I was reading somewhere that after an emotional loss, such as divorce or death of a spouse, nothing should be done of significance for at least a year. That year should be used for healing and preparation for what is next. In my own case I ended the marriage, not her, so I was already done prior to it being official. One thing I knew was I would never put myself in a position where a woman could control me via the state ever again. 17 years later, still unmarried.
Yes, I waited 1.5 years before reentering "the market". Make no mistake, it was very hard period due to the court system and I was lonely, but it gave me plenty of time to reflect on the mistakes I had made and the minimum requirements I had for an LTR. I did not make the same mistakes again and have had a good life the last 38 years since that traumatic event.
Thank you for sharing, this really hit home for me. When I had my first thoughts about leaving my wife two years ago it was painful to even consider the idea. As more time passed I came to accept just how poorly she's treated me and how miserable I had become. A few months back I realized with 100% certainty that divorce is the only path forward for me. So while I'm making plans for the legal process, emotionally our marriage ended for me some time back. As you stated, I will never give a woman that kind of power over me again.
This is so encouraging. I went through every single emotional experience known to man. It took me 7 years to overcome all of it The reason being. She took my kid, my mum died, she used the system to keep my child away from me. She went and had another child with a man that had 3 other kids with 3 different women. She's the 4th 25 years later I now understand why. It's nothing deep. He had a car took her to night clubs. That's it. It was about excitement. The child with another man hurt the most. I am very traditional. Now I am so happy. I am dong all the things I have wanted to do. I have a BA, I play guitar. I am working on songs. I have found the real me. It was the best thing to happen to me, obviously not at that time. I am a stronger better man for it. By the way, I see my son all the time. We have an even better relationship now thanks to her. Funny how things turn out sometimes
My ex took my daughter away from me. I saw her when I could, now as an adult we vacation together, she is very close to my second wife, my ex has never met my daughter's children , and one of them is 20 years old, they had a chance to meet the ex (their maternal grandmother) but said the weren't interested. Said they already knew who their grandparents were. (Us).
@@themick6586 😏 LOL, thats really sweet that your Daughters allegiances are with Papa, thats how it should be, my Son is growing up with his mum, we will see when he grows up if he does the same, he better if he knows whats good for him 😅 yup muthers and grandmuthers are over rated LOL
When I was engaged, by boss said: "get ready for true soul crushing pain, the kind of pain that will forge you into a man!" it took me 25 years to really grasp the wisdom he instilled on me.
Soul crushing pain will carve your soul into true warrior, if you will allow yourself to, as Jim Morrison sings, "Break on through, to the other side." Some passage of time helps with this too. Gotta deal with some challenges before breakthrough occurs. Life is what we make it. The Good, Bad, and the Ugly. How will you deal with it? Anymore, I choose to leave bad and ugly situations alone. Been there, done that. 🥰✌️💕
I don't know you John....but you have really helped me look at life, divorce, heartbreak in a way that really hits home....thank you for taking time from your life to help us move thru this shit
Completely agree. I have deleted all memories of my ex (FB, pictures and keepsakes). When memories come up in my mind that were good - I think "Ok, that was good." When bad memories come to mind - I think "The nightmare is over and I no longer have that drama/stress/trauma in my life. Life is good again.". John is right - let the attachment go and you can then move forward with living the life you could not live with your ex. In other words, it's a blessing she's gone.
I always regretted many years later throwing away memorabilia from an ex. Photos, love letters, etc. Keep all that. Be in gratitude that you had someone at that time
@@andre1987eph It's a personal choice. After years of a miserable marriage, I prefer to move forward with as little memory of it as possible. Thank you for your comment.
The one thing that saved me was I had just got a promotion and my salary doubled. That helped a lot. And I worked a lot. Men- going through the early stages. Don’t try to get her back, get you back!!
I once had a nervous breakdown. It was when my relationship was stagnating with my girlfriend at the time, and I kept making wonderful plans for us and she kept sabotaging each and every one. I broke down at work and cried for about 20 minutes. I cried silently, alone. I lost control of my body and shut down for that time. I've never had a worse experience in my life. Never before and never since have I had a nervous breakdown, it was awful because I felt like I had no control to change anything. I will never allow a woman to have that power over me. Everything in my life is within my control now and I urge all other men to never relinquish your freedom.
John, I live in a different country, thousands of miles away, but your words have definitely reached me. I didn't want my marriage to end after 32 years together. I had messed up financially. I didn't handle things quickly enough. That was definitely my screw up. I tried to rebuild it. I did handle things. But for her it was too late. She wasn't willing to try any longer. She met a new dude and that made things easier for her. I never gave up on the marriage. She did. That's the only thing that annoys me still at this time. Yes, I feel betrayed. But your vids are helping me realise that chapter of my life is over. My life isn't over yet and there are exciting times ahead. I guess a part of me will always love her and wish she hadn't made this choice. But the fact that she has is the fact I need to keep reminding myself of. It is my life and I need to live it again. Thank you, and good look to everyone, male or female going through tough times.
Me and my wife ran a business together for 20 years. I was on the tools and she took the money. She ghosted me 6 months ago and left me with no money in our bank account. Since then I have realised how hard I worked for my wife to sit in the office and play monopoly with our money.
🙂 they usually have a head start beween two to five years, during those years if your really paying attention you will see the deterioration in their personality, some call it Devaluation Stage, she will start to complain and criticize and bully you for every little thing, you will clearly see that shes not the same person anymore, she wont tell you that she cant stand you anymore and doesnt love you anymore, you give her the icks and icky, the only reason that they haven't pulled the rip cord because it can take several years to get you eggs lined up properly, get a nice little stash of cash build up in a box, maybe line up a Lover that has a home thats going to hold you over for a period of time Rent Free, maybe the kids have to get older, or maybe the dude is still investing in some nice stuff like houses and cars and businesses so obviously you wanna stick around to get some of those assetts when she takes you to Trial.
@@MrSamadolfoYeap. Women see men as a business. I usually cut them off by saying I’m not interested in getting married again. They disappear from my life very quickly from there. The best piece of advice truly is to never get married. Heck, don’t even cohabitate.
I’ll mirror the advice already mentioned: Make no major life decisions within 1-1.5 years following a divorce, as you change a lot in that time. Most of my interests changed in that time, and my career also changed in that time, both heading at an angle tangential to the interests and career that I had before. It pisses me off, if I’m honest, as I preferred the older version of me. Unfortunately, as the saying goes, the snake that cannot cast it’s skin has to die, and I was so depressed, and so at loose ends, that I have never come closer to suicide in all my life as I did in that first year. I truly lost everything, and had to start right from zero. Needless to say, having another relationship is last on my list of priorities, ranking far below zit squeezing.
Something you just said reminded me of this. When my ex was leaving me, she said there was something wrong with me because she was my best friend. She said if I was a real man, I would have male friends as my best friends. How screwed up is that? How many times do you hear how “wonderful” it is to marry your best friend? I know that I am my best friend. No one on Earth will ever care as much about me as me. And I will never marry again so I don’t have to wonder about whether she is my best friend or not. Good topic and good advice. It takes a long time and a lot of reflection. It’s been going on 11 years for me and I am a very happy single man and have been for years.
@@stephenkilpatrick807 it’s not screwd up to think that you married your best mate. But she’s not wrong either. What she meant was that you should have guy friends to unpack your emotions and feelings with. That’s a healthy thing to do. As guys, we are more geared to being able to handle emotional burdens and the heavy stuff in life. Women aren’t built for that. They are built for a joy ride. If you unpack your emotions onto them, they’ll crumble under the weight of it all.
@@kiddytube3915 you will probably find this impossible to believe. I didn't unpack my emotions or problems onto her. And generally I don't do it with anyone else either. I keep my problems to myself and I solve them myself. I didn't say I don't have friends. I do. We've been friends since first grade. I said that I thought SHE was my BEST friend. The person that I spent 10 times more time than anyone else outside of work. But it doesn't matter now. That was 10 years ago and I'm WAY beyond that. I agree with you that, if a man needs to dump "feelings" onto someone, it can't be his woman. She will see that as weak and it will be a turnoff. Some of us are stoic and just don't operate that way with anyone.
correct, the Stats scale up for 2nd 3rd 4th 5th state license marriages, at the same time a lawyer said the STATS show 86% of Divorced People Remarry within 10 years, The Lesson will be Repeated until it is Learned. The Stats probably are no better for people that cohabitate or people that are dating. As you get older and you build up experience in the field you simply dont tolerate as much BS from any new partner that comes your way. Whats the take away? That Ingorance is Bliss and the we should be Investing in the Marriage Divorce Industry Complex and get Your Bag too! 🤑
To bad none of this information was available when I was divorced at 19y,o, and remarried at 22y,o, but I guess I beat the odds, I did make a better choice the second time, now married 45+ years
@@themick6586 congrats, yes i have heard many successful second marriages but statistically its in the minority unfortunately, if we didnt have Statistics it would seem that second marriages have a much better chance than first marriages because supposedly you have learned your lesson and now you can select a better compatible complement partner but thats not the case. I think its only because alot of successful second marriage people really love to brag and comment on youtube, whereas the unsuccessful are quiet, giving the impression that yours will be successful as well, thats probably why the STATS show 86% remarriages after the first Divorce. And if u really look into the stats for second marriages the rate of Divorce Sky Rockets if the 2nd marriage has taken place very recently, the more closer the second marriage license is to 2024 the worse. You got married to someone very special in 1979 so that makes alot of sense that your Odds are alot better as compared to young couples that are built differently of today that are starting fresh doing second and third marriages very recently. All very interesting Stats.
After my divorce it was very hard. I fought for my daughters every day for 17 years and it paid off. We have a great relationship, funny they have seen their mother for what she is and don’t have any contact with her. Stay strong gents, it’s a marathon after divorce.
@@jasonbarber2186 Very happy about your outcome. Your ex made her bed. Women love in the moment that's why she's burning now. I am not happy she's burning but you make your bed.
You are fortunate. I never knew what a narcissist was and after retiring from active duty, my ex started cheating on me. She devastated family finances twice during my 20 year career and then my finances after divorce have been painful for over 12 years. Gets a thousand a month because of former military spouses protection act because the judge followed that precedent. Worse thing is my youngest daughter will not talk or text me. My oldest is active duty and saw the light during separation that her mother is nuts. She said her sis is seeing the light and coming around, so I can only hope. 🤞🙏
Everything runs it's course to completion. Life is a play we are all actors. Try not to take things personally. There is a saying "Accept it and thrive or resist and suffer".
Every divorced guy I talk to tell me they just wish they we're given some kind of sign prior to the divorce. My friend came home last June and the entire house was empty. We found out that the ex moved in with a police officer s h e met during a traffic stop.
🙂 sure, you can install an air tracker on her purse and vehicle and you should have access to her fon and all her contacts and accounts and passwords and bank statements, and have her followed every once in a while. Every once in a while go search the car and all her belongings through out the house. Make sure you have an additional fon that is signed into her account and carry it on you that way when she gets something you get it too. Make sure she doesnt have burner phones. But most Dudes simply dont have the balls to do it, plus everybody is going to shut you down saying that your paranoid. And before you married you should have done have hired a Divorce attorney to write up your PreNup and consult on what your jurisdictions laws are if you ever go to trial, you should already know the percentages of child support per kid, alimony if any, how the assetts will be divided, how you should shelter your assetts beforehand, and after the Honeymoon get a PostNup every once in a while and always conduct the marriage as if your going to get Divorced. Any major purchases ask yourself how the Judge is going to see this at Trial. Any decision as well. You gotta be playing 5D Chess if you want to have a fair Marriage and a fair Divorce. Theres no reason to be Blindsided because most Dames are playing Checkers. You only got taken because you got stupid and lazy.
Hi John, I was just thinking about this very thing this morning. It’s very important after divorce to replace the old memories with fresh new ones. This is the analogy I used to help me. If you remember the old VHS videotapes, you could record programs from the TV onto tape. Sometimes you had to record over existing programs in order to record a new one. Now when you have recorded a new program to watch the old program has now gone forever. Within a couple of weeks you have forgotten what was originally on the tape. Thanks 😊
@@alanbarnes3569 that’s a great analogy! Keep the memories you like get rid of the ones you don’t. They don’t serve you what’s the point of hanging onto them.
@@alanbarnes3569 yes, keep going to the places that you used to go with your ex. Mourn the feelings of the past, but the more you visit the places of interest, the less intense you will feel about them. You’ll let go of them and move on for good.
If going through the aftermath of divorce, family destruction, John's words ring true and this podcast might be worth saving and reviewing. No point in beating a dead horse it ain't coming back to life. Time to look around and find some goals you would like to accomplish. this may be hard to find if you're still clinging, which will stop forward movement into your new wonderful life. Some superb introspection here being shared that will save a guy a lot of wasted time wallowing in coulda - wouldas. The past is the past and the future awaits . What will you make or not make of it? All the guys I've seen go through traumatic breakups and help the ones i 've been close to took a couple of years to get their heads straight and never look back. only one guy didn't come clear, he was waiting for over 20 years for his ex to come back, 'f **king sad that was, great guy, died of a heart attack on the job so he didn't even get to retire...don't be that guy!
*Extrinsic values:* These values, such as social status, are fleeting. A lot of men get married thinking that s3x is going to last, but that isn't the case. *Intrinsic values:* These values, such as helping others, are lifelong. Someone who has a passion for something, such as going for a walk, lives with a lifelong supply of joy. *A simple equation:* Suffering = Expectations - Reality If your expectations are above that of reality, you will suffer. If your expectations are in par with reality, you will not suffer. If your expectations are below that of reality, you will experience joy. What is negative suffering? The answer is joy. John, I am guessing you already know by now, Buddhist monks do walking meditation. You set a great example by combining walking with a message.
I think pets that are affectionate help. After my dads divorce an old stray cat adapted him and would jump on the swing and lay next to him. His 2 dogs where aloof but good dogs.
When you marry/cohabitate, date at work, date in your same college dorm, date someone on the same sports team, get her pregnant, etc A man throws away his ONLY true masculine superpower - the *ability to walk away* and go back to your suoerior life of peace, quiet, and freedom, progress, exploration, etc.
Im 47 Divorced and have a 11 year old. I can honestly say being single is so much better for your mental health than marriage or being in a relationship. Once you really get your life back. Forgive your ex-wife and become friends, life gets really good. Make peace with your old life and move on. Good luck guys.
That part you explained about attachment touch me very hard. Understanding than I'm enough to have a fullfillment life and I do not NEED someone else to complete me , is being my biggest lesson I've learnt after my divorce and hours of theraphy.
Wow , I really needed to hear that. Last few weeks as been tricky . I’m doing good , but there’s some sadness that things didn’t work out like you would hope for , even though it’s for the best. Took a break from RUclips , and Boom! Got the pep talk I needed.
Life is episodic. Your next episode maybe both better and longer than the current episode. With minor modification this video really applies to adjusting to a new and unasked for event in your life-death, divorce, career loss, accidents, and other tragedies.
I just wish I was younger when she pulled this I’ll be 56 in a couple days not really wanting to start over. That and I feel I wasted 16 years of my life on nothing.
I'm 54 and just taking the first steps on the long walk towards divorce. Been with my wife 30 years, 20 married, and suddenly now she's "unhappy" and wanting out. You may feel alone in your situation, but yours is far from unique. Stay strong.
I’m autistic and don’t like change. I gravitate to routine, so after divorce I need to find a different routing. That’s within my control. The main difficulty though is the unjust & biased financial settlement .
😏 heehee, not all Dudes can pull it off but preferably you wanna be those Dudes that eventually Catch Up and then Overtake Her, and leave her in the Dust, some call it Revenge by being Succesful, go lease some Eye Candy, shes going to really hate that 😅
@@eric_linden there’s no catching up, she’s maybe 2,3 or 5 years ahead of you already. Don’t make it into a game. Move at your own pace. Just know that as the guy, you deal with what she did to you. That’s what us men are built for. Allow her to move on first. She will respect you for the rest of your life if you did that.
Thanks, John! One of your best videos yet. Every bit was chocked full of wisdom and a perspective that could be very helpful and lifesaving to many men.
Why hello there again John…… In the 1970s there was an author called Hugh Prather Who wrote a few popular books in journal/diary form. In one entry that I still remember he talks about having something like divorce or an end of a relationship or other traumatic events occurring in your life, it is time to burn down the house and to start over. If you burn down the house and emerge a new person you have nothing to hold you back and the entire world is your oyster. And then you can start your new adventure with a fresh expectation…… That’s my thought and I’m sticking to it…… Ha ha…… Jazlyn
This is a very important message... and seasons are changing in nature, and in human situations. Embrace the change, let go, take your time to grieve the change... and then focus your energy on the new life ahead of you. Where you are 100% in the driver's seat. I love your videos and I do love reading all the commentary. Sending peace and love to you all.😊✌️
Deep cuts here - *nice* work, on several levels. Going random, now: 1: you say your ex was stunning 🤩. You can’t post her for privacy reasons and respect, and I won’t do google searches for the same. So, if she had a model or celebrity doppelgänger, who would it be? 2: she must know of this channel. She is now in a place where she knows in hindsight she topped out with you (she won the game of life). But like a pro athlete that didn’t know when to retire and stayed too long , she tried to go to the next level by moving on from you, but is actually worse off and embarrassed compared to what she once was. Yet, she sees you starting to thrive. How do you read her reaction to that? 3: I love photography, and one of my favorite type of shots bar none are silhouettes. And as fall comes in thru winter, you get the leaves gone. And you get overcast skies. And you get wonderful trees with intricate branching. Shooting silhouettes of tree branching against the background of an overcast sky (day or night, both glorious) is like shooting Nature’s random mandala. I took a screenshot of that from this vid. Anyway, look for bare trees, especially in clusters where each trees latticework of branching intersects with the others. Wait for overcast fall or winter skies. Day or night, doesn’t matter, both are splendid. Then shoot silhouettes! Use both camera & phone! Get directly under the trees, set lens to wide angle and fire away! My 2cents…
And 4: any of the kids take after her, especially the daughters? Based on what you know now about her, what do you tell them? If you had to raise your ex as a daughter, what would you do as a father?
Go to the funeral and sit in the back of the room so that you can scope out the next one but do not give her the Mrs. title. Don't look at it as rejection, but think about it as an early departure that allows you to choose one with more core values that match yours. Remember, you do not need to marry these gals, just run out the time until she starts going bonkers more than once a week. More than once a week would be a good measuring tool. Any time more than once a week would invite a cat attack that could lead to the injurious cat bite!....and the cat WILL bite you if you do not exit when the meow gets louder.
John, this is a deeply wise video, and I have no fault with the advice that's there. I do just want to ask you to add a qualifier to videos like this going forward, to acknowledge that in a proportion of cases, you understand there are men who will have difficulties following the advice through no fault of their own. Because I'm right there with you, but I've had a very different divorce and that places material constraints on 'moving on' - it feels like a fault in men like us if we don't just go and act on your advice, and it hurts. When really there is a cohort for whom their divorce was weaponised by their wife, and they have life changing long term financial impacts that mean they have no real choices to live a life going forward (other than face jail time for alimony), and even, restrictions on what they can do, who they can talk to, what they can say, and even where they are allowed to go. In another divorce, literally, the life you have forged would not be legal, and many of your postings could land you in jail (speaking about your wife would constitute abuse where I live). So none of this takes from the wisdom that applies to men free enough to act on the advice who are dealing with psychological trauma, but just keep in mind how many men face long term real-world contrainst on their existence from divorce and just make a brief comment to acknowledge that, as your message will be that much richer, wider and compassionate if you do. There are many worse kinds of divorces and implicitly, you're offering advice as if they don't exist.
How in the eh-e-double-el did you do that to yourself? I DO NOT have sympathy for the many men like yourself. I've been alone all my life. It was extraordinarily difficult, but I have a guaranteed financial future and will fulfill my dreams. I try to warn young men at my job who are about the get married - at the risk of losing my own job and they merely mock me in front of my colleagues. And you were also likewise warned and rebuffed people who tried to prevent you from that indentured slavery contract you called a wedding. We cared and we tried to help, and guys like you mocked us.
@andre1987eph You're presuming a heck of a lot about someone whose life journey you know nothing about. A lot of men married a long time ago, when nobody was telling them what it was like, in fact the opposite, there was full society propaganda armed at getting men married, and the divorce laws at the time were nothing like they have become. Real human beings don't have perfect foresight. I don't criticise you for having the foresight, you could grow if you recognised others didn't have the good fortune, or were sold a lie.
You may be right. I did start the video by saying it wasn't my intention to shame anyone. But, moving on psychologically and emotionally is an inside job. It has nothing to do with her or anything else. Its just something you do in your own head and heart.
Trust me. I had no forsight. I was just as you described. I just picked up the pieces after the smack down and pulled together a life that I truly enjoy. If I can do it, I think any one can. I am not special.
Isn't it better for divorced men to realize they never really had a marriage in the first place? They might think they were married, but really the woman never made the proper committment in the first place? She said "I do", but her actions said "I didn't."
We can never control what other people do. We can only choose how we respond to it. The point of the video is to recover. Getting over the pain of loss is very difficult. Focusing on the other person is a waste of energy. You can only change yourself and your thoughts.
I've felt responsible for the loss of my marriage and I've blamed myself for it so your advice to take the lesson and move forward is healing - thanks.
thank you very much for the video. Your videos are so helpful and inspiring for me. I’ve been divorced maybe a year and a half 10 months after my divorce she passed away. It’s good to hear your advise and insight .you’re very articulate and I appreciate that you’ve helped my journey and my road to recovery. I’m not there yet, but I’m getting better.
It's interesting that you are able to be empathetic toward your ex. I was curious if she found getting divorced was everything she had hoped. Apparently it wasn't, as it appears many women discover too late.
She was cold and robotic throughout the entire. process. It was a side of her before. But, after a few years, she began to experience the harsh reality of the world she had created for herself. Only when faced with an unpleasant outcom did she show any interest in me again? But, by then, it was too late. Her feelings were conditioned on her experience of being out in the world alone. She is a shallow and pathetic person. I pity her, but that is the only real emotion I have for her now.
@@john-griffin I hope that I’ll be able to get to that point of view with my ex wife eventually.. I just can’t fathom how she replaced me so quickly. Abandoned the life we were building together. Abandoned the children. And from what I’ve been told by mutual friends, she’s actually enjoying her life without us in the picture anymore. She’s still young (33). So has no issues with finding a suitable suitor. And since she already has kids, has gotten married, she’s done with that life already. So whoever is getting her now is what I feel the best version of her.. a fun person who just wants to have fun and enjoy life carefree..meanwhile, I’m stuck with childrearing and personal sacrifice. It’s made me a stronger , more developed person. But it also adds depression to the mixture because I no longer have a release valve in my ex wife. It sucks, but it’s okay.. I feel good that I’ve learnt this lesson before I’m 40, rather than in my 60s.
Finding something to put meaning into that I would not have experienced if still married . Old friends, my music, having a house that is mine the whole house every room, travelling to places I wanted to see and going back if I really enjoy the time, settling in with a good book any time of the day. Eating steak and eggs every day for a month if I want to . Having a few special massage ladies. Etc .
My divorce is starting soon. I didn’t want it to happen. She did. This video has helped me have a sense of structure and I’m looking forward to getting out there and finding someone else for me and getting married again (I’m very religious, so that’s my worldview and my belief). This video helped me to put into words what I was thinking.
Divorcee after 30 years. I can’t believe people think you’re bitter/angry. I don’t see that and I’ve watched your videos from the start. I talk with my ex everyday. She is ex because of her substance issues which caused serious health issues. We have 2 kids and people still ask why I keep contact. Real life is complicated gentlemen, but the point is not to sacrifice yourself
Great video, John! To any man out there hurting stay the course, keep your head down, don’t do anything stupid because life is truly fantastic without a woman! Focus on yourself and if you want a woman, trust me, they will come to you!
A lot of men don't realize right away that the woman is doing them a favor. If it's not going to be an amicable divorce I was told a female lawyer is better to have on your side
Thank you for validating me and my mourning after 33 years married and we’ve been together for 39 total. I guess 8 weeks mourning is normal, but I don’t want to be that guy who’s sour for a decade and that’s why I’m here Great video brother.
It must be much easier to move on from an ex who openly admits to you she made a mistake and is full of regret!!!!! What an unlikely outcome with a woman!!!!!!! I am sure my ex never lost a moment's sleep or ever had a single regret of disposing of me. She isn't built for honest self reflection. She just played me. My kids are now estranged so I know she's rubbed off on them too. What a shame to have been married to her, what a shame to have 3 children I adored and to then get dumped. I wish none of it ever happened. What a stupid, useless lesson. To learn women are a bunch of unrepentant lying narcissists who want to ruin your life by deceiving you that they love you in order to steal and exploit your resources. Yeah, what a Great lesson.
Maybe I do something wrong, feeling no pain at all. It helps that the kids are grown, and that we didn't and don't fight over divorce. And I initiated separation and divorce, maybe it is painful if she did, for some reason I can't comprehend. The freedom, autonomy and peace are the same if she left, in my opinion.
it just dont workout,,, i was in my 4 marriage this one hit the jackpot ,,she made 3 time more then i am and she let me in charge the money ..we love eacherother,,i am 70 now still stong
John, now I'm starting to think you are having a really hard time dealing with the fact your wife didn't want you anymore. You are similar to me and most men are builders, a creators, and your ex tore all that down on you. You also said you were VERY angry when your ex started talking about not wanting to be married anymore. Trust me, she isn't worth your pain. She is nothing compared to you. The biggest problem with us guys-- is that we prioritize LOOKS first over anything else in a woman and we need to STOP DOING THAT lest you pay the price. Your darn right she did you a favor ending the relationship.
I disagree. In order to make these videos, I’m sure he has to put himself back in a time where he was hurting. You may see it come out in the videos, but I can assure you when I look at John I see a smart man that has moved on and is trying to help others!
Yep and then she moves your kids to be with her new bf even before the divorce is finalized, which she filed for and you still have to try and coparent with her
Guys enjoy your freedom never look back at your ex wife with ages men only becomes better looking like a ripe wine 🍷and women only getting more old looking and disgruntled with annoying attitude. Have no regrets 👍🏼 because where's none! Press forward and experience life fully in tranquility and pacification vibe you well deserved 👏💪 👊
Hello! I love your channel and think you are an extremely wise man. However, I disagree with your opinion on younger men entering marriage just to gain the experience. It’s lunacy to promote that! It’s like saying you should kill a cow just to try a burger. I think you should consider making a more detailed video on this topic. Love the videos!
After the divorce i realized i knew nothing about women. With the knowledge and experience i have gotten over the years i can see all the red flags in my ex. They where all visble for the world to see but i was too ignorant to see them. At the end the divorce was all my fault. I wanted a family so bad i chose to see past all the warning signs thinking i can make it better. The truth finally proved me wrong and i accepted my failure.
I married my first wife because she was pregnant, she cheated within a year, then I found out about her reputation and worried the child wasn't mine, luckily dna test came along . When my daughter was 48 years old we took the test, she's mine, but her 46 year old brother proved not related to me. At the time they were born dna test weren't available,
Grief is normal and natural. Is healthy to mourn the loss of a relationship. But you have to be careful because it can also become obsessive. At some point, you just have to accept that this is the new reality. You need to let go of your attachments to the idea of the person you were in that relationship and who you believed she was. Those things are no longer true. There is a new reality and it has new opportunities for you. The sooner you come to that state of mind the sooner you’ll be able to move on and find a better life for yourself.
Hey John, ive listened to a number of your videos. Thank you, I agree 100%. Was married once for 12 yrs. Brutal! I've had other opportunities to re marry, but it just didnt seem worth it. 63 now and retired. My kids are grown and successful. My ex just buried her third husband. Lol. The poor bastard had a heart attack. But i'm happy he found freedom from the bitch! I look forward to finishing strong! Keep the videos rolling! Very inspiring. I used to feel guilty about my freedom, but not anymore! 😉
I'm 28 and appreciate these teachings. I can learn through other men's experience. In a lot of ways I can avoid touching the stove because I've seen it burn my dad and so many other men.
![Noob To Max With DRAGON REWORK In Blox Fruits [FULL MOVIE]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/LnBMOinoOvA/mqdefault.jpg)
I was reading somewhere that after an emotional loss, such as divorce or death of a spouse, nothing should be done of significance for at least a year. That year should be used for healing and preparation for what is next. In my own case I ended the marriage, not her, so I was already done prior to it being official. One thing I knew was I would never put myself in a position where a woman could control me via the state ever again. 17 years later, still unmarried.
Yes, I waited 1.5 years before reentering "the market". Make no mistake, it was very hard period due to the court system and I was lonely, but it gave me plenty of time to reflect on the mistakes I had made and the minimum requirements I had for an LTR. I did not make the same mistakes again and have had a good life the last 38 years since that traumatic event.
Thank you for sharing, this really hit home for me. When I had my first thoughts about leaving my wife two years ago it was painful to even consider the idea. As more time passed I came to accept just how poorly she's treated me and how miserable I had become. A few months back I realized with 100% certainty that divorce is the only path forward for me. So while I'm making plans for the legal process, emotionally our marriage ended for me some time back. As you stated, I will never give a woman that kind of power over me again.
Great advice
This is so encouraging. I went through every single emotional experience known to man.
It took me 7 years to overcome all of it The reason being. She took my kid, my mum died, she used the system to keep my child away from me. She went and had another child with a man that had 3 other kids with 3 different women. She's the 4th
25 years later I now understand why. It's nothing deep. He had a car took her to night clubs. That's it. It was about excitement.
The child with another man hurt the most. I am very traditional.
Now I am so happy. I am dong all the things I have wanted to do.
I have a BA, I play guitar. I am working on songs. I have found the real me.
It was the best thing to happen to me, obviously not at that time. I am a stronger better man for it. By the way, I see my son all the time. We have an even better relationship now thanks to her. Funny how things turn out sometimes
Awesome to hear !
congrats, you survived and came thru the other side of your Long Dark Night of the Soul, not everyone makes it tho 🙏
My ex took my daughter away from me. I saw her when I could, now as an adult we vacation together, she is very close to my second wife, my ex has never met my daughter's children , and one of them is 20 years old, they had a chance to meet the ex (their maternal grandmother) but said the weren't interested.
Said they already knew who their grandparents were. (Us).
@@themick6586 😏 LOL, thats really sweet that your Daughters allegiances are with Papa, thats how it should be, my Son is growing up with his mum, we will see when he grows up if he does the same, he better if he knows whats good for him 😅 yup muthers and grandmuthers are over rated LOL
Happy for you!
When I was engaged, by boss said: "get ready for true soul crushing pain, the kind of pain that will forge you into a man!" it took me 25 years to really grasp the wisdom he instilled on me.
Wow! That is some advice!
Youre not a real "man" untill your parents transition not some wife.
Soul crushing pain will carve your soul into true warrior, if you will allow yourself to, as Jim Morrison sings, "Break on through, to the other side." Some passage of time helps with this too. Gotta deal with some challenges before breakthrough occurs. Life is what we make it. The Good, Bad, and the Ugly. How will you deal with it? Anymore, I choose to leave bad and ugly situations alone. Been there, done that. 🥰✌️💕
@@ironwillie7666 When I was first getting married, this guy told me “ Congratulations, your 2nd one will be easier “. I thought it was funny then.
Hahahaha 😂
I don't know you John....but you have really helped me look at life, divorce, heartbreak in a way that really hits home....thank you for taking time from your life to help us move thru this shit
These are the things I needed to hear in my darkest moments. I hope they help other guys. Thanks
@@john-griffin Just curious, who helped you?
I don't know you either John but I'm pretty sure if I did we would be great friends!
John is amazing at this stuff.
Lots of thinking goes on. Your mind is working overtime. Lots of bells going off, suddenly realizing things you should have realized long ago.
Yep. I remember all those bells ringing- one Epiphany after another.
Yes Sir…well said.
Completely agree. I have deleted all memories of my ex (FB, pictures and keepsakes). When memories come up in my mind that were good - I think "Ok, that was good." When bad memories come to mind - I think "The nightmare is over and I no longer have that drama/stress/trauma in my life. Life is good again.". John is right - let the attachment go and you can then move forward with living the life you could not live with your ex. In other words, it's a blessing she's gone.
I always regretted many years later throwing away memorabilia from an ex. Photos, love letters, etc. Keep all that. Be in gratitude that you had someone at that time
@@andre1987eph It's a personal choice. After years of a miserable marriage, I prefer to move forward with as little memory of it as possible. Thank you for your comment.
The one thing that saved me was I had just got a promotion and my salary doubled. That helped a lot. And I worked a lot. Men- going through the early stages. Don’t try to get her back, get you back!!
Morning therapy begins... Thank you Sir! 👍👍
I really hope it is helpful
His videos near the river and with the dogs is pretty surreal. It's pretty helpful to be honest.
@ 👍👍👍
I once had a nervous breakdown. It was when my relationship was stagnating with my girlfriend at the time, and I kept making wonderful plans for us and she kept sabotaging each and every one.
I broke down at work and cried for about 20 minutes. I cried silently, alone. I lost control of my body and shut down for that time. I've never had a worse experience in my life. Never before and never since have I had a nervous breakdown, it was awful because I felt like I had no control to change anything.
I will never allow a woman to have that power over me. Everything in my life is within my control now and I urge all other men to never relinquish your freedom.
John, I live in a different country, thousands of miles away, but your words have definitely reached me.
I didn't want my marriage to end after 32 years together.
I had messed up financially. I didn't handle things quickly enough.
That was definitely my screw up.
I tried to rebuild it. I did handle things.
But for her it was too late.
She wasn't willing to try any longer. She met a new dude and that made things easier for her.
I never gave up on the marriage. She did.
That's the only thing that annoys me still at this time.
Yes, I feel betrayed.
But your vids are helping me realise that chapter of my life is over.
My life isn't over yet and there are exciting times ahead.
I guess a part of me will always love her and wish she hadn't made this choice.
But the fact that she has is the fact I need to keep reminding myself of.
It is my life and I need to live it again.
Thank you, and good look to everyone, male or female going through tough times.
You will feel more betrayed when you manage to get back on your feet and she decides to come back to your arms again.
Me and my wife ran a business together for 20 years. I was on the tools and she took the money. She ghosted me 6 months ago and left me with no money in our bank account. Since then I have realised how hard I worked for my wife to sit in the office and play monopoly with our money.
@@nicksmith892 sorry to hear that . loyalty is definitely not their strong point
If she can move on like it was nothing, I have to do the same. It sucks but it's life!
Good attitude
She moved on long ago. You are catching up.
🙂 they usually have a head start beween two to five years, during those years if your really paying attention you will see the deterioration in their personality, some call it Devaluation Stage, she will start to complain and criticize and bully you for every little thing, you will clearly see that shes not the same person anymore, she wont tell you that she cant stand you anymore and doesnt love you anymore, you give her the icks and icky, the only reason that they haven't pulled the rip cord because it can take several years to get you eggs lined up properly, get a nice little stash of cash build up in a box, maybe line up a Lover that has a home thats going to hold you over for a period of time Rent Free, maybe the kids have to get older, or maybe the dude is still investing in some nice stuff like houses and cars and businesses so obviously you wanna stick around to get some of those assetts when she takes you to Trial.
@@MrSamadolfoYeap. Women see men as a business.
I usually cut them off by saying I’m not interested in getting married again.
They disappear from my life very quickly from there. The best piece of advice truly is to never get married. Heck, don’t even cohabitate.
@@kiddytube3915 😏 they either slither away 🐍 or they scurry away 🕷 or they fly away on their broomstick 🎃👻😅
"Your after-wife afterlife"
Absolutely brilliant!
Thanks
I’ll mirror the advice already mentioned: Make no major life decisions within 1-1.5 years following a divorce, as you change a lot in that time. Most of my interests changed in that time, and my career also changed in that time, both heading at an angle tangential to the interests and career that I had before. It pisses me off, if I’m honest, as I preferred the older version of me. Unfortunately, as the saying goes, the snake that cannot cast it’s skin has to die, and I was so depressed, and so at loose ends, that I have never come closer to suicide in all my life as I did in that first year. I truly lost everything, and had to start right from zero. Needless to say, having another relationship is last on my list of priorities, ranking far below zit squeezing.
Something you just said reminded me of this. When my ex was leaving me, she said there was something wrong with me because she was my best friend. She said if I was a real man, I would have male friends as my best friends. How screwed up is that? How many times do you hear how “wonderful” it is to marry your best friend? I know that I am my best friend. No one on Earth will ever care as much about me as me. And I will never marry again so I don’t have to wonder about whether she is my best friend or not. Good topic and good advice. It takes a long time and a lot of reflection. It’s been going on 11 years for me and I am a very happy single man and have been for years.
I know what you are saying. She did not like my friends, so I drifted away from them to make room for her.
@@stephenkilpatrick807 it’s not screwd up to think that you married your best mate. But she’s not wrong either.
What she meant was that you should have guy friends to unpack your emotions and feelings with. That’s a healthy thing to do. As guys, we are more geared to being able to handle emotional burdens and the heavy stuff in life.
Women aren’t built for that. They are built for a joy ride. If you unpack your emotions onto them, they’ll crumble under the weight of it all.
@@kiddytube3915 you will probably find this impossible to believe. I didn't unpack my emotions or problems onto her. And generally I don't do it with anyone else either. I keep my problems to myself and I solve them myself. I didn't say I don't have friends. I do. We've been friends since first grade. I said that I thought SHE was my BEST friend. The person that I spent 10 times more time than anyone else outside of work. But it doesn't matter now. That was 10 years ago and I'm WAY beyond that. I agree with you that, if a man needs to dump "feelings" onto someone, it can't be his woman. She will see that as weak and it will be a turnoff. Some of us are stoic and just don't operate that way with anyone.
You're not bitter one bit, you're simply recounting your experience and sharing for others to consider. Fellow gen X here...
Thanks
I love hearing the rustling of the leaves and all the nature that surrounds you as you share your experiences.
Glad you enjoy the sounds. Some people complain about them.
@john-griffin Really? Wow. 😐 Nature's music is the best thing ever.
Worse thing you can do after divorce is to relapse back into marriage. First time, shame on her. Second time, shame on you. DO NOT EVER MARRY!
correct, the Stats scale up for 2nd 3rd 4th 5th state license marriages, at the same time a lawyer said the STATS show 86% of Divorced People Remarry within 10 years, The Lesson will be Repeated until it is Learned. The Stats probably are no better for people that cohabitate or people that are dating. As you get older and you build up experience in the field you simply dont tolerate as much BS from any new partner that comes your way. Whats the take away? That Ingorance is Bliss and the we should be Investing in the Marriage Divorce Industry Complex and get Your Bag too! 🤑
To bad none of this information was available when I was divorced at 19y,o, and remarried at 22y,o, but I guess I beat the odds, I did make a better choice the second time, now married 45+ years
@@themick6586 congrats, yes i have heard many successful second marriages but statistically its in the minority unfortunately, if we didnt have Statistics it would seem that second marriages have a much better chance than first marriages because supposedly you have learned your lesson and now you can select a better compatible complement partner but thats not the case. I think its only because alot of successful second marriage people really love to brag and comment on youtube, whereas the unsuccessful are quiet, giving the impression that yours will be successful as well, thats probably why the STATS show 86% remarriages after the first Divorce. And if u really look into the stats for second marriages the rate of Divorce Sky Rockets if the 2nd marriage has taken place very recently, the more closer the second marriage license is to 2024 the worse. You got married to someone very special in 1979 so that makes alot of sense that your Odds are alot better as compared to young couples that are built differently of today that are starting fresh doing second and third marriages very recently. All very interesting Stats.
Exactly, I've been done twice.
Women are lost, and a lost cause.
@@OziBlokeTimG 😊 Save Yourselves 🔥
After my divorce it was very hard. I fought for my daughters every day for 17 years and it paid off. We have a great relationship, funny they have seen their mother for what she is and don’t have any contact with her. Stay strong gents, it’s a marathon after divorce.
Same with me, ex hasn't met her grandchildren, and one of them is 20 years old, they had a chance to meet her but didn't feel the need.
@@jasonbarber2186 Very happy about your outcome. Your ex made her bed. Women love in the moment that's why she's burning now. I am not happy she's burning but you make your bed.
You are fortunate. I never knew what a narcissist was and after retiring from active duty, my ex started cheating on me. She devastated family finances twice during my 20 year career and then my finances after divorce have been painful for over 12 years. Gets a thousand a month because of former military spouses protection act because the judge followed that precedent. Worse thing is my youngest daughter will not talk or text me. My oldest is active duty and saw the light during separation that her mother is nuts. She said her sis is seeing the light and coming around, so I can only hope. 🤞🙏
@ I will pray for you and you daughters
Everything runs it's course to completion. Life is a play we are all actors. Try not to take things personally. There is a saying "Accept it and thrive or resist and suffer".
Every divorced guy I talk to tell me they just wish they we're given some kind of sign prior to the divorce. My friend came home last June and the entire house was empty. We found out that the ex moved in with a police officer s h e met during a traffic stop.
That is insane
The part where she says “I do” is the sign you’re looking for.
Hypergamy is very very real. They are only loyal to their feelings.
🙂 sure, you can install an air tracker on her purse and vehicle and you should have access to her fon and all her contacts and accounts and passwords and bank statements, and have her followed every once in a while. Every once in a while go search the car and all her belongings through out the house. Make sure you have an additional fon that is signed into her account and carry it on you that way when she gets something you get it too. Make sure she doesnt have burner phones. But most Dudes simply dont have the balls to do it, plus everybody is going to shut you down saying that your paranoid. And before you married you should have done have hired a Divorce attorney to write up your PreNup and consult on what your jurisdictions laws are if you ever go to trial, you should already know the percentages of child support per kid, alimony if any, how the assetts will be divided, how you should shelter your assetts beforehand, and after the Honeymoon get a PostNup every once in a while and always conduct the marriage as if your going to get Divorced. Any major purchases ask yourself how the Judge is going to see this at Trial. Any decision as well. You gotta be playing 5D Chess if you want to have a fair Marriage and a fair Divorce. Theres no reason to be Blindsided because most Dames are playing Checkers. You only got taken because you got stupid and lazy.
Wow
It’s hard to speed up the mourning process. Knowing what that process is, however, helps a lot.
Yes, it does
Hi John, I was just thinking about this very thing this morning. It’s very important after divorce to replace the old memories with fresh new ones. This is the analogy I used to help me. If you remember the old VHS videotapes, you could record programs from the TV onto tape. Sometimes you had to record over existing programs in order to record a new one. Now when you have recorded a new program to watch the old program has now gone forever. Within a couple of weeks you have forgotten what was originally on the tape. Thanks 😊
@@alanbarnes3569 that’s a great analogy! Keep the memories you like get rid of the ones you don’t. They don’t serve you what’s the point of hanging onto them.
@@alanbarnes3569 yes, keep going to the places that you used to go with your ex.
Mourn the feelings of the past, but the more you visit the places of interest, the less intense you will feel about them. You’ll let go of them and move on for good.
If going through the aftermath of divorce, family destruction, John's words ring true and this podcast might be worth saving and reviewing. No point in beating a dead horse it ain't coming back to life. Time to look around and find some goals you would like to accomplish. this may be hard to find if you're still clinging, which will stop forward movement into your new wonderful life. Some superb introspection here being shared that will save a guy a lot of wasted time wallowing in coulda - wouldas. The past is the past and the future awaits . What will you make or not make of it? All the guys I've seen go through traumatic breakups and help the ones i 've been close to took a couple of years to get their heads straight and never look back. only one guy didn't come clear, he was waiting for over 20 years for his ex to come back, 'f **king sad that was, great guy, died of a heart attack on the job so he didn't even get to retire...don't be that guy!
*Extrinsic values:*
These values, such as social status, are fleeting. A lot of men get married thinking that s3x is going to last, but that isn't the case.
*Intrinsic values:*
These values, such as helping others, are lifelong. Someone who has a passion for something, such as going for a walk, lives with a lifelong supply of joy.
*A simple equation:*
Suffering = Expectations - Reality
If your expectations are above that of reality, you will suffer.
If your expectations are in par with reality, you will not suffer.
If your expectations are below that of reality, you will experience joy. What is negative suffering? The answer is joy.
John, I am guessing you already know by now, Buddhist monks do walking meditation. You set a great example by combining walking with a message.
I think pets that are affectionate help. After my dads divorce an old stray cat adapted him and would jump on the swing and lay next to him. His 2 dogs where aloof but good dogs.
When you marry/cohabitate, date at work, date in your same college dorm, date someone on the same sports team, get her pregnant, etc A man throws away his ONLY true masculine superpower - the *ability to walk away* and go back to your suoerior life of peace, quiet, and freedom, progress, exploration, etc.
One good thing about after divorce is you don't have to worry about losing your house. You don't have one anymore to lose.
John, listening to you gives me hope in the middle of this firestorm I am in. Thank you
Steve, stay strong brother!
I am really glad you are finding it helpful. These are the kinds of things I needed to hear 5 years ago.
Steve, I am also in it. Please take deep breaths and just take the next right action.
...ALL you're content has been helpful and the nature trails are therapeutically uplifting... 🙏
@@sachawisznia9685 I’m glad you’re finding them helpful
😒👍 next I wanna see you go down these woods in a Mountain Bike and a Dirt Bike, Lets Go! 🚲
Im 47 Divorced and have a 11 year old. I can honestly say being single is so much better for your mental health than marriage or being in a relationship. Once you really get your life back. Forgive your ex-wife and become friends, life gets really good. Make peace with your old life and move on. Good luck guys.
That part you explained about attachment touch me very hard. Understanding than I'm enough to have a fullfillment life and I do not NEED someone else to complete me , is being my biggest lesson I've learnt after my divorce and hours of theraphy.
Divorce teaches us many things about ourselves. It can be really enlightening once you get through the pain.
Wow , I really needed to hear that. Last few weeks as been tricky . I’m doing good , but there’s some sadness that things didn’t work out like you would hope for , even though it’s for the best. Took a break from RUclips , and Boom! Got the pep talk I needed.
I’m really glad it helps. Keeping your head in the right place makes all the difference in the world. Stay positive.
I had to watch play video a couple of times: awareness, acceptance, and forgiveness is the way I'm getting out of my personal hell.
@@bobhouse9331 it’s not over night, but it’s effective.
Spot on, John. This video needs to get popular for the lads who freshly experience a divorce to be able to stumble upon it in the future!
Thanks
Tell yourself your best days start NOW. When people get divorced I say “congratulations 🎉😂
Excellent content!
Glad you enjoyed it
All of your content is extremely valuable. Thank you.
Life is episodic. Your next episode maybe both better and longer than the current episode.
With minor modification this video really applies to adjusting to a new and unasked for event in your life-death, divorce, career loss, accidents, and other tragedies.
Yes. This applies to all change in life. A very deep lesson that we are faced with in all arenas.
It applies to just about any transition where you are struggling to move on. Change is the hardest thing for people to embrace. Thanks
you have a mature appreciation for cognitive psychology
I just wish I was younger when she pulled this I’ll be 56 in a couple days not really wanting to start over. That and I feel I wasted 16 years of my life on nothing.
I was 54 when my wife pulled her disappearing act. You still have time.
Same man,56 here and having to start all over again and is daunting
I'm 54 and just taking the first steps on the long walk towards divorce. Been with my wife 30 years, 20 married, and suddenly now she's "unhappy" and wanting out. You may feel alone in your situation, but yours is far from unique. Stay strong.
@@exc911ence_channel
No contact, works a charm. It, at the very least, gains their respect. Worked for me more than once.
I’m autistic and don’t like change. I gravitate to routine, so after divorce I need to find a different routing. That’s within my control. The main difficulty though is the unjust & biased financial settlement .
She moved on long ago. She also mourned long ago. You have to catch up.
😏 heehee, not all Dudes can pull it off but preferably you wanna be those Dudes that eventually Catch Up and then Overtake Her, and leave her in the Dust, some call it Revenge by being Succesful, go lease some Eye Candy, shes going to really hate that 😅
@@eric_linden there’s no catching up, she’s maybe 2,3 or 5 years ahead of you already.
Don’t make it into a game. Move at your own pace. Just know that as the guy, you deal with what she did to you. That’s what us men are built for.
Allow her to move on first. She will respect you for the rest of your life if you did that.
Thanks, John! One of your best videos yet. Every bit was chocked full of wisdom and a perspective that could be very helpful and lifesaving to many men.
Thanks
Great video John, thanks
I enjoy listening to you John
Took me 7 yrs to learn some of these lessons
Im sure you are shirt cutting the process for many men
Happiness is not found in the external world. This is a belief of the ego. Happiness is an internal journey regardless of your external surroundings.
Why hello there again John…… In the 1970s there was an author called Hugh Prather Who wrote a few popular books in journal/diary form. In one entry that I still remember he talks about having something like divorce or an end of a relationship or other traumatic events occurring in your life, it is time to burn down the house and to start over. If you burn down the house and emerge a new person you have nothing to hold you back and the entire world is your oyster. And then you can start your new adventure with a fresh expectation…… That’s my thought and I’m sticking to it…… Ha ha…… Jazlyn
That is an excellent metaphor! Thanks
Actually listen to this video like five times and then taking hikes in the woods this is super therapeutic and good info
I’m glad you find it useful. This is the kind of information. I wish someone was around to tell me five years ago. Thanks for your support.
It takes time. Time heals eventually.
This is a very important message... and seasons are changing in nature, and in human situations. Embrace the change, let go, take your time to grieve the change... and then focus your energy on the new life ahead of you. Where you are 100% in the driver's seat. I love your videos and I do love reading all the commentary. Sending peace and love to you all.😊✌️
Thanks Monica! I enjoy your comments!
The amount of guys who remarry after a bad marriage is criminal.
I call it stupidity
Enjoy your content my man! 💯💯
@@Septamis thanks
Gracias por compartir man...estoy negociando con mi Juez interno que no deja de condenar...saludos
Thanks!
Deep cuts here - *nice* work, on several levels.
Going random, now:
1: you say your ex was stunning 🤩. You can’t post her for privacy reasons and respect, and I won’t do google searches for the same. So, if she had a model or celebrity doppelgänger, who would it be?
2: she must know of this channel. She is now in a place where she knows in hindsight she topped out with you (she won the game of life). But like a pro athlete that didn’t know when to retire and stayed too long , she tried to go to the next level by moving on from you, but is actually worse off and embarrassed compared to what she once was. Yet, she sees you starting to thrive. How do you read her reaction to that?
3: I love photography, and one of my favorite type of shots bar none are silhouettes. And as fall comes in thru winter, you get the leaves gone. And you get overcast skies. And you get wonderful trees with intricate branching. Shooting silhouettes of tree branching against the background of an overcast sky (day or night, both glorious) is like shooting Nature’s random mandala.
I took a screenshot of that from this vid.
Anyway, look for bare trees, especially in clusters where each trees latticework of branching intersects with the others. Wait for overcast fall or winter skies. Day or night, doesn’t matter, both are splendid. Then shoot silhouettes! Use both camera & phone! Get directly under the trees, set lens to wide angle and fire away!
My 2cents…
And 4: any of the kids take after her, especially the daughters? Based on what you know now about her, what do you tell them? If you had to raise your ex as a daughter, what would you do as a father?
Go to the funeral and sit in the back of the room so that you can scope out the next one but do not give her the Mrs. title. Don't look at it as rejection, but think about it as an early departure that allows you to choose one with more core values that match yours. Remember, you do not need to marry these gals, just run out the time until she starts going bonkers more than once a week. More than once a week would be a good measuring tool. Any time more than once a week would invite a cat attack that could lead to the injurious cat bite!....and the cat WILL bite you if you do not exit when the meow gets louder.
John, this is a deeply wise video, and I have no fault with the advice that's there. I do just want to ask you to add a qualifier to videos like this going forward, to acknowledge that in a proportion of cases, you understand there are men who will have difficulties following the advice through no fault of their own. Because I'm right there with you, but I've had a very different divorce and that places material constraints on 'moving on' - it feels like a fault in men like us if we don't just go and act on your advice, and it hurts. When really there is a cohort for whom their divorce was weaponised by their wife, and they have life changing long term financial impacts that mean they have no real choices to live a life going forward (other than face jail time for alimony), and even, restrictions on what they can do, who they can talk to, what they can say, and even where they are allowed to go. In another divorce, literally, the life you have forged would not be legal, and many of your postings could land you in jail (speaking about your wife would constitute abuse where I live). So none of this takes from the wisdom that applies to men free enough to act on the advice who are dealing with psychological trauma, but just keep in mind how many men face long term real-world contrainst on their existence from divorce and just make a brief comment to acknowledge that, as your message will be that much richer, wider and compassionate if you do. There are many worse kinds of divorces and implicitly, you're offering advice as if they don't exist.
How in the eh-e-double-el did you do that to yourself? I DO NOT have sympathy for the many men like yourself. I've been alone all my life. It was extraordinarily difficult, but I have a guaranteed financial future and will fulfill my dreams. I try to warn young men at my job who are about the get married - at the risk of losing my own job and they merely mock me in front of my colleagues. And you were also likewise warned and rebuffed people who tried to prevent you from that indentured slavery contract you called a wedding. We cared and we tried to help, and guys like you mocked us.
@andre1987eph You're presuming a heck of a lot about someone whose life journey you know nothing about. A lot of men married a long time ago, when nobody was telling them what it was like, in fact the opposite, there was full society propaganda armed at getting men married, and the divorce laws at the time were nothing like they have become. Real human beings don't have perfect foresight. I don't criticise you for having the foresight, you could grow if you recognised others didn't have the good fortune, or were sold a lie.
You may be right. I did start the video by saying it wasn't my intention to shame anyone. But, moving on psychologically and emotionally is an inside job. It has nothing to do with her or anything else. Its just something you do in your own head and heart.
Trust me. I had no forsight. I was just as you described. I just picked up the pieces after the smack down and pulled together a life that I truly enjoy. If I can do it, I think any one can. I am not special.
Thank you for this discussion. Hits home. And, every day is a good day for those dogs.
They have it made. Now that I'm single, all my time is spent making sure they are fed and entertained! Not a bad trade.
Isn't it better for divorced men to realize they never really had a marriage in the first place? They might think they were married, but really the woman never made the proper committment in the first place? She said "I do", but her actions said "I didn't."
We can never control what other people do. We can only choose how we respond to it. The point of the video is to recover. Getting over the pain of loss is very difficult. Focusing on the other person is a waste of energy. You can only change yourself and your thoughts.
I've felt responsible for the loss of my marriage and I've blamed myself for it so your advice to take the lesson and move forward is healing - thanks.
thank you very much for the video. Your videos are so helpful and inspiring for me. I’ve been divorced maybe a year and a half 10 months after my divorce she passed away. It’s good to hear your advise and insight .you’re very articulate and I appreciate that you’ve helped my journey and my road to recovery. I’m not there yet, but I’m getting better.
It is a slow process. But, it will happen if you keep moving in that direction.
Genuine conversation, it is displayed in your eyes today John. Thanks.
Thanks
"She's not the girl you married" ... SO true, because women ALWAYS change after the wedding.
And men largely do not change.
💯👍🏼🤝👏 pure truth 👊
Well, we do change through the time but definitely not to such an extant as our wives.
@@bigalex7393 -- That's why I wrote, "men LARGELY do not change."
@@Late60sMusicFan fair point :)
Thanks
Your videos are so helpful. You will help a lot of people by sharing your wisdom & experience.
Thanks!
Thank you John
It's interesting that you are able to be empathetic toward your ex. I was curious if she found getting divorced was everything she had hoped. Apparently it wasn't, as it appears many women discover too late.
She was cold and robotic throughout the entire. process. It was a side of her before. But, after a few years, she began to experience the harsh reality of the world she had created for herself. Only when faced with an unpleasant outcom did she show any interest in me again? But, by then, it was too late. Her feelings were conditioned on her experience of being out in the world alone. She is a shallow and pathetic person. I pity her, but that is the only real emotion I have for her now.
@@john-griffin I hope that I’ll be able to get to that point of view with my ex wife eventually..
I just can’t fathom how she replaced me so quickly. Abandoned the life we were building together. Abandoned the children.
And from what I’ve been told by mutual friends, she’s actually enjoying her life without us in the picture anymore. She’s still young (33). So has no issues with finding a suitable suitor. And since she already has kids, has gotten married, she’s done with that life already. So whoever is getting her now is what I feel the best version of her.. a fun person who just wants to have fun and enjoy life carefree..meanwhile, I’m stuck with childrearing and personal sacrifice.
It’s made me a stronger , more developed person. But it also adds depression to the mixture because I no longer have a release valve in my ex wife.
It sucks, but it’s okay.. I feel good that I’ve learnt this lesson before I’m 40, rather than in my 60s.
Thanks John. You are a wise who has probably helped millions, me included ❤
The consolation prize after a divorce are your children.
Finding something to put meaning into that I would not have experienced if still married . Old friends, my music, having a house that is mine the whole house every room, travelling to places I wanted to see and going back if I really enjoy the time, settling in with a good book any time of the day. Eating steak and eggs every day for a month if I want to . Having a few special massage ladies. Etc .
It's hard when your industry has gone flat. If you have money it's far easier. Today the world is about to go crazy.
Thank you for your words, i see a lot of what im going tru with your videos, they help me understand and cope, and also help me to move on
Can we take this monk to 100K subs ?
My divorce is starting soon. I didn’t want it to happen. She did. This video has helped me have a sense of structure and I’m looking forward to getting out there and finding someone else for me and getting married again (I’m very religious, so that’s my worldview and my belief).
This video helped me to put into words what I was thinking.
She left me just when i needed her most. I dont think so anymore.
Divorcee after 30 years. I can’t believe people think you’re bitter/angry. I don’t see that and I’ve watched your videos from the start. I talk with my ex everyday. She is ex because of her substance issues which caused serious health issues. We have 2 kids and people still ask why I keep contact. Real life is complicated gentlemen, but the point is not to sacrifice yourself
Great video, John! To any man out there hurting stay the course, keep your head down, don’t do anything stupid because life is truly fantastic without a woman! Focus on yourself and if you want a woman, trust me, they will come to you!
Well said! Thanks
A lot of men don't realize right away that the woman is doing them a favor. If it's not going to be an amicable divorce I was told a female lawyer is better to have on your side
Thank you for validating me and my mourning after 33 years married and we’ve been together for 39 total. I guess 8 weeks mourning is normal, but I don’t want to be that guy who’s sour for a decade and that’s why I’m here Great video brother.
It must be much easier to move on from an ex who openly admits to you she made a mistake and is full of regret!!!!! What an unlikely outcome with a woman!!!!!!!
I am sure my ex never lost a moment's sleep or ever had a single regret of disposing of me. She isn't built for honest self reflection. She just played me. My kids are now estranged so I know she's rubbed off on them too. What a shame to have been married to her, what a shame to have 3 children I adored and to then get dumped. I wish none of it ever happened. What a stupid, useless lesson. To learn women are a bunch of unrepentant lying narcissists who want to ruin your life by deceiving you that they love you in order to steal and exploit your resources. Yeah, what a Great lesson.
I would love to see John collaboration with RoninMan
Yeahhhh that would be amazing
Those negative emotions are triggered every time by listening to Country music. Hello to all the other genres.
Maybe I do something wrong, feeling no pain at all. It helps that the kids are grown, and that we didn't and don't fight over divorce. And I initiated separation and divorce, maybe it is painful if she did, for some reason I can't comprehend. The freedom, autonomy and peace are the same if she left, in my opinion.
it just dont workout,,, i was in my 4 marriage this one hit the jackpot ,,she made 3 time more then i am and she let me in charge the money ..we love eacherother,,i am 70 now still stong
I got my a ss beat when I was a kid . But like this, it made me stronger
hey man, thank you for this
No problem! Glad you found it useful
My wife had a SEVERE mental break in “23. The woman who filed for divorce wasn’t my wife.
Post menopausal?
John, now I'm starting to think you are having a really hard time dealing with the fact your wife didn't want you anymore. You are similar to me and most men are builders, a creators, and your ex tore all that down on you. You also said you were VERY angry when your ex started talking about not wanting to be married anymore. Trust me, she isn't worth your pain. She is nothing compared to you. The biggest problem with us guys-- is that we prioritize LOOKS first over anything else in a woman and we need to STOP DOING THAT lest you pay the price. Your darn right she did you a favor ending the relationship.
I disagree. In order to make these videos, I’m sure he has to put himself back in a time where he was hurting. You may see it come out in the videos, but I can assure you when I look at John I see a smart man that has moved on and is trying to help others!
Yep and then she moves your kids to be with her new bf even before the divorce is finalized, which she filed for and you still have to try and coparent with her
ooof! That sucks
Guys enjoy your freedom never look back at your ex wife with ages men only becomes better looking like a ripe wine 🍷and women only getting more old looking and disgruntled with annoying attitude. Have no regrets 👍🏼 because where's none! Press forward and experience life fully in tranquility and pacification vibe you well deserved 👏💪 👊
Good work!
Thanks!
Hello! I love your channel and think you are an extremely wise man. However, I disagree with your opinion on younger men entering marriage just to gain the experience. It’s lunacy to promote that! It’s like saying you should kill a cow just to try a burger. I think you should consider making a more detailed video on this topic. Love the videos!
Yeah it's crazy advice. John got off lightly in Family Court. He hasn't met Jesus yet. 😊
You may be right.
Love those dogs
Thanks
After the divorce i realized i knew nothing about women. With the knowledge and experience i have gotten over the years i can see all the red flags in my ex. They where all visble for the world to see but i was too ignorant to see them. At the end the divorce was all my fault. I wanted a family so bad i chose to see past all the warning signs thinking i can make it better.
The truth finally proved me wrong and i accepted my failure.
I married my first wife because she was pregnant, she cheated within a year, then I found out about her reputation and worried the child wasn't mine, luckily dna test came along . When my daughter was 48 years old we took the test, she's mine, but her 46 year old brother proved not related to me. At the time they were born dna test weren't available,
But it takes time to grieve the girl u married. She’s gone and it’s so sad. I miss her so much
Grief is normal and natural. Is healthy to mourn the loss of a relationship. But you have to be careful because it can also become obsessive. At some point, you just have to accept that this is the new reality. You need to let go of your attachments to the idea of the person you were in that relationship and who you believed she was. Those things are no longer true. There is a new reality and it has new opportunities for you. The sooner you come to that state of mind the sooner you’ll be able to move on and find a better life for yourself.
Evolution is your real competition...
Happy dogs at the end!! Stay single.
Hey John, ive listened to a number of your videos. Thank you, I agree 100%. Was married once for 12 yrs. Brutal! I've had other opportunities to re marry, but it just didnt seem worth it. 63 now and retired. My kids are grown and successful. My ex just buried her third husband. Lol. The poor bastard had a heart attack. But i'm happy he found freedom from the bitch! I look forward to finishing strong! Keep the videos rolling! Very inspiring. I used to feel guilty about my freedom, but not anymore! 😉
so tell me what you want what you really really want but i still haven't found what I'm looking for
I'm 28 and appreciate these teachings. I can learn through other men's experience. In a lot of ways I can avoid touching the stove because I've seen it burn my dad and so many other men.
Men full in love.
Women are in business.
😊