Well this has turned out to be a better democracy than the uk currently is... (please no political debates. I have had enough of seeing that shit plastered all over facebook)
@@0agneska0 Political Corruption, Companies Monopoly, Sex trafficking, Drug trade, predatory banking practices, serial killer and why they feel the need to kill. China organs harvesting from political prisoners to sell on the black market. How child abuse affect people their entire life, considering how common people get sexual abuse. Why its seems that hollywood wants to sexualize and promote promiscuity among teens. The root cause of it all seem to money and power.
Jeremiah Novak In addition, we also analyze the hell, or at least I do, the actions and behaviors of others and the consequences that go with it. That includes the implications of bad decisions and their effects on themselves and other people. We also like to delve into the truths of things even if it is dark and disturbing.
People too busy seeking for happiness while ignoring their dark selves that one day may fall upon others. We instead embrace that darkness so that we able to understand and keep it safe.
"They put a lot of effort into resisisting the temptation to manipulate" To be honest that's wrong way of saying it. It's not hard, it's more like "Oh wait if i say this i would manipulate them, so let's not say this". And you either say nothing or you choose the right words that are neutral. But then again being kind and polite is manipulation in itself - it influences how other people react. If you are nice to someone, they are very likely to be nice to you too. .... Saying this now everything feels like manipulation. So scratch all that, we don't resist, we just do it.
Sometimes, it's really easy to also manipulate a group at some kind of public meeting. You just have to ask the right questions that serves a new and understandable angle on the subject. Then you can change the entire conversation.
The thing is we usually don't manipulate for bad purposes, even if we could, it just don't feel right and also, I don't want to spend my energy doing that.
We do in every moment. It's how and why we do it that matters. What's the end goal? A pleasant conversation with a friend? Or perhaps destroying the ego of someone we may not like.
@@aniokay this. Iooove doing this. It’s one of the few times i let myself “manipulate” others. I love my sense of humour and on of my favourite past times is stirring up the shit. Especially in groups. It fascinates me how authentic people quickly get when they’re angry and in a group.
From my experience, INFJs have a lot of patience and tolerance. I've always liked helping people and don't mind when people use me because we all use each other at one point. But what ticks me is when people dissapoint me. It's when people gave me promises only to break it in the end. It's when people whom I've trusted, lie to me. It's when they do things selfishly. When they make me feel like I don't matter. That my pain and suffering does not matter. It's what angers me. As childish as it sound, I like to make them regret their decisions. For making me feel less of a human. I'd like to inflict pain on them and let them know how I felt when they ignored me. I use their weaknesses against them until they are emotionally hurt. I don't always use violence, I use words a lot though. Painful and malicious words that can shake them. They end up surrendering, apologizing, and regretting what they've done. It's true that we can be very manipulative... but it didn't have to get to that point. Know your boundaries. We might seem easy to push around... but we know when enough is enough.
Cherry Muse Don’t worry. Shitty people always get theirs. Not very spiritual, but I admit I still enjoy watching what goes around, come back around. 10 years later.
I totally agree. While dating I have been absolutely clear about what I want, how I will respect you for being honest no matter how hard it is to hear. Just be real because there's too much BS out there already. After all that and they seem to have agreed and felt the same way, they were always holding something back and it comes out after I've given in, so to speak. So now I feel used, disrespected and disgusted that I didn't see through their lies. Tell me the truth and let me decide. Don't lie, leading me to do something based off bullshit and in a way removing my free will. If they do that, I call them out and I'm vicious!! I tell them exactly what they are because I now see that they're a coward, liar, disrespectful. Why shouldn't I stand up for myself? You are responsible for your actions and they have consequences, such as getting arrested for dwi or life in prison for murder. But we're supposed to accept how people mislead and lie, even though you were completely transparent and made it so easy for them? I attack because I shouldn't be feeling as horrible as I do if they were just honest. Don't care what they think of me when I do it because clearly they had no respect for me in the first place. They're going to hear exactly how I now see them and what they really are underneath. Some might say I'm crazy for doing it. Truth is, they know deep down that what I'm saying is true but they can't accept it & of course it's painful to hear. We knew exactly what to say to invoke those feelings inside you cuz you better feel something after making me feel something that I shouldn't have due to my transparency & honesty. That's the price & it's brutal.
@@Redhotrussian1 - YES, YES, YES! I so wish I had been as wise as you are when I was young. I was always so shocked that I froze and did not say a thing, just let them walk away, or I walked away. They need to be held to account.
ive been there and it was an interesting journey that was both devastating, wonderful, relaxing and stressfull for the soul at the same time. This since you walk together with sorrows in happiness the deeper you get and the soul numbs away the deeper you go..... which takes time recovering when you decide to wake up. It can magically sweep your anxieties away and open up gates, but at a price for an long term double trouble if you are not careful. Remember poison can be a remedy but its still a poison
@@lovewho This would also be a great topic to explore, and any differences between INFJ men and women. The INFJ I know is a male, and his addictions are probably far different (as in more sexually deviant) than I think INFJ women would be interested in to soothe themselves.
M Unknown Same. But I’m quite honest and dislike scheming or manipulation. However, say, if someone tries to harm me I will use ‘soft power’ and/or manipulation if I’m really pissed off at you.
There have been rare occasions when I notice the door open for manipulation, even though I still went the same direction of the door, but I did it out of pure intentions, not for myself, but then I drown in endless guilt afterwards, as if I did do it for selfish reasons, even though I know it's not true, but I still tear myself apart over it.
As for manipulation, I personally think that human mind works in a way that whatever you might tell others it's all subconsciously received as truth even if it's not. So in this sense you may willingly or unwillingly inflict your opinion to others and they might not realize whether it's for their own sake or your sake without critical thinking. I think INFJ might take advantage of how people's mind work and pull their own agenda without them realizing it. Of course their agenda might be different in nature whether for bad or good.
As an INFJ myself, I do believe that we usually know our dark side very well. Whether we actually want to be in touch with it is probably individually. The weird thing is that this darkness within me can both scare me and be comforting. Endless sadness and grief puts me in a creative flow state. What scares me more is how I can understand and sympathize with people who do things considered to be evil. For example, most won't even consider sympathizing with a murderer, but I would feel sorry for him/her for feeling like there was no other way. Feelings come and go, and just because someone was being full of hatred in one moment, doesn't mean that's part of his or her nature. This kind of empathy can be quite damaging to an INFJ as there will never be a person who actually is too bad for us to care for and about.
This is something I pretty much would never admit to anyone in real life... but yes. I agree. Doesn't mean I think they're right obviously, but I can't help but sympathize or at least feel like what it's like to be in their shoes, why they may have done the thing they did, and how that must feel - both in anguish, frustration, or joy, and elation (scarily enough).
I don’t think I’ve ever been able to unleash on someone. Usually if I’m upset I get a bit blindsided by a confusing swirl of emotion I can’t make sense of. Then, a few hours later (sometimes days), I figure things out, and imagine all the things I could’ve said if I’d been more aware of what I was experiencing and why. So usually what happens is over the next few encounters with that person I’m chilly and aloof, instead of warm and friendly. It never really escalates or becomes confrontational because I can see down that road and I don’t really see where it’s going being productive. Not worth my time or emotional effort.
In my experience i didnt unleash or door slam until someone "Betrayed" me. If someone does the unthinkable and betrays me, i mean really cross the line like cheat or steal from me..they are cut out of my life like a surgeon with a scalpel. And in one incident in my past i had to drop all association with mutual friends we had in common too. I wish you luck and hope you never get worked up enough to unleash.
Marianne Y I’ve cut people out of my life before, but it’s a quiet affair. I guess I didn’t really view that as unleashing. Or maybe in retrospect it feels less emotional. It sounds like you’ve been put through the ringer. Having to cut off even friends of a person sounds really cancerous situation. I think it takes a lot of strength to do that.
@@babblegoose 😁 Elise, it sounds like you have more self control or dignity than me. Im impresed by your restraint. I can tend towards the "burn it to the ground" scorched earth approach, but usually only if highly provoked. (Its not like im going crazy when someone cuts me off or doesnt give way). You sound like a really balanced healthy INFJ.
Marianne Y haha thank you, but I don’t know if that’s it. It feels more like I’m being lazy about it. It doesn’t seem worth it to me. I immediately feel tired thinking about sparring and where that’ll end up, and that’s the usually the same place as if I choose not to react except with more cuts and bruises. I think if I actually reacted in the moment no real words would come out anyway. It would just like a heavy metal concert 🤘🏻😆.
Elise I do this too! I often don’t realize that someone has done or said something I should be upset about until I’ve thoroughly processed it and come to that conclusion. By then it’s usually too late to do anything about it so I’m upset but I don’t seek a resolution. As you mentioned, it can affect future dealings with that person. It also becomes one of the subjects I’ll ruminate on too much. Also, the idea of being involved in something “ugly” fills me with horror. For example, arguing in public with a store clerk or a driver who has upset you. You’ll never find me in those situations.
@@NathanJGlass haha it's not scary. It's just people usually think that I am calm nice and they can't imagine me being in bad mood. So when they see me angry they are really surprised haha. And yes I like your videos. You have good understanding and insight :) Thank you
Infjs are a bit like Tigers in a way, we try to blend in with our surroundings, but we always have a goal in mind and when we attack we go in for the jugular...well that's the kind of image i get whenever friends/family bring up this dark side of ours. Truly one of the most annoying things about being an Infj is going to social gatherings, sitting at a table full of acquaintances or people just met and being absolutely so aware of them and their issues and feelings and all the social dynamics of everyone and then pretending to act like you dont know what's going on just so you can enjoy the moment, it takes alot of focusing in and zoning out control for us (younger Infjs probably just give off a weird awkward stare and nervousness trying to manage the s*** load of Ni-Fe information coming in), alcohol in my opinion even though it relaxes us a little tends to deepen this awareness. I think one of the biggest problems for us is flowing easily between our Ni-Ti (at home) and Fe-Se (outside) states. Maybe a part of our darkness is not regulating this properly or getting too stuck in one or the other.
You have totally nailed it!!! Thats it exactly. Took me a long time as i grew up to realise that not everyone was picking up all the subtext information flying around the room. The WORST bit of these social interactions (that are usually exhausting) is when people you just met corner you and for some reason confess or reveal highly personal information. This has even happened to me catching public transport. Sometimes AS they are telling me a secret they say in a bemused voice "I dont know why im telling you this". Sometimes i find it hard to remember what is sensitive information about someone and what is common knowledge. So i don't accidentally blab something.
Playing dumb. It's a talent right !? An annoying one at that. Because the moment you let someone know what you really see, defenses go up...and your the bad guy. I agree with the alcohol, I wonder if cognitive functions behave stereotypically different to influences? My body cannot handle alcohol, the few times I have drank it was unbelievably overwhelming, like washes of emotions and information saturating every cell. Leaving me terribly sick the next day...and this is off of uno glass of wine 🤭(straight up light weight)
@@marianney7644 This is so acurate and relatable. Person at bus stop tells me about their relationship and divorce 10 mins after meeting me "sorry I should be dumping this on you. Why am I even telling you this?" Proceeds to tell me about their fragile relationship with their kids. (3rd time this week) I like being able to offer people some positive words from time to time but this is a lot to take on your way home from work!
True true some just don't get. You don't play with fire.We can literally tear their emotional foundation out from under them, their weakest link we see,or should I say feel.
Oh, yes. I've felt it before. Even as a child, I've always been drawn to characters struggling with their inner-darkness -- Dark Phoenix, Raven from Teen Titans, Gaara from Naruto. It comes more to me when I feel the world makes me feel more like an outsider or detached, making my self-esteem hit an all time low. The boiling resentment comes into play. I'd just drown myself in playing video games, which made me feel better. I kept telling myself I didn't need anyone and tried to kill off my feelings. So, if left unchecked, that corruption could take over. Yes, with time and care, we could manipulate, but I never want to do that. Learning about my personality has helped me greatly and has opened so many doors -- understanding myself and others. I've been able to use the negativity and use it as art and create beautiful things.
Yup, wanted to comment about Gaara and Naruto. Some people type Naruto as ENFP and Gaara as INFJ. But yeah, both of them had shitty lives, especially when younger and of course it influenced them. They're my favorite characters and I always felt sorry for them. Ah, Naruto is my childhood xD
Same, explains why I've recently been drawned and intrigued by MCU Loki and Kylo Ren to be honest. The simmering anger from injustice and wrongfulness from loved ones and corrupted leaders, gnawing intellect, charisma, introversion, slight manipulation or persuasion and yet to hope for redemption, revelation and understanding from these characters as almost a mirror image to yourself, once you realize. Yup, same 100%.
As an infj myself, I love talking and learning more about the dark side of my type and what leads to it, it's strange because it's easy for us to accept it as a part of what makes us who we are
You are right I was the resentful INFJ ..I never voiced my emotions and also got taken advantage of to a very toxic relationship . Thank you ..I get to understand myself better . I am also like a fake extrovert ...hahaha I’m so good at acting
My first doorslam or "attack" was after an abusive relationship. I had done my homework and found out things that made me absolutely sick. At that point, between the stress he caused daily from his narcissism to the lies he kept/held/hid from me.......it was on!!! And I had my plan of attack. He had no idea and it completely caught him off guard. Sorry to say it made me feel better because he didn't care at all how much he hurt me. It was always what I do wrong, how I cause stress, how I basically shouldn't expect any respect from him and to just sit there and take the blame. Oh how our wandering minds can really be such an advantage, one they never see coming. Oh you thought I was weak and will take it?? No. I tried to make it work, to resolve our problems, with no help from you. Now here's what you've given me, made me feel.... Right back at ya!!! Enjoy the pain that is the truth (but will never admit). Saw a RUclips comment that I loved. Loosely translated..........we keep the walls high and the boundaries close, not just for our protection.
If only being an actor didn't involve the mundanieties of going to acting school, finding a theatre or movie studio that hires you or playing by a particular script somebody else wrote...
Speaking of the infj and smoldering resentment, how about the fact that many INFJs will spend years and years accommodating and loving their partner because their empathy allows them to get joy from helping and loving the other. Then, imagine the other person rarely trying to accommodate their infj partner as an act of love and the infj still quietly and calmly requests it. The infj does not demand it but, with a calm demeanor will explain to their mate what they need. After 10 years, there hasn't been a smoldering fire of resentment underneath but rather an honest picture of how much less their partner cares. Most of the time, there's not a huge blowout fight when the infj has hit that wall. But I will admit, the quiet, subtle and well placed words will shred and draw blood. And, then the infj will apologize and mean it. That's when their partner either leaves the infj because they cannot forgive or they finally get it and change. In my experience, it takes about 10 years of being the unnoticed giver and guider for other people's well-being and joy before the jar is empty and the requests were always ignored. Thank God that INFJs are such a small portion of society. It's a heavy burden to carry. Sometimes, I wish I was the unaware and uncaring and out for myself and my own fun type of person. But, then I remember I don't like those kind of people. Sincerely, Carly 💜
It no longer takes as many years for me to figure it out, thank goodness, and when I have figured it out in the past there actually have been blowout expressions of rage for me personally, but yeah overall I really relate to what you're saying here.
I am glad it only took you 10 years. It took me the best 12 years of my young life, and I am still smoldering about it more than 2 decades later despite having moved on to a happier relationship long ago. I wish I had listened when I was told: "When a man shows you who he is, believe him the first time".
@@meagiesmuse2334 I wish thatI I had been lucky enough to find another relationship. Rather, I did go on to have 14 and 1/2 years with a wonderful man. He was so special and he taught me how to live and have fun. When he told me he loved me and I was beautiful, I believed him. I had many adventures with him. Unfortunately, on his birthday last fall, I found him on his knees in our kitchen. I tried to help him stand up but I couldn't. I laid him down on the floor and his eyes were huge and blue. I said, I love you. He mouthed, I love... And he died with my hands on his chest. It's been 10 months of being completely alone. All I have are his ashes In a box on my dining room table. At least I know that we didn't take our time together for granted. But, I no longer think about the man that used to throw oak chairs against the wall when he didn't like something I said. I don't think about all the years of distress that he put me through. He's not worth a minute of my time. In fact, to me he's the one that is dead. But, my Mark gave me the last years of his life. And, I know I will never forget one minute of it. If you have a good man now, hold his hand for me. I probably will never have anyone to hold my hand for the rest of my life. And, the way that the world is today, I wish so much that I didn't have to spend it alone. Sincerely, Carly
@@simplyme7821 I'm so glad you had that wonderful time together, and I'm sorry he is gone. Thank you for sharing. Indeed, I treasure every moment I have with my love. ((virtual hug))
As an ENTP, i spent two and a half years with an INFJ girlfriend of mine.Since the moment i first saw her, I thought i was gonna spend rest my life with her. I couldnt understand it back then but It was the best time of my life. It was better than the best romantic movie you saw. By time her feelings died away and she eventually doorslammed me. It was really a harsh psychological trauma for me. It has been two and half years since she left me, and theres not a single day that goes by that i dont think of her. As a guy i've been with numerous of girls, but no other type, i know for sure, no one could ever make me as happy as her. With her Ni and my Ne we created such beautiful dreams of our future that i've really believed in it sometime ago. You become addicted to the happiness that they give you ( i started drugs after sometime (still nowhere near :) )) and you cant find it anything close, because you INFJ's are so fucking rare, like 1 in 200 girls, i've lost my hope to meet even somelike her, and be happy rest of my life. Now i believe that im gonna die old and lonely. :/ Because i was raised in a very troubled family raising a happy family was one of my two childhood dreams. I'll become a doctor next year, (i wanted that for 20 years) but i feel like my life has no purpose anymore. Anyway about the dark side.. and from a romantic love perspective... Even though the doorslam was really harsh, (She left with a text) even though the psychological marks she left are still on me even though after she's gone my life has fucked, even though i think to commit suicide every day, i still love her. I still think that she's an angel hearted person. She was was just trying to reach her inner equilibrium. After years i could speak to her for two or three minutes, and she was looking a little bit depressed but when i asked her how is she , she responded she was ''finally in peace this way''.(Jesus, Ghandi / Hitler, Bin Laden are INFJ's). We had bad times but the reason behind all the chaos, heart breaking stuff, all the pain wasn't because she was manipulative or resentful or she was dark. She was just trying to protect herself. Sorry for all the drama... Best MBTİ videos, keep going love who!!!
There really is something almost otherworldly about the connection between an entp and infj.....Please look for a support person such as a mentor, or counselor to walk with you through this. And find a support system such as a group of quality people with similar goals and hobbies....You will heal. You will grow strong and then stronger one day. You will love again and feel joy again. And know that persevering through the pain was worth it for you and the happy family you will have one day. Do not let go of hope. Hold on to hope. One day at a time the day is dawning and the night will be past you. The best is yet to come.
This is serious. Honestly I wouldn’t bother to reply but since you are mentioning suicidal thoughts I can’t ignore this post. I don’t even know if you’ll read it but I hope to be helpful. I see 3 major point you need to pay attention to in order to step away from this heavy situation for good. First. Work with your family issues and childhood traumas. I won’t be surprised if your infj girl is a reflection of a pattern from your childhood. For instance have you been abundant as a child? Have you seen someone being manipulative in your family? If you saw that in your family you’ve automatically decide that this is “normal” that’s why you are justifying her behavior that I would say is unhealthy but you accept it. Why? You are addicted to the happiness she gives you. People can enhance your happiness but they are not the source of it. When you process and heal your family situation that you were grown up with you will change your limiting believes that you are having now. Healing the family issues, being the souse of your own happiness and having new supporting believes will help you to get a healthy relationship with an amazing girl that will be so good that you can’t even believe. If I’m assuming something wrong I apologize but I’m infp and can read people as an open book. I hope that’s helpful.
M Rod I’ve been thinking about this post lately. That’s true. We have multiple possible “the one(s) that are created for us. At least one for each possible life dimensions we might enter. (Figuratively speaking). From the position of the rational mind multiple people can be our perfect match. For those who want cold rational pragmatic shallow relationships that might end up with divorce (if they don’t have true heart / soul connection) the opinions are plenty to chose from, but only few of these “options” are meant for something deep and meaningful. That being said when you give your heart to someone you believe is your “one” (but they are not) it takes time to process this heartache, to reclaim your heart back and open it again for the one who is truly meant to be. To know that you have multiple possible “options” gives hope, but a person needs to know when to let go someone who is not for them and when to hold on to the one who is meant to be.
I was always aware of my dark side. I was surprised, though when I became conscious of how cruel I can be when driven to use it. I had no idea I was so adept at hitting people right where it hurts - even people I don't know well. I was a bit fascinated when I realized I have a subconscious cache consisting of items people have confided in me and personal analyses I've made based on my observances. I've horrified myself before when I've hurled them like weapons at a person I once trusted or loved when they mistake my kindness, loyalty, and devotion for weakness and decide to treat me accordingly. BAM! They've been hit with their own fist.
I've noticed from my own personal past that deep depression caused me to become extremely sensitive to others. Not in the way that I usually am, where I'm caring and compassionate, but in the way that I've become so sensitive to everyone's shortcomings and motives, such that I eventually grew to have an immense resentment, as you said, for other people. But it was an extremely contradictory experience, because I simultaneously hated people and cared for them. I grew to hate my own compassion for other people, and became cold and detached, because I was so sick of being taken advantage of that I grew to see everyone as threats. I became extremely reclusive and anti-social, even misanthropic. I saw the world as gray and dark, and whenever I was around other people, I constantly felt like I was in a movie scene where all of the voices muffle out as I stare at everyone's faces, smiling and laughing, and living in such blissful ignorance of the atrocities of our world. No one had any idea that I was like this, until they tried to get close to me, or worse - tried to take advantage of me, and they would suddenly know no worse wrath and sheer callousness. I was extremely good at hiding all of this. People would tell me I was an "infectiously cheerful" person, that I probably never learned how to frown. Inside, I would be satisfied at how well I managed to pull it off, the illusion of happiness. People liked me, and I hated that people liked me. They would always want to be my friends, but I didn't want friends, I only wanted to be left alone. My care for others drew them to me, and when they saw eventually how cold I truly was inside, they would be so confused, but would rarely ever withdraw like I wanted them to. Instead, they would want to "fix" me, or be the one person to change me, which only inevitably strengthened my resentment. But the worse side of it was that when I would freeze over on people and treat them coldly, some other part of me would resent myself for being that way, for being "unkind". I would hate that I care about people, and I would hate that I tried not to. I struggled, and still do, with an immense degree of self-loathing, self-criticism, and misanthropy. It's been a while now, and I'm getting better, but I still have a lot of issues with opening up to people, even to those I dearly love and cherish, and I still greatly avoid being around others. I still find myself being somewhat cold toward people inside, but I've become a lot better at setting boundaries for myself and enforcing them, which has helped immensely with my self-esteem and my relationships with others. I found your descriptions to be very accurate and insightful, I really connected with it. I truly appreciate all the hard work you put into understanding each of the types, and I think it's especially great that you pay such close attention to what an unhealthy type looks like. People often get caught up in their pride for a certain type, especially INxJs and other intuitives in the online community. People love to live with their labels and boxes and to use those as excuses for their behavior without attempting to fix themselves. It's easy to forget that no one is superior to another, and we all have our own shortcomings, but the more we work to illuminate the "dark sides" of everyone and how it manifests, the sooner we can understand and help those in need.
You say you feel bad about it, but I can tell by the way you’ve written your comment that you’re actually quite proud of this “dark side”. I think you think it makes you more interesting. In my experience, people don’t really think about others that deeply. They have their own image of the person, and if it shatters, they will more likely examine the pieces than try to see what was actually there. They’re not going to think “wow, I thought INFJ was so warm and nice, but in reality she’s cold and detached! My life is a lie!” That kind of realization tends to only come after something drastic, like if you were to go on a killing spree. Only then do people really question the image that they held and why they believed in something false. In your case what they’re most likely thinking is “INFJ is usually nice, but she gets moody sometimes”.
@@seventhsheaven I understand your comment. Well, I think that everyone is interesting in some way, particularly to themselves. In relation to other people, of course I find myself more interesting, simply for the reason that I am trying to make sense of myself, and use what I learn from others to do so. I also think that all people with mental illnesses are interesting. However, I think there is a difference between finding interest in something and being proud of it. I'm interested in myself, of course, and I think I do have interesting things to share (as everyone does in some way), but if I wanted to be an interesting person, I would much rather be interesting in my own right, rather than depend on my mental conditions to make me interesting. My point is, I spend a lot more time thinking about how to get myself out of my situation than I do enjoying it. I don't wish that I was this way, though perhaps I have come to terms with it, which in itself is scary to me. In regards to people's image of me, what I was referring to was how I used to be weak at defining boundaries between myself and others. When I'd finally gain the courage to push people out of my circle of comfort, I would be so overcome with resentment at that point that I would be openly blunt and cold, which was a contradiction to the idea people had of me, and some people would even hate me after that. Perhaps what you said is more accurate, though I'm not sure exactly where we disagree.
All of us INFJs need to hear this. We need to face our egos and break through the illusion that we can do no wrong. The result is a liberating increase in humility.
when I was in high school I got picked on a lot for being quiet and reserved. So I already resented most of the school I went to. Well, one day I walked into class. I am getting ready to go sit down, and suddenly I am confronted by someone who I never really got along with. before I can say anything, she tells me to make her mad. I ask her to elaborate, and she says she wants me to make her mad... She should have been careful for what she asked for. Long story short, I broke her and her bf up. neither of them can look each other, or me, in the eyes anymore.
Once in college I got so overwhelmed by the demands of my social group that I felt myself “go dark.” I was finally able think, fuck this, fuck all y’all, and let go of responsibility. I have better boundaries now. Before that, I felt guilty about having many boundaries. I felt responsible for saving everyone. What had been so exhausting was how close everyone seemed to feel to me, while I felt totally invisible and misunderstood. Everyone was seeking out my attention and I felt conflicted about all of them. No one cared about my needs, they just loved that I attended to their emotional needs so well and so intuitively. Most of my guy friends seemed like they were trying to date me, despite my proclaimed disinterest in dating (now I know I’m asexual). So they didn’t believe the information I was telling them about myself. I also began to notice several of them were talking about me and theory-crafting behind my back. A couple were colluding to manipulate me to spend time with them. I had a reputation for being “mysterious” but that just made me mad. I feel like I’m very straightforward-people just don’t believe me about myself.
I'm an INFJ and I found this quite interesting, to one point that you said, that I never like to talk much about and that is the ability of manipulation. As INFJ, and being able to see easily and readily read people and situations, it can give you an uncanny advantage to position yourself to manipulate others in many way's. I think I do this to some extent all the time, but not in any malicious way. I might find myself doing this to get one of my workers to get their job done in a more productive way, I once came in as a manager, saw a girl standing there and immediately knew she was upset. I stopped and stared at her until she finally got irritated and said why are you looking at me? I then gently said I am just going to stand here and stare at you until you smile... and then of course she starts laughing and worked the rest of the day smiling, and had much more productive day. I do this sometimes with my kids, and I think as INFJ I think this is one thing I never tell anyone that I can both read people and manipulate people so easily is probably the biggest kept secret for any INFJ in my opinion. I have an extremely strong sense of morals and values, but if someone did not they could really do some serious damage as INFJ.
My infj sis tends to be perfectionistic, & holds everyone else to her often unrealistic standards. When she’s upset she tends to hold grudges instead of being willing to talk things out. Instead of telling people her needs & wants, she suffers in silence as a martyr & can get resentful because I can’t read her mind 😬
This is so true. I keep up a wall for a long time. I keep my emotions and issues to myself because I do not want to burden anyone with my feelings. When I do and not met in the same way I was there for them I get hurt. It’s hard. When it comes to the manipulation part of the personality that is also hard because it almost feels like we can’t be our authentic self to people because we are trying to keep the harmony but when pushed to far our tongue can be our biggest weapon and are instantly filled with regret when it has to get to that point. Sometimes the impulsiveness of our nature mixed with the manipulation can be hard in a heated discussion with someone. I appreciate these videos as I’m always trying to be self aware!
Even I myself am scared of that dark side of me when someone mess with me... It's like I know exactly what buttons to push them away if they're crossing the line. That or I mostly just walk away
Yeah we INFJ's are weird... we have two ways we could go, generally. I usually don't like dealing in absolutes, but with INFJ's and this particular topic, i think it works. Either we are heroes, champions of light, using our neutral tool of empathy only for good and really resisting the pull to the dark side, manipulating people into positions that benefit them most and thus becoming powerful in a subtle, but good way. We become a sort of dictator, but the fantasy kind that doesnt actually exist in historical politics that actuallu care about everyone else. On the flip side, we have both the ability and drive to take over the world if we want, or at least, our part of it. Its such a strange dichotomy.... we are very useful and noble but also very dangerous, i think as all worthwhile things are
In my 10 years experience with an anxiety-riddled, depressive, pseudo-manipulative when he needs his people/environment in control, cold steel blade throwing into my heart as soon as it starts to warm with the blessing of his presence because he resents being friend-zoned, I can safely say this is an accurate assessment. Also, yes, door slamming would have been a great addition to this segment, especially since it can be so drawn out and soul destroying over a long period of time. They also refuse to tell you what's wrong, and expect you to know by reading their minds. Even if you can intuitively tell what's wrong, they'll shut down if they don't want to address the issue the moment you bring it up and what to work on it. Complete shutdown/silent treatment mode. Infuriating people that are simultaneously so easy to love. FML. When they love you and resent you, you pay for it in the silent decay of a slow door slam (or I should say door ajar, in limbo for all eternity). I'm an INTP, and while I want harmony too, I CAN'T LIVE LIKE THIS FOREVER! D:
I get scared sometimes of how good of a manipulative i can be. i would make up lies and totally believe them and they make me so emotional to the point of crying
Same here. The focus, determination to get it done and done right is impressive in itself. The slickest cheater is no match for me. I'll find all your dirty secrets and you're going to resent me for finding the real you. And that's exactly what I want because you don't deserve another chance, an explanation. You just deserve to feel the way I did when you hurt me and I was nothing but patient, tolerant, etc and you no problem walking all over me. Today, you're my doormat and I'm dumping everything you made me feel right back. How does it feel now? I know you won't say, because you can't handle the truth. But will your reaction, I know I have succeeded and my job is done.
Does anyone else have a quick temper that they manage? Like I try to stay in a clean mood but even if I engage in a conversation about a fight or an old fight I get hot and I feel something in me that wants to go off
I have no time or desire to manipulate or "poke a sharp stick." I suspect that anyone no matter what type they are would only resort to this if they were mentally unsound or were higher on the personality disorder spectrum. I also personally have no desire for world domination. We need all personality types.
Topic suggestion: 1. "Rarity" of the types (i.e., is it TRUE that INFJs are the rarest?) because I disagree completely. - The problem however is MANY people assert that there are many "mistyped" INFJs and attribute "negative traits" of INFJs and dumping them on other types. The classic "OH you're not a real INFJ, you must be INFP, ISFJ, INTJ & so on) INFJs being put on a pedestal - hailed as this "perfect, mythical, rare creature" (of course, some INFJs will say, OH that isn't true, but the whole special snowflake syndrome is PREVALENT in websites like Reddit, IG INFJ accounts and so on)
INFJs might appear to be not that rare, but you might get that feeling because usually other types dont spend that much time on the internet. INFJs, INFPs, INTJs and INTPs are very rare in "real life", and very common on internet, guess why :P
All I know is, if you are an infj it takes a long time for you to realize why you are such an alien and once you get to know that that's because you are an infj, you never stop watching and reading about infjs. Also, when you know you're an infj, you know it!!!
We have the capacity for darkness but just that we keep it well under wrap for everyone's sakes or use only for certain personalities / special occasions.
I just recently saw a video about infj a couple days ago. I had no idea what it was until then but it is 100% me in every way. It was so eye opening to watch, I was thinking "this is exactly me". I thought I was just a bit different than others, just a quieter and shy-er person and think in my mind alot. I know there are many "positives" to this personality type, but the negatives are also difficult to deal with. I struggle greatly with motivation, I procrastinate way too much. I also struggle quite a bit with OCD. I don't know if any others struggle alot with these two things?
I'm an Infj. I unleashed my darkside on someone once. I dropped grenades on literally all of their fears and insecurities. Still haven't seen or heard from this person in over 8 months. Honestly guys, seeing myself that way scared the hell out of me.
"Hello darkness my old friend." "Do you ever feel like a misfit - everything inside you is dark and twisted?" "This is fine" - meme with the cartoon dog in the house that is burning That's basically INFJ
I’ve been holding resentment for a very very long time because of my tendency to want to keep the peace. I just bottle up what i’ve felt were injustices for years and years-I sometimes scare myself with all the hate I have for those people. Rarely have I thought to act on it though. I find it better just to stay away from those people if possible. And then I try my best to make sure my friends don’t suffer from the same thing. I’ve only just recently tired to stand up for myself more. I’ve also someone recently noticed my ability to manipulate but I only use it to try to make peace or to invoke better understanding.
"They put a lot of effort into resisiting the temptation to do this kind of stuff." Yes! The effort it takes is exhausting sometimes. Also, spot on about us being closer to Machiavellian when leaning toward malice. Thanks for this coverage!
As an INFJ I've found I tend to have what people describe as "a long fuse, but a big bomb". I very rarely am deeply angry or emotional (or at least rarely show it) and it makes me wish you'd covered the door slam here. As Mr. Darcy once said "My good opinion, once lose, is gone forever." I can be very understanding and sympathetic to a long list of topics and take a lot of shit from people, sometimes more than I should. However, I hit a brick will on occasion where I stop being able to sympathize, forgive, and start hating someone. The bomb goes off and I'll cut someone out of my life forever. Even a decade later, even if I come to better understand their emotions, even if I can recognize my own culpability in a situation, the door never opens again. I find this more often happens when *someone else* is the target for someones bad actions or deads. I never really remain and an angry state with someone who hurts me personally. I try to understand them and come to some kind of reconciliation. But if someone hurts a friend or a lover? Door slam, they're awful, I'll be keeping one eye on them until they're out of my life and everyone elses. I hope this isn't just me being vindictive bc I can't help but feel I really caught on to the door slam comment even if you didnt go in depth ha 😅
I started watching this video from the perspective of "let's see what he thinks that he knows about us and our dark side". WOW, you know a lot! I found myself agreeing with everything that you shared...even the dictator stuff that I would never have thought of! I have been on a spiritual journey for a few years now and follow Fr. Richard Rohr. He introduced me to the Enneagram and to learning about and embracing my shadow self. Through my journey I have learned to forgive and let go of resentments...no longer drinking poison and hoping the other person will die. I have also learned to say no, take care of myself, mind my own business, let others do for themselves and more. I have not given up caring for and about others deeply, but I have learned and I am still learning how to "use my gifts for good". My life and relationships are richer. Thank you for this video. I am looking forward to seeing how you address the great topics suggested in the comments.
The old cliche "the truth hurts" is eerily accurate. Most people simply CANNOT handle it, particularly when it's about their shortcomings or defects of character. So there lies the issue we're constantly faced with...picking our words meticulously as not to damage someone's fragile ego. Because aside from being brutal in our honesty, we still are very empathetic and reluctant to embarass or hurt someone's feelings. We realize that our words can cut deeper than a knife, because we see much deeper than what's superficial. We know the most intimate inner workings of a person, things that they haven't even fully grasped. If confronted with such things, the shock would be equivalent to jumping into a pool of ice for the average person.
I remember being a kid and becoming aware of my ability to be manipulative and hating that about myself. Resentful? Yes. lol. Can I make people feel immense emotional pain if they have tremendously hurt me? YES. Absolutely. I wonder if that's an aspect of Fe... not only can we pick up on people's emotions, we can actually influence their emotions and our Ni gives us good insight into how best to do so if we want to. I think it's astute of you to see that our compulsive giving is at the root of a lot of this. We compulsively give because we care, but obviously we'll never get as much back. I can accept that lack of balance up to a certain degree but there is a point at which it becomes intolerable... like "How dare you? How dare you take so much from me and not be willing to give even 2% when I really need you?" That's the rage or doorslam moment for me. The people in the comments saying "I never get angry except maybe for a second, I never manipulate people." That's ridiculous. INFJ's aren't angels anymore than INTJ's can build time machines. lol. Exaggerating a personality like that might be a good way to sort of soak up the general "flavor" of the personality but jeez we're all human and we are all flawed. Some of the commenters here could stand to realize that just cause you don't like your shadow is not a good reason to pretend it doesn't exist. The major shadow side I would add to your points is just that our giving nature is not always altruistic. Sometimes we can even overstate the altruistic nature of our giving in a narcissistic "I want you to think I'm better than I really am" kind of way. We give to get sometimes. Yeah we're generous with our kindness, but definitely can have some major strings/expectations attached to that giving.
With great power comes great responsibility. I only do the painful strike with pinpoint accuracy when it's for the greater good of my friend. It is a buildup of the same story every day over and over again, ignoring the kind and patient advice for *years* and I get so fed up, but I wait for the exact moment, the exact day that the friend is ready. They need to be mentally strong enough to handle the strike of snake venom I'm about to bite them with, they need to show that glimpse of being fed up too and that a tiny part of them is ready for change, and 3 it needs to flow with the conversation so that they can process how it lead up into that brutal honesty or it can get dismissed with "oh she was just having a bad day, probably hormonal, it didn't actually mean anything". I want the strike to mentally snap them out of their behavioral routine to choose and decide if they really are happy or if they want to fight for their happiness like a gladiator with the eyes on the price to live with a sense of purpose and freedom. As for manipulation, I've chosen to only use that for greater good as well, never for personal benefit. You must be manipulative though if you want to custom stitch advice to a certain personality. If you can't read how a person will best hear what you have to say then good advice won't be heard. I custom stitch my messages all the time, like if a person heavily values religion then I make my advice sound more religious than if I'd give the same words to an atheist eventhough the core advice is the same simply so that it goes into their heart and not out the other ear. You can't be impactful without analyzing their values, you can't repair a leak without finding the damage, you can't boost someone's confidence without finding their weaknesses. I've had to choose to only strike a wound if it's the only way to make it heal and yes I've damaged friendships from it - but they have a much better life now than if I never struck them. I strike out of love and care, it's when I don't care that the door slam comes and then you get erased from my life and you then are worse than dead to me because those dead at least get a memorial and get honored and talked about, a doorslammed just get erased like they never existed. Big note though, there are unhealthy and destructive INFJs that are in so much pain that they spread the pain and not everyone has figured out what they want to do with their power and responsibility yet and you very well could be a guinea pig that gets tested on to see if a method works or not so don't assume an INFJ to be harmless automatically. It's a long long journey for us to choose our paths and methods of helping others and learning how to save ourselves, protect ourselves and cherish ourselves and not self sacrifice ruthlessly and we make plenty of mistakes on that journey that could include taking personal emotions out on others unfairly.
I have this thing where I pretend to be a really bad liar (about trivial things) to my family and friends e.g. by smiling and laughing easily. But in reality, it’s sort of a tactic because I can lie easily about much bigger things.
As an INFJ I feel like our dark side is more of depression with the feeling of absolute existential dread along with never truly feeling enough for the world. Also the loneliness yeh that gets pretty dark too.
BOILING RESENTMENT: When my younger brother had kids young, fell into drink and drugs, I basically abandoned my life to help sort this out. It worked, he got his shit together but I lost my relationship and he's raising his family in my house. I've battled with a boiling resentment because he doesn't even recognize the sacrifice I made for his families health and well being. Juggling seeing him destroy himself and potential his kids against me having to rebuild everything, has been tough. but I wont make that mistake again. One INFJ weakness I'm very aware of now. Thanks for all your Videos
Yeeeees the manipulation- sometimes I feel I think I understand others well enough to get the outcome I want in a situation- I sometimes feel like a self-aware sociopath at my lowest.
My dad is an INFJ and I had an INFJ partner for 4 years and I still struggle to understand how they work. Because I am an INFP, I gravitate toward them for their ability to tune in and enjoy and be part of what I have to offer... and I can do the same for them. So there is a great synergy. The down side is that I feel like INFJs do not possess the same degree of objectivity, detachment, or ... I guess second guessing of themselves. They can't push to see something from a different point of view when their perspective is stuck in some way. You need a strong, strong bullshit detector around them when they are unhealthy... which I probably developed as a kid... because you could say something to them and if they don't want to hear it it will be a kaleidoscope of deflection. Wow, all these things are negative, so probably I am just a little put off by the INFJs in my life right now. I might have good things to say some time down the road.
Something I've heard another INFP say about INFJs that I'm curious if you can relate to: The INFP said that she would be annoyed by the INFJ trying to read her emotions "without her permission" before she felt ready to disclose and articulate them. Kind of an Fe vs Fi conflict. Does that resonate with you at all? I think this is part of why INTPs usually seem to get along well with INFJs. The INFJ's ability to intuitively know what I'm feeling without me bringing it up is one of my favorite things about them. I also think INTPs are pretty good bullshit-detectors. Especially when people contradict themselves or give excuses that make no sense. I dated a (presumably) INFJ for 7 years and I could always tell when he was lying. Sometimes he would tell bullshit stories just for the hell of it (I guess it was entertaining to him to see if I'd fall for it?). I do relate to the Ne vs Ni conflict when they're dead-set on a certain vision of the future though. Also their Se can be a bit hypocritical. But the latter pervade more when they're unhealthy.
that's interesting. I am INFJ living with an INFP and the times we are clashing (which are rare because all in all we get along brilliantly ;)) is because he always sticks to what he once figured out for himself to be right or true, whereas I constantly actualize every opinion of mine, every info that comes in so I would adopt my views of the things and the world quite a bit. And he would be stuck on his preferences although one would thoroughly and logically explain to him. And what gets him is my emotional detachment and objectivity and therefore not having enough clear sympathy/antipathy for things. Like not being so constant in my beliefs and being more fluid as far as identity goes freaks him out sometimes. But the thing is that I just can't decide, because when you see (& feel) everything from every possible angle and viewpoint you just can't decide... cause there is truth and beauty in all of them.
@@tiwiogunye 💜 (I find it beautiful to be this way just as I think it's beautiful that my INFP friend is this firm and true to his tastes/opinions etc. Like I said: there's beauty in all of us)
I’m annoyed with myself bc I can see others so clearly but I might accidentally manipulate people without thinking and I’m never aware if I’m the actual problem.
I prefer to call it strategic. Sometimes our “nice” Fe comes from that dark side. I own a lot of other people’s secrets. We do know people’s weaknesses just as much as we know their strengths.
Yoooooo. The accuracy!!! I'm fascinated. I just discovered this mbti ( that feels wrong) whatever it is, personality type phenomenon. I don't even remember how, why or when I learned of it first...I'm lying, it definitely was a RUclips video, what else? But I knew right off I was an infj. I wasn't even aware that there were 15 other types at that point. Ok, now my original comment...the first time I heard of the "dark side" of this type 😳 and heard the part about being master manipulators, I was like "not me!!! never!!!" But you're so right, it's not something you want to hear, largely because it's not intentional, or even a fully conscious act...atleast in my case. But when I really thought about it, of course I do. It's almost second nature. We learn to manipulate upon infancy, once you have an understanding of something and/or its inner workings, it's instinctual to use that knowledge to satisfy an agenda. And since we're being honest, EVERYONE has an agenda. It doesn't necessarily have to make you evil. It's having a particular skill, subconsciously applying it to everyday life. It's dependent on the individual whether they use it with malicious intent.
This is fascinating, while every personality I think has a dark side, negative personality traits are part of being human. No one is perfect we all have things about ourselves that we would like to avoid rather than acknowledge. This is very accurate as I am an INFJ in my experience I rarely poke others unless I feel like they hit a nerve at one point, to which I find very difficult to forget. So I quietly wait for just the right moment to jab at them, the most unsettling thing is as INFJS we can read people very well, when I walk into a room I'm immediately observing people. Paying attention to the emotions of others, watching their body language. Then over time if a person sticks around us long enough, that information we gather through reading that individual or individuals we could use against them (If we so choose. This is why I'm glad this video was made so I can be aware of the fact that INFJS have this ability, to manipulate. So that I can be better aware of this negative trait and learn how to avoid or control it.) Anyways! enough of my ramblings lol.
Even when using Machiavellian techniques, we/I use it for good. Dark side we leave it for narcissists they use cold empathy to manipulate for their own purpose without a conscience. Perhaps there is a fine line of behaviours between narcissistic people and INFJ, difference is like white or black, INFJ use their introverted power for good....me hope and think, cheers
Interesting comment! I've noticed that too with INFJs - "Even when using Machiavellian techniques, we/I use it for good." Glad you found the video interesting!
What about when we just disappear for months? Is that part of our dark side as well? I’ve door slapped before n I have also completely disappeared from people. How would you explain the difference?
†Erin A.D.† my last relationship with I lived in Massachusetts was a door slam n a complete disappearance. Maybe cause it was toxic, but I’ve never tried to contact them. I really believe that I am just a memory for him. Maybe we can have both? When it’s called for.
I think the disappearing act is a regular (predictable) occurrence for many INFJs. They need time to seclude themselves to process their emotions. But they'll always be back... eventually... if you really matter to them and they see you in their future. I dated an INFJ for 7 years who would constantly pull the disappearing act. We lived together so it was hard to hide. Sometimes it was just locking himself in a room or going for a drive or sometimes it was just storming out during a disagreement then climbing in through the bedroom window later (I guess he was too embarrassed to let our friends see him come back through the front door after he stormed out). But he often has disappeared from friends, partners, social media, and even his mom for months at a time. But there's no going back from a doorslam. He actually doorslammed his own father more than a decade ago, which was ironically an act of loyalty for him.
Heather Bryant I door slammed the guy from Massachusetts and never talked to him again. So I get that. When I was younger in my 20’s I would need to go driving back roads, for hours just singing n clearing my mind. Now starting over at almost 40, I’ve come to learn that there are some that must be put out to pasture. There is no future I can see with some in it and if they really wanted to be in my life, I would hope that they would make a conscious effort to be involved in my life. But sadly there are those that are okay with never seeing me again and I’m really okay with that. Only because they probably would have brought more hurt with them. Thank you 🙏🏻 ☺️
I feel going into hermit mode is actually a very healthy thing for high Ni users and feelers to do. A necessity to mental health, as long as you know how to self monitor and actually reopen yourself to the world. The important thing is letting the people you love know this is your normal, then they aren't offended. - door slamming is different. It's a quiet and complete way of cutting of one or a group of people, literally...forever. it's almost like your memory bank of every moment with said person/group is deleted by a big button. Gone from space and time. And as the years pass it can even be difficult to surf back and reconnect to the memories of that person/group. The door slam doesnt happen all that often; I find we can close a door but leave a key on the other side, when that person has enough courage to open it with an apology/change of actions/reason. The trust "bridge" wont be the same, takes a lot of time and honestly psychological "testing" of the other person to repair the trust. And the relationship may succumb to a shallow connection (which could be healthier haha) ...a true door slam only happens after countless of gentle door closing...countless rape of boundaries...countless disappointments..countless second chances. Until the infj snaps awake and realizes how toxic the person/group/scenario is for them ...that door will slam, with diplomacy and tact, and then locked from top to bottom and hidden behind a brick wall.
Good video. Pretty accurate. Yes, I noticed the heavy editing. I thought ENTP’s (sorry if I got your type wrong....just going by my sometimes flawed memory) weren’t perfectionists? I envy your piano skills.
My type is a debated topic, INTP is a common one people type me as and in the OP system I'm an ISTP who is lead sleep (Ti/Ni). A while back we were thinking ENTP. In case you haven't noticed, self-typing is not an easy thing!! Soon I'll be putting piano tutorials on my individual channel! ~ Nathan
We can be perfectionists for several reasons, the main one being that Ne can always find ways to improve on something. You think you’re done with a project, and then Ne just figured out a way to make it even better, so you make the change but then you suddenly realize that the change has created a new problem, which you then decide to try and fix, and as this cycle goes on it leaves you second guessing yourself constantly - is this really the best it can be? Have I truly covered all bases? Another way is if we’re in an Si grip. We’re more inclined to get fussy about small details during these times, but we find it difficult to focus on small details for very long without getting bored, leading us to procrastinate. Any type can be perfectionists, but it’s just how and why is manifests.
The resentment part is so true. I’m working on that, I want to be more forgiving. About the manipulation, I’m not sure if I am, but my friends have mentioned in a joking way that I can be evil sometimes towards my past exs, but I don’t really count that. How could you really tell if you’re good at manipulating?
This is so amusing! I like the way you analyze the INFJ mind. I know it’s supposed to be informative more than amusing but the seriousness just makes it funnier
Everyone have a dark side, no exception, we are humans after all, but I had my feelings so repressed in my childhood that even my dark side rarely affected others, I just stored too much anger and started being emotionally distant from people
He’s so right. I personally know that I have the power to manipulate but I just can’t bring myself to do it to anyone. On the contrary, those INFJ’s that can find it in themselves to use our manipulative powers, God be with you if you encounter them
You are very good at this, my friend! 😎 I would like to congratulate you and thank you for your attitude and the way you express your knowledge. INFJ 34 female here.
@@elonmust8859 If he was however an INTJ there could've been no holocaust. And it wasn't logic and good judgement that made him disgust jews. By the way ever heard of "Operation Barbossa"? Yea....he failed to take moscow and attempt taking a rigorous progression in conquering the Soviets instead of listening to his generals to take moscow first. He was an idealist, and if he had been an INTJ the Second World War should've been different.
We have empathy. Empathy is neutral. It's feeling. Feeling itself is a neutral word. INFJs also have extremely strong belief systems. If someone goes against those belief systems in an INFJ that typically doesn't end well. Everyone confuses empathy for sympathy. Empathy is just a basic acknowledgement of someone's feelings. What you choose to do with that acknowledgement can go either way. I think Hitler was most certainly an INFJ. He knew exactly how to manipulate people BECAUSE of his empathy.
"INFJs almost always use this trait (empathy) to help the people around them. But it can just as easily and in fact, sometimes more easily, be used to play with people's emotions." READ. TO. FILTH.
We all know about our dark sides existence and for me it’s a part of me that’s hard to ignore. I try my best to be as understanding as I can to everyone around me and over analyze their actions to find a good reasoning behind them. Something I seriously can’t stand is when a person acts selfishly and at the expense of others. When I meet people like that it’s seriously so hard for me to be empathetic and sympathize with their problems and I sometimes come off as kind of harsh to them- it makes me hate myself sometimes TT
@@djlogs1163 Hi! I was in a philosophical/poetic/discussion group for over three years. In the beginning I was a very good listener. As I spead my wings and attempted to share my thoughts and intuitive insights I began to realize that the predominant group of INFJs were not very good listeners to concepts outside of their paradigm. Is this a fair assessment?
I would love a video on an infj door slam! I have Tried to explain it to others and never seem to find the right words to express how it works in my head, especially since I don't even know I'm doing it until it's too late.
I am INFJ and an interesting thing that happens to me in relation to others (that I can't fully explain logically) is that they almost always seem to have an immense amount of respect for me. It is a fear I have to be treated badly (I am a short little woman with soft voice and not very strong in any way) because I think I would be too weak or too keen on harmony to be able to defend myself. But I never ever have had to defend myself in any way ever. Not even in hostile situations has anyone even abused me verbally. I might be priviliged, or it might have something to do with my ability to manipulate situations quietly (and subconsiously). Does anyone else recognize this fenomenon, or is it just due to other personalized factors and my own personal history?
Same here😅 Never got abused or insulted badly by others and also ask myself if it's just a coincidence or does it has something to do with good manipulative skills and a good reading of the environment and people
I get it. I can't analyse it as well as the MBTI gang would (I have only scraped the surface of the topic thus far), but I think it has something to do with INFJs' quiet and - what's important here - non-threatening self-assurance. We know who we are and we are not proving anything to anyone, yet at the same time we see through people, so there is no point in lying or proving anything to us. Come to think of it, the only people who have ever been angry with me or actively hostile towards me have been my family. And, let's be honest, they were wrong to be so. My parents shouldn't really be parents, at least not with each other as partners, my grandma has the shortest, screamiest fuse ever and wants things done her way and none of them value communication much. That being said, they would still abuse my brother much more than me bcs I quickly learnt how to manipulate/diffuse the situation if at all possible. No stranger has ever been hostile to me. And if they came out with such an attitude, they always quickly backed out because I'm just not having that in my life, ever.
"Self-destruct" does ring a bell... Cause what's the point of seeing "real" and "potencial" y those around you are oblivious to it... And you're unable to help them.... Thankfully I discovered compassion and Uncondicional Love
As an INFJ I love listening to people. More often than not they feel comfortable just spilling everything, whether I insinuated that I wanted to know or not. In turn it creates a deep reservoir of information that I normally use for things like birthday gifts or remembering their favorite hobbies. Sometimes, however, I'm tempted to use this minutia in sordid, twisted ways. Most of the time I don't, because conflict is sticky and not easy to get out of. But, that isn't to say I don't quietly consider it from time to time.
Let me know if I missed any important points in this video!
I think you should do interviews with people. Just hop on skype or something for an hour then upload it
@@OfficialSpyderr Ok I'd be down for this!
@@NathanJGlass Well, I already emailed the provided address back along so shoot an email back if want help planning or anything
-jay
Nathan Glass I would be a guest on your channel. That would be awesome 😎 ☺️💜✌🏻
Well this has turned out to be a better democracy than the uk currently is... (please no political debates. I have had enough of seeing that shit plastered all over facebook)
I say we aren’t dark but we think of dark stuff
Such as?
@@stephaniemitchell8509 Every day brings us closer to the inevitable death.
@@0agneska0 Political Corruption, Companies Monopoly, Sex trafficking, Drug trade, predatory banking practices, serial killer and why they feel the need to kill. China organs harvesting from political prisoners to sell on the black market. How child abuse affect people their entire life, considering how common people get sexual abuse. Why its seems that hollywood wants to sexualize and promote promiscuity among teens. The root cause of it all seem to money and power.
Jeremiah Novak In addition, we also analyze the hell, or at least I do, the actions and behaviors of others and the consequences that go with it. That includes the implications of bad decisions and their effects on themselves and other people. We also like to delve into the truths of things even if it is dark and disturbing.
People too busy seeking for happiness while ignoring their dark selves that one day may fall upon others. We instead embrace that darkness so that we able to understand and keep it safe.
"They put a lot of effort into resisisting the temptation to manipulate"
To be honest that's wrong way of saying it.
It's not hard, it's more like "Oh wait if i say this i would manipulate them, so let's not say this". And you either say nothing or you choose the right words that are neutral.
But then again being kind and polite is manipulation in itself - it influences how other people react. If you are nice to someone, they are very likely to be nice to you too.
.... Saying this now everything feels like manipulation.
So scratch all that, we don't resist, we just do it.
damned if you do, damned if you dont.
Sometimes, it's really easy to also manipulate a group at some kind of public meeting. You just have to ask the right questions that serves a new and understandable angle on the subject. Then you can change the entire conversation.
The thing is we usually don't manipulate for bad purposes, even if we could, it just don't feel right and also, I don't want to spend my energy doing that.
We do in every moment.
It's how and why we do it that matters. What's the end goal? A pleasant conversation with a friend? Or perhaps destroying the ego of someone we may not like.
@@aniokay this. Iooove doing this. It’s one of the few times i let myself “manipulate” others. I love my sense of humour and on of my favourite past times is stirring up the shit. Especially in groups. It fascinates me how authentic people quickly get when they’re angry and in a group.
From my experience, INFJs have a lot of patience and tolerance. I've always liked helping people and don't mind when people use me because we all use each other at one point. But what ticks me is when people dissapoint me. It's when people gave me promises only to break it in the end. It's when people whom I've trusted, lie to me. It's when they do things selfishly. When they make me feel like I don't matter. That my pain and suffering does not matter. It's what angers me. As childish as it sound, I like to make them regret their decisions. For making me feel less of a human. I'd like to inflict pain on them and let them know how I felt when they ignored me. I use their weaknesses against them until they are emotionally hurt. I don't always use violence, I use words a lot though. Painful and malicious words that can shake them. They end up surrendering, apologizing, and regretting what they've done. It's true that we can be very manipulative... but it didn't have to get to that point. Know your boundaries. We might seem easy to push around... but we know when enough is enough.
Cherry Muse Don’t worry. Shitty people always get theirs.
Not very spiritual, but I admit I still enjoy watching what goes around, come back around. 10 years later.
@Ѕhaðow Hυητεг That is not true... In fact because someone is an INFJ their resentment could build up over time.
I totally agree. While dating I have been absolutely clear about what I want, how I will respect you for being honest no matter how hard it is to hear. Just be real because there's too much BS out there already. After all that and they seem to have agreed and felt the same way, they were always holding something back and it comes out after I've given in, so to speak. So now I feel used, disrespected and disgusted that I didn't see through their lies. Tell me the truth and let me decide. Don't lie, leading me to do something based off bullshit and in a way removing my free will.
If they do that, I call them out and I'm vicious!! I tell them exactly what they are because I now see that they're a coward, liar, disrespectful. Why shouldn't I stand up for myself? You are responsible for your actions and they have consequences, such as getting arrested for dwi or life in prison for murder. But we're supposed to accept how people mislead and lie, even though you were completely transparent and made it so easy for them? I attack because I shouldn't be feeling as horrible as I do if they were just honest. Don't care what they think of me when I do it because clearly they had no respect for me in the first place. They're going to hear exactly how I now see them and what they really are underneath. Some might say I'm crazy for doing it. Truth is, they know deep down that what I'm saying is true but they can't accept it & of course it's painful to hear. We knew exactly what to say to invoke those feelings inside you cuz you better feel something after making me feel something that I shouldn't have due to my transparency & honesty. That's the price & it's brutal.
@@Redhotrussian1 - YES, YES, YES! I so wish I had been as wise as you are when I was young. I was always so shocked that I froze and did not say a thing, just let them walk away, or I walked away. They need to be held to account.
@@Redhotrussian1 so true!
Can we talk about INFJ drug-abuse, self-destructive behavior, and self-loathing? I hardly ever hear this discussed.
Fascinating, I can see Se inferior contributing to drug use ~ Nathan
Heather Bryant
I think this stems from depression, which infjs seem to have a lot
ive been there and it was an interesting journey that was both devastating, wonderful, relaxing and stressfull for the soul at the same time. This since you walk together with sorrows in happiness the deeper you get and the soul numbs away the deeper you go..... which takes time recovering when you decide to wake up. It can magically sweep your anxieties away and open up gates, but at a price for an long term double trouble if you are not careful. Remember poison can be a remedy but its still a poison
It's about time
@@lovewho This would also be a great topic to explore, and any differences between INFJ men and women. The INFJ I know is a male, and his addictions are probably far different (as in more sexually deviant) than I think INFJ women would be interested in to soothe themselves.
I've always noticed that I have a powerful manipulation ability.
It's a scary power indeed ~ Nathan
M Unknown Same. But I’m quite honest and dislike scheming or manipulation. However, say, if someone tries to harm me I will use ‘soft power’ and/or manipulation if I’m really pissed off at you.
There have been rare occasions when I notice the door open for manipulation, even though I still went the same direction of the door, but I did it out of pure intentions, not for myself, but then I drown in endless guilt afterwards, as if I did do it for selfish reasons, even though I know it's not true, but I still tear myself apart over it.
Welcome to the squad 😂
As for manipulation, I personally think that human mind works in a way that whatever you might tell others it's all subconsciously received as truth even if it's not. So in this sense you may willingly or unwillingly inflict your opinion to others and they might not realize whether it's for their own sake or your sake without critical thinking. I think INFJ might take advantage of how people's mind work and pull their own agenda without them realizing it. Of course their agenda might be different in nature whether for bad or good.
As an INFJ myself, I do believe that we usually know our dark side very well. Whether we actually want to be in touch with it is probably individually. The weird thing is that this darkness within me can both scare me and be comforting. Endless sadness and grief puts me in a creative flow state. What scares me more is how I can understand and sympathize with people who do things considered to be evil. For example, most won't even consider sympathizing with a murderer, but I would feel sorry for him/her for feeling like there was no other way. Feelings come and go, and just because someone was being full of hatred in one moment, doesn't mean that's part of his or her nature. This kind of empathy can be quite damaging to an INFJ as there will never be a person who actually is too bad for us to care for and about.
The danger of strong empathy, it doesn't discriminate between who to empathise with! Hope you liked the video and great comment.
Wuzic Hi 👋
Wow, that first part explains "I know my sins/darkness and they/it know me" 😲
well...it’s scary how accurate this is
This is something I pretty much would never admit to anyone in real life... but yes. I agree. Doesn't mean I think they're right obviously, but I can't help but sympathize or at least feel like what it's like to be in their shoes, why they may have done the thing they did, and how that must feel - both in anguish, frustration, or joy, and elation (scarily enough).
My husband is infj. He grew up in a verbally and mentally abusive home. He has completely door slammed his family, rightfully so.
Same here
@@arindamghosh6386 bruh
Do I see a pattern here ? Lol
@@abhyudaychakraborty3818 do I said something funny
good for him
Never piss off an infj.
If you want to keep your social relationships intact, yeah.
Amen!! ~ Nathan
hell effing yea
Ha! What are you gonna do, cry on me?
Its black beyond black. The anger of an infj.
I don’t think I’ve ever been able to unleash on someone. Usually if I’m upset I get a bit blindsided by a confusing swirl of emotion I can’t make sense of. Then, a few hours later (sometimes days), I figure things out, and imagine all the things I could’ve said if I’d been more aware of what I was experiencing and why.
So usually what happens is over the next few encounters with that person I’m chilly and aloof, instead of warm and friendly. It never really escalates or becomes confrontational because I can see down that road and I don’t really see where it’s going being productive. Not worth my time or emotional effort.
In my experience i didnt unleash or door slam until someone "Betrayed" me. If someone does the unthinkable and betrays me, i mean really cross the line like cheat or steal from me..they are cut out of my life like a surgeon with a scalpel. And in one incident in my past i had to drop all association with mutual friends we had in common too. I wish you luck and hope you never get worked up enough to unleash.
Marianne Y I’ve cut people out of my life before, but it’s a quiet affair. I guess I didn’t really view that as unleashing. Or maybe in retrospect it feels less emotional. It sounds like you’ve been put through the ringer. Having to cut off even friends of a person sounds really cancerous situation. I think it takes a lot of strength to do that.
@@babblegoose 😁 Elise, it sounds like you have more self control or dignity than me. Im impresed by your restraint. I can tend towards the "burn it to the ground" scorched earth approach, but usually only if highly provoked. (Its not like im going crazy when someone cuts me off or doesnt give way). You sound like a really balanced healthy INFJ.
Marianne Y haha thank you, but I don’t know if that’s it. It feels more like I’m being lazy about it. It doesn’t seem worth it to me. I immediately feel tired thinking about sparring and where that’ll end up, and that’s the usually the same place as if I choose not to react except with more cuts and bruises. I think if I actually reacted in the moment no real words would come out anyway. It would just like a heavy metal concert 🤘🏻😆.
Elise I do this too! I often don’t realize that someone has done or said something I should be upset about until I’ve thoroughly processed it and come to that conclusion. By then it’s usually too late to do anything about it so I’m upset but I don’t seek a resolution. As you mentioned, it can affect future dealings with that person. It also becomes one of the subjects I’ll ruminate on too much. Also, the idea of being involved in something “ugly” fills me with horror. For example, arguing in public with a store clerk or a driver who has upset you. You’ll never find me in those situations.
It is really hard to make me angry but if it happens, I can be aggressive. It's like I am calm, calm and suddenly out of nowhere I just blow up.
Scary stuff, hope you enjoyed the video!
@@NathanJGlass haha it's not scary. It's just people usually think that I am calm nice and they can't imagine me being in bad mood. So when they see me angry they are really surprised haha. And yes I like your videos. You have good understanding and insight :) Thank you
Infjs are a bit like Tigers in a way, we try to blend in with our surroundings, but we always have a goal in mind and when we attack we go in for the jugular...well that's the kind of image i get whenever friends/family bring up this dark side of ours.
Truly one of the most annoying things about being an Infj is going to social gatherings, sitting at a table full of acquaintances or people just met and being absolutely so aware of them and their issues and feelings and all the social dynamics of everyone and then pretending to act like you dont know what's going on just so you can enjoy the moment, it takes alot of focusing in and zoning out control for us (younger Infjs probably just give off a weird awkward stare and nervousness trying to manage the s*** load of Ni-Fe information coming in), alcohol in my opinion even though it relaxes us a little tends to deepen this awareness. I think one of the biggest problems for us is flowing easily between our Ni-Ti (at home) and Fe-Se (outside) states. Maybe a part of our darkness is not regulating this properly or getting too stuck in one or the other.
You have totally nailed it!!! Thats it exactly. Took me a long time as i grew up to realise that not everyone was picking up all the subtext information flying around the room. The WORST bit of these social interactions (that are usually exhausting) is when people you just met corner you and for some reason confess or reveal highly personal information. This has even happened to me catching public transport. Sometimes AS they are telling me a secret they say in a bemused voice "I dont know why im telling you this". Sometimes i find it hard to remember what is sensitive information about someone and what is common knowledge. So i don't accidentally blab something.
Brilliant insight! Thank for this comment and the Tiger imagery! ~ Nathan
Playing dumb. It's a talent right !? An annoying one at that. Because the moment you let someone know what you really see, defenses go up...and your the bad guy. I agree with the alcohol, I wonder if cognitive functions behave stereotypically different to influences? My body cannot handle alcohol, the few times I have drank it was unbelievably overwhelming, like washes of emotions and information saturating every cell. Leaving me terribly sick the next day...and this is off of uno glass of wine 🤭(straight up light weight)
@@marianney7644 This is so acurate and relatable. Person at bus stop tells me about their relationship and divorce 10 mins after meeting me "sorry I should be dumping this on you. Why am I even telling you this?" Proceeds to tell me about their fragile relationship with their kids.
(3rd time this week)
I like being able to offer people some positive words from time to time but this is a lot to take on your way home from work!
It's funny you say tigers because I have always equated them as my spirit animal.
Don"t push us with our back against the wall. Let us back off. Because we already know your weak spot.
Scary stuff... ~ Nathan
True true some just don't get. You don't play with fire.We can literally tear their emotional foundation out from under them, their weakest link we see,or should I say feel.
@@phillipdozier8143But we can’t bring ourselves to do it in reality like the other types. It’s just thoughts in our mind.
Oh, yes. I've felt it before. Even as a child, I've always been drawn to characters struggling with their inner-darkness -- Dark Phoenix, Raven from Teen Titans, Gaara from Naruto. It comes more to me when I feel the world makes me feel more like an outsider or detached, making my self-esteem hit an all time low. The boiling resentment comes into play. I'd just drown myself in playing video games, which made me feel better. I kept telling myself I didn't need anyone and tried to kill off my feelings. So, if left unchecked, that corruption could take over. Yes, with time and care, we could manipulate, but I never want to do that. Learning about my personality has helped me greatly and has opened so many doors -- understanding myself and others. I've been able to use the negativity and use it as art and create beautiful things.
Great comment! ~ Nathan
I mean, Gaara is an INFJ, unhealthy at the start.
Yup, wanted to comment about Gaara and Naruto. Some people type Naruto as ENFP and Gaara as INFJ. But yeah, both of them had shitty lives, especially when younger and of course it influenced them. They're my favorite characters and I always felt sorry for them. Ah, Naruto is my childhood xD
Let's not forget the ultimate INFJ; Batman
Same, explains why I've recently been drawned and intrigued by MCU Loki and Kylo Ren to be honest. The simmering anger from injustice and wrongfulness from loved ones and corrupted leaders, gnawing intellect, charisma, introversion, slight manipulation or persuasion and yet to hope for redemption, revelation and understanding from these characters as almost a mirror image to yourself, once you realize. Yup, same 100%.
As an infj myself, I love talking and learning more about the dark side of my type and what leads to it, it's strange because it's easy for us to accept it as a part of what makes us who we are
When I go dark; run. Don't look back.
Scary stuff! Hope you found the video accurate!
@@NathanJGlass indeed. 😇
I have a few people who are terrified of my dark side, but interestingly, so am I.
I often say I could destroy someone with my words alone if I wanted to but choose not to because it's not in my nature.
You are right I was the resentful INFJ ..I never voiced my emotions and also got taken advantage of to a very toxic relationship . Thank you ..I get to understand myself better . I am also like a fake extrovert ...hahaha I’m so good at acting
My first doorslam or "attack" was after an abusive relationship. I had done my homework and found out things that made me absolutely sick. At that point, between the stress he caused daily from his narcissism to the lies he kept/held/hid from me.......it was on!!! And I had my plan of attack. He had no idea and it completely caught him off guard. Sorry to say it made me feel better because he didn't care at all how much he hurt me. It was always what I do wrong, how I cause stress, how I basically shouldn't expect any respect from him and to just sit there and take the blame. Oh how our wandering minds can really be such an advantage, one they never see coming.
Oh you thought I was weak and will take it?? No. I tried to make it work, to resolve our problems, with no help from you. Now here's what you've given me, made me feel.... Right back at ya!!! Enjoy the pain that is the truth (but will never admit).
Saw a RUclips comment that I loved. Loosely translated..........we keep the walls high and the boundaries close, not just for our protection.
I am also a fake extrovert. Been faking my whole life.
If only being an actor didn't involve the mundanieties of going to acting school, finding a theatre or movie studio that hires you or playing by a particular script somebody else wrote...
@@realdomdom It’s all so beneath me
Speaking of the infj and smoldering resentment, how about the fact that many INFJs will spend years and years accommodating and loving their partner because their empathy allows them to get joy from helping and loving the other. Then, imagine the other person rarely trying to accommodate their infj partner as an act of love and the infj still quietly and calmly requests it. The infj does not demand it but, with a calm demeanor will explain to their mate what they need. After 10 years, there hasn't been a smoldering fire of resentment underneath but rather an honest picture of how much less their partner cares. Most of the time, there's not a huge blowout fight when the infj has hit that wall. But I will admit, the quiet, subtle and well placed words will shred and draw blood. And, then the infj will apologize and mean it. That's when their partner either leaves the infj because they cannot forgive or they finally get it and change. In my experience, it takes about 10 years of being the unnoticed giver and guider for other people's well-being and joy before the jar is empty and the requests were always ignored. Thank God that INFJs are such a small portion of society. It's a heavy burden to carry. Sometimes, I wish I was the unaware and uncaring and out for myself and my own fun type of person. But, then I remember I don't like those kind of people. Sincerely, Carly 💜
It no longer takes as many years for me to figure it out, thank goodness, and when I have figured it out in the past there actually have been blowout expressions of rage for me personally, but yeah overall I really relate to what you're saying here.
I am glad it only took you 10 years. It took me the best 12 years of my young life, and I am still smoldering about it more than 2 decades later despite having moved on to a happier relationship long ago. I wish I had listened when I was told: "When a man shows you who he is, believe him the first time".
@@meagiesmuse2334 I wish thatI I had been lucky enough to find another relationship. Rather, I did go on to have 14 and 1/2 years with a wonderful man. He was so special and he taught me how to live and have fun. When he told me he loved me and I was beautiful, I believed him. I had many adventures with him. Unfortunately, on his birthday last fall, I found him on his knees in our kitchen. I tried to help him stand up but I couldn't. I laid him down on the floor and his eyes were huge and blue. I said, I love you. He mouthed, I love... And he died with my hands on his chest. It's been 10 months of being completely alone. All I have are his ashes In a box on my dining room table. At least I know that we didn't take our time together for granted. But, I no longer think about the man that used to throw oak chairs against the wall when he didn't like something I said. I don't think about all the years of distress that he put me through. He's not worth a minute of my time. In fact, to me he's the one that is dead. But, my Mark gave me the last years of his life. And, I know I will never forget one minute of it. If you have a good man now, hold his hand for me. I probably will never have anyone to hold my hand for the rest of my life. And, the way that the world is today, I wish so much that I didn't have to spend it alone. Sincerely, Carly
@@simplyme7821 - I am so sorry, Carly. This made me tear up. Miracles can happen, and I really hope one happens for you.
@@simplyme7821 I'm so glad you had that wonderful time together, and I'm sorry he is gone. Thank you for sharing. Indeed, I treasure every moment I have with my love. ((virtual hug))
As a INFJ-A I agree with most of your comments. When I start to feel dark though, I go solitary till I can cope.
Thank you for resisting the darkside! ~ Nathan
i can relate
Relatable!
Resentment can easily be held for so long that it results in the famous 'doorslam' so... a little appreciation goes a long way
Adriana agreed!
No a LOT OF APPRECIATION
Ever heard of INFJ RAGE? We can go from Angel to DEMON.
As an ENTP, i spent two and a half years with an INFJ girlfriend of mine.Since the moment i first saw her, I thought i was gonna spend rest my life with her. I couldnt understand it back then but It was the best time of my life. It was better than the best romantic movie you saw. By time her feelings died away and she eventually doorslammed me. It was really a harsh psychological trauma for me. It has been two and half years since she left me, and theres not a single day that goes by that i dont think of her. As a guy i've been with numerous of girls, but no other type, i know for sure, no one could ever make me as happy as her. With her Ni and my Ne we created such beautiful dreams of our future that i've really believed in it sometime ago. You become addicted to the happiness that they give you ( i started drugs after sometime (still nowhere near :) )) and you cant find it anything close, because you INFJ's are so fucking rare, like 1 in 200 girls, i've lost my hope to meet even somelike her, and be happy rest of my life. Now i believe that im gonna die old and lonely. :/ Because i was raised in a very troubled family raising a happy family was one of my two childhood dreams. I'll become a doctor next year, (i wanted that for 20 years) but i feel like my life has no purpose anymore.
Anyway about the dark side.. and from a romantic love perspective...
Even though the doorslam was really harsh, (She left with a text) even though the psychological marks she left are still on me even though after she's gone my life has fucked, even though i think to commit suicide every day, i still love her. I still think that she's an angel hearted person. She was was just trying to reach her inner equilibrium. After years i could speak to her for two or three minutes, and she was looking a little bit depressed but when i asked her how is she , she responded she was ''finally in peace this way''.(Jesus, Ghandi / Hitler, Bin Laden are INFJ's). We had bad times but the reason behind all the chaos, heart breaking stuff, all the pain wasn't because she was manipulative or resentful or she was dark. She was just trying to protect herself.
Sorry for all the drama...
Best MBTİ videos, keep going love who!!!
Love this. ~ Nathan
There really is something almost otherworldly about the connection between an entp and infj.....Please look for a support person such as a mentor, or counselor to walk with you through this. And find a support system such as a group of quality people with similar goals and hobbies....You will heal. You will grow strong and then stronger one day. You will love again and feel joy again. And know that persevering through the pain was worth it for you and the happy family you will have one day. Do not let go of hope. Hold on to hope. One day at a time the day is dawning and the night will be past you. The best is yet to come.
We ENTPs deserve better than INFJs. Look to the other types for companionship, and save the dregs for the losers.
This is serious. Honestly I wouldn’t bother to reply but since you are mentioning suicidal thoughts I can’t ignore this post. I don’t even know if you’ll read it but I hope to be helpful.
I see 3 major point you need to pay attention to in order to step away from this heavy situation for good.
First. Work with your family issues and childhood traumas. I won’t be surprised if your infj girl is a reflection of a pattern from your childhood. For instance have you been abundant as a child? Have you seen someone being manipulative in your family?
If you saw that in your family you’ve automatically decide that this is “normal” that’s why you are justifying her behavior that I would say is unhealthy but you accept it. Why?
You are addicted to the happiness she gives you. People can enhance your happiness but they are not the source of it.
When you process and heal your family situation that you were grown up with you will change your limiting believes that you are having now.
Healing the family issues, being the souse of your own happiness and having new supporting believes will help you to get a healthy relationship with an amazing girl that will be so good that you can’t even believe.
If I’m assuming something wrong I apologize but I’m infp and can read people as an open book.
I hope that’s helpful.
M Rod I’ve been thinking about this post lately.
That’s true. We have multiple possible “the one(s) that are created for us. At least one for each possible life dimensions we might enter. (Figuratively speaking).
From the position of the rational mind multiple people can be our perfect match. For those who want cold rational pragmatic shallow relationships that might end up with divorce (if they don’t have true heart / soul connection) the opinions are plenty to chose from, but only few of these “options” are meant for something deep and meaningful.
That being said when you give your heart to someone you believe is your “one” (but they are not) it takes time to process this heartache, to reclaim your heart back and open it again for the one who is truly meant to be.
To know that you have multiple possible “options” gives hope, but a person needs to know when to let go someone who is not for them and when to hold on to the one who is meant to be.
OMG!, dare I listen to more? You are exposing my inner world and it's frighteningly embarrassing.
Don't worry, I'm a fan of your inner world ~ Nathan
isn't it a bit catharsic to have this kind of exposure?
I really wish that you kept talking. There was a lot of golden nuggets in your message. I’m an INFJ and you are right we can be manipulative.
I’ll try to eventually make some longer videos... ~ Nathan
I was always aware of my dark side. I was surprised, though when I became conscious of how cruel I can be when driven to use it. I had no idea I was so adept at hitting people right where it hurts - even people I don't know well.
I was a bit fascinated when I realized I have a subconscious cache consisting of items people have confided in me and personal analyses I've made based on my observances. I've horrified myself before when I've hurled them like weapons at a person I once trusted or loved when they mistake my kindness, loyalty, and devotion for weakness and decide to treat me accordingly. BAM! They've been hit with their own fist.
@Rose Studstrup Totally relate and agree. "Hit them with their own fist" is the perfect description!
Teach me your ways
I've noticed from my own personal past that deep depression caused me to become extremely sensitive to others. Not in the way that I usually am, where I'm caring and compassionate, but in the way that I've become so sensitive to everyone's shortcomings and motives, such that I eventually grew to have an immense resentment, as you said, for other people. But it was an extremely contradictory experience, because I simultaneously hated people and cared for them. I grew to hate my own compassion for other people, and became cold and detached, because I was so sick of being taken advantage of that I grew to see everyone as threats. I became extremely reclusive and anti-social, even misanthropic. I saw the world as gray and dark, and whenever I was around other people, I constantly felt like I was in a movie scene where all of the voices muffle out as I stare at everyone's faces, smiling and laughing, and living in such blissful ignorance of the atrocities of our world. No one had any idea that I was like this, until they tried to get close to me, or worse - tried to take advantage of me, and they would suddenly know no worse wrath and sheer callousness. I was extremely good at hiding all of this. People would tell me I was an "infectiously cheerful" person, that I probably never learned how to frown. Inside, I would be satisfied at how well I managed to pull it off, the illusion of happiness. People liked me, and I hated that people liked me. They would always want to be my friends, but I didn't want friends, I only wanted to be left alone. My care for others drew them to me, and when they saw eventually how cold I truly was inside, they would be so confused, but would rarely ever withdraw like I wanted them to. Instead, they would want to "fix" me, or be the one person to change me, which only inevitably strengthened my resentment. But the worse side of it was that when I would freeze over on people and treat them coldly, some other part of me would resent myself for being that way, for being "unkind". I would hate that I care about people, and I would hate that I tried not to.
I struggled, and still do, with an immense degree of self-loathing, self-criticism, and misanthropy. It's been a while now, and I'm getting better, but I still have a lot of issues with opening up to people, even to those I dearly love and cherish, and I still greatly avoid being around others. I still find myself being somewhat cold toward people inside, but I've become a lot better at setting boundaries for myself and enforcing them, which has helped immensely with my self-esteem and my relationships with others.
I found your descriptions to be very accurate and insightful, I really connected with it. I truly appreciate all the hard work you put into understanding each of the types, and I think it's especially great that you pay such close attention to what an unhealthy type looks like. People often get caught up in their pride for a certain type, especially INxJs and other intuitives in the online community. People love to live with their labels and boxes and to use those as excuses for their behavior without attempting to fix themselves. It's easy to forget that no one is superior to another, and we all have our own shortcomings, but the more we work to illuminate the "dark sides" of everyone and how it manifests, the sooner we can understand and help those in need.
Well this is epic, and thank you for your insight, honesty and kind words! ~ Nathan
You say you feel bad about it, but I can tell by the way you’ve written your comment that you’re actually quite proud of this “dark side”. I think you think it makes you more interesting.
In my experience, people don’t really think about others that deeply. They have their own image of the person, and if it shatters, they will more likely examine the pieces than try to see what was actually there. They’re not going to think “wow, I thought INFJ was so warm and nice, but in reality she’s cold and detached! My life is a lie!” That kind of realization tends to only come after something drastic, like if you were to go on a killing spree. Only then do people really question the image that they held and why they believed in something false.
In your case what they’re most likely thinking is “INFJ is usually nice, but she gets moody sometimes”.
@@seventhsheaven I understand your comment. Well, I think that everyone is interesting in some way, particularly to themselves. In relation to other people, of course I find myself more interesting, simply for the reason that I am trying to make sense of myself, and use what I learn from others to do so. I also think that all people with mental illnesses are interesting. However, I think there is a difference between finding interest in something and being proud of it. I'm interested in myself, of course, and I think I do have interesting things to share (as everyone does in some way), but if I wanted to be an interesting person, I would much rather be interesting in my own right, rather than depend on my mental conditions to make me interesting. My point is, I spend a lot more time thinking about how to get myself out of my situation than I do enjoying it. I don't wish that I was this way, though perhaps I have come to terms with it, which in itself is scary to me.
In regards to people's image of me, what I was referring to was how I used to be weak at defining boundaries between myself and others. When I'd finally gain the courage to push people out of my circle of comfort, I would be so overcome with resentment at that point that I would be openly blunt and cold, which was a contradiction to the idea people had of me, and some people would even hate me after that. Perhaps what you said is more accurate, though I'm not sure exactly where we disagree.
All of us INFJs need to hear this. We need to face our egos and break through the illusion that we can do no wrong. The result is a liberating increase in humility.
Resentment is held for looooong...
Indeed!
when I was in high school I got picked on a lot for being quiet and reserved. So I already resented most of the school I went to. Well, one day I walked into class. I am getting ready to go sit down, and suddenly I am confronted by someone who I never really got along with. before I can say anything, she tells me to make her mad. I ask her to elaborate, and she says she wants me to make her mad... She should have been careful for what she asked for. Long story short, I broke her and her bf up. neither of them can look each other, or me, in the eyes anymore.
INFJ: is universe paradox carrier. Do them wrong... universe paradox is offended.
Once in college I got so overwhelmed by the demands of my social group that I felt myself “go dark.” I was finally able think, fuck this, fuck all y’all, and let go of responsibility.
I have better boundaries now. Before that, I felt guilty about having many boundaries. I felt responsible for saving everyone.
What had been so exhausting was how close everyone seemed to feel to me, while I felt totally invisible and misunderstood. Everyone was seeking out my attention and I felt conflicted about all of them. No one cared about my needs, they just loved that I attended to their emotional needs so well and so intuitively.
Most of my guy friends seemed like they were trying to date me, despite my proclaimed disinterest in dating (now I know I’m asexual). So they didn’t believe the information I was telling them about myself. I also began to notice several of them were talking about me and theory-crafting behind my back. A couple were colluding to manipulate me to spend time with them.
I had a reputation for being “mysterious” but that just made me mad. I feel like I’m very straightforward-people just don’t believe me about myself.
I'm an INFJ and I found this quite interesting, to one point that you said, that I never like to talk much about and that is the ability of manipulation. As INFJ, and being able to see easily and readily read people and situations, it can give you an uncanny advantage to position yourself to manipulate others in many way's. I think I do this to some extent all the time, but not in any malicious way. I might find myself doing this to get one of my workers to get their job done in a more productive way, I once came in as a manager, saw a girl standing there and immediately knew she was upset. I stopped and stared at her until she finally got irritated and said why are you looking at me? I then gently said I am just going to stand here and stare at you until you smile... and then of course she starts laughing and worked the rest of the day smiling, and had much more productive day. I do this sometimes with my kids, and I think as INFJ I think this is one thing I never tell anyone that I can both read people and manipulate people so easily is probably the biggest kept secret for any INFJ in my opinion. I have an extremely strong sense of morals and values, but if someone did not they could really do some serious damage as INFJ.
Paragon you made me smile😊 I love your concept on this.
My infj sis tends to be perfectionistic, & holds everyone else to her often unrealistic standards. When she’s upset she tends to hold grudges instead of being willing to talk things out. Instead of telling people her needs & wants, she suffers in silence as a martyr & can get resentful because I can’t read her mind 😬
This is so true. I keep up a wall for a long time. I keep my emotions and issues to myself because I do not want to burden anyone with my feelings. When I do and not met in the same way I was there for them I get hurt. It’s hard. When it comes to the manipulation part of the personality that is also hard because it almost feels like we can’t be our authentic self to people because we are trying to keep the harmony but when pushed to far our tongue can be our biggest weapon and are instantly filled with regret when it has to get to that point. Sometimes the impulsiveness of our nature mixed with the manipulation can be hard in a heated discussion with someone. I appreciate these videos as I’m always trying to be self aware!
Even I myself am scared of that dark side of me when someone mess with me... It's like I know exactly what buttons to push them away if they're crossing the line. That or I mostly just walk away
Hope you liked the video! ~ Nathan
@@lovewho Yes definitely! Thanks!
Yeah we INFJ's are weird... we have two ways we could go, generally. I usually don't like dealing in absolutes, but with INFJ's and this particular topic, i think it works. Either we are heroes, champions of light, using our neutral tool of empathy only for good and really resisting the pull to the dark side, manipulating people into positions that benefit them most and thus becoming powerful in a subtle, but good way. We become a sort of dictator, but the fantasy kind that doesnt actually exist in historical politics that actuallu care about everyone else. On the flip side, we have both the ability and drive to take over the world if we want, or at least, our part of it. Its such a strange dichotomy.... we are very useful and noble but also very dangerous, i think as all worthwhile things are
In my 10 years experience with an anxiety-riddled, depressive, pseudo-manipulative when he needs his people/environment in control, cold steel blade throwing into my heart as soon as it starts to warm with the blessing of his presence because he resents being friend-zoned, I can safely say this is an accurate assessment.
Also, yes, door slamming would have been a great addition to this segment, especially since it can be so drawn out and soul destroying over a long period of time. They also refuse to tell you what's wrong, and expect you to know by reading their minds. Even if you can intuitively tell what's wrong, they'll shut down if they don't want to address the issue the moment you bring it up and what to work on it. Complete shutdown/silent treatment mode. Infuriating people that are simultaneously so easy to love. FML.
When they love you and resent you, you pay for it in the silent decay of a slow door slam (or I should say door ajar, in limbo for all eternity). I'm an INTP, and while I want harmony too, I CAN'T LIVE LIKE THIS FOREVER! D:
I get scared sometimes of how good of a manipulative i can be. i would make up lies and totally believe them and they make me so emotional to the point of crying
We thank you for your restraint! Hope you liked the video!
Nathan Glass yep it was very accurate to the point of creepy😂
Same here. The focus, determination to get it done and done right is impressive in itself. The slickest cheater is no match for me. I'll find all your dirty secrets and you're going to resent me for finding the real you. And that's exactly what I want because you don't deserve another chance, an explanation. You just deserve to feel the way I did when you hurt me and I was nothing but patient, tolerant, etc and you no problem walking all over me. Today, you're my doormat and I'm dumping everything you made me feel right back. How does it feel now? I know you won't say, because you can't handle the truth. But will your reaction, I know I have succeeded and my job is done.
Does anyone else have a quick temper that they manage? Like I try to stay in a clean mood but even if I engage in a conversation about a fight or an old fight I get hot and I feel something in me that wants to go off
*Yes.*
I have no time or desire to manipulate or "poke a sharp stick." I suspect that anyone no matter what type they are would only resort to this if they were mentally unsound or were higher on the personality disorder spectrum. I also personally have no desire for world domination. We need all personality types.
Topic suggestion:
1. "Rarity" of the types (i.e., is it TRUE that INFJs are the rarest?) because I disagree completely.
- The problem however is MANY people assert that there are many "mistyped" INFJs and attribute "negative traits" of INFJs and dumping them on other types. The classic "OH you're not a real INFJ, you must be INFP, ISFJ, INTJ & so on)
INFJs being put on a pedestal - hailed as this "perfect, mythical, rare creature" (of course, some INFJs will say, OH that isn't true, but the whole special snowflake syndrome is PREVALENT in websites like Reddit, IG INFJ accounts and so on)
INFJs might appear to be not that rare, but you might get that feeling because usually other types dont spend that much time on the internet. INFJs, INFPs, INTJs and INTPs are very rare in "real life", and very common on internet, guess why :P
All I know is, if you are an infj it takes a long time for you to realize why you are such an alien and once you get to know that that's because you are an infj, you never stop watching and reading about infjs. Also, when you know you're an infj, you know it!!!
We have the capacity for darkness but just that we keep it well under wrap for everyone's sakes or use only for certain personalities / special occasions.
The spotlight on harmoniously vs. healthy interaction was a great choice to discuss. A book on that topic alone by someone like yourself would sell.
I did briefly consider doing a video on it by itself, I think I'll revisit it soon!! ~ Nathan
I just recently saw a video about infj a couple days ago. I had no idea what it was until then but it is 100% me in every way. It was so eye opening to watch, I was thinking "this is exactly me". I thought I was just a bit different than others, just a quieter and shy-er person and think in my mind alot. I know there are many "positives" to this personality type, but the negatives are also difficult to deal with. I struggle greatly with motivation, I procrastinate way too much. I also struggle quite a bit with OCD. I don't know if any others struggle alot with these two things?
I'm an Infj. I unleashed my darkside on someone once. I dropped grenades on literally all of their fears and insecurities. Still haven't seen or heard from this person in over 8 months. Honestly guys, seeing myself that way scared the hell out of me.
That. Is. Intense.
Some call us crazy but I prefer the term “differently rational”.
"Hello darkness my old friend."
"Do you ever feel like a misfit - everything inside you is dark and twisted?"
"This is fine" - meme with the cartoon dog in the house that is burning
That's basically INFJ
Thats pretty spot on, "This is fine" is me 24/7. I would also like to add the "guess I'll die" meme as well.
I’ve been holding resentment for a very very long time because of my tendency to want to keep the peace. I just bottle up what i’ve felt were injustices for years and years-I sometimes scare myself with all the hate I have for those people. Rarely have I thought to act on it though. I find it better just to stay away from those people if possible. And then I try my best to make sure my friends don’t suffer from the same thing. I’ve only just recently tired to stand up for myself more. I’ve also someone recently noticed my ability to manipulate but I only use it to try to make peace or to invoke better understanding.
"They put a lot of effort into resisiting the temptation to do this kind of stuff." Yes! The effort it takes is exhausting sometimes. Also, spot on about us being closer to Machiavellian when leaning toward malice. Thanks for this coverage!
As an INFJ I've found I tend to have what people describe as "a long fuse, but a big bomb". I very rarely am deeply angry or emotional (or at least rarely show it) and it makes me wish you'd covered the door slam here. As Mr. Darcy once said "My good opinion, once lose, is gone forever."
I can be very understanding and sympathetic to a long list of topics and take a lot of shit from people, sometimes more than I should. However, I hit a brick will on occasion where I stop being able to sympathize, forgive, and start hating someone. The bomb goes off and I'll cut someone out of my life forever. Even a decade later, even if I come to better understand their emotions, even if I can recognize my own culpability in a situation, the door never opens again.
I find this more often happens when *someone else* is the target for someones bad actions or deads. I never really remain and an angry state with someone who hurts me personally. I try to understand them and come to some kind of reconciliation. But if someone hurts a friend or a lover? Door slam, they're awful, I'll be keeping one eye on them until they're out of my life and everyone elses.
I hope this isn't just me being vindictive bc I can't help but feel I really caught on to the door slam comment even if you didnt go in depth ha 😅
I started watching this video from the perspective of "let's see what he thinks that he knows about us and our dark side". WOW, you know a lot! I found myself agreeing with everything that you shared...even the dictator stuff that I would never have thought of! I have been on a spiritual journey for a few years now and follow Fr. Richard Rohr. He introduced me to the Enneagram and to learning about and embracing my shadow self. Through my journey I have learned to forgive and let go of resentments...no longer drinking poison and hoping the other person will die. I have also learned to say no, take care of myself, mind my own business, let others do for themselves and more. I have not given up caring for and about others deeply, but I have learned and I am still learning how to "use my gifts for good". My life and relationships are richer. Thank you for this video. I am looking forward to seeing how you address the great topics suggested in the comments.
The old cliche "the truth hurts" is eerily accurate. Most people simply CANNOT handle it, particularly when it's about their shortcomings or defects of character. So there lies the issue we're constantly faced with...picking our words meticulously as not to damage someone's fragile ego. Because aside from being brutal in our honesty, we still are very empathetic and reluctant to embarass or hurt someone's feelings. We realize that our words can cut deeper than a knife, because we see much deeper than what's superficial. We know the most intimate inner workings of a person, things that they haven't even fully grasped. If confronted with such things, the shock would be equivalent to jumping into a pool of ice for the average person.
I remember being a kid and becoming aware of my ability to be manipulative and hating that about myself. Resentful? Yes. lol. Can I make people feel immense emotional pain if they have tremendously hurt me? YES. Absolutely. I wonder if that's an aspect of Fe... not only can we pick up on people's emotions, we can actually influence their emotions and our Ni gives us good insight into how best to do so if we want to.
I think it's astute of you to see that our compulsive giving is at the root of a lot of this. We compulsively give because we care, but obviously we'll never get as much back. I can accept that lack of balance up to a certain degree but there is a point at which it becomes intolerable... like "How dare you? How dare you take so much from me and not be willing to give even 2% when I really need you?" That's the rage or doorslam moment for me.
The people in the comments saying "I never get angry except maybe for a second, I never manipulate people." That's ridiculous. INFJ's aren't angels anymore than INTJ's can build time machines. lol. Exaggerating a personality like that might be a good way to sort of soak up the general "flavor" of the personality but jeez we're all human and we are all flawed.
Some of the commenters here could stand to realize that just cause you don't like your shadow is not a good reason to pretend it doesn't exist.
The major shadow side I would add to your points is just that our giving nature is not always altruistic. Sometimes we can even overstate the altruistic nature of our giving in a narcissistic "I want you to think I'm better than I really am" kind of way. We give to get sometimes. Yeah we're generous with our kindness, but definitely can have some major strings/expectations attached to that giving.
With great power comes great responsibility. I only do the painful strike with pinpoint accuracy when it's for the greater good of my friend. It is a buildup of the same story every day over and over again, ignoring the kind and patient advice for *years* and I get so fed up, but I wait for the exact moment, the exact day that the friend is ready. They need to be mentally strong enough to handle the strike of snake venom I'm about to bite them with, they need to show that glimpse of being fed up too and that a tiny part of them is ready for change, and 3 it needs to flow with the conversation so that they can process how it lead up into that brutal honesty or it can get dismissed with "oh she was just having a bad day, probably hormonal, it didn't actually mean anything". I want the strike to mentally snap them out of their behavioral routine to choose and decide if they really are happy or if they want to fight for their happiness like a gladiator with the eyes on the price to live with a sense of purpose and freedom. As for manipulation, I've chosen to only use that for greater good as well, never for personal benefit. You must be manipulative though if you want to custom stitch advice to a certain personality. If you can't read how a person will best hear what you have to say then good advice won't be heard. I custom stitch my messages all the time, like if a person heavily values religion then I make my advice sound more religious than if I'd give the same words to an atheist eventhough the core advice is the same simply so that it goes into their heart and not out the other ear. You can't be impactful without analyzing their values, you can't repair a leak without finding the damage, you can't boost someone's confidence without finding their weaknesses. I've had to choose to only strike a wound if it's the only way to make it heal and yes I've damaged friendships from it - but they have a much better life now than if I never struck them. I strike out of love and care, it's when I don't care that the door slam comes and then you get erased from my life and you then are worse than dead to me because those dead at least get a memorial and get honored and talked about, a doorslammed just get erased like they never existed.
Big note though, there are unhealthy and destructive INFJs that are in so much pain that they spread the pain and not everyone has figured out what they want to do with their power and responsibility yet and you very well could be a guinea pig that gets tested on to see if a method works or not so don't assume an INFJ to be harmless automatically. It's a long long journey for us to choose our paths and methods of helping others and learning how to save ourselves, protect ourselves and cherish ourselves and not self sacrifice ruthlessly and we make plenty of mistakes on that journey that could include taking personal emotions out on others unfairly.
You said it.👂🤝
I have this thing where I pretend to be a really bad liar (about trivial things) to my family and friends e.g. by smiling and laughing easily. But in reality, it’s sort of a tactic because I can lie easily about much bigger things.
As an INFJ I feel like our dark side is more of depression with the feeling of absolute existential dread along with never truly feeling enough for the world. Also the loneliness yeh that gets pretty dark too.
My friends are all INFJs. All three of my friends.
Always respond to your comments.... ~ Nathan
I’m sorry to hear that, must be brutal.
klj788986sbb Brutal it is, indeed.
Sorry?
titus hallen May you please define what you mean when you say, “sorry?” And nothing else?
BOILING RESENTMENT: When my younger brother had kids young, fell into drink and drugs, I basically abandoned my life to help sort this out. It worked, he got his shit together but I lost my relationship and he's raising his family in my house. I've battled with a boiling resentment because he doesn't even recognize the sacrifice I made for his families health and well being. Juggling seeing him destroy himself and potential his kids against me having to rebuild everything, has been tough. but I wont make that mistake again. One INFJ weakness I'm very aware of now. Thanks for all your Videos
Yeeeees the manipulation- sometimes I feel I think I understand others well enough to get the outcome I want in a situation- I sometimes feel like a self-aware sociopath at my lowest.
So Introverted intuition can be used as a tool of greatness and guidance or a door slam weapon.. I can relate to that..
Glad you agree! ~ Nathan
GREAT video, Theirs a song called Keep On Walking and don't look back.!!!
Infjs mind is something. Just wow
Quite indeed. Infj here !
My dad is an INFJ and I had an INFJ partner for 4 years and I still struggle to understand how they work. Because I am an INFP, I gravitate toward them for their ability to tune in and enjoy and be part of what I have to offer... and I can do the same for them. So there is a great synergy. The down side is that I feel like INFJs do not possess the same degree of objectivity, detachment, or ... I guess second guessing of themselves. They can't push to see something from a different point of view when their perspective is stuck in some way. You need a strong, strong bullshit detector around them when they are unhealthy... which I probably developed as a kid... because you could say something to them and if they don't want to hear it it will be a kaleidoscope of deflection. Wow, all these things are negative, so probably I am just a little put off by the INFJs in my life right now. I might have good things to say some time down the road.
Fascinating, that sounds like a clash between Ne (entertaining different perspectives) and Ni (tunnel vision). ~ Nathan
Something I've heard another INFP say about INFJs that I'm curious if you can relate to: The INFP said that she would be annoyed by the INFJ trying to read her emotions "without her permission" before she felt ready to disclose and articulate them. Kind of an Fe vs Fi conflict. Does that resonate with you at all?
I think this is part of why INTPs usually seem to get along well with INFJs. The INFJ's ability to intuitively know what I'm feeling without me bringing it up is one of my favorite things about them. I also think INTPs are pretty good bullshit-detectors. Especially when people contradict themselves or give excuses that make no sense. I dated a (presumably) INFJ for 7 years and I could always tell when he was lying. Sometimes he would tell bullshit stories just for the hell of it (I guess it was entertaining to him to see if I'd fall for it?). I do relate to the Ne vs Ni conflict when they're dead-set on a certain vision of the future though. Also their Se can be a bit hypocritical. But the latter pervade more when they're unhealthy.
that's interesting.
I am INFJ living with an INFP and the times we are clashing (which are rare because all in all we get along brilliantly ;)) is because he always sticks to what he once figured out for himself to be right or true, whereas I constantly actualize every opinion of mine, every info that comes in so I would adopt my views of the things and the world quite a bit. And he would be stuck on his preferences although one would thoroughly and logically explain to him. And what gets him is my emotional detachment and objectivity and therefore not having enough clear sympathy/antipathy for things. Like not being so constant in my beliefs and being more fluid as far as identity goes freaks him out sometimes. But the thing is that I just can't decide, because when you see (& feel) everything from every possible angle and viewpoint you just can't decide... cause there is truth and beauty in all of them.
@@elisaw8367 this is so me
@@tiwiogunye 💜
(I find it beautiful to be this way just as I think it's beautiful that my INFP friend is this firm and true to his tastes/opinions etc. Like I said: there's beauty in all of us)
Year ago I found out I was a INFJ. I always knew I thought differently from others, more in touch with things. Spot on video!
Thank you! ~ Nathan
I’m annoyed with myself bc I can see others so clearly but I might accidentally manipulate people without thinking and I’m never aware if I’m the actual problem.
me tooooo, i dont wanna be evil
I prefer to call it strategic. Sometimes our “nice” Fe comes from that dark side. I own a lot of other people’s secrets. We do know people’s weaknesses just as much as we know their strengths.
Yoooooo. The accuracy!!! I'm fascinated. I just discovered this mbti ( that feels wrong) whatever it is, personality type phenomenon. I don't even remember how, why or when I learned of it first...I'm lying, it definitely was a RUclips video, what else? But I knew right off I was an infj. I wasn't even aware that there were 15 other types at that point. Ok, now my original comment...the first time I heard of the "dark side" of this type 😳 and heard the part about being master manipulators, I was like "not me!!! never!!!" But you're so right, it's not something you want to hear, largely because it's not intentional, or even a fully conscious act...atleast in my case. But when I really thought about it, of course I do. It's almost second nature. We learn to manipulate upon infancy, once you have an understanding of something and/or its inner workings, it's instinctual to use that knowledge to satisfy an agenda. And since we're being honest, EVERYONE has an agenda. It doesn't necessarily have to make you evil. It's having a particular skill, subconsciously applying it to everyday life. It's dependent on the individual whether they use it with malicious intent.
I'm a 40 year old INFJ. The dark side of me is mostly me running away because all I want is peace...
This is fascinating, while every personality I think has a dark side, negative personality traits are part of being human. No one is perfect we all have things about ourselves that we would like to avoid rather than acknowledge. This is very accurate as I am an INFJ in my experience I rarely poke others unless I feel like they hit a nerve at one point, to which I find very difficult to forget. So I quietly wait for just the right moment to jab at them, the most unsettling thing is as INFJS we can read people very well, when I walk into a room I'm immediately observing people. Paying attention to the emotions of others, watching their body language. Then over time if a person sticks around us long enough, that information we gather through reading that individual or individuals we could use against them (If we so choose. This is why I'm glad this video was made so I can be aware of the fact that INFJS have this ability, to manipulate. So that I can be better aware of this negative trait and learn how to avoid or control it.) Anyways! enough of my ramblings lol.
I enjoyed your ramblings, hope you enjoyed the video!
Even when using Machiavellian techniques, we/I use it for good. Dark side we leave it for narcissists they use cold empathy to manipulate for their own purpose without a conscience. Perhaps there is a fine line of behaviours between narcissistic people and INFJ, difference is like white or black, INFJ use their introverted power for good....me hope and think, cheers
Interesting comment! I've noticed that too with INFJs - "Even when using Machiavellian techniques, we/I use it for good." Glad you found the video interesting!
Concealing feelings or creating space to not be a burden. I'm an ENFP but I know INFJs((:
Very true. Had to use the dark side when I was younger a fair bit. Luckily not for the last few years. I hate using it.
We thank you for your restraint! ~ Nathan
Harmony is a compromise on all parts, that aligns enough with one’s values, and the values of the greater good.
What about when we just disappear for months? Is that part of our dark side as well? I’ve door slapped before n I have also completely disappeared from people. How would you explain the difference?
one is permanent, one is not :)
†Erin A.D.† my last relationship with I lived in Massachusetts was a door slam n a complete disappearance.
Maybe cause it was toxic, but I’ve never tried to contact them. I really believe that I am just a memory for him.
Maybe we can have both? When it’s called for.
I think the disappearing act is a regular (predictable) occurrence for many INFJs. They need time to seclude themselves to process their emotions. But they'll always be back... eventually... if you really matter to them and they see you in their future. I dated an INFJ for 7 years who would constantly pull the disappearing act. We lived together so it was hard to hide. Sometimes it was just locking himself in a room or going for a drive or sometimes it was just storming out during a disagreement then climbing in through the bedroom window later (I guess he was too embarrassed to let our friends see him come back through the front door after he stormed out). But he often has disappeared from friends, partners, social media, and even his mom for months at a time. But there's no going back from a doorslam. He actually doorslammed his own father more than a decade ago, which was ironically an act of loyalty for him.
Heather Bryant I door slammed the guy from Massachusetts and never talked to him again. So I get that.
When I was younger in my 20’s I would need to go driving back roads, for hours just singing n clearing my mind.
Now starting over at almost 40, I’ve come to learn that there are some that must be put out to pasture. There is no future I can see with some in it and if they really wanted to be in my life, I would hope that they would make a conscious effort to be involved in my life. But sadly there are those that are okay with never seeing me again and I’m really okay with that. Only because they probably would have brought more hurt with them. Thank you 🙏🏻 ☺️
I feel going into hermit mode is actually a very healthy thing for high Ni users and feelers to do. A necessity to mental health, as long as you know how to self monitor and actually reopen yourself to the world. The important thing is letting the people you love know this is your normal, then they aren't offended. - door slamming is different. It's a quiet and complete way of cutting of one or a group of people, literally...forever. it's almost like your memory bank of every moment with said person/group is deleted by a big button. Gone from space and time. And as the years pass it can even be difficult to surf back and reconnect to the memories of that person/group. The door slam doesnt happen all that often; I find we can close a door but leave a key on the other side, when that person has enough courage to open it with an apology/change of actions/reason. The trust "bridge" wont be the same, takes a lot of time and honestly psychological "testing" of the other person to repair the trust. And the relationship may succumb to a shallow connection (which could be healthier haha) ...a true door slam only happens after countless of gentle door closing...countless rape of boundaries...countless disappointments..countless second chances. Until the infj snaps awake and realizes how toxic the person/group/scenario is for them ...that door will slam, with diplomacy and tact, and then locked from top to bottom and hidden behind a brick wall.
We think of everything , including the dark. Got to have that big picture.
It's like having everything, the good, the bad, the ugly and knowing exactly or mostly what must only go out.
Good video. Pretty accurate. Yes, I noticed the heavy editing. I thought ENTP’s (sorry if I got your type wrong....just going by my sometimes flawed memory) weren’t perfectionists?
I envy your piano skills.
My type is a debated topic, INTP is a common one people type me as and in the OP system I'm an ISTP who is lead sleep (Ti/Ni). A while back we were thinking ENTP. In case you haven't noticed, self-typing is not an easy thing!! Soon I'll be putting piano tutorials on my individual channel! ~ Nathan
We can be perfectionists for several reasons, the main one being that Ne can always find ways to improve on something. You think you’re done with a project, and then Ne just figured out a way to make it even better, so you make the change but then you suddenly realize that the change has created a new problem, which you then decide to try and fix, and as this cycle goes on it leaves you second guessing yourself constantly - is this really the best it can be? Have I truly covered all bases? Another way is if we’re in an Si grip. We’re more inclined to get fussy about small details during these times, but we find it difficult to focus on small details for very long without getting bored, leading us to procrastinate. Any type can be perfectionists, but it’s just how and why is manifests.
@@lovewho what do you mean "is lead sleep?" I'm not familiar with the term. Thx.
Nathan, you know what? I even fear the difference between the luminiscence of two rooms in my house😦
The resentment part is so true. I’m working on that, I want to be more forgiving. About the manipulation, I’m not sure if I am, but my friends have mentioned in a joking way that I can be evil sometimes towards my past exs, but I don’t really count that. How could you really tell if you’re good at manipulating?
“I don’t really count that,” that made me laugh! ~ Nathan
This is so amusing! I like the way you analyze the INFJ mind. I know it’s supposed to be informative more than amusing but the seriousness just makes it funnier
Everyone have a dark side, no exception, we are humans after all, but I had my feelings so repressed in my childhood that even my dark side rarely affected others, I just stored too much anger and started being emotionally distant from people
It’s a good job we are so fucking lazy really 🤣
It could be that it is just your own thoughts that are alarming you... : )
He’s so right. I personally know that I have the power to manipulate but I just can’t bring myself to do it to anyone. On the contrary, those INFJ’s that can find it in themselves to use our manipulative powers, God be with you if you encounter them
I was right about myself... I am manipulative... And I hate myself again yay
You are very good at this, my friend! 😎
I would like to congratulate you and thank you for your attitude and the way you express your knowledge.
INFJ 34 female here.
When I learned that Hitler was an INFJ it honestly shook me, I still don't get how he's a feeling type
He must be miss typed and is probably an INTJ lol because we are all evil etc.
He kinda had that emotional fire in his speeches against "semitism".
@@elonmust8859 If he was however an INTJ there could've been no holocaust. And it wasn't logic and good judgement that made him disgust jews. By the way ever heard of "Operation Barbossa"? Yea....he failed to take moscow and attempt taking a rigorous progression in conquering the Soviets instead of listening to his generals to take moscow first. He was an idealist, and if he had been an INTJ the Second World War should've been different.
We have empathy. Empathy is neutral. It's feeling. Feeling itself is a neutral word. INFJs also have extremely strong belief systems. If someone goes against those belief systems in an INFJ that typically doesn't end well. Everyone confuses empathy for sympathy. Empathy is just a basic acknowledgement of someone's feelings. What you choose to do with that acknowledgement can go either way. I think Hitler was most certainly an INFJ. He knew exactly how to manipulate people BECAUSE of his empathy.
Well, anger is a feeling HATE is a feeling too
Not all feelings are kind and soft
And we as feelers, we feel deeper whatever the feeling is
I've spent my whole life trying to battle against how naturally manipulative my expression can be. I hate it lol
"INFJs almost always use this trait (empathy) to help the people around them. But it can just as easily and in fact, sometimes more easily, be used to play with people's emotions."
READ. TO. FILTH.
We all know about our dark sides existence and for me it’s a part of me that’s hard to ignore. I try my best to be as understanding as I can to everyone around me and over analyze their actions to find a good reasoning behind them. Something I seriously can’t stand is when a person acts selfishly and at the expense of others. When I meet people like that it’s seriously so hard for me to be empathetic and sympathize with their problems and I sometimes come off as kind of harsh to them- it makes me hate myself sometimes TT
How do I gain influence with my donation towards World Domination?
Collaborate with as many people as you can and bring them value.
As a fellow INFJ I would love to help. Let me be your mentor. 🤗
@@djlogs1163 Hi! I was in a philosophical/poetic/discussion group for over three years. In the beginning I was a very good listener. As I spead my wings and attempted to share my thoughts and intuitive insights I began to realize that the predominant group of INFJs were not very good listeners to concepts outside of their paradigm.
Is this a fair assessment?
I would love a video on an infj door slam! I have Tried to explain it to others and never seem to find the right words to express how it works in my head, especially since I don't even know I'm doing it until it's too late.
I am INFJ and an interesting thing that happens to me in relation to others (that I can't fully explain logically) is that they almost always seem to have an immense amount of respect for me. It is a fear I have to be treated badly (I am a short little woman with soft voice and not very strong in any way) because I think I would be too weak or too keen on harmony to be able to defend myself. But I never ever have had to defend myself in any way ever. Not even in hostile situations has anyone even abused me verbally. I might be priviliged, or it might have something to do with my ability to manipulate situations quietly (and subconsiously). Does anyone else recognize this fenomenon, or is it just due to other personalized factors and my own personal history?
Same here😅 Never got abused or insulted badly by others and also ask myself if it's just a coincidence or does it has something to do with good manipulative skills and a good reading of the environment and people
I get it. I can't analyse it as well as the MBTI gang would (I have only scraped the surface of the topic thus far), but I think it has something to do with INFJs' quiet and - what's important here - non-threatening self-assurance. We know who we are and we are not proving anything to anyone, yet at the same time we see through people, so there is no point in lying or proving anything to us. Come to think of it, the only people who have ever been angry with me or actively hostile towards me have been my family. And, let's be honest, they were wrong to be so. My parents shouldn't really be parents, at least not with each other as partners, my grandma has the shortest, screamiest fuse ever and wants things done her way and none of them value communication much. That being said, they would still abuse my brother much more than me bcs I quickly learnt how to manipulate/diffuse the situation if at all possible. No stranger has ever been hostile to me. And if they came out with such an attitude, they always quickly backed out because I'm just not having that in my life, ever.
"Self-destruct" does ring a bell... Cause what's the point of seeing "real" and "potencial" y those around you are oblivious to it... And you're unable to help them.... Thankfully I discovered compassion and Uncondicional Love
no one:
subtitles: "okay okay everybody calm down some of my friends right now cheese okay"
Haha! Love it.
Great video. We certainly can be dark if we want too.
like a cult leader? I can already think of one that is selling their merch with the all seeing eye on it. Thats dark for an infj I think.
What??
17X they’re a RUclipsr
As an INFJ I love listening to people. More often than not they feel comfortable just spilling everything, whether I insinuated that I wanted to know or not. In turn it creates a deep reservoir of information that I normally use for things like birthday gifts or remembering their favorite hobbies. Sometimes, however, I'm tempted to use this minutia in sordid, twisted ways. Most of the time I don't, because conflict is sticky and not easy to get out of. But, that isn't to say I don't quietly consider it from time to time.
I (INFJ) only reserve *door* *slams* as a last resort for toxic people. No additional video needed - been there, done that!
Your insight is very sincere and not narcissistic compared to alot of "I am special" personality type analyzers