Clues That You May Have Complex PTSD
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- Опубликовано: 18 окт 2024
- Many children of narcissists have Complex PTSD but may not be aware of it. PTSD shows up in different ways for different people.
Some people who have Complex PTSD often do not know that they have it because so much of their emotional life and bodily sensations have been suppressed.
Here are some subtle clues that might point to CPTSD:
Body
You may find yourself holding your breath a lot
There may be a lot of muscle tension - especially in the shoulders and neck
The brow may often be furrowed
The lips may often be pursed
Shoulders may often be hunched
Thoughts
Refer to the self as ‘We’
General thoughts of wanting to escape and run away
Thoughts of something being wrong but not knowing what it is
Extreme thinking patterns involving words such as ‘always’ and ‘never.’
You might find it hard to answer the question - What do you do for fun?
There may be a lot of internal conflict - finding it hard to make a decision or feelings of different parts of you wanting conflicting things
Feelings
A sense of guilt when doing something for the self
A feeling of being more comfortable alone than with other people
Wanting to be alone a lot
There may often be a sense of being bored
A vague sense of being agitated, irritated or uncomfortable
Strong feelings may often overtake you - you are not sure where they came from and you cannot shake them
A feeling that you can’t trust anyone or you are waiting to be betrayed in some way
You may feel uncomfortable when things are going well and be waiting for something to go wrong
A sense of not being able to relax, of always needing to be prepared, on guard or ready
Feeling of something being missing
A feeling of not knowing who you are
Please see my website at childrenofnarc...
sarahgrahamcou...
All of this hit home for me...I very much prefer being alone. I often say I wish I could live off the grid with my cats in a forest somewhere.
It seems written for me specifically. Maureen Seel. I am exactly like this.
I thought I wrote this haha
Same! I’ve joined all the “off grid living” groups on Facebook!
😮 😢
I concur 🎉
Every single item resonated with me 💯 %. Started crying. To know someone else feels like me and I'm not some weirdo
I have no doubt that I suffer with CPTSD. I have pretty much managed to remove myself from the world and all the people in it as much as possible. I'm quite happy being alone without the annoyance of others to aggravate my life. I know this is not my true self but it is who I have become. Interesting breakdown. I must say I feel much better knowing that I am not alone or that this is in some way unusual. There is a sense of contentment knowing so many others are experiencing much the same condition. I wish all of you the best of luck moving forward.
❤
May I ask; Does/Can your moods become tidal? For instance, you’re happy for 1 hour or 1 day straight then the tides out and no matter what people and you say, it feels like the worlds going to end? I believe I might have CPTSD and I just wanted to get a more understanding.
Yes, so many of us ❤
@@danbarnard4508 That's sounds more like a manic depression type disorder to me. Sorry I took so long to respond but YT didn't notify of your comment. To answer your question NO, it's more of a state of being triggered by those that behaves as my family of origin did when I was a child. It generally puts me into a state of social anxiety to be around more than 1 person at a time as peers tend to gang up and attempt to belittle, so to speak. Good luck.
Overpacking for leaving, anxiety over making sure that you have what you need when you leave the house or taking much longer than before to get ready, has been another cptsd symptom, one that others have been agitated with me for.
No idea that over packing was a C-PTSD symptom. My husband teases me for that.
@@maureenseel118 I think it could be based on the individual, but in my experience, I never knew for sure if I would be able to return home when I needed to. The things that were urgent for me were often ignored by "the person in charge." If I needed something like my meds or a charger, others would not stop what they're doing to take me home to grab it. When I had my son, that made things more difficult. I packed basically what my son and I need for the entire day, even if the outing was just to a shop down the road, or a park nearby. I just never knew when I would need/want something. It also allows me to be more flexible, if I need to get a ride from someone else the time constraint didn't matter. Now I use two bags and keep both stocked, with a days worth of meds and whatnot. I keep a bag with my hiking gear in the car, so it is always available. If it's already prepped no one can bitch ;)
omg! this is unreal! its me to a tee! this is the 1st time anywhere ive seen anyone hit this right on the head like this!I have lifelong ocd & agoraphobia,takes me forever to get out the house! I cant believe Ive only just thought of this & getting to the root after all these years whats been going on all these years -since childhood & im now 66!! Yeh its like youre in permanent paranoid mode like a very scared rabbit in the headlights,even for the slightest things! Just soul destroying to admit its blighted most of adult life! ( & childhood!)@@PaigeSquared
This is all affecting my relationships. I so want to be alone.
:( It is definitely disparaging. I feel like validating, supportive community is the closest thing to a cure, but all the communities in Western culture are dominated by narcissists. I hope you find a good community.
Me too.
WOW,,I had thought this before,but never really learned why I am so hypervigilant at times,,but I was ALWAYS ON GUARD AND COULD NOT RELAX
Some of this strikes me as normal personality aspects, too. Like being alone is helpful if one is creative or likes to meditate. A lot of creative introverts like being alone.
A lot of creative introverts are victims of abuse. 🙋
@@matthewatwood207 do you think they are introverted because of the abuse or because of they abuse they are introverted???
@@eottoe2001, specifically, introverted because of the neglect. Although I'm sure the other forms of abuse play parts. I was misdiagnosed with autism because of a slightly complicated situation.
My mother was air force, working long nights, and couldn't be bothered to keep searching when she found a sitter who would stay nights, but would not stay awake.
So, I was with my sleeping mother or a sleeping sitter vast majority of every day, only given attention if I was hungry or needed a diaper change for the first two years of my life.
Subsequently, I didn't learn to walk or talk or even crawl or feed myself until I was 5/almost 5, and didn't even get my baby teeth in until then. Thanks to the sexistly titled "refrigerator mom" idea and the backlash to that, nobody's allowed to even consider than neglect leaves kids vulnerable and socialy inept.
I'm sure her gaslighting and unending criticism is also part of why I second guess myself constantly, but her neglect and the social isolation that came of it is what made it exhausting for me to socialize.
@@eottoe2001 sorry this took 9 days. RUclips's only showing me the occasional thumb up in my notifications for the last year or so, never responses to my comments.
Hi Matthew,
It's interesting that autism and trauma look so similar in many ways.
Sorry for what you have endured.
I’m amazed by the overlap between complex PTSD symptoms and signs of high-masking autism… I only got diagnosed autistic at the age of 26 and since I have narcissistic parents for years I thought all my struggles came from C-PTSD but it never quite fit. Now I know a lot of these ‘struggles’ were linked to my undiagnosed autism and I finally feel like I have the full picture and a clearer understanding of what comes from narcissistic trauma and what comes from being an undiagnosed high-masking autistic for most of my life 😊 if we take the social aspect for example, both people with complex PTSD and autistic people might avoid being around other people but not necessarily for the same reasons. The traumatised person will find it tiring to be on high-alert for potential threats all the time, whereas the high-masking autistic person will find it tiring to be constantly suppressing their autistic traits and putting on a ‘neurotypical’ mask, monitoring their every move to make sure they appear ‘normal’, have the right facial expression, maintain enough eye contact, etc. Someone with complex PTSD might want to live alone in a cabin the woods with their cats because they’ve been hurt by people and have trust issues, whereas an autistic person might want to do the same thing because we naturally have a lower social drive and often a lot of social anxiety from adverse social situations, or you might be an autistic person with complex PTSD and experience all of the above at once! For example I’m constantly masking my autism (which is in itself a trauma response because autistic masking exists to protect ourselves from getting hurt for being different) and I’m also hypervigilant from the narcissistic trauma. A lot of late-diagnosed high-masking autistic people will also struggle with that feeling of ‘I don’t know who I am/what I like’ because they masked their authentic self their whole life, desperately trying to fit into the neurotypical mould, and have lost touch with their true identity. A lot of ‘people pleasing’ behaviours are also VERY common in high-masking autistics because spending most of your life not knowing you’re autistic and trying to adapt to a society that wasn’t built for you inevitably leads to trauma. Most autistic people have trauma from just existing in this world, and studies have shown we’re also much more likely than the average person to develop trauma from life experiences that rarely cause trauma in neurotypicals (eg: negative social interactions…). Some things to ask yourself to check whether you might be undiagnosed autistic (the population of undiagnosed autistics with complex PTSD is unreal): do you find eye contact uncomfortable? Do you have strong interests/passions that take up a lot of your time and thoughts and can be perceived by others as obsessive? Do you have sensory hypo/hyper-sensitivities (eg: do you dislike strong lights, certain food/fabric textures, are you insensitive to temperature or pain, do you struggle to tell when you’re hungry/thirsty, etc…)? Do you do certain things to relax/express your emotions/concentrate/just because they feel good such as rock back and forth, flap your hands, pick at your skin, bounce your leg, play with your hair, fidget, hum, etc? Do you struggle with/dislike back and forth conversation and small talk? Have you been told by people that you were rude or inappropriate or too sensitive or selfish, even though that wasn’t your intention? Do people often misunderstand you? Do you struggle to understand humour, subtext and/or sarcasm? If you answered ‘yes’ to at least one of these it might be worth looking into the possibility that you might be autistic (it might not be obvious at first, especially if you’ve been masking for decades) 😊
It’s so interesting and I could keep talking about it for hours but I’ll stop here for now 😊 thanks for making such helpful videos!
Thanks so much for sharing your experiences.
I used to separate myself into a good and bad person. I would tell myself "you suck" instead of "I suck" to put distance between pain and feeling the pain
Hi Happy Thoughts - I have just done a video on how this type of split (black and white) thinking works on a technical level in case you are interested - link here:
ruclips.net/video/yKJw_HGdfUE/видео.html
Wow, so many of these traits I have lived with most my life. Now that my Narc Dad passed a few months back the grief is hitting hard. All the grief I had to suck up for an entire lifetime. I’m free now and as I journal and go to therapy and release all the pain I can feel the tension on my neck and shoulders begin to relax. It’s crazy how much better my body feels. It’s like I’m finally safe even though I realize my siblings want to continue his abuse and scapegoating I know now that I never deserved that. I am learning to stand up for myself.
I am glad you are finally feeling better. Learning to stand up for ourselves can be hard, but with practice it gets easier.
I have been listening to so much amount of music since internet was invented 😂😂😂 i believe that has been like an alchol addiction for me.. i dont listen now.. only when my life is not going as i like i do start... i now see that music has been used to stop voices in my head... 😊
As far as I see, many of us are children of narcissist, and many of us raising the next generation narcissist....not me as I love to be childfree....
*SO* many.
Yes, it's intergenerational trauma and so much of it around.
Next generation of narcissists? How? Because of genetics?
@@AccidentalWarrior144 To my oppinion it is simply the narcissist behaves a certain way, which creates trauma, so the narcissist's child is traumatized which leads to certain personality traits, narcisstic attitude, emotional unavailability....and every individual is also born with predetermined characteristics which also shapes how he, she handles the narcissistic parent.....so let's say what if I was raised by balanced, happy parents, I think I would still be a solo type of person, but I would not be so traumatised, I would be more confident and in tuned with myself from early childhood, and could have made more balanced, conscious choices.....and not fear and trauma-led decisions.....but well, this is life, we are learning.....we cannot change the past, but we can influence our present and future too :)
@@monikakrall3922HG Tudor states that it’s genetics and a lack of control in environment. I was raised by two narcs and I’m very proud to say that I’m an emotionally available & caring mother. Some of us go the opposite direction, there’s hope! I’m no contact though, so this has helped me heal.. plus, I’m married to someone who’s very supportive, so that helps.
All the traits I have ... your description of the need to maintain a state of anxiety gave me a sudden realization: "ohmygod that's what I have been doing for the past 30 years..." it's so normal to be on hypervigilant mode that feeling calm is scary... so yeah, sincere thanks for this!
I am glad it was helpful.
Holy crap…I hold my breath sometimes but always thought it was bc of a drowning accident as a kid.
rentals being judgy is how i grew up....now i behave exactly the same way, which makes me feel guilt and self-loathing. thanks guys! 😢
All of these checklists clicked for me!!!
I have this. You named everything I’ve experienced with it word for word. 😉🙏💯
A lot of these hit home for me, however my muscle tension is at it's worst in my lower back, and I experience emotional numbness from my childhood. I also obstinate absolutely from alcohol despite only being in my teens...
Hi Alexis,
I wonder if you have heard of Progressive Muscle Relaxation? You might find this may help - here is a link to an article:
positivepsychology.com/progressive-muscle-relaxation-pmr/
Lower back pain can sometimes be kidney issues, Traditional Chinese Medicine says we hold our anger / resentment in the kidneys. Research TCM methods for cleansing and releasing kidney Chi. Good that you abstain from alcohol, despite your peers blindly indulging, there is nothing good about it. As a wise man once said "If you go with the flow, you get flushed down the toilet"
@@HeartFeltGesture I'll definitely look into it. However, it was at its worst a few days ago and has since let up to its normal ache, so it might not be my kidneys, but it wouldn't hurt to look in case
@@alexistourand8058 Good on you. I have had kidney issues too and lower back pain. I have had a sugar addiction and also binged / abused refined carbohydrate foods, like cake, biscuits, candy, potato chips, bakery foods etc, using food to regulate my emotional state.
All of this affects our kidneys and insulin / pancreas, and other organs.
If you have food addictions definitely take a look at diet and see how you can clean up and get healthy. I feel a lot better after (anxiety / depression) doing an elimination diet - only eating ground beef, eggs, salt and water for 30 days got me off all my addictions and then I went on the low carb KETO way of eating to avoid going back to those foods. I still have some emotional numbness and hyper-vigilance / self-esteem issues, but by making positive changes in the vain of self-love is helping a lot. I see this is the way forward. Self-love, and rediscovering our true identity is the way forward.
Thankyou so much for sharing this, I have all those traits and although I'm aware I have Cptsd and have learnt a bit about it, you outlined a number of things I didn't realise, so it was really helpful.
I also really appreciate your calm, informative delivery. Your voice and demeanour are quite soothing and easy to listen to, so it's easier to take in the information. This is the first time I've come across you, so very glad to have found your channel.Thankyou again 🙂
Thank you Tara, I am so glad this has been helpful.
How to get healed from this...?
@@annej4272
Hi Anne,
I plan to do a video on this soon.
Here is an article on healing:
childrenofnarcissists.org.uk/healing-from-narcissistic-abuse/
Here is a link to my website where I have put up some slides which explain the healing process in more depth:
childrenofnarcissists.org.uk/the-healing-process/
Take care.
good video
check, check, check, check, check, check, che.....
do you know how many times i have asked my therapist whether i have DID? i don't but it can feel that way.
Yeah, totally get that, I've questioned the same until I learnt about 'Internal Family Systems, it's a relatively new concept , lots of info online Richard Schwartz pioneered this idea that we are all naturally made up of parts and in a normal healthy childhood we gradually integrate them into a whole, however if you grow up with trauma they can remain somewhat separate, kind of frozen in time if you like.
At the far end of that spectrum is where D.I.D lies however we all have parts and its on a spectrum like he says. This therapy is really informative and revelatory in how it describes and works on integration of these parts. I hope this is helpful 🙂
This was really helpful, thank you.
You're welcome. I'm glad it helped.
I know I have CPTSD, i had a very traumatic childhood, but now I am affraid that I am narcissistic. Three years ago I had a major brakedown and I cannot find my way out. Since then all the trauma from childhood came back and I feel like I don't know who I am . That's scares me so much and I'm not able to get out of the freeze response.
How can I know if it's narcissism or CPTSD?
So many people worry that they have narcissitic traits when they come from this kind of background. There are healthy levels of narcissism that we need to function well:
ruclips.net/video/TeuScfHSGfE/видео.html
It can be difficult to unpick it all.
This video by Patrick Teahan talks about NPD and CPTSD:
ruclips.net/video/mAFyxGsnqKc/видео.html
This is sadly familiar
Very informative. Thank you
Thank you so much.
interesting and good video ✅
Thank you.
Thats me 100%
How do you differentiate between CPTSD and BPD?
My personal view is that many of these issues can be put on a spectrum, please see chart here - The Dissociative Spectrum: childrenofnarcissists.org.uk/structural-dissociation/
There can be a lot of crossover in terms of traits and I am not trained in diagnosis (that is for psychiatrists in the UK) so can't really give ways to differentiate here.
I like to work with the structural dissociation model and that covers everyone from a dysfunctional/trauma background.
True BPD is NPD, same with HPD.. it’s all just narcissism. People often receive a misdiagnosis of BPD-because the mental health system, in my opinion, is crap. Many actually have C-ptsd/PTSD instead, or NPD. 1 in 6 are narcissists, per HG Tudor. Many of them are unaware narcs, so they are definitely getting the incorrect diagnosis, or, not getting diagnosed at all. The DSM has it all wrong.
Yep yep yep yep yep
Farrrr Ouuuuttt