It took me me about a year of “trying to cut back” before I realized that unfortunately that’s just not possible for me. I was an all or nothing kind of gal and alcoholism runs really hard in my family. So I had to just stop. It’s been 8 years. I’m super glad I did it. It’s not always easy and sobriety is more like a roller coaster than an incline, IMO. But I’m grateful I did it and am still hanging in there ✌🏻
Him and his brother in law are going to have to replace the drinking with something else. A whole new lifestyle. I know several alcoholics that replaced drinking with weight lifting since it’s a great stress reliever, and you can see the progress you’re making week by week. I hope they can get this through this!!
That’s not a solution to the problem. If it were, Delony would have told the caller, “just replace your drinking w/ XYZ.” What you’re describing is typical addict behavior. They stop using and throw themselves into some sort of “hobby.” But oftentimes they end up relapsing b/c their new “hobby” is just another mask over the root issue.
Yeah, underlying issues will still be present, but replacing a bad habit with a good habit (or a less bad habit) is a known effective method of changing habits and routines. Relapses happen all the time, even when people address the fear or anxiety that drives them to drink.
Sustainability Theory Absolutely. An addict will lose everyone and everything in the pursuit of a better life, so it’s important that they fill those voids with better people and habits once they start burning off the dead wood.
When my husband and I went into marriage counseling, the counselor asked my husband to quit drinking for three months. My husband was angry, but agreed to do it. It was a miserable three months (he had trouble sleeping, and was pretty angry the whole time. I told the counselor, except for a trip out of town when he drank (but denied it), I guess he wasn’t an alcoholic. The counselor asked what he did when the three months were up. I said he showed up to our daughter’s band concert reeking of alcohol because he had started drinking the minute his three months were up. The counselor told me what he did when his time up was the test. Six years after I divorced him he was dead from chronic alcoholism at the age of 48.
I love that affirmation: I am someone who takes care of their body. Repeating that over and over shifts the identity for the better. I love this episode Dr. Delony.
What makes alcoholism harder is living in a society that normalises heavy/ regular drinking. I needed to hear this episode as this has been my personal journey this year
At age 16, I drank beer for the first time and I very clearly remember thinking two things. First, “My God, where have you been all my life?” Second, “I am going to drink every opportunity I get because I want to feel this way for the rest of my life.” I was in love instantly. It wasn’t until I was sober over ten years that I learned my mother, an alcoholic, drank heavily when she was pregnant with me. Fortunately, I was born without fetal alcohol syndrome or any birth defects, etc. But, I had developed what I call the allergy to alcohol. This piece of information was an huge ah-ha! moment for me when everything made sense to me finally. After my first beers that night at age 16, I drank for another 20 years. Yes, I had a lot of fun many times, but I was a blackout drinker and life was terrifying everyday. I lived in fear of what I had done but couldn’t remember and in fear of what would inevitably happen again. I created a lot of wreckage along the way and I lost a lot. I could have killed myself, others, ended my career, lost everything I had worked for a thousand times while in a blackout, but I was very very lucky. I’m now 18 years sober because there is nothing, absolutely nothing, that will be made better by taking a drink. Good, bad or otherwise, a drink is never the answer. God bless those struggling.❤
Its definitely something im scared of. I mean im on a battery medications where i cant drink so ive only had 3-4 sips total in my entire life. Actually only enough to not get drunk but taste how bitter alcohol is. But i know i have an addicts personality so i would probably have a problem if i did decide to start drinking thats why even on my 21st birthday i only took the tiniest sip.
Recovering alcoholic here, with over 19 years of sobriety. Thank you, John, for immediately calling this out at 01:39. I wish someone did that with me way back when. I hope this young man finds sobriety (not moderation, but complete abstinence).
As a person who has never had addiction issues, this is really making sense to me, helping me to understand why it is so difficult for people to quit addictive habits. It isn't just a matter of stopping drinking, but changing the way you see yourself and how you fit in (for want of a better term).
It’s super difficult because it isn’t as simple as just giving up a substance in and of itself but drastically adjusting your life as a whole if you want to have a real chance. If you drink regularly most all of the people you spend time around drink and so it almost requires that you stop hanging around those people. And it’s also extremely common that people dog on you for deciding to quit because alcohol is a substance that people are often judged more for choosing not to consume it because it’s such s societal norm. And so it becomes such an immense challenge because of how much change it calls for in addition to simply choosing not to consume alcohol anymore because if you want to keep hanging around the people you’re always drinking with it basically requires that they change up the things that they do to accomodate you or you likely have to go without spending time with them and that’s just so hard. It’s even harder if you’ve lived like him where he’s drinking too much but has successfully functioned as an alcoholic where he doesn’t see the issue because it hasn’t resulted in the consequences that would make it easy to know you need to stop like losing a job or something.
This episode really spoke to me I am in the depths of similar situation to this guy, I moved out to the country and now I don't have any friends to hang with so this is what it led to. Appreciate your videos you brought up some good points definitely going to try my hardest to not drink Dr. John you were a big influence in my life.
I spent a lot of years struggling with the what ifs and future tripping about not drinking ever again. But I hit personal bottom and had a spiritual experience, realizing it was no way to live, and committed to making a change. Today at 3.5 years sober, I could not have imagined just how much richer my life could be. My kids have a sober mother and I have choices today. I rely on God, the guidance of my sponsor, and follow the suggested 12 steps. There is a solution my friend.
❤Congratulations!! Remember you're no longer high so your moral standards of living are high! Sober sanity and sane sobriety! Get a sponsor who is living a very clean and moral life. Protect your kids. Read the 12 and 12. Again. ❤
From personal conviction, I have never touched any alcohol in my 60+ years. I've had a full, joyful, meaningful life with significant tragedies, mundane everydays and profound highs. There's been a lot of attempted shaming from others. People don't like it if you don't drink. I am a silent abstainer, but I've been called out publicly. It will have some tough moments, but it can be done.
I'm an AA attending alcoholic. I loved most of what you said John, you're spot on. The only thing I take exception to is in the beginning. When in doubt, sit it out. Prioritize your sobriety before ANYTHING, you're not going to be able to have the same life initially and that's ok. Reivent yourself and don't go to things that you fear will make you drink, that's ok too, it won't be forever.
Everyone should listen to this call. Such an excellent call that will help save millions of lives - billions of future lives when you think of the children who are not born yet.
You may say you dont "skip things" but you actually do. You are skipping they gym (for example) every morning you dont get up and jump out of bed because you are not on top of your game, etc. Just because you are doing what is required (work, etc) doesnt mean you are living your best life. Alcohol doesnt allow you to live your best life. It steals from you slowly and then faster and faster until you wake up one day and realize life is passing you by.
I drank because that’s what the people around me did…. And since I felt uncomfortable socially I had to have the alcohol and eventually loved how it made me feel. It was just another way hide. I’m so happy I stopped that lifestyle.
Exactly, I realized it wasn’t helping so I just quit. It would always ruin the next day. Whatever I was getting from drinking on the weekend is way outweighed by no longer having 2 day long hang overs. After a month I just came to the conclusion that I don’t need it and it’s a productivity, time, and money sink.
This was me in my late 20s. Except I also blacked out a few times. I moved myself across the country to a smaller town and got out of the restaurant industry.
I was drinking every day until I had a medical issue and had to stop drinking for 8 months. After I did that I realized it was basically a habit I developed.
Last year, I quit for 9 months or more. I let myself start back by just trying a drink of bourbon. Now I am right back to my old habits. I have to face I am very suseptible to addiction, and stop. Day 1 starts today.
When the people around you are bothered by the drunk side of you, you hurt their feelings, or they express to you that it makes them think less of you, I think it's a problem. My partner quit drinking when I did which has helped me feel supported in not doing it.
Quitted drinking more than 2 years ago! Now i’m 35 years old… I was more a weekend warrior but could see it go te wrong way that why i wanted to stop drinking… So much more time and money on my hands now! Even work a second job (as a busdriver) in te the side! So productive now! Never going back!!! Greetings from the Netherlands!
I doubt anyone may read this but I really resonate with the caller, but what happens if those around you who drink all the time are family and you end up drinking just to get through the family dinner (maybe 3-5 drinks at a time)? Not my family but my in laws so I can’t really tell them they grate the heck out of me because my husband is pretty close with them. He is a stop at 2 drinks person and I just don’t have that self-control once I open the drinking tab.
Bro said he “drinks to get drunk” 5-7 nights a week, and that all his friends and family drink just as much, and every time they all get together they drink. I’d love to hear the argument that he’s _not_ an alcoholic
I have a friend who told his doctor he was concerned about his drinking. The doctor told him if he was worried, he probably wasn't an alcoholic. I guess somebody has to graduate in the bottom of his med school class.
It's a disease. Some people do just drink to pass the time and because they are surrounded by people who are also drinking. He said he's taken breaks in the past, like during the pandemic, and he felt great. Good chance that was because he wasn't out with his friends and family being a social drinker 5 nights a week. Like everything, drinking can become a habit. I think this guy has a problem, but it will easily be solved by making adjustments to his lifestyle and setting boundaries.
Never been an alcoholic but I have kicked a meth habit. Almost 4 years clean now. (I personally wouldn't call what I had an addiction... when I decided it was time to quit, I just did. Several months of thinking, "meth doesn't make me feel good anymore" was very helpful in giving me the willpower to put that pipe down and not pick it up anymore.)
Are you saying the alcoholic blames others for why they don’t feel happy ? My thought is happy people rarely blame others . Happy people take personal responsibility for their issues.
People who like to drink a lot mostly only want to hang around people who drink a lot. They do not enjoy anyone in the group not drinking alcohol. That is how they weed out people who would prefer to have a soda or water. Eventually, they get a group of drinkers who feel normal because everyone around them is doing the same habit.
Thank you John for clarifying and making things clear for this gentleman and others alike. Much appreciated, and i highly agree with every word. It's sad that people have no self control with there own life wheather it be what they eat or drink. They have no control of what they consume and no care how the bidy reacts and responds to it. Then they over indulge bcz again no self control, careless about if it will effect them long term or the ones around them they love, they dont care about there health & mostly people who over indulge majority of the time are miserable, sad, lonely or trying to cope with a life experience or dramatic changethey do not agree with so they consume alchol or junk food to cope to drown the pain, sorrow, and agony or what is reality and truth. Instead of standing up and taking consideration of life and loved ones around, and being in control and strong minded and focused on their mental and physical health, they let weakness consume and give in each and every time regardless and that is sad to see and for those who have to live it. There are people who will have zero dollars to their name just to spend the last $100, $50, 20, $10, $5, even beg for change just to get a 16 or 40oz. of alcohol it is sad to see & endure as a loved one, I've lost relatives to liver sclerosis and kydney failure and lung cancer from chain smoking , and on dialysis all bcz they did not care enough to love themselves as much as family did trying to keep them alive and they lost life young before 50 and right after late 30s. While their children were still growing, graduatung becoming adults they didn't get to see their grandchildren be born and show them life. Instead they drowned their life numbed their so called pain for their own greed and no self love or self control. Now family like myself get to live and learn along with share to the world that there is a better way of life and that is to live the one life you got with those you love to the fullest and not indulge in toxicity bcz of misery. Love' Light' Many Blessings 🙏💞🙏💋🙏
Respecfully, you are wrong. It isn't about "self control" alcoholism is a disease. If you think someone is begging for change because they want to drink you need a wakeup call.
@@jeanettel4840 sorry Honey everything falls down to Self Control & Self Worth..... Ask a professional. If one has neither they are toxic and will take anyone down with them. Too much to explain, but it is in reality facts. That's why people don't just do obsured things daily bcz they have self control & self worth.
& of course alcoholism is a disease.... But so is gingivitis for the person who consumes too much sweets and does not care enough to take care of their gums and teeth...etc..etc. just as diabetes is a disease for the person who consumes unhealthy junk and doesn't cleanse, same to an alchy who over indulges and never cares to consider the harm being done to the only body they have. So yes as I stated above it all falls down to Self control, in any circumstance.
@@janemonroe7547 what you're saying makes zero sense. Alcohol abuse disorder is diagnosed by professionals. Your "facts" are gobbledegook. Don't know what point you're trying to make here but it's failing, miserably.
I stopped visiting our friends with my husband, because they all drank too much, from mid-morning to past midnight. I left the home, filed for divorce and he's now my ex-husband☮️🙏✨
@@jonesmorales-tu6kq There's more to this story. I'm only referring to the alcohol abuse here. Alcohol abuse affects the person's behaviour and their relationships, including the marriage. 🙏🙏🙏
I always wondered, can you have 0.0 non-alcoholic beer? I think nowadays these taste almost as good but I know a view sober alcoholics and The never drink alcfree beer or Cocktails. Why not? I love beer/wine and Cocktails but quit everything 3 months before we started trying for baby no 1. Not missing it but will have alcfree beer and cocktails recently. Why is that no for ex alcoholics? Asking out of pure curiosity
@@mrsflowerpower I've had some non-alcoholic IPA. It tastes pretty good. It's 0.5% alcohol. I've always just had one and don't feel anything. Can't say it's satisfying like real beer but I enjoy one on occassion.
I was a high functioning alcoholic. Kept going, never missed anything or lost anything except my sanity. A cruel disorder it has a solution go to AA and if you work it, it works 91/2 years sober a day at a time
I have always found it weird that among adults, if someone offers you alcohol and you politely decline, that people have all kinds of reactions: begging you to drink, feeling offended by your decision, ridiculing you etc. But if a smoker e.g. asks if you want a cigarette and you politely decline, even if you are a smoker, that's the end of that part of the conversation. 🤯
People are so focused on the social implications of drinking too much but totally ignore the long term health implications. Drinking multiple drinks per day 5-7 days a week is terrible for you. The level of damage you’re causing to your internal organs and the additional cancer risks are profound. I’ve seen family members die of liver failure and alcohol induced dementia. It’s an absolutely awful way to go out.
Read the Doctors Opinion in the Big Book of AA and if it sounds like you, you need to find a local AA meeting get a sponsor that focuses on the steps and literature. This is how I finally got sober after 3 trips to rehab. Good luck to all those who still suffer.
I wasn't sure if alcohol was a problem so I gave it up for a year. There were a few times I missed it and there were lots of up and downs but I managed to complete the year. So my problem is I overdo things and sometimes that was alcohol, but it was not alcohol itself. I think one of the good qualities of a friend is accepting when someone says they are not drinking and to include them socially. Your fun should never be dependent on someone else's drinking.
The thing is, as a previous alcoholic myself, his first week of sleep with no alcohol isn’t going to be good. I was the exact same way, I didn’t drink to get drunk but would have 6 coolers a night. When I stopped drinking I had major sweats and couldn’t sleep for a few days. After you pass the withdrawal , then you start feeling better.
I've got a feeling he will do it, he will quit. I would actually tell a white lie to family and say you are on a medication that doesnt allow you to drink ...let them get used to it. Then you wont experience that kick back from them that could push you back into it.
It's really simple: If you're calling into a show asking if you're an alcoholic then you're an alcoholic. People who don't have a drinking problem never wonder if they have a drinking problem. I'll be 2 years sober in September and I'm absolutely thriving. I love it.
Also, drinking guy, put the money you've been spending on alcohol in a jar. A big jar. Put a reward on it, ie, European vacation. Drinking has short term rewards, not drinking has long term rewards. Also, you get to see how much drinking has literally cost you, allowing you to think twice about how you invest your hard-earned money.
On the flip side though if you can’t admit you have a problem you’re not going to get help or quit the behavior. Literally the first and biggest step to sobriety is taking a hard look in the mirror and admitting to yourself you have a problem. You may get help right away… you may sit with the fact that you have a problem for a while. For me it took about a year of knowing I had a problem to actually admit it to someone else and to do something about it.
@@ArntArnesen easy, I’ve done it. I don’t have a problem with alcohol and don’t need it to function or “have a good time”. I have no feelings about abstaining.
@rockmanlover. Recovering alcoholic here. You are so correct, sir! I asked myself that question a number of times! Been clean and sober for over twenty years now. It is the best life!
I never want to drink so much that I can’t drink anymore. I feel like one beer three times a week is good for me. But I get that some people can’t drink that little
alcohol is a poison ; a very addictive poison that only leads to negative consequences . Best to see this asap and give it up ; let everyone else drink ; so what ? Be different ; be smart.
I live in a county club golf course, 55 and older, in south nj...that has a bar and restaurant...and i have a shore home 2 blocks from the beach with bars ext ect...im 62...and will never stop drinking im in my last quarter of life and i have fun ,...i have plenty of money and i work out everyday, do i wake up not feeling the best sometimes, absolutely,
AA just wasn't for me, though I support the program and all those who benefit from it. I drank because I felt 'bored' and when at meetings I was VERY bored.
I think the scariest part for an alcoholic is that he/she knows they will lose friends if they stop drinking because most of their friends are alcoholics or heavy drinkers and they literally base all their interactions around alcohol. I have an ex boyfriend that I love dearly and this is his case. he also hasn't hit rock bottom yet and/or had a health scare so there is no reason for him to stop. He also lied to his counselor about his drinking habits.
Alcoholism is progressive. And no one can "do it on their own". A Very few may be able to stop drinking 'on their own', but they don't recover from the behaviors and thoughts that made them alcoholic. They don't grow, and just become negative sober people still with an alcoholic mindset. Investing in an AA group and working the steps will reveal a new perspective. It takes work to change the behaviors and thoughts that created the problem.
I don't buy it. Alcoholics can also choose sobriety and replace it with healthier habits or mentalities on their own, if they so choose to fight and work for a better way. If AA works for you, cool, but I don't agree with these categorical judgments on people who once upon a time drank too much.
Make sure you deal with the reasons you drink. Otherwise you are likely to just go to another addiction. I thought because I was running it was a "good" thing...but it was just a different addiction. Currently, it's this damn phone/internet. I have been working on myself for a very long time. I'm not sure if I'll ever see the other side?
What Delony did not bring up was the physical damage to getting off of alcohol cold turkey in some cases. One of my favorite actors - Nelsan Ellis of True Blood died that way. He needs to talk with his doctor. He might be much more alcoholic than he is letting on.
Great comment and information. People probably don't realize that stopping cold turkey could cause seizures and/or death. Back in the old days of "12-stepping" someone, they used to bring alcohol along for the ride to the rehab, just to keep the alcoholic stable and conscious until he was dropped off at the hospital.
You have the ability to stop. Show up to the bbq. Don’t address it. Someone brings you a drink just don’t take it. If they put it in front of you, leave it there. At some point, they’ll stop. Until then, it’s none of their business why you aren’t drinking. It will be fine. Don’t overthink this.
If you’re wondering if you’re drinking too much or if you’re an alcoholic you most likely are. It never occurs to people who don’t have issues with alcohol to ponder these things.
I think it's ironic that as more and more light is shining on alcoholism, at the exact same time companies are marketing THC as "medicinal" and narcan is being handed out like candy.
Oh yes. I think it's because a drunk person shows, whereas a stoned person doesn't -not right away anyways. The classic defense: "have you ever seen someone be violent after smoking a joint?" But marihuana is NOT innocuous, and I hate that they market it as so.
One thing I've found, and admittedly this is only my experience and it's more related to diet and healthy eating, is that I do have to get to a place where I can be around people indulging in things I'm skipping for my health without succumbing or blaming them. Like if my husband is having cake -- and I LOVE cake! -- I still have to be okay with serving him cake, watching him eat cake, and just not eating the cake myself. If I'm out with friends and they order cheese fries and beer -- I just have to be able to enjoy their company and have a good time without having cheese fries and beer myself. It's not fair for me to demand everyone else around me eat and drink the way I've decided I'm going to, but I also DON'T want to give up those relationships or that time with people. And I'm sure it is very very different with alcohol...but at the same time, if he could get to a place where he can go to a boozy family barbecue or hang out with his brother-in-law who's drinking -- and just NOT drink himself but still have fun and enjoy their company, I think that would be a really good place to get to. Ultimately, he's empowered to make his own decisions, and just because everyone around him is drinking, doesn't mean he has to drink too. And it probably doesn't even need to be a big thing if he doesn't make it a big thing. In my experience at least, most people don't really care what other people are eating and drinking as long as they're not being judgey about it or getting on some high horse. A lot of times simply saying, "no thanks," or "not tonight," or, "I'm full," or "I'm not in the mood," etc without going into any other detail is more than enough for people to drop it. Recently I was at a bar with friends who were drinking before we went to a theater. And as things were winding down, one of them asked me, "Are you going to have another one before we leave?" And I laughed and held up my glass, "You mean another water?" No one had even NOTICED I wasn't drinking.
It depends if he's a different person when he drinks or not. But it seems already too much... My parents are alcoholic and if they drink their minimum needed dose everything is fine but once in a while they drink too much. My mom is even more silent then usually and not present and my dad goes bananas... I never drink or rarely in two years a drink. My husband doesn't drink eather that was my prior boundary. Drinking has caused so much damage. I sorry to say that but I hope you don't have kids if your husband is like my father... Talk to him and you will see if he needs it if so set boundaries
You can do it-make a commitment to drink one beer/cup less at a time. Replace it with water and keep yourself occupied with something that you enjoy-reading, exercise, meditate, podcasts and audible. You are worth it
I thought I could never stop , only time I wasn't drinking was when I was sleeping and I barely did that ....I'm 21 yrs sober , best thing I ever done ......You can do it .
I'm thankful for Dr. John but take issue with one part of his advice here, the part about how to talk to his family for support (not including sober dad). The example of talking to the brother in law (BIL): "we drink too much... I invite you to come along with me" Kyle is calling in because he's not happy about HIS drinking. Dr. John doesn't know how the BIL feels about this drinking. The BIL may feel that the positives of his drinking outweigh the negatives, or worry about his drinking but not be ready to quit, or anything in between. Asking Kyle to push his goals/problems on to the BIL will likely lead to resentment. What I think would be a better way to handle this conversation: "Hey BIL, i love hanging out with you but we're always drinking and I'm really worried about my alcohol intake. I'm not judging you at all, this is my problem, but it's too tempting to hang around with you while you're drinking while I'm trying to dry out. I still wanna hang out though and would love it if you'd come and do this (insert non drinking related interest e.g., sport) with me next week." If the BIL IS worried about his drinking, Kyle's example will likely be far more motivating than telling the BIL that he drinks too much.
I love myself more alcohol so I don’t drink and I grew up with alcoholic father I hate every minute of it. He die from motorcycle accidents because he drunk and drive. I wish he quit drinking but never happens.
I didn't get in trouble every time I drank, but every time I got in trouble, I'd been drinking.
Totally get it! Soo true!
HAHA. Me
Me too. Smh.
Same-same.
BIG facts. As the kids say 😂
It took me me about a year of “trying to cut back” before I realized that unfortunately that’s just not possible for me. I was an all or nothing kind of gal and alcoholism runs really hard in my family. So I had to just stop. It’s been 8 years. I’m super glad I did it. It’s not always easy and sobriety is more like a roller coaster than an incline, IMO. But I’m grateful I did it and am still hanging in there ✌🏻
Good job.
wow thats amazing!!! :)
That's extremely hard. Did you go cold turkey?
8 years for me too. Congrats!
Congrats. I’m right there with you on everything except I’m only 2 months sober. Trying to stay strong 💪
I have been sober from alcohol for 1 year. It is one of the best decisions I've ever made in my life.
Congratulations, what great work on your part!
I do not even know you yet I am proud of you.
Him and his brother in law are going to have to replace the drinking with something else. A whole new lifestyle. I know several alcoholics that replaced drinking with weight lifting since it’s a great stress reliever, and you can see the progress you’re making week by week. I hope they can get this through this!!
That’s not a solution to the problem. If it were, Delony would have told the caller, “just replace your drinking w/ XYZ.” What you’re describing is typical addict behavior. They stop using and throw themselves into some sort of “hobby.” But oftentimes they end up relapsing b/c their new “hobby” is just another mask over the root issue.
Yeah, underlying issues will still be present, but replacing a bad habit with a good habit (or a less bad habit) is a known effective method of changing habits and routines. Relapses happen all the time, even when people address the fear or anxiety that drives them to drink.
Sustainability Theory Absolutely. An addict will lose everyone and everything in the pursuit of a better life, so it’s important that they fill those voids with better people and habits once they start burning off the dead wood.
@@brookemoore8369 Like they say in AA, "People, Places, and Things".
Stella Rocquie it’s rough….. I know a lot of alcohol can’t deal with so many losses at once.
When my husband and I went into marriage counseling, the counselor asked my husband to quit drinking for three months. My husband was angry, but agreed to do it. It was a miserable three months (he had trouble sleeping, and was pretty angry the whole time. I told the counselor, except for a trip out of town when he drank (but denied it), I guess he wasn’t an alcoholic. The counselor asked what he did when the three months were up. I said he showed up to our daughter’s band concert reeking of alcohol because he had started drinking the minute his three months were up. The counselor told me what he did when his time up was the test. Six years after I divorced him he was dead from chronic alcoholism at the age of 48.
I love that affirmation: I am someone who takes care of their body. Repeating that over and over shifts the identity for the better. I love this episode Dr. Delony.
What makes alcoholism harder is living in a society that normalises heavy/ regular drinking. I needed to hear this episode as this has been my personal journey this year
Exactly. People do crazy things while drunk and we just laugh it off like no big deal
At age 16, I drank beer for the first time and I very clearly remember thinking two things. First, “My God, where have you been all my life?” Second, “I am going to drink every opportunity I get because I want to feel this way for the rest of my life.” I was in love instantly. It wasn’t until I was sober over ten years that I learned my mother, an alcoholic, drank heavily when she was pregnant with me. Fortunately, I was born without fetal alcohol syndrome or any birth defects, etc. But, I had developed what I call the allergy to alcohol. This piece of information was an huge ah-ha! moment for me when everything made sense to me finally. After my first beers that night at age 16, I drank for another 20 years. Yes, I had a lot of fun many times, but I was a blackout drinker and life was terrifying everyday. I lived in fear of what I had done but couldn’t remember and in fear of what would inevitably happen again. I created a lot of wreckage along the way and I lost a lot. I could have killed myself, others, ended my career, lost everything I had worked for a thousand times while in a blackout, but I was very very lucky. I’m now 18 years sober because there is nothing, absolutely nothing, that will be made better by taking a drink. Good, bad or otherwise, a drink is never the answer. God bless those struggling.❤
So true!! Congrats on your journey
Its definitely something im scared of. I mean im on a battery medications where i cant drink so ive only had 3-4 sips total in my entire life. Actually only enough to not get drunk but taste how bitter alcohol is. But i know i have an addicts personality so i would probably have a problem if i did decide to start drinking thats why even on my 21st birthday i only took the tiniest sip.
Recovering alcoholic here, with over 19 years of sobriety. Thank you, John, for immediately calling this out at 01:39. I wish someone did that with me way back when. I hope this young man finds sobriety (not moderation, but complete abstinence).
Good on ya
As a drug and alcohol clinician so many people and even professionals do NOT get this right. This is why I watch you, you were SPOT ON!!! Thank you
This guy is gonna make it!!! All the best for him
My sister quit deinking cold turkey. I am SO proud of her. Then about 6 years later she quit smoking!!! True respect for her!!!
Quitting cold turkey can be deadly for a heavy drinker, they need medical help. I'm so glad she stopped!
That's a huge accomplishment 👏
As a person who has never had addiction issues, this is really making sense to me, helping me to understand why it is so difficult for people to quit addictive habits. It isn't just a matter of stopping drinking, but changing the way you see yourself and how you fit in (for want of a better term).
It’s super difficult because it isn’t as simple as just giving up a substance in and of itself but drastically adjusting your life as a whole if you want to have a real chance. If you drink regularly most all of the people you spend time around drink and so it almost requires that you stop hanging around those people. And it’s also extremely common that people dog on you for deciding to quit because alcohol is a substance that people are often judged more for choosing not to consume it because it’s such s societal norm. And so it becomes such an immense challenge because of how much change it calls for in addition to simply choosing not to consume alcohol anymore because if you want to keep hanging around the people you’re always drinking with it basically requires that they change up the things that they do to accomodate you or you likely have to go without spending time with them and that’s just so hard. It’s even harder if you’ve lived like him where he’s drinking too much but has successfully functioned as an alcoholic where he doesn’t see the issue because it hasn’t resulted in the consequences that would make it easy to know you need to stop like losing a job or something.
This episode really spoke to me I am in the depths of similar situation to this guy, I moved out to the country and now I don't have any friends to hang with so this is what it led to. Appreciate your videos you brought up some good points definitely going to try my hardest to not drink Dr. John you were a big influence in my life.
I spent a lot of years struggling with the what ifs and future tripping about not drinking ever again. But I hit personal bottom and had a spiritual experience, realizing it was no way to live, and committed to making a change. Today at 3.5 years sober, I could not have imagined just how much richer my life could be. My kids have a sober mother and I have choices today. I rely on God, the guidance of my sponsor, and follow the suggested 12 steps. There is a solution my friend.
CONGRATULATIONS! YOU ARE A SUCCESS! It works if you work it! I wish you health and sobriety for ALL the years to come, ONE DAY AT A TIME!
❤Congratulations!!
Remember you're no longer high so your moral standards of living are high!
Sober sanity and sane sobriety! Get a sponsor who is living a very clean and moral life. Protect your kids. Read the 12 and 12. Again. ❤
“I don’t know if I’m an alcoholic…”
“Yes”
“Think generationally, not by the hour” a great quote that came from this conversation. I think that one will apply well to everyone’s daily lives.
From personal conviction, I have never touched any alcohol in my 60+ years. I've had a full, joyful, meaningful life with significant tragedies, mundane everydays and profound highs. There's been a lot of attempted shaming from others. People don't like it if you don't drink. I am a silent abstainer, but I've been called out publicly. It will have some tough moments, but it can be done.
❤Good for you! There by the grace of God!
Worst day sober is better than best day drunk and deluded
I'm an AA attending alcoholic. I loved most of what you said John, you're spot on. The only thing I take exception to is in the beginning. When in doubt, sit it out. Prioritize your sobriety before ANYTHING, you're not going to be able to have the same life initially and that's ok. Reivent yourself and don't go to things that you fear will make you drink, that's ok too, it won't be forever.
Everyone should listen to this call. Such an excellent call that will help save millions of lives - billions of future lives when you think of the children who are not born yet.
You may say you dont "skip things" but you actually do. You are skipping they gym (for example) every morning you dont get up and jump out of bed because you are not on top of your game, etc. Just because you are doing what is required (work, etc) doesnt mean you are living your best life. Alcohol doesnt allow you to live your best life. It steals from you slowly and then faster and faster until you wake up one day and realize life is passing you by.
I drank because that’s what the people around me did…. And since I felt uncomfortable socially I had to have the alcohol and eventually loved how it made me feel. It was just another way hide. I’m so happy I stopped that lifestyle.
I wouldn't wish alcoholism on my worst enemy.
amen.
Many many worst diseases. At least we have a solution - a day at a time 👍
Kyle seems like a fantastic person with the correct mindset. Good luck to him
A quote I once heard- if you’re asking the question…at the very least alcohol is not serving you well.
Exactly, I realized it wasn’t helping so I just quit. It would always ruin the next day. Whatever I was getting from drinking on the weekend is way outweighed by no longer having 2 day long hang overs.
After a month I just came to the conclusion that I don’t need it and it’s a productivity, time, and money sink.
❤...and how about health and sanity?
This was me in my late 20s. Except I also blacked out a few times. I moved myself across the country to a smaller town and got out of the restaurant industry.
I was drinking every day until I had a medical issue and had to stop drinking for 8 months. After I did that I realized it was basically a habit I developed.
❤A deadly habit. Eight months was the loud wake up call. How many "2nd chances" have you had?
I was a 5:00 wine hour, and one with dinner. But it was EVERY night.
This is Gold,
Believe in self💪🏼
Its YOU vs YOU🥊
Amazing conversation! Family cycles have deep roots: they can be ripped out! 🙏🏻
Because the TRUTH is finally brought into the light !! 👍
And sometimes SHOULD be ripped out!
Last year, I quit for 9 months or more. I let myself start back by just trying a drink of bourbon. Now I am right back to my old habits. I have to face I am very suseptible to addiction, and stop. Day 1 starts today.
When the people around you are bothered by the drunk side of you, you hurt their feelings, or they express to you that it makes them think less of you, I think it's a problem. My partner quit drinking when I did which has helped me feel supported in not doing it.
Thanks for sharing Kyle and Thank you John
Quitted drinking more than 2 years ago! Now i’m 35 years old…
I was more a weekend warrior but could see it go te wrong way that why i wanted to stop drinking…
So much more time and money on my hands now! Even work a second job (as a busdriver) in te the side! So productive now! Never going back!!!
Greetings from the Netherlands!
Dr. Deloney is fantastic. He manages to relate with people so easily and to narrow in on the problems during these sessions.
Bud light ad before this one, classy
Algorithm- so close, but so far away
I doubt anyone may read this but I really resonate with the caller, but what happens if those around you who drink all the time are family and you end up drinking just to get through the family dinner (maybe 3-5 drinks at a time)? Not my family but my in laws so I can’t really tell them they grate the heck out of me because my husband is pretty close with them. He is a stop at 2 drinks person and I just don’t have that self-control once I open the drinking tab.
I read this and from my own personal experience, you have to just not go. Get into a community of recovery.
With rare exception, if you have to ask you are an alcoholic.
Many will think they are the rare exception.
Bro said he “drinks to get drunk” 5-7 nights a week, and that all his friends and family drink just as much, and every time they all get together they drink. I’d love to hear the argument that he’s _not_ an alcoholic
I have a friend who told his doctor he was concerned about his drinking. The doctor told him if he was worried, he probably wasn't an alcoholic. I guess somebody has to graduate in the bottom of his med school class.
It's a disease. Some people do just drink to pass the time and because they are surrounded by people who are also drinking. He said he's taken breaks in the past, like during the pandemic, and he felt great. Good chance that was because he wasn't out with his friends and family being a social drinker 5 nights a week. Like everything, drinking can become a habit. I think this guy has a problem, but it will easily be solved by making adjustments to his lifestyle and setting boundaries.
Ur smart he does for thirty forty years there aint nothing left. Thats was crazy how he said it so nonchalant. @@TonyCox1351
Best decision ever was putting alcohol down for a full year and learning to live and grow without the cost financially or health issues.
Never been an alcoholic but I have kicked a meth habit. Almost 4 years clean now. (I personally wouldn't call what I had an addiction... when I decided it was time to quit, I just did. Several months of thinking, "meth doesn't make me feel good anymore" was very helpful in giving me the willpower to put that pipe down and not pick it up anymore.)
That’s fantastic! Congrats. I always hope that for people- because meth is hell when it has you.
Blaming the surrounding events and people is a huge red flag.
We are a product of our genetics and our environment
Are you saying the alcoholic blames others for why they don’t feel happy ? My thought is happy people rarely blame others . Happy people take personal responsibility for their issues.
My goodness, thanks brother! I know.
In this day and age , having this problem and feeling alone with it, is crazy, but it's Real
Delaney is changing lives!! 👏
People who like to drink a lot mostly only want to hang around people who drink a lot. They do not enjoy anyone in the group not drinking alcohol. That is how they weed out people who would prefer to have a soda or water. Eventually, they get a group of drinkers who feel normal because everyone around them is doing the same habit.
Thank you John for clarifying and making things clear for this gentleman and others alike. Much appreciated, and i highly agree with every word. It's sad that people have no self control with there own life wheather it be what they eat or drink. They have no control of what they consume and no care how the bidy reacts and responds to it. Then they over indulge bcz again no self control, careless about if it will effect them long term or the ones around them they love, they dont care about there health & mostly people who over indulge majority of the time are miserable, sad, lonely or trying to cope with a life experience or dramatic changethey do not agree with so they consume alchol or junk food to cope to drown the pain, sorrow, and agony or what is reality and truth. Instead of standing up and taking consideration of life and loved ones around, and being in control and strong minded and focused on their mental and physical health, they let weakness consume and give in each and every time regardless and that is sad to see and for those who have to live it. There are people who will have zero dollars to their name just to spend the last $100, $50, 20, $10, $5, even beg for change just to get a 16 or 40oz. of alcohol it is sad to see & endure as a loved one, I've lost relatives to liver sclerosis and kydney failure and lung cancer from chain smoking , and on dialysis all bcz they did not care enough to love themselves as much as family did trying to keep them alive and they lost life young before 50 and right after late 30s. While their children were still growing, graduatung becoming adults they didn't get to see their grandchildren be born and show them life. Instead they drowned their life numbed their so called pain for their own greed and no self love or self control. Now family like myself get to live and learn along with share to the world that there is a better way of life and that is to live the one life you got with those you love to the fullest and not indulge in toxicity bcz of misery. Love' Light' Many Blessings 🙏💞🙏💋🙏
Respecfully, you are wrong. It isn't about "self control" alcoholism is a disease. If you think someone is begging for change because they want to drink you need a wakeup call.
@@jeanettel4840 sorry Honey everything falls down to Self Control & Self Worth..... Ask a professional. If one has neither they are toxic and will take anyone down with them. Too much to explain, but it is in reality facts. That's why people don't just do obsured things daily bcz they have self control & self worth.
& of course alcoholism is a disease.... But so is gingivitis for the person who consumes too much sweets and does not care enough to take care of their gums and teeth...etc..etc. just as diabetes is a disease for the person who consumes unhealthy junk and doesn't cleanse, same to an alchy who over indulges and never cares to consider the harm being done to the only body they have. So yes as I stated above it all falls down to Self control, in any circumstance.
@@janemonroe7547 what you're saying makes zero sense. Alcohol abuse disorder is diagnosed by professionals. Your "facts" are gobbledegook. Don't know what point you're trying to make here but it's failing, miserably.
Let me know where you got your addiction counseling degree and we'll talk. I'm an alcoholic, this isn't conjecture.
Killed this one Dr D
I stopped visiting our friends with my husband, because they all drank too much, from mid-morning to past midnight. I left the home, filed for divorce and he's now my ex-husband☮️🙏✨
Funny how you casually talk about breaking covenant , breaking a promise like youre discarding a tissue
@@jonesmorales-tu6kq There's more to this story. I'm only referring to the alcohol abuse here. Alcohol abuse affects the person's behaviour and their relationships, including the marriage. 🙏🙏🙏
If your reading this today, You ARE worth it. Alcohol ruins any goal you have. You have to remove things to get better things. ❤
I love that he brought up Dr. Anna Lembke. Her research is fascinating and eye opening.
So great, your reply to Kyle, fantastic!
Put your health first, everything else will fall in line.❤
He will be so much happier if he stops surrounding himself with alcoholics. And quitting drinking, of course.
With the help of a support group, and a twelve step program.
It's been 4 years of sobriety and I still want beer.
Try Pellegrino with a lime or some other sparkling water! That always hit the spot with me and quenched my beer want
I’ve been sober 4 years too and I still get cravings
I always wondered, can you have 0.0 non-alcoholic beer? I think nowadays these taste almost as good but I know a view sober alcoholics and The never drink alcfree beer or Cocktails. Why not? I love beer/wine and Cocktails but quit everything 3 months before we started trying for baby no 1. Not missing it but will have alcfree beer and cocktails recently. Why is that no for ex alcoholics? Asking out of pure curiosity
@@mrsflowerpower I've had some non-alcoholic IPA. It tastes pretty good. It's 0.5% alcohol. I've always just had one and don't feel anything. Can't say it's satisfying like real beer but I enjoy one on occassion.
It’s been over two years & I feel like drinking almost every day
I was a high functioning alcoholic. Kept going, never missed anything or lost anything except my sanity. A cruel disorder it has a solution go to AA and if you work it, it works 91/2 years sober a day at a time
I have always found it weird that among adults, if someone offers you alcohol and you politely decline, that people have all kinds of reactions: begging you to drink, feeling offended by your decision, ridiculing you etc.
But if a smoker e.g. asks if you want a cigarette and you politely decline, even if you are a smoker, that's the end of that part of the conversation. 🤯
People are so focused on the social implications of drinking too much but totally ignore the long term health implications. Drinking multiple drinks per day 5-7 days a week is terrible for you. The level of damage you’re causing to your internal organs and the additional cancer risks are profound. I’ve seen family members die of liver failure and alcohol induced dementia. It’s an absolutely awful way to go out.
This is so real and deep! Know a part of this. Good luck!
Wow this was very moving
Read the Doctors Opinion in the Big Book of AA and if it sounds like you, you need to find a local AA meeting get a sponsor that focuses on the steps and literature. This is how I finally got sober after 3 trips to rehab. Good luck to all those who still suffer.
Three is the charm! Congratulations on your hard earned sobriety!
I wasn't sure if alcohol was a problem so I gave it up for a year. There were a few times I missed it and there were lots of up and downs but I managed to complete the year. So my problem is I overdo things and sometimes that was alcohol, but it was not alcohol itself. I think one of the good qualities of a friend is accepting when someone says they are not drinking and to include them socially. Your fun should never be dependent on someone else's drinking.
Good for him I wish the best for him! I'm so grateful I stopped drinking!
Kyle is awesome. He has amazing insight despite his struggles!
The thing is, as a previous alcoholic myself, his first week of sleep with no alcohol isn’t going to be good. I was the exact same way, I didn’t drink to get drunk but would have 6 coolers a night. When I stopped drinking I had major sweats and couldn’t sleep for a few days. After you pass the withdrawal , then you start feeling better.
I've never heard of anyone's life getting better when they start drinking, but I always hear that it gets better when they stop
Allen Carr book "The easy way to quit drinking" is very good
I realize my drinking was habit ...so I kept drinking but switched to non alcoholic beer and found out it was the same except no hangover
A friend of mine switched to canned seltzer water
That's really interesting
I've got a feeling he will do it, he will quit. I would actually tell a white lie to family and say you are on a medication that doesnt allow you to drink ...let them get used to it. Then you wont experience that kick back from them that could push you back into it.
It's really simple: If you're calling into a show asking if you're an alcoholic then you're an alcoholic. People who don't have a drinking problem never wonder if they have a drinking problem. I'll be 2 years sober in September and I'm absolutely thriving. I love it.
What caller was very self-aware
How much? … cannot answer question. Yep!
People will mock you if you say anything against alcohol.
alot of dumb people do this ; they are so toxically hooked on the demon of alcohol
1164 days sober! Hard for the first 6 months. Really hard cuz the spouse still drinks.
Kudos to you. ❤
Also, drinking guy, put the money you've been spending on alcohol in a jar. A big jar. Put a reward on it, ie, European vacation. Drinking has short term rewards, not drinking has long term rewards. Also, you get to see how much drinking has literally cost you, allowing you to think twice about how you invest your hard-earned money.
That label feels like a lifelong sentence to a lot of people and causes them to delay getting help.
Exactly
On the flip side though if you can’t admit you have a problem you’re not going to get help or quit the behavior. Literally the first and biggest step to sobriety is taking a hard look in the mirror and admitting to yourself you have a problem. You may get help right away… you may sit with the fact that you have a problem for a while. For me it took about a year of knowing I had a problem to actually admit it to someone else and to do something about it.
If you have to ask if you’re an alcoholic, you are probably an alcoholic. Simple as that. As a non-alcoholic, I have never asked myself this question.
You’re just in denial. You always drink too much when we hang iut
If I suggested that you stay completly from all alcohol for 6 months, how would you feel inside?
@@ArntArnesen easy, I’ve done it. I don’t have a problem with alcohol and don’t need it to function or “have a good time”. I have no feelings about abstaining.
Hahhaha bingo @user-ct1kh2if8j
@rockmanlover. Recovering alcoholic here. You are so correct, sir! I asked myself that question a number of times! Been clean and sober for over twenty years now. It is the best life!
I never want to drink so much that I can’t drink anymore. I feel like one beer three times a week is good for me. But I get that some people can’t drink that little
alcohol is a poison ; a very addictive poison that only leads to negative consequences . Best to see this asap and give it up ; let everyone else drink ; so what ? Be different ; be smart.
You had to call Dr . John to figure this out?
I live in a county club golf course, 55 and older, in south nj...that has a bar and restaurant...and i have a shore home 2 blocks from the beach with bars ext ect...im 62...and will never stop drinking im in my last quarter of life and i have fun ,...i have plenty of money and i work out everyday, do i wake up not feeling the best sometimes, absolutely,
Such a self aware guy… how impressive!
alcohol makes you old before your time ; it controls your life
it kind of is a spiritual journey of dealing with your shortcomings. I quit smoking too through hypnosis. 10 years. March 1st.
Took me a while to stop. Change your environment and try to find something to keep you busy good luck brother
I wondered at the start if he was the child of an alcoholic and could possibly be a paraalcoholic. I hope he takes the advice and gets to a counselor
21 yrs clean and sober
AA just wasn't for me, though I support the program and all those who benefit from it. I drank because I felt 'bored' and when at meetings I was VERY bored.
Awesome call😉
I think the scariest part for an alcoholic is that he/she knows they will lose friends if they stop drinking because most of their friends are alcoholics or heavy drinkers and they literally base all their interactions around alcohol. I have an ex boyfriend that I love dearly and this is his case. he also hasn't hit rock bottom yet and/or had a health scare so there is no reason for him to stop. He also lied to his counselor about his drinking habits.
Those aren't friends, those are drinking buddies.
Alcoholism is progressive. And no one can "do it on their own". A Very few may be able to stop drinking 'on their own', but they don't recover from the behaviors and thoughts that made them alcoholic. They don't grow, and just become negative sober people still with an alcoholic mindset. Investing in an AA group and working the steps will reveal a new perspective. It takes work to change the behaviors and thoughts that created the problem.
And insidious.
I don't buy it. Alcoholics can also choose sobriety and replace it with healthier habits or mentalities on their own, if they so choose to fight and work for a better way. If AA works for you, cool, but I don't agree with these categorical judgments on people who once upon a time drank too much.
"They don't grow, and just become negative sober people still with an alcoholic mindset." It's called being a dry drunk.
Make sure you deal with the reasons you drink. Otherwise you are likely to just go to another addiction. I thought because I was running it was a "good" thing...but it was just a different addiction. Currently, it's this damn phone/internet. I have been working on myself for a very long time. I'm not sure if I'll ever see the other side?
What Delony did not bring up was the physical damage to getting off of alcohol cold turkey in some cases. One of my favorite actors - Nelsan Ellis of True Blood died that way. He needs to talk with his doctor. He might be much more alcoholic than he is letting on.
Great comment and information. People probably don't realize that stopping cold turkey could cause seizures and/or death. Back in the old days of "12-stepping" someone, they used to bring alcohol along for the ride to the rehab, just to keep the alcoholic stable and conscious until he was dropped off at the hospital.
I think that's how amy winehouse died
You have the ability to stop. Show up to the bbq. Don’t address it. Someone brings you a drink just don’t take it. If they put it in front of you, leave it there. At some point, they’ll stop. Until then, it’s none of their business why you aren’t drinking. It will be fine. Don’t overthink this.
I just pretend to drink around people (pour only orange juice, pour only club soda, pour only whatever and good to go)
If you’re wondering if you’re drinking too much or if you’re an alcoholic you most likely are. It never occurs to people who don’t have issues with alcohol to ponder these things.
I think it's ironic that as more and more light is shining on alcoholism, at the exact same time companies are marketing THC as "medicinal" and narcan is being handed out like candy.
Oh my gosh! Yes!
Oh yes. I think it's because a drunk person shows, whereas a stoned person doesn't -not right away anyways. The classic defense: "have you ever seen someone be violent after smoking a joint?" But marihuana is NOT innocuous, and I hate that they market it as so.
@@purpurina5663yes being lethargic or paranoid is dangerous too esp while driving
One thing I've found, and admittedly this is only my experience and it's more related to diet and healthy eating, is that I do have to get to a place where I can be around people indulging in things I'm skipping for my health without succumbing or blaming them. Like if my husband is having cake -- and I LOVE cake! -- I still have to be okay with serving him cake, watching him eat cake, and just not eating the cake myself. If I'm out with friends and they order cheese fries and beer -- I just have to be able to enjoy their company and have a good time without having cheese fries and beer myself. It's not fair for me to demand everyone else around me eat and drink the way I've decided I'm going to, but I also DON'T want to give up those relationships or that time with people. And I'm sure it is very very different with alcohol...but at the same time, if he could get to a place where he can go to a boozy family barbecue or hang out with his brother-in-law who's drinking -- and just NOT drink himself but still have fun and enjoy their company, I think that would be a really good place to get to. Ultimately, he's empowered to make his own decisions, and just because everyone around him is drinking, doesn't mean he has to drink too. And it probably doesn't even need to be a big thing if he doesn't make it a big thing. In my experience at least, most people don't really care what other people are eating and drinking as long as they're not being judgey about it or getting on some high horse. A lot of times simply saying, "no thanks," or "not tonight," or, "I'm full," or "I'm not in the mood," etc without going into any other detail is more than enough for people to drop it.
Recently I was at a bar with friends who were drinking before we went to a theater. And as things were winding down, one of them asked me, "Are you going to have another one before we leave?" And I laughed and held up my glass, "You mean another water?" No one had even NOTICED I wasn't drinking.
“I don’t know if I’m an alcoholic 🤔 “
“How often do you drink?”
“Just daily”
😂
My husband drinks 4 to 6 beers a night from 5:30 to 9:30, 7 days a week. I do not drink. Is my husband an alcoholic or just unhealthy?
It depends if he's a different person when he drinks or not. But it seems already too much... My parents are alcoholic and if they drink their minimum needed dose everything is fine but once in a while they drink too much. My mom is even more silent then usually and not present and my dad goes bananas... I never drink or rarely in two years a drink. My husband doesn't drink eather that was my prior boundary. Drinking has caused so much damage. I sorry to say that but I hope you don't have kids if your husband is like my father... Talk to him and you will see if he needs it if so set boundaries
Ask him if he'd rather give up drinking or give up being married. Hint: He wouldn't give up drinking for anything.
4-6 beers doesn't say much. Is it Coors Light or Double IPA?
Alcoholic...
Read about Alanon, you can find answers.
What happens when you stop drinking is suddenly all the friends you have left don't or rarely drink. I didn't even notice it happening. 😂
I drink every day and really need to stop
You can do it-make a commitment to drink one beer/cup less at a time. Replace it with water and keep yourself occupied with something that you enjoy-reading, exercise, meditate, podcasts and audible.
You are worth it
I thought I could never stop , only time I wasn't drinking was when I was sleeping and I barely did that ....I'm 21 yrs sober , best thing I ever done ......You can do it .
I'm thankful for Dr. John but take issue with one part of his advice here, the part about how to talk to his family for support (not including sober dad).
The example of talking to the brother in law (BIL): "we drink too much... I invite you to come along with me"
Kyle is calling in because he's not happy about HIS drinking. Dr. John doesn't know how the BIL feels about this drinking. The BIL may feel that the positives of his drinking outweigh the negatives, or worry about his drinking but not be ready to quit, or anything in between.
Asking Kyle to push his goals/problems on to the BIL will likely lead to resentment.
What I think would be a better way to handle this conversation:
"Hey BIL, i love hanging out with you but we're always drinking and I'm really worried about my alcohol intake. I'm not judging you at all, this is my problem, but it's too tempting to hang around with you while you're drinking while I'm trying to dry out. I still wanna hang out though and would love it if you'd come and do this (insert non drinking related interest e.g., sport) with me next week."
If the BIL IS worried about his drinking, Kyle's example will likely be far more motivating than telling the BIL that he drinks too much.
I love myself more alcohol so I don’t drink and I grew up with alcoholic father I hate every minute of it. He die from motorcycle accidents because he drunk and drive. I wish he quit drinking but never happens.