The 17 Secrets to a Successful Relationship
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- Опубликовано: 1 авг 2023
- It’s often said that no one can ever really say what a good relationship is, let alone draw up a checklist for a prospective one. We politely disagree…
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“It’s often said that no one can ever really say what a good relationship is, let alone draw up a checklist for a prospective one. We politely disagree:
1. Pick someone you feel profoundly grateful ever decided to look your way. Start from a sense that you are the lucky one - and that they are superior (the truth is irrelevant).
2. Make sure you fancy them. Check out that you have compatible areas of perversion - and little interest being normal in bed.
3. Allow yourselves both to admit, from an early stage, that you are ‘mad’; heavily distorted by your pasts, unable to understand yourselves, prone to irrational assumptions - and unsteady in your assessments of reality.
4. Make apology the most regular of occurrences. Say sorry about everything all the time and reduce the price of an admission to almost zero.
5. Remove all pride from your character. You were an idiot then, you are an idiot now, you will be an idiot tomorrow. There’s no other option for a human being. Make jokes.
6. Regularly explore how you have disappointed one another. Let them sometimes hate you and you them. Don’t be frightened by anger moderately expressed. The enemy of love is stifled emotion, not maturely explored authenticity. Listen very carefully when they tell you how they feel.
7. Never describe them categorically as this or that (insulting trait). Only ever say: I feel you are this or that… Observe the difference.
8. Get good at sensing the fear beneath your angry moods, then express the fear gently rather than acting out the anger.
9. Reduce expectations of perfection. It’s going to get horrible at times. Allow for major frustrations. You will want to kill them and they you. Don’t.
10. Accept you will have crushes on others. Let them wash over you - and, if the mood is right, share them with the partner.
11. If there are children, recognise that love will suffer hugely. Look forward to properly picking up the baton again in 15 years.
12. Become the sort of person who has no embarrassment about being ‘needy.’ Accept the child in you and look after their needs in the relationship.
13. Read up about attachment theory - and keep the concepts close at hand.
14. Stop being defensive; stop needing to maintain a proud hold on your own dignity. Laugh continually at your foolishness - and apologise for it.
15. Accept that they can’t save you from your own disturbances. Try to be happy in yourself and if you are not, don’t redirect the blame. Observe how often your rocky patches are projected versions of your own life crises. Get a therapist.
16. Don’t expect everything from love.
17. Be very prepared (though reluctant) to leave. Remain out of choice, never desperation.
“
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“Let them sometimes hate you, and you them. Don’t be frightened by anger moderately expressed. The enemy of love is stifled emotion, not maturely-explored authenticity.”
If they hate you then they are emotional abusers and you should end the relationship unless they apologise and stop doing it
@@MetalCooking666 My relationship lasted 10 years, about 9 years too many, because she was never able to actually love me, but never told me so. If she were more honest, I would have been able to abandon hope earlier, instead of clinging to the ambiguity.
This is NOT about accepting hatred, this is about being honest and discover if there's a way to turn that hatred FOR SOME SMALL PART OF YOU into something positive and constructive. Keeping it repressed, like you apparently do with those you love, is the real abuse, because it will turn into resentment and real harm over time. Tell people if there's something you can't accept in that relationship. You can either work on it together or go your separate ways, and they're both better than not saying anything.
@@TheDahaka1 this is the same reply you gave to another comment I made so I will leave the discussion there.
simply AWESOME! on point
Ayoo
Thank you for this
My number 18 would be: never criticize your partner in front of others (I see this so much and I think it’s very sad and destructive), and 19 would be to do small things for each other with much enthusiasm. I love to get my husband a glass of water before bed, or make sure his favourite shirt is clean, or buy him a treat while I’m grocery shopping. I am very happy to do these things, and they make him happy, and then he’s happy to do the same for me. A beautiful cycle! ❤️
You have real love . You really know that
Actually Love means serve and not to be served.
Beautiful 🥹
As someone who come from roasting culture, i like to make light and make jokes of my partners deficiencies and so does he with mine and it’s part of a banter. You or others might view that as “criticism” but for is it’s poking fun at reality and it’s something we’re constantly working on but is cool with bantering abt. i 100% agree with your 19th rule
@@airamina7293 I totally agree that playful fun-poking can be healthy and isn’t necessarily a bad thing! My partner and I do the same - I was talking more about nitpicking or nagging your partner in front of others, in a much more serious tone. ✌️
Only people who have Narcissistic Personality Disorder would do that.
No normal person would ever criticise their loved one in-front of other people. That is just sadistic.
“Be very prepared (though reluctant) to leave. Remain out of choice, never desperation.”
ahh i felt that.
I am not a native English speaker so I didn’t really understood this last one... could you help me get a better concept? To make the idea clearer?
@@Carmen-mp3je Be able to leave a bad relationship, but first try to communicate with your partner and fix issues before doing so. If you can't do that, you must make the choice whether to stay or to leave and accept the consequences for either choice you decide to make. Don't stay with someone because you think you won't be able to find someone else. Have an "abundance" mindset versus a "scarcity" mindset. There will always be another person.
@@Carmen-mp3je It could be rephrased as "Be ready if you need to leave, but don't be excited about being ready." It shows that you are with your partner because you want to be with them because you like them, not because you need them to provide for your safety and security.
@@Tomezilla514 True, to a limited extent. The grass is not greener about half the time. In which case, leaving will develop it's own pattern and problems.
I don't understand what it means, can you explain ? (not english native lanngage=
1. Pick someone you feel profoundly grateful ever decided to look your way. Start from a sense that you are the lucky one.
2. Make sure you fancy them intimately.
3. Allow yourselves both to admit from an early stage that you are ‘mad’.
4. Make apology the most regular of occurrences.
5. Remove all pride from your character.
6. Regularly explore how you have disappointed one another. Let them sometimes hate you, and you them.
7. Never describe them categorically as this or that. (i.e. “I feel like you’re being unfair”, not “You’re being unfair”)
8. Get good at sensing the fear beneath your angry moods, then express the fear gently rather than acting out the anger.
9. Reduce expectations of perfection.
10. Accept you will have crushes on others.
11. If there are children, recognize that love will suffer hugely.
12. Become the sort of person who has no embarrassment about being ‘needy’.
13. Read up about attachment theory.
14. Stop being defensive.
15. Accept that they can’t save you from your own disturbances.
16. Don’t expect everything from love.
17. Be very prepared (though reluctant) to leave.
❤ appreciate your kindness 😊
I'm good with all but crushes-what does that even mean? I expect, and give 💯% of my heart. Fear expressed through only invites negativity and confusion for the other person. I never hate even those whom most would expect me to. It is an unhealthy emotion. I cannot hate the person I hold dear in my heart. Anger is natural and essential but needs to be communicated in a safe non+threatening
Fear expressed through anger and with verbal abuse is not conducive to a healthy and safe long-term relationship.
@SteelHorse-gh5cd From my perspective, it seems like they are talking about lust. Lust is primal to me, and it's unavoidable. The world is filled with attractive people who will come up occasionally on our social media apps or in shows/movies. When I see a beautiful woman and I'm out with my current/ ex-boyfriend, I will say she's beautiful. I'm not offended if he looks her way. I trust him completely. A crush will past. If we didn't learn this life lesson ourselves, then I'll share my experience. Getting with your crush does not equal lifetime happiness. The attraction is usually physical and we tend to form an image of the crush as someone more fitting to our needs without knowing the individual more. Upon getting to know our crush, some people lose interest because there's no chemistry or common interests. Many of us prefer to have a physical, emotional, soul, etc connection with our partner. In time, a lot of individuals learn that looks alone will not fulfill their needs in a relationship.
But, we should all do what makes us happy.
My current/ex partner has difficulty with letting go his pride. It's why we are in relationship limbo. And it's probably why this relationship will end. Don't let your pride ruin your happiness. Stay blessed everyone 💞
Lust is primal and intense but in my humble opinion does not always exist separate from love.
18. Strive, every moment, to approach your partner (and the world) with curiosity and wonder, rather than judgment.
If people don’t want to be judged then they should stop being assholes
beautifully said!
"The enemy of love is stifled emotion, not maturely explored authenticity." Beautifully said.
Beautifully said but woefully misguided. I don’t go around telling people I love that I hate them. It’s emotional abuse.
@@MetalCooking666 My relationship lasted 10 years, about 9 years too many, because she was never able to actually love me, but never told me so. If she were more honest, I would have been able to abandon hope earlier, instead of clinging to the ambiguity.
This is NOT about accepting hatred, this is about being honest and discover if there's a way to turn that hatred FOR SOME SMALL PART OF YOU into something positive and constructive. Keeping it repressed, like you apparently do with those you love, is the real abuse, because it will turn into resentment and real harm over time. Tell people if there's something you can't accept in that relationship. You can either work on it together or go your separate ways, and they're both better than not saying anything.
@@TheDahaka1 I don’t keep hatred repressed, I just don’t feel it. I don’t understand where you are getting that from.
I agree that you should have left that relationship earlier, but that doesn’t seem relevant to what we are discussing here.
The most charitable interpretation that I can think of is that you think you should be honest about how you feel, even if it’s negative, so that you either resolve a problem without allowing it to fester and turn into resentment or walk away. If that’s the case, then sure - I agree. But that’s not the same as *hating* someone. Being annoyed, angry, upset or frustrated with someone =/= *hating* them.
@@MetalCooking666 The video talks about "sometimes hating them". That does not mean actually hating them, but being deeply annoyed at something they've done or said, and that happens in every single relationship. Hate might be a stronger word than you like, but it expresses the feeling that many people have in otherwise loving relationships, and if they're there, not talking about them brings only more suffering down the line.
You said that you don't tell that you hate something about them to people you love, that's what makes me think that you try to push down complaints and negative emotions instead of talking to them about it. If you don't and you're actually incapable of feeling any sort of deep negative (momentary) emotion about the people you love, then you might be the most accepting person on the planet and this video is not for you, but for almost anyone else these are excellent suggestions.
@@TheDahaka1 if it doesn’t mean actually hating them then Alain shouldn’t have used that word.
I never said you should repress anger, so this is a straw man
I find that most problems in life - and in relationships - are that as humans we are extremely prone to jumping to conclusions. And very often our conclusions are quite wrong. Which leads to destructive thoughts and actions. Dont jump to a conclusion ever - ask!
I am guilty of doing this. My man has difficulty clearly communicating but I don't help matters when I assume he means something when that has not been overtly stated. I need some communication from him directly using his words to let me know he cares. Right now, I feel very unclear and love him dearly. Due to his inability to communicate I am left wondering if he cares at all and if he is just playing me for a fool.
@@SteelHorse-gh5cd same, but I'm still here loving him.
What saved my marriage? We quit drinking. And I stopped watching sports 15 hours every weekend. Never been happier. Instead of sitting in front of a tv drinking a beer, we spend time together. We play lots of couple games. "Lovify" being our personal favorite. We guess each other expectations on Lovify to understand each other better. We go to the range on the weekends and I go to hobby lobby with her. Life is great 💗
Possible #18 - Choose someone who you could see as one of your best friends. You can laugh, be yourself, and share things with, without fearing judgement. You actually look forward to seeing them.
Instructions unclear, got friendzoned
This one only works if you laid out the ground rules that you're looking for a relationship and that intentions have already been communicated.
@@nicholaswojtyna6788 Yup just nearly got friendzoned til I decided to be upfront about it, luckily they kinda suspected awhile and it wasnt a complete shocker and thankfully I didnt get rejected.
I feel like rule number 18 is a combination of a few of the rules in this video
18. Something I learned in couples counseling is to always be open to learning from your partner and about your partner. This helps mutual respect grow and for the the relationship to evolve positively. When you’re able to teach each other things you’re not too well versed in, you learn so much more about yourself and each other.
That's the Michelangelo thingy, right?
Relationship goals with normal people.
You're Spot on .... but there is one thing :( ..... look arround ..... people are getting mad , toxic and crazy, good luck on those who are looking for a longterm relationship
Keyword: normal 😂
Keyword: normal
This is relationship goals in general. Not with normal people. Normal is subjective.
Normal? That's a thinker but definitely something I am striving for in any future relationship. I only want peace, love, happiness and no matter what loyalty and honesty. Without the last two there is no relationship.
How could we ever live without Alan's voice and guidance?
"The enemy of love is stifled emotion, not maturely explored authenticity."
Man, so true
Sort yourself out before getting into a relationship. Many of us have childhood trauma that causes bad traits. These bad traits can cause relationship damage over time. Some of us think we don't have trauma because we are good at covering it up but sometimes if you look carefully you might realize you actually do. Figure it out, heal the trauma. Don't drag that trauma into a relationship. If you are already in a relationship it isn't too late to fix that trauma. It could do your relationship the world of good.
I am doing exactly this and I pray my partner will do the same. He has many issues and/or hang-ups because of many unhealthy prior relationships. For example, the mother of his children sounds toxic but due to his love of kids he will always have to be in a relationship with her. She sounds controlling and I worry he will never be able to commit to any other lady honestly and openly. I don't like to see him manipulated because he loves his kids and never wants harm or unhappiness for them.
Everybody has childhood trauma, not just some. Our parents did the best they could but everyone fucks up, unfortunately. For some people it takes a lifetime to heal that trauma. Does that mean they don't deserve to love and to be loved? I think we all deserve love and relationship can be a great space and power to evolve, and sometimes grow through another person and the lessons that relationships bring with them, as long as you're willing to put the effort. Although it is important to acknowledge your traumas and put actual effort to working through them, it doesn't mean you should stay single for the rest of your life because of your traumas. It's just not realistic.
This is so encouraging because my wife and I are still happily married and everything in this list is my outlook on our relationship. Some I’ve/we’ve learned and some I/we came into the relationship with. But, we have realized that we are truly meant for each other.
I love 16 and 17, reminding us that love is not always how we imagine them to be.. and that leaving when a relationship is no longer growing is still a testament of love, in its liberating form.
“You were an idiot then, you’re the idiot now, you will be an idiot tomorrow. There’s no other option for a human being.” I really like this one 😆
My #18 would be listen without expectation.
When I did an assessment of my closest friends of 30+ years as well as my wife I realized that we did not have many similar interests, a few sure but not many. On a trip of self discovery I realized often people listen to others for what they want or expect to hear, or merely listen till it's their turn to talk.
I don't know how else to explain it, but when my wife and I listen to each other. Are there things we would like to hear, sure. But there's no expectation, their words are part of who they are and as we accept each other for who we are. The words are not held to an expected script. Yes we disagree, and agree, and laugh, and cry. We are surprised by each other and do as expected.
When I think of the difference in relationships that didn't work out I feel that was the big thing. In their heads or mine at the time there was an expected script as opposed to just listening without expectation or judgement.
I would never share my crushes with my partner. I don't see any reason to tell him I have feelings for another man. What would that do for him? It would make him feel sad and I think you guys missed the mark here. Just my opinion.
I really never have crushes. I'm an all or nothing kind of person as far as romantic relationships go.
Me too@@SteelHorse-gh5cd
How you can tell the difference between a crush and actual emotional cheating on your partner? Not implying anything, I'm just curious, as I had a disagreement in this area with my ex-wife (which tells a lot, about how our disagreement went in this area)...
I agree that all of these make for a healthy relationship - EXCEPT sharing your crushes. 🤦♀️ I would wholly recommend not doing that.
My spouse and I did this and it helped see what we were missing or avoiding with each other. There’s a healthy way to do it. I feel the point is to remain transparent and truthful with your partner and not hide these type of things.
How would you handle it if he had to be around the girl though?
@@erinsuzy613 I don’t know what you’re asking, exactly - how would I handle being in the presence of both my husband and a woman he had a harmless crush on? I wouldn’t know, and she wouldn’t know, so… 🤷🏻♀️
@@marie-marie9645 I respectfully disagree. Perhaps there are partnerships that could benefit from sharing this information with each other - but I would bet that most would not, and would instead suffer. Human beings are fragile and sensitive creatures - we are already constantly comparing ourselves to others, we don’t need to know that our partner may be doing the same thing.
Also, a quality your partner might be admiring in another person, be it physical or a personality trait, may be unavailable to you for a myriad of reasons. I just think it’s risking hurting your partner, and keeping these things to yourself is completely healthy and harmless.
I heard this one and was like nope... This one is going to hurt a partner who has been cheated on or betrayed. Leave your crushes to yourself. Why would a partner need to hear that you have feelings for someone else? This is just wrong.
Beautifully said, certainly in relationship listening is important, listening without judgement or giving unsolicited advice, listening is good enough and compassion.
Finally relationships are not forever and rarely lasts. So financial never depend on anyone.
Here this might help…awareness is the first step, practice is the next:
*Quick Verbage Reference*
Counter successfully
1) Avoid direct advice with “Have you considered…”
2) “I understand you see it that way, however, I see it differently.”
3) Sandwich the bad, between the good
4) “That’s a very good point, and I would like to add…
5) “What I’m trying to get across is…a nuance…”
6) “Can I ask you a question?”
Reflecting skills / active listening
1) “That’s interesting, why would you say that? Feel that? Think that?”
2) “So what you are saying is…”
3) Clearly identify the emotion the speaker is attempting to convey (if there is one). Empathize. Validate, if possible.
“I’m so sorry that happened to you. How do you feel about what happened?”
4) “What I’m hearing is…”
5) “How are you feeling about…? today?”
To say I’ve seen each of these things at in my relationship already at the age of 18, even if it was only a few times for some, makes me feel so happy and lucky to be with the partner I have. We’re so young and we still have years ahead of us to learn; I’m ready to take on all the ups and downs, and I’m excited to see where we end up in the future. He’s my light, my rock, my biggest encourager and comfort when I need someone to lean on. I’m perfectly aware of the fact that no one is perfect but that only makes me love him more.
If you’re saying sorry all the time for things that aren’t your fault, having the mindset that they are the superior one and you just got lucky, and acting needy about your lacks before at least trying to learn how to address them in a way that doesn’t affect your relationship, eventually you’ll lose your partner’s respect.
you are missing the reciprocity
@@hannafriesen5113 of course, that’s a must. If you only take but don’t give back, you’ll end up alone sooner or later
It’s hard having a relationship with siblings because they are afflicted with the same childhood issues (often, unaware). I call it “the dad disease”. So, if relationships are like “two porcupines trying to hug each other”, when it comes to immediate family members, it’s best to find the right distance to do so. Not too close, not too far. Good luck!
Oh man, your comment within the supposed romantic context of this video had me VERY confused.
😂 That advice is golden! ❤️ My brother and I are definitely two porcupines! 😂 I love the analogy. Going to team your advice with the line "Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and myself too." Not too close, not too far... 👍
And don't have children with your siblings, it makes stuff quite complicated.
lolz.
@@TheJaseku - you perv! 🤣
alABaMA!
Or, 17 ways to become a good, mentally healthy and balanced person who recognizes that not everything has to be perfect and rosy for life to be good. Loved this!
Not everybody is meant to be in a relationship. Life has a different plan for everyone and some may die without ever having been with someone. Some couples no matter how healthy their relationship is end up splitting due to different reasons while there are toxic relationships that are still together. So life works in mysterious ways.
Yes
@@paprikamutseactually sounds like you havent been in a long term one
@@paprikamutseSounds like you just don’t know about life.
@@paprikamutseYou are the type of guy that gets a girlfriend and thinks he is better than everyone who is single.
I don't think you should be thinking about if you're meant to be in a relationship or not. Instead, look to be kind and have fun with the people around you; a (good) relationship will come naturally. If you're forcing things, it won't. Regardless if you fancy relationships or situationships, placing yourself in a box that will ultimately limit you, I feel it's a net negative in the long term, and you might just be looking for labels with meaning where there might be none.
I dont agree with a lot of these.
Saying sorry all of the time is really bad for you and it takes all meaning from the word sorry.
Never share your crush on someone else unless you are prepared to leave the current relationship. You can talk about attraction but not a crush, know the difference.
I do however agree to not take things too personal so that feelings can be explored and to not get stagnated.
So anger moderately expressed to be heard is a very good one.
Like pretty much everything you folks at the School of Life produce, this is simple, direct, profound, wise, funny, brilliant, and otherwise excellent. The ability to take incredibly complex subjects and identify and outline the essential components is difficult and rare, and I really appreciate how often you all do just that. Thank you. : )
Oh #6 and #7 are so darn important! And oh oh oh #12 had me all emotional - I used to be embarrassed of being needy, but then learnt with someone it's OK cuz they have their needs too.
the whole world needs to see this video and this channel!
This is hands down one of the most helpful and validating videos I've ever seen on the topic of relationships
18. Focus on inter communication and interlocution. Make sure there is gender equalness. This is the way of purity. 😇
I would say don't make your partner read the tea leaves regarding yourself and your inner life. Clearly express your thoughts and feelings.
This one. I wanna scream this from the rooftops. Say what you want. Say what hurts you. Say what you're afraid of. Say what you love about them. Say what bothers you.
Then look for the people who are okay with you being this level of open.
@@torreykatindeed... This level of maturity and security would have helped me in my relationships. But, I was always too timid to speak up... However, I've worked on voicing my opinions and releasing attachments to what people think about me... I'm not quite there yet, but the awareness has also helped me realize I'm not yet ready for a serious relationship... There's hope for me yet. 😉
I would have restated #1 but agree wholeheartedly with many others. Especially #17. It gives you freedom to express yourself, with love.
Yesterday I was in Berlin in Lychener Straße and sadly yout shop was closed. I loved all the book titles and cardgames displayed. Thank you for your soothing voice and your ideas. Your video on forgiveness saved my relationship on vacation lately. Thank you, Alain. Greetings from Leipzig
Yasmin
I could listen to Alain's voice until the end of time.
Agreed
I will return to this every so often to refresh my outlook on my love
I already practice almost all of these... Makes me feel good to know I'm on the right track.
This is by far the best video from SoL. I appreciate the sobering, yet melancholic truth of this
You are amazing people and your content is life saving. Thank you
This is great advice. Genuinely be mature and respectful. Keep an open mind and heart. Open communication. Communication is so huge, talk to your partner openly and without judgement. You should be so comfortable and confident that nothing is taboo. Never forget what it was that brought you together. Keep that up.
Take a walk together, drink a cup of tea together, wake up with a cup of coffee together, read together, watch a film together. And talk, listening to each other.
That's good advice and very true. Relationships have to be developed and invested in, built up. And that comes through positive shared experiences, ways in which you continue to get to know each other. And your last point is super crucial. Feeling heard and understood, understanding and hearing your partner, is essential. And that doesn't mean you necessarily agree or that you have to give up your turn to share what you think and feel.
This is an absolutely incredible channel or amazing content ❤ Thanks! Would be amazing to hear more about the process of this channel.
It's so amazing how they pack so much into so little.
Thank you for this!
Another comforting video, thank you!
Thank you for turning this into a video! 😊
Thank you for another insightful video
Thank you for this.
Alain always makes me so happy and serene.
I just heard of School Of Life this evening. This is the second video I am seeing and I am subscribing. Powerful video, IMO. I will watch this again when my husband and I (together 36 years) can watch together.
Thank you very much.
It is so great to have Alain de Botton narrate the video!
Fantastic videos... always! Thank you.
I've followed all of these except the first and it's a thorn in my side
Human nature beautifully explained in such a amusing way, I enjoyed every second of it! ❤
Very well done, thank you
Thanks to the school of life crew for yet another masterpiece.
Many thanks for watching
I suppose this is our primary difference... We do not have to love exclusively from places of pity, feelings of being pathetic, or from places of loathing. Yes I do embrace the realism that does love and accept all our flaws. But we may love one another also from places of triumph, pride and glory.
Yes ❤
I can say, my relationship is perfect.
Proud moment for me. I love this channel thanks. 😎💖
Thank you, all are true❤
Yes, very helpful, some err interesting: point two 🙂,. but it lacks ONE very important point: spirituality !! Which helps enormously to control ego and pacify the mind... Old school saying goes like "If they pray together will stay together" ! OMMM, Greetings from Polska.
I agree to all of them except the one about having other crushes.😅
Thank you!
Wow, such value, such economy. Much love, brother :)
The biggest obstacle to being close is fear. Fear that you might get hurt, fear you might hurt the other; I believe the most important thing is to dive in, even if the result may betray you. Since it is our only, specific, destinated life to love.
Real Love means never being afraid. There are many people who use the word loosely, or overuse it. I use it the way I believe it was intended to convey a depth of feeling, a commitment, a choice I have made to act with concern for the well-being of another and with my only goal being to bring them happiness and do whatever I can do to help them in any way possible.
True love and the word betrayal do not belong in the same sentence. Never forget that.
The fact that there are 17 things to check for make me feel a lot better for my failure rate with 5-10 item lists.
I love when your narrate
Thank u for this I'm finally going to find someone 😊
Wishing you the very best of luck!
Thank you for removing (or delaying) the narrated commercial that started 0.1 seconds after the video ended. It was unsettling.
Not sure about number 1. I feel like I’m lucky but she’s also lucky. I’m also a good match and I think one should see themselves as good as the partner. A healthy self esteem reduces the number of expectations on the other person. Because you are also capable of taking care of yourself. If you think you’re only the lucky one it leads to idealizing and that’s not too good. Also if you feel you’re the lucky one and it’s the wrong person you’re doomed. You need to have a good perspective of yourself to know when it’s fair to walk away. Otherwise you justify invasion of your boundaries just because how lucky you are to find this person and no one is perfect.
useful lesson❤❤❤, thanks!
First video about relationships I already follow like 100%
Lol, well written video, great insights, thank you!
SINGLE AGENT HAPPY MIND LIFE STYLE..Thank you very much.
Number 3 sums it all up..
the best video The School of Life has made !
Thanks!
I would also say approach the relationship earnestly and with positive intent. If you find yourself lying or even being manipulative about the relationship you probably have a more serious problem and you should address that rather than cover it with antisocial Behavior.
Thank you
Don't date someone you wouldn't marry. You might fall in love with someone who is not good for you or maybe you have a baby with them and get stuck with someone you wouldn't have chosen to marry. Have a non-negotiable list that you have written down of values and characteristics in a partner that are non-negotiable. E.g. they must treat everyone, regardless of who they are, with kindness and respect. The way they treat the waiter today is how they will treat you tomorrow. Be picky when it comes to values and character. If someone does not meet one of your non-negotiables do not even go on a date with them.
agree with all, apart from the crushes one.
The greatest advice I ever heard. I been losing myself lately with anger and hate past 2 years. I suffer from ADHD and child neglect so I don't have a lot help to go to. You're video simplified many of problems. Thank you brother
Even the part about letting your partner tell you they hate you?
Is there an eighteenth secret you would add? Let us know in the comments
Rapture and Repair!
Don’t lose yourself in a relationship, your self identity is important to keep and develop Not to get buried.
18. Accept that they, like you, are an adult, and limiting your own or anyone else is not love, it's control. Let go of all control, and accept what is. Let your partner stay on their own terms, and because of who you are. Not because of what you do or say.
19. Take the risk by oversharing, never hold the truth of how you feel inside, of what you want inside. Don't expect the other to respond in a way you'd want, but hope they'll listen and want to understand. Do the same to them.
I would also suggest that 4. would benefit from additional qualification;; saying sorry for everything makes saying sorry meaningless. Only say sorry when you know what you're saying sorry for. Be curious to find out how you've wronged them.
Beep beep lettuce
18. Show interest in their interests.
19. Travel together!
wow everyone on the planet needs to see this - xo, a therapist
Three was just so funny. Because it's true. Five was amusing as well.
18: Choose a partner you'd wanna be friends with - even if you weren't attracted to him.
I'm lucky to have found a man I was friends with first and always felt drawn to and finally let myself go where my heart and body led me and it is so worth it!
hey! I loved the video! Would it be possible to keep the video in the large screen until the end? :)
Looking at this list, I wonder how many good deeds one had to do from 7 past lives in order to be thus level of clarity and self awareness, and powerball lotto luck, to be in a success relationship described here.
man i love this channel
i just entered a relationship with this incredible woman and i'll definitely listen to these advices
Man I entered into a relationship with this crazy fucker ❤ and I couldn't be happier to have found this advice and comments.
I think that a setup in which you "feel lucky a person looked your way" creates a pretext of lack of self worth, and that is not a good base to have any relationship in your life. This would be a potentially dangerous advice to some.
Always value yourself and all you have to offer. You are a prize.❤
Very comforting ;)
But who says life is easy! 🎉
I think the last one is the most important one and something very hard to accept and inculcate
Right on!
0:52 I use this one ! It's a very wise thing to do
I think more people need to live by number 17, tbh
Thanks 🤎
Suggest #18 as: if you feel you can't share this article with your partner, without conflict, then please review #17
love this
the last one gets really close to home, since I depend on my partner for financial needs
Incredible ❤
Simply brilliant video! No words.
I loved it.