My husband has PTSD from war and is refusing treatment right now. I didn’t realize how much that would effect our sex life. He never wants it and then the devil uses that to put evil in my mind about the why’s. It’s forced me to cry out to God more than ever before. Please pray for him if you think of it. Jan’24 update: couple months later he decided to find help and is currently in treatment with the VA. God is behind the scenes working. What a great God we have who listens to our prayers.
@@janellecovington6905I’m not sure how things are right now but I’d like to pray for you. Father in the Name of Jesus, I thank you for the life of your daughter and son. Father, I ask that you will please heal your son of any trauma oh God and please reign in this marriage and I pray that you’ll cause healing to take place in it, in Jesus’ Name Amen. God is with you my sister in Christ 🙏🏾
as a 70 year old woman who married her highschool sweetheart almost 50 years ago, for myself and my husband in this season of our lives, all we want is to feel love. outside of our relationships with the lord of love, that translates for us into long sweet embraces and gentle kisses throughout the day. and lots and lots of talking and sharing!
This is soo beautiful. As a 21 year old girl, God has Really been debunking soo much I learned from the wrong places. This is Beautiful and inspiring to listen to. I will hopefully come listen to this with my future spouse when God brings him.
This episode made me cry...I was deeply convicted about saving myself for marriage, however when I met my now husband, we began fooling around immediately. I lacked the backbone and the confidence of my identity in Christ to say no. it is now 24 years later and we are separated due to porn use, masterbation, anger issues, emotional abuse and I believe the fall out of the lack of respect that we demonstrated right from the very beginning. Over the 24 years, sex actually created a false sense of security and belief that things were ok even though the deeper issues were never addressed and worked through. I am in now in counseling and biblical coaching to begin the healing in my own life. I do appreciate this episode and pray that it will resonate with so many in their marriage journeys. However, there are so many people in abusive coersive situations where sex is weaponized and the journey to be free is very lonely and hard.
The idea of applying "trying a car before buying it" concept to a relationship is simply thinking of your partner as an object and not as human with body, soul and spirit.
I've heard before objections to the concept of 'try before you buy'. If that doesn't apply to marriage, then how, exactly, does one verify sexual compatibility prior to marriage? Having destroyed a lifetime marriage due to incompatibility which was unknown. HUGE mistake.
i really appreaciate how honestly and genuinely she explains both her regret + how she is using her own life choices to teach her children around min 16! i think more teenagers would make better decisions if their parent's honestly spoke with them. not just handing down spiritual concepts or rules but speaking from a relatable place - whether their testimony is that they saved themselves or whether they gave themselves to another. kids should be equipped to discern what is good and right and they can learn from ppl they trust! parents cannot avoid this topic. this is good!
I'm from Belarus and will try to make my thought understandable. I heard about one girl who came to college or university to study in. When she was living in a hostel, her classmate started making fun of her because she was a vergine. And she answered to that girl something like that" I can always became a person as you are (not a vergine) , but a person as me-you can never become. After what the discussion stoped
My reason for waiting: I knew and agreed with God's plan and purpose for sex, and I agreed with His protective boundaries around sex. I also knew that going outside of those parameters carried natural (physical) and spiritual (heart) consequences that I wasn't willing to face. So my husband and I waited :) It was VERY challenging at times for sure in our dating and engagement season, because we loved (and still love) each other, but it was worth being obedient to God. However, I love that with God, there is always hope! So when the situation is much different for some (which I know that is often is), His mercy, grace and healing power restores to better than before!
I'd love to add a perspective as a military wife. I looked quickly through the comments and didn't see anything on this, so I thought I would briefly share! When my husband is away for MANY weeks or months out of the year, we have had to get creative to keep our sex life and connection ongoing during those times apart. So that we do NOT fall into the default of "taking care of it ourselves" and having no desire to reconnect when he returns. It is something we have navigated together and both feel safe, valued, and good about how we handle those times - keeping that desire and connection alive. Just an outlier perspective for the military families out there, as Julie mentioned situations they may not have even thought to consider when it comes to these conversations. As always - just an opinion of mine to get a little creative, in a way BOTH husband and wife feel good about. To keep that connection ongoing during long times of seperation. So that neither party feels the need or temptation to look to outside sources alone to meet that desire. Love this show/podcast and all of the wisdom you guys share with us! Be blessed. ❤
Wow! I have never heard of anyone talk about this. As a military wife, I totally agree with you. My husband and I are about to be one year married next month and he recently got deployed as well. Your comment was a great reminder to just get creative with our sex life and connection in this moment of separation. Communication with you parter is absolutely key!!! Genuinely loved your comment, God bless♥️🙌🏽
Creative??? What does that mean???? If anything outside intercourse is a sin, then how do you “do it” for weeks or months away without sinning? I’d love to hear an explanation on this and not vague enuendos
Premarital sex between Christian couples who end up married creates deep resentment between the couple in the marriage. I call this the AMNON EFFECT He resents her - she should have had a higher standard. He no longer values her She resents him- he should have set the boundary and protected her. In each others eyes- they are LESS LESS VALUABLE Going forward- this specific issue has to be addressed for the marriage to thrive
I don't think you can compare an example of rape outside of marriage as the same as sex. It's not the same! And I don't think we would expect ppl today to marry someone that has harmed them.
Potentially true. But, every sin (except the blasphemy against the Holy Spirit) is forgivable, so if after repentance Lord forgives them, who are they not to forgive themselves and each other? "Love is patient, love is kind,.... It keeps no record of wrongs... "
This podcast was so wonderful. I’m 61. I’ve been married 40 years. I was not raised as a Christian. I was raised in religion. Episcopal. My father told me as a young lady you don’t have sex before marriage or you will be considered a whore. Yet when I hit 15, he said if you are in love, it’s ok to have sex. You can guess the rest of the story. This podcast gave me so much confirmation of the Lord giving me directions in our sex life. Sex is a gift from God.
I am so sorry about this miscommunication. I am hoping you are good and clear that before marriage sleeping around is wrong something that when you’re forgiven of that you never want to go back to that life.
God's timing is soo good. I grew up in a household where this topic is taboo and I'm so happy how open y'all are to talking about this! I learned so much, thank you! Bless
This was kinda cool. I like how the first couple was real about how they struggled early on but kept trying until they really knew each other. It makes me realize some of the unrealistic expectations that I may have about sex with my spouse.
Amazing and vulnerable conversation here…y’all are discipling me for this parenting thing through your podcast and I really just want to say thank you for bringing so much light and perspective to me in this season even as I learn,unlearn & relearn certain things in my singleness while trusting God to prepare for what’s ahead.
This is so true!! I am not married, had three kids outside of marriage. After choosing to pick up the cross following Jesus, and have not had sex in over a year, the relationhip i have alone with God has been so amazing that i now understand why He chose for us to save ourselves until Marriage. I only pray that when it i time, i will have that chance, blessing to be a wife. All these years all i ever wanted was a family children mom and dad. I made my life so much harder fhan it should have been.
Thank you so much for your honesty and vulnerability! I’ve been married for 30 years, and I wish I had someone to speak these truths into my life before I got married! I know this is going to help so many people!
Thank you all for this adult conversation, I did not have the language when my girls were younger but I do have grandchildren, that I can feel comfortable in moving forward in talking to them about this appreciate you all thank you 🙏🏻❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️🙏🏻
So good! Hi from Malaysia! We Chrisitans should talk about sex in healthy way and openly! Our children need to be educated and have honest conversations with us about their sexuality.
Loved this, my husband and I (married 11 years) are very very transparent and on the same page when it comes to our physical intimacy and we feel convicted about sharing with other couples how we talk about sex because of how much closer it’s made us. It’s uncomfortable to talk about sometimes but leaning into that discomfort knowing you’re safe within a covenant marriage is where the real blessings come. We also have two young boys and this episode made me feel more equipped in our talks with them about sex. I didn’t grow up in the church but have heard about “toxic purity culture” where the church emphasizes the negatives of sex, and I believe that what you shared about the beauty and intelligence behind the way God designed sex is way more convincing in terms of purity. Thank you so much, more of this please!
I have enjoyed listening and healing….God is never done and for that I’m so thankful! I’m 56, walked away from my upbringing for several years. I broke covenant beliefs so these talks are helping to heal and restore my core biblical values and my ❤️ Thank you all❤️ Thank you❤️
This blessed me so much, my husband and I started our purity journey after being saved and God has been restoring our sexuality within our marriage and it is absolutely beautiful 🥰
This was an awesome conversation and I wish there hadn’t been a time limit cause there’s some aspects I wish went deeper. Like when there had been a struggle with those things mentioned outside of the marriage that carried in to the marriage and how to heal and navigate after those struggles and what things are “allowed”. Thank you so much for your vulnerability and sharing your truth! I love this!
This was amazing! I felt this in my soul: a lot of freedom has been granted to me through listening to this and I know it’s going to improve my marital sex life greatly! I didn’t feel judged in anyway despite making mistakes in that area of my life and so I thank you for the healing words and Biblical truth
Speaking from Wife who's spouse is P.A. it has really tore through our marriage. Thank you for posting this video of this discussion it truly is great.
Tatatatta. I was blushing the whole conversation. Nobody talks about these things! They just say premarital s e x is wrong and end of convo but there is more. Thank you so much. Lemme go put ice on my cheeks😂😂😂
Thank you guys for talking about this. My husband and I have never had other partners but we didn’t wait until marriage which I have justified and dismissed for years. But I feel like just recently God has started opening my eyes to the ways that this one decision has kept us from experiencing the fullness of our marriage that God wants for us. Praying for continued revelation and healing in our own hearts and our marriage. God bless y’all!
such a great topic to talk for all of the people who can't have a healthy information 👌 Thank you for your vulnerability and advices for the young generation and not only. I really appreciate all of you for who you are in Christ and what you bring through these podcasts 🙏 Bless u
Loved the authenticity, vulnerability and biblical truth you all shared. These conversations need to be normalised for young and old, God's design for his created children and marriage unashamedly proclaimed. Thank you for your courage and conviction for sharing your real journeys. It helps to make it relatable, believable and not just theoretical. Thank you Juli for continuing to bring the convo back to God's redemptive love. Especially around this topic which, as was shared, has had alot of heat, condemnation and often about "what's wrong" in the past, the concurrent msg of hope, repentance and His grace needs to shared and declared as available to all, no matter that their personal journey looks like currently or in the past. Your families are powerhouses bringing truth to our generation.
LOVE IT! You are the parents/married couples I wish I had been....BUT I don't feel condemned or ashamed. Thank you. @ 60+ and widowed, I still want to live in fullness as a sexual being. Appreciate the Beveres!
What a powerful conversation for the world to hear. Removing what the enemy meant for harm has changed my marriage as well in a beautiful and powerful way. Thank you to God’s warriors, all the Bevere’s. Most importantly, thank you Jesus 🙏🏼
AWESOME podcast 👋. Well done, dream team. Sex is a beautiful gift from Abba Father and having honest and open discussions about sex in our covenant marriage is so IMPORTANT. Thank you for sharing. Abba Father is so GOOD. Much love from South Africa xxx
Thank you for sharing God's word regarding this subject. The devil uses these subjects to lure people away from God Himself and His true purpose. The devil uses sex, music and money to steer us away from it's purity, good and beauty, the enemy is manipulating the world. What beautiful young people you are addressing these topics. God bless you Bevere family. Much love ❤
In today's society we are saturated with porn and porn addictions. Technically the majority of people have experienced sex virtually before the actual experience and the majority of people enter marriage with porn addictions, which technically eliminates the sanctity of the marriage covenant. Many have never experienced fidelity in marriage. There is also much push back on purity culture because it supposedly has led to disappointment and did not reflect reality, which of course was fully saturated with porn and virtual sex.
So good. So much is going to come from these honest chats you guys are having about these ‘sensitive’ subjects. So much shame is being lifted - & so much change is coming. To Christian marriages especially. Thanks to all of you for your bravery ❤️🙏🏼👌🏼
- also, timing wise? It’s just what I personally needed to hear. You guys are in God’s perfect timing with this. In fact He brought it about in the first place 👌🏼
We read that sex is a 20 year warm up...that seemed like an eternity at the time. We've had some SERIOUS sex challenges but at 20 years now I look back and think "Wow, if we had given up, we would never know how good it could be!" Having open conversations with our kids to hopefully to prevent them from having our hang ups. We were both vigins at marriage. ❤
Can you share what those sex challenges were? Sometimes you feel like you are the only one dealing with sex problems in marriage and it is refreshing to see that this was something you’ve conquered through time and having problems is normal.
I never thought about holding hands and what you’re saying about that now that I’m further into adulthood - and also wasn’t a Christian from a young age - but I do recall with my very first boyfriend how holding hands affected us. Thankfully years later I am saved after losing my virginity and a lot of sin.
Thank you for sharing this episode! Especially love how you talk to your kids about sex in a positive light- it is a beautiful thing in the context for which God designed it 🙏🏻
Hey guys, love the vulnerability, honesty, authenticity of both sides of the fence. Our children are going into teenagers and I’m so happy I have some tools to share with them. Love you guys, praying for the greater measure of gods love To increase over all of you’s in Jesus name. Amen
Could you guys touch more on the redemption, repentance and pivoting turn point. For the couples that slipped up in saving themselves for each other. That have fell to temptation. But dont live that way! Greay video! Brought tears to mt eyes.
Hope for the deflated🎈THANK GOD she spoke that! I was seconds from turning off the video! It’s so hard to hear from purity minded people when I was sexually abused at 7 and then felt dirty for my whole life, which led to promiscuous behavior and I even went to the extent of marrying the first man I had sex with in an attempt to “make right” what I knew was wrong… THANK YOU JULIE♥️♥️♥️♥️
Thanks for the candid conversation. Grew up in the hyper purity culture (hello church culture of the early 2000s), and if I remember correctly, it leaned heavily on not crossing the line, and minorly talked about the why. The heart of the matter, beside of "don't make the wrong decision", but more so, the why of how God designed sex makes it understandable in how to protect the sexual/romantic part of my life.
Great conversation and one I always have felt should be brought up in Bible studies, but no one wants to talk about. However, it “is” a gift and needs to be brought to the surface . However, I also feel taking care of yourself in order to continue sex is important to discuss. We must take care of our temple. You can’t say if you were not physically attracted right now, it would be the same. With that said, eventually it does change. Your physicality and how you look as you age changes. Some of my friends admit their husbands suffers with ED. Then what? Or women with post menopausal issues which is never, ever talked about, but is so very prevalent and greater than one thinks. Those that have had a life changing event such as becoming wheelchair bound or had a stroke or diagnosed with MS. It’s about intimacy. It doesn’t have to be sex. I fully agree about the dependency on toys, but In certain cases, toys are totally fine in my humble opinion if actual intercourse is not possible. Sex isn’t just intercourse. No offence please, but y’all are just too young to even know how to talk about these other topics to others nor should you. Those topics need to be done by an older and much more mature adult with experience in disabilities and such. However, I love seeing this topic exposed and I do enjoy the fact there is hope for the youth to abstain, and value, and cherish sex the way the Lord intended.
I desire & seek purity in all areas of my life, and I appreciate how this video was specific without being graphic to cause me to stumble. I liked how Mrs Beveres pointed out (at 39:10)something to the effect of artificial stimulation (toys, Masturbation) always needing to be upped, finding what is going to satisfy. The whole video, I believe, God really gave them the words to speak. Good info & conversations to have prior to being married. Wonderful how they communicate, educate their children in God's truth and purpose for sex in marriage. What a blessing they are to their children. How different many of our lives would be had we had that in our childhood from our parents, but praise God for his mercy and redemption!
Great talk. Please continue this conversation! This is life changing for me and I am so glad to have found this video. Helping me navigate life and finding more of what God says about sex in marriage.
I love you all so much!! Also, Juli-I would love to hear more videos from you all on how you navigate talking with your kids about all this. Mine are 2 and 3 so I’m not there yet, haha but I would love to learn. I don’t think it’s ever too early to prepare 😅
Super long convo, but the basics are eternal. Sex in marriage should give you the space to be intimate and vulnerable. Sex outside of marriage is spicy, but there is little room for vulnerability. And that lack of space creates anxiety. The sole issue of sex is one degree apart from the relationship as a whole: compromise and cooperation. Sex with your spouse is surrounded by compromise and cooperation. Frequency of sex, style of sex and the dance of initiation is all about learning your partner in an intentional and caring way.
Absolutely insane take. Sex outside of marriage is still just as intimate and vulnerable. Just because you have a piece of legal paper doesn’t mean you magically gained the emotional intelligence and internal work to be vulnerable. Marriage does not materially change who you were before and after the wedding day.
There are men who're really waiting! Privileged to be one by God's Grace. Just hold on to GOD while trusting him to bring the right man. It's hard but it worth it
First myth: Concerning the test drive before buying. Totally wrong analogy, right. Marriage and people are not objects. Also, you don't want to accidentally or purposefully think of other women or men when being and enjoying your partner because you have those experiences engraved into your soul, your memories and your emotions.
These conversations are great. Thank you for going there. Hearing your journeys and experiences is helping my husband and i start some of these topics with our kids earlier than we would have. I think it is so needed in today's world where they'll hear the lies so early on. We can be on the offence and lay the truth down first in the hope of avoiding the mistakes we made growing up. Anyway, thank you. Very much appreciate you guys 🙏💕
As you get older, health issues often arise that can throw a wrench into this part of the relationship. So, for all of you under the age of 45…please don’t abstain for long periods of time within your marriage bc you never know what the older years have in store for you. For us, sleep apnea & restless leg syndrome as well as sciatic nerve issues affect this part of the relationship.🙏💪It can be “simple” or more serious health issues.
Oh! The Beveres! Y'all are such a GIFT to the world for your genuine willingness to navigate these crucial topics in light of God's TRUTH and design!!! Oh my goodness! This refreshed 'n' BLESSED my soul for the clarity gained in certain aspects surrounding this subject! Woooow!!! Thank Y'ALL SO SO SOOOO MUCH! It would be a DREAM come TRUE to sit at a table and share a conversation with Y'ALLLL!!! I am SOOO appreciative!!! Sending YOU ALL SOOO much LOVE 'n' POSITIVE WAVES from Montreal!!! :') :') :D
Just wanted to encourage those of us who are going through seasons of exhaustion between raising toddlers and teenagers, working, doing household chorus etc. and not least of all, carving out time for our First Love: Jesus, to fight for your times of intimacy. Make the sacrifice to connect physically and emotionally. It's not easy when you are already dead tired when you go to bed at night and you don't know how the rest of it is going to be e.g. with a little one teething or whatever. BUT, make time for each other. Sex truly is like holy glue keeping our marriages together. When we put it on the back burner and don't sacrifice for it, we start to grow apart. Lord Jesus, please help me practice what I am preaching here. You know we are only human and many times our spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. But in our weakness, YOU ARE STRONG! Thanks for an amazing podcast ya'll! Love in Christ.
Wow, such a precious, insightful and needed conversation, thanks to y'all. Please do more. It seems like the younger couple had such sound and practical premarriage counselling. I don't know if it would be possible to do an episode targeting unmarried people discussing expectations regarding sex in marriage etc. in more detail(like what was said to them during premarriage counselling.) Blessings.
Alec: I admire you for not feeling like you missed out by waiting for marriage, but I waited till marriage at 30 and I've never thought it was worth it. Any advice?
The scripture that comes to mind is " my thoughts are not your thoughts neither are my ways your ways declares the Lord" Isaiah 55:8. Our opinions on whether sex is ok outside of marriage, do not matter, God calls fornication which is sex outside of marriage a Sin. Some of us were way too young and immature when we sinned in this manner but Christ has redeemed us, We repent and seek forgiveness for it and forge ahead pursuing celibacy and purity until marriage. It is what it is.
Watching pornography within marriage and outside of it is an immediate no. You commit the sin of lust and Jesus is very serious about that. “But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matt. 5:28) And adulterers will not inherit the kingdom of heaven (1 Corinthians 6:9)
Awesome talk. I agree mostly in general however some of us as you mentioned have different situations. We've been married 40yrs and before kids our sx life was reasonable. Though her 30yr old peak never happened. As often when kids arrived that changed. I knew this would happen and supported her in these times though our times of intimacy fell to monthly at best. After kids we tried rekindling things but she became very involved in a fulfilling career. Now we're back to 2x month at best. My only release is masturbation (not fantasizing) during dry times. She also has some health issues that contribute to this. We love each other dearly and I'm committed but often feel lonely. I have followed all kinds of good Christian advice with little effect. I am convinced this is my lot for my remaining days. When we are intimate it is good and fulfilling... though without much fun factor. One of the most devistating comments when we talked about sx was "I could take it or leave it." I feel she, after much intimate time of arousal, she "gives in." Sometimes we have no recourse.
I'm sending up a prayer for those who are praying for a godly spouse. God bless you for letting the Holy Spirit lead your life. 💕💕💕 I pray that you are blessed beyond your dreams. (Additionally, I rebuke delays, additictions, lusts, pride, ego, shame, (fill in the blank) through the power of the name of Jesus. Amen.) 🙏🏽
Thank you guys first of all for putting this discussion in the open. Wish y’all would have gone more in depth whether all the things Are ok in marriage sex or not… sounded a bit surface as y’all didn’t really comment wether y’all thought of experiencing this for yourselves or not.
I have three kids and my husband and I find it hard to have that intimate time with each other with out it being rushed or interrupted. How do we find that time with each other to be spiritualy intamate and not just having sex to have sex?
I have 4 kids and we go thru the same. My husband works exclusively night shift too so that doesn't help. We have found a strategy that works for us and at the hardest times we just took that to God and asked Him for a strategy and we figured it out. I'm a stay at home mom who doesn't homeschool so in between getting my kids to amd from school we have some time to be together. Talk to God about it, I'm sure He will answer.
One thing that I think needs to be said is that just because God’s mercy and grace is there for you, does not mean you can go do whatever you want because his mercy and grace will help me when I need it. Proverbs 26:11-12 Like a dog that returns to its vomit, a fool does the same foolish things again and again. I couldn’t find the exact verse in the Bible where Jesus said to someone, “Your sins have been forgiven, but do not go and repeat them, but live a clean life.” I’m paraphrasing here but thats what is being said.
As someone who has been in the sexual health world as a Christian, I want to chime in with some instances where I think toys may be the more loving thing for a marriage and connect vs divide. For instance, a husband who is disabled or can’t achieve an erection might use a toy on their wife. Or is very small and wears a sleeve. Or is very large and wears a bumper to avoid very deep penetration. For women, vaginismus is incredibly common for women who grew up in purity culture. This is when penetration is excruciatingly painful. Trying to have intercourse in that situation would be harmful to the couples connection. In that case, partners using dilators within their sex life may be beneficial. Connecting dilation with pleasure can be important, because vaginismus is often both physical and mental. Although all these cases could be seen as using medical devices, many Christian’s would class them as sex toys. My opinion is that we need more nuance around toys in marriage. I don’t agree that you always need to up the ante with them and get more and more intense, people often find what they like and stick with that. Personally, my test for using toys is “does this help or harm the connection between spouses?” If it allows a couple who otherwise can’t have a sexual life to have a sexual connection, then I see that as good and pleasing to God. If it creates distance, then it isn’t a good thing.
Thank you for bringing voice to this. So many discussions around sexual purity do not discuss the harms, such as vaginismus, not being able to drop the shame, or a partner who is not loving and sacrificial in the bedroom, and a lack of awareness of what healthy sexuality looks like.
My only real beef with this talk is the passing mention of withholding your body from your spouse. And you are right that the only thing said about sex in Christian circles is how the world does it wrong. On 1 Corinthians 7, it needs to be emphasized that unjustly withholding sex IS sexual immorality. It falls in the same category of sex outside marriage. This also leads to men and women seeking “extramarital” aids / solutions. NOTE: if he watches porn because his wife is cold sexually his sin is NOT justified. Utilizing other people is prohibited (watching or touching) but it cannot be said that the Word of God forbids self service (m word) or toys. As you said we are sexual beings. Men do need (not merely want) sex. Yet when different desire levels meet and the man has a high drive, he is told “die to self” and NO MENTION of “your body is not your own” is made to the wives. No one tells the women to “die to self and fulfill your duty to meet your husband’s need.” This leaves the husband feeling like a perverted male chauvinist prig, because of a need God created and he sought to satisfy lawfully with a woman he loves. This has led to men trying to suppress and resist something God Himself approves of and has made explicit His means of tending to that need. Which like all suppression winds up blowing up into other much worse issues such as porn or infidelity. So many “extramarital” drives actually come from what Paul (and God) are explicitly is trying to protect from. Sexual immorality. Why are they not supposed to withhold from each other in 1 Corinthians 7? That is my only real criticism. Overall it was pretty decent but if we don’t make sure that both parties have it clear that one of the reasons and duties explicit in scripture for marriage is sex, and that it is a violation of your vows as well as a sin against God and spouse to withhold that. We put many many marriages at risk. As for the “abuse” response. If you are being physically assaulted then you have a moral obligation to expose that. Additionally, if you are asked to sin against God or His Word you are required to disobey whatever authority ask you to sin (Read Daniel). Outside of being explicitly told to sin if it is truly abuse then stop wasting time on here and seek professional intervention. Seek professional guidance on how to expose the abuse. If it is just grouchiness and rudeness this is not abuse merely disobedience. And their disobedience does not justify YOUR disobedience.
one you didn’t touch on is what happens when a partner becomes unable to have sex due to illness or injury. in my case it was an injury from a car accident my husband turned to porn and now I definitely feel violated, almost as if cheated on.
@jehovahshamah7019 this is so so unkind of you to say. You shouldn't down play someone's feelings because they are theirs, not yours to grade or justify! Do better!
@@maggiehush1300 feelings aren't valid.. I feel like I was betrayed by my parents.. makes no difference... This is why there's a crisis of men both in church and society.. are there single men in your local church??? Why aren't they coming in??? The idea that we should refrain from saying the truth simply because it makes women feel bad shows how far the church has come... It has become a cesspool of feminist talking points.. how comes the church has similar gender breakdown of men and women as pro female anti male college campuses??? Do you think it's because the church is oriented towards women and not men??
What are your thoughts on sharing this episode with my 18 yo and 16 yo young men? I ask bc I am struggling for a long time how to bring up the many areas you’ve touched on in this episode. Eg.sex toys.. TYSM for pressing through all that it takes to present more content🙏🏻💪🏼🙌🏼🔥🥳✝️
![Felix "Unfair" | [Stray Kids : SKZ-PLAYER]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/Oswujxm2Ag0/mqdefault.jpg)
It's true the saying 'the devil will try to get you in bed before marriage and keep you out of bed when you're married"
Yeah, it's a very painful experience to be rejected in marriage.
So true
My husband has PTSD from war and is refusing treatment right now. I didn’t realize how much that would effect our sex life. He never wants it and then the devil uses that to put evil in my mind about the why’s. It’s forced me to cry out to God more than ever before. Please pray for him if you think of it.
Jan’24 update: couple months later he decided to find help and is currently in treatment with the VA. God is behind the scenes working. What a great God we have who listens to our prayers.
@@janellecovington6905I’m not sure how things are right now but I’d like to pray for you.
Father in the Name of Jesus, I thank you for the life of your daughter and son. Father, I ask that you will please heal your son of any trauma oh God and please reign in this marriage and I pray that you’ll cause healing to take place in it, in Jesus’ Name Amen. God is with you my sister in Christ 🙏🏾
@@eatjinskookie7156 thank you sister❤️
But to the people who have had sex outside of marriage, there is forgiveness. Everyone has sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.
Yes, this includes virgins.
❤ amen.
I came to Christ late.
Being raised to not value marriage, let alone virginity.
😢
Repent.
Forgiveness.
as a 70 year old woman who married her highschool sweetheart almost 50 years ago, for myself and my husband in this season of our lives, all we want is to feel love. outside of our relationships with the lord of love, that translates for us into long sweet embraces and gentle kisses throughout the day. and lots and lots of talking and sharing!
This is soo beautiful. As a 21 year old girl, God has Really been debunking soo much I learned from the wrong places. This is Beautiful and inspiring to listen to. I will hopefully come listen to this with my future spouse when God brings him.
Mee too. Amen!
Yes “ THEY SAVED EACH OTHER”
That is totally correct
He looked out for her
She looked out for him
Yes I loved those words
This episode made me cry...I was deeply convicted about saving myself for marriage, however when I met my now husband, we began fooling around immediately. I lacked the backbone and the confidence of my identity in Christ to say no. it is now 24 years later and we are separated due to porn use, masterbation, anger issues, emotional abuse and I believe the fall out of the lack of respect that we demonstrated right from the very beginning. Over the 24 years, sex actually created a false sense of security and belief that things were ok even though the deeper issues were never addressed and worked through. I am in now in counseling and biblical coaching to begin the healing in my own life. I do appreciate this episode and pray that it will resonate with so many in their marriage journeys. However, there are so many people in abusive coersive situations where sex is weaponized and the journey to be free is very lonely and hard.
❤❤sending you so many prayers and healing. Praying for God to comfort you 🙏🏽
May God continue to Strengthen you and use you as a instrument to heal others ❤
Most porn addicts bring their addiction into their marriage. It is not your fault!!
Praying for healing and reconciliation in your marriage. Much love and peace to you both.❤❤
Praying for your healing sister 🤍🙏
The idea of applying "trying a car before buying it" concept to a relationship is simply thinking of your partner as an object and not as human with body, soul and spirit.
I've heard before objections to the concept of 'try before you buy'. If that doesn't apply to marriage, then how, exactly, does one verify sexual compatibility prior to marriage? Having destroyed a lifetime marriage due to incompatibility which was unknown. HUGE mistake.
@@keithlamb5398Learn to learn each other. You create the compatibility and not the other way around.
@daniellewardd this would require both parties to have the same goal. Something I do not have.
i really appreaciate how honestly and genuinely she explains both her regret + how she is using her own life choices to teach her children around min 16! i think more teenagers would make better decisions if their parent's honestly spoke with them. not just handing down spiritual concepts or rules but speaking from a relatable place - whether their testimony is that they saved themselves or whether they gave themselves to another. kids should be equipped to discern what is good and right and they can learn from ppl they trust! parents cannot avoid this topic.
this is good!
I'm from Belarus and will try to make my thought understandable. I heard about one girl who came to college or university to study in. When she was living in a hostel, her classmate started making fun of her because she was a vergine. And she answered to that girl something like that" I can always became a person as you are (not a vergine) , but a person as me-you can never become. After what the discussion stoped
That’s a very good reply to give to someone making fun of you.
Коли весь світогляд, який базувався на хтивості, та промускуїтеті просто рухнув від однієї фрази.
My reason for waiting: I knew and agreed with God's plan and purpose for sex, and I agreed with His protective boundaries around sex. I also knew that going outside of those parameters carried natural (physical) and spiritual (heart) consequences that I wasn't willing to face. So my husband and I waited :) It was VERY challenging at times for sure in our dating and engagement season, because we loved (and still love) each other, but it was worth being obedient to God. However, I love that with God, there is always hope! So when the situation is much different for some (which I know that is often is), His mercy, grace and healing power restores to better than before!
❤❤❤❤❤❤
Thanks guys!!! Sex is a sacred act of two people becoming one, it is so necessary for the church to communicate about this ❤❤
This is a great conversation. I wish I had this before I gave up my virginity. But I'm happy to be redeemed and walking about my journey differently!
Addison Bevere! I must say carries the Father's Heart! Super Powerful!
I'd love to add a perspective as a military wife. I looked quickly through the comments and didn't see anything on this, so I thought I would briefly share! When my husband is away for MANY weeks or months out of the year, we have had to get creative to keep our sex life and connection ongoing during those times apart. So that we do NOT fall into the default of "taking care of it ourselves" and having no desire to reconnect when he returns. It is something we have navigated together and both feel safe, valued, and good about how we handle those times - keeping that desire and connection alive. Just an outlier perspective for the military families out there, as Julie mentioned situations they may not have even thought to consider when it comes to these conversations. As always - just an opinion of mine to get a little creative, in a way BOTH husband and wife feel good about. To keep that connection ongoing during long times of seperation. So that neither party feels the need or temptation to look to outside sources alone to meet that desire. Love this show/podcast and all of the wisdom you guys share with us! Be blessed. ❤
Wow! I have never heard of anyone talk about this. As a military wife, I totally agree with you. My husband and I are about to be one year married next month and he recently got deployed as well. Your comment was a great reminder to just get creative with our sex life and connection in this moment of separation. Communication with you parter is absolutely key!!!
Genuinely loved your comment, God bless♥️🙌🏽
Creative??? What does that mean???? If anything outside intercourse is a sin, then how do you “do it” for weeks or months away without sinning? I’d love to hear an explanation on this and not vague enuendos
@@Unsilentmajority-1Lol same. I have no idea what she's saying.
Premarital sex between Christian couples who end up married
creates deep resentment between the couple in the marriage. I call this the AMNON EFFECT
He resents her - she should have had a higher standard. He no longer values her
She resents him- he should have set the boundary and protected her.
In each others eyes- they are LESS
LESS VALUABLE
Going forward- this specific issue has to be addressed for the marriage to thrive
2 Sam 13:10-15 Amnon had no reason to blame Tamar. He raped her after she said "do not force me . . . do not do this disgraceful thing!" v12 NKJV
While I think there is a grace, yes it does have an effect that is often minimised and must be worked through
I don't think you can compare an example of rape outside of marriage as the same as sex. It's not the same! And I don't think we would expect ppl today to marry someone that has harmed them.
Potentially true. But, every sin (except the blasphemy against the Holy Spirit) is forgivable, so if after repentance Lord forgives them, who are they not to forgive themselves and each other?
"Love is patient, love is kind,.... It keeps no record of wrongs... "
Thank you!! 🙏🏻 that was healing for me to read ❤️🩹
This podcast was so wonderful. I’m 61. I’ve been married 40 years. I was not raised as a Christian. I was raised in religion. Episcopal. My father told me as a young lady you don’t have sex before marriage or you will be considered a whore. Yet when I hit 15, he said if you are in love, it’s ok to have sex. You can guess the rest of the story. This podcast gave me so much confirmation of the Lord giving me directions in our sex life. Sex is a gift from God.
I am so sorry about this miscommunication. I am hoping you are good and clear that before marriage sleeping around is wrong something that when you’re forgiven of that you never want to go back to that life.
God's timing is soo good. I grew up in a household where this topic is taboo and I'm so happy how open y'all are to talking about this! I learned so much, thank you! Bless
This was kinda cool. I like how the first couple was real about how they struggled early on but kept trying until they really knew each other. It makes me realize some of the unrealistic expectations that I may have about sex with my spouse.
Amazing and vulnerable conversation here…y’all are discipling me for this parenting thing through your podcast and I really just want to say thank you for bringing so much light and perspective to me in this season even as I learn,unlearn & relearn certain things in my singleness while trusting God to prepare for what’s ahead.
This is so true!! I am not married, had three kids outside of marriage. After choosing to pick up the cross following Jesus, and have not had sex in over a year, the relationhip i have alone with God has been so amazing that i now understand why He chose for us to save ourselves until Marriage. I only pray that when it i time, i will have that chance, blessing to be a wife. All these years all i ever wanted was a family children mom and dad. I made my life so much harder fhan it should have been.
Thank you so much for your honesty and vulnerability! I’ve been married for 30 years, and I wish I had someone to speak these truths into my life before I got married! I know this is going to help so many people!
Thank you all for this adult conversation, I did not have the language when my girls were younger but I do have grandchildren, that I can feel comfortable in moving forward in talking to them about this appreciate you all thank you 🙏🏻❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️🙏🏻
So good! Hi from Malaysia! We Chrisitans should talk about sex in healthy way and openly! Our children need to be educated and have honest conversations with us about their sexuality.
Yes, Amen!
Loved this, my husband and I (married 11 years) are very very transparent and on the same page when it comes to our physical intimacy and we feel convicted about sharing with other couples how we talk about sex because of how much closer it’s made us. It’s uncomfortable to talk about sometimes but leaning into that discomfort knowing you’re safe within a covenant marriage is where the real blessings come. We also have two young boys and this episode made me feel more equipped in our talks with them about sex. I didn’t grow up in the church but have heard about “toxic purity culture” where the church emphasizes the negatives of sex, and I believe that what you shared about the beauty and intelligence behind the way God designed sex is way more convincing in terms of purity. Thank you so much, more of this please!
I have enjoyed listening and healing….God is never done and for that I’m so thankful!
I’m 56, walked away from my upbringing for several years. I broke covenant beliefs so these talks are helping to heal and restore my core biblical values and my ❤️
Thank you all❤️
Thank you❤️
This blessed me so much, my husband and I started our purity journey after being saved and God has been restoring our sexuality within our marriage and it is absolutely beautiful 🥰
*Tears* I love this family so much. Juli, Maddie, I feel like we're best friends. God bless everyone and all the BTS crew.
This was an awesome conversation and I wish there hadn’t been a time limit cause there’s some aspects I wish went deeper. Like when there had been a struggle with those things mentioned outside of the marriage that carried in to the marriage and how to heal and navigate after those struggles and what things are “allowed”.
Thank you so much for your vulnerability and sharing your truth! I love this!
To be someone in a Godly relationship, this is a very insightful conversation 💙.
God bless 🙌🏾
Thank you for putting this out there.
Im a 62 yr old woman married 35 years. This was beautiful and true.
This was amazing! I felt this in my soul: a lot of freedom has been granted to me through listening to this and I know it’s going to improve my marital sex life greatly! I didn’t feel judged in anyway despite making mistakes in that area of my life and so I thank you for the healing words and Biblical truth
Thank you! This is a great topic to discuss. Thank you for being open to do so in such a God and spouse honouring way.
Oh wow... i just love how transparent they are vulnerable yet they look so safe in the way the deliver this topics ♥️
Speaking from Wife who's spouse is P.A. it has really tore through our marriage. Thank you for posting this video of this discussion it truly is great.
Amazing podcast! I want to pass this down directly to my children. My view of sex was not a very healthy one, but I have finally found the way.
Tatatatta. I was blushing the whole conversation. Nobody talks about these things! They just say premarital s e x is wrong and end of convo but there is more. Thank you so much. Lemme go put ice on my cheeks😂😂😂
Thank you guys for talking about this. My husband and I have never had other partners but we didn’t wait until marriage which I have justified and dismissed for years. But I feel like just recently God has started opening my eyes to the ways that this one decision has kept us from experiencing the fullness of our marriage that God wants for us. Praying for continued revelation and healing in our own hearts and our marriage. God bless y’all!
I so appreciate their input on toys in the bedroom! This whole discussion was so helpful to me.
Thank you, this was a useful conversation. Good to hear these topics not be avoided by Christ followers. 👍
such a great topic to talk for all of the people who can't have a healthy information 👌 Thank you for your vulnerability and advices for the young generation and not only. I really appreciate all of you for who you are in Christ and what you bring through these podcasts 🙏 Bless u
Loved the authenticity, vulnerability and biblical truth you all shared. These conversations need to be normalised for young and old, God's design for his created children and marriage unashamedly proclaimed. Thank you for your courage and conviction for sharing your real journeys. It helps to make it relatable, believable and not just theoretical. Thank you Juli for continuing to bring the convo back to God's redemptive love. Especially around this topic which, as was shared, has had alot of heat, condemnation and often about "what's wrong" in the past, the concurrent msg of hope, repentance and His grace needs to shared and declared as available to all, no matter that their personal journey looks like currently or in the past. Your families are powerhouses bringing truth to our generation.
LOVE IT! You are the parents/married couples I wish I had been....BUT I don't feel condemned or ashamed. Thank you. @ 60+ and widowed, I still want to live in fullness as a sexual being. Appreciate the Beveres!
What a powerful conversation for the world to hear. Removing what the enemy meant for harm has changed my marriage as well in a beautiful and powerful way. Thank you to God’s warriors, all the Bevere’s. Most importantly, thank you Jesus 🙏🏼
AWESOME podcast 👋. Well done, dream team. Sex is a beautiful gift from Abba Father and having honest and open discussions about sex in our covenant marriage is so IMPORTANT. Thank you for sharing. Abba Father is so GOOD. Much love from South Africa xxx
Thank you for always sharing wisdom with us!
This is not only good for us but provide us tools to help our future teens!
Thank you for sharing God's word regarding this subject. The devil uses these subjects to lure people away from God Himself and His true purpose. The devil uses sex, music and money to steer us away from it's purity, good and beauty, the enemy is manipulating the world. What beautiful young people you are addressing these topics. God bless you Bevere family. Much love ❤
In today's society we are saturated with porn and porn addictions. Technically the majority of people have experienced sex virtually before the actual experience and the majority of people enter marriage with porn addictions, which technically eliminates the sanctity of the marriage covenant. Many have never experienced fidelity in marriage. There is also much push back on purity culture because it supposedly has led to disappointment and did not reflect reality, which of course was fully saturated with porn and virtual sex.
So good. So much is going to come from these honest chats you guys are having about these ‘sensitive’ subjects. So much shame is being lifted - & so much change is coming. To Christian marriages especially. Thanks to all of you for your bravery ❤️🙏🏼👌🏼
- also, timing wise? It’s just what I personally needed to hear. You guys are in God’s perfect timing with this. In fact He brought it about in the first place 👌🏼
We read that sex is a 20 year warm up...that seemed like an eternity at the time. We've had some SERIOUS sex challenges but at 20 years now I look back and think "Wow, if we had given up, we would never know how good it could be!" Having open conversations with our kids to hopefully to prevent them from having our hang ups. We were both vigins at marriage. ❤
Can you share what those sex challenges were? Sometimes you feel like you are the only one dealing with sex problems in marriage and it is refreshing to see that this was something you’ve conquered through time and having problems is normal.
I never thought about holding hands and what you’re saying about that now that I’m further into adulthood - and also wasn’t a Christian from a young age - but I do recall with my very first boyfriend how holding hands affected us. Thankfully years later I am saved after losing my virginity and a lot of sin.
Thank you for sharing this episode! Especially love how you talk to your kids about sex in a positive light- it is a beautiful thing in the context for which God designed it 🙏🏻
I thank God for these words of wisdom that keeps coming out of each episode. God bless you all for availing yourselves for His Kingdom.
Hey guys, love the vulnerability, honesty, authenticity of both sides of the fence. Our children are going into teenagers and I’m so happy I have some tools to share with them. Love you guys, praying for the greater measure of gods love To increase over all of you’s in Jesus name. Amen
Could you guys touch more on the redemption, repentance and pivoting turn point. For the couples that slipped up in saving themselves for each other.
That have fell to temptation. But dont live that way!
Greay video! Brought tears to mt eyes.
Hope for the deflated🎈THANK GOD she spoke that! I was seconds from turning off the video! It’s so hard to hear from purity minded people when I was sexually abused at 7 and then felt dirty for my whole life, which led to promiscuous behavior and I even went to the extent of marrying the first man I had sex with in an attempt to “make right” what I knew was wrong… THANK YOU JULIE♥️♥️♥️♥️
I really love how vulnerable y’all are and so necessary for this time and culture. I appreciate all of you! God bless you❤
Thanks for the candid conversation. Grew up in the hyper purity culture (hello church culture of the early 2000s), and if I remember correctly, it leaned heavily on not crossing the line, and minorly talked about the why. The heart of the matter, beside of "don't make the wrong decision", but more so, the why of how God designed sex makes it understandable in how to protect the sexual/romantic part of my life.
This
Great conversation and one I always have felt should be brought up in Bible studies, but no one wants to talk about. However, it “is” a gift and needs to be brought to the surface .
However, I also feel taking care of yourself in order to continue sex is important to discuss. We must take care of our temple. You can’t say if you were not physically attracted right now, it would be the same. With that said, eventually it does change. Your physicality and how you look as you age changes.
Some of my friends admit their husbands suffers with ED. Then what? Or women with post menopausal issues which is never, ever talked about, but is so very prevalent and greater than one thinks. Those that have had a life changing event such as becoming wheelchair bound or had a stroke or diagnosed with MS. It’s about intimacy. It doesn’t have to be sex.
I fully agree about the dependency on toys, but In certain cases, toys are totally fine in my humble opinion if actual intercourse is not possible. Sex isn’t just intercourse.
No offence please, but y’all are just too young to even know how to talk about these other topics to others nor should you.
Those topics need to be done by an older and much more mature adult with experience in disabilities and such.
However, I love seeing this topic exposed and I do enjoy the fact there is hope for the youth to abstain, and value, and cherish sex the way the Lord intended.
I desire & seek purity in all areas of my life, and I appreciate how this video was specific without being graphic to cause me to stumble. I liked how Mrs Beveres pointed out (at 39:10)something to the effect of artificial stimulation (toys, Masturbation) always needing to be upped, finding what is going to satisfy. The whole video, I believe, God really gave them the words to speak. Good info & conversations to have prior to being married. Wonderful how they communicate, educate their children in God's truth and purpose for sex in marriage. What a blessing they are to their children. How different many of our lives would be had we had that in our childhood from our parents, but praise God for his mercy and redemption!
This was beautifully done. Streamlined comes to mind. Thankyou.
So true about being led down a dark road through seemingly innocent curiosity.
This is a great conversation to have with my teen. Thank you so much for sharing. So full of wisdom
Great talk. Please continue this conversation! This is life changing for me and I am so glad to have found this video. Helping me navigate life and finding more of what God says about sex in marriage.
I love you all so much!! Also, Juli-I would love to hear more videos from you all on how you navigate talking with your kids about all this. Mine are 2 and 3 so I’m not there yet, haha but I would love to learn. I don’t think it’s ever too early to prepare 😅
Yes agreed!! More conversations about raising kids in this world we are in right now would be so inspiring and helpful.
Super long convo, but the basics are eternal.
Sex in marriage should give you the space to be intimate and vulnerable. Sex outside of marriage is spicy, but there is little room for vulnerability. And that lack of space creates anxiety.
The sole issue of sex is one degree apart from the relationship as a whole: compromise and cooperation.
Sex with your spouse is surrounded by compromise and cooperation. Frequency of sex, style of sex and the dance of initiation is all about learning your partner in an intentional and caring way.
Absolutely insane take. Sex outside of marriage is still just as intimate and vulnerable. Just because you have a piece of legal paper doesn’t mean you magically gained the emotional intelligence and internal work to be vulnerable. Marriage does not materially change who you were before and after the wedding day.
Beautiful!!! Absolutely beautiful!!! Thank you for being willing to talk on this topic. So needed!!
Awesome ! Thanks Bevere Family !❤❤
I wish this would be preached from the pulpit, having a hard time finding a man that will wait.
There are men who're really waiting! Privileged to be one by God's Grace. Just hold on to GOD while trusting him to bring the right man. It's hard but it worth it
First myth: Concerning the test drive before buying. Totally wrong analogy, right. Marriage and people are not objects. Also, you don't want to accidentally or purposefully think of other women or men when being and enjoying your partner because you have those experiences engraved into your soul, your memories and your emotions.
Amen brother
MESS US UP BIG TIME
WE THANK GOD FOR HIS REDEEMING GRACE AND MERCY
AMEN
GLORY TO GOD
These conversations are great. Thank you for going there. Hearing your journeys and experiences is helping my husband and i start some of these topics with our kids earlier than we would have. I think it is so needed in today's world where they'll hear the lies so early on. We can be on the offence and lay the truth down first in the hope of avoiding the mistakes we made growing up. Anyway, thank you. Very much appreciate you guys 🙏💕
As you get older, health issues often arise that can throw a wrench into this part of the relationship. So, for all of you under the age of 45…please don’t abstain for long periods of time within your marriage bc you never know what the older years have in store for you. For us, sleep apnea & restless leg syndrome as well as sciatic nerve issues affect this part of the relationship.🙏💪It can be “simple” or more serious health issues.
Oh! The Beveres! Y'all are such a GIFT to the world for your genuine willingness to navigate these crucial topics in light of God's TRUTH and design!!! Oh my goodness! This refreshed 'n' BLESSED my soul for the clarity gained in certain aspects surrounding this subject! Woooow!!! Thank Y'ALL SO SO SOOOO MUCH! It would be a DREAM come TRUE to sit at a table and share a conversation with Y'ALLLL!!! I am SOOO appreciative!!! Sending YOU ALL SOOO much LOVE 'n' POSITIVE WAVES from Montreal!!! :') :') :D
Such a transparent, powerful and informative podcast! Thanks
I love these guys. Im laughing...im agreeing...im loving this. Thanks. Amen!❤
Just wanted to encourage those of us who are going through seasons of exhaustion between raising toddlers and teenagers, working, doing household chorus etc. and not least of all, carving out time for our First Love: Jesus, to fight for your times of intimacy. Make the sacrifice to connect physically and emotionally. It's not easy when you are already dead tired when you go to bed at night and you don't know how the rest of it is going to be e.g. with a little one teething or whatever. BUT, make time for each other. Sex truly is like holy glue keeping our marriages together. When we put it on the back burner and don't sacrifice for it, we start to grow apart. Lord Jesus, please help me practice what I am preaching here. You know we are only human and many times our spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. But in our weakness, YOU ARE STRONG! Thanks for an amazing podcast ya'll! Love in Christ.
Y’all are amazing!! Thank you for sharing!! I always gain so much more wisdom and understanding after watching ❤
Great episode! Thank you for addressing these topics from a godly perspective
Fantastic discussion guys!
Wow, such a precious, insightful and needed conversation, thanks to y'all. Please do more. It seems like the younger couple had such sound and practical premarriage counselling. I don't know if it would be possible to do an episode targeting unmarried people discussing expectations regarding sex in marriage etc. in more detail(like what was said to them during premarriage counselling.) Blessings.
Alec: I admire you for not feeling like you missed out by waiting for marriage, but I waited till marriage at 30 and I've never thought it was worth it. Any advice?
The scripture that comes to mind is " my thoughts are not your thoughts neither are my ways your ways declares the Lord" Isaiah 55:8. Our opinions on whether sex is ok outside of marriage, do not matter, God calls fornication which is sex outside of marriage a Sin. Some of us were way too young and immature when we sinned in this manner but Christ has redeemed us, We repent and seek forgiveness for it and forge ahead pursuing celibacy and purity until marriage. It is what it is.
Living together. A whole thing on it! So infiltrated in the church. ❤
This is great! Mom and dad didn’t want to join in on this one?🤣🤪
What an excellent channel and excellent episode! Thank you!
Watching pornography within marriage and outside of it is an immediate no. You commit the sin of lust and Jesus is very serious about that. “But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matt. 5:28)
And adulterers will not inherit the kingdom of heaven (1 Corinthians 6:9)
Awesome talk. I agree mostly in general however some of us as you mentioned have different situations.
We've been married 40yrs and before kids our sx life was reasonable. Though her 30yr old peak never happened. As often when kids arrived that changed. I knew this would happen and supported her in these times though our times of intimacy fell to monthly at best. After kids we tried rekindling things but she became very involved in a fulfilling career. Now we're back to 2x month at best. My only release is masturbation (not fantasizing) during dry times. She also has some health issues that contribute to this. We love each other dearly and I'm committed but often feel lonely. I have followed all kinds of good Christian advice with little effect. I am convinced this is my lot for my remaining days. When we are intimate it is good and fulfilling... though without much fun factor. One of the most devistating comments when we talked about sx was "I could take it or leave it." I feel she, after much intimate time of arousal, she "gives in."
Sometimes we have no recourse.
I'm sending up a prayer for those who are praying for a godly spouse. God bless you for letting the Holy Spirit lead your life. 💕💕💕 I pray that you are blessed beyond your dreams. (Additionally, I rebuke delays, additictions, lusts, pride, ego, shame, (fill in the blank) through the power of the name of Jesus. Amen.) 🙏🏽
Yes! So many singles looking for their special someone.
Thank you guys first of all for putting this discussion in the open. Wish y’all would have gone more in depth whether all the things Are ok in marriage sex or not… sounded a bit surface as y’all didn’t really comment wether y’all thought of experiencing this for yourselves or not.
I have three kids and my husband and I find it hard to have that intimate time with each other with out it being rushed or interrupted. How do we find that time with each other to be spiritualy intamate and not just having sex to have sex?
I have 4 kids and we go thru the same. My husband works exclusively night shift too so that doesn't help. We have found a strategy that works for us and at the hardest times we just took that to God and asked Him for a strategy and we figured it out. I'm a stay at home mom who doesn't homeschool so in between getting my kids to amd from school we have some time to be together. Talk to God about it, I'm sure He will answer.
One thing that I think needs to be said is that just because God’s mercy and grace is there for you, does not mean you can go do whatever you want because his mercy and grace will help me when I need it.
Proverbs 26:11-12 Like a dog that returns to its vomit, a fool does the same foolish things again and again.
I couldn’t find the exact verse in the Bible where Jesus said to someone, “Your sins have been forgiven, but do not go and repeat them, but live a clean life.” I’m paraphrasing here but thats what is being said.
As someone who has been in the sexual health world as a Christian, I want to chime in with some instances where I think toys may be the more loving thing for a marriage and connect vs divide. For instance, a husband who is disabled or can’t achieve an erection might use a toy on their wife. Or is very small and wears a sleeve. Or is very large and wears a bumper to avoid very deep penetration. For women, vaginismus is incredibly common for women who grew up in purity culture. This is when penetration is excruciatingly painful. Trying to have intercourse in that situation would be harmful to the couples connection. In that case, partners using dilators within their sex life may be beneficial. Connecting dilation with pleasure can be important, because vaginismus is often both physical and mental. Although all these cases could be seen as using medical devices, many Christian’s would class them as sex toys. My opinion is that we need more nuance around toys in marriage. I don’t agree that you always need to up the ante with them and get more and more intense, people often find what they like and stick with that. Personally, my test for using toys is “does this help or harm the connection between spouses?” If it allows a couple who otherwise can’t have a sexual life to have a sexual connection, then I see that as good and pleasing to God. If it creates distance, then it isn’t a good thing.
Thank you for bringing voice to this. So many discussions around sexual purity do not discuss the harms, such as vaginismus, not being able to drop the shame, or a partner who is not loving and sacrificial in the bedroom, and a lack of awareness of what healthy sexuality looks like.
Thank you for sharing.
Great episode. Would love to hear more about how you are going through the book Atomic Habits with your kids.
My only real beef with this talk is the passing mention of withholding your body from your spouse. And you are right that the only thing said about sex in Christian circles is how the world does it wrong.
On 1 Corinthians 7, it needs to be emphasized that unjustly withholding sex IS sexual immorality. It falls in the same category of sex outside marriage. This also leads to men and women seeking “extramarital” aids / solutions. NOTE: if he watches porn because his wife is cold sexually his sin is NOT justified. Utilizing other people is prohibited (watching or touching) but it cannot be said that the Word of God forbids self service (m word) or toys. As you said we are sexual beings. Men do need (not merely want) sex. Yet when different desire levels meet and the man has a high drive, he is told “die to self” and NO MENTION of “your body is not your own” is made to the wives. No one tells the women to “die to self and fulfill your duty to meet your husband’s need.” This leaves the husband feeling like a perverted male chauvinist prig, because of a need God created and he sought to satisfy lawfully with a woman he loves. This has led to men trying to suppress and resist something God Himself approves of and has made explicit His means of tending to that need. Which like all suppression winds up blowing up into other much worse issues such as porn or infidelity.
So many “extramarital” drives actually come from what Paul (and God) are explicitly is trying to protect from. Sexual immorality. Why are they not supposed to withhold from each other in 1 Corinthians 7?
That is my only real criticism. Overall it was pretty decent but if we don’t make sure that both parties have it clear that one of the reasons and duties explicit in scripture for marriage is sex, and that it is a violation of your vows as well as a sin against God and spouse to withhold that. We put many many marriages at risk.
As for the “abuse” response. If you are being physically assaulted then you have a moral obligation to expose that. Additionally, if you are asked to sin against God or His Word you are required to disobey whatever authority ask you to sin (Read Daniel). Outside of being explicitly told to sin if it is truly abuse then stop wasting time on here and seek professional intervention. Seek professional guidance on how to expose the abuse.
If it is just grouchiness and rudeness this is not abuse merely disobedience. And their disobedience does not justify YOUR disobedience.
Thank you for this conversation y’all!! Important.
Thank you for such beautiful conversation. ♥️
one you didn’t touch on is what happens when a partner becomes unable to have sex due to illness or injury. in my case it was an injury from a car accident my husband turned to porn and now I definitely feel violated, almost as if cheated on.
Oh please don't over exaggerate.. try to think of your husband as well what he might have gone through rather than being such a solipsist
Viewing pornography is cheating spiritually and emotionally. Your trust was violated.
I’m so sorry. Lean on God. Pray for the restoration and conviction of your husbands heart and for yours as well. God bless.
@jehovahshamah7019 this is so so unkind of you to say. You shouldn't down play someone's feelings because they are theirs, not yours to grade or justify! Do better!
@@maggiehush1300 feelings aren't valid.. I feel like I was betrayed by my parents.. makes no difference... This is why there's a crisis of men both in church and society.. are there single men in your local church??? Why aren't they coming in??? The idea that we should refrain from saying the truth simply because it makes women feel bad shows how far the church has come... It has become a cesspool of feminist talking points.. how comes the church has similar gender breakdown of men and women as pro female anti male college campuses??? Do you think it's because the church is oriented towards women and not men??
What are your thoughts on sharing this episode with my 18 yo and 16 yo young men?
I ask bc I am struggling for a long time how to bring up the many areas you’ve touched on in this episode. Eg.sex toys.. TYSM for pressing through all that it takes to present more content🙏🏻💪🏼🙌🏼🔥🥳✝️
I love listening to this conversation. Very good guys. Thank you so much.
Such a great conversation, thank you all.