"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" is what validated my people-pleasing, in the sense that if I treated people the way I wanted to be treated, I would get the same back - not that I should be expected to be treated the same way... I did expect to be treated the same way, actually, but I also didn't think I deserved it - that not doing out of anything more than an act of charitable compassion meant I was using them and a horrible person.
Wow! I am so thankful for this video. Made me realise how stupid I was to put up with such inexcusible behaviour from my ex girlfriend. I was gas lighted on numerous occasions and fell for so many of her lies and seductive ways .I was blinded by the love I thought she had for me! So help me god that I was able to pull myself away from this toxic relationship! Hope this never ever happens to me again.
Its happening to me again right now, even though i am fully aware of what it is from my last relationship. I think more women than not are becoming this way, so there is a good chance it will happen again.
Now THIS is a good video. Well balanced in basics for sanity if you have gotten off base, or were never on base for a healthy balance. This is explaining a well rounded person. The BEST I have watched. I am so sick of all the talk of "labeling" people-I think it just confuses things and makes people MORE confused and NOT take responsibility for themselves because now they have a "sickness". Bullshit-Take responsibility for yourself. Grow a pair and face yourself. Good, bad and ugly. Take action and examine yourself the way she explained. Thank You.
Kristin, your videos/resources are priceless. With the myriad of personalities, emotions, chaos, etc...that the average person is exposed to via television, internet, workplace, home-life, etc.., the need for professional psyco/social guidance is at an all time high. The majority of people can't afford a personal therapist; therefore, your videos, website, blog, etc... meet a critical need. You not only provide your own professionally articulated guidance, but you point the reader/listener to other effective, easily obtainable, resources. So often, RUclips videos come with a request for purchase of a product or services, yet your's come with no strings. I find this refreshing. Your reasons for entering the field/profession are spoken loudly without using words. YOU CARE, and your concern is reaching far and wide...changing lives for the good. Kudos, for a job well done! I plan on following your impressive practice!
I had the unfortunate opportunity in obtaining and Cluster B personality boss. She started out all nice and willing to do things. I got to know here pretty well and that all changed overnight. Then the gaslighting started. The first year of dealing with it I had severe insomnia from questioning myself. She suggested I seek therapy and questioned if i was going to commit suicide. Along with the lack of sleep I lost 30 pounds and found myself in deep depresssion.... It took me two more years to get out of the funk and finally realize its not me. I started telling her I was seeking work elsewhere. I ended up getting and offer and she couldn't understand why I wanted to leave. Funny thing happened though. I invested so much of my time researching personalities that I am now looking into psychology as a degree path. I really don't want anybody else to go through what I went through..... I also want to help those who experienced the same thing.....
Thanks for explaining Gaslighting and how to handle it when it happens. Your steps recommend a lot of work but I think this kind of personal inventory is definitely worthwhile. Great video.
Thank you so much for the info. By listening to you I have just learnt that I have been gaslighted for 17 years. 40 days of lockdown has confirmed this. I have a long road of recovery ahead. I need to act very soon to preserve my sanity. Unsure of how to inform my "Gaslighter"Husband about gaslighting.
Topics for suggestion.. 1. Narcissism Personality Disorder 2. More on Codependents Personality Disorder (Both the addict and the fixer/people pleaser). 3. Emotional Manipulation. 4. Anti-Social Personality DisorderTHANK YOU for the info on what Gas Lighting and how to overcome it. Please keep making these videos. I haven't seen your other videos yet, but your gas lighting videos are very well done.
Kristin, THANK YOU for posting this video! Great clarity on gaslighting, unhealthy relationships and things I can do to make changes, reestablish boundaries and find myself. Love the 13 steps to rebuild a sense of self.
After years of gaslighting that resulted in alcoholism and 6 years closely connected in a 12 step group, all the fourth step and subsequent support from those with years of sobriety taught me was that I had no right to my feelings that helped me go no contact with abusive people because my even my sober behavior was why they abused me, that their abuse was not actually abuse and that for me to recover, after becoming convinced I abused my abusers, I then had to reinstate contact and go to them and apologize for hurting psychologically and physically dangerous people. AA 1) gaslighted me to believe abuse is ok, 2) taught me my feelings were pathological and based on a false perception of my experiences and relationships 3) that people’s behavior is my responsibility so if abusive people (we’re talking borderline personality disorder people) don’t change the way they treat me when I change the way I respond and react to them and also quit holding them responsible for treating me poorly that I am not working the program right because it works if you work it so basically teaching me everyone has the power to change anyone’s behavior and if they don’t do so successfully then they are at fault. Have you ever worked the program? It doesn’t work on borderlines and it resulted in my sexual exploitation and near fatal abuse by a borderline I married after 6 years in the program that I had been brainwashed by AA and him to believe that not only was I responsible for his behavior, but I would have serenity if I just accepted my reality instead of trying to change it. It’s a double edge sword - accept the things you cannot change and have the courage to change things you can after years of being propagandized to believe that you teach people how to treat you. That is not the case with borderlines and they literally not only will do the most fucked up things to make leaving near impossible, they will not respect your attempts to go no contact because boundaries threaten their survival and they will violate them any time out of the blue repeatedly in unimaginable ways that is within the law or leaves no evidence or witnesses so you can’t even get a protective order against them or get a magistrate to take a warrant out on them because it’s just your word against yours. I truly hope you qualify AA propaganda is effective with psychologically healthy people but can be life threatening if you use it on BPDs, NPDs and ASDs who usually fly under your radar as pathological for years as you keep trying AA, 4th step, 8th step and serenity prayer as tools to achieve a healthy relationship due to a falsely implanted belief that was probably reinforced for years. Hearing people who promote the 4th step to people who have been or are being abused sets my alarm system into overdrive and makes me fear the safety of others who may try the 12 steps.
Hi Kirsten, I just wanted to say, that I believe your very gifted in your 💐 communication about this highly difficult subject of bountries, and say thank you for videos they are most appreciated & helpful God Bless You in all you endeavour to do In the future..
So informative, everyone needs to know these things to bring health to the broken relationship dynamics that are pervasive throughout society. On the surface, these are tools and techniques to ultimately get at the unknown/hidden subconscious drives, needs, desires and ultimately beliefs. It is these beliefs that govern all behavior. While values are important, I think most peoples number one value is truth. Truth is what sets the stage for safety and security, trust, faith, confidence, the first primal emotional need in the hierarchy. Without truth, doubt creeps in, then fear takes over the drive, seeking protection, and again truth in the end. Truth of reality. Truth of reality seems to be relative/subjective and is colored by beliefs, and confusion sets in when false beliefs are programmed into the subconscious. This false programming is prevalent throughout culture and personal relationships. It appears the programming is centered around competition, scarcity and insecurity. Thus, it is no wonder these problems with inadequacy are pervasive in societal relationships.
While I do think it's annoying when people say 'you're on your period, so you're invalidated, I definitely appreciate when it's brought to my attention that I may be acting differently because I sometimes don't realize that I am acting 'crazy' or more emotional, and I do think it is my responsibility as a woman to be in control of these things (even though it is often difficult). Otherwise, I love these videos. Thank you so much!
very clear. more so than the 5 different individual and marriage counselors I have been too. it's like a good foundation. 1 counselor asked me once what my part was in it...until today I didn't understand what that was. thanks.
You have an amazing way of making complex topics easy to understand. Topic suggestions; What are the best ways to self-soothe and self-heal if one has been through trauma and doesn't have access to therapy?
After watching this video, I'm surmising that the general takeaway is to stay away from assholes. Self esteem stays intact then. No safe place or listening empaths required when you have nothing to complain about.
what if their are people that know they are gaslighting me. like coworkers, ppl who I thought loved and cared about me. I knew I was right that something has been messed up for years. they dont want to stop it.
In my case him and his mother are using all kind of manipulation and put downs and using the blame game to make me feel quilty. when he can't get to me he uses his mom to do the harrasing.it saddened me that it has gotta to the point where I can't believe or trust people anymore. it's been a long journey of torment. I never in my life have experience absolute cruelty
I was gas lit so long ago. I knew how it was done Particularly by one person but I hope this will not come too late. This person came to my home n insisted on using my washing machine . She misused it so that it broke twice. Two years or more ago. I wish operated on my genitalia.thanks
when we realize the past hurts with this fact, how do we keep a good discernment and healthy stance to give the relationship a chance and move forward with forgiving and learning attitude? After I cutting off, the person keeps apologizing and sending a greeting, then I took steps back now and no reply. However, I was very struggling about it, because I do love him and I love myself more now so I move forward by doing ghosting him, is there any approach that I can make peace with this person, or should I just let the lesson be the lesson?
Can you do a video on men who have been emotionally enmeshed by their mother? Wasted three years while my ex put his mother first. Wasted time and energy. I didn't know anything about the issue until I woke up one day!
I really appreciate these videos, but do you think you could give some tips for the gaslighter? I've had these problems with my relationship but I have subconsciously been gaslighting and I hate it. I just want to improve so my girlfriend doesn't have to feel so stressed over my mistakes.
+Mexican shoe 42 I think it's awesome that you're aware of your patterns and are willing to change them. I would suggest you watch my video on healthy relationships versus codependent relationships. That will help you create boundaries and hopefully not feel triggered to gaslight. Also, agree to disagree with your girlfriend when she doesn't see things the way you do. Her reality and perspective is just that: hers. You get your own reality and perspective, too. Sometimes they don't match. And that's ok. Sometimes it's important to just listen to and understand where another is coming from and how they process their information. You can disagree with their perspective. It's doesn't have to be mean or disrespectful or threatening. You are both just different. I wish you the best!!
New to your channel how do I spend time with non gas lighters in family or friends just noticed that most I know are all gaslighters 😞. They want tell me why they are gaslighting but starting too think my ex and her family have alot to do with that . Trying to heal but I know that myself can't go full no contact can't afford to move away from these creeps . Just know the things they tell people doesn't represent me . They want me feel me to feel guilty for being human . They don't take a look at themselves just blame me for everything . They can't tell me if something was wrong without attacking me . Many flaws I have they have too .But they don't see it that way . How can we fix a relationship without taking a look at themselves . Humans make mistakes no one's is flawless . I get punished for the same things they do . I know I might of said some hurtful things in the past but they also have and lately for many years been instigating with me . Noticed why they were saying such hateful things it's when I found out they were breaking in my apartment and stealing from me then making death threats at me for holding them accountable for their abusive behavior then they tried Flipping the script on me .
@@KristinSnowden Not sure maybe I should watch again still trying to pickup better on too why I am being gaslighted . Cause my narc and their harem sure as hell won't tell me .
With all the respect I have for you and love your videos btw this time I disagree. Minute 1:40 how can we say that the gas lighter does not know that they are trying to manipulate you???? No matter what they gaslighter knows that he is a lier and he is a manipulator.... what do you mean when you say that it’s important to know that the gaslighter does not know he is trying to manipulate you into not believing your own reality?
Hi. Thank you for so respectfully disagreeing with me. I can completely appreciate your perspective and point of view I agree that sometimes people will gaslight on purpose because they are trying to “throw someone off the scent” or they’re invested in keeping that person in the dark by denying their reality and experience. However, during my many years of working with addicts who will often lie, gaslight, and manipulate in order to maintain their addict-behaviors, I notice that their narrative (retrospectively) was that their main intentions were never to drive their loved ones crazy by gaslighting them but instead to “protect” their addiction. They engage in an exhausting cycle of engaging in their acting out behaviors (drugs, sex, gambling, etc.) while also trying to hide it from those in their lives. They’re more invested in maintaining a facade that they’re not totally losing it and falling apart. Many non-addict relationships will have dynamics like that, as well (but not always). A person who’s gaslighting is often most invested in maintaining power, “puffing up their chest” to appear more stable or knowledgeable, or “better” than the other. It’s a defensive move. Metaphorically speaking, its like a person turns a mirror on the gas lighter, pointing out reality, the gaslighter’s ego is too fragile to look in the mirror and see the reality so instead they just respond “No, that’s not a real mirror and that’s not reality”. It is manipulative. It is abusive. But its also a little more layered beyond that. Hope that helps? What do you think?
Look the topic is great, but the sound is terrible. It would be worth recording it again or having someone work on the audio tracks... Thanks anyway for a great talk.
I believe you can apply the same 13 steps I suggest in Part 2 of the gaslighting video in a relationship with a parent just as much as you can apply the steps to a relationship with an intimate partner.
I do believe that truth is an independent identity. Your truth, or reality, or perspective, or whatever you want to call it is developed over a lifetime of independent experiences, values, lessons, mistakes, etc. We all have instincts and intuition that filter our truths. Your reality is not my reality...yet we all have to co-exist....makes for some challenging relationships and experiences, to say the least.
Kristin Snowden Hers was an interesting point to me because the nature of truth eliminates the possibility for many truths. I think perception is a much better word in this case. Of course in any scenario there is one truth about what actually occurred but because we are not privy to things like knowing with certainty other people's motives, feelings, or emotions we have to interpret what we see to some degree. Our interpretation of what we see and hear is colored by conclusions we have come to from past experiences for better or for worse. It doesn't change reality it still is what it is but it is our perception of reality. We have to make a good faith effort to find things that are coloring our perceptions we need to hear others as they share their perceptions too but in the end, our perception is what we have. Nobody else's is more reliable than our own.
Had a co workers girlfriend that was completely a covert narcissistic personality and she wanted to have a sexual experience with me and the first we tried I told her I’m not into it ... and she was all built up... we did eventually have a one night stand and it was okay?? But she hated me and came for me everyday after wards she worked on isolating me and the smear campaign... we didn’t talk for months Then right before a concert that like 8 friends were going to... she blew my phone up a week prior oh let’s talk ... I finally gave in and did ... it was completely disingenuous she admitted she was jealous that one of our friends and I had become so close... we go to another city get a hotel and worms her way into my and the friends... then got back to the room our friend is missing money out of her purse and guess what ...I’m am now a thief... I was accused of stealing money then told I was a piece of shit because I went to breakfast by myself at 6 am , oh then was accused of making the whole trip all about me ... when they spent the whole concert without me ... then told I drank all the booze which aren’t cheep... I had my credit card holding two rooms I brought my own booze and extra clothes for the covert narcissistic to ware... I spent the whole concert alone and lost ... then was yelled at the next morning on the phone as they exited the building and said we are only going to pay 40 each for 235 $ room ..... I had another friend there that gave me a ride back to our city .... this covert narcissistic POS ran me over so fast and so persistently that I was left with my head spinning and dumbfounded... she had it all planned when she was blowing my phone up the week prior.... I left my job because I was so stressed out and she treated me like shit daily and got her manager boyfriends hate me too.... our mutual friend had never ever talked to me again... I was completely isolated and cried daily, my reputation now was I was a thief and I was shunned and nobody cared to hear my version ... all I could do was leave my job... the covert narcissistic sent me a text saying I can’t believe what you did to CA (mutual friend) your a real piece of shit and I won’t have people like you in my life.... this is the covert narcissist that I paid for her ticket and she never paid me back She was never suppose to be in mine and CAs room but worked her way in and then she refused to pay her half and talked CA into not paying her half I guess.... because she now was a victim of me..... these are the most undercover shy quiet slithering jealous hateful soulless scary people I’ve ever encountered.... though these videos online .... I have found out whom they are.... I thought she was my best friend for months till I got the whole silent treatment and then she only reconnected to completely destroy me my career lu livelihood I’ve lost so much I can’t ever be able to explain.... but she’s still very beloved and looking for her next victim I’m sure... I have been thru hell and back if I had a gun I would probably murder this completely fucked Up POS ... my husband died and then I’m preyed upon and the alienated by the only people that I could call my family by this POS covert Narcissistic female that claimed to be my best friend turned everyone against me
Iv been having a very romantic relationship with this women on facebook for 6 months, What does it mean when a women one second is loving as, then the next second, hating on me, could it be bipolar,,,,, its been going on for a month, iv never come across such a rapid change in mood, love texts one minute, then i fucking hate you the next WTF please help me, i had to block her for awhile coz of all the abuse
im really sick of people comparing abuse like mental and physical...its all horrible and if u have physical abuse trust me you are being mentally tortured !!!
It’s been my experience that minimizing the danger and damage of emotional abuse in the beginning by rationalizing it’s not abuse because it’s not physical, it will turn physical and sometimes physical as a result of normalizing abuse and demonstrating to your abuser that you will tolerate abuse in the first place so they feel comfortable escalating to prove able physical abuse and they’re aim is to acclimate your toleration until they kill you so actually, emotional and psychological abuse is more dangerous and lethal than physical abuse because it lays the foundation to physical abuse.
"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" is what validated my people-pleasing, in the sense that if I treated people the way I wanted to be treated, I would get the same back - not that I should be expected to be treated the same way... I did expect to be treated the same way, actually, but I also didn't think I deserved it - that not doing out of anything more than an act of charitable compassion meant I was using them and a horrible person.
Wow! I am so thankful for this video. Made me realise how stupid I was to put up with such inexcusible behaviour from my ex girlfriend. I was gas lighted on numerous occasions and fell for so many of her lies and seductive ways .I was blinded by the love I thought she had for me! So help me god that I was able to pull myself away from this toxic relationship! Hope this never ever happens to me again.
Barrie Smart wow i agree with you what a great video everything makes so much sense now.......
Its happening to me again right now, even though i am fully aware of what it is from my last relationship. I think more women than not are becoming this way, so there is a good chance it will happen again.
Thank you for making this video. As someone who has been gas lighted and organized stalked for so many years I'm going to give this a try.
Now THIS is a good video. Well balanced in basics for sanity if you have gotten off base, or were never on base for a healthy balance. This is explaining a well rounded person. The BEST I have watched. I am so sick of all the talk of "labeling" people-I think it just confuses things and makes people MORE confused and NOT take responsibility for themselves because now they have a "sickness". Bullshit-Take responsibility for yourself. Grow a pair and face yourself. Good, bad and ugly. Take action and examine yourself the way she explained. Thank You.
Just found this video by chance...This is a gift...So much information that will help me learn and heal...Thank you.
Kristin, your videos/resources are priceless. With the myriad of personalities, emotions, chaos, etc...that the average person is exposed to via television, internet, workplace, home-life, etc.., the need for professional psyco/social guidance is at an all time high.
The majority of people can't afford a personal therapist; therefore, your videos, website, blog, etc... meet a critical need. You not only provide your own professionally articulated guidance, but you point the reader/listener to other effective, easily obtainable, resources.
So often, RUclips videos come with a request for purchase of a product or services, yet your's come with no strings. I find this refreshing. Your reasons for entering the field/profession are spoken loudly without using words. YOU CARE, and your concern is reaching far and wide...changing lives for the good. Kudos, for a job well done! I plan on following your impressive practice!
Thank you for your kind words. I’m happy to hear the material has been helpful!! I’m obviously quite passionate about this subject matter, as well!!!
I had the unfortunate opportunity in obtaining and Cluster B personality boss. She started out all nice and willing to do things. I got to know here pretty well and that all changed overnight. Then the gaslighting started. The first year of dealing with it I had severe insomnia from questioning myself. She suggested I seek therapy and questioned if i was going to commit suicide. Along with the lack of sleep I lost 30 pounds and found myself in deep depresssion....
It took me two more years to get out of the funk and finally realize its not me. I started telling her I was seeking work elsewhere. I ended up getting and offer and she couldn't understand why I wanted to leave. Funny thing happened though. I invested so much of my time researching personalities that I am now looking into psychology as a degree path. I really don't want anybody else to go through what I went through..... I also want to help those who experienced the same thing.....
Thanks for explaining Gaslighting and how to handle it when it happens. Your steps recommend a lot of work but I think this kind of personal inventory is definitely worthwhile. Great video.
Thank you so much for the info. By listening to you I have just learnt that I have been gaslighted for 17 years. 40 days of lockdown has confirmed this.
I have a long road of recovery ahead. I need to act very soon to preserve my sanity. Unsure of how to inform my "Gaslighter"Husband about gaslighting.
Topics for suggestion.. 1. Narcissism Personality Disorder 2. More on Codependents Personality Disorder (Both the addict and the fixer/people pleaser). 3. Emotional Manipulation. 4. Anti-Social Personality DisorderTHANK YOU for the info on what Gas Lighting and how to overcome it. Please keep making these videos. I haven't seen your other videos yet, but your gas lighting videos are very well done.
thanks for your feedback and suggestions for future videos! I will do my best!
Kristin, THANK YOU for posting this video! Great clarity on gaslighting, unhealthy relationships and things I can do to make changes, reestablish boundaries and find myself. Love the 13 steps to rebuild a sense of self.
Thanks. Living with an alcoholic. This is extremely helpful. I like that you incorporated some of the twelve steps here.
After years of gaslighting that resulted in alcoholism and 6 years closely connected in a 12 step group, all the fourth step and subsequent support from those with years of sobriety taught me was that I had no right to my feelings that helped me go no contact with abusive people because my even my sober behavior was why they abused me, that their abuse was not actually abuse and that for me to recover, after becoming convinced I abused my abusers, I then had to reinstate contact and go to them and apologize for hurting psychologically and physically dangerous people. AA 1) gaslighted me to believe abuse is ok, 2) taught me my feelings were pathological and based on a false perception of my experiences and relationships 3) that people’s behavior is my responsibility so if abusive people (we’re talking borderline personality disorder people) don’t change the way they treat me when I change the way I respond and react to them and also quit holding them responsible for treating me poorly that I am not working the program right because it works if you work it so basically teaching me everyone has the power to change anyone’s behavior and if they don’t do so successfully then they are at fault. Have you ever worked the program? It doesn’t work on borderlines and it resulted in my sexual exploitation and near fatal abuse by a borderline I married after 6 years in the program that I had been brainwashed by AA and him to believe that not only was I responsible for his behavior, but I would have serenity if I just accepted my reality instead of trying to change it. It’s a double edge sword - accept the things you cannot change and have the courage to change things you can after years of being propagandized to believe that you teach people how to treat you. That is not the case with borderlines and they literally not only will do the most fucked up things to make leaving near impossible, they will not respect your attempts to go no contact because boundaries threaten their survival and they will violate them any time out of the blue repeatedly in unimaginable ways that is within the law or leaves no evidence or witnesses so you can’t even get a protective order against them or get a magistrate to take a warrant out on them because it’s just your word against yours. I truly hope you qualify AA propaganda is effective with psychologically healthy people but can be life threatening if you use it on BPDs, NPDs and ASDs who usually fly under your radar as pathological for years as you keep trying AA, 4th step, 8th step and serenity prayer as tools to achieve a healthy relationship due to a falsely implanted belief that was probably reinforced for years. Hearing people who promote the 4th step to people who have been or are being abused sets my alarm system into overdrive and makes me fear the safety of others who may try the 12 steps.
Such a helpful video for progress, thank you!
Hi Kirsten, I just wanted to say, that
I believe your very gifted in your 💐 communication
about this highly difficult subject of bountries, and say thank you for videos
they are most appreciated & helpful
God Bless You in all you endeavour to do
In the future..
So informative, everyone needs to know these things to bring health to the broken relationship dynamics that are pervasive throughout society. On the surface, these are tools and techniques to ultimately get at the unknown/hidden subconscious drives, needs, desires and ultimately beliefs. It is these beliefs that govern all behavior. While values are important, I think most peoples number one value is truth. Truth is what sets the stage for safety and security, trust, faith, confidence, the first primal emotional need in the hierarchy. Without truth, doubt creeps in, then fear takes over the drive, seeking protection, and again truth in the end. Truth of reality. Truth of reality seems to be relative/subjective and is colored by beliefs, and confusion sets in when false beliefs are programmed into the subconscious. This false programming is prevalent throughout culture and personal relationships. It appears the programming is centered around competition, scarcity and insecurity. Thus, it is no wonder these problems with inadequacy are pervasive in societal relationships.
While I do think it's annoying when people say 'you're on your period, so you're invalidated, I definitely appreciate when it's brought to my attention that I may be acting differently because I sometimes don't realize that I am acting 'crazy' or more emotional, and I do think it is my responsibility as a woman to be in control of these things (even though it is often difficult).
Otherwise, I love these videos. Thank you so much!
very clear. more so than the 5 different individual and marriage counselors I have been too. it's like a good foundation. 1 counselor asked me once what my part was in it...until today I didn't understand what that was. thanks.
Family and so called "friends" are the worst to whom I could say anything.
Excellent videos.
It is hard to hear and might be helpful to use a microphone.
Thank you for your content!!!
You have an amazing way of making complex topics easy to understand. Topic suggestions; What are the best ways to self-soothe and self-heal if one has been through trauma and doesn't have access to therapy?
After watching this video, I'm surmising that the general takeaway is to stay away from assholes. Self esteem stays intact then. No safe place or listening empaths required when you have nothing to complain about.
I love your videos. Thank you so much!!
excellent breakdown and explaination of the information thanks!!
Thank you so much for such a concise video. You've helped me tremendously!!!!💖💖💖
Thank you for this.
im loving your videos, thanks for making them^^
thank you that is very valuable!
Excellent
thank you!
what if their are people that know they are gaslighting me. like coworkers, ppl who I thought loved and cared about me. I knew I was right that something has been messed up for years. they dont want to stop it.
really impressive , than you and keep them coming .
Yeah, so true!
Thank you for sharing your knowledge and expertise.. it really has helped me!😉
Thank you
Is there gaslighting financially abuse?
In my case him and his mother are using all kind of manipulation and put downs and using the blame game to make me feel quilty. when he can't get to me he uses his mom to do the harrasing.it saddened me that it has gotta to the point where I can't believe or trust people anymore. it's been a long journey of torment. I never in my life have experience absolute cruelty
I was gas lit so long ago. I knew how it was done Particularly by one person but I hope this will not come too late. This person came to my home n insisted on using my washing machine . She misused it so that it broke twice. Two years or more ago. I wish operated on my genitalia.thanks
maria makinen I hope your genitals are OK.
Childish
very helpful :)
how do I practice these stsps, some I understand, others i don't know how to practice...
when we realize the past hurts with this fact, how do we keep a good discernment and healthy stance to give the relationship a chance and move forward with forgiving and learning attitude? After I cutting off, the person keeps apologizing and sending a greeting, then I took steps back now and no reply. However, I was very struggling about it, because I do love him and I love myself more now so I move forward by doing ghosting him, is there any approach that I can make peace with this person, or should I just let the lesson be the lesson?
helpful
I wold like to study about this more. where is possible to find information? maby some master?
Excellent. A bit quiet, though.
Can you do a video on men who have been emotionally enmeshed by their mother? Wasted three years while my ex put his mother first. Wasted time and energy. I didn't know anything about the issue until I woke up one day!
Read Married to Mom by Ken Adams
I really appreciate these videos, but do you think you could give some tips for the gaslighter? I've had these problems with my relationship but I have subconsciously been gaslighting and I hate it. I just want to improve so my girlfriend doesn't have to feel so stressed over my mistakes.
+Mexican shoe 42 I think it's awesome that you're aware of your patterns and are willing to change them. I would suggest you watch my video on healthy relationships versus codependent relationships. That will help you create boundaries and hopefully not feel triggered to gaslight. Also, agree to disagree with your girlfriend when she doesn't see things the way you do. Her reality and perspective is just that: hers. You get your own reality and perspective, too. Sometimes they don't match. And that's ok. Sometimes it's important to just listen to and understand where another is coming from and how they process their information. You can disagree with their perspective. It's doesn't have to be mean or disrespectful or threatening. You are both just different. I wish you the best!!
New to your channel how do I spend time with non gas lighters in family or friends just noticed that most I know are all gaslighters 😞. They want tell me why they are gaslighting but starting too think my ex and her family have alot to do with that . Trying to heal but I know that myself can't go full no contact can't afford to move away from these creeps . Just know the things they tell people doesn't represent me . They want me feel me to feel guilty for being human . They don't take a look at themselves just blame me for everything . They can't tell me if something was wrong without attacking me . Many flaws I have they have too .But they don't see it that way . How can we fix a relationship without taking a look at themselves . Humans make mistakes no one's is flawless . I get punished for the same things they do . I know I might of said some hurtful things in the past but they also have and lately for many years been instigating with me . Noticed why they were saying such hateful things it's when I found out they were breaking in my apartment and stealing from me then making death threats at me for holding them accountable for their abusive behavior then they tried Flipping the script on me .
Do you feel like the gaslighting part 2 video doesn’t cover how to engage with those who gaslight?
@@KristinSnowden Not sure maybe I should watch again still trying to pickup better on too why I am being gaslighted . Cause my narc and their harem sure as hell won't tell me .
With all the respect I have for you and love your videos btw this time I disagree.
Minute 1:40 how can we say that the gas lighter does not know that they are trying to manipulate you???? No matter what they gaslighter knows that he is a lier and he is a manipulator.... what do you mean when you say that it’s important to know that the gaslighter does not know he is trying to manipulate you into not believing your own reality?
Hi. Thank you for so respectfully disagreeing with me. I can completely appreciate your perspective and point of view I agree that sometimes people will gaslight on purpose because they are trying to “throw someone off the scent” or they’re invested in keeping that person in the dark by denying their reality and experience. However, during my many years of working with addicts who will often lie, gaslight, and manipulate in order to maintain their addict-behaviors, I notice that their narrative (retrospectively) was that their main intentions were never to drive their loved ones crazy by gaslighting them but instead to “protect” their addiction. They engage in an exhausting cycle of engaging in their acting out behaviors (drugs, sex, gambling, etc.) while also trying to hide it from those in their lives. They’re more invested in maintaining a facade that they’re not totally losing it and falling apart. Many non-addict relationships will have dynamics like that, as well (but not always). A person who’s gaslighting is often most invested in maintaining power, “puffing up their chest” to appear more stable or knowledgeable, or “better” than the other. It’s a defensive move. Metaphorically speaking, its like a person turns a mirror on the gas lighter, pointing out reality, the gaslighter’s ego is too fragile to look in the mirror and see the reality so instead they just respond “No, that’s not a real mirror and that’s not reality”. It is manipulative. It is abusive. But its also a little more layered beyond that. Hope that helps? What do you think?
Please fix the sound on these videos parts 1 and 2 . You cannot hear any thing. Thanks.
+2 focused on sports follow the link in my comments and you'll find a video with better audio
Look the topic is great, but the sound is terrible. It would be worth recording it again or having someone work on the audio tracks... Thanks anyway for a great talk.
What should I do if the gaslighter is a parent and not a sexual partner?
I believe you can apply the same 13 steps I suggest in Part 2 of the gaslighting video in a relationship with a parent just as much as you can apply the steps to a relationship with an intimate partner.
I've got the volume all the way up & can barely hear her.
+Fran DeGroat I know. I'm sorry. That's why I reposted with better audio. ruclips.net/video/InpeTfzV7CI/видео.html
Hi Kristin; I was wondering why You seem to believe that truth is not an independent identity. IOW Why do You often use the term "your truth"?
I do believe that truth is an independent identity. Your truth, or reality, or perspective, or whatever you want to call it is developed over a lifetime of independent experiences, values, lessons, mistakes, etc. We all have instincts and intuition that filter our truths. Your reality is not my reality...yet we all have to co-exist....makes for some challenging relationships and experiences, to say the least.
Kristin Snowden
So our personal perceptions of the outside world often conflict with our values and beliefs?
Kristin Snowden Hers was an interesting point to me because the nature of truth eliminates the possibility for many truths. I think perception is a much better word in this case. Of course in any scenario there is one truth about what actually occurred but because we are not privy to things like knowing with certainty other people's motives, feelings, or emotions we have to interpret what we see to some degree. Our interpretation of what we see and hear is colored by conclusions we have come to from past experiences for better or for worse. It doesn't change reality it still is what it is but it is our perception of reality. We have to make a good faith effort to find things that are coloring our perceptions we need to hear others as they share their perceptions too but in the end, our perception is what we have. Nobody else's is more reliable than our own.
You have to touch base on the jealous people
Had a co workers girlfriend that was completely a covert narcissistic personality and she wanted to have a sexual experience with me and the first we tried I told her I’m not into it ... and she was all built up... we did eventually have a one night stand and it was okay??
But she hated me and came for me everyday after wards she worked on isolating me and the smear campaign... we didn’t talk for months
Then right before a concert that like 8 friends were going to... she blew my phone up a week prior oh let’s talk ... I finally gave in and did ... it was completely disingenuous she admitted she was jealous that one of our friends and I had become so close... we go to another city get a hotel and worms her way into my and the friends... then got back to the room our friend is missing money out of her purse and guess what ...I’m am now a thief... I was accused of stealing money then told I was a piece of shit because I went to breakfast by myself at 6 am , oh then was accused of making the whole trip all about me ... when they spent the whole concert without me ... then told I drank all the booze which aren’t cheep...
I had my credit card holding two rooms
I brought my own booze and extra clothes for the covert narcissistic to ware... I spent the whole concert alone and lost ... then was yelled at the next morning on the phone as they exited the building and said we are only going to pay 40 each for 235 $ room ..... I had another friend there that gave me a ride back to our city .... this covert narcissistic POS ran me over so fast and so persistently that I was left with my head spinning and dumbfounded... she had it all planned when she was blowing my phone up the week prior.... I left my job because I was so stressed out and she treated me like shit daily and got her manager boyfriends hate me too.... our mutual friend had never ever talked to me again... I was completely isolated and cried daily, my reputation now was I was a thief and I was shunned and nobody cared to hear my version ... all I could do was leave my job... the covert narcissistic sent me a text saying I can’t believe what you did to CA (mutual friend) your a real piece of shit and I won’t have people like you in my life.... this is the covert narcissist that I paid for her ticket and she never paid me back
She was never suppose to be in mine and CAs room but worked her way in and then she refused to pay her half and talked CA into not paying her half I guess.... because she now was a victim of me..... these are the most undercover shy quiet slithering jealous hateful soulless scary people I’ve ever encountered.... though these videos online .... I have found out whom they are.... I thought she was my best friend for months till I got the whole silent treatment and then she only reconnected to completely destroy me my career lu livelihood I’ve lost so much I can’t ever be able to explain.... but she’s still very beloved and looking for her next victim I’m sure...
I have been thru hell and back if I had a gun I would probably murder this completely fucked Up POS ... my husband died and then I’m preyed upon and the alienated by the only people that I could call my family by this POS covert Narcissistic female that claimed to be my best friend turned everyone against me
My husband that passed let his kids be the gaslighters
Jansen
Gas lighting used to cause a heart attack. II wish no relationship where I am. I wish home. Safe. I am wanted dead.thanks
Iv been having a very romantic relationship with this women on facebook for 6 months, What does it mean when a women one second is loving as, then the next second, hating on me, could it be bipolar,,,,, its been going on for a month, iv never come across such a rapid change in mood, love texts one minute, then i fucking hate you the next WTF please help me, i had to block her for awhile coz of all the abuse
Borderline personality disorder BPD run for your life!!
im really sick of people comparing abuse like mental and physical...its all horrible and if u have physical abuse trust me you are being mentally tortured !!!
Kimmm West Yeap, I agree! Remember me!
It’s been my experience that minimizing the danger and damage of emotional abuse in the beginning by rationalizing it’s not abuse because it’s not physical, it will turn physical and sometimes physical as a result of normalizing abuse and demonstrating to your abuser that you will tolerate abuse in the first place so they feel comfortable escalating to prove able physical abuse and they’re aim is to acclimate your toleration until they kill you so actually, emotional and psychological abuse is more dangerous and lethal than physical abuse because it lays the foundation to physical abuse.
Not any of these help unless one can break free.
Can't ear your talk
I have a “better audio” version.