I’ve found if I spend a good hour, sometimes a little less, playing with my kids one on one in the morning they play better alone later in the day. This is a time for no phone, no nothing, just me and the kids. Then later in the afternoon we do book time, we’ll read a few together and then they are allowed to look at the picture books while I get something done. These were great tips Sarah!
i recently realized the same with my kids. when i play with them (MINIMUM 30 minutes) I can go and do my things afterwards without them saying something. It's like they're satisfied and have nothing to complain, because I gave them my fullest attention.
Rebekah Kerr right, these are things they will need to learn as adults and can’t be consumed with needing constant attention. I see this in adults now. As kids we did our own thing and then did a lot of family time. Everyone has to learn how to be by themselves and content ... a lot of ppl have that problem now
My mom did this with me and my brothers and I can see the difference in my routine and behaviors than people who didn't have quiet time. I remember going in our basement and playing with my dolls for hours by myself. Now I'm 18 and I love to sit in my room and organize my bookshelf or go outside and look for mushrooms or flowers to pick. Thanks for spreading this concept and reminding people that the behaviors they're making for their children now are going to be lifelong.
@@thetiredworm2100 Yeah same here! I'm one of those people, when I was little I never had any trouble just playing quietly in my room for hours. But I was also an only child with a single parent (so my mom couldn't just hang out with me the entire day every day even if she wanted to) and I feel like that makes a difference too. At my last daycare job, there was literally only one preschooler there who was like this, and she was also an only child and even though she had both parents, they both worked with one parent working from home. So just like me at that age, she didn't really have any other choice in order to not be bored and unhappy other than to learn how to entertain herself lol. Speaking of daycare, I feel like that also makes a difference too, because in my experience of working in several daycares, the workers are strongly discouraged from just sitting and watching them and only intervening when there's an actual problem, they always ALWAYS expect you to be actively playing with them the entire time! Which is simply an unrealistic expectation because there's only two adults (three if you're lucky) and around 15-20 kids and they all want to do something different. So then the kids learn to expect a grown-up to always be playing with them (more like hovering tbh) and so they never learn how to not only entertain themselves, but also learn how to play with other children by themselves! Then they start acting out for attention when you're not playing with them all the time. Good lord, now that I'm saying this, it's no wonder all the preschoolers there would pull me in all different directions demanding to be played with as soon as I walked into the room every single day!! Don't get me wrong, I do understand that they need some interaction with their teachers sometimes and that a lot of the time the kids are actually lacking attention from us because we're too busy dealing with the most high maintenance ones, but I also feel like it would help the entire classroom environment as a whole if the kids understood that it's ok for them to play by themselves or with other children sometimes without a grown-up hovering all the time so that none of us have unrealistic expectations. Like Sara said, it's benefits both the kids and the adults.
I'm an early childhood educator and I'm constantly telling the parents and the children that it is sooooo beneficial for the children have time to play, learn and create without their parents interaction! You are spot on!
It's such common sense. Why is it so hard for people to accept? Maria Montessori talked about the importance of uninterrupted focus times for children.
But I thought toys don’t teach your children, but you have to play with them. Or are you talking about a baby that’s over 1 YO? Mine is 7 months old. I’m not sure if I should jump in to always play with her or let her play by herself.
@@mintpatcharaorn9845 well, she's over 1yo now. However, I think if the child grabs a toy they can play with it. If you introduce it, you play with them for a bit then let them do it alone.
I absolutely loved this! I bought some super simple sensory style items (think boxes, cups, rocks, and rice) and it's been a complete game-changer in the way my toddler plays. The more she plays with those simple "toys" the less she asks for tv, she's more easily self-entertained, and there's been a lot less whining and complaining going on. It's amazing how much tv and over-stimulating toys can effect our children!
I'm 30, married for a year, always wanted a big family, but am now starting to realize I'm terrified of having children because I'm scared I'll be tired all the time and that my life will be over and that my entire existence will be for my children etc etc. Thank you Sarah for having and sharing with us such a healthy perspective on motherhood! 🙏🏻❤️
Love this! The societal guilt involved when parents aren’t constantly interacting with their kids to the point of dependency is a shame. I know I love my quiet time so knowing that my kids can eventually see the joy of it for them is encouraging.
That's exactly how I feel if I let my daughter play by herself. I feel guilty and I feel like my lack of interaction equals me ignoring her which I know is not true. It's just so hard for me to see it as a normal healthy thing which it really is
It’s crazy how children are being robbed of independent play now, they need it! Granted a lot of parents confuse independent play with ignoring their kids 😞
@@chloggs1173 In my experience, daycares struggle with this so much! I've worked in several daycares and they all strongly discourage you from just sitting back and watching them and only intervening when there's an actual problem, and they always ALWAYS tell you to actively play with them every second of the day, which is simply an unrealistic expectation because there's only two adults (three if you're lucky) and 15-20 preschoolers and they all want to do different things! So then the kids learn to expect an adult to always be around when they're playing and become incapable of independent play without acting up for attention! It's really sad.
I see a couple of people getting mad at Sarah for some if the things she said in this video but I also see a lot of children’s educators and experts saying the same things Sarah says so I don’t know what the problem is. Parents are your parents not your friends, children need to be trained to behave (I don’t understand how else you’re going to get your children to behave if you DON’T train them), and Mom and Dad are in charge of the house NOT the children 🤷🏼♀️
@@JAVEDIQBAL-lr9mf I don't see how you could see or infer that from any of her videos. Most of her videos are her talking, with clips of her video taping her children. Never once have I seen her tell her children to go away. 😂
@@JAVEDIQBAL-lr9mf Not even sure what videos you are seeing or talking about. But telling your child no doesn't make you a bad mom. Not allowing your child to walk all over you and be the boss is actually good parenting. I wish more parents of children I work with would realize this. And you shouldn't be allowing your kid to take or steal your own food. And 10mins is definitely not any amount of time to judge a parent negatively, baring any cases of outright abuse.
@@corachristel I just went to see the persons next comment, and then also noticed they probably deleted all theirs 😂 I dont think both of our phones are glitching!
As a mom who over time has realized I'm very introverted and need time on my own I can say all of this is so useful! I use to make myself feel guilty but I've since learned its okay that I'm not 24/7 entertaining my son. There's things from this video I need to more so implement but for the most part I've done this with my son since birth while hardly realizing it. So many are surprised how independent my son is when it comes to most things and honestly it is cuz I've always encouraged my son through his age and the stage he was at to try things for himself first and if he needed help to ask and I'd gladly help or encourage when I have faith he can do it. My son often times watches me have quiet time especially after we've had lots of time with other people. At times he brings something to sit and do close to me but we do separate things. Thank you for sharing!
I remember that my sister and I could play for hours without calling mom or needing attention. Now that I work with kids on a daily I can see the difference between kids who's parents teach them quiet time and parents who don't. Love those tips ! 😃💪
My mom gave us a play room, it had a large chalk board, old fashion school desks, a record player, a kitchen and doll area and a table and chairs for games. We shared our bedroom so we could have this room.
It blows my mind that you became a mom at such an young age and is still so wise and so loving and intentional. You truly were born to be a mom! Your videos about child development are amazing! I’m not even a mom myself and I learn so much from them! Keep up the incredible work you’re doing here!! Xoxo
First vid of yours I’ve watched...So so practical and mutually beneficial to both the child and the parent. LOVE this! Key takeaways...“Still Play with your kids”, “you are the parent”, “you need to fill them up first”, “Let your kid whine, and let them pick themselves back up again”, “do not rely on TV”, “have your own quiet time”, “lead by example”
I love and agree with so much of this! My oldest daughter struggles with severe ADHD but seeks her own quiet time, I believe in part because of her struggles with hyperactivity and over-stimulation. Our only difference is the bedtime routine. That’s our time to unwind and connect quietly together as a family so we spend that half an hour before sleep reading stories, singing lullabies and snuggling in bed. That contact and connection really benefits us personally before bed for so many reasons.
I LOVE how you emphasize the importance of quiet time for THE KIDS’ benefit, rather than for it being primarily important for the parent’s comfort! ❤️ New mama here and I just discovered your channel and I love it already ❤️
I didn’t even know this was a thing... I felt guilty for turning down my kids sometimes but they constantly want me to entertain them all day... I feel exhausted by the end of the day and I never get anything done... thank you for this I started implementing this as soon as I saw your video
Webb Family yes!! It would help so much ! My fiancé and I are not sure if we want to homeschool our kids when we have them or not. Would love a video on why & how they do home schooling
@@blakejordan3742 Christian homeschooler here, now halfway through high school, go for it!! Find a curriculum that let's your kids do their own work once you help teach them through the early years. I grew up working pretty independently using ACE, they have Math, Science, Word Building, Literature, Bible Reading, and Social Studies. Get them into a co-op (like a school for homeschoolers one day a week). I've seen that it puts me in a much less stressful environment than public school and I grew up without crazy worldly influence and peer pressure. I had friends from church, sports, and co-op so I was by no means lonely, that's a big myth hahah.
Sof Anna thank you SO much !! It’s nice to hear it from someone who is being homeschooled that you like it so much !! I’ll definitely look into ACE ! Do you mind me asking what state you live in? Idk if ACE is like across the country or only specific locations !
@@blakejordan3742 I live in Texas, but I'm pretty sure you can have the booklets (pretty much all that's required after the early years, it's very easy to manage) shipped to anywhere in the world, I've heard of it being used in Asia. Beware of their math curriculum after the 6th/7th grade level though, it was ridiculous and even my math tutors agreed they had an odd teaching method!! Lifepac math worked MUCH better from there on out, that's where I'm at now, next year I'll be doing their pre-calculus course.
I'm a Christian who was homeschooled all the way through school and finished school a couple years ago and loved it!!! I think there are so many advantages to homeschooling! Do it! I feel so blessed for the childhood I had!
Sarah: Do not rely on electronics... Even though I do not have kids yet, I know the struggle of having kids depending on TVs and phone. 😊 I literally want to have a family already because of you 😍😍 I love you and your family!
I’m reading comments of younger girls that aren’t married and moms too! I’m so glad you are here to inspire women of all ages!! You are such an awesome woman of God and so encouraging to me!! Thank you Sarah!!!
I put off starting quiet time with my son because I put it in the too hard basket but finally did in November because of your videos. SO pleased I did. He's now 3 and spends an hour a day of quiet time in his room. He is SUPER social and so he does try to lure us (hubby, me, or his 11mo sister) to come and be with him but I have noticed he plays better outside of quiet time now, and says no thanks to tv. Life changing. Thanks for what you share!
The technical term for what you call "heads up" is actually called "priming". It is an actual technique that used in behavior training (I'm a behavior therapist forbehaviorally challenged children and young adults). So keep it up!
Clarissa Standley Yes this! I use this with the kids I work with all the time (K-5th grade) and having that heads up gives them so many benefits. When I tell them we have five minutes until we clean up, it gives them time to mentally prepare, they know there’s a transition coming soon, and they are not surprised when the moment comes when I let them know we need to clean up now
Not only lets the kids know what their day will be and where they are going, give them expected behavior while there. I always let my kids understand the norm of people of all ages behavior in public places. This goes along with teaching manners. If in the store you see a screaming child, point it out to your child and ask them what they think and how it makes them feel. And please Mom's stop this constant chatter you do to you kids. I swear if I hear another mom say, "Good job" to their child I will scream. Just describe what they did,, "Good walking", "Good sharing", "Good helping".
@@denisejones1863 I say "Good Job" to my daughter, and then emphasize what she did that I liked. So rip your hair out all you want, its a common phrase that's easy to say when I'm overwhelmed with actual happiness over what my kid just did.
I just realised that I always give my children the "heads up" - but so far I did it by instinct, not with intention. Interesting... Thanks for the food for thought. 🙂
5:15- Play with them first 5:52- Give them Space 6:25- Give Them A Heads up 7:08- Start with short Times 7:45- Rewards & Consequences 9:15- Playtime before sleep 10:33- Don’t Always Be Seen 11:10- Don’t Over React 11:52- Reduce Electronics 12:41- Declutter Toys 13:37- Your own quiet time
Loved this video. My mom raised me EXACTLY in the opposite way. I totally agree with what you're saying. Another point could be to let them fail and find solutions for the problems without helping them, i think would be really usefull.
I think it's important to remember every child and situation is different. I felt there was, while probably not intentional, parent shaming...that if you don't do it your way you are a bad parent. Just do the best you can parents and guardians and give yourself some grace!
Your videos on raising kids and what you do and don't do with kids and babies, and what you have/buy and don't regarding your babies and kids are so incredibly helpful, thank you so much! I need these!
I love that you put this out! I have worked with young children from 6 weeks to 3 years for nearly 10 years and I have noticed that this is a hard skill for parents to teach. I see it in the children with not wanting to even explore the room and all the toys unless an adults is leading them each and every time. Then they refuse to play and experience any joy of discovery themselves. They wanted every moment to be teacher lead or they will follow us around crying till they have our soul focus on them. We spend a lot of time on the floor with the children playing with them and engaging in their play but the moment we need to step away it all crumbles apart for them. Even to stand to cross the room for a tissue. I truly wish this value was a top priority in the parenting styles of the families I work with. It would be such a comfort to the children to have the confidence in their own abilities to play and less stress for the caregivers on balancing our responsibilities throughout the day.
Thank you, Sarah, for your awesome and inspiring content! And especially Thank you for this video. You are describing exactly what we are doing and have been doing with our kids since they were only days old. People keep asking us how we can be so rude to ignore our children. But, we are NOT ignoring them. We are giving them the time to BE. We do not own a TV, our kids do not watch stuff on the iPad to “be entertained”, and so don’t we do that (we sometimes watch the news or a movie in the evenings). We have plenty of books, arts material, a few toys and we have each other. And so far there is not much boredom. People keep forgetting how important it is - especially for little ones - to have time to “be bored”. There is no creativity without boredom. We are their parents, not their entertainers or friends. And that does not mean that we do not play together or read books together or go together to the playground, ride the bike together etc. But NOT ALL THE TIME. Even our two year old can sit through an hour family church service, and he seems to actually enjoy it. Friends keep asking us how we make our kids do that. We do not make them do that. We simply do it together. And no, it’s not always “working”. We are all humans with different moods. So, Sarah, Thank you again! Danke schön!! 🙃
RUclips needs a “like this a million times button” I also have 3 kids and my youngest has a sensory disorder and I’ve been a tv mom bc ya girl is tired! I’m going to try to implement these tips 👏🏻☺️
You👏are👏not👏suppose 👏to👏be👏your👏child’s friend 👊 yasss qween!!! I just can’t stand where parents allow kids to do what they want cause they rather not upset their little humans (ex: no bedtime, overtime w/ screens, eat junk food for meals, etc). I like these tips ❤️
I love what Sarah says, play with them, fill them up and make them nice and warm and fuzzy. Give them attention because they need attention and love which fills up their love tank then they are okay to play on their own. Also, give them encouragement to play by themselves. Not to blame my parents but I never really got this growing up. These are all such wonderful tips.
If you're a parent who has your kids in child care, these tips will also help them integrate into a school setting so much easier. I'm a preschool teacher and so many of these tips are things that we often spend teaching these kids because they don't have it happening for them at home.
Ever since my son dropped his morning nap, I started implementing an hour (or more) of quiet time bc I NEEDED that hour to do things. He is almost 3 and doesn't need to be locked in his room for quiet time anymore, but can entertain himself in the morning while I get ready or read or anything for an hour. My kids also go to bed at 7 which helps them get plenty of sleep so they aren't cranky in the day!
This is such good advice that people seem to want to twist to fit their own agenda. You emphasize the importance of bonding so much in this video, yet people are obsessed with making it seem like you neglect your babies.
Even though I’m single, with no kids, I use videos like this to help me find BETTER and PROPER ways to raise kids! I also suggest Sarah (and everyone else who watches this video) check out a channel run by a woman named SJ Strum, if she doesn’t already know who that is. She posts parenting videos every so often on their and the tips sound similar to how Sarah is raising her kiddos!
I'm 15 years old and in total different situation in my life than you are obviosly, but I am still enjoying sooo much your videos and getting inspired by them, hoping all best for you and your beautiful family❤
Honestly I'm so glad for this channel and how my parents raised me. I'm so sick of babysitting kids of this generation who are extremely disobedient and unable to entertain themselves. Not only do they not listen to babysitters because they're used to having their mother with them all the time, but they are disobedient towards their parents as well.
This is so good Sarah. I’m not a mother but my mother did most of these things and I appreciate it so much. I had only 1 hour of tv every day and the shows were educational. If it was a nice day outside she sent us outside. I don’t know if she set time aside for quiet time but me and my siblings were very quiet children lol we entertained ourselves and I think it’s benefited me in so many ways. I thank her all the time about how she raised me
Absolutely loved this. After the adoption of our son, we heard so many stories. Spend all of your time with him, don't let him be alone, be 100% there etc... which all are true but definitely, he needs his time alone.
I really appreciate this reinforcement that I'm doing a good job! My son is nearly 9 months and he already does some quiet time by himself at several different points in the day. I started it because I really felt like I needed the time (first time mama at 35 means a lot of adjustment!)...but then I was feeling guilty as though I was ignoring him. But seeing him amuse himself, even when I'm in the same room, is so rewarding! I adore peeking at him over my book and watching his brain work out something new, or hearing him vocalize different sounds and then laugh at himself. *hearteyes* "Great peace have they which love thy law..." "Train up a child in the way he SHOULD go..." Thank you for your channel!
This video came at the perfect time! Between my almost 3 year old and 1 year old, I'm constantly being asked to play, to hold, to entertain, etc. I absolutely love playing with my kids, but I've been having such a hard time getting the older one to play by herself. I'm hoping your tips do the trick! Keep up the awesome videos!!!
I love the way you are raising your kids. I used to be an au pair in The United States for a year and a half and i have been working with kids since i was 13. I have seen so many different families that all have a different way of raising their kids and i think most of them can learn from you! I have actually had discussions with families, when i tell them i’m not constantly playing with them. I don’t think most parents realize the importance of quiet time and the ability to self-entertain. Love this video!
Putting your kids to bed early is also a great way to avoid "the witching hour" every evening. The witching hour is a sign that your child is overtired, which makes sleep more difficult. My youngest had to be in bed no later than 6:30 until she was about 5. Now she's 7 and I usually put her in her room around 7. She has quiet toys to play with and books to look at, which helps her relax enough to sleep. She's asleep by 8 most nights. My oldest (13) goes to his room around 8 and is usually asleep by 9-9:30.
Omg!!! Putting them to bed early so they can get their play time out. That is genius! All my growing up my mom would send us to bed and then yell at us for the next 30 minutes about going to sleep because we naturally wanted to play and laugh and talk and sometimes wrestle. If she had just put us in bed earlier and allowed us to play that would have been great!!
Love this! “Lead by example” is my motto! My 2 & 3 yr olds know the first thing in the morning is “mommy’s Bible time.” Sometimes they come and sit on my lap and I read out loud but Most days they just drink their morning milk and play quietly a few feet away...
Yes! This independent, creative space where they have to learn how to play and create on their own also fosters true imagination which promotes overall good development and health. Also, thank you for the nuanced tip on creating time for your kids but also teaching them that there are times when their parent isn’t immediately available; it’s so important for autonomy and problem solving and figuring out that what may have felt like an ‘emergency’ actually wasn’t (and that you, the parent, are human too and can’t be there every single minute). And for those who might be saying this-“train” isn’t a negative term. It isn’t reserved for dogs, and it’s something that humans have been doing for a long time and benefitting from. “Train” equates to discipline, just like one would do who’s running a marathon or teaching themselves to eat healthier. We have to train ourselves (and kids) into healthier habits because we won’t get good habits without that training and practice. Great video, Sarah!! Thanks so much for the truth and tips. :)
I love this. When I have children I’ll be sure to come back to this video! HOWEVER, some of the tips you gave such as the tip to not let your newborn/toddler see you for long periods of time especially in very young infantile ages may cause their attachment type to become more insecure-avoidant than secure, which is what you’re aiming to produce. A newbie is born with the innate need to be close to their mother so that they feel safe and secure and loved! If you deny that from them too often it can cause the early attachment to break down and you could then become more of a secondary caregiver than the primary. It’s just a thought :) otherwise I love your videos Sarah, you’re one of my biggest inspirations♥️
I think she wasn't saying so much to not let them see you for long periods of time, but rather exit their sensory field regularly. Have it be normal for mama to be someone who always comes back. She's trying to teach object permanence. But yes, I agree that part should be used very gently on infants, and should be diluted with the fact that they are most secure with you; still understand that they need your presence at that age probably more than any other age.
@Denisa your babe is so young with still getting teeth like that. Give yourself Grace. So many developments happen in first 2 years. Implementing independent strategies when you can is great but don't stress it. It takes time. All babies are so different. Be kind to you
Its really hard if you’re not a parent to apply this tip to your life, so hard to stay calm and relaxed all the time, you will reach some points where you cant handle it 🥺
Denisa That sounds very stressful. And no wonder you are not relaxed. I think you don't need to worry about house chores so much. Your kids can feel you so much, she would feel less anxiety if she so you chill more. If she even hates being alone with her papa, that's definitely anxiety about you. Try to show her that you need time to yourself, that you will always come back, and that you are there.
110%!! Thanks for sharing this video! Also, we legit sold our TV went cold turkey in January. It was THE best thing we could have done for our kids and for us! Praise be to God for putting that on my heart Keep sharing girl
Ugh rewatching these and this video just speaks to me Sarah! I’m an only child and while I could play by myself and was good at it, I ALWAYS wanted a friend over or to be playing alone where my parents were. I had to be in their line of sight while playing, not because they asked but because I wanted that. I can see now as an adult who’s married and pregnant how that effected me. My partner is totally fine being alone but I don’t like when he’s in another room. I can do my hobbies but still I like to be doing them where I can see him. So silly but just thought I’d leave this as someone who never played with one anyone watching them to say to the mama’s here: it WILL effect your child. My partner has been gracious and helped me over come it but it took years for me to be okay with doing our hobby’s or chores on a different floor of the house and for me to be okay with it. For a lone time I believed living together meant we should always be in the same room.
You are the parent (I'm assuming), don't take them to get get fast food. Don't allow it to be a thing if you don't want it to be. Make it a once in a while treat only if you so choose, something they can only earn with good behavior. If they throw a fit and beg, implement a punishment if they do. Make healthy food fun and interesting for them.
I do “fast food Friday”, alliterations are fun! My daughter knows once a week on Friday if we’ve had a good week then we get fast food. I’m the parent. I have no problem saying no to her and making that once a week yes that much more special.
@@MegaElenaNa Because it can help with behavior in certain children. I don't recommend just being like "oh you have been good today, let's get McDonald's" every single day. Thats not what I mean lol. There are kids who beg for fast food nonstop. I have friends who will use their want of getting chicken nuggets to their advantage. Make them earn stickers for good behavior (in areas they normally have trouble with) and when they earn X amount of stickers, they are allowed to have a date with mommy to get chicken nuggets. Eventually when they get older they will give them an option to use x amount of stickers for nuggets OR save them longer earn a trip to the zoo or something else they want to do. It works, and is a creative way to take control of a negative situation and use it to your advantage behavior wise. It works for whatever the kid may want often. They could earn a new hot wheels car, new outfit for their doll, etc. Doesn't have to be fast food, but the OP states she has issues with children begging for fast food. So I gave a solution to her specific problem, not telling everyone this is the be all end all for every family.
Good tips. I naturally fell into this style of parenting, of not raising a “clingy” baby (for lack of a better word) and my son is 20 months and plays so well on his own. Like you said about Elizabeth, some days he needs extra love and attention, but that’s developmentally on par. I expect that at his age. But most days he can spend anywhere from 30 to 40 minutes on his own in the next room over while I get stuff done. It’s amazing. 🙌🏼
Thank you, Sarah, for the video! There are so many things I just have to stop doing. I can see now that my parenthood methods are completely wrong. Every single minute my children are with me: we're cooking together, my younger child comes to sleep with me every night, I go to the bathroom, they are at the door, they cannot play without me, they cannot study without me. And even though I love my children, we all need some time to be alone or do some work. This video is very encouraging
So glad u came out with this video.. I've been thinking about ways to keep my kids entertain without using tablets/phone when Mama is busy (we are trying to detoxify screen time). This is super helpful with my situation, thank you Sarah for sharing with us 💕💕
I can’t say thank you enough for this wonderful encouraging information filled video! My first is eight months and I have been working to implement quiet time with him and self play. Man it’s hard especially when you want to get some thing done and they just want you. But being patient spending time playing with them and showing them how to play is such a benefit for them and you. Thank you again for all the wonderful tips! Have saved the video and will for sure watch it again soon. -New mom ❤️
Oh my word Sarah, I have to thank you so much! We tried your bedtime method tonight and it worked so well! Our oldest daughter (2) refused to go to bed over the last weeks and often screamed and got out of her room till eleven p.m. Today I told her, we would try something different and the only rules where, that she had to be quiet, so her little sister could sleep and that she would stay in her room. If she wasn't in bed by the time I would go to bed, I would put her to bed. And what can I say? It was quiet and she only came out of her room once, at 8:45 I took a look and both girls where sleeping. How amazing!!!
Love almost all of this. My daughter (almost 4 years old) has autism but I’ve never let her or myself use that as an excuse. I take her out (with heads ups) and expose her to the world and how to act in different situations. When she stopped napping her nap time turned into quiet time. I’m often spending a weekend afternoon reading or painting while she plays. I carry a book I’m my tote when we’re out and may have to wait on something. Which encourages her to also have a book in hand regularly. We’re a big audiobook family too. I always wonder if she tones them out but then she whips out big words from them and I’m reminded just how much of a little sponge she is. 💜
I don’t even have little nuggets myself but, MAN is your advice so dang beneficial! I can see how much love you put into each video Sarah, you’re truly an angel you get me hyped to have kids ! Love you so much girl.
I have been a preschool teacher for almost 3 years ( ages 1-4) and what you are saying is spot on. I can truly see when kids have a healthy quiet and play time at home and when children are being way overstimulated by technology. In my classroom we have a limited amount of TV time. It's much harder in a classroom to give kids 'alone' time but I don't always need to be doing something crazy and having them look at me. Sometimes they will sit and read books to themselves or we will have quiet play time with blocks, safe magnets or cars. They are in a much better mood and able to concentrate better when we are not always looking at a TV screen. I am with some of these kids for 9 hours a day, 5 days a week. It's so important to have them on a good routine. It takes practice and patience but the kids respond so well over time and it makes a big difference. I would encourage every parent to give their kids a break from technology and let them use their imagination! ❤️
I play with my kids right after breakfast before even doing my dishes. I read, do puzzles, etc. Then I start to notice that my toddler is "done" with me haha. Younger kids get overstimulated a lot easier, so this works really well. Then I have however long to get some things done.
I love love love the ‘I’m not your friend I’m your parent’ idea, my mum used it with me but still loved to play with me and was always fair, you can be nice and have a good bond with your kids without letting them walk all over you
Everyone was telling me to let my 2 Month old "cry it out" but I hate that idea. Children should know that they are loved and safe and I don't feel like that method works. I started this method yesterday and she is loving it! We play for a little bit before she goes in her swing with a toy she can hold. Today she was calm for 20 minutes until she needed a diaper change!!! Thank you so much for posting the videos you do! You are an inspiration and I pray that God blesses your family.
YES!!! HOORAY!!! ECE here working with kids 1-5 and sooo many children cannot do this anymore for the life of them. They lack imagination and creativity. Its so sad. SUCH A HUGE SKILL TO INSTILL IN THEM THEM!! THANK YOU SARAH.
As a mom of eight grown children! Way to go! Stay the course. Love them and lead them as you are doing. Ignore the crazy in the world. Please keep educating others.
Ok, I have been wanting to comment on several of your videos. You are the wisest, young mama I have ever come across. Your relationship with God, your husband, and your children is crazy awesome! I am 50 and my children are grown, but I wish I had had someone like you as a friend to guide me when they were littles. I really feel in my heart if all parents were like you, this world would be filled with people who have felt true love and would be a much better place. God has blessed you, Sarah. Keep going girl. And, koodos (sp?) to your parents and Kiran's parents for doing an amazing job.
OMG i NEEDED TO HEAR THIS thank you Sarah until now that my son is 6 and Im done with being 99% available for him..Im not happy with how I quit in all my needs as a person to make him happy.
I have been praying so much for an answer to this. I have two hyperactive kids and I have chronic illness so I need to rest but I am always needed. I am always breaking up a fight and there's crying if left alone. they are 2&4. I have been following your channel for a while and an am in sync with how your parent and do the same things but this one area has been such a struggle the past 6 months. Thank you for sharing this and pray for me 😂. 😭😭🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼
When you spoke about the playtime before bedtime, I didn't understand how that actually works, do you let them alone in their room at 7:30 pm to play by themselves? But then how do you make sure that they're going to sleep at 8pm? Do you let them into the room by themselves at 7:30 and then go back at 8pm to tuck them in? Genuinely curious because I thought it was a good idea, I just need to understand how exactly it works
Doesnt rrally work for me ... if i do that and not force them plus separate them ... they can stay up until midnight .. careful , they can also just pretend to sleep when they you come in hahaha .
I know when I had a bedtime routine it included reading a book, saying prayers and talking about day with each child, my husband and I took one child and switched everyday. Once they were tucked in they could read or look at books or listen to book on tape or music until lights out, which I gave them about 20-30 min.
We always have a night time routine. Our five year old has lights out at 8pm, but we get pj’s on/dim all lights/have a snack/brush teeth at 7. Then we chill for a while and read a few books. By 8 he’s nice and sleepy. He’s a tough one to get to bed haha.
So true. I usually say they have 20 minutes, but I out 15, because I know my 3 y/o will ask for more time and instead of giving in to her cries, when she asks for more time nicely I give it. Also, sitting down and actually eating with them during mealtime or snack time instead of doing chores because they’re “busy eating” make them feel that I’ve given them a lot of attention. At bedtime, I play with them for a little bit (15-20minutes). After that my 14 month old needs to be in her crib with a book or one toy. Then I leave them. After another 30 minutes they’re usually out.
This is such great advice! It works. My eldest is over 15 years old. I have more kids that age range from there all the way to in the womb. All six of my kids have a huge imagination and can entertain themselves. Quiet time is vital for mama too. From a mama who has been doing this since my eldest was 18 months, it works.
As a paediatric therapist I am seriously impressed with this video. All of the points you spoke about are evidence based therapy techniques. Keep up the great work!
Mom of 5 (almost 6) here and with those that don’t nap, we implement quiet time every day. I love it, they love it. Really appreciate you sharing all this and love everything you said! So much amen, mama!👏👏👏
My 4 month is so attached to me. She cries when I am cleaning or get things done. If it is a slow day she is all happy and does not cry during the whole day. Lol she loves to be around me all the time. I love her. So I need this! 🥺🥺💕💕💕💕💕
I gave mine... siblings! And toys on the lowest shelves in each room... and permission to make a mess. Lol love this! Love your videos and your moming skills
Gentle parenter here, so some points are not for me but I really appreciate others, you are such a great mum! I’m all for modelling emotional regulation & that children develop independence through secure attachment. I think it gets a bit confused though with being passive or a walk over, not at all, very clear boundaries and structures but I’m here to guide not control my daughter. There’s still consequences to actions but no rewards/ punishment. Love hearing how others parent ❤️ & I’m definitely reassessing the TV time especially during lockdown it’s become way too frequent! Think I will introduce a ‘busy basket’ for quiet times as were starting to drop the nap 😬
I'm from a family of 9, homeschooled kids and we actually called quiet time the time when we all had to go for a nap in the afternoon. My mom was often pregnant so she needed quiet and time to nap . We didn't have to sleep but we had three option: read, sleep or pray. but we had to keep our heads on the pillow. we often didn't want to nap but by the time the hour was up most of us had fallen asleep. We then would get rewarded with snack time. I love naps to this day! a lot of the advice you are giving my parents did as well. I hope to use these tools for raising my own children. Great parenting advice! Thanks for the reminders!
YES to all of this! People are always so impressed when I say we have 90 minutes of uninterrupted rest time EVERY day. No talking to Mama and Daddy. Training works people! Be the parent! Listen to your girl Sarah. GREAT video! xoxo
Thank you for sharing this! So nice to hear how you and your kids implemented quiet times into your life, I‘m always curious how other moms and families deal with certain things. And even better that it helps so many people. And it really does sound like a good way for both you and your kids. From my personal perspective I believe that children do not need to be trained or taught to do quiet time as it is a natural thing that comes all by itself if you just give your kids the space and time to learn it by themselves. I believe it’s never the kids who need to learn. It’s us. We need learn to be honest with our children and tell them if we don’t want to play with them (for whatever reason). We need to make sure they have the right toys, the space to play and are emotionally fueled. And just to clarify this, I am not saying „this is wrong“. You are doing a great job, obviously! We mommy’s should encourage each other to do the things we think are best for our children. And there are a thousand ways to do this. ❤️
This was such an encouraging way to put all this info. I’ve been struggling with my kids lately because I’m overwhelmed by not getting a small break. I took away so many good tips. Thank you!
I’m not actually a mom lol, I’m just a big brother looking to bond with my 4 yr old sister while letting her be independent at the same time
This is the sweetest thing ❤ props to you, big brother!
This comment just made me say “awwwwww”... so sweet, what a nice brother! :-)
Aww so sweet. You must have great parents, raising you well.
swweeeeettt xD
You're so cool. I'm also looking for tips to help my little cousins entertain themselves
Me: I don't even have kids, I don't need that
Also me: Still watches the video :)
Vika Trebicnik SAME 😁👍
Same too!
Yeah I feel that 😊
Vika Trebicnik dittoooooo. She’s just so entertaining.
I am 72 and I love her videos!
I’ve found if I spend a good hour, sometimes a little less, playing with my kids one on one in the morning they play better alone later in the day. This is a time for no phone, no nothing, just me and the kids. Then later in the afternoon we do book time, we’ll read a few together and then they are allowed to look at the picture books while I get something done. These were great tips Sarah!
i recently realized the same with my kids. when i play with them (MINIMUM 30 minutes) I can go and do my things afterwards without them saying something. It's like they're satisfied and have nothing to complain, because I gave them my fullest attention.
Thank you ladies for the advice i will start doing that with my kids.
I agree! I feel playing with your kids is so therapeutic!
Rebekah Kerr right, these are things they will need to learn as adults and can’t be consumed with needing constant attention. I see this in adults now. As kids we did our own thing and then did a lot of family time. Everyone has to learn how to be by themselves and content ... a lot of ppl have that problem now
Yessss! I try to play with my son 1st thing in the morning and the rest of the day goes so smoothly
My mom did this with me and my brothers and I can see the difference in my routine and behaviors than people who didn't have quiet time. I remember going in our basement and playing with my dolls for hours by myself. Now I'm 18 and I love to sit in my room and organize my bookshelf or go outside and look for mushrooms or flowers to pick. Thanks for spreading this concept and reminding people that the behaviors they're making for their children now are going to be lifelong.
Strangely, my parents never did any of this with me, and I was perfectly content playing by myself for hours. I guess my parents got lucky. 😅
@@73cidalia XD, some people just are born with the personality for it
@@thetiredworm2100 Yeah same here! I'm one of those people, when I was little I never had any trouble just playing quietly in my room for hours. But I was also an only child with a single parent (so my mom couldn't just hang out with me the entire day every day even if she wanted to) and I feel like that makes a difference too. At my last daycare job, there was literally only one preschooler there who was like this, and she was also an only child and even though she had both parents, they both worked with one parent working from home. So just like me at that age, she didn't really have any other choice in order to not be bored and unhappy other than to learn how to entertain herself lol. Speaking of daycare, I feel like that also makes a difference too, because in my experience of working in several daycares, the workers are strongly discouraged from just sitting and watching them and only intervening when there's an actual problem, they always ALWAYS expect you to be actively playing with them the entire time! Which is simply an unrealistic expectation because there's only two adults (three if you're lucky) and around 15-20 kids and they all want to do something different. So then the kids learn to expect a grown-up to always be playing with them (more like hovering tbh) and so they never learn how to not only entertain themselves, but also learn how to play with other children by themselves! Then they start acting out for attention when you're not playing with them all the time. Good lord, now that I'm saying this, it's no wonder all the preschoolers there would pull me in all different directions demanding to be played with as soon as I walked into the room every single day!! Don't get me wrong, I do understand that they need some interaction with their teachers sometimes and that a lot of the time the kids are actually lacking attention from us because we're too busy dealing with the most high maintenance ones, but I also feel like it would help the entire classroom environment as a whole if the kids understood that it's ok for them to play by themselves or with other children sometimes without a grown-up hovering all the time so that none of us have unrealistic expectations. Like Sara said, it's benefits both the kids and the adults.
I'm an early childhood educator and I'm constantly telling the parents and the children that it is sooooo beneficial for the children have time to play, learn and create without their parents interaction! You are spot on!
It's such common sense. Why is it so hard for people to accept? Maria Montessori talked about the importance of uninterrupted focus times for children.
But I thought toys don’t teach your children, but you have to play with them. Or are you talking about a baby that’s over 1 YO? Mine is 7 months old. I’m not sure if I should jump in to always play with her or let her play by herself.
@@mintpatcharaorn9845 well, she's over 1yo now. However, I think if the child grabs a toy they can play with it. If you introduce it, you play with them for a bit then let them do it alone.
I absolutely loved this! I bought some super simple sensory style items (think boxes, cups, rocks, and rice) and it's been a complete game-changer in the way my toddler plays. The more she plays with those simple "toys" the less she asks for tv, she's more easily self-entertained, and there's been a lot less whining and complaining going on. It's amazing how much tv and over-stimulating toys can effect our children!
I'm 30, married for a year, always wanted a big family, but am now starting to realize I'm terrified of having children because I'm scared I'll be tired all the time and that my life will be over and that my entire existence will be for my children etc etc. Thank you Sarah for having and sharing with us such a healthy perspective on motherhood! 🙏🏻❤️
Love this! The societal guilt involved when parents aren’t constantly interacting with their kids to the point of dependency is a shame. I know I love my quiet time so knowing that my kids can eventually see the joy of it for them is encouraging.
That's exactly how I feel if I let my daughter play by herself. I feel guilty and I feel like my lack of interaction equals me ignoring her which I know is not true. It's just so hard for me to see it as a normal healthy thing which it really is
It’s crazy how children are being robbed of independent play now, they need it! Granted a lot of parents confuse independent play with ignoring their kids 😞
@@chloggs1173 In my experience, daycares struggle with this so much! I've worked in several daycares and they all strongly discourage you from just sitting back and watching them and only intervening when there's an actual problem, and they always ALWAYS tell you to actively play with them every second of the day, which is simply an unrealistic expectation because there's only two adults (three if you're lucky) and 15-20 preschoolers and they all want to do different things! So then the kids learn to expect an adult to always be around when they're playing and become incapable of independent play without acting up for attention! It's really sad.
I see a couple of people getting mad at Sarah for some if the things she said in this video but I also see a lot of children’s educators and experts saying the same things Sarah says so I don’t know what the problem is. Parents are your parents not your friends, children need to be trained to behave (I don’t understand how else you’re going to get your children to behave if you DON’T train them), and Mom and Dad are in charge of the house NOT the children 🤷🏼♀️
@@JAVEDIQBAL-lr9mf I don't see how you could see or infer that from any of her videos. Most of her videos are her talking, with clips of her video taping her children. Never once have I seen her tell her children to go away. 😂
@@JAVEDIQBAL-lr9mf plus a 10 min RUclips video shows about .001% of someones life.
@@JAVEDIQBAL-lr9mf Not even sure what videos you are seeing or talking about. But telling your child no doesn't make you a bad mom. Not allowing your child to walk all over you and be the boss is actually good parenting. I wish more parents of children I work with would realize this.
And you shouldn't be allowing your kid to take or steal your own food.
And 10mins is definitely not any amount of time to judge a parent negatively, baring any cases of outright abuse.
BookLoversUnite is it just my phone or can you not see the comments anymore? I see your comments, but I can’t see what you’re responding to 🤔
@@corachristel I just went to see the persons next comment, and then also noticed they probably deleted all theirs 😂 I dont think both of our phones are glitching!
As a mom who over time has realized I'm very introverted and need time on my own I can say all of this is so useful! I use to make myself feel guilty but I've since learned its okay that I'm not 24/7 entertaining my son. There's things from this video I need to more so implement but for the most part I've done this with my son since birth while hardly realizing it. So many are surprised how independent my son is when it comes to most things and honestly it is cuz I've always encouraged my son through his age and the stage he was at to try things for himself first and if he needed help to ask and I'd gladly help or encourage when I have faith he can do it. My son often times watches me have quiet time especially after we've had lots of time with other people. At times he brings something to sit and do close to me but we do separate things. Thank you for sharing!
I remember that my sister and I could play for hours without calling mom or needing attention. Now that I work with kids on a daily I can see the difference between kids who's parents teach them quiet time and parents who don't. Love those tips ! 😃💪
My mom gave us a play room, it had a large chalk board, old fashion school desks, a record player, a kitchen and doll area and a table and chairs for games. We shared our bedroom so we could have this room.
It blows my mind that you became a mom at such an young age and is still so wise and so loving and intentional. You truly were born to be a mom! Your videos about child development are amazing! I’m not even a mom myself and I learn so much from them! Keep up the incredible work you’re doing here!! Xoxo
First vid of yours I’ve watched...So so practical and mutually beneficial to both the child and the parent. LOVE this! Key takeaways...“Still Play with your kids”, “you are the parent”, “you need to fill them up first”, “Let your kid whine, and let them pick themselves back up again”, “do not rely on TV”, “have your own quiet time”, “lead by example”
I love and agree with so much of this! My oldest daughter struggles with severe ADHD but seeks her own quiet time, I believe in part because of her struggles with hyperactivity and over-stimulation. Our only difference is the bedtime routine. That’s our time to unwind and connect quietly together as a family so we spend that half an hour before sleep reading stories, singing lullabies and snuggling in bed. That contact and connection really benefits us personally before bed for so many reasons.
I LOVE how you emphasize the importance of quiet time for THE KIDS’ benefit, rather than for it being primarily important for the parent’s comfort! ❤️ New mama here and I just discovered your channel and I love it already ❤️
I didn’t even know this was a thing... I felt guilty for turning down my kids sometimes but they constantly want me to entertain them all day... I feel exhausted by the end of the day and I never get anything done... thank you for this I started implementing this as soon as I saw your video
Same for me
I saved this so i can return in 8-10 years when i have kids😆 This is truly amazing, Sarah! Will you please make more??🙏🏻
I was recently thinking I'd value your parenting tips. Things like homeschooling and discipline from a Christian perspective! ♡
Webb Family yes!! It would help so much ! My fiancé and I are not sure if we want to homeschool our kids when we have them or not. Would love a video on why & how they do home schooling
@@blakejordan3742 Christian homeschooler here, now halfway through high school, go for it!! Find a curriculum that let's your kids do their own work once you help teach them through the early years. I grew up working pretty independently using ACE, they have Math, Science, Word Building, Literature, Bible Reading, and Social Studies. Get them into a co-op (like a school for homeschoolers one day a week). I've seen that it puts me in a much less stressful environment than public school and I grew up without crazy worldly influence and peer pressure. I had friends from church, sports, and co-op so I was by no means lonely, that's a big myth hahah.
Sof Anna thank you SO much !! It’s nice to hear it from someone who is being homeschooled that you like it so much !! I’ll definitely look into ACE ! Do you mind me asking what state you live in? Idk if ACE is like across the country or only specific locations !
@@blakejordan3742 I live in Texas, but I'm pretty sure you can have the booklets (pretty much all that's required after the early years, it's very easy to manage) shipped to anywhere in the world, I've heard of it being used in Asia. Beware of their math curriculum after the 6th/7th grade level though, it was ridiculous and even my math tutors agreed they had an odd teaching method!! Lifepac math worked MUCH better from there on out, that's where I'm at now, next year I'll be doing their pre-calculus course.
I'm a Christian who was homeschooled all the way through school and finished school a couple years ago and loved it!!! I think there are so many advantages to homeschooling! Do it! I feel so blessed for the childhood I had!
Sarah: Do not rely on electronics...
Even though I do not have kids yet, I know the struggle of having kids depending on TVs and phone. 😊
I literally want to have a family already because of you 😍😍 I love you and your family!
I’m reading comments of younger girls that aren’t married and moms too! I’m so glad you are here to inspire women of all ages!! You are such an awesome woman of God and so encouraging to me!! Thank you Sarah!!!
I put off starting quiet time with my son because I put it in the too hard basket but finally did in November because of your videos. SO pleased I did. He's now 3 and spends an hour a day of quiet time in his room. He is SUPER social and so he does try to lure us (hubby, me, or his 11mo sister) to come and be with him but I have noticed he plays better outside of quiet time now, and says no thanks to tv. Life changing. Thanks for what you share!
The technical term for what you call "heads up" is actually called "priming". It is an actual technique that used in behavior training (I'm a behavior therapist forbehaviorally challenged children and young adults). So keep it up!
Clarissa Standley Yes this! I use this with the kids I work with all the time (K-5th grade) and having that heads up gives them so many benefits. When I tell them we have five minutes until we clean up, it gives them time to mentally prepare, they know there’s a transition coming soon, and they are not surprised when the moment comes when I let them know we need to clean up now
Not only lets the kids know what their day will be and where they are going, give them expected behavior while there. I always let my kids understand the norm of people of all ages behavior in public places. This goes along with teaching manners. If in the store you see a screaming child, point it out to your child and ask them what they think and how it makes them feel. And please Mom's stop this constant chatter you do to you kids. I swear if I hear another mom say, "Good job" to their child I will scream. Just describe what they did,, "Good walking", "Good sharing", "Good helping".
@@denisejones1863 I say "Good Job" to my daughter, and then emphasize what she did that I liked. So rip your hair out all you want, its a common phrase that's easy to say when I'm overwhelmed with actual happiness over what my kid just did.
I just realised that I always give my children the "heads up" - but so far I did it by instinct, not with intention. Interesting... Thanks for the food for thought. 🙂
5:15- Play with them first
5:52- Give them Space
6:25- Give Them A Heads up
7:08- Start with short Times
7:45- Rewards & Consequences
9:15- Playtime before sleep
10:33- Don’t Always Be Seen
11:10- Don’t Over React
11:52- Reduce Electronics
12:41- Declutter Toys
13:37- Your own quiet time
Oh my goodness I love you!!
Loved this video. My mom raised me EXACTLY in the opposite way. I totally agree with what you're saying. Another point could be to let them fail and find solutions for the problems without helping them, i think would be really usefull.
I think it's important to remember every child and situation is different. I felt there was, while probably not intentional, parent shaming...that if you don't do it your way you are a bad parent. Just do the best you can parents and guardians and give yourself some grace!
I'm 18 years old and not even in relationship, but I love watching your videos. You're so inspirational!
Same!!! :)
Am 17, soon to be 18😇
"if your kids talk to you in a way that annoys you, it's probably because you talk to them like that." ugh that gets me in the gut!!! thank you!!
Your videos on raising kids and what you do and don't do with kids and babies, and what you have/buy and don't regarding your babies and kids are so incredibly helpful, thank you so much! I need these!
I love that you put this out! I have worked with young children from 6 weeks to 3 years for nearly 10 years and I have noticed that this is a hard skill for parents to teach. I see it in the children with not wanting to even explore the room and all the toys unless an adults is leading them each and every time. Then they refuse to play and experience any joy of discovery themselves. They wanted every moment to be teacher lead or they will follow us around crying till they have our soul focus on them. We spend a lot of time on the floor with the children playing with them and engaging in their play but the moment we need to step away it all crumbles apart for them. Even to stand to cross the room for a tissue. I truly wish this value was a top priority in the parenting styles of the families I work with. It would be such a comfort to the children to have the confidence in their own abilities to play and less stress for the caregivers on balancing our responsibilities throughout the day.
Thank you, Sarah, for your awesome and inspiring content! And especially Thank you for this video. You are describing exactly what we are doing and have been doing with our kids since they were only days old. People keep asking us how we can be so rude to ignore our children. But, we are NOT ignoring them. We are giving them the time to BE. We do not own a TV, our kids do not watch stuff on the iPad to “be entertained”, and so don’t we do that (we sometimes watch the news or a movie in the evenings). We have plenty of books, arts material, a few toys and we have each other. And so far there is not much boredom. People keep forgetting how important it is - especially for little ones - to have time to “be bored”. There is no creativity without boredom. We are their parents, not their entertainers or friends. And that does not mean that we do not play together or read books together or go together to the playground, ride the bike together etc. But NOT ALL THE TIME. Even our two year old can sit through an hour family church service, and he seems to actually enjoy it. Friends keep asking us how we make our kids do that. We do not make them do that. We simply do it together. And no, it’s not always “working”. We are all humans with different moods.
So, Sarah, Thank you again! Danke schön!! 🙃
RUclips needs a “like this a million times button” I also have 3 kids and my youngest has a sensory disorder and I’ve been a tv mom bc ya girl is tired! I’m going to try to implement these tips 👏🏻☺️
Oh man, my 2 year old really needs this. He’s always pulling at me, whining for mama, going to work on things with him, thank you Sarah!
I still can't believe that you're 23.....you are such a beautiful human being and an inspiration! I love you and your beautiful channel so much!! 😻
You👏are👏not👏suppose 👏to👏be👏your👏child’s friend 👊 yasss qween!!! I just can’t stand where parents allow kids to do what they want cause they rather not upset their little humans (ex: no bedtime, overtime w/ screens, eat junk food for meals, etc). I like these tips ❤️
This brings back great memories of my sisters and i getting so creative with dirt or absolutely nothing and having a great time!! Thanks!!
I love what Sarah says, play with them, fill them up and make them nice and warm and fuzzy. Give them attention because they need attention and love which fills up their love tank then they are okay to play on their own. Also, give them encouragement to play by themselves. Not to blame my parents but I never really got this growing up. These are all such wonderful tips.
If you're a parent who has your kids in child care, these tips will also help them integrate into a school setting so much easier. I'm a preschool teacher and so many of these tips are things that we often spend teaching these kids because they don't have it happening for them at home.
Ever since my son dropped his morning nap, I started implementing an hour (or more) of quiet time bc I NEEDED that hour to do things. He is almost 3 and doesn't need to be locked in his room for quiet time anymore, but can entertain himself in the morning while I get ready or read or anything for an hour. My kids also go to bed at 7 which helps them get plenty of sleep so they aren't cranky in the day!
I love sarah’s parenting style!! It’s encouraged me so much in my motherhood. ❤️
This is such good advice that people seem to want to twist to fit their own agenda. You emphasize the importance of bonding so much in this video, yet people are obsessed with making it seem like you neglect your babies.
#2 so true!!! I have ruined so many quiet times by interrupting or commenting on their play.
Idk why I’m even watching this, I’m single & childless lol
Alyssa 🤣
Lol same here
one day my friend
Even though I’m single, with no kids, I use videos like this to help me find BETTER and PROPER ways to raise kids! I also suggest Sarah (and everyone else who watches this video) check out a channel run by a woman named SJ Strum, if she doesn’t already know who that is. She posts parenting videos every so often on their and the tips sound similar to how Sarah is raising her kiddos!
Hahaha same here! 🤣😂
I'm 15 years old and in total different situation in my life than you are obviosly, but I am still enjoying sooo much your videos and getting inspired by them, hoping all best for you and your beautiful family❤
I really admire how intentional you are about living a good life with your family. It inspires me with my daughter thank you 🙏
Honestly I'm so glad for this channel and how my parents raised me. I'm so sick of babysitting kids of this generation who are extremely disobedient and unable to entertain themselves. Not only do they not listen to babysitters because they're used to having their mother with them all the time, but they are disobedient towards their parents as well.
This is so good Sarah. I’m not a mother but my mother did most of these things and I appreciate it so much.
I had only 1 hour of tv every day and the shows were educational. If it was a nice day outside she sent us outside. I don’t know if she set time aside for quiet time but me and my siblings were very quiet children lol we entertained ourselves and I think it’s benefited me in so many ways. I thank her all the time about how she raised me
Absolutely loved this. After the adoption of our son, we heard so many stories. Spend all of your time with him, don't let him be alone, be 100% there etc... which all are true but definitely, he needs his time alone.
I really appreciate this reinforcement that I'm doing a good job! My son is nearly 9 months and he already does some quiet time by himself at several different points in the day. I started it because I really felt like I needed the time (first time mama at 35 means a lot of adjustment!)...but then I was feeling guilty as though I was ignoring him. But seeing him amuse himself, even when I'm in the same room, is so rewarding! I adore peeking at him over my book and watching his brain work out something new, or hearing him vocalize different sounds and then laugh at himself. *hearteyes* "Great peace have they which love thy law..." "Train up a child in the way he SHOULD go..." Thank you for your channel!
This video came at the perfect time! Between my almost 3 year old and 1 year old, I'm constantly being asked to play, to hold, to entertain, etc. I absolutely love playing with my kids, but I've been having such a hard time getting the older one to play by herself. I'm hoping your tips do the trick! Keep up the awesome videos!!!
I love the way you are raising your kids. I used to be an au pair in The United States for a year and a half and i have been working with kids since i was 13. I have seen so many different families that all have a different way of raising their kids and i think most of them can learn from you!
I have actually had discussions with families, when i tell them i’m not constantly playing with them. I don’t think most parents realize the importance of quiet time and the ability to self-entertain.
Love this video!
Man, bless you Sarah for speaking your mind and saying what many people won’t. I love it.
When i'll start having kids, i'm gonna rewatch all of sarah's videos 😄❤️
Putting your kids to bed early is also a great way to avoid "the witching hour" every evening. The witching hour is a sign that your child is overtired, which makes sleep more difficult.
My youngest had to be in bed no later than 6:30 until she was about 5. Now she's 7 and I usually put her in her room around 7. She has quiet toys to play with and books to look at, which helps her relax enough to sleep. She's asleep by 8 most nights. My oldest (13) goes to his room around 8 and is usually asleep by 9-9:30.
Omg!!! Putting them to bed early so they can get their play time out. That is genius! All my growing up my mom would send us to bed and then yell at us for the next 30 minutes about going to sleep because we naturally wanted to play and laugh and talk and sometimes wrestle. If she had just put us in bed earlier and allowed us to play that would have been great!!
Love this! “Lead by example” is my motto! My 2 & 3 yr olds know the first thing in the morning is “mommy’s Bible time.” Sometimes they come and sit on my lap and I read out loud but
Most days they just drink their morning milk and play quietly a few feet away...
Yes! This independent, creative space where they have to learn how to play and create on their own also fosters true imagination which promotes overall good development and health.
Also, thank you for the nuanced tip on creating time for your kids but also teaching them that there are times when their parent isn’t immediately available; it’s so important for autonomy and problem solving and figuring out that what may have felt like an ‘emergency’ actually wasn’t (and that you, the parent, are human too and can’t be there every single minute).
And for those who might be saying this-“train” isn’t a negative term. It isn’t reserved for dogs, and it’s something that humans have been doing for a long time and benefitting from. “Train” equates to discipline, just like one would do who’s running a marathon or teaching themselves to eat healthier. We have to train ourselves (and kids) into healthier habits because we won’t get good habits without that training and practice. Great video, Sarah!! Thanks so much for the truth and tips. :)
I love this. When I have children I’ll be sure to come back to this video! HOWEVER, some of the tips you gave such as the tip to not let your newborn/toddler see you for long periods of time especially in very young infantile ages may cause their attachment type to become more insecure-avoidant than secure, which is what you’re aiming to produce. A newbie is born with the innate need to be close to their mother so that they feel safe and secure and loved! If you deny that from them too often it can cause the early attachment to break down and you could then become more of a secondary caregiver than the primary. It’s just a thought :) otherwise I love your videos Sarah, you’re one of my biggest inspirations♥️
I think she wasn't saying so much to not let them see you for long periods of time, but rather exit their sensory field regularly. Have it be normal for mama to be someone who always comes back. She's trying to teach object permanence.
But yes, I agree that part should be used very gently on infants, and should be diluted with the fact that they are most secure with you; still understand that they need your presence at that age probably more than any other age.
When the mom is calm and relaxed her kids become calm and well behaved as well.
@Denisa your babe is so young with still getting teeth like that. Give yourself Grace. So many developments happen in first 2 years. Implementing independent strategies when you can is great but don't stress it. It takes time. All babies are so different. Be kind to you
Its really hard if you’re not a parent to apply this tip to your life, so hard to stay calm and relaxed all the time, you will reach some points where you cant handle it 🥺
Denisa how old is she?
Denisa I had the same situation with my daughter, (2yo) she was the same exactly, it was just a phase, lasted one month.
Denisa That sounds very stressful. And no wonder you are not relaxed. I think you don't need to worry about house chores so much. Your kids can feel you so much, she would feel less anxiety if she so you chill more. If she even hates being alone with her papa, that's definitely anxiety about you. Try to show her that you need time to yourself, that you will always come back, and that you are there.
110%!! Thanks for sharing this video!
Also, we legit sold our TV went cold turkey in January. It was THE best thing we could have done for our kids and for us! Praise be to God for putting that on my heart
Keep sharing girl
Ugh rewatching these and this video just speaks to me Sarah! I’m an only child and while I could play by myself and was good at it, I ALWAYS wanted a friend over or to be playing alone where my parents were. I had to be in their line of sight while playing, not because they asked but because I wanted that. I can see now as an adult who’s married and pregnant how that effected me. My partner is totally fine being alone but I don’t like when he’s in another room. I can do my hobbies but still I like to be doing them where I can see him. So silly but just thought I’d leave this as someone who never played with one anyone watching them to say to the mama’s here: it WILL effect your child. My partner has been gracious and helped me over come it but it took years for me to be okay with doing our hobby’s or chores on a different floor of the house and for me to be okay with it.
For a lone time I believed living together meant we should always be in the same room.
Please do a video on healthy eating for children, and how to avoid going to fast food places with them when they keep asking
You are the parent (I'm assuming), don't take them to get get fast food. Don't allow it to be a thing if you don't want it to be. Make it a once in a while treat only if you so choose, something they can only earn with good behavior. If they throw a fit and beg, implement a punishment if they do.
Make healthy food fun and interesting for them.
I do “fast food Friday”, alliterations are fun! My daughter knows once a week on Friday if we’ve had a good week then we get fast food. I’m the parent. I have no problem saying no to her and making that once a week yes that much more special.
@@danaperks6092 That's a great idea! Such a fun creative happy medium 💜
@@MegaElenaNa Because it can help with behavior in certain children. I don't recommend just being like "oh you have been good today, let's get McDonald's" every single day. Thats not what I mean lol.
There are kids who beg for fast food nonstop. I have friends who will use their want of getting chicken nuggets to their advantage. Make them earn stickers for good behavior (in areas they normally have trouble with) and when they earn X amount of stickers, they are allowed to have a date with mommy to get chicken nuggets. Eventually when they get older they will give them an option to use x amount of stickers for nuggets OR save them longer earn a trip to the zoo or something else they want to do. It works, and is a creative way to take control of a negative situation and use it to your advantage behavior wise.
It works for whatever the kid may want often. They could earn a new hot wheels car, new outfit for their doll, etc. Doesn't have to be fast food, but the OP states she has issues with children begging for fast food. So I gave a solution to her specific problem, not telling everyone this is the be all end all for every family.
Good tips. I naturally fell into this style of parenting, of not raising a “clingy” baby (for lack of a better word) and my son is 20 months and plays so well on his own. Like you said about Elizabeth, some days he needs extra love and attention, but that’s developmentally on par. I expect that at his age. But most days he can spend anywhere from 30 to 40 minutes on his own in the next room over while I get stuff done. It’s amazing. 🙌🏼
lady beth I’m a psych major maybe don’t say train I would say show them how to entertain themselves
@@gabrielcastaneda9700 Showing someone how to do something is 'training' them. 😅
Same! My daughter is almost 2 and usually is very independent but I’m expecting August 2nd so she has been very clingy lately.
@beth
Your videos make me feel more prepared for motherhood 🥺
I always talk to my son what we will do the next day hehe his 2 yrs old and he loves it when I tell him ahead lol
Thank you, Sarah, for the video! There are so many things I just have to stop doing. I can see now that my parenthood methods are completely wrong. Every single minute my children are with me: we're cooking together, my younger child comes to sleep with me every night, I go to the bathroom, they are at the door, they cannot play without me, they cannot study without me. And even though I love my children, we all need some time to be alone or do some work. This video is very encouraging
So glad u came out with this video.. I've been thinking about ways to keep my kids entertain without using tablets/phone when Mama is busy (we are trying to detoxify screen time). This is super helpful with my situation, thank you Sarah for sharing with us 💕💕
I can’t say thank you enough for this wonderful encouraging information filled video! My first is eight months and I have been working to implement quiet time with him and self play. Man it’s hard especially when you want to get some thing done and they just want you. But being patient spending time playing with them and showing them how to play is such a benefit for them and you.
Thank you again for all the wonderful tips! Have saved the video and will for sure watch it again soon.
-New mom ❤️
I’m so having quiet time sessions as soon as my husband and I start a family. Love this idea 💕
I'm 15, idk why I'm watching this... but I like it.
Yeah I'm 15 too but I still end up watching parenting videos for no reson😂
Dang we all just chillin here 💀
Im also 15 and watching this😂
same, no idea why I am here lol
“I’ve got a sack of letters like I’m Santa.”
😂😂😂
I laughed out loud!
Oh my word Sarah, I have to thank you so much! We tried your bedtime method tonight and it worked so well! Our oldest daughter (2) refused to go to bed over the last weeks and often screamed and got out of her room till eleven p.m. Today I told her, we would try something different and the only rules where, that she had to be quiet, so her little sister could sleep and that she would stay in her room. If she wasn't in bed by the time I would go to bed, I would put her to bed. And what can I say? It was quiet and she only came out of her room once, at 8:45 I took a look and both girls where sleeping. How amazing!!!
Love almost all of this. My daughter (almost 4 years old) has autism but I’ve never let her or myself use that as an excuse. I take her out (with heads ups) and expose her to the world and how to act in different situations. When she stopped napping her nap time turned into quiet time. I’m often spending a weekend afternoon reading or painting while she plays. I carry a book I’m my tote when we’re out and may have to wait on something. Which encourages her to also have a book in hand regularly. We’re a big audiobook family too. I always wonder if she tones them out but then she whips out big words from them and I’m reminded just how much of a little sponge she is. 💜
I don’t even have little nuggets myself but, MAN is your advice so dang beneficial!
I can see how much love you put into each video Sarah, you’re truly an angel you get me hyped to have kids !
Love you so much girl.
Absolutely agree with all the tips & advice.Great video Sarah.
I have been a preschool teacher for almost 3 years ( ages 1-4) and what you are saying is spot on. I can truly see when kids have a healthy quiet and play time at home and when children are being way overstimulated by technology. In my classroom we have a limited amount of TV time. It's much harder in a classroom to give kids 'alone' time but I don't always need to be doing something crazy and having them look at me. Sometimes they will sit and read books to themselves or we will have quiet play time with blocks, safe magnets or cars. They are in a much better mood and able to concentrate better when we are not always looking at a TV screen. I am with some of these kids for 9 hours a day, 5 days a week. It's so important to have them on a good routine. It takes practice and patience but the kids respond so well over time and it makes a big difference. I would encourage every parent to give their kids a break from technology and let them use their imagination! ❤️
I play with my kids right after breakfast before even doing my dishes. I read, do puzzles, etc. Then I start to notice that my toddler is "done" with me haha. Younger kids get overstimulated a lot easier, so this works really well. Then I have however long to get some things done.
I love love love the ‘I’m not your friend I’m your parent’ idea, my mum used it with me but still loved to play with me and was always fair, you can be nice and have a good bond with your kids without letting them walk all over you
Everyone was telling me to let my 2 Month old "cry it out" but I hate that idea. Children should know that they are loved and safe and I don't feel like that method works. I started this method yesterday and she is loving it! We play for a little bit before she goes in her swing with a toy she can hold. Today she was calm for 20 minutes until she needed a diaper change!!! Thank you so much for posting the videos you do! You are an inspiration and I pray that God blesses your family.
YES!!! HOORAY!!! ECE here working with kids 1-5 and sooo many children cannot do this anymore for the life of them. They lack imagination and creativity. Its so sad. SUCH A HUGE SKILL TO INSTILL IN THEM THEM!! THANK YOU SARAH.
As a mom of eight grown children! Way to go! Stay the course. Love them and lead them as you are doing. Ignore the crazy in the world. Please keep educating others.
Ok, I have been wanting to comment on several of your videos. You are the wisest, young mama I have ever come across. Your relationship with God, your husband, and your children is crazy awesome! I am 50 and my children are grown, but I wish I had had someone like you as a friend to guide me when they were littles. I really feel in my heart if all parents were like you, this world would be filled with people who have felt true love and would be a much better place. God has blessed you, Sarah. Keep going girl. And, koodos (sp?) to your parents and Kiran's parents for doing an amazing job.
OMG i NEEDED TO HEAR THIS thank you Sarah until now that my son is 6 and Im done with being 99% available for him..Im not happy with how I quit in all my needs as a person to make him happy.
Thanks! I needed this as an 18 year old mom with a tremendos 2 yr old.
I worked at daycare and the eye contact thing during quiet time is so real 😂😅
Yes 😂
I have been praying so much for an answer to this. I have two hyperactive kids and I have chronic illness so I need to rest but I am always needed. I am always breaking up a fight and there's crying if left alone. they are 2&4.
I have been following your channel for a while and an am in sync with how your parent and do the same things but this one area has been such a struggle the past 6 months. Thank you for sharing this and pray for me 😂. 😭😭🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼
When you spoke about the playtime before bedtime, I didn't understand how that actually works, do you let them alone in their room at 7:30 pm to play by themselves? But then how do you make sure that they're going to sleep at 8pm? Do you let them into the room by themselves at 7:30 and then go back at 8pm to tuck them in? Genuinely curious because I thought it was a good idea, I just need to understand how exactly it works
Doesnt rrally work for me ... if i do that and not force them plus separate them ... they can stay up until midnight .. careful , they can also just pretend to sleep when they you come in hahaha .
I know when I had a bedtime routine it included reading a book, saying prayers and talking about day with each child, my husband and I took one child and switched everyday. Once they were tucked in they could read or look at books or listen to book on tape or music until lights out, which I gave them about 20-30 min.
We always have a night time routine. Our five year old has lights out at 8pm, but we get pj’s on/dim all lights/have a snack/brush teeth at 7. Then we chill for a while and read a few books. By 8 he’s nice and sleepy. He’s a tough one to get to bed haha.
I’m really curious about this too. Are they playing in their beds with toys? Do you go in then at 7:30 and take them out? Please elaborate more. :)
So true. I usually say they have 20 minutes, but I out 15, because I know my 3 y/o will ask for more time and instead of giving in to her cries, when she asks for more time nicely I give it. Also, sitting down and actually eating with them during mealtime or snack time instead of doing chores because they’re “busy eating” make them feel that I’ve given them a lot of attention.
At bedtime, I play with them for a little bit (15-20minutes). After that my 14 month old needs to be in her crib with a book or one toy. Then I leave them. After another 30 minutes they’re usually out.
This is such great advice! It works. My eldest is over 15 years old. I have more kids that age range from there all the way to in the womb. All six of my kids have a huge imagination and can entertain themselves. Quiet time is vital for mama too. From a mama who has been doing this since my eldest was 18 months, it works.
As a paediatric therapist I am seriously impressed with this video. All of the points you spoke about are evidence based therapy techniques. Keep up the great work!
Mom of 5 (almost 6) here and with those that don’t nap, we implement quiet time every day. I love it, they love it. Really appreciate you sharing all this and love everything you said! So much amen, mama!👏👏👏
My 4 month is so attached to me. She cries when I am cleaning or get things done. If it is a slow day she is all happy and does not cry during the whole day. Lol she loves to be around me all the time. I love her. So I need this! 🥺🥺💕💕💕💕💕
I gave mine... siblings! And toys on the lowest shelves in each room... and permission to make a mess. Lol love this! Love your videos and your moming skills
Do I have a husband nope do I have a kid nope am I 15 maby did I click on the viedeo as fast as possible oh yeah
Gentle parenter here, so some points are not for me but I really appreciate others, you are such a great mum! I’m all for modelling emotional regulation & that children develop independence through secure attachment. I think it gets a bit confused though with being passive or a walk over, not at all, very clear boundaries and structures but I’m here to guide not control my daughter. There’s still consequences to actions but no rewards/ punishment. Love hearing how others parent ❤️ & I’m definitely reassessing the TV time especially during lockdown it’s become way too frequent! Think I will introduce a ‘busy basket’ for quiet times as were starting to drop the nap 😬
I'm from a family of 9, homeschooled kids and we actually called quiet time the time when we all had to go for a nap in the afternoon. My mom was often pregnant so she needed quiet and time to nap . We didn't have to sleep but we had three option: read, sleep or pray. but we had to keep our heads on the pillow. we often didn't want to nap but by the time the hour was up most of us had fallen asleep. We then would get rewarded with snack time. I love naps to this day! a lot of the advice you are giving my parents did as well. I hope to use these tools for raising my own children. Great parenting advice! Thanks for the reminders!
YES to all of this! People are always so impressed when I say we have 90 minutes of uninterrupted rest time EVERY day. No talking to Mama and Daddy. Training works people! Be the parent! Listen to your girl Sarah. GREAT video! xoxo
My kids self entertain really well and I do all of these things. I completely agree with these tips! This was spot on!
The video I needed today. 😊❤️ Thanks for the help!
Thank you for sharing this! So nice to hear how you and your kids implemented quiet times into your life, I‘m always curious how other moms and families deal with certain things. And even better that it helps so many people. And it really does sound like a good way for both you and your kids.
From my personal perspective I believe that children do not need to be trained or taught to do quiet time as it is a natural thing that comes all by itself if you just give your kids the space and time to learn it by themselves.
I believe it’s never the kids who need to learn. It’s us. We need learn to be honest with our children and tell them if we don’t want to play with them (for whatever reason). We need to make sure they have the right toys, the space to play and are emotionally fueled.
And just to clarify this, I am not saying „this is wrong“. You are doing a great job, obviously! We mommy’s should encourage each other to do the things we think are best for our children. And there are a thousand ways to do this.
❤️
As someone who is a mom to be, I am in love with these values and this video for help in the future. Thank you thank you thank you!!
This was such an encouraging way to put all this info. I’ve been struggling with my kids lately because I’m overwhelmed by not getting a small break. I took away so many good tips. Thank you!