At age 67, I have seen so much unkindness. The older I get the more disrespect I experience. I live alone and like it that way. I have a couple of loved ones that I enjoy spending time with. When I go out it’s to go stock up on food and supplies and that is all the enter action I need. I set my life up on purpose to protect my mental health
I too have set myself up just as you have only at 50. I have my hb of 27yrs & 19yo son who’s in college. I had to let toxic family go to save myself. No contact since 2013 & I am ok with that. Would you invite a toxic dump truck full of waste inside your home? Nope…. Bye
That's exactly how my life is. I sometimes wish that I had some sort of a companion in my old age (65) but I don't think I could cope with it, I'd be a nightmare!
@@Elder-Witch299 I agree… I am a prickly person to love. Lol I don’t make it easy to love me & Lord knows they love me just as I am. Sending you hugs & love
@janice sitzes241 5 yrs older, but anything in the 50s was dysfunctional. Mothers giving birth were sedated, w/chloroform, or nitrous oxide which would also affect the baby so both mother & baby were oblivious to the moment of birth. My family(every last one,soo about 50 ppl) were narcisissts. I haven’t felt whole, spiritually, emotionally, mentally my whole life. I’m judged all the time, & no one can look at themselves & see what I “see” in their soul !!!
You are LITERALLY DESCRIBING ME!!!! I have misanthropy. I have ZERO FRIENDS,NO BOYFRIEND, I’m literally in the parks everyday AVOIDING HUMANS as much as possible. When I do interact I get irritated and i usually get rude. I just find everyone boring and small talk is annoying to me. I’m glad I found this video.
I'm 56. Male. I don't mean anything to a single soul. I've tried so hard to connect with others. I wasn't wanted as a child and I don't know how to be a human being.
That part about losing your social skills was very validating. I used to be quite social and active in student associations until I got depressed and anxious and got isolated during lockdown and now I struggle with the most basic social interactions. I kept wondering what I did wrong for me to end up struggling this much socially right now, but knowing that it is from not having quality social interactions during lockdown helps me understand my struggles a lot more.
Yes it's strange how you can lose social skills isn't it? I've never been great socially to be fair ..never been average socially haha but becoming more withdrawn I probably went from a 3/10 socially to near a 1/10 - it's hard isn't it but I guess a lot of us need to spend less time online and more time in the real world 🌞
You nailed it in the first 90 seconds. I'm there, right now. I used to perform on stage as a singer, entertaining people. I was a "local celebrity", so to speak. Now I don't feel like I can go outside until after most of the people have gone to sleep, because I feel like I'm inferior to everyone "out there". And I sleep as much as possible so I can dream that I'm still... me. And I have no one to talk to, or relate to, and no one to help me navigate back to normality.
I’ve been there in one way or another. Give yourself a chance to be with people. For me it was little by little, it was family gatherings that weren’t so bad or going out for groceries and errands so I had a purpose. Ran into old schoolmates, one thing led to another. Still not as social as I used to be or could’ve been but there’s a saying “i concede to the mathematicians that one plus one equals two but the difference the addition of one friend from none is but a thousand” Whatever you’ve been through, you’re still you
@TheSteveBoyd I totally get it. I even walk my dog at night. But, from your last sentence, it sounds like there is a small spark still in you that actually wants to get back to being in society again. Maybe not back to where you were...the place that made you withdraw in the first place., but where you would like to be. Small steps is all I can suggest. Much love and many blessings to you Steve.
I don’t know, I enjoy being in my own world more. It’s feels so shallow and lonely pretending to fit in and be “normal.” The only thing that keeps me connected is my job and having to pay bills. During the pandemic I didn’t struggle because I was being paid to stay home. It was great! Now I’m forced to go back out there and people just suck. I have had to create imaginary people and environments that make me feel safe.
You're too young my friend. As you age, its gonna hurt terribly being alone. Get out of that neighborhood. Find like-minded people. What ever you have to do... Church, sports, libraries, hiking, support groups, whatever...
@starminoui like you I prefer being in my own world, have no desire to participate in society. Yet here we both are watching a video about being isolated. I think our instincts are trying to tell us something
I can relate to your post. Whwn I moved from the east coast to west coast for work i became a different person with a small family and limited contacts. I'm not one for big gatherings and socially inept in various settings. This is me and I'm a valuable member if society but very different than a normal full lifestyle interacting with tons of ppl. Not the case at all. I understand it can be better wirh fewer ppl in life
Ugh! I'm 53 years old. At 21, I suffered a TBI. Had to learn how to walk, talk and eat with a fork all over again. Took years before I could read an entire page in reasonable time and understand it. I felt like I was a million miles away. Reacclimating socially was extremely difficult.
Agoraphobia put me in a position where at one point I went almost 6 months without any human interaction. It was the only time in my life that I can truly say my mental health was the best it has ever been. When people started coming around everything went to hell. I do my very best to avoid people. When I see people coming my way, I turn and run, not walk to a place where I can find no people. Going to dr appointments is the only time I leave the house and it takes me a week to get over it. I have by the way been this way since I was a little kid. So, I do believe at this point, I was born a hermit, lol. Trying to fake being a people person just burned up my nerves .
I think you do enjoy people a little bit. That's why you write comments on videos. It is safe to connect with others, just a little bit, online. That's why I wanted to make sure that somebody responded to you, so I did! I am glad, though, that you found the balance and peace that works for you.
Keep doing what feels food for you. I feel the same, ever since I was a kid and exposure therapy makes everything worse for me. Feels like society don’t allow these type of people to exist in peace. Yes I am autistic and have PTSD BUT if it doesn’t feel good it wont feel right and being alone is heaven. Online communication is more than enough for many 😊
@@crybabychrononaut hah nobody ever thought that about me before 😆 I try to use humor a lot as a coping mechanism and it apparently helps others too 😄 Don’t know about sexy though 😅 You done with people too? Wish I could live in a bunker one day 🥹
I didn’t think anyone else struggled like I do with this. I often vacate for months on end, and people take it as abandonment. It’s not, really. It’s just that I can’t deal with my depression and it would be obvious to anyone who might be around me. To hide it, I stop socializing.
That is also very like me buddy, it feels like a burden you don’t want to give people and by that people think he or she is arrogant and selfish. Which can be true for me but not entirely. I hope you find something to hold onto and feel happiness and joy that you felt when you were younger or the times that you remember as the “best” times of your life :).
Sometimes it is the world or the majority that pushed you to this point not you but for some it can be... Some people can be so biligerant or cruel to mentally torture others to the state of hating and distrusting the world. Worse they feel pleasure from such acts if not it could be your own anxieties and self assumptions/mental health/trust issues.
I needed to hear this, and I needed to hear it right now. This may be the only thing I hear at all. Everything is just annoying to me this week. It just feels like there's no exit or escape. Trying to use coping seems to make it worse. Hearing this made me feel like somebody...someone...heard me, and for some reason that...was enough.
@@CamStubbs Well we can try I suppose, but "nature" for want of a better word, tends to kick us out from our comfortable position after a v-e-r-y long time! 😄
20 year old with the social skills of a 10 year old... spot on mate... 23 and I have zero idea how to hold conversations anymore because of isolation from autism and family abuse. Every conversation feels like a hostage negotiation where everything goes wrong if I don't say the perfect thing. Never even held a job longer than a year. Every failure feels like somethings inherently wrong with me that needs to be removed. Have a job at a resort in November but I'll probably get kicked out of housing for being so inept.
Well, you can comment like an adult so the communication skills are there. You just need more practice to get comfortable. That’s probably 90% of the work done. You must’ve had a really terrible time with your family if you describe all convos as feeling like a hostage situation. It’s always heartbreaking to hear that happen to kids. Either way, if you’re here now, I like to think that means you’ll somehow overcome that bad that was done to you in your part the world. It’s a thought. I’m glad you’re trying to help yourself by watching this video. Just know, when you go out there in the real world, there are people like me and those who watch things like this who are internally ‘spiritually’ rooting for you
@@ABB14-11 thank you. you’re right, the skills are there it’s just getting it out of my mouth. thought on it all today and i think I don’t even end up trying to fully word my thoughts because I genuinely don’t see my own opinion as worth verbalizing to others. I’ll be rooting for you too mate
i agree... sylvia plath compared it to being stuck inside a *bell jar* (hence the name of her novel about depression), like you are cut off from the world and not participating in it. i don't feel human LOL i feel like an alien stuck on the wrong planet. i feel a lot of empathy but i can't connect to people.
I don't think anyone knows what it feels to be human. We grew out of that feeling millennia ago. You probably can connect, it's just awkward when you don't drink the same punch that intoxicates everyone else.
I'm only a few minutes into the video, but had to stop it cause i wanted to say Thank You for saying that we need to be connected to the world. You described so well what i couldn't put into words when describing isolation, and how it gets more depressing because our negativity it's all we hear. This is so true. We are meant to have human connection, it's so important for our overall health.
Wooow. I'm hearing (with precision) my own journey of depression, self-isolation, self-alienation and reconciliation with the mainstream world at large. Thank you for articulating your experience with such clarity in this video. It's an exceedingly rare encounter for me our type. I am blown-away by our similarities. Furthermore, i wholeheartedly agree with your conclusion that it is necessary to learn (at least to a workable degree) a portion of 'normal' mainstream topics neurotypical people are into - just so we don't become trapped in our own isolation. 😌
Thank you so much for this video. I live in USA 15 years. I’m Russian by the way. Come here for marriage. Husband passed away 5 years ago. I feel exactly the same !!!! I thought it’s a different mentality or different culture. I used to be around people who more open minded and friendly. Here 100 times I tried to find friends , try to be nice but always rejected and I don’t understand why. So I blame difference between culture. I distance from people and don’t wanna interacted with them anymore coz it hurted me. So your video really help to understand that I’m not alone in these feelings ! Thank you❤
Yes it did it's such a big help I'm 76 and very rarely get out of the house Don't have a sidewalk to go on walk live and rural area so don't have much contact with anyone in person this causes severe panic attacks when one of my children do ask me to leave but I force myself to get out when they do God bless you for helping us all so much❤
im not ready to "rejoin" the world yet. i dont think i was ever let in, and im not sure if it is worth joining a world that is cruel enough to exclude people... just want to say thanks for this channel. your videos are what kept me alive these past weeks. i wish i could say everything is okay and ive recovered but i still have passive SI and chronic headaches. every day is just more physical and emotional pain, and i am so tired.
Thank you - your openness & honesty about your own experience with this is so helpful - when this does happen for you, you obviously have no other perspective but your own, usually quite self-denigrating, one. This has become more of a struggle since physical health joined forces with my mental health & other than on here & my GP, I haven't spoken to or seen anyone for ~6 months & don't have any meaningful social connections. Although solitary by nature, I agree we all need some form of meaningful connection / interaction, as social beings, & I've witnessed my mental health continue to deteriorate as a result. Being currently stuck in a downward spiral of despair, hopelessness, extremely negative self-talk, & a world-view that is only becoming even more negative, this couldn't have been more timely. You are so appreciated.
Dr. Scott Eilers thanks for making videos that are actually relevant in life Seriously there's none of very few videos about these specific topics you make Thank you!
Decent advice for those of you that want to be a part of this world. I would love to take the hermit option if I wasn’t tied to a wife and kids. I don’t want anything to do with the world. Which is probably why I so desperately want to leave it. I wish someone would tell me it is ok to go.
I tried all my life to get into sports, pop culture, etc. and honestly it just doesn't work. How much of my time do I have to spend each day memorizing what player got drafted to what team this year to have his 15 minutes of fame? How much time do I need to keep up with the Kardashians or all of the other boring news? They're fixing the stop sign at first and main, some celebrity slapped another celebrity, etc. I used to feel so embarassed and now I dont care anymore, I follow my own genuine interests. And the connection? What kind of quality of connection is it going to be talking dispassionately about how Justin Bieber threw an egg at his neighbor's house? You can keep that kind of connection, thank you very much.
Feel you, people my country don't talk about sports that much so it's fine, the pop culture hits hard, had a hard time forced my self to fellow stuff I'm not interested, give up at the end.🫠
What an amazing title, you are right it’s under discussed! I went through failures, then over a decade of depression and difficulties. This past 1.5 years I was back in school in a very public way. After over a decade of isolation. Every single day I felt SO WEIRD. I love people, and on one hand I felt happy to finally talk to anyone. However, I forgot how to be like that! I had missed a decade worth of social cultural norms and taking points. I felt like an alien visiting earth. In the future, I hope to be reentering society bit by bit- but I am nervous of how to do so gracefully. Thanks for this video!
I’ve had multiple MH episodes in my life with a pretty good phase that began to wane 8 years ago. I spiraled into severe crisis and have spent the last three years rebuilding my equilibrium. It hasn’t been easy but I have a great deal of resilience. I’d say my recovery seems miraculous but that would undermine the fact that I sought the professional help I needed.
I am 50 years old & live in India, which has 1.4 billion people, yet i find myself alone, my 18 year old marriage ended 6 years ago & I work from home for the last 17 years. I do feel lonely at times, i spend hours on social media, I walk in parks for an hour, do yoga, travel, and meet one or two friends on weekends, don't really enjoy, but i meet them and trying my best to remain connected. I liked your video. Let's hope God helps us all 🙏
The problem is that people cannot be trusted. They will tell you they care and that they accept you and don't judge but that all too soon is revealed as a lie. Society is sick and abusive and deserves no trust, no investment of time. People around us are toxic and make our life a living hell. I absolutely hate this society because it pretends to be compassionate and accepting but is really hateful and cruel and condemns everyone in it for something or other the minute they are inconvenienced or disagreed with.
the state of the worlds system is enough to cause people to feel disconnected. Maybe the people who've become disconnected might very well be the ones who's most sane
This past year, I’ve realized I’m actually autistic. After a lot of research on autism, i realized it explains all the things about me. (I’m 60. ) It was a relief to know this. I am just different…and That’s OK. Now, I am able to give myself grace. Now, I’m learning how to accommodate myself, and that it’s OK to accommodate myself.
i have self isolated now for almost 2 years...i never leave my house, only if i need to get medication or see a dr. i barely get out of bed every day. everything is just too much to deal with....im seeing a psychiatrist next week as a first move towards change.
As always, I so appreciate you! Sometimes I use your videos to help ground myself because I resonate with your content, and feel like for the duration of the video “I might belong”.
I am actually quite comfortable with people I already know even though I still analyze every possible move I make or word I speak to stay relateble. When it comes to new people I completely freeze and loose my voice 😂💕✨
I have to go out every once in a while just reassure myself I still exist. But I don't crave company. At least once a day I think how wonderful it is that nobody's here (home) and I'm not expecting anyone.
You posted this at the exact time I needed it! I've been dealing with severe depression and social anxiety for a while now and I've slowly been getting better and I'm starting my first job ever in a few weeks and I'm absolutely terrified. I've been so out of touch with society and feel like an alien that's just arrived to earth trying to get a hang of everything. Thank you for all your advice Dr. Scott 💙
@@avy466 being in nature is so therapeutic, sounds like you're doing great, try not to beat yourself up if you have a wobble, healing isn't linear 💖 (hope that doesn't over-step)
Way to call me out 😄 I'm 46, single, unemployed, and I've been falling deeper into my own mind's pit of despair. I've done so much work to get through the things I had to go through...now it's almost like I don't know how to function outside of trauma and chaos. I'm so grateful that I found your channel, and grateful that you're sharing your knowledge. Sometimes even just reading the comments from others helps me understand that I'm not alone in the way I feel. The world went through a major paradigm shift since 2020. More often than not, it's not a friendly place to be, especially for us folks who experience our emotions on a different frequency. Each and every one of us matters. On a molecular level, the world is different, changed by us. We're limited, I think, by our human comprehension and definitions; we long for something tangible to measure our legacy with, when it's not even necessary. I wish everyone here loving kindness ❤ it's hard sometimes, if not most of the time, but you're doing great. Illegitimi non carborundum.😊
I learned a long time ago that I don't fit into mainstream society, I can't, and I never will. Trying to connect "just enough" to "feel some connection" usually doesn't work for me. We usually end up talking about some least common denominator subject like the weather, recipes or sports or something equally banal, and they usually hijack the conversation and dominate it so I'm just being "talked at." I can't handle this. The only option for me was to find people with whom I can share an interest or two with and stop wasting my time to try to conform to what society wants. It has not been easy, but I have succeeded. But, being an HSP/empath has made dealing with people even more challenging. Being able to pick up quickly on the subtle cues that everyone gives out (body English, words said/not said) and getting a "read" on people is oftentimes very disappointing. In stressful times I just have to isolate myself from others to avoid adding any feelings that I pick up from others.
Thing is, I was really trying to make some progress socially; from just saying “hi” to passers by whenever I left the house, to looking up social events online. Then the Lockdown hit. Which, after a couple years, the restrictions loosened up, right? But then my mother passed away. Then I got into a major argument with my daughter. We’re now speaking again, but it feels like I’ve lost most of the progress I thought I was making. My doctor found a therapist for me, I’ll see how it goes. Thanks for these videos
Anti-crombie now means to be against exploitation of people, especially of men. I’d like to hear you talk more about social skills and practicing social skills.
First time I've heard someone describe exactly how I feel, especially about not wanting to reconnect. 62 now and have always felt like I don't fit in to this world. Had to do it through my working years, now thankfully managed to retire and I'm becoming more and more isolated, just can't relate to people at all, not even friends. I'm happy on my own most of the time, if I do try to connect it just doesn't work, so I'm starting to give up trying. Will check out some of your other videos. Thanx for this
my status in the world has been made crystal clear to me throughout my life, i am not entitled to the love, respect, or empathy that everyone else is and i am not supposed to be here. my parents were worthless drug addicted hippies, the only reason my mom didn’t abort me was to stay on welfare. connecting to the world isn’t worth the effort, i don’t want people’s pity and i refuse to tolerate anymore abuse.
I wonder if or when I'll be doing something about this loneliness/ self-isolation that I'm experiencing. I know that I need do something, I kinda do want to do something. But at the same time I'm apathetic about too many things. It's a mess. I want to build friendships but how if I don't really want to listen to someone/ don't really care what they are talking about/ don't really even know what I care about myself... I know I'm too hard on myself and I'm talking myself down too much. I'm making progress in general, but I'm still subjectively feel the same as I have before. :/
I really enjoyed it when the whole world joined my world! The fear, anxiety, and depression during Covid. They got to experience my life which I have been living for decades by myself.
I've been watching a lot of your videos recently. And just bought your book right now. I'm a 44 year old autistic person (With potentially inattentive ADHD), depression, anxiety, constant migraines, facial pain, brain fog, coeliac disease and atrophied muscles. I self isolated 14 years ago after getting my diagnosis at age 31 for autism. But that wasn't why I issolated. It was because I had been physically assaulted by a complete stranger AGAIN for like the 10th time in my life. Before that I had my diagnosis so I took my doctors advice to get out more and try things... it didn't go well when a random stranger decided they could lay hands on me for fun. And that was teh last proverbial straw for me. I was so done with everything. Life, people, hope, even self respect. At that point in time my life essentially ended, I shut myself away and every day hoped to die. Of course it wasn't just that event that triggered it. It was all the negative experiences before that that added up to it. Not being able to hold down a job, people misunderstanding me constantly and creating needless drama or conflict. My own mouth getting me into trouble as in a desperate attempt to fit in I would say things before thinking. I dropped out of university studying a subject I loved because I went undiagnosed and had no support so couldn't cope. And these are just some of the negative experiences I've gone through which to be honest is fairly typical of an autistic persons life. Though there are much more. I now live in social housing, with social security and disability to keep my head just a tad above water. Not enough to live a life but just barely enough income that the torment of barely existing continues. After the pandemic, the passing of family members, the loss of the family home (Because my brothers decided to sell it out from under myself and my parents) and the scary changes in my body as I age... I decided it was time to try life again. Because what I could see in front of me in the future was either suicide or death from homelessness. I want to try going back to university both as a way of getting myself out of poverty (Despite the fact I'd be 50 years old once I finish a degree) but its also a way of relearning how to socialise, ease my anxiety and as a stepping stone, hopefully, into a work place I can cope with. I don't want to live how I am now. It feels like my autism and other issues have stolen the first half of my life from me and I'm incredibly bitter, despairing, angry and in grief for my lost time. I've been struggling to get help with going back to university the past couple of months. Just trying to get a straight answer as to whether I can get the tution fees waived or if there is alternate funding aside from loans is like trying to pull teeth from a stone. I don't know what I'm doing or what I can do. I'm just taking it one step at a time and see where it goes. Though I do wish there was more help for autistic or disabled adults wanting to improve their lives by going back to further education. But it feels like society has just thrown us away. We're left to survive as best we can, not only against our own health issues but against the callousness of society and government. What do we do?
I’ve wrestled with what I should be. Should I talk a lot and share opinions or be quiet? Should I strive, be motivated, reach for more, or be content and just maintain? Should I be tough or soft/kind? Should I be stressed or not care? Etc. I often joke that I could live in the forest. But I’m not sure I actually could. Should I hate everything or be accepting?
you should do what you want to do and be what you want to be. Don't waste time putting effort into doing the things the very fibre of your being is fighting against. "what I should be" you're already it. You're you.
Of all the half-dozen or so therapists I've tried over my 75 years, and even after becoming a counselor myself, you are the only one to describe what I think and feel or anything like it. I love ❤ your book.
Feeel like looking at a mirror. This info needs to be open like you practice. I think, so many felt it. But for me, as a teen, young adult, 100% your words. Thank you so much
I have lived alone since my mother left when I was 15. I have no close connection to anyone. I am almost 60 still live alone and I’m pretty happy. Sort of I mean I have great dogs. There’s no way I’d rejoin the world now I do volunteer and that gives me a way to lightly socialize. I have been volunteering since I was 20 and I recommend it to everyone. I can see no benefit at all to joining society. I find people negative hateful, rude and selfish. I’m sure that’s not everyone, but it’s a huge portion of the population. I don’t have the energy to sift through that.
Thanks Dr. Ellers..! I had a similar experience growing up.. not knowing where I fit in society; I had a severe inferiority complex and became a bit of a contrarian. I’m just now learning, in my forties that, I’d have to “fake it as I make it, socially as well “. I started with small surface level conversations with the folks at Starbucks, and at the gym. I “faked” being upbeat with the cashiers at the grocery store… and I felt so disengenuous, but it works. I no longer feel like as much of an outsider, and I’m learning more how to balance the time I spend in the world, with the time I spend in my own world… Thanks again!!
i currently live in a communal setting. After 3 weeks from moving in, i can't wait to leave for solitary accommodation. When the peeps you encounter are more hassle than they're worth just to talk to, then living with peeps like that is highly irritating. The solution seems to be a solitary life; i have lived like it before, and oh boy, was it paradise by comparison.
The creation of the soundtrack to go along with your life sounds like something I have done all my life, and to hear you say that brings me so much comfort in knowing that I am not the only one. I'm sure many others have done this as well. It certainly does numb me from the reality of things that are going on around me (but yeah, I can see how this can be a problem).
Wow! That Bubble thing.... And the Playlist.... For years & years I could have this Bubble and exclude the rest- watching others outside behaving "normally " and wishing I knew how to do that. And the music 🎶. All the time a situation or words can trigger a song which will be the soundtrack to whatever I experience. I thought I was the only one. Now I have a guideline. Thank you for this message.
Thank you for this video. I am working on connecting and integrating myself back into the world. Although I’m still untrusting of ppl due to trauma. And honestly I don’t crave a lot of attention or constant human interaction. Regardless I know it’s not healthy to 100% disconnect from other people.
I tried getting out and bond with people and got more trauma from the judgement from relatives and random people on street. Im being a minority and also neurodivergent here. So to people around me i could be very different. Getting out again with people and their judgey eyes.. kind of scares me. Especially when the socio-politics are active whenever i try to be decent human. Sometimes i just wanna.. give a middle finger to the world. What you talked about.. resonate to some degreee. A part of me felt you wont understand me. Being an undiagnosed Chinese person in a muslim majority country. This misunderstood part of me even "hate" you for that. Giving generic advice like go out more. It's such a deep spiral, hard to get out of. At times. I am convinced no one would get me in the world.
This is great to watch thank you for sharing. I've had very similar experience and it's always when I get social again that I feel more connected to the 'world'. I agree with you fully it can appear very hard to reintegrate oneself with other human beings, but it's worth it (with healthy boundaries, no people pleasing). It's a beautiful world, filled with kind generous people 😊
What if you don't want to reconnect with a hateful and violent world. This is a core belief that has been triggered many time over the past several years. However I love the nature but my body doesn't always cooperate because of my MS.
I've been trying to get out of my head since I was traumatized a year ago, because there's nothing in there but ruminating about the abusive relationship with the squatters in my house. I don't feel safe in my house, and I feel even less comfortable hiding inside my head. The ruminating even wakes me up in the middle of the night and fills me with anxiety. So your thoughts about reconnecting with the world gave me practical tools I can try to break free from the crippling dystopia in my head. Thank you. I appreciate your depth of understanding about living with chronic depression, especially this video's content on its negative affects on social involvement..
This is a really interesting one for me. I have schizoid personality disorder but I've come to the conclusion through similar logic that I need to make an effort to connect with the world or I'll always be depressed. I don't quite have the same motivations or anxieties as you for being different and disconnected, but the results are rather similar the more I've withdrawn. At one point I think it also exacerbated my experiences of derealisation and depersonalisation. Now though, with the help of my new puppy, and an attempt at my own take on sensory therapy, I've finally started getting back into the world and yeah, I think I'm _finally_ seeing improvements? I still don't feel all that connected coz I can talk to people so easily without really feeling much, but I do think there's something at a subconscious level that's changing for me because I've noticed I'm starting to cope a lot better again. Early days still but cross fingers. Also Fear Factory has some good stuff haha... but eh have you listened to Sirus? 😁
That`s me. i am an introvert. i do have social skills. But I don`t like to be around too many people. We do need to practice our social skills, and interact with others, for we are all social animals.
You just described the biggest constant in my life, I didn't think I would find someone who experienced it in the same way, this is so helpful, thank you so much Dr. Scott
What if people feel a deep connection with you but you feel no connection? I'm good at socializing I find lots of things interesting. I can keep conversations going but it doesn't mean much at the end of the day. I can have conversations with the same person for years and never no there name or want too.
Are you engaging with them as your true self or are you wearing a mask? They might be connecting with the mask, and you don't feel connected because you know it's just the mask that they like, not the real you.
Thank you Dr Scott for sharing your experiences and troubles and strategies to overcome some. You are very relateable. I learnt a few things about myself from your video thanks. When I was growing up I was teased because one of my parents was an immigrant and I didn't look like the typical blond haired, blue eyed Aussies. I always felt rejected even though I had friends that were probably other "rejects". In hindsight those people were just ignorant, arrogant and racists and even though I'm FB friends with many from my school era from a country town, I still remember how I felt by the name calling. They were prejudiced against indigenous people too so I often made friends with them too. It was cruel. I see their lack of growth in their racist posts up until this day and I'm now in my 60's. Even though I was born in Australia to one Australian parent with English decent and a European father, because of my European looks I always felt I didn't belong here.
Thanks Dr Scott. One thing that can be rough is venturing out. and basically proving your own rhetoric, (re people danger).. to be true..or atleast, clocking up more examples of people behaving poorly. Choose your times, venues and especially people carefully for your one trip out of the house! haha ps dogs and cats are excellent people
most of humanity operates at a lower level of consciousness, although I've never felt like I belong I've also never felt like I was less than these lower consciousness beings bc logically that makes no sense. I'm not broken, I'm here to fix a broken world.
Most 'broken people' suffers from grief 'loss of love ones will break anyone, IMHO esp when your spouse passes like mine did at 50 with cancer in 3 months - how can one fix that ? .. I was onboard with frequency etc ...even after my dad and my grandma passed, brother had a stroke in a nursing home his wife passed also ..then she passed :(... happens with divorce also, but that can be healed - being prepared for great loss 'which you can't' is the next level mentality to overcome IMHO
@@beatleme2 sorry for your losses. the way I've come to see grief is that it's a challenge to find within yourself the love that you're used to associating with others, that you believed you needed to receive externally.
This is exactly where I am right now and have been for the last few years, but has worsened over the last several months. Disengaged and not sure I even want to engage or rejoin the world. But you nailed it when you said all the input is internal and the internal world is not a pleasant place. It is indeed a very harsh environment. Yet for some reason it feels more comfortable than the harsh external world (or at least as I perceive it.)
I have a question, I'm probably in the final stages of dealing with my psychological issues and as Dr. Scott said, maintenance is the hardest part of the process, so I have a question. I have a couple of scary moments in my past that traumatized my childhood psyche, and as a lesser adult I couldn't get over what I saw and started to lose myself as a result of the constant distress the childhood traumas manifested and intensified. At first I tried to change my attitude to some things, gave myself excuses, but it only got worse and as Peterson said at some point you start to distrust the very concept of the world picture and remain absolutely defenseless against the reality you wanted to escape from, I learned to live with it and realize that reality is my strongest defense and when I completely burned myself with misunderstanding, fear, doubt and denial, between flying from the 20th floor and trying to find my true self I decided to choose the second. It was more painful than I thought but in the end it wasn't so scary, I was able to start living and doing some basic things. Fear is a basic body reaction that keeps you from going back to that place where there was something unresolved/misunderstood , I was able to overcome that and was able to figure out what was wrong with me and why I was having this or that reaction. But what I saw was so contrary to my basic, limbic brain structure that every time I get caught up in some impulsive thought based on what I've seen and which I'd rather not remember at a particular place in my past I get a terrifying amount of stress. Just letting the thoughts float is not an option because I can't help but cringe at it, but every second of the day I can't control what I think. Ch realizes that it didn't happen and I thought it up but it still shocks me. So what should I do: dissolve that particular picture of my past in the present or keep everything under control every time to avoid making mistakes or minimize the mistakes
Nvm i got it, the less you try to controle it the better it is, the main thing is not to show the brain that you are afraid of your thoughts, not to give them an emotional coloring, but this only works when you know who you are and accept that such things exist in the world and that they do not apply to you, still see those disgusting pictures in my head but i guess ill can handle it
I spent the entire weekend in the house in between jobs and anxious about waiting to hear results of three interviews. The anxiety and contemplation was not productive. I’m going to break that right now by taking a really long walk outside. Generally, squirrels, birds, fresh air, and sun are “safe”…
That part about the withdrawal from the good and bad really got to me. Tbh this might be one of the reasons or causes behind why I abandoned my healthier lifestyle because eventually it got harder to keep the positivity up (especially when the things around me were getting worse). Even when things were better I still didn't register the positive feelings of it and honestly it feels like sometimes I have to make a bigger effort to feel positive vs feeling negative in life. Although it's still a struggle I appreciate seeing professionals like yourself make the effort to try and help us see how we can help ourselves or get the help we need to still live with this despite how difficult it gets.
Do you take antidepressants doctor? I have tried lots and now they are suggesting Agomelatine. I am scared of feeling worse but know that I need something.
At age 67, I have seen so much unkindness. The older I get the more disrespect I experience. I live alone and like it that way. I have a couple of loved ones that I enjoy spending time with. When I go out it’s to go stock up on food and supplies and that is all the enter action I need. I set my life up on purpose to protect my mental health
I wish that for myself... ❤
I too have set myself up just as you have only at 50.
I have my hb of 27yrs & 19yo son who’s in college.
I had to let toxic family go to save myself.
No contact since 2013 & I am ok with that.
Would you invite a toxic dump truck full of waste inside your home?
Nope….
Bye
That's exactly how my life is. I sometimes wish that I had some sort of a companion in my old age (65) but I don't think I could cope with it, I'd be a nightmare!
@@Elder-Witch299 I agree…
I am a prickly person to love.
Lol
I don’t make it easy to love me & Lord knows they love me just as I am.
Sending you hugs & love
@janice sitzes241
5 yrs older, but anything in the 50s was dysfunctional. Mothers giving birth were sedated, w/chloroform, or nitrous oxide which would also affect the baby so both mother & baby were oblivious to the moment of birth. My family(every last one,soo about 50 ppl) were narcisissts. I haven’t felt whole, spiritually, emotionally, mentally my whole life. I’m judged all the time, & no one can look at themselves & see what I “see” in their soul !!!
I always feel a huge sense of alienation around holidays. Christmas beign the worst.
christmas is so so hard. hope you get through it ok
Not that this makes it better for you, but a lot of people do. Take extra care of yourself during that time ❤
You’re not alone there…
I realy don't like the festive season.
I start my holiday blues cycle after Halloween 😣
I thought I am going towards enlightenment but actually I am shutting down myself completely
That can be a part of enlightenment, a very difficult and important part at that. You've got this ❤
I think I can relate to that but, feels also arrogant at the same time but maybe not....yeah....
Hopefully it's a phase. I shut myself off at times just to process what's going on, then move out again from my shell.
You are LITERALLY DESCRIBING ME!!!! I have misanthropy. I have ZERO FRIENDS,NO BOYFRIEND, I’m literally in the parks everyday AVOIDING HUMANS as much as possible. When I do interact I get irritated and i usually get rude. I just find everyone boring and small talk is annoying to me. I’m glad I found this video.
Boy, I feel the same!
Same. After a lot of research, I’ve realized I’m very likely autistic. It explains everything in my life. I’m more OK with myself, now.
I'm 56. Male. I don't mean anything to a single soul. I've tried so hard to connect with others. I wasn't wanted as a child and I don't know how to be a human being.
24 y.o. and I feel the same way. Keep your head up, you're gonna be fine ❤
I feel that.. 😢
@ Don’t give up on yourself, friend. I pray that things get better for you soon 🙏
Helping others can help u connect ❤
www.youtube.com/@TimFletcher
That part about losing your social skills was very validating. I used to be quite social and active in student associations until I got depressed and anxious and got isolated during lockdown and now I struggle with the most basic social interactions. I kept wondering what I did wrong for me to end up struggling this much socially right now, but knowing that it is from not having quality social interactions during lockdown helps me understand my struggles a lot more.
Yes it's strange how you can lose social skills isn't it? I've never been great socially to be fair ..never been average socially haha but becoming more withdrawn I probably went from a 3/10 socially to near a 1/10 - it's hard isn't it but I guess a lot of us need to spend less time online and more time in the real world 🌞
yea I'm fucked
@@soralino You're not fucked, you're just out of practice like me. I'm sure that if we try and practice with someone safe, we can improve again
This was planned.
Fight!
@@michaelgarrow3239 what was planned COVID ya mean to make everyone even shitter socially lol
You nailed it in the first 90 seconds. I'm there, right now. I used to perform on stage as a singer, entertaining people. I was a "local celebrity", so to speak. Now I don't feel like I can go outside until after most of the people have gone to sleep, because I feel like I'm inferior to everyone "out there". And I sleep as much as possible so I can dream that I'm still... me. And I have no one to talk to, or relate to, and no one to help me navigate back to normality.
I’ve been there in one way or another. Give yourself a chance to be with people. For me it was little by little, it was family gatherings that weren’t so bad or going out for groceries and errands so I had a purpose. Ran into old schoolmates, one thing led to another. Still not as social as I used to be or could’ve been but there’s a saying “i concede to the mathematicians that one plus one equals two but the difference the addition of one friend from none is but a thousand”
Whatever you’ve been through, you’re still you
@@TheSteveBoyd for what it's worth, you're not alone that experience. You're not alone in your aloneness. I feel you.
@TheSteveBoyd I totally get it. I even walk my dog at night. But, from your last sentence, it sounds like there is a small spark still in you that actually wants to get back to being in society again. Maybe not back to where you were...the place that made you withdraw in the first place., but where you would like to be. Small steps is all I can suggest. Much love and many blessings to you Steve.
I'm surrounded by Trump fanatics, and other weird hateful people. Everyone I attempt socialization with reveals themselves to be unbearable.
@@Broken_robot1986 I’m the opposite and surrounded by hateful Harris lunatics. After being called fa$cist, h1tler and garbage, they can go to Gaza.
I don’t know, I enjoy being in my own world more. It’s feels so shallow and lonely pretending to fit in and be “normal.” The only thing that keeps me connected is my job and having to pay bills. During the pandemic I didn’t struggle because I was being paid to stay home. It was great! Now I’m forced to go back out there and people just suck. I have had to create imaginary people and environments that make me feel safe.
I stay away from people cse at my age men just take a sell drugs a any gd looking woman with a decent personality is taken
You're too young my friend. As you age, its gonna hurt terribly being alone. Get out of that neighborhood. Find like-minded people. What ever you have to do... Church, sports, libraries, hiking, support groups, whatever...
@SCORP1ONF1RE I won't get old once the mother's gne that's me gne
@starminoui like you I prefer being in my own world, have no desire to participate in society.
Yet here we both are watching a video about being isolated.
I think our instincts are trying to tell us something
I can relate to your post. Whwn I moved from the east coast to west coast for work i became a different person with a small family and limited contacts. I'm not one for big gatherings and socially inept in various settings. This is me and I'm a valuable member if society but very different than a normal full lifestyle interacting with tons of ppl. Not the case at all. I understand it can be better wirh fewer ppl in life
Ugh! I'm 53 years old. At 21, I suffered a TBI. Had to learn how to walk, talk and eat with a fork all over again. Took years before I could read an entire page in reasonable time and understand it.
I felt like I was a million miles away. Reacclimating socially was extremely difficult.
Hugs ❤❤
Agoraphobia put me in a position where at one point I went almost 6 months without any human interaction. It was the only time in my life that I can truly say my mental health was the best it has ever been. When people started coming around everything went to hell. I do my very best to avoid people. When I see people coming my way, I turn and run, not walk to a place where I can find no people. Going to dr appointments is the only time I leave the house and it takes me a week to get over it. I have by the way been this way since I was a little kid. So, I do believe at this point, I was born a hermit, lol. Trying to fake being a people person just burned up my nerves .
I think you do enjoy people a little bit. That's why you write comments on videos. It is safe to connect with others, just a little bit, online. That's why I wanted to make sure that somebody responded to you, so I did! I am glad, though, that you found the balance and peace that works for you.
Keep doing what feels food for you. I feel the same, ever since I was a kid and exposure therapy makes everything worse for me.
Feels like society don’t allow these type of people to exist in peace.
Yes I am autistic and have PTSD BUT if it doesn’t feel good it wont feel right and being alone is heaven.
Online communication is more than enough for many 😊
You sound cool. You have a good sense of humor. And that's pretty sexy. Maybe two hermits could fall in ❤?? 🤷
@@crybabychrononaut hah nobody ever thought that about me before 😆 I try to use humor a lot as a coping mechanism and it apparently helps others too 😄
Don’t know about sexy though 😅
You done with people too?
Wish I could live in a bunker one day 🥹
I didn’t think anyone else struggled like I do with this. I often vacate for months on end, and people take it as abandonment. It’s not, really. It’s just that I can’t deal with my depression and it would be obvious to anyone who might be around me. To hide it, I stop socializing.
Do you reach out for help?
@@emy9272 Help? Jack and Jim, so yes.
@@SinnerSince1962 I suffer my pain raw. No drink no drug no meds
That is also very like me buddy, it feels like a burden you don’t want to give people and by that people think he or she is arrogant and selfish.
Which can be true for me but not entirely.
I hope you find something to hold onto and feel happiness and joy that you felt when you were younger or the times that you remember as the “best” times of your life :).
Sometimes it is the world or the majority that pushed you to this point not you but for some it can be... Some people can be so biligerant or cruel to mentally torture others to the state of hating and distrusting the world. Worse they feel pleasure from such acts if not it could be your own anxieties and self assumptions/mental health/trust issues.
Absolutely agree with this
I needed to hear this, and I needed to hear it right now. This may be the only thing I hear at all. Everything is just annoying to me this week. It just feels like there's no exit or escape. Trying to use coping seems to make it worse. Hearing this made me feel like somebody...someone...heard me, and for some reason that...was enough.
Yes it's time. I can't stay disconnected forever. 🫣 Wishing everyone peace in mind and spirit as we go forward. Blessings! ❤️
Why is it time? Why cannot you stay disconnected forever? ... (climbs back under a rock)
@@CamStubbs well, we have a choice.
@@CamStubbs Well we can try I suppose, but "nature" for want of a better word, tends to kick us out from our comfortable position after a v-e-r-y long time! 😄
20 year old with the social skills of a 10 year old... spot on mate... 23 and I have zero idea how to hold conversations anymore because of isolation from autism and family abuse. Every conversation feels like a hostage negotiation where everything goes wrong if I don't say the perfect thing. Never even held a job longer than a year. Every failure feels like somethings inherently wrong with me that needs to be removed. Have a job at a resort in November but I'll probably get kicked out of housing for being so inept.
Well, you can comment like an adult so the communication skills are there. You just need more practice to get comfortable. That’s probably 90% of the work done. You must’ve had a really terrible time with your family if you describe all convos as feeling like a hostage situation. It’s always heartbreaking to hear that happen to kids. Either way, if you’re here now, I like to think that means you’ll somehow overcome that bad that was done to you in your part the world. It’s a thought. I’m glad you’re trying to help yourself by watching this video. Just know, when you go out there in the real world, there are people like me and those who watch things like this who are internally ‘spiritually’ rooting for you
Good luck with your job! I’m working a new job too!
@@ABB14-11 thank you. you’re right, the skills are there it’s just getting it out of my mouth. thought on it all today and i think I don’t even end up trying to fully word my thoughts because I genuinely don’t see my own opinion as worth verbalizing to others. I’ll be rooting for you too mate
i agree... sylvia plath compared it to being stuck inside a *bell jar* (hence the name of her novel about depression), like you are cut off from the world and not participating in it. i don't feel human LOL i feel like an alien stuck on the wrong planet. i feel a lot of empathy but i can't connect to people.
I don't think anyone knows what it feels to be human. We grew out of that feeling millennia ago. You probably can connect, it's just awkward when you don't drink the same punch that intoxicates everyone else.
I feel exactly the same.
I'm only a few minutes into the video, but had to stop it cause i wanted to say Thank You for saying that we need to be connected to the world. You described so well what i couldn't put into words when describing isolation, and how it gets more depressing because our negativity it's all we hear. This is so true. We are meant to have human connection, it's so important for our overall health.
"And all those moments will be lost in time... like tears...in rain....." RIP Rutger Hauer, Blade Runner is such a beautiful film.
My divorce experience left me feeling so emotionally devastated and it's been 10 years and I have just barely begun to heal. 🙏❤️🌴🌎💎🧬
Wooow.
I'm hearing (with precision) my own journey of depression, self-isolation, self-alienation and reconciliation with the mainstream world at large. Thank you for articulating your experience with such clarity in this video. It's an exceedingly rare encounter for me our type. I am blown-away by our similarities.
Furthermore, i wholeheartedly agree with your conclusion that it is necessary to learn (at least to a workable degree) a portion of 'normal' mainstream topics neurotypical people are into - just so we don't become trapped in our own isolation. 😌
Thank you so much for this video. I live in USA 15 years. I’m Russian by the way. Come here for marriage. Husband passed away 5 years ago. I feel exactly the same !!!! I thought it’s a different mentality or different culture. I used to be around people who more open minded and friendly. Here 100 times I tried to find friends , try to be nice but always rejected and I don’t understand why. So I blame difference between culture. I distance from people and don’t wanna interacted with them anymore coz it hurted me. So your video really help to understand that I’m not alone in these feelings ! Thank you❤
Yes it did it's such a big help I'm 76 and very rarely get out of the house Don't have a sidewalk to go on walk live and rural area so don't have much contact with anyone in person this causes severe panic attacks when one of my children do ask me to leave but I force myself to get out when they do God bless you for helping us all so much❤
Anti-anxiety meds dear. They work for my anxiety. ❤
It is remarkable and very motivating the complete U-turn you made in your life to be where you are now helping others.
I just realised that I look down and don't look directly at people when I'm out in public.
im not ready to "rejoin" the world yet. i dont think i was ever let in, and im not sure if it is worth joining a world that is cruel enough to exclude people...
just want to say thanks for this channel. your videos are what kept me alive these past weeks. i wish i could say everything is okay and ive recovered but i still have passive SI and chronic headaches. every day is just more physical and emotional pain, and i am so tired.
me too!!!
Thank you - your openness & honesty about your own experience with this is so helpful - when this does happen for you, you obviously have no other perspective but your own, usually quite self-denigrating, one. This has become more of a struggle since physical health joined forces with my mental health & other than on here & my GP, I haven't spoken to or seen anyone for ~6 months & don't have any meaningful social connections. Although solitary by nature, I agree we all need some form of meaningful connection / interaction, as social beings, & I've witnessed my mental health continue to deteriorate as a result. Being currently stuck in a downward spiral of despair, hopelessness, extremely negative self-talk, & a world-view that is only becoming even more negative, this couldn't have been more timely. You are so appreciated.
Thank you for sharing this 💛
Dr. Scott Eilers thanks for making videos that are actually relevant in life
Seriously there's none of very few videos about these specific topics you make
Thank you!
Decent advice for those of you that want to be a part of this world. I would love to take the hermit option if I wasn’t tied to a wife and kids. I don’t want anything to do with the world. Which is probably why I so desperately want to leave it. I wish someone would tell me it is ok to go.
I tried all my life to get into sports, pop culture, etc. and honestly it just doesn't work. How much of my time do I have to spend each day memorizing what player got drafted to what team this year to have his 15 minutes of fame? How much time do I need to keep up with the Kardashians or all of the other boring news? They're fixing the stop sign at first and main, some celebrity slapped another celebrity, etc.
I used to feel so embarassed and now I dont care anymore, I follow my own genuine interests. And the connection? What kind of quality of connection is it going to be talking dispassionately about how Justin Bieber threw an egg at his neighbor's house? You can keep that kind of connection, thank you very much.
Or what Trump said about kamala when they are actually friends behind the curtain
I hear you about the team sports. I have the hardest time even pretending to care about all that.
Feel you, people my country don't talk about sports that much so it's fine, the pop culture hits hard, had a hard time forced my self to fellow stuff I'm not interested, give up at the end.🫠
What an amazing title, you are right it’s under discussed! I went through failures, then over a decade of depression and difficulties. This past 1.5 years I was back in school in a very public way. After over a decade of isolation. Every single day I felt SO WEIRD. I love people, and on one hand I felt happy to finally talk to anyone. However, I forgot how to be like that! I had missed a decade worth of social cultural norms and taking points. I felt like an alien visiting earth. In the future, I hope to be reentering society bit by bit- but I am nervous of how to do so gracefully. Thanks for this video!
I’ve had multiple MH episodes in my life with a pretty good phase that began to wane 8 years ago. I spiraled into severe crisis and have spent the last three years rebuilding my equilibrium. It hasn’t been easy but I have a great deal of resilience. I’d say my recovery seems miraculous but that would undermine the fact that I sought the professional help I needed.
Everything you said...me...Never heard it from someone else...Thank you.
I am 50 years old & live in India, which has 1.4 billion people, yet i find myself alone, my 18 year old marriage ended 6 years ago & I work from home for the last 17 years. I do feel lonely at times, i spend hours on social media, I walk in parks for an hour, do yoga, travel, and meet one or two friends on weekends, don't really enjoy, but i meet them and trying my best to remain connected. I liked your video. Let's hope God helps us all 🙏
The problem is that people cannot be trusted. They will tell you they care and that they accept you and don't judge but that all too soon is revealed as a lie. Society is sick and abusive and deserves no trust, no investment of time. People around us are toxic and make our life a living hell. I absolutely hate this society because it pretends to be compassionate and accepting but is really hateful and cruel and condemns everyone in it for something or other the minute they are inconvenienced or disagreed with.
the state of the worlds system is enough to cause people to feel disconnected. Maybe the people who've become disconnected might very well be the ones who's most sane
I think you're right.
This past year, I’ve realized I’m actually autistic. After a lot of research on autism, i realized it explains all the things about me. (I’m 60. ) It was a relief to know this. I am just different…and That’s OK. Now, I am able to give myself grace. Now, I’m learning how to accommodate myself, and that it’s OK to accommodate myself.
i have self isolated now for almost 2 years...i never leave my house, only if i need to get medication or see a dr. i barely get out of bed every day. everything is just too much to deal with....im seeing a psychiatrist next week as a first move towards change.
As always, I so appreciate you! Sometimes I use your videos to help ground myself because I resonate with your content, and feel like for the duration of the video “I might belong”.
I am actually quite comfortable with people I already know even though I still analyze every possible move I make or word I speak to stay relateble. When it comes to new people I completely freeze and loose my voice 😂💕✨
I have to go out every once in a while just reassure myself I still exist. But I don't crave company. At least once a day I think how wonderful it is that nobody's here (home) and I'm not expecting anyone.
You posted this at the exact time I needed it! I've been dealing with severe depression and social anxiety for a while now and I've slowly been getting better and I'm starting my first job ever in a few weeks and I'm absolutely terrified. I've been so out of touch with society and feel like an alien that's just arrived to earth trying to get a hang of everything. Thank you for all your advice Dr. Scott 💙
@@avy466 wow, that's massive! Congratulations & good luck 💖
+ your talk about needing to feel the wind and see trees made me want to go to the park so I'll do that soon :)
@@avy466 being in nature is so therapeutic, sounds like you're doing great, try not to beat yourself up if you have a wobble, healing isn't linear 💖 (hope that doesn't over-step)
@@Crazy_Cat_Lady_13 thank you so much! 🤍
Way to call me out 😄 I'm 46, single, unemployed, and I've been falling deeper into my own mind's pit of despair. I've done so much work to get through the things I had to go through...now it's almost like I don't know how to function outside of trauma and chaos.
I'm so grateful that I found your channel, and grateful that you're sharing your knowledge. Sometimes even just reading the comments from others helps me understand that I'm not alone in the way I feel.
The world went through a major paradigm shift since 2020. More often than not, it's not a friendly place to be, especially for us folks who experience our emotions on a different frequency.
Each and every one of us matters. On a molecular level, the world is different, changed by us. We're limited, I think, by our human comprehension and definitions; we long for something tangible to measure our legacy with, when it's not even necessary.
I wish everyone here loving kindness ❤ it's hard sometimes, if not most of the time, but you're doing great.
Illegitimi non carborundum.😊
Thank you for sharing your experiences. It’s so helpful in knowing it is real and someone else on this planet gets it.
"Not feeling human" is something I struggle with and I do have to learn how to be in the world again.
I learned a long time ago that I don't fit into mainstream society, I can't, and I never will. Trying to connect "just enough" to "feel some connection" usually doesn't work for me. We usually end up talking about some least common denominator subject like the weather, recipes or sports or something equally banal, and they usually hijack the conversation and dominate it so I'm just being "talked at." I can't handle this.
The only option for me was to find people with whom I can share an interest or two with and stop wasting my time to try to conform to what society wants. It has not been easy, but I have succeeded. But, being an HSP/empath has made dealing with people even more challenging. Being able to pick up quickly on the subtle cues that everyone gives out (body English, words said/not said) and getting a "read" on people is oftentimes very disappointing. In stressful times I just have to isolate myself from others to avoid adding any feelings that I pick up from others.
Thing is, I was really trying to make some progress socially; from just saying “hi” to passers by whenever I left the house, to looking up social events online.
Then the Lockdown hit.
Which, after a couple years, the restrictions loosened up, right?
But then my mother passed away. Then I got into a major argument with my daughter.
We’re now speaking again, but it feels like I’ve lost most of the progress I thought I was making. My doctor found a therapist for me, I’ll see how it goes. Thanks for these videos
Anti-crombie now means to be against exploitation of people, especially of men.
I’d like to hear you talk more about social skills and practicing social skills.
First time I've heard someone describe exactly how I feel, especially about not wanting to reconnect. 62 now and have always felt like I don't fit in to this world. Had to do it through my working years, now thankfully managed to retire and I'm becoming more and more isolated, just can't relate to people at all, not even friends. I'm happy on my own most of the time, if I do try to connect it just doesn't work, so I'm starting to give up trying. Will check out some of your other videos. Thanx for this
i dont know who to trust and get so paranoid aand used. highs from substances to lows from running out. Thank You man!..
my status in the world has been made crystal clear to me throughout my life, i am not entitled to the love, respect, or empathy that everyone else is and i am not supposed to be here. my parents were worthless drug addicted hippies, the only reason my mom didn’t abort me was to stay on welfare. connecting to the world isn’t worth the effort, i don’t want people’s pity and i refuse to tolerate anymore abuse.
I wonder if or when I'll be doing something about this loneliness/ self-isolation that I'm experiencing. I know that I need do something, I kinda do want to do something. But at the same time I'm apathetic about too many things. It's a mess. I want to build friendships but how if I don't really want to listen to someone/ don't really care what they are talking about/ don't really even know what I care about myself...
I know I'm too hard on myself and I'm talking myself down too much. I'm making progress in general, but I'm still subjectively feel the same as I have before. :/
I really enjoyed it when the whole world joined my world! The fear, anxiety, and depression during Covid. They got to experience my life which I have been living for decades by myself.
I've been watching a lot of your videos recently. And just bought your book right now.
I'm a 44 year old autistic person (With potentially inattentive ADHD), depression, anxiety, constant migraines, facial pain, brain fog, coeliac disease and atrophied muscles.
I self isolated 14 years ago after getting my diagnosis at age 31 for autism. But that wasn't why I issolated. It was because I had been physically assaulted by a complete stranger AGAIN for like the 10th time in my life. Before that I had my diagnosis so I took my doctors advice to get out more and try things... it didn't go well when a random stranger decided they could lay hands on me for fun. And that was teh last proverbial straw for me. I was so done with everything. Life, people, hope, even self respect. At that point in time my life essentially ended, I shut myself away and every day hoped to die.
Of course it wasn't just that event that triggered it. It was all the negative experiences before that that added up to it. Not being able to hold down a job, people misunderstanding me constantly and creating needless drama or conflict. My own mouth getting me into trouble as in a desperate attempt to fit in I would say things before thinking. I dropped out of university studying a subject I loved because I went undiagnosed and had no support so couldn't cope.
And these are just some of the negative experiences I've gone through which to be honest is fairly typical of an autistic persons life. Though there are much more.
I now live in social housing, with social security and disability to keep my head just a tad above water. Not enough to live a life but just barely enough income that the torment of barely existing continues.
After the pandemic, the passing of family members, the loss of the family home (Because my brothers decided to sell it out from under myself and my parents) and the scary changes in my body as I age... I decided it was time to try life again. Because what I could see in front of me in the future was either suicide or death from homelessness.
I want to try going back to university both as a way of getting myself out of poverty (Despite the fact I'd be 50 years old once I finish a degree) but its also a way of relearning how to socialise, ease my anxiety and as a stepping stone, hopefully, into a work place I can cope with.
I don't want to live how I am now. It feels like my autism and other issues have stolen the first half of my life from me and I'm incredibly bitter, despairing, angry and in grief for my lost time.
I've been struggling to get help with going back to university the past couple of months. Just trying to get a straight answer as to whether I can get the tution fees waived or if there is alternate funding aside from loans is like trying to pull teeth from a stone.
I don't know what I'm doing or what I can do. I'm just taking it one step at a time and see where it goes.
Though I do wish there was more help for autistic or disabled adults wanting to improve their lives by going back to further education. But it feels like society has just thrown us away. We're left to survive as best we can, not only against our own health issues but against the callousness of society and government. What do we do?
I’ve wrestled with what I should be. Should I talk a lot and share opinions or be quiet? Should I strive, be motivated, reach for more, or be content and just maintain? Should I be tough or soft/kind? Should I be stressed or not care? Etc. I often joke that I could live in the forest. But I’m not sure I actually could. Should I hate everything or be accepting?
This is literally me
you should do what you want to do and be what you want to be. Don't waste time putting effort into doing the things the very fibre of your being is fighting against. "what I should be" you're already it. You're you.
@@hellsbailsAnd me. And if I should happen to decide for one or another, I'll change my mind about it the same day🥸
@@awenonsense5804 If I am quiet I feel like a weirdo. If I’m talkative I often regret it.
@@awenonsense5804 exactly!
Of all the half-dozen or so therapists I've tried over my 75 years, and even after becoming a counselor myself, you are the only one to describe what I think and feel or anything like it. I love ❤ your book.
it's important for several reasons, as it impacts both mental well-being and social connections.
Feeel like looking at a mirror. This info needs to be open like you practice. I think, so many felt it. But for me, as a teen, young adult, 100% your words. Thank you so much
I have lived alone since my mother left when I was 15. I have no close connection to anyone. I am almost 60 still live alone and I’m pretty happy. Sort of I mean I have great dogs. There’s no way I’d rejoin the world now I do volunteer and that gives me a way to lightly socialize. I have been volunteering since I was 20 and I recommend it to everyone. I can see no benefit at all to joining society. I find people negative hateful, rude and selfish. I’m sure that’s not everyone, but it’s a huge portion of the population. I don’t have the energy to sift through that.
Thanks Dr. Ellers..! I had a similar experience growing up.. not knowing where I fit in society; I had a severe inferiority complex and became a bit of a contrarian. I’m just now learning, in my forties that, I’d have to “fake it as I make it, socially as well “. I started with small surface level conversations with the folks at Starbucks, and at the gym. I “faked” being upbeat with the cashiers at the grocery store… and I felt so disengenuous, but it works. I no longer feel like as much of an outsider, and I’m learning more how to balance the time I spend in the world, with the time I spend in my own world… Thanks again!!
i currently live in a communal setting. After 3 weeks from moving in, i can't wait to leave for solitary accommodation.
When the peeps you encounter are more hassle than they're worth just to talk to, then living with peeps like that is highly irritating.
The solution seems to be a solitary life; i have lived like it before, and oh boy, was it paradise by comparison.
Even the notion of mental isolation to keep out the confusion and pain coming from the outside world speaks to me so much.
The creation of the soundtrack to go along with your life sounds like something I have done all my life, and to hear you say that brings me so much comfort in knowing that I am not the only one. I'm sure many others have done this as well. It certainly does numb me from the reality of things that are going on around me (but yeah, I can see how this can be a problem).
Wow! That Bubble thing....
And the Playlist....
For years & years I could have this Bubble and exclude the rest- watching others outside behaving "normally " and wishing I knew how to do that.
And the music 🎶. All the time a situation or words can trigger a song which will be the soundtrack to whatever I experience.
I thought I was the only one.
Now I have a guideline.
Thank you for this message.
Hello thank you for this chat❤
Thank you for this video. I am working on connecting and integrating myself back into the world. Although I’m still untrusting of ppl due to trauma. And honestly I don’t crave a lot of attention or constant human interaction. Regardless I know it’s not healthy to 100% disconnect from other people.
I tried getting out and bond with people and got more trauma from the judgement from relatives and random people on street. Im being a minority and also neurodivergent here. So to people around me i could be very different.
Getting out again with people and their judgey eyes.. kind of scares me. Especially when the socio-politics are active whenever i try to be decent human.
Sometimes i just wanna.. give a middle finger to the world.
What you talked about.. resonate to some degreee. A part of me felt you wont understand me.
Being an undiagnosed Chinese person in a muslim majority country.
This misunderstood part of me even "hate" you for that. Giving generic advice like go out more.
It's such a deep spiral, hard to get out of. At times. I am convinced no one would get me in the world.
This is great to watch thank you for sharing. I've had very similar experience and it's always when I get social again that I feel more connected to the 'world'. I agree with you fully it can appear very hard to reintegrate oneself with other human beings, but it's worth it (with healthy boundaries, no people pleasing).
It's a beautiful world, filled with kind generous people 😊
What if you don't want to reconnect with a hateful and violent world. This is a core belief that has been triggered many time over the past several years.
However I love the nature but my body doesn't always cooperate because of my MS.
Incredibly helpful.
I've been trying to get out of my head since I was traumatized a year ago, because there's nothing in there but ruminating about the abusive relationship with the squatters in my house. I don't feel safe in my house, and I feel even less comfortable hiding inside my head. The ruminating even wakes me up in the middle of the night and fills me with anxiety. So your thoughts about reconnecting with the world gave me practical tools I can try to break free from the crippling dystopia in my head. Thank you. I appreciate your depth of understanding about living with chronic depression, especially this video's content on its negative affects on social involvement..
This is a really interesting one for me. I have schizoid personality disorder but I've come to the conclusion through similar logic that I need to make an effort to connect with the world or I'll always be depressed. I don't quite have the same motivations or anxieties as you for being different and disconnected, but the results are rather similar the more I've withdrawn. At one point I think it also exacerbated my experiences of derealisation and depersonalisation. Now though, with the help of my new puppy, and an attempt at my own take on sensory therapy, I've finally started getting back into the world and yeah, I think I'm _finally_ seeing improvements? I still don't feel all that connected coz I can talk to people so easily without really feeling much, but I do think there's something at a subconscious level that's changing for me because I've noticed I'm starting to cope a lot better again. Early days still but cross fingers.
Also Fear Factory has some good stuff haha... but eh have you listened to Sirus? 😁
I just started this, perfect timing. Thanks for the video sir
That`s me. i am an introvert. i do have social skills. But I don`t like to be around too many people. We do need to practice our social skills, and interact with others, for we are all social animals.
You just described the biggest constant in my life, I didn't think I would find someone who experienced it in the same way, this is so helpful, thank you so much Dr. Scott
What if people feel a deep connection with you but you feel no connection? I'm good at socializing I find lots of things interesting. I can keep conversations going but it doesn't mean much at the end of the day. I can have conversations with the same person for years and never no there name or want too.
Are you engaging with them as your true self or are you wearing a mask? They might be connecting with the mask, and you don't feel connected because you know it's just the mask that they like, not the real you.
Thank you Dr Scott for sharing your experiences and troubles and strategies to overcome some. You are very relateable. I learnt a few things about myself from your video thanks. When I was growing up I was teased because one of my parents was an immigrant and I didn't look like the typical blond haired, blue eyed Aussies. I always felt rejected even though I had friends that were probably other "rejects". In hindsight those people were just ignorant, arrogant and racists and even though I'm FB friends with many from my school era from a country town, I still remember how I felt by the name calling. They were prejudiced against indigenous people too so I often made friends with them too. It was cruel. I see their lack of growth in their racist posts up until this day and I'm now in my 60's. Even though I was born in Australia to one Australian parent with English decent and a European father, because of my European looks I always felt I didn't belong here.
Step one. Live in a society that seeks you out to reintegrate you.
Thanks Dr Scott. One thing that can be rough is venturing out. and basically proving your own rhetoric, (re people danger).. to be true..or atleast, clocking up more examples of people behaving poorly. Choose your times, venues and especially people carefully for your one trip out of the house! haha
ps dogs and cats are excellent people
Very relatable. This was useful to me.
At 60 years old 100% me 😢
thanks scott. this is essential advice for anyone who is mentally ill
This is basically a TED talk! So interesting and useful. I’ve never felt so ‘seen’.
most of humanity operates at a lower level of consciousness, although I've never felt like I belong I've also never felt like I was less than these lower consciousness beings bc logically that makes no sense. I'm not broken, I'm here to fix a broken world.
Most 'broken people' suffers from grief 'loss of love ones will break anyone, IMHO esp when your spouse passes like mine did at 50 with cancer in 3 months - how can one fix that ? .. I was onboard with frequency etc ...even after my dad and my grandma passed, brother had a stroke in a nursing home his wife passed also ..then she passed :(... happens with divorce also, but that can be healed - being prepared for great loss 'which you can't' is the next level mentality to overcome IMHO
@@beatleme2 sorry for your losses. the way I've come to see grief is that it's a challenge to find within yourself the love that you're used to associating with others, that you believed you needed to receive externally.
@@rongike that makes sense, thanks :)
PS- disabled + no income ÷ no healthcare ×
lonely /depressed = hopless¹⁰ .
This is exactly where I am right now and have been for the last few years, but has worsened over the last several months. Disengaged and not sure I even want to engage or rejoin the world. But you nailed it when you said all the input is internal and the internal world is not a pleasant place. It is indeed a very harsh environment. Yet for some reason it feels more comfortable than the harsh external world (or at least as I perceive it.)
Can you cover the topic of maladaptive daydreaming?
Thanks you Scott 😏
“Show Me a Sane Man and I Will Cure Him” - Carl Jung
That's how I feel about psychology. Hmm 🤔.. it's missing something? Oh ya..."Show me a sane man and I will cure him for 200$ per hour"
I am 100% content with being a hermit.
Your videos are so helpful. We all appreciate you!
Thank you! It is a long ride but what you said and describe is true 100% and the only way to survive.
I'm glad you addressed the part about the shitty nature of the society. I ended up having my small circle of chosen people.
Thank you for this video. It helps knowing I'm not alone the struggles I've faced.
I have a question, I'm probably in the final stages of dealing with my psychological issues and as Dr. Scott said, maintenance is the hardest part of the process, so I have a question. I have a couple of scary moments in my past that traumatized my childhood psyche, and as a lesser adult I couldn't get over what I saw and started to lose myself as a result of the constant distress the childhood traumas manifested and intensified. At first I tried to change my attitude to some things, gave myself excuses, but it only got worse and as Peterson said at some point you start to distrust the very concept of the world picture and remain absolutely defenseless against the reality you wanted to escape from, I learned to live with it and realize that reality is my strongest defense and when I completely burned myself with misunderstanding, fear, doubt and denial, between flying from the 20th floor and trying to find my true self I decided to choose the second. It was more painful than I thought but in the end it wasn't so scary, I was able to start living and doing some basic things. Fear is a basic body reaction that keeps you from going back to that place where there was something unresolved/misunderstood , I was able to overcome that and was able to figure out what was wrong with me and why I was having this or that reaction. But what I saw was so contrary to my basic, limbic brain structure that every time I get caught up in some impulsive thought based on what I've seen and which I'd rather not remember at a particular place in my past I get a terrifying amount of stress. Just letting the thoughts float is not an option because I can't help but cringe at it, but every second of the day I can't control what I think. Ch realizes that it didn't happen and I thought it up but it still shocks me. So what should I do: dissolve that particular picture of my past in the present or keep everything under control every time to avoid making mistakes or minimize the mistakes
Nvm i got it, the less you try to controle it the better it is, the main thing is not to show the brain that you are afraid of your thoughts, not to give them an emotional coloring, but this only works when you know who you are and accept that such things exist in the world and that they do not apply to you, still see those disgusting pictures in my head but i guess ill can handle it
I spent the entire weekend in the house in between jobs and anxious about waiting to hear results of three interviews. The anxiety and contemplation was not productive. I’m going to break that right now by taking a really long walk outside. Generally, squirrels, birds, fresh air, and sun are “safe”…
People are labeled when they see through all the lies
Excellent video Dr. Saludos desde Lima, Peru. I got a sudden sense of clarity after a long time. Muchas gracias.
Excellent advice
Very similar to my experiences
Easy to get knocked back some horrible people about unfortunately
That part about the withdrawal from the good and bad really got to me. Tbh this might be one of the reasons or causes behind why I abandoned my healthier lifestyle because eventually it got harder to keep the positivity up (especially when the things around me were getting worse).
Even when things were better I still didn't register the positive feelings of it and honestly it feels like sometimes I have to make a bigger effort to feel positive vs feeling negative in life.
Although it's still a struggle I appreciate seeing professionals like yourself make the effort to try and help us see how we can help ourselves or get the help we need to still live with this despite how difficult it gets.
Do you take antidepressants doctor? I have tried lots and now they are suggesting Agomelatine. I am scared of feeling worse but know that I need something.