My husband had a catastrophic car accident that left him paralyzed. He was 5" 10" and 120 pounds when we married. He never, ever looked bad to me even after 49 years of marriage and terminal cancer. You don't just love a BODY. You love the whole person.
You and your husband are so blessed to enjoy real, pure love. I feel the same way about my man of 20 years- there is no way any physical change would change the bond and values and history we share. I hope to enjoy the same longevity and care you have, what a priceless treasure .
I had five kids in six years and was told my body was disgusting. I weighed 125 at 5’5” and ran a half marathon when my youngest was four. So I dropped 180 lbs all at once with a divorce. 😂
26 years deep in marriage here, my wife has gained weight, lost weight, had six kids, has dealt with stretch, marks, and body size changes, all sorts of up-and-down. She has never once not looked appealing, sexy or amazing to me. Now she’s dealt with her own issues of feeling insecure about her body, but as the man who married her as the man who loves her forever, she is divine. Her body is angelic at every size, and every shape this sad man has not put on his marriage glasses. He also hasn’t put on his big boy pants.
I was in the hospital giving birth to our son and hadn't eaten in 36 hours. 2 hours after he was born the nurse offered me hospital food and my husband told me that "i waited until after he was born to tell you, but your weight has become a problem for me. It's time you really focus on losing some weight." My son was 2 hours old. The epidural hadn't even worn off. I cried for hours after that and he had no idea why I was so upset. I never felt the same after that.
This was a very significant betrayal. I'm so sorry that you married someone who a) feels that way, and b) doesn't have enough judgment to keep his thoughts to himself. But. If he *does* feel that way? Then the judgment part might be lucky - because now you know. You have important information about your husband, and about the likely course of your marriage if this isn't somehow addressed. The question is - with this information, what do you think you'll do? It may be worth getting some professional support to help you navigate this admittedly very sad situation.
That is one of my worst fears: risking your life to give a man children, only for him to be mad that your body never snapped back, and makes no effort to lighten the load so you can take care of yourself. Good call, Delony. I think you offered compassion and accountability.
@@doctorfresh3856the fact that she isn't thriving is probably because she knows he's more concerned about appearance than actual love .. people generally get less pretty as they age .. he might think he's pretty but inside not so much .. Women that feel loved will do just about anything for their partners
My wife has given me 5 wonderful children and gained 60 pounds since we were married. She’s absolutely beautiful and still makes my heart race. I look at the sacrifices she made with her body to give us children with great admiration.
@@Aris-Darlinghe’s average looking and met his match . Stop shaming men for their feelings and attractions . It doesn’t make him less of a man because he’s not attracted to a slob
@@tanizaki he hasn't gained any muscle. I haven't lost weight. This is coming from a husband who was heavily addicted to porn and his view on women bodies was blurred by the porn industry. My husband was comparing me to other "porn" bodies which flawed his view of his wife's body. Just a month ago he told me I'm getting fat and that he is no longer was attracted to me. He couldn't get it up. I was honestly hurt as we were trying for a child. Over the years I had numbed myself from him giving me a disgusted look or making sly comments on my belly. I said it was time for quits. And I decided I was leaving him. After realizing I was truly done he begged me not to leave him. Told me he will change( he's told me he would change 100x before). 6 years going on 7 years of abuse was enough for me. Unfortunately the month of wanted a divorce I was pregnant.
@@thezu9250 I think it's hard when children are part of the mix. I can't sit here and pretend being a single mother isn't hard. It might make my life actually harder. My decision to stay was really my child. I see a lot of broken families with no father figures and it's honestly the worst. My husband has promised to change for us and our little one. I have only seen progress since. I guess sometimes it takes something big to make people realize that change is good. I give my life to God and try to get closer to him. If I have a chance at a happy family I'll do what I can. Sometimes I can't always be so selfish ya know? I think sometimes you got to sacrifice just a little to get somewhere good. Maybe he'll change only God knows.
@@joyouscynic3363 She wasn’t overweight when he married her so that’s clearly not it. But if he doesn’t watch how he handles this and is a jerk to her about it, once she loses the weight and regains her confidence she may realize she can find a guy to loves her soul & not her body.
@@UnAnonKnown no matter how you try to spin this, physical appearance is important in attracting and maintaining a partner. She can gain confidence, leave her husband and repeat the same thing with the next man, or have a series of men who want her for one reason. Having kids, the latter is more likely. Few true men will want her and her baggage. She'd better lose that weight, keep it off, and keep the father of her children.
@@texan903 Well the reverse is true as well. He’s welcome to turn into a jerk about the fact that women gain weight after kids and losing it isn’t always their #1 priority. He’s welcome to leave her and find another partner. But if they have kids, his new partner will also gain weight and it’ll be the same cycle. So perhaps he should learn to realize that his wife has more to be attracted to than her physical appearance (hopefully … unless he married her for shallow reasons… at which point he deserves what he gets). Or he can be a jerk and destroy the self confidence of the mother of his children and damage their relationship.
@@UnAnonKnown the thing is, this guy can trade in a wife every 10-15 years or when she reaches a certain age all the way until he dies. This woman, by not getting in shape, has a much less chance of doing the same. How they go about this is totally on her. Perhaps he could suggest opening the marriage and hope she doesn't find someone better who actually wants to marry her.
My ex husband called me saggy after giving birth. I was 120lbs. Some men just aren't happy and they look for excuses to cheat. I was lifting weights and working out 1 hr a day to try to appease him and nothing worked because it was all in his head. Men I date now say I have the body if a 20 yr old and I'm 43. I've always had a nice body. It's not you ladies, it's the douche you are with.
I gained a lot of weight. 70 kgs to be precise. 2 years ago I lost it all. The other day I asked my husband, 'did you feel embarrassed of me when I was big.' Do you know what he said? He said 'Never. I was so proud of you and I wanted everyone to know you were my wife. I was so proud I could burst.'
My husband met me when I was 220. He married me at that size. Now I weight 150 and he’s loved me through all of it. My weight never mattered to him. Thank you God!!!
That’s amazing. Which weight does he prefer? Just curious. Something caused you to lose the weight but he loved you regardless. We can love people but still feel differently about the way they look to us.
Is childbearing supposed to be an eternal excuse? This guy is expressing a normal emotion that is difficult to speak about publicly precisely because people pile on whenever it's mentioned. Which of course leads to many guys trying to find outlets in more clandestine ways. I think most dudes are reasonable enough to know and understand that their spouse won't look like a supermodel after pregnancy and aging take their natural toll, but to act like both sides of a partnership don't have an obligation to at least make the *effort* to stay moderately in shape and retain some level of vigor is ridiculous.
@@SilkyG917you can't snap back a mum tum after the skin has stretched. You can't make breasts fill out after breastfeeding. There are plenty of permanent health changes that commonly occur in pregnancy and after. Please don't sleep with women until you know how their bodies work. Jeez can't believe I'm having to tell grown adults things they should have known by 12.
Needs a wake up call. This is very hard to talk to women about and this doctor basically just tried to shame him for not being attracted to obesity and but zero accountability on his wife
@@estarr86 telling this guy how to be courteous to his wife so he can avoid ruining his family over aesthetics is “shaming” him… interesting take. This is why the modern man’s social circle is dwindling even faster than most post-pandemic.
I used to work as a membership salesperson at a gym. This would happen all the time, a family comes in, they have kids and he works full time, maybe she does too, she takes care of the kids and their things, the home, super mom. They wanna get into shape together, they sign up for a membership and dad comes in a few times a week but mom barely gets in a few times a month because we don’t have babysitting hours when she’s off work, it’s during day time hours for the stay at home moms. The husband complains he spent all this money to get her a membership and she doesn’t do it. You didn’t manifest more time, or energy, or convenience for her! If anything you lessened it because you’ve been coming in to play basketball after work, more time she has to take care of everything. You didn’t make her life easier, you gave her another burden, another task she has to neglect and feel bad over because she still has the same work load! If you want her to look different, her life has to look different, you can’t just give her another thing to do.
Exactly. I think some people think it's cut and dry, but since he is so concerned, why wouldn't he give her the time to do it and take over watching the kids and doing some of the things that take up her time😅
If you worked at a gym, you would know that there are gyms with full daycare facilities, there are options. The reality is for some folks it’s not a priority, being fit was a means to an end, they now they have their husband, they have their house, they have their kids, they are fulfilled. They don’t like dieting, they don’t like working out. The husbands feel cheated because they thought this was her, now they find out it isn’t.
You're not the same person you were five years ago. People grow people change and if the family has grown the responsibilities have grown for both parties, not just a wife. I'm sure the wife thinks they're getting a partner and ends up with someone who expects them to be a mannequin and never change. @jaylove3487
@@jaylove3487no way dude! you are so lost. I feel sorry for you. I live in one of the biggest cities in the world and there are none in my area. Closest one is 11 miles away which can take an hour to get to. So whos gonna take care of the household and when is the kid going to go to sleep eat do hw? We get home at almost 6 and kid has to be asleep at 8/830. We need to do homework, cook, clean, bathe and get ready for bed within that time. Only time I have to work out is on my lunch break. So I sneak food during work and rush to the gym, rush back to work all sweaty so I can work out for 1/2 hour of my hour lunch! and most people I know only get half hour for lunch so what are they supposed to do? Fool!
I used to worry about my looks until I lost them in a horrible car accident people treated me like a monster even though I was still the same inside. I learned that beauty IS on the inside and I am still beautiful regardless of the scars. My Dad used to tell me that men are the most selfish creatures on the planet and he was right. Miss you Daddy.
I’m sorry that happened to you. Of course you’re beautiful. I don’t agree that men are the most selfish creatures on the planet, though. I’ve raised two men, I have brothers, most of my friends are men. Are men initially visual, yes. But at the same time, when we women need help, wether it’s a tire that needs changing or someone hurting us, it’s men who come to the rescue. Many times they don’t think about the danger it poses to themselves. Try to see the good in men. There is a lot of it. And good luck to you ❤
Sorry for your experience, but maybe you can take solace in the fact that in studies, women find 80% of men on attractive, or is men find about 50% of women on attractive. As a short man myself, I have experienced so much rejection and judgment from women is unbelievable. Short men, among men in general, experience extreme judgment and prejudice from women.
Peirce Bronsen aka James Bond, married a model. They had kids, she got bigger, and he still loves her and is affectionate to her in public. He praises her.
Beta. What is there to praise? A fat woman? Dime a dozen. This is him saying 'I have no standards and neither should you'. You go on telling yourself the lie.
No one ever said a relationship is easy. If you're BOTH willing to work and properly COMMUNICATE. It is actually easy. That's why we date, to find the best person to spend your life with.
Because it doesn't confirm the lie that you've been told that women are goddesses and men should have no expectations and worship and love everything about them no matter what?
It is frustrating. Especially because everything changes in both husband and wife's lives after kids. Both need to grow up and realize that. But, don't loose hope! There's good and reasonable men (or women) around!
@@estarr86They don’t care because they’re narcissistic and dont care about the husbands feelings as well. They let their bodies go and expect for their husbands to be attracted to them the same as when they met. Of course it’s impossible to but they get upset when he’s looking at her less and cry’s victim when he’s honest and tries to help her get back to shape
You must be ok with double standards, his wife needs to lose weight and become healthier and his preference for what he should not feel or be ashamed for what he finds attractive
Hmmm… I wouldn’t take such a simple view. It would be interesting to know if she gained 10 pounds or 300 pounds. The guy sounds quite level-headed and self-aware… obviously not perfect but also not a total bastard. He also had the humility to call in and accept responsibility for his issues. I submit that the wife also has a responsibility to take care of herself, for her own sake and also for her husband’s sake; motivated by her love for him. A husband leading and encouraging his wife to a healthier lifestyle is not all bad, even if the execution is not entirely perfect and should be adjusted.
@jerryscorolla602 how could there be a double standard? Men can't birth children. Coming so close to death without dying and sometimes dying. Only to bring new life into the world. Men don't do that. This is why most men don't deserve children
It's amazing the male point of view is the only one that is criticized by society but if a man gets laid off it's all in the right for a female to take the kids and leave. But when a woman doesn't to lose weight we have to coddle them. When it's the most simple and easiest thing to do and have complete control of. And yes she is lazy
Part and parcel of the institution of marriage, of the “for better or worse”, is that your body is no longer only your own, but your spouse’s. They’re both imperfect, but trying. I would not be too critical of either one.
@@Realninjagamer28No one said it’s alright for a woman to do so, it’s just common. In the same way that husbands often leave their wives when the wife becomes sick. It’s common, but it’s not okay.
Thought the same. I was thinking "did you not just listen to the answer you were given???". My ex husband left me because I was fat. I gave him 2 beautiful, perfect children. He remarried a young girl. She also called me fat. Guess what??? She is now fat, so he has a fat wife again 🤣🤣🤣. I'm now thin. Not because of what he said to me. I didn't lose weight for the first 5 / 6 years after he left. I lost weight when ***I*** wanted to lose weight. I do take good care of myself so I look attractive to my partner at least 5 days out of 7 😇
@jennebeattie3168 love that for you that's amazing! being a mother is incredibly challenging and also taking the decision to divorce, so props to you 👏👏👏
What makes you not "valued" just because someone isn't sexually attracted to you? Secondly, your husband was lazy, broke, and a slob, and you didn't like it, could he say "I should be valued for more than my wallet, ambition, and cleanliness" ?
My ex was more concerned about my vagina returning to normal, when I was in labor with our son, than for my well being. I was in labor for 23 hours. I developed pregnancy induced hypertension and diabetes. Unfortunately, I didn’t understand the degree of disrespect to my life. It took him cheating on me and endangering my life with a venereal disease to understand that he was not worthy of me. He has remarried and is now somebody else’s problem.
My ex husband told me I was disgusting after I put on a little bit of weight after two pregnancies. Surprisingly I didn't feel very confident having a sexual relationship with him anymore....
My bestfriend had some guys over and one told the other that he “didn’t like fvcking her becasue she’s fat” ???? I was thinking.. then DONt-!? Some guys do it to themselves and they deserve it 🤭
Wow. When you said, “you might need to leave”, he was so quick to say, “yeah”. Doesn’t seem like he wants to really even be there that much in the first place
@@jamesdanton9033there is no reason to marry when you ask why even marry. I married out of love but you don't have to do it. Not a must and you don't have to make anybody feel like they've trapped you
@@annakleopatrabergendy9765Get it straight: there is NO reason a man should get married today. Women don't love. If the guy is an unemployed, five foot two, overweight ex-garbage man you ain't in it 'for love'. Women don't love, they pick someone who can provide what they need and call it love to assuage the idea (bullshit themselves) that they are in it for provision. I'm not. I'm 44, six foot, I make six figures, have no debt, I own a farm, my business and an apartment in a holiday town, I'm fit and healthy and I have been married. She left because she saw a flash of emerald over the fence. She was dead four years later cause the great new guy taught her to doctor shop. She was a physiotherapist, now a corpse. I have a 27 year old girlfriend who would drag herself over broken glass to marry me. It isn't going to happen because the state and other women will incentivize her to divorce me for cash and prizes. Married for love, don't make me laugh.
He's not struggling with the fact that he hasn't created a world where she feels safe. He doesnt care about that. He cares more about what other people think than his wife's heart. Yes, he is the jerk.
Ten years and sees her body more than her soul?… divorce him. I’ve been with a real man for 40 years. Fluctuating 100 pounds. At my biggest after my son I hid my body. He said… your body is beautiful but your soul is what I’m really in love with forever. Yes a real man.
Yes after my daughter is gained so much due to thyroid issues. I felt ashamed i hated my body. Kept being insecure. He said I married you , not ur body. I married you as a person. Not a body. I love you as u are. 🥹
Did you try losing weight? I feel like that's the obvious solution for everyone. What's the downside of losing weight and being attractive for your husband?
@@estarr86 Because if I'm losing weight "for my husband" that's conditional and transactional and reductive and objectifying. People change physically. That's a normal part of aging. I don't want to be in a relationship where my worth to my husband is judged by my dress size any more than I would imagine my husband wants to be in relationship where his worth is judged by his hairline or his biceps.
I stayed fit , had breast augmentation, got Botox and worked out daily . Ex husband still cheated on me . I put in a lot of work and effort for a man . Won’t make that mistake again
I'm so sorry. I'm glad you've realized your worth and that men who make these kind of demands devalue women in general and it was never about you. I hope you're happier now :)
Shew. I can’t wait to give my husband the biggest hug tonight. Becoming a mom changed me. It changed my priorities. Very little of the time in the day belongs to me. My body is different. My husband has never EVER made me feel bad about that.
Everyone has time to workout at least 30 min a day. If you don’t then you’re bad with time management. None the less good for your husband. You should still make sure to eat right and find time to exercise not just for him but your overall health
@@davidmason777 This is probably true... on the whole. (I know working moms with disabled kids who really would struggle to find 30 minutes to work out.) But a 30-minute workout might result in a significant weight loss in some people and absolutely none in others. I can vouch for this because I eat a whole food plant-based diet, I run and lift. I'm still chubby. (And I won't be taking any weight loss or nutrition advice from strangers on the internet, either.)
This is why so many women get made fun of for being immature and childs. If a man is required to maintain a certain lifestyle by the woman's preferences, then the man is allowed to have his own preferences as well. You women can't continually have double standards for everything in life.
The conversation was over at 7:30 but he just cruised passed it bc he doesn't want to acknowledge his shortcomings in the maintaining a healthy household. He let her all the way down but isn't willing to see it.
It bothers me so much that he asked for a solution and when he was told he needs to take over the household and give her some alone time so she can take care of herself, all he could focus on was finding a nice way to tell her she was fat instead. He wants to make her feel bad thinking itll motivate her which is crazy
This guy seems to think he can cure his wife's weight gain. Believe me, she knows and does not need to be reminded of it every day. I imagine that there is some depression involved now. To all the spouses who love and support their partners, I am in awe of you. Your role model for your children is a sight. Way to go!
It will. She will end up going to a gym where she will meet more masculine and friendly men. She’ll get in shape probably just to impress one of these men. She’ll get her confidence back and will decide the risk of trying her luck with one of these men is worth it. She’ll look fantastic but it won’t be for her husband. She’ll definitely maintain going to the gym with this incentive.
@@edwardrook8146not always.. someone’s it’s hormonal and she needs a hormone to help.. many women are put on the standard T4 thyroid medication when they need T3, never mind all the women who are told it’s all in their head and they just need to eat less and move more!
@@edwardrook8146You HAD to have flunked science. Diet and exercise CANNOT fix hormones nor hypothyroidism. Hormones are produced by the brain; pregnancy also creates a crazy amount of hormones (it varies in EVERY individual). When the hormones run through the brain incorrectly, the parts of the brain, such as the pituitary gland, then tells certain body parts to function or react. However, when they’re “off” the response of the body AND emotions are very much so off!!! Extra fat is stored naturally (to continue to feed baby), emotions become depressed because of the imbalance, and skin elasticity becomes altered. Some people’s body eventually recover but still won’t be the same, some not as much. Tried to explain this in simplest terms.
I gained a lot of weight due to PCOS and incorrect eating habits. My husband says it is okay but encouraged me to lose weight for my health. I believed him until I discovered his FB feeds and TikTok are sexy girls dancing. I felt horrible and disrespected. I got depressed for about a year and I am still recovering from that. Even if he tells me I am enough I no longer believe him. I`m trying to heal emotionally and physically.
The avg pregnancy weight gain is 20-30 lbs. Just don't become a whale. Women use pregnancy as an excuse to gain 80 lbs. Like honey the baby is at most 10 lbs
thank God I never know men like this, horror man to even what he says and how is treating his wife, he never loved her. Pitty how many women choose these kind of men, I mean they should run run away from these kind of man, think of the long run if you choose someone. Everyone deserves better than this man!
This isn't real love. My husband loved me at a variety of sizes and always told me I was beautiful, sexy and cute. He grew more attracted to me over the years, even as my body became less acceptable to others. When he looked at me, he saw me and not what I looked like. Love like that really does exist.
It’s important to have hard conversations in marriages. I was in this situation as the wife who gained a lot of weight during Covid. My husband approached me from a point of concern over my health and having a longer life together. He never approached me from the “I’m no longer attracted to you” even if there was some truth in that. He was able to motivate me in a positive way and I lost 45 pounds.
For me, he should've just taken the lead for improving BOTH y'all's health, cooked some healthy foods, set up dates that got you both moving, etc...but never told you a thing, unless you refused to cooperate, THEN say it out loud. That's how women usually do for men and kids because it's more effective and compassionate. That would get my thumbs up, because a partner helps get the work done for the life of the couple/family unit and doesn't need to make someone feel shame or pressured when they are already down, UNLESS the work I described fails imho, then maybe interventions get explored. I've seen very depressed men and the last thing they need is being told more bad things about themselves no matter how it comes out , but a wife helping add veggies and cut salt and sugar and working on good gut health for the WHOLE family often helps alleviate the whole thing and aids the mental and emotional well being. It's about team work and about deeds NOt words that add burden when someone is manly e down or not ready to hear them or once said can't be undone! Do things, don't just say and expect things, is more or less my preference BUT very Glad you feel healthier and see the cup as half full and a good relationship with you spouse. I'm just being honest and more responsible in my advice to others who such words without at least as many deeds won't be advantageous and might actually be harmful, because that's often the situation. Also, if it's you child you have to model and take certain responsibility for your dependent even if they get angry they will understand later you invested in their health because you loved them....Congrats.
@@amandachilds5290 Oh god this always centric on the woman's feelings crap. No he did the honest thing and did it far more sensitive then some would. Sorry a wife is not god or a child that i should have to tip toe around.
@@mato2047 I doubt you Revere God enough to have a decent conversation since you think you oughta tip toe round Him...but what that has to do with what I wrote or even saying it's female centric when it's true for ALL significant others, men and kids too, is odd? Just doing something good for you both as a unit like healthy eating or exercise IS NOT tip toeing, it's proactive and logical? Doing is BETTER than saying, deeds not words, is just the way I see it and same for if man is fat or not taking good care of himself....women do it ALL the time. We add veggies in the food and cut the salt and sugar. We remind if supplements and meds and Dr. Appointments because we think if we value someone we should help take good care of them. Do you tip toe around your house issues to show it whose boss, I wonder? It's less burden on someone who maybe isn't ready to see it and do something about it or cannot and it's also good for you too to make the changes you want to see in your SO and the world! I've seen men in depression and last thing you should do is tell them more bad things about themselves! They don't use it as motivation the way some women might, or some women might just add on ten more pounds to spite you too or lose it then divorce you and run off with someone and leave you the kids, seen that one twice after hubby pushes her to get fit and a bazoom job. People rarely get yelled at for cooking good food and planning fun and healthy excursions though! Gut health really matters and when you can get his OR her gut health improved then that is going to improve the mental and emotional too, which will make the whole unit better! These are just facts and that's what being a team is. Sorry you don't want to be a team. And if your kid is obese, it is a lot the parents fault and responsibility so can't understand why you'd think otherwise. Oh and Kid's weight is a scream for help much of the time and sticking your fingers in your ears ain't gonna fix that either! But maybe you misunderstood what I wrote and I then misunderstood you so here's another attempt to make it clear. Peace.
I’m the fat wife right now. Three hard pregnancies and six surgeries I’m 50 lbs overweight. I know it. And it is so hard. I used to be the hot wife. Having so much anxiety and breastfeeding makes it really hard to focus on myself. My husband has been super patient and loving and I’m so thankful. I will get back healthy though as now I’m having fat person health issues.
If you can, take the kiddos and hubby out for a 30 min walk every other day. It will help you exercise without being overwhelmed and allows you to connect more with your spouse by having some time together to just talk and goof around. It also helps a lot of anxiety.
This is why it’s important to vet whether your partner can PROVIDE a life that allows for time and means to prioritize health. If she’s like majority of married women, she’s managing more than what she’s designed to do and something has to give.
@@labrigful 🤣 The average two income household is making $75,000/year... between housing/child care/groceries/insurance/retirement/gas we're at a point where 60% of American households can't afford a $1,000 emergency... stop being delusional.
@Cameron he probably doesn't realize that he was free to do the program because she was taking care of the house and kids. If he was taking time to do a program, who do you think was left to pick up the slack? I know how this works. "I'll give her time" is just empty words. Nothing gets done and your workload doubles
I was chubby and had no confidence when my partner met me. He always thought I was beautiful and never commented on my weight or routine. After about 4 years together I got serious about my health and started exercising. I lost 40lbs and have muscle. I still workout all the time. I love myself. My partner and I married and we’ve been together 7 years now. He always gave me the space to heal and grow from the things he didn’t know about. Having that space, comfort, and love has allowed me to choose the best version of myself and I am forever growing. This man is a tool
This is lovely and it’s also why I don’t buy the whole “love yourself first then someone will love you”crap. Women enter relationships all the time while not loving themselves and end up being loved on so much and so well by men who actually care.
Explain why he is a tool, other than the fact he said a woman he clearly cares about could do something a bit better. Are you unable to take criticism?
It doesn’t matter if you’re married; your partner has 0 say over what needs to happen to your body. The caller mentioned that she is trying but has trouble with staying consistent. This means she’s very much aware of her situation and doesn’t need her HUSBAND, the one person who is supposed to see into her soul, to “demand” a change because he isn’t attracted to her. He lied during his vows; he doesn’t love her for good or for bad, in sickness and in health. Life is hard, the last thing you should have to worry about is whether or not you’re still attractive enough for your husband. A man that falls in love with your soul will never disrespect you in this way 🤷🏻♀️
I gained 35lbs after my second baby. C section and Breast feeding meant I didn’t get to work out or do much movement for a while but had to consume 3k calories a day to keep feeding him and even then I didn’t have enough milk. My husband never made me feel less beautiful or criticized my weight. I did it myself and he always insisted I don’t say those things about myself. Eventually I got fed up with hating my body. I asked him to get me a treadmill off of Craigslist and help me with bedtime so that I could workout instead of depleting what little energy I had left getting the two kids in bed. He got the treadmill. He handled bedtime every night. I lost 40lbs. And that was four years ago. He still does bed time every night even when I don’t work out and our sex life reflects the fact that I have energy for something more after the kids are down. Added to that, I often tell HIM if he doesn’t make it to the gym before work, call me and let me know he’ll be late and I’ve got bedtime covered so you can have that time. He’s never been more fit than now. We realized we had to create the environment for both of us to thrive. This husband needs to take Johns advice because if he doesn’t, they’ll likely end up divorced and she’ll probably get fit and replace him. Then he’ll really regret it.
@@LaitoChen I see reading comprehension is something you struggle with. Were you actually with me? Bc you clearly didn’t understand that if he wants her to get fit he needs to foster that sort of environment and make it possible for her to get fit. I can’t go to the gym and work out if my husband doesn’t hold things down for me when I do. Vice versa. We thrive on supporting and encouraging each other. Hope that helps buddy!
@@StoicCaringbutColdandFierceIfN have fun dying alone. When someone gets in a relationship they don’t have life’s trials and tribulations including the changes that happen with age and kids which is why my POINT is to work together as a team to keep each other fit and healthy. A woman can’t get fit and healthy if she’s not in a supportive partnership. Hope that helps!
@@mmbovilladardhit’s an hour workout a day 3-4 times a week and mainly it’s down to your diet. “We don’t have time with kids and stuff” as if the man does zero housework. Look at your double digit screentime, there’s you’re answer. Haven’t got 3 hours for gym but have 17 hours of scrolling on Instagram. 🙄
I applaud you for being so patient with this caller. I think deep down he’s still hanging on to the idea that there’s some “magical” set of words he can say to his wife to make her transform into her old body. What an unfortunate man. I hope that either I’m wrong and he’ll take your wisdom to heart and he’ll be wonderful to her(although I’m doubtful) or his wife finds the self worth and courage to leave him.
I had the same problem after I had our first child, I gained weight and my husband expected my weight to go back as soon as I had our baby and criticised me constantly but eventually I did lose it and weighed less than when I met him and he still wasn’t happy! You should love the person for who they are not on how much they weigh! Made me realise I wasn’t the one with the problem.
It’s hard because a woman wants compliments and to have her man behave a certain way. He engages because he enjoys what he sees. When you take that away, a man has to fake it. It’s hard to fake it long term.
I’m so grateful for my loving husband! After 3 kids I gained 38 pounds. Never once he told me I need to lose wait, he always told me I’m sexy and beautiful and loved my body with all the changes it went through. Now 2 years past after my daughters birth and in the last 6 months I’ve lost 21 pounds! He is still so kind to me and his love never changed! Grateful for the parents that raised such an amazing man!
My husband did the same thing. We tried for several years to get pregnant with our second and the strain was so hard on my body. He never told me I needed to lose weight but still encouraged me to stay active and healthy. When I look back at some of those times, I could tell he was concerned for my health. He was so encouraging and told me how much he loved me even during the many times I was not doing very well at getting back into shape. He would say things like "You are so beautiful, make sure you take care of this body." He exercises almost every day for the last however many years which motivated me and he encouraged me to run with him around the neighborhood. Whenever I would bring up my love handles or stretch marks and how ugly they were he would say things like "nobody talks about my wife like that" or "They just show me how much you love me." (referring to my giving birth)
You actually gained 120 pounds since those 3 kids also count for the new weight in the house. That’s 200+ pounds that your husband have a crunch all, all because of you. That’s how I experience it every day, I cannot believe and am constantly and continuously amazed how that woman did those amazing little friends that we got
Had kids back to back for my exhusband and he was just like this. I was a married single mother. He never helped with the kids or house work and I was expected to do all of it along with holding down a job. Once I filed those divorce papers I started counseling and now I’m a size 5/6! I was literally overworked, stressed out taking care of everything including his grown behind! Since the divorce I have SO much peace and the kids are on a schedule. I’m not doing as much work, my weight is under control and I’m not even working out as much and the house stays cleaner! Hmmm wonder why!? A toxic partner can be the source of a whole lot of bad in your life!
Yes!! I was constantly sick, tried losing weight couldn’t do it. Found out he had cheated divorced and all of sickness weight just disappeared. It’s amazing how people can get sick from toxic food and etc but not realizing it’s coming from a toxic person….hes going to regret this and he won’t be able to do anything about it once she’s gone
I grew up as a child of a married single mother. It’s an incredibly toxic situation to grow up in that makes numerous relationship situations as an adult confusing because I’m constantly having to check healthy against comfort (comfort was toxic growing up
He didn't get the answer/advice that he wanted, but he got the answer/advice that he needed. I hope he took it to heart. I hope it was not already too late.
Too many people base relationships on looks rather than substance. That is why it's important to find a life partner you connect with on a multitude of levels because as the saying goes "looks will eventually fade."
i completely agree. but i have noticed that physical attraction means more to men than it does women...it matters to some men more than others...and i hate to be blunt but if you want a spouse who is able to maintain her health/fitness (esp if you have kids), it takes lots of support (child care) to free up time for exercise and enough financial means as well...very very few of us are "naturally thin and beautiful"...most of the time it takes at least a little "help" and it does not come cheap!!
@@EadsB7002I also think that but could it be that these men have this mindset because they have been conditioned to only see validation through sex and appearance? Because you know he makes a point that, he’s jealous of other men. Rather than seeking approval from his wife, he wants it from other men. Although you know this bothers him, he doesn’t even have the emotional intelligence to bring it up to his wife.
@@marytudor-iw2dwyou speak a lot of truth, however protein without working out is a detriment but with it helps build muscle. ACSM guidelines for protein intake is 20-30 percent of the first at 1.2-2 g per kg of body weight
@@marytudor-iw2dw well the key for building muscle is protein regardless of weight, however caloric intake is where weight fluctuation comes in. Fat per gram is 9 calories as opposed to protein and carbs which is 4; this is the cause for people gaining weight indulging in fats and spiking up calories quickly. Protein intake should be based on how active the person is so an extreme athlete 2.0 G per KG is good but someone just maintaining what they have .7 Female .8/.9 Male is just fine. Fasting should not be a thing and neither should taking out carbs (which should be the highest percentage of your diet) the opposite of taking it out lol.
Even when the host said to him that "you think your wife dropped the ball" SHE HAD HIS CHILDREN! Which he has absolutely no idea about, how are we in the 21st century and some men are still baffled and dumfounded that growing humans inside of you changes your body somewhat!! The types of men don't deserve children if this is there condition in a relationship.
I went from 118 at 5’6” to 170lbs. before giving birth. Down to 118 within 3 mos. after birth. Never forgave my ex-husband for criticizing me for gaining weight during pregnancy.
@@danilaroche1156 you can let go of the bitterness but you can't unlearn what you know about someone. My ex husband was the same way. He said there's no excuse to gain weight while pregnant. A baby weighs 6-7 pounds and you can loose 6-7 pounds to offset it. I didn't hate him for saying it but I certainly lost a lot of respect for him.
Your husband is not a saint for treating you like that. He likely just actually loves you. Let’s stop making it normal or call things love that are not. It like saying. I have a good man because he doesn’t beat me.
This dudes wife is stressed out. She needs more help around the house and with kids. I used to be suffering too working full time and making all the meals etc. I gained a bunch of weight (so did my husband) we talked about what can we do to help with the stress. We decided it was best for me to quit and work part time from home and while the kids are at school/daycare. I lost 20lbs in two months, my husband now doesn’t feel guilty for working overtime and he has time to go to the gym too. I’m grateful for my husband and not making me feel bad for gaining weight and seeing the actual problem which was too much stress. If they can’t afford to take a pay cut then he needs to temper his expectations until the stress levels goes down
Yes!! Going through the same thing here. Luckily he’s also gained stress weight too so he’s not judging. But, I’m gonna stay at home next year with our kids so we can all be healthy
Eh. These are just assumptions, I work full time and have 4 small kids (currently pregnant with #5) and have managed to stay pretty weight consistent through lifestyle choices and mostly what I eat. My sister is a stay at home mom with one child, and a good husband, and she has gained a considerable amount of weight. If lack of time/stressors where the reason I would be the overweight one and not her. It could be.. but we don't know, we don't have the whole picture.
@@dianagabriela3287 The caller admitted that he doesn’t think his wife is lazy & does believe she is stressed out.. . I hope he can be part of the solution for that issue as her partner.. . I think as long as he focuses on showing up with solutions and not shaming her or scolding her for weight gain.. . Wish them the best ❤️
He gave him real easy practical advice and then the man ignored it and asked how to tell her and for practical advice. He was just given practical advice! He’s being really selfish.
@@estarr86 he never said she was “obese” just that she’s gained weight and I don’t remember him saying an amount. Of course it’s not good to be obese (again it doesn’t sound like she was) and it’s reasonable to not be as attracted to someone who is. People lose and gain weight over time (heck people lose hair over time, and skin elasticity, they get wrinkles, they get sick sometimes chronically). He was asking for help but then kept ignoring the advice given and pushed his own idea that he has to have a “conversation” with her about it. No, he needs to take over around the house, so that she can step away for a moment to herself. Poor sleep, leads to poor diet, stress leads to weight gain. A conversation is the last thing she needs.
Thank you to this caller. I'm seriously reminded of how amazing my husband is. I'm deeply humbled. My husband loves all the child bearing reminders my body carries. He says it's like a tat of him I wear all the time. He loves my stretch marks. He tells me nearly everyday. He teaches our kids that if you choose to have kids with a mate, that being judgemental about her body after the fact is the crulest thing a man can do next to cheating /abuse. I will definitely verbally let him know, again, tomorrow that I hear him and I'm grateful. Phew! I hit the marital jack pot!! Bc if hubby ever.. Lol.. He's free to help himself out. We've both survived cancer and we want to Velveteening (rabbit) .. We never intended to be young and "perfect" the rest of our days. He loves my silver hair. He's fine with my weight gain. He gets upset if I'm not sharing treats with him bc he says it's not fair that he gains weight alone, lol.. Nearly twenty years.. I love him.
The caller tries to make himself a hero because he didn’t say anything to her about her weight. He’s just silently disgusted that regardless of giving him children she doesn’t have her pre-pregnancy body. What a jerk.
Why's he a jerk? You can't make yourself attracted to someone. As long as he treats her with respect, that's what's important. If you fall out of love with someone, how does that make you a jerk?
@@Shayne_T falling out of love isn't the same as attraction though. Id argue falling out of love due to finances is just as bad but it's seen as acceptable.
@@ahmorgan sorry but if you want your woman to go through pregnancy and expect her to ever look the same, it's just bullshit. If you're not okay with a woman's body after she made another human being, just don't make babies.
@Sonder194 When you choose to have a baby with your wife you know that 1. Her body will never be the same. 2. She'll always be busy, cuz kids come first. 3. She will change mentally into a different person aswell. A while ago I heard the quote: when a woman gives birth she becomes a mum. When a man becomes a father he is a man with a kid. Woman loose a part of themselves (career, their body, time) in order to bring up the kids to adulthood, while for the man nothing much changes besides playing football with them on Saturday and the father title. If your attraction and body image of your wife is more important than having a family, then don't have kids. You can't expect her to do all this and stay the same.
When a woman is overwhelmed with stress and work, she eats to stay awake. Dragging her to the gym when she’s exhausted is NOT gonna help. She’s just gonna eat so that she can stay awake to do all of the work she’s got to do. She needs time to recover, rest, and SLEEP. He needs to take the kids and clean the house. Let her get some rest; working out doesn’t make you lose weight when you’re stressed to the gills and getting no sleep.
Stop giving people destructive advice. Fat women are the number 1 case of unhappy marriages. Being fat is a matter of calorie intake. Control your impulses, lose the weight, it will make your life better in every possible way.
Unfortunately that is not true. There are plenty of people that get in good shape out of spite of their current body. Everyone is different and that has to be respected.
When it comes to weight and musculature you absolutely CAN hate your body into long term change. You just have to be willing and motivated to putting in the work and/or putting down the snacks.
@@amerlin388No.... you literally can't. It's psychologically damaging to do that. Just because someone is capable of bouncing back a lottle between from the damage doesn't make it a net positive.
@amerlin388 Unhappy people are typically fatter then happy people. Statistically speaking...the opposite is true: you can hate yourself into getting fat. This also makes sense, because who is emotionally eating? Happy or unhappy people? Who is going out shopping or dancing? Happy or unhappy people? Who is going to group classes for stuff like dancing or pilates? Happy or unhappy people? Who is giving themselves reward meals? "You managed to stuck it out today!" Is that happy or unhappy people? Who is more likely to stay in and sit on the couch? Happy...or unhappy? Etc.
@@JyS1991 You are conflating 'hating your body' with degree of happiness. One can hate their weight and be happy in other aspects of their life. Hating your body IS motivation to loose weight. Hating the weight you had before you reduced to a healthy weight IS motivation to keep the unhealthy weight off.
The most attractive aspect about my wife is her character. Over the course of our 30 year marriage, she has proven herself time and time again. She consistently seeks the best path forward with people and situation. She has a great sense of humor too!!
If a woman called in complaining about her husband she would 100% be supported and told it's ok for her to have standards. The moment a man has a concern he's treated as a villain.@@RevealedFilms
@@monohydrate2I do see your point. Many times, when a woman tries to leave a man, she normally gets pep talks and is told she is a strong independent woman who doesn’t need a man to be happy. I wouldn’t apply that in this case though. If a woman called in disgusted with her man after his body changed for some reason like an accident, I don’t think she would be given the same pep talk about her needing to leave bc she deserves better. I will say this guy doesn’t seem to be just unhappy that she gained weight, he seems to be wanting an excuse to trade her in for a newer model wife.
My ex husband told me watching me have a kid turned him off. He wasn’t attracted to me anymore and he missed having a hot wife. Needless to say he never touched me again and we divorced a few years later.
@yumiarigama If you like sex, don't gross your man out. It's really simple. Don't push a baby out in front of them. Close the door when you take a dump. Don't change a Tampax in front of them. Etc. Or- you can be stubborn, & wonder why you gross them out & they don't want you, & then cry about it to all your lonely friends & 10 cats. 🤷 Keep it classy.
@@RadiUzunova you failed to realize that hormone imbalance plays a huge part, as well as metabolic slow down, and post partum depression… how are you going to work out when you’re home 24/7 with your kids? All while tied to an unsupportive husband? Try again lmao
I'm curious as to why John Deloney didn't ask the caller about his physique, nor did he mention it. I doubt he's got the same body as 10 years ago either
What? Being in a caloric surplus instead of a deficit is what makes you gain weight, cortisol doesn't come close to affecting what it says on the scale compared to eating too many calories. Eat less food, gain less weight or maybe even lose/ maintain current weight; eat more food gain more weight, it's easy.
As a married woman I understand both sides. I understand that for either partner when someone lets their body go it's hard. But women who have had children really get a pass. The toll that children take on your body is insane. Some women bounce back and others just never will. There are no bodily changes that men go through that are even comparable.
there is no pass. medical professionals recommend u get back to ur pre pregnancy weight within 6-12 months. thers understanding thats difficult and u'll need support. there shud be no pass for allowing youself to becomr unhealthy excessively. your robbing your partner your robbing your children of precious life togther but most importantly, you're robbing yourself.
@kaci13658 as someone with 1 sibling who's a doctor and 3 close relatives in the medical professional, one of whom is a senior ward midwife of 15+ years experience...I can assure u I'm not misinformed... it's highly recommended that any woman post pregnancy to aim to get their weight back to with their normaĺ weight range within 12 monthe. most women, in fact, lose about half their post partum weight by 6-8 weeks if I remember rightly. and if don't believe me go to your local physician and say u want some info about pregnancy. ask then if it's recommended to stay over weight after birth for a prolonged period say 12+ months and see what they say
@kaci13658 Having triple checked this with my sibling, they have confirmed exactly what I said. I also feel duty bound to pass on the message they said to plz stop giving poor advice to other ppl. encouraging ppl of all ages and sizes to maintain healthy body weight is of utmost importance. not only for physical health but also for mental health. obesity is the single biggest cause of death in the Western world
@kc13658 staying at an unhealthy weight just because you had a kid is a cop out. Only morons expect a new mother to transform into a 20s athlete as soon as the baby is born. You don't get to use baby weight as an excuse for years.
He said he is jealous of other men. He doesn’t know what is happening behind closed doors in those homes. Don’t compare your marriage to others because you don’t have a full picture of what those are like. He doesn’t know if those wives have maids to help around the house. Or husbands that actually connect in many other ways. He doesn’t know if they are wife beaters. Or if there is drug problems. Or health issues like depression or sick children.
Don't know the guy, but he certainly seems like he wants to be the center of his relationship. Like he's annoyed that his penis got a lower spot on his wife's priority list than their actual children.
My wife has given us triplets, that we lost at 20 weeks gestation, 2 more boys and another miscarriage. The whole time she has gone up the ladder in management at her hospital AND went to school to get her doctorate. She isn’t as skinny as she was, but I still love her because of everything she has done and accomplished. Sometimes you look at your spouse and you don’t have that burning passion like you used to, but you CHOOSE to love her because of all she does for you and your family. You CHOOSE to love them through the hard times.
I wouldn’t be bragging about her concomitant accomplishments. It’s likely that caused these losses. Lots of pregnancy tragedies at my work, which is a high-stress profession.
@@genxx2724 well jokes on you she lost them when she didn’t have a stressful job, and she had an infection interuterine to lose the girls. Thank you for your compassion. 🤔
If he’s not attracted now, how will he feel as she ages? No matter what you do, you won’t look good when you’re old. You may look good “for your age” but that’s very different.
woman are statistically more likely to leave their husband in general so really so much for your statistics. shoving food in your mouth is not something beyond ones control. its on her, sorry that society gives females a way out of some many things.@@jellyrolly
So he wants his wife healthy and good looking how she use to be, I guess he should just be happy if his wife is obese and she chose to let her self go.
Maybe his wife’s confidence has taken a turn because of him. 🤷🏻♀️ even if she weighs the same- aging, pregnancy and breastfeeding can do some permanent rearranging. I can’t imagine how discouraging it would be if my husband wanted me to look the same as the day we got married. I’ve had two kids and it’s been 17 years. I just had my second at 38. I’d like to give his wife a big hug. ❤️
@@phelps1485 Respectfully, I disagree - That’s not what he said. He didn’t say that he wants her to put effort into her health- He said that he idolizes the idea of the fit gym body couple - Which is how his wife was when they met. That’s what he wants back. If it was simply a concern about his wife’s health and her living a healthy lifestyle, which I think is a fair expectation that we have of our partners, that would be something different all together.
I don’t think he expect her to look like she use to, I think he just want her to drop some of the weight. If she drop the weight, she may not look like her pre pregnancy days but she will still look more fit than her current state. I’ll give him some credit. He hasn’t told her, I’m not attracted anymore. Although I’m sure she feels it. He’s not trying to cheat and he is trying to find advice to deal with it. I think he need to work on himself because he need to learn to love despite her appearance. But she also have to make an effort to be attractive to her spouse. That won’t just benefit him, it will benefit her first and foremost. She will get the most out of it. But we can’t just let ourselves go. Bodies change, wrinkles will come but try to be the best version of yourself at all times. I’m sure she knows she’s not presenting the best version of herself. Him helping out more will help and make give her time and space to workout on her own.
Yep it sounds likes it a body issue rather than a weight issue. She probably looks like most mothers, a softer flabby belly and the pre-baby boobs are gone. Things you can't fix with a diet or the gym.
@@abby7038 These people are suffering from 'chronically online syndrome', with no life experience, no kids, probably no spouse either and yet they think they know more about morals/pregnancy/marriage than anyone else. It's so true that just breastfeeding alone does some 'permanent rearranging' as you said before but these people don't want to admit to reality for whatever dumb reason.
I gained 100 lbs in 2 years in 2 pregnancies. My husband made me feel beautiful every day. I worked so hard trying to get back to who I was before we had babies. I “dropped the ball” on the journey different times and my husband always made me feel LOVED. It took me 16 months, and I lost all the weight. I am so sad for this wife that her husband feels the need to focus on her weight in this vain way instead of just wanting her to be healthy. I’m so sorry anonymous wife. You deserve BETTER! This man needs therapy.
Congrats on your weight loss & getting healthy. Thats not easy. They probably need marriage therapy more than anything but I personally dont think he is wrong in wanting his wife to lose weight & be healthy. The difference in your journey is that you were working on yourself & were making strides to be healthier even when you weren’t perfect with it. It doesn’t sound like that is his situation. If your spouse gains 100lbs & makes no efforts, I can see that would be an issue of concern.
@@KC1up I think it’s great if he actually wants her to be healthy. All I could hear the whole time was him upset at the way she looks. While also admitting that she’s busy working, taking care of kids, keeping the house clean etc… she likely has no time to herself and is likely barely hanging on herself. My husband made efforts to make sure to handle kids while I worked out. Didn’t make me feel like I was being an inconvenience. It’s a big difference being a supportive spouse willing to make some sacrifices so your wife can reach her goals, and a spouse who expects you just to get it together and handle it all while keeping up w regular responsibilities. (Might I add I am a SAHM. She works full time. That’s a huge burden in and of itself). We didn’t even get in to if she was dealing with PPD or not.
How do you know this man wasn’t loving his wife unconditionally for the last several years, and he just got to the point where he was frustrated, because no changes were happening. Also, to say he needs therapy is incredibly ignorant. Since when is it ignorant to admit that hey, I’m no longer attracted to my wife . Also, it’s almost as if you’re trying to say I am this dude’s wife I just happen to have a better husband. That couldn’t be further from the truth. There’s a major difference between the both of you , you put in effort she didn’t. If there’s one thing men respect more than anything, it’s effort. And it was very clear that this dude wife was putting in zero effort. Lastly when you say, my husband made me feel beautiful every single day it’s like look at me and how special I am, and how amazing my husband is. Your husband is just saying what any logical common sense men would say. I don’t know anyone who who would sit there and say, let me call my wife fat and uglt in order to get her motivated. Now I’m not trying to imply that your husband was lying to you to try and keep you motivated not at all. However, and I don’t need to know your husband, or you at all to make this statement, You’re living in La La Land , if you don’t think there’s a chance that that your husband would start to develop a different tone. Had you done absolutely nothing in the last 16 months.
@@paulmaldonado5157 He gaslights this man’s legitimate feelings because it’ll go down well with this middle age female demographic. I was genuinely shocked listening to this “advice”
My thought is that as soon as she loses the weight, he will notice that she has wrinkles on her face or bags under her eyes or cellulite on her thighs and feel the same way he does about her weight gain. Sounds like he's afraid of aging. Some men need to keep switching to a younger woman because it helps them avoid facing their own aging body. They want the security of marriage but the lifestyle of a single person. I agree with John, he needs to figure if he is that man and if so, become single and stay that way.
Exactly what I was thinking. He’s going to be an old man someday and then what? Are we all supposed to have the body we had in our 20s into our 80s? Especially with living a full life, birthing children, getting busy with work, raising a household, & changing life priorities? Get real dude. You either married her cause you love her soul or you didn’t.
I would LOVE a follow up on this one! I bet, he tells her he is no longer attracted to her. They get divorced, he gets the kids every other weekend and one day during the week and she takes THAT time to go to the gym and she loses the extra pounds, she changes her hair style, and starts dating and he BEGS her to come back to him. By that time, she’s over him and has moved on and is living her best life ever.
We women don't enjoy being overweight, we would love our pre baby body back as well! Sometimes there's no time. Men need to help in giving women time to go get fit. Hope he keeps himself fit as well.
That's true. When I was in my early 20's I only had myself to take care of and my bills to pay. I had plenty of time to work out, because I had lots of free time. I only brought home healthy food, and didn't have junk food in my home. Now I am in my 40's. I don't have a lot of free time to work out. That's because I work a lot of overtime to help make sure my family is well taken care of. Also, since more people live with me there are unhealthy foods being brought in the house. My husband is always bringing in junk food. When I tell him that makes it harder for me to resist it. He tells me that it doesn't bother him. But women need to try to make time though for their health. I am going to work on getting myself healthy. I miss my healthier days. ❤
I think it comes down to effort. Women want man to display effort in getting a good job. Men also decide to stop sex w other women and chose to be faithful to you, so if you just choose (I'm not saying YOU) eat burgers and donuts all day, you just making his life harder and shows you aren't thinking about his experience in life.
It's easier to lose 10 pounds than. 25 or 50. My mother, sisters and I never got fat during our pregnancies and getting fit again was something we did by eating normal portions, not snacking and choosing healthy food while we worked and raised our kids. My dad, husband and brothers-in-law all work as well. There's no time to lay or sit around so you burn calories just by staying busy.
My husband told me 9 years ago, after 8 years together & 10 months married that he thought I’d let myself go, put weight on & looked a mess. He thought it would transform me into some type of Stepford Wife! Instead it drained the confidence I had and built a barrier between us. 9 years on we are together but not for much longer. I am sick of the disgusted looks he throws my way, the comments about what I’m wearing, when I should get my hair done, my eating, my exercise routine. I go to the gym & work out 5 days a week around full time work, all the housework (he doesn’t do this), the grocery shopping, meal prep. He wants a trophy wife. I never comment on his weight or looks - his body, his choice - but he never exercises, drinks most days and doesn’t watch what he eats. One rule for him, one for me apparently. He says it’s okay for men to look scruffy but I should give him something pretty to look at!! 😤
Thank you, that’s just what I’m doing - looking after myself, exercising, eating well, taking care of my skin and all the while his beer belly is expanding !
@@haolegirl7230 thank you so much, I’ll have a look today & get the right food ordered. I’m up now to do some HIIT before work & will be at the gym after work tonight x
Wait but if he stops working, bringing in money, she would say "wtf can you go to work get a job" and if he complains "love me in all seasons, this is my relaxing season" what would you feel? Exactly, the thing women don't understand is looks do matter to men, and you don't have to lose 100 pounds but you have to show genuine effort (working out, eating better foods) of trying to look more fit than you were yesterday if you do have a weight issue.
@trianglesandsquares420 I'd say most men stop working cause of the physical labor. But it's funny how you compared it to ptsd😂 like what if the wife just wants to eat more junk food or doesn't want to workout anymore. This guy is a fraud
@@nimbzclowd I was thinking more like what if she's finding it hard to lose the weight that she gained (fat cells don't die, they just shrink) or has hormonal changes after the pregnancy and sleepless nights that make it hard to lose fat or stop eating. The only counterpart for men would be something they can do that requires physical labor. Barring actual complications, ptsd or minor repetitive injuries are the best analogies for what she might be dealing with.
When John suggested giving her time by helping out around the house etc and the caller didn’t hear any of it, going right back to her weight, it made me mad. She deserves someone who will love her so much better
Need a lot more info before making that judgement. Every household is different and sets up the general household chores and expectations differently. As an example my wife is a stay at home homeschooling mom. Her and my children are the main caretakers of the home and chores/meals since I spend 50 hours outside the house per week working plus I'm in online school at the same time. I help when I can and part of that is giving my wife the weekend off from major meals by going out to eat, or ordering out, eating cheap in too. She cannot help me out in the literal sense, so I'm not expected to help her out unless there's been a major issue to prevent her and our kids from doing expected work around the house. Before I decided to go to online school I usually did the laundry every week, including fold and put away. Now I get to it once in a while and I cant logically work 50 hours/week and go to school learning 15 hrs/week and try to keep my family relationships up at the same time and be expected to do all the laundry. I also handle all the bills, investing and budget updating. And among all this, I still work out for 30 mins at least 3x/week and stay in good shape overall. The husband can have a general expectation of the same for his wife health reasons. I can tell you while I no longer really bother my wife about it, because I'm still highly attracted to her no matter that point--I still care about her health and problems have manifested due to some weight gain that's present many years after last child. I want my wife happy, feeling good and healthy. That's not wrong and should be expected of me too overall. I can't go get a beer gut and expect her to just say nothing.
He did hear it. He said "I can definitely do that" and also asked for supporting advice for communication beyond the gift of one hour a day. You have selective hearing and were looking to be offended.
Fat women are the number 1 case of unhappy marriages. Being fat is a matter of calorie intake. Control your impulses, lose the weight, it will make your life better in every possible way.
No it’s about whether he should put up with a partner who won’t put in the work to stay in shape. The guy is the leader of their kingdom they decide what they put up with
It's not always about effort, pregnancy makes huge demands on the body; one of my friends almost died giving birth to their son and ended up with a condition that she was very physically limited. Fortunately for her she was married to a mature adult who loved and supported her, accepting that pregnancy wreaked havoc on her body. Is it then okay for a woman in her 40s or 50s to dump a balding, overweight husband who has worked hard all their life to provide for his family? To my mind both of these situations are equally despicable.
My husband has lost his legs, fingers , put on weight being stuck in wheelchair. He looks nothing like he did when i met him and yet... he has never had to worry about me loving him. Love is not in the body , it is so so much deeper. It is clear to me that this man from the clip does not love his wife. She is an accessory to him. Its heartbreaking ... ❤
My husband took pictures of my stomach at the table while I sat hunched over TWO WEEKS AFTER DELIVERY and asked me to explain what was happening to my body. I was young and immediately started feeling bad for my weight gain. I WAS ABOUT 130 pounds AND AM 5’6”.
Be careful, that is so shallow and lacking in empathy that it seems possible he may have a personality disorder - not necessarily, but start observing because it can take a while to identify it and decide on whether to stay or go. Study up on personality disorders. To be sure to be considering the whole picture and how you might be contributing, it can also be good to watch for these characteristics in ourselves - most people have some characteristics, and couples sometimes are attracted due to complementary symptoms.
I hate my own body after babies. Stretch mark, c-section scar. I lost my pregnancy weight and some more, but Post pregnancy my stomach didn't go back to being tight. He haz been totally loving the whole time. It's helped me accept my body and keep improving.
THIS is the only comment I support here. You focused on what you could control (losing the baby weight) and your husband still loves you for the things you can’t control (stretch marks/scar) The people acting like having a baby makes it okay to gain 60 lbs of fat are insane
I experienced the same. C-sections weaken the core, it's very challenging to recover. I'm grateful my husband never cared about how squishy my belly was afterwards. I work out now because I want to stay fit, no other reason and that's how it should be for us.
Ny biggest fear as a man is ending up chained to someone who morphs into someone I feel no passion or desire for, and feel uninspired to protect or provide for.
Women, be very careful about who you have kids with. If they aren’t willing to share housework and childcare responsibilities to give you time, they don’t need the gift of your womb. And if they don’t have the money to afford outside help in their place, keep it moving. There are many good men out there that understand time and lack of stress are hue building blocks to long lasting beauty and warmth. Go for them and leave the rest alone.
Don't marry the man who judges your body harshly. They always let you know but you just need to pay attention. I had a man say to me "You won't get fat because none of the women in your family are fat, good wife material". Told my mother and she lost it. I'm 100% happy I noped out of that relationship later.
A man should be out busy working not sharing childcare responsibility. It's not 50/50. A man should take the majority of the burden of work and providing, a woman should take on the majority of the burden of childcare. Call me old fashioned.
@@eirikram should, should, should. I don’t care what your relationships look like, but please stay out of mine. P.S. glad you’re in the minority in America able to pay all bills and raise a family on only 1 income. Must be nice to be the 5%.
I gained 55 pounds during my pregnancy, starting at slightly underweight for my height. I’ve lost all but 12 pounds now, 3.5 months postpartum. The thing is, I exercised 5 days a week and ate healthy, ate hardly any junk, only ate the 300-500 extra calories you’re supposed to while pregnant. My OBGYN was at a complete loss as to why I was gaining so much weight. Turns out about 30 pounds of it was fluid and 9 pounds was baby haha. Bottom line you can do everything right and you still gain a lot of weight. Give women grace, they just grew a human.
Yep. I worked with a woman who had intense HG with her pregnancy - she'd be standing in the breakroom, tears streaming, forcing herself to eat a banana. She threw up SO much at work. She still gained 50 pounds. She lost quite a bit after she had her daughter, but I don't think this woman was able to completely digest a full meal throughout her pregnancy.
I gained about that with my last kid. Thing about me is it takes about 2 years for me to lose the weight because of hormonal changes and fluctuations. Also time is an issue the first year. My son is about 21 months now and I only just began to lose weight. Now it will go quickly. But there are a lot of other factors than just time, eating right and exercising when it comes to losing baby weight.
Seriously we gotta appreciate more about women and what they have to give up to have children. You have to love them regardless of the physical and really your love should grow because of what they’ve accomplished as a woman. Sure you might not want to have sex anymore and that’s totally fine but you should still love them because it’s still your woman ❤
Yes! I had twins and then a single 19 months later. I also have diastasis recti & coning which limits my workouts. I gained 50lbs with the twins and 30 with the single. I’ve managed to get within 10-15lbs (depends on the day) of my pre-pregnancy weight. These final pounds are kicking my butt! Also, my weak stomach muscles & extra skin make me look like I’m 6 months pregnant. I’m 5’8” and 155lbs. It’s very frustrating and with 3 toddlers, I’m exhausted!!
John was right. It’s not about attraction, it’s about if he still loves her. If he loved her, he wouldn’t even call in to ask this question. He really needs to decide if he is willing to still be with her whether she is fit or not.
I think some people fall in love with how someone looks which is fine for a while. But if you just rely on that what do you do when looks fade? What do you do if your spouse gets sick or gets disfigured?
My spouse has always been attracted to me, after kids, weight gain, stretch marks, hair loss, when I went through post partum depression, months when I didn’t shower for weeks and wore sweatpants…through it all, he has always wanted me, which even I didn’t understand. Unconditional love. This man seems to be under the impression that people stay the same forever and never change.
![Kumamoto Masters Japan 2024 | Gregoria Mariska Tunjung (INA) [5] vs. Akane Yamaguchi (JPN) [2] | F](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/EIjZybhsWqA/mqdefault.jpg)
My wife gained a fair bit over 20 years. I think she's lovely. I forget to tell her I think that sometimes, and I'm going to do that right now.
YOU ARE A REAL ONE.
You'd tell her more often if she put in effort.
@@jamesdanton9033 lmao loser.
Bless you, you’re a rare gem, sir. She’s an extremely blessed lady. 🩷
@@andreataylor8186Because if she did, not only would she get compliments but she might also get the attentions of others. Clearly she isn't.
My husband had a catastrophic car accident that left him paralyzed. He was 5" 10" and 120 pounds when we married. He never, ever looked bad to me even after 49 years of marriage and terminal cancer. You don't just love a BODY. You love the whole person.
Amen!!!
You and your husband are so blessed to enjoy real, pure love. I feel the same way about my man of 20 years- there is no way any physical change would change the bond and values and history we share. I hope to enjoy the same longevity and care you have, what a priceless treasure .
Idk
True! But men are different sadly. All they see is a body to be used and abused. They constantly objectify women and it’s absolutely disgusting.
Yeah exactly and this husband needs to grow up. Plain and simple.
I had five kids in six years and was told my body was disgusting. I weighed 125 at 5’5” and ran a half marathon when my youngest was four. So I dropped 180 lbs all at once with a divorce. 😂
Omg!! You are a champion ❤
Dropped weight and man awesome job, Mama! You're so sexy with confidence. 😍
Yay
180 lbs? How skinny were your five kids?
the easiest and most rewarding way to lose 180lbs fast 🥰
26 years deep in marriage here, my wife has gained weight, lost weight, had six kids, has dealt with stretch, marks, and body size changes, all sorts of up-and-down. She has never once not looked appealing, sexy or amazing to me. Now she’s dealt with her own issues of feeling insecure about her body, but as the man who married her as the man who loves her forever, she is divine. Her body is angelic at every size, and every shape this sad man has not put on his marriage glasses. He also hasn’t put on his big boy pants.
❤❤❤❤
Yeah you tell em, george. Good on you.
That's beautiful, sir. ❤
I love this!
Yep he doesn't.deserve a wife
I was in the hospital giving birth to our son and hadn't eaten in 36 hours. 2 hours after he was born the nurse offered me hospital food and my husband told me that "i waited until after he was born to tell you, but your weight has become a problem for me. It's time you really focus on losing some weight." My son was 2 hours old. The epidural hadn't even worn off. I cried for hours after that and he had no idea why I was so upset. I never felt the same after that.
I hope he’s your ex husband now.
That's called a manipulator
What a jerk
What a POS. I’m sorry
This was a very significant betrayal. I'm so sorry that you married someone who a) feels that way, and b) doesn't have enough judgment to keep his thoughts to himself. But. If he *does* feel that way? Then the judgment part might be lucky - because now you know. You have important information about your husband, and about the likely course of your marriage if this isn't somehow addressed. The question is - with this information, what do you think you'll do? It may be worth getting some professional support to help you navigate this admittedly very sad situation.
That is one of my worst fears: risking your life to give a man children, only for him to be mad that your body never snapped back, and makes no effort to lighten the load so you can take care of yourself. Good call, Delony. I think you offered compassion and accountability.
Your fear is valid.
@@daretodream...898 No it's not. If the male refuses to make money and is lazy she's outta there right. She betta uphold her end of the bargain.
@@doctorfresh3856 well it wasn't supposed to be a bargain in the first place ..
@@jillmoreno735 Yes it is. It's the unspoken pact of marriage.
@@doctorfresh3856the fact that she isn't thriving is probably because she knows he's more concerned about appearance than actual love .. people generally get less pretty as they age .. he might think he's pretty but inside not so much .. Women that feel loved will do just about anything for their partners
My wife has given me 5 wonderful children and gained 60 pounds since we were married. She’s absolutely beautiful and still makes my heart race. I look at the sacrifices she made with her body to give us children with great admiration.
Good for you. Only men with your attitude about this matter deserve a woman who will bear his children.
🙂 that's lovely to hear.
To each there own.....
As much as your proud of her, she probably resents you for it 😂😂😂 and lowkey wishes she could bang another man but stuck banging you 😂😂
@@Aris-Darlinghe’s average looking and met his match . Stop shaming men for their feelings and attractions . It doesn’t make him less of a man because he’s not attracted to a slob
The way John slowly made him realize that it was about him not her was pretty master class.
Also complete manipulation and not helping the guy at all.
@@OJ9992 lol sure
@OJ9992 that's not manipulation
I agree, I'm always impressed by this guy
@@imacat-u2t It absolutely is.
My husband wanted me to lose weight and I told him that he had to gain muscle. It was only fair.
So what did you do after he gained the muscle?
@@tanizaki he hasn't gained any muscle. I haven't lost weight. This is coming from a husband who was heavily addicted to porn and his view on women bodies was blurred by the porn industry. My husband was comparing me to other "porn" bodies which flawed his view of his wife's body. Just a month ago he told me I'm getting fat and that he is no longer was attracted to me. He couldn't get it up. I was honestly hurt as we were trying for a child. Over the years I had numbed myself from him giving me a disgusted look or making sly comments on my belly. I said it was time for quits. And I decided I was leaving him. After realizing I was truly done he begged me not to leave him. Told me he will change( he's told me he would change 100x before). 6 years going on 7 years of abuse was enough for me. Unfortunately the month of wanted a divorce I was pregnant.
@@HavenGal I am truly sorry to learn of this. I hope your future improves.
@@HavenGalWhy stay even if pregnant? Why continue to stay with someone that’s going to decrease your quality of life?
@@thezu9250 I think it's hard when children are part of the mix. I can't sit here and pretend being a single mother isn't hard. It might make my life actually harder. My decision to stay was really my child. I see a lot of broken families with no father figures and it's honestly the worst. My husband has promised to change for us and our little one. I have only seen progress since. I guess sometimes it takes something big to make people realize that change is good. I give my life to God and try to get closer to him. If I have a chance at a happy family I'll do what I can. Sometimes I can't always be so selfish ya know? I think sometimes you got to sacrifice just a little to get somewhere good. Maybe he'll change only God knows.
This guy must be careful of what he wishes for. His wife may lose weight and gain the self confidence to leave him.
If she's only staying because she's big and lacking options, that's supremely disrespectful anyway. "I'm fat and stuck with you."
@@joyouscynic3363
She wasn’t overweight when he married her so that’s clearly not it.
But if he doesn’t watch how he handles this and is a jerk to her about it, once she loses the weight and regains her confidence she may realize she can find a guy to loves her soul & not her body.
@@UnAnonKnown no matter how you try to spin this, physical appearance is important in attracting and maintaining a partner. She can gain confidence, leave her husband and repeat the same thing with the next man, or have a series of men who want her for one reason. Having kids, the latter is more likely. Few true men will want her and her baggage. She'd better lose that weight, keep it off, and keep the father of her children.
@@texan903 Well the reverse is true as well.
He’s welcome to turn into a jerk about the fact that women gain weight after kids and losing it isn’t always their #1 priority. He’s welcome to leave her and find another partner. But if they have kids, his new partner will also gain weight and it’ll be the same cycle.
So perhaps he should learn to realize that his wife has more to be attracted to than her physical appearance (hopefully … unless he married her for shallow reasons… at which point he deserves what he gets). Or he can be a jerk and destroy the self confidence of the mother of his children and damage their relationship.
@@UnAnonKnown the thing is, this guy can trade in a wife every 10-15 years or when she reaches a certain age all the way until he dies. This woman, by not getting in shape, has a much less chance of doing the same. How they go about this is totally on her. Perhaps he could suggest opening the marriage and hope she doesn't find someone better who actually wants to marry her.
My ex husband called me saggy after giving birth. I was 120lbs. Some men just aren't happy and they look for excuses to cheat. I was lifting weights and working out 1 hr a day to try to appease him and nothing worked because it was all in his head. Men I date now say I have the body if a 20 yr old and I'm 43. I've always had a nice body. It's not you ladies, it's the douche you are with.
Did he cheat or not?
100% right.
That's insufferable jeez. Wonder how these jerks get away with it
Yep. It took me until my 40s to realize this.
Thank you!!! Amen!!
I gained a lot of weight. 70 kgs to be precise.
2 years ago I lost it all.
The other day I asked my husband, 'did you feel embarrassed of me when I was big.'
Do you know what he said? He said 'Never. I was so proud of you and I wanted everyone to know you were my wife. I was so proud I could burst.'
God bless your marriage ❤ this is beautiful 🥹
🥹
❤
What was he suppose to say lol 😂?
You definitely chose well! (I didn't.) Happy for both of you.
My husband met me when I was 220. He married me at that size. Now I weight 150 and he’s loved me through all of it. My weight never mattered to him. Thank you God!!!
That's awesome!!! 😊😊😊😊
That’s amazing. Which weight does he prefer? Just curious. Something caused you to lose the weight but he loved you regardless. We can love people but still feel differently about the way they look to us.
I forgot to ask, what weight was your husband when you married him and did that change when you lost 70lbs?
my man loved me through obesity all the way to anorexia / bullimia and now i’m pregnant and healthy! the sweetest person i’ve ever met
Yes, your weight mattered.
Some of y’all don’t take the “for better or for worse” part seriously.
It’s a character thing. People change . Attraction is important, you can will yourself to attraction .
True love is not just an emotion. Love is a choice. Love is a commitment. Love is patient. Love is kind. Love is not self seeking.
Is childbearing supposed to be an eternal excuse? This guy is expressing a normal emotion that is difficult to speak about publicly precisely because people pile on whenever it's mentioned. Which of course leads to many guys trying to find outlets in more clandestine ways.
I think most dudes are reasonable enough to know and understand that their spouse won't look like a supermodel after pregnancy and aging take their natural toll, but to act like both sides of a partnership don't have an obligation to at least make the *effort* to stay moderately in shape and retain some level of vigor is ridiculous.
@@edwardkilgore5748all people change so leaving somebody just cause there are hotter people, is extremely selfish and vain. And will lead to satan
@@SilkyG917you can't snap back a mum tum after the skin has stretched. You can't make breasts fill out after breastfeeding. There are plenty of permanent health changes that commonly occur in pregnancy and after.
Please don't sleep with women until you know how their bodies work. Jeez can't believe I'm having to tell grown adults things they should have known by 12.
Imagine being his wife and hearing this online.
Needs a wake up call. This is very hard to talk to women about and this doctor basically just tried to shame him for not being attracted to obesity and but zero accountability on his wife
@@estarr86who said she was obese
@@powderedsugar9603 he's not calling this show about a few extra lbs...
@@estarr86 telling this guy how to be courteous to his wife so he can avoid ruining his family over aesthetics is “shaming” him… interesting take. This is why the modern man’s social circle is dwindling even faster than most post-pandemic.
Literally
I used to work as a membership salesperson at a gym. This would happen all the time, a family comes in, they have kids and he works full time, maybe she does too, she takes care of the kids and their things, the home, super mom. They wanna get into shape together, they sign up for a membership and dad comes in a few times a week but mom barely gets in a few times a month because we don’t have babysitting hours when she’s off work, it’s during day time hours for the stay at home moms. The husband complains he spent all this money to get her a membership and she doesn’t do it. You didn’t manifest more time, or energy, or convenience for her! If anything you lessened it because you’ve been coming in to play basketball after work, more time she has to take care of everything. You didn’t make her life easier, you gave her another burden, another task she has to neglect and feel bad over because she still has the same work load! If you want her to look different, her life has to look different, you can’t just give her another thing to do.
Exactly. I think some people think it's cut and dry, but since he is so concerned, why wouldn't he give her the time to do it and take over watching the kids and doing some of the things that take up her time😅
If you worked at a gym, you would know that there are gyms with full daycare facilities, there are options. The reality is for some folks it’s not a priority, being fit was a means to an end, they now they have their husband, they have their house, they have their kids, they are fulfilled. They don’t like dieting, they don’t like working out. The husbands feel cheated because they thought this was her, now they find out it isn’t.
You're not the same person you were five years ago. People grow people change and if the family has grown the responsibilities have grown for both parties, not just a wife. I'm sure the wife thinks they're getting a partner and ends up with someone who expects them to be a mannequin and never change. @jaylove3487
@@jaylove3487no way dude! you are so lost. I feel sorry for you. I live in one of the biggest cities in the world and there are none in my area. Closest one is 11 miles away which can take an hour to get to. So whos gonna take care of the household and when is the kid going to go to sleep eat do hw? We get home at almost 6 and kid has to be asleep at 8/830. We need to do homework, cook, clean, bathe and get ready for bed within that time. Only time I have to work out is on my lunch break. So I sneak food during work and rush to the gym, rush back to work all sweaty so I can work out for 1/2 hour of my hour lunch! and most people I know only get half hour for lunch so what are they supposed to do? Fool!
Thank you for saying/realizing this.
I used to worry about my looks until I lost them in a horrible car accident people treated me like a monster even though I was still the same inside. I learned that beauty IS on the inside and I am still beautiful regardless of the scars. My Dad used to tell me that men are the most selfish creatures on the planet and he was right. Miss you Daddy.
I’m sorry that happened to you. Of course you’re beautiful. I don’t agree that men are the most selfish creatures on the planet, though. I’ve raised two men, I have brothers, most of my friends are men. Are men initially visual, yes. But at the same time, when we women need help, wether it’s a tire that needs changing or someone hurting us, it’s men who come to the rescue. Many times they don’t think about the danger it poses to themselves. Try to see the good in men. There is a lot of it. And good luck to you ❤
Sorry for your experience, but maybe you can take solace in the fact that in studies, women find 80% of men on attractive, or is men find about 50% of women on attractive. As a short man myself, I have experienced so much rejection and judgment from women is unbelievable. Short men, among men in general, experience extreme judgment and prejudice from women.
@@user-ms2mr2mc3gAre you seriously trying to say you have it worse than a deformed person just because you’re short
Your dad was a man
Women can be equally as selfish. Just depends on the individual.
Peirce Bronsen aka James Bond, married a model. They had kids, she got bigger, and he still loves her and is affectionate to her in public. He praises her.
Beta. What is there to praise? A fat woman? Dime a dozen.
This is him saying 'I have no standards and neither should you'.
You go on telling yourself the lie.
She has lost the weight she’s no longer heavy. He did stay with her through both
She’s still gorgeous though, at whatever size she is always a beautiful woman.
@@pamelalansbury94This is just you saying: 'There are no standards for women.'
Yes, there are and anything else is pure delusion.
@@jamesdanton9033well duh. There are standards for absolutely everyone.
Hearing these calls literally makes me never want to get married
Same here bro. I’ve been hearing all sorts of calls and I’m like “man, forget this. I’m just gonna stay single forever. This is too much work”
No one ever said a relationship is easy. If you're BOTH willing to work and properly COMMUNICATE. It is actually easy. That's why we date, to find the best person to spend your life with.
Because it doesn't confirm the lie that you've been told that women are goddesses and men should have no expectations and worship and love everything about them no matter what?
It is frustrating. Especially because everything changes in both husband and wife's lives after kids. Both need to grow up and realize that. But, don't loose hope! There's good and reasonable men (or women) around!
No one calls when things are good
Speaking from experience, she definitely KNOWS that he feels this way.
why doesn't she CARE?
@@InLKdream yeah but what I asked was " why doesn't she CARE?"
@@estarr86are you kidding???
@@NinnyFiggs no
@@estarr86They don’t care because they’re narcissistic and dont care about the husbands feelings as well. They let their bodies go and expect for their husbands to be attracted to them the same as when they met. Of course it’s impossible to but they get upset when he’s looking at her less and cry’s victim when he’s honest and tries to help her get back to shape
He came on to fix his wife and got an attitude adjustment. GOOD
From a pandering hack.
@@NDnf84 why are you here? 🤡
You must be ok with double standards, his wife needs to lose weight and become healthier and his preference for what he should not feel or be ashamed for what he finds attractive
Hmmm… I wouldn’t take such a simple view.
It would be interesting to know if she gained 10 pounds or 300 pounds.
The guy sounds quite level-headed and self-aware… obviously not perfect but also not a total bastard. He also had the humility to call in and accept responsibility for his issues.
I submit that the wife also has a responsibility to take care of herself, for her own sake and also for her husband’s sake; motivated by her love for him.
A husband leading and encouraging his wife to a healthier lifestyle is not all bad, even if the execution is not entirely perfect and should be adjusted.
@jerryscorolla602 how could there be a double standard? Men can't birth children.
Coming so close to death without dying and sometimes dying. Only to bring new life into the world. Men don't do that.
This is why most men don't deserve children
People forget that they promise to love their spouses in sickness in health and for better or worse.
Letting yourself go when you have the means to do so is asinine.
It's amazing the male point of view is the only one that is criticized by society but if a man gets laid off it's all in the right for a female to take the kids and leave. But when a woman doesn't to lose weight we have to coddle them. When it's the most simple and easiest thing to do and have complete control of. And yes she is lazy
@@humansvd3269 your comment is more, asinine.
Part and parcel of the institution of marriage, of the “for better or worse”, is that your body is no longer only your own, but your spouse’s.
They’re both imperfect, but trying.
I would not be too critical of either one.
@@Realninjagamer28No one said it’s alright for a woman to do so, it’s just common. In the same way that husbands often leave their wives when the wife becomes sick. It’s common, but it’s not okay.
The fact that he CONTINUED to ask for advice on how to bring up her weight to her after getting his ass handed to him 💀
Thought the same. I was thinking "did you not just listen to the answer you were given???". My ex husband left me because I was fat. I gave him 2 beautiful, perfect children. He remarried a young girl. She also called me fat. Guess what??? She is now fat, so he has a fat wife again 🤣🤣🤣. I'm now thin. Not because of what he said to me. I didn't lose weight for the first 5 / 6 years after he left. I lost weight when ***I*** wanted to lose weight. I do take good care of myself so I look attractive to my partner at least 5 days out of 7 😇
He didn’t have two brain cells to rub together literally an empty box of a skull.
He was trying everything but to lighten up her load 😢
@jennebeattie3168 love that for you that's amazing! being a mother is incredibly challenging and also taking the decision to divorce, so props to you 👏👏👏
@@jennebeattie3168not a single word of that is worth bragging about. This is sad to read honestly.
This is why I'm single. I don't want to only be valued when my body is in top condition. I'm a real person with real feelings.
What makes you not "valued" just because someone isn't sexually attracted to you? Secondly, your husband was lazy, broke, and a slob, and you didn't like it, could he say "I should be valued for more than my wallet, ambition, and cleanliness" ?
yes because we all have ups and downs lol
Lol. Thats not why your single
Real, mature men don't act like this jerk.
@kings5223 real mature women don't eat like this pig
My ex was more concerned about my vagina returning to normal, when I was in labor with our son, than for my well being. I was in labor for 23 hours. I developed pregnancy induced hypertension and diabetes. Unfortunately, I didn’t understand the degree of disrespect to my life. It took him cheating on me and endangering my life with a venereal disease to understand that he was not worthy of me. He has remarried and is now somebody else’s problem.
I’m sorry you had to deal with that! Good riddance 🎉
Wow!!! I'm going to bet he was small?!
@@nickdeluca7742 No he was large.
He probably had a pencil.@@nickdeluca7742
you chose that guy, don't tell me he wasn't a narcissist before the pregnancy.
My ex husband told me I was disgusting after I put on a little bit of weight after two pregnancies. Surprisingly I didn't feel very confident having a sexual relationship with him anymore....
Good thing there are more women than men.
My bestfriend had some guys over and one told the other that he “didn’t like fvcking her becasue she’s fat” ???? I was thinking.. then DONt-!? Some guys do it to themselves and they deserve it 🤭
words destroy...im so sorry you were told that. That is appalling!
Just wait til he is older and starts gaining weight. His day is coming.
Yeah he is your ex for a reason. Good riddance! Sorry you had to go through that.
Wow. When you said, “you might need to leave”, he was so quick to say, “yeah”. Doesn’t seem like he wants to really even be there that much in the first place
That's because Orca can take all his stuff and there is no consequence for her to do that or to gain even more weight.
Why get married?
@@jamesdanton9033there is no reason to marry when you ask why even marry. I married out of love but you don't have to do it. Not a must and you don't have to make anybody feel like they've trapped you
@@annakleopatrabergendy9765Get it straight: there is NO reason a man should get married today.
Women don't love. If the guy is an unemployed, five foot two, overweight ex-garbage man you ain't in it 'for love'. Women don't love, they pick someone who can provide what they need and call it love to assuage the idea (bullshit themselves) that they are in it for provision.
I'm not. I'm 44, six foot, I make six figures, have no debt, I own a farm, my business and an apartment in a holiday town, I'm fit and healthy and I have been married. She left because she saw a flash of emerald over the fence. She was dead four years later cause the great new guy taught her to doctor shop. She was a physiotherapist, now a corpse. I have a 27 year old girlfriend who would drag herself over broken glass to marry me. It isn't going to happen because the state and other women will incentivize her to divorce me for cash and prizes.
Married for love, don't make me laugh.
@@jamesdanton9033 You are a misogynist. Poor thing, I wonder what happened to you.
@jamesdanton9033 Just a heads up: People age and lose their youthful good looks. If you can't handle that either, definitely don't get married.
Loved this quote so I’m highlighting it: “You can’t hate your body into long term change”
Its completely untrue. I was tired of being the skinny kid in high school and I spent my 20's putting on muscle and getting in shape.
He's not struggling with the fact that he hasn't created a world where she feels safe. He doesnt care about that. He cares more about what other people think than his wife's heart. Yes, he is the jerk.
Plus… in an unsafe world… women put weight onxxx😮
@@wildrosebohemianstudio 💯
@@wildrosebohemianstudio100%
Agreed he’s a jerk
@😅 13:21 13:21 gangoolie68
Ten years and sees her body more than her soul?… divorce him. I’ve been with a real man for 40 years. Fluctuating 100 pounds. At my biggest after my son I hid my body. He said… your body is beautiful but your soul is what I’m really in love with forever. Yes a real man.
You are so blessed ❤ I hope to have this kind of love one day ❤
Where did you get he sees her body more than her soul?
Not a good reason for a divorce
Yes after my daughter is gained so much due to thyroid issues. I felt ashamed i hated my body. Kept being insecure. He said I married you , not ur body. I married you as a person. Not a body. I love you as u are. 🥹
@@ELguanOelguanit is a good reason…
This exact issue ended my engagement. Telling your partner you aren’t attracted to them is soul crushing. There was no way to recover from it.
Thankfully you weren't already married
There is always a way to recover when you realize that it’s really the other person and not you
Did you try losing weight? I feel like that's the obvious solution for everyone. What's the downside of losing weight and being attractive for your husband?
@@estarr86 Because if I'm losing weight "for my husband" that's conditional and transactional and reductive and objectifying. People change physically. That's a normal part of aging. I don't want to be in a relationship where my worth to my husband is judged by my dress size any more than I would imagine my husband wants to be in relationship where his worth is judged by his hairline or his biceps.
@@TheMinimalistTherapist why would you marry someone you're not attracted to?
This call just reminds me of how important it is to be in love with the person & care for their soul because the surface level stuff means nothing 😊
Not nothing but it shouldn't be everything.
@@supercal333 It means very little. We all change as we age, and no one stays "hot" forever.
I stayed fit , had breast augmentation, got Botox and worked out daily . Ex husband still cheated on me .
I put in a lot of work and effort for a man . Won’t make that mistake again
@@starsshine2728 thank you so much! I’m thriving now
@@christinaslate1865you lost a man who wasn’t worth a dime , but found yourself ❤ TY for sharing . I hope you are much happier now .
I'm so sorry. I'm glad you've realized your worth and that men who make these kind of demands devalue women in general and it was never about you. I hope you're happier now :)
@@a.r.8954 I’m MUCH happier now . Thank you so much for your kind words .
You're most welcome
Shew. I can’t wait to give my husband the biggest hug tonight. Becoming a mom changed me. It changed my priorities. Very little of the time in the day belongs to me. My body is different. My husband has never EVER made me feel bad about that.
Everyone has time to workout at least 30 min a day. If you don’t then you’re bad with time management. None the less good for your husband. You should still make sure to eat right and find time to exercise not just for him but your overall health
He's got a sidepiece so all good
Sounds like you have a man for a husband and not someone that mentally peaked at age 13.
@@davidmason777 This is probably true... on the whole. (I know working moms with disabled kids who really would struggle to find 30 minutes to work out.)
But a 30-minute workout might result in a significant weight loss in some people and absolutely none in others.
I can vouch for this because I eat a whole food plant-based diet, I run and lift. I'm still chubby. (And I won't be taking any weight loss or nutrition advice from strangers on the internet, either.)
@@davidmason777 That's heck of a judgemental answer. Not everyone has the time for everything, specially with excessive work or little kids.
Wow this man is the exact reason so many women worry about “changing” as the years go on.
This is why so many women get made fun of for being immature and childs. If a man is required to maintain a certain lifestyle by the woman's preferences, then the man is allowed to have his own preferences as well. You women can't continually have double standards for everything in life.
Yeah! Let's blame it all on the men, then we don't have to change. Right Girls!!
@@DrewsThoughtsAmen!
I guess a person should be happy if their spouse becomes
Obese
@@DrewsThoughts This exactly!
A woman who feels devalued by her man is not going to give her great confidence. He doesn’t deserve her!!!!
What if his wife lost a leg, would he love her then. He is not capable!!!
I get the feeling this caller understood only about 10% of what was being said to him.
I was thinking closer to 2%. I guarantee when that conversation eventually went down he took zero ownership for any of their issues.
@@ogsoaps1587and will go back to his original tactics because helping/being there for her is not about him. 🤦🏾♀️
If that....
The conversation was over at 7:30 but he just cruised passed it bc he doesn't want to acknowledge his shortcomings in the maintaining a healthy household. He let her all the way down but isn't willing to see it.
It bothers me so much that he asked for a solution and when he was told he needs to take over the household and give her some alone time so she can take care of herself, all he could focus on was finding a nice way to tell her she was fat instead. He wants to make her feel bad thinking itll motivate her which is crazy
Why not add more work onto her?? It's worked fine for him so far so why would he change? He can't be the solution to HIS problem in any way, right? 🧐
THIS!!! He wasn’t capturing his own personal responsibility in this
Clearly not much of the advice was getting through his thick head. Same question, over and over, are you even listening?
Right?! That just makes things worse. Heaven help her when she goes through menopause
This drove me insane. Makes me feel like this is his thinking process regularly, I hear you but what about me. Would drive me up a wall!
This guy seems to think he can cure his wife's weight gain. Believe me, she knows and does not need to be reminded of it every day. I imagine that there is some depression involved now. To all the spouses who love and support their partners, I am in awe of you. Your role model for your children is a sight. Way to go!
It can be cured with good diet and exercise.
It will. She will end up going to a gym where she will meet more masculine and friendly men. She’ll get in shape probably just to impress one of these men. She’ll get her confidence back and will decide the risk of trying her luck with one of these men is worth it. She’ll look fantastic but it won’t be for her husband. She’ll definitely maintain going to the gym with this incentive.
@@edwardrook8146not always.. someone’s it’s hormonal and she needs a hormone to help.. many women are put on the standard T4 thyroid medication when they need T3, never mind all the women who are told it’s all in their head and they just need to eat less and move more!
@@ashleighedwards3575jesus. you speaking from personal experience here? because that was oddly specific.
@@edwardrook8146You HAD to have flunked science. Diet and exercise CANNOT fix hormones nor hypothyroidism. Hormones are produced by the brain; pregnancy also creates a crazy amount of hormones (it varies in EVERY individual).
When the hormones run through the brain incorrectly, the parts of the brain, such as the pituitary gland, then tells certain body parts to function or react. However, when they’re “off” the response of the body AND emotions are very much so off!!! Extra fat is stored naturally (to continue to feed baby), emotions become depressed because of the imbalance, and skin elasticity becomes altered. Some people’s body eventually recover but still won’t be the same, some not as much. Tried to explain this in simplest terms.
I gained a lot of weight due to PCOS and incorrect eating habits. My husband says it is okay but encouraged me to lose weight for my health. I believed him until I discovered his FB feeds and TikTok are sexy girls dancing. I felt horrible and disrespected. I got depressed for about a year and I am still recovering from that. Even if he tells me I am enough I no longer believe him. I`m trying to heal emotionally and physically.
That's my husband. All men lie.
Why are y'all staying?
Why still with him
Social media hurts for real
He was being considerate and didn't want to hurt your feelings. Men prefer women in good shape, that should be obvious.
“I think you need to do some deep soul searching whether you’re in this marriage or not”
WOW blatant and bold. Love it
I wouldn't be in a bait and switch marriage again.
Don't put up with it men. Thou shalt not simp.
@@jamesdanton9033 bahahahhahahah yup woman hater. Just like I said. 🤣🤣🤣
@@jamesdanton9033you're disgusting
@@jamesdanton9033Get help
I am so so scared of ever being "loved" like this
The avg pregnancy weight gain is 20-30 lbs. Just don't become a whale. Women use pregnancy as an excuse to gain 80 lbs. Like honey the baby is at most 10 lbs
thank God I never know men like this, horror man to even what he says and how is treating his wife, he never loved her. Pitty how many women choose these kind of men, I mean they should run run away from these kind of man, think of the long run if you choose someone. Everyone deserves better than this man!
Your best bet is to not get married hun. They are ALL like that. They always want a 10 but are bald with gut themselves.
This isn't real love. My husband loved me at a variety of sizes and always told me I was beautiful, sexy and cute. He grew more attracted to me over the years, even as my body became less acceptable to others. When he looked at me, he saw me and not what I looked like. Love like that really does exist.
Find a man who loves Jesus. My husband would never make me feel bad for weight.
It’s important to have hard conversations in marriages. I was in this situation as the wife who gained a lot of weight during Covid. My husband approached me from a point of concern over my health and having a longer life together. He never approached me from the “I’m no longer attracted to you” even if there was some truth in that.
He was able to motivate me in a positive way and I lost 45 pounds.
For me, he should've just taken the lead for improving BOTH y'all's health, cooked some healthy foods, set up dates that got you both moving, etc...but never told you a thing, unless you refused to cooperate, THEN say it out loud. That's how women usually do for men and kids because it's more effective and compassionate. That would get my thumbs up, because a partner helps get the work done for the life of the couple/family unit and doesn't need to make someone feel shame or pressured when they are already down, UNLESS the work I described fails imho, then maybe interventions get explored.
I've seen very depressed men and the last thing they need is being told more bad things about themselves no matter how it comes out , but a wife helping add veggies and cut salt and sugar and working on good gut health for the WHOLE family often helps alleviate the whole thing and aids the mental and emotional well being. It's about team work and about deeds NOt words that add burden when someone is manly e down or not ready to hear them or once said can't be undone! Do things, don't just say and expect things, is more or less my preference BUT very Glad you feel healthier and see the cup as half full and a good relationship with you spouse. I'm just being honest and more responsible in my advice to others who such words without at least as many deeds won't be advantageous and might actually be harmful, because that's often the situation. Also, if it's you child you have to model and take certain responsibility for your dependent even if they get angry they will understand later you invested in their health because you loved them....Congrats.
@@amandachilds5290 Oh god this always centric on the woman's feelings crap. No he did the honest thing and did it far more sensitive then some would. Sorry a wife is not god or a child that i should have to tip toe around.
@@mato2047 I doubt you Revere God enough to have a decent conversation since you think you oughta tip toe round Him...but what that has to do with what I wrote or even saying it's female centric when it's true for ALL significant others, men and kids too, is odd? Just doing something good for you both as a unit like healthy eating or exercise IS NOT tip toeing, it's proactive and logical? Doing is BETTER than saying, deeds not words, is just the way I see it and same for if man is fat or not taking good care of himself....women do it ALL the time. We add veggies in the food and cut the salt and sugar. We remind if supplements and meds and Dr. Appointments because we think if we value someone we should help take good care of them. Do you tip toe around your house issues to show it whose boss, I wonder? It's less burden on someone who maybe isn't ready to see it and do something about it or cannot and it's also good for you too to make the changes you want to see in your SO and the world!
I've seen men in depression and last thing you should do is tell them more bad things about themselves! They don't use it as motivation the way some women might, or some women might just add on ten more pounds to spite you too or lose it then divorce you and run off with someone and leave you the kids, seen that one twice after hubby pushes her to get fit and a bazoom job. People rarely get yelled at for cooking good food and planning fun and healthy excursions though!
Gut health really matters and when you can get his OR her gut health improved then that is going to improve the mental and emotional too, which will make the whole unit better!
These are just facts and that's what being a team is. Sorry you don't want to be a team. And if your kid is obese, it is a lot the parents fault and responsibility so can't understand why you'd think otherwise. Oh and Kid's weight is a scream for help much of the time and sticking your fingers in your ears ain't gonna fix that either!
But maybe you misunderstood what I wrote and I then misunderstood you so here's another attempt to make it clear. Peace.
It’s not his job to ‘motivate’ you. Lose weight fatty
That would’ve been a good advice for him.
I’m the fat wife right now. Three hard pregnancies and six surgeries I’m 50 lbs overweight. I know it. And it is so hard. I used to be the hot wife. Having so much anxiety and breastfeeding makes it really hard to focus on myself. My husband has been super patient and loving and I’m so thankful. I will get back healthy though as now I’m having fat person health issues.
If you can, take the kiddos and hubby out for a 30 min walk every other day. It will help you exercise without being overwhelmed and allows you to connect more with your spouse by having some time together to just talk and goof around. It also helps a lot of anxiety.
This is why it’s important to vet whether your partner can PROVIDE a life that allows for time and means to prioritize health. If she’s like majority of married women, she’s managing more than what she’s designed to do and something has to give.
Hire a house cleaner and nanny!
@@labrigful 🤣 The average two income household is making $75,000/year... between housing/child care/groceries/insurance/retirement/gas we're at a point where 60% of American households can't afford a $1,000 emergency... stop being delusional.
They did a program together and she lacked discipline.
@Ellen Cox yeah, but he wants a trophy wife so he needs to pay up. Someone needs to make some sacrifices.
@Cameron he probably doesn't realize that he was free to do the program because she was taking care of the house and kids.
If he was taking time to do a program, who do you think was left to pick up the slack? I know how this works. "I'll give her time" is just empty words. Nothing gets done and your workload doubles
I was chubby and had no confidence when my partner met me. He always thought I was beautiful and never commented on my weight or routine. After about 4 years together I got serious about my health and started exercising. I lost 40lbs and have muscle. I still workout all the time. I love myself. My partner and I married and we’ve been together 7 years now. He always gave me the space to heal and grow from the things he didn’t know about. Having that space, comfort, and love has allowed me to choose the best version of myself and I am forever growing. This man is a tool
Beautiful story ❤
This is lovely and it’s also why I don’t buy the whole “love yourself first then someone will love you”crap.
Women enter relationships all the time while not loving themselves and end up being loved on so much and so well by men who actually care.
Explain why he is a tool, other than the fact he said a woman he clearly cares about could do something a bit better. Are you unable to take criticism?
@@felixjohnston3402He is shallow.
It doesn’t matter if you’re married; your partner has 0 say over what needs to happen to your body. The caller mentioned that she is trying but has trouble with staying consistent. This means she’s very much aware of her situation and doesn’t need her HUSBAND, the one person who is supposed to see into her soul, to “demand” a change because he isn’t attracted to her. He lied during his vows; he doesn’t love her for good or for bad, in sickness and in health. Life is hard, the last thing you should have to worry about is whether or not you’re still attractive enough for your husband. A man that falls in love with your soul will never disrespect you in this way 🤷🏻♀️
I gained 35lbs after my second baby. C section and Breast feeding meant I didn’t get to work out or do much movement for a while but had to consume 3k calories a day to keep feeding him and even then I didn’t have enough milk.
My husband never made me feel less beautiful or criticized my weight. I did it myself and he always insisted I don’t say those things about myself.
Eventually I got fed up with hating my body. I asked him to get me a treadmill off of Craigslist and help me with bedtime so that I could workout instead of depleting what little energy I had left getting the two kids in bed.
He got the treadmill.
He handled bedtime every night.
I lost 40lbs.
And that was four years ago. He still does bed time every night even when I don’t work out and our sex life reflects the fact that I have energy for something more after the kids are down.
Added to that, I often tell HIM if he doesn’t make it to the gym before work, call me and let me know he’ll be late and I’ve got bedtime covered so you can have that time. He’s never been more fit than now. We realized we had to create the environment for both of us to thrive. This husband needs to take Johns advice because if he doesn’t, they’ll likely end up divorced and she’ll probably get fit and replace him. Then he’ll really regret it.
Congrats on your teamwork and success.
LMAO , I was with you till the end. If she can get fit and replace him then why not get fit now and save her marriage 😂. Sounds like laziness & spite.
@@LaitoChen I see reading comprehension is something you struggle with. Were you actually with me? Bc you clearly didn’t understand that if he wants her to get fit he needs to foster that sort of environment and make it possible for her to get fit. I can’t go to the gym and work out if my husband doesn’t hold things down for me when I do. Vice versa. We thrive on supporting and encouraging each other. Hope that helps buddy!
@@StoicCaringbutColdandFierceIfN have fun dying alone. When someone gets in a relationship they don’t have life’s trials and tribulations including the changes that happen with age and kids which is why my POINT is to work together as a team to keep each other fit and healthy. A woman can’t get fit and healthy if she’s not in a supportive partnership. Hope that helps!
@@mmbovilladardhit’s an hour workout a day 3-4 times a week and mainly it’s down to your diet. “We don’t have time with kids and stuff” as if the man does zero housework. Look at your double digit screentime, there’s you’re answer. Haven’t got 3 hours for gym but have 17 hours of scrolling on Instagram. 🙄
I applaud you for being so patient with this caller. I think deep down he’s still hanging on to the idea that there’s some “magical” set of words he can say to his wife to make her transform into her old body. What an unfortunate man. I hope that either I’m wrong and he’ll take your wisdom to heart and he’ll be wonderful to her(although I’m doubtful) or his wife finds the self worth and courage to leave him.
I had the same problem after I had our first child, I gained weight and my husband expected my weight to go back as soon as I had our baby and criticised me constantly but eventually I did lose it and weighed less than when I met him and he still wasn’t happy! You should love the person for who they are not on how much they weigh! Made me realise I wasn’t the one with the problem.
It’s hard because a woman wants compliments and to have her man behave a certain way. He engages because he enjoys what he sees. When you take that away, a man has to fake it. It’s hard to fake it long term.
@@natemekis3959 Then don't have kids. Seriously if you want your wifes body to stay the same, don't have kids.
If he lost his job you would divorce his a** in a heartbeat
@@kenandrieling5885 Actually no we’ve been together 20 years. But no bodies perfect and you work it out. 😊
@@natemekis3959 If the man's not keeping up his own appearance, he can keep his comments to himself.
I’m so grateful for my loving husband! After 3 kids I gained 38 pounds. Never once he told me I need to lose wait, he always told me I’m sexy and beautiful and loved my body with all the changes it went through. Now 2 years past after my daughters birth and in the last 6 months I’ve lost 21 pounds! He is still so kind to me and his love never changed! Grateful for the parents that raised such an amazing man!
Never knows if he has mistress. Happens all the time.
My husband said he wasn’t attracted to me because I gained weight. You’re lucky.
My husband did the same thing. We tried for several years to get pregnant with our second and the strain was so hard on my body. He never told me I needed to lose weight but still encouraged me to stay active and healthy. When I look back at some of those times, I could tell he was concerned for my health. He was so encouraging and told me how much he loved me even during the many times I was not doing very well at getting back into shape. He would say things like "You are so beautiful, make sure you take care of this body." He exercises almost every day for the last however many years which motivated me and he encouraged me to run with him around the neighborhood. Whenever I would bring up my love handles or stretch marks and how ugly they were he would say things like "nobody talks about my wife like that" or "They just show me how much you love me." (referring to my giving birth)
@@RadiUzunovathe ones with class don’t cheat.
You actually gained 120 pounds since those 3 kids also count for the new weight in the house. That’s 200+ pounds that your husband have a crunch all, all because of you. That’s how I experience it every day, I cannot believe and am constantly and continuously amazed how that woman did those amazing little friends that we got
Had kids back to back for my exhusband and he was just like this. I was a married single mother. He never helped with the kids or house work and I was expected to do all of it along with holding down a job. Once I filed those divorce papers I started counseling and now I’m a size 5/6! I was literally overworked, stressed out taking care of everything including his grown behind! Since the divorce I have SO much peace and the kids are on a schedule. I’m not doing as much work, my weight is under control and I’m not even working out as much and the house stays cleaner! Hmmm wonder why!? A toxic partner can be the source of a whole lot of bad in your life!
I bet he felt "blindsided" and "dumbfounded" when you filed those divorce papers. Telling people "it came out of no where, we were so happy 🥴"
Yes!! I was constantly sick, tried losing weight couldn’t do it. Found out he had cheated divorced and all of sickness weight just disappeared. It’s amazing how people can get sick from toxic food and etc but not realizing it’s coming from a toxic person….hes going to regret this and he won’t be able to do anything about it once she’s gone
I grew up as a child of a married single mother. It’s an incredibly toxic situation to grow up in that makes numerous relationship situations as an adult confusing because I’m constantly having to check healthy against comfort (comfort was toxic growing up
He didn't get the answer/advice that he wanted, but he got the answer/advice that he needed.
I hope he took it to heart. I hope it was not already too late.
Too many people base relationships on looks rather than substance. That is why it's important to find a life partner you connect with on a multitude of levels because as the saying goes "looks will eventually fade."
i completely agree. but i have noticed that physical attraction means more to men than it does women...it matters to some men more than others...and i hate to be blunt but if you want a spouse who is able to maintain her health/fitness (esp if you have kids), it takes lots of support (child care) to free up time for exercise and enough financial means as well...very very few of us are "naturally thin and beautiful"...most of the time it takes at least a little "help" and it does not come cheap!!
@@EadsB7002I also think that but could it be that these men have this mindset because they have been conditioned to only see validation through sex and appearance? Because you know he makes a point that, he’s jealous of other men. Rather than seeking approval from his wife, he wants it from other men. Although you know this bothers him, he doesn’t even have the emotional intelligence to bring it up to his wife.
@@marytudor-iw2dw yes I’m aware of this 😂 I’m a CPT
@@marytudor-iw2dwyou speak a lot of truth, however protein without working out is a detriment but with it helps build muscle. ACSM guidelines for protein intake is 20-30 percent of the first at 1.2-2 g per kg of body weight
@@marytudor-iw2dw well the key for building muscle is protein regardless of weight, however caloric intake is where weight fluctuation comes in. Fat per gram is 9 calories as opposed to protein and carbs which is 4; this is the cause for people gaining weight indulging in fats and spiking up calories quickly. Protein intake should be based on how active the person is so an extreme athlete 2.0 G per KG is good but someone just maintaining what they have .7 Female .8/.9 Male is just fine. Fasting should not be a thing and neither should taking out carbs (which should be the highest percentage of your diet) the opposite of taking it out lol.
His wife deserves better
Yep, this is the result of porn addicted men who see their wives as objects instead of human beings.
He is getting help though and that matters
Oh yes she sure does!
100%
Even when the host said to him that "you think your wife dropped the ball" SHE HAD HIS CHILDREN! Which he has absolutely no idea about, how are we in the 21st century and some men are still baffled and dumfounded that growing humans inside of you changes your body somewhat!! The types of men don't deserve children if this is there condition in a relationship.
I went from 118 at 5’6” to 170lbs. before giving birth. Down to 118 within 3 mos. after birth. Never forgave my ex-husband for criticizing me for gaining weight during pregnancy.
He criticized you for gaining WHILE pregnant. Did he just think the baby wasn’t supposed to grow?
Glad you dumped him
I'm so glad he's your ex!
As Christ followers, we are commanded by the Lord to forgive. It's a gift for YOU, not the offender. No bitterness.
@@danilaroche1156 you can let go of the bitterness but you can't unlearn what you know about someone. My ex husband was the same way. He said there's no excuse to gain weight while pregnant. A baby weighs 6-7 pounds and you can loose 6-7 pounds to offset it. I didn't hate him for saying it but I certainly lost a lot of respect for him.
John does an AMAZING job on these calls. He’s so honest, making the callers take accountability for their side of the issue.
My husband is a saint jeez. He's seen me fluctuate between 108 to 165 (during pregnancy and after) and hes always told me I'm beautiful.
Did you stay 165?
@@humansvd3269 WHEN I WAS PREGNANT AH
He can tell you anything, but you both knew the truth.
Your husband is not a saint for treating you like that. He likely just actually loves you. Let’s stop making it normal or call things love that are not. It like saying.
I have a good man because he doesn’t beat me.
@@popdaskittles lol.
This dudes wife is stressed out. She needs more help around the house and with kids. I used to be suffering too working full time and making all the meals etc. I gained a bunch of weight (so did my husband) we talked about what can we do to help with the stress. We decided it was best for me to quit and work part time from home and while the kids are at school/daycare. I lost 20lbs in two months, my husband now doesn’t feel guilty for working overtime and he has time to go to the gym too. I’m grateful for my husband and not making me feel bad for gaining weight and seeing the actual problem which was too much stress. If they can’t afford to take a pay cut then he needs to temper his expectations until the stress levels goes down
You have no idea if that’s what’s happening here and neither does Jon. You’re projecting your experience on a blank slate here.
Yes the ‘do it all’ woman, just doesn’t exist.. I hope he shows up as a better partner to her ❤️
Yes!! Going through the same thing here. Luckily he’s also gained stress weight too so he’s not judging. But, I’m gonna stay at home next year with our kids so we can all be healthy
Eh. These are just assumptions, I work full time and have 4 small kids (currently pregnant with #5) and have managed to stay pretty weight consistent through lifestyle choices and mostly what I eat. My sister is a stay at home mom with one child, and a good husband, and she has gained a considerable amount of weight. If lack of time/stressors where the reason I would be the overweight one and not her. It could be.. but we don't know, we don't have the whole picture.
@@dianagabriela3287 The caller admitted that he doesn’t think his wife is lazy & does believe she is stressed out..
.
I hope he can be part of the solution for that issue as her partner..
.
I think as long as he focuses on showing up with solutions and not shaming her or scolding her for weight gain..
.
Wish them the best ❤️
Oh man when he said “well how do I start this conversation with her” after being told to do the dishes - I died inside
He is unmature id***. That's why he didn't hear doctor advice.🙄 Simple as that.
I hope she'll divorce him.
He doesn’t get it and never will 🤦♀️🤦♀️
He gave him real easy practical advice and then the man ignored it and asked how to tell her and for practical advice. He was just given practical advice! He’s being really selfish.
@@kara8911but the wife being obese and expecting her husband to be attracted to her is not selfish.
@@estarr86 he never said she was “obese” just that she’s gained weight and I don’t remember him saying an amount. Of course it’s not good to be obese (again it doesn’t sound like she was) and it’s reasonable to not be as attracted to someone who is. People lose and gain weight over time (heck people lose hair over time, and skin elasticity, they get wrinkles, they get sick sometimes chronically). He was asking for help but then kept ignoring the advice given and pushed his own idea that he has to have a “conversation” with her about it. No, he needs to take over around the house, so that she can step away for a moment to herself. Poor sleep, leads to poor diet, stress leads to weight gain. A conversation is the last thing she needs.
Thank you to this caller.
I'm seriously reminded of how amazing my husband is. I'm deeply humbled. My husband loves all the child bearing reminders my body carries. He says it's like a tat of him I wear all the time. He loves my stretch marks. He tells me nearly everyday. He teaches our kids that if you choose to have kids with a mate, that being judgemental about her body after the fact is the crulest thing a man can do next to cheating /abuse.
I will definitely verbally let him know, again, tomorrow that I hear him and I'm grateful. Phew! I hit the marital jack pot!! Bc if hubby ever.. Lol.. He's free to help himself out. We've both survived cancer and we want to Velveteening (rabbit) .. We never intended to be young and "perfect" the rest of our days. He loves my silver hair. He's fine with my weight gain. He gets upset if I'm not sharing treats with him bc he says it's not fair that he gains weight alone, lol.. Nearly twenty years..
I love him.
The caller tries to make himself a hero because he didn’t say anything to her about her weight. He’s just silently disgusted that regardless of giving him children she doesn’t have her pre-pregnancy body. What a jerk.
Why's he a jerk? You can't make yourself attracted to someone. As long as he treats her with respect, that's what's important. If you fall out of love with someone, how does that make you a jerk?
@@ahmorganbecause falling out of love because of looks is a jerk move.
@@Shayne_T falling out of love isn't the same as attraction though. Id argue falling out of love due to finances is just as bad but it's seen as acceptable.
@@ahmorgan sorry but if you want your woman to go through pregnancy and expect her to ever look the same, it's just bullshit. If you're not okay with a woman's body after she made another human being, just don't make babies.
@Sonder194 When you choose to have a baby with your wife you know that 1. Her body will never be the same. 2. She'll always be busy, cuz kids come first. 3. She will change mentally into a different person aswell.
A while ago I heard the quote: when a woman gives birth she becomes a mum. When a man becomes a father he is a man with a kid. Woman loose a part of themselves (career, their body, time) in order to bring up the kids to adulthood, while for the man nothing much changes besides playing football with them on Saturday and the father title.
If your attraction and body image of your wife is more important than having a family, then don't have kids. You can't expect her to do all this and stay the same.
When a woman is overwhelmed with stress and work, she eats to stay awake. Dragging her to the gym when she’s exhausted is NOT gonna help. She’s just gonna eat so that she can stay awake to do all of the work she’s got to do. She needs time to recover, rest, and SLEEP. He needs to take the kids and clean the house. Let her get some rest; working out doesn’t make you lose weight when you’re stressed to the gills and getting no sleep.
This!
Stop giving people destructive advice. Fat women are the number 1 case of unhappy marriages. Being fat is a matter of calorie intake. Control your impulses, lose the weight, it will make your life better in every possible way.
For sure. It’s a food problem and the exercise in the world won’t fix that.
Spot on.
Yup
”You can’t hate your body into long term change”. That could be the motto for body positivity.
Unfortunately that is not true. There are plenty of people that get in good shape out of spite of their current body. Everyone is different and that has to be respected.
When it comes to weight and musculature you absolutely CAN hate your body into long term change.
You just have to be willing and motivated to putting in the work and/or putting down the snacks.
@@amerlin388No.... you literally can't. It's psychologically damaging to do that. Just because someone is capable of bouncing back a lottle between from the damage doesn't make it a net positive.
@amerlin388
Unhappy people are typically fatter then happy people.
Statistically speaking...the opposite is true: you can hate yourself into getting fat.
This also makes sense, because who is emotionally eating? Happy or unhappy people? Who is going out shopping or dancing? Happy or unhappy people? Who is going to group classes for stuff like dancing or pilates? Happy or unhappy people? Who is giving themselves reward meals? "You managed to stuck it out today!" Is that happy or unhappy people? Who is more likely to stay in and sit on the couch? Happy...or unhappy?
Etc.
@@JyS1991 You are conflating 'hating your body' with degree of happiness. One can hate their weight and be happy in other aspects of their life.
Hating your body IS motivation to loose weight. Hating the weight you had before you reduced to a healthy weight IS motivation to keep the unhealthy weight off.
The most attractive aspect about my wife is her character. Over the course of our 30 year marriage, she has proven herself time and time again. She consistently seeks the best path forward with people and situation. She has a great sense of humor too!!
This man is clearly disgusted by her and masking it as concern
He wants confirmation to leave .
@@deniseeugene1852he didn't call the right person, then.
Maybe he is asking Tate for advice now 😂
@@justmeagain7not gonna get it from a simp who sees women as delicate children who can do no wrong
If a woman called in complaining about her husband she would 100% be supported and told it's ok for her to have standards. The moment a man has a concern he's treated as a villain.@@RevealedFilms
@@monohydrate2I do see your point. Many times, when a woman tries to leave a man, she normally gets pep talks and is told she is a strong independent woman who doesn’t need a man to be happy. I wouldn’t apply that in this case though. If a woman called in disgusted with her man after his body changed for some reason like an accident, I don’t think she would be given the same pep talk about her needing to leave bc she deserves better.
I will say this guy doesn’t seem to be just unhappy that she gained weight, he seems to be wanting an excuse to trade her in for a newer model wife.
My ex husband told me watching me have a kid turned him off. He wasn’t attracted to me anymore and he missed having a hot wife. Needless to say he never touched me again and we divorced a few years later.
He didn’t deserve you. God bless you! Blessings to you!
Omg that’s horrible - I’m sorry this happen to you
This happens to a lot of men. You can't let them watch that, just have them come in right after, to inspect & bond with the baby.
@mariatorres9789 What?.... Why even het her pregnant in the first place if that kinda thing is too much to bear?
@yumiarigama If you like sex, don't gross your man out. It's really simple. Don't push a baby out in front of them. Close the door when you take a dump. Don't change a Tampax in front of them. Etc. Or- you can be stubborn, & wonder why you gross them out & they don't want you, & then cry about it to all your lonely friends & 10 cats. 🤷 Keep it classy.
Imagine giving your entire body, mind, and soul to bring life into this world and your husband just isn’t attracted to you anymore
Bringing life is not relevant to eating more calories than you burn and stop working out. Kids are not excuses. Sorry for the husband
@@RadiUzunova you failed to realize that hormone imbalance plays a huge part, as well as metabolic slow down, and post partum depression… how are you going to work out when you’re home 24/7 with your kids? All while tied to an unsupportive husband? Try again lmao
@@mals4142amazingly said! It’s saddens me people are THIS uneducated.
@@RadiUzunovaI eat very very little food and am active like a normal person and I am obese. Think before you speak.
Let's not oversell it. She's still alive.
(Hopefully...)
Gonna call my husband and tell him thank you for loving my body, no matter the changes i was going through…..
I’m concerned that he hasn’t once said he loves her no matter what.
That is complete BS. She would NEVER love him if he was a fat broke loser dude. And you know that
Because he does not.
I'm curious as to why John Deloney didn't ask the caller about his physique, nor did he mention it. I doubt he's got the same body as 10 years ago either
He talked about him reaching the goals when it comes to his body and her not doing that. Even then, I'm pretty sure he didn't birth the kid, soo....
@@buket1537There’s plenty a women that have given birth and had no issues staying in shape afterwards. No excuses
Stress causes cortisol levels to increase which causes weight gain. An abusive man causes stress which runs up cortisol and causes weight gain.
Men don't care about hormones, they are just excuses to them.
Very good point!
Are we assuming the man on the call is abusive? I wasn't sensing that at all
What? Being in a caloric surplus instead of a deficit is what makes you gain weight, cortisol doesn't come close to affecting what it says on the scale compared to eating too many calories. Eat less food, gain less weight or maybe even lose/ maintain current weight; eat more food gain more weight, it's easy.
Abusive? a bit of a stretch no?
A nightmare. My husband thank goodness loved me through depression. I’m gonna give him a hug.
As a married woman I understand both sides. I understand that for either partner when someone lets their body go it's hard. But women who have had children really get a pass. The toll that children take on your body is insane. Some women bounce back and others just never will. There are no bodily changes that men go through that are even comparable.
there is no pass. medical professionals recommend u get back to ur pre pregnancy weight within 6-12 months. thers understanding thats difficult and u'll need support. there shud be no pass for allowing youself to becomr unhealthy excessively. your robbing your partner your robbing your children of precious life togther but most importantly, you're robbing yourself.
@@vkdeen7570 you're so misinformed
@kaci13658 as someone with 1 sibling who's a doctor and 3 close relatives in the medical professional, one of whom is a senior ward midwife of 15+ years experience...I can assure u I'm not misinformed... it's highly recommended that any woman post pregnancy to aim to get their weight back to with their normaĺ weight range within 12 monthe. most women, in fact, lose about half their post partum weight by 6-8 weeks if I remember rightly.
and if don't believe me go to your local physician and say u want some info about pregnancy. ask then if it's recommended to stay over weight after birth for a prolonged period say 12+ months and see what they say
@kaci13658 Having triple checked this with my sibling, they have confirmed exactly what I said. I also feel duty bound to pass on the message they said to plz stop giving poor advice to other ppl. encouraging ppl of all ages and sizes to maintain healthy body weight is of utmost importance. not only for physical health but also for mental health. obesity is the single biggest cause of death in the Western world
@kc13658 staying at an unhealthy weight just because you had a kid is a cop out. Only morons expect a new mother to transform into a 20s athlete as soon as the baby is born. You don't get to use baby weight as an excuse for years.
He said he is jealous of other men. He doesn’t know what is happening behind closed doors in those homes. Don’t compare your marriage to others because you don’t have a full picture of what those are like.
He doesn’t know if those wives have maids to help around the house. Or husbands that actually connect in many other ways. He doesn’t know if they are wife beaters. Or if there is drug problems. Or health issues like depression or sick children.
Exactly...
Don't know the guy, but he certainly seems like he wants to be the center of his relationship. Like he's annoyed that his penis got a lower spot on his wife's priority list than their actual children.
@@Cassie00111 THIS.
@@Cassie00111 I’ve never heard that complaint before from any guy
@@Cassie00111 I wish she would pay more attention to me, instead she’s always at the gym and doesn’t like eating out.
My wife has given us triplets, that we lost at 20 weeks gestation, 2 more boys and another miscarriage. The whole time she has gone up the ladder in management at her hospital AND went to school to get her doctorate. She isn’t as skinny as she was, but I still love her because of everything she has done and accomplished. Sometimes you look at your spouse and you don’t have that burning passion like you used to, but you CHOOSE to love her because of all she does for you and your family. You CHOOSE to love them through the hard times.
I wouldn’t be bragging about her concomitant accomplishments. It’s likely that caused these losses. Lots of pregnancy tragedies at my work, which is a high-stress profession.
@@genxx2724 well jokes on you she lost them when she didn’t have a stressful job, and she had an infection interuterine to lose the girls. Thank you for your compassion. 🤔
@@stealthswim223 People like that are not worth responding to on here. Peace and goodwill to your family.
@@jacobrodriguez7771 Thank you. Women cannot do it all and have it all.
@@jacobrodriguez7771 "Another" smart person? Well, it's neither you nor the person you tagged.
If he’s not attracted now, how will he feel as she ages? No matter what you do, you won’t look good when you’re old. You may look good “for your age” but that’s very different.
@missmarymac, what you said is so true about aging.
or if she gets into a car accident and disabled. men are statistically likelier to leave a relationship if the spouse gets cancer, btw.
The difference is being overweight is in her control and she doesn't care about her husband enough to make the effort to be attractive to him.
@@amerlin388 Please, men won’t even shave their beards or wash their a$$es to not be disgusting to their wives.
woman are statistically more likely to leave their husband in general so really so much for your statistics. shoving food in your mouth is not something beyond ones control. its on her, sorry that society gives females a way out of some many things.@@jellyrolly
John's collapse onto the table while the caller was talking at 2:04 said it all.
Omg his wife is gonna be devastated when someone who recognizes his voice sends this to her 🥺.
Yes, she’ll be crushed her husband is worried about her and is carefully considering how to speak about a sensitive topic. Just heart wrenching.
@@felixjohnston3402 He didn't sound worried about her health.
@@Mary-cg1slphysical attraction is biologically attached to health. That’s pretty common knowledge we all know, whether he mentioned it or not.
@@felixjohnston3402I know right?! He cares enough to seek out solutions to help care for his wife. What a monster 😱
She already knows. It's impossible to not know when your partner finds you unattractive
My heart breaks for his wife. I’m sorry momma, I hope things change and he can love you the way you deserve. 😢
No she needs better than him
Of course, you can’t even entertain the possibility she could improve something about herself. Sad to see that many women see other women as kids.
@@felixjohnston3402okay, chauvinist.
So he wants his wife healthy and good looking how she use to be, I guess he should just be happy if his wife is obese and she chose to let her self go.
@@jimmyh7529My god, you people are the incarnation of a crusted sock.
Maybe his wife’s confidence has taken a turn because of him. 🤷🏻♀️ even if she weighs the same- aging, pregnancy and breastfeeding can do some permanent rearranging. I can’t imagine how discouraging it would be if my husband wanted me to look the same as the day we got married. I’ve had two kids and it’s been 17 years. I just had my second at 38. I’d like to give his wife a big hug. ❤️
He's wanting her to put effort into her health, just like she did when they met. Seems fair to me, especially if he's doing his part.
@@phelps1485 Respectfully, I disagree - That’s not what he said. He didn’t say that he wants her to put effort into her health- He said that he idolizes the idea of the fit gym body couple - Which is how his wife was when they met. That’s what he wants back. If it was simply a concern about his wife’s health and her living a healthy lifestyle, which I think is a fair expectation that we have of our partners, that would be something different all together.
I don’t think he expect her to look like she use to, I think he just want her to drop some of the weight. If she drop the weight, she may not look like her pre pregnancy days but she will still look more fit than her current state. I’ll give him some credit. He hasn’t told her, I’m not attracted anymore. Although I’m sure she feels it. He’s not trying to cheat and he is trying to find advice to deal with it. I think he need to work on himself because he need to learn to love despite her appearance. But she also have to make an effort to be attractive to her spouse. That won’t just benefit him, it will benefit her first and foremost. She will get the most out of it. But we can’t just let ourselves go. Bodies change, wrinkles will come but try to be the best version of yourself at all times. I’m sure she knows she’s not presenting the best version of herself. Him helping out more will help and make give her time and space to workout on her own.
Yep it sounds likes it a body issue rather than a weight issue. She probably looks like most mothers, a softer flabby belly and the pre-baby boobs are gone. Things you can't fix with a diet or the gym.
@@abby7038 These people are suffering from 'chronically online syndrome', with no life experience, no kids, probably no spouse either and yet they think they know more about morals/pregnancy/marriage than anyone else. It's so true that just breastfeeding alone does some 'permanent rearranging' as you said before but these people don't want to admit to reality for whatever dumb reason.
It's over. Love is unconditional. If you have kids, you know what unconditional means.
I gained 100 lbs in 2 years in 2 pregnancies. My husband made me feel beautiful every day. I worked so hard trying to get back to who I was before we had babies. I “dropped the ball” on the journey different times and my husband always made me feel LOVED. It took me 16 months, and I lost all the weight. I am so sad for this wife that her husband feels the need to focus on her weight in this vain way instead of just wanting her to be healthy. I’m so sorry anonymous wife. You deserve BETTER! This man needs therapy.
Congrats on your weight loss & getting healthy. Thats not easy. They probably need marriage therapy more than anything but I personally dont think he is wrong in wanting his wife to lose weight & be healthy. The difference in your journey is that you were working on yourself & were making strides to be healthier even when you weren’t perfect with it. It doesn’t sound like that is his situation. If your spouse gains 100lbs & makes no efforts, I can see that would be an issue of concern.
@@KC1up I think it’s great if he actually wants her to be healthy. All I could hear the whole time was him upset at the way she looks. While also admitting that she’s busy working, taking care of kids, keeping the house clean etc… she likely has no time to herself and is likely barely hanging on herself. My husband made efforts to make sure to handle kids while I worked out. Didn’t make me feel like I was being an inconvenience. It’s a big difference being a supportive spouse willing to make some sacrifices so your wife can reach her goals, and a spouse who expects you just to get it together and handle it all while keeping up w regular responsibilities. (Might I add I am a SAHM. She works full time. That’s a huge burden in and of itself). We didn’t even get in to if she was dealing with PPD or not.
How do you know this man wasn’t loving his wife unconditionally for the last several years, and he just got to the point where he was frustrated, because no changes were happening.
Also, to say he needs therapy is incredibly ignorant. Since when is it ignorant to admit that hey, I’m no longer attracted to my wife .
Also, it’s almost as if you’re trying to say I am this dude’s wife I just happen to have a better husband. That couldn’t be further from the truth. There’s a major difference between the both of you , you put in effort she didn’t.
If there’s one thing men respect more than anything, it’s effort. And it was very clear that this dude wife was putting in zero effort.
Lastly when you say, my husband made me feel beautiful every single day it’s like look at me and how special I am, and how amazing my husband is. Your husband is just saying what any logical common sense men would say. I don’t know anyone who who would sit there and say, let me call my wife fat and uglt in order to get her motivated.
Now I’m not trying to imply that your husband was lying to you to try and keep you motivated not at all.
However, and I don’t need to know your husband, or you at all to make this statement,
You’re living in La La Land , if you don’t think there’s a chance that that your husband would start to develop a different tone. Had you done absolutely nothing in the last 16 months.
You're supposed to wait at least 2 years in between kids. Your body needs time to get everything back in place. Smh
GO ON THE TRED MILL
I’m single and dudes like this make me happy to be that way.
@suspicionofdeceitshes a chick.
Dr John “Your wife got fat and it’s your fault, now do the dishes and shut up”
Amen!!
Doc follows the opinion of his viewers and not the equal perspectives of both partners. Just noise on RUclips
@@paulmaldonado5157 He gaslights this man’s legitimate feelings because it’ll go down well with this middle age female demographic. I was genuinely shocked listening to this “advice”
My thought is that as soon as she loses the weight, he will notice that she has wrinkles on her face or bags under her eyes or cellulite on her thighs and feel the same way he does about her weight gain. Sounds like he's afraid of aging. Some men need to keep switching to a younger woman because it helps them avoid facing their own aging body. They want the security of marriage but the lifestyle of a single person. I agree with John, he needs to figure if he is that man and if so, become single and stay that way.
What!?? 🤣🤣 try again…….
@@jaypos444 she’s correct
Exactly what I was thinking. He’s going to be an old man someday and then what? Are we all supposed to have the body we had in our 20s into our 80s? Especially with living a full life, birthing children, getting busy with work, raising a household, & changing life priorities? Get real dude. You either married her cause you love her soul or you didn’t.
This is why the western world marriages fail
Yes. This guy is just going to keep finding fault with her.
I would LOVE a follow up on this one! I bet, he tells her he is no longer attracted to her. They get divorced, he gets the kids every other weekend and one day during the week and she takes THAT time to go to the gym and she loses the extra pounds, she changes her hair style, and starts dating and he BEGS her to come back to him. By that time, she’s over him and has moved on and is living her best life ever.
With friends and lovers like this, who needs enemies? Very sad.
We women don't enjoy being overweight, we would love our pre baby body back as well! Sometimes there's no time. Men need to help in giving women time to go get fit. Hope he keeps himself fit as well.
That's true. When I was in my early 20's I only had myself to take care of and my bills to pay. I had plenty of time to work out, because I had lots of free time. I only brought home healthy food, and didn't have junk food in my home. Now I am in my 40's. I don't have a lot of free time to work out. That's because I work a lot of overtime to help make sure my family is well taken care of. Also, since more people live with me there are unhealthy foods being brought in the house. My husband is always bringing in junk food. When I tell him that makes it harder for me to resist it. He tells me that it doesn't bother him. But women need to try to make time though for their health. I am going to work on getting myself healthy. I miss my healthier days. ❤
I think it comes down to effort. Women want man to display effort in getting a good job. Men also decide to stop sex w other women and chose to be faithful to you, so if you just choose (I'm not saying YOU) eat burgers and donuts all day, you just making his life harder and shows you aren't thinking about his experience in life.
It's easier to lose 10 pounds than. 25 or 50. My mother, sisters and I never got fat during our pregnancies and getting fit again was something we did by eating normal portions, not snacking and choosing healthy food while we worked and raised our kids. My dad, husband and brothers-in-law all work as well. There's no time to lay or sit around so you burn calories just by staying busy.
@@jameslog3431😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 why are men so stupid.
It takes no time to get fit just stop eating
My husband told me 9 years ago, after 8 years together & 10 months married that he thought I’d let myself go, put weight on & looked a mess. He thought it would transform me into some type of Stepford Wife! Instead it drained the confidence I had and built a barrier between us. 9 years on we are together but not for much longer. I am sick of the disgusted looks he throws my way, the comments about what I’m wearing, when I should get my hair done, my eating, my exercise routine. I go to the gym & work out 5 days a week around full time work, all the housework (he doesn’t do this), the grocery shopping, meal prep. He wants a trophy wife. I never comment on his weight or looks - his body, his choice - but he never exercises, drinks most days and doesn’t watch what he eats. One rule for him, one for me apparently. He says it’s okay for men to look scruffy but I should give him something pretty to look at!! 😤
Thank you, that’s just what I’m doing - looking after myself, exercising, eating well, taking care of my skin and all the while his beer belly is expanding !
@@SarahConnor562 what diet do you follow if you don’t mind me asking? Any tips gratefully received
I’m sorry but he sounds like a sexist pig! I couldn’t live with that. I’d leave…
@@MrsS72 Paleo diet is great! Easy to follow and good for you. I lost 20 lbs doing it.
@@haolegirl7230 thank you so much, I’ll have a look today & get the right food ordered. I’m up now to do some HIIT before work & will be at the gym after work tonight x
I’ve heard of men like this but this is the first time I’ve actually heard one speak. Your response was so spot on! Thanks for the great reply!
His wife needs someone who loves her in all her seasons of life
It seems like she has someone like that, but you can't help attraction.
Wait but if he stops working, bringing in money, she would say "wtf can you go to work get a job" and if he complains "love me in all seasons, this is my relaxing season" what would you feel? Exactly, the thing women don't understand is looks do matter to men, and you don't have to lose 100 pounds but you have to show genuine effort (working out, eating better foods) of trying to look more fit than you were yesterday if you do have a weight issue.
@@jameslog3431 Did he stop working because of his ptsd from going to war, or hard labor all his life?
@trianglesandsquares420 I'd say most men stop working cause of the physical labor. But it's funny how you compared it to ptsd😂 like what if the wife just wants to eat more junk food or doesn't want to workout anymore. This guy is a fraud
@@nimbzclowd I was thinking more like what if she's finding it hard to lose the weight that she gained (fat cells don't die, they just shrink) or has hormonal changes after the pregnancy and sleepless nights that make it hard to lose fat or stop eating. The only counterpart for men would be something they can do that requires physical labor. Barring actual complications, ptsd or minor repetitive injuries are the best analogies for what she might be dealing with.
When John suggested giving her time by helping out around the house etc and the caller didn’t hear any of it, going right back to her weight, it made me mad. She deserves someone who will love her so much better
Need a lot more info before making that judgement. Every household is different and sets up the general household chores and expectations differently. As an example my wife is a stay at home homeschooling mom. Her and my children are the main caretakers of the home and chores/meals since I spend 50 hours outside the house per week working plus I'm in online school at the same time. I help when I can and part of that is giving my wife the weekend off from major meals by going out to eat, or ordering out, eating cheap in too. She cannot help me out in the literal sense, so I'm not expected to help her out unless there's been a major issue to prevent her and our kids from doing expected work around the house.
Before I decided to go to online school I usually did the laundry every week, including fold and put away. Now I get to it once in a while and I cant logically work 50 hours/week and go to school learning 15 hrs/week and try to keep my family relationships up at the same time and be expected to do all the laundry. I also handle all the bills, investing and budget updating.
And among all this, I still work out for 30 mins at least 3x/week and stay in good shape overall. The husband can have a general expectation of the same for his wife health reasons. I can tell you while I no longer really bother my wife about it, because I'm still highly attracted to her no matter that point--I still care about her health and problems have manifested due to some weight gain that's present many years after last child. I want my wife happy, feeling good and healthy. That's not wrong and should be expected of me too overall. I can't go get a beer gut and expect her to just say nothing.
He did hear it. He said "I can definitely do that" and also asked for supporting advice for communication beyond the gift of one hour a day. You have selective hearing and were looking to be offended.
Fat women are the number 1 case of unhappy marriages. Being fat is a matter of calorie intake. Control your impulses, lose the weight, it will make your life better in every possible way.
Guess we need to add until one of us gains weight to the marriage vows😢
@@droptozro look sir, most married women already know men don't and won't pull their weight in the household..... we already know the deal lol
Basically he is jealous of the other dads whose wives have made an effort to stay in shape. He said it. It’s basically about his ego.
No it’s about whether he should put up with a partner who won’t put in the work to stay in shape. The guy is the leader of their kingdom they decide what they put up with
Standards are only okay for women I guess. When men have standards it’s always evil and oppressive
But the difference probably is that those others dad's love their wives. This man doesn't love her.
It's not always about effort, pregnancy makes huge demands on the body; one of my friends almost died giving birth to their son and ended up with a condition that she was very physically limited. Fortunately for her she was married to a mature adult who loved and supported her, accepting that pregnancy wreaked havoc on her body.
Is it then okay for a woman in her 40s or 50s to dump a balding, overweight husband who has worked hard all their life to provide for his family? To my mind both of these situations are equally despicable.
@@jayaitch2194 yeah keep using that one extreme example to apply to all women. Idiotic argument.
My husband has lost his legs, fingers , put on weight being stuck in wheelchair. He looks nothing like he did when i met him and yet... he has never had to worry about me loving him. Love is not in the body , it is so so much deeper. It is clear to me that this man from the clip does not love his wife. She is an accessory to him. Its heartbreaking ... ❤
My husband took pictures of my stomach at the table while I sat hunched over TWO WEEKS AFTER DELIVERY and asked me to explain what was happening to my body. I was young and immediately started feeling bad for my weight gain. I WAS ABOUT 130 pounds AND AM 5’6”.
Be careful, that is so shallow and lacking in empathy that it seems possible he may have a personality disorder - not necessarily, but start observing because it can take a while to identify it and decide on whether to stay or go. Study up on personality disorders. To be sure to be considering the whole picture and how you might be contributing, it can also be good to watch for these characteristics in ourselves - most people have some characteristics, and couples sometimes are attracted due to complementary symptoms.
Oh my gosh Hannah🙈😢 that's horrible I'm so sorry
That's cruel.
Oh my gosh thats awful. You don't deserve that girl
Girl Im 5'5 and I haven't weighed 130 since I was like 14 you're fine. Society is shallow AF.
Hearing things like this make me appreciate my husband so much more. Glad he has loved me through all of the peaks and valleys of our marriage.
I hate my own body after babies. Stretch mark, c-section scar. I lost my pregnancy weight and some more, but Post pregnancy my stomach didn't go back to being tight. He haz been totally loving the whole time. It's helped me accept my body and keep improving.
THIS is the only comment I support here. You focused on what you could control (losing the baby weight) and your husband still loves you for the things you can’t control (stretch marks/scar)
The people acting like having a baby makes it okay to gain 60 lbs of fat are insane
You lost the weight though that's what matters. Of course your stomach won't be tight again but I don't think anyone cares about that
I experienced the same. C-sections weaken the core, it's very challenging to recover. I'm grateful my husband never cared about how squishy my belly was afterwards. I work out now because I want to stay fit, no other reason and that's how it should be for us.
Ny biggest fear as a man is ending up chained to someone who morphs into someone I feel no passion or desire for, and feel uninspired to protect or provide for.
Women, be very careful about who you have kids with. If they aren’t willing to share housework and childcare responsibilities to give you time, they don’t need the gift of your womb.
And if they don’t have the money to afford outside help in their place, keep it moving.
There are many good men out there that understand time and lack of stress are hue building blocks to long lasting beauty and warmth. Go for them and leave the rest alone.
Don't marry the man who judges your body harshly. They always let you know but you just need to pay attention. I had a man say to me "You won't get fat because none of the women in your family are fat, good wife material". Told my mother and she lost it. I'm 100% happy I noped out of that relationship later.
A man should be out busy working not sharing childcare responsibility. It's not 50/50. A man should take the majority of the burden of work and providing, a woman should take on the majority of the burden of childcare. Call me old fashioned.
@@eirikram I agree
@@eirikram should, should, should. I don’t care what your relationships look like, but please stay out of mine.
P.S. glad you’re in the minority in America able to pay all bills and raise a family on only 1 income. Must be nice to be the 5%.
@@eirikram If they can afford to do so.
I gained 55 pounds during my pregnancy, starting at slightly underweight for my height. I’ve lost all but 12 pounds now, 3.5 months postpartum. The thing is, I exercised 5 days a week and ate healthy, ate hardly any junk, only ate the 300-500 extra calories you’re supposed to while pregnant. My OBGYN was at a complete loss as to why I was gaining so much weight. Turns out about 30 pounds of it was fluid and 9 pounds was baby haha. Bottom line you can do everything right and you still gain a lot of weight. Give women grace, they just grew a human.
Yep. I worked with a woman who had intense HG with her pregnancy - she'd be standing in the breakroom, tears streaming, forcing herself to eat a banana. She threw up SO much at work. She still gained 50 pounds. She lost quite a bit after she had her daughter, but I don't think this woman was able to completely digest a full meal throughout her pregnancy.
I gained about that with my last kid. Thing about me is it takes about 2 years for me to lose the weight because of hormonal changes and fluctuations. Also time is an issue the first year. My son is about 21 months now and I only just began to lose weight. Now it will go quickly. But there are a lot of other factors than just time, eating right and exercising when it comes to losing baby weight.
Seriously we gotta appreciate more about women and what they have to give up to have children. You have to love them regardless of the physical and really your love should grow because of what they’ve accomplished as a woman. Sure you might not want to have sex anymore and that’s totally fine but you should still love them because it’s still your woman ❤
Yes! I had twins and then a single 19 months later. I also have diastasis recti & coning which limits my workouts. I gained 50lbs with the twins and 30 with the single. I’ve managed to get within 10-15lbs (depends on the day) of my pre-pregnancy weight. These final pounds are kicking my butt! Also, my weak stomach muscles & extra skin make me look like I’m 6 months pregnant. I’m 5’8” and 155lbs. It’s very frustrating and with 3 toddlers, I’m exhausted!!
@@vsand9798them letting you sleep is a huge factor too. You can't lose weight with crap sleep
John was right. It’s not about attraction, it’s about if he still loves her. If he loved her, he wouldn’t even call in to ask this question. He really needs to decide if he is willing to still be with her whether she is fit or not.
Its crazy that the issues of love always come up AFTER children are born.
I think some people fall in love with how someone looks which is fine for a while. But if you just rely on that what do you do when looks fade? What do you do if your spouse gets sick or gets disfigured?
@@miamichaels5999 The difference is her weight is within her control.
@@amerlin388 And the love is in his control. If he doesn't love her enough he needs to leave.
@@miamichaels5999 Go check out Pearl Davis's (JustPearly) of this John Delony episode.
My spouse has always been attracted to me, after kids, weight gain, stretch marks, hair loss, when I went through post partum depression, months when I didn’t shower for weeks and wore sweatpants…through it all, he has always wanted me, which even I didn’t understand. Unconditional love. This man seems to be under the impression that people stay the same forever and never change.