I've been divorced 20 years. When I come home my house is neat and clean, quiet, peaceful, and stress-free. There's no woman telling me what to do or what to wear; no honey-do list, no walking on egg shells because I don't want to upset her, and no woman to argue with me if I want to sit around all day watching sports or playing video games. It's heaven.
you're in the woods a lot man. I have PTSD from my marriage and job--I was a vet too. I don't have PTSD from war--just women and work. I'm lucky to be alive
You fear the single life, that nothing will be waiting for you but loneliness....and then a few weeks go by...you're still waiting for the regret to kick in...for the bleakness to descend...and yet all you're experiencing is relief and light heartedness and peace..... the realisation you no longer have to walk on eggshells....and so you kick yourself for hanging on to a really bad, absolutely terrible deal for so long.
I would have liked to have kids, but the probability of them taken away and turned against me would be more than I could tolerate. I wonder why there aren't more divorced men that give their wives eternal peace after being so unjustly treated.
I spent most of my adult life racing 1 milers, 5Ks, marathons, triathlons, Ironman triathlons. I loved the suffering, both emotional and physical. Nothing like war, but the last few miles of a marathon when your body is failing but you choose to tune out the pain and keep pushing is a real MFer. I was really good at it. I loved it and I prided myself on being tougher than most all of my peers. I knew I was a tough nut to crack in almost any situation. My wife was not a great runner. She was soft and had a severe lack of focus. Full of excuses. However, when it came to our marriage, she was a pit Bull. She had severe focus and would lie and cheat to get what she wanted. Before we ultimately split, she had me on the ropes. Then she spent the next 3 years trying to ruin my life and my relationships after our divorce was final. PRSD? Most likely. I still have the occasional bad dream involving her, but I mostly laugh about it now and count my blessings. A crazed woman will F you up. Stay clear.
Good content! I’m going through divorce after 26 year marriage and I usually wake up feeling like the luckiest man alive but I still harbor resentments and anger at times and your channel helps with that
Here is the problem, and I have said it many many times. For most men, we could be sitting in the worst apartment, eating the worst pizza, drinking the worst beer, watching our favorite football team, get the snot beat out of them on the worst TV, and we are sitting with our buddy, and we are happy as a clam. For most women, you can take them on a first class Hawaiian vacation to an oceanfront Villa at The Four Seasons Hotel, and they will complain that they don’t have gluten-free croutons for the Caesar salad. There is always something wrong, always something not quite right, always something to complain about, always something that could be better. And your role as the man in the relationship is to put out her never-ending stream of emotional wildfires that keep popping up like the world‘s worst carnival whack a mole game. It’s just too exhausting.
@@kenelder5182 In my early 20s I lived alone in a 300 sq foot apartment and furnished it with a futon and side table holding a 13 inch black & white TV that had a coat hanger and aluminum foil antenna. I found peace and mental clarity there.
My own experience was more than just sweet relief. It was recovery. At the tail end of my marriage, I suffered from frequent headaches and heartburn, and had pain in my shoulder blade that sent tingling feelings down my arm. Within a month of moving out, even before the divorce was over, my headaches and heartburn disappeared and three months later, the shoulder pain did as well. There was nothing physically wrong with me in an organic sense, it was not just stress, but despair and hopelessness. Yes, definitely cut your losses and get out if that's what's best for you.
I didn't feel that bad, nor was I married but I did fall very sick twice during my last relationship and I figure that's just due to the fact that I internalized my grievances in order to avoid conflict. This phenomenon is well documented in medical literature (nocebo) but I don't think a lot of people take it seriously until it happens to them. Good for you to have your health back, buddy!
I used to get severe itching in my limbs. Thought it was an allergy. As soon as I got rid of one problem the itching stopped. Maybe I was allergic to her😂
When you're dating a woman who's determined to get married and have kids notice how she will literally destroy the relationship if you don't give her those things when she wants them. Fast forward 20 years, notice how they portray getting married and having kids as an imposition, burden, prison, etc. that you imposed upon them and that they are justified in destroying you over in order to "live their best life".
The soldier shooting the girl with the grenade was a black and white decision. Awful, experience, but the alternative might have been his death or people around him. With a relationship, it's different, it’s all grey. You are left with the dreaded “shoulds.” Should I have done this, or that? You, are usually giving up some good stuff as well, and that hurts. No one, should put up with abuse. Tough decisions are part of life.
For 24hrs I tried to save our marriage. All to a very loud NO. After that I saw an opportunity to leave the hell I was living in. After years of torture I was finally free and I've never looked back.
Men do that. It’s a foundational feeling! My wife said something though that has really helped me. “I’ve thought of divorcing you for years” and I feel my hands let go of the gripping. Instead of “No” I say “Ok” with peace. Bitterness will always be there as a whisper but it’s met with a thanks for giving me insight to the truth of female nature. While it’s a shame what she did to our kids, it was a gift to me. I’m truly grateful as I go forward with this super power, or kryptonite towards the false illusion of romance.
some observations of others over the years on this subject- 1. bumper sticker seen on the fwy "Exwife for sale- take over payments". 2. over heard- " I never believed in divorce until I got married" 3. quote from Rodney Dangerfield out of the movie "Back to school' on divorce- " I feel I got paroled"
6 months after the divorce, doing great. Red pilled after 17 years of marriage. The main lesson I learned: A man can sacrifice his happiness for his family. A woman can sacrifice her family for her happiness. Happy family - where both spouses are already happy from inside. I learned the hard way, trying to make happy an unhappy woman. I wasn't her first choice either too, I believe. Now I am at peace with myself. Spent last 3-4 years trying to fire the dead marriage. It wasn't my fault at all that it's dead. The moment I started cherishing myself I started being at peace with myself. I deserve to be happy. Have a good day. Drizzle drizzle.
That soliloquy from Hurt, when Johnny Cash did the cover: “What have I become, my sweetest friend?” Speaks to me about the importance of loving yourself with the tenderness you’d give to your child or dearest friend.
Happiness can't come from others. It has to come from within. Trying to make her happy is the opposite of what you should have done. It actually drives women away further. It happened in my first marriage the same way.
Side note: When a woman calls a man bitter, asks who hurt you, etc., when he’s just telling his side of the story, it is a huge red flag that she lacks empathy and emotional maturity. In her mind, her ego and feelings trump all, regardless of what is right. Women like that should be avoided at all costs.
“You’re just bitter” is a common shaming tactic. But there’s nothing wrong with that emotion. It’s part of the process. We can use it and convert it into positive change. That’s the power move.
What does "bitter" really mean? Is it simply another word for feeling that one has been unfairly treated? If that is the case, you could call a lot of people "bitter". Victims of genocide, people unjustly convicted of a crime, etc.. There is a good reason why someone is "bitter".
That's a phrase ALWAYS used by those who drank the kool aid and are now suffering from buyers regret, eyeing up your peaceful life with envious eyes while they're living in the middle of a domestic hurricane.
A lot of women imagine things in their heads and then project them onto their partner as fact. This common shaming tactic is one of those used when a thinking man discusses a topic with relative ease, but those women would likely have a full-on meltdown if they tried to discuss it. It touches onto another theme that a lot of women are fallible to: they assume that their experience or the experience of another will be YOUR experience too.
Wow, John, your video's are really therapeutic! 9 years now, she left me at 65 when I was having unbleievable health issues, but when I think back, of how my friends told me in the beginning about my x and her sisters reputation, I as a 23 year old guy who just wanted out of my mothers house( because of a terrible sibling), she was cute, she made me promise to never leave her when I gave her the ring, because of mental issues with her family! I SHOULD HAVE RAN! But I thought that WE could make a life beyond our respective screwed up family's. Her brother warned me at that time that I would have to conform to her sisters wishes along with her mother if I were going to stay with her! I JUST DIDN'T WANT TO LISTEN! I HATED HER SISTER FORM HIGH SCHOOL BECAUSE OF WHAT HER SISTER DID TO FRIENDS! But my x was cute And my best friends wifes friend, and I was led to believe she was coming from the same place! HER BROTHER WAS RIGHT! It was like I married 3 women, 2 controlled her! Not in the very beginning, but 10 years later when her dad died ! PTSD damn it was hell, Then her sister married a guy who I hated from high school! I was 6FT. 4, 230lb and had to put up with that POS! To keep her happy! All of this I could see now! I started to worry when I would go over the in-laws, and the father-in-law would have a busted lip, then a few weeks later a black eye, and when you questioned it the old lady would jump in with the same story all the time, that she had a nightmare and hit him while dreaming, what BS! With all of this, I should have run! I thought I could handle it, she waited 32 years for me to become vulnerable with health issues so she could follow her sisters advice to leave, Oh by the way this sister would see me in stores with out my wife and say"YOUR NOT TAKING MY SISTER FROM ME! What a coven of witches! Guys DON'T GET MARRIED, IF YOU DO GET AN EXTENSIVE PRENUP!
A comment for the unmarried lol. You finances will get destroyed in a marriage. Children school fees, house repairs, clothes, child care, etc. Dont get married and your wallet and bank account will be full of money.
I'm a divorced lady in hawaii love this channel as I totally relate. Being married was like a war zone now I have peaceful and happy life, no stress. While ex is a drunk living in texas..
One of the worst traits of angry men. Drink themselves to death. At least women have the dignity to get some cats and osteoporosis 😂 Glad to hear you took the peaceful road 🤟
I should have pulled the trigger long before I did. I had no excuse other than losing my shirt. Then COVID hit and I was working from home from 2020 to early 2023. She could not hide her alcohol intake and prescription pill abuse. After several car crashes while driving impaired, her attacking me physically and with items, I gave her the option of filing so she could be the heroine to her friends. When she didn't, I filed. I had the police here when she attacked me the night before our final hearing. I always have worked out 5-7 days a week. But at this time, I was on anti-anxiety and antidepressants and I was consuming alcohol just to make it to bed time to start another day. I would bar my bedroom door every night. I miss the dog she kept, but you cannot put a price on peaceful bliss. I have had friends want to fix me up but having only been divorced almost 3 years...I have no want nor desire or the energy to go through dating. If I could find a decent call girl to service me 1-2 a month. I would be in heaven.
I have been divorced 17 years (2007) and I finally accepted the only thing I wanted from a woman was sex. Where I live prostitution is legal (different country) so I have plenty of options to fulfill that need. It is definitely the way to go compared to living with one.
Sorry to hear your story. Don’t be that guy that subscribed to OF girls out of loneliness. Get the real thin if your interested in woman. Remember you don’t have to be married or even live with a woman to have a fulfilling life
May The Gods of Self-Pleasuring visit you daily! All kinds of toys you can use when there’s no warm flesh around to ‘help out.’ Frankly, having to deal with a drug or alcohol-dependent violent person is tough. Kudos to you for ending the madness. You are much better off. Hang out with your friends, go on a date every now and then, and remember that you don’t have to live with a woman in order to have a relationship. You have your place; she has hers and you get together when you want. If she starts getting ‘too close’ and wants more, then it’s time to pull the plug on that arrangement.
Even the famous Sigmund Freud once wondered, "What do women want?" They get the perfect husband, the perfect children, the perfect house, and they are still unhappy.
I always say, woman are not happy until they are unhappy. Advice to all real men. Got divorced 30 years ago, kept the house, and everything else, had custody of my son. Left my top job so I could look better after the boy. Started my own company which became an international success. Porsches in garage and Helicopter in the hangar. Made my son a top aviation professional. Had many offers over the years which I all politely declined. Even the mother of my sons then girlfriend hit on me. Said no thanks. Today at 75, still in top form, driving my Porsches and taking my Bell 430 for a spin whenever I have the time. Still work 80 hour weeks and enjoying every minute. And the ex-wife lives in poverty. That's karma for you
I was devastated when she left me for another dude, I curled up in the fetal position and layed there like a bluepilled wimp for 6 months. Then one day I realized how good it felt to be far away from her criticism, I took to the gym & focused on my career & two years later and a dozen women I felt amazing, her leaving me was the best thing that happened. The one thing that surprised me was how quickly/easily new women in my life gave up their Vjay’s.
Continue to "Hold the Line" gentlemen. I too am a Veteran and Divorced. To have survived, prospered and still obtain peace of mind is quite the feat. Hold the Line my friends, our strength serves as a role model to many men "Across the Globe" as we continue to move forward.
Cutting losses and moving on is one of the hardest things to do for men. Unlike women, who give up at the first major crisis, we are natural warriors who are wired to keep fighting, to keep looking for a solutions, to get up and try again and again. This instinct, unfortunately, often proves to be the undoing of many of us.
I used to tell her that saying (Winners Never Quit and Quitters Never Win), I'm certain she never understood the true meaning of the saying. Does never quitting mean you are a doormat? I think you should give it your all the first time. After that you just cut people off quickly. These women often go downhill so fast after they lose you, it's a sign how hard you worked to keep them afloat from their own self destruction..
Most men I have known have an innate sense of honor thus they try to make it work. Men do not like failing at anything! Woe men do not have an innate sense of honor so when the going gets tough, you get sick or you lose your job, they leave and collect cash and prizes with little to no remorse. "Men are in love, woe men are in business"
Absolutely everything in the universe is made from energy. If you accept this fact, you will be able to do with this energy whatever you please. And that includes removing yourself from harmful people and defining the rest of your life on your own terms.
Good one John. So many similarities. These modern marriages since the 1960s seem to follow the same pattern, where guys have to constantly “suffer” to be in a marriage. How is this going to promote future marriages? I think we all know the answer. Of course it’s not going to. The suffering must end and that’s why marriage is fading.
All these years people sky diving and the chutes don’t open. But still, “We’re getting married” met with “Awww 🥰” You are right though. More and more met with “Why? 🤔”
I recognize the part of knowing from the start somehow it would not work out. Also tried very hard, but somewhere knew she would never be happy. Letting that go is surely a relief.
Everybody heals at a different rate. I still ruminate about my ex girlfriend once in a while, but you're only hurting yourself by ruminating and being angry. Unfortunately any love they showed was just an act, all you can do is accept their nature and stay away from them.
Mate it took me a while too. But one day it just hit me that I can finally be who I was meant to be with no outside judgement. I realised I had missed 20 yrs of being single so I went hard, got it out of my system. Now I'm late 60's and living in peace. I still go techno dancing twice a week though🤣
Don't feel bad about it. It took me a decade to let go of an ex I was with for over 5 years that cheated on me. We all move at different speeds. You will get over it at your own pace. If you choose to forgive yourself.
I know that you're on a roll lately, but don't burn yourself out with too much posting. This was a good post, it's just I don't want you to run out of ideas about where your channel is going, I'd like you to stick around a while, you've got a lot to teach men. The paradigm of male/female relationships has changed and now men are finally beginning to wake up from it and they need places to get info to stand up for their own integrity as human beings and there's so few outlets like yours available. Peace.
Thanks. I am feeling a little tired. But, there is so much more to say! Plus, I think in the end, we have to focus on what we can control and that is a whole new conversation. And then, there is the possibility of what we can actually change. That may even be more interesting. I hate bitching about stuff. I prefer to change things. thanks
Took me 15 years to finally figure out I was married to an absolute child. I have so much PTSD. Been divorced and dating for 6 years. All the new chicks know I'm emotionally cut off. I have so many regrets over that 15 year marriage.
I regret I wasted 40 years of being married only to have her go nutty and steal my life savings. I eventually after a lot of attorney fees ,I got a small portion back. Now having been back in the dating scene for 10 years I found it was like a horror show. All the women I was meeting or in relationships with were on head meds. I did my best to make them happy and have fun with me only to be ghosted for nothing. I am done with today's tik tok brain women .I will die alone but I will die in peace knowing I was a good man.
John, I hear you. After being divorced by my ex 40 years ago (she intentionally put me in as deep a hole financially and emotionally as she could...and relished doing it), it took me 2 years to climb out. The whole relationship with her (6.5 years) was wasted time in my life. I'm sure not sitting here typing this trying to imply I was a saint back then. I wasn't. That said, she knew what she was getting. She didn't care. She wanted a ring on her finger so she could get her daddy off her back. It worked. She did. Once that happened, the rest of the marriage was a slow slide into her cheating, separating and continuing to cheat, then divorcing. Looking back, I handled all of it wrong. Can't change the past. Never married since. Likely, never will. I'll tell you this: if I do, everything I own will be placed in an asset protection trust and I'll be visiting a Urologist to make as medically sure as possible there can be no pregnancies. In my 60's now...but better safe than daddy at this age.
@@woodrmp1 She continued tasting the smorgasboard for a year or so, then married a guy and eventually had 2 kids. I only know because a former co-worker ended up working where the ex did and took it upon herself to 'update' me when she saw me. She saw me twice over the years. Last image I saw of the ex, she and her guy were in a picture posted to the internet. To be honest, they both looked tired. Not even a hint of a smile between them. Guy was holding a horse's bridle. Even the horse looked tired. She hadn't really gained weight...she just looked kinda droopy. To be fair, a lot of us in our 50' can look droopy. I don't KNOW anything, I can only infer from that picture and what I was told by others.
As a single 43 year old man who’s never been married and no kids. I appreciate all the knowledge and insight! I would love to have kids one day but I’m still treading with extreme caution.
I was 47 when I decided I had everything but nothing and got engaged, reversed my vasectomy, two kids, and then a divorce. Now I’m 61 and have everything but nothing. “Tread lightly” Heisenberg said famously in Breaking Bad. Wise words!
@@MichaelPrudhomme-u7x I felt like you just slapped some sense in me… just got back stabbed by what I thought was the sweetest girl. Definitely learned that sweet doesn’t not equate to loyalty and respect. Trash will always be trash…
Is the best feeling in the world to wake up every morning and realize you don’t have to deal with some crazy person who will not be happy under any circumstances. I only have to feed my dogs and a stray cat and they are all very happy to see me every morning.
I enjoy your videos. Love watching you and your dogs.walking. I'm a single female 65 years old and never married. I feel encouraged to live my best life now and help others going through this painful experience.
Going through a divorce right now from a 17 year marriage. Who would have thought that emotional abuse could cause CPTSD?? I was the guy who made a life long commitment to my marriage, especially with 2 boys in the house. I changed in every way except my work ethic. That ethic kept a middle class living for our household and helped with our ideal of home schooling. Ruminating, 2nd guessing myself, neglect and finally betrayal (both physical and emotional) have left me stunned to the core. Anyway, great idea on the example of "meaning"! I can see the opportunity with that strategy. Letting go is so hard when struggling dissonance. Keep up the good work, I like your perspectives.
Thanks. I know kind of how you feel. My ex-wife did the monkey branch thing and had a boyfriend within a few weeks of leaving my house. The way I look at it is I am accountable for the things that I do. So long as I can hold my head high and know that I have Lived up to my own standards. I’m fine. She hast to be accountable to her behaviors. I cannot change her behaviors since I can’t change it. There’s no point in me worrying about it or being upset about it. What done is done. More than the relationship like you would more than the death of a friend. Once that morning is done move on. The pain will become less and less overtime.
I think the reason that you kept holding on to your marriage and trying to keep it after 10 years is known as the Sunken Cost Fallacy. You just invested 10 years of your life in that relationship and you just don't want to throw it away.I did the same thing. Dictionary Definitions from Oxford Languages · Learn more noun the phenomenon whereby a person is reluctant to abandon a strategy or course of action because they have invested heavily in it, even when it is clear that abandonment would be more beneficial.
Exactly what happened to me. I stuck with it way too long hoping to salvage all the energy and effort I put into trying to make her happy. I knew it was a doomed attempt, but I just didn't want to give up. Until one day I just couldn't keep going on. I was an empty vessel; a shell of myself. I truly believe if I had stayed much longer, I wouldn't be here writing this reply.
Also like sporting clubs keeping hack players that haven’t developed no matter how much time, money and effort has been put into them. Smart clubs just trade them out, not hang onto them investing more good after bad …
I’m 13 months post divorce and this man describes the process perfectly. I’ve made all the mistakes and learned from them dating too soon after a breakup.
A perfect marriage or relationship is an illusion; there's no universal playbook for making them work. What's effective for one couple may not apply to another. Nevertheless, I've come to understand that there's always a solution to be found. Half a decade ago, my wife and I faced such trials in our marriage that divorce seemed inevitable. Yet, through perseverance and determination, we navigated through the rough waters and emerged stronger, reunited, and more resilient
There is a lot of sense in what you just said and I hope mine works the same way too, we are currently separated but I cant live without her, I love her so much. wish I can get her back I can do anything to have her back, we have tried therapy amongst other things
Its always difficult to let someone you love go, but in my case I had the help of a spiritual adviser who saved my marriage from collapsing her name is shelly renee white..
As universal as the experience of dating and marriage is for men I'm completely floored at how many men after narrowly surviving the last fire, charge straight into another one even less well off financially, mentally and physically. Yeah, we all get that it feels good but so does alcohol, cocaine, heroine and eating ice cream until you explode.
The only way to keep a woemyn “happy” is to NOT give her what she thinks she wants. You can have fun with this when you’re younger and horny, but as a man ages this game becomes tiresome, and wise men realize bachelor life is indeed, be$t! 🎉
A lot of hard earned wisdom here guys. 1. Assigning meaning to people, events, situations. 2. Better decision to cut your losses with a person who is unhappy and unable to satisfied. 3. The resentment and disappointment you’ll experience in yourself for getting stuck in the situation. 4. Making good decisions comes from experience, you get experience from having made bad decisions… Skip the bad decisions and simply heed this man’s wisdom.
I really enjoyed the way you broke down the connections in this. That sometimes it's better to pull the trigger and save yourself from others and the toxicity you went through. I also appreciated that you initially longed for longevity in a relationship much like your other friends and family growing up, only for it to crash straight into the abyss. It wasn't all it was thought or dreamed to be. I think of these women as sirens in the night, now. They want a man to take care of them and help create or raise children that aren't theirs, but at the end of it all they just want someone to do EVERYTHING. And when you give up, they replace you in an instant. Lesson learned.
Relationships often face challenges, but there’s always a way to move forward. My marriage had its share of significant problems, but with the right help, my wife and I managed to resolve them and strengthen our relationship. Solutions are available if you’re willing to put in the effort and collaborate. Keep hope alive-answers are possible.
I’m struggling with serious issues in my relationship and can’t bear the thought of losing her. My love and desire to have her back in my life are immense. I’m willing to do whatever it takes and would be very grateful for any guidance or suggestions.
Saying farewell to someone you love dearly is never easy, but in my case, I had the assistance of a spiritual counselor who saved my marriage from falling apart. Her name is Suzanne Ann Walters.
I'll immediately search for her online. I appreciate it. I'm hopeful that adopting this strategy will also bring about positive changes for me; I miss her deeply.
Had I known how things would go down, I would have pulled the trigger immediately. However, 3 kids and 20 years of marriage later, I was blindsided/ambushed. I never saw it coming and I paid the price and still have trust issues to this day! LOL
That’s interesting John, I have been thinking of my calm behaviour lately, I am not as stressed as I was when married. It seems separating has given me peace to figure out my life…and do what I want to do. Agree, I hold that anger and bitterness because I am angry at myself for walking into the trap she set for me.
I've often wondered what happens to a good woman whom you once found worthy of marriage but eventually became the worst enemy you have ever known. Of course this video hits on that very subject. This was something I had the deal with and I almost never talk about it. Why? I thought she was an amazing woman and I still do. Yet at the end it was the exact opposite of everything I wanted. Your defense mechanisms kick in. I was tested to the extreme. I refused to ever give up and I would never quit no matter what. I refused to let her jump off that cliff into oblivion. Did she break my will? Nope I held my commitment all the way to the end. Would I do it again knowing what I know? Of course not, but I wasn't going to quit. Also speaking of PTSD it places you into a kind of paralyzing fear. Sleep comes and goes. Money issues become the premier issue that defines your personal survival for supporting her. Anyways it does still linger afterwards and I will probably always be on guard against anything like that happening again. Also alot of men have given up everything to be with a woman only to find themselves completely alone when she wants to play the field and seek attention from strangers. That alone might cause some PTSD. Last thing is having other people interfere in your relationship. Many times a man trusts a woman and she invites other people to interfere while claiming you are the bad guy while you fight to save the relationship. If you fight to save it once, twice, then you will constantly have to fight to save it. Total waste of time in the end, but some men refuse to quit..
I think you are unqualified to determine whether I was red pilled in my relationship or not. Maybe you are projecting who you are onto others. Since you didn't address any of the points I made I can only assume your reading comprehension is limited. You could be King Kong and you ain't fixing that. So good luck on your lack of comprehension.
Life is so much better alone. Especially if you are an Introvert personality type. About 3 weeks post divorce after 18 years of marriage/cohabitation, it felt like I got an extra 4 hours of daylight every day. It was shocking how much time and energy I was subconsciously spending. I could breathe again.
This really resonates with me. I also knew, probably before we were married even, that it was doomed to fail. I just couldn’t be honest with myself. I thought if I tried hard enough and was persistent long enough that it would work out. I was childlike in that belief. The reality on the ground was obvious, run! My only regret is that it took me five years of marriage to realize what should have been obvious from the start. I can move on from how awful she was, but it’s the part where I denied myself dignity that still stings to this day
Brilliant and an introspective deep dive that speaks of organizing thoughts and placing feelings and emotions under control. I'm filing your ideas in my head.I gave too much meaning to events that weren't worthy of my suffering. Very insightful video.
I enjoyed the video. Yes , I have regret over how I handled things during my marriage but nothing that I would be embarrassed to share with a room full of people.
No truer words have been spoken my friend...it's all about "self-worth". I've been there, done that twice now. And to borrow a song from John Mayer...."I'm Perfectly Lonely". Thankfully no children in either marriage, so I don't have to worry about that "baggage" either!
All adults make wrong decisions all of the time. The thing about being an adult is recognising that everyone around you are just pretending to be grown ups. They are just little kids. Some more secure in themselves than others. Your friend is secure in himself. I find my best mates are ones where I can get relief from any anxiety that I’m feeling. And vice versa. The best of friends are born from those moments.
Look up complex PTSD., CPTSD. That is common in men and women who were abused, physically and/or mentally while they were being raised and never got their developmental dependency needs met. There are several 12 step programs that can help with this.
I see a lot of people saying that you are young believe in love you will find the one. But from a realistic standpoint that’s not likely to happen, I’m 23 I have 2 more years of college I have a job I have my own place I go to the gym in a regular basis I have a great body some money aside for my needs and I’m planning on having my own business don’t necessarily want to be a millionaire but I want to be free and don’t have to think about money. All my friends are single and share the same experiences about dating, I think I’m done with dating I learned my lessons with my exes and with cold approaching. Focusing on yourself is the only investment that is worthy unfortunately it’s like that these days.
I just love these videos!!! and I'm so curious how you film from the sky .😮also I been feeling like getting out and walking 🚶♂️ more because you are always walking through nature with your dogs. .Your videos are very helpful ..I'm 54 and pretty much single for the first time .❤
"If love can turn to hate at the flick of a switch, was it ever really love in the first place" (Ekhart Tolle). Is it love or a desperate neediness or an addictive grasping and clinging? Love, as a word, gets banded around, so often. It's a word that has so much hope invested in it. Ask anyone what they mean by "love" and each will give a you different answer. Does unconditional love truly exist in reality?
We may start off with anger and bitterness in order to get to resolute. It’s all part of the progression to get to a more healthy situation. There’s so much that we’ve been conditioned to believe that will take a lifetime to unravel. Truth is hidden behind this delusional wall of grandeur that love is supposed to be. Being woke saved my life, and it’s good to see one more person spreading the message. Continue with your mission, there are those out there in desperate need.
You better off than my father who worked 60-80 hours a week, for 43 years later with a fat wife being called my mother, my father died when he was 63 and I was 19, he was probably glad that he died by cancer, finally a relief from his responsibilities, my mother probably spent his dead insurance in 4 years time and she later said: I am in debt/red, after many trips, saunas, holidays etc. My mother wasn't the best mother to, she screamed at me when I was a little kid, I never had the courage when it was 4-5pm to play with my toys to hear her scream like a frustrated banshee, she told my older brother who has bi-polar when he couldn't cry as a kid and the mother of my mother was a bi-polar/borderline schizophrenic who chased my mother and my mothers brother down with a knive, he couldn't take it and he passed a way at the age of 35 by alcoholism, because the brother of my mother was to traumatised because what he had experienced as a child, and the mother of my mother passed a way too by starvation in a psychiatric hospital, I promised myself as a kid that I will never ever will marry, have kids or get physical intimacy, I don't like it when people touch me too, because of the abuse that I got from my mother, my father was also a backboneless man who hadn't the guts to get a divorce, lol. I am glad that I will pass a way sooner or later in this world, I truly do, and I am glad that I am not married or have kids and that will never experience what I have experienced in this life, haha.
@john-griffin If you ever get bored off life, here are my hobbies, I read fictional & factual books, I write philosophy, poetry, diary like text & fantasy stories, I make music on the website that is being called soundtrap, I walk alone in nature/streets in the late evening, I played checkers, I make healthy foods, sleeping & I game. I also refuse to smoke, drink alcohol, caffeine, drugs, eat a lot of junk food, gambling, no tattoos, or get fat, it's like I am almost religious, but I am not religious.
Thank you for this video. I never recognized PTSD from the death of my marriage. My marriage demise lasted 6 years and my bitterness is primarily towards how I handled the inevitable end. Ten years later I’m still enjoying the relief. Onward fellow travelers.
I never married. Building my third home and fully paid off in cash. Had the kids. Not getting married didn’t prevent me from living my best life. I had kids, a long term partner, traveled. If you’re paying attention, men and women don’t want marriage anymore. You don’t need it. You posting these videos on this subject isn’t a new thing. People don’t want to go into third party contracts with the government. This is nothing new. The old guard has changed.
@@Dan0rioNI don’t think so. I get your point on the financial incentives but women are just as bitter toward marriage as men. I actually think they figured it out quicker than us. We’ve been thick in the head with romance. And now all over manosphere the word is spreading wisdom. No more marriage!
The problem i see with most men is that they become soft as soon as they marry. My dad always had control at home and he was decisive when it came to decisions . My mother would complain, but she never left.
If she says that she would rather not be in the marriage/relationship that means she is definitely not in love with you & at best sees you as a useful utility. At that point *_GET OUT_* , because it can't be fixed - *NO EXCEPTIONS* .
With regards to that female commenter who said you sound bitter, not only is she shaming you for having feelings, she is getting you to shame your feelings. If a woman was raped, would she be allowed to feel angry and bitter, I say yes she would be allowed to have her feelings, and if someone tried to shame her for having these feelings, I would call them barbaric and a degenerate!
As the late, great Kevin Samuels taught us, woemyn use SIGN language to manipulate: Shame, Insults, Guilt, Need to be right. Just ignore them when they start on this toxicity, and walk away … 😎
Oh come on, you can't analyze what's in his brain by his facial expression. What about all these instagram, and other social media pictures that people post where they are all smiles, look as though they are on top the world, then you hear that the next day they self-deleted. How's your analysis of that ?
I've never been married, and likely never will be all thanks to seeing experiences like this and my own bad experiences with relationships. As lonely as it can be sometimes, it's nice not having to be super stressed out by someone else and whether they are hapoy or not.
Excellent video John. Keep up the good work. Similar thing happened to me and had no other guy friend to talk about it with. Talk about it once and leave it behind in order to move forward. 👍
She don’t like the concept of marriage, yet they want the ring and honeymoon. Only want the good and blame the man for any bumps that comes with the deal package.
I don’t think it’s their fault. For eons taken as booty and bounty. For progeny. Now with economic equality it’s just become obvious that their nature isn’t cut out for a long monogamous marriage.
I sometimes wonder about how great it must feel after a divorce, but only if there is no alimony, child support or kids involved. Otherwise it sounds slightly less hellish than just staying together. Fortunately I never married. Only very rich or very poor men can afford it.
The relief... yes! So true. I made a list of all the things I DON'T miss after getting divorced and it's a strong reminder as to why the peace is sacred and must be protected.
As a child, we need boundaries. We have to learn to appreciate ourselves..so others will. Life is complicated for us humans living in modern societies.
That hands down explained the divorce experience. I now live a simple life in the bush. Sitting in nature in peace is my reward for moving past the trauma of a woman who I now realise has a deep childhood hate of men and uses her charms to gain then destroy. We now are actually friendly but I tread as carefully as a cat on a hot tin roof 😆
4:42 why did I fight so hard to keep that marriage. Same reason as to why we do anything in life, Fear. Every thing we do is out of fear. Those that argue and disagree with this have not and simply cannot understand it on a deep level
I think I was afraid of losing my life, my money, my social status, my kids, my home my neighbors my preconceived ideas of what my life would be. So, I agree.
I got divorced in 2002, initially it was hard, but it's been wonderful since then.....he has gotten married numerous times since then, cheating each time, including with me, guess he'll never learn 😒
I have a question for you and you touched on it before but I forget which video. What if you want kids but you don't want a wife? You suggested something along the lines of donor - surrogate - nanny. Which would be considerably less expensive. I've given a lot of thought to this and it's superior in every way but 2. The 2 drawbacks are: 1. I had a very good relationship with my mother and my children would be denied that experience. 2. What if somethings happens to you while your children are still young? They will be without either parent. That will take some planning and having systems in place. One more thing that concerns me (I guess that makes it 3 things) is the involvement (or not) of the donor in their / our lives ( which I don't like but others may find desirable) and the possibility of the children seeking out that person and possibly bringing her into your life or theirs. The rest of the situation is one decision maker, one shot caller, no nagging, no drama, no one to answer to, no possibility of divorce, and someone who's hired to help who cooperates.
John, Thank You! Well done! I never got married. There are too many ways to fail. I have had some great relationships and some bad ones. I did not want the state of Connecticut dictating the rules, and I did not want to be estranged from my kids. Taking on the financial risk seems too impossible. The current divorce rate is 57%. If someone told you your parachute had a 57% chance of failure would you jump? I am smarter than I look. Lol!
Marriage is about handling life together through thick and thin . But it's much better if you love one another. And you think about the other spouse first.
We humans sometimes only learn by contrast. After divorce peace and control of ones' own life and choices is sweet, and we know that a man can have either piece of A$$ or peace of mind but never both.
The betrail from her cheating left wounds in me that will not heal. Its 12 years now and i have no feelings for her since the divorce, its the betrail that still hurts. Sometimes i look at her face and remember her cheating. Realizing that she has no remorse and the damage she caused to our family never mattered to her...that is cold 🥶
Fully agree. It's amazing how they can lie to your face even though you have evidence to the contrary. Cold as ice. They will never feel remorse, everything they do is justified by themselves. The only emotions you will witness are anger at you as to how you caught them.
My two cents: For your own peace of mind you should never look at the years in a bad marriage as a waste of time. If in your head it was good then it was good. This caused you to believe there was something to fight for. You can't control what another person does and you have even less control over what another person believes. Stoicism 101. You learned a vast amount of knowledge and have life experience that you cannot get anywhere else. As they say, pain is the gift no one wants. Also, there's absolutely nothing that says if you had picked another woman, you would have had a better outcome. Especially when the divorce rates are astronomically stacked against you. If you see your time as wasted, then this will depress you immensely. I've gotten past that point in my divorce journey. Focusing on the negative aspects were weighing me down and keeping me from moving forward. I've learned, and am learning, from my mistakes, but I will not see these years as wasted. At least not on my part. I had fun and saw it as worthwhile, and if she didn't, well...I can't control that and I certainly can't convince her of that. Her problem, not mine. I think this way of thinking has kept me from PTSD hitting me like a runaway freight train.
We get more upset with ourselves, really because we say we should have known better. We make decisions based on what we know at that point in time. Hindsight is wonderful, but if we go back in time, we will probably make the same decision again. Many of us chose to ignore the signs, but if we really are honest, they were there all along. Don't be too hard on yourself, guys, and try to learn from the experience and move on.
I've been divorced 20 years. When I come home my house is neat and clean, quiet, peaceful, and stress-free. There's no woman telling me what to do or what to wear; no honey-do list, no walking on egg shells because I don't want to upset her, and no woman to argue with me if I want to sit around all day watching sports or playing video games. It's heaven.
Me too I don,t come home to the smell of fartz dead flowers and dirty bathrooms 🚻
@@julieannesimms981 You married a child
@@RenaissanceBoss an ass
@@RenaissanceBossMaybe she nagged him into apathy
@@julieannesimms981 Pretty pathetic to come into a men's channel and spew your "whataboutism".
you're in the woods a lot man. I have PTSD from my marriage and job--I was a vet too. I don't have PTSD from war--just women and work. I'm lucky to be alive
@@Gsp_in_NYC Bro, that’s real talk! “PTSD from women”
I'm a wide open plains and meadows guy.
@@gtharo yes when she screams constantly
Thanks for your service.
@@Brent-z2s thanks man!
You fear the single life, that nothing will be waiting for you but loneliness....and then a few weeks go by...you're still waiting for the regret to kick in...for the bleakness to descend...and yet all you're experiencing is relief and light heartedness and peace..... the realisation you no longer have to walk on eggshells....and so you kick yourself for hanging on to a really bad, absolutely terrible deal for so long.
@@seekingthemiddleway4048 true. Alone ≠ lonely
Lucky l found this information in my 20s rather than my 50s with irreversible decisions like a wife and kids
dont do it. you will pay dearly.
I'm 43 and barely escaped, since I got engaged but didn't get married. No wife and no kids to pay alimony and lose everything I've built so far.
Seriously don't do it. Don't. Don't tell yourself oh that won't happen to me I can do it better. No. You. Can't. No.
Luckily is right
I would have liked to have kids, but the probability of them taken away and turned against me would be more than I could tolerate. I wonder why there aren't more divorced men that give their wives eternal peace after being so unjustly treated.
I spent most of my adult life racing 1 milers, 5Ks, marathons, triathlons, Ironman triathlons. I loved the suffering, both emotional and physical. Nothing like war, but the last few miles of a marathon when your body is failing but you choose to tune out the pain and keep pushing is a real MFer.
I was really good at it. I loved it and I prided myself on being tougher than most all of my peers. I knew I was a tough nut to crack in almost any situation.
My wife was not a great runner. She was soft and had a severe lack of focus. Full of excuses.
However, when it came to our marriage, she was a pit Bull. She had severe focus and would lie and cheat to get what she wanted. Before we ultimately split, she had me on the ropes. Then she spent the next 3 years trying to ruin my life and my relationships after our divorce was final.
PRSD? Most likely. I still have the occasional bad dream involving her, but I mostly laugh about it now and count my blessings.
A crazed woman will F you up. Stay clear.
So true
Goes to show even a strong man physically is no match for female mind games. And they’re good at it. You’re now a free man.
@@nickvincent3029 Legit and powerful insight. It can be very rough and may never truly are the same again
Good content! I’m going through divorce after 26 year marriage and I usually wake up feeling like the luckiest man alive but I still harbor resentments and anger at times and your channel helps with that
Stay strong. Best days are ahead of you.
Thanks
Here is the problem, and I have said it many many times. For most men, we could be sitting in the worst apartment, eating the worst pizza, drinking the worst beer, watching our favorite football team, get the snot beat out of them on the worst TV, and we are sitting with our buddy, and we are happy as a clam. For most women, you can take them on a first class Hawaiian vacation to an oceanfront Villa at The Four Seasons Hotel, and they will complain that they don’t have gluten-free croutons for the Caesar salad. There is always something wrong, always something not quite right, always something to complain about, always something that could be better. And your role as the man in the relationship is to put out her never-ending stream of emotional wildfires that keep popping up like the world‘s worst carnival whack a mole game. It’s just too exhausting.
@@kenelder5182 In my early 20s I lived alone in a 300 sq foot apartment and furnished it with a futon and side table holding a 13 inch black & white TV that had a coat hanger and aluminum foil antenna. I found peace and mental clarity there.
💯
Buddy you hit the nail on the head!!! Couldn’t have said it better myself
Feminism inadvertently freed men (the wise ones) and trapped woemyn … 😂
So true!
My own experience was more than just sweet relief. It was recovery. At the tail end of my marriage, I suffered from frequent headaches and heartburn, and had pain in my shoulder blade that sent tingling feelings down my arm. Within a month of moving out, even before the divorce was over, my headaches and heartburn disappeared and three months later, the shoulder pain did as well. There was nothing physically wrong with me in an organic sense, it was not just stress, but despair and hopelessness. Yes, definitely cut your losses and get out if that's what's best for you.
I didn't feel that bad, nor was I married but I did fall very sick twice during my last relationship and I figure that's just due to the fact that I internalized my grievances in order to avoid conflict. This phenomenon is well documented in medical literature (nocebo) but I don't think a lot of people take it seriously until it happens to them. Good for you to have your health back, buddy!
Stress can kill
I used to get back stress. Sometimes almost debilitating. Divorced 3 years now. Have not had backs stress in over 2.5 years
I used to get severe itching in my limbs. Thought it was an allergy. As soon as I got rid of one problem the itching stopped. Maybe I was allergic to her😂
@@drumsnbass Same. It's my indicator of bad relationships with women!
2 years after, it truly is sweet relief. 63 and free.
When you're dating a woman who's determined to get married and have kids notice how she will literally destroy the relationship if you don't give her those things when she wants them. Fast forward 20 years, notice how they portray getting married and having kids as an imposition, burden, prison, etc. that you imposed upon them and that they are justified in destroying you over in order to "live their best life".
The soldier shooting the girl with the grenade was a black and white decision. Awful, experience, but the alternative might have been his death or people around him. With a relationship, it's different, it’s all grey. You are left with the dreaded “shoulds.” Should I have done this, or that? You, are usually giving up some good stuff as well, and that hurts. No one, should put up with abuse. Tough decisions are part of life.
ive witnessed that exact senario
30 years single it is still sweet and very productive. Being in a bad scene was one of the most lonely and damaging places I have been.
For 24hrs I tried to save our marriage. All to a very loud NO. After that I saw an opportunity to leave the hell I was living in. After years of torture I was finally free and I've never looked back.
Men do that. It’s a foundational feeling! My wife said something though that has really helped me.
“I’ve thought of divorcing you for years” and I feel my hands let go of the gripping. Instead of “No” I say “Ok” with peace.
Bitterness will always be there as a whisper but it’s met with a thanks for giving me insight to the truth of female nature.
While it’s a shame what she did to our kids, it was a gift to me. I’m truly grateful as I go forward with this super power, or kryptonite towards the false illusion of romance.
some observations of others over the years on this subject- 1. bumper sticker seen on the fwy "Exwife for sale- take over payments". 2. over heard- " I never believed in divorce until I got married" 3. quote from Rodney Dangerfield out of the movie "Back to school' on divorce- " I feel I got paroled"
Thank you John for sharing your experiences with all of us. I'm 60 and am 8 months into my freedom journey. You are helping me cope.
@DavidSmith-xr8js I'm 2 years into mine at 63. Rough start. But things get so so much better with time. Best of luck to you.
With time you will realize that you should have divorced years before. We stay for the kids but men don't get credit for sacrificing for their kids.
6 months after the divorce, doing great.
Red pilled after 17 years of marriage.
The main lesson I learned:
A man can sacrifice his happiness for his family.
A woman can sacrifice her family for her happiness.
Happy family - where both spouses are already happy from inside. I learned the hard way, trying to make happy an unhappy woman. I wasn't her first choice either too, I believe.
Now I am at peace with myself. Spent last 3-4 years trying to fire the dead marriage. It wasn't my fault at all that it's dead.
The moment I started cherishing myself I started being at peace with myself. I deserve to be happy.
Have a good day.
Drizzle drizzle.
Great comment, I am going to post it as the comment of the day. You really captured the whole thing in one comment perfectly. thanks
That soliloquy from Hurt, when Johnny Cash did the cover:
“What have I become,
my sweetest friend?”
Speaks to me about the importance of loving yourself with the tenderness you’d give to your child or dearest friend.
Happiness can't come from others. It has to come from within. Trying to make her happy is the opposite of what you should have done. It actually drives women away further. It happened in my first marriage the same way.
Reminds me of what a wise Rabbi said. Love doesn’t come from another person. It doesn’t come from you. It comes through you.
yes, that's mistake numero uno
Side note: When a woman calls a man bitter, asks who hurt you, etc., when he’s just telling his side of the story, it is a huge red flag that she lacks empathy and emotional maturity.
In her mind, her ego and feelings trump all, regardless of what is right.
Women like that should be avoided at all costs.
👍👍👍
“You’re just bitter” is a common shaming tactic. But there’s nothing wrong with that emotion. It’s part of the process. We can use it and convert it into positive change. That’s the power move.
Thanks
What does "bitter" really mean? Is it simply another word for feeling that one has been unfairly treated? If that is the case, you could call a lot of people "bitter". Victims of genocide, people unjustly convicted of a crime, etc.. There is a good reason why someone is "bitter".
That's a phrase ALWAYS used by those who drank the kool aid and are now suffering from buyers regret, eyeing up your peaceful life with envious eyes while they're living in the middle of a domestic hurricane.
Bitterness is primarily a female trait. They manifest it and negatively thrive on it. Avoid these people at all co$ts … 😎
A lot of women imagine things in their heads and then project them onto their partner as fact. This common shaming tactic is one of those used when a thinking man discusses a topic with relative ease, but those women would likely have a full-on meltdown if they tried to discuss it. It touches onto another theme that a lot of women are fallible to: they assume that their experience or the experience of another will be YOUR experience too.
Wow, John, your video's are really therapeutic! 9 years now, she left me at 65 when I was having unbleievable health issues, but when I think back, of how my friends told me in the beginning about my x and her sisters reputation, I as a 23 year old guy who just wanted out of my mothers house( because of a terrible sibling), she was cute, she made me promise to never leave her when I gave her the ring, because of mental issues with her family! I SHOULD HAVE RAN! But I thought that WE could make a life beyond our respective screwed up family's. Her brother warned me at that time that I would have to conform to her sisters wishes along with her mother if I were going to stay with her! I JUST DIDN'T WANT TO LISTEN! I HATED HER SISTER FORM HIGH SCHOOL BECAUSE OF WHAT HER SISTER DID TO FRIENDS! But my x was cute And my best friends wifes friend, and I was led to believe she was coming from the same place! HER BROTHER WAS RIGHT! It was like I married 3 women, 2 controlled her! Not in the very beginning, but 10 years later when her dad died ! PTSD damn it was hell, Then her sister married a guy who I hated from high school! I was 6FT. 4, 230lb and had to put up with that POS! To keep her happy! All of this I could see now! I started to worry when I would go over the in-laws, and the father-in-law would have a busted lip, then a few weeks later a black eye, and when you questioned it the old lady would jump in with the same story all the time, that she had a nightmare and hit him while dreaming, what BS! With all of this, I should have run! I thought I could handle it, she waited 32 years for me to become vulnerable with health issues so she could follow her sisters advice to leave, Oh by the way this sister would see me in stores with out my wife and say"YOUR NOT TAKING MY SISTER FROM ME! What a coven of witches!
Guys DON'T GET MARRIED, IF YOU DO GET AN EXTENSIVE PRENUP!
When I was married I didn't have $1 in my pocket even though I work 40 hours a week now is plenty
A comment for the unmarried lol. You finances will get destroyed in a marriage. Children school fees, house repairs, clothes, child care, etc. Dont get married and your wallet and bank account will be full of money.
I'm a divorced lady in hawaii love this channel as I totally relate. Being married was like a war zone now I have peaceful and happy life, no stress. While ex is a drunk living in texas..
Mahalo!
One of the worst traits of angry men. Drink themselves to death. At least women have the dignity to get some cats and osteoporosis 😂
Glad to hear you took the peaceful road 🤟
I should have pulled the trigger long before I did. I had no excuse other than losing my shirt. Then COVID hit and I was working from home from 2020 to early 2023. She could not hide her alcohol intake and prescription pill abuse. After several car crashes while driving impaired, her attacking me physically and with items, I gave her the option of filing so she could be the heroine to her friends. When she didn't, I filed. I had the police here when she attacked me the night before our final hearing. I always have worked out 5-7 days a week. But at this time, I was on anti-anxiety and antidepressants and I was consuming alcohol just to make it to bed time to start another day. I would bar my bedroom door every night. I miss the dog she kept, but you cannot put a price on peaceful bliss. I have had friends want to fix me up but having only been divorced almost 3 years...I have no want nor desire or the energy to go through dating. If I could find a decent call girl to service me 1-2 a month. I would be in heaven.
Glad to hear you’re in a better place now
I have been divorced 17 years (2007) and I finally accepted the only thing I wanted from a woman was sex. Where I live prostitution is legal (different country) so I have plenty of options to fulfill that need. It is definitely the way to go compared to living with one.
Sorry to hear your story. Don’t be that guy that subscribed to OF girls out of loneliness. Get the real thin if your interested in woman. Remember you don’t have to be married or even live with a woman to have a fulfilling life
That sounds miserable. Addicts are super hard to live with. Glad you have peace.
May The Gods of Self-Pleasuring visit you daily! All kinds of toys you can use when there’s no warm flesh around to ‘help out.’ Frankly, having to deal with a drug or alcohol-dependent violent person is tough. Kudos to you for ending the madness. You are much better off. Hang out with your friends, go on a date every now and then, and remember that you don’t have to live with a woman in order to have a relationship. You have your place; she has hers and you get together when you want. If she starts getting ‘too close’ and wants more, then it’s time to pull the plug on that arrangement.
Even the famous Sigmund Freud once wondered, "What do women want?"
They get the perfect husband, the perfect children, the perfect house, and they are still unhappy.
More. Women want MORE.
😆
@@poorpotato7623 Correct!...
I always say, woman are not happy until they are unhappy.
Advice to all real men. Got divorced 30 years ago, kept the house, and everything else, had custody of my son. Left my top job so I could look better after the boy. Started my own company which became an international success. Porsches in garage and Helicopter in the hangar. Made my son a top aviation professional. Had many offers over the years which I all politely declined. Even the mother of my sons then girlfriend hit on me. Said no thanks. Today at 75, still in top form, driving my Porsches and taking my Bell 430 for a spin whenever I have the time. Still work 80 hour weeks and enjoying every minute. And the ex-wife lives in poverty. That's karma for you
@@esoterex you are one of the rare lucky ones
We must protect this man at all costs.
All men need to protect themselves … 😎
I was devastated when she left me for another dude, I curled up in the fetal position and layed there like a bluepilled wimp for 6 months. Then one day I realized how good it felt to be far away from her criticism, I took to the gym & focused on my career & two years later and a dozen women I felt amazing, her leaving me was the best thing that happened. The one thing that surprised me was how quickly/easily new women in my life gave up their Vjay’s.
My relief was immediate. I was dead inside.
Continue to "Hold the Line" gentlemen. I too am a Veteran and Divorced. To have survived, prospered and still obtain peace of mind is quite the feat. Hold the Line my friends, our strength serves as a role model to many men "Across the Globe" as we continue to move forward.
It took my nervous system like 6 months to return to normal after my divorce 😂
It took me a year!
Same Same.
Same
Cutting losses and moving on is one of the hardest things to do for men. Unlike women, who give up at the first major crisis, we are natural warriors who are wired to keep fighting, to keep looking for a solutions, to get up and try again and again. This instinct, unfortunately, often proves to be the undoing of many of us.
Winners Never Quit 💯
I did 5 years ago
I used to tell her that saying (Winners Never Quit and Quitters Never Win), I'm certain she never understood the true meaning of the saying. Does never quitting mean you are a doormat? I think you should give it your all the first time. After that you just cut people off quickly. These women often go downhill so fast after they lose you, it's a sign how hard you worked to keep them afloat from their own self destruction..
agree completely
Most men I have known have an innate sense of honor thus they try to make it work. Men do not like failing at anything! Woe men do not have an innate sense of honor so when the going gets tough, you get sick or you lose your job, they leave and collect cash and prizes with little to no remorse. "Men are in love, woe men are in business"
Absolutely everything in the universe is made from energy. If you accept this fact, you will be able to do with this energy whatever you please. And that includes removing yourself from harmful people and defining the rest of your life on your own terms.
Listening to you talk is better than therapy 💪
Good one John. So many similarities. These modern marriages since the 1960s seem to follow the same pattern, where guys have to constantly “suffer” to be in a marriage. How is this going to promote future marriages? I think we all know the answer. Of course it’s not going to. The suffering must end and that’s why marriage is fading.
Engagement ring, wedding ring, suffering!
All these years people sky diving and the chutes don’t open. But still, “We’re getting married” met with “Awww 🥰”
You are right though. More and more met with “Why? 🤔”
I recognize the part of knowing from the start somehow it would not work out. Also tried very hard, but somewhere knew she would never be happy. Letting that go is surely a relief.
I must not be doing well. I’m on year 2 and the anger I feel towards her betrayal is still extremely high. I still ruminate over it a lot.
Everybody heals at a different rate. I still ruminate about my ex girlfriend once in a while, but you're only hurting yourself by ruminating and being angry. Unfortunately any love they showed was just an act, all you can do is accept their nature and stay away from them.
Been through it myself don’t worry it will fade with time
Mate it took me a while too. But one day it just hit me that I can finally be who I was meant to be with no outside judgement. I realised I had missed 20 yrs of being single so I went hard, got it out of my system. Now I'm late 60's and living in peace. I still go techno dancing twice a week though🤣
Don't feel bad about it. It took me a decade to let go of an ex I was with for over 5 years that cheated on me. We all move at different speeds. You will get over it at your own pace. If you choose to forgive yourself.
I know that you're on a roll lately, but don't burn yourself out with too much posting. This was a good post, it's just I don't want you to run out of ideas about where your channel is going, I'd like you to stick around a while, you've got a lot to teach men. The paradigm of male/female relationships has changed and now men are finally beginning to wake up from it and they need places to get info to stand up for their own integrity as human beings and there's so few outlets like yours available. Peace.
Thanks. I am feeling a little tired. But, there is so much more to say! Plus, I think in the end, we have to focus on what we can control and that is a whole new conversation. And then, there is the possibility of what we can actually change. That may even be more interesting. I hate bitching about stuff. I prefer to change things. thanks
Took me 15 years to finally figure out I was married to an absolute child. I have so much PTSD. Been divorced and dating for 6 years. All the new chicks know I'm emotionally cut off. I have so many regrets over that 15 year marriage.
I know
I regret I wasted 40 years of being married only to have her go nutty and steal my life savings. I eventually after a lot of attorney fees ,I got a small portion back. Now having been back in the dating scene for 10 years I found it was like a horror show. All the women I was meeting or in relationships with were on head meds. I did my best to make them happy and have fun with me only to be ghosted for nothing. I am done with today's tik tok brain women .I will die alone but I will die in peace knowing I was a good man.
@@MrBBaron absolutely, its like we are in a prison
John, I hear you. After being divorced by my ex 40 years ago (she intentionally put me in as deep a hole financially and emotionally as she could...and relished doing it), it took me 2 years to climb out. The whole relationship with her (6.5 years) was wasted time in my life. I'm sure not sitting here typing this trying to imply I was a saint back then. I wasn't. That said, she knew what she was getting. She didn't care. She wanted a ring on her finger so she could get her daddy off her back. It worked. She did. Once that happened, the rest of the marriage was a slow slide into her cheating, separating and continuing to cheat, then divorcing. Looking back, I handled all of it wrong. Can't change the past. Never married since. Likely, never will. I'll tell you this: if I do, everything I own will be placed in an asset protection trust and I'll be visiting a Urologist to make as medically sure as possible there can be no pregnancies. In my 60's now...but better safe than daddy at this age.
And what became of this lovely lady in the past 40 years?
Thanks for sharing your experience.
@@woodrmp1 She continued tasting the smorgasboard for a year or so, then married a guy and eventually had 2 kids. I only know because a former co-worker ended up working where the ex did and took it upon herself to 'update' me when she saw me. She saw me twice over the years. Last image I saw of the ex, she and her guy were in a picture posted to the internet. To be honest, they both looked tired. Not even a hint of a smile between them. Guy was holding a horse's bridle. Even the horse looked tired. She hadn't really gained weight...she just looked kinda droopy. To be fair, a lot of us in our 50' can look droopy. I don't KNOW anything, I can only infer from that picture and what I was told by others.
I was a saint to her. Didn’t matter. Took me for granted. Divorced 5 years ago A little lonely sometimes
It's the guy that she was cheating ?
As a single 43 year old man who’s never been married and no kids. I appreciate all the knowledge and insight! I would love to have kids one day but I’m still treading with extreme caution.
I was 47 when I decided I had everything but nothing and got engaged, reversed my vasectomy, two kids, and then a divorce.
Now I’m 61 and have everything but nothing. “Tread lightly” Heisenberg said famously in Breaking Bad. Wise words!
@@MichaelPrudhomme-u7x I felt like you just slapped some sense in me… just got back stabbed by what I thought was the sweetest girl. Definitely learned that sweet doesn’t not equate to loyalty and respect. Trash will always be trash…
Seventeen years divorced and I still feel really......Happy! Can you imagine that?
Yes😊
Is the best feeling in the world to wake up every morning and realize you don’t have to deal with some crazy person who will not be happy under any circumstances. I only have to feed my dogs and a stray cat and they are all very happy to see me every morning.
40 years divorced here. Still happy ! 😁
I enjoy your videos. Love watching you and your dogs.walking. I'm a single female 65 years old and never married. I feel encouraged to live my best life now and help others going through this painful experience.
Thanks for sharing!!
Going through a divorce right now from a 17 year marriage. Who would have thought that emotional abuse could cause CPTSD?? I was the guy who made a life long commitment to my marriage, especially with 2 boys in the house. I changed in every way except my work ethic. That ethic kept a middle class living for our household and helped with our ideal of home schooling. Ruminating, 2nd guessing myself, neglect and finally betrayal (both physical and emotional) have left me stunned to the core. Anyway, great idea on the example of "meaning"! I can see the opportunity with that strategy. Letting go is so hard when struggling dissonance. Keep up the good work, I like your perspectives.
Thanks. I know kind of how you feel. My ex-wife did the monkey branch thing and had a boyfriend within a few weeks of leaving my house. The way I look at it is I am accountable for the things that I do. So long as I can hold my head high and know that I have Lived up to my own standards. I’m fine. She hast to be accountable to her behaviors. I cannot change her behaviors since I can’t change it. There’s no point in me worrying about it or being upset about it. What done is done. More than the relationship like you would more than the death of a friend. Once that morning is done move on. The pain will become less and less overtime.
I think the reason that you kept holding on to your marriage and trying to keep it after 10 years is known as the Sunken Cost Fallacy. You just invested 10 years of your life in that relationship and you just don't want to throw it away.I did the same thing.
Dictionary
Definitions from Oxford Languages · Learn more
noun
the phenomenon whereby a person is reluctant to abandon a strategy or course of action because they have invested heavily in it, even when it is clear that abandonment would be more beneficial.
Exactly what happened to me. I stuck with it way too long hoping to salvage all the energy and effort I put into trying to make her happy. I knew it was a doomed attempt, but I just didn't want to give up. Until one day I just couldn't keep going on. I was an empty vessel; a shell of myself. I truly believe if I had stayed much longer, I wouldn't be here writing this reply.
Also like sporting clubs keeping hack players that haven’t developed no matter how much time, money and effort has been put into them. Smart clubs just trade them out, not hang onto them investing more good after bad …
Great video excellent advice. I just wish I would’ve heard this 40 years ago but I guess it’s never too late. Thanks for the video.
I’m 13 months post divorce and this man describes the process perfectly. I’ve made all the mistakes and learned from them dating too soon after a breakup.
A perfect marriage or relationship is an illusion; there's no universal playbook for making them work. What's effective for one couple may not apply to another. Nevertheless, I've come to understand that there's always a solution to be found. Half a decade ago, my wife and I faced such trials in our marriage that divorce seemed inevitable. Yet, through perseverance and determination, we navigated through the rough waters and emerged stronger, reunited, and more resilient
There is a lot of sense in what you just said and I hope mine works the same way too, we are currently separated but I cant live without her, I love her so much. wish I can get her back I can do anything to have her back, we have tried therapy amongst other things
Its always difficult to let someone you love go, but in my case I had the help of a spiritual adviser who saved my marriage from collapsing her name is shelly renee white..
This is helpful, I will look her up online right now...Thanks.
You wont regret it
A good start to any relationship realize no one is perfect 😊
1) I moved or twitch for about a year after my divorce when the phone rang or loud house noise, door closing, wall bang , dropping cup in sink etc.
As universal as the experience of dating and marriage is for men I'm completely floored at how many men after narrowly surviving the last fire, charge straight into another one even less well off financially, mentally and physically. Yeah, we all get that it feels good but so does alcohol, cocaine, heroine and eating ice cream until you explode.
The only way to keep a woemyn “happy” is to NOT give her what she thinks she wants. You can have fun with this when you’re younger and horny, but as a man ages this game becomes tiresome, and wise men realize bachelor life is indeed, be$t! 🎉
Too many people can’t handle being alone. And will marry the wrong person.
This man is on a mission to keep men single 😁
or at the very least he's on a mission to have men have their eyes wide open before leaping.
Don't listen to him.....let us know how that works out for you. Actually we know how it works out LOL
A lot of hard earned wisdom here guys.
1. Assigning meaning to people, events, situations.
2. Better decision to cut your losses with a person who is unhappy and unable to satisfied.
3. The resentment and disappointment you’ll experience in yourself for getting stuck in the situation.
4. Making good decisions comes from experience, you get experience from having made bad decisions… Skip the bad decisions and simply heed this man’s wisdom.
Thanks
I'm around your age, never married or been in a committed relationship. But I'm hooked on your channel.
Thanks
I really enjoyed the way you broke down the connections in this. That sometimes it's better to pull the trigger and save yourself from others and the toxicity you went through. I also appreciated that you initially longed for longevity in a relationship much like your other friends and family growing up, only for it to crash straight into the abyss. It wasn't all it was thought or dreamed to be. I think of these women as sirens in the night, now. They want a man to take care of them and help create or raise children that aren't theirs, but at the end of it all they just want someone to do EVERYTHING. And when you give up, they replace you in an instant. Lesson learned.
Sir! You would have made a fine therapist (M.F.T./L.C.S.W./L.P.C.C.)
Thank you for your insightful (much needed) men's content! 🙌
Thanks!
Relationships often face challenges, but there’s always a way to move forward. My marriage had its share of significant problems, but with the right help, my wife and I managed to resolve them and strengthen our relationship. Solutions are available if you’re willing to put in the effort and collaborate. Keep hope alive-answers are possible.
I’m struggling with serious issues in my relationship and can’t bear the thought of losing her. My love and desire to have her back in my life are immense. I’m willing to do whatever it takes and would be very grateful for any guidance or suggestions.
Saying farewell to someone you love dearly is never easy, but in my case, I had the assistance of a spiritual counselor who saved my marriage from falling apart. Her name is Suzanne Ann Walters.
I'll immediately search for her online. I appreciate it. I'm hopeful that adopting this strategy will also bring about positive changes for me; I miss her deeply.
You should
SCAM SCAM SCAM SCAM
This is becoming a common scam on YT.
Had I known how things would go down, I would have pulled the trigger immediately. However, 3 kids and 20 years of marriage later, I was blindsided/ambushed. I never saw it coming and I paid the price and still have trust issues to this day! LOL
That’s interesting John, I have been thinking of my calm behaviour lately, I am not as stressed as I was when married. It seems separating has given me peace to figure out my life…and do what I want to do.
Agree, I hold that anger and bitterness because I am angry at myself for walking into the trap she set for me.
Me too
I've often wondered what happens to a good woman whom you once found worthy of marriage but eventually became the worst enemy you have ever known. Of course this video hits on that very subject. This was something I had the deal with and I almost never talk about it. Why? I thought she was an amazing woman and I still do. Yet at the end it was the exact opposite of everything I wanted. Your defense mechanisms kick in. I was tested to the extreme. I refused to ever give up and I would never quit no matter what. I refused to let her jump off that cliff into oblivion. Did she break my will? Nope I held my commitment all the way to the end. Would I do it again knowing what I know? Of course not, but I wasn't going to quit. Also speaking of PTSD it places you into a kind of paralyzing fear. Sleep comes and goes. Money issues become the premier issue that defines your personal survival for supporting her. Anyways it does still linger afterwards and I will probably always be on guard against anything like that happening again. Also alot of men have given up everything to be with a woman only to find themselves completely alone when she wants to play the field and seek attention from strangers. That alone might cause some PTSD. Last thing is having other people interfere in your relationship. Many times a man trusts a woman and she invites other people to interfere while claiming you are the bad guy while you fight to save the relationship. If you fight to save it once, twice, then you will constantly have to fight to save it. Total waste of time in the end, but some men refuse to quit..
Sounds like you have a very bad case of being Blue Pilled. Only the Red Pill can save you … 😎
I think you are unqualified to determine whether I was red pilled in my relationship or not. Maybe you are projecting who you are onto others. Since you didn't address any of the points I made I can only assume your reading comprehension is limited. You could be King Kong and you ain't fixing that. So good luck on your lack of comprehension.
Great comment, thanks for sharing our experiences.
So true and speaking from experience. I'm only here for the kids. Her as well. Very sad after what was a successful team.
Life is so much better alone. Especially if you are an Introvert personality type. About 3 weeks post divorce after 18 years of marriage/cohabitation, it felt like I got an extra 4 hours of daylight every day. It was shocking how much time and energy I was subconsciously spending. I could breathe again.
This really resonates with me. I also knew, probably before we were married even, that it was doomed to fail. I just couldn’t be honest with myself. I thought if I tried hard enough and was persistent long enough that it would work out. I was childlike in that belief. The reality on the ground was obvious, run! My only regret is that it took me five years of marriage to realize what should have been obvious from the start. I can move on from how awful she was, but it’s the part where I denied myself dignity that still stings to this day
Brilliant and an introspective deep dive that speaks of organizing thoughts and placing feelings and emotions under control. I'm filing your ideas in my head.I gave too much meaning to events that weren't worthy of my suffering. Very insightful video.
letting go is the greatest gift we can give ourselves. It’s not about failing; it’s about finding peace after the storm
I have often heard of couples that live together for years, but as soon as they finally get married they break up.
That was me. Together 18 years, engaged for 15 years, we were married less than 2 years before she blindsided me. We were such a good couple
I enjoyed the video. Yes , I have regret over how I handled things during my marriage but nothing that I would be embarrassed to share with a room full of people.
No truer words have been spoken my friend...it's all about "self-worth". I've been there, done that twice now. And to borrow a song from John Mayer...."I'm Perfectly Lonely". Thankfully no children in either marriage, so I don't have to worry about that "baggage" either!
All adults make wrong decisions all of the time. The thing about being an adult is recognising that everyone around you are just pretending to be grown ups.
They are just little kids. Some more secure in themselves than others. Your friend is secure in himself.
I find my best mates are ones where I can get relief from any anxiety that I’m feeling. And vice versa.
The best of friends are born from those moments.
Look up complex PTSD., CPTSD. That is common in men and women who were abused, physically and/or mentally while they were being raised and never got their developmental dependency needs met. There are several 12 step programs that can help with this.
Great info
I see a lot of people saying that you are young believe in love you will find the one. But from a realistic standpoint that’s not likely to happen, I’m 23 I have 2 more years of college I have a job I have my own place I go to the gym in a regular basis I have a great body some money aside for my needs and I’m planning on having my own business don’t necessarily want to be a millionaire but I want to be free and don’t have to think about money. All my friends are single and share the same experiences about dating, I think I’m done with dating I learned my lessons with my exes and with cold approaching. Focusing on yourself is the only investment that is worthy unfortunately it’s like that these days.
Agreed
Excellent... we are childfree for life
Sounds like you’re headed in the right direction.
Whatever you do, NEVER marry!
I just love these videos!!! and I'm so curious how you film from the sky .😮also I been feeling like getting out and walking 🚶♂️ more because you are always walking through nature with your dogs. .Your videos are very helpful ..I'm 54 and pretty much single for the first time .❤
It’s called a drone … 😂
I’ve heard it said that the 2nd happiest day in a man’s life is the day he gets married. The happiest is the day he gets divorced!
"If love can turn to hate at the flick of a switch, was it ever really love in the first place" (Ekhart Tolle).
Is it love or a desperate neediness or an addictive grasping and clinging?
Love, as a word, gets banded around, so often. It's a word that has so much hope invested in it. Ask anyone what they mean by "love" and each will give a you different answer. Does unconditional love truly exist in reality?
We may start off with anger and bitterness in order to get to resolute. It’s all part of the progression to get to a more healthy situation. There’s so much that we’ve been conditioned to believe that will take a lifetime to unravel. Truth is hidden behind this delusional wall of grandeur that love is supposed to be. Being woke saved my life, and it’s good to see one more person spreading the message. Continue with your mission, there are those out there in desperate need.
You better off than my father who worked 60-80 hours a week, for 43 years later with a fat wife being called my mother, my father died when he was 63 and I was 19, he was probably glad that he died by cancer, finally a relief from his responsibilities, my mother probably spent his dead insurance in 4 years time and she later said: I am in debt/red, after many trips, saunas, holidays etc. My mother wasn't the best mother to, she screamed at me when I was a little kid, I never had the courage when it was 4-5pm to play with my toys to hear her scream like a frustrated banshee, she told my older brother who has bi-polar when he couldn't cry as a kid and the mother of my mother was a bi-polar/borderline schizophrenic who chased my mother and my mothers brother down with a knive, he couldn't take it and he passed a way at the age of 35 by alcoholism, because the brother of my mother was to traumatised because what he had experienced as a child, and the mother of my mother passed a way too by starvation in a psychiatric hospital, I promised myself as a kid that I will never ever will marry, have kids or get physical intimacy, I don't like it when people touch me too, because of the abuse that I got from my mother, my father was also a backboneless man who hadn't the guts to get a divorce, lol. I am glad that I will pass a way sooner or later in this world, I truly do, and I am glad that I am not married or have kids and that will never experience what I have experienced in this life, haha.
Yeah, that sounds terrible.
@john-griffin If you ever get bored off life, here are my hobbies, I read fictional & factual books, I write philosophy, poetry, diary like text & fantasy stories, I make music on the website that is being called soundtrap, I walk alone in nature/streets in the late evening, I played checkers, I make healthy foods, sleeping & I game.
I also refuse to smoke, drink alcohol, caffeine, drugs, eat a lot of junk food, gambling, no tattoos, or get fat, it's like I am almost religious, but I am not religious.
Thank you for posting this
Thank you for this video. I never recognized PTSD from the death of my marriage. My marriage demise lasted 6 years and my bitterness is primarily towards how I handled the inevitable end. Ten years later I’m still enjoying the relief.
Onward fellow travelers.
I never married. Building my third home and fully paid off in cash. Had the kids. Not getting married didn’t prevent me from living my best life. I had kids, a long term partner, traveled. If you’re paying attention, men and women don’t want marriage anymore. You don’t need it. You posting these videos on this subject isn’t a new thing. People don’t want to go into third party contracts with the government. This is nothing new. The old guard has changed.
Wrong... Women LOVE the leverage!
Feel sorry for the kids with what seems like two travelling gypsies for parents
@@dasvwill Sure.. For them lol
@@Dan0rioNI don’t think so. I get your point on the financial incentives but women are just as bitter toward marriage as men. I actually think they figured it out quicker than us.
We’ve been thick in the head with romance. And now all over manosphere the word is spreading wisdom. No more marriage!
I feel bad for your kids and your partner.
The problem i see with most men is that they become soft as soon as they marry. My dad always had control at home and he was decisive when it came to decisions . My mother would complain, but she never left.
If she says that she would rather not be in the marriage/relationship that means she is definitely not in love with you & at best sees you as a useful utility.
At that point *_GET OUT_* , because it can't be fixed - *NO EXCEPTIONS* .
With regards to that female commenter who said you sound bitter, not only is she shaming you for having feelings, she is getting you to shame your feelings. If a woman was raped, would she be allowed to feel angry and bitter, I say yes she would be allowed to have her feelings, and if someone tried to shame her for having these feelings, I would call them barbaric and a degenerate!
As the late, great Kevin Samuels taught us, woemyn use SIGN language to manipulate: Shame, Insults, Guilt, Need to be right. Just ignore them when they start on this toxicity, and walk away … 😎
Great point! Thanks
He says one thing, but the stress and turmoil on his face and body show the real damage. Praying for you on your single journey 😔🙏🪦
Oh come on, you can't analyze what's in his brain by his facial expression. What about all these instagram, and other social media pictures that people post where they are all smiles, look as though they are on top the world, then you hear that the next day they self-deleted. How's your analysis of that ?
I've never been married, and likely never will be all thanks to seeing experiences like this and my own bad experiences with relationships. As lonely as it can be sometimes, it's nice not having to be super stressed out by someone else and whether they are hapoy or not.
Excellent video John. Keep up the good work. Similar thing happened to me and had no other guy friend to talk about it with. Talk about it once and leave it behind in order to move forward. 👍
Thanks
Great insight regarding trauma coming as a result of attaching meaning to an event. Thank you.
She don’t like the concept of marriage, yet they want the ring and honeymoon. Only want the good and blame the man for any bumps that comes with the deal package.
I don’t think it’s their fault. For eons taken as booty and bounty. For progeny. Now with economic equality it’s just become obvious that their nature isn’t cut out for a long monogamous marriage.
I sometimes wonder about how great it must feel after a divorce, but only if there is no alimony, child support or kids involved. Otherwise it sounds slightly less hellish than just staying together. Fortunately I never married. Only very rich or very poor men can afford it.
6:20 actually made me tear up…so true
The relief... yes! So true. I made a list of all the things I DON'T miss after getting divorced and it's a strong reminder as to why the peace is sacred and must be protected.
@@plasmaarmelund 100%
As a child, we need boundaries. We have to learn to appreciate ourselves..so others will. Life is complicated for us humans living in modern societies.
That hands down explained the divorce experience. I now live a simple life in the bush. Sitting in nature in peace is my reward for moving past the trauma of a woman who I now realise has a deep childhood hate of men and uses her charms to gain then destroy. We now are actually friendly but I tread as carefully as a cat on a hot tin roof 😆
4:42 why did I fight so hard to keep that marriage. Same reason as to why we do anything in life, Fear. Every thing we do is out of fear. Those that argue and disagree with this have not and simply cannot understand it on a deep level
I think I was afraid of losing my life, my money, my social status, my kids, my home my neighbors my preconceived ideas of what my life would be. So, I agree.
That was my experience. That i allowed myself to be in that situation. It took me a long time to get in front of it.
We should learn how to forgive ourselves. Thank you for the insight
Married for 20 years and a Bachelor for 5 years.... best money I've ever spent
I got divorced in 2002, initially it was hard, but it's been wonderful since then.....he has gotten married numerous times since then, cheating each time, including with me, guess he'll never learn 😒
I have a question for you and you touched on it before but I forget which video.
What if you want kids but you don't want a wife?
You suggested something along the lines of donor - surrogate - nanny. Which would be considerably less expensive.
I've given a lot of thought to this and it's superior in every way but 2. The 2 drawbacks are:
1. I had a very good relationship with my mother and my children would be denied that experience.
2. What if somethings happens to you while your children are still young? They will be without either parent. That will take some planning and having systems in place.
One more thing that concerns me (I guess that makes it 3 things) is the involvement (or not) of the donor in their / our lives ( which I don't like but others may find desirable) and the possibility of the children seeking out that person and possibly bringing her into your life or theirs.
The rest of the situation is one decision maker, one shot caller, no nagging, no drama, no one to answer to, no possibility of divorce, and someone who's hired to help who cooperates.
John, Thank You! Well done! I never got married. There are too many ways to fail. I have had some great relationships and some bad ones. I did not want the state of Connecticut dictating the rules, and I did not want to be estranged from my kids. Taking on the financial risk seems too impossible. The current divorce rate is 57%. If someone told you your parachute had a 57% chance of failure would you jump? I am smarter than I look. Lol!
Marriage is about handling life together through thick and thin . But it's much better if you love one another. And you think about the other spouse first.
Thanks John 😊
Glad you enjoyed the video
@@john-griffin I think you just cured me!! Thanks man
We humans sometimes only learn by contrast. After divorce peace and control of ones' own life and choices is sweet, and we know that a man can have either piece of A$$ or peace of mind but never both.
People ask me if Im single or married. I tell them Im HAPPILY DIVORCED! Got my sanity back!
The betrail from her cheating left wounds in me that will not heal. Its 12 years now and i have no feelings for her since the divorce, its the betrail that still hurts.
Sometimes i look at her face and remember her cheating. Realizing that she has no remorse and the damage she caused to our family never mattered to her...that is cold 🥶
Fully agree. It's amazing how they can lie to your face even though you have evidence to the contrary. Cold as ice. They will never feel remorse, everything they do is justified by themselves. The only emotions you will witness are anger at you as to how you caught them.
When you get the shit kicked out of you it’s okay to experience some bitterness. In the long run one can’t let bitterness control us.
My two cents: For your own peace of mind you should never look at the years in a bad marriage as a waste of time. If in your head it was good then it was good. This caused you to believe there was something to fight for. You can't control what another person does and you have even less control over what another person believes. Stoicism 101. You learned a vast amount of knowledge and have life experience that you cannot get anywhere else. As they say, pain is the gift no one wants. Also, there's absolutely nothing that says if you had picked another woman, you would have had a better outcome. Especially when the divorce rates are astronomically stacked against you. If you see your time as wasted, then this will depress you immensely. I've gotten past that point in my divorce journey. Focusing on the negative aspects were weighing me down and keeping me from moving forward. I've learned, and am learning, from my mistakes, but I will not see these years as wasted. At least not on my part. I had fun and saw it as worthwhile, and if she didn't, well...I can't control that and I certainly can't convince her of that. Her problem, not mine. I think this way of thinking has kept me from PTSD hitting me like a runaway freight train.
Great insights
We get more upset with ourselves, really because we say we should have known better. We make decisions based on what we know at that point in time. Hindsight is wonderful, but if we go back in time, we will probably make the same decision again. Many of us chose to ignore the signs, but if we really are honest, they were there all along. Don't be too hard on yourself, guys, and try to learn from the experience and move on.