Narcissism & Self-Esteem | ELSA RONNINGSTAM
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 2 окт 2024
- What is self-esteem really, and how does it relate to pathological narcissism? Dr. Ronningstam discusses her experience treating patients with NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder), touching on courage, motivation, agency, tolerating failure, self-worth, perfectionism, identity and empathy in treatment.
Dr. Ronningstam's bio:
"Elsa Ronningstam, PhD, is a clinical psychologist in the Gunderson Outpatient Program and the Adult Outpatient Services at McLean Hospital, and an associate professor of psychology in the Department of Psychiatry (part-time) at Harvard Medical School. She is also a psychoanalyst, a member of the American Psychoanalytic Association, and a faculty of the Boston Psychoanalytic Society and Institute. As a longstanding member of the Boston Suicide Study Group, Dr. Ronningstam is also actively working on identifying, understanding, and treating suicide.
Dr. Ronningstam’s prime specialty is diagnosis and treatment of narcissistic personality. Over the past 30 years, she has authored over 100 publications and given over 150 presentations, lectures, and courses, both nationally and internationally. She was the recipient of a 2014 prize for outstanding service in McLean’s borderline personality disorder programs."
-----------------
For more information about BORDERLINE, the feature-length documentary we made about BPD, please visit: borderlinethefi...
Our archive of videos on mental health is expanding - be sure to subscribe to our channel here: / borderlinernotes
Disclaimer: "Please be advised this video may contain sensitive information. All content found within this publication (VIDEO) is provided for informational purposes only. All cases may differ, and the information provided is a general guide. The content is not intended to be used as a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you have specific questions about a medical condition, you should consult your doctor or other qualified medical professional for assistance or questions you have regarding a medical condition. Studio Comma The, LLC and BorderlinerNotes does not recommend any specific course of medical remedy, physicians, products, opinion, or other information.
Studio Comma The, LLC and BorderlinerNotes expressly disclaims responsibility and shall have no liability for any damages, loss, injury, or liability whatsoever suffering as a result of reliance on the information in this publication. If you or someone you know is considering self-harm or suicide, it’s okay to ask for help. 24 hour support is provided by www.hopeline-n... (877.235.4525), suicideprevent... (800.273.8255), kidshelpphone.ca (800.668.6868).”
Ah, I thought she sounded Swedish. Sure enough, she is! (commenting about nothing for algorithm power)
5:44+ is SO interesting-hadn’t considered that people with NPD are unable to tolerate being treated with empathy, but it makes so much sense. Definitely interested in hearing more on this.
same! that was eye opening
Very interesting but too short!
I want more information, knowledge.
Thanks as always
Shame and the Self by Francis J. Broucek is a book that covers a lot of what's being said here for anyone interested in further research!
5:30 - Not true. People who've been abused by narcissists have great empathy for them; otherwise they would have given up the constant justifications for their behavior and left. (Unless we're talking about kids, who have no choice but to take on the constant self-negation their parents inflict.) They empathize, but just can't be around it anymore because it's so destructive.
The people who point a finger without context and label people "narcissist!" are often narcissists themselves latching on to a self-serving trendy term to gaslight their accusers.
What you say is true about individual people in a narcissistic relationship. I understood that Rebbie was talking about the current culture that vilifies narcissists, instead of getting them the help to change.
Maybe the word "self-esteem" isn't the best term to refer to what's being regulated in Narcissism. It's normal for a poorly adjusted person to feel "off" about the self, and to engage in exaggerated efforts to compensate. But what's actually "off" in the person is much broader than something as simple as "not feeling good about myself."
Self esteem is very much a part of it.
They usually have deep shame, self loathing, and many of their maladaptive behaviors are to "protect" and defend against any contact of this deep shame "I am bad" sense of self...that is opposite of self esteem.
Self esteem is healthy respect and regard for one's self. It is the ability to hold space for one's full self, flaws and all, and still believe in one's worth as a person.
A narcissist does NOT have this. They have a false self, to protect against the deep self loathing and shame. They project out all that comes up in them onto others, it's that hard to face. It is usually very subconscious/unconscious. Doesn't mean it's excusable. They are trying to maintain the external narratives, because the internal is so yucky feeling. They will rarely admit this though. Denial, blame, and so on, is how they keep it all away from having to sit with, bear witness, to their truth.
Not a single narcissist has good self esteem, no matter what outward posturing you see.
@@Alphacentauri819 -- my sugestión is that something more is wrong, in addition to the shame and low self-regard. I think something more than shame and low self-esteem has to be going on... in order to produce what we see in real NPD
@@pdquestions7673 shame is a powerful thing. If you merely simplify it...and don't fully understand the impact of shame, the cognitive distortions, defense mechanisms, narratives, and all the subsequent posturing/defending/protecting, I could see why you might think that.
With all my study of mental health, since late 90's, through working in critical care, to studying neuroscience currently...this is what I believe after working with thousands of people. It may further evolve, but shame and it's undermining of true, healthy self esteem, is at the core. They can't see it, admit it, as that vulnerability would trigger the shame to the extreme. It is deeply hidden away, even from themselves, unless some work can be done. It is very, very rare to see change, growth, healing...because it takes facing imperfect things, things which can trigger the shame, and that feels (subconsciously) like self annihilation. In sone way it requires that...the false self (which feels real to them) to be taken down, and the real person, flaws, pain, and at the core, deep shame.
Humility struggles to exist in the darkness of shame. So, it becomes a double bind. You need humility, self compassion, awareness, to face shame...but because of shame, all defenses will come out to prevent shame from being seen/felt.
I would just like to add to the comments here that the deepest feeling I've explored, beyond shame, is terror, a specific terror of not being allowed to exist. Despite the efforts of many pop psychologists to deem us as 'empty' or inhuman, the real problem is exactly the opposite. We're full humans, with all the capabilities of a 'healthy' person but we're locked in terror at the utter rejection of our raw, basic existence. We could survive as 'objects' that needed to be fed and kept alive but we weren't allowed to be any more than that, otherwise our very survival was at stake. We learned from the very beginning that survival depended on relinquishing our identity to adopt the carer's identity so we had a higher chance of being liked, therefore surviving.
@@Alphacentauri819 _ I'm just saying I think there's more, in addition to the shame and self-esteem. I'm not minimizing self esteem and shame, but merely proposing there's more.going on. My hunch is that some people are disconnected from an authentic engagement with life, and that separation is a grave crisis. The self esteem and shame are symptoms of that separation. But the root issue is a serious disconnection / alienation. I think most humans have some degree of alienation, but I tend to think it's more pronounced in people w cluster B disorders. Also, we can't ignore the extent to which cluster B people have a chronic tendency to manage gratification, irritation, burden etc. in such a way that sort of reinforces and even exacerbates their already pronounced alienation from authentic engagement with the world. I do not believe cluster B sprouts from shame or self-esteem, but rather that shame and self-esteem are two symptoms that arise from a more fundamental and serious separation from authentic engagement with the world. But I'm not minimizing the fact of shame, or how powerful shame is. I just think there's more underneath that's actually causing the cluster B. Just my opinion anyway.
„They are human beings.“
Thank you, Elsa!
Another great video. I can totally understand what she is saying about pwNPD needing to sort of ease into empathy. My person was not at all open to expressing his feelings. He wanted to be emotionally needless, so it makes sense that a therapist would want to ask him about his experience (for example) rather than outright ask how difficult a situation must have been for him.
In addition, I totally get why you felt/feel the term “self esteem” is nebulous. It seems vague to me, too. Recently I had a conversation with a self-aware narcissist on youtube; she told me I need to work on my self-esteem to again become attractive to my ex-person with NPD. But… how? Like, I *know* I’m a good person with talents and a LOT of love to give. What else do I need to do?
Also, have you heard of Mark Ettensohn? He has a channel here on RUclips called “Heal NPD.” His work is fascinating and compassionate. I would love to see him featured on your channel.
Thank you for what you’re doing!! It is so helpful.
In my experience with narcissistic individuals it seems like they want you to feel needy in the relationship so they can feel validated in their feelings of superiority all the while avoiding the nasty pain of shame or not feeling good enough. Someone is doting and fawning over me, therfore I must be awesome, kind of logic.
But it's selfish to be this way. They provoke feelings of insecurity in people, which will inevitably affect their self esteem. That's why they discard after they realize they are in front of a broken person, without realizing they are the ones who were so disrespectful, manipulative, and mean, that they actually broke that person's spirit.
That's why after a while away from them and you healing your self esteem and reaffirming and reinstating your boundaries, they'll come back because they see high value in you, but the cycle will repeat itself because they just cannot help being the way they are (unless they are self aware and willing to change and treat people better).
What's the name of that article on self esteem regulation ? Thank you!! Love your channel
Where did you learn about self esteem regulation?
My thoughts exactly
This woman is a treasure
Can you link that article about self esteem regulation, if it's still online?
Yes please
I always love Dr. Ronningstam videos, and these questions were great.
❤❤❤❤❤
Self-esteem isn’t just feeling good about yourself. It’s having an accurate evaluation of who you are. If you’re a good person and you think you’re a bad person, you have low self-esteem. If you’re a bad person and think you’re a good person you have low self-esteem. I know that’s very reductive, but that’s basically it.
This is one of the most frustrating borderline channels I’ve ever come across.
1. The interviewer needs to go back to therapy;
2. There is a vast difference between empathy and sympathy so stop leading questions to try and gaslight people into thinking that the abused victim of a Narc should have sympathy/empathy towards an abuser;
3. Your interview is a classical example of what a covert Narc looks like.
Unsubscribed…
She might need to get back in therapy but you need to go back to school if you think any of what you've said is accurate.
@@sallyann985 Oh, another Narc triggered
@@ephesians6ten185 the fact that you think anyone pointing out your mistakes is a narc says a lot about your ability to self reflect. Are you sure the narc is not you?
@@sallyann985 Lol! Induced conversation and always turning everything on everyone else - You Narcs are all the same and not even original anymore.
This conversation is over, the boundaries are drawn and you are not welcome inside of them.
✌️
@@ephesians6ten185 you're the one who insulted me for no reason just for trying to engage with your misinformed comment: that is not you being a victim and needing to draw a boundary, but rather you needing to grow up and learn to deal with disagreements like an adult.
Psychological concepts such as personality disorders are *very* complex and you clearly don't know the first thing about them, nor are you here to learn. Only thing you're interested in is unleashing your trauma onto others.
Guess what though, no one cares. Get yourself some therapy and some proper reading about what Cluster B disorders actually are. Bye.