How to Be Vulnerable & Open Your Heart in Relationships
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- Опубликовано: 5 янв 2021
- From being the first to say “I love you” to sharing your emotional truth, being vulnerable in any relationship takes a lot of courage. While even just the thought of this may sound truly frightening, it is only through expressing your deepest feelings and needs aka being vulnerable that true intimacy can be achieved.
So how does someone that struggles with opening up and sharing their inner thoughts learn to be vulnerable? One learns vulnerability by treating being vulnerable as a practice. By being intentional and practicing vulnerability, being vulnerable will become a healthy habit over time. In my Vietnamese culture, vulnerability is widely seen as a weakness, which pretty much cemented opening up as one of my major life struggles. However, putting work in and learning to speak from the heart and be vulnerable, has also led to some of my greatest rewards in life. It is through being vulnerable that I have achieved stronger connections in all of my relationships - from friendships to my marriage and even at work.
Today, I’m sharing the essential steps of my own vulnerability practice because I believe that learning the art of vulnerability is the key to experiencing true joy in relationships. So if you’re ready to do the heart work and lean into vulnerability, hit play, and let’s get started.
Dating can be a tough game, no matter how positive and confident you are.
There will always be times when you feel like you're not good enough, when someone rejects you, or when you just can't seem to catch a break.
And it's in those moments that your mindset can make all the difference.
If you have a fixed mindset, you see rejection as a reflection of your worth as a person. You might give up easily, or convince yourself that it's just not meant to be. But if you have a growth mindset, you see rejection as an opportunity to learn and grow.
You might view each "failure" as a step closer to success, and you're never afraid to put yourself out there again. So which mindset do you want? The choice is yours.
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✅ Learn the secrets of what attracts the high-caliber singles you desire, and what will make them like you back and want to create a lasting relationship with you.
✅ Discover the #1 proven way to fix your dating picker: Learn 4-step Path to Love framework that helps you find lasting love with the physical and emotional connection like no other person you have ever dated. 💖.
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“You took the risk, you found out. You got your answer, you have closure. Now you can move on”
My father was never vulnerable.. never showed his emotions. .. and i think i got it from him... taking baby steps towards being better💕
same here, it is going to be a long and tough path, but I'm decided to work for it.
Same here
If I voiced my opinion I was struck in the face. Dad would just punch, mom had a backhand.
How did you go mate? I'm struggling with this atm and seeing a therapist, any advice? Tips? Books?
I feel this
I always feel like im on the verge of having a mental breakdown once i start becoming more direct and honest with my feelings especially if they're negative
it takes practice but so worth it - you get your answer whether someone can meet your needs or not. Then you can walk away with closure.
I hate asking questions. Whether it's asking for help or a favor because I hate being rejected, turned down or made fun of for not knowing. It really takes me back to being a kid and choosing to fail math because I didn't want people to think I needed help.
I’ve been hurt and have seen a lot of good people around me get hurt. So it’s hard for me to be vulnerable because I have a fear of looking stupid. But I love very deeply I’m just afraid of expressing it.
I have a hard time being vulnerable. I have always been trying to appear perfect. I rarely have shared my opinions, emotions, and even my photos in social media.
It is difficult for me to get close to people. Maybe I look good from outside (happy) but deep down I feel very lonely.
Thank you very much for this video
I get it and totally understand. Being vulnerable is bite size so take some baby steps with people you already trust and see how they react. Remember not to take things personally or be attached to the outcome. It’s more for you to start seeing how safe it can be with the right people. Good luck and thank you for watching. 😊
🥺I would rather let my heart be broken and feel all emotions than to live like a robot.I am done with that phase of being stuck and powerless and living like a robot.
True
I decided as a child after I got in trouble for sharing my feelings with my parents that I would never let anyone see me cry. So I don't feel comfortable with feeling volunerable. It feels unnatural but I realised it makes it hard for me to commit completely to any partners bc I want to always run when it gets too hard
I did and I got the closure I needed. A broken relationship is better than a broken marriage. I am free to know that people can be shallow
oml. I felt every single sentence you said. And yeah.. I have a lot to do to learn to be braver and accepting of myself. faults and all. Thank you
The self-awareness starts here. You're doing an amazing job!
I have a really hard time admitting I did something wrong. In my eyes I didn't do anything wrong, but to my partner, she let's me know when I'm not being open with her. So I snap back, I make excuses, and I point the finger at her instead of taking responsibility of my actions. That's why I'm here. To better myself for not only her, but for myself too.
Thank you I’m now in a healthy happy relationship but I’m working on being vulnerable and I’m overthinking all of it I’m scared or nervous to speak up but I’m going to next time.
Omg same.
I struggle with accepting the difference of acknowledgments when speaking about my own feelings. I struggle with facing my own emotions because I've been so used to just tucking my emotions away and not facing them . Im watching this video because I don't want to loose the one person I truly love and care for . I don't want to feel like I haven't tried to do what is being asked of me . I try to avoid outcomes that I don't know how to respond or react to .
It start with baby steps. Think about it like slowly trying to develop a habit. It takes time like riding a bike. Just take small steps. See what the outcome is each time. As it shows positive reactions it will become Easier and easier. Good luck!
I want to learn how to be vulnerable, I'm not good at show my emotions, because for me, it sounds like that i'm weak person.
But I have learnt my lesson, my person is good at be vulnerable and show emotions towards me.
But me I never open up to my person, I never told my person that I love her or tell her that I have same dream lifestyle that she want to live.
I want to learn how to open up, and be vulnerable, and I wanna learn show my emotions.
Now I have to work on myself and learn my self. Because I really love my person.
But I never been angry or abusive towards her, I just shutdown and running from her.
So it's not healthy for her and for me.
So I have to work on my self so I can be with her and talk with each other about our problems. I don't wanna lose her and I don't wanna lose me either.
Thank you for this video. 🙏
I just cried when I saw this video coz I just shut down if something happens that I do not like.I am willing to learn to be vulnerable.I have met someone who has been showing and telling me they love me but I am just afraid to open up about how I feel towards them too.They really love me and if he tells me he wants to come see me I just don't say anything
Don’t be so hard on yourself. Vulnerability takes practice. You can open up slowly. Hopefully you can slowly trust.
I’m feeling the same way. I’m in a fairly new relationship, and I’m struggling to be vulnerable, but I am wanting to learn
Thank you for your time and your growing knowledge from your personal experiences engaging vulnerability. I also grew up in an environment where emotions were considered an attack, where having sensitivity was a weakness and a character flaw, very personal and damaging critiques to face as a child, that very quickly simmered into resentment. It becomes increasingly difficult the more you succeed, being that you heal some parts-or at least acknowledge- and that starts the avalanche of repressed hurt and emotions to follow suit. I think it’s the hardest to be vulnerable with yourself, especially when you know the amazing person you can be but you’re staring at your own flaws and have to face your inner maze. I found my beautiful partner and I want nothing more than to have an amazing life with them, but my communication is so poor and so passive aggressive. I never knew how to express emotions and they have so much anxiety and trust around closeness that it’s hard to both correct my behavior and be kind to them. It’s a hard decision but taking that choice is within the realm of any habit; you’ll have set backs and hard days and times where you want to give up or see no future, but continually choosing to make that effort is saying everything. You’re willing and you’re acknowledging that it’s not a concrete part of who you are, it’s something that you’ve grown with yourself, and it’s a lot harder to let go of when you don’t have closure. I’m working to sit with my hurt self and to be okay with being uncomfortable. Just because it doesn’t feel good doesn’t mean it’s wrong, in this case. I hope to continue to be awakened to my actions and to have the capacity to face then head on and allow my partner to see who I am, even if it’s not something I’m proud of or can defend. Cheers.
Within my relationship, I always find it hard to apologize, take accountability, and not "cut him down" in the process of an argument. The positive of our relationship is that we communicate these things later on and we always acknowledge what we need to do better. But it's after the damage is done. I want to do better in the moment because I don't want to lose this great love over something I could've fixed. I can take accountability in my head but I need to think more about what HE needs to hear from me. I need to learn how to put it into action, especially in a heated/high-tension argument or discussion.
I get it and honestly I grew up in a home that handled conflict the same way. So here is a habit that might help shift your communication. Instead of saying those mean things out loud, hold off your initial reaction and write them down. Once your anger dissipates, then have a conversation with him on what issues came up. Focus on the behavior rather than belittling his whole character. Then collaborate on a solution. This way you won't get to the point of "hurt people hurt people". However it is so important to take accountability and work on changing our behavior when we are wrong. It fosters trust with our partner. Hope that helps!
I’ve had problems in the past being open with my thoughts and insecurities and because of that it ruined friendships and relationships that could of worked out.Ive been seeking to improve myself,this video helped a lot thank you.
bro ur beautiful ! soul and shell, thank u
I've never understood what "let your guard down" or "not be afraid of showing vulnerability" even mean. Those questions just put a puzzled look on my face then the person asking just thinks I'm hiding something
I know this is a romantic relationship channel, but I found this video when I needed some advice on how to be vulnerable in general within my friendships.
I realized how much it hurts me to share in the vulnerability bond as my two very special friends do. When I feel hurt or get triggered by something within our friendship, I run away. I pull away. As if I feel unsafe even though I know they are the most safest and empathetic friends I've ever met. They'd ask me, "how are you" and I say, "I'm okay" and then either reciprocate that phrase or run away in a busy manner. I've told them before that it hurts me that I'm not vulnerable with them, and they say, "that's okay" but it doesn't feel okay at all. I know they are just respecting my process, and I know I'm very much not respecting my process with how I've been coping with that pain. I can tell at this point of coping that it's been built up and now I've physically attacked myself since no one else was doing it. Obviously, I feel it doing more harm then good. I want to be vulnerable and share when I feel unseen. It happens a lot. I've been very much invalidating that emotion time and time again because my friends are amazing people and it makes, not a lot sense to me that I'd feel unseen or hurt in any type of way. And to make sure I wouldn't go into a victim role when I feel this way, I'd make sure to say to myself "This is on me. This hurt my fault because my feelings are my responsibility." So I got angry at myself because with that story, I am hurting my own emotions because of my own expectations within my needs not being met. I shouldn't expect, right? I shouldn't want to be seen, right? I think the problem with me was trying to control a reaction. That's impossible. I think the better course of action after watching this video is to control my reaction. To state how feel either on the spot if I can, or as soon as possible. Then, I would have done everything that I can to be seen and heard. I'm thinking that maybe my responsibility to myself are those two things. Whether my friends want to see me and hear me is up to them after I voice how I feel. Whether they want to love me still is up to them. At the end of the day, I really do cherish this friendship that I have, and I want to get closer. Running away truly doesn't feel like the answer. I must for myself and my own sanity, slowly, but surely express my vulnerability. It's really scary. So much so that I can feel myself shaking and tears coming to my eyes. But I gotta do it. Because if I don't, then I'm throwing away a friendship for the wrong reason.
Anywho, thank you ❤️
Thank you so much for sharing your story and being vulnerable here with us. ❤️. You are absolutely right that speaking your truths and being heard is your power. It will take practice but I promise it will feel so good as you begin to show up as your authentic self. Super proud of you lady. Keep it going 👏👏👏
I so appreciate your being so open and vulnerable here. One thing that has helped me heal and find my voice (I'm still working on them both) is journalling. Sometimes it feels way too dangerous to share speak your truth when you're triggered. But after you've been sharing your feeling and telling yourself hard truths on paper it'll get easier to tell your friends. Journalling helps us heal, so some of the things you might have once thought needed to be said will go away. The things you still need to say, and there will be a lot because that's the nature of relationships, start small. Maybe even set up what you're about to say first, then ease into it. Your friends will only love you more. Blessings to you.
I have a long way to go in being vulnerable. I thank you for sharing your story. It has helped me see that I'm not alone.
@@kristoltribble5945same here 😅😅
I struggle with articulating them in a way that is not passive aggressive, in a way that shows vulnerability instead of anger. I struggle with how they’ll react rom fear that they will leave me or hate me for saying how I feel. I struggle with being able to allow others to see that I’m not okay and judge me for it.
I deal with narcissistic parents who consistently make it seem like I'm horrible when I try to be vulnerable. I can't talk to them because it'll just be thrown in my face. I have friends I'm trying to get better at being vulnerable with but it so hard when the people I'm around won't let me speak to practice. I feel when I have a relationship (friendships or not) I'll mess up because I didn't have enough practice.
It is okay to mess up don't let that discourage you. Keep on doing it till you start feeling comfortable. Trust me the right people will be very forgiving even when you don't do things perfect they will be compassionate. Those are the people you want in your life anyway :)
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Yay. Congratulations to opening your heart and bringing you two closer. It’s a practice. I believe in you. Keep up the good work 👏👏👏
I struggle with fear of rejection and no control over my emotional outbursts. I hurt someone, and now I am too afraid to go to them and say that I'm sorry, ask for forgiveness and express how much I do love them and want to try to work it out. I'm convinced that they hate me.
I'm so sorry, know you are not alone. It might be beneficial to do some therapy work on your emotions. Most of the outburst is the lack of the ability to express yourself from the initial trigger. It is something that you can overcome if you learn the tools and habits to do so. And it is so powerful to take accountability for your actions, its also too late to ask for forgiveness.
Woooow love your message, im practicing vulnerabilty because i realized i repress my feelingsva lot, and im emociónaly unavailable because of that, and im Start practicing become emocionaly aváilable to find love
One step at a time. I know you can do it!
Growing up vulnerability was consedired wrong and weak I was not allowed to express my feelings...I felt that I was wrong for feeling sad or angry or for needing more love and attention I felt that I was asking for too much that I was a burden on my parents that my feelings made their lives harder...I felt bad for feeling anything....and even when I loved someone and become vulnerable for the first time of my life he cheated on me...now I ‘m fighting again to be vulnerable again and to love again
One of the absolute best videos I’ve seen on RUclips, I’ve been on RUclips for 15 years so that does not come as a lightweight complement. That’s a heavy weight complement!!
Thank you so much. It is always wonderful to receive feedback like this. I try my best to bring in tips to that help. I appreciate it 🙏
Well-said, thanks for sharing🥺
I find myself constantly upset that my feelings aren’t being considered in my friendships and relationships I don’t know how to let myself be emotional I get scared because much like you said everytime I tried to express myself it was taken as disrespect so I feel like I have to prepare for confrontation everytime I want to say how I feel so most of the time no matter how simple things may be I keep them to myself. I’m very good at communicating and rationalizing my emotions but I don’t know how to let them out and express them as they come. And I feel like it prevents me from making emotional connections with people I tend to have more intellectual or physical connections and I end up never actually feeling loved or like anyone cares about me
Wow thank you for sharing Rich. I want you to know I can so relate, it’s something I struggle with too. One of the things I love to do is journal my feelings out. In a way it’s practice to learn how to share your thoughts and feelings in a safe space. Would you be open to trying that?
I often find myself repressing my feelings because I don’t want to come off as “overreacting” or “over emotional”. This makes me lose my voice and confidence in speaking my truth. My goal for 2022 is to be more vulnerable and unashamed of my feelings.
Love that 2022 goal. Being vulnerable is courageous
Why do almost all time stamps sound like Minecraft enchantments 😅. Anyways great video:)
It’s hard to be vulnerable , i don’t even know where to start . i don’t want to lose my partner .
i struggle with being vulerable because i was abused as a kid until i was 17 by my sister, and no matter how many times i spoke about how i was feeling. i was shut down, and those feelings were dismissed and i was told that it didn't happen. And that has continued in my life by others when i share how i feel. So i tend to just 'let bygones be bygones' and assume they wont understand or be able to connect to me.
I've grown so much and im wonderful about being vulnerable to myself. and im able to healthily deal with my emotions with myself and come to peace with it. so while my needs are being met by myself, i (subconsciously) dont allow people to help meet my needs. leading to a lack of deep connection with my peers
I will always sacrifice myself for others and it’s starting to be really hard
Showing how anxious I feel
I struggle with sharing and connecting with my partner sexually and just intimately in almost every way. Thank you for this video it was so helpful for me
I’m so glad it was helpful. It just takes practice to open your heart up.
I'm afraid I'll ruin her mood. That she'll think I'm unreliable. But i also don't want to ruin what we have. So instead i close myself off and distance myself...
Imagine the love and connection you’ll have when you can show your genuine heart ❤️
@@AmieLeadingham yes tysm for the response. I definitely believe communication is important and hope eventually I can share how I feel.
Hi Amie, I just want to say I'm so very grateful that you shared this video with the world. As background, I'm asian and in high school. I related to a lot of what you were saying and your video helped me understand what is going on in my life. So, thank you, truly. -G
I’m so glad that it was helpful to you, getting these messages just make my day. Thank you!
I’m an avoidant man who never was vulnerable with the many women I dated but now I’m trying to work on myself in therapy and there is someone new that I was to open up to but I realize how terrified I am of abandonment and rejection but I know I have to try or I could regret it and never change and stay stuck in these patterns.
Proud of you for working on yourself. It takes incredible courage.
My partner just walked out on me because of not being able to be vulnerable and get out of the bad habits I have accumulated over the years. My will to do the things I should of been doing resulted in a lot of the things you had mentioned; moody/frustrated from not being able to find the words how I felt
Its never too late to learn Jack, I've worked with people from 21 to 70 years old that are able to start opening up. Please know its all habits.
I relate hard to the talking back ❤
youre awesome! thanks for this video
I don’t mean relationships I mean attracting high quality women too date with vulnerability.
Like when you tell a woman how she makes you feels based on her beauty. I told her: I think her eyes are f**king enchanting. It opened her to bring that vulnerable side of her and we talked about common interests with intimacy.
She was a lot more different than other girls too me, a small town girl. I think you really gotta expanded your locations, and think outside of the box too truly find a woman that’s good for your soul.
I have tried several times to tell someone what is going on with me (at the moment I am at home with a burn-out) I tell them for example that I am scared to start working again, because I am not sure if I can handle it, instead of somebody comforting me, they are being hard and telling me to get my s..t together. When I told my friend I was being in hard spot, worrying about the changes, he start to tell me to be harder and stronger towards myself. I am hard on myself putting everyone before me. I worked even though I was already burned out in Augustus up till the end of March. And than I am told to be harder on myself. This makes me feel even more insecure and it makes me so sad and misunderstood.
I’m so sorry you don’t have the support you need. I personally have a therapist for those moments when no friend can relate or can give me support. She says that friends may not have the tools to give you the support you need that is when it’s important to speak to a professional. Have you thought of working with one?
I don’t think I mind being vulnerable.
I think I have an issue doing so when I think someone is cheating or being unloving! And they are not likely to be honest! All I have is intuition so doubting them is sort of extra sensory!
What’s the thinking in such situations!
I struggle to know when to be vulnerable, weather its too soon to talk about why i feel the way i do, since it often comes with heavy topics about my childhood. I dont want to accidentally trauma dump on my peer
Thanks.
I do struggle with it alot and im here looking for help
Thank you. I have most of the characteristics you just said, Can anybody help me to fix myself?? Right now I'm having a really bad time with no love and having literally zero friends.
Every time I'm vulnerable it backfires. Starting to think that maybe it actually is better for men to never open up.
Damn, you got all of dem right, It's so hard for me to say romantic stuff to my girl cuz of love scars from before. SOmetimes I just wanna hug her and say those three words
I want to be loving and open up deeply with my partner but I’m just so scared and I feel ashamed of it. Why is this so hard?
It all comes from my dad telling me to show no weaknesses and man up
I am so afriad of opening up I feel like it makes me weak and this has affected me alot, and I just realized I have the axious attchment style, I am abit afraid of dating for now. Yeah I have taken steps to work on myself I am dong therapy, self care & personal learning for my growth, at a personal level I am happy and I have been able to mange my anxiety and overthinking challenge... but I feel i am still afraid of dating😔
I wish there were more vids with examples of how to communicate vulnerability in work situations. My coworkers do care about me but and I've been going thru a painful time but don't share when they ask how I am. What's some examples of sharing pain?
I feel like I lack being a woman it feels like with my fiancé who I have been with for almost 10 years I lack the love that I should have for him I lack the compassion and I don’t know why because I really do love him and want to marry him soon
Sometimes it has to do with our upbringing and how we were conditioned to show love or lack of their of. Just trust your gut. Do what’s right for you 🙏
I have a hard time with letting people in and im trying
Hi amie , new sub here.. I loved ur video and now my question to you is how do I start slowly opening up . I've been in many bad relationships and Iam finally with someone that has the greatest heart and love for me . But as soon as I start overthinking , my wall immediately goes up he doesn't deserve it but I'm so scared of being hurt .
First of all. I'm sooooo happy you met someone that is loving you for you. What an exciting thing to here, the key is to slowly open up. It isn't about oversharing but slowly open up and see how your partner receives it. If they are embracing and understanding and you see each time you open up they respond in a way that makes you feel nurtured and safe... there is a level of trust that is built with consistency. And each time.. you see that they are sharing something special about them with you too in return. That is how trust is built. Does that make sense?
express from your heart, now from your brain... open your heart, connect to your
I struggle with being vulnerable and communicating with my partner about it. I want to be better at this. I need help
I struggle with in the beginning as to how far I should go? If I’m coming on too strong or maybe not even enough. I have a real bad thing about not calling because my ex would never pick up the phone and it was always some bs going on so now I won’t call unless they call me. If they don’t text me back for hours I won’t double or triple text then I’ll just be like oh well wasn’t meant to be. It’s really hard for me to engage my emotions and my feelings because I am carrying some rejection and fear from the last relationship and I’m not sure how to navigate through these emotions
Could you tell me what is the general meaning of vulnerability, or vulnerability in case of students??
It's like I want to open up but I just don't know how or when to do so :/ how much is too much? How much is too little?
What I have a problem being vulnerable when telling someone I miss them and I love her. I had a crush on this girl in middle school and we had to move because of my dads job. I never got a chance to say about how I feel about her and now I want to tell her all
These years later how much our friendship means to me. Ever since the move I have been rejected which is okay. But there is one thing that is on my mind and I can think about. How do I be vulnerable and talk about my feelings to someone without when I am uptight defensive position?
We’ll there might need to be some inner child healing that needs to be done. Did you grow up in a home where it was safe to express your emotions?
What if you regret emotions?
Great info, I learned so much from this!!! could you please give some examples of how to be vulnerable with someone?
Yes! Thanks for the suggestion. I will do a video on that ❤️
@@AmieLeadingham thx
Hey Ana, did a new video on examples of vulnerability just because of your request. I hope this helps : ruclips.net/video/_oW5kDrrPeQ/видео.html
@@AmieLeadingham Woah what an amazing gift!!! Thanks so much for this, I really appreciate it from the bottom of my heart
Coach .hi pls pls pls reply me , I begged and pleaded allot to my husband to not leav me , but he said he want to make me girl frnd (as Love one ) .. I rejected and told him wish you good luck and I don’t like this idea to break marriage and change in too girl frnd and not frnd ..
Now I blocked him is that right thing to take him back ? I mean using NC is right now ?
Block him
How to say goodbye when the end is clear?
Great question. I just did a video on how to break up kindly. Just look it up on my channel. Hope it helps you.
People laugh at you or ignore you and use feelings to manipulate you further.. :/
My wife is ready to leave me if I don’t make some big changes in being vulnerable with her. I need big help. I wear my emotions on my sleeve but they typically come out as anger
I’m so sorry Kenny. If you need support on learning how to open up. I can help. Visit me at amiethedatingcoach.com and book a call with me. Vulnerability takes time to develop and learn. It doesn’t happen overnight. Talk soon.
I don’t believe that you need to be 100% vulnerable with your wife about everything!! Believe me, that shows as a weakness. Your wife is not your therapist. Be vulnerable with your male friends. With your wife, be a little bit vulnerable, but you have to communicate to her that you can overcome and win the situation, otherwise, she will not trust you and count on you.
Not me but my partner has a hard time
I'm afraid if I show my guy this video, he'll use it, but not for us.
The culture thing n not being able to speak up is so true but I don’t want to be emotionally unavailable anymore
:'(
its hard when u are a man. wont girls feel unprotected?
Can i marry you?
I'm 20 and after a breakup I cried alot . So because of that I developed a " crying and showing emotions is pathetic" mentality and only wanted to become stronger physically.
Fast forward 5 years and I'm 20 and I met this woman who's 21 and she's amazing ,she's a phsycology major and is big on communication but I'm about to loose her if I can't communicate irate when I'm mad or annoyed ect. She gets fixated on the negatives and she's said I have more pros than cons but she still does it. I'm insecure about loosing her after her telling me she'll always choose me and love me but here I am like an insecure fuck ignoring all that . She's going out to drink with her friend aka go bar hoping and to a cowboy dance hall. And I don't care if she drink but I don't want her to drink to where she doesn't know where she is or doing. And I'm afraid that she'll have a one night stand or cheat on me because she's drinking. She doesn't get drunk but I'm still afraid of it happening. Im just an insecure fuck who's afraid of loosing possibly the best woman