Yes, that hit me hard too. I used to struggle with self-love growing up and after I lost my fiance last year. Self-love is something we have to learn on our own. Every day I tell myself that "I am lovable" and "deserve love". I still believe in love. Everyone is lovable and I hope Patrick knows that he is lovable.
I had to come back to his first video after watching the one of him that Mark posted this morning. He is now 2 years sober and the turn around he made is UNBELIEVABLE. Good job, Patrick! Good job.
I did too his story just shows recovery is possible if you really want to quit Patrick looks so healthy and happy in his update interview proud of you Patrick look at you now Rocking Recovery hugs
I know! I just saw it today and had to come back. The glow up is amazing. He is a beautiful human and he will do amazing things with that wonderful brain, heart and sincere personality.
@@bryanflynn518 yeah I've use various drugs throughout the years but never got addicted to anything. So yeah I don't know. It's all mind power to be able to walk away rather than succumb to the fleshly desires.
@@Humble-iq5uewith certain drugs, by the time you make the decision to “walk away”; you start having withdrawals and are technically “addicted. That’s what dude meant when he said he/you don’t have experience with substance abuse. That’s not me throwing a jab
I _really, really, really_ like this dude. He’s the most honest addict I’ve ever heard share his story… and I have ten years and eight months sober, so I’ve heard a _lot_ of stories.
He has no accountability or respect for his family. He doesnt want to quit. He is not a good soul. YET. He is not ready unfortunately... Iv had bad bad addictions with hard drugs and Iv never stolen from my parents as a grown adult. He is being enabled. He needs to get put in check. If nothing happens concequence wise it continues. He would not do good in prison. Has had so many chances.... Needs to get shook up, it works..
Pat was friends with my big brother in high school. I love you, Pat. You were always nice to me even though my brother hated me and I'm rooting for you. You can stay free , I know you can.
@@crabbygramma5553 kind of the whole point of the series I feel..... but I was praising the gentleman who candidly and emotionally told his story, hoping he can find health and happiness.
These 5 videos are waaaaay more effective than any DARE program where a cop talks to you about all the bad things that will happen to you if you smoke one joint or drink one beer
Aw🙁...yeah... Noticing things with my dad. People r who they r. Good, bad, neutral. 🤷🏾♀️I'm blessed but I get n2 a funk wen it's comes 2 him. THE BAD THING: I have 2 smoke a cigarette b4 I deal with him. Even on phone. But I'm trying 2 stop the tobacco tho. My blood pressure goes up. I don't have chilling mechanisms. Weed IS friend indeed 🤔🤷🏾♀️. It helps
But his job won't. He just lost EVERYTHING. The state of California is not gonna keep a crackhead engineer on staff. He even said the date of the interview.
The best part about this interview in my opinion , is that it shows that ANYONE is susceptible to addiction and the devastating affects it has on the mind no matter your background , education etc .
Im an RN that got addicted to opiates at age 38. I hit my bottom and went to treatment (knowing I’d soon be uninsured) the night before I went to treatment I was on the hoestroll trying to make some money. Here I am, multiple degrees, an experienced nurse with an impeccable record, specializing in neonatal intensive care, training other RNs and ending up a junkie. Spoiler alert- I’ve been clean since November 2018 thanks to treatment and SMART recovery for follow up care. Bottom line is, this can happen to anyone
Agreed. Many Americans just put them in this neat little box, a category, a stereotype, to feel superior and separate from them. I think Mark was right about why he needed to create this channel. Because many people just don't "get it" until they watch these interviews. Legalization and regulation of drugs and greater efforts at rehabilitation over incarceration would help reduce the issue which, even politically there is bipartisan agreement on this, is out of control.
Nurse Therese I wish there was a ❤️ button . I don’t know you but I’m proud of you ! You are the type of person we can only hope to have in the medical field or at the very least , in a position to related too , understand and guide other who suffer from addiction . Genuinely happy to hear your story .
I hope you see this but I thank you for this comment. I believe that this saying is what led me to come clean of myself. Wow. I’m prolly gonna write that down in my important notebook and read it every morning first thing. Thank you sincerely, -adrian
The fact he knows he can’t get a girlfriend and have kids while an addict shows how grounded in reality he still is. The fact he still wants those things is also commendable. I wish he had someone close to give him tough love.
Yep. Most people that are addicted to any drug don't make it. When I was in rehab ( I even asked for 2 more months) they told me straight out out of 10 addicts only 2 will make it through this vicious cycle. That really woke me up. 9 years clean off meth, 4 years clean off alcohol. But I still smoke weed to calm me down cause of my major depression and social anxiety since I can remember. Good luck to all the great people that have addiction problems. Take it one day at a time. Exercising lowers my anxiety depression tremendously.
@@666blindrider, Congrats! My sister in law, has been an addicted for the last 10+ years. She’s been in and out of many rehabs, but unfortunately she’s still using. Congrats! God Bless 🙏🙏!!!
That’s the curse of being self-aware and intelligent while fighting addiction. You watch yourself gradually become more and more consumed by your DOC. You know what you’re doing is destructive, and when you sober up you’re left to try and restore the damage you’ve caused. You lose control of your own free will. You become an observer in your very own life.
This is my first viewing of Patrick's part 1. I'm glad to see he's kicked it. I always wonder how people are doing now, since I'm watching 3 - 4 yrs behind. So many are heartbreaking. Success is good, awesome job Patrick! 😁
When I watched and listened to Patrick I felt a sense of true empathy and compassion for what I consider to be the most genuine and loving soul who came on here to share his pain with all of us. Patrick, I just want to say Thank you for what you did for me in helping get in touch with such deep and loving emotions. Because of you, that happened ❤
He didn't say he was disgusting. He said it was disgusting to have an impulse for prostitutes that also smoke crack. That is disgusting. Don't be an enabler. I like this guy but don't take away stigmas that should be there. Even he thinks it's disgusting. That's why he's saying it.
@@dangerous8333 it's hard to hear when he says it but he might have said "I'm so disgusting man" or "It's so disgusting man" but it sounds more like the former than the latter.
Watching him gurn and fidget makes me feel tremendous relief to be clean and sober for 3 years. You seem like a great guy and I hope you overcome your addiction, Patrick.
This is heart breaking. My mother was a crackhead and literally threw her life away. Threw her kids away and died alone in a hotel room. This is what crack will do to you...it will make you throw away everything that really matters in your life. I pray this man is able to escape the cycle of addiction.
So sorry you lost your mum and had to go through this,thats heartbreaking,i hope you've got through it all and have made a good life for yourself,bless you 💝
Crazy how he went straight to crack that definitely doesn't help. Most people have a somewhat gradual progression from just trying things here and there and then getting more and more into it over time. This man went straight for the most addictive thing possible. I'm kind of surprised he didn't know what crack was with all those anti-crack ads in the 90s.
This is literally like 90% of addicts. It’s not like we don’t know and aren’t aware of what we are doing. A lot of functioning Normal people that just have a terrible addiction whether it’s uppers or downers.
He literally is one of the most honest interviewees you have ever had he is giving you gut-level honesty all his toxicness is pouring out of him good video
Except saying Harvard extension school is “Harvard”. It’s a certificate program not entrance requirements. And spending 15k a month bullshit... he would be homeless and couldn’t afford that on 6 figures. Not buying it at all
@@byronwright801 I I agree 💯, because it could be a coping mechanism. I laugh when I am nervous/anxious and people may take it as I am flirting or whatever they may think, and really it is because I have anxiety and it is one of my coping mechanism.
I grew up around addicts, my dad was a pretty big drug dealer. The amount of people i met who were INSANELY smart like Patrick, self aware, and outside of their addiction were completely normal people blows my mind. Its a very strange and sad world to be immersed in. I hope Patrick can overcome his addiction for those who couldn’t.
I am a recovering addict, I know so many addicts that are so smart & if they got clean they could do so good in life. It’s heartbreaking, when your using nothing else matters.
Pretty much correct,most addicts are very intelligent, including myself! functional tho. Maybe we think too much and are trying to escape it,that's me at least,I have to shut it off sometimes .These interviews are always so emotional.
The number of functioning, even high functioning crack users would blow most people's minds. There are folks who smoke rock that most people would never in a million years think do. I'm sure meth is the same way.
My dad was also a dealer and somehow i managed to be around the trashiest type of drug users lol im not denying that alot of them are normal but ive seen people who actually lost their minds on drugs. Kind of warps my perception of hard drug users but no doubt there are those who just need to get out of a bad habit and can be saved.
I really appreciate people like him who are willing to go out to the wild frontiers of the human experience and report back to the rest of us. Hopefully this video will help others. Hopefully he finds some peace.
Being an Ex meth addict.. I identify with the sexual fixation, impotence, and behavior that he speaks about while smoking crack. I engaged in all of it, and it was almost refreshing hearing someone has struggled with the exact same thing. I’m now sober, in college, and getting a degree to become a therapist for those who struggle with addiction. We do recover. ❤️
Yes. Amphetamines causes you to have a Non-Stop p*** and masturbation fixation. It's so disgusting and unnatural. Every once in awhile I will have about a two-week binge on caring about nothing but watching p*** and masturbating when otherwise I'm a semi normal person. So sick of it.
My son had a gifted IQ, was an amazing artist- he could draw a picture that looked like a photograph, but he was an addict. His drug of choice was heroin. He got and stayed clean for 3 years but had a relapse & passed away from an accidental overdose 4 years ago this coming June. Drug abuse devastates the addict and their families. I miss him so. 💔 I hope this man can overcome his addiction.
Give it time brother u will start building back your pleasures in your brain, go to the gym and keep being sober and u will start enjoying life. But the first couple months of sobriety sucks and life sucks but b patient it’s worth the fight.
Wow one of the best interviews. The man has a depth of understanding about this situation and is able to articulate his sense of utter despair with such honesty.
This is so unfortunate because he’s actually a nice looking man with intelligence to match. He also seems very sincere and kind hearted. Hoping for a full recovery for him so he can grasp the things in life he deserves.
@The Real Confession - You know, it’s rather sad and honestly a problem that you and some of the other commenters are completely ignorant to the impact of what you are saying and how it may impact/effect viewers/readers of this content. Saying things like you did, verbatim - “So unfortunate” because he’s a “nice looking man with intelligence to match” and how he “seems very sincere and kind hearted” - although maybe true or nice, can really hurt someone else who may be dealing with similar issues but possibly doesn’t have those character traits! I mean is what you said to imply that if you’re not a “nice looking” person or “intelligent” that, those individuals aren’t just as deserving of help and the care/love people like you seem to have for someone who falls into a certain category. I really don’t feel as though I need to go into details but EVERYONE needs help and needs OUR support and LOVE. NOT JUST THE CUTE ONES OR THE INTELLIGENT ONES. And make no mistakes, just because someone looks a certain way…MEANS NOTHING! Ever heard of a wolf in sheeps clothing, I mean come on. Show LOVE to EVERYONE! EVERYONE NEEDS IT! ,..and LIFE IS SHORT! Sorry if I came across rude at all in this post but after watching this and reading these posts I was just appalled because it is just all to often where people get treated a certain way because of the way they look or sound or what credentials they hold. ALL WE HAVE IS TODAY, GIVE YOUR LOVE TO EVERYONE. If you’ve made it this far, thank you for reading and also maybe you’ll start living your life through a bit of a different lens. …and not just you @The Real Confession and @Carolynn Alvarez - LOVE to ALL OF YOU. - Happy Tiger Year!
I was clean from heroin for 8 years. Then last year I made the mistake of getting ‘just one bag’ to take the edge off the severity of stress and issues I was dealing with at the time. Fast forward one year - I have sold all my worldly possessions, I mean everything. I have been left with nothing but one massive habit. Keeling this a secret from my family and everyone I love around me adds to the dire situation I’ve created for myself. I took the first steps and admitted defeat today and phoned the addiction centre, the same centre who got me clean years ago. I have an assessment phone call in a couple of days. I’m looking forward to a ‘normal’ life once again. I can’t remember the last time I went to bed and didn’t cry myself to the very little sleep I currently get. I hope he gets his life in order eventually. I hope I do too. Thank you for these videos x
Hey Hans hope you are doing well today, even if it's a bad day know that people are thinking about you and you can always try again tomorrow. As long as you are alive you have a chance to do better and change your life to whatever you want it to be. God loves you no matter what and hes always with you when you feel alone. That space in your head that's emptiness when you think to yourself, that's god just ask him and he will answer.
I’ve learned more from this than all his other interviews. When you see how a person behaves on drugs, it teaches you so much more than a sober person could.
Nobody is proud of it. Its a ball a chain that you are always ashamed of. But, he knows the why, and he is honest but he hasnt said the why yet. In his mind he knows the hang up, he wont reveal it, we never do, we learn to live with it without ever speaking it out load.
This is one of the best interviews I’ve watched on this channel he was totally transparent as well as funny he’s a good guy deep down but just lacks self confidence and self belief bless him !!
I just want to give this man a hug and tell him everything is going to be alright. My husband died 11 years ago of a drug overdose. These are not bad people, they are sick, hurt, and in torment.
@@SoilentGr33n the 3 videos he did within a month or so were insane. In a month he went from a relapsed addict who’s a Harvard grad with a city position making 6 figures who has a car and apartment in la. To a addict with a sex addiction, who’s spent most of his time on skid row looking for crack and hookers, missed work probably lost his job, spent all his money, sold his car for crack, was beat up and robbed, his dad won’t pay for his condo or give him money...just within a month! It’s very hard for me to understand since I’ve never been addicted to anything. I think In general it’s hard to understand how one can go so far down from where they once were. He’s went to 10-15 rehabs and still can’t hold his own money and can’t stay sober longer than 6 months. He has all the support in the works from family to friends but still his addiction is winning. I’m sorry but there’s a point where it seems like he just doesn’t want to stay sober. At what point does his family and friends walk away? This has been going on for 20 years. It’s gotta be exhausting for the ppl who love him.
@@TiffanyMaryJean My brother has the same problem . He tries to stay off it. We have to take accountability although he is still a victim and that's why its so illegal .
I've never done crack, but I'm a massive alcoholic. I've been drinking a litre of rum and 12 beer every single day for like the last 3 years. I can't remember the last time I was properly sober. The way this guy speaks is so spot on. He's incredibly self-aware for being an addict.
Please, please ...get the help you need. That was my life-long best friend in whole wide world's diet too (except she preferred vodka) at year 4 she suddenly became very ill, was put in a medically induced coma - on life-support. We lost her. She was 45 years old, left 3 beautiful children without their mother. She never dreamed it would actually affect her, especially so quickly - PLEASE get help. You physically can not stop on your own. Please 🥺
I see comments like yours every once in a great while. I always check the name to see if it's my son. I want it to be him. It never is. I just want to know he's still alive. I cry.
I’ve said it before on these videos and I’ll say it again, honesty is beautiful even when the truth is ugly. Patrick I see you. You’re still young, please read the comments here, re-visit with Mark, you can beat this. Sending you love and strength. I see you!
He’s addicted to making himself not feel like himself it’s not only the crack the crack is just a symptom he will always indulge in things until he does work on himself. Admired his honesty if your honest your in with a chance of recovery I wish him well x
This interview is worthy of being converted into a documentary about crack addition. I learnt so much about this tragic disease and how it leaves the addict helpless. This deserves to be elevated to the level of educational material .
My man is jonesing hard. If youve never been on a crack binge, you dont know how hard it really is for him to sit there and have a deep conversation with one thing on his mind. I couldnt have done it
this guy is EXACTLY like how my ex was with cocaine. the speech and body language mannerisms, the tendencies, the fantasies. the only difference is that Patrick has the awareness to understand and articulate reasons why he does what he does. this helped me sort of understand my ex and empathize for the first time.
Patrick's description of his crack experiences, especially the sexual parts are extremely accurate to my cocaine experiences. I abused coke heavily for a few years and that's exactly how I felt every time. I also lost a job on a three day coke bender after I had been off coke for almost 10 years, then one night at the bar someone gave me a bump and a free couple of grams... that was that.
I haven’t done crack for 15 years ,it was so hard to get off of.I am depressed and it has been crossing my mind more and more to drink or do crack just to feel a little better .Watching this was a godsend. That euphoria for a second is followed by days of regret and anxiety and nausea. God bless him
I had an obsession for stimulants in general, but I've found crack way too quick of a high and went to snorting meth. Fortunately I've left that life behind but as we all (should) know, once an addict always an addict.
@Patrick Bateman I understand brolami. Ima tell you the answer, and it's the truth. Idk if you believe in God, but he's real and he knows everything about you. Ask Jesus to help you and he will. I've been stuck in the same cycle and I keep making the same mistake OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER. 15 times now with the adderall this last year. And I'm finally about to get out of it.
@Patrick Bateman Jesus will sit their with you and go through the pain with you, he's been doing it with me. Literally just be like "Jesus/God, show me you're real, and tell him you need help, and he will I promise you.
@Patrick Bateman It might take a while and be a long process, but little by little you'll be able to grow out of it. Look for narcotics anonymous or alcohol anonymous.
The world has no idea how many of us "functioning addicts" blend almost effortlessly into the groups of people you see every day. I hope we all find out way out before we find our way underground. Best of luck to you, Patrick.
Yes! I went thru that awful cycle where I would binge then try and walk back into life like everything was fine. Its the worst!!! Awful. I have years sober but the calling still hits. And I found something sober I love so when the calling hits, I shut everything down pass off my life responsibilities and do that thing. Which is binge TV and sleep
This is the only one of these I've ever watched all the way through. Somehow the pure genuineity of this guy is powerful and emotional enough to overpower the deep sadness and pain of the story he tells, and it makes me feel for him so much....what an amazing guy. Really hope he's getting better now
This is by far one of the best interviews I've seen imo. Please have him back for an update if possible. His honesty and how self aware he is really impressed me. I really wish him the best.
This is a very honest, and highly intelligent guy who would be able to soar in life, if he only could learn his worth and kick this horrible addiction. Sending prayers up for you, Patrick. I’m rooting for you, and I’m sure many others viewing this are as well. Thank you for being so transparent with us. I hope it helps get you on a journey to recovery. Don’t give up. 💗
I want to sponsor people and volunteer my time. I’ve seen a few people die and I just want to help people. I wanna make my grandpa proud. She was an addict her whole life.. RIP.
I just rewatched this interview after about a year and it is just as powerful as the first time. One of the most impactful aspects is hearing Patrick’s dry swallows throughout the interview. I’ve been in the position and been around a lot of people doing cocaine and I know that sound all too well. I legitimately teared up again listening to him read out his sponsor’s text message. Fantastic job to both Mark and Patrick.
@@shellabella8625 there Is..Its hard to get up when u feel So Down..but IT not about how many times life And people fór that matter knock u Down,IT IS how many times u stand up♥️
Anyone that doesn't believe in the disease model of addiction needs to watch this. NO ONE would do this over and over again if it were just bad choices.
@@anthonyberardi8904 This comment proves you do not understand what you're talking about, being dope sick from having used has nothing to do with addiction being seen as a disease or illness. Im telling you young one read the book addiction is a choice then come back and talk.
@@drewjason1992 well it doesn’t matter to me what you think about the subject. I know who I am. Been doing subs everyday for the last 8 or 9 years and I’m only gonna live once so I want to feel good and be happy as much as possible. Life’s too short to be miserable lol
He could help THOUSANDS of people if he could get his act together. His honesty, and the way he can explain his experience is phenomenal. If he could find the way out maybe he could lead others out too.
Thanks for sharing your story I got basically the same deal got addicted to crack through prostitutes I wonder if it is possible for me to talk to you I have now being free from crack addiction for 7 years not from prostitutes though but I have definitely the same addiction and it all started right there on Figueroa downtown LA your shar is really honest
I can completely relate with Patrick! 6 years clean one day at a time. My recovery is contingent on the maintenance of my spiritual condition. May you find true inner peace Patrick!
This is exceptional content that would never have been available years ago on TV. I've watched several of these interviews, thank you for creating them.
Patrick reminds me of my husband. He’s an engineer too and cracked from stress and has been trying to figure stuff out. Patrick there is a woman out there who will LOVE you and meet your needs but you have to get better first! You have so much potential and are clearly intelligent. Work a program and get back into life!
Thank you for giving us the opportunity to listen to this guy. I have learnt so much. Don't think I'll ever forget him. Please God he gets through this.
Out of all the people I've seen on this channel thus far, my heart goes out to this man the most. Intelligence caught in a net and dragged down by addiction.
This is one of the best channels on RUclips. At first I thought it was kind of exploitative, but now I appreciate its honest, direct and unfiltered view it offers towards the harrowing edges of human experience
@@nedwatrshed i think most of them are just waiting for someone who cares enough to come along and let them pour their heart out and just listen so that they can tell their story to someone else and get it all out
@@69kat69 yeah, that's what makes the part at 23:30 so sad though. The look on his face when he starts talking about paying him is tragic. It's like he doesn't want money for this, like that would destroy it. I felt that the talk of transaction made it seem exploitative.
Man I've watched this video so many times. I struggle with xanax addiction. I've been in and out of rehabs since I was 18. This man hit addiction on the head. He described it in ways I've never ever heard and that's saying a lot for someone who's been to rehabs since they were a kid. I'm still struggling but have managed to get 6 months sober in a week
You can tell this man is being so brutally honest and I love it. There are so many interviews filled with lies but this one is different. I can tell he is a smart dude. Wishing him the best
you can see his buzz gradually diminish during the course of the interview, his mood gets more and more dark.. That drug is clearly short acting. poor guy. Pray for him
@@ottovonbismarck6310 yeah but the withdrawl gradually builds, so it’s more like he’s at baseline at the start and begins declining. I dont think he was super high or anything at the beginning
I never comment on videos but this is so heartbreaking. As a 19 year old I am happy to be educated about drugs such as this so I can stay far far away from them.
As a 38yr man that grew up in the hood in the era when dope dealing, gangbanging, partying, skipping school, criminal activity was a hobby, I'm very glad to hear your opinion on the subject and wish you and your peers,the next generation of young minds success and the wisdom from watching the older generations fall,learning from our mistakes and the consequences of our decisions we made when we were growing up. Raised by music,peers, tv;rap videos promoting everything negative making money off selling dope and killing ourselves for popularity and power to get the bag of bling,the diamonds, the flashy cars,girls....what it didn't show was the real sacrifices of that life...no friends, they use...no family,unsafe or death,prison, lonely, life always at risk because they see you coming up, they will take it from you...your own people. The police always on your ass. If they legalize all of it and educated people on it,they would make better decisions, minimize the risks,change minds,become more responsible and make educated choices to use or not. Prohibition didn't stop alchohol. Drug war,hasn't been won,well...drugs won. It should be an open door to use or not,to get help or not,to change your life or not. No one should be able to tell you what you can or can't do to your own body. Family should support you and be there if you get stuck and need help too. Live life,u only have one.
My ex was a lot like this guy..... especially after taking a hit, wanting sex _immediately_ and not be able to...but it was my fault. Crack is a useless drug (I mean, they _all_ are, but crack is _especially_ useless). It's an instant of euphoria, ten seconds. Until the next hit. I cannot imagine where I'd be right now if I'd had a good job when I was smoking crack. Phew. I really, really hope this guy gets to a point when he's like, no, I'm done. This level of honesty bodes well for his recovery......though he seems to know his cycle pretty well. Man, Patrick. You're a helluva dude. I hope you can get out of this.
This guy that I used to get high with used to say that “crack is the best feeling in the world immediately followed by the worst feeling in the world.” RIP Patrick.
This was one of the best and most honest interviews I've ever seen on this channel or anywhere else. Hope you find your way Patrick you seem like the kind of guy who deserves it.
I can't stop watching this guy and I don't have an explanation for it. Seriously, this is the third time watching all his interviews. Crazy intelligent and honest. No other stories quite like his. I hope he can straighten himself. But I know how impossibly brutal it can be. Thank you for opening up like this Patrick. You're helping people out.
I cried when he read the text his sponsored sent. I hope to hear from him soon. I would even love a wk update. Lol. Please add him to the update list Mark. Lol. I loved his honesty. I wish him the best. Im glad I went back to watch this one.
At the beginning of the video, I thought this is the first video where the interviewee had a stable childhood and no sexual abuse/molestation was involved, and then halfway through the video there it was. So heartbreaking. We need to protect our children. I wish him nothing but the best.
I thought the same. He was 4 years old, so sad and fucked up. I wondered whilst listening (I'm two thirds in now) if that's why his sex addiction is so intertwined with his high on crack state of being. Perhaps he's mostly mentally blocked from enjoying or wanting sex and paying for sex makes it feel safer and less vulnerable, and being high out of his mind increases that safe, non vulnerable feeling.
yeah he mentions older girls doing things to him as a 5 year old boy & doesn't want to call it "molested"... and I know why. A teenage girl in my family did things to me from 4-5 to 8 years old & I too can't bring myself to call it sexual abuse or call myself a victim. Because we're taught that men cannot be victims and women cannot be perpetrators of sexual abuse. So for those who have experienced it's a mindfuck of a trauma. I spent 2 decades thinking it was me who had done something wrong and that I was born a pervert, that I was inherently dirty. And because of that you never dare speaking out about it, also for fear of not being taken seriously.
This interview genuinely helped me understand myself in a lot of ways. Those addictive urges and desires are a part of my lack of knowing how to fill that void or needing love
I feel him so much, being a coke addict for 13 years and seeing him in this interview really makes me recall those horrible moments of desperation. Sending all my love to Patrick, he seems to be an awesome guy! Keep coming back, it works!
This guy has the most amazing job in the world that they're letting him go on crack binges and then come back in the middle of the week when he's done. He seems like a very genuine dude and I wish him the best.
This is crazy! I know him. Went to treatment with him at teen challenge Brockton and played worship music with him. He is the smartest dude. This is his 4 days no sleep. When he’s firing all cylinders he’s on another level. He went to Harvard while he was working for the treatment center we went to and we would play at church he’s 3x a week. Normal people can’t handle that load and he never seemed stressed out. I hope he stays clean and we can hang out again
I agree, I think, he might also find it quite suffocating to be in this society with his intelligence both emotional and other... I used to feel the same! I am sober only a month :(. From what I hear, he is more into power, he is more into the rush and feeling of power.... that is quite addictive...
I've never seen someone with such a problem that's so self aware. I hope he figures it out, because I feel like he's got an incredible amount of potential.
"I want people to love me because I don't love me." Hit hard
Yes. It definitely hit different. ♥️
I love you 😘
exactly! He's definitely different. and he is right CRACK IS AWFUL.
Yes, that hit me hard too. I used to struggle with self-love growing up and after I lost my fiance last year. Self-love is something we have to learn on our own. Every day I tell myself that "I am lovable" and "deserve love". I still believe in love. Everyone is lovable and I hope Patrick knows that he is lovable.
Same here. Very sad.
I had to come back to his first video after watching the one of him that Mark posted this morning. He is now 2 years sober and the turn around he made is UNBELIEVABLE. Good job, Patrick! Good job.
Me too!!!
Proud of him
I did too his story just shows recovery is possible if you really want to quit
Patrick looks so healthy and happy in his update interview proud of you Patrick look at you now Rocking Recovery hugs
"I wonder how much this videos going to affect my life". As of the most recent video and his story, positively and I hope he keeps with it.
I know! I just saw it today and had to come back. The glow up is amazing. He is a beautiful human and he will do amazing things with that wonderful brain, heart and sincere personality.
I know this man personally and he is one of the kindest most sincere people I've had the pleasure to meet in the rooms. I pray he makes it back.
Tell him that he can make it out of this. To pinch himself and say "God help me please" it works
That’s where I know him from. Good dude.
Addiction is the worst disease ..
@@PRMermaid God is unessecary. Power of will is your God. I'm tired of the God talk in addiction circles, we've moved past that as a society
@@Nevs- I Pray to God everyday because he is the Only one that can give me what I'm in need of.
The most likable honest man, I hope he beats this addiction.
@J NOEL Congrats brotha! Keep going
@J NOEL Thats awesome, congratulations!
You are a lovely guy, I hope you can beat this.
Thanks for sharing 🙏
Fake addict.....
@J NOEL
I started smoking it yesterday. It's great! Makes you feel great!
This is the definition of addiction, he is so self-aware but still can’t shake it. God bless everyone going through this.
Addiction is fiction. Do you think and act like that is untrue?
@@Humble-iq5ue lmao I’m guessing you’ve never dealt with substance abuse
@@bunk95 it’s all a mindset so you are right but the process of getting your mind to change is what people struggle with. That’s addiction.
@@bryanflynn518 yeah I've use various drugs throughout the years but never got addicted to anything. So yeah I don't know. It's all mind power to be able to walk away rather than succumb to the fleshly desires.
@@Humble-iq5uewith certain drugs, by the time you make the decision to “walk away”; you start having withdrawals and are technically “addicted. That’s what dude meant when he said he/you don’t have experience with substance abuse. That’s not me throwing a jab
Man, this is one of the most profound, confusing, intellectual, menacing and beautiful interviews you’ve done.
crack
Right because he is actually a normal person I’ve been there done that
Addiction is a mofo.
You described this interview so well!😀
Its called self awareness. Alot of people should try it out. I hear all the kids are doing it. 😉
You can literally see the normal person in him trapped in this high mind.
This was me but on coc and liquor 2 years ago. I'm still not sober but I'm alot better now
Yo!!!!! There were 111 likes and I scrolled through and saw this... Great week ahead!!!!
So as If hes In a trance in a constant tug of war.
Dude like literally man...literally...not physically or metaphorically...but literally dude...
You can see the normal person in him on the follow-up video.
I _really, really, really_ like this dude.
He’s the most honest addict I’ve ever heard share his story… and I have ten years and eight months sober, so I’ve heard a _lot_ of stories.
I hope you stay sober. I know it's hard
11years Well done !!!
wooohooo
Congrats 👏 love hearing its even possible. Currently on maintenance myself
He has no accountability or respect for his family. He doesnt want to quit. He is not a good soul. YET. He is not ready unfortunately... Iv had bad bad addictions with hard drugs and Iv never stolen from my parents as a grown adult. He is being enabled. He needs to get put in check. If nothing happens concequence wise it continues. He would not do good in prison. Has had so many chances.... Needs to get shook up, it works..
Watching this after seeing the follow up of sober Patrick. He is truly a miracle!
first time in a while ive even brought to tears. so inspirational
@@joshweaver7998 I know. Gives you hope for so many who appear to be completely hopeless.
Pat was friends with my big brother in high school. I love you, Pat. You were always nice to me even though my brother hated me and I'm rooting for you. You can stay free , I know you can.
M
Fuck your brother.... Why do he hates you?
@@YENKOGT that’s brutal bro… honestly!
Wtf is wrong with your bro man?
Did he really go to Harvard?
"man I wonder how this video will affect my life ?" Brother I hope this video affects your life in the most positive and uplifting way possible.
AND, how is this video going to affect other people’s lives?
@@crabbygramma5553 kind of the whole point of the series I feel..... but I was praising the gentleman who candidly and emotionally told his story, hoping he can find health and happiness.
expecially if ur tell ur friend he passed away from a heart attack
These 5 videos are waaaaay more effective than any DARE program where a cop talks to you about all the bad things that will happen to you if you smoke one joint or drink one beer
This comment aged like FINE WINE. March 20th 2024 a video is posted with Patrick and he is 2 years clean and sober. Praise God!
“I want other people to love me because I don’t love me”
Broke my heart. Rooting for you Patrick
I have so much respect for his honestly. He's more honest then my mother.
Mr watch5... how is everything at home?
Aw🙁...yeah... Noticing things with my dad. People r who they r. Good, bad, neutral. 🤷🏾♀️I'm blessed but I get n2 a funk wen it's comes 2 him. THE BAD THING: I have 2 smoke a cigarette b4 I deal with him. Even on phone. But I'm trying 2 stop the tobacco tho. My blood pressure goes up. I don't have chilling mechanisms. Weed IS friend indeed 🤔🤷🏾♀️. It helps
@@candicecandy8137 fuck your writing is hard to understand
But his job won't. He just lost EVERYTHING. The state of California is not gonna keep a crackhead engineer on staff. He even said the date of the interview.
The word you’re looking for is than.
The best part about this interview in my opinion , is that it shows that ANYONE is susceptible to addiction and the devastating affects it has on the mind no matter your background , education etc .
Yes !! Even a Harvard Grad !
Im an RN that got addicted to opiates at age 38. I hit my bottom and went to treatment (knowing I’d soon be uninsured) the night before I went to treatment I was on the hoestroll trying to make some money. Here I am, multiple degrees, an experienced nurse with an impeccable record, specializing in neonatal intensive care, training other RNs and ending up a junkie. Spoiler alert- I’ve been clean since November 2018 thanks to treatment and SMART recovery for follow up care. Bottom line is, this can happen to anyone
Agreed. Many Americans just put them in this neat little box, a category, a stereotype, to feel superior and separate from them.
I think Mark was right about why he needed to create this channel. Because many people just don't "get it" until they watch these interviews.
Legalization and regulation of drugs and greater efforts at rehabilitation over incarceration would help reduce the issue which, even politically there is bipartisan agreement on this, is out of control.
Nurse Therese I wish there was a ❤️ button . I don’t know you but I’m proud of you ! You are the type of person we can only hope to have in the medical field or at the very least , in a position to related too , understand and guide other who suffer from addiction . Genuinely happy to hear your story .
@@Tbabycomrade what made you put that substance in your body. Why did you make that choice knowing medically what it would do to You?
Old saying. “You can’t be too dumb to get clean but you can be too smart”. Meaning you outthink yourself. I pray he gets it. Extremely articulate.
It takes a certain amount of intelligence to convince yourself that next hit is what you need. Even when you know it’s not.
I hope you see this but I thank you for this comment. I believe that this saying is what led me to come clean of myself. Wow. I’m prolly gonna write that down in my important notebook and read it every morning first thing. Thank you sincerely, -adrian
The fact he knows he can’t get a girlfriend and have kids while an addict shows how grounded in reality he still is. The fact he still wants those things is also commendable. I wish he had someone close to give him tough love.
Same. That's what he needs.
Not to take anything away from Patrick, but all addicts feel the same way.
I can’t get a family either
@@sirdopaminesjournal3292 there’s a lot of addicts that are in relationships and have children so not really
tough love doesnt work. addicts wont get clean until THEY are ready to get clean
It’s so scary to know that even with this much self-awareness and reflection that addiction still wins in most cases.
💯💯💯
Yep. Most people that are addicted to any drug don't make it. When I was in rehab ( I even asked for 2 more months) they told me straight out out of 10 addicts only 2 will make it through this vicious cycle. That really woke me up. 9 years clean off meth, 4 years clean off alcohol. But I still smoke weed to calm me down cause of my major depression and social anxiety since I can remember. Good luck to all the great people that have addiction problems. Take it one day at a time. Exercising lowers my anxiety depression tremendously.
Yep
@@666blindrider, Congrats! My sister in law, has been an addicted for the last 10+ years. She’s been in and out of many rehabs, but unfortunately she’s still using. Congrats! God Bless 🙏🙏!!!
You need alot more than self awareness to overcome crack. Knowing you have a problem is just the first step.
hes so aware about his disease its crazy. hes literally fighting himself.
That’s all addicts.
Well the ones fighting long enough are very aware
Do it long enough and there’s no denying it.
He’s a sociopath
Anthony Lara i swear yall watch 1 youtube video n think you a psychiatrist now 😂😂
@@jon35693 most addicts to have sociopathic tendacies. Saying this as a former heroin addict.
That’s the curse of being self-aware and intelligent while fighting addiction. You watch yourself gradually become more and more consumed by your DOC. You know what you’re doing is destructive, and when you sober up you’re left to try and restore the damage you’ve caused. You lose control of your own free will. You become an observer in your very own life.
So true
Wow this is fucking scary thanks for showing me that perspective
Yes.
A ghost.
Very true. Addiction is so dangerous
As of March 20, 2024, Patrick is SOBER! Way to go, Patrick!!!! 👏👏👏
2 years sober!! Praise God
You are amazing Patrick!
This is my first viewing of Patrick's part 1. I'm glad to see he's kicked it. I always wonder how people are doing now, since I'm watching 3 - 4 yrs behind. So many are heartbreaking. Success is good, awesome job Patrick! 😁
And married sooo proud
When I watched and listened to Patrick I felt a sense of true empathy and compassion for what I consider to be the most genuine and loving soul who came on here to share his pain with all of us. Patrick, I just want to say Thank you for what you did for me in helping get in touch with such deep and loving emotions. Because of you, that happened ❤
You're not disgusting, Patrick. You're a human being deserving of dignity, kindness and real love. You have to convince yourself of that.
He didn't say he was disgusting.
He said it was disgusting to have an impulse for prostitutes that also smoke crack.
That is disgusting. Don't be an enabler. I like this guy but don't take away stigmas that should be there. Even he thinks it's disgusting. That's why he's saying it.
@@dangerous8333 I recall him saying that he thinks that he is disgusting.
Please get a life.
Just like being alive 18 years means you should vote.
@@dangerous8333 it's hard to hear when he says it but he might have said "I'm so disgusting man" or "It's so disgusting man" but it sounds more like the former than the latter.
@@bandlehars please find something that brings you joy.
Watching him gurn and fidget makes me feel tremendous relief to be clean and sober for 3 years. You seem like a great guy and I hope you overcome your addiction, Patrick.
Hope your still clean and sober !
Are you from the U.K? I've only ever heard "gurn" here in U.K
yeah me too i was just like that. its just body language saying "i need another hit"
@@edmunds1875we say gurn in Australia as well
Addiction is fiction.
This is heart breaking. My mother was a crackhead and literally threw her life away. Threw her kids away and died alone in a hotel room. This is what crack will do to you...it will make you throw away everything that really matters in your life. I pray this man is able to escape the cycle of addiction.
@@2.0mhllala thank you. Everybody goes through some hardship, what matters is how you deal with it.
@2dawgz i honestly don't think that crack cocaine can kill you alone.
@@fuckRUclipsBringBackDislikes it’s called a cocaine overdose......
@@fuckRUclipsBringBackDislikes your in denial then,any drug can kill
So sorry you lost your mum and had to go through this,thats heartbreaking,i hope you've got through it all and have made a good life for yourself,bless you 💝
So sad man. He’s such a normal dude he’s just so trapped and he’s smart enough to be aware of it. Just helpless. I hope he finds his way out. Godspeed
Crazy how he went straight to crack that definitely doesn't help. Most people have a somewhat gradual progression from just trying things here and there and then getting more and more into it over time. This man went straight for the most addictive thing possible. I'm kind of surprised he didn't know what crack was with all those anti-crack ads in the 90s.
This is literally like 90% of addicts. It’s not like we don’t know and aren’t aware of what we are doing. A lot of functioning Normal people that just have a terrible addiction whether it’s uppers or downers.
@@pricklycatsssProbably didn’t really understand what it was but knew of it
I want him to win over crack. Such an honest and loveable soul.
LMAO 🤣😆😂🤣
He did. He is cleanand sober and married!!!
He literally is one of the most honest interviewees you have ever had he is giving you gut-level honesty all his toxicness is pouring out of him good video
toxicity
@@matthewazuh2180 Check out birdman drug stories on RUclips too🦅
Except saying Harvard extension school is “Harvard”. It’s a certificate program not entrance requirements. And spending 15k a month bullshit... he would be homeless and couldn’t afford that on 6 figures. Not buying it at all
He is so disgusted with himself but can't stop, addiction is a monster!
Yes !
Yep, I could tell by his smile....🥴
Smiling faces........sometimes they lie😉
@@notimetowaste1254 And I could tell for his desire of dominance over other victims (female addicts). Great guy, he's a okay! 😉
@@byronwright801 I I agree 💯, because it could be a coping mechanism. I laugh when I am nervous/anxious and people may take it as I am flirting or whatever they may think, and really it is because I have anxiety and it is one of my coping mechanism.
I grew up around addicts, my dad was a pretty big drug dealer. The amount of people i met who were INSANELY smart like Patrick, self aware, and outside of their addiction were completely normal people blows my mind. Its a very strange and sad world to be immersed in. I hope Patrick can overcome his addiction for those who couldn’t.
I am a recovering addict, I know so many addicts that are so smart & if they got clean they could do so good in life. It’s heartbreaking, when your using nothing else matters.
Pretty much correct,most addicts are very intelligent, including myself! functional tho. Maybe we think too much and are trying to escape it,that's me at least,I have to shut it off sometimes .These interviews are always so emotional.
The number of functioning, even high functioning crack users would blow most people's minds. There are folks who smoke rock that most people would never in a million years think do. I'm sure meth is the same way.
@@travisfleenor2418my friend Alex smokes Crack and he is a Lawyer.
My dad was also a dealer and somehow i managed to be around the trashiest type of drug users lol im not denying that alot of them are normal but ive seen people who actually lost their minds on drugs. Kind of warps my perception of hard drug users but no doubt there are those who just need to get out of a bad habit and can be saved.
I really appreciate people like him who are willing to go out to the wild frontiers of the human experience and report back to the rest of us. Hopefully this video will help others. Hopefully he finds some peace.
Gonzo journalism.
Just had to drop in 8 months later and say how much I love the quote "the wild frontiers of the human experience", what an awesome way to put that.
@@BobbyGeneric145 This is definitely Gonzo journalism.
WITHOUT A DOUBT THE MOST facinating character yet AND IVE SEEN THEM ALL, WE NEED AN UPDATE. BE WELL PATRICK YOU GOT THIS BUDDY YOU GOT THIS
I really hope he makes it ❤️
Being an Ex meth addict.. I identify with the sexual fixation, impotence, and behavior that he speaks about while smoking crack. I engaged in all of it, and it was almost refreshing hearing someone has struggled with the exact same thing. I’m now sober, in college, and getting a degree to become a therapist for those who struggle with addiction.
We do recover. ❤️
No one cares
I think all meth users have that sexual fixation. That's simply what meth does. I've never experienced that with crack, just wanting more crack.
Good luck 🙏🏾
@@trump24trump then why ya here? You cared enough to comment
Yes. Amphetamines causes you to have a Non-Stop p*** and masturbation fixation. It's so disgusting and unnatural. Every once in awhile I will have about a two-week binge on caring about nothing but watching p*** and masturbating when otherwise I'm a semi normal person. So sick of it.
My son had a gifted IQ, was an amazing artist- he could draw a picture that looked like a photograph, but he was an addict. His drug of choice was heroin. He got and stayed clean for 3 years but had a relapse & passed away from an accidental overdose 4 years ago this coming June. Drug abuse devastates the addict and their families. I miss him so. 💔 I hope this man can overcome his addiction.
So sorry for your loss.
@@dmitriy6147 Thank you so much.
Very sorry to hear that 1sherba
Addicts are fictional. Do you think and act like that is untrue?
My prayers go out to you. You are not alone
The problem with hard drug addiction is that being sober is almost as miserable as getting high, and those are your only two options
You hit it
well said....and sadly true...
Nailed it. It's so fucking boring, but being a junkie is just gross. What to dooooooo
Being high is almost as miserable as being sober
Give it time brother u will start building back your pleasures in your brain, go to the gym and keep being sober and u will start enjoying life. But the first couple months of sobriety sucks and life sucks but b patient it’s worth the fight.
Wow one of the best interviews. The man has a depth of understanding about this situation and is able to articulate his sense of utter despair with such honesty.
This is so unfortunate because he’s actually a nice looking man with intelligence to match. He also seems very sincere and kind hearted. Hoping for a full recovery for him so he can grasp the things in life he deserves.
Absolutely he's very sincere and cute. Hoping the best for him 🙏
Only thing I find out is that ones they hit the pipe...it's seem they can't get of this runaway train.
She said he’s cute yeeeaahh he’s a good guy for sure seems like it
@The Real Confession - You know, it’s rather sad and honestly a problem that you and some of the other commenters are completely ignorant to the impact of what you are saying and how it may impact/effect viewers/readers of this content. Saying things like you did, verbatim - “So unfortunate” because he’s a “nice looking man with intelligence to match” and how he “seems very sincere and kind hearted” - although maybe true or nice, can really hurt someone else who may be dealing with similar issues but possibly doesn’t have those character traits! I mean is what you said to imply that if you’re not a “nice looking” person or “intelligent” that, those individuals aren’t just as deserving of help and the care/love people like you seem to have for someone who falls into a certain category. I really don’t feel as though I need to go into details but EVERYONE needs help and needs OUR support and LOVE. NOT JUST THE CUTE ONES OR THE INTELLIGENT ONES. And make no mistakes, just because someone looks a certain way…MEANS NOTHING! Ever heard of a wolf in sheeps clothing, I mean come on. Show LOVE to EVERYONE! EVERYONE NEEDS IT! ,..and LIFE IS SHORT! Sorry if I came across rude at all in this post but after watching this and reading these posts I was just appalled because it is just all to often where people get treated a certain way because of the way they look or sound or what credentials they hold. ALL WE HAVE IS TODAY, GIVE YOUR LOVE TO EVERYONE. If you’ve made it this far, thank you for reading and also maybe you’ll start living your life through a bit of a different lens. …and not just you @The Real Confession and @Carolynn Alvarez - LOVE to ALL OF YOU. - Happy Tiger Year!
@@AIvey 'o
What an absolutely gorgeous man. I had to watch this after seeing his update. The world is a better place for you Patrick
This guy IS loveable ... he’s truthful, insightful and decent and totally honest .. what’s not to love about him?
He is !!
So true !
Yes. So true of a lot of people who don't love themselves.
He can't see himself even with all his abilities and needs help with self esteem
Something associated with November keeps him prisoner.
Mark: That will kill you
Patrick: That would be a relief
man.... heavy
I wish I could take care of him 😖😖
Heart sinking...
Lots of people feel like that. I do.
When you get older life sucks man. The system will crush you.
Deep asf
Death doesn’t always seem so sad when you are so emotionally exhausted
I was clean from heroin for 8 years. Then last year I made the mistake of getting ‘just one bag’ to take the edge off the severity of stress and issues I was dealing with at the time. Fast forward one year - I have sold all my worldly possessions, I mean everything. I have been left with nothing but one massive habit. Keeling this a secret from my family and everyone I love around me adds to the dire situation I’ve created for myself. I took the first steps and admitted defeat today and phoned the addiction centre, the same centre who got me clean years ago. I have an assessment phone call in a couple of days. I’m looking forward to a ‘normal’ life once again. I can’t remember the last time I went to bed and didn’t cry myself to the very little sleep I currently get. I hope he gets his life in order eventually. I hope I do too. Thank you for these videos x
So did you go to rehab? How are you doing? Hope you're no longer crying every night!
Ive been there buddy
How are you doing now
I hope you’re doing well! Wishing you peace, love, light and clarity!
Don’t give up. You got this. We are rooting for you.
Hey Hans hope you are doing well today, even if it's a bad day know that people are thinking about you and you can always try again tomorrow. As long as you are alive you have a chance to do better and change your life to whatever you want it to be. God loves you no matter what and hes always with you when you feel alone. That space in your head that's emptiness when you think to yourself, that's god just ask him and he will answer.
I’ve learned more from this than all his other interviews. When you see how a person behaves on drugs, it teaches you so much more than a sober person could.
I'll be 20 years sober on August 15 and I was worst of the worst. Good luck!
Congratulations on your sobriety! Here’s to 20 more years of sobriety for you! ❤️
Congrats!!! That is awesome!! ♥️
Congrats!!! I’m proud of you!
🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰
Congratulations 🎊
These videos are lessons in disguise, totally underrated, and should honestly be watched by many more people.
Yo i Watch this .. often to stay sober no lie ..
This guy just wanted to get all this out. He clearly feels very guilty about everything.
crack is like a truth serum!
@Alan not sure addiction ever suddenly disappears
@@user-jy2sj4ed4i it definitely doesn't
@Alan addiction never just suddenly goes away
Nobody is proud of it. Its a ball a chain that you are always ashamed of. But, he knows the why, and he is honest but he hasnt said the why yet. In his mind he knows the hang up, he wont reveal it, we never do, we learn to live with it without ever speaking it out load.
He looks like the best undercover cop who ever existed
Lol
Damn they say that about me, wish we had cops paycheck 🤣
Is it the shirt? It’s the shirt isn’t it? Is it too much? 😂
A cop on crack
Buck..
Undercover cops look nothing like this!
This is one of the best interviews I’ve watched on this channel he was totally transparent as well as funny he’s a good guy deep down but just lacks self confidence and self belief bless him !!
I just want to give this man a hug and tell him everything is going to be alright. My husband died 11 years ago of a drug overdose. These are not bad people, they are sick, hurt, and in torment.
you would probably be lying to him. i don't think hes going to be alright
@@TheJimburke Watch his most recent video
*He’s quite likable and a tad charming while he’s been up for 5 days. I can’t imagine his personality sober and slept for 8hrs. Get sober my friend!!*
I thought exactly the same thing. The dude is smart, funny, decent looking, and holy shit what?? Been up for 5 days WOW.
@@SoilentGr33n the 3 videos he did within a month or so were insane. In a month he went from a relapsed addict who’s a Harvard grad with a city position making 6 figures who has a car and apartment in la. To a addict with a sex addiction, who’s spent most of his time on skid row looking for crack and hookers, missed work probably lost his job, spent all his money, sold his car for crack, was beat up and robbed, his dad won’t pay for his condo or give him money...just within a month! It’s very hard for me to understand since I’ve never been addicted to anything. I think In general it’s hard to understand how one can go so far down from where they once were. He’s went to 10-15 rehabs and still can’t hold his own money and can’t stay sober longer than 6 months. He has all the support in the works from family to friends but still his addiction is winning. I’m sorry but there’s a point where it seems like he just doesn’t want to stay sober. At what point does his family and friends walk away? This has been going on for 20 years. It’s gotta be exhausting for the ppl who love him.
Not exactly charming... he's forthright and has moments of lucidity but he's pretty neurotic IMO
@@TiffanyMaryJean My brother has the same problem . He tries to stay off it. We have to take accountability although he is still a victim and that's why its so illegal .
@@bobshenix agreed. far from "charming"
I've never done crack, but I'm a massive alcoholic. I've been drinking a litre of rum and 12 beer every single day for like the last 3 years. I can't remember the last time I was properly sober. The way this guy speaks is so spot on. He's incredibly self-aware for being an addict.
Hey man, I dont know you but I hope you're doing okay. If you haven't gotten a chance, check out Patrick's newest interview with SWU.
wishing you healing and blessings
Praying for you Rory!! I'm in AA and there is hope!!
Please, please ...get the help you need. That was my life-long best friend in whole wide world's diet too (except she preferred vodka) at year 4 she suddenly became very ill, was put in a medically induced coma - on life-support. We lost her. She was 45 years old, left 3 beautiful children without their mother. She never dreamed it would actually affect her, especially so quickly - PLEASE get help. You physically can not stop on your own. Please 🥺
I see comments like yours every once in a great while. I always check the name to see if it's my son. I want it to be him. It never is. I just want to know he's still alive. I cry.
This guy has displayed more honesty in 32mins than I have seen in a long time! I wish him well with his addiction and life!
I’ve said it before on these videos and I’ll say it again, honesty is beautiful even when the truth is ugly. Patrick I see you. You’re still young, please read the comments here, re-visit with Mark, you can beat this. Sending you love and strength. I see you!
Amen.💖
ABSOLUTELY
thank you
@@jumpupanddown4God ❤
@@jumpupanddown4God you’re welcome, how are you?
He’s addicted to making himself not feel like himself it’s not only the crack the crack is just a symptom he will always indulge in things until he does work on himself. Admired his honesty if your honest your in with a chance of recovery I wish him well x
This interview is worthy of being converted into a documentary about crack addition. I learnt so much about this tragic disease and how it leaves the addict helpless. This deserves to be elevated to the level of educational material .
Most definitely should be educational material 💯💯
I Agree with you
Very well said.
it would make a good doco but this is guy is not your average crack addict, at least not where I live
My man is jonesing hard. If youve never been on a crack binge, you dont know how hard it really is for him to sit there and have a deep conversation with one thing on his mind. I couldnt have done it
Extremely hard
why is he moving that way? is it nervous system damage?
@@johnhelton3826 he's tweaking out dummy
@@johnhelton3826no lmao
this guy is EXACTLY like how my ex was with cocaine. the speech and body language mannerisms, the tendencies, the fantasies. the only difference is that Patrick has the awareness to understand and articulate reasons why he does what he does. this helped me sort of understand my ex and empathize for the first time.
Move on he’s with a new hoe
@@masonsobel366 God dayumn that escalated quickly. 🤣 🤣
@@nicolejuarez5670 fr idk what came over me tbh
Patrick's description of his crack experiences, especially the sexual parts are extremely accurate to my cocaine experiences. I abused coke heavily for a few years and that's exactly how I felt every time. I also lost a job on a three day coke bender after I had been off coke for almost 10 years, then one night at the bar someone gave me a bump and a free couple of grams... that was that.
@@alanw4935 yes technically but you can’t compare the 2…
Cocaine is more social, crack is more of a “shut the blinds and lock the doors” kinda high
I haven’t done crack for 15 years ,it was so hard to get off of.I am depressed and it has been crossing my mind more and more to drink or do crack just to feel a little better .Watching this was a godsend. That euphoria for a second is followed by days of regret and anxiety and nausea. God bless him
I had an obsession for stimulants in general, but I've found crack way too quick of a high and went to snorting meth.
Fortunately I've left that life behind but as we all (should) know, once an addict always an addict.
SSRIs work wonders
He seems like a good guy, I hope he overcomes his addiction.
TELLING ON MYSELF WAS THE ONLY THING THAT GOT ME SOBER. Yes, I'm yelling.
@Patrick Bateman I understand brolami. Ima tell you the answer, and it's the truth. Idk if you believe in God, but he's real and he knows everything about you. Ask Jesus to help you and he will. I've been stuck in the same cycle and I keep making the same mistake OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER. 15 times now with the adderall this last year. And I'm finally about to get out of it.
@Patrick Bateman Jesus will sit their with you and go through the pain with you, he's been doing it with me. Literally just be like "Jesus/God, show me you're real, and tell him you need help, and he will I promise you.
@Patrick Bateman It might take a while and be a long process, but little by little you'll be able to grow out of it. Look for narcotics anonymous or alcohol anonymous.
@Patrick Bateman This is coming from a long time agnostic/atheist also btw, until only a couple years ago.
ME TOO!!
The world has no idea how many of us "functioning addicts" blend almost effortlessly into the groups of people you see every day. I hope we all find out way out before we find our way underground. Best of luck to you, Patrick.
I pray you soon find your way out. Don't give up on yourself.❤
Agreed.
Yep
Sure that’s not denial? Be careful w that one.
Yes! I went thru that awful cycle where I would binge then try and walk back into life like everything was fine. Its the worst!!! Awful. I have years sober but the calling still hits. And I found something sober I love so when the calling hits, I shut everything down pass off my life responsibilities and do that thing. Which is binge TV and sleep
This is the only one of these I've ever watched all the way through. Somehow the pure genuineity of this guy is powerful and emotional enough to overpower the deep sadness and pain of the story he tells, and it makes me feel for him so much....what an amazing guy. Really hope he's getting better now
It’s also one of the shortest lol
This man's brutal honesty makes me feel even more sorry for him.
He's crying out for help
Same. Makes him so likeable
@@suezannemarie292 try keeping a secret charged up on coke . It’s near impossible.
Attractive in so many ways, but so lost...doesn’t see his potential. Love and light to you! ❤️
lams1013 I was thinking the same :(
Yeah he so beautiful 4 me
He's too busy being disgusted with himself to see his potential!!
This is by far one of the best interviews I've seen imo. Please have him back for an update if possible. His honesty and how self aware he is really impressed me. I really wish him the best.
By far the #1 interview on this channel. I’ve watched the Patrick series 10+ times and I would love to see an update on how he’s doing!
Update: He is smoking crack in a sketchy skid row motel room getting set up to be robbed by a street walking hooker.
They just did an update!
@Mel O. wow, really, after I finish this video imma look up the new one&watch it.
This is a very honest, and highly intelligent guy who would be able to soar in life, if he only could learn his worth and kick this horrible addiction. Sending prayers up for you, Patrick. I’m rooting for you, and I’m sure many others viewing this are as well. Thank you for being so transparent with us. I hope it helps get you on a journey to recovery. Don’t give up. 💗
As a recovering addict when he read what his sponsor sent him I teared up. Man I hope he gets it together. His honesty is actually admirable.
I want to sponsor people and volunteer my time. I’ve seen a few people die and I just want to help people. I wanna make my grandpa proud. She was an addict her whole life.. RIP.
This is so true. I’m recovering and I see who he can become if he coulf get sober
Timestamp?
Such an honest, gifted, and attractive human being
I just rewatched this interview after about a year and it is just as powerful as the first time. One of the most impactful aspects is hearing Patrick’s dry swallows throughout the interview. I’ve been in the position and been around a lot of people doing cocaine and I know that sound all too well. I legitimately teared up again listening to him read out his sponsor’s text message. Fantastic job to both Mark and Patrick.
I was thinking that too, and then the next few days your mouth and throat and sinuses are all jacked up and it hurts to eat
Really hope he’s able to sort himself out, the self awareness makes it that much more sad.
Well said!
@@stary._.butterfly3368 💖💖💖
@@marylougeorge9890 And back to u♥️
The self awareness shows me there’s hope. 🙏🏼
@@shellabella8625 there Is..Its hard to get up when u feel So Down..but IT not about how many times life And people fór that matter knock u Down,IT IS how many times u stand up♥️
Anyone that doesn't believe in the disease model of addiction needs to watch this.
NO ONE would do this over and over again if it were just bad choices.
@Maximus Meridius you’re the most ignorant person in the world if you believe that.
@Maximus Meridius I guess you’ve never been dopesick before throwing up and shitting your pants.
@maximus meridius way to speak the truth, to many people are fooled into thinking this is a disease.
@@anthonyberardi8904 This comment proves you do not understand what you're talking about, being dope sick from having used has nothing to do with addiction being seen as a disease or illness. Im telling you young one read the book addiction is a choice then come back and talk.
@@drewjason1992 well it doesn’t matter to me what you think about the subject. I know who I am. Been doing subs everyday for the last 8 or 9 years and I’m only gonna live once so I want to feel good and be happy as much as possible. Life’s too short to be miserable lol
He could help THOUSANDS of people if he could get his act together. His honesty, and the way he can explain his experience is phenomenal. If he could find the way out maybe he could lead others out too.
Yes definitely, I see a leader in him
He already has by doing this interview...and I suspect he laid it all out there for that reason
Talent scout aye 😂😂😂😂
Thanks for sharing your story I got basically the same deal got addicted to crack through prostitutes I wonder if it is possible for me to talk to you I have now being free from crack addiction for 7 years not from prostitutes though but I have definitely the same addiction and it all started right there on Figueroa downtown LA your shar is really honest
I went through a lot of rehabs and I started going to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings and was thorough alcoholics anonymous that I got sober from drugs
This guy is one of the best I've ever heard..... incredibly honest. Wow. God Bless this man please in all of his affairs.
I can completely relate with Patrick! 6 years clean one day at a time. My recovery is contingent on the maintenance of my spiritual condition. May you find true inner peace Patrick!
This is exceptional content that would never have been available years ago on TV. I've watched several of these interviews, thank you for creating them.
Patrick reminds me of my husband. He’s an engineer too and cracked from stress and has been trying to figure stuff out. Patrick there is a woman out there who will LOVE you and meet your needs but you have to get better first! You have so much potential and are clearly intelligent. Work a program and get back into life!
Thank you for giving us the opportunity to listen to this guy. I have learnt so much. Don't think I'll ever forget him. Please God he gets through this.
Out of all the people I've seen on this channel thus far, my heart goes out to this man the most. Intelligence caught in a net and dragged down by addiction.
This is one of the best channels on RUclips. At first I thought it was kind of exploitative, but now I appreciate its honest, direct and unfiltered view it offers towards the harrowing edges of human experience
Well said
How does he find these people and have them so ready to spill their hearts. It’s wild
@@nedwatrshed i think most of them are just waiting for someone who cares enough to come along and let them pour their heart out and just listen so that they can tell their story to someone else and get it all out
Go watch Amanda and her interviews and try and tell me this isn't exploitative.
@@69kat69 yeah, that's what makes the part at 23:30 so sad though. The look on his face when he starts talking about paying him is tragic. It's like he doesn't want money for this, like that would destroy it. I felt that the talk of transaction made it seem exploitative.
Man I've watched this video so many times. I struggle with xanax addiction. I've been in and out of rehabs since I was 18. This man hit addiction on the head. He described it in ways I've never ever heard and that's saying a lot for someone who's been to rehabs since they were a kid. I'm still struggling but have managed to get 6 months sober in a week
You got this! That’s amazing . Keep it up!
Way to go! Don’t lose hope. Just keep on keeping on. Thanks for sharing!
6 months sober in a week? How does that work 😆
My mate died from Xanax, be careful bro
Keep at it bro!! Much love
Such a nice man, open and honest about his demons. Really hope he pulls through this
I go to the clinic everyday to stay sober and watch your videos every morning!!
👍
Way to go!
So proud of you! Keep loving you, even when you don’t feel like it.
😊💖👏👏👏👍
KEEP PUSHING RHONDA! We r rooting from u all over the world!
He's an extremely intelligent, kind, honest, attractive guy. This is so heartbreaking.
Hard drugs are brutal. Sad too.
“i want people to love me cuz i don’t love me” felt that patrick. you got this dude
I absolutely love this guys honesty and I hope he’s doing well in life. That “don’t tell them out there” you can tell he was so ashamed…
He’s such a cool and sincere dude. I really hope and pray that he finds long term recovery 🙏🏼
You can tell this man is being so brutally honest and I love it. There are so many interviews filled with lies but this one is different. I can tell he is a smart dude. Wishing him the best
you can see his buzz gradually diminish during the course of the interview, his mood gets more and more dark.. That drug is clearly short acting. poor guy.
Pray for him
It starts wearing off in seconds.
Just saying sup to a fellow Drummer.
@@ottovonbismarck6310 yeah but the withdrawl gradually builds, so it’s more like he’s at baseline at the start and begins declining. I dont think he was super high or anything at the beginning
yea its even shorter than cocaine powder. which is already stupid short. im never touching rock.
Shit wears off like 5 mins it’s not even worth it
He’s honestly is unbelievable,what a amazing man
I never comment on videos but this is so heartbreaking. As a 19 year old I am happy to be educated about drugs such as this so I can stay far far away from them.
Alcohol is also a drug and can be insidious. Well done for educating yourself :-)
Please stay away worse mistakes of my life
YES!!
As a 38yr man that grew up in the hood in the era when dope dealing, gangbanging, partying, skipping school, criminal activity was a hobby, I'm very glad to hear your opinion on the subject and wish you and your peers,the next generation of young minds success and the wisdom from watching the older generations fall,learning from our mistakes and the consequences of our decisions we made when we were growing up. Raised by music,peers, tv;rap videos promoting everything negative making money off selling dope and killing ourselves for popularity and power to get the bag of bling,the diamonds, the flashy cars,girls....what it didn't show was the real sacrifices of that life...no friends, they use...no family,unsafe or death,prison, lonely, life always at risk because they see you coming up, they will take it from you...your own people. The police always on your ass. If they legalize all of it and educated people on it,they would make better decisions, minimize the risks,change minds,become more responsible and make educated choices to use or not. Prohibition didn't stop alchohol. Drug war,hasn't been won,well...drugs won. It should be an open door to use or not,to get help or not,to change your life or not. No one should be able to tell you what you can or can't do to your own body. Family should support you and be there if you get stuck and need help too. Live life,u only have one.
Amen !!!
It appears that the ones who are absolutely honest, are the main ones hurting the most. I hope he knows he is worthy.
Truth.😢
Isn’t that the truth! 😓
My ex was a lot like this guy..... especially after taking a hit, wanting sex _immediately_ and not be able to...but it was my fault. Crack is a useless drug (I mean, they _all_ are, but crack is _especially_ useless). It's an instant of euphoria, ten seconds. Until the next hit. I cannot imagine where I'd be right now if I'd had a good job when I was smoking crack. Phew. I really, really hope this guy gets to a point when he's like, no, I'm done. This level of honesty bodes well for his recovery......though he seems to know his cycle pretty well.
Man, Patrick. You're a helluva dude. I hope you can get out of this.
Best comment
This guy that I used to get high with used to say that “crack is the best feeling in the world immediately followed by the worst feeling in the world.” RIP Patrick.
@@blairjohnson6014 yup, basically instant euphoria for 30 seconds followed by an hours long panic attack.
This was one of the best and most honest interviews I've ever seen on this channel or anywhere else. Hope you find your way Patrick you seem like the kind of guy who deserves it.
I can't stop watching this guy and I don't have an explanation for it. Seriously, this is the third time watching all his interviews. Crazy intelligent and honest. No other stories quite like his. I hope he can straighten himself. But I know how impossibly brutal it can be. Thank you for opening up like this Patrick. You're helping people out.
I cried when he read the text his sponsored sent. I hope to hear from him soon. I would even love a wk update. Lol. Please add him to the update list Mark. Lol. I loved his honesty. I wish him the best. Im glad I went back to watch this one.
Patrick update video was just uploaded today
At the beginning of the video, I thought this is the first video where the interviewee had a stable childhood and no sexual abuse/molestation was involved, and then halfway through the video there it was. So heartbreaking. We need to protect our children. I wish him nothing but the best.
The main thing I’ve noticed from these videos is how many people lie to themselves about their childhood.
I thought the same. He was 4 years old, so sad and fucked up. I wondered whilst listening (I'm two thirds in now) if that's why his sex addiction is so intertwined with his high on crack state of being. Perhaps he's mostly mentally blocked from enjoying or wanting sex and paying for sex makes it feel safer and less vulnerable, and being high out of his mind increases that safe, non vulnerable feeling.
yeah he mentions older girls doing things to him as a 5 year old boy & doesn't want to call it "molested"... and I know why. A teenage girl in my family did things to me from 4-5 to 8 years old & I too can't bring myself to call it sexual abuse or call myself a victim.
Because we're taught that men cannot be victims and women cannot be perpetrators of sexual abuse. So for those who have experienced it's a mindfuck of a trauma. I spent 2 decades thinking it was me who had done something wrong and that I was born a pervert, that I was inherently dirty. And because of that you never dare speaking out about it, also for fear of not being taken seriously.
This interview genuinely helped me understand myself in a lot of ways. Those addictive urges and desires are a part of my lack of knowing how to fill that void or needing love
I feel him so much, being a coke addict for 13 years and seeing him in this interview really makes me recall those horrible moments of desperation. Sending all my love to Patrick, he seems to be an awesome guy! Keep coming back, it works!
I really love this interview. This guy is the most truthful and real person ever. I can definitely relate to his struggles.
This guy has the most amazing job in the world that they're letting him go on crack binges and then come back in the middle of the week when he's done. He seems like a very genuine dude and I wish him the best.
I cannot believe he still has a job
Yeah, he's either lying or we're stupid...
He filed an FMLA claim. This is a medical leave for him to go get treatment
I need to get a job in this company bruh. I only smoke weed
Yeah not suprised he's a city of Los Angeles employee.
This is crazy! I know him. Went to treatment with him at teen challenge Brockton and played worship music with him. He is the smartest dude. This is his 4 days no sleep. When he’s firing all cylinders he’s on another level. He went to Harvard while he was working for the treatment center we went to and we would play at church he’s 3x a week. Normal people can’t handle that load and he never seemed stressed out.
I hope he stays clean and we can hang out again
Jesse! I love you bro
@@jumpupanddown4God miss you man. Hope you’re doing well. Brad will update me from time to time. We still hangout and go on vacations together.
I agree, I think, he might also find it quite suffocating to be in this society with his intelligence both emotional and other... I used to feel the same! I am sober only a month :(. From what I hear, he is more into power, he is more into the rush and feeling of power.... that is quite addictive...
I've never seen someone with such a problem that's so self aware. I hope he figures it out, because I feel like he's got an incredible amount of potential.
He said 500,000 yeah he is sleep deprived LOL