Trauma Wounds Trigger Dissociation and "Flight" When You’re Loved

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  • Опубликовано: 13 окт 2024
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    Imagine finally finding someone who loves you as you are. And after so many painful attempts to find love, THIS person is right by your side and wants to be with you. So what is it in people who grew up with trauma, that the presence of someone THIS good, can shut you down, and make things feel "not real"? In this video I respond to a letter from a woman with CPTSD who finds herself feeling more numb and detached, the more she is loved.
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Комментарии • 173

  • @CrappyChildhoodFairy
    @CrappyChildhoodFairy  2 месяца назад +14

    Set your life free from Childhood PTSD! Order my new book RE-REGULATED here: bit.ly/3XiLsj2
    And if you'd like to join our Members' Book Club (where we read books about CPTSD together) become a Member here: bit.ly/CCF-Membership

    • @Shellshellzee
      @Shellshellzee 2 месяца назад

      Anna how do I cancel what I signed up for ? I have been making monthly payments for almost a year, but I haven't done anything with my program. I dont want to renew, but Im no longer getting any emails

  • @sanarelTEPTC
    @sanarelTEPTC 2 месяца назад +56

    “I believe him because the man speaks with his actions and not with his words” 👏 the green flag 💚

  • @NoelleAm
    @NoelleAm 2 месяца назад +80

    I struggle to believe people when they are nice, I always feel there is a manipulation or motive that I have to watch out for. I've been married for 20 years and I still don't always trust why my husband is kind to me.

    • @silviat5267
      @silviat5267 2 месяца назад +4

      Sad!

    • @PriestOfYod
      @PriestOfYod 2 месяца назад +4

      I understand. Sounds like the fearful avoidant (disorganized) attachment style. I have it, too.

    • @Dorito_Djinn
      @Dorito_Djinn 17 дней назад +1

      I have this too. I feel like anyone being nice to me is forcing it, even family. I'm not sure how to get past it.

    • @PriestOfYod
      @PriestOfYod 17 дней назад

      @@Dorito_DjinnInternal Family System (IFS) therapy has been really helpful for me

  • @lpgirl
    @lpgirl 2 месяца назад +117

    The story of my life....if they wanted and loved me, I wanted to get away from them.

    • @areacode3816
      @areacode3816 2 месяца назад +7

      @@lpgirl yep chasing the unavailable. Same.

    • @DDumbrille
      @DDumbrille 2 месяца назад +1

      @@areacode3816 Ditto.

    • @tracy3812
      @tracy3812 2 месяца назад +5

      My mother always said I’d do something to sabotage the relationship.

    • @reneegossage8609
      @reneegossage8609 2 месяца назад +1

      Yep, me too...😢

    • @blackgirlkitchenmagic7788
      @blackgirlkitchenmagic7788 2 месяца назад +1

      Someone I Love(d) very much dropped me out of nowhere and we were soon to get married. It destroyed me and I’m still trying to recover. He acts like I don’t even exist, has me blocked and hasn’t returned my calls or messages in months. Why do you guys run and punish and emotionally torture someone who loves you??? Sorry if I sound “judgy” just really messed up and confused over here and trying to understand

  • @deepakvenkatesh
    @deepakvenkatesh 2 месяца назад +76

    This is such an overlooked and rarely discussed personality trait of complex trauma. Thank you.

    • @Heyu7her3
      @Heyu7her3 2 месяца назад +9

      It's not a personality trait, it's a defense mechanism

    • @ryanmccarter9859
      @ryanmccarter9859 2 месяца назад +3

      ​@@Heyu7her3What's the difference?

  • @pdelaprimm
    @pdelaprimm 2 месяца назад +61

    An Attachment Disorder specialist - a man who’d overcome this himself - when asked, “How in the world do I fix THIS?” said to seek a bonded relationship with a partner to experience trust, security, stability - attachment.
    And then go for the higher needs.
    I am dealing with the intersection of lack of attachment, severe neglect and betrayal/ sabotage.
    It’s hard.

  • @alicemakarevich6762
    @alicemakarevich6762 2 месяца назад +47

    That's very relatable. I too noticed in my new relationship which started about 10 months ago, that I can get really avoidant and scared of closeness and taking my sweet time and all the space I need helps me to process all of these feelings in between interactions. I like having some distance, not spending all the time together and surely not living together. It allows for a more comfortable journey as I explore my capacity for real intimacy and vulnerability

  • @silviat5267
    @silviat5267 2 месяца назад +113

    I was on my couch obsessing about my avoidant ex and now wondering why I am so detached from someone interested in me and the feeling kill me. 😢

    • @alicemakarevich6762
      @alicemakarevich6762 2 месяца назад +21

      @@silviat5267 our brain just doesn't recognize it as love, because we've never known love that came from regulated, calm, safe, compassionate people. So it feels off. Also, I personally noticed that I start feeling like I'm not deserving of all this love, and my first instinct is to run.

    • @kaleikathleen
      @kaleikathleen 2 месяца назад +4

      Did you have an avoidant parent? If so, that it what will feel comfortable to you and like love in relationships.

    • @Summer_and_Rain
      @Summer_and_Rain 2 месяца назад

      @@alicemakarevich6762 I realized the other day that I don't trust love from men (or boys).
      When I was an early teenager I had decided that I needed a boyfriend and a classmate showed me interest so I ask him out. We where "together" for 4 years and with that I mean we hanged out a bit at school or at birthday parties and maybe we where at each others houses 3-4 times in that time period. Very much "kids love".
      I vividly remember the day I decided to end the "relationship". I was sitting in class and in he walked, looked at me in a way, that completely freaked me out. And soon after I wrote him a text ending the relationship and I completely rejected any attempts from him to connect. I was such an ass and I really own him a proper apology. But my reaction made sense, because I must have recognized something in his look that reminded me of when my dad is up to something. My dad is a narc and I find the love bombing part of him completely disgusting. I cannot deal with it. So like you, my instinct is to run (and hide)
      I only trust love from women. They make me feel safe, because I have yet to really interact with a female narc, but I have had more then one male narc in my life. I don't even want to attempt to date anymore and I am bi (^^")

    • @isabelalder9998
      @isabelalder9998 2 месяца назад +1

      So true! I sure hope to keep courage & strength & learn to get past all this!

  • @janeyrevanescence12
    @janeyrevanescence12 2 месяца назад +27

    I was beyond surprised and downright terrified when my late fiancé not only loved me but wanted to be with me. I was so scared that I would mess it up and be abandoned again. Fortunately I was able to get reassured that I was indeed lovable and worth it.

    • @redwoods7370
      @redwoods7370 2 месяца назад +4

      Sincerely happy for you. Thanks for sharing this with us. ❤

  • @user-hs9qz3dg1l
    @user-hs9qz3dg1l 2 месяца назад +22

    I agree, take it slow…it takes time to get to someone authenticly. It takes time to establish real trust. It takes time for our nervous system to learn that it is OK to relax …give it time. Learn to really listen to how you are feeling…even that takes time. Anyone who is worth it will be relieved for the patient approach…I know I would be. I’d be totally relieved and comforted to meet someone capable of heartfelt patience. Clearly, it would help demonstrate that it is really not all about them.

  • @sarasounds2389
    @sarasounds2389 2 месяца назад +34

    Relatable & Horrifying.

  • @rosegold2617
    @rosegold2617 2 месяца назад +2

    I lost a wonderful man due to my trauma. Now that am healing, i recognize what a precious soul he was. He was so loving and patient with me. He was nice to me always but i always puahed him away 😢. I bless him with all the happiness in the world.

  • @Real1nowFP
    @Real1nowFP 2 месяца назад +38

    I was diagnosed with CPTSD. I met a man that I really thought, “was the one”. My father was killed when I was 4 and my mother remarried 6 weeks later. I became close to my Grandfather and he died when I was 8. My mother was a bonafide Narcissist and was emotionally unavailable through my life. My 23 relationship with a man I lived with died from Covid in 2021.
    The person I recently met was truly a good man but, I sabotaged it 4 months ago. I’m doomed to live the rest of my life alone. I only know toxic. He tried to love me but, I blocked it.

    • @michaelallen1154
      @michaelallen1154 2 месяца назад +1

      @Real1nowFP ... What did you do to sabotage it?

    • @LVLuxuryHomes-pp3jl
      @LVLuxuryHomes-pp3jl 2 месяца назад

      @@michaelallen1154 I dated him for 16 months we were getting serious. I felt like I knew him forever. My mother fell very ill. I had to put her in a nursing home. He was supportive, "in the beginning" but, quickly started to grow weary of the situation as it dominated much of my time. I was seeing him less and less. One night I expressed that I was upset that I saw him irregularly and he went on the defense and started yelling at me. We disconnected and that was it. No trying to repair, no trying to work it out Just done.

    • @Real1nowFP
      @Real1nowFP 2 месяца назад

      @@michaelallen1154 I guess because he loved me.

    • @michaelallen1154
      @michaelallen1154 2 месяца назад +1

      @@Real1nowFP I didn't ask "why" - I asked "what" you did to sabotage it.

    • @Avoidantcoper
      @Avoidantcoper 2 месяца назад +2

      Heal your avoidant attachment, you have alot of love to give, and receive

  • @thecommonsensecapricorn
    @thecommonsensecapricorn 2 месяца назад +12

    This is why I’ve never felt in love. I’ve had two loving, loyal boyfriends but I felt numb. Only felt that high of adoration when I was being ignored / rejected / breadcrumbed

    • @evilbarbie2160
      @evilbarbie2160 2 месяца назад +3

      I hear the end of August they are supposed to ok ptsd treatment with mdma. (Commonly known as ecstasy) with therapy sessions.
      Considering thats where/my rave days, I found out what love FEELS like.
      I have high hopes for this treatment, they've tested it on war soldiers for a while, After 3 treatments 80% no longer had ptsd.
      Fyi, they knew in the 90's it can stop the craving of an alcoholic, and they didn't offer it, because pharma and alcohol stockholders would loose money if you're cured instead of treated long term, where they make more money off people's pain and suffering.

  • @thememorytraveler4978
    @thememorytraveler4978 2 месяца назад +14

    Whoa!!! This just began my head spinning!!! You articulated the feeling to a t. Just seeing a loving relationship of a parent/child, an elderly couple holding hands, baby ducks following their momma can put me in a tail spin. Being completely present in a loving relationship seems rather foreign. This can be overwhelming.

  • @elsmonteyne3859
    @elsmonteyne3859 2 месяца назад +8

    I feel like it took me 4 years of pacing the relationship, before I could let him love me without shutting down. And now I have stopped dissociating, but I feel like I am still not healthy. I feel so scared when he leaves, so I hope to grow, in order to have finally a healthy relationship.

    • @CrappyChildhoodFairy
      @CrappyChildhoodFairy  2 месяца назад

      Good luck on your healing journey! We're all rooting for you!
      Nika@TeamFairy

  • @aribailor3766
    @aribailor3766 2 месяца назад +4

    Go ahead! Share your strong feelings with other people. If it scares them away, good for you. They can go and find someone else to heal with. If you are expressing strong positive feelings in a healthy manner and they can’t handle it you deserve better.

  • @333angeleyes
    @333angeleyes 2 месяца назад +7

    My problem is (after finding Anna's channel and learning about childhood trauma) that I honestly can not distinguish between when I'm truly just not attracted to the good "potentially" new partner and when my childhood PTSD is causing me to reject the good "potentially" new partner. As the saying goes, "There's comfort in familiarity" even if what we're familiar with is negativity.

  • @kimmayer9007
    @kimmayer9007 2 месяца назад +7

    I have built walls around myself for the past 14 years following death of my son and then divorce. I built the walls so thick and sturdy that now I can't get myself out. Loneliness is going be what kills me.

    • @CrappyChildhoodFairy
      @CrappyChildhoodFairy  2 месяца назад +1

      You are in the right place. Hope Anna's content will provide you with tools that will help you work on connecting with others. We're all rooting for you!
      Nika@TeamFairy

  • @MariaM-qq6kv
    @MariaM-qq6kv 2 месяца назад +4

    I like how validating Anna is. Shes speaking to all avoidants here. She clusters the attachment style language as "cptsd". Everyones gotta brand themselves as there a lot of coaches out there. Just pick the one that resonates with you the most. Collectively theyre helping people becoming more conscious in relationships.

  • @patsyroberts2882
    @patsyroberts2882 2 месяца назад +6

    I had issues growing up and for as long as I can remember how uncomfortable I would get when people would be nice to me, or when I felt like things were going good I would right away feel a dark cloud over me or wondering what someone wanted from me if they were overly nice, I thought it was just me, something I felt because I was broken!, I'm 58yrs and this is the first time I'm hearing that it's not just me and it's somewhat normal for people to feel this way,

  • @ushere5791
    @ushere5791 2 месяца назад +9

    ouch. i feel this to the core of my being. and i suspect that this is happening to the person whom i believe is the partner of my dreams, whom i love unconditionally. i hope i can someday help them see what i see when i look at them, even if only to uplift them, even if they really are not interested in me as a partner.

  • @JohnM...
    @JohnM... 2 месяца назад +28

    I’ve been alone my entire life. I’m 54 and never had a girlfriend or even kissed a woman. I don’t know how to act around them. I don’t trust them, and cannot identify any time they might be being more than nice to me, because they have always made me feel creepy and not good enough for being attracted to them.
    I seem to be utterly invisible to women. 😭

    • @ethanmiller5487
      @ethanmiller5487 2 месяца назад +5

      I'm sorry dude. That sucks ass.
      Maybe they sense that you don't trust them and then avoid you? Them avoiding me would make me feel creepy and not good enough.

    • @Kelly-pp1et
      @Kelly-pp1et 2 месяца назад +10

      Start hitting the gym. Don’t be scared. You will change your whole life. I’ve seen transformations and transformations. Of the body and the mindset. You will be confident and able to achieve all your goals. You need to have a purpose and step into your masculine energy. Unapologetically.

    • @areacode3816
      @areacode3816 2 месяца назад +9

      I've been where you are. Doing better but not totally healed yet. Women can sense the nerves and it is a huge turn off. Exercise, prayer and working on self healing is the first steps. Clean yourself and your house. Change your outlook on life. It won't get you a woman right off but it will help you feel better and help you make friends. I have healed enough to get a few dates, but that opens new levels with new fresh problems. ....it all takes time. Feels like too much time for our short lives. It is what it is.

    • @maddie4347
      @maddie4347 2 месяца назад +5

      A lot of times difficulties with relationships and friendships with women is a reflection of a difficult relationship with one’s mother, and vise versa for a relationship with one’s father. For an example, if you felt growing up like your mother was always judgmental and nothing you did was enough, you may end up feeling like that with women you’re interested in.
      Therapy for self-esteem and working through false beliefs learned in childhood can help this! It’ll also help you find the energy to take care of yourself in a way that will make you more appealing to women as well.

    • @rafaeldla
      @rafaeldla 2 месяца назад

      ​@@areacode3816confidence can make an unattractive person attractive and vice versa. On my off days Id rather just not see anyone as I know the energy is repellent.

  • @LilaCerullos
    @LilaCerullos 19 дней назад

    You are so beautiful and smart, thank you for this channel, is like everything i needed and never knew. As a victim of horrible child abuse im so glad people like you exist.

  • @julianjaffe8739
    @julianjaffe8739 27 дней назад

    This couldn't have come at a better time! Thanks for the reminder about taking things slow. Really everything here applies to my current situation.

  • @katrinagehrke7442
    @katrinagehrke7442 2 месяца назад +10

    You are my reset watch. ❤ Thank you so much❤

    • @CrappyChildhoodFairy
      @CrappyChildhoodFairy  2 месяца назад +1

      Thank you for being a part of our community :) -Calista@TeamFairy

  • @dubliner1303
    @dubliner1303 2 месяца назад +6

    ‘This one is different’ lol. The lies we tell ourselves.

  • @tarp11z
    @tarp11z 2 месяца назад +8

    There it is.

  • @Grammamellow1
    @Grammamellow1 2 месяца назад +2

    Betrayal led to an Inability to trust my own intuition. rocked me to my core..recovery of that has progressed in a positive direction. However, with the epidemic of others going dark post plague the resistance to accepting others motive are good is a justifiable reason for this survivor to RUN. Healing happens step by step. I am in no rush. Thanks to crappy childhood fairy and other content creators I am ok with it. Thanks Anna. And the rest of my survival gurus 🎉❤

  • @Michelle-06
    @Michelle-06 2 месяца назад +4

    Thank you so much for your encouraging videos. Allow someone to love you for who God the Father made you to be. No matter your past you deserve to be loved just as anyone else. Do not listen to others trying to tell you to leave and or because of your trauma. You are beautiful person inside and out. Keep moving forward and keeping toxic people out

  • @ginaryanbearfighter7065
    @ginaryanbearfighter7065 2 месяца назад +12

    I self sabotage because I don't deserve love. I have no desire for sex either it disgusts me. When I was 28 my dad told me that he knew what my problem was because he went through the same thing. He said I didn't love myself and that I needed to learn how to love myself. He was right. My mother was a covert narcissist and my sister a malignant narcissist. I'm the scapegoat and a neglected child.

    • @alicemakarevich6762
      @alicemakarevich6762 2 месяца назад +3

      @@ginaryanbearfighter7065 I'm so sorry

    • @CrappyChildhoodFairy
      @CrappyChildhoodFairy  2 месяца назад +1

      Glad you are here!
      Nika@TeamFairy

    • @SparklingDarkly-jw4cx
      @SparklingDarkly-jw4cx 2 месяца назад +1

      I have a similar story 😢 I had to learn to love myself - and holy moly it has been so so worth it - those families you see… they love themselves ❤ give it a go 😊

  • @ianfeuerhake1859
    @ianfeuerhake1859 2 месяца назад +4

    Yup. The thought of love, or being close to anyone pisses me off. With the exception of my son, of course

  • @Stickit2daman
    @Stickit2daman 2 месяца назад +2

    Oh my. How did you know I needed this? Thank you.

  • @lulumoon6942
    @lulumoon6942 2 месяца назад +10

    My response to an offer in a mall to look at wedding rings? 😳🏃🏼‍♀️🤮 BREAK UP INCOMING!

  • @sadbuttrueinthe21stcentury36
    @sadbuttrueinthe21stcentury36 2 месяца назад +2

    I always felt something was wrong with the man who liked me, and he immediately became less attractive to me. The only way I was able to marry was to pick a man who was the complete opposite of my family in every way, including race. He has since died, and I miss his friendship, but he was very abusive and I had left him 7 years prior. I’ll never forget the feeling of freedom after being on my own. I’ll never marry again. I would have loved to experience a true, equal, love-of-my-life relationship that is non-controlling love or an extremely passive love (I’m 65), but my cancer came back last year (it’s controlled) and I would never put that on someone. I was my ex’s caregiver, and I will never do that again or expect someone to do that for me. At least I have a wonderful daughter out of my crappy lifelong love life.

  • @hiendarinenkoray
    @hiendarinenkoray 2 месяца назад

    thank goodness there's people like you online who can help with this. going to follow your advice, I've been dating a person for a year and still have these feelings. it's my first relationship too. it's been hard.

  • @suzanneblaylock9598
    @suzanneblaylock9598 2 месяца назад +8

    Should have known that trauma had something and everything to do with my behavior.

    • @CrappyChildhoodFairy
      @CrappyChildhoodFairy  2 месяца назад

      You're in the right place! -Calista@TeamFairy

    • @marcd2743
      @marcd2743 2 месяца назад

      Yes and no. Although your "behavior" may be rooted in trauma, you are responsible for how you act.

  • @Channel89988
    @Channel89988 2 месяца назад +12

    I'm not sure where to meet a guy that would love me.

  • @elcuencodelafelicidad
    @elcuencodelafelicidad 2 месяца назад +1

    Hi. Thank you so much .Your channels speaks exactly about the most relevant issues that no one else talks about.

    • @CrappyChildhoodFairy
      @CrappyChildhoodFairy  2 месяца назад

      I'm so glad the channel has been helpful :) -Calista@TeamFairy

  • @sandrabryant5228
    @sandrabryant5228 2 месяца назад +3

    Anna, I love your new smile! :)

  • @Ominous89
    @Ominous89 2 месяца назад +6

    CPTSD also shows off in my sexual performance. It's complicated. Alone I have no problems. But when somebody else gets a try, it's just difficult to keep it up. It's my body that shuts down and my mind that goes some place else. It's a huge step to begin with to open up sexually to a person, or to be open and inviting for it. Even when he or she is safe enough to become friends with benefits, or a one night stand. I need to eat or drink something first, to get myself grounded and in the moment. A nice conversation about it, cuddles and kisses do help. Being at home also helps. It's a safe environment. But when I'm doing stuff with somebody else, it's almost as if my mind wants to get out of my body, but I'm forcing it to enjoy the thing. I'm really fighting myself during intercourse. And it's a struggle to stay focussed on the job. And to find a way around the trauma from my mother, first ex, second ex, whom all have been cheating and betrayed me in some way, I even expanded my orientation from hetero, to pansexual.
    It's actually shocking how CPTSD and frustrations have changed my sexual orientation overtime. 10:27

    • @Heyu7her3
      @Heyu7her3 2 месяца назад +1

      Are you possibly not sexual? It sounds like it based on what you've written

  • @Definitely_not777
    @Definitely_not777 2 месяца назад +1

    I literally start to not have any sort of feeling at all like total numb and I worried that will I ever be able to feel happiness again or will I always be scared that it will get taken away or hurt me some how,,,,, I’m very thankful for these videos

  • @Jojo-o6o6w
    @Jojo-o6o6w 2 месяца назад +2

    I never got love or affection from our BPD mother... so when someone shows it to me I literally just sit there and look at them.. and inside im like "is this real? why me?"

  • @Garek_George
    @Garek_George 2 месяца назад +1

    When someone says to me, “I love you,” I feel nothing. Nothing at all. Not even from my kids or closest family members. I don’t believe them. The words pass by me like they said something common and casual. 🤷🏽‍♂️ No warm and fuzzy feeling. Zip. Nothing. Can’t seem to get past it.

    • @CrappyChildhoodFairy
      @CrappyChildhoodFairy  2 месяца назад

      Hope Anna's content will help you to connect with your feelings. Glad you are here.
      Nika@TeamFairy

  • @natalie77867
    @natalie77867 2 месяца назад

    Congratulations Wendy. You are an inspiration.

  • @jasonwitt95
    @jasonwitt95 2 месяца назад +10

    This a really depressing video. I don't think anyone has ever loved me besides my mother who died over 20 years ago.

    • @АленаПавлова-с9м
      @АленаПавлова-с9м 2 месяца назад

      ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

    • @nadep7211
      @nadep7211 2 месяца назад +1

      Outch. Idealizing the love of a parent is not a good thing on my opinion.
      Rephrase your sentence : I don’t think I have ever loved anyone since my mother died 20 years ago.

    • @Definitely_not777
      @Definitely_not777 2 месяца назад

      ❤❤❤❤hearts

    • @OfftoShambala
      @OfftoShambala 2 месяца назад

      @@nadep7211 from one comment, that’s your conclusion about a person?

    • @nadep7211
      @nadep7211 2 месяца назад

      @@OfftoShambala Your conclusion that I make a conclusion here.

  • @LilByrdFly2
    @LilByrdFly2 2 месяца назад +2

    This story sounds familiar except for I have no friends and didn't do well ever in therapy. Because all it did was make me relive over and over and over what had happened to me since the time I was a baby.
    Im way worse now than ever since I lost my mom and my pet in 2018, I freak out on people and chase everyone I care about away and they WILL NOT FORGIVE ME!! I'VE BEGGED FOR FORGIVENESS, also am I the only one who starts having panic attacks when I listen to these? I know it's to help people, but I start having heart palpitations and I start feeling like I'm wearing a fever and like I'm going to get sick, is that normal?

  • @corinneyaworski-mh9uc
    @corinneyaworski-mh9uc 2 месяца назад +1

    This reminds me of when I was about 14 years ago. I was with my boyfriend, a boy who was polite and pleasant and nice looking. I did not feel anything when he really adored me. All I could think of how immature and corny he acted. On the other hand, I had a total crush on a boy who basically ignored me. Even now, I'm attracted to distant or smart mouthed or abusive men. Funny, just like my dad.😢

    • @OfftoShambala
      @OfftoShambala 2 месяца назад

      Same here. I have heard of the idea that it takes two years to really get to know someone. From a therapist. Coming up on two years w a guy now… he behaves like a narcissist (no need to insert examples at this point)… and so now I’m ending it. It could be a year and a half before you realize you should have taken the early red flags seriously. I’ve been pretty depressed for two months since the break up process began with me demanding respect. But, now I have officially cut the last chord. So important to take the first two years to stay un meshed. I really like the idea of pacing the relationship. I kinda thought of that, but not w that word. I will be more cognizant of that moving forward.

  • @carlausoff6407
    @carlausoff6407 2 месяца назад

    I wish that I had known this 10 years ago when we got married. I LOVE my husband and I struggled with the avoidance and the freeze and Praise Jesus for stepping in and getting it all together. I am too stubborn to give up this wonderful this man.
    His mom? Still a little bit of a problem, but we are going to get this.

  • @livebassngames
    @livebassngames 2 месяца назад +1

    I remember shutting down like that... as a 6 yo my buddy girl insisted we play bowling and it was the plastic ball and plastic pins I knew she was onto me and I ran away... she yelled at me to come back as I crossed the street back to my place... poor lil girl LOL

  • @earthsign7568
    @earthsign7568 2 месяца назад

    Read up on reactive attachment 'disorder' it's common for traumatized children to reject/fear/hate love.

  • @areacode3816
    @areacode3816 2 месяца назад +5

    I finally got to the point of dating after all these years. I started dating a great woman and a bunch of bad events happened over the month we were together. She said something very harsh and I broke up after a flare up. After I stabilized I tried to reach back out but it was too late. I'm talking to someone else now but I feel dead inside. I don't know what to do. I feel horrible.

    • @nadep7211
      @nadep7211 2 месяца назад +2

      If she said something harsh I imagine she would have been harsh towards you.
      You may have to say no couple of times before saying yes to one.
      You set boundaries and it was a good thing. You feel bad because you’ve been told you’re a bad person when you do. Does it sound right ?
      On my view, it’s a good step. Even if it’s very uncomfortable to feel.

    • @areacode3816
      @areacode3816 2 месяца назад +1

      @@nadep7211 thank you for this. Yes...there were lots of red flags. At the time thought breaking up was right. But afterwards my mind attacked itself. I focused on all the great things I lost. Somehow she helped heal the raging tempest of this condition. While I was with her it was dormant 85 percent of the time. That's hard to lose and walk away from. I thought I would simply get that healing back over time or at least dating someone else...but it hasn't happened.

    • @nadep7211
      @nadep7211 2 месяца назад

      @@areacode3816 I can relate to what you describe. Videos from Tim Fletcher have helped me a lot. Especially about anger, shame and the series on 60 characteristics of complex trauma. May it help you as well

  • @christopherleubner6633
    @christopherleubner6633 Месяц назад

    Been through this and lost a couple Gave up on love happiness and pretty soon on life entirely. Sometimes damage cannot be repaired. CPTSD sucks.💀

  • @Lauren-v7e
    @Lauren-v7e 2 месяца назад

    I am the life of the party but when some one wants something from me im gone too. Im almost pissed off at them for wanting something from me...I am very uncomfortable with people loving me I feel naked, exposed. Somebody is going to hurt me better just put the wall up , I am safe .No need to worrry...I have been in relationships that are like cat and mouse...you want what u cant have when you get it...next its just a repeat of how i Felt with my mother....I have done the crumble thing too..Its like I cant get a hold of myself. Pick right left this one that one for whatever reason. Sick of it...

  • @Karla-mu6hn
    @Karla-mu6hn 2 месяца назад +1

    Initially, I was excited when I found Anna, but now thinking about working through all my issues seems overwhelming and impossible. I feel like such an unlucky loser😢

    • @CrappyChildhoodFairy
      @CrappyChildhoodFairy  2 месяца назад +1

      You can do it! Hope Anna's content will support you along the way to your healing!
      Nika@TeamFairy

  • @ebbyc1817
    @ebbyc1817 2 месяца назад

    On the letter I felt, two months after a fwb situation is too early to tell what the feelings of either party really are. The letterwriter shouldn't be too hard on themselves. For me, this relationship probably wouldn't work, because even if the other person is great as a person, they didn't choose me as a partner from the outset, and I need that. It seems to me that the person the letterwriter is writing about responded to a lack of access, rather than desire.
    It's also possible on the other hand that it is the letterwriter's avoidance that led to the initial fwb non-committal situation. In their mind they may have felt they were falling in love, but their actions may have showed that would rather keep the other person at a distance.

  • @user-gv8kh3cd8m
    @user-gv8kh3cd8m 2 месяца назад +5

    I would write the title differently:
    "Being Loved Triggers Trauma Wounds and Produces Dissociation and Flight Response"

  • @DavidBausch
    @DavidBausch 2 месяца назад

    Our Dogs love saved me, better then no love, do not trust people especially when they are in love

  • @bettyboothe2523
    @bettyboothe2523 2 месяца назад +7

    How do I get him to give me space.
    I feel smothered

    • @geemail369
      @geemail369 2 месяца назад +1

      Talk.
      About your side of the experience, how it feels for you and what it is you need. That's the least you can do to somewhat help him understand your ways.

  • @silviat5267
    @silviat5267 2 месяца назад +2

    I will see you in London Anna! ❤

  • @ihs2021
    @ihs2021 2 месяца назад

    Thank you for this❤

  • @jessicapatton2688
    @jessicapatton2688 2 месяца назад +2

    It’s almost intimidating you seem to know a lot of the characteristics I have. It seems like you know me without knowing me.

  • @ariesjess6469
    @ariesjess6469 Месяц назад

    Love this!

  • @ChildofGod98765
    @ChildofGod98765 2 месяца назад

    Father God make a way for me and my sons. I’m seeking guidance through fasting, prayer. As a single mother I feel so alone. God I know my faith in you will get me through my hardships I’ve been facing with my sons as a single mother. Both of my sons are special needs and require much from me. Lord I’m trusting your plan but as I struggle to pay bills every month and as I struggle to buy groceries I ask that you give me strength.

  • @crawfish-fossil
    @crawfish-fossil 2 месяца назад

    I self sabo-ed not long after I was love bombed by what turned out to be a crazy narc...in essence I dodged a bullet!!.. thx to the effects of a crappy childhood ...??

  • @AnnaHedlund-c7t
    @AnnaHedlund-c7t 2 месяца назад

    That's me. And is horrible for my datinglife !!!

  • @ElenaLearningForeverToInfinity
    @ElenaLearningForeverToInfinity 2 месяца назад

    love it! and could this be used to turn toxic by products of many industrial processes into benign non toxic stone?
    please say yes?!

  • @-melanie-1115
    @-melanie-1115 2 месяца назад +6

    Another idea. Personally, I (!) would think twice. Is MAYBE your intuition speaking? Telling what your unconscious is secretly saying? Like: 'watch out'. Hearing about this man andthe story of you two, I thought about this. I hope this is not true and you two are fine. But for ME, I thought I had found real love and kept onwondering why I could not give myself. Turned out, he was not a safe man for me. Listen to your heart.

    • @Cybele1986
      @Cybele1986 2 месяца назад +2

      My intuition has made me push away attractive, intelligent, potential partners who liked and respected me, and instead spend years pining away for married guys who don't even know I exist

    • @Crowww666
      @Crowww666 2 месяца назад +1

      ​@@Cybele1986 Exactly, it's so hard to accept that you can't trust your gut, that your gut is actually corrupted by comforting feeling of familiarity. Hurts my soul. What helped me was seeing things from afar, long-run, not from me experiencing awful feelings right now. It feels like betrayal to oneself, but sometimes you gotta push through the things in a way that doesn't make sense. Like not to trust your gut feeling to run, but stay and observe, whether it actually is safe rationally. Take care all of you

  • @louisesultana2431
    @louisesultana2431 2 месяца назад +2

    I give up on the human race. I’m done.

  • @phoenixrising-sv8pk
    @phoenixrising-sv8pk 2 месяца назад +2

    Ask him to say less and do more. That’s how it needs to be to secure and stay present and not flee.

  • @Therealistrantman
    @Therealistrantman 2 месяца назад

    I wonder whether my mum is a narcissist shes definitely overbearing but months ago one of my online friends said she seems like a narcissist and i showed him texts my mum sent me and one day my sister heard him who seems like a narcissist never really liked and trusted her growing up she came into myntoom didnt knock and shouted at him and cried next to me an then the next day my mum came in and didnt knock my door and told me about the giybthat called her a narc online and repeated the same stuff several times i kept telling her i get it now leave my room and she just woundnt listen to me and on top of that she kicked me out for a stupid reason

  • @lovethelordjesuspraisethel3286
    @lovethelordjesuspraisethel3286 2 месяца назад

    I know all the Abusive ways from life i can remember. Except my older brother mentioned him and I was molested by a G pa.. when really little. I never knew.. it was blocked out. By God i Believe. He did my cousins on my dads side. Dad & 4 uncles beat wives. Mom almost died.. Beaten all the time. Dad drank.
    I went 1 of 2 ways. I was the NOT Expecting One. To a fault. I pushed guys to hit me to prove I would of stopped Dad.. Thew wouldn't. I never kissed while sex. It was Just Sex. Love was actions. Still i almost never said i love you to guys
    Even if i Did. A weakness to me.. I appreciate your Videos. Thank you.
    Stories are too many.. 😔🙏🕊🤟

    • @CrappyChildhoodFairy
      @CrappyChildhoodFairy  2 месяца назад

      That sounds hard, but we're glad you're here.
      Nika@TeamFairy

  • @TheLove1Makes
    @TheLove1Makes 2 месяца назад

    Thanks for sharing

    • @CrappyChildhoodFairy
      @CrappyChildhoodFairy  2 месяца назад

      Thank you for being a part of our community :) -Calista@TeamFairy

  • @GIO.99.MTVZ.
    @GIO.99.MTVZ. 2 месяца назад

    Gracias por tanta ayuda

  • @slowdancer5563
    @slowdancer5563 2 месяца назад

    Yup!

  • @zee-zm1io
    @zee-zm1io 2 месяца назад +2

    I’m tired of being loved by broke men😂

    • @fg3901
      @fg3901 2 месяца назад

      You deserve to be alone.

  • @GrammyAllen
    @GrammyAllen 2 месяца назад

    Wow!

  • @nadep7211
    @nadep7211 2 месяца назад

    I have commented someone’s post and mentioned another resource that helped me a lot and could help the person. This comment has been removed. Can be only done by the owner of the channel on my opinion.
    I really like your videos but if you did remove that, then your main goal is not to help people.
    I’d be really disappointed if so.
    I’m upset.
    I hope the person could read my comment before you suppressed it.

  • @Skinner123
    @Skinner123 2 месяца назад

    I love your videos and content, however I find that listening to letters written by those going through such terrible things to be very triggering. It would be great if you addressed these topics in shorter videos or edited the actual reading of the letter out for those of us that want the lesson and information but without listening to someone else’s pain.

    • @CrappyChildhoodFairy
      @CrappyChildhoodFairy  2 месяца назад

      Every Monday, Anna publishes a video that is not based on letters. I think you will enjoy them.
      Nika@TeamFairy

  • @davidmarrow3302
    @davidmarrow3302 2 месяца назад

    Wow

  • @kathleenklein4231
    @kathleenklein4231 2 месяца назад

    I have a couple of nice guys want to marry me. I would always freak out and break-up with them.

  • @danaw23
    @danaw23 2 месяца назад

  • @vivianalunarevollo3829
    @vivianalunarevollo3829 2 месяца назад

    I have the trauma and not trust in My husband

    • @carmenlux1775
      @carmenlux1775 2 месяца назад

      Emm, why did you marry him then?

    • @vivianalunarevollo3829
      @vivianalunarevollo3829 2 месяца назад

      @@carmenlux1775 I think because of physical attraction and my low self-esteem.

    • @carmenlux1775
      @carmenlux1775 2 месяца назад

      @@vivianalunarevollo3829 😬 well, it is not too late to work on that if you chose to.

  • @JocelynE-v8x
    @JocelynE-v8x 2 месяца назад

    Ben looks constipated and tired here

  • @sarahgwenable
    @sarahgwenable Месяц назад

    🤍

  • @b.questor
    @b.questor 2 месяца назад +2

    🎯

  • @johnCjr4671
    @johnCjr4671 2 месяца назад

    Get Camila adds off of these videos !

  • @VaronPlateando
    @VaronPlateando 2 месяца назад

    well… I guess there‘s no point in taking about ‚love‘ for a universally relatable concept, upon having sinking in dis-illusioning insight-catalysing evo.psych findings | tenets. the former being more viable assumption could have made for a somewhat promising take relatedly, though.

  • @LouiseIngram-hd5yc
    @LouiseIngram-hd5yc 2 месяца назад +9

    The harder someone tries the more cynical I become tbh