If it is raining on your way to work, and you stop in for coffee at the convenience store, instead of opening with the negative comment on the weather outside, say something like, "Boy, is it nice and dry in here!" with a big smile of grateful appreciation.
I do that. I hadn't thought about it. I haven't always done that. I think that, when you are generally happy and have an empowered attitude (I'm doing instead of I'm being done to), it's natural to see the good thing right away, and comment on it. If l am happy, people are more likely to respond positively to honest expressions.
Thank you vanessa, you are a treasure. I am a 49-year-old male from the Philippines who live a life of extreme introvert from childhood and suffered from it. Your videos help me a lot. May God bless you and your career, and may you continue to help millions of people in what you teach
My number 1 conversation starter is, "I'm just curious...... (fill in the blank). Works 99% of the time. For example, if a group of people are speaking in a foreign language, I always ask, "I'm just curious, what language were you speaking?" With women with large bags, I ask, "I'm just curious, guys always wonder what a woman could possibly put in a bag like that?" Always get a laugh and a smile when I use that approach. With anybody that has a sports shirt or hat, I always ask how their team is doing?
The START FRESH TIP is what got me. I always go into a conversation with baggage, "i don't know how to start talking" " i am socially awkward" "i have social anxiety" . All these kind of thoughts just make it harder to talk to people. Thanks for this video
I am exacted to practice all this. I am from Brazil,but I got married with a Oregonian guy 😊.I am a Ambivert person.After 3 years leaving in a different country with a different culture I started to feel more comfortable being myself. Thank you for your videos.It helped a lot to improve my English and also help me in my journey to be more sociable.
I’ve been working on my social anxiety FOR YEARS and this is exactly what I’ve done. I still feel introverted and recover my energy by being alone but somehow people see me as an extrovert and very outgoing! One thing I do notice is that whenever my social battery is low I stop smiling or even looking at other people, or may seem to serious when talking. That’s a very important point and something and consciously working on.
Hi Vanessa, I think you offer some excellent advice. Perhaps it’s just me, but people may think I’m a bit strange if we just met and I started asking them questions like “ what’s the highlight of your week?” “what passion project are you working on ?” or “ did you learn a thing interesting today?” I’ve watched many of your videos and notice you mention this tip often, but I don’t believe most people speak this way in everyday life. Aside from that, you share some really wonderful tips for social connecting! xoxo❤
I hear you, and it's a common concern. The beauty of these questions is that they're designed to break the ice in a fresh and engaging way, moving us beyond the typical "What do you do?" and into more meaningful territory. It's true, they might feel unconventional at first, but that's exactly what can make them so memorable and impactful. It's all about the delivery-ask with genuine curiosity and a smile, and you'll be surprised how often people are delighted to share. ❤
Yes, it can be true depending on the person. As an introvert, I do better connecting with individuals on a one-to-one basis than in a group. One thing that hooks me in, fer shur, is humor - not that you make me laugh but that I can do the same👌🏾
This is hands down the best guide to improving social skills I have ever come across. Thank you Vanessa! I know I'll remember all of your tips for life
Great tip to start off with less daunting people and situations. Use this to warm up, get your confidence up and then move on to slightly more challenging people.
Owning your awkward moments in a lighthearted way is sooo likeable! Ryan Trahan is a master at it. Emily Vondy is good at it too. You have a chuckle and keep going. Instant tension breaker! Lol
You make me nervous but happy at the same time. So if I type something wrong or misspell something forgiving me but you know what I saying. I hope. Thanks for helping me step out of my comfort zone.
Hi, 'Nessa! I see one of 2 barbers every week. These girls are excellent at conversation, like you say. (Sometimes one is busy or not there, so i see the other.) Sometimes i start out with a negative (bad weather, traffic) because the conversation can only get better, right?! It's also a good recovery test. You're right, i almost always get a negative response, because they're stressed out too. So, I'll quickly change it up. I almost always have a great chat with them. But i always practice my banter with them. Great video! EDIT: Regarding when to show up: I've discovered that, for certain events, it pays y to show up early, then offer to help "set up." This is usually last minute easy stuff. In addition to getting an early start "grouping" and "chatting," it puts you in s different category from the other "guests." Here's an example: a networking get-together with the local Chamber of Commerce, or a church group. Other guests will see you differently when you're active like "one of the organizers," and it just works for you on so many ways! I discovered this by accident, and i use this strategy often!
Honesty, I am watching this video so I can be sociable when I am around people. I prefer my own company. Actually, I have beautiful memories that I have spent alone. The other company I enjoy is that of my partner.
Funny thing....I thought sharing anything in common was good. How interesting that a less than positive share might not be! Living in Florida I will now be inclined to say, "Thank goodness for air-conditioning!" rather than my usual, "Holy cow, it's hot today." Thanks so much for your inspiring and entertaining talks, Vanessa. They are more helpful than you can ever possibly imagine.
Starting fresh and being kind to ourselves are probably the biggest tips. They really help with fighting discouragement and I'm inspired to try being social again. Thanks VVE!
The problem for me, is that I don’t even enjoy any type of social interaction. It doesn’t elicit any sort of pleasure or excitement. In the contrary, it depletes me and makes me feel very tired. I understand the importance of solid communication and talking to people. That’s why I’m here
If i may give some input. I think that is because you see social interactions as threatening. You feel like they are a challenge, and then you get stressed. Maybe force youserlf for now and at some point you may get used to social interactions and no longer find them tiring.
That 90 hour thing makes a lot of sense when you think about how easy it is for kids to make friends. They spend 6 hours a day with each other in school! LOL In the early grades before they change classes. I assume that is why we make so many friends as kids. The same dynamic would apply to kids on your block (well, before cell phones!). It also reveals why most of our adult friends are formed at work; we spend all day every day with such people. As for the 29 year mark, that is when you have finally discovered, and come to grips with the fact, that people are jerks, generally speaking. (Yes, all of us; me too.)
Ummm... There are 24 hours in a day. So if one doesn't have 4 days within a month or even two to spend with another person, I seriously do not know how invested one will be in friendship that one expects to grow or a friendship one realistically expects to become fulfilling and sustain. If one doesn't have time. One simply does not have the time. And if one can't make the time. Then, be true to thineself. Investing in an appropriate therapist seems like a far better option.
@@drzennAvian Well, I was speaking of a dynamic that all can clearly observe occurring in all of our lives. Why it is this way is a topic for another discussion. So, your entire comment was completely off topic. But, thank you for feeling free to vent...? P.S. It is sad that you clearly think therapy is a good thing. Unfortunately, therapy is just one Hell bound sinner trying to make another Hell bound sinner feel better about themselves on their way to Hell. God said His people have committed two evils. They not only rejected Him, the fountain of living waters, but then they hewed out for themselves broken cisterns that cannot hold water. That is your psychological counseling. Continue on your present course of life and your depression will get progressively worse until you cannot bear it. You would become a happy person if you just get your rebellious, proud fist out of God's face and repent. I am free from fear, pride, condemnation, and depression. They have no place in the life of a true believer. I am praying for you to get saved, so that your stupid pride does not drag your sorry butt into the Lake of Fire with your father the devil...forever. You are hereby commanded, in the name of Jesus Christ, to repent.
@@busker153 haha 😄 well that was a refreshing response. Yeaaaah. I didn't think I was venting (I've put in time and effort to have friends for that), but...okay, if you say so. Well, it seems like you've got the best friend of them all. THE LORD. So I hope God gives you a friend. A human one. (If that's something you'd be interested investing in... and not just as a mere observation of when we were kids). It's possible too as an adult to make new friendships if you're willing to put in the work and not self-righteously thump people in face with your interpretation of Scripture. OFF-PUTTING behaviour. No need to be soo combative. Jeez-Louise 😄 (This man is coming on stronger than Old Spice). 😆 🤣 I just came on here, because there is always room for improvement. But I see this is clearly NOT the platform. Lol. Vaya con Dios. Peace. Love and Apple 🍎 juice. I don't care anymore. 😆 🤣
@@drzennAvian You were not venting, "because I say so." That was a childish response on your part. Passive aggressive attacks designed to make you look innocent do not wash with people who know better. God has given me friends. But, again, that is you trying to exalt yourself by tearing me down. That is what satan and his foolish children do: steal, kill, and destroy. I said making friends as an adult is a different dynamic. You still have failed to grasp my original comment in favor of continued venting of your ever increasing hatred of all people other than your foolish self. Since you jumped on my comment like a vulture, it is further clear that you are the one who, "self-righteously thumps people in face with your understanding of the world around you" (otherwise known to intelligent people as your religious beliefs). "I just came on here, because there is always room for improvement. But I see this is clearly NOT the platform. Lol." That was you playing the victim. Well, you are not a victim; only a volunteer. You only get the pain you inflict on yourself. Please, do not embarrass yourself further by trying to vent at me further. Repent, or you will go to hell forever.
I really enjoyed listening to this. You're a great speaker because your speech strays from word fillers and you're energy is magnetic here ! I am not familiar with the word ambivert; I don't consider my self the either two extremes like yourself, so I learned something new. This video is one that I will rewatcj and most definitely share ! Thanks for the golden nuggets of knowledge!
Am I the only person who absolutely dislikes when their hairdresser is trying to do the small talk?? 😁 Guilty! Hehe Vanessa, you got me thinking about the interactions we have these days. Everything moving to the online space and how some people may go for weeks without talking to anyone face to face. Sometimes it feels so lonely out there. I just got my coffee. And usually I'd have a little chat with a barista, but recently they've introduced a pick up option. If I didn't make a conscious effort to say at least 'thank you' this would have been another robotic transaction. By the way, your camera presence is out of this world. I'm taking notes to do better on my own channel 💕🧜🏻♀️
You sure know how to make people give you likes. You’re an expert in this. Awesome videos, I’m learning so much from you. Just like you I’m a recovering awkward person.🙈
I am so glad I found you ☺ Very shy person who overthink so much or I am boring to talk to..generally want to get into persons stories Well not anymore and ill practice all these tips you give out Thank you Vanessa My name is Zdenka and its a pleasure listening to you 😊
I wish I could find the study for you, but there was a similar one where they found intimate friendship takes about 180hrs. What I found fascinating was that if you did not meet certain criteria for intimacy, the friendship fails, intimacy will NEVER develop and the person will remain an acquaintance. So you can't be lazy about that vulnerability if you want to recruit someone to that special catagory
Lol ong same !! A hair dresser at AVEDA currently and small talk is SO draining with these people 😭 ( clients AND classmates ) LMAO I love this video and the advice though !
This video raises 2 observations. . 1) almost no one understands how to be socialbe, and . 2) there is now the question as to why someone would need friends. . I get that due to RUclips algorithms, no one will ever see this comment. But if anyone ever does, can you name at least 2 benefits of having friends? Serious question.
When i was in primary school i had 6 boys in my class and 12 girls, that was because i live in a small village in my city in greece, along the 6 grades in primary school i had the class with the least boys in it one of them being my cousin...After i bonded With those 6 people so much in my life after primary School i lost them, I got into Junior high school in a half greek and half turkish school, So I became more Introverted because i was afraid of their arrogance. I didnt had my friends i was alone but finally i made some good people that cared about me! In my second year in High school one of my friends was forced to Transfer into a different school due to his family so i lost my "Best friend" At that time. I had one more good friends but he was and extrovert and a very outgoing person, His friends were just like him, So i tried to be more with them but i failed, they said we didnt had good Chemistry. Right now im in my second year in high school and i live my worst part of my life... I met some 4-5 good friends but they are best friends since primary school.. After 1 year I got into high school im still trying to be happy and i can't, All my cousins and my sister have best friends and when they experienced Life in high school it was their biggest And Greatest Part of their life...I guess i cant do anything right, i should give up. Thank you for this video, even tho it Helped some people im still trying to be less hard with my self but i dont see a difference
I'm so sorry you're struggling with this! It’s really important to talk things over with someone, such as a mental health professional or a trusted person in your life. I will also link some articles below that may be helpful. Try not to be too hard on yourself ❤ www.scienceofpeople.com/teen-conversation-starters/ www.scienceofpeople.com/best-friendship-apps/ www.scienceofpeople.com/make-friends/
I struggle with vulnerability, in general. My boyfriend def has that gene you referenced lol he is literally the most charasmatic person I have ever met and everyone, I mean everyone adores him. He in honestly vulnerable, funny, charming but he has this way. I find when I am a little vulnerable people don’t respond? Trust me it’s not anything huge it’ll be like oh he’s been a bit of a rough week but I always brush it off and end on something positive but people don’t respond. My boyfriend says way more vulnerable things and people respond so well.
I totally hear you ❤ The vulnerability part is tough. When it comes to charisma, the nice thing is that it can actually be learned! Practicing it may also help when it comes to how people respond to you and your vulnerable shares. I'll link an article here that you may find helpful :) www.scienceofpeople.com/charismatic-traits/
Step 1 Start fresh Leave ur social baggage behind Step 2 Social goals What kind of friends Why do want to make friends Step 3 Be more outgoing( strategically) Start practicing conversations with barbers & hairdressers etc mailman delivery guy classmates colleagues waiters receptionist Eg:low pressure persons practice gentle banter. Step 4 Gush about things and people Talk positively Purposefully and intentionally Step 5 Use like dar Similarity effect Ask questions to search for similarities in awkward pauses & never run out things to say to be interesting be interested Step 6 Vuneralibility Share vulnerability early dont be needy and clingy Small honest vunerability Step 7 Harness curiosity Ask interesting questions Deeper and exciting And follow up say tell me more about that Step 8 Dont flake If you say yes ,do it and say no before hand Dont show up late show up on time Be punctual Step 9 Confidence body language Take up space Increase the space between your ear lobes and shoulders Keeping your arms open use arm rest and carry a drink Held your head high Step 10 Dont be hard on yourself One bad social interaction is not a rule
I'm 29 this year. I had the most friends between 21 to 27. I feel like I cut out most of my friends last year and I think the pandemic had a part in it.
I am actually surprised that the peak friend age is as high as 29. From my own personal experience, that age was around 21 for me. I had a steep decline in my number of friendships starting in my mid-twenties. My goal is to become more social and make 1 to 3 new friends this year.
I am so glad that I found you and learn more about this topic and you are so amazing with the content. Thank you for the really informative tips. Learning lots. 😊
As an ambivert, I can say that we are so lucky to enjoy time 🤣 with all people, we have a strong emotional intelligence 😍💓. However it's gonna be so costly to go to the hairdresser every three weeks 😜😘
Wow, I just found you and I subscribed immediately after the first video. A lot of knowledge gained already. And your videos would be instantly shared with loved ones and future friends. I plan to join your insider subscription gang after watching a few more videos. I Need This😁 Thanks!😁🙏🏽
I think i can make a friend just in minutes, just because i meet the right person, if we have very similar back ground, value, interest, believes, virtue, experiences, charactors, we canbe friend easily.
Wish some one would translate this video for people whore are recovering or currently taking drugs, (hard or soft), I was a drug addict, taking anything I could. Now I'm mostly sober (besides drinking).. Since I've been sober, not smoking weed everyday, and so and so every weekend, I've bee way social! I used to be a "Sad Boy", thinking everyone was against me, always thinking negative of me.. Especially with work, (with other genders) I'd think they thought negative about me, now that I am more social, not taking drugs, more sober... It's been AWESOME!!! I've personally been feeling more competent, and ESPECIALLY more social!
Van, i have a big question: I think i'm very magnetic when i'm around people, most people that meet me for the first time seem pleased and interested. But after that initial burst, even thought they don't forget that i exist, no one seem to come to me for any help, casual talk, deepening relationship... Usualy i'm the one that has to go to people through messages, calling, etc... Otherwise we probably never talk again even though we had both phones, social media etc... Well, sometimes it's a lady that is into me so there is an obvious reason to why she's reaching me. Even if i go to someone (like an old friend) and start a nice conversation, online for instance, it seems like it never happened the day after and onward. So How is it possible to be unforgetable? Is there a way to make a special mark in people's mind just by being awesome? Or do people need to gain something from it? Is the reason "everybody is too busy" a good justifier for this culture? Love, a viewer.
Oponomo, I’m not Vanessa but I think this video will help answer your question: ruclips.net/video/gcH6tFugYfo/видео.html Along those lines, you need to love yourself first before anything else. With unconditional self love, you will find that you don’t NEED other people to be happy or fulfilled. Also, research difference between scarcity and abundance mindset. If people don’t get back to you- that’s ok. There are billions of people in the world. Keep meeting more people until you find people that DO like you and want to spend time with you. But before even doing that, you need to love yourself first.
I bet you are not a doctor or a lawyer or something that they can gain from you.... that is why , they do not need you. That s the truth nobody tells us....
I am happy I found this channel. Good stuff, I will try some of these tips. Time to head to the barber! Oh yeah, I find Uber drivers to be similar to Barbers: Amazing, soul-touching conversations with Uber drivers!! If I were rich, I would take Uber all the time, just for companionship
I know what your doing.. batting those eyes.. showing the side of your neck. Raising your eyebrows and the non stop hand gestures.. you have mastered what you teach. My brain finds you incredibly irresistible. And none of it has to do with your physical being. Great job and keep doing what your doing.
Idk, I work with an elderly population, I find many of them are very proud to tell me about the jobs they had and the work they did. Younger people not so much... Because they haven't done much perhaps...
@@ScienceOfPeople thank you, for making these kind of video's. Coming from the streets and no affection being taught in the home, had me cold, I began watching and reading books about these topics which many don't try, stay stuck accepting the concept of being strong.
It takes on avg 6months to actually get to know someone... The problem with being vulnerable is that people see it as a sort of "weakness", therefore an opportunity to use that against you, maybe not at the moment but at some point.... For example: "I´m a recovering awkward person so it´s so nice to meet someone so outgoing..." "Oh remember when we met and you told me that you were recovering from that thing, seems like you relapsed, what´s going on with you..." I get your point though.
Sometimes the negative intro is not all that bad...I'm saying this from experience, I've had fun conversations with some strangers in school that started with someone complaining how annoying and stressful the class was, then we go ahead to make fun of some of things the lecturer said or laugh and jest about the strenuous assignment we were given, this sometime led to someone suggesting RUclips videos or books to help understand the class better or sometimes get an invite to a night tutorial...Just saying, negative intros could be not that bad, if u could still display a positive and optimistic attitude about the whole situation. That's my cup of tea☕
Ninety minutes to make friends. That explains why I usually had a best friend within three weeks during my grade school years. A typical school week was 30 hours long.
Oops! I meant 90 hours. I guess that backs up the research, but yeah, I had my friend group established by the third week of school when I was a child.
@@candacemattila2333 Shorter amounts of time are more significant at younger ages. The ratio of total life experience. By 30, you can work close with someone for a year and not even know their childrens' names.
Oddly enough, I have no problem starting to talk to strangers. I meet new people and talk to strangers, all the time. And others have been amazed, how easily & quickly I can make friends. Perhaps practicing talking to strangers for 40 or 50 years, after I became an adult, has something to do with it. Perhaps my wide range of knowledge & experience, or my ability, seemingly, to read other people's minds, has something to do with it. But, I think the most crucial factor, is my overall lack of fear. At my age, of 71, having cheated death so often, and been saved by a Power greater than myself so often--I really don't have much left to be afraid of. Having total faith, is incompatible with having fear. I am not perfect, have made a lit of mistakes in my life, but when it is my time to go, I will go--not one minute sooner, or one minute later. So, why worry about it till then? Worry, is a useless emotion; and one who has faith, has no fear...
It’s truly inspiring to hear how you've embraced life with such confidence and openness. Your years of experience and fearless approach to meeting new people are commendable. It's a reminder for all of us to live fully and fearlessly. Thank you for sharing your wisdom! 💖
Love this! Will like and subscribe~ I'm recovering from social anxiety and struggle with socializing Can't stand being flaked on, but you can also count on me to arrive late every time I'm going to be watching a lot of your videos this weekend... Not sure if I'll hit 90 hours haha Can't wait to become a real person lol
Thank you for your thought and Ideas. I wish I could have heard from you over fifty years ago. That is a very serious statement. I could only find one book in a university or public library on the topic of conversation.
I feel very lonely. I have a lot of friends and acquaintances but I can't build a good relationship with anyone. I don't feel very happy talking to anyone. I feel like I am separated from the world, people .. it bothers me a lot., How can I get rid of this condition?
Sophia (Golden Girls reference) appreciated. Lol She's my spirit animal for sure. This "6 meetings" stuff makes me feel like giving up before I start. Lmao 🤣 🤣🤣 I might take half a year to be ready to meet a second time. So...3 years hanging with one person I'll be friends? I guess I don't feel I have time for new people. I feel like if we click and we are willing to commit to time spent texting and hanging out we are friends. Not GOOD friends, obviously not besties. But friends nonetheless. An aquaintance is someone I meet and we never click enough to exchange phone numbers, or to plan to meet again. I know I'm an outlier here but I'm very comfortable with it. Just sucks because I mostly want friends for my kid, not myself. Seems so difficult to do that when I'm in the corner of the playground hoping no one talks to me. It's the disappointment. Everytime I feel ready to be friends and someone makes a verbal commitment "let's hang out next week" , "we need to watch [x movie]" etc then they never ever follow through...I don't need it. Lol
That’s so true! I was so pulular had tons of friends now I’m 32 alone I’m shy now can’t make friends now even at work everyone thinks I’m weird and quiet
Similar,but Im 28,i was never in the popular crowd or had tons of friends..I just had a few good friends back in school,plus I don't like big crowds. I've been shy/awkward & struggle with social anxiety my whole life,but my social anxiety got much worse in my adult years,and I've had a hard time dealing with socializing with people in public..I had a couple friends from my old job aswell,but now I isolate myself alot now more than ever in my recent job(I've been at for almost over 3 years now)..the year 2020 my anxiety and depression was the worst,thanks to stinkin covid19..i had multiple mental breakdowns,becuz of the lock down and such,the US Postal service made us work many hours,only 1 day off,etc..and my mental health takes a toll,when I have to be with people for soo long and for soo many days,etc.. and it truly sucks,becuz its truly such a struggle and hindrance living like this..😔
@@sillau9 Hey man, that all sounds so tough :( Thank you for sharing that here, coz it helped me relate to you. I also had just a few good friends back in high school, and right now (in Uni) I am also going through a tough time of loneliness because my social skills have decided to take a vacation lol. Anyways, it's been a month since you posted that comment, how are you holding up now? :D
@@majormcnugget7395 hello there & thanks for asking..as of lately,I'm doing alright,lol..ive been trying to not take offense or take things personal for too long like I usually do and that I shouldn't care for people who don't even care for me and that I don't have to have them to like me in the first place,becuz if they're a jerk,why would I even want their approval,lol. I try to remember to not focus to much on myself,and remember that people have feelings too..also that I have a good job,and a car and to remember Jesus and the importance of being kind and forgiveness and such..and that I just need to focus on doing my job the best I can,and forget about any haters,lol.. (sorry for the blabble,lol..but how's everything with you,how have you been coping)
Learn more about being more sociable in our full article on this topic: www.scienceofpeople.com/be-more-social/
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In step 3 you forgot omnivert
Introvert -> ambivert -> omnivert -> extrovert
Nobody is fully intro or extroverted
If it is raining on your way to work, and you stop in for coffee at the convenience store, instead of opening with the negative comment on the weather outside, say something like, "Boy, is it nice and dry in here!" with a big smile of grateful appreciation.
This is a brilliant suggestion. Commenting on a less that pleasant situation with something positive. 👍 Nice!
@@gamesinfoprofile Well, it took 31 years, but Jesus finally fixed my cranial rectal inversion! LOL
I do that. I hadn't thought about it.
I haven't always done that.
I think that, when you are generally happy and have an empowered attitude (I'm doing instead of I'm being done to), it's natural to see the good thing right away, and comment on it.
If l am happy, people are more likely to respond positively to honest expressions.
Yeah good point
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Proverbs 20:15
There is gold, and a multitude of rubies: but the lips of knowledge are a precious jewel.
Thank you vanessa, you are a treasure. I am a 49-year-old male from the Philippines who live a life of extreme introvert from childhood and suffered from it. Your videos help me a lot. May God bless you and your career, and may you continue to help millions of people in what you teach
My number 1 conversation starter is, "I'm just curious...... (fill in the blank). Works 99% of the time. For example, if a group of people are speaking in a foreign language, I always ask, "I'm just curious, what language were you speaking?" With women with large bags, I ask, "I'm just curious, guys always wonder what a woman could possibly put in a bag like that?" Always get a laugh and a smile when I use that approach. With anybody that has a sports shirt or hat, I always ask how their team is doing?
That makes total sense - I love that! Thanks for sharing this approach =)
The START FRESH TIP is what got me. I always go into a conversation with baggage, "i don't know how to start talking" " i am socially awkward" "i have social anxiety" . All these kind of thoughts just make it harder to talk to people. Thanks for this video
I am exacted to practice all this.
I am from Brazil,but I got married with a Oregonian guy 😊.I am a Ambivert person.After 3 years leaving in a different country with a different culture I started to feel more comfortable being myself.
Thank you for your videos.It helped a lot to improve my English and also help me in my journey to be more sociable.
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Sorry, ma'an
Brasil! Yay!
Sorry for what?
Yeap Brazil🎉🎉🎉
I’ve been working on my social anxiety FOR YEARS and this is exactly what I’ve done. I still feel introverted and recover my energy by being alone but somehow people see me as an extrovert and very outgoing! One thing I do notice is that whenever my social battery is low I stop smiling or even looking at other people, or may seem to serious when talking. That’s a very important point and something and consciously working on.
Hi Vanessa, I think you offer some excellent advice. Perhaps it’s just me, but people may think I’m a bit strange if we just met and I started asking them questions like “ what’s the highlight of your week?” “what passion project are you working on ?” or “ did you learn a thing interesting today?”
I’ve watched many of your videos and notice you mention this tip often, but I don’t believe most people speak this way in everyday life.
Aside from that, you share some really wonderful tips for social connecting! xoxo❤
I hear you, and it's a common concern. The beauty of these questions is that they're designed to break the ice in a fresh and engaging way, moving us beyond the typical "What do you do?" and into more meaningful territory. It's true, they might feel unconventional at first, but that's exactly what can make them so memorable and impactful. It's all about the delivery-ask with genuine curiosity and a smile, and you'll be surprised how often people are delighted to share. ❤
I just turned 30, and 29 really was my most friend-filled year.
For introverted people who thrive on genuine connections it's WAYYYYYYY more than 90 hours to make a best friend.
Yes, it can be true depending on the person. As an introvert, I do better connecting with individuals on a one-to-one basis than in a group. One thing that hooks me in, fer shur, is humor - not that you make me laugh but that I can do the same👌🏾
This is hands down the best guide to improving social skills I have ever come across. Thank you Vanessa! I know I'll remember all of your tips for life
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Great tip to start off with less daunting people and situations. Use this to warm up, get your confidence up and then move on to slightly more challenging people.
ruclips.net/video/cPAYOBFGZh8/видео.html h
Owning your awkward moments in a lighthearted way is sooo likeable! Ryan Trahan is a master at it. Emily Vondy is good at it too. You have a chuckle and keep going. Instant tension breaker! Lol
You make me nervous but happy at the same time. So if I type something wrong or misspell something forgiving me but you know what I saying. I hope. Thanks for helping me step out of my comfort zone.
I have watched a LOT of videos like that and I must say, this one is definitely the best!
The right person will respond the right way so don’t worry .. I love it
So true! 💯
no cuz it’s crazy how were literally best friends now i love u so much
Yay! I'm a hairdresser. Now I feel like a secret weapon, when it comes to social practice lol love your videos 💕
i need a haircut :)
I'm 49 and went down to having one friend. Its all I need. After all, we've been friends for 32 years and counting.
It is better to have two friends. Just in case if one od them die soon.
Hi, 'Nessa!
I see one of 2 barbers every week. These girls are excellent at conversation, like you say. (Sometimes one is busy or not there, so i see the other.)
Sometimes i start out with a negative (bad weather, traffic) because the conversation can only get better, right?!
It's also a good recovery test. You're right, i almost always get a negative response, because they're stressed out too.
So, I'll quickly change it up. I almost always have a great chat with them.
But i always practice my banter with them.
Great video!
EDIT:
Regarding when to show up: I've discovered that, for certain events, it pays y to show up early, then offer to help "set up." This is usually last minute easy stuff. In addition to getting an early start "grouping" and "chatting," it puts you in s different category from the other "guests."
Here's an example: a networking get-together with the local Chamber of Commerce, or a church group.
Other guests will see you differently when you're active like "one of the organizers," and it just works for you on so many ways!
I discovered this by accident, and i use this strategy often!
Love that you're practicing all of these skills! Amazing work ❤
Honesty, I am watching this video so I can be sociable when I am around people. I prefer my own company. Actually, I have beautiful memories that I have spent alone. The other company I enjoy is that of my partner.
Excellent! Always important to be able to enjoy your own company first.
I enjoy my own company but sometimes I need the company of others to actually feel alive
Read: How to Win Friends and Influence People
How to WIN friends and influence people ;) I guess i blew it with you guys lol
@@Bigboss-xe6lm thanks
By Dale Carnegie?
Where can l get it for free?
@@saradeen3984 You might find a hard copy from Goodwill on the cheap.
Funny thing....I thought sharing anything in common was good. How interesting that a less than positive share might not be! Living in Florida I will now be inclined to say, "Thank goodness for air-conditioning!" rather than my usual, "Holy cow, it's hot today." Thanks so much for your inspiring and entertaining talks, Vanessa. They are more helpful than you can ever possibly imagine.
Thank you so much ❤ I am honored to hear that!
Starting fresh and being kind to ourselves are probably the biggest tips. They really help with fighting discouragement and I'm inspired to try being social again. Thanks VVE!
Do you have a podcast channel? It would be great to listen to these pointers while I’m out and about.
My favorite video because it’s completely what I wanna do! Connect with others and open up!!
I’m so happy I came across your channel!! It’s my social holy grail! Thank you so much!
The problem for me, is that I don’t even enjoy any type of social interaction. It doesn’t elicit any sort of pleasure or excitement. In the contrary, it depletes me and makes me feel very tired.
I understand the importance of solid communication and talking to people. That’s why I’m here
So glad you're here, would love to help ❤
If i may give some input. I think that is because you see social interactions as threatening. You feel like they are a challenge, and then you get stressed.
Maybe force youserlf for now and at some point you may get used to social interactions and no longer find them tiring.
That 90 hour thing makes a lot of sense when you think about how easy it is for kids to make friends. They spend 6 hours a day with each other in school! LOL In the early grades before they change classes. I assume that is why we make so many friends as kids. The same dynamic would apply to kids on your block (well, before cell phones!).
It also reveals why most of our adult friends are formed at work; we spend all day every day with such people. As for the 29 year mark, that is when you have finally discovered, and come to grips with the fact, that people are jerks, generally speaking. (Yes, all of us; me too.)
Ummm... There are 24 hours in a day. So if one doesn't have 4 days within a month or even two to spend with another person, I seriously do not know how invested one will be in friendship that one expects to grow or a friendship one realistically expects to become fulfilling and sustain.
If one doesn't have time. One simply does not have the time.
And if one can't make the time. Then, be true to thineself.
Investing in an appropriate therapist seems like a far better option.
@@drzennAvian Well, I was speaking of a dynamic that all can clearly observe occurring in all of our lives. Why it is this way is a topic for another discussion.
So, your entire comment was completely off topic. But, thank you for feeling free to vent...?
P.S.
It is sad that you clearly think therapy is a good thing. Unfortunately, therapy is just one Hell bound sinner trying to make another Hell bound sinner feel better about themselves on their way to Hell. God said His people have committed two evils. They not only rejected Him, the fountain of living waters, but then they hewed out for themselves broken cisterns that cannot hold water. That is your psychological counseling.
Continue on your present course of life and your depression will get progressively worse until you cannot bear it. You would become a happy person if you just get your rebellious, proud fist out of God's face and repent.
I am free from fear, pride, condemnation, and depression. They have no place in the life of a true believer. I am praying for you to get saved, so that your stupid pride does not drag your sorry butt into the Lake of Fire with your father the devil...forever.
You are hereby commanded, in the name of Jesus Christ, to repent.
@@busker153 haha 😄 well that was a refreshing response.
Yeaaaah. I didn't think I was venting (I've put in time and effort to have friends for that), but...okay, if you say so.
Well, it seems like you've got the best friend of them all.
THE LORD.
So I hope God gives you a friend.
A human one.
(If that's something you'd be interested investing in... and not just as a mere observation of when we were kids). It's possible too as an adult to make new friendships if you're willing to put in the work and not self-righteously thump people in face with your interpretation of Scripture.
OFF-PUTTING behaviour.
No need to be soo combative.
Jeez-Louise 😄
(This man is coming on stronger than Old Spice). 😆 🤣
I just came on here, because there is always room for improvement. But I see this is clearly NOT the platform. Lol.
Vaya con Dios.
Peace. Love and Apple 🍎 juice.
I don't care anymore. 😆 🤣
@@drzennAvian You were not venting, "because I say so." That was a childish response on your part. Passive aggressive attacks designed to make you look innocent do not wash with people who know better.
God has given me friends. But, again, that is you trying to exalt yourself by tearing me down. That is what satan and his foolish children do: steal, kill, and destroy.
I said making friends as an adult is a different dynamic. You still have failed to grasp my original comment in favor of continued venting of your ever increasing hatred of all people other than your foolish self.
Since you jumped on my comment like a vulture, it is further clear that you are the one who, "self-righteously thumps people in face with your understanding of the world around you" (otherwise known to intelligent people as your religious beliefs).
"I just came on here, because there is always room for improvement. But I see this is clearly NOT the platform. Lol."
That was you playing the victim. Well, you are not a victim; only a volunteer. You only get the pain you inflict on yourself. Please, do not embarrass yourself further by trying to vent at me further.
Repent, or you will go to hell forever.
@@busker153 yeah... Have a Blessed Day to YOU too!
This was a really delightful discussion... Your smile and presence alone is very inspiring. Thanks & God Bless.
Instead of asking " What do you do?" Ask them what they like most about what they do.
I really enjoyed listening to this. You're a great speaker because your speech strays from word fillers and you're energy is magnetic here ! I am not familiar with the word ambivert; I don't consider my self the either two extremes like yourself, so I learned something new. This video is one that I will rewatcj and most definitely share ! Thanks for the golden nuggets of knowledge!
Am I the only person who absolutely dislikes when their hairdresser is trying to do the small talk?? 😁 Guilty! Hehe
Vanessa, you got me thinking about the interactions we have these days. Everything moving to the online space and how some people may go for weeks without talking to anyone face to face. Sometimes it feels so lonely out there.
I just got my coffee. And usually I'd have a little chat with a barista, but recently they've introduced a pick up option. If I didn't make a conscious effort to say at least 'thank you' this would have been another robotic transaction.
By the way, your camera presence is out of this world. I'm taking notes to do better on my own channel 💕🧜🏻♀️
You sure know how to make people give you likes. You’re an expert in this. Awesome videos, I’m learning so much from you. Just like you I’m a recovering awkward person.🙈
I feel like my social energy is completed devastated after my teacher asked us to use this video to practice interpreting.
I don’t think you are awkward. I could listen to you all day
I am so glad I found you ☺
Very shy person who overthink so much or I am boring to talk to..generally want to get into persons stories
Well not anymore and ill practice all these tips you give out
Thank you Vanessa
My name is Zdenka and its a pleasure listening to you 😊
I wish I could find the study for you, but there was a similar one where they found intimate friendship takes about 180hrs. What I found fascinating was that if you did not meet certain criteria for intimacy, the friendship fails, intimacy will NEVER develop and the person will remain an acquaintance. So you can't be lazy about that vulnerability if you want to recruit someone to that special catagory
Yes so true!
Im a hairdresser and I am watching this hahaha. I put on an act at work but having ADHD and Aspergers makes it very hard to make friends.
Haha I always thought it must be really tough to be a stylist if you arent good at small talk. Hats off to you! No way I could do that 😂
Lol ong same !! A hair dresser at AVEDA currently and small talk is SO draining with these people 😭 ( clients AND classmates ) LMAO I love this video and the advice though !
I was so sociable before that I talked to everyone around me, but now I’m not that person anymore... the heck 😂.
Same here lol
Me too
This video raises 2 observations.
.
1) almost no one understands how to be socialbe, and
.
2) there is now the question as to why someone would need friends.
.
I get that due to RUclips algorithms, no one will ever see this comment. But if anyone ever does, can you name at least 2 benefits of having friends? Serious question.
Me: What personal passion projects are you working on?
They: Sorry, what is that again?
😎😁🖐️
I suggest trying the channel Charisma on command.
I am a visual learner so they use movie and interview clips
as examples of how to interact.
What the hell! Talk like a normal person when asking me questions.
You can ask about their hobbies.
😂 hope you since met someone who has hobbies!
Those questions made me realize that I don't really care that much about making friends...
When i was in primary school i had 6 boys in my class and 12 girls, that was because i live in a small village in my city in greece, along the 6 grades in primary school i had the class with the least boys in it one of them being my cousin...After i bonded With those 6 people so much in my life after primary School i lost them, I got into Junior high school in a half greek and half turkish school, So I became more Introverted because i was afraid of their arrogance. I didnt had my friends i was alone but finally i made some good people that cared about me! In my second year in High school one of my friends was forced to Transfer into a different school due to his family so i lost my "Best friend" At that time. I had one more good friends but he was and extrovert and a very outgoing person, His friends were just like him, So i tried to be more with them but i failed, they said we didnt had good Chemistry. Right now im in my second year in high school and i live my worst part of my life... I met some 4-5 good friends but they are best friends since primary school.. After 1 year I got into high school im still trying to be happy and i can't, All my cousins and my sister have best friends and when they experienced Life in high school it was their biggest And Greatest Part of their life...I guess i cant do anything right, i should give up. Thank you for this video, even tho it Helped some people im still trying to be less hard with my self but i dont see a difference
What should I do then?
I'm so sorry you're struggling with this! It’s really important to talk things over with someone, such as a mental health professional or a trusted person in your life. I will also link some articles below that may be helpful. Try not to be too hard on yourself ❤
www.scienceofpeople.com/teen-conversation-starters/
www.scienceofpeople.com/best-friendship-apps/
www.scienceofpeople.com/make-friends/
Thank you! You're sooo positive that you inspired me to try. 😊
Amazing! I'm so happy to hear that 😊 You're very welcome!
We need to try ❤
Fantastic tips Vanessa! Especially in these times of a lack of connection amongst people.
I struggle with vulnerability, in general. My boyfriend def has that gene you referenced lol he is literally the most charasmatic person I have ever met and everyone, I mean everyone adores him. He in honestly vulnerable, funny, charming but he has this way. I find when I am a little vulnerable people don’t respond? Trust me it’s not anything huge it’ll be like oh he’s been a bit of a rough week but I always brush it off and end on something positive but people don’t respond. My boyfriend says way more vulnerable things and people respond so well.
I totally hear you ❤ The vulnerability part is tough. When it comes to charisma, the nice thing is that it can actually be learned! Practicing it may also help when it comes to how people respond to you and your vulnerable shares. I'll link an article here that you may find helpful :) www.scienceofpeople.com/charismatic-traits/
Step 1
Start fresh
Leave ur social baggage behind
Step 2
Social goals
What kind of friends
Why do want to make friends
Step 3
Be more outgoing( strategically)
Start practicing conversations with barbers & hairdressers etc mailman delivery guy classmates colleagues waiters receptionist
Eg:low pressure persons
practice gentle banter.
Step 4
Gush about things and people
Talk positively
Purposefully and intentionally
Step 5
Use like dar
Similarity effect
Ask questions to search for similarities in awkward pauses
& never run out things to say to be interesting be interested
Step 6
Vuneralibility
Share vulnerability early dont be needy and clingy
Small honest vunerability
Step 7
Harness curiosity
Ask interesting questions
Deeper and exciting
And follow up say tell me more about that
Step 8
Dont flake
If you say yes ,do it and say no before hand
Dont show up late show up on time
Be punctual
Step 9
Confidence body language
Take up space
Increase the space between your ear lobes and shoulders
Keeping your arms open use arm rest and carry a drink
Held your head high
Step 10
Dont be hard on yourself
One bad social interaction is not a rule
I'm 29 this year. I had the most friends between 21 to 27. I feel like I cut out most of my friends last year and I think the pandemic had a part in it.
Makes sense that most friends will be in our college years which is also when we are in our youth/prime
Great energy! Love the encouragement and practical tips. Subbed.
Awesome! Thank you! :))
I loved you, this is way too good, you're so insightful and a breath of fresh air, i hope you have more content like this.
Thank you so much! Can't wait to share more content with you ❤
@@ScienceOfPeople Oh wow, i didn't expect to be noticed! I'm so happy
You make me more better Vanessa. You are my social teacher 😇
Will be watching on repeat
❤❤
I am actually surprised that the peak friend age is as high as 29. From my own personal experience, that age was around 21 for me. I had a steep decline in my number of friendships starting in my mid-twenties. My goal is to become more social and make 1 to 3 new friends this year.
Love to hear this ❤
For me it was age 12 😂
Outstanding stuff. With practice this will help me to take steps to recovery. Also a newly recovering awkward person ☺️
you present these points so well, thank you!
Thank you! You're so welcome!
A lot of useful gems in this video. Thank you, Vanessa.
I am so glad that I found you and learn more about this topic and you are so amazing with the content. Thank you for the really informative tips. Learning lots. 😊
This was really beautiful! Thank you, Vanessa. 😇
Hey Vanessa, I would love to say these are very helpful tips. I got admit you are amazing and thank you for everything for trying to help
Always great content with a wonderful attitude. Thanks Vanessa for the gem tips!
As an ambivert, I can say that we are so lucky to enjoy time 🤣 with all people, we have a strong emotional intelligence 😍💓.
However it's gonna be so costly to go to the hairdresser every three weeks 😜😘
you are helping me to be more communicative and sociable. I love you so much
Really appreciated your sincere dedication to tell us most important points connected for social relation.....!!!💕💕💕
Wow, I just found you and I subscribed immediately after the first video.
A lot of knowledge gained already. And your videos would be instantly shared with loved ones and future friends.
I plan to join your insider subscription gang after watching a few more videos.
I Need This😁
Thanks!😁🙏🏽
Omg! Thank you so much for your support! I'm glad to know you learned a few things 🤗
Thank you Vanessa for all the tips you share! You are so friendly and optimistic!
Thank you so much! It's a pleasure ❤
I love lerning with you, thank u big hug
this is a god send one of the only videos that actually gives really good advice thank you
Love to hear this! You're welcome :)
instense!!!! can't wait to watch the next episodes...
Thank you for watching! :)
Literally ! You make my day awesome.I like your positive attitud and good info you share :*
I think i can make a friend just in minutes, just because i meet the right person, if we have very similar back ground, value, interest, believes, virtue, experiences, charactors, we canbe friend easily.
Wish some one would translate this video for people whore are recovering or currently taking drugs, (hard or soft), I was a drug addict, taking anything I could. Now I'm mostly sober (besides drinking).. Since I've been sober, not smoking weed everyday, and so and so every weekend, I've bee way social! I used to be a "Sad Boy", thinking everyone was against me, always thinking negative of me.. Especially with work, (with other genders) I'd think they thought negative about me, now that I am more social, not taking drugs, more sober... It's been AWESOME!!! I've personally been feeling more competent, and ESPECIALLY more social!
Van, i have a big question: I think i'm very magnetic when i'm around people, most people that meet me for the first time seem pleased and interested. But after that initial burst, even thought they don't forget that i exist, no one seem to come to me for any help, casual talk, deepening relationship... Usualy i'm the one that has to go to people through messages, calling, etc... Otherwise we probably never talk again even though we had both phones, social media etc... Well, sometimes it's a lady that is into me so there is an obvious reason to why she's reaching me. Even if i go to someone (like an old friend) and start a nice conversation, online for instance, it seems like it never happened the day after and onward. So How is it possible to be unforgetable? Is there a way to make a special mark in people's mind just by being awesome? Or do people need to gain something from it? Is the reason "everybody is too busy" a good justifier for this culture? Love, a viewer.
Oponomo, I’m not Vanessa but I think this video will help answer your question: ruclips.net/video/gcH6tFugYfo/видео.html
Along those lines, you need to love yourself first before anything else. With unconditional self love, you will find that you don’t NEED other people to be happy or fulfilled. Also, research difference between scarcity and abundance mindset. If people don’t get back to you- that’s ok. There are billions of people in the world. Keep meeting more people until you find people that DO like you and want to spend time with you. But before even doing that, you need to love yourself first.
I bet you are not a doctor or a lawyer or something that they can gain from you.... that is why , they do not need you. That s the truth nobody tells us....
Start Fresh
Set Goal
Be Outgoing
Positive Openers
Similarity Attracts
I am happy I found this channel. Good stuff, I will try some of these tips. Time to head to the barber! Oh yeah, I find Uber drivers to be similar to Barbers: Amazing, soul-touching conversations with Uber drivers!! If I were rich, I would take Uber all the time, just for companionship
I know what your doing.. batting those eyes.. showing the side of your neck. Raising your eyebrows and the non stop hand gestures.. you have mastered what you teach. My brain finds you incredibly irresistible. And none of it has to do with your physical being. Great job and keep doing what your doing.
I love your videos, Vanessa! I love your wisdom:)
I needed this video.. I have like two friends.
Me too! Don’t feel bad.
Idk, I work with an elderly population, I find many of them are very proud to tell me about the jobs they had and the work they did.
Younger people not so much... Because they haven't done much perhaps...
Looking, on a different view or thought from someone of a different walk. Glad, I came across this video (blog).
So glad you found me! Thank you for watching.
@@ScienceOfPeople thank you, for making these kind of video's. Coming from the streets and no affection being taught in the home, had me cold, I began watching and reading books about these topics which many don't try, stay stuck accepting the concept of being strong.
It takes on avg 6months to actually get to know someone...
The problem with being vulnerable is that people see it as a sort of "weakness", therefore an opportunity to use that against you, maybe not at the moment but at some point....
For example: "I´m a recovering awkward person so it´s so nice to meet someone so outgoing..."
"Oh remember when we met and you told me that you were recovering from that thing, seems like you relapsed, what´s going on with you..."
I get your point though.
i only really have associates now, friends are long gone lmao
I really loved those tips, thanks so much
Glad it was helpful!
The content on your video is awsome, but watch you makes me happy! your voice and you ways transmit such a good vibe! thanks for share it!
Lol I found myself liking the video at the end without even realizing it. You incited me, well done😂💕
Sometimes the negative intro is not all that bad...I'm saying this from experience, I've had fun conversations with some strangers in school that started with someone complaining how annoying and stressful the class was, then we go ahead to make fun of some of things the lecturer said or laugh and jest about the strenuous assignment we were given, this sometime led to someone suggesting RUclips videos or books to help understand the class better or sometimes get an invite to a night tutorial...Just saying, negative intros could be not that bad, if u could still display a positive and optimistic attitude about the whole situation. That's my cup of tea☕
This is true! It can be a good way to bond. :) Thanks for sharing!
Ninety minutes to make friends. That explains why I usually had a best friend within three weeks during my grade school years. A typical school week was 30 hours long.
That's actually interesting!
Oops! I meant 90 hours. I guess that backs up the research, but yeah, I had my friend group established by the third week of school when I was a child.
@@candacemattila2333 Shorter amounts of time are more significant at younger ages. The ratio of total life experience.
By 30, you can work close with someone for a year and not even know their childrens' names.
I really like your recommendations. Thank you 😊
Oddly enough, I have no problem starting to talk to strangers. I meet new people and talk to strangers, all the time. And others have been amazed, how easily & quickly I can make friends. Perhaps practicing talking to strangers for 40 or 50 years, after I became an adult, has something to do with it. Perhaps my wide range of knowledge & experience, or my ability, seemingly, to read other people's minds, has something to do with it. But, I think the most crucial factor, is my overall lack of fear. At my age, of 71, having cheated death so often, and been saved by a Power greater than myself so often--I really don't have much left to be afraid of. Having total faith, is incompatible with having fear. I am not perfect, have made a lit of mistakes in my life, but when it is my time to go, I will go--not one minute sooner, or one minute later. So, why worry about it till then? Worry, is a useless emotion; and one who has faith, has no fear...
It’s truly inspiring to hear how you've embraced life with such confidence and openness. Your years of experience and fearless approach to meeting new people are commendable. It's a reminder for all of us to live fully and fearlessly. Thank you for sharing your wisdom! 💖
you are golden.really good advice.
Love this! Will like and subscribe~
I'm recovering from social anxiety and struggle with socializing
Can't stand being flaked on, but you can also count on me to arrive late every time
I'm going to be watching a lot of your videos this weekend... Not sure if I'll hit 90 hours haha
Can't wait to become a real person lol
😂 Glad to know you enjoyed the video!
Thank you for sharing your expertise and wonderful insights!
Thank you for your thought and Ideas. I wish I could have heard from you over fifty years ago. That is a very serious statement. I could only find one book in a university or public library on the topic of conversation.
I feel very lonely. I have a lot of friends and acquaintances but I can't build a good relationship with anyone. I don't feel very happy talking to anyone. I feel like I am separated from the world, people .. it bothers me a lot., How can I get rid of this condition?
Agree💯so am l
Love your advise although I am past the working age and would like social tips for the older women, 60-80. How do we meet new friends in new towns?
Bingo
You're really awesome! Thanks for sharing
Sophia (Golden Girls reference) appreciated. Lol She's my spirit animal for sure.
This "6 meetings" stuff makes me feel like giving up before I start. Lmao 🤣 🤣🤣 I might take half a year to be ready to meet a second time. So...3 years hanging with one person I'll be friends? I guess I don't feel I have time for new people. I feel like if we click and we are willing to commit to time spent texting and hanging out we are friends. Not GOOD friends, obviously not besties. But friends nonetheless. An aquaintance is someone I meet and we never click enough to exchange phone numbers, or to plan to meet again. I know I'm an outlier here but I'm very comfortable with it. Just sucks because I mostly want friends for my kid, not myself. Seems so difficult to do that when I'm in the corner of the playground hoping no one talks to me. It's the disappointment. Everytime I feel ready to be friends and someone makes a verbal commitment "let's hang out next week" , "we need to watch [x movie]" etc then they never ever follow through...I don't need it. Lol
Thanks for the juicy nuggets
Of course! Thank you for watching. :)
That’s so true!
I was so pulular had tons of friends now I’m 32 alone I’m shy now can’t make friends now even at work everyone thinks I’m weird and quiet
Similar,but Im 28,i was never in the popular crowd or had tons of friends..I just had a few good friends back in school,plus I don't like big crowds. I've been shy/awkward & struggle with social anxiety my whole life,but my social anxiety got much worse in my adult years,and I've had a hard time dealing with socializing with people in public..I had a couple friends from my old job aswell,but now I isolate myself alot now more than ever in my recent job(I've been at for almost over 3 years now)..the year 2020 my anxiety and depression was the worst,thanks to stinkin covid19..i had multiple mental breakdowns,becuz of the lock down and such,the US Postal service made us work many hours,only 1 day off,etc..and my mental health takes a toll,when I have to be with people for soo long and for soo many days,etc.. and it truly sucks,becuz its truly such a struggle and hindrance living like this..😔
@@sillau9 Hey man, that all sounds so tough :( Thank you for sharing that here, coz it helped me relate to you. I also had just a few good friends back in high school, and right now (in Uni) I am also going through a tough time of loneliness because my social skills have decided to take a vacation lol. Anyways, it's been a month since you posted that comment, how are you holding up now? :D
@@majormcnugget7395 hello there & thanks for asking..as of lately,I'm doing alright,lol..ive been trying to not take offense or take things personal for too long like I usually do and that I shouldn't care for people who don't even care for me and that I don't have to have them to like me in the first place,becuz if they're a jerk,why would I even want their approval,lol. I try to remember to not focus to much on myself,and remember that people have feelings too..also that I have a good job,and a car and to remember Jesus and the importance of being kind and forgiveness and such..and that I just need to focus on doing my job the best I can,and forget about any haters,lol.. (sorry for the blabble,lol..but how's everything with you,how have you been coping)