Rachael, thank you for all your vids. Here's a different take on why I'm holding on. My wife and I are 52 and have been married 24 years. We have 4 children (two still living at home). We have been separated for about 1 year and living in different houses. She initiated the separation and said that she wanted a divorce but has not moved forward with it. Nor has she backed off on separation and is not interested in reconciliation. She occasionally gets a little accusatory and abrasive in text but we have been able to maintain a strained civility and are able to coordinate time with the kids, bills etc. I am holding on because I made a vow to her, God, friends, family etc. that I would love her and forsake all others till death do us part. I will not leave her. If she moves forward with divorce, I will not hire a lawyer. I will not engage in an angry bitter, destructive legal battle. I will not turn my back on half of my life loving her and treat her like the enemy. I will not fight for my benefit and at her expense. I will forfeit all financial assets. The house, the cars, the 401K. Even my monthly veterans disability check. Why? Because, I will not be made the villain. She doesn't want everything. She's more than willing to give me half. She's not a bad person. It would make her feel better if she thought I was going to be ok. She says she still wants to be friends. How do you destroy everything and still want to be friends? I will lose everything but my integrity. I will take the high ground. I will do the right thing. At least that's what I've been telling myself for almost a year now. I'm trying to avoid being manipulative or controlling. Only time will tell if I stick to it or if I'm the A-hole.
How are you doing now? I'm sorry for the slow reply, I've fallen behind in these comments. I can see you have a very clear set of values you are holding on to. All I will say is this - loving yourself doesn't detract from loving her. Taking care of yourself is not an act of war against her. You don't have to sacrifice everything but your integrity to be a good man during a divorce. In fact, given what you've shared here, I doubt that you're capable of being anything but loving, fair and generous. But that doesn't mean you have to destroy your own future.
@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach thank you for the reply, you certainly don't owe me an apology. I'm sure that you get absolutely buried in all this. You wrote, "I doubt that you're capable of being anything but loving, fair and generous." Thank you also for the benefit of the doubt but the truth is that I've got more than my fair share of flaws and faults. I spent 20 years in a job that I hated and slowly but surely, I let it destroy me. Add to that a bunch of other life struggles and eventually she decided that she'd had enough. Life has changed, I have changed. But it was too little too late. I'm not destroying my future. My future is destroying me. Thanks again for your reply and all that you do.
@@geraldyungling3334 you're welcome. You seem to have a lot of hard won self awareness. Hold on to that resolve that you're not destroying your future. You do have more power than you may know to make the future different from the past. You just have to keep doing different things than you did before. One of my favorite business coaches, James Wedmore, says it well, "What got you here, won't get you there." You're already doing things differently from the sound of it... so you must be headed somewhere new. Thanks for watching and for chatting with me here.
Is there such a thing as two people working on an issue or a problem in a marriage as opposed to the person with the problem seeking advice from friends and male coworkers? What happened to a wife coming to her husband with problems shes having or issues with him. For God sake she married you! Now you are the enemy?
Thank you for being here, for watching and sharing. You can do it. Fear and despair are very real and can feel debilitating... and yet you can do this. There is not only light on the other side, but a better, richer life more full of love, if you continue to lean into this with openness.
Rachael, thank you for all your vids. Here's a different take on why I'm holding on. My wife and I are 52 and have been married 24 years. We have 4 children (two still living at home). We have been separated for about 1 year and living in different houses. She initiated the separation and said that she wanted a divorce but has not moved forward with it. Nor has she backed off on separation and is not interested in reconciliation. She occasionally gets a little accusatory and abrasive in text but we have been able to maintain a strained civility and are able to coordinate time with the kids, bills etc. I am holding on because I made a vow to her, God, friends, family etc. that I would love her and forsake all others till death do us part. I will not leave her. If she moves forward with divorce, I will not hire a lawyer. I will not engage in an angry bitter, destructive legal battle. I will not turn my back on half of my life loving her and treat her like the enemy. I will not fight for my benefit and at her expense. I will forfeit all financial assets. The house, the cars, the 401K. Even my monthly veterans disability check. Why? Because, I will not be made the villain. She doesn't want everything. She's more than willing to give me half. She's not a bad person. It would make her feel better if she thought I was going to be ok. She says she still wants to be friends. How do you destroy everything and still want to be friends? I will lose everything but my integrity. I will take the high ground. I will do the right thing. At least that's what I've been telling myself for almost a year now. I'm trying to avoid being manipulative or controlling. Only time will tell if I stick to it or if I'm the A-hole.
How are you doing now? I'm sorry for the slow reply, I've fallen behind in these comments. I can see you have a very clear set of values you are holding on to.
All I will say is this - loving yourself doesn't detract from loving her. Taking care of yourself is not an act of war against her. You don't have to sacrifice everything but your integrity to be a good man during a divorce. In fact, given what you've shared here, I doubt that you're capable of being anything but loving, fair and generous. But that doesn't mean you have to destroy your own future.
@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach thank you for the reply, you certainly don't owe me an apology. I'm sure that you get absolutely buried in all this. You wrote, "I doubt that you're capable of being anything but loving, fair and generous." Thank you also for the benefit of the doubt but the truth is that I've got more than my fair share of flaws and faults. I spent 20 years in a job that I hated and slowly but surely, I let it destroy me. Add to that a bunch of other life struggles and eventually she decided that she'd had enough. Life has changed, I have changed. But it was too little too late. I'm not destroying my future. My future is destroying me. Thanks again for your reply and all that you do.
@@geraldyungling3334 you're welcome. You seem to have a lot of hard won self awareness. Hold on to that resolve that you're not destroying your future. You do have more power than you may know to make the future different from the past. You just have to keep doing different things than you did before. One of my favorite business coaches, James Wedmore, says it well, "What got you here, won't get you there." You're already doing things differently from the sound of it... so you must be headed somewhere new. Thanks for watching and for chatting with me here.
WoW. People do forget their vow to God
Im so glad you found me
Is there such a thing as two people working on an issue or a problem in a marriage as opposed to the person with the problem seeking advice from friends and male coworkers? What happened to a wife coming to her husband with problems shes having or issues with him. For God sake she married you! Now you are the enemy?
You left, how did that effect her. Did she ask you to go? If so your bad😮 grow up
Very true. I just got out of a 12.5 year relationship. Fear and despair are very real. But i have to move forward. 😢
Thank you for being here, for watching and sharing. You can do it. Fear and despair are very real and can feel debilitating... and yet you can do this. There is not only light on the other side, but a better, richer life more full of love, if you continue to lean into this with openness.