I’m in an abusive relationship, I’m finding it so difficult to leave. I know he’s not good for me, but he’s the man I lost my virginity to and I just can’t seem to let go.
D It’s crazy how I posted my comment about a month ago yet to find myself still in the same position. It took me so long to respond because I was ashamed to say it myself. I’ll admit I lost my virginity to mine as well. And at first I was in denial convincing myself that wasn’t apart of the reason for me ending up back with him but now I’m starting to believe. I know I may not be the one to offer the advice because I should take it myself but we must find the strength to leave & never look back. I often find myself replaying all of the bad. And it has definitely outweighed any of the good. But for some reason I find myself feeling sorry for him once I’ve decided to call it quite. He’s moping, saying he loves me, etc. And for some reason it makes me feel like I’m hurting him. When really he’s hurt me. I’ve NEVER hurt him. I’ve given him my all, my hardest love, all of that. I feel me reaching my breaking point. My official breaking point. And I pray that you do too. We are worth so much more. Bump the virginity, the history, efforts, all of it. I’m not sure what you’re belief may be but God definitely has something way better in store for the both of us. And we should t ake this time to heal & overcome. Put ourselves back together but better. And He’s going to send someone who is going to contribute to what we worked so hard to restore. Patience will be the true test. But the first step is for us to reach our breaking point. I’m praying for the both of us 💞
Summarlyn Carter don’t feel ashamed. I know how hard it is. I’ve lost all my dignity for this man because the pain of leaving seems to be too hard for me to handle. But much like you, I am slowly coming to terms with things and although I’m constantly crying, I feel dirty, I feel worthless, there’s a tiny bit of hope that I will get through this. I would love to talk to you more about this, I find comfort in speaking to someone who understands.
D you are not dirty. you are not worthless. whatsoever. I cry a lot myself as well. we have the exact same sentiments. yes, I would love that as well. would you like my #, email, or social media? or I can follow you on something then give you my #. whatever you’d like.
Jordan Martell I had one for a year and she convinced all of my friends I was the bad person. Ended up screwing up three of my friendships and completely losing two more because of it (including hers which I’m ok with)
What your girlfriend is doing is called reflection basically they're saying that it's you that's doing everything wrong instead of them. My ex-husband did this to me all the time
I started recording my abuser. I actually started recording him not to prove that he said those things but for my own sanity because I was “crazy” and “delusional” and couldn’t remember what was actually said. Turns out my memory is pretty freakin’ spot on and used the recordings when told I was nutty and that he had “never said those things.” I started documenting everything. It wasn’t until he brought a girl home (while I was home) and denied it to his friends and family-but then I had photographic evidence that said otherwise. Goodbye oppression, hello happiness. Still going through a divorce, but much happier. Home stretch!
It's quite scary to be gaslighted, well for me. You stayed strong in your knowledge that you were in fact not the crazy one, or the abuser. Honestly well done. My girlfriend gaslighted me recently and she just wouldn't tell me what i had supposedly done wrong. No matter how much i tried to communicate with her, or remind her of my affection for her and desire to resolve the problem, she would get more and more angry until i had no choice but to shut up, get kicked out and/or get in to a screaming match, which i'm not in to. Well i'm single now and my memory of events has still not changed. No contact is the only way to go for your own sanity. Gaslighters can be incredibly damaging.
I’ve told my husband I’m considering recording all our conversations because he denies saying things. I know this means our relationship is in a bad place. But it’s the only way I can think of to prove he said something
@@wewemcrhyne forget all about using logic and reason. I'm sorry but there is no conquering a narcissist. Read Tolkien - The Hobbit. Smaug is your abuser. It's him or you so run away and never engage again. That or you need to find Bard and his special black arrow. I'm sorry. The truth hurts. Accept it. It's the only way you can heal. Take care of yourself.
Here is a disturbing thought. A person exhibiting some of these traits (not all of them) and only doing it against you. Not anyone else. So if you were to tell someone else about the problem. No one would believe you or you risk humiliation of yourself from abuser's friends or family backing up the abuser. Cause the abuser only acts malicious towards you and is "nice" in public and even in their own families. And then makes you doubt if you are being abused or "over thinking" it.
I think that this is fairly common. Abusers tend to only abuse people they have power over. Also even when family and friends are aware, they will often vehemently deny it because they don't want to admit that they are allowing it to happen.
Yeah happens pretty often I think. My mom locked onto me bc I'm her only female child and I guess she thought I would be easier to break down. She used my brothers as beta wolves to attack me when I fought back.. but somehow I managed to be strong willed enough to fight back 19yrs in a row. It nearly took my life many times and I was even banished outdoors at times, denied food/shelter, and beaten to a pulp on the floor but it finally ended at 19 when I was completely mentally and physically disabled from all of it and my now husband found me, found a place for both of us and has taken care of me since. To fight a narcissist you have to think like a narc and it's really messed me up. I lash out often thinking he's here to hurt me, I have DID and was paralyzed from the waist down for about a year. To anyone who reads this.. at the first sign, stay away from narcissists! Even if you ARE strong minded enough to fight them non stop and win, in their minds you didn't win and fight will never be over! They will break you if not spirit, then body!
StarlingofAzerath this little loophole is the true source of my dark powers, it is why i can never be truely defeated. channelling the rage i feel not only at the P.O.S.s who do this, but the countless blind to these facts, opens up whole worlds of sarcasm and missanthropia to me... i have to hide it sometimes, its too much for ordinary folks to handle. and yes i despise them for that aswell. i have a twisted singularity in my head, and i'll never be able to justify trusting someone or needing someone to myself again. and... "i-like-it."
theclanplus1 these stories from survivors are always horrendous, a person who is supposed to be an ally, is actually trying to destroy you, to the litteral death. and the only way you can exist in that violence is to be even more brutal and ruthless than they are. all while they're pretending to be normal to everyone else... but if they are left alone, they'll only find annother naive victim, or even have a child.
*reminds me of the ONE time he calmed me down when I was having a mental breakdown in public* “I sat you down on the couch at the mall, who would do that for you” “Who else gives a fuck about you to the point where they’re willing to have a sit down conversation about your life” This man really pushed my buttons saying that shit to me. Insinuating or straight up saying no one else cares about you is extremely fucking cruel.
The one I always heard was "Do you think anyone else would put up with you?" She would always say it with this stupid smug smirk like she was being so generous. If it wasn't because I didn't take enough responsibility for my failures, it was because i was always apologizing for my failures and that it was annoying. Couldn't win with her no matter what I did and I am glad I finally found the courage to cut her out of my life. Too bad i wasted my senior year in highschool kissing up to her.
A PhD level gaslighter will convince you that you are the one who's gaslighting THEM. To the point you are like... wow, AM I abusing them? I guess I could have done xyz... I should apologize!
inasez that is exactly what I was told. I finally left after a near death experience with my abuser, but I still wonder if I was the abuser bc he would always tell me that I was gaslighting him when I was really just trying to tell him that he abuses me. 😔
inasez Omg that is rich! Yeah, mine not only called me manipulative when I broke down and called him on his bull shit. Then again, before that he did call a friend near the end of a fight so she would hear my yelling, so that she ended up being triggered from her past and asking if he needed the police. Mind you, I had not touched him that night in any negative way and I was pretty much stuck in the bedroom of a small apartment and he was sitting in a chair right next to the door.
This misses a very important thing, gaslighting projecting any narcissistic behaviors can be flipped on a person, making it seem like you’re the one gaslighting, caused by the abuser, that’s how they make you question your sanity.
Yep. I know someone who does this. If you don't remember something they remember, you are gaslighting them. Even if it's something as simple as you not remembering a negative comment you made years ago about a type of meal. Like my opinion can't change over the years, no, I must be purposely trying to make you feel crazy.
When someone makes a promise , then later swears they never said it , and you are making it up, it's time to RUN away. Even a short period around a narcisst gas lighting you , will take it's toll on you very quickly. Congratulating you on an accomplishment, then 45 mins later yelling at you like Dr jeckyl and Mr Hyde is another way you can see how dangerous they are.
A the mood swings of a bipolar does not cause selective memory, and remembering just the right thing to use against you but not what you could use against them. Try to remember that any one can be an abuser despite problem they are dealing with simply because they would still be human and it would have nothing/little to do with their illness. (Unless that person is a sociopath or something of the sort)
I'm a little scared now... Sometimes I point out that I didn't say a certain thing, or I have to remind my friend of a situation that happened bc it's relevant to the conversation, but then my friend sometimes insists I /did/ say the thing or the situation really didn't happen that way and they firmly believe I'm wrong... Am I the toxic friend then? :/ I'm really scared I might be since they're very admadant about it and what if I really did say the thing (whartever that thing might be, depending on what conversation we're having), or what if I really do remeber the situation wrong? Eventhough my gut might disagree with them? What should I do, I'm scared /I/ might be the one making /them/ question their sanity ._. I don't want to be that kind of person at all..
Pretty much the relationship I was in. It sucks because he was my best friend. I'll always miss him, the charming guy I met in the beginning. He is not that person anymore, I need to accept that. This has been the hardest break up of my life.
PhotosynthesisLove they idealize, devalue, and discard. they’re only nice to get information that they later use to tear you down. it sucks, trust me I know. sounds like we both got out of our abusive relationships at the same time. just know you’re not alone and there are people that understand
I feel you man. My abuser broke up with me a year ago and I still struggle with it to this day. Can't have a normal relationship because of it. Just know it was for the best in the long run.
What you have written is exactly what I have been through. I was best friends with a guy for about 3 years. He helped me with my depression and anxiety, so I trusted him very much. We liked each other for a long time so we finally started dating. The relationship was so toxic, I never expected him to turn so horrible. He broke up with me (I didn't have the guts to break up with him) and he used the things that I told him against me and humiliated me. What's frustrating the most is that till this day, I still think about him and think he is the guy he used to be 😑
PhotosynthesisLove I can identify with you. I miss the person I was once in a relationship with but I must remind myself he wasn't that loving person he portrayed himself to be. Him being sent away to prison freed me. The end came so abruptly and the truth of my situation so painful, I went into a deep depression. I feel liberated and at times heartbroken I was deceived and made to feel small. This is gonna take time to heal as I'm discovering and I'm okay with that. I'm so glad I know all that was in the dark. My years of bondage to this guy is now over.
PhotosynthesisLove I totally see myself in your description. My relationship was totally like this. I thouhgt he was my best friend, but I ended up truly knowing only him after having a relationship. And in spite of thinking I'd miss him, the outcome would be terrible if I hadn't decide to end up this abusive relationship. I wish you a happy future with a nice person. Take care, girl
If you feel constantly the need to actually record him/her talking in the moment of arguing to prove your point then you need to get out of such relationship.
@@stiffpictures8971 you will have to walk on egg shells and be respectful but you can learn to put it in one ear and out the other when it comes to your feelings...look where its coming from and ignore the things that bug you about it..hope most days are good for you but everyone has rules they stick to
@@cindycinn2724 *I AM NOT A TROLL THIS IS LONG BUT PLEASE READ THIS* my parents abused me emotionally a little bit physically and every way possible since i was 1 year old. They always fight each other. Every day is a hell. *REAL HELL* i have no where to run i am 20 years old and still living with them i am depend on them to feed me because they never let me go to the school. I have no education. They told me i dont need a education because they will provide me food and house. My weight is 51 kg (112 lbs) despite being 5'11 tall (180 cm) i look like a skeleton because they give me no food if i dont do what they say. I was not allowed to talk with any kid or make friends or go out to play. They buy me a mobile phone and internet when i was 5 years old and told me to play video games no need to go out. I was not allowed to go out of my house alone. until last year (when i turned 19) now i fight them back and run from house but i have no where to go and i have to come back for food. And they punish me for not listen to them by take back internet, food and other little thing they provide me. They ar almost 60 years old and after them i dont have anyone that will feed me. Even our house is rented. Is there any solution ?
I'm afraid my mother is an abuser.. She's made me come to her for comfort, and then taken list of the things she knew hurt me, and keep bringing them up.. She made me get late to school, by making me do something, the second I was on my way out of the door, and saying she's "said it a million times", and that I could've just done it before. Knowing that I got late because of her, she then made me cry and feel bad, by calling me slobby, and saying I "ALWAYS" got too late to class. ..Once, I hurt the person I love the most, and hem cut their own wrist in front of me, and I felt guilty, and it scarred me. My dad had to tell my mom, even though I told her not to, and she kept bringing it up.. Like when we were sitting at the dinner table, talking about Rainforests, I said that I wanted to try to survive in the forest with nothing but a Schweisterknife and that person. She innocently replied, so everybody heard; "I don't think that would be a good idea.. X and a knife", and watched me break into tears, and run away.. There even was a period of time, where I got into depression, and she blamed it on my class, and made me move. I've always kinda wanted to move to the other side of the world, so I'll be as far from my family as possible, and this video made me realize, that it's probably her fault. She's made me feel bad like that, so many times. Yet, I'm planing on moving from home when I'm 18, and I'm still just 15, so I hope I'll be able to survive in 3 years.
Start doing extra curriculars at school, like volunteerism at the office or library. or even volunteer at animal shelter. then you will have work experience that employers are looking for to put on your resume or college application. Get a permit to work young, ask your school counselor about this. Then get a job and save up to move out. Or you can do what most people do and move away to college at 18! but you need to keep up your grades. You can also move out then go to community college then transfer to university too. Life does get better. my family is like yours they made me move away from friends and school, but i am almost on my way to moving away to university.
aslo tell your family like a caring aunt or cousin , or even your teachers and counselors if it gets too hard to handle, because they will help you and be a support group!
These apply for every relationship: Romantic Professional Friend - friend Father- child Mother - child Siblings These can happen to anyone. You just have to identify the signs.
Definitely. And whenever you feel even slightly confused about any kind of relationship you're in (romantic or other), return here or pick any video or article about 'signs of gaslighting' and refresh your memory. And yourself.
the first time it happened, I exposed them to everyone and threatened to contact the police if they ever spoke to me again, the second time i just cut off all contact and let the phone ring until they finally gave up, and the third time I made it clear why I was leaving. Three different people, three different methods of leaving, I don't regret a single one.
I'm really proud and emboldened by you. let's study how you were raised please. were you empowered or abused plz tell me. I know I'm being bold but I am trying to figure out WHY some can walk away..and some can't. I know there's no easy answer to this ...especially if the narcissist in question is covert..
Considering that you're having the same problem with so many different people, maybe in some shape or form you're the root of the problem? Maybe you're initially attracted to a type that puts you in the same situation or perhaps they're normal people who behave similarly because they face the same issue that you have? I hope you figure this out :) don't worry about your sanity, its our weirdness tgat make us human.
My first boyfriend did all these things to me. I was 14/15 at the time and now 6 years later it still continues to affect me. I constantly feel like I'm messing up/letting people down when I'm really not and feel the need to apologize profusely so that they don't get upset with me. I have lots of trust issues from being in that abusive relationship and low self esteem. He was emotionally, verbally, and once even sexually abusive. He had major anger issues, choked out a boy at school once, and was a compulsive liar. I got out of it by breaking up with him in a public place with my mom waiting for me in the car. For weeks after that he would continuously call me until I picked up. Wanting money from me, threatening to hurt anyone I would try to date in the future, or sometimes just breathing into the phone. At school he called me names, shoved me down on the ground once, said that he wanted me dead. This was all terrifying as a young teenage girl. Then he tried to date another girl in my grade and I tried to warn her off by telling her he molested me but she didn't believe me. Came crying to me months later when they broke up and he wouldn't stop calling and following her around school. First time telling my story, sorry it's so long but I felt I had to share.
Well I'm glad you stayed away from him. There are some people like that really, it's better that we should let them go for now of our lives and pray for them instead for their change.
Actions I understand, thoughts on the other hand are not entirely under my control. If people had total control over their thoughts why would anyone ever be depressed, anxious, or sad? Past traumas can affect your perceptions and thought processes.
My ex boyfriend was mentally abusive. He seemed nice at first and we were both young and it was my first experience. Soon we started having some fights and he never ever wanted to apologize even when he was 100% wrong. But I felt some affection for him. Time passed and we kept on fighting over stupid things. After our first year together he started saying that I had to change, be better, stop complaining, stop telling him about my problems. But then I discovered he lied to me about some important things during our entire relationship. I tried so damn hard to forgive him, I begged him to explain why he lied to me. Guess what? It turned out it was my fault: he said he had to lie because I made too much pressure and I was the one to blame and sometimes I even believed him: maybe I was wrong, maybe I was the bad guy, maybe I just imagined him screaming to me and disrespecting me, maybe it was all in my head. Anyway, because of that lie something started to break. I looked at him and I didn't feel the same affection I felt before. He started humiliating me and raising his voice even louder, saying that I wasn't good enough for him or for everyone else, that I had to lose weight, get thinner, be prettier, be nicer, dress like he wanted me to be dressed, stop seeing my friends, stop having friends, stop thinking with my own mind, stop expressing my feelings and my thoughts, stop wanting a career because it was useless and I was worthless and nobody in this damn world would ever love me no matter who I become. Then one day I woke up. I don't know how, but I did and I cut the strings he put around me and decided to leave. He begged me, promising he would change, but thank God I didn't believe him and I left. That was the best decision I've ever made in my entire life. It took me a lot of time to realize I'm good enough for this world and for the people around me. I'm still fighting some bad thoughts he planted in my head even though three years have passed since the day I broke up with him. To whoever is reading this: if you're in an unhealthy relationship like I was, go away, even if it's hard, even if you don't know what's next for you, even if you're scared, just go away and don't ever ever ever let anyone else say, think, act or make you believe you're worthless.
Dear God please heal this woman . Thank you that she was strong. You love her so much and you are proud of her. Help her to not doubt her love for you. Your love is so strong God!!!!!!!!! She is your daughter! Help her to give everything in her heart to you. You are so good God. In Jesus's name I pray, Amen
@@heyitssunnytoday Thank you for your sweet prayer. God helped me a lot indeed. He helped me get away from that situation and he helped me deal with it. God help all the other people who are getting through the same awful experience.
Damn he seemd so lovely then he revealed to b a monster.he convinced people crying is good.him and his friends and fam make me cry almost everyday.lost my home now stuk in peoples house they screw with my head constantly
This video changed my life. I got out of my abusive relationship about 3 months ago and I feel like a new person. Surround yourself with people who love you, AND RUN!!!!!
What about: 1) making you feel like you're walking on eggshells all the time, modifying your behaviour so as not to "set them off" but never knowing what will because they change all the time 2) keeping you on edge by changing all the time "I love you" "I hate you": "let's live together" "why are you here all the time?": "I don't want to be with you" "I can't imagine life without you" 3) alienating you from your family and friends by causing you to pick sides so that you become more reliant on them 4) making you lie *for* them 5) manipulating you by doing things they know you dislike if you go against them and making you feel it is your fault that they acted like that "well if you hadn't upset me I wouldn't have done x" The only way I got out was because he found someone else
I am at the end of an abusive relationship. Like i was so happy and uplifting for everyone else around me but when i got into this relationship like after 3 days i went on a walk by myself and i felt liberated not to be walking around with the person. And I just pushed these feelings away because of my love for the person. After 3 months i feel completely on the floor. Something needs to change. It was my first relationship and it was horrible. But i have taken it in a good way. I will take it as a good life lesson. From now on ill allways listen to how the person makes me feel. Is he trying to uplift me or is he trying to tare me down? Like for example this person said nooooooo as soon as i just mentioned going back to the gym. So yeah people listen to your heart but also put your happiness on the first place. As soon as you feel like someone is pulling you down just get out of it. I know. It is easier said than done - after first 3 days of happiness it took me another 3 months to break up with the person i was so in love with and still kinda am that I thought i was going to marry them. But sometimes love is deceiving and you have to allways take care of yourself first ❤ 'How the hell are you going to love someone else if you can not love yourself' 😊😊🤗🤗
My narcissist gasligher would ask me, "Why don't you tell me anything anymore?" My answer, "I don't know". This would frustrate her to no end. I learned anything I'd say would be used against or twisted against me. My kids all grew up lying to their mother, they had to in order to survive. Just tell mommy what she wants to hear or you will catch hell that could last for months. I would slip occasionally and tell her the truth and nothing offends a narcissist more than the truth. Then it would be another 6 weeks of silent treatment. She wasn't a criminal, nevertheless she was EVIL to the core.
stephen coleman you chose to lie instead of facing off with her why? You said she'd use them against you. So face her on that. Don't say you don't know. If you are with someone who will not change because you aren't challenging her bad choices, why stay?
Rosanna Miller Umm..you don't know their situation?? They could be stuck in a serious financial situation. And since this can be considered an abusive relationship, number one it's hard to leave then you might think, and second the other person could have a lot more control over certain things/people in their family so it could be dangerous to suddenly just leave. The other person could also be just a dangerous person in general. 90% of the time it's harder to leave an abusive relationship.
Rosanna, have you ever lived with a narcissistic sociopath? Your response says you never have. There's no "facing" them with the truth. There's no breaking THEM down, so they'll admit they lied. They feed off your energy, till you lack the life to even get out of bed, sometimes. Stephen's best bet is to learn to not react, until he can make a clean break and walk away, leaving no forwarding address. There's no "challenging her bad choices". Rosanna, you have no idea whatsoever what life is like with a narcissistic sociopath. None at all. Only people who've actually lived through it will understand. They are NOT NORMAL human beings. They have no concept of conscience, no remorse, except fabricated remorse. They lie. They lie about lying. They'll lie straight to a room full of policeman, with you bleeding, and the police will BELIEVE them. They'll drive you nuts, if you let them. They'll say, in front of others, that they've been researching slow acting poisons on the internet, then insist on cooking every meal for you. They'll alienate you from every form of support; friends, family, counsellors. There is no solution, no reasoning with them. Rosanna, you have no idea. Whatsoever. And I sincerely hope you never do.
I stood up for myself, and even after that my friend group all sided with the abuser who was gaslighting me. I’m a better person for this life changing decision and I haven’t looked back since
Yup, the abuser got to your friends first. This is a common checkmate tactic, which makes you look the abuser and ensures that you lose out. "That's what you get for standing up to me."
Wow that's terrible sometimes the people we think would never hurt us do. I hope & pray the best for u and hopefully u are doing much better now. Please know that u did the right thing 👍
The reflection tactic is really scary...I've been through it, and even six months after I left my ex, sometimes I still question if he was right. Any time I mentioned he hurt my feelings, he would bring up a time I hurt his feelings instead of apologizing. He would somehow convince me that I was the one at fault who needed to be responsible for my actions. Because of this, I found myself apologizing for his actions on multiple occasions. When I finally told him that I felt like he was gaslighting me, he told me that gaslighting went against his moral character, and that I must not really love him if I thought that of his character...it was so messy. I'm glad I decided to finally end things.
Just past a month since i left the abusive relationship. I was withhim for 10 years.. since the age of 18. I am happy now and living my life the way i want. I will never forget the past but i am stronger because of it.
My last relationship was a lot like this.... i just never realized it. i didn't think some of these counted as abuse...its really good to be educated...be safe people 💜
They don't, necessarily. It's the pattern of behaviour that may demonstrate abuse. Be cautious, but don't jump to conclusions. That's the difference between caution and paranoia.
I managed to get into another relationship with the exact same problems but far far worse. Now i am making the decision( once again)on whether to leave or to stay . Its a hard decision but ultimately leaving will be the best choice.
dream petal You won't get used like this. Liars are obvious. Although they take many forms, so obvious. The biggest problem is thinking you can fix it. Can't fix dumb, can't fix a liar.
dream petal well, it really depends on trust and brutal honesty between partners. I've been in love almost 6 months now with my bf, and we're always honest and deeply listening to each other's thoughts and feelings. I trust him because not only have I confided so much in him, we've also had a great sex life, along with a great friendship. Just saying, dating a friend can be pretty special.
It helps to talk to other people who already know you well, get different perspectives. Oh, and if someone starts trying to cut you off from others? Get the hell out.
If I’m going to be honest. I used to be an emotional abuser. Me and my ex broke each other. It took a long time for me as an abuser to recover, I was constantly angry and did not want to be in a relationship after knowing I couldn’t give my best self. Now I’m in a healthy relationship. I’m glad I could grow as a person for the better.
My mother has gaslighted me since the day I was born. She even gaslighted me when I confronted her about my sexual abuse the second time (it happened at the age of 5) and both times she made it out that it was my fault that I got raped even though it was her fault for never bothering to protect me. There were even times where it nearly happened again in OUR HOUSE and even when she was there, she didn't give a shit. She didn't do anything for my safety. On top of that, she would yell at me every day because it made her feel better about herself. Not once did she ever think about how I felt whenever she yelled at me. She would keep doing it even if I was angry or crying. I grew up thinking something was wrong with me because people convinced me that my mother 'loves me'. I learned how quick people assume that all family members are loving no matter what you tell them, yet when you tell them about relationship issues many of them immediately jump to your side. It's quite shitty and makes it even harder to leave family members due to a number of obligations people place on us since apparently dumping shitty parents like you would dump your shitty friends is a taboo.
Arianna Farley this is so sad, but never forget this determination you have made in this place of clarity. Look for any opportunity to become independent from your mother, and when you get away you do not have to feel guilty about not wanting to be around her when you are feeling vulnerable. This is not the same as throwing away a family member. Although others may or may not view it that way, you will have the power to seek out other support systems.
I feel the same way my dad is everything but maybe two things In this video and he never gave praise for things even as a kid and has tired to tell me that the way he fights with my mom.is "normal" when's he starts it and its usually something stupid and tires to treat my mum. Like she's crazy and when I yell back he also acts like he's innocent i just wanna leave home and be away from.him 😣
I was in a relationship for over 3 years where the guy always made me feel guilty for standing up for myself and told me to just get over whatever upset me, when he put me in the situations in the first place. He always acted like he knew me and told me I was just being emotional
@luis hernan tell me more please. Share with people your experience so we can expose most of their tactics... If you do have any more experience of her psychological games please share
damn... it's actually so scary that I can connect so many of these signs (symptoms) to my dad. I'm so relieved, at least I now know I'm not completely crazy!
I contacted my 2 ex best friends that I cut ties with 8 years ago to tell them how badly they had damaged me and what the aftermaths were for me. Even then they denied all responsibility(making me feel crazy and doubt myself, heck yeah!). This video describes it all so well it's crazy. Anyway I finally managed to forgive them after we had the talk and I instantly felt lighter! 8 years of inwards torture finally all gone. Feels like a curse has been lifted! Hopefully I can stay on this path and don't look back again...
After years of confusing conversations and promises that were broken or in his mind never really given, I suddenly saw the emotional coldness in his eyes. The only thing to do is to stop being in contact and end the relationship drastically. It is the worst feeling ever, I think that is how drug addicts feel getting of their drug. The body shuts down. But at the end it is worth it, because you come back to the state of who you were before you met him. A normal breathing woman with no issues at all.
No. 8 is the sign that made me realise i was being abused and was my wake up call to get out and go no contact. My ex would always deny he said something when he blatently did - to the point i said in his face 'am i going crazy?' , 'am i going insane?' , i need a doctor!' and he just watched cool and calmly. If i ever confronted him nicely on an issue bothering me he would blow up in rage and point out all my flaws instead. He literally silenced me. Thats when my intuition kicked in and said 'get out now - run!'. So i went no contact. It led him to rage, he called me every nasty name, he used everything i'd confided in him against me, telling me im worthless im childish im not good enough. Then the smear campaign started , he got my family involved. Too bad i have a child witj him :( but when you have to protect your sanity you have FULL right to run from this monster before its too late.
**a novel by me** I've been in three abusive relationships since I became an adult, all to varying degrees in different ways, but I could only get out when I realized I wasn't crazy and that my intuition wasn't lying to me. Don't EVER ignore your gut. When someone is gaslighting, you feel guilty and ashamed of everything you do. You isolate yourself out of fear of hurting your abusers feelings. You're afraid to say what you think for fear that they will belittle or mock you. That is not love. It didn't matter what anyone told me or warned me of, my attachment to my abusers was too strong for me to listen until I had my own realization reading a journal while I'd been doubting my own memory (I guess I unintentionally kept record of things that happened). I also witnessed each abuser act like an entirely different person when with their friends and family, they were happy and joking but turned and sneered at me and mocked me only to tell me how lucky they were to have me 2 minutes later. Comparison is good to help you see reality. If things don't make sense, it's not in your head, there is an actual reason. It can be really, really difficult to get out of an abusive relationship because the abuser will usually convince you that your feelings aren't valid or that your relationship still has so much room to grow or blah blah blah...it could be ANYTHING just to keep you under their control. They know you and know just how to prey on your emotions. Make the decision to leave, and stick with it. I've learned that it's easiest to put on an act that is centered around what will benefit the abuser. In my experience, if you make it all about the abuser, not in a negative way, they're suddenly willing to listen. "I really feel like you'll be happier with someone who's more compatible with you." "I feel like our relationship just doesn't have the level of compatibility we both need." "I think the timing of our relationship is wrong, maybe someday we'll both be ready." Yes, it's manipulative to play into their emotions and convince them that they don't want you, but if you want to get out of a relationship safely you just do what you have to. When you're with someone who is abusing you, you feel trapped and like no one else will ever love you, but this is entirely untrue. You are lovable, you can grow and become who you want to be, and you are never trapped. Get help and get out as fast as you can. I'm not the healthiest in a relationship myself, but if there's one thing I know it's that those of us prone to being abused often come from a background of feeling lonely, unlovable, having low self-esteem, and having negative childhood experiences. I've been the abuser too, before I knew better. So know yourself and be the person you want to be with. You deserve it.
I needed this, especially the part where you said you where able to change your own abusive behavior after realizing it... I feel like I'm going on the same path with my brother. It's making me sick to recognize so many patterns here. How come I end up like this?? I can't have access to a therapist/psychologist right now and that's the only thing backing me up from accepting I may be a narcissist person. In some ways it feels like I'm replicating some behaviors my parents have but I don't think they are narcissists - well sure, I'm not able to diagnose anyone as I'm not a psychiatrist or anything like this, but one can tell when there are people like this in their lives right? If can't that means something right?
Yes my parents did this to me. When I talk about it people either don't believe me, belittle it or say I should've "just left". I was not allowed to leave my house, date, drive a car or have friends until I was 25/26 because I moved out of their house. We lived in an isolated country house and my parents would physically hold me back from leaving saying I was too mentally unstable to leave the home have a job or have friends. They pretty much determined for me that I "wasn't ready" to be an adult an independent functioning person. I was supposed to stay at home with them in their abuse forever. That's the shortest version of events I can say. But being told at 23 that you're not allowed to leave the house with someone physically pushing you away from the door and threatening your life if you don't obey- all because you want to leave the house, is abuse. If anyone wants to say it isn't you can piss off. At 27 I'm learning things most people learned at the ages of 18--21 being in the real world after high school and it's sad.
Reading your experience, I just want to give you a big hug because I went through the same thing with my parents. I wasn't allowed to leave the house, date, have friends or drive. Whenever I talked about going to university or taking the exam to get my drivers license, my parents would shame me and make me feel guilty about those things. I didn't actually learn to drive until I was 25, but my parents still didn't let me have a car, so having a license was worthless. They made me rely on them for everything. They would make me feel guilty about applying for jobs and working, yet at the same time they would call me a "worthless, jobless deadbeat" if I didn't have a job. Whenever I did manage to get a job, I had to rely on them to take me to interviews/work, and they would make it hell for me. My dad had this habit of actually wanting to come into the interview and just sit there. Like, he wanted to embarrass me enough so that I wouldn't get the job. My mom would purposefully make me late so that I would get fired from jobs. I was just supposed to stay at home and take their abuse, take their gaslighting, take their narcissism. Everything that I wanted to do, they took it upon themselves to determine that I "wasn't ready." I swear those two people mastered to art of gaslighting, bullying and guilt-tripping... I have 2 older sisters who don't even care. To be honest, they actually HELP MY PARENTS to gaslight and control me; my parents let them live their lives and do not abuse them at all. I don't know why they chose me to be the only one that they would abuse, but my sisters seem to like it. It makes them feel good about themselves to ruin my life.... I am just now starting University at 30 years old and I feel so insecure about it. The only way that I was able to go to Uni was by applying for schools in another country so that I could get away from them and their little circle of influence, but you can bet your butt that they tried to make it hard for me and shame me out of it. As you say, I am finally learning to do the things that people learned to do at 18-21, and it makes me feel pathetic. It pisses me off knowing that my 20's, the years where I was supposed to be learning and meeting lifelong friends, living life and having fun, are lost to me and I'll never get them back, thanks to my parents.
K A I applaud you for having the strength to finally live your life. You're parents are mentally ill to think it's ok to try to make you live your life how they want you to. They don't deserve to have you in their lives. wish you all the success you deserve and have a wonderful life xx
Angelique Navarro I COMPLETELY understand and relate TOTALLY!!!!! I'm so sorry but just know there are soooooo many of us whose parents did this to us. I am 36 and got free from my father's manipulations at 29 and I'm really finally feeling normal. I have dealt with a LOT of anger and grief for the time I lost (my whole adolescence and early young adulthood) under his creepy thumb and I relate COMPLETELY with what you are saying. But get a GOOD therapist and do some EMDR. If your therapist isn't helping you leaps and bounds each month then know they are a crappy therapist. You don't have time to waste on any other crappy people. Make sure you are getting good help. I hope you will and God bless you. I feel your pain very much.
yes can totally relate, my mother even tried to enlist psychiatrist to take her side. I eventually got validation from a therapist, who told me and her that my issues were environmental and that she was overbearing and the reason for my issues. she's never apologized to me for any of it, but (like you,) I'm 27 now and she has said that there's "nothing wrong with me" now. she still doesn't see the correlation between me leaving her grasps and my ability to actually function as an adult. Word to the wise, be aware of who you associate with now that you are out of that situation. Even now, I still find my self being attracted to abusers and emotionally manipulative people, in romantic relationships as well as friendships. I was married to one for 5 years and it took me a year of being single, and deep spiritual and emotional introspection to be ok to date again. I am the luckiest woman in the world to find a man who has healthy boundaries as well as a deep understanding of how to approach me because of my past. I'm very much in love and am very happy, keeping abusers and most family away, and having built a new family for myself, with members from my church, friends and my significant other. Having a support group is so important, and you have to resist the urge to isolate yourself. with healthy boundaries and a healthy self assurance you will succeed in life! God bless you and good luck
When I was a young lady, my mom asked numerous times: "What do you want to be when you grow up?" A psychologist., A nurse, a teacher, I wanted to be all of those things. Every time with an answer she would come back with "Good luck!" She made sure she hollered at me when it came to homework, needing help, etc... I did not know how to read until age 40 when my 4 year old daughter was learning how to read. There you have it. My dad didn't see the abuse or he closed his eyes to it. They are both gone now. I do have siblings who learned a lot also parents bought cars, houses, for them both several times. Even set them both up in business. If I wanted a vehicle, or ANYTHING, I had to work for it. I am now mid-sixties and have bought my first house ever! Sister screamed at me when mom died. That's her deal. I don't deal with screamers, having had it all my life. Happy now.
My mother used some of these tactics when I was a teen... I don't think she did it on purpose, but we were stuck in a very unhealthy cycle. When I got my first boyfriend, her hold on me lessened. We started fighting all the time because she feared losing me to him.I moved out as soon as possible (moved in with said boyfriend), and after a time of trying to make it work with my mom and only fighting and mysery, I cut all contact for about seven years.Now we get along fine, especially since the birth of her grandchildren, but I needed this time to strengthen myself, to really live my life on my own. Time to analyze what happened, so it never can happen to me again, and finally... To forgive.
Michaela I wish you all the best, whatever that may be for you. It is very hard to burn the bridges to the own parents, but to be able to do this also means you have a lot of strength, never forget this! Take care of yourself! :)
Manuela Glavas i have the same thing with my mom for 7 years i have been through hell and im 14 now and i have a bf and let me tell u i have the same thing and its fuckin hell and i feel like im going crazy and she is really controlling and everything, im still w my bf but like i dont even know what to think or even say anymore im depress and have axiety i never hang out with friends or anything she does everything for me like make my bed and goes in my room and cleans up for me and put things away for me and then i tell her " i can do it and i wanna do it and make my room look the way i want it to look" she saids no its okay i like doing this or okay ill let u clean ur room and it seems like she is mad but even when she saids okay she still goes through my room when im in the shower and does my laundry and everything and im not allowed to take care of myself or do anything on my own, im stuck in the house the only time i leave is with her, i spend every day with her and im not even allowed to close my door to my room, i try to please her and let her control me and do everything she wants me to do so then she will be nice to me, but im never good enough and she doesnt want me to have a bf and she found out im still with him and now she is saying she will put a restranning order on him and stuff cuz she doesnt like that he is mexican and doesnt want me to have a bf but i love him and idc and even if ido break up w him it wont change the way she is or anything she will just get her way and i will still be going through the same thing like i have for 7 years even without a bf it has been hell
I'm still debating on moving to my dad's I am finally legally old enough to choose who has custody of me, but every time I've worked up the gut to get away from the toxic fumes that is "home" she convinces me I need her.
Manuela Glavas believe it or not, my mum done//said things to me since I was a child, later in 2016 she went crazy ( literally), she was diagnosed with schizophrenia and it caused her to do terrible things to me when she was in that state, I moved away from her but I'm by myself, I have not got any family nor boyfriends or aunts and uncles, only 2 friends. Haven't spoken / seen mum in 2 years now, also spending Xmas alone again lol
My narcissistic mom was like that "you're nothing without me" "after everything I've done for you" "you're so ungrateful look how much we've done for you" Also in my childhood I had to endure and fight for myself at times because of the emotionally raging feelings she suddenly had in a blink of an eye thus sometimes she started to beat me up and say "I wish you were never born" "I will get this knife and put it thru your skull if you anger me more" followed by constant screaming at super high pitch as if a demon has raised from her . But the thing that got me emotionally damaged was after she calmed down she acted as if nothing happened like she hadn't done anything to me. I was there remembering how damaged and confused I was to why she suddenly forgot what shes done to me. I always had fights with her and always fought for myself after I turned 13 because of the so many fights we had that she was stronger than me. When I finally grew up a bit she didn't have that much control. But until I turned 23-24 years old I didn't realize how fucked up my life has been. After fighting for so long my brain was thinking this all was normal and then when I kinda moved out to study and read a little about narcissism I suddenly realized whats happening and why I had so much anxiety ,depression and fear in my life. I suddenly realized how cruel she actually was because before that we fought but I still loved her. But now I don't love her anymore nor do I care about her anymore I just pretend to be nice and I almost pity her of how emotionally weak she is. She is still trying to manipulate me by being nice but I'm not biting because after the nice faze its always the control faze then it comes the hate faze. What I only fear now is my future because I know when I have a girlfriend she would try to manipulate situations. Not to mention when I have kids. PS: The thing that saved my life as a person is my friends and sports. None of them know how my childhood family life has been and the struggles I've been thru. I never let them know and I was always the determent never give up happy type of a person. That saved me. My unconscious instinct to escape by being outside all the time or eating always in my room because I watched my shows on the computer. Still I have damages to my personality like being scared to have a girlfriend or overthinking or having depression or anxiety in some situations and constant fear of being controlled by parents etc.
I understand that. My dad was a narcissist and gaslighter. They intend to destroy people, people they know and people they don't know, from the inside out because they're antisocial (which means, as with many serial killers, they hate _all_ human beings). I hope you're doing better.
Sound soo familiar. Nowadays I am in a fairly good relationship with my mum. I have learned to hold my boundaries, and she has gladly enough managed to grow up a bit.
I realized a few things. 1.) I love me too much to take this abuse 2.) People like this are weak and cowards, two qualities Im not fond of. 3.) I deserve to be happy, misery likes company and it cant have mine. 4.) Realized my kids are the most important things to me, so you have to go. 5.) Weak people hate strength....its threatening and intimidating. 6.)Your a road block in my way, so you must be removed. Sorry your the victim, but its really not my place to save you. 7.) You cant help someone who cant first help themselves. 8.) There are 2 kinds of people, the victim and the survivor. Become the survivor and help those who truly need and will appreciate your guidance. These are things that helped me get out of a emotionally abusive hell of a marriage.
I deserve to be happy, misery likes company and it cant have mine. i love that line. i wanna be alone and yet abusers cant stand it if your not speaking to them, wow thank you
I wouldn't call them weak or cowards but rather having been traumatised themselves, either in childhood for past relationships to which they have their own mental problems and are inflicting on others
@@SliszMeisterGeneral To me it shouldn't matter how other people have treated them, basic manners are what you learn in kindergarten... Why should they be mean to people for no reason? If you never gave them a reason to be mad at you then they shouldn't act angry and abusive to you. It's evil and wrong.
How did you do it? My mom is the same way and my sister lives with her. When my parents divorced because my dad was done with the abuse she turned the whole family and his friends against him isolating him. He died fours after and I lost my support system of anyone believin me there. I want to maintain a good relationship with my sister and I want to see my family at gathers. How were you able to cut one person out of your life and not be hassled bt the other family members telling you you're crazy and need to talk to your mother?
KillerKells 202 unfortunately in a situation like that, you either stick to your choice or relent to the pressure. There's no real way to cleanly cut someone from your life without consequences. Believe in yourself and know you are right in your actions and anytime anyone asks you why you don't want to be around you mom, stand up for yourself and be calm and rational. The more your story stays the same the more it'll make your mom look like she's the cause of all this. I'm sorry though, that's a hard situation.
Thank you! Unfortunately, like others, my confidence was never able to spark until I moved away from her. I am still learning to have confidence in myself and I still find it difficult to stand up for myself, but I am still trying. It does get easier, I'm not ready for that step yet. I hope to get there one day.
Buy talking to someone you trust. I needed to talk to someone who knew how it was to get confirmation on my doubts and to open my eyes and tell me to get away from him and how. I has taken me over 10 years, but I have stayed in my home, changed the locks and getting extra locks and survived. But I don't think, he was the worst kind, but I'm not sure it'over either, not yet at least...
Remember; sometimes we, ourselves can gaslight others. Be mindful of your words and actions and how they make people feel. Seek help if you feel like you are afraid you are being abusive, because you can change your ways. However; do not stay in a relationship with someone who is abusive, because they may never change. Change must come from within.
Christina Wolfle I feel like comment section needed to hear this: I'm glad you shared that. It's so easy to think about how other people could be doing it to us; but we should all try to remember what it means to gaslight and try our best to not do that to anyone. Hope all of you are feeling better and as educated as i felt after watching this (:
My mom gaslighted me throughout my teen years. Everything I shared with her became ammunition to use against me in her next hours long lecture. Which happened 2 or 3 times a week. Until I was ashamed of everything that interested me. I'd wait till she wasn't home and take books and video games music cds everything to the dumpster. Couldn't throw it away with her around she'd get pissed. The lectures would go on for three or four hours at a time and then she'd get pissed when I was angry or depressed afterwards. I eventually just stopped talking to her about anything that interested me and eventually she ran out of ammo. I could fucking see the frustration on her face as she tried to recall something recent to use against me. I'd fucking won. After that she started trying to guilt me into talking to her more but I didn't fall for it. Soon after I escaped by going to job corp. It's a trade school program for children of low wage families. It's a miserable place where I had soda bottles full of piss thrown at me. Where anything that was misused was yanked out immediately and permanently so there was NOTHING to do. EVER. As everything got abused or misused eventually by these damn kids. But I stuck through it all. How? Because it was still better than living with my mother.
Shredded Wheat yeah, they are experts at bringing past issues to the forefront that really doesn't have nothing to do with present conversation. I experienced this with my parents throughout my childhood. I know the feeling
Oh that was years ago Kissmiss XD And it was down from second and third story windows. No chance of reprisal. Except one time when it was cold out and only one window was open. He'd missed. I shouted "I know where that came from! Yours is the only window that's open ya fucking moron!" So this kid pops up out of hiding and starts throwing gang signs at me. I flailed my arms wildly and ended with flipping him off. He ran out of sight and I knew what was coming. Him showing up with 5 of his friends to have a nice fair 5 on 1 fight. So I got the hell out of there. Nothing ever came of it which means he was thrown out of the school soon after for one reason or another. The screw ups didn't last long. The problem being they were promptly replaced by more walking talking reminders of the importance of using contraceptives.
I have a very similar experience. My father did the same. Anytime I would tell him of my dreams and aspirations as a kid/teen and now as an adult; he would, and still responds in a contradictory, negative manner, incredibly dismissive of peoples feelings too. He loves to belittle people, and make personal attacks too. As a kid, he'd physically bash my siblings and I, and blame our mum for apparently manipulating him into "policing" us, policing involved screaming at us, and physically hitting across the face, throwing things at us, etc. Our mum who was a nurse that'd work nightshifts. and our dad would react with severe anger if we ever dropped something, or made a loud noise that would potentially wake our mum during the day.. This threating behaviour in my dad caused me to develop a fear of dropping objects, and react with fear at sudden loud noises (PTSD). Both my parents would fight like crazy. Intensely violent screaming matches, and at times physically violent too.
@wheatboi I know you wrote this months ago, but what the fuck happened next!? How did you get out of that horrible place? Where are you now with life? I need to know more. Those two comments were a roller coaster. I feel sympathy, but that feels useless. You seem to be in a better place now, based on context. What happened after that?
Someone very close to me is an abuser. She made me so insecure about myself that i started homeschooling and i cut off many of my friends. Now shes making me feel like im too fat and my friend told me i was anorexic. She always blamed me for my brother being depressed and many of my loved ones dying and that pushed into a very deep depression. I still have suicidal thoughts and I constantly feel like im doing everything wrong, but i have a very small group of amazing friends who make me feel so confident when im around them, sometimes i never want to leave them. This is my first time putting this publicly where any of my friends could see, but it feels good to tell it someone.
Char Pronounced Sh-ar mkay Is this person your mother? If yes, i think you need to go back to school and get out of the house as much as possible. At the very least there will be counselors at school you can confide in who may be able to help you. How old are you btw? You need to try away from this person as much as possible. I can see how damaging this is to you. You also cannot possibly be to blame for your brother's depression and other people's issues. That is beyond ludicrous. I really hope you answer back.
Char, Those really amazing friends? THOSE are the people you need most to listen to. People who really care will not try to bring you down, and certainly will not blame you for the depression or deaths that I am going to guess here you had ZERO to do with, of others, especially loved ones.
I was in an abusive relationship but I loved my boyfriend to death, I thought "I can get out of this, I just need to feel 100% sure so I can leave without feeling way too much hurt". I was almost there, then yesterday my boyfriend broke up with me. Most people would think "well it's better like this right? You wanted it too". Well no, it hurts like hell cause I wasn't ready to leave him yet..
When I told my ex that I was breaking with him, he lost his mind, it was awful. It was so painful to be in that relationship. Really, it gets better. Im in a relationship rn and GOD it's so different, I couldn't believe at first how blind I was... My ex told me that he was way more inteligent than me, that I can't finish my studies... I constantly was asking for forgiveness... It was a nightmare. NEVER STAY IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH A PERSON WHO FORCES YOU TO DO THINGS YOU DON'T WANT TO DO. Stay true to yourself!!!! And believe in yourself.
If you are in a relationship with an invisible sky overlord, you are are still blind. You were right at the end, you don't need the crutch that is religion.
@@why-even-try-brotendo Thankfully, it's not up to you to tell people where to find meaning in life, but I see your pain. I know it's hard to silence that Outer Critic when it thinks it's protecting you, but practicing kindness and compassion for others will help. I, too, have had negative experiences with religion, but have learned that not everyone's experiences with it will be the same. If Clara has found support and healing there, let's support that, even if where she's found it triggers painful memories for you.
I don't have pain in something that isn't real. Religion was invented by human beings as a way to control people through the threat of eternal damnation. It is not, and never has been based on anything but fairy tales and lies. It's time for you to grow up and put down childish things.
@@why-even-try-brotendo We all have different experiences. Diversity is what makes life great. People are allowed to think whatever they think, whether you agree with it or not. You'll probably be a lot happier if you stop spending so much energy on what other people believe in and focus on what makes your own life meaningful and awesome.
Nobody mentions that when a narcissist or psychopath gaslightes you, making you question your own sanity, he literally makes you insane, in the sense, making you a disabled person. This so cruel
One of my best friends said this was happening to me and I didn't understand what she was talking about. I had never heard of before. Now I totally understand and it's so true. No one deserves this type of treatment ever. Thank you for explaining to me. Made me cry. It's so true. 💖
Not too long ago, I lived with my biological father. Everything was fine at first--until I started struggling in school. He then started to shout at me for the tiniest of things, wether it be around the house or because of things I did outside of the home. It got to the point that I was petrified to walk home from school, causing severe anxiety that I still deal with today. By the time he was engaged my Jr. year of high school he had called me every name in the book, and soon we moved in with his new wife in a rural part of Colorado. The house was nine miles from the bus stop and the bus ride was an hour long. I was isolated. My father now had all of my personal info, such as: my contacts, social media, email and anything else he could find. Now I had hit my all time low, but I thought I found salvation in a short stout old woman named Marty, she was my step grandmother. She would solve riddles and puzzles with me and taught me how to knit, she even talked my dad into letting me go to the winter formal. But one day there was a mix up with my gov. teacher, he had accidentally marked me absent on several occasions. I was terrified, and my father was livid. I didn't get to go on the trip he planned, which I was actually happy about. My happiness was short-lived, because Marty became verbally abusive as she had to watch me for that week. She made me clean the entire house a total of three times, threatened to throw my things in the snow outside, called me many names and slapped me a few times for crying or not cleaning correctly. But finally after my dad had annulled marriage, using me as an excuse, I had enough. I got a hold of my mother and told her for the tenth time that I wanted to move back with her or I wouldn't last any longer. She headed my words and made my request a reality but not without a lot of resistance from my father. When I moved back with her I had many issues. I have severe depression that will now stay with me till I pass, anxiety that makes me frightened of loud noises and asking for napkins, I also have PTSD so when someone shouts or if I believe someone is mad; I break down. I have thought of suicide, but I could never do it because I have people who love me and want to help me overcome what I've been through. Not all abuse is physical.
I can't say that I know what it's like to go through that. I do suffer from depression though. I know it gets hard Kennedy, but we just have to take one day at a time and look for the small glimpses of light in the night. Gazing at the world around me and just taking it in helps calm me down. Sometimes you need to clear your head.
This is a very powerful energy healing , when you watch it ask to receive the healing or it will not activate. It should assist your issues a lot. pEace ruclips.net/video/G-6RAg35ZIs/видео.html
Kenedy Stahl I understand your pain and this happens a lot to others who don't talk about. You should give yourself a pat on the back, because you are a warrior and survived an ongoing war
My mother gaslights me whenever I stand up to her, either through wanting to be more independent, which she thinks means 'independently obeying me'. She does it in a far more covert way, covering up all her flaws from the outside world and acting like an infallible, inarguable and flawless human being around everyone. My father has also succumbed to her will and I would have become him if i had not realised my true potential. He has always considered her as the boss of the house, which I recognised at a young age, diminishing him as a male role model for me in my childhood. All I could look up to was her, who would yell at me and punish me for unpragmatic reasons whenever he was at work. None of her friends know about her problems, but it arose from her shitty childhood, where both of her parents would be narcissistic, abusive and deliver unpragmatic punishments, just like her. They are all walking, living facades that cover up all of their flaws.
You would think after what your mom went through that she would want to be the last one to do it to others. Sadly they end up repeating the cycle. If they would only learn to be self introspective and work on their behavior everyone would be much happier. It's so hard to get through to a narcissist.
Would you tell a 13 yr old her mother was gaslighting her? I fear if left unsaid it's going to just cause worse memory and emotional issues as the child ages. Any input is appreciated
I freaking love the fact that boys are not the only ones displayed as the abusive partner! Like, girls can be abusive too and there are still many people who just don't seem to get that...
katinka coenen. I agree. It was very much appreciated. I hate the stigma that abuse or sexual harassment doesn't happen to men by women. It's usually brushed off due to the double standard that woman are to weak to do any actual harm and men must be strong and bare every struggle on their own.
katinka coenen the truth is there are people who deny their part in abuse. Most have difficulty accepting the role they played, if they played a part at all.
If you're the victim of gaslighting and you're writing about your experience, that a sign that you're AWARE of what's happening. Awareness is POWER. The gaslighting isn't about YOU, even though you're the target. The person gaslighting is struggling with terrifying fear OF THEIR OWN and their way of coping with that fear is to manipulate their environment. Unless you're able to heal their deep emotional wounds (only they can heal their wounds), you're not going to change their behaviour, so don't even try. For gaslighting to work, the victim needs to be dependent on the gaslighter for something - we stay in that relationship because we need that feeling of connection that the gaslighter provides; if it's our partner, we might need to be in a relationship to feel WORTHY OF LOVE; if its a family member, we might be depending on a sense of family BELONGING; a boss or co-worker - our standing in the COMMUNITY depends on our having employment (or our chosen employment). Connection and belonging are critically important to our mental and our emotion wellbeing, so we need to acknowledge and respect our need for them. One way to shift the power dynamic when gaslighting is present, is to keep in mind that the GASLIGHTER IS HURTING inside. They're lashing out, because they are experiencing unbearable pain. Lower your expectations of what they can offer in terms of honesty and dependability. They're in too much pain to be honest or dependable. IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU! The aspersions that they're casting about you are simple PROJECTIONS of aspects of themselves that they find repulsive. When you grasp that they're calling you Lazy, because they're projecting their own wound around laziness, keep that to yourself - they're already STRUGGLING TO ACCEPT THEMSELVES, and showing-off what you've come to understand will only escalate the situation. Stop depending on them to feel worthy of connection and find someone who can help you to HEAL YOUR victim wounds. No-one is exempt from victim wounding, though some people hide their wounds more effectively. Philip Be'er - From the "Learning to Love" Curriculum
What if something I did in the past is the reason of their emotional wounds that make them manipulate me now? Is it wrong to end the relationship because of their manipulation even thought I'm the main reason for all of this? It's now been over a year from what I did and since then I've done everything I can to help them heal from it, but it doesen't seem to be enough.
I plan on getting a new job at some point. Have to get away from gaslighters. The man used every trick in the book like he knows me, he kept asking me dumb questions and i was questioning my sanity.
Elaine Gomez ....can I suggest that if you have to ask yourself this question,,,,the answer is most certainly your abusing each other ,are victims of each other and both are happening at varying points in time . Your relationship has got messy .
Banupriya Madhusudhan my girlfriend told me, that i am a gaslighter. Now it turned 180° and i am the gaslighted, being stolen our kid by her and her clan. PS: but still i apreciate, that she told me: 2016, when hardly anyone knew bout gaslighting.
Do not fight for an abusive marriage if it is tearing you down. I fought for my marriage for 18 yrs and each time he found a new way to try to humiliate and ridicule me. If you stay you’ll be deemed weak for staying by your abuser. My own mother supports my narc. She says I act as if i think I’m too good to accept that all men behave this way. She’s the reason I married a narc.
9 years ago my husband started a new job and it required a lot of his time. As the years went on I noticed a change in his personality. I'd express my concern and how it was affecting our marriage. He'd tell me that his work hours would be better after 6 months. But year after year he worked everyday and on weekends. I would get upset because of his lack of participating in the marriage. My husband claimed that my overreactions were due to my meds. I was taking meds for depression and anxiety, but I know my anxiety level had gone up because of my estranged husband's lack of empathy and lack of participation in the marriage. I went to counselling with him just to appease him. He was very charming with the therapists and if I disagreed, he'd stop me. I did have my meds changed, knowing that it was my husband that was affecting my mood. I knew something wasn't right, but I was too afraid to live alone. Plus, I wanted to save the marriage. But unfortunately, he'd blame me for problems in the marriage. Whenever I expressed myself he'd claim I was being negative. He'd claim he did a lot to help out around the house, but I knew he didn't. But I couldn't reason with him. He'd give me the silent treatment whenever I'd express myself. He lied to me about many things. I thought his anger and impatience was due to his job, so I hung in there hoping that once things settled down at work, he'd be better. Plus my therapist encouraged me to hang in there, because he thought things would get better. What an idiot I was for trusting the therapist. Things only got worse because he was addicted to pain meds. I have been separated for over a year and have filed for a divorce. It took time for me to heal and there were times I wanted to go back. I think with the help of friends, alanon and learning about narcissism I was able to become a stronger person and not be fearful of living alone. My son's saw how their father worked too much and how it affected his health and the marriage. They said they never would work like that. They saw how unhealthy he became when on painmeds. I feel sorry for my estranged husband, but I can never live with him. I deserve to be happy
Sounds to me as if your ex-husband may have frontal temporal lobe dementia. Look it up. My wife started like that early 2016 after 35 years of marriage. It went on for about a year. She is better than she was but memory is bad, delusional behavior and hallucinations are all kicking in.
Yeah.....if you can cut down on the bills.....so there is not as much pressure......it's easier to deal with. Was it constant pressure from bills....or was he seeing someone else....or does he just need more money to feel secure?
For a moment I thought I was crazy. Everyone around me including my own parent is like this. Its so childish. I told my friend about a song. He likes a certain type of music. And he kinda brushed it off when I mentioned it. So I meet up with him again and he was listening to this same song. And I brought up the fact that I told him about it. And he denied it with laughter and satisfaction because he knew I didn't have the energy to explain because he kept in insisting that he didn't remember. And I was kinda weak then, and so I let it go. Its like when I'm online typing I always receive likes for my comments and feel smart. But in real life its like I'm never right and I'm made out to be incompetent around my family and friends. Its like they want you to be dumb in order for them to feel smarter than what they are. How I'm typing wouldn't be possible for me to word in real life. I'm forced to talk more confused and timid. When I speak up everybody because irritated or act intimidated.
FUCK what other people think about you speaking up. Do you want to be an underdog and an outcast for the rest of your existence or do you want to live a life full of purpose? Stop letting other people manipulate you. Stand your ground and speak up about what's on your mind. You can also do this when they're in a good mood, just pull them aside and tell them that you don't appreciate the gas-lighting and that it needs to stop. If they don't listen the first time, you NEED to move out and never come back.
Totally agree, but I think there is a 12 too, those who upset you or do something that encroaches on your boundaries, neglects your emotions etc but then goes straight into the victim role when you don't give them instant empathy when they cry or you react badly like a sarcastic laugh in shock of how they're even crying when they just upset you and they've literally no logical reason or no given reason to get upset for you being upset at them upsetting you, then others around them don't see through their either games or mental illness and ask you to be more understanding.
I broke off my relationship with a gaslighter by just straight up telling her I'm becoming depressed and that the relationship was making me become an angrier and worse person. I also truly think she didn't mean to but when speaking about our problems, it was more MY problem. And when talking about possible solutions to these problems, it was MY responsibility. Not OURS.
My dad used to gaslight me, that fucker will never hear from me again. I started to notice how crazy he made me feel, but I couldn't just leave, you know... because he's my parent. He's dead to me.
This sounds like my life... my mom gaslights me so often even I'm an adult now. And my former best friend from elementary school to middle school did that too. This abusive relatonship only ended because she left the school.
I relate so much to this video. This is the first time I’ve heard that people who are being gaslit are more likely to seek help for their perceived and nonexistent “mental illness” than for the actual problem, the trauma they went through at the hands of the gaslighter or other abusers. I relate so hard.
This Video hit home. Why? I live with my great grandma, and I have been living with her since I was young (2-5). Recently, I did a little research on abuse, as my friend saw a girl emotionally abusing/manipulating her boyfriend, and stood up for her. When I got home, I looked up the different types of abuse. As I kept scrolling seeing the signs of emotional abuse,I noticed that more and more signs were strikingly similar to my life at home. I stumbled across this, and I finally understood. I was being gaslighted. She would make fun of me, yell at me, and hit me, and if the phone rang, or someone knocked on the door, she would send me to my room and I was to not leave it until she called for me. And she is a superb actor. No matter how mad she is, she will start acting calm if there is a sign of other people nearby (or human interaction). I can say something, and she will twist my words to make it seem like I'm being abusive. ( I'm 13) And if I try to talk to anyone who knows her, they don't believe me. She's a sweet little old lady, she would never do such a thing. And they will most often say something along the lines of, "you a teenager, so you're just overreacting" or " why should I believe a hormonal teenager?" Or the most common, " stop being a bitch/ you're not very convincing", etc, etc. Now, I go to a therapist because my great grandma thinks that I'm crazy. The first season of therapy she went with me, and she is not allowed back there. The therapist later said that she ( my great grandma) was the root of my issues, and that she had several background issues, and a lot of abuse, but there is no excuse for her to be abusing me. I have anxiety, I am extremely introverted, and struggled with depression ( I think it's just a matter of time before I relapse) and then Mawmaw ( that's what I call her) wonders why I'm so fucked up in the head.
Lily Anderson I send you light and love your way, It's good to know that your therapist believes you. I can totally relate with your story. I am very sorry that for now you have to live with her. But there are others like me who will always be here for you little one. love and light your way.
You are most certainly not fucked up (none of it is your fault in case you needed to hear that) I grew up with a gaslighter and unfortunately some of their methods stuck to me that I started becoming that person to my loved ones. It was through therapy that I’ve gotten help to stop the anxiety and unhealthy habits that things become clearer, and you start getting ahold of your sanity, loving yourself more... the whole lot!stay positive and know that things get better and if you are in a position where it’s possible to leave the situation, take it, sometimes you have to step back if you’re living with them to get a sense of who you are. Lots of love
Lily Anderson ; I'm very sorry for you. Your meemaw sounds exactly like my mother. When you reach 18, you can walk away for good. I know that sounds like a long time. It was for me too! For year's I tried to build a good relationship with my mom, but she used & twisted my words, rewrote history, etc. Two years ago, I went NO CONTACT. I cut her & all my toxic siblings out of my life. It wasn't easy! But I am better for it. Toxic People are like a cancerous tumor growing inside you. It takes surgery to remove it. That surgery is painful, scary, traumatic, etc. But it is also necessary! It will SAVE YOUR LIFE. Yes, it will leave scar's. But you can heal in time. You cannot let that cancer back in your life! It will always be a cancer! It will NEVER change! Just remember "This, too, shall pass." You are not alone. Best Wishes
Lily Anderson isn't it classed as child abuse? It would be where I'm from. I would report it to CPA child protection agency as I am a mandatory reporter, as your therapist should be.
If your parents are doing this to you...and you are under 18 then go and tell a trusted adult...a favorite teacher, a school counselor, the principal, a coach, a neighbor, a friend's parent, etc. and tell them about how bad your home situation is and what it is doing to you emotionally, and/ or physically, and that you need an intervention and PROTECTION. Tell them you are scared of what your parents will do if they find out you told someone what is really going on, but that you can't stand being mistreated all the time and that it is affecting you. If that person will not or cannot help, then go to another, and then another etc. trusted adult until you get the help/support you need and DESERVE! If you are over 18 go and seek out counselling/support (there are low-cost sliding scale fees,) or online websites, or again tell a trusted, mature, kind person...I wish you the best and you are already a survivor and are ahead of the game because you recognize what is happening, instead of just blaming yourself ! You are amazing and strong! You desrve love, understanding, and support! Seek it out...if you are too shy or find it hard to say the words, then write a letter and give it to someone you trust to help...Never give up love! If you have bad parents, then parent yourself if you must. You can do this...if you ever feel depressed/suicidal get help immediately or call 911 or a suicide hotline. Best of Luck! (If you are over 18 get SUPPORT ASAP You need to be your own advocate and protector!
The good thing today, is that mental health and private life is being taken much more seriously than when most of us were growing up (I say this in my twenties, mind you). Although, any narcissistic parent worth their title will do absolutely everything in their power to make sure their child would belly-flop a cactus before they reported the narc.
We need more abuse education for teachers, etc. I remember when my best friend was telling our English teacher about her dad in 9th grade and the teacher didn't really know what to do. She said "Do you want me to say something? Talk to him?" My friend was just like "oh god please don't, that'll make it worse..." So there was no intervention because emotional abuse is really hard to prove and people don't know how to protect kids from it. At least she knew and understood what was going on. I didn't even realize my mom was just as bad. She was better at hiding it and had the entire family gaslit to hell and back. smh
Don't stay long enough to where they get you pregnant and then abuse and use the child against you.... I'm very grateful for my daughter... but I wish it wasn't with him. I've left him for the 6th time a week ago and this is the last time... but I always say it's the last time.. I wish I could get away from him forever beause all I think about are the horrible things he's said and done to be and my baby.. but i cant just never see him again because we have a child together. That is i beleive another abusive tactic. To have a child together so they can forever abuse and control you. I dont know how to deal to with the abuse and the mental turmoil ive been caused and I feel like I'm starting to turn into him and I just hate myself.
Rebekah Christine you are correct. Whenever there's a child or children in abusive relationships, the abuser will use them as bait to get back at the other parent
Rebekah Christine Oh no.. I'm about a month and a half pregnant and this is exactly what I was worried about and is what's happening. It's gut wrenching and heart breaking to me to say the least :( ..
Took me forever to realize that this was my realtionship, I would think about it and research but then question my sanity and my perception, I didn't realize it was the effects of the abuse. I got out because close family and friends noticed how I went silent and became depressed when I used to be really talkative. I trusted them and took the step to breakup with him through phone, for I tried to breakup with him in person and he twisted the situation and I was apologizing. Looking back, I can see thing clearer now, how every problem just came down to me "perceiving something wrong" or him telling me that certain things never happened when they did. He never respected my physical boundaries either and played on my empathetic nature. He was so subtle and charming that I didnt realize what was going on. I've experienced many forms of emotional abuse. Gaslighting did the most damage. If anyone else has gone through something similar I'm sorry ❤ we will rise up
Here is something from Johnny Depp (Jack Sparrow) "Cray people don't know that they are crazy. I know that I am crazy, therefore I am not crazy, isn't that crazy?"
I was in a physically abusive marriage so I recognize these techniques. Be careful, however, with numbers 4 and 6 as abusers are good at making you look like the bad one on these scenarios. Abusers tend to be overly sensitive themselves and narcissistic and will not appreciate you pointing this out to them. They may accuse you of being insensitive and use this as an excuse for emotional or physical abuse. They also tend to frequently imagine that you promised or agreed to something you didn't when it serves them. As pointed out, they have the habit of putting words into your mouth and creating memories for you. Also, abusers tend to overwhelm you with demands and coerce promises you don't really want to make. As a result, you are likely to forget promises you made to them or are simply unable to keep them because they were unreasonable and/or made under pressure.
Please make a promise to yourself today the second you read this. You are a beautiful life that matters and NO MATTER what anybody has to say YOU ARE LOVED I talked to God and he told me to tell you HOW MUCH LOVED YOU ARE AND NEVER FORGET IT 💕I don't know what to say but I been in a couple of bad situations where I thought I was in love and I was so wrong please don't allow anybody to abuse you and love life even though the ugly moments make good decisions ! Don't let the ugly of others destroy the beauty in you:)
I have recently gotten myself out of an abusive friendship. Someone who I thought was my best friend, the person I should confide in and trust most, has abused me for several years of my life. Over 16 years. The saddest part is that I’m only 20 years old. Over those years he abused me mentally, physically, and sexually. I finally had enough after I was beginning to talk with a girl who I thought could potentially change my life. We talked every day, were beginning to hang out, everything was going well. But he was angry and jealous. He wanted me to believe that I couldn’t trust her, that she was manipulating me and had me wrapped around her finger. He argued with me at my workplace about why I needed to stop seeing her, and even threatened to have me fired. When I stepped closer to him in the heat of an argument, he thought that I was going to physically fight him when what I was truly doing was showing that I would not back down on the matter. He will swear to it that I wanted to fight in that manner and will never admit that he was wrong. Not even a week later we got into another huge argument which ended with him holding me down, choking me, and punching me. That was the the final straw for me. I wanted out after that. But I had to be careful about how I did it, lest I be stuck there forever. I had to leave with all of my most important belongings when everyone was alseep. I blocked them across call, text, and all forms of social media. I have been gone for 3 days now and I have felt better than I ever have in my life.
How strange that great happiness comes after great sadness/pain! After I left home, I was so profoundly happy for months on end....lasted about 18 months. I've never experienced a period like that since then! And the strangest thing was: I was broke, struggling so make some money (part time jobs)…..and IT STILL WAS THE HAPPIEST PERIOD IN MY LIFE!!
I was gaslighted by my dad and step mom they did everything on this list and more it stretched to the physical level and since they kept me isolated and they threatened to lock me away in a mental hospital due to them making me depressed I started quiet because I was never brave enough to speak out because of them I'm not suffering from multiple mental issues such as depression bipolar disorder and worse I have horrible PTSD and other anxiety issues I have very few friends and have many trust issues and I'm not trying to get on disability because they crippled me do horribly I have permanent physical injuries because of them and because I didn't speak out I can no longer prove anything so they got away with it luckily I don't live with them anymore I live with my mom who's helped me through so much she's been with me through every doctors visit and every mental breakdown and more she's so supportive and I'm lucky to have her in my life but I still hear from them on holidays and birthdays and Im expected to keep contact with them on such days otherwise his mother my Mammaw will get upset with me and try to guilt me into texting them again and even then stonily asking how the weather is over here is enough to completely send me into crying panic attacks as soon as its all over my mom says I don't have to text them anymore and she's cool with me cutting him out but my Mammaw still guilts me into it every time cause even though she knows what they did to me she still thinks that we can fix it and Ik that's never going to happen I've forgiven them fly what they've done and all that and I don't hate them but I can't seem to let go of the fact that my own family 2 ppl I trusted to take care of me hurt me so badly and now when I just want to be left alone I can't escape but at least I don't have to talk with them very much so I'm doing my best to cope and am actually mentally stable now and have a loving boyfriend who understands my past and helps me with everything I need and hes so good to me he loves me no matter what and is slowly working to undo the years of brainwashing they put me through nobody has succeeded in getting anywhere on that front yet but he says he'll never give up and that one day he'll make sure that I feel beautiful, smart, and worthy of love and affection, and etc. and I love him so much for that hes the best thing to ever happen to me honestly
Wow.I'm glad you have someone that loves you and gives you confidence now! btw you can count on me and the rest of suscribers too!(Somehow I feel better when I'm reading the comments of the vids,and I think a lot of people would agree with me if I say that the comments section has people that can support you)
+Azuliza-chan01 thnx that's very sweet of u to say I have a long recovery ahead of me and I hope one day I'll get there thnx so much for being such a nice person
Thank you for this. I fell in love with someone who verbally and emotionally abused me through gas lighting. She didn't even know she was doing it (I think). When I confronted her, she denied it and was appalled that I would accuse her of such abhorrent behavior. In the end I built up so much resentment and poison that I checked out and lied to her. Turned into the person I never was. I went from 100% total commitment, devotion, love, and hope, to not caring and lying. Don't let this happen to you. Don't think you're strong enough. Your love and strength will be no match against the destructive power that people's insecurities and issues may have on you. You will end up badly beaten and hurt. Seek help from friends, counselors, address the problem so you can be at peace with the effort and education you gained, and leave. Someone is out there waiting to receive your love and happy to reciprocate it in a healthy way.
Oh my god....this is my ex. Getting out of the relationship was so easy, it makes me frustrated that I stayed with him for two years too long because I thought I couldn't leave him. I'm positive being in that relationship has given me PTSD. I act so irrationally in my currently relationship because I have come to expect everyone to treat me the way my ex did. Thankfully, I am dating someone that treats me with respect and actually cares about my feelings. She's slowly helping me open up and accept love instead of pushing her away.
I got out of an emotionally abusive relationship almost a year ago, and i am struggling to move on and form new relationships with others. I feel very broken and don’t know what to do
I'm still working on it seven years later. I don't mean that to be daunting; I had a three year relationship that was very healing and I tried various methods of self-therapy, including moving, making new friends, pursuing my own career interests and getting into health and wellness. I even sought actual clinical therapy, but only recently realized that I never specifically worked through the damage caused by my abuser. I think with such therapy, the healing process can be much quicker, so I strongly recommend that! And forgive yourself for being "stupid". These people can not be seen, smelled or tasted. Most of us have to learn the hard way how much they suck
Sorry. Please be honest with yourself everytime you meet a new person or potential mate. Gaslighters can sense the weaknesses in people that they can manipulate and you have some of those. Being honest with yourself is therefore of utmost importance: be honest about insecurities, not wanting to be alone (big magnet for gaslighters), etc. Stick to people who love you and build you up. Don't be in a hurry or desperate to get into a relationship, romantic or otherwise. God bless you.
I've barely had contact with my biological mother for over a decade. She's sick and twisted, and WILL NEVER CHANGE. It was only by cutting her out of my life that I was able to make any progress. After countless hours of support groups, therapy, etc. the only good thing I can say is I don't hate her. It's enough for me. Spend a year without your mother, get some help. You won't believe how beautiful you life can become. To hell with anyone who would stay sick and keep their own offspring sick with them.
trucker wrecker I tried that for decades (even after she released me to the custody of the state - one of the requirements to keep me was that we attend regular counseling sessions together, she said it 'was too hard.'.) She prefers sick relationships with sick people, actually fought my pursuits for my own mental wellness. I get the idea that mothers and daughters should love each other (don't I'm not still crying my eyes out every Mother's Day) but some people aren't capable of love. BTW It's very bad advice to encourage ppl to maintain relationships with toxic people. Most parents want a family, but some just want a fan club - and they punish severely when their would-be groupies don't behave accordingly. If you've never lived through something like this you wouldn't understand. So frankly, I wish no one understood...
Theatre Junkee You're absolutely right about if somebody hasn't been thru it, they can't understand..I've tried to talk to friends, and honestly, they don't "get it." 😔
This happened to me, and when I left he took it further by claiming that I was the abusive one. Thankfully my friends didn't believe him and took my side, they've been helping me build my trust back up after I escaped the relationship
It is very difficult to get out of this type of relationship, when it's family. The only way, was finally years later, cut ties completely! My mother had me believe, it was a shame to not forgive family. I had to break free, on my own awareness, that just cause it's family, you dont have to tolerate ANY abuse! Took me a long time to believe this, and it's is very lonely, because i had to let go of people i thought, loved me, & were my friend! It was twisted. I feel very hurt & very betrayed, i dont think, i will ever heal, and im 51.😏 what toxic wasted time.
My ex possessed a horrible power on me. He used to do every single thing in this video. As a result I developed self doubt and became depressed eventually. I shared my problem with my family and couple of close friends and everyone advised me to leave him. He had made me so dependent on him that it was very hard to leave him. In my whole collage year ... no one had me me cry more than he did. He was my constant annoyer ... nagger and judged me for every single thing right frm how I dress up to how I speak to other people. He used me criticise me infront of my friends. He used my past to humiliate me. He used my insecurities to put me down. He used to tell me I am being paranoid and I am too sensitive. Finally I chose my happiness. I left him. But since we were in same collage we saw each other almost everyday. He talks to me still ... n I make sure I am not rude to him and also I make sure I do not let his words affect me. I make sure I believe in myself first. Basically the only way it was possible was by becoming mentally strong and gaining self confidence. I mentally separated him so that his words became the words of a stranger... words I won’t pay much attention to. I also made sure that next time he talks.. he talks to me with respect or I simply used to walk out of the conversation making sure he knows I am not going to take his abuses anymore. We will never be in good terms anymore ... but I am just hoping we do no harm to each other and give each other respect that we deserve as a human being. This became my bare minimum to survive the colllage and bad breakup.
A great read. I'm very pleased for your victory. I would advise a full no-contact regime against your ex, because he absolutely will close in on any opportunity. He's waiting for you to have a bad day before he properly strikes again. Besides which, you really owe him nothing. He will never respect you, because as far as he's concerned: You're his property.
@@terribletanner805 I think you are right! This guy is only waiting.....for the right moment. To hang onto the relationship in any way.....is to allow that opportunity to show.
@@blossomheart3294 There's always happiness out there. If you're in a destructive relationship, it's a very good idea to not allow it to continue. There are many support groups out there and also if you're able to take time off from life, like a meditation/yoga retreat or whatever you like, its a good reset button to help give you confidence to go in a direction that is healthy. I've been stuck in an abusive relationship myself, still currently in it actually, but I'm not allowing it to continue to be abusive any longer My situation is likely a bit different that yours because our finances are incredibly intertwined and it would be like a very messy divorce. I'm setting very clear, precisely made boundaries to help us both heal and be healthy, but if he breaks the rules, I'm done, no exceptions whatsoever. I took a 2.5 month break for meditation and now I feel many times more confident to go towards my own happiness and I wont sacrifice that any more. No exceptions :)
My ex gaslighted me for sure. I went to therapy to help sort out "my issues" and better ways to communicate with him and was taught that i was communicating just fine and he has issues that i cannot solve. I barely got out of it alive. x_x
The abused will typically end up in therapy. This unfortunate as the actual problem never gets addressed or resolved. You therapist is a good one as he/she was able to identify the actual issue. You posted 4 months ago. Have things changed for the better?
@@michaelmeanswell Things have definitely changed for the better. Though i have done therapy on and off for years, this therapist has completely made me appreciate therapy even more. I practice meditation and am at more peace with myself. I allow myself to acknowledge and express the emotions that i was not able to freely & without the tables being turned. I also make time to check in with myself daily, i am more intune with myself and am more aware of the strength that i have. However, I will say my ex has continued his ways and has even changed his number 3 times to try to get a hold of me and paint me as the culprit. He even showed up to my place once. Due to this i do have an odd sense of unease. But i take it one day at a time. I ran into his mother and she shared that his gas lighting ways have gotten worse and he even "blacked out"& verbally attacked her. With that said; his problem is yet to be resolved. 😒
I'll tell you how I got out as soon as it happens, I have watched videos all day on the subject because my emotionally abusive husband became physically violent and assaulted me three days ago. Then he went to his hunting lease for a day to load feeders and came home and asked me if I was feeling any better. Then he went to work, which is on the road and he will be gone until the weekend as is his usual. I guess I should be really grateful that I will be able to leave without interference from him as he will be gone, but I am disabled and no longer have my own income, so this is going to be a very rough ride. We were married twenty years this July 5th. I will have to leave my home, because staying is too risky, he is not going to get in a better mood when he realizes what is happening that's for sure. I have been isolated for so long that I have no friends and I absolutely cannot burden my elderly mother who is caring for a severely disabled son already. My younger sister lives with my husband and I and I haven't got a single clue as to HOW to manage any of this. I'm absolutely terrified. I only know that I must do something. I wish I had seen the signs much earlier, before it ramped up little by little, before I became disabled with fibromyalgia, before allowing my sister to move in an e become a co victim with me, before I could no longer work and earn my own income...not seeing the signs and thinking that it's all been my fault has cost me dearly and I am now about to lose everything except hopefully my life and my own self worth. I am intelligent but I have been so very unwise. God help me. Thank you kindly for your video, it made me see the light.
I am a man and a father that goes through this daily for 14 years it makes you question everything abput yourself as if you are the problem. You are not alone, and I hope you did get out.
The BEST way to combat gaslighting is by performing a passive-aggressive counter. 1. Tell the gaslighter a lie that is to YOUR benefit. 2. When you are telling them the lie you need to use the SAME EXACT tone, intensity and delivery that they use when they are gaslighting you. 3. If the gaslighter tries to call you out on your bullshit, again, deny it with the SAME EXACT tone, intensity and delivery that they use when you tried to call them out on their bullshit. 4. It's a passive-aggressive way of saying "I'm giving you a taste of your own medicine". The gaslighter's reaction will be priceless. 5. It feels so good and it's the only time in your life where LOOKING AT SOMEONE IN THE EYE AND TELLING THEM A LIE FEELS SO RIGHT.
fuck, this made me all teary. I was totally in an abusive relationship with a psychopath with OCD and who was obsessed with my teenage years, making me believe I was a slut all along. He was always saying he wanted to be a teenager again and his situation was sad but he was so cruel to me. One day I couldn't take it anymore and broke up with him for good. 2 months later he killed himself and I feel bad because not having him in my life at all makes me feel so relieved and peaceful, I mean all our friends in common are sad and shocked but I feel fantastic...
I was in anabusive marriage with a narcissist for 27 years and no her thoughts don't make her a psychopath! It makes her human! I can't tell you how many times I fantasized about my husband just not ever coming home, whether by death or just leaving and then felt guilty but longed for it as well. I finally left him. It was the hardest thing I've ever done but I'm so glad I did!
+LiLGWaez no. most people were cheering like psychos when Osama bin laden got shot. because he was a dangerous man who kept them in fear. I wasn't cheering. I'm someone who is just really saddened by things like fighting and people not being able to get along. I'm just saying, do you really wanna call the majority of people psychopaths? I'm not sure that's a good route to take.
Like Teal Swan says in one of her video's: 'when a relationship is still going but practically over, it's easier to wish someone dead or for him/her to have a major accident, than to end the relationship. And nearly everyone does it'
A teen dating an older man, him not getting caught or arrested, he kills himself after she gets the courage to dump him, and the she feels relief. Sounds like a movie plot. Where were her parents? Seems like a fishy story.
I ended my abusive relationship today. And instead of feeling low, I feel relieved.
I’m in an abusive relationship, I’m finding it so difficult to leave. I know he’s not good for me, but he’s the man I lost my virginity to and I just can’t seem to let go.
D It’s crazy how I posted my comment about a month ago yet to find myself still in the same position. It took me so long to respond because I was ashamed to say it myself. I’ll admit I lost my virginity to mine as well. And at first I was in denial convincing myself that wasn’t apart of the reason for me ending up back with him but now I’m starting to believe. I know I may not be the one to offer the advice because I should take it myself but we must find the strength to leave & never look back. I often find myself replaying all of the bad. And it has definitely outweighed any of the good. But for some reason I find myself feeling sorry for him once I’ve decided to call it quite. He’s moping, saying he loves me, etc. And for some reason it makes me feel like I’m hurting him. When really he’s hurt me. I’ve NEVER hurt him. I’ve given him my all, my hardest love, all of that.
I feel me reaching my breaking point. My official breaking point. And I pray that you do too. We are worth so much more. Bump the virginity, the history, efforts, all of it. I’m not sure what you’re belief may be but God definitely has something way better in store for the both of us. And we should t ake this time to heal & overcome. Put ourselves back together but better. And He’s going to send someone who is going to contribute to what we worked so hard to restore. Patience will be the true test. But the first step is for us to reach our breaking point. I’m praying for the both of us 💞
Summarlyn Carter don’t feel ashamed. I know how hard it is. I’ve lost all my dignity for this man because the pain of leaving seems to be too hard for me to handle. But much like you, I am slowly coming to terms with things and although I’m constantly crying, I feel dirty, I feel worthless, there’s a tiny bit of hope that I will get through this. I would love to talk to you more about this, I find comfort in speaking to someone who understands.
D you are not dirty. you are not worthless. whatsoever. I cry a lot myself as well. we have the exact same sentiments.
yes, I would love that as well. would you like my #, email, or social media? or I can follow you on something then give you my #. whatever you’d like.
D yes that’s perfect! I’m going to go add you now. syvonne2013 is me!
my ex gaslighted me so badly that i'm here checking to confirm that i've been gaslighted lol
Girl, you don’t need him. Just block him.
Me 2. I was almost about to apologise for him cheating and denying it
SAME
Exactly... I’m really here thinking am i really crazy? And i really this awful person..? Was it really all my fault...?
Lmfao! Yes, spot on!
*_It's not only in romantic relationships, it's also in friendships_*
*_Edit : "And Family"_*
This is so true. We should be sure the one that claims to be our bff really is...
And in the family
THIS^^^
also mother daughter relationship
Jordan Martell I had one for a year and she convinced all of my friends I was the bad person. Ended up screwing up three of my friendships and completely losing two more because of it (including hers which I’m ok with)
My gf has all 10 signs. I tried to explain this to her and she said i'm the gaslighter. Go figure.
At that point you should just leave her. She's obviously not going to get better. The relationship will only get more and more toxic
Time to let go with both hands and walk away before she wrecks your mental health completely.
Same here! The irony!! (in a non-laughable way)
What your girlfriend is doing is called reflection basically they're saying that it's you that's doing everything wrong instead of them. My ex-husband did this to me all the time
Nobody wants to hear that they're the gaslighter; approach the topic with her in a safe space, possibly with a professional.
I just got out of a abusive relationship today :)))
meme lord good job ✊🏻 stay strong and stay safe
Congratulations. It is time to love yourself and feel good about it
happy ?/0ne month
I'm so happy for you, my dear! 💛✨✨
Congratulations, that's no easy feat! It happened to me too, and it's been 3 years, so you can do this! Keep holding on, dear! ❤
I started recording my abuser. I actually started recording him not to prove that he said those things but for my own sanity because I was “crazy” and “delusional” and couldn’t remember what was actually said. Turns out my memory is pretty freakin’ spot on and used the recordings when told I was nutty and that he had “never said those things.” I started documenting everything. It wasn’t until he brought a girl home (while I was home) and denied it to his friends and family-but then I had photographic evidence that said otherwise. Goodbye oppression, hello happiness. Still going through a divorce, but much happier. Home stretch!
It's quite scary to be gaslighted, well for me. You stayed strong in your knowledge that you were in fact not the crazy one, or the abuser. Honestly well done. My girlfriend gaslighted me recently and she just wouldn't tell me what i had supposedly done wrong. No matter how much i tried to communicate with her, or remind her of my affection for her and desire to resolve the problem, she would get more and more angry until i had no choice but to shut up, get kicked out and/or get in to a screaming match, which i'm not in to. Well i'm single now and my memory of events has still not changed. No contact is the only way to go for your own sanity. Gaslighters can be incredibly damaging.
"YOU Go Girl"
I’m doing the same.
I’ve told my husband I’m considering recording all our conversations because he denies saying things. I know this means our relationship is in a bad place. But it’s the only way I can think of to prove he said something
@@wewemcrhyne forget all about using logic and reason.
I'm sorry but there is no conquering a narcissist. Read Tolkien - The Hobbit.
Smaug is your abuser. It's him or you so run away and never engage again. That or you need to find Bard and his special black arrow.
I'm sorry. The truth hurts. Accept it. It's the only way you can heal.
Take care of yourself.
Here is a disturbing thought. A person exhibiting some of these traits (not all of them) and only doing it against you. Not anyone else. So if you were to tell someone else about the problem. No one would believe you or you risk humiliation of yourself from abuser's friends or family backing up the abuser. Cause the abuser only acts malicious towards you and is "nice" in public and even in their own families. And then makes you doubt if you are being abused or "over thinking" it.
I think that this is fairly common. Abusers tend to only abuse people they have power over. Also even when family and friends are aware, they will often vehemently deny it because they don't want to admit that they are allowing it to happen.
Yeah happens pretty often I think. My mom locked onto me bc I'm her only female child and I guess she thought I would be easier to break down. She used my brothers as beta wolves to attack me when I fought back.. but somehow I managed to be strong willed enough to fight back 19yrs in a row. It nearly took my life many times and I was even banished outdoors at times, denied food/shelter, and beaten to a pulp on the floor but it finally ended at 19 when I was completely mentally and physically disabled from all of it and my now husband found me, found a place for both of us and has taken care of me since. To fight a narcissist you have to think like a narc and it's really messed me up. I lash out often thinking he's here to hurt me, I have DID and was paralyzed from the waist down for about a year. To anyone who reads this.. at the first sign, stay away from narcissists! Even if you ARE strong minded enough to fight them non stop and win, in their minds you didn't win and fight will never be over! They will break you if not spirit, then body!
StarlingofAzerath this little loophole is the true source of my dark powers, it is why i can never be truely defeated. channelling the rage i feel not only at the P.O.S.s who do this, but the countless blind to these facts, opens up whole worlds of sarcasm and missanthropia to me... i have to hide it sometimes, its too much for ordinary folks to handle. and yes i despise them for that aswell. i have a twisted singularity in my head, and i'll never be able to justify trusting someone or needing someone to myself again. and... "i-like-it."
theclanplus1 you can "win" but the freaks are mentally incapable of truelly accepting defeat.
theclanplus1 these stories from survivors are always horrendous, a person who is supposed to be an ally, is actually trying to destroy you, to the litteral death. and the only way you can exist in that violence is to be even more brutal and ruthless than they are. all while they're pretending to be normal to everyone else... but if they are left alone, they'll only find annother naive victim, or even have a child.
“You’ll be nothing without me”
That shit hits in a different direction
My mom told me that
*reminds me of the ONE time he calmed me down when I was having a mental breakdown in public* “I sat you down on the couch at the mall, who would do that for you” “Who else gives a fuck about you to the point where they’re willing to have a sit down conversation about your life”
This man really pushed my buttons saying that shit to me. Insinuating or straight up saying no one else cares about you is extremely fucking cruel.
Years of building myself up was torn down within a few months because of that phrase
The one I always heard was "Do you think anyone else would put up with you?" She would always say it with this stupid smug smirk like she was being so generous. If it wasn't because I didn't take enough responsibility for my failures, it was because i was always apologizing for my failures and that it was annoying. Couldn't win with her no matter what I did and I am glad I finally found the courage to cut her out of my life. Too bad i wasted my senior year in highschool kissing up to her.
"im nothing with you.." would be my response
A PhD level gaslighter will convince you that you are the one who's gaslighting THEM. To the point you are like... wow, AM I abusing them? I guess I could have done xyz... I should apologize!
inasez that is exactly what I was told. I finally left after a near death experience with my abuser, but I still wonder if I was the abuser bc he would always tell me that I was gaslighting him when I was really just trying to tell him that he abuses me. 😔
Ya... everything is always wrong with me.. always my fault and I can't ever do anything right. EVER
inasez Omg that is rich! Yeah, mine not only called me manipulative when I broke down and called him on his bull shit. Then again, before that he did call a friend near the end of a fight so she would hear my yelling, so that she ended up being triggered from her past and asking if he needed the police. Mind you, I had not touched him that night in any negative way and I was pretty much stuck in the bedroom of a small apartment and he was sitting in a chair right next to the door.
Yup....happened to me. Master gas lighter projected the abuse onto me and made me question my own actions. Typical emotionally abusive behaviour.
YES
This misses a very important thing, gaslighting projecting any narcissistic behaviors can be flipped on a person, making it seem like you’re the one gaslighting, caused by the abuser, that’s how they make you question your sanity.
One World Yoga yep, my case. Currently getting myself out of such relationship
Yep. I know someone who does this. If you don't remember something they remember, you are gaslighting them. Even if it's something as simple as you not remembering a negative comment you made years ago about a type of meal. Like my opinion can't change over the years, no, I must be purposely trying to make you feel crazy.
@Sharief Bails yes that's right
@Comrade von Herpenderpf a favorite tactic of narcissists--trolling on the internet ;)
When someone makes a promise , then later swears they never said it , and you are making it up, it's time to RUN away. Even a short period around a narcisst gas lighting you , will take it's toll on you very quickly. Congratulating you on an accomplishment, then 45 mins later yelling at you like Dr jeckyl and Mr Hyde is another way you can see how dangerous they are.
Kayla C Yes , bipolar is a whole different problem than a narcissist . You don't know what to expect next from either person.
A the mood swings of a bipolar does not cause selective memory, and remembering just the right thing to use against you but not what you could use against them. Try to remember that any one can be an abuser despite problem they are dealing with simply because they would still be human and it would have nothing/little to do with their illness. (Unless that person is a sociopath or something of the sort)
Rebecca Lucas I never learn.
or they say wtf things change. yes. they do and friends will inform you of such change... god
+Kayla C what's its like dating a bipolar person
Some examples include:
“You’re crazy”
“ I Didn’t say that”
“You’re delusional “
“Remember when this happened “ (never happened)
What if the person IS crazy and delusional?
He would say that I'm crazy...deny saying what he did even when I had proof. That's when I called him delusional.
Or "I think you're overreacting" when I am absolutely in the right, I know what I'm talking about
I'm a little scared now... Sometimes I point out that I didn't say a certain thing, or I have to remind my friend of a situation that happened bc it's relevant to the conversation, but then my friend sometimes insists I /did/ say the thing or the situation really didn't happen that way and they firmly believe I'm wrong... Am I the toxic friend then? :/ I'm really scared I might be since they're very admadant about it and what if I really did say the thing (whartever that thing might be, depending on what conversation we're having), or what if I really do remeber the situation wrong? Eventhough my gut might disagree with them? What should I do, I'm scared /I/ might be the one making /them/ question their sanity ._. I don't want to be that kind of person at all..
Reign yea the you’re crazy part is very familiar
Pretty much the relationship I was in. It sucks because he was my best friend. I'll always miss him, the charming guy I met in the beginning. He is not that person anymore, I need to accept that. This has been the hardest break up of my life.
PhotosynthesisLove they idealize, devalue, and discard. they’re only nice to get information that they later use to tear you down. it sucks, trust me I know. sounds like we both got out of our abusive relationships at the same time. just know you’re not alone and there are people that understand
I feel you man. My abuser broke up with me a year ago and I still struggle with it to this day. Can't have a normal relationship because of it. Just know it was for the best in the long run.
What you have written is exactly what I have been through. I was best friends with a guy for about 3 years. He helped me with my depression and anxiety, so I trusted him very much. We liked each other for a long time so we finally started dating. The relationship was so toxic, I never expected him to turn so horrible. He broke up with me (I didn't have the guts to break up with him) and he used the things that I told him against me and humiliated me.
What's frustrating the most is that till this day, I still think about him and think he is the guy he used to be 😑
PhotosynthesisLove
I can identify with you. I miss the person I was once in a relationship with but I must remind myself he wasn't that loving person he portrayed himself to be. Him being sent away to prison freed me. The end came so abruptly and the truth of my situation so painful, I went into a deep depression. I feel liberated and at times heartbroken I was deceived and made to feel small. This is gonna take time to heal as I'm discovering and I'm okay with that. I'm so glad I know all that was in the dark. My years of bondage to this guy is now over.
PhotosynthesisLove I totally see myself in your description. My relationship was totally like this. I thouhgt he was my best friend, but I ended up truly knowing only him after having a relationship. And in spite of thinking I'd miss him, the outcome would be terrible if I hadn't decide to end up this abusive relationship. I wish you a happy future with a nice person. Take care, girl
If you feel constantly the need to actually record him/her talking in the moment of arguing to prove your point then you need to get out of such relationship.
im getting out of it....i hope i can be strong enough to stay away😖
I did the same thing hearing you're a liar all the time or i didn't say that do that record it
How? It’s with my parents and I still have years to go till I can move ouy
@@stiffpictures8971 you will have to walk on egg shells and be respectful but you can learn to put it in one ear and out the other when it comes to your feelings...look where its coming from and ignore the things that bug you about it..hope most days are good for you but everyone has rules they stick to
@@cindycinn2724 *I AM NOT A TROLL THIS IS LONG BUT PLEASE READ THIS* my parents abused me emotionally a little bit physically and every way possible since i was 1 year old. They always fight each other. Every day is a hell. *REAL HELL* i have no where to run i am 20 years old and still living with them i am depend on them to feed me because they never let me go to the school. I have no education. They told me i dont need a education because they will provide me food and house. My weight is 51 kg (112 lbs) despite being 5'11 tall (180 cm) i look like a skeleton because they give me no food if i dont do what they say. I was not allowed to talk with any kid or make friends or go out to play. They buy me a mobile phone and internet when i was 5 years old and told me to play video games no need to go out. I was not allowed to go out of my house alone. until last year (when i turned 19) now i fight them back and run from house but i have no where to go and i have to come back for food. And they punish me for not listen to them by take back internet, food and other little thing they provide me. They ar almost 60 years old and after them i dont have anyone that will feed me. Even our house is rented. Is there any solution ?
I'm afraid my mother is an abuser.. She's made me come to her for comfort, and then taken list of the things she knew hurt me, and keep bringing them up.. She made me get late to school, by making me do something, the second I was on my way out of the door, and saying she's "said it a million times", and that I could've just done it before. Knowing that I got late because of her, she then made me cry and feel bad, by calling me slobby, and saying I "ALWAYS" got too late to class. ..Once, I hurt the person I love the most, and hem cut their own wrist in front of me, and I felt guilty, and it scarred me. My dad had to tell my mom, even though I told her not to, and she kept bringing it up.. Like when we were sitting at the dinner table, talking about Rainforests, I said that I wanted to try to survive in the forest with nothing but a Schweisterknife and that person. She innocently replied, so everybody heard; "I don't think that would be a good idea.. X and a knife", and watched me break into tears, and run away.. There even was a period of time, where I got into depression, and she blamed it on my class, and made me move.
I've always kinda wanted to move to the other side of the world, so I'll be as far from my family as possible, and this video made me realize, that it's probably her fault. She's made me feel bad like that, so many times. Yet, I'm planing on moving from home when I'm 18, and I'm still just 15, so I hope I'll be able to survive in 3 years.
Mathilde :3 Get help if you feel unwell, okay..?
People like your mother should not have childern when all they do is make them feel like shit for no reason.
Mathilde :3 here's a tip: tell the police. What she is doing is illegal, if your country is not brain dead. Even if you love her, you NEED to.
Start doing extra curriculars at school, like volunteerism at the office or library. or even volunteer at animal shelter. then you will have work experience that employers are looking for to put on your resume or college application. Get a permit to work young, ask your school counselor about this. Then get a job and save up to move out. Or you can do what most people do and move away to college at 18! but you need to keep up your grades. You can also move out then go to community college then transfer to university too. Life does get better. my family is like yours they made me move away from friends and school, but i am almost on my way to moving away to university.
aslo tell your family like a caring aunt or cousin , or even your teachers and counselors if it gets too hard to handle, because they will help you and be a support group!
These apply for every relationship:
Romantic
Professional
Friend - friend
Father- child
Mother - child
Siblings
These can happen to anyone. You just have to identify the signs.
Agreed
Also can be an adult Daughter/Son, doing this to the Mother or Father, or to their adult Siblings .
And strangers
Definitely. And whenever you feel even slightly confused about any kind of relationship you're in (romantic or other), return here or pick any video or article about 'signs of gaslighting' and refresh your memory. And yourself.
Siblings? R u sure?
the first time it happened, I exposed them to everyone and threatened to contact the police if they ever spoke to me again, the second time i just cut off all contact and let the phone ring until they finally gave up, and the third time I made it clear why I was leaving. Three different people, three different methods of leaving, I don't regret a single one.
Crayon Hobo You did well.You did very well.
how are you so strong?
I'm really proud and emboldened by you. let's study how you were raised please. were you empowered or abused plz tell me. I know I'm being bold but I am trying to figure out WHY some can walk away..and some can't. I know there's no easy answer to this ...especially if the narcissist in question is covert..
Considering that you're having the same problem with so many different people, maybe in some shape or form you're the root of the problem? Maybe you're initially attracted to a type that puts you in the same situation or perhaps they're normal people who behave similarly because they face the same issue that you have? I hope you figure this out :) don't worry about your sanity, its our weirdness tgat make us human.
My first boyfriend did all these things to me. I was 14/15 at the time and now 6 years later it still continues to affect me. I constantly feel like I'm messing up/letting people down when I'm really not and feel the need to apologize profusely so that they don't get upset with me. I have lots of trust issues from being in that abusive relationship and low self esteem. He was emotionally, verbally, and once even sexually abusive. He had major anger issues, choked out a boy at school once, and was a compulsive liar.
I got out of it by breaking up with him in a public place with my mom waiting for me in the car. For weeks after that he would continuously call me until I picked up. Wanting money from me, threatening to hurt anyone I would try to date in the future, or sometimes just breathing into the phone. At school he called me names, shoved me down on the ground once, said that he wanted me dead. This was all terrifying as a young teenage girl.
Then he tried to date another girl in my grade and I tried to warn her off by telling her he molested me but she didn't believe me. Came crying to me months later when they broke up and he wouldn't stop calling and following her around school.
First time telling my story, sorry it's so long but I felt I had to share.
delibird oml feel bad 4 u :( 😭😭😭
I went through the same thing. We'll be strong together okay
Well I'm glad you stayed away from him. There are some people like that really, it's better that we should let them go for now of our lives and pray for them instead for their change.
delibird he's a psycho. Nevertheless you are still responsible for your own thoughts and actions.
Actions I understand, thoughts on the other hand are not entirely under my control. If people had total control over their thoughts why would anyone ever be depressed, anxious, or sad? Past traumas can affect your perceptions and thought processes.
My ex boyfriend was mentally abusive. He seemed nice at first and we were both young and it was my first experience. Soon we started having some fights and he never ever wanted to apologize even when he was 100% wrong. But I felt some affection for him.
Time passed and we kept on fighting over stupid things. After our first year together he started saying that I had to change, be better, stop complaining, stop telling him about my problems. But then I discovered he lied to me about some important things during our entire relationship. I tried so damn hard to forgive him, I begged him to explain why he lied to me. Guess what? It turned out it was my fault: he said he had to lie because I made too much pressure and I was the one to blame and sometimes I even believed him: maybe I was wrong, maybe I was the bad guy, maybe I just imagined him screaming to me and disrespecting me, maybe it was all in my head.
Anyway, because of that lie something started to break. I looked at him and I didn't feel the same affection I felt before. He started humiliating me and raising his voice even louder, saying that I wasn't good enough for him or for everyone else, that I had to lose weight, get thinner, be prettier, be nicer, dress like he wanted me to be dressed, stop seeing my friends, stop having friends, stop thinking with my own mind, stop expressing my feelings and my thoughts, stop wanting a career because it was useless and I was worthless and nobody in this damn world would ever love me no matter who I become.
Then one day I woke up. I don't know how, but I did and I cut the strings he put around me and decided to leave. He begged me, promising he would change, but thank God I didn't believe him and I left. That was the best decision I've ever made in my entire life. It took me a lot of time to realize I'm good enough for this world and for the people around me. I'm still fighting some bad thoughts he planted in my head even though three years have passed since the day I broke up with him.
To whoever is reading this: if you're in an unhealthy relationship like I was, go away, even if it's hard, even if you don't know what's next for you, even if you're scared, just go away and don't ever ever ever let anyone else say, think, act or make you believe you're worthless.
Dear God please heal this woman . Thank you that she was strong. You love her so much and you are proud of her. Help her to not doubt her love for you. Your love is so strong God!!!!!!!!! She is your daughter! Help her to give everything in her heart to you. You are so good God. In Jesus's name I pray, Amen
@@heyitssunnytoday Thank you for your sweet prayer. God helped me a lot indeed. He helped me get away from that situation and he helped me deal with it. God help all the other people who are getting through the same awful experience.
Thank you for sharing your story :)
I was in my 5 years now in this abusive relationship we have. And i can still feeling it right now. I can't leave him,how can i?
Damn he seemd so lovely then he revealed to b a monster.he convinced people crying is good.him and his friends and fam make me cry almost everyday.lost my home now stuk in peoples house they screw with my head constantly
This video changed my life. I got out of my abusive relationship about 3 months ago and I feel like a new person. Surround yourself with people who love you, AND RUN!!!!!
What about:
1) making you feel like you're walking on eggshells all the time, modifying your behaviour so as not to "set them off" but never knowing what will because they change all the time
2) keeping you on edge by changing all the time "I love you" "I hate you": "let's live together" "why are you here all the time?": "I don't want to be with you" "I can't imagine life without you"
3) alienating you from your family and friends by causing you to pick sides so that you become more reliant on them
4) making you lie *for* them
5) manipulating you by doing things they know you dislike if you go against them and making you feel it is your fault that they acted like that "well if you hadn't upset me I wouldn't have done x"
The only way I got out was because he found someone else
Dude i was in a relationship like this for years lol i thought i was the one who was wrong for so long... It was exactly like what u say!
None of these are gaslights, they're just narcissistic personality traits, and abusive/manipulation tactics.
Chase Alford manipulation is gaslighting..
@@fiarusgaming3420 lol thats exactly what gaslighting is
I am at the end of an abusive relationship. Like i was so happy and uplifting for everyone else around me but when i got into this relationship like after 3 days i went on a walk by myself and i felt liberated not to be walking around with the person. And I just pushed these feelings away because of my love for the person. After 3 months i feel completely on the floor. Something needs to change. It was my first relationship and it was horrible. But i have taken it in a good way. I will take it as a good life lesson. From now on ill allways listen to how the person makes me feel. Is he trying to uplift me or is he trying to tare me down? Like for example this person said nooooooo as soon as i just mentioned going back to the gym. So yeah people listen to your heart but also put your happiness on the first place. As soon as you feel like someone is pulling you down just get out of it. I know. It is easier said than done - after first 3 days of happiness it took me another 3 months to break up with the person i was so in love with and still kinda am that I thought i was going to marry them. But sometimes love is deceiving and you have to allways take care of yourself first ❤ 'How the hell are you going to love someone else if you can not love yourself' 😊😊🤗🤗
My narcissist gasligher would ask me, "Why don't you tell me anything anymore?" My answer, "I don't know". This would frustrate her to no end. I learned anything I'd say would be used against or twisted against me. My kids all grew up lying to their mother, they had to in order to survive. Just tell mommy what she wants to hear or you will catch hell that could last for months. I would slip occasionally and tell her the truth and nothing offends a narcissist more than the truth. Then it would be another 6 weeks of silent treatment. She wasn't a criminal, nevertheless she was EVIL to the core.
stephen coleman sounds like my husband
Break up with them and take your children with you
stephen coleman you chose to lie instead of facing off with her why? You said she'd use them against you. So face her on that. Don't say you don't know.
If you are with someone who will not change because you aren't challenging her bad choices, why stay?
Rosanna Miller Umm..you don't know their situation?? They could be stuck in a serious financial situation. And since this can be considered an abusive relationship, number one it's hard to leave then you might think, and second the other person could have a lot more control over certain things/people in their family so it could be dangerous to suddenly just leave. The other person could also be just a dangerous person in general. 90% of the time it's harder to leave an abusive relationship.
Rosanna, have you ever lived with a narcissistic sociopath? Your response says you never have. There's no "facing" them with the truth. There's no breaking THEM down, so they'll admit they lied. They feed off your energy, till you lack the life to even get out of bed, sometimes. Stephen's best bet is to learn to not react, until he can make a clean break and walk away, leaving no forwarding address. There's no "challenging her bad choices". Rosanna, you have no idea whatsoever what life is like with a narcissistic sociopath. None at all. Only people who've actually lived through it will understand. They are NOT NORMAL human beings. They have no concept of conscience, no remorse, except fabricated remorse. They lie. They lie about lying. They'll lie straight to a room full of policeman, with you bleeding, and the police will BELIEVE them. They'll drive you nuts, if you let them. They'll say, in front of others, that they've been researching slow acting poisons on the internet, then insist on cooking every meal for you. They'll alienate you from every form of support; friends, family, counsellors. There is no solution, no reasoning with them. Rosanna, you have no idea. Whatsoever. And I sincerely hope you never do.
I stood up for myself, and even after that my friend group all sided with the abuser who was gaslighting me. I’m a better person for this life changing decision and I haven’t looked back since
Yup, the abuser got to your friends first. This is a common checkmate tactic, which makes you look the abuser and ensures that you lose out.
"That's what you get for standing up to me."
Wow that's terrible sometimes the people we think would never hurt us do. I hope & pray the best for u and hopefully u are doing much better now. Please know that u did the right thing 👍
Wow, the EXACT SAME THING happened to me. This is absurd, but at least we know that this is an actual THING. Kind of relieving in a way.
The reflection tactic is really scary...I've been through it, and even six months after I left my ex, sometimes I still question if he was right. Any time I mentioned he hurt my feelings, he would bring up a time I hurt his feelings instead of apologizing. He would somehow convince me that I was the one at fault who needed to be responsible for my actions. Because of this, I found myself apologizing for his actions on multiple occasions. When I finally told him that I felt like he was gaslighting me, he told me that gaslighting went against his moral character, and that I must not really love him if I thought that of his character...it was so messy. I'm glad I decided to finally end things.
Wish I didn't understand so well
Just past a month since i left the abusive relationship. I was withhim for 10 years.. since the age of 18. I am happy now and living my life the way i want. I will never forget the past but i am stronger because of it.
kp b , so you’re saying there’s a chance..🙌
My last relationship was a lot like this.... i just never realized it. i didn't think some of these counted as abuse...its really good to be educated...be safe people 💜
Xerox Paper I had a friendship a lot like this too, it's nice to know I'm not alone 🙌
they claim it's not abuse
They don't, necessarily. It's the pattern of behaviour that may demonstrate abuse.
Be cautious, but don't jump to conclusions. That's the difference between caution and paranoia.
I managed to get into another relationship with the exact same problems but far far worse. Now i am making the decision( once again)on whether to leave or to stay . Its a hard decision but ultimately leaving will be the best choice.
I'm really scared of falling in love because i'm scared that people will use me like this
dream petal If you know the red flags, you will be okay..
dream petal You won't get used like this. Liars are obvious. Although they take many forms, so obvious. The biggest problem is thinking you can fix it. Can't fix dumb, can't fix a liar.
Biggest recommendation is to make sure you understand your vulnerabilities and traps they could set that you could be vulnerable for.
dream petal well, it really depends on trust and brutal honesty between partners. I've been in love almost 6 months now with my bf, and we're always honest and deeply listening to each other's thoughts and feelings. I trust him because not only have I confided so much in him, we've also had a great sex life, along with a great friendship. Just saying, dating a friend can be pretty special.
It helps to talk to other people who already know you well, get different perspectives. Oh, and if someone starts trying to cut you off from others? Get the hell out.
He used to call it 'love', it's laughable now, after a long time of tears.
If I’m going to be honest. I used to be an emotional abuser. Me and my ex broke each other. It took a long time for me as an abuser to recover, I was constantly angry and did not want to be in a relationship after knowing I couldn’t give my best self. Now I’m in a healthy relationship. I’m glad I could grow as a person for the better.
Can you tell me what's in the head of the abuser?
@@sleepingatthechemicalroman1172 control
I’ve always wondered if I was an emotional abuser I just don’t know...
@Yes Sir What sort of wake-up call made you realize you were abusive?
Your a asshole... well since you changed your not a asshole now... But back than you were a asshole.
My mother has gaslighted me since the day I was born. She even gaslighted me when I confronted her about my sexual abuse the second time (it happened at the age of 5) and both times she made it out that it was my fault that I got raped even though it was her fault for never bothering to protect me. There were even times where it nearly happened again in OUR HOUSE and even when she was there, she didn't give a shit. She didn't do anything for my safety. On top of that, she would yell at me every day because it made her feel better about herself. Not once did she ever think about how I felt whenever she yelled at me. She would keep doing it even if I was angry or crying.
I grew up thinking something was wrong with me because people convinced me that my mother 'loves me'. I learned how quick people assume that all family members are loving no matter what you tell them, yet when you tell them about relationship issues many of them immediately jump to your side. It's quite shitty and makes it even harder to leave family members due to a number of obligations people place on us since apparently dumping shitty parents like you would dump your shitty friends is a taboo.
Arianna Farley My Mom did the same to me when I told her my step dad was trying to have sex with me. They threw me out & I was homeless.
Arianna Farley call the police this sounds serious
Leigh Camp you should too
Arianna Farley this is so sad, but never forget this determination you have made in this place of clarity. Look for any opportunity to become independent from your mother, and when you get away you do not have to feel guilty about not wanting to be around her when you are feeling vulnerable. This is not the same as throwing away a family member. Although others may or may not view it that way, you will have the power to seek out other support systems.
I am praying for you. God bless your soul, know there are people out there who are silently going through the same thing. May you find peace,
My dad is abusive and I tend to avoid him. Also, my ex verbally abused me until I confronted her about it and she broke up with me.
Snow Bunneh ooooo gurl, ify. Same shit happened to me three years ago. 🙊🙊
Kawaii _never_dies how is that homophobic xd
I feel the same way my dad is everything but maybe two things In this video and he never gave praise for things even as a kid and has tired to tell me that the way he fights with my mom.is "normal" when's he starts it and its usually something stupid and tires to treat my mum. Like she's crazy and when I yell back he also acts like he's innocent i just wanna leave home and be away from.him 😣
Well I have Anxiety and I feel like you feel the same. May the lord bless everyone every day
The past doesn't define a person.
I was in a relationship for over 3 years where the guy always made me feel guilty for standing up for myself and told me to just get over whatever upset me, when he put me in the situations in the first place. He always acted like he knew me and told me I was just being emotional
Good you got out
@luis hernan tell me more please.
Share with people your experience so we can expose most of their tactics...
If you do have any more experience of her psychological games please share
damn... it's actually so scary that I can connect so many of these signs (symptoms) to my dad. I'm so relieved, at least I now know I'm not completely crazy!
Ashley Hayre I'm going though the same thing. Stay strong! Get help if you're emotionally or mentally unwell, okay?
Ashley Hayre Same. It's crazy when it's a parent because you want to believe them as a kid...
i7656bcllp
I contacted my 2 ex best friends that I cut ties with 8 years ago to tell them how badly they had damaged me and what the aftermaths were for me. Even then they denied all responsibility(making me feel crazy and doubt myself, heck yeah!). This video describes it all so well it's crazy. Anyway I finally managed to forgive them after we had the talk and I instantly felt lighter! 8 years of inwards torture finally all gone. Feels like a curse has been lifted! Hopefully I can stay on this path and don't look back again...
Ashley Hayre same yet i believe him when he calls me sick in the mind and lists all the things in my life that need to change.
After years of confusing conversations and promises that were broken or in his mind never really given, I suddenly saw the emotional coldness in his eyes. The only thing to do is to stop being in contact and end the relationship drastically. It is the worst feeling ever, I think that is how drug addicts feel getting of their drug. The body shuts down. But at the end it is worth it, because you come back to the state of who you were before you met him. A normal breathing woman with no issues at all.
BE HAPPY & LOVE DEEPER - love what you said. Lessons in life people in an abusive relationship should do.
BE HAPPY & LOVE DEEPER : I need to hear this. Thanks
No. 8 is the sign that made me realise i was being abused and was my wake up call to get out and go no contact. My ex would always deny he said something when he blatently did - to the point i said in his face 'am i going crazy?' , 'am i going insane?' , i need a doctor!' and he just watched cool and calmly. If i ever confronted him nicely on an issue bothering me he would blow up in rage and point out all my flaws instead. He literally silenced me. Thats when my intuition kicked in and said 'get out now - run!'. So i went no contact. It led him to rage, he called me every nasty name, he used everything i'd confided in him against me, telling me im worthless im childish im not good enough. Then the smear campaign started , he got my family involved. Too bad i have a child witj him :( but when you have to protect your sanity you have FULL right to run from this monster before its too late.
So what are you going now?
It is never easy, and a long process , but there is no other way then leave the person.
**a novel by me** I've been in three abusive relationships since I became an adult, all to varying degrees in different ways, but I could only get out when I realized I wasn't crazy and that my intuition wasn't lying to me. Don't EVER ignore your gut. When someone is gaslighting, you feel guilty and ashamed of everything you do. You isolate yourself out of fear of hurting your abusers feelings. You're afraid to say what you think for fear that they will belittle or mock you. That is not love.
It didn't matter what anyone told me or warned me of, my attachment to my abusers was too strong for me to listen until I had my own realization reading a journal while I'd been doubting my own memory (I guess I unintentionally kept record of things that happened). I also witnessed each abuser act like an entirely different person when with their friends and family, they were happy and joking but turned and sneered at me and mocked me only to tell me how lucky they were to have me 2 minutes later. Comparison is good to help you see reality. If things don't make sense, it's not in your head, there is an actual reason.
It can be really, really difficult to get out of an abusive relationship because the abuser will usually convince you that your feelings aren't valid or that your relationship still has so much room to grow or blah blah blah...it could be ANYTHING just to keep you under their control. They know you and know just how to prey on your emotions. Make the decision to leave, and stick with it. I've learned that it's easiest to put on an act that is centered around what will benefit the abuser. In my experience, if you make it all about the abuser, not in a negative way, they're suddenly willing to listen. "I really feel like you'll be happier with someone who's more compatible with you." "I feel like our relationship just doesn't have the level of compatibility we both need." "I think the timing of our relationship is wrong, maybe someday we'll both be ready." Yes, it's manipulative to play into their emotions and convince them that they don't want you, but if you want to get out of a relationship safely you just do what you have to. When you're with someone who is abusing you, you feel trapped and like no one else will ever love you, but this is entirely untrue. You are lovable, you can grow and become who you want to be, and you are never trapped. Get help and get out as fast as you can.
I'm not the healthiest in a relationship myself, but if there's one thing I know it's that those of us prone to being abused often come from a background of feeling lonely, unlovable, having low self-esteem, and having negative childhood experiences. I've been the abuser too, before I knew better. So know yourself and be the person you want to be with. You deserve it.
Elizabeth Hansen this is beautiful. Well done for knowing yourself and being able to escape abuse. You matter!!
@@attehdeborah Thank you!
Well said.
I needed this, especially the part where you said you where able to change your own abusive behavior after realizing it... I feel like I'm going on the same path with my brother. It's making me sick to recognize so many patterns here. How come I end up like this?? I can't have access to a therapist/psychologist right now and that's the only thing backing me up from accepting I may be a narcissist person. In some ways it feels like I'm replicating some behaviors my parents have but I don't think they are narcissists - well sure, I'm not able to diagnose anyone as I'm not a psychiatrist or anything like this, but one can tell when there are people like this in their lives right? If can't that means something right?
If I can't*
Yes my parents did this to me. When I talk about it people either don't believe me, belittle it or say I should've "just left". I was not allowed to leave my house, date, drive a car or have friends until I was 25/26 because I moved out of their house. We lived in an isolated country house and my parents would physically hold me back from leaving saying I was too mentally unstable to leave the home have a job or have friends. They pretty much determined for me that I "wasn't ready" to be an adult an independent functioning person. I was supposed to stay at home with them in their abuse forever. That's the shortest version of events I can say. But being told at 23 that you're not allowed to leave the house with someone physically pushing you away from the door and threatening your life if you don't obey- all because you want to leave the house, is abuse. If anyone wants to say it isn't you can piss off. At 27 I'm learning things most people learned at the ages of 18--21 being in the real world after high school and it's sad.
Reading your experience, I just want to give you a big hug because I went through the same thing with my parents. I wasn't allowed to leave the house, date, have friends or drive. Whenever I talked about going to university or taking the exam to get my drivers license, my parents would shame me and make me feel guilty about those things. I didn't actually learn to drive until I was 25, but my parents still didn't let me have a car, so having a license was worthless. They made me rely on them for everything. They would make me feel guilty about applying for jobs and working, yet at the same time they would call me a "worthless, jobless deadbeat" if I didn't have a job. Whenever I did manage to get a job, I had to rely on them to take me to interviews/work, and they would make it hell for me. My dad had this habit of actually wanting to come into the interview and just sit there. Like, he wanted to embarrass me enough so that I wouldn't get the job. My mom would purposefully make me late so that I would get fired from jobs. I was just supposed to stay at home and take their abuse, take their gaslighting, take their narcissism. Everything that I wanted to do, they took it upon themselves to determine that I "wasn't ready." I swear those two people mastered to art of gaslighting, bullying and guilt-tripping... I have 2 older sisters who don't even care. To be honest, they actually HELP MY PARENTS to gaslight and control me; my parents let them live their lives and do not abuse them at all. I don't know why they chose me to be the only one that they would abuse, but my sisters seem to like it. It makes them feel good about themselves to ruin my life....
I am just now starting University at 30 years old and I feel so insecure about it. The only way that I was able to go to Uni was by applying for schools in another country so that I could get away from them and their little circle of influence, but you can bet your butt that they tried to make it hard for me and shame me out of it. As you say, I am finally learning to do the things that people learned to do at 18-21, and it makes me feel pathetic. It pisses me off knowing that my 20's, the years where I was supposed to be learning and meeting lifelong friends, living life and having fun, are lost to me and I'll never get them back, thanks to my parents.
K A I applaud you for having the strength to finally live your life. You're parents are mentally ill to think it's ok to try to make you live your life how they want you to. They don't deserve to have you in their lives. wish you all the success you deserve and have a wonderful life xx
Angelique Navarro I COMPLETELY understand and relate TOTALLY!!!!! I'm so sorry but just know there are soooooo many of us whose parents did this to us. I am 36 and got free from my father's manipulations at 29 and I'm really finally feeling normal. I have dealt with a LOT of anger and grief for the time I lost (my whole adolescence and early young adulthood) under his creepy thumb and I relate COMPLETELY with what you are saying. But get a GOOD therapist and do some EMDR. If your therapist isn't helping you leaps and bounds each month then know they are a crappy therapist. You don't have time to waste on any other crappy people. Make sure you are getting good help. I hope you will and God bless you. I feel your pain very much.
Angelique Navarro Omg i can relate my mother is like that she would control us mentally me and my sisters we all ran off at a young age.
yes can totally relate, my mother even tried to enlist psychiatrist to take her side. I eventually got validation from a therapist, who told me and her that my issues were environmental and that she was overbearing and the reason for my issues. she's never apologized to me for any of it, but (like you,) I'm 27 now and she has said that there's "nothing wrong with me" now. she still doesn't see the correlation between me leaving her grasps and my ability to actually function as an adult. Word to the wise, be aware of who you associate with now that you are out of that situation. Even now, I still find my self being attracted to abusers and emotionally manipulative people, in romantic relationships as well as friendships. I was married to one for 5 years and it took me a year of being single, and deep spiritual and emotional introspection to be ok to date again. I am the luckiest woman in the world to find a man who has healthy boundaries as well as a deep understanding of how to approach me because of my past. I'm very much in love and am very happy, keeping abusers and most family away, and having built a new family for myself, with members from my church, friends and my significant other. Having a support group is so important, and you have to resist the urge to isolate yourself. with healthy boundaries and a healthy self assurance you will succeed in life! God bless you and good luck
When I was a young lady, my mom asked numerous times: "What do you want to be when you grow up?" A psychologist., A nurse, a teacher, I wanted to be all of those things. Every time with an answer she would come back with "Good luck!" She made sure she hollered at me when it came to homework, needing help, etc... I did not know how to read until age 40 when my 4 year old daughter was learning how to read. There you have it. My dad didn't see the abuse or he closed his eyes to it. They are both gone now. I do have siblings who learned a lot also parents bought cars, houses, for them both several times. Even set them both up in business. If I wanted a vehicle, or ANYTHING, I had to work for it. I am now mid-sixties and have bought my first house ever! Sister screamed at me when mom died. That's her deal. I don't deal with screamers, having had it all my life. Happy now.
Why didn't you learn to read in school? Why didn't your mom teach you how to read instead of yelling at you?
I don't think she knows the answer to that.
My mother used some of these tactics when I was a teen... I don't think she did it on purpose, but we were stuck in a very unhealthy cycle. When I got my first boyfriend, her hold on me lessened. We started fighting all the time because she feared losing me to him.I moved out as soon as possible (moved in with said boyfriend), and after a time of trying to make it work with my mom and only fighting and mysery, I cut all contact for about seven years.Now we get along fine, especially since the birth of her grandchildren, but I needed this time to strengthen myself, to really live my life on my own. Time to analyze what happened, so it never can happen to me again, and finally... To forgive.
Manuela Glavas thanks, that might be just what I need. My mom and I haven't spoken since April.
Michaela I wish you all the best, whatever that may be for you. It is very hard to burn the bridges to the own parents, but to be able to do this also means you have a lot of strength, never forget this!
Take care of yourself! :)
Manuela Glavas
i have the same thing with my mom for 7 years i have been through hell and im 14 now and i have a bf and let me tell u i have the same thing and its fuckin hell and i feel like im going crazy and she is really controlling and everything, im still w my bf but like i dont even know what to think or even say anymore im depress and have axiety i never hang out with friends or anything she does everything for me like make my bed and goes in my room and cleans up for me and put things away for me and then i tell her " i can do it and i wanna do it and make my room look the way i want it to look" she saids no its okay i like doing this or okay ill let u clean ur room and it seems like she is mad but even when she saids okay she still goes through my room when im in the shower and does my laundry and everything and im not allowed to take care of myself or do anything on my own, im stuck in the house the only time i leave is with her, i spend every day with her and im not even allowed to close my door to my room, i try to please her and let her control me and do everything she wants me to do so then she will be nice to me, but im never good enough and she doesnt want me to have a bf and she found out im still with him and now she is saying she will put a restranning order on him and stuff cuz she doesnt like that he is mexican and doesnt want me to have a bf but i love him and idc and even if ido break up w him it wont change the way she is or anything she will just get her way and i will still be going through the same thing like i have for 7 years even without a bf it has been hell
I'm still debating on moving to my dad's I am finally legally old enough to choose who has custody of me, but every time I've worked up the gut to get away from the toxic fumes that is "home" she convinces me I need her.
Manuela Glavas believe it or not, my mum done//said things to me since I was a child, later in 2016 she went crazy ( literally), she was diagnosed with schizophrenia and it caused her to do terrible things to me when she was in that state, I moved away from her but I'm by myself, I have not got any family nor boyfriends or aunts and uncles, only 2 friends. Haven't spoken / seen mum in 2 years now, also spending Xmas alone again lol
My narcissistic mom was like that
"you're nothing without me"
"after everything I've done for you"
"you're so ungrateful look how much we've done for you"
Also in my childhood I had to endure and fight for myself at times because of the emotionally raging feelings she suddenly had in a blink of an eye
thus sometimes she started to beat me up and say
"I wish you were never born"
"I will get this knife and put it thru your skull if you anger me more"
followed by constant screaming at super high pitch as if a demon has raised from her
.
But the thing that got me emotionally damaged was after she calmed down she acted as if nothing happened like she hadn't done anything to me.
I was there remembering how damaged and confused I was to why she suddenly forgot what shes done to me.
I always had fights with her and always fought for myself after I turned 13 because of the so many fights we had that she was stronger than me.
When I finally grew up a bit she didn't have that much control. But until I turned 23-24 years old I didn't realize how fucked up my life has been.
After fighting for so long my brain was thinking this all was normal and then when I kinda moved out to study and read a little about narcissism I suddenly realized whats happening and why I had so much anxiety ,depression and fear in my life.
I suddenly realized how cruel she actually was because before that we fought but I still loved her.
But now I don't love her anymore nor do I care about her anymore I just pretend to be nice and I almost pity her of how emotionally weak she is. She is still trying to manipulate me by being nice but I'm not biting because after the nice faze its always the control faze then it comes the hate faze.
What I only fear now is my future because I know when I have a girlfriend she would try to manipulate situations. Not to mention when I have kids.
PS: The thing that saved my life as a person is my friends and sports. None of them know how my childhood family life has been and the struggles I've been thru. I never let them know and I was always the determent never give up happy type of a person. That saved me. My unconscious instinct to escape by being outside all the time or eating always in my room because I watched my shows on the computer. Still I have damages to my personality like being scared to have a girlfriend or overthinking or having depression or anxiety in some situations and constant fear of being controlled by parents etc.
I understand that. My dad was a narcissist and gaslighter. They intend to destroy people, people they know and people they don't know, from the inside out because they're antisocial (which means, as with many serial killers, they hate _all_ human beings). I hope you're doing better.
Sound soo familiar. Nowadays I am in a fairly good relationship with my mum. I have learned to hold my boundaries, and she has gladly enough managed to grow up a bit.
My mom is similar to yours…
Now I'd learnt how to act indifferent all the time even when she is being hysterical and manipulative.
Same
@serve and protect you have been brainwashed to the point where u think it's normal to get abused or abuse others
I realized a few things.
1.) I love me too much to take this abuse
2.) People like this are weak and cowards, two qualities Im not fond of.
3.) I deserve to be happy, misery likes company and it cant have mine.
4.) Realized my kids are the most important things to me, so you have to go.
5.) Weak people hate strength....its threatening and intimidating.
6.)Your a road block in my way, so you must be removed. Sorry your the victim, but its really not my place to save you.
7.) You cant help someone who cant first help themselves.
8.) There are 2 kinds of people, the victim and the survivor. Become the survivor and help those who truly need and will appreciate your guidance.
These are things that helped me get out of a emotionally abusive hell of a marriage.
I deserve to be happy, misery likes company and it cant have mine. i love that line. i wanna be alone and yet abusers cant stand it if your not speaking to them, wow thank you
Cozmic Firefly , I love what you wrote. There is life after these hateful people.
How Utilitarian of you.
I wouldn't call them weak or cowards but rather having been traumatised themselves, either in childhood for past relationships to which they have their own mental problems and are inflicting on others
@@SliszMeisterGeneral To me it shouldn't matter how other people have treated them, basic manners are what you learn in kindergarten... Why should they be mean to people for no reason? If you never gave them a reason to be mad at you then they shouldn't act angry and abusive to you. It's evil and wrong.
My mother is narcicstic. I have decided never to speak with her again.
Orpha Noctilusca
I had to do the same thing.
same
How did you do it? My mom is the same way and my sister lives with her. When my parents divorced because my dad was done with the abuse she turned the whole family and his friends against him isolating him. He died fours after and I lost my support system of anyone believin me there. I want to maintain a good relationship with my sister and I want to see my family at gathers. How were you able to cut one person out of your life and not be hassled bt the other family members telling you you're crazy and need to talk to your mother?
KillerKells 202 unfortunately in a situation like that, you either stick to your choice or relent to the pressure. There's no real way to cleanly cut someone from your life without consequences. Believe in yourself and know you are right in your actions and anytime anyone asks you why you don't want to be around you mom, stand up for yourself and be calm and rational. The more your story stays the same the more it'll make your mom look like she's the cause of all this. I'm sorry though, that's a hard situation.
Thank you! Unfortunately, like others, my confidence was never able to spark until I moved away from her. I am still learning to have confidence in myself and I still find it difficult to stand up for myself, but I am still trying. It does get easier, I'm not ready for that step yet. I hope to get there one day.
The gaslighter acuses you of gaslighting and makes you question everything. How do you free yourself?
Leave. That's what I finally did!
Leave and block them on everything, zero contact. Let people know that this person is a stranger to you now.
Buy something to record everything. Then you have proof.
The only thing I know to do is leave and block them on everything.
Buy talking to someone you trust. I needed to talk to someone who knew how it was to get confirmation on my doubts and to open my eyes and tell me to get away from him and how. I has taken me over 10 years, but I have stayed in my home, changed the locks and getting extra locks and survived. But I don't think, he was the worst kind, but I'm not sure it'over either, not yet at least...
My mom does about all of these. Luckily, I'm going to be leaving her soon.
That's good, i nees to deal with her for 5 more years lmao
Good for you. Find people who love you. Do not look back.
It's my dad.. Kinda stuck though
@@kaylajane6666 Sorry to hear. It was my dad too and I was stuck.
Talia Ripton RUNNNN MAMA!!! BE STRONG!!!
Remember; sometimes we, ourselves can gaslight others. Be mindful of your words and actions and how they make people feel. Seek help if you feel like you are afraid you are being abusive, because you can change your ways.
However; do not stay in a relationship with someone who is abusive, because they may never change. Change must come from within.
Are you gaslighting me?
Christina Wolfe i agree with this, thumbs up.
Christina Wolfle I think I might have done some unpleasant things but I do not control anyone. I used to make many promises and never fulfill them.
Christina Wolfle Have you ever done this?
Christina Wolfle I feel like comment section needed to hear this: I'm glad you shared that. It's so easy to think about how other people could be doing it to us; but we should all try to remember what it means to gaslight and try our best to not do that to anyone. Hope all of you are feeling better and as educated as i felt after watching this (:
My mom gaslighted me throughout my teen years. Everything I shared with her became ammunition to use against me in her next hours long lecture. Which happened 2 or 3 times a week. Until I was ashamed of everything that interested me. I'd wait till she wasn't home and take books and video games music cds everything to the dumpster. Couldn't throw it away with her around she'd get pissed. The lectures would go on for three or four hours at a time and then she'd get pissed when I was angry or depressed afterwards. I eventually just stopped talking to her about anything that interested me and eventually she ran out of ammo. I could fucking see the frustration on her face as she tried to recall something recent to use against me. I'd fucking won. After that she started trying to guilt me into talking to her more but I didn't fall for it. Soon after I escaped by going to job corp. It's a trade school program for children of low wage families. It's a miserable place where I had soda bottles full of piss thrown at me. Where anything that was misused was yanked out immediately and permanently so there was NOTHING to do. EVER. As everything got abused or misused eventually by these damn kids. But I stuck through it all. How? Because it was still better than living with my mother.
Shredded Wheat yeah, they are experts at bringing past issues to the forefront that really doesn't have nothing to do with present conversation. I experienced this with my parents throughout my childhood. I know the feeling
Oh that was years ago Kissmiss XD And it was down from second and third story windows. No chance of reprisal. Except one time when it was cold out and only one window was open. He'd missed. I shouted "I know where that came from! Yours is the only window that's open ya fucking moron!" So this kid pops up out of hiding and starts throwing gang signs at me. I flailed my arms wildly and ended with flipping him off. He ran out of sight and I knew what was coming. Him showing up with 5 of his friends to have a nice fair 5 on 1 fight. So I got the hell out of there. Nothing ever came of it which means he was thrown out of the school soon after for one reason or another. The screw ups didn't last long. The problem being they were promptly replaced by more walking talking reminders of the importance of using contraceptives.
Wheatboi God bless you brother. I pray you’ll understand that Jesus is the only one who Can heal us and set us free
I have a very similar experience. My father did the same. Anytime I would tell him of my dreams and aspirations as a kid/teen and now as an adult; he would, and still responds in a contradictory, negative manner, incredibly dismissive of peoples feelings too.
He loves to belittle people, and make personal attacks too. As a kid, he'd physically bash my siblings and I, and blame our mum for apparently manipulating him into "policing" us, policing involved screaming at us, and physically hitting across the face, throwing things at us, etc.
Our mum who was a nurse that'd work nightshifts. and our dad would react with severe anger if we ever dropped something, or made a loud noise that would potentially wake our mum during the day.. This threating behaviour in my dad caused me to develop a fear of dropping objects, and react with fear at sudden loud noises (PTSD).
Both my parents would fight like crazy. Intensely violent screaming matches, and at times physically violent too.
@wheatboi I know you wrote this months ago, but what the fuck happened next!? How did you get out of that horrible place? Where are you now with life? I need to know more. Those two comments were a roller coaster. I feel sympathy, but that feels useless. You seem to be in a better place now, based on context. What happened after that?
Someone very close to me is an abuser.
She made me so insecure about myself that i started homeschooling and i cut off many of my friends. Now shes making me feel like im too fat and my friend told me i was anorexic. She always blamed me for my brother being depressed and many of my loved ones dying and that pushed into a very deep depression. I still have suicidal thoughts and I constantly feel like im doing everything wrong, but i have a very small group of amazing friends who make me feel so confident when im around them, sometimes i never want to leave them.
This is my first time putting this publicly where any of my friends could see, but it feels good to tell it someone.
Char Pronounced Sh-ar mkay stay strong don't ever let her bring you down
Char Pronounced Sh-ar mkay Is this person your mother? If yes, i think you need to go back to school and get out of the house as much as possible. At the very least there will be counselors at school you can confide in who may be able to help you. How old are you btw? You need to try away from this person as much as possible. I can see how damaging this is to you. You also cannot possibly be to blame for your brother's depression and other people's issues. That is beyond ludicrous. I really hope you answer back.
Char Pronounced Sh-ar mkay
I'm so sorry that's happening to you. We are here for you, you can talk to us.
Who is she?
It's ok to tell us
Char, Those really amazing friends? THOSE are the people you need most to listen to. People who really care will not try to bring you down, and certainly will not blame you for the depression or deaths that I am going to guess here you had ZERO to do with, of others, especially loved ones.
Right now.... I'm still in that relationship. I'm working on myself so I can leave independently, confidentally and as a whole person.
Walking out is a good idea, but make sure you're safe first. Get support from a loved one and maybe be ready to call police if necessary.
They fog your brain! You’ll start forgetting! They are like cancer
I was in an abusive relationship but I loved my boyfriend to death, I thought "I can get out of this, I just need to feel 100% sure so I can leave without feeling way too much hurt". I was almost there, then yesterday my boyfriend broke up with me. Most people would think "well it's better like this right? You wanted it too". Well no, it hurts like hell cause I wasn't ready to leave him yet..
Me too we have a kid together. It is even harder. I have to get my finances straight so I can leave.
@@tarahoward4471 i really hope the best for you :c
When I told my ex that I was breaking with him, he lost his mind, it was awful. It was so painful to be in that relationship. Really, it gets better. Im in a relationship rn and GOD it's so different, I couldn't believe at first how blind I was... My ex told me that he was way more inteligent than me, that I can't finish my studies... I constantly was asking for forgiveness... It was a nightmare. NEVER STAY IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH A PERSON WHO FORCES YOU TO DO THINGS YOU DON'T WANT TO DO. Stay true to yourself!!!! And believe in yourself.
Oof yeah, my ex had an R. Kelly type breakdown when we were breaking up. Threw a tantrum like a 3 year old. That interview was hard to watch.
If you are in a relationship with an invisible sky overlord, you are are still blind. You were right at the end, you don't need the crutch that is religion.
@@why-even-try-brotendo Thankfully, it's not up to you to tell people where to find meaning in life, but I see your pain. I know it's hard to silence that Outer Critic when it thinks it's protecting you, but practicing kindness and compassion for others will help. I, too, have had negative experiences with religion, but have learned that not everyone's experiences with it will be the same. If Clara has found support and healing there, let's support that, even if where she's found it triggers painful memories for you.
I don't have pain in something that isn't real. Religion was invented by human beings as a way to control people through the threat of eternal damnation. It is not, and never has been based on anything but fairy tales and lies. It's time for you to grow up and put down childish things.
@@why-even-try-brotendo We all have different experiences. Diversity is what makes life great. People are allowed to think whatever they think, whether you agree with it or not. You'll probably be a lot happier if you stop spending so much energy on what other people believe in and focus on what makes your own life meaningful and awesome.
"Do you think you ever been gaslighted before?" Basically all my life and by my own mother. Life is funny, isn't it?
Same =/
Same 💯💯
same but with my dad and step mother
As a child it becomes your normal. Than in a relationship you doubt yourself because it was always normal. Controlling mum's are the worst
My mon too😭
Nobody mentions that when a narcissist or psychopath gaslightes you, making you question your own sanity, he literally makes you insane, in the sense, making you a disabled person. This so cruel
Literally just like my ex. I thought i was going crazy
Yes 😢
One of my best friends said this was happening to me and I didn't understand what she was talking about. I had never heard of before. Now I totally understand and it's so true. No one deserves this type of treatment ever. Thank you for explaining to me. Made me cry. It's so true. 💖
Not too long ago, I lived with my biological father. Everything was fine at first--until I started struggling in school. He then started to shout at me for the tiniest of things, wether it be around the house or because of things I did outside of the home. It got to the point that I was petrified to walk home from school, causing severe anxiety that I still deal with today. By the time he was engaged my Jr. year of high school he had called me every name in the book, and soon we moved in with his new wife in a rural part of Colorado. The house was nine miles from the bus stop and the bus ride was an hour long. I was isolated. My father now had all of my personal info, such as: my contacts, social media, email and anything else he could find. Now I had hit my all time low, but I thought I found salvation in a short stout old woman named Marty, she was my step grandmother. She would solve riddles and puzzles with me and taught me how to knit, she even talked my dad into letting me go to the winter formal. But one day there was a mix up with my gov. teacher, he had accidentally marked me absent on several occasions. I was terrified, and my father was livid. I didn't get to go on the trip he planned, which I was actually happy about. My happiness was short-lived, because Marty became verbally abusive as she had to watch me for that week. She made me clean the entire house a total of three times, threatened to throw my things in the snow outside, called me many names and slapped me a few times for crying or not cleaning correctly. But finally after my dad had annulled marriage, using me as an excuse, I had enough. I got a hold of my mother and told her for the tenth time that I wanted to move back with her or I wouldn't last any longer. She headed my words and made my request a reality but not without a lot of resistance from my father. When I moved back with her I had many issues. I have severe depression that will now stay with me till I pass, anxiety that makes me frightened of loud noises and asking for napkins, I also have PTSD so when someone shouts or if I believe someone is mad; I break down. I have thought of suicide, but I could never do it because I have people who love me and want to help me overcome what I've been through. Not all abuse is physical.
I can't say that I know what it's like to go through that. I do suffer from depression though. I know it gets hard Kennedy, but we just have to take one day at a time and look for the small glimpses of light in the night. Gazing at the world around me and just taking it in helps calm me down. Sometimes you need to clear your head.
This is a very powerful energy healing , when you watch it ask to receive the healing or it will not activate. It should assist your issues a lot. pEace ruclips.net/video/G-6RAg35ZIs/видео.html
you broke my heart
feel sorry for you
hope you will become better and better everyday
Kenedy Stahl I understand your pain and this happens a lot to others who don't talk about. You should give yourself a pat on the back, because you are a warrior and survived an ongoing war
My mother gaslights me whenever I stand up to her, either through wanting to be more independent, which she thinks means 'independently obeying me'. She does it in a far more covert way, covering up all her flaws from the outside world and acting like an infallible, inarguable and flawless human being around everyone. My father has also succumbed to her will and I would have become him if i had not realised my true potential. He has always considered her as the boss of the house, which I recognised at a young age, diminishing him as a male role model for me in my childhood. All I could look up to was her, who would yell at me and punish me for unpragmatic reasons whenever he was at work. None of her friends know about her problems, but it arose from her shitty childhood, where both of her parents would be narcissistic, abusive and deliver unpragmatic punishments, just like her. They are all walking, living facades that cover up all of their flaws.
You would think after what your mom went through that she would want to be the last one to do it to others. Sadly they end up repeating the cycle. If they would only learn to be self introspective and work on their behavior everyone would be much happier. It's so hard to get through to a narcissist.
Would you tell a 13 yr old her mother was gaslighting her? I fear if left unsaid it's going to just cause worse memory and emotional issues as the child ages. Any input is appreciated
I freaking love the fact that boys are not the only ones displayed as the abusive partner!
Like, girls can be abusive too and there are still many people who just don't seem to get that...
katinka coenen oh what a great.thing to.love
everybody abuses one another to varying degrees. Learn to deal with it.
katinka coenen. I agree. It was very much appreciated. I hate the stigma that abuse or sexual harassment doesn't happen to men by women.
It's usually brushed off due to the double standard that woman are to weak to do any actual harm and men must be strong and bare every struggle on their own.
i'm a girl and i agree
katinka coenen the truth is there are people who deny their part in abuse. Most have difficulty accepting the role they played, if they played a part at all.
My dad drove 7hrs without informing me to get me that’s how I left...Thank God for Fathers 💜😭
That's soooooo sweet of him!!!
You have a great Dad! ☺️
I just blocked him moved left my job so I wouldn’t see him anymore it was a lot but I got away from Andre
Wishing you healing and a healthy future !
Good for you! It takes a lot of strength to leave something like that
Shanice Edwards ♥️ hope you’re doing well beautiful
Does he watch you tube ??
fuck Andre
i quit every connection with him on an instant
i miss the comfort
but everyday i strongly manage to be mentally strong to ignore hin
If you're the victim of gaslighting and you're writing about your experience, that a sign that you're AWARE of what's happening. Awareness is POWER. The gaslighting isn't about YOU, even though you're the target. The person gaslighting is struggling with terrifying fear OF THEIR OWN and their way of coping with that fear is to manipulate their environment. Unless you're able to heal their deep emotional wounds (only they can heal their wounds), you're not going to change their behaviour, so don't even try. For gaslighting to work, the victim needs to be dependent on the gaslighter for something - we stay in that relationship because we need that feeling of connection that the gaslighter provides; if it's our partner, we might need to be in a relationship to feel WORTHY OF LOVE; if its a family member, we might be depending on a sense of family BELONGING; a boss or co-worker - our standing in the COMMUNITY depends on our having employment (or our chosen employment). Connection and belonging are critically important to our mental and our emotion wellbeing, so we need to acknowledge and respect our need for them. One way to shift the power dynamic when gaslighting is present, is to keep in mind that the GASLIGHTER IS HURTING inside. They're lashing out, because they are experiencing unbearable pain. Lower your expectations of what they can offer in terms of honesty and dependability. They're in too much pain to be honest or dependable. IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU! The aspersions that they're casting about you are simple PROJECTIONS of aspects of themselves that they find repulsive. When you grasp that they're calling you Lazy, because they're projecting their own wound around laziness, keep that to yourself - they're already STRUGGLING TO ACCEPT THEMSELVES, and showing-off what you've come to understand will only escalate the situation. Stop depending on them to feel worthy of connection and find someone who can help you to HEAL YOUR victim wounds. No-one is exempt from victim wounding, though some people hide their wounds more effectively. Philip Be'er - From the "Learning to Love" Curriculum
What if something I did in the past is the reason of their emotional wounds that make them manipulate me now? Is it wrong to end the relationship because of their manipulation even thought I'm the main reason for all of this?
It's now been over a year from what I did and since then I've done everything I can to help them heal from it, but it doesen't seem to be enough.
I plan on getting a new job at some point. Have to get away from gaslighters. The man used every trick in the book like he knows me, he kept asking me dumb questions and i was questioning my sanity.
I feel u
I don’t know if I’m abusing my boyfriend or if he is abusing me :(
Elaine Gomez Same here, it has gotten so confusing I can’t tell what’s what anymore. Smh.
@@TheKristyle79Seriously! lol i dont know if I'm making myself the victim because I'm so abusive orrr he is actually the one abusing me
None of us are perfect. We're all somewhere on the spectrum. The abusers are just further to the extreme end of the spectrum.
Elaine Gomez ....can I suggest that if you have to ask yourself this question,,,,the answer is most certainly your abusing each other ,are victims of each other and both are happening at varying points in time .
Your relationship has got messy .
Kristyle 78
Me too...
Selective memory is a must for abusive comminicaters in order for the abuser to Keep up the nonsense!.
I'm getting a divorce :) that's how I'm getting out of a relationship with a narc who constantly did to to me with his mother supporting him.
Banupriya Madhusudhan my girlfriend told me, that i am a gaslighter. Now it turned 180° and i am the gaslighted, being stolen our kid by her and her clan. PS: but still i apreciate, that she told me: 2016, when hardly anyone knew bout gaslighting.
Banupriya Madhusudhan my dad would hot me and his mom acted like she would see nothing
Fight for your marriage.
Do not fight for an abusive marriage if it is tearing you down. I fought for my marriage for 18 yrs and each time he found a new way to try to humiliate and ridicule me. If you stay you’ll be deemed weak for staying by your abuser. My own mother supports my narc. She says I act as if i think I’m too good to accept that all men behave this way. She’s the reason I married a narc.
Sorry you had to go through this. My mom is a narc and it’s horrible
This is how my ex made me feel. Damn, I am happy that ended 😂
I’ve been gaslighted before, that crap will drive you crazy.
9 years ago my husband started a new job and it required a lot of his time. As the years went on I noticed a change in his personality.
I'd express my concern and how it was affecting our marriage. He'd tell me that his work hours would be better after 6 months. But year after year he worked everyday and on weekends.
I would get upset because of his lack of participating in the marriage.
My husband claimed that my overreactions were due to my meds.
I was taking meds for depression and anxiety, but I know my anxiety level had gone up because of my estranged husband's lack of empathy and lack of participation in the marriage.
I went to counselling with him just to appease him. He was very charming with the therapists and if I disagreed, he'd stop me.
I did have my meds changed, knowing that it was my husband that was affecting my mood.
I knew something wasn't right, but I was too afraid to live alone. Plus, I wanted to save the marriage.
But unfortunately, he'd blame me for problems in the marriage. Whenever I expressed myself he'd claim I was being negative. He'd claim he did a lot to help out around the house, but I knew he didn't. But I couldn't reason with him. He'd give me the silent treatment whenever I'd express myself. He lied to me about many things.
I thought his anger and impatience was due to his job, so I hung in there hoping that once things settled down at work, he'd be better. Plus my therapist encouraged me to hang in there, because he thought things would get better.
What an idiot I was for trusting the therapist. Things only got worse because he was addicted to pain meds.
I have been separated for over a year and have filed for a divorce. It took time for me to heal and there were times I wanted to go back.
I think with the help of friends, alanon and learning about narcissism I was able to become a stronger person and not be fearful of living alone.
My son's saw how their father worked too much and how it affected his health and the marriage. They said they never would work like that. They saw how unhealthy he became when on painmeds.
I feel sorry for my estranged husband, but I can never live with him. I deserve to be happy
Sounds to me as if your ex-husband may have frontal temporal lobe dementia. Look it up. My wife started like that early 2016 after 35 years of marriage. It went on for about a year. She is better than she was but memory is bad, delusional behavior and hallucinations are all kicking in.
Pamela M I think we all know when enough is enough, and no one can judge your decision better than you. I'm happy things are better
You sound like a professional victim. Your husband worked hard to provide for his family and you stabbed him in the back.
Mac Neoh you sound like a professional victim blamer. That or you were projecting yourself onto the husband.
Yeah.....if you can cut down on the bills.....so there is not as much pressure......it's easier to deal with. Was it constant pressure from bills....or was he seeing someone else....or does he just need more money to feel secure?
Holy crap, I started sobbing while watching this
Then you were gaslighted.
Same
Me too😢😭
💖😢
Left him without any explanation. Blocked all contact.
For a moment I thought I was crazy. Everyone around me including my own parent is like this. Its so childish.
I told my friend about a song. He likes a certain type of music. And he kinda brushed it off when I mentioned it. So I meet up with him again and he was listening to this same song. And I brought up the fact that I told him about it. And he denied it with laughter and satisfaction because he knew I didn't have the energy to explain because he kept in insisting that he didn't remember. And I was kinda weak then, and so I let it go.
Its like when I'm online typing I always receive likes for my comments and feel smart. But in real life its like I'm never right and I'm made out to be incompetent around my family and friends. Its like they want you to be dumb in order for them to feel smarter than what they are.
How I'm typing wouldn't be possible for me to word in real life. I'm forced to talk more confused and timid. When I speak up everybody because irritated or act intimidated.
onesequentglove
I understand 100% :/
FUCK what other people think about you speaking up.
Do you want to be an underdog and an outcast for the rest of your existence or do you want to live a life full of purpose?
Stop letting other people manipulate you.
Stand your ground and speak up about what's on your mind.
You can also do this when they're in a good mood, just pull them aside and tell them that you don't appreciate the gas-lighting and that it needs to stop.
If they don't listen the first time, you NEED to move out and never come back.
Yeeeaaah. Tell em you watched a video on RUclips and that they are doing what the video said and they need to cut the crap.
It will definitely work.
onesequentglove it happens with me too😐
onesequentglove This is exactly what is happening to me, especially the dumbing me down part?! ... 😀
11: not letting them cry
lol this one is my favourite. It happens to me every so often
Omg! This happened to me yesterday!!
Lol 😂 i almost fell!
Totally agree, but I think there is a 12 too, those who upset you or do something that encroaches on your boundaries, neglects your emotions etc but then goes straight into the victim role when you don't give them instant empathy when they cry or you react badly like a sarcastic laugh in shock of how they're even crying when they just upset you and they've literally no logical reason or no given reason to get upset for you being upset at them upsetting you, then others around them don't see through their either games or mental illness and ask you to be more understanding.
Or ashemming them for do so...
I broke off my relationship with a gaslighter by just straight up telling her I'm becoming depressed and that the relationship was making me become an angrier and worse person. I also truly think she didn't mean to but when speaking about our problems, it was more MY problem. And when talking about possible solutions to these problems, it was MY responsibility. Not OURS.
Being silenced is a terrible feeling.
Yes, I hate when others tell someone to shut up. It makes me so angry.
My dad used to gaslight me, that fucker will never hear from me again. I started to notice how crazy he made me feel, but I couldn't just leave, you know... because he's my parent. He's dead to me.
This sounds like my life... my mom gaslights me so often even I'm an adult now. And my former best friend from elementary school to middle school did that too. This abusive relatonship only ended because she left the school.
Ginger Dragon Hart I had a Gasteling friend in high school...
I relate so much to this video. This is the first time I’ve heard that people who are being gaslit are more likely to seek help for their perceived and nonexistent “mental illness” than for the actual problem, the trauma they went through at the hands of the gaslighter or other abusers. I relate so hard.
The fact that you are here is a positive step. It's simpler to control someone if they are in doubt.
This Video hit home. Why? I live with my great grandma, and I have been living with her since I was young (2-5). Recently, I did a little research on abuse, as my friend saw a girl emotionally abusing/manipulating her boyfriend, and stood up for her. When I got home, I looked up the different types of abuse. As I kept scrolling seeing the signs of emotional abuse,I noticed that more and more signs were strikingly similar to my life at home. I stumbled across this, and I finally understood. I was being gaslighted. She would make fun of me, yell at me, and hit me, and if the phone rang, or someone knocked on the door, she would send me to my room and I was to not leave it until she called for me. And she is a superb actor. No matter how mad she is, she will start acting calm if there is a sign of other people nearby (or human interaction). I can say something, and she will twist my words to make it seem like I'm being abusive. ( I'm 13) And if I try to talk to anyone who knows her, they don't believe me. She's a sweet little old lady, she would never do such a thing. And they will most often say something along the lines of, "you a teenager, so you're just overreacting" or " why should I believe a hormonal teenager?" Or the most common, " stop being a bitch/ you're not very convincing", etc, etc. Now, I go to a therapist because my great grandma thinks that I'm crazy. The first season of therapy she went with me, and she is not allowed back there. The therapist later said that she ( my great grandma) was the root of my issues, and that she had several background issues, and a lot of abuse, but there is no excuse for her to be abusing me. I have anxiety, I am extremely introverted, and struggled with depression ( I think it's just a matter of time before I relapse) and then Mawmaw ( that's what I call her) wonders why I'm so fucked up in the head.
Lily Anderson I send you light and love your way, It's good to know that your therapist believes you. I can totally relate with your story. I am very sorry that for now you have to live with her. But there are others like me who will always be here for you little one. love and light your way.
You are most certainly not fucked up (none of it is your fault in case you needed to hear that) I grew up with a gaslighter and unfortunately some of their methods stuck to me that I started becoming that person to my loved ones. It was through therapy that I’ve gotten help to stop the anxiety and unhealthy habits that things become clearer, and you start getting ahold of your sanity, loving yourself more... the whole lot!stay positive and know that things get better and if you are in a position where it’s possible to leave the situation, take it, sometimes you have to step back if you’re living with them to get a sense of who you are.
Lots of love
Its not your fault. It will take time, but keep your eyes and heart open... and you will live a happy, liberated life
Lily Anderson ;
I'm very sorry for you.
Your meemaw sounds exactly like my mother.
When you reach 18, you can walk away for good. I know that sounds like a long time.
It was for me too!
For year's I tried to build a good relationship with my mom, but she used & twisted my words, rewrote history, etc.
Two years ago, I went NO CONTACT. I cut her & all my toxic siblings out of my life.
It wasn't easy!
But I am better for it.
Toxic People are like a cancerous tumor growing inside you. It takes surgery to remove it. That surgery is painful, scary, traumatic, etc. But it is also necessary! It will SAVE YOUR LIFE. Yes, it will leave scar's. But you can heal in time. You cannot let that cancer back in your life! It will always be a cancer! It will NEVER change!
Just remember "This, too, shall pass."
You are not alone.
Best Wishes
Lily Anderson isn't it classed as child abuse? It would be where I'm from. I would report it to CPA child protection agency as I am a mandatory reporter, as your therapist should be.
If your parents are doing this to you...and you are under 18 then go and tell a trusted adult...a favorite teacher, a school counselor, the principal, a coach, a neighbor, a friend's parent, etc. and tell them about how bad your home situation is and what it is doing to you emotionally, and/ or physically, and that you need an intervention and PROTECTION. Tell them you are scared of what your parents will do if they find out you told someone what is really going on, but that you can't stand being mistreated all the time and that it is affecting you. If that person will not or cannot help, then go to another, and then another etc. trusted adult until you get the help/support you need and DESERVE! If you are over 18 go and seek out counselling/support (there are low-cost sliding scale fees,) or online websites, or again tell a trusted, mature, kind person...I wish you the best and you are already a survivor and are ahead of the game because you recognize what is happening, instead of just blaming yourself ! You are amazing and strong! You desrve love, understanding, and support! Seek it out...if you are too shy or find it hard to say the words, then write a letter and give it to someone you trust to help...Never give up love! If you have bad parents, then parent yourself if you must. You can do this...if you ever feel depressed/suicidal get help immediately or call 911 or a suicide hotline. Best of Luck! (If you are over 18 get SUPPORT ASAP You need to be your own advocate and protector!
The good thing today, is that mental health and private life is being taken much more seriously than when most of us were growing up (I say this in my twenties, mind you). Although, any narcissistic parent worth their title will do absolutely everything in their power to make sure their child would belly-flop a cactus before they reported the narc.
We need more abuse education for teachers, etc. I remember when my best friend was telling our English teacher about her dad in 9th grade and the teacher didn't really know what to do. She said "Do you want me to say something? Talk to him?" My friend was just like "oh god please don't, that'll make it worse..." So there was no intervention because emotional abuse is really hard to prove and people don't know how to protect kids from it. At least she knew and understood what was going on. I didn't even realize my mom was just as bad. She was better at hiding it and had the entire family gaslit to hell and back. smh
What if you have no trusted adults in your life, though?
It’s so much harder when you’re over 18, especially when you don’t have anywhere else to go.
Don't stay long enough to where they get you pregnant and then abuse and use the child against you.... I'm very grateful for my daughter... but I wish it wasn't with him. I've left him for the 6th time a week ago and this is the last time... but I always say it's the last time.. I wish I could get away from him forever beause all I think about are the horrible things he's said and done to be and my baby.. but i cant just never see him again because we have a child together. That is i beleive another abusive tactic. To have a child together so they can forever abuse and control you. I dont know how to deal to with the abuse and the mental turmoil ive been caused and I feel like I'm starting to turn into him and I just hate myself.
King Nevermore. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . SHUT THE HECK UP!!!!!!!!!
Kierra McPherson lol
Rebekah Christine you are correct. Whenever there's a child or children in abusive relationships, the abuser will use them as bait to get back at the other parent
Rebekah Christine Have you considered seeking out resources in your community, like shelters?
Rebekah Christine
Oh no.. I'm about a month and a half pregnant and this is exactly what I was worried about and is what's happening. It's gut wrenching and heart breaking to me to say the least :( ..
Finally ended my relationship and all this time I thought I was just insecure and oversensitive. 💔 It'll take time to heal but I'll get there.
Its been 2 months since your post. Typically abusers will utilize that time to "hoover" you back into their lives.
Took me forever to realize that this was my realtionship, I would think about it and research but then question my sanity and my perception, I didn't realize it was the effects of the abuse. I got out because close family and friends noticed how I went silent and became depressed when I used to be really talkative. I trusted them and took the step to breakup with him through phone, for I tried to breakup with him in person and he twisted the situation and I was apologizing. Looking back, I can see thing clearer now, how every problem just came down to me "perceiving something wrong" or him telling me that certain things never happened when they did. He never respected my physical boundaries either and played on my empathetic nature. He was so subtle and charming that I didnt realize what was going on. I've experienced many forms of emotional abuse. Gaslighting did the most damage. If anyone else has gone through something similar I'm sorry ❤ we will rise up
Needed this thanks as I'm still fighting. Pray 4 me please 😔
Did you manage to heal from the relationship?
Here is something from Johnny Depp (Jack Sparrow)
"Cray people don't know that they are crazy. I know that I am crazy, therefore I am not crazy, isn't that crazy?"
Aaron Cyro Johnny Depp hit his ex-wife
83croissant She was a shrew but he should have just left her not hit her.
mercerdamon Johnny Depp hit his ex-wife
I've literally had thoughts like this so many times and have never heard that line before. So crazy 😭😂
83croissant so far I know there is no proof of that
I was in a physically abusive marriage so I recognize these techniques. Be careful, however, with numbers 4 and 6 as abusers are good at making you look like the bad one on these scenarios. Abusers tend to be overly sensitive themselves and narcissistic and will not appreciate you pointing this out to them. They may accuse you of being insensitive and use this as an excuse for emotional or physical abuse. They also tend to frequently imagine that you promised or agreed to something you didn't when it serves them. As pointed out, they have the habit of putting words into your mouth and creating memories for you. Also, abusers tend to overwhelm you with demands and coerce promises you don't really want to make. As a result, you are likely to forget promises you made to them or are simply unable to keep them because they were unreasonable and/or made under pressure.
Oh my gosh YES
This is very scary when you are a full fledged grown adult looking for an genuine encounter or a foundation for love..
Please make a promise to yourself today the second you read this. You are a beautiful life that matters and NO MATTER what anybody has to say YOU ARE LOVED
I talked to God and he told me to tell you HOW MUCH LOVED YOU ARE AND NEVER FORGET IT 💕I don't know what to say but I been in a couple of bad situations where I thought I was in love and I was so wrong please don't allow anybody to abuse you and love life even though the ugly moments make good decisions ! Don't let the ugly of others destroy the beauty in you:)
Thank you for this! Sending you love
I have recently gotten myself out of an abusive friendship. Someone who I thought was my best friend, the person I should confide in and trust most, has abused me for several years of my life. Over 16 years. The saddest part is that I’m only 20 years old. Over those years he abused me mentally, physically, and sexually. I finally had enough after I was beginning to talk with a girl who I thought could potentially change my life. We talked every day, were beginning to hang out, everything was going well. But he was angry and jealous. He wanted me to believe that I couldn’t trust her, that she was manipulating me and had me wrapped around her finger. He argued with me at my workplace about why I needed to stop seeing her, and even threatened to have me fired. When I stepped closer to him in the heat of an argument, he thought that I was going to physically fight him when what I was truly doing was showing that I would not back down on the matter. He will swear to it that I wanted to fight in that manner and will never admit that he was wrong. Not even a week later we got into another huge argument which ended with him holding me down, choking me, and punching me. That was the the final straw for me. I wanted out after that. But I had to be careful about how I did it, lest I be stuck there forever. I had to leave with all of my most important belongings when everyone was alseep. I blocked them across call, text, and all forms of social media. I have been gone for 3 days now and I have felt better than I ever have in my life.
How strange that great happiness comes after great sadness/pain! After I left home, I was so profoundly happy for months on end....lasted about 18 months. I've never experienced a period like that since then! And the strangest thing was: I was broke, struggling so make some money (part time jobs)…..and IT STILL WAS THE HAPPIEST PERIOD IN MY LIFE!!
Freedom!!! And it only gets better I promise 😊
Salokin Noraa I hope you’re okay still ♥️
I was gaslighted by my dad and step mom they did everything on this list and more it stretched to the physical level and since they kept me isolated and they threatened to lock me away in a mental hospital due to them making me depressed I started quiet because I was never brave enough to speak out because of them I'm not suffering from multiple mental issues such as depression bipolar disorder and worse I have horrible PTSD and other anxiety issues I have very few friends and have many trust issues and I'm not trying to get on disability because they crippled me do horribly I have permanent physical injuries because of them and because I didn't speak out I can no longer prove anything so they got away with it luckily I don't live with them anymore I live with my mom who's helped me through so much she's been with me through every doctors visit and every mental breakdown and more she's so supportive and I'm lucky to have her in my life but I still hear from them on holidays and birthdays and Im expected to keep contact with them on such days otherwise his mother my Mammaw will get upset with me and try to guilt me into texting them again and even then stonily asking how the weather is over here is enough to completely send me into crying panic attacks as soon as its all over my mom says I don't have to text them anymore and she's cool with me cutting him out but my Mammaw still guilts me into it every time cause even though she knows what they did to me she still thinks that we can fix it and Ik that's never going to happen I've forgiven them fly what they've done and all that and I don't hate them but I can't seem to let go of the fact that my own family 2 ppl I trusted to take care of me hurt me so badly and now when I just want to be left alone I can't escape but at least I don't have to talk with them very much so I'm doing my best to cope and am actually mentally stable now and have a loving boyfriend who understands my past and helps me with everything I need and hes so good to me he loves me no matter what and is slowly working to undo the years of brainwashing they put me through nobody has succeeded in getting anywhere on that front yet but he says he'll never give up and that one day he'll make sure that I feel beautiful, smart, and worthy of love and affection, and etc. and I love him so much for that hes the best thing to ever happen to me honestly
*now instead of not and stayed instead of starting
*simply instead of stonily
*for instead of fly
Wow.I'm glad you have someone that loves you and gives you confidence now! btw you can count on me and the rest of suscribers too!(Somehow I feel better when I'm reading the comments of the vids,and I think a lot of people would agree with me if I say that the comments section has people that can support you)
+Azuliza-chan01 thnx that's very sweet of u to say I have a long recovery ahead of me and I hope one day I'll get there thnx so much for being such a nice person
Thank you for this. I fell in love with someone who verbally and emotionally abused me through gas lighting. She didn't even know she was doing it (I think). When I confronted her, she denied it and was appalled that I would accuse her of such abhorrent behavior. In the end I built up so much resentment and poison that I checked out and lied to her. Turned into the person I never was. I went from 100% total commitment, devotion, love, and hope, to not caring and lying. Don't let this happen to you. Don't think you're strong enough. Your love and strength will be no match against the destructive power that people's insecurities and issues may have on you. You will end up badly beaten and hurt. Seek help from friends, counselors, address the problem so you can be at peace with the effort and education you gained, and leave. Someone is out there waiting to receive your love and happy to reciprocate it in a healthy way.
Oh my god....this is my ex. Getting out of the relationship was so easy, it makes me frustrated that I stayed with him for two years too long because I thought I couldn't leave him. I'm positive being in that relationship has given me PTSD. I act so irrationally in my currently relationship because I have come to expect everyone to treat me the way my ex did. Thankfully, I am dating someone that treats me with respect and actually cares about my feelings. She's slowly helping me open up and accept love instead of pushing her away.
I got out of an emotionally abusive relationship almost a year ago, and i am struggling to move on and form new relationships with others. I feel very broken and don’t know what to do
I'm still working on it seven years later. I don't mean that to be daunting; I had a three year relationship that was very healing and I tried various methods of self-therapy, including moving, making new friends, pursuing my own career interests and getting into health and wellness. I even sought actual clinical therapy, but only recently realized that I never specifically worked through the damage caused by my abuser. I think with such therapy, the healing process can be much quicker, so I strongly recommend that! And forgive yourself for being "stupid". These people can not be seen, smelled or tasted. Most of us have to learn the hard way how much they suck
Sorry. Please be honest with yourself everytime you meet a new person or potential mate. Gaslighters can sense the weaknesses in people that they can manipulate and you have some of those. Being honest with yourself is therefore of utmost importance: be honest about insecurities, not wanting to be alone (big magnet for gaslighters), etc. Stick to people who love you and build you up. Don't be in a hurry or desperate to get into a relationship, romantic or otherwise. God bless you.
Patience, my friend. Or your abuser ex might use this to harm u more
Same here brother.. it feels like it will be never the same again..
Keep your head up and keep fighting 💛💛 were rooting for you
How am i supossed to get away from them when its my mother?
I've barely had contact with my biological mother for over a decade. She's sick and twisted, and WILL NEVER CHANGE. It was only by cutting her out of my life that I was able to make any progress. After countless hours of support groups, therapy, etc. the only good thing I can say is I don't hate her. It's enough for me. Spend a year without your mother, get some help. You won't believe how beautiful you life can become. To hell with anyone who would stay sick and keep their own offspring sick with them.
Theatre Junkee you and mom need therapy together so you can love one another before she dies or youll regret it i promise
trucker wrecker I tried that for decades (even after she released me to the custody of the state - one of the requirements to keep me was that we attend regular counseling sessions together, she said it 'was too hard.'.) She prefers sick relationships with sick people, actually fought my pursuits for my own mental wellness. I get the idea that mothers and daughters should love each other (don't I'm not still crying my eyes out every Mother's Day) but some people aren't capable of love. BTW It's very bad advice to encourage ppl to maintain relationships with toxic people. Most parents want a family, but some just want a fan club - and they punish severely when their would-be groupies don't behave accordingly. If you've never lived through something like this you wouldn't understand. So frankly, I wish no one understood...
Theatre Junkee Spot on!! Go no contact. A narc mom can be worse than a monster!!
Theatre Junkee You're absolutely right about if somebody hasn't been thru it, they can't understand..I've tried to talk to friends, and honestly, they don't "get it." 😔
This happened to me, and when I left he took it further by claiming that I was the abusive one. Thankfully my friends didn't believe him and took my side, they've been helping me build my trust back up after I escaped the relationship
It is very difficult to get out of this type of relationship, when it's family.
The only way, was finally years later, cut ties completely!
My mother had me believe, it was a shame to not forgive family.
I had to break free, on my own awareness, that just cause it's family, you dont have to tolerate ANY abuse!
Took me a long time to believe this, and it's is very lonely, because i had to let go of people i thought, loved me, & were my friend! It was twisted.
I feel very hurt & very betrayed, i dont think, i will ever heal, and im 51.😏 what toxic wasted time.
My ex possessed a horrible power on me. He used to do every single thing in this video. As a result I developed self doubt and became depressed eventually. I shared my problem with my family and couple of close friends and everyone advised me to leave him. He had made me so dependent on him that it was very hard to leave him.
In my whole collage year ... no one had me me cry more than he did. He was my constant annoyer ... nagger and judged me for every single thing right frm how I dress up to how I speak to other people. He used me criticise me infront of my friends. He used my past to humiliate me. He used my insecurities to put me down. He used to tell me I am being paranoid and I am too sensitive.
Finally I chose my happiness. I left him. But since we were in same collage we saw each other almost everyday. He talks to me still ... n I make sure I am not rude to him and also I make sure I do not let his words affect me.
I make sure I believe in myself first. Basically the only way it was possible was by becoming mentally strong and gaining self confidence. I mentally separated him so that his words became the words of a stranger... words I won’t pay much attention to.
I also made sure that next time he talks.. he talks to me with respect or I simply used to walk out of the conversation making sure he knows I am not going to take his abuses anymore.
We will never be in good terms anymore ... but I am just hoping we do no harm to each other and give each other respect that we deserve as a human being. This became my bare minimum to survive the colllage and bad breakup.
A great read. I'm very pleased for your victory.
I would advise a full no-contact regime against your ex, because he absolutely will close in on any opportunity. He's waiting for you to have a bad day before he properly strikes again. Besides which, you really owe him nothing.
He will never respect you, because as far as he's concerned: You're his property.
@@terribletanner805 I think you are right! This guy is only waiting.....for the right moment. To hang onto the relationship in any way.....is to allow that opportunity to show.
That's so brave of you I wish I could do that.
@@blossomheart3294 There's always happiness out there. If you're in a destructive relationship, it's a very good idea to not allow it to continue. There are many support groups out there and also if you're able to take time off from life, like a meditation/yoga retreat or whatever you like, its a good reset button to help give you confidence to go in a direction that is healthy. I've been stuck in an abusive relationship myself, still currently in it actually, but I'm not allowing it to continue to be abusive any longer My situation is likely a bit different that yours because our finances are incredibly intertwined and it would be like a very messy divorce. I'm setting very clear, precisely made boundaries to help us both heal and be healthy, but if he breaks the rules, I'm done, no exceptions whatsoever. I took a 2.5 month break for meditation and now I feel many times more confident to go towards my own happiness and I wont sacrifice that any more. No exceptions :)
My narcissistic mother ruined me as a kid with all this.
Reminder: don't shrink yourself for people who refuse to grow. you are in control of yourself. don't change for others :)
Well put.
My ex gaslighted me for sure. I went to therapy to help sort out "my issues" and better ways to communicate with him and was taught that i was communicating just fine and he has issues that i cannot solve. I barely got out of it alive. x_x
The abused will typically end up in therapy. This unfortunate as the actual problem never gets addressed or resolved. You therapist is a good one as he/she was able to identify the actual issue. You posted 4 months ago. Have things changed for the better?
@@michaelmeanswell Things have definitely changed for the better. Though i have done therapy on and off for years, this therapist has completely made me appreciate therapy even more.
I practice meditation and am at more peace with myself. I allow myself to acknowledge and express the emotions that i was not able to freely & without the tables being turned. I also make time to check in with myself daily, i am more intune with myself and am more aware of the strength that i have. However, I will say my ex has continued his ways and has even changed his number 3 times to try to get a hold of me and paint me as the culprit. He even showed up to my place once. Due to this i do have an odd sense of unease. But i take it one day at a time. I ran into his mother and she shared that his gas lighting ways have gotten worse and he even "blacked out"& verbally attacked her. With that said; his problem is yet to be resolved. 😒
Its good that the therapist realised he was just gaslighting you and didnt diagnose you with anything which could've ruined your life. Its insidious
I'll tell you how I got out as soon as it happens, I have watched videos all day on the subject because my emotionally abusive husband became physically violent and assaulted me three days ago. Then he went to his hunting lease for a day to load feeders and came home and asked me if I was feeling any better. Then he went to work, which is on the road and he will be gone until the weekend as is his usual. I guess I should be really grateful that I will be able to leave without interference from him as he will be gone, but I am disabled and no longer have my own income, so this is going to be a very rough ride. We were married twenty years this July 5th. I will have to leave my home, because staying is too risky, he is not going to get in a better mood when he realizes what is happening that's for sure. I have been isolated for so long that I have no friends and I absolutely cannot burden my elderly mother who is caring for a severely disabled son already. My younger sister lives with my husband and I and I haven't got a single clue as to HOW to manage any of this. I'm absolutely terrified. I only know that I must do something. I wish I had seen the signs much earlier, before it ramped up little by little, before I became disabled with fibromyalgia, before allowing my sister to move in an e become a co victim with me, before I could no longer work and earn my own income...not seeing the signs and thinking that it's all been my fault has cost me dearly and I am now about to lose everything except hopefully my life and my own self worth. I am intelligent but I have been so very unwise. God help me. Thank you kindly for your video, it made me see the light.
M Coyote You can always build again! It’s 2018, you can work online. Go to a domestic violence shelter for women. I wish you the best. Be well. ❤️
How are you now? Good I pray.
I hope you got out of there, you and your sister and everything is working out. I wish you the best.
Please tell me you got out and you are safe?
I am a man and a father that goes through this daily for 14 years it makes you question everything abput yourself as if you are the problem. You are not alone, and I hope you did get out.
that moment a RUclips video described your mother
Right?
Same.
It took 15 years, but I was finally able to divorce the abuser and have put her out of my life for now 10 years
The BEST way to combat gaslighting is by performing a passive-aggressive counter.
1. Tell the gaslighter a lie that is to YOUR benefit.
2. When you are telling them the lie you need to use the SAME EXACT tone, intensity and delivery that they use when they are gaslighting you.
3. If the gaslighter tries to call you out on your bullshit, again, deny it with the SAME EXACT tone, intensity and delivery that they use when you tried to call them out on their bullshit.
4. It's a passive-aggressive way of saying "I'm giving you a taste of your own medicine". The gaslighter's reaction will be priceless.
5. It feels so good and it's the only time in your life where LOOKING AT SOMEONE IN THE EYE AND TELLING THEM A LIE FEELS SO RIGHT.
Sounds exhausting life to short for head games I would just leave
fuck, this made me all teary. I was totally in an abusive relationship with a psychopath with OCD and who was obsessed with my teenage years, making me believe I was a slut all along. He was always saying he wanted to be a teenager again and his situation was sad but he was so cruel to me. One day I couldn't take it anymore and broke up with him for good. 2 months later he killed himself and I feel bad because not having him in my life at all makes me feel so relieved and peaceful, I mean all our friends in common are sad and shocked but I feel fantastic...
LiLGWaez No, it doesn't.
I was in anabusive marriage with a narcissist for 27 years and no her thoughts don't make her a psychopath! It makes her human! I can't tell you how many times I fantasized about my husband just not ever coming home, whether by death or just leaving and then felt guilty but longed for it as well. I finally left him. It was the hardest thing I've ever done but I'm so glad I did!
+LiLGWaez no. most people were cheering like psychos when Osama bin laden got shot. because he was a dangerous man who kept them in fear. I wasn't cheering. I'm someone who is just really saddened by things like fighting and people not being able to get along. I'm just saying, do you really wanna call the majority of people psychopaths? I'm not sure that's a good route to take.
Like Teal Swan says in one of her video's: 'when a relationship is still going but practically over, it's easier to wish someone dead or for him/her to have a major accident, than to end the relationship. And nearly everyone does it'
A teen dating an older man, him not getting caught or arrested, he kills himself after she gets the courage to dump him, and the she feels relief. Sounds like a movie plot. Where were her parents? Seems like a fishy story.