@@corgio1260 Right?!? I totally agree dude. Tom's DEFINITELY without a doubt become one of the better if not one of the best stand up comedians of this current era. I'm a big fan and truly do believe that he'll go down as one of the greats regarding this generation of comics etc. He's just so talented and skilled and he's for sure developed his performance, material, and act to stand out and be considered as one of the funniest comics doing it right now and I definitely count him as being up there on the "top tier" category of comics in this current time along with guys like Chappelle, Burr, Rogan, Hart, and Louis C K. He's DEFINITELY just one of the most talented and well polished stand up comedians who you can just tell takes his act very seriously and approaches it super professionally and all that stuff, ya know? If you love stand up comedy, than you just simply GOTTA love Tom Segura's sets and his material dude. Absolutely love it and am DEFINITELY a huge fan of his work and what not n such. His podcast with his wife is also really funny and well done too, ya know? You can just tell that he's really passionate about his act and his work and performance of his material because its always so polished and well done before he decides to release it in a special or anything like that and before he decides to perform it as a whole for a large audience etc.
@@tonicmix If it was some dude, the bouncer wouldve handled it, not the hostess. And the bouncer probably wouldve thrown him into the gutter head-first. But can't do that to a girl no matter what shes doing because double standards
42 jade I’m pretty sure he would have had just as much of a problem if it was a dude. The difference being that the moment the dude’s dick popped out, the whole room probably would have pressed him. I really don’t know what world you come from to think any dude could get away with masturbating at a bar in the afternoon.
I always thought the double standard was more for attractive people than gender. I remember a story from Florida about a couple having sex in the middle of a crowded beach. They were going at it for TWO HOURS before someone called the cops. People were live-tweeting it instead. She rode him to completion, went into the ocean to wash off, then came back for round 2 before anyone said anything. Then I saw the mugshots and I understood why lol.
It's almost like a 4-way standard. Its unbalanced for men and women as much as it is unbalanced for attractive or non-attractive people. Of course it also depends on the viewer who is attractive or not so it's a lot harder to pinpoint.
@@P4rz1va1 Indeed it does, because if the double standard was immutable, attractive women could get away with literally anything. But no, usually some jealous Karen is gonna tattle on her if she so much as flashes some side boob. If it were me, unless somebody's dying or something's on fire, I'm not calling 911. And if something's on fire, I'll probably ask 4-5 people if they called first lol.
Segura is 4 for 4 in Netflix specials. Hasn't had a bad one yet! Also, made a great point with this bit, how there is MOST DEFINITELY a double standard lol
Everyone is doing it again @google ads are the worst, now streaming services are doing loud ads too...we have laws about this for TV already...@google laws
I have nightmares re badminton. HS phys ed teacher who actually was on an Olympic Badminton team endlessly shamed me & bullied me for my complete suckiness at said sport. She also made me try to make free throws, pitch softballs , hit softballs, & do things on the uneven bars. She was a sadist. I can leisurely run in circles, that's about it :-)
@@timnelson7689 Yeah, if this scenario were to happen to me I wouldn't sit around stewing angrily about female privilege. It's not women's fault that men don't take sexual misconduct by women seriously.
Vicodyn I have a few questions for you. 1. Did it make you feel better about yourself to slander someone you don’t know? 2. Why in the fuck would you watch a comedy skit not to laugh but to call people stupid? 3. What or who has hurt you so badly that you have to lash out at someone enjoying another persons art form? I’m sorry mommy didn’t hug you enough or daddy ran off but being ugly to someone for having a good time just illustrates how truly miserable you are. I’m sure there’s a bridge somewhere you can crawl under and take your ignorant troll opinions with your stank ass.
That certainly wouldn't be the first time I've heard of a security guard not wanting to get involved with something which threatens security. It's like they think they're getting paid to just stand there... 🙄
As a bartender, this has happened to me! A woman. She was no model either..goin' to town on herself. Had no bouncer. She wouldn't stop. Cops had to pull her out, bottomless. Good times👌😂
In Vegas one year my wife and I had just come down from our room, heading to the restaurant and had to go through the casino. This is like 9am. There was an obviously über-intoxicated couple sitting on their respective stools at the bar. Her skirt was pushed up entirely above her waistline and he underwear was at her knees as the dude fingered her - vigorously - right out there in the open. It was unbelievable, especially since the bartender wasn't already spraying them with the soda gun. As we walked passed a pit boss or someone walked up to stop them / tell them to take it to their room or whatever. It was super gross.
@@benjamminfast Let's face it. Main Kampf needs to be read in Adolfs voice and intonation or it's just not the same. Tha Nazis are probably disappointed if you don't make use of the hard "RRRRR" while reading it.
“That NOT model over there” hahaha 🤣
Right!!
Love Tom's act on stage. He always delivers.
How does it always feel like he’s telling you a story at a party? Without fail. He’s so good.
@@corgio1260 Right?!? I totally agree dude. Tom's DEFINITELY without a doubt become one of the better if not one of the best stand up comedians of this current era. I'm a big fan and truly do believe that he'll go down as one of the greats regarding this generation of comics etc. He's just so talented and skilled and he's for sure developed his performance, material, and act to stand out and be considered as one of the funniest comics doing it right now and I definitely count him as being up there on the "top tier" category of comics in this current time along with guys like Chappelle, Burr, Rogan, Hart, and Louis C K. He's DEFINITELY just one of the most talented and well polished stand up comedians who you can just tell takes his act very seriously and approaches it super professionally and all that stuff, ya know? If you love stand up comedy, than you just simply GOTTA love Tom Segura's sets and his material dude. Absolutely love it and am DEFINITELY a huge fan of his work and what not n such. His podcast with his wife is also really funny and well done too, ya know? You can just tell that he's really passionate about his act and his work and performance of his material because its always so polished and well done before he decides to release it in a special or anything like that and before he decides to perform it as a whole for a large audience etc.
Every comedian delivers.
@@chadsworthgigafuck no way. Theres for sure some bad comics with bad material and bad sets.
@@poncho_x4410 You're reading it wrong.
I was just wondering if we could have the outro music a bit louder please, I’ve only blown out one eardrum so far and I’m going for an even 2
Read this literally two seconds before the music kicked in. Thank you for your sacrifice, soldier.
This made me laugh so hard I woke my wife and dogs in the other room.
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 Legit
Solid sarcasm my guy 👍🏼
this comment made me laugh harder than the video if I am being honest ROFLMAO
" peeling her potatoto", "toying with the top", beautiful alliteration in a sick mind 😎.
I came up with ''rubbing one in" if guys "rub one out" lol or flicking the bean
@@danielcallahan4825 lol , right ? that's funny.
Stirring the trough
Beating the dog or whopping the cat. I wanna touch your soul, with my soul pole
I would have said “tiddling her twat” but that’s me
He has a nice flow. Very satisfying storytelling without sudden yelling to make the audience laugh. Smoothly done.
Looking at you, Kevin Hart
"...She wasn't hot, so I tattletaled on her immediately."
sniiiiitch
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@@tianwenshi3788 wtf
That poor hostess probably was extra polite to avoid crazy. In job's like that you have tiptoe around crazy like landmines.
So true! Gotta pick your battles sometimes lol
I think anyone doing that in public is the same level of crazy regardless of gender. It's still a really weird double-standard
Yeah but she woulda chose to battle if it was some dude beating off at the bar
@@tonicmix If it was some dude, the bouncer wouldve handled it, not the hostess. And the bouncer probably wouldve thrown him into the gutter head-first. But can't do that to a girl no matter what shes doing because double standards
42 jade I’m pretty sure he would have had just as much of a problem if it was a dude. The difference being that the moment the dude’s dick popped out, the whole room probably would have pressed him. I really don’t know what world you come from to think any dude could get away with masturbating at a bar in the afternoon.
That hostess deserves a raise. She doin the security job too.
Spoiler alert: She won't get one.
@@carsondoesstuff3487 Spoiler alert : She doesn't exist.
But the hostess didn't kick her out so she didn't do the whole job.
@@22Epic How do you know?
Um that bitch didn't do a god damn thing. Neither did the hostess
Tom Segura's storytelling is unparalleled 😂
Bert Kreisher has left the chat
Chappelle
I'm sorry but Joey Diaz is unmatched
“Is she making fudge?” Absolutely destroyed me 😂😂
He unpacks pretty privilege, gender inequality and the general silliness of life, all under 6 minutes 🙌😂
It's a joke. Calm the fuck down homie
new age delinquent he’s laughing? Read the comment again dickhead
@@riversouder3375 That is a really strange retort to what I just read.
@42 jade yeah I'll admit I fucked up😂 I completely misunderstood what the original comment was saying.
@@riversouder3375 no harm no foul ✌️😅
I always thought the double standard was more for attractive people than gender. I remember a story from Florida about a couple having sex in the middle of a crowded beach. They were going at it for TWO HOURS before someone called the cops. People were live-tweeting it instead. She rode him to completion, went into the ocean to wash off, then came back for round 2 before anyone said anything. Then I saw the mugshots and I understood why lol.
That doesn't count, because as you said It yourself: a story from Florida. 😅
It's almost like a 4-way standard. Its unbalanced for men and women as much as it is unbalanced for attractive or non-attractive people. Of course it also depends on the viewer who is attractive or not so it's a lot harder to pinpoint.
@@P4rz1va1 Indeed it does, because if the double standard was immutable, attractive women could get away with literally anything. But no, usually some jealous Karen is gonna tattle on her if she so much as flashes some side boob. If it were me, unless somebody's dying or something's on fire, I'm not calling 911. And if something's on fire, I'll probably ask 4-5 people if they called first lol.
Link of the mug shot and article or it didn't happened.
Dovahkiin069Nightfury
As a Floridian, I can tell u that's pretty common.
Lol almost tried it myself
I need to see him live, just started watching his stand up during quarentine, I've been missing out on top notch comedy. BIKES!
......okay im intrigued 🤨🤨 why did you end your statement with "bikes". Im seriouly interested
@@welshbrxnches ruclips.net/video/XfqMvdqPXeE/видео.html
Welcome to the rabbit hole Mommy, keep em' high and tight :D
I mean, the bouncer shouldn't have asked the hostess to handle that though. That's his job... or the manager's.
Its a joke bruv. I still gave you an upvote for a good observation... but it's a joke.
bet your the life of ALLLLL the parties.
@@Syndrum I'm aware, lol. Was just saying but thanks for the upvote.
Totally depends on how attractive the girl masturbator is. If she’s a uggo the bouncer should get someone else to handle it
its a comedy show not a news segment
"everybody can seee yooouuu" omfg
Tom's one of my new favorite story teller's/comedians lmao His timing & delivery are on point!
Idk why, but Tom getting the bouncer's attention always has me crying laughing "scuse! me!"
"you can identify as a shoelace" killed me
Well yeah, you wouldn't want to be called a 'lacist'...
They didn't even make her wash her hands....
His impersonation of the hostess is so good I can picture what she looked like and her whole life story.
“Whatsapp guis” 😂😂 that’s the funniest voice he does
I was in a bad mood and I couldn’t help but laugh out loud to this
same here, its gone now! :)
As of right now 04.03.22 1213 my flight has been delayed for 3 hours. This made me laugh.
Good for you
The SWAT part murdered me😂😂😂😂 he also pointed out the double standard on men as opposed to women
The way he says “Is she making fudge?” with such a childlike wonder and curiosity 😭
Peeling her potato 😂
"That NOT-MODEL".....LMAO
Holy shit, Tom's stories are just absolutely epic! Laughing in tears.
I lost it when he starts "toying at the top"
I need more of Tom Segura. I can't get enough of his stand-ups.
Your mom's house podcast.
Segura is 4 for 4 in Netflix specials. Hasn't had a bad one yet! Also, made a great point with this bit, how there is MOST DEFINITELY a double standard lol
There's ALWAYS a double standard
This one was just okay at best. His first three are much better
I have no doubt that he will keep his streak of amazing specials going
"You want some chicken fingers or something?"
This dude knows how to tell a story... freaking hilarious 😂
You know an idiot made this clip when the volume goes from "nice" to "ADVERTISEMENT LEVEL GOING TO KILL YOUR SPEAKERS-LOUD" at the end.
Yeah, prolly' has a thousand fathers, minimum!!
Bruh i saw your comment right before the end of the video, you just saved my life.
Thanks for the warning
5:30 for anyone else that might be in danger from this.
Everyone is doing it again @google ads are the worst, now streaming services are doing loud ads too...we have laws about this for TV already...@google laws
“Peeling her potato” those are words I never can unhear. :/
Yeah that just makes it so much worse
Has Netflix membership but still watches more comedy on this channel than on NF...
This is some of the best stand up I've seen in a long time
I have nightmares re badminton. HS phys ed teacher who actually was on an Olympic Badminton team endlessly shamed me & bullied me for my complete suckiness at said sport. She also made me try to make free throws, pitch softballs , hit softballs, & do things on the uneven bars. She was a sadist. I can leisurely run in circles, that's about it :-)
That woman knows how to prioritize.
Tom has such a great stage presence and relationship with his audience. Love it
Keeping it high and tight.
"Go 'way! Batin'!"
Brought to you by Carl's Jr.
@@Ogrematic Fuck you, I'm eating!
"Ow my balls"
@@jcarson3721 Is she puttin' out?
We were wonderin' if we could go family style on her.
Sup scrow. I like money. That's enough of yer bullshit sir.
Toms delivery is outstanding! Funny as hell 😂
This guy is great. First time seeing his act.
Is she making fudge 😂😂😂😂 peeling her potato 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Tom says all the shit everyone else thinks but won’t say
People says this shit all the time maybe you need new friends.
Forward Momentum facts Bill Burr is the realest though😂
So I assume "everyone" means the 12 people you know cuz people say this shit all...the..time...
@@timnelson7689
Yeah, if this scenario were to happen to me I wouldn't sit around stewing angrily about female privilege. It's not women's fault that men don't take sexual misconduct by women seriously.
@@RebornLegacy a lot of men do. But nobody cares
Omfg!! “ I tattle taled immediately!” Lmfao!! 🤣🤣🤣 I scream cry laughed until I was out of breath
Vicodyn I have a few questions for you. 1. Did it make you feel better about yourself to slander someone you don’t know? 2. Why in the fuck would you watch a comedy skit not to laugh but to call people stupid? 3. What or who has hurt you so badly that you have to lash out at someone enjoying another persons art form? I’m sorry mommy didn’t hug you enough or daddy ran off but being ugly to someone for having a good time just illustrates how truly miserable you are. I’m sure there’s a bridge somewhere you can crawl under and take your ignorant troll opinions with your stank ass.
Tom is seriously amazing live. If you ever get the chance too you def should try it out.
That certainly wouldn't be the first time I've heard of a security guard not wanting to get involved with something which threatens security. It's like they think they're getting paid to just stand there... 🙄
law suits
I love how calm he is it makes it so funny
So that’s where the term Happy Hour comes from!
Peeling. Her. Potato.😂
Peeling her potato 🥔
I was crying 😂
I’m honestly surprised more people didn’t resolve conflict like this
He is great! Top material and unique delivery.
That shoe lace bit was great. Silly indeed Mr. Segura.
He is a gem.and absolutely on point
his impression of the 22 year old was on point
His makeup is on point.
Saw this live in Kingston NY. He is incredible and is the best comic I ever saw live
The full description was cut off initially...so glad this was not at a Bar Mitzvah.
He looks like a big&tall Woody Harrelson.
only if harrelson fucked a bear
Nah closer to Jon H. Benjamin, the actor and voice for Bob's Burgers and Archer.
“She finished or she stopped!” And “Thanks! You want some chicken fingers or a sprite!” It’s so well delivered and funny as hell😂😂😂😂
This is by far my favorite of Tom’s bits
“Is she making fudge?”🤣🤣🤣
I have see this happen. I just whipped out my camera phone and filmed her. Then watched as staff had to disinfect the area she was sitting at.
😂😂😂
🤣 Toying with the top! OMG that's hilarious
Tom is an amazing writer and storyteller!
His delivery could not be better! LMFAO
if i learned from thing from this video, and my two years of being a hostess i learned one thing: hostess’ need a raise
Absolute piss funny skit! Love your work Tom.
Almost 3M subscribers!!!
this had me in stitches
This was the best bit of the special.
Bruh..I an dying over here 😆🤣😂
He was not overreacting and I wouldn’t have stayed if I were him... 😂😂😂
Most men can't turn away from anything gross,sex,weird,sex,fire,sex and sex! 👀 👀
Adam Pauley 🤦🏽♀️😂😂😂😂
@@adampauley7729 🤣 Totally.... The perverted freak's!
As a bartender, this has happened to me!
A woman. She was no model either..goin' to town on herself. Had no bouncer. She wouldn't stop. Cops had to pull her out, bottomless. Good times👌😂
Loved this comedy special. He's fucking hilarious
Even the title of this video is hilarious haha
You’re right about that. *I’m dead*
@J K They never said he didn't
From start to finish it smooth and damn near flawless man!
"I need to see that again. I don't know how I'm going to see that again." 😂
I did this once, got the first treatment. But then again it the bar was called The Big Rooster
As it progressed I went from starting to smile to straight up dying
Love to Tom Segura!!!
Protec' yo neck!
Its crazy hearing tom talk with out joe Rogan responding
Yeah, have you ever tried DMT?
Joe “I’m gonna let you finish” Rogan?
His jokes are brilliant! Lucky I found this guy!
HILARIOUS
Made my day man hopefully I can write jokes like this shit
this guy is low key up there with Chapelle and Burr 😁
Now THAT was funny! 😂🤦♀️😂
This bit gets me every time
Toyin' with the top. Hahaaahaaa
In Vegas one year my wife and I had just come down from our room, heading to the restaurant and had to go through the casino. This is like 9am. There was an obviously über-intoxicated couple sitting on their respective stools at the bar. Her skirt was pushed up entirely above her waistline and he underwear was at her knees as the dude fingered her - vigorously - right out there in the open. It was unbelievable, especially since the bartender wasn't already spraying them with the soda gun.
As we walked passed a pit boss or someone walked up to stop them / tell them to take it to their room or whatever. It was super gross.
I fucking love when he does the voices lol
He looked like louis when he was toying the top lol
He’s so good.
Tom Segura is the best comedian no cap
Tom has such a nice voice that people would buy “Mein Kampf” audiobook by him.
I mean, I would.
Or maybe just like... any other book too man
Lmfao this is great
@@benjamminfast Let's face it. Main Kampf needs to be read in Adolfs voice and intonation or it's just not the same. Tha Nazis are probably disappointed if you don't make use of the hard "RRRRR" while reading it.
Isn't that Bert's memoir?
Enjoyed your video gave it a Thumbs Up