S*x With A Disability: Let's Talk About It
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- Опубликовано: 13 окт 2023
- Intimacy with a disability may not be what you're thinking...
Do you agree or disagree? I'd love to hear your comments/feedback below!
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My Amputation Story!
Fourteen years of pain and failed ankle surgeries brought me to 2018, when I made the difficult decision to become a twenty-seven-year-old below-the-knee elective amputee. This channel has documented my journey adjusting to life with a visible disability as an amputee, and continues to be a haven to discuss physical and mental health!
Amputation Story Videos:
Why Did I Lose My Leg? • HOW I BECAME AN AMPUTE...
How I Said Goodbye To My Leg: • COME WITH ME ON A GOOD...
Seeing My Amputated Leg for the First Time: • Seeing my amputated le...
Day in the Life of an Amputee: • A Day in the Life of a...
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Reading your comments I think we need a part 2! I’m really interested in two things (if you’d care to share your thoughts and experience!)!
1. Do you think men with disabilities are seen/treated differently with sex and dating? If so, how?
2. Outside of the straight/cis experience, how do you feel disabled individuals are viewed/perceived/treated? Do you think it differs from cis/het relationships?
I think you’re right Jo. Part 2 would make sense. Plus any reason to see your lovely four legged co hosts. 😊
The people who are grossed out by and/or fetishize disabled people are also people interested in men. Presumably misogyny makes it more common for women to experience fetishization of any sort but I don't have data for that.
In my experience Queer people in general are a bit better about it but trans and/or intersex people in particular are excellent about disabilities. There's overlap and you might think "I am only interested in other disabled trans women" gives you a small dating pool but it absolutely does not.
I'm not super experienced, but as a mid-twenties bisexual man with CRPS and psoriatic arthritis (have been visibly disabled before to an extent with mobility aids, but not often currently due to PT and med changes) this is how things have gone for me. Never had a serious relationship, which obviously affects the kinds of experiences I've had. I don't put that I'm disabled on profiles, in part for safety reasons -- I care less about it being a dealbreaker and more about preventing people from seeking me out for being disabled (which, to be honest, I think happens less to men, but I'm still a little wary of it.) I do end up mentioning it before anything happens, though, just because I have physical limitations that can be relevant.
I'm less confident about it when approaching women than men -- I feel like there's an (outdated, societal) expectation to be the stronger, more physically able partner when I'm with a woman, where with two men it doesn't matter as much. That being said, that's kind of a "me" problem -- everyone I've been with has been entirely chill about me being disabled.
(edit: minor typo)
On 2. Female-female (or female-mtf) relationships in my experience have been much more understanding on a conversational and acceptance level on about a 9:1 ratio. I have been with multiple genders throughout my active life and have only been with one cis/het male who even somewhat didn't dismiss my disabilities. X
A lot of us queer folks are also neurodivergent, which may be considered a disability by itself.
I can confirm that being ace makes me not really desire a partner sexually, disabled or not. But having a disability definitely makes someone feel safer to be around (perhaps some shared experiences with being marginalized?) and therefore more likely to develop a relationship with.😮
How does the "obvious" affect sex? Well, having two large dogs on the bed must cramp one's style a bit.
😆
This was my thought as well!
I have a friend who's activities will sometimes get dog blocked. As someone not in the room that sounds hilarious.
Lol. Been there. 3 labs, wife's black companion dog, my chocolate, service dog, and our 5 month old silver puppy, that we are training to taie over a service role.
Yeah. At this point, we lock the bedroom door, or don't get privacy. Or interruptions.
One day, sex with my wife was interrupted by the cat bringing us a bird that still lived.
To Jo's dad:
I know she doesn't want you to watch this video, but I'll just summarize that she gave a very good and thoughtful treatment of an important and thorny topic. Kudos to you for raising a daughter who is up to that!
You said 'thorny'....
@@happyrabbit108 So?
Why would anyone even think about it being different for a person that has an amputation? Come on now. We are still all human and have the same needs and wants. Just because there is an amputation involved doesn't make a person lesser of a person!!! If it is not true sincere love and passion. Then it shouldn't happen anyway!!! True love and passion doesn't judge on the body!!! Yes i agree that there needs to be communication and consideration for the amputation involved. But it should still be the most beautiful intimate passionate sensational affectionate intense love and respect for each other!!! We are all unique and special in our own separate ways!!! And in God's eyes we are all in this together!!! All it takes is common sense and respect for each other!!!
Everyone needs true love and passion and experience true happiness!!!
You are an awesome and amazing woman!!!
Thank you for sharing!!!
I lost my leg below the knee in Afghanistan.... My "wife" divorced me while I was still overseas in the hospital recovering. My girl now was my nurse. "Ya wanna humpy the stumpy" BEST PICKUP LINE EVER!!! 22 years and counting!
Thank you for your service. From a fellow older generation veteran
Thank again for your Service. I am a 78 year old Viet-nam Marine Veteran. 👌
@@RoySimonetti-zp7jvThank YOU for your service!!
And this chick abandoned her husband even after he accepted her loosing her leg. She is way too focused on the experience of sex. My guess she got bored with her husband and left him. You sound you found yourself a diamond a nurse who choose you inspite loosing your leg. Most women would have never done that. Lucky man.
Sorry for your loss... Your leg. Not your ex. Seems like that loss was a good one. As hard as it may have been to lose part of your leg, you would have never met your wife and had the amazing 22 years and counting. Wish you could have met her another way, but glad you are doing great. Also, thank you for your service. Though I am also a vet, I did nothing. I was in during peace time and never saw any dangerous duty. I respect those that did.
When I lost my right arm in 2021 as a man I didn’t consider it a sexual issue, I was married and had been nearly 35 years.
The first time my wife and were together after my accident it still not become an issue because of the position we chose (by accident) her on top.
But the next time was different when I was on top and fell over. I never realized how much a man uses both arms during sex.
But like you said adjustments were made and now we are back much like before.
Thanks for your videos I have learned so much from you Jo.
I think for some people the reason they may not want to date someone with a disability is the concern about the extra “work” involved, but when the right person comes along that work isn’t a chore, it’s an expression of love.
Right. If you love them it's not work
Mate shes only lost a bit of her leg, it's not the end of the world.
@@NortyNige I said "for SOME PEOPLE" and on top of that, her video is a general video about dating people with a disability which could include someone who is blind or deaf or in a wheelchair etc.
As someone in a long-term committed relationship who has some mental health issues I decided long ago:
That I've seen the bad side of her and the good side of her and I choose BOTH. It truly is just profoundly an act of love. There is no work or effort when you both love unconditionally.
@@jamesfrankel7827 I disagree. I have mental issues (ptsd, other trauma disorders), not to mention a chronic lung disease, and I can't pretend like living with me isn't more work than living with a healthy person. I get sick 2-3 times a year and I mean really sick, I lie in bed for like two weeks and need someone to cook for me, clean for me and do everything for me that involves getting up for more than 5-10 minutes. I also can't work, so my partner essentially has to pay for both his life and my life too. Because of my mental issues, I'm sometimes a real piece of garbage and I don't say that out of self-hatred, it's just that when I'm at my worst, I fail to consider anything else but my feelings, I hurt people by accident (or sometimes even on purpose to push them away). Obviously I am in therapy for that and it is getting better, but it still happens. Oh, I'm also really bad at talking about things that bother me due to my trauma, I don't even recognize them until they have been bothering me for months, at which point it's a huge problem for me.
My partner loves me, but acting like being with me isn't also work would be a giant disservice to them. If you love them, you are willing to do the work, but it doesn't make the work suddenly make fun of stop bothering you. Just like me loving myself doesn't make the two hours of therapy I have to do each day feel like any less of a chore.
Of course there are different degrees of disabled and there are tons of disabilities where it really isn't any work and people are just scared for no reason, but it's not like real work suddenly stops being work just because you love someone.
Hello! I am not an amputee, I just like subscribing to channels that inform people, and have nice people behind them!
Same It's Nice To be open minded and see how other people's lives work yk? Interesting!
Ditto
I , like so many others, am not an amputee or a fetishist.
You are a powerful communicator who has a lot of experience and i think you could help so many others who are struggling with their own disabilities.
What a wonderful insight you give to others about your journey and daily challenges..
keep up the great work and blessings upon you Jo 😎👌🏼
Shut up
Hi coming from someone who is disabled not an amputee tho thank you for educating yourself it’s always nice to see :]
As an older gentleman, with two daughters close to your age, I believe your dad should be very proud of how you grew up! You're an intelligent woman, very articulate in speaking about your life, your likes and dislikes, and good for you on being specific on the type of relationship you wish to have! Kudo's to you, in helping others that will see this, and hopefully feel good about themselves!
Thank you for addressing this. As a single amputee this has been an issue for me. Especially becoming more confident with my body post amputation. It's frustrating when people automatically feel that you are not supposed to be a sexual creature because you're missing a limb. I would love to see a part 2 to this.
My father was a quadriplegic. I learned as a mortified teen that he was able to have sex with his wife with the use of Viagra.
I maintain that's more than I ever wanted or needed to know as his child, but as a now married adult, I'm glad he was able to navigate that part of his life after a spinal cord injury. The woman who became his wife truly loved my father and they had a fulfilling life together until complications from his injuries took him.
Back then, RUclips was in its infancy. The resources available to him were nothing like we've got now. I'm glad his doctors took him seriously and didn't write off his request as frivolous or say it didn't matter because he couldn't feel it.
Ugh this is such a huge topic. I love that you are addressing it. I have chronic pelvic pain and loss of feeling in that area along with loss of other functions in that area. It has complicated even thinking about engaging with someone in my mind. It’s very depressing. You can really get in your head about it especially when you feel like everyone in the world is enjoying intimacy except Fate has decided you will not get to. It’s a real mindf*ck. Thanks for speaking about this, Jo.
If you're in constant pelvic pain, it stands to reason that you're not interested in sex
@@9983sp but interpersonal intimacy might still be wanted or even non pelvic sexual activities, (kissing, unclothed touching, whatever)
I have a little different problem. I had an intestinal blockage and ended up with a bag for my poop. Since then my partner really doesn't ever touch me in that area and is not interested in in trying to engage in any type of sexual play. I feel your pain only in a different way.
@@Sherry-jx9hs I am so sorry that you have experienced that, it sounds so heartbreaking 😢
Have you tried pelvic floor PT? My entire nether regions were practically destroyed after child birth. Pelvic floor PT helped me in less than 2 months after I had suffered with pain during sex and incontinence for so long.
A disability is the least of people's worries. It is truly the communiocation, the bonding, the working through things to better the relationship. Loss of a limb isn't/shouldn't be an issue.
I grew up in Christian schools and when it came to sex. I got married way to early so we wouldn’t feel guilty. Shocking, ended in divorce. I love how you describe what you when through and thank you so much for sharing.
I have EDS, and my specialist referred my husband and I to his team of physiotherapists. They started by showing my ways I can protect my body from damage (and hence pain) in normal everyday life. They then moved on to showing my husband how to help me, without hurting himself, and then we ended up discussing sex. It was very helpful that they were so matter of fact about it all. It was enormously helpful learning about various positions, and the how to make it an enjoyable, non-painful experience.
If people get a chance to have a discussion with physios then please do. It was really helpful.
Similar experience recently with my urology nurse practitioner. Diabetes, ED, BPH, HRT for zero testosterone. I regret hesitating so long. Very professional, upbeat, supportive and above all informative! I was living with and accepting stuff that had easy solutions. I thought I'd researched online enough, but the patient-specific consultation still gave me several very positive surprises.
See a professional. You'll not regret it!
ooooh thanks for this!! only ever been to physical therapy this sounds great
Fellow zebra. We never had the physio side of things until i had a stroke i shouldn't have had because EDS made it impossible. Yeah guess they got that wrong. But it takes just one nurse or doctor to change your life.
I was suffering heavily after the stroke. I felt like i was someone else looking in on my life.
I lost about 10 years worth of memory. I was in pain because EDS makes my toes want to dislocate at the worst possible opportunity! It's agonising.
Well my nurse told me about all the body stockings and stuff you can wear, she came out to the house and had them make changes to make it better for me.
This was all because of one nurse who took the time to talk to me and find out how bad life was at the time. I'm doing much better now! It feels good.
Also been watching Jo for a while and her videos are brilliant. Keep up the good work Jo!
@@mitchyk thank you so much for sharing🥲
People say that EDS is a rare condition, but it's also one of the most common disabilities I see people on the internet saying they have, so something's not adding up here.
Your dogs are so cute! Thanks talking about this subject. It’s never an easy one to talk about. Love the room design.
As a former self defense instructor your heightened awareness is a good thing that I tried to instill in everyone I taught. You can be armed to the teeth & unsafe if you're unaware or much safer in nothing but a swimsuit(or less) if you're alert. Being aware isn't being paranoid & will have no psychological effect on you other than getting to enjoy pleasant things you might have missed. Life is also better when you avoid potentially bad situations because they don't seem right. The only fight you ever win is the one you avoid.
As a man raised in a Christian home, I still abhor the shame churches(not true Christians) have built around a highly pleasurable act that's also totally necessary for survival of a species. This originated more as a control mechanism for churches than as a perceived aid to salvation. There's nothing wrong with enjoying it; the problem starts when you play games with it as a means to an end. Churches found women easier to shame & manipulate than men & also learned that controlling women could bring men under control as well. In my opinion, churches are just as guilty of using it - albeit in the opposite direction - as a means to their end.
I wish you well in your journey.
3 years back, a paraplegic girl flirted and even said she wanted me to be her boyfriend. I didn't have much social experience at the time, so I was scared and broke it off with her. But, one reason I was scared was that I didn't know how sex with her would be possible. I knew how shallow that was, and I deeply regret and kinda hate myself for it.
The good thing is this: You can look back and realize how you felt because of your actions. Now you get the chance to do things totally different, if you find yourself in a similar situation in the future. If I were you, I would reach out to her, if you still have any contact with her and you want to resolve that issue, whether it be mentally or psychologically.
Meet her again and bang like no tomorrow
Self-growth is amazing! Don’t shame yourself for your decision then, it just wasn’t right at the time, and THATS OKAY. ❤
That is just a part of personal growth.
How about if a trans flirts with you? What are you going to do?
Thank you. I needed this right now. I have a few physical and invisible disabilities and I have been struggling with this. My partner and I have been together for over 11 years, but for various reasons, had stopped being intimate. Since then, my disabilities have gotten worse. He has been wanting to be more intimate recently, and I have been feeling weird about it - about myself, not about him. Your video made me realize I need to rethink things about myself, have some honest, open chats with him, and try again. Thank you.
I love you so much Jo! Recently, I’ve had a big, life-changing spinal surgery as I have spent some of my life dealing with paralysis (when I was younger). As a 25-year-old woman, I have had wheelchairs, leg braces, crutches, etc. to help me walk and move for a great portion of my life. Going through all of this, my mind is filled with questions every single time I go into surgery or some medical issue. How will this effect my mobility, career (as I dancer), love life, etc. I really enjoy your channel as I get to see you openly talk about your adverse life, which is a topic I hated talking about growing up. (I really disliked the topic of being the kid with leg braces or one that had to skip a lot of school.) Thank you so much for everything you have done to normalize disabilities as you bring a smile to my face and remind me I am not alone every single time I see your post! ❤
Thanks for being so open and honest Jo, I I started watching your videos out of curiosity now I watch them because you have been an inspiration to me in my daily battles with life. Be strong, enjoy life however it is handed to you, and don't underestimate the effect you have on the people lucky enough to be in your life. Love you!
Hi so I randomly came across your video first of all thank you for posting videos like this people need to understand and have better knowledge that somebody with an impairment or a disability or missing a limb or whatever the case may be.
First thing is first you are still a human you deserve to be treated the same as others. Open this clarity and communication all have to do with the same thing communication communicating your thoughts and your feelings can literally make or break any relationship anywhere in the world whether you have a disability a medical condition.
Your personality that you have and your outgoing humor, you're openness to talk about the events of your life and not only share them with people but share them with the world and people you don't even know is truly inspiring and I strongly believe there are probably 10,000 plus people that in one way or another you have positively impacted their life and changed the way they look at things.
Secondly, on the s.e.x topic, I can only imagine the new different positions that can be tried and you can say, hey it done that 😜
I am going to aubsrc
Be to your channel because this 1 video has inspired me. You are a amazing human being and this world needs billions like you.
Hey Jo! I'm also a Jo! I'm not an amputee, but i was just 32 when i had 60+ staples up my middle. A year later, i had 60+ staples in the same spot. This made the scar much thicker. I had a lot of issues on my part. I was worried what a partner would think about my substantial scar.
Well...i was the only one who actually worried about it, or even noticed it. Committed and non committed relationships, no one was bothered by it, but me.
If they are truly into you, your scar doesn't matter.
@@9983sp exactly 😊
I'm 56 now, a lot more scars. I don't think I plan on showing anyone else my scars. I lost my husband after 18 years, he was only 45. I haven't even thought about dating or anything else. It's been over 3 years. Nothing to do with scars, I just feel like I'm still married.
@@9983sp sorry to ramble!!
Scars is only proof of you having a life! Nothing to worry about as I see it. Love is all about minds and " lust" is all about body.
My wife had a scare like that and a lot more on her legs
As always, I appreciate your willingness to talk openly, frankly, and respectfully on these topics (whether it's intimacy or something less private).
You're so right about communication being key in relationships.
I'm 70,bmi19, footless14 yrs. Black belt tiaquan do ,my training 60 years has saved my health and life. GO FOR LIFE LADY...
What is tiaquan do? A martial artist would not mis spell that.
You’re so easy going, learning about such topics is helpful when your personality is so inviting. Thank you for teaching and sharing ❤
Thank you for doing this video! I have hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome so have a lot of pain in my joints and back which have impacted my ability to be intimate. In fact, my last partner told me he was leaving because he couldn’t cope with my disability…! I was trying to function as a ‘normal’ person and so my body was failing to cope with the strain it was under. I’ve been single and had the company of my two rescue cats for the last 7 years and tell people I’m happy as I am, but as a 40 year old woman who always had the higher s*x drive, I miss it and wish I could find someone who accepts me for the person I am today, not the person I was before I got so sick…
I would love to see you do more content like this, and would happily contribute through a survey or on your other platforms if you do decide to do another one 😊 🇬🇧
Fellow hypermobile human!! I’m currently diagnosed with Hypermobility Spectrum Disorder. I just want to say I’m so sorry this happened to you and you deserve much better!! 💕 from OH, USA
Your story has resonated with me so much on so many levels. Being single is a thousand times better than being with the wrong person, but you truly deserve someone who will love you as you are and meet you where you're at.
Thank you @cassieorosz8528 and @charliebrown1184 - I really appreciate your kind words 🥰
I always thought it would be an honor and privilege to meet someone who would be happy to love me and accept me for who i am and where i am in life. Therefore to me it doesn't matter what the case is. The outside appearance and the health situation should never be an issue. True love and passion is from the heart!!! And true love is unconditional no matter what the situation is!!! That is why it angers me when people leave or breakup with someone because of a disability!!! That is not true love and passion!!! Maybe i don't have a disability or health issue!!! But i am still single and lonely. To me leaving someone because of a health issue or some kind of disability is totally unforgivable!!! Everyone is a great person in their own unique way!!!
Hi I'm you, the 40 yr old woman ❤🇺🇸 over seas Yet same boat same(ish) story (they can't be exactly the same 😉) I have hEDS that's got to the point I need a wheelchair to get around, one of the main reasons I was told to "get out." Ive all but stopped dating because well all they see is disability and illness not the human, but damn do I miss affection. In my younger years- not long ago AT ALL these should still be our younger years, I was definitely a sexual being but now how can I? It hurts too much both inwardly and outwardly when your rejected over and over again.
I (male) lost my left eye to retinoblastoma (a juvenile cancer) when I was one year old and wore a prosthetic eye. My dating life sucked until I was 19. I met an 18-year-old girl who truly didn't reject me for it, wasn't repulsed by it, in point of fact, she didn't care about it. It was a part of me and she accepted it. Even fell in love with me and I with her (I still am). My insecurities undermined the relationship eventually.
A few months later, I met another girl, this one two years older than me. We dated, became engaged, then one evening, she dropped a bomb on me (while I was ill with pneumonia). She broke it off, telling me she'd "be marrying me out of pity." What did that even mean? She refused to explain herself.
I married a girl two years later. She was a misandrist. I stayed 12 years because I didn't want to be alone. She took so much from me; not money or property, but mentally and emotionally.
And lately, I've found myself thinking that I would give up all I have, all the superficial and trivial posessions I've accumulated to have Sue (the first girl I mentioned) back.
I am a 70 year old blind man, been blind since i was 2 years old. attitude is everything. dating was tough as a teen. keeping my self fit and socially active got me through. i had so many blessings through my life because i kept striving. it is clear from me learning other peoples stories feeling a victim people will treat you like one striving there are many people are willing to be a part of your life. and we see that even just reading these comments. I as a blind person admire the strength and courage of others who's challenges are so much greater than mine.
What a great video and a very important topic, disability or not. For me, I've found there are always going to be days that your just wiped or even not so, but at some point in that day, the week/weeks of what you've been doing just catch up with you and you need to "chill" or worse, you're in pain, not your partner's fault...and it just is how it is that day. The proper answer there is, care for your partner, ask what to do to help, and be there for them. Just those simple things move mountains in showing that you listen and actually want to help by showing them you can and you care. Of course the reverse is also true, but men sometimes may not "allow" it or even see it. Then it's one of those "you should listen to others" things, especially if they notice it and you don't. It can be nice to see that level of intimacy, no sex needed, just recognizing that your partner needs a break and some simple care and you were the person who provided it. Talk about doing something nice for someone you care about? Powerful stuff.
Your outspokeness and honesty is so refreshing.
Thank you for discussing this. I have invisibility disabilities, and communication is vital! Because of all my physical and mental concerns, I often do not feel sexual or don't physically feel upto sex. This has been a battle as my husband is very sexual. Thankfully, he is very patient and understanding. Over the past 3 years, we have gotten into a kind of rhythm, and my husband remembering he can always ask anytime, but I have the right to veto or alter his request.
Also, thank you for your adorable dogs, I loved watching them sleep and cuddle you.
Communication is absolutely key, though for me it was almost the opposite. My wife was always concerned about jacking up my heart rate during intimacy (triggering a panic attack), or somehow freaking me out in another way after I was diagnosed because I was super sensitive to physical touch. I'd always jolt if she came up behind me, or freeze up if something startled me. The joys of untreated PTSD. It kind of hurt our relationship, thinking that she saw me that way (what I thought was pity), but after talking about it learned was genuine concern. With counseling and medication, those concerns are a little more distant, but I honestly don't think our romantic relationship would have survived without communication.
Considering my background, communication was kind of off the table before I met her.
A superlative presentation that on so many levels covered the broad spectrum of what is needed in any intimate relationship! Communication is critical in sexual relationships, especially with someone with an obvious or invisible disability! I engaged in an intimate relationship with a lady who had a leg amputation below the knee for a few years. It was wonderful; however, phantom pain and past trauma intruded on our sex life frequently. Through concentrated communication and therapy (for Both of us), we grew and experienced a beautiful connection. How good did it get? She would say that she wanted to exceed the number of sexual positions in the Kama Sutra with me! We definitely tried as much as we could. That was not the best part at all. It was the connection we had that was very deep. She passed quietly and in peace that occurred from an expected complication of one of her disabilities. That was over twenty years ago, but she lives, still within me.
This was really brave for you. I applaud your openness and embracing who you are and not who you are supposed to be according to someone else.
Thanks very much for the video. I suffer with cancer so this is a delicate topic for me. I’m not in a relationship but it’s nice to hear from someone who wants to talk about these issues. Too often it’s put in the too hard basket.
Glad you addressed the harm that comes from the "purity culture" movement. I'm a survivor of that sick mess also, and it's taken years of therapy and hard work to get free. It has been worth every bit of the struggle with shame and despair.
So much unnecessary claptrap and misery, and it still affects the lives of millions.
Calling it out is brave, heroic, and a worthy public service.
i completely ADORE how much reflection you fit into such short videos! ppl can always talk abt how purity effects ppl & go “yea that sucks”, but putting in perspective that your religion has effected this more than being an amputee is VERY eye opening. thanks!
I’m 50 seconds in and I don’t even have to watch the rest of the video to know that you deserve the upmost respect and congrats for acting opposite to your upbringing and the extant current cultural factors, to make ANY video on this important and delicate HUMAN topic, to speak with honesty and lived experience into the farthest possible reaches, is courageous and impactful, meaningful and AWEsome. The conditioning done by the beliefs of others and the beliefs of the past is REAL manipulation of behavior and information, and overcoming the fear, shame, whatever; breaking silence is REAL WORK. Your radical transparency and truth shows the world you have bravery, and you have love and care for your fellow humans, your work has reach and gives insight and makes change and progress.
I just think that’s really amazing and I wanted to make sure to tell you before I forget to type it all. Anyway, gonna actually watch the video now because I really do wanna hear what you’ve said!
You're very inspirational. I hope anyone/everyone who needs to hear your message gets here.
Congratulations on escaping the shame. And thank you for sharing your perspective! ❤
The issue gets even more gnarly, when you start to consider people with mental/cognitive disabilities. Because they do have the same feelings, needs, and rights as any other person.
Amen! I have mental and physical health concerns, and it sucks sometimes!
Hard agree. Luckily I was out of the dating scene when I was diagnosed, and well into a happy marriage, but there were certainly some things we had to work around as a married couple. I was always comfortable confiding in a long term partner, but I have a feeling it would have looked a lot different if I was casually dating. There is an extra layer of vulnerability you expose to someone when you tell them.
I always hated the way some people saw me after I told them, and that wasn't even in an intimate scenario. Takes energy to be that open, and puts you at risk unfortunately.
Stay safe!
I'm new to your channel and I'm learning a lot! Thanks for being so brave and open talking about your amputation and your life.
I’m so happy you made this. It’s a question I’ve always had but never had the jingle bells to ask. 😭
As someone with physical disabilities but not visible ones (scoliosis, osteoarthritis, and the one I'm feeling very acutely at the moment, extensor tenosynovitis), I can go on at length at how it affects intimacy, and that's not even getting into how my antidepressants affect my function, or that I'm a trans woman who is only intimate with other women, cis and trans, and the occasional enby. Honestly, I'd expect that the phantom pain, fibromyalgia, and the migraines would have much more of an impact on your love life than the leg, especially since you still have a knee on that side, at the risk of being perhaps a bit crude.
EDIT: also, your nubbin is adorable, at least in my opinion.
And, as a trans woman, I can *strongly* relate to that fetish problem. There are men who are into trans women in a big way, and it's specifically because of… well, if you're on the internet, I'm sure you can guess. In transfem circles, we refer to them as chasers, which can make hearing the word in other contexts more than a little jarring.
fucking chasers jfc. with you all the way here sister
I am super grateful there is someone out there talking openly about maybe more difficult topics around disability! I have been in a wheelchair for four years. And it was such a freeing experience to see that S… indeed isn’t so much different than it was in my mind. I had an awesome partner. For him it was just there. Nothing more, nothing less. Perfect!
I'm super happy that you're super grateful, and I just super wanted you to super know that. Quit abusing my language.
This has been incredibly insightful and helpful. Thank you for sharing and I wish you luck in your search.
This is a great and sober discussion of important things for anyone's love life. And it made me more sympathetic to the disabled in an area that is not directly impacting me but still important. Thank you for sharing it.
Great video. Very informative and vulnerable at the same time, yet pressing on to address the topic at hand. I admire your pluck.
Absolutely love how open you are with almost any topic , physically different people shouldn't be afraid of having relationships or be shamed for their differences , we just want to be treated the same as others
If someone falls in love with your soul they DO NOT SEE the disability .....they feel the unconditional love that is pure magic no matter how one looks on the outside ❤
I also had my leg amputated voluntarily to cure myself of the chronic pain, paralysis, and fibromyalgia. I was on heavy doses of pain meds for 22 years after a rare form of malignant tumor behind my thigh. My leg was amputated above the knee and in my case it did cure me of chronic pain which allowed me to go back to work with no phantom pain. I feel for you enduring all the pain even after amputation. You are doing so well despite the uphill battle.
Being dyslexic I read the thumbnail as "sex and durability"
😂
Also an...important topic? 😂
Thanks for shining some light on this Jo. As someone born with CP going through that discovery process was pretty neat for me. I found out I'm a sex nerd & have built a rad toy chest. I also found a fantastic chair aid
So what your saying is you are like batman with sex toys
Thank you for being so open and sharing❤❤
Only watched a few of your videos and new to your channel you’re cool people with the best inner G! Keep Vibing High and outside of the obvious you’re teaching the masses how to flow naturally with no limitations ♾💚
Hi Jo!!! Love your videos, you’re an inspiration to many of us.
Sending you hug, love & support ❤
Doggo's - "Wake us up when you've finished, Mom! 💖"
my favourite video ive ever watched on RUclips. thank you so much for talking about this topic.
I wanted to thank you for this video because it didn’t focus as much on the specific challenges of your disability but on the general fact that the key to a healthy sexual relationship is open and honest communication, managing expectations, and respect for each other. While I’m not physically disabled, I am also a survivor of the evangelical shame culture surrounding sex. At 56 years old it’s difficult for me to have open and honest communication on the topic. Even with my own adult children and their spouses. Thanks again for a great video. I look forward to part two and to additional content that you provide you have have been very informative.
Great video Jo. I am going to chime in this subject matter and say this. Being a RBK amputee for only 3.5 years I have discovered that your sex drive changes. For all the reasons that you mentioned. The real change comes when you are older. Right now, at 30-something you are in your prime. So really it is about choice for you. Being a single older gentleman, life is different. When I am in the gym, women say, " Oh, I didn't realize. People want to give you a million sorry explanations that you work out harder than they do. My biggest fear I have overcome was how the world treats me. My expectation is my reality, so I no longer worry about it. I see how the world treats seniors, children, and people with disabilities or challenging situations. I have learned to maneuver around it. I humbly suggest that if GOD puts someone in your life, receive it with grace. As an amputee, you are always going to have somewhat of a vulnerability. about life, sex, and numerous other things in general. I think the thing I miss most is dancing. I was an athlete both collegiately and military. I had my amputation later in life, so I suggest as a friend just enjoy your life unapologetically and let God be the judge. Just so that you know, you were my day 1 inspiration post my amputation, so I say thank you. My suggestion is you should invite a round table or live and have these discussions and hear from other AMPUTEES because we know these conversations become real and therapeutic. Thank you for your platform. You ROCK!!!!
So well said. ❤❤
What's RBK?
@@JasperKloek Hello it's Right Below Knee Amputee. Thanks for asking..
@@ogsan1296Thank you!
When you mentioned how your upbringing and the shame associated with sexuality, it made me think about my own upbringing in that regards. I denied the fact that I was gay for a long time because of that very thing. It was thanks to friendships that I was able to come to terms with the fact that I’m gay and then start discovering other aspects of my own sexuality.
Thanks for video. As person without to much communication experience and opportunity just to ask, it really helps to hear from someone. And your dogs are adorable, wonderful fellas
I'd like to thank you for taking the time, and for putting yourself out there. I'm a recent amputee I have a lot of questions and you have answered.a lot of them without my having to ask. Please keep up the good work.
Thank you so much for doing this video. This has been something I've thought a lot about in the year since my amputation.
I completely feel this way too that purity culture has been a much bigger struggle when it comes to intimacy, especially sex related intimacy, than being disabled. Not only did the purity culture I was raised with told me that sex was evil but also I had this instilled feeling that if I was having sex that I needed to please my partner so much so that I'd get upset at my body for having limitations and not being able to do everything or getting tired/in pain easily. From my experience the biggest thing about purity culture is not just staying away from sex, but that your body is not yours and it is there to please others in whatever way they see fit (sex or not). So it's been really difficult learning and experiencing that I have limitations and I have to adapt to my body, and that most importantly - that is okay to do. Sex, intimacy, all of it, is just as much about you and your own pleasure/wants/needs than your partner(s) - if not even more so important.
Thanks for creating an insightful and honest video on this topic! I like to see various personal insights on more difficult topics, and you spoke with earnestly and classines on this topic.
My best to you as you speak on all your experiences with your disability with such candid and open spirit!
I didn't really learn anything because I've already watched a lot of content on disability and you said pretty similar things, but for people who don't know these things and aren't familiar with the topic, I think you did a really good job of explaining it. I think this would be a good first video for someone to watch on the topic, so good job, even though there wasn't anything new for me I don't think it was really _for_ me. I never really had questions about how your disability would affect your sex life, as far as disabilities go, I figured not very much other than maybe how you felt about yourself, but I thought I'd see what you had to say. I have far more questions about someone with, say, paralysis, but Google has been my friend on answering those. I myself have disability and chronic illness (mostly fatigue plus my legs being really weak for some reason; I use a wheelchair) and I've been thinking more and more lately that when I hopefully manage to date, I think I might prefer to date someone else disabled, because there's just so much of my life that has been such a different experience to able-bodied people, and it would be nice to date someone who gets it. Eh, this got long, but these were just my thoughts on the topic.
Completely unrelated, but I adore your wall design and the matching cube bins.
Thanks for being so vulnerable and honest with all of this!
As a disabled person, thank you for making content like this. Also your dogs are adorable!
I think what makes you such a good advocate and educator on this issue is that you seem like a person first and foremost then a person with a disability. That goes so far to bringing people in and lowering peoples defenses and allowing them to take that information in. I wish you all the luck in the wrold getting what you want out of this life.
Super interesting and informative. Important insights for everybody with or without a disability. Thank you.
Sophie and Leo just look too comfortable 😂❤❤❤
They deserve ALL the comfort!!
I think that your boudoir photos made me feel a lot more comfortable, because it was validating. I also believe, for me, if I can't talk to my partner about sex I have no business being in bed with whomever. I am worth having my needs and feelings met, no matter how wrird I am feeling about my body. Thank you Jo for being forthright and open. We disabled folks need and deserve representation! Hugs to your pets & you.
Very interesting & informative video, thank you!
Excellent video. Thank you for sharing. Your energy is extremely motivational!!!🤘🤘🤘
Thank you for this video! If anyone is interested in more content about this topic, Hannah Witton has a bunch on her channel, including a roundtable discussion about sex and disability in general and a video series about how different disabilities affect sex and relationships. It's cool to see how many experiences are shared, we just dont talk about them.
Hannah is great! Another great resource on RUclips is Jessica Kellgren-Fozard (deaf, hEDS, and HHNP are her main disabilities).
It's hard to comment on this video without sounding like a creep but I genuinely think that you're one of the most beautiful people that I've seen, both physically but also as a person. Anybody who can't see beyond your leg, making it a deal breaker is crazy and it's their loss. I've dated two women with disabilities, and yes it can take extra care and adjustments but it's everybit as enjoyable and that extra care/support/consideration you may need to give a disabled partner can actually enhance the bond between you. Speaking as a 37 year old able-bodied single man, if I meet someone I like, the presence of a disability is not the slightest bit off-putting. Brilliant video 👏
Right on man my wife of 44 yrs was handicapped from birth
Very educational channel. This woman is probably helping a lot of people.
Cool vid and thanks for the honesty
Wow Jo! A huge round of applause to you! I am absolutely certain that it took several takes, as well as quite a few run-ups to gather the momentum to overcome your evangelical background as well as the well-founded fear of abuse as a disabled person to take on this topic.
I do hope that the vast majority of people on your channel will be supportive, understanding, helpful, or nurturing. I fear that yes, there will be (hopefully) only a minute number of people that are bigoted enough that deny you your status as a very attractive woman who has needs and desires that not only can be satisfied, but NEED to be satisfied. Not necessarily to any and all excess but as often as you feel the need and desire.
No, I am not trying to come on to you, and hopefully I don't come across as creepy. You are young enough to be my daughter if I had started really early on.
No, I am neither into the disability fetish scene, but a disability wouldn't be a reason for me either not to seek out a physical relationship with a woman. No, I have nothing against any person from the LGBTQ+ group; it's just that I don't roll that way. More power to you if any of you are.
A good older female friend of mine recently discovered (about 18 months ago) that she was still a desirable, sexually attractive woman at the age of 71. She went out after her second husband died another 18 months earlier and re-entered the online dating scene. Her second husband was not intimate with her for nearly 20 years, and she felt neglected. So when she found out the advances online dating had taken over 20 years since her last marriage she was delighted to find that despite her age, despite a one-sided mastectomy due to breast cancer, despite two artificial hip replacements, she was still a sexual person who had desires and needs. That she could finally find someone who would find pleasure in fulfilling her needs, as well as find mutual pleasure in her.
I find that mindset so refreshing, so wonderfully open-minded. I believe if we all could come to accept that despite all of our limitations, be they by perception or by physical reality, we still don't loose our mental demands, and that it is a biological necessity to have them fulfilled in so far as it doesn't affect anyone else negatively.
The fulfillment of one necessity ends where the rights and health of others are negatively impacted.
I’m an amputee. To be honest, I had doubted if I’d ever be able to be in a normal relationship again after the amputation. But it was such a silly idea! Now I’m with such a caring partner who unconditionally loves me no matter what. I gotta say I was surprised that I barely found differences compared to before. Love is love. ❤️
Thanks for bringing up this topic, I always love your videos! Plus I totally agree with your last line, phantom pain is a real b**ch lol
Thanks for this comment. I am new - BKA on September 27th. Home a few days ago. Will be some time before I get my prosthesis. I truly appreciate Jo. Found her channel within a couple days of my surgery. I’m grateful that so many people have been doing good by being honest about their lives. Wish you to be
Happy
Joyous
Free
PS. I am looking forward to getting that new foot and finally walking my dog again. Simple pleasures bb
If youve been in one youll likely find another. I just cant understand how people find relationships and love, been single for 25 years and at this point I cant help but think Im mentally impaired in some way
God bless yall on what yall do always
Your an inspiration for all with or without a amputation love your videos and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise
This made me giggle helplessly -- I love you so damn much! Thanks for this, from one amputee to another! So glad you tackled this! And yeah, your approach feels right on target!
Thank you for this video, I'll send it to a blind person I intend to engage with... Such activities. We've talked about sex and what we like and dislike and I just want to make him feel comfortable with me and all that. I appreciate the immense trust he has cause he can't even see me yet he's willing to do this. I dunno. I just like making people feel comfortable and nice. You rock as always, Jo ❤❤❤
I´m disabled myself and in a wheelchair permanently. I can completely relate to what you talk about in this video! Thank you so much for making this video. Greetings from Denmark
I just love how you you are
Keep going ✨️
I am not an amputee. Yet no matter who a person is your still you!!! For me personal connection and chemistry work for me. Love your videos Jo. Thanks for sharing.
You’re awesome! Keep it going. Thank you
You are an incredible and down to Earth young lady. Trust me, you do not have a disability. You have your head together about your amputation and open about it and only looking forward. You are amazing!
It took my husband a long time to deal with the physical change. He didn't handle it well. It took years.
That sounds really, really difficult...I'm sorry friend. 💜
@@FootlessJo Thank you so much. We worked through it. We've been married almost 30 years and we are tough and weren't going to let it defeat us.
im an AKA. Majority of my body is fused in the joints. I do not let it stop me. I get the, "can you have sex in your situation?" I tell them of course I can. I do have some issues that are a problem, but that is where communication comes in. As long as you are honest with the person your with then there shouldn't be a problem; for the most part. Thank you for doing this video.
love all you video's !!! - quite insightful and inspirational - I never had any injury or birth defect that made me "differently abled" - I just imagine that your openness, honesty and willing to share in the manner that you do on so many topics must be very helpful and inspirational to people who have a similar reality - it makes "different abled" more integrated, hopefully ...
Thank u for covering this
Your room has drastically changed. Do you move again? Or did you just change things around? I like the colours!
Thank you - I did move a little while ago!
@@FootlessJoNeat! 😁
Trying not to sound creepy, you are a beautiful woman, inside and out. Your outlook on things seems to be positive and great. I have great respect for you and how you made your decision and deal with the aftermath.
It's not creepy to tell someone they are beautiful as long as it's done respectfully.
I enjoy your content: Informative, sensitive, & humorous😊
That part about your perception vs your partners perception being different is so real. It is an insult to hear people say, so and so got over it, you should be over this pain. Lol, um thanks. I'll continue to think how i need to and not what others say i should. Going theough life, i realize i wasted so much time caring more about what others thought, then actually learning to be me regardless of what others thought of me. The biggest issue is how we are raised to care what others think of us and how we are expected to model ourselves after what other's think and want us to be. While they don't change for us. A video a friend showed me this guy said: I'll be the best me for you, if you will the be the best you for me. Imagine if we really learned to be the best we can be and respect life, learn to enjoy life and move on in life. Continue to share your journey as you are. The comments reveal that so many are blessed by you doing this, despite any naysayers.
Great stuff, as my wife is going thru this, I'm sure as many breast cancer survivors who had mastectomies, are very self conscious. I just try to tell her how awesome she still looks.
Your tattoo collection is awesome!
Awww thank you!!
Thanks for taking time to explain, very interesting on what do on a day to day basis.
Hey Jo. Communication is the most important part in any relationship, disability or no disability. Exploring who YOU BOTH are should be what your focus. Keep growing my friend. Its a big world out there. 😊
I agree with you. Purity culture has messed me up as well. I was raised pentecostal so I was afraid to be a sexual creature myself. it took me years to not be ashamed of looking at porn or not been able to find women attractive or even having an open mind like being bi curious.