@@TheFiddle101 one thing that I have learned, is that I like to make my own opinions about people. No person's relationship with another is the same as someone else's relationship with the same person. I've had someone tell me, before I met a person, that that person is annoying, only to find them pleasant when I actually meet them, or vise versa. When someone tries to give me their take ahead of time, especially if it's bad, I tend to not listen. I see it as gossip.
Notice how the guy says he hates conversational narcissists and we're all associating that characteristic with him now in the comments? Vanessa is a genius ☺️
Another thing I've noticed with charismatic people (from observation I consider Alicia Keys, George Clooney, Gregg Barden, Lorde charismatic) is that they're genuinely relaxed and calm when they're speaking and/or listening, thus creating a relaxed atmosphere which also relaxes anybody they're conversing with.
That comes from always positive feedback.. because of their celebrity status. Obviously there are celebrities that don't have it.. but these are naturals that would most likely be cool pips even if not celebrity
"Don't be a conversational narcissist, because annoying people--" *interrupts* "I hate those kind of people! Oh my God I just don't like 'em. I don't like 'em at all... They kill the ME factor." Was he being ironic on purpose?
+LJY08 charisma is innate, but it can be learned. Much like breathing is reflexive but you can also breathe on que. This is important in running or singing for example, it is the developing of good habits. This is analagous to charismatic habits and features.
Michael Hyden I'm not so sure. The most charismatic people you ever meet have not been taught how to be charismatic; it is innate...part of their personality. In fact, most people who are naturally charismatic don't realise it for a long time, they learn over a period of time how their behavior seems to influence others; often unintentionally. Charismatic people often find themselves in difficult situations when they are learning about their own personality, because they influence people to do things that may not be appropriate without even realising it. What a charismatic person may perceive as an innocent comment that, to them, should appear inconsequential to others, can result in the receiver acting out on that comment to the horror of the charismatic being who unknowingly influenced the behavior in the first place. So, over time, that instinct becomes sharper and can go either way...to influence people in a positive way, or in a negative way; but ultimately is is part of your DNA; your fiber, and it is just fine tuned over time to work to the owner's advantage.
I love how she mentions conversation narcissists and yet the guy continually interrupts and has to get his two cents in throughout the entire segment. This was great information but tough to watch because of the hosts not letting the professional do her job without having to battle them through the conversation.
5'31": "I want you to try deep gazing - that's noticing someone's eye color, and the reason for that is because they found that when you do that it releases..." > interruption > end of the video. Nobody will ever know what it releases.
The deep gazing part kinda works for me. I tried this on a girl and i could tell her reaction changed, for the better i mean. The bad thing is i was too focused on gazing i didn't hear a word she said. lol
Love it. It's so true. I went from being very socially awkward to quite charming (if do say so myself!!!! LMAO!!!! ) I literally did SO MUCH research on how to do this - hours and hours, initially I became overly eager to please others but now more chill and relaxed about things - I have faith that the right people will be drawn to me and the wrong repelled. Oh, and be careful with the gaze thing. I have a friend who does it bc she's nervous and it is creepy - but she is SO LOVELY and CHARMING herself that it doesn't really matter! I'm just commenting bc I almost used to try to hide from people!! Hahaha! Now I'm quite outgoing and can go to gatherings without actually needing to take Xanax!
3:30 spontaneous trait transferring is so true, at my last corporate job I experienced gossipers and it was so difficult not to judge them based on their negative judgements
Allright here are the five traits, just so you don't have to watch the entire video over and over again before you learn this: 1) Embrace your own flaws, 2) "How can I get the person I'm speaking with to tell their own story?", 3) Gush, don't gossip, 4) Show your hands, 5) Deep gaze.
Charlene J Allison i know right he's the conversational narcissist she's telling him about making every comment and question center around or about him
YUNGJUICEGIRL1 I'm watching this for the 2nd time and can't help commenting again on how annoying this man is. Yes, a true conversational narcissist...
Like Oliver Reed always said....put a smile on their face, or bed them! That, for me, is genuine charisma. It's not about talking, it's about using the silence around words to enhance the atmosphere. These people simply like to hear themselves talk. No style, no grace, no silence.
***** Oh yeah I know. Just saying that I find this happens to me often when I'm trying to talk and men are in the audience. Although gay men tend not to do this. Of course not saying ALL men interrupt/are rude like this but just that most men are taught that this behaviour is perfectly ok. Doesn't make them bad ppl, just the patriarchy bullshit has taught them a bad habit. Of course girls interrupt people too, just I find that, in my experience, they do it less than men do.
Jade Corong would you consider the 1:54 an interruption? She actually finished her story the only thing he did which could be seen as wrong is he was skeptical but that’s what devils advocate is for for our understanding, and he interjected quickly but she was finished. He prob a little nervous
I really admire a charismatic kind of person because he has the guts to make everyone drawn towards him but I guess everyone of us could be same if we just learn to be ourselves because no matter how we pretend to be someone else but still authencity is what really matters.
questions like "what was the most exciting thing that happened to you/what are your personal passion projects" are actually what turn me off... they sound so cliche and trying too hard to start a conversation, which actually sounds boring and desperate.😓
Scarlett C I agree with you. I like having deep and interesting conversations but they can't feel forced like that. Once they're forced it doesn't feel like charisma anymore, it has the opposite effect.
Scarlett C I usually open my conversations up with very offensive humor like (who's your favorite hero? Please don't say Hitler that'd be the 5th one today.) OR I guess Hey how's it going? besides the basic 'I'm fine' that everyone I ever ask say ( I find this allows you to test a person and they try to seem more interesting and give a better answer /or not I guess if they still answer unresponsively I just move on they don't like my personality)
4:34 she had such an angry micro expression narrowed lips slow blink (eye roll)! haha Love you Vanessa and you're actually a great person to observe body language on because you're so expressive and it goes to show how hard it is to control these little micro-expressions even as a master in the field!
mam trust me I go many places and everyday I try to make it better than the last. I'm only human I have my bad days. My personality is loving, giving, and always trying to help. That's just in my nature and you have people that try to take advantage of that and that sucks, cause it'll mess it up for others. I try to not judge people base on pass experiences but as there own individual cause you never know. Too manyPeople judge others based on what city you from or where you live at. I've been through alot and try my best to stay positive an it isn't easy when everything you come across is negative. It breaks your spirit I've given up all my life cause things never got better. I still try to start my day with a smile. I really appreciate you all taking the time to try to sharpen up my people skills and how to be more presentable and professional when talking or dealing with people. I need it and I wanna learn more. Once again thank you
Great advice! But I think charisma is something more elusive. Some people can just enter a room and say nothing yet have the most powerful presence or 'aura.'
This is actually quite true. One time I passed gas as I walked into a room. I didn't have to say a word but everybody stopped and all eyes are on me. I think this is pure charisma.
wow. amazing video and advice. Thank you so much. I'm 21 and struggle with this . although years ago I was the opposite of how I am now. I want to go back to being charasmatic and likable, outgoing, confident, etc.
I feel you I feel like it's because when you get out of high school you become less social since you're not surrounded by people all day everyday no more lol
People that ask questions like "what's the most exciting thing that happened to you today?!" are so lame and annoying though hahaha, like really, now I have to think of an answer to this stupid question
playandrepeat I agree. I would feel stupid asking things like that and I am sure if someone asked me that I would think that they are a weirdo or someone that gets too personal way to quick. However, if I was too try this I would have to tell them about the video I saw to justify my question and I think at that point since I am trying so hard to be likable I would think they would think I was a fruitcake. Does everyone think it would work better explaining why you are asking that first? Or would you still think they are lame? I want to make a better first impression because I am very shy and I tend to just stand there and say nothing at all which is really bad too. I really need help when it comes to a 1st meeting with someone. Any suggestions?
I just give the most boring answer I can think of an maybe the person will leave. I will say in a monotonous voice, "I kept to myself." Another good answer could be, "I was forced to come to this social event." Those two answers almost always send a charismatic, social, likeable, person nearly running away from you. I have used these two answers many times and they have always worked. It really throws the social person off guard and disorientates them severely. Social people are not used to being turned off like that. This is why they usually almost run when those two answers are given. To date, I have not made any friends nor had anybody ask much about me since 8 August 2001. It becomes second nature to give these repelling answers after awhile and you will give them automatically. I have had no friends since 8 August 2000 and have successfully kept it this way using the two answers. If you make no eye contact with anybody and move about quickly, you are likely not to be approached at all. Look like you are looking around people instead of seeming like you are looking at the people. Even a passing glance at a person will trigger a social person to start approaching you. Practice trying to see the wall behind everyone and it will be rare that anybody will approach you. Social people seem to not notice you when it appears you are trying to look around them, even if there is actually nothing of interest to see behind the social person. I am so good at this that when forced to be in an environment full of people, not one will try to talk to me.
Gushing over others instead of backbiting gives the person you are talking to the confidence in knowing that they most likely will say good things about you behind your back instead of negative things.
It's because some people feel they are experts about everything and when they hear a real expert and it doesn't match their "so called expertise" and realize that they really don't know as much as they thought, they get butt hurt and slam the video, the experts and the people who post it. I thought this was a very well done video myself.
Hey Venesa, I have been watching your videos for few days. I wanna Thank you for the lessions i have learnt from you. And i am implementing them in my life❤️
Our education is old language is old and we talk at each other and is open to interpretation our language is also limited to our experience and our upbringing
Helen Raptis is such a sweet person! I always loved dealing with her when she would come into where I worked at the time, a super nice woman and completely down to earth.
I think she's confusing likable with charismatic. I know people who are exactly like this, and I find them pleasant but dull. On the other hand, when I meet people who exude strength and confidence it really doesn't matter where they keep their hands and whether or not they show me their flaws, I still become absolutely enchanted.
A lovely clip with good presentation. Within the first minute, it is suggested that Charisma can be learnt. If you have to learn Charisma, then perhaps you are not naturally Charismatic. What you always have, is the most valuable option of all, and that is to just to be yourself. Consider letting others do the rehearsed Charismatic dance to fulfil / heal their self doubt, possibly manipulative tendancies. I bet that if you were to practice the 5 habits upon certain people that you know, you would soon learn that their narcissistic tendancies prevail. Who am I to speak anyway. Just be the beautiful you that everyone knows & respects.
Vanessa you're awesome. People always point out how much I do talk with my hands. I think I do it too much LOL. I feel like I get my point cross better. It helps with my nervousness as well. God bless you and thank you!
Hi Vanessa your vids are fantastic. Strange question have u ever broken your collar bone...u have a lump at the base of your neck on you left hand side at the proximal head of the collar bone....if u have never broken it u need to get it checked
for me cbarismatic is someone emanating positive energy and vibes. u don't have to b physically good looking to b charismatic. someone very intelligent but badly dressed can b charismatic. i have experienced this again and again. but i think it also depends on the individual...what is ur definition of charismatic
Though all the points are very helpful but what I liked the most was " how can I get this person to tell me his story". This single point instantly transform your persona. When my mindset is focused more on listening his story rather than firing mine, it opens many opportunities, which would have been closed otherwise, if I continued exaggerating my story. Thanks Vanessa for adding more values to my persona. Thanks.
The point 3. was new for me and its so good. Know we know, also that if someone is gossiping about me behind my back, it will stick to him/her. ; ) so let them gossip about you , ) Thanks Vanessa from Europe
In Australia we wouldn't welcome someone gushing "She's fierce and feisty ..." We find more sincerity in understatement e.g. "I've learned some interesting new ideas from my friend, Amanda." Or "Amanda has just lead a valuable workshop about..." Those sentences lead the other person to ask more.
The old elementary school, "Whoever smelled it, dealt it," is modified for me. Whether it is flatulence, perfume, clean soap smell, clean laundry smell, or hairspray smell, if I can smell the other person, I am too close. I modified the elementary school saying to, "If I smell them, repell them." Safety and security comes from being away from people, not being close to them. I learned this painful lesson 8 August 2000. Never let anybody get close to you socially nor physically. It is likely the one getting trying to get close to you is trying to get something from you. Sometimes it may simply be friendship the person is trying to get from you. But it is far more likely the one trying to get close to you is trying to get something more that can hurt you when that person takes it. Beware of humans. They are not your friends nor do many of them want to be your friend. They are trying to get something from you. "If you can smell them, repell them."
I always wonder why TV show hosts interject so much. They're so used to being the center of attention that they can't let this extremely bright and well spoken woman talk about her subject. This woman has 10x the brain that you do sir, why don't you just let her talk instead of constantly trying to make some sort of comment. This would make your show much more interesting. I'm not sure why this set me off, but it did, and there's my piece.
OMG! I feel exactly the same way. He inerrupts Vanessa constantly with his silly remarks. I can barely watch these videos because of him. Vanessa on the other hand is so interesting and intelligent.
Find out more in our full article on this topic: www.scienceofpeople.com/charisma/
Eye contact releases what???? U didn’t finish
@@patmoreno8335 pp0p0000
@Vanessa Van Edwards, when you look deeply into their eyes it releases (at 5:37).... what, please? :-)
@@patmoreno8335 it builds connection.
And releases oxytocin (bonding)
1. They embrace their imperfections
2. Don't be a conversational narcissist
3. Gush, don't gossip
4. Use your hands
5. Gaze deeply
YW
Thankssss imma yeet out without watching the whole vid now 😂
@@msmventures799 That was not the point my guy 😂😂
Thank you
@@ZeroFlowers Lol!
sidenote its girl but ok hehe
@@msmventures799 Okay then
I love how patient she is when they cut her off. This is really really good info especially the spontaneous trait transference
Yeah, and she's also an expert at getting straight back on topic with them
@@haljohnson6947 Yes, she is well focused.
Getting cut off all the time is very annoying.
Yes, the spontaneous trait transference wasn't something I realised either
Yes, the spontaneous trait transference was important information. It will definitely change how I communicate.
@@TheFiddle101 one thing that I have learned, is that I like to make my own opinions about people. No person's relationship with another is the same as someone else's relationship with the same person. I've had someone tell me, before I met a person, that that person is annoying, only to find them pleasant when I actually meet them, or vise versa. When someone tries to give me their take ahead of time, especially if it's bad, I tend to not listen. I see it as gossip.
Notice how the guy says he hates conversational narcissists and we're all associating that characteristic with him now in the comments? Vanessa is a genius ☺️
Another thing I've noticed with charismatic people (from observation I consider Alicia Keys, George Clooney, Gregg Barden, Lorde charismatic) is that they're genuinely relaxed and calm when they're speaking and/or listening, thus creating a relaxed atmosphere which also relaxes anybody they're conversing with.
Sa kanya big factz
That comes from always positive feedback.. because of their celebrity status.
Obviously there are celebrities that don't have it.. but these are naturals that would most likely be cool pips even if not celebrity
I would agree charismatic people have a presence they dont need to force on others
I agree. Good examples of people.
"Don't be a conversational narcissist, because annoying people--"
*interrupts* "I hate those kind of people! Oh my God I just don't like 'em. I don't like 'em at all... They kill the ME factor."
Was he being ironic on purpose?
Yes, of course
I honestly think it was a joke look at how everyone received it, even Vanessa laughed it off
This is his personality to crack jokes.
No shit...
Yeah obviously
Just be yourself. No bullshit. Your charisma will shine
exactly
+SeanBelal What if my natural charisma makes people doubt every decision they've ever made.
+SeanBelal Charisma is innate, you can't teach it...it's about instinct, and you can't 'learn' instinct.
+LJY08 charisma is innate, but it can be learned. Much like breathing is reflexive but you can also breathe on que. This is important in running or singing for example, it is the developing of good habits. This is analagous to charismatic habits and features.
Michael Hyden I'm not so sure. The most charismatic people you ever meet have not been taught how to be charismatic; it is innate...part of their personality. In fact, most people who are naturally charismatic don't realise it for a long time, they learn over a period of time how their behavior seems to influence others; often unintentionally.
Charismatic people often find themselves in difficult situations when they are learning about their own personality, because they influence people to do things that may not be appropriate without even realising it.
What a charismatic person may perceive as an innocent comment that, to them, should appear inconsequential to others, can result in the receiver acting out on that comment to the horror of the charismatic being who unknowingly influenced the behavior in the first place.
So, over time, that instinct becomes sharper and can go either way...to influence people in a positive way, or in a negative way; but ultimately is is part of your DNA; your fiber, and it is just fine tuned over time to work to the owner's advantage.
I love how she mentions conversation narcissists and yet the guy continually interrupts and has to get his two cents in throughout the entire segment. This was great information but tough to watch because of the hosts not letting the professional do her job without having to battle them through the conversation.
That man needs a lesson in not interrupting.
+In God We Trust That man unwittingly prompted the lady show how to break speech and listen to the other person.
Without him, this vid would be 1min long.
+In God We Trust I was literally about to type that
+In God We Trust A bit like Donald Trump...
Yes and because kept interrupting we lost out on info! How on earth do people get their jobs!
5'31": "I want you to try deep gazing - that's noticing someone's eye color, and the reason for that is because they found that when you do that it releases..." > interruption > end of the video. Nobody will ever know what it releases.
He interrupted her many times. Kind of a narcissistic jerk.
Interrupting an interview on charisma... made himself come across less charismatic. The irony
5:31 evidently it releases a hormone called thisdoesntgetcreepy
Oxytocin
Releases oxytocin.
The deep gazing part kinda works for me. I tried this on a girl and i could tell her reaction changed, for the better i mean. The bad thing is i was too focused on gazing i didn't hear a word she said. lol
+sbtopjosh I tried deep gazing on a girl too, not on her eyes though
+Kebaburrito literally loled at this. Good work sir. thank you.
I learned to do both in time though I just made sure to stare Mia Khalifa in the eye, while reciting hamlet
I have a bad habit of doing that upon introductions, somI instantly don't register their name ! Or maybe it's Alzheimers.
😂😂😂
Also a good tip: dont constantly interrupt the person you interview.
XD
Love it. It's so true. I went from being very socially awkward to quite charming (if do say so myself!!!! LMAO!!!! ) I literally did SO MUCH research on how to do this - hours and hours, initially I became overly eager to please others but now more chill and relaxed about things - I have faith that the right people will be drawn to me and the wrong repelled. Oh, and be careful with the gaze thing. I have a friend who does it bc she's nervous and it is creepy - but she is SO LOVELY and CHARMING herself that it doesn't really matter! I'm just commenting bc I almost used to try to hide from people!! Hahaha! Now I'm quite outgoing and can go to gatherings without actually needing to take Xanax!
LMAOAOOO
3:30 spontaneous trait transferring is so true, at my last corporate job I experienced gossipers and it was so difficult not to judge them based on their negative judgements
Allright here are the five traits, just so you don't have to watch the entire video over and over again before you learn this: 1) Embrace your own flaws, 2) "How can I get the person I'm speaking with to tell their own story?", 3) Gush, don't gossip, 4) Show your hands, 5) Deep gaze.
And be genuine. Be positive. If you do these things artifically, you're a sociopath.
adirgeforher LOL wut? People have to start from somewhere.
adirgeforher hahaha
Loddentidster YEAH! That's right. And 6) Don't be a conversational narcissist. ;)
If you having a conversation with a boring person, or maybe they're nervous, it's hard not to be a conversational narcissist.
It's not just the questions you ask, but they must come from a sincere interest to the answer and the questions must be presented in such a way.
Wow her smile is soo natural and not a madly forced grin at all! :)
+Yokky But still, better than a natural and sincere 'I-hate-you face' :)
+Yokky Hahahaha
+Yokky she's trying to do exercises for her muscles
The guy talks too much, interrupting juuuust when she's about to say something information/important. Would somebody please stop him...
Charlene J Allison i know right he's the conversational narcissist she's telling him about making every comment and question center around or about him
YUNGJUICEGIRL1 I'm watching this for the 2nd time and can't help commenting again on how annoying this man is. Yes, a true conversational narcissist...
Charlene J Allison 3:31
Ctfu
@C J Allison My Mum does the same thing! She tells me it's because of old age lol.
Fantastic video, she really embodies what she teaches. Great interaction skills Vanessa
Charisma Academy are you dead?
I think Charisma is also a person that you find interesting and you want to listen to.
ruclips.net/user/shortsf8KsW3BxKHI?si=wizVdRQtI9LWq2Bz
Like Oliver Reed always said....put a smile on their face, or bed them! That, for me, is genuine charisma. It's not about talking, it's about using the silence around words to enhance the atmosphere. These people simply like to hear themselves talk. No style, no grace, no silence.
Speaking of annoying...the interviewer is not interviewing but interrupting.
+onesnowgoose he's the conversational narcissist...
+Alex Ha Men are use to dominating conversation. It's probably just a bad habit he has learnt.
***** Oh yeah I know. Just saying that I find this happens to me often when I'm trying to talk and men are in the audience. Although gay men tend not to do this. Of course not saying ALL men interrupt/are rude like this but just that most men are taught that this behaviour is perfectly ok. Doesn't make them bad ppl, just the patriarchy bullshit has taught them a bad habit. Of course girls interrupt people too, just I find that, in my experience, they do it less than men do.
Word he trying to hard. I know he felt stupid when she said you have to listen more than you speak
Jade Corong would you consider the 1:54 an interruption? She actually finished her story the only thing he did which could be seen as wrong is he was skeptical but that’s what devils advocate is for for our understanding, and he interjected quickly but she was finished. He prob a little nervous
"don't be a conversational narcissist"
"Oh I hate those type of people" BRUH YOU ARE THAT PERSON
He did that on purpose as a joke Einstein
Yup, she's exceptionally charismatic!
And the guy is Dr. Interruptor.
I was going to interrupt you, but I arrived 5 years too late.
She should have given a specific tip to him. Stop interrupting!! She never got to finish her last sentence.
I really admire a charismatic kind of person because he has the guts to make everyone drawn towards him but I guess everyone of us could be same if we just learn to be ourselves because no matter how we pretend to be someone else but still authencity is what really matters.
Vanessa is brilliant! "Gush, don't gossip," and "spontaneous trait transfer," this is like downloading new charismatic software.
Speaking about conversational narcissism, the host actually appears to exhibit these qualities...
questions like "what was the most exciting thing that happened to you/what are your personal passion projects" are actually what turn me off... they sound so cliche and trying too hard to start a conversation, which actually sounds boring and desperate.😓
"How is school?" is that better? lol
Scarlett C I agree with you. I like having deep and interesting conversations but they can't feel forced like that. Once they're forced it doesn't feel like charisma anymore, it has the opposite effect.
Scarlett C I usually open my conversations up with very offensive humor like (who's your favorite hero? Please don't say Hitler that'd be the 5th one today.)
OR I guess
Hey how's it going? besides the basic 'I'm fine' that everyone I ever ask say
( I find this allows you to test a person and they try to seem more interesting and give a better answer /or not I guess if they still answer unresponsively I just move on they don't like my personality)
SAME
@Norman Peters-Cooper 1-310-275-1101. Here's mine ;)
shes so damn charismatic that she gives the impression that shes unaware of it. Brilliant.
This was really helpful for me. Especially the hands = trust part. Thank you!
You actually care what the other person is saying - the best kind of charisma. Good video. Thank you
4:34 she had such an angry micro expression narrowed lips slow blink (eye roll)! haha Love you Vanessa and you're actually a great person to observe body language on because you're so expressive and it goes to show how hard it is to control these little micro-expressions even as a master in the field!
I hate getting called on eye-rolling.
mam trust me I go many places and everyday I try to make it better than the last. I'm only human I have my bad days. My personality is loving, giving, and always trying to help. That's just in my nature and you have people that try to take advantage of that and that sucks, cause it'll mess it up for others. I try to not judge people base on pass experiences but as there own individual cause you never know. Too manyPeople judge others based on what city you from or where you live at. I've been through alot and try my best to stay positive an it isn't easy when everything you come across is negative. It breaks your spirit I've given up all my life cause things never got better. I still try to start my day with a smile. I really appreciate you all taking the time to try to sharpen up my people skills and how to be more presentable and professional when talking or dealing with people. I need it and I wanna learn more. Once again thank you
Great advice! But I think charisma is something more elusive. Some people can just enter a room and say nothing yet have the most powerful presence or 'aura.'
This is actually quite true. One time I passed gas as I walked into a room. I didn't have to say a word but everybody stopped and all eyes are on me. I think this is pure charisma.
Right about the end of this video I realized she kept a smile on my face for the whole 6 minutes. Jesus christ Vanessa your charisma is off the roof!!
wow. amazing video and advice. Thank you so much. I'm 21 and struggle with this . although years ago I was the opposite of how I am now. I want to go back to being charasmatic and likable, outgoing, confident, etc.
I feel you I feel like it's because when you get out of high school you become less social since you're not surrounded by people all day everyday no more lol
People that ask questions like "what's the most exciting thing that happened to you today?!" are so lame and annoying though hahaha, like really, now I have to think of an answer to this stupid question
It is an incredibly stupid question. I'd give a funny look.
playandrepeat I agree. I would feel stupid asking things like that and I am sure if someone asked me that I would think that they are a weirdo or someone that gets too personal way to quick. However, if I was too try this I would have to tell them about the video I saw to justify my question and I think at that point since I am trying so hard to be likable I would think they would think I was a fruitcake. Does everyone think it would work better explaining why you are asking that first? Or would you still think they are lame? I want to make a better first impression because I am very shy and I tend to just stand there and say nothing at all which is really bad too. I really need help when it comes to a 1st meeting with someone. Any suggestions?
true, that person you responded to has a bigger filter than a 100 gallon aquarium
I just give the most boring answer I can think of an maybe the person will leave. I will say in a monotonous voice, "I kept to myself." Another good answer could be, "I was forced to come to this social event." Those two answers almost always send a charismatic, social, likeable, person nearly running away from you. I have used these two answers many times and they have always worked. It really throws the social person off guard and disorientates them severely. Social people are not used to being turned off like that. This is why they usually almost run when those two answers are given. To date, I have not made any friends nor had anybody ask much about me since 8 August 2001. It becomes second nature to give these repelling answers after awhile and you will give them automatically. I have had no friends since 8 August 2000 and have successfully kept it this way using the two answers. If you make no eye contact with anybody and move about quickly, you are likely not to be approached at all. Look like you are looking around people instead of seeming like you are looking at the people. Even a passing glance at a person will trigger a social person to start approaching you. Practice trying to see the wall behind everyone and it will be rare that anybody will approach you. Social people seem to not notice you when it appears you are trying to look around them, even if there is actually nothing of interest to see behind the social person. I am so good at this that when forced to be in an environment full of people, not one will try to talk to me.
That guy was SO RUDE!!! Let the girl talk for heaven's sake!!
Denise Jeter ugh. Now I associate rudeness with you. You're so rude...
bless you
Taka Masuda hahahah
Denise Jeter and he said he hates people that are narccistic talkers hahahahaha so ironic
@@ThomasFoolery8 well, that comment wasn't the nicest thing, she's kind of a hypocrit
The best part is you completely display what you teach mam! I loved your confidence... I wish I become somewhat near to that ! :)
The fact about gossiping is so true. People who do that are in fact mean, awful, etc.
I couldn´t care a less.
great video! very informative! what does deep gazing release? you were about to say something but were interrupted...
What a queen she is! Just hearing of her for the first time!
When I was in college, I used to go to house party a lot. I learned how to interact with people and not to be shy when people are around.
Here, hold my beer while I give this charismatic speech
ROYAL PSYCHO lol
Lol.
Hold my deer🤣🤣
Gushing over others instead of backbiting gives the person you are talking to the confidence in knowing that they most likely will say good things about you behind your back instead of negative things.
It releases what???? Stop cutting her off with the silly comments!!
Why are all comments on RUclips negative? Lol, it's ridiculous. I thought this video was great; useful insights.
Agreed
because most ppl are negative
It's because some people feel they are experts about everything and when they hear a real expert and it doesn't match their "so called expertise" and realize that they really don't know as much as they thought, they get butt hurt and slam the video, the experts and the people who post it. I thought this was a very well done video myself.
(john cena)
Captain Crunched I know right such negativity on RUclips
Amazing how the interviewers lead right into everything she wanted to say.
Awesome, Very Beautiful Video, I'm inspired by you.You are making a difference.You bring out the best in other people.God Bless You !
Vanessa you are my role model, thank you so much for all your work!! xo
Thank you for such a kind compliment! And thank you for watching!
Hey Venesa, I have been watching your videos for few days. I wanna Thank you for the lessions i have learnt from you. And i am implementing them in my life❤️
Happy to hear that! Thank you for watching!
You can learn but its a natural thing ...
oxymoron
Our education is old language is old and we talk at each other and is open to interpretation our language is also limited to our experience and our upbringing
Interrupting on the point regarding conversational narcissists: "I hate those people"!
denny401 slight barb
denny401 pretty sure that was an intentional joke about himself
Cerbero3333333 I don't think so!
Helen Raptis is such a sweet person! I always loved dealing with her when she would come into where I worked at the time, a super nice woman and completely down to earth.
This video was EXTREMELY EYE OPENING!
I like the guy he puts his input and is paying attention. The negative hate.
2:05 she was laughing like that because he doesn’t realize the irony of what he is saying 😂
I think she's confusing likable with charismatic. I know people who are
exactly like this, and I find them pleasant but dull. On the other hand,
when I meet people who exude strength and confidence it really doesn't
matter where they keep their hands and whether or not they show me their
flaws, I still become absolutely enchanted.
I put all my perks Charisma
1. Embrace imperfections.
2. Ask questions of others.
3.
4.
5.
1.They accept their imperfections
2. Don’t be conversational narcissist
3. Gush, Don’t gossip
4. Maintaining eye contact
5. Use hands gestures
Super powerful. I added it to my favorites and need to rewatch tomorrow. Want to and will memorize these tips and be more Charismatic.
"Remember, to achieve this you don't have to be a good looking person" - Good looking person. :)
Ribbing aside, great video and tips!
A lovely clip with good presentation. Within the first minute, it is suggested that Charisma can be learnt. If you have to learn Charisma, then perhaps you are not naturally Charismatic. What you always have, is the most valuable option of all, and that is to just to be yourself. Consider letting others do the rehearsed Charismatic dance to fulfil / heal their self doubt, possibly manipulative tendancies. I bet that if you were to practice the 5 habits upon certain people that you know, you would soon learn that their narcissistic tendancies prevail. Who am I to speak anyway. Just be the beautiful you that everyone knows & respects.
That man needs to learn interviewing skills - LISTENING!
I promise you this channel is worth more than my 20k tut-ions in college. She is one of the best at teaching anything...
I wanna hear what the brunette is saying but this guy keep talking all the time
Mathias Piletti LOL
Shut up Guy!!!!
She was going to go on to talk about how I am the one true love of her life and that's how it is with most women.
This was a great video with a lot of points! I appreciate how you control the interview as well. You just earned a subscriber!
5:38 ..."it releases..."? I will never know
Slimey stuff..(I think..;-0)
Juliana Ferreira it probably releases happy feelings. BUT we will never know 😮 he did interrupt a lot
Check my comment for the answer :)
it releases oxytosin
"It releases..." gas that has been building up after heavy meals at Taco Bell.
Awesome interview! As a Real Estate Consultant this should make me more magnetic and productive to help people better too.
This guy is pure narcissistic conversationalist.
jorgipogi that's why he hates it he wants to be in control
Wow some real advice and not misleading title to a waste of time. Thank. You!!!
This is the first Vanessa's video I've seen. I am already in love with her. Vanessa is my new cruch :)
Luiz Fernando de Andrade Gadêlha crutch or crush?
Vanessa you're awesome. People always point out how much I do talk with my hands. I think I do it too much LOL. I feel like I get my point cross better. It helps with my nervousness as well. God bless you and thank you!
Hi Vanessa your vids are fantastic. Strange question have u ever broken your collar bone...u have a lump at the base of your neck on you left hand side at the proximal head of the collar bone....if u have never broken it u need to get it checked
It might be cancer too
I love how you take time to examine the unnoticeable things and go into detail
Its charismatic how see implies those tips to her too while telling everybody...Loved it !
She really does practice what she preaches!
Thanks for the tips! I think I can improve in the mentioned areas so I'm going to put them intro practice starting now.
for me cbarismatic is someone emanating positive energy and vibes. u don't have to b physically good looking to b charismatic. someone very intelligent but badly dressed can b charismatic. i have experienced this again and again. but i think it also depends on the individual...what is ur definition of charismatic
Bernie Sanders is a perfect example of that
Though all the points are very helpful but what I liked the most was " how can I get this person to tell me his story".
This single point instantly transform your persona. When my mindset is focused more on listening his story rather than firing mine, it opens many opportunities, which would have been closed otherwise, if I continued exaggerating my story.
Thanks Vanessa for adding more values to my persona. Thanks.
I find myself gazing in your eyes a lot Vanessa! On a serious note, another great video.
I just bought a 2016 Charisma. It has heated seats, and a 7 speed transmission.
the man shouldn't interrupt
The point 3. was new for me and its so good. Know we know, also that if someone is gossiping about me behind my back, it will stick to him/her. ; ) so let them gossip about you , ) Thanks Vanessa from Europe
"He always see's the positive in some people" hahaha
"They’ve done studies, you know. 60 percent of the time, it works every time.” - Brian Fantana
k f I can't believe he said that stuff
awesome, ANOTHER woman who knows everything x.x
...how is she so good at communicating.......
The hosts were awful, holy crap. Just shut up! Let the woman talk!
nah they weren't awful at all and they got on well with the woman
Would you say they were mean and awful?
He’s guiding the dialogue otherwise Vanessa just rambles on.. she can learn to be more concise with the same message...
In Australia we wouldn't welcome someone gushing "She's fierce and feisty ..." We find more sincerity in understatement e.g. "I've learned some interesting new ideas from my friend, Amanda." Or "Amanda has just lead a valuable workshop about..." Those sentences lead the other person to ask more.
Well he doesn't have it !
Worthy of subscribing. Excellent video.
yes i agree. the man interviewer kept butting in and missing the points. too much self importance, hense, non charismatic.
So much info in one little video .... crazzzyy... I have these same charismatic traits
every time this man opened his mouth, the pacifist in me died a little more.
Lol
The old elementary school, "Whoever smelled it, dealt it," is modified for me. Whether it is flatulence, perfume, clean soap smell, clean laundry smell, or hairspray smell, if I can smell the other person, I am too close. I modified the elementary school saying to, "If I smell them, repell them." Safety and security comes from being away from people, not being close to them. I learned this painful lesson 8 August 2000. Never let anybody get close to you socially nor physically. It is likely the one getting trying to get close to you is trying to get something from you. Sometimes it may simply be friendship the person is trying to get from you. But it is far more likely the one trying to get close to you is trying to get something more that can hurt you when that person takes it. Beware of humans. They are not your friends nor do many of them want to be your friend. They are trying to get something from you. "If you can smell them, repell them."
I always wonder why TV show hosts interject so much. They're so used to being the center of attention that they can't let this extremely bright and well spoken woman talk about her subject. This woman has 10x the brain that you do sir, why don't you just let her talk instead of constantly trying to make some sort of comment. This would make your show much more interesting. I'm not sure why this set me off, but it did, and there's my piece.
2:48: aren’t those people just nosy?
4:30: this is my wife Audrey. She smells a bit, but she has a heart of gold
Please put tape over that guy's mouth. He is so annoying
OMG! I feel exactly the same way. He inerrupts Vanessa constantly with his silly remarks. I can barely watch these videos because of him. Vanessa on the other hand is so interesting and intelligent.
Oh wow, it's true, I really feel like that insult sticks to you! Try to gush not gossip next time
Sharon Reeve Put tape over your face first.
@@DefinitionLegend oh someone's offended
That would be illegal but I will allow you to buy me coffee and a donut. No I'm not a cop.
Dear Vanessa, thank you very much, good practice active listening.Thanks