The most frustrating part of this is I can’t “just be a potato”. If I could relax and do something I enjoyed it would be a nice break, but the whole time I am thinking about what I’m not doing and trying to problem solve and imagining every bad scenario and how to overcome and outwardly I’m just SITTING THERE but I’m not relaxed I’m not having fun I can’t even pay attention to a show. Then the day has gone by and I have nothing. Not even fun. Didn’t even open my video game or crack my new book.
I relate to this. For me, what works best is to spend a certain amount of time where I “just keep moving” on a task. That might be literally moving if I’m trying to clean, or moving my hands if it’s an admin thing - opening a notebook or email, keep moving my fingers to write a list, or type a reply or dial a phone number. When I do that, I’ll make some progress, and when I get distracted or stressed I remind myself to just keep moving. After I’ve spent time like that, I feel more able to enjoy a break. It’s not based on what I achieved, it’s based on the time I spent. I know there are many more things I need to do, but usually if I’ve spent that time “moving” on tasks, the future tasks feel more manageable, that there is a way I’ll be able to get to them so they will be taken care of.
This really resonated (have to paraphrase you a little): “we are even criticized when we accomplish a task but in a way that is not normal”. I vividly recall a work situation 20 years ago where a boss challenged me and my peers to each complete the same goal within a specific timeframe. I came up with a creative solution and easily exceeded the target. Rather than being praised, the boss said “You exceeded the goal, but you cheated, because this isn’t how I expected you to go about it.” At the time I was like…WTF? Now, decades later, I am finally diagnosed.
Yeah that’s just so frustrating for everybody but when you think how especially discouraging it is for kids… The expectation that different means wrong. It takes years to recover from that and unlearn it.
Yes, I'm cleaning today. I can't do it during the week. But I don't have to get it done in an hour. I put on water to boil, take a break, play a video game for 30 min., tub of dishes, throw in a load of laundry ect. Eventually I will get through it.
I just stumbled upon this channel and I'm so glad I did! a lot of these suggestions I sort of do already but I can improve on how I implement them for sure. Your explanation of the why behind the what really helped me to understand my own brain and reasoning behind why I do what I do. Thank you! now I will be obsessing over your content, listening to your videos while I completely rearrange and organize my home bakery 😅
I have to agree with one of your other viewers’ comments: “Are you in my head?” I say this because I was truly blown away by how you honed in on point after point. I was just diagnosed with ADHD on the 31st, and while I felt numb, it was also such a relief to know that I’m not alone in this and that I’m not crazy! For so long, I kept wondering, “What’s wrong with me?” But now, as I educate myself, the pieces are finally falling into place. I’m incredibly grateful for your talent, but even more so for the way you’re generously sharing your knowledge and experience. I swear, I’ll be watching this video again to take notes and apply everything immediately! If your coaching is even half as good as this video-and yes, I’m being sarcastic-it has to be one of the best investments anyone can make in themselves. Respectfully, thank you once again for your public service-you rock, to say the least!
thank you for the incredibly supportive feedback! I'm just truly happy when people find those videos helpful because then all the effort for making them is absolutely worth it!
The advice to break tasks into smaller parts is quite frustrating when the task includes a lot of unknowns and figuring out new things. Most of my job is research/learning/tinkering and can't be structured ahead of time. Any attempt to find any top-to-bottom structure in it leads to a plan that falls apart very quickly, with remnants that just clutter my task list. Something that was helpful on a few occasions and I'm still trying to master - is finding the right starter question for the moment. It doesn't have to progress me along the path I don't yet know. Some kind of warmup that should reveal the path itself more clearly. Often, a clear path makes me more excited to proceed. Some kind of meta-cognition skill...
This is so on point for the exact thought process that causes task paralysis for me. Wow. I’d like to add another tool that helps: Talking to someone, or journalling, about the anxieties and worries that are stopping me, and sometimes having a buddy alongside as I get started. Having someone supportive I can turn to lowers the barrier and can get the ball rolling when I get stuck in my head over an important task.
I love this video, the ending really hit home because I've done it a few times without knowing. The main idea for me is to allow myself to fail and be compassionate towards myself. Also compartmentalize big projects into little ones. Understand that procrastination will happen, the idea is to be present. Stop paying attention to too many things urgent things, we would go insane. Its best to stop...breathe..do what you can...stop..breathe..and try again...
This is good. When my students would go bonkers I would always think, 'The first person in this room who needs to calm down is me, breathe in, breathe out. ' I've been procrastinating my entire long life, got a lot of amazing stuff done, but it always feels like I'm off task.
yep i cried again from your video. this one finally helped me understand why i feel so frozen with my job hunting process. i label it as "get a new job" (huge big scary task). and only get it done when im driven by stress and self hate. thank you again. i subbed to you
I’m so sad to read your comments (I saw now the other one too) because I can truly imagine your pain. I hope you have or find the support you need in your life, sometimes it takes just one person. And about the topic.. I find it very difficult to realize that you’re burned out while in that state, it’s usually easier to look back at the situation and see what happened.. Thats why I made this video. I hope it continues to find the people who can benefit from it ✨
Thanks for this, it's like you were in my head and realized it was time for a reminder about self-compassion and deconstructing the self blame that can arise on those couch potato days...Tomorrow is my deadline-rich day and I was spiraling after watching myself put everything off until the last minute (again). Thanks so much for your videos!
I'd like to ask an opinion, if anyone might relate (although, in part, it might fit in Evie's "department" tip): - I don't understand why I can be extremely focused on tasks... when I'm "compartmentalized" in a job setting. I mean, 15 years ago I was being praised on a job-setting for my exceptional multitasking capabilities, thus high-level productivity. In a year-time I was a workaholic, lost a relationship because of that... and I could have had a new girlfriend because of the same quality of hyper-skills. Oh the irony! I reckon that the circumstances changed and it all had degraded intensively throughout the years... after what Evie already mentioned here (being hit with unfairness, judgemental mindset at me...) that just added to my poor self-esteem and self-confidence. BUT I could be productive and focused. Now, all alone (ok, in a long-term unemployment precarious situation), I can't do ANYTHING! Does that make any sense to any of you? I mean, I know that it fits what we have been saying here but... I haven't been awarded with many hyperfocus states. But... in a job-ambient I could. Should I make every daily chore as part of a delirious employer's task? 🤔
All I can say... is ... wow! Listening to you explain your experiences is mind blowing... why? I experience the same exact thing. I was floored watching today. You explain the "internal weirdness I feel," etc..., You put these internal issues front and center. I can only speak for myself... Thank you for what you do... Adam
Evie! Great to see a new video from you. The burnout one you released was good. It helped me catch some early burnout signs in myself. I'm making myself take a rest day.
Thank you SO much for this!!! 😍 I was literally stuck in paralysis and just ruminating for the past 2 weeks (oh god, maybe it's been a month?! Eff time blindness! 😩) and watching this helped me immensely! It's great to have someone else tell you what you already know in a practical way like this, def encouraged me to be present and mindful and to break down tasks into smaller ones, and most importantly, to be kind and patient with myself. I also really like your suggestion of setting an alarm as a reminder for a later task so that I can actually allow myself to do other things instead of waiting all day until that later task's time. Looking forward to more from you!! 💜
Good video. You've got the basics. Cleaning my house? Of course I'm messy, I have at least a half dozen professional level skills and room for the tools for two of them. Clutter busting. Start small, complete something. Your tip to clean the one room? Definitely the best way to eventually clean the rest of them. I once hired a guy to teach me clutter busting. We cleaned out four drawers I never use. That was it. Over the next week I cleaned the rest of the house and kept it clean for over two years. (And I liked it. It is worth doing.) I've sorted my clutter, other people's clutter, and yet it's back. We can also trigger behavior change by changing something about ourselves. I threw out all my busted old sneakers I'd wear around the house. Put on better shoes. I felt like a better me. It instantly changed my mindset. Sure it's best to just wear your sweatpants to clean, but if that's what you wear to never clean the house, maybe try changing it. ADHD loves a positive feedback loop. A friend or partner who just asks Can you do X by next week? No badgering. Make sure you write it down, or tomorrow you won't even think about it. It can just take the slightest nudge. As a feedback loop figure out what works, ourselves of course, but also our partners and friends. What works and what doesn't -- do more of what works. What I like to do is in bed write a list and plan how I am going to do a task or two tomorrow. Cleaning? I wrote, consolidate ten boxes, throw out Y amount of stuff. For writing, I'll write notes, or carefully read a part of a book I want my writing to be like, then first thing in the morning before the distractions take hold, get started. Those lead to good day. In college I discovered if I just said when I turned out the lights: tomorrow I have to get up two hours earlier because.... I would wake up before the alarm. How does that work? I try to keep a regular schedule 7 days a week up at 5 bed by 9. If you get up in just enough time to get to work, you are waking up for your job. As a teacher I didn't have to sign in until 8:30. I still got up at 5. Everyday is now my day. I do my job during my day. Phone alarms have been life savers. I set them for everything. When I time my writing and the rest of my day. 2.5 hours of writing? I'm really spent at the end. The next five hours watching RUclips, writing long comments? so easy... Distractions are not only easier but I think we have patterns that we've turned into habits. If we step anywhere in that sequence of distractions it sucks us right in. What I've also learned. Another teacher told me, 'Distance runners are all A students.' The guys I ran cross country with in high school? Yeah, they were. So after finding out I felt burned out after 2 hours of writing, I realized I was out of shape. So I mounted a TV in front of my treadmill and started hammering it every night. It's really been paying off. I'd noticed with very elderly people who have dementia. When they are on oxygen, their brains work a lot better. For me personally, ADHD requires good nutrition, good sleep, a regular schedule, physical fitness, no booze or drugs. With patience, workarounds and methods, and doing it all from the start again as many times as it takes and help from people close to us... ADHD life is amazing. We can fudge a lot of the discipline stuff if we happen to be sailing across an ocean, inching along a ridge in Japan, or at an amazing concert.
Thank you for working on the time blocking video! I think I will be turning to you for a lot for advice. I'm 38 years old. I only came to the realization two months ago that what I have been struggling with my whole life may be ADHD. I have been working with a therapist for the past two years to try to understand my chronic procrastination, anxiety, low self esteen, restlessness, and inability to maintain sustained focus. I just took the TOVA test and will find out the results this Friday. I think my ADHD has gone unnoticed becaue I'm a high achiever and perfectionist (straight A student, Masters in Biology, College Instructor of Anatomy and Physiology); however, I have lived in a constant state of burnout since I was probably 12 or 13 years old. I have survived by pulling all nighters. Also, I am a new mom of a 4 year old and 1 year old. Life has gotten very unmanagebale. Thank you for all of your help and guidance. I appreciate it so much.
Thank you for sharing your experience and for your support, Risa! I’ll keep trying to make useful and relatable videos. That’s my way of turning negatives into positives :) ✨
Story of my life... I was told often that I am an underachiever. The guilt and shame became a vicious circle. Learning to love my inner child, despite my perceived failures, was the first step. I can't truly love anyone else unless I am compassionate to myself. Life is really about loving and feeling loved. May that happen for all of us! Practicing slowing down my busy brain with mindfulness has also changed my strategy about my ADHD. Thank you for your transparency!😊
I got that 'underachiever' stuff. Funny, when I tuned it up and overachieved, they either didn't noticed or they jumped on a single mistake. I practiced my math skills beyond any class. Read. Reading was hard, but I kept at it until I was good at it. Great book? Read it again. (People who think they don't like to read, just haven't kept at it. We can start at anytime in our lives.) Those 'you're underachieving' people? Zero sum gamers. They are only so good as someone else is bad. A complete waste of time to be around. I found that B's are really hard, but I could get A+ and enjoy the effort (even if it doesn't show up on the report card.) I stumbled into the path for me. As a child I got flak for everything. One day I fixed my sister's bicycle. More crap... but hey, the bike works-- that means I'm right, I did good. The rest of my life has been to check in with concrete tasks. If it works then I'm right. And yes mindfulness, slow down. What's amazing about ADHD is when we slow down, we notice everything. It's a superpower.
Sometimes meditation (when it’s regular) helps me as much as adderall. I know it sounds weird but it truly helps. Yet, I so often break my routine.. It’s funny how knowing that something helps you doesn’t guarantee that you’ll do it. I think it has to do with self-love and desire for self-care.
TL/DR: Thanks for these videos - I’m probably ADHD, and never had any idea about it. I continue to periodically watch a video or two of yours, wondering if there’s anything at all to the notion that I might be ADHD, and then it’s as though you genuinely know me in a way that nobody maybe ever has. Not because you know me the random individual, obviously… but because, yeah - you’re describing how my mind works and it’s so resonant that it *feels* like you’re an ancient friend. Anyways… I’m an old mess of a person, but I’d love to finally gain agency over my own life and maybe find some deeper sense of self-worth. The videos of yours that I’ve watched have consistently nudged me in a direction that I didn’t quite feel existed, but is increasingly hard to dismiss as some folly. I’m sure there are millions of others out there who have been generously teaching this stuff for years on some level or other, but for me it has just been you. Not in a creepy way, but in a matter-of-fact way that you’re my intro. I tried talking to a handful of professionals years ago, and they clearly had no sense of any of these ADHD dynamics (or maybe I was simply inscrutable as a patient), and I was left with a sense that there would be no help from professionals - just my own continuum of stumbling through a disjointed life. I mostly wrote it off as a dead-end, and never did much to self-diagnose. So… the more of your videos I spend time with, the more I realize there is a pattern in me that matches ADHD. I probably said something similar the last time I watched a few of these, but hopefully you’ll forgive me for wanting to express my sincere appreciation that you continue to make them. So, again - Thank you! 👍
Thank you so much for your heartfelt message. I'm truly moved to hear that my videos resonate with you and help you feel understood. It's not uncommon for adults to recognize ADHD traits later in life, especially when traditional approaches haven't provided clarity. Your journey towards gaining agency and self-worth is incredibly important. It can be challenging, but acknowledging these patterns is a powerful first step. I'm glad my content has provided some guidance and support for you. Remember, it's never too late to seek help and understand yourself better. There are professionals specializing in adult ADHD who can offer more tailored support. Meanwhile, I'll continue to make content that I hope will keep making a positive difference. Thank you for sharing your story and for your kind words. Your appreciation means a lot to me. Keep exploring! ⭐
Terrific! Evie is always so meticulously detailed and accurate. There's an interesting empathy in the way she communicated. I can really relate with everything she said, and I'm thankful for that. The gazillion-times-advice of breaking a task into smaller chunks also doesn't work with me too. But, actually today (just today), I remembered applying it... and I guess I automatically did what Evie suggested: - to compartmentalize it, to put it into departments. I put it into a context, framed it, and it worked... until a certain point. I was flipping a magazine; stopped in an interesting subject (a more interesting page... after many); but then my brain woke up and said "Read it!"; I struggled... until I noticed how the text was divided in many paragraphs... when I had already started one and gave up half way till the end; so I thought "what if I read one paragraph at a time?"; and all of a sudden I was finishing paragraph after paragraph... until I eventually quit in the middle...to photograph the remaining 3 paragraphs... expecting to play it out loud in a Text-to-speech App. I still even finished the later but... well... it had a little success in this wreck of a life. It reminded me of an experience I had around 15 years ago. I did an astrological map reading (or whatever it is called). It's a thorough identification of this Self. Well, the woman nailed it in every department. I haven't heard about ADD... and probably neither she... but described my chaos as being one ADHD'er. One particular piece of advice that she gave was: when I'm in that moment, completely lost, try doing an exercise as if I am watching myself from a higher tower. That was so interesting that I never forgot (I just don't apply it as often as I should). In this paragraph-case... that was what I did (without putting myself in a tower of sorts). I noticed myself! I took a step away from the madness, noticed the pretty little paragraphs (as a cat following a reflection), and I followed it. I guess that was Evie and the other woman were saying: taking a step back, coming down to the present moment into Action.
Stress and winter (or extreme temperatures) are two factors that make things a lot more difficult. Can't wait to get back into a routine (and spring!🌻).
I remember when I first saw you (and subbed) you were at 600 subs, this was a year ago? crazy you got to 15k. congratulations! and now you have a course...smart!!!!
I don’t know if course is the right word even. I wanted to stop coaching and I thought how to make something similar but more accessible. So I set it up as “writing therapy”, and basically organized coaching questions within different categories for different issues, and I walk people through them, encouraging them to reflect and write down the answers. That’s the closest, in my opinion, to asking people directly in a session to reflect on things. But yes, it’s crazy how many things happened in a year 😊
I miss alarms and notifications when I'm hyperfixated. I'll even go through all the steps to clear an alarm without any conscious awareness.* Adding an optional twist timer helps. I keep it in my line of sight because I become more aware of my workspace when I'm anxious about time and struggling to get started. Cranking the timer and knowing it will buzz in X minutes gives me a bit of physical and mental inertia that helps me roll into a task. If I notice it go off I just take a breath, check in with the time, reset the timer, and continue. It doesn't ruin my flow, but it keeps me closer to the surface, makes me less likely to miss things, chunks up my time, provides an extra opportunity to retrack from a tangent, and gives me a moment to "hear" my body about things like the restroom, water, and eyerops. * I only know I turn off alarms because I started getting frustrated with how often my alarms and notifications were malfunctioning. Over months and tons of effort to fix the technical problem, I gradually gained enough awareness for the memory of doing it to surface after exiting hyperfixation and noticing a missed alarm or notification. At first the memory was vague, and I wasn't sure it really happened, but more time increased awareness until I became sure.
5:23, Eating the elephant, one bite at a time, is the only way I’m able to accomplish complex tasks. I learned this about myself, long ago. Others don’t seem to be so rigid about it, but their work is inferior. I take a lot longer, and managers complain.
I definitely want to hear about time blocking for ADHD. I tried time blocking and it did not work for me at all. I found that I was not feeling motivated during the block when I was supposed to be working on something, or I didn't want to move on to a new task when the block of time ran out. I also found that becuase of my time blindness, I didn't have realistic expectations of how long I needed to work on a task. I would also overcommit. Yeah, with all that said, is there really an ADHD way?
The only thing that works for me right now is to just not sleep. I'v already decided I'm just going to stay up all night to get my stuff done and take my time because I don't want to do any of it.
@n Thank you! I think I will be turning to you for a lot for advice. I'm 38 years old. I only came to the realization two months ago that what I have been struggling with my whole life may be ADHD. I have been working with a therapist for the past two years to try to understand my chronic procrastination, anxiety, restlessness, and inability to maintain sustained focus. I just took the TOVA test and will find out the results this Friday. I think my ADHD has gone unnoticed becaue I'm a high achiever and perfectionist (straight A student, Masters in Biology, College Instructor of Anatomy and Physiology); however, I have lived in a constant state of burnout since I was probably 12 or 13 years old. Also, I am a new mom of a 4 year old and 1 year old. Life has gotten very unmanagebale. Thank you for all of your help and guidance. I appreciate it so much.
@@Evieran Thank you! I think I will be turning to you for a lot for advice. I'm 38 years old. I only came to the realization two months ago that what I have been struggling with my whole life may be ADHD. I have been working with a therapist for the past two years to try to understand my chronic procrastination, anxiety, restlessness, and inability to maintain sustained focus. I just took the TOVA test and will find out the results this Friday. I think my ADHD has gone unnoticed becaue I'm a high achiever and perfectionist (straight A student, Masters in Biology, College Instructor of Anatomy and Physiology); however, I have lived in a constant state of burnout since I was probably 12 or 13 years old. Also, I am a new mom of a 4 year old and 1 year old. Life has gotten very unmanagebale. Thank you for all of your help and guidance. I appreciate it so much.
@@Evieran Thank you! I think I will be turning to you for a lot for advice. I'm 38 years old. I only came to the realization two months ago that what I have been struggling with my whole life may be ADHD. I have been working with a therapist for the past two years to try to understand my chronic procrastination, anxiety, restlessness, and inability to maintain sustained focus. I just took the TOVA test and will find out the results this Friday. I think my ADHD has gone unnoticed becaue I'm a high achiever and perfectionist (straight A student, Masters in Biology, College Instructor of Anatomy and Physiology); however, I have lived in a constant state of burnout since I was probably 12 or 13 years old. Also, I am a new mom of a 4 year old and 1 year old. Life has gotten very unmanagebale. Thank you for all of your help and guidance. I appreciate it so much.
really good information. thank you very much ! and girl: take of your dry lips. ❤ i'm notorious for dry lips too and know the struggle... sometimes the skin even breaks and blood kapillarys in the cracks.😑
I’m glad you liked it ☺️ Ah the lips are a real struggle, especially now in the winter!! 😭 My lipsticks are either getting wiped off by just drinking coffee OR they’re solid but drying out my lips. I’d love to find a middle ground! ;D
@@Evieran just go with the easylie wiped lipstick as it wipes from the moisturizing fatty contents. better reapply from time to time then ending up with cracks. i also need to use the blue lipstick style balm (mostly in winter) cause sometimes it's so bad the skin almost flakes off. but you couldn't rip the flake or it would bleed. 😬
I watched this...well...listened is more like it cause I love your accent; I don't take advice. Haha JK I'll share this with ya, though: I straightened up my entire living room yesterday doing just a little something during the ~2 minute commercial breaks during the movie I was watching. 🤔🤷♂️🤘🏻🔥🤘🏻
Sounds like the previous context made a big difference to you. And maybe your current context is a bit short on dopamine? Hold onto your self-compassion.
Hey Kim, I've created two, the first is here ruclips.net/video/-bUAku0FySI/видео.htmlsi=kGNNr5xwISsEwVeP and the 2nd (which I think is better structured and also has a template you can use is here) - ruclips.net/video/ZBXqKr1FS0U/видео.htmlsi=rvgDlzatNYiyZTB0
The most frustrating part of this is I can’t “just be a potato”. If I could relax and do something I enjoyed it would be a nice break, but the whole time I am thinking about what I’m not doing and trying to problem solve and imagining every bad scenario and how to overcome and outwardly I’m just SITTING THERE but I’m not relaxed I’m not having fun I can’t even pay attention to a show. Then the day has gone by and I have nothing. Not even fun. Didn’t even open my video game or crack my new book.
Ouuff yeah that’s familiar :/ Being able to relax is actually a skill. At least for people like us :D
I identify with this so much!
I relate to this. For me, what works best is to spend a certain amount of time where I “just keep moving” on a task. That might be literally moving if I’m trying to clean, or moving my hands if it’s an admin thing - opening a notebook or email, keep moving my fingers to write a list, or type a reply or dial a phone number.
When I do that, I’ll make some progress, and when I get distracted or stressed I remind myself to just keep moving. After I’ve spent time like that, I feel more able to enjoy a break. It’s not based on what I achieved, it’s based on the time I spent. I know there are many more things I need to do, but usually if I’ve spent that time “moving” on tasks, the future tasks feel more manageable, that there is a way I’ll be able to get to them so they will be taken care of.
@@GreenWhitePurple That’s a good trick. I will have to try it.
WOW - Like you are living in my head. I love your way of explaining and breaking down the tasks of a day.
This really resonated (have to paraphrase you a little): “we are even criticized when we accomplish a task but in a way that is not normal”. I vividly recall a work situation 20 years ago where a boss challenged me and my peers to each complete the same goal within a specific timeframe. I came up with a creative solution and easily exceeded the target. Rather than being praised, the boss said “You exceeded the goal, but you cheated, because this isn’t how I expected you to go about it.” At the time I was like…WTF? Now, decades later, I am finally diagnosed.
Yeah that’s just so frustrating for everybody but when you think how especially discouraging it is for kids… The expectation that different means wrong. It takes years to recover from that and unlearn it.
Yes, I'm cleaning today. I can't do it during the week. But I don't have to get it done in an hour. I put on water to boil, take a break, play a video game for 30 min., tub of dishes, throw in a load of laundry ect. Eventually I will get through it.
I just stumbled upon this channel and I'm so glad I did! a lot of these suggestions I sort of do already but I can improve on how I implement them for sure. Your explanation of the why behind the what really helped me to understand my own brain and reasoning behind why I do what I do. Thank you! now I will be obsessing over your content, listening to your videos while I completely rearrange and organize my home bakery 😅
I have to agree with one of your other viewers’ comments: “Are you in my head?” I say this because I was truly blown away by how you honed in on point after point. I was just diagnosed with ADHD on the 31st, and while I felt numb, it was also such a relief to know that I’m not alone in this and that I’m not crazy! For so long, I kept wondering, “What’s wrong with me?” But now, as I educate myself, the pieces are finally falling into place. I’m incredibly grateful for your talent, but even more so for the way you’re generously sharing your knowledge and experience. I swear, I’ll be watching this video again to take notes and apply everything immediately! If your coaching is even half as good as this video-and yes, I’m being sarcastic-it has to be one of the best investments anyone can make in themselves. Respectfully, thank you once again for your public service-you rock, to say the least!
thank you for the incredibly supportive feedback! I'm just truly happy when people find those videos helpful because then all the effort for making them is absolutely worth it!
The advice to break tasks into smaller parts is quite frustrating when the task includes a lot of unknowns and figuring out new things.
Most of my job is research/learning/tinkering and can't be structured ahead of time.
Any attempt to find any top-to-bottom structure in it leads to a plan that falls apart very quickly, with remnants that just clutter my task list.
Something that was helpful on a few occasions and I'm still trying to master - is finding the right starter question for the moment.
It doesn't have to progress me along the path I don't yet know. Some kind of warmup that should reveal the path itself more clearly. Often, a clear path makes me more excited to proceed.
Some kind of meta-cognition skill...
This is so on point for the exact thought process that causes task paralysis for me. Wow. I’d like to add another tool that helps: Talking to someone, or journalling, about the anxieties and worries that are stopping me, and sometimes having a buddy alongside as I get started. Having someone supportive I can turn to lowers the barrier and can get the ball rolling when I get stuck in my head over an important task.
this video is very timely for me. i recently lost a job because i've been struggling with this for years. thank you for this.
I love this video, the ending really hit home because I've done it a few times without knowing.
The main idea for me is to allow myself to fail and be compassionate towards myself. Also compartmentalize big projects into little ones. Understand that procrastination will happen, the idea is to be present. Stop paying attention to too many things urgent things, we would go insane. Its best to stop...breathe..do what you can...stop..breathe..and try again...
This is good. When my students would go bonkers I would always think, 'The first person in this room who needs to calm down is me, breathe in, breathe out. ' I've been procrastinating my entire long life, got a lot of amazing stuff done, but it always feels like I'm off task.
I think regarding ADHD is the first time I heard someone speak about the last topic here at youtube. Thanks for sharing.
yep i cried again from your video. this one finally helped me understand why i feel so frozen with my job hunting process. i label it as "get a new job" (huge big scary task). and only get it done when im driven by stress and self hate. thank you again. i subbed to you
I’m so sad to read your comments (I saw now the other one too) because I can truly imagine your pain. I hope you have or find the support you need in your life, sometimes it takes just one person. And about the topic.. I find it very difficult to realize that you’re burned out while in that state, it’s usually easier to look back at the situation and see what happened.. Thats why I made this video. I hope it continues to find the people who can benefit from it ✨
Thanks for this, it's like you were in my head and realized it was time for a reminder about self-compassion and deconstructing the self blame that can arise on those couch potato days...Tomorrow is my deadline-rich day and I was spiraling after watching myself put everything off until the last minute (again).
Thanks so much for your videos!
I'd like to ask an opinion, if anyone might relate (although, in part, it might fit in Evie's "department" tip):
- I don't understand why I can be extremely focused on tasks... when I'm "compartmentalized" in a job setting. I mean, 15 years ago I was being praised on a job-setting for my exceptional multitasking capabilities, thus high-level productivity. In a year-time I was a workaholic, lost a relationship because of that... and I could have had a new girlfriend because of the same quality of hyper-skills. Oh the irony! I reckon that the circumstances changed and it all had degraded intensively throughout the years... after what Evie already mentioned here (being hit with unfairness, judgemental mindset at me...) that just added to my poor self-esteem and self-confidence.
BUT I could be productive and focused. Now, all alone (ok, in a long-term unemployment precarious situation), I can't do ANYTHING! Does that make any sense to any of you? I mean, I know that it fits what we have been saying here but... I haven't been awarded with many hyperfocus states. But... in a job-ambient I could. Should I make every daily chore as part of a delirious employer's task? 🤔
All I can say... is ... wow! Listening to you explain your experiences is mind blowing... why? I experience the same exact thing. I was floored watching today.
You explain the "internal weirdness I feel," etc..., You put these internal issues front and center. I can only speak for myself... Thank you for what you do... Adam
Thanks! This is one of my major symptoms.
Evie! Great to see a new video from you. The burnout one you released was good. It helped me catch some early burnout signs in myself. I'm making myself take a rest day.
Setting alarms is a such an amazing technique and works really well for me .. always great advice on this channel X
Thank you SO much for this!!! 😍
I was literally stuck in paralysis and just ruminating for the past 2 weeks (oh god, maybe it's been a month?! Eff time blindness! 😩) and watching this helped me immensely! It's great to have someone else tell you what you already know in a practical way like this, def encouraged me to be present and mindful and to break down tasks into smaller ones, and most importantly, to be kind and patient with myself. I also really like your suggestion of setting an alarm as a reminder for a later task so that I can actually allow myself to do other things instead of waiting all day until that later task's time. Looking forward to more from you!! 💜
Good video. You've got the basics. Cleaning my house? Of course I'm messy, I have at least a half dozen professional level skills and room for the tools for two of them. Clutter busting. Start small, complete something. Your tip to clean the one room? Definitely the best way to eventually clean the rest of them.
I once hired a guy to teach me clutter busting. We cleaned out four drawers I never use. That was it. Over the next week I cleaned the rest of the house and kept it clean for over two years. (And I liked it. It is worth doing.)
I've sorted my clutter, other people's clutter, and yet it's back.
We can also trigger behavior change by changing something about ourselves. I threw out all my busted old sneakers I'd wear around the house. Put on better shoes. I felt like a better me. It instantly changed my mindset. Sure it's best to just wear your sweatpants to clean, but if that's what you wear to never clean the house, maybe try changing it.
ADHD loves a positive feedback loop. A friend or partner who just asks Can you do X by next week? No badgering. Make sure you write it down, or tomorrow you won't even think about it. It can just take the slightest nudge. As a feedback loop figure out what works, ourselves of course, but also our partners and friends. What works and what doesn't -- do more of what works.
What I like to do is in bed write a list and plan how I am going to do a task or two tomorrow. Cleaning? I wrote, consolidate ten boxes, throw out Y amount of stuff. For writing, I'll write notes, or carefully read a part of a book I want my writing to be like, then first thing in the morning before the distractions take hold, get started. Those lead to good day. In college I discovered if I just said when I turned out the lights: tomorrow I have to get up two hours earlier because.... I would wake up before the alarm. How does that work?
I try to keep a regular schedule 7 days a week up at 5 bed by 9. If you get up in just enough time to get to work, you are waking up for your job. As a teacher I didn't have to sign in until 8:30. I still got up at 5. Everyday is now my day. I do my job during my day.
Phone alarms have been life savers. I set them for everything.
When I time my writing and the rest of my day. 2.5 hours of writing? I'm really spent at the end. The next five hours watching RUclips, writing long comments? so easy... Distractions are not only easier but I think we have patterns that we've turned into habits. If we step anywhere in that sequence of distractions it sucks us right in.
What I've also learned. Another teacher told me, 'Distance runners are all A students.' The guys I ran cross country with in high school? Yeah, they were. So after finding out I felt burned out after 2 hours of writing, I realized I was out of shape. So I mounted a TV in front of my treadmill and started hammering it every night. It's really been paying off. I'd noticed with very elderly people who have dementia. When they are on oxygen, their brains work a lot better. For me personally, ADHD requires good nutrition, good sleep, a regular schedule, physical fitness, no booze or drugs. With patience, workarounds and methods, and doing it all from the start again as many times as it takes and help from people close to us... ADHD life is amazing. We can fudge a lot of the discipline stuff if we happen to be sailing across an ocean, inching along a ridge in Japan, or at an amazing concert.
I don’t always feel like ADHD life is amazing but it’s surely never boring. Or not for long ;D Mr Brain is very creative ;D
Thank you for working on the time blocking video! I think I will be turning to you for a lot for advice. I'm 38 years old. I only came to the realization two months ago that what I have been struggling with my whole life may be ADHD. I have been working with a therapist for the past two years to try to understand my chronic procrastination, anxiety, low self esteen, restlessness, and inability to maintain sustained focus. I just took the TOVA test and will find out the results this Friday. I think my ADHD has gone unnoticed becaue I'm a high achiever and perfectionist (straight A student, Masters in Biology, College Instructor of Anatomy and Physiology); however, I have lived in a constant state of burnout since I was probably 12 or 13 years old. I have survived by pulling all nighters. Also, I am a new mom of a 4 year old and 1 year old. Life has gotten very unmanagebale. Thank you for all of your help and guidance. I appreciate it so much.
Thank you for sharing your experience and for your support, Risa! I’ll keep trying to make useful and relatable videos. That’s my way of turning negatives into positives :) ✨
Story of my life... I was told often that I am an underachiever. The guilt and shame became a vicious circle. Learning to love my inner child, despite my perceived failures, was the first step. I can't truly love anyone else unless I am compassionate to myself. Life is really about loving and feeling loved. May that happen for all of us!
Practicing slowing down my busy brain with mindfulness has also changed my strategy about my ADHD.
Thank you for your transparency!😊
I got that 'underachiever' stuff. Funny, when I tuned it up and overachieved, they either didn't noticed or they jumped on a single mistake. I practiced my math skills beyond any class. Read. Reading was hard, but I kept at it until I was good at it. Great book? Read it again. (People who think they don't like to read, just haven't kept at it. We can start at anytime in our lives.) Those 'you're underachieving' people? Zero sum gamers. They are only so good as someone else is bad. A complete waste of time to be around. I found that B's are really hard, but I could get A+ and enjoy the effort (even if it doesn't show up on the report card.)
I stumbled into the path for me. As a child I got flak for everything. One day I fixed my sister's bicycle. More crap... but hey, the bike works-- that means I'm right, I did good. The rest of my life has been to check in with concrete tasks. If it works then I'm right.
And yes mindfulness, slow down. What's amazing about ADHD is when we slow down, we notice everything. It's a superpower.
Sometimes meditation (when it’s regular) helps me as much as adderall. I know it sounds weird but it truly helps. Yet, I so often break my routine.. It’s funny how knowing that something helps you doesn’t guarantee that you’ll do it. I think it has to do with self-love and desire for self-care.
Your video gives me the feeling that you are living my life so much.
Or am I living yours?
You are mind blowing!
That’s one of the main purposes of this channel - to remind people that we are really not alone in our struggles :)
TL/DR: Thanks for these videos - I’m probably ADHD, and never had any idea about it.
I continue to periodically watch a video or two of yours, wondering if there’s anything at all to the notion that I might be ADHD, and then it’s as though you genuinely know me in a way that nobody maybe ever has.
Not because you know me the random individual, obviously… but because, yeah - you’re describing how my mind works and it’s so resonant that it *feels* like you’re an ancient friend.
Anyways… I’m an old mess of a person, but I’d love to finally gain agency over my own life and maybe find some deeper sense of self-worth. The videos of yours that I’ve watched have consistently nudged me in a direction that I didn’t quite feel existed, but is increasingly hard to dismiss as some folly.
I’m sure there are millions of others out there who have been generously teaching this stuff for years on some level or other, but for me it has just been you. Not in a creepy way, but in a matter-of-fact way that you’re my intro.
I tried talking to a handful of professionals years ago, and they clearly had no sense of any of these ADHD dynamics (or maybe I was simply inscrutable as a patient), and I was left with a sense that there would be no help from professionals - just my own continuum of stumbling through a disjointed life. I mostly wrote it off as a dead-end, and never did much to self-diagnose.
So… the more of your videos I spend time with, the more I realize there is a pattern in me that matches ADHD.
I probably said something similar the last time I watched a few of these, but hopefully you’ll forgive me for wanting to express my sincere appreciation that you continue to make them.
So, again - Thank you! 👍
Thank you so much for your heartfelt message. I'm truly moved to hear that my videos resonate with you and help you feel understood. It's not uncommon for adults to recognize ADHD traits later in life, especially when traditional approaches haven't provided clarity.
Your journey towards gaining agency and self-worth is incredibly important. It can be challenging, but acknowledging these patterns is a powerful first step. I'm glad my content has provided some guidance and support for you.
Remember, it's never too late to seek help and understand yourself better. There are professionals specializing in adult ADHD who can offer more tailored support. Meanwhile, I'll continue to make content that I hope will keep making a positive difference.
Thank you for sharing your story and for your kind words. Your appreciation means a lot to me. Keep exploring! ⭐
You get it so well. Thank you ❤
Terrific! Evie is always so meticulously detailed and accurate. There's an interesting empathy in the way she communicated. I can really relate with everything she said, and I'm thankful for that.
The gazillion-times-advice of breaking a task into smaller chunks also doesn't work with me too. But, actually today (just today), I remembered applying it... and I guess I automatically did what Evie suggested:
- to compartmentalize it, to put it into departments.
I put it into a context, framed it, and it worked... until a certain point. I was flipping a magazine; stopped in an interesting subject (a more interesting page... after many); but then my brain woke up and said "Read it!"; I struggled... until I noticed how the text was divided in many paragraphs... when I had already started one and gave up half way till the end; so I thought "what if I read one paragraph at a time?"; and all of a sudden I was finishing paragraph after paragraph... until I eventually quit in the middle...to photograph the remaining 3 paragraphs... expecting to play it out loud in a Text-to-speech App. I still even finished the later but... well... it had a little success in this wreck of a life.
It reminded me of an experience I had around 15 years ago. I did an astrological map reading (or whatever it is called). It's a thorough identification of this Self. Well, the woman nailed it in every department. I haven't heard about ADD... and probably neither she... but described my chaos as being one ADHD'er. One particular piece of advice that she gave was: when I'm in that moment, completely lost, try doing an exercise as if I am watching myself from a higher tower. That was so interesting that I never forgot (I just don't apply it as often as I should). In this paragraph-case... that was what I did (without putting myself in a tower of sorts). I noticed myself! I took a step away from the madness, noticed the pretty little paragraphs (as a cat following a reflection), and I followed it. I guess that was Evie and the other woman were saying: taking a step back, coming down to the present moment into Action.
Stress and winter (or extreme temperatures) are two factors that make things a lot more difficult. Can't wait to get back into a routine (and spring!🌻).
Winter can be really difficult, with the stupid season depression too :/
@@Evieran 😅
I remember when I first saw you (and subbed) you were at 600 subs, this was a year ago? crazy you got to 15k. congratulations! and now you have a course...smart!!!!
I don’t know if course is the right word even. I wanted to stop coaching and I thought how to make something similar but more accessible. So I set it up as “writing therapy”, and basically organized coaching questions within different categories for different issues, and I walk people through them, encouraging them to reflect and write down the answers. That’s the closest, in my opinion, to asking people directly in a session to reflect on things.
But yes, it’s crazy how many things happened in a year 😊
Thank you so much for the guidance, it was extremely helpful.
I'm glad to hear that it helped you :)
Most helpful! Please do make a video about time blocking/scheduling/succeeding with a schedule. Thanks!
Great video, and topic, Evie. Relatable, as always.
Thanks for the pointers!
I miss alarms and notifications when I'm hyperfixated. I'll even go through all the steps to clear an alarm without any conscious awareness.* Adding an optional twist timer helps.
I keep it in my line of sight because I become more aware of my workspace when I'm anxious about time and struggling to get started. Cranking the timer and knowing it will buzz in X minutes gives me a bit of physical and mental inertia that helps me roll into a task. If I notice it go off I just take a breath, check in with the time, reset the timer, and continue. It doesn't ruin my flow, but it keeps me closer to the surface, makes me less likely to miss things, chunks up my time, provides an extra opportunity to retrack from a tangent, and gives me a moment to "hear" my body about things like the restroom, water, and eyerops.
* I only know I turn off alarms because I started getting frustrated with how often my alarms and notifications were malfunctioning. Over months and tons of effort to fix the technical problem, I gradually gained enough awareness for the memory of doing it to surface after exiting hyperfixation and noticing a missed alarm or notification. At first the memory was vague, and I wasn't sure it really happened, but more time increased awareness until I became sure.
Helpful, the sitting in the moment with the desired task idea. Making it a joy, not a duty.
Harder, when C-PTSD is part of the picture.
You gorgeous person ❤ Thank you Evie 😁
thanks very much! this is very helpful 🙏
5:23, Eating the elephant, one bite at a time, is the only way I’m able to accomplish complex tasks. I learned this about myself, long ago. Others don’t seem to be so rigid about it, but their work is inferior. I take a lot longer, and managers complain.
Really really helpful. Thank you!
Would love the time blocking video!!
Yes, I’m gonna try to make this one next :)
I definitely want to hear about time blocking for ADHD. I tried time blocking and it did not work for me at all. I found that I was not feeling motivated during the block when I was supposed to be working on something, or I didn't want to move on to a new task when the block of time ran out. I also found that becuase of my time blindness, I didn't have realistic expectations of how long I needed to work on a task. I would also overcommit. Yeah, with all that said, is there really an ADHD way?
The only thing that works for me right now is to just not sleep. I'v already decided I'm just going to stay up all night to get my stuff done and take my time because I don't want to do any of it.
I’m working on the time management/time-blocking video :)
@n Thank you! I think I will be turning to you for a lot for advice. I'm 38 years old. I only came to the realization two months ago that what I have been struggling with my whole life may be ADHD. I have been working with a therapist for the past two years to try to understand my chronic procrastination, anxiety, restlessness, and inability to maintain sustained focus. I just took the TOVA test and will find out the results this Friday. I think my ADHD has gone unnoticed becaue I'm a high achiever and perfectionist (straight A student, Masters in Biology, College Instructor of Anatomy and Physiology); however, I have lived in a constant state of burnout since I was probably 12 or 13 years old. Also, I am a new mom of a 4 year old and 1 year old. Life has gotten very unmanagebale. Thank you for all of your help and guidance. I appreciate it so much.
@@Evieran Thank you! I think I will be turning to you for a lot for advice. I'm 38 years old. I only came to the realization two months ago that what I have been struggling with my whole life may be ADHD. I have been working with a therapist for the past two years to try to understand my chronic procrastination, anxiety, restlessness, and inability to maintain sustained focus. I just took the TOVA test and will find out the results this Friday. I think my ADHD has gone unnoticed becaue I'm a high achiever and perfectionist (straight A student, Masters in Biology, College Instructor of Anatomy and Physiology); however, I have lived in a constant state of burnout since I was probably 12 or 13 years old. Also, I am a new mom of a 4 year old and 1 year old. Life has gotten very unmanagebale. Thank you for all of your help and guidance. I appreciate it so much.
@@Evieran Thank you! I think I will be turning to you for a lot for advice. I'm 38 years old. I only came to the realization two months ago that what I have been struggling with my whole life may be ADHD. I have been working with a therapist for the past two years to try to understand my chronic procrastination, anxiety, restlessness, and inability to maintain sustained focus. I just took the TOVA test and will find out the results this Friday. I think my ADHD has gone unnoticed becaue I'm a high achiever and perfectionist (straight A student, Masters in Biology, College Instructor of Anatomy and Physiology); however, I have lived in a constant state of burnout since I was probably 12 or 13 years old. Also, I am a new mom of a 4 year old and 1 year old. Life has gotten very unmanagebale. Thank you for all of your help and guidance. I appreciate it so much.
really good information. thank you very much !
and girl: take of your dry lips. ❤ i'm notorious for dry lips too and know the struggle... sometimes the skin even breaks and blood kapillarys in the cracks.😑
I’m glad you liked it ☺️
Ah the lips are a real struggle, especially now in the winter!! 😭 My lipsticks are either getting wiped off by just drinking coffee OR they’re solid but drying out my lips. I’d love to find a middle ground! ;D
@@Evieran just go with the easylie wiped lipstick as it wipes from the moisturizing fatty contents. better reapply from time to time then ending up with cracks.
i also need to use the blue lipstick style balm (mostly in winter) cause sometimes it's so bad the skin almost flakes off. but you couldn't rip the flake or it would bleed. 😬
I watched this...well...listened is more like it cause I love your accent; I don't take advice. Haha JK I'll share this with ya, though: I straightened up my entire living room yesterday doing just a little something during the ~2 minute commercial breaks during the movie I was watching. 🤔🤷♂️🤘🏻🔥🤘🏻
Sounds like the previous context made a big difference to you. And maybe your current context is a bit short on dopamine? Hold onto your self-compassion.
Your cutting style is so annoying. Couldn‘t stand it 60 seconds. 👎🏼
@evieran would you please direct me to the time blocking video?
@evieran would you please direct me to the time blocking video?
Hey Kim, I've created two, the first is here ruclips.net/video/-bUAku0FySI/видео.htmlsi=kGNNr5xwISsEwVeP and the 2nd (which I think is better structured and also has a template you can use is here) - ruclips.net/video/ZBXqKr1FS0U/видео.htmlsi=rvgDlzatNYiyZTB0
@ thank you 😊 🙏❤️
@ I love the way that you explain how things that work for others can be modified for our ADHD brain to work more effectively