How to Love Me
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- Опубликовано: 3 ноя 2024
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Shannon "Boody" Boodram is a sex and relationship educator who promotes sexual empowerment through information and conversation. She creates contents for young adults to make better choices in their sex lives and romantic relationships. For more info on Shan visit
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Music: RUclips library "Otis McDonald"
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"City Lights" By Jared Brady
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This video is kinda inspired by my partner Jared Brady who has taught me two lifetimes in two years about understanding, self insight and mutuality - three of the pillars that hold up damn good love. But this video is mostly inspired by my plants who taught me a valuable lesson on love that I want to share with you today.
When I first moved to LA I knew I wanted to live with life - and since I was single, couldn’t do roommates anymore and had wasn’t ready for a pet - that meant plants. I started out by making the classic mistake of buying whatever looked good. I'd bring it home all proud and water and re-pot my new homie then become infuriated when despite all my efforts the plant would die. At first I blamed the store - they sold me a bad seed. then I questioned its will to live. And after many failed attempts to love and live with plants, eventually I learned that their labels aren’t just decoration
You see it didn’t matter if I wanted to love the plant or not, if I wasn’t prepared to love it the way it needed all of the good intentions in the world would not matter. And it made me think how often we do this to each other. How many relationships are built on putting people in environments and circumstances that just aren’t built for them to thrive in. How many people do we invite into our lives because we like the way they look not because we are confident we know how to look out for them?
I thought about all of the arguments where the focus isn’t understanding how to love one another but instead fuming because the other isn’t reacting appropriately to how we want to love them.
And most of all I thought about the people who would rather duct tape brown leaves onto brittle branches than admit that they are just not capable of making the changes to love someone the way that they need.
Loving someone is a mix of compatibility and compromise. It’s listening to learn what we can do better and being honest enough to admit when we simply can’t or don’t want to.
But after coming to this epiphany it’s not as if all my plants are green and Godly. Yes I no longer buy new plants that need full sun if my place only gets a few hours at best. But I’ve moved 5 times in the past three years I’ve lived in LA and every new space brings a few plants to their knees. We can’t expect all of the ones we love to make massive changes to their needs just because we’ve changed ours.
What if there was a way for us to communicate to others exactly what we need to thrive. What would those instructions look like and how much richer could our love lives be if those who wanted us wanted to understand us before attempting to love us.
Shans making this world a better place
Camerin Claire LITERALLY
Shannon could you please talk about fear of intimacy, how to spot it and how to deal with it whether you suffer from it or someone you know does? Love your videos and the scientific approach you have with everything. Keep it up girl.
love this request. absolutely love it
true true...if im by myself, i dont think of my flaws or quirks...if im going to be with someone or the thought of being with someone on an intimate level, i immediately fall apart at the seams!!! i keep thinking i have to explain that scar or ingrown razor bump on my puss puss or th dimple on my ass or the flappy tits or weight gain etc...so i fear intimacy to the point that that it could become sexually debilitating
yesss love this as well
OMG yes I need that
YES please, and maybe answering some common questions about that topic? Loving your content Shannon!!
We should all come with instructions.
what would yours be pa?
So simple but so incredibly clever! Loved the analogy Shannon
I LOVE THIS!!! Recently I have broken up with a friend who I realized didn't know how to love me no matter how much I tried to explain it. They simply aren't available to be the kind of friend I need. It doesn't make them a bad person. Just means we're a bad match. No judgement. Just realness. I want them to have the room in their life to get what they need and have connections that honor them and I want the same for me. I am growing to be more in tune with what I need and desire in my relationships in order to feel loved and valued. I need to only be around people who are willing to openly demonstrate my value in their lives and don't have any shame that would cause them to withhold it or fear that causes the idea of open expression to be unappealing. I need words of affirmation. I need to hear genuine interest in my emotional wellbeing. I need affection. An effort to be made to spend time with me. I want to feel celebrated by the people I surround myself with. I don't want to have to question if they care or not. I don't ever want to be disrespected. I want space. To be able to speak freely and honestly and be spoken to the same way. I want to be truly seen and heard. That's how I feel loved. That person wouldn't give me that. I asked for it and they did not want to give it. Couldn't, possibly. Either way, it is what it is and wish them the best.
+LovingSoul61 this is insanely emotionally mature
LovingSoul61 YESSSSS to ALL of this!!!!!! Going thru the exact same thing. Letting go is hard but it needs to be done. Very well expressed 💕💕💕
Shan BOODY I have some pretty good mentors 😜
Richhh we are never alone💞
LovingSoul61 You literally expressed EVERYTHING I'm feeling that I have tears lol but good ones. I need to borrow one of your mentors.
You have no idea how much I needed this video. Thank you.
This really hits home. Lately, everything you say feels like exactly what I needed to hear.
I loved this! Your videos just keep getting better and better :)
+DassahMariee thanks Dassah this one is special to me!
SHANNON! this has to be my most favorite video by far. Maybe because it resonates so much with where I am in my life. Thank you for the reminder. The beautiful analogy to plants is perfection. It makes me view love in a different light. It can be broken down in so many ways. I'm definitely going to be doing this exercise. I appreciate your being! May you continue shining, and expanding! 🤗✨
Eye opening. Never letting someone give me their basic understanding of love when I speak my truth specifically. Nor will I let someone's basic understanding with unwillingness to change, change my own beliefs about myself.
The first thing I thought when I understood the challenge (and I started tearing up with this realization) was that I should write this list and do all the things in the list to myself and I'm honestly excited to write this. Thank you for this!
I watched this vid when you 1st posted it and I instantly knew I wanted to watch it with my wife as well. We watched it when she got home from work and afterward had an open and honest discussion. If we knew how to love one another/ourselves..what more/less do we need/want/wish? We're going to do a list as well and post them. This was a great video Shannon. 💛
Always a lesson when I tune into this channel. Preach! This approach seems so simple that it's most often over looked. This idea of listing the ways you need to be loved, is almost like a wedding day vow reversal. Informing your partner on what you need in your relationship to feel loved, compared to hearing what the partner is going to do to love you.
I needed this today more than you will probably ever know! I have been going though a divorce and have just been so depressed this past week. I even thought about going back several times to my abusive marriage just because I have been all in my feelings and sad. But, this! You reminded me of why I left my husband and why I need to stay away. He didn't know how to love me. As a matter of fact, the only thing he seemed to know how to do is hurt me. You are so amazing and I thank you for continuing to help me in this new journey of my life! xoxo
When I looked at you putting up the list I immediately thought "how to love myself". For those of us with that struggle, this exercise seems amazing for it.
Its amazing how from this vunerability of showing so much of your personal self online, really shows your strengths. Thank you for showing me the beauty in confidence Shannon
"How many people do we invite into our lives because we like the way they look-NOT because we are confident we know how to look out for them?"
WOW! I had to sit with that one for a minute.
Oh girl! Yes to this! Thank you! I just made a list of what I value in a partner but I need to do this. How to love me? Yes, I need to do this.
Here's an additional analogy: I have many plants and because I grew almost all of them from a seed they don't have manuals, I learned to care for them in my own way and it works for most of them and for some it doesn't. I don't think there should be a list because people, like plants, are all different and if you try and get them to give love like you want, you might be missing out on the unique experience they can give and take away from their journey to find that way, obviously that's just a lay opinion.
Regardless your vids always bring something to ponder and I love that, thank you!
Brilliant, my word how do you find such creative topics. I knew I loved you for good reason. Thanks Shannon & Jared.
Discovering your channel is such a blessing! You're getting better everyday and i'm learning so much ! Thanks You xx
It's like I ask God for a sign and there you are Shannon. I have been struggling in my love life and I think is exactly what I need to do and share it with people I feel romantic with.
Absolutely love this! I am going to do this. I will not be posting because I do not have any social media...I know weird...but I am happier without it lol. Thanks Shannon!!
Your videos are always so great! I love that I usually get something from watching your videos whether it's like this and gives me ideas on working on myself/introspection or just things to think about/discuss. I'm always happy to see when you put new content out! ❤
I have learned that most people love the way they want to be and need to be loved. But we need to learn our partners love and give them that love. I'm definitely going to do this list.
I love this video! For the longest time I thought i was crazy or too demanding for knowing exactly what I want and expecting it. When in reality, the only thing I was doing wrong, was expecting it - expecting everyone to just know what I need AND expecting them to be able to provide it.
I love this because it brings out the importance in knowing who you are and what you want in a partner, stresses the importance of not being selfish - in the way of making us think "can we provide this person what they need? Can we love them the way they want?", and opens a great dialogue into the way we communicate in relationships.
Keep it up girl! You're awesome xoxox
Shannon you're so damn beautiful! I've always admired and respected your work.
It's always amazing finding someone so open and vulnerable like yourself. Your work has definitely helped change lives and perspectives.
I love this channel! The transparency is off the charts!!
I'm truly loving the regular good quality content. I deeply appreciate it ❤️❤️
Another awesome video with needed advice for many...myself included! Keep on doing you Shannon...you're an inspiration to us all!!
Just opened my eyes. Thank you for making this video!
I love this analogy, I love the explanation of Yes, you may be trying but you gotta know How I receive Love!
wow Shan really loved the plant metaphor, you're really good at explaining your thoughts and expressing them visually as well :) keep up the great videos!
HEY GORGEOUS! I just discovered your channel and I am obsessed. Never stop being your beautidul, intelligent, kind and honest self. Such a fan! Xoxo
Girllllllllllll.....**snaps fingers several times**. I love this.
You are inspirational on a spiritual soul touching level💜 what a Queen 👑
You are an amazing soul and love everything you create. I truly believe you speak for the masses. You are very educated in what you speak on, and I believe you hit on things that many people feel or view. Thank you for creating some amazing content.
+A2Z With MoonEqualist you know how i feel about ur presence!!!
This was so profound and very much needed.
Thank you sis!
focus on my intent, not my tone ---- so true.
This is a great excercise Shannon! Thank you!
I love when you make these types of videos Shannon ❤️ you're my inspiration and role model
Thank you for this video. It made me have to sit down and really figure if I know how to effectively tell someone how to love me. Turns out, I can.
These last videos have been getting me!!!!!! Yaaaaaaaaaaas Shannon !!!
You have no idea how much your videos help me
+Kluermoi oh wow thank you!!
I needed this lesson at this very moment. Wow. Thank you!
I've learned so much from this channel!
I truly love your videos they bring emotions out of me I didn't even know I had at times and definitely force me to be more self aware . You're amazing !
+Monica B hi Monica I see your beautiful self
Shan BOODY thank you .
Shan I started working on myself as soon as this video ended💪🏾❤️.
"What if they wanted to understand us before they ATTEMPTED to love us? "OMG Auntie Boody this was too too good and I loved the plant concept.
+QueenJ lol I live for the term #auntyboody
Wow, it feels like I was meant to see this video. Thank you, Shan! Thank you for teaching us as you teach yourself.
Your videos are always so real.. they always hit home.. stop making emote 😭😭😫😫❤️
Another great video, damn Shan I'm seriously amazed how direct but poignant your storytelling and video production has come along the years. Wish you all the best.
Love this type of video! Keep up the great work Shan.
your content is getting stronger and developing in its best shape and form ❤️
Loved this video and I been enjoying your content for a minute now. Keep on the good work.
Until your video with Maya I have never watched your Chanel but this today was super needed. Especially in this world that we live in . Thank you for sharing it I can't wait to do it and tagged you on my blog page ❤️
+Lady Sergine Maya's people are my people ❤️ thanks for stopping by
love love love it! Extremely helpful & informative! 💓
I love this. So much insight! Thank you.
so much yes! doing this today. thank you
I'm doing this challenge!!! Loved this video, def one of my favs 👌🏾👌🏾
..start a vision board..one for relationships/qualities another for life goals!💙☺️ great video!
shot out to your healthy looking basil, I hope it produced some seeds from flowering so you can so and nurture again. great video! I plan to do this challenge myself!
Wow. Wise words girl. I love it thank you!
Shan you open up my mind to new possibilities💯
this video is everything to me. thank you so much.
Okay, first of all- AMAZING VIDEO, AMAZING CONCEPT. So beautiful and it really rocked my world and changed my entire perspective on loving someone. Weirdly I literally made a list just like this today, kind of unknowingly, and then I stumbled upon your video.
That is SUPER weird and serendipitous
Ahh! Fan girl-ing a bit that you responded! Lemme just say that your confidence in all your videos (and in who you are as a person) is SO inspirational. I truly hope to one day exude confidence and self awareness and self acceptance as you do. Lots of love, Tam
Me And My Asian/Californian Lady, We're 8 Years Apart, She's 22 Years Old And I'm 30 Years Old, Born In The Same Month Of October, Age Is Just A Number Our Love Matters, We Have So Much In Common!
Our Birthdays As Followed:
Peter That's My Birthday (October 23, 1986)
May That's Her Birthday (October 18, 1994)
I'm Moving To The A.T.L. To Be With Her, Because I Love Her!
that's great. side note: my bday is 10/21/86! wassup fam!!! :) lol have a great day.
Should I Go Be With Her, She Lives In The Atlanta, Georgia;
Or Should She Go Be With Me In New Orleans, Louisiana!
Wow, this is a challenge I think I really need. Thank you.
Shan this was a really great video! I love all this deep shit that makes take a step back and think about some things. I really love your channel. Your amazing!
This video was so well produced good job love❤️
One of the best videos i've ever seen about relationships!! xx
Mam , i felt this too deep....thank you a thousand times 😊
Shan have you read the book The Art of Loving By Eric Fromm? I feel like everything your preaching is derived from some of his ideas, I love it! Keep up the videos shan , We love you back! 🙆
+Maylen Lim no i haven't! I need a new book i will check this out
Maylen Lim I read it :) Classic! Love it. I should read it agaib for sure. Thanks for reminding me :D
Harley Quinn By far my favorite book I've read so far
I love it, great education, women's support groups could do with this video. Keep up the great work!!!
Absolutely loved this!
I LOVE THIS COMPARISON
Thanks for sharing. I need this advice today.
Shannon this video was very special to me💯❤️
I want to write a blog post about this 🙌🏾 Shan stay dropping gems
Im sorta new to your channel and i just want to say that your an inspiration! Keep doing what your doing girl 🤘🏾🥀🎉
Amazing!! Can't wait to do this!! Anyone else? 😁❤️
So damn creative...I really need to do this.Sometimes we know in our head the way we want to be loved.But my thing is expressing it 2 my partner without getting too emotional.
Thankyou Shannon!
This was beautiful and insightful. I dont know about posting mine on social media but Ill be making a list for sure
When you 'bout to credit that boi but you credit your true love, a fancy stick.
Omg...i got instant anxiety with the thought of prioritizing myself and what I WANT...you always know how to challenge me...
P.S...im not crying...y'all are crying
Thank you so much!🌿
Good one Shannon 👌🏾 I love this idea
I never thought about it like this.
Absolutely love this idea! Going to write my list out tonight and maybe post it on one of my walls until I'm ready to share that list with somebody.
P.s. You're the best! I love you girl❤️
+ItsAllSmiles ahhh that's awesome Id love to see the list but will wait on ur terms oxo
Absolutely loved this video!
When she started screaming at the plant 😂
exceptional video/analogy
Wow, I love it. I actually feel men need instructs on how to love us. I recently got into a relationship and I am his first girlfriend and he is my second ( 1st boyfriend cheated ). He still lives in " Me " and not "US" life. When i studied that about him, I started teaching him few things on how to express love to me and how he would want to be loved. I dont think he was expecting it. It is a healthy relashionship but he might not agree with all the things I want. So i think, compromising , understanding , humility , self expression are important and I love that.
+Lu Asare this is beautiful! The power of patience and education!!
Shan thank you so much for this video!! I love your videos and waiting for more xoxo
This was such a great video, Shan!
By far one of my favorites, learned alot about myself and past relationships from this one video...wow *sits in corner* lol
When she went off on the plant though... I hollared! LOL
This was amazing. Thank you!
Beautiful points ♥
+LittleMissCrista thank you Cristaaa