your experience makes me feel seen. 🙏
Thank you Allison. I always thought I was the only one who drank like this until I started talking about it, and listening to others. It's been the biggest part of my road to real sobriety.
I love your honesty and the manner in which you do your content. Very nice. I am sober after 32 years of constant drinking. I learn more from your video. Thanks mate. You rock. ☘
Thank you mate, and congratulations on breaking out of it.
I can relate to everything you described. It's a horrible existence. God bless you for this video ❤
This is the most accurate description of what happened to my partner in June of this year. Wish I’d seen this earlier. He was buried in August. Thank you so much for sharing, I hope this has helped someone out there 😢
Everybody is exactly the same in my eyes. If you hear 10.000 stories of alcoholism (in this case) you will see the same 4 5 tropes repeating over over and over.
We all all operate under the same principles at our cores. But life is so versatile, we end having 10.000 different stories out the very same core we all share!
Very, very true mate. 1 story told 10,000 different ways.
I read Caroline Knapp’s Drinking: A Love Story and that resonated with me as you have. The rawness of the intoxicating allure of alcohol but swaddled and dressed in all its pompous finery to disguise and misdirect your own keen eye on what’s real and what the alcohol is claiming is real. Thank you for this
I'll have to pick up a copy, thank you for the recommendation!
Unfortunately everything you have said here, I completely identify with. Thank you for sharing this with us.
Your video is exactly what I needed to see when I needed to see it. Thank you brother. Liked and subscribed.
Thanks for watching, and welcome to the channel. I hope you're doing good today!
@@_BatCountry Better than the last two. Working on perhaps a sober living situation for awhile. I can tell you're very well educated. I am a I.T. guy myself. My binges are nearly identical to your own. From a Germanic/Celt to I am guessing a strong Celt - much love brother. Next time you have that feeling hit a meeting... or do whatever it takes. I have heart pains, tingling arms - all of it my brother. They go away when I dont drink and take care of myself. I hope to see Berlin one day myself.
i once went to the grociey store during winter, with an open winterjacket with bare chest beneeth, and 2 different kind of shoes that were the wrong one on each food :/ (left food in right shoe) i cringe when i think back on that moment and what other people must have thought of me, my coping mechanism tells me that they might have thought it was a lost bet or something.
Brave and deeply honest. I know that world all too well, and you describe it so perfectly. Thank you so much. I'm going to show those who've been there for me, to help them better understand. Over the last 30 years or so I've moved from chronic, constant alcoholism to a pretty stable life in recovery. But every couple of years or so I'll have exactly the relapse you've described. This video goes into my arsenal of tools to defend against that. Thanks again!
Congrats on your sobriety Marc, it's a shame we had to bottom out before we fixed our lives up, but that's the pattern for people like us.
Help seems so overwhelming that it’s easier to just open a beer and learn to ignore all the SHIT
I am grateful to have found this channel. You are very articulate which helps me understand this situation.
You've very chillingly described what my binge relapses look like. The euphoria, the horror, the despair, the utter madness. Thankfully, I've been sober for three and a half years as of today. But you know what's crazy? There is still a part of me that relishes the idea of stepping back into that world of insanity. But not today. Thank you for sharing your experience. It's a gruesome reminder of the horrors that await if I decide to walk away from what I have today.
Edgar Allan Poe.
Yeah, I still get that pang of nostalgia for despair. I even miss the psych ward I was on sometimes, even though it was absolutely traumatising. I have to recognise that for what it is: not real nostalgia, but an urge to drink again. As soon as I realise that, it goes away.
Liked and subscribed for the very reasons you gave. I relax to the chilled voice and fall asleep to your advice, helping me to try and stay off the drink 👍
I’ve subbed. Great video. I had 3 dry spells last year which were 5-6 weeks in duration. I’m another break now which is looking like it’s the finale now, I feel much better sober. I like what you say because so many people can’t understand why I want to stop as they think I have a good handle on drinking. Yet when I’m drinking I drink heavy on weekends, feel guilty waking up in the mornings and feeling crap all week at work. It’s the cycle of death. To the untrained eye it looks fine but I’m
Done with it. The weekend warrior style drinking is a dangerous game because so many people around you don’t think you have a problem.
Thanks for the comment mate. I hope you get it beat, keep us updated, and maybe I should do a video about the thing you mentioned
@@_BatCountry that would be awesome
Great video brother. Your descriptions are so vivid and relatable. God bless
Thanks so much, I'm glad it connected with you.
2 weeks since my last bindge, great video Stu. It really is demonic
Congrats on 2 weeks! Keep us posted, and good luck with your progres.
Made 5 months today, never thought id get this far, and i hope to keep it up. Thank you so much for this vid
Congratulations, that's a huge milestone. You deserve to be proud of yourself!
First in. This should make up for leaving you out of my shoutout list. Binging. I know it all so well. Binging. It was my awful pattern. Is your drink one of those energy drinks? I can't consume those things because I get too nervous and shaky - almost a hangxiety potion. That binging I partook in would leave me a useless wreck. I was never functioning after I crossed the line. I dig your newish "hairdon't." Another great descriptive and articulate video. Cheers.
I'm not a big energy drink person either. I'll sometimes have a gatorade at the gym, but usually it's just water or coffee. In this video I'm drinking hibiscus juice, I have no idea what it was :D
It started with anxiety it continued with anxiety and it ends with anxiety. My vicious life story of self medicating to the depths of hell, hardcore alcoholism
I think it depends on the drink, nope to Red Bulls and Monsters
The music in the background is amazing. It's like listening to the radio. Great content man
Thank you mate! I like my stuff to have a kind of coffee shop vibe, ya know?
I went for about 5 years eating and drinking almost whatever I wanted. I would recognize it was a problem, but I just told myself I would stop eventually. Or I would feel so bad about it I would eat and drink more.
I got used to waking up and going to work hungover, slowly gaining weight from the excess calories from not only food but especially alcohol. I was consuming my daily calories requirements with alcohol, so any food I ate was just going over my metabolic rate. Alcohol also made me more likely to binge eat, one bad decision encourages another one.
I’ve lost 10 pounds in the past 2 months by eating clean, having only 2 drinks per day or whatever I can keep in my calorie limit, and walking a minimum of 10,000 steps a day. Having a limit and tracking how much I’m eating and drinking has really helped. I don’t know if I will ever stop completely, but Its becoming easier.
I stay away from liquor and only drink beer and cider. Very rarely I’ll have a mixed drink or a single celebratory shot. Enjoying a single beer or cider is a more enjoyable experience than drinking 12 every night.
If it works for you then keep it up! I think the 1-2 drinks/day is definitely poisoning your ability to lose weight, but slow progress is still progress. Good for you! Don't get complacent!
@@acmhfmggru thanks, I agree. My goal is to completely cut out alcohol or as much as I’m able to.