Thank you for the update. You are the only adoptive parent on the internet who tells the honest, frank and rare truth. You are truly helping someone else by peeling back the curtain and revealing how hard it is. Thank you!
The 18 months is a huge accomplishment!! So inspired by your perseverance, love, and strength. The vulnerability you share is the most valuable human connection.
Esther - I only recently learned of infant trauma and how it affects even newborns ; it's rare to hear about so your sharing this is hopefully a step in raising awareness for future parents and could change lives and even save a child from further trauma or stresses. I can't out into words the amount of awe I& gratitude I have for your courageous ability to put this vlog & information out there for others. I will continue to pray for you & your family. I cried several times for all of you. I'm glad you have been graced with more sleep than you were getting. I pray you can keep up the informative videos for others irregardless of any negativity you may receive. This is not easy to be so honest and transparent in the public eye but your doing great! May God bless each and every member of your family. 🌺💐🌷
I am not an adoptive parent but I've been following you and your family since your very first video. They are so informative and this is certainly an area that need raised awareness. Thank you so much for sharing! I am rooting for you, Levi, David, Seth and Ezra!
The honesty and openness is so appreciated! I am in such awe of your ability to persevere through the tough times and to be open with others with your family struggles. Literally you are Superwoman
I have watched all of your vlogs and I know the judgement has been harsh. The topic however is so interesting. No matter where you feel you are at, I think you look 10 years younger than in your prior videos. So I think you are getting better sleep and are adjusting better. I hope it continues to get better and happier with Levi and the boys. You are human. Give yourself some grace. My prayers are with you for good health and happiness.
Esther, I hope you know that one day Levi will look at you and David and he will see, after everything he went through right at the beginning of his life, the two people that never gave up on him. His first two constants in life and the people that taught him what unconditional love means and he will love you right back with the same strength that you now muster up fighting for his well-being. You are an amazing mother and woman and most importantly you are Levi's hero. Thank you for your videos, I would love to adopt one day (currently still in law school) and your videos are an absolutely incredible resource!
Thank you so much for your honesty, I can't tell you how helpful it is. My husband and I are looking into adoption and have found no one is willing to be honest about what it's really like. It's so helpful to hear an honest account of what's really involved. Appreciate you so much, I will be praying for you and your family.
Yes I also ran into the same problem. I had read and heard so many stories from adoptees, it was important for me to hear their story so my child would not have to repeat a similar story. But when I adopted and struggles were so real, I wanted to hear from adoptive moms, what their journey and real stories were like. But no one wanted to speak up or be honest because the judgement is so harsh in adoptive world. So it’s important for me to share these.
You do the adoption community a tremendous service with your in-depth, brutally honest observations of your experience. Every adoption experience is unique-and it sounds like you have faced so many challenges. Kudos to you for sharing your journey so openly and providing so much helpful information about this process for others. I think my two big takeaways thus far are patience and seeking help. Your patience with Levi's needs (while taking care of your other two boys!) and recognizing the causes of his behaviors is tremendous. Sharing your experiences in seeking help from counselors and therapists will hopefully encourage others to do the same. This is no sprint-it's a marathon and you and your family have the training and endurance to cross that finish line! You have a beautiful family and we are all rooting for you!!!
Hi Esther, thank you so much for your transparency and vulnerability. It’s hard to admit you’re struggling and not doing well. I can’t imagine what you’re going through, and have never walked your path before…but I am a mom of two young boys and have always thought about adoption as a possibility for our family. Thank you for this informative, detailed explanation of trauma and how you and your family are dealing with it all. You and your family are literally illustrating and exemplifying Jesus to this little scared boy, by showing him what it means to sit with him in his pain and endure it with him, to step into the brokenness of his trauma. Anyways, my heart and prayers go out to you. May each day bring you a step closer to healing.
Omg, haven't watched yet..just got so excited, I jumped right in. Been looking forward to this yet it popped up unexpectedly. TY for braving the online community with YOUR adoption journey (as each is unique).
Acceptance is key. To accept the child and its trauma, anxiety and anger as it is. Many adoptive parents are not ready for it, they want the child to be how they want it to be. Not what the child actually needs.
this really further testifies to me that you can never know the extent of someone's life by their social media! whenever you post pictures on Instagram, Levi looks so happy and cute. I find myself assuming things are all better and adjusted. Then I watched this video and realize the pain behind that cute smile. And of all your struggles! It also makes me realize the full picture of adoption. You are the first I have found to be so open with everything. Other videos just show the gotcha day and the coming home parts. It all seemed to magical and happy. I appreciate your honesty in promoting adoption, but also preparing people for the struggles they will face.
Yes thank you for that, and this is the reason why I make these videos because social media can really portray a diff picture. It has wiped many families due to this aspect. I feel before I adopted, had someone, a mom esp who adopted had told me of what is really behind trauma and adoption, I would have been somewhat prepared. So it’s important for me to make these videos esp for moms out there struggling now, majority behind closed doors suffering alone.
I understand how hard it can be to handle a toddler like Levi, it’s hard to handle our biological babies but an adopted baby even harder. You looked so emotional while you talking about your experienced with Levi, I do hope you not regret yourself because you have adopted Levi. One an half year old when Levi entered your family I can imagine how hard it must be for a little man specially if Levi had experienced lots of things in his life such as abuse or whatever it might be, at that age already understand of feeling scared, fear and he is longing for love and connection, but as long as you not resent him specially his emotional needs he will slowly become a child that you wish for ( hopefully). My parents adopted three children and I’m sure it was hard at that time but now all my adopted siblings are doing amazing they all very successful and they have their own family with their kids, we all very close with each other and the most important is they all love my parents. I prayed that one day Levi will grow up become a man with kind heart, he will be able to overcome any traumatic experiences in his life so he will have a great future that will make you proud of him.
I'm not a woman, but I want to be an adoptive father some day in the relatively near future. I was adopted myself, but I also experienced abuse from the woman who adopted me. Your videos help me appreciate so much more what trauma comes with adoption itself and what we can do as adults to help adopted children.
You are such a beautiful Mother, Im truly grateful for your honesty . As a foster parent and an adoptee myself I find it so helpful to listen to you articulate what is happening in your family’s adoption journey You are so transparent and relatable you will help many people to understand what is going on in their own struggles. Thank you ! You are a Blessing. Im Praying for your beautiful family
So glad to see you again! I think that you and David are doing an extraordinary job raising your boys, and dealing with the challenges after Levi's adoption. Your transparency and honesty are testaments to you wanting to help others, and your encouragement to other adoptive parents is very REAL. I am also glad that you realized it was important for you to get help & support from a therapist. We all have to take care of our mental well-being, just as we take care of our physical health! I look forward to hearing more about your precious family!
You are a brave, wonderful mom & David too is a great dad. I have so much respect for both of you especially after listening to everything you have spoken about in today's video. May God bless your family 💚
I used to have very fluffy and romantic thoughts about adoption but after watching your honest videos I realised that adoption is not for the faint hearted and one must count the cost before jumping in. Thank you for sharing. Levi is so blessed to have you
I'm just glad Levi didn't have a mom who deals with his aggression with aggression. This behavior could cause many parents to go to abuse, and I can't imagine how that would affect him. You seem like a mom who is very soft spoken,as opposed to me, who did her share of yelling,as I came from a family of yelling. You seem so patient. I would have hit the bottle long ago!
I’ve just started watching ...we adopted 3 infant brothers (foster care ,but having them since birth ) They had traumatic womb experiences and 1 year worth of traumatic health and life support experiences ...they were born drug addicted and both families had severe mental health issues ...I understand where you are ...I am praying for you ...We have done and tried every therapy , therapeutic living ...I search for and try to convince everyone I can that so much of their issues are trauma based . My heart pours out for you .. therapy is a must ..I depend on my therapy ..I actually have a man who is much older and life seasoned and therapy seasoned . One thing he says in his 40 plus years experience is that there are 2 traumas that are lifetime experience for people ..they are child sexual abuse and the other is adoption , even like me who had a great adoption when I was born ..but I began to learn how much of my own ways of processing through life is based a cellular level rejection ..anyway I’m sorry to go on but I just want you to know you are fully in my heart and prayers
I really appreciate your transparency. Thank you for being so vulnerable! I cannot imagine how difficult it is… through this video, I am learning how great is a mom’s love and how incredible is God’s love. Praying for your family!
This is so important and crucial information! Thank you so much for your honesty and transparency! I have always been interested in one day adopting but had no idea on how deep and all-encompassing trauma affects everything. You are doing God's work in raising awareness and sharing knowledge.
You are such a great parent. Although my children are older than yours and not adopted, I learn something from each of your videos. I check routinely to see if a new video has been posted. Thanks for your efforts to make these videos.
I am so happy to see your update. Having similar experience, I know how it feels and it is difficult for people who don't have similar experience to understand. Please ignore some of the harsh comments. My boy is starting kindergarten tomorrow and we feel we have overcome the hardest part and things could only get better. Fighting!
You certainly contribute so much to the adoptive and foster community. I love that you keep Levi’s struggles so hidden, as in not filming him or your other children when they are struggling, to protect him online but that you are also honest about them. Finding this kind of information is hard and it’s very validating to hear. Some of the comments you get are very harsh, preachy or judgemental and I hope that you know you do help people. One thing I would look at is - as someone else mentioned - sensory issues etc. It can be a big adjustment for the whole family to discover your loved one has been suffering with something unseen, I would not take it on face value that all the behaviours are grief or trauma related, though those are certainly reason enough. Thank you for making these videos.
one of the best vlogs on RUclips. I love how you express and explain in details your ordeal, while keeping young Levi in the center of the whole story and you both are so empathetic.
"THE TRAUMA HAS A TARGET -- THE CAREGIVER." So true. My daughter also spent the first two years of her life with three caregivers before coming to us from Korea, and as a two year old, she was furiously angry. (A toddler is so helpless to change the things they don't like) Things did settle down for most of her growing up years. It's good that you have resources to help understand your little guy's problems. Forty years ago there was almost no information available..
It's interesting that you talk about your toddler acting as if everything is all about him...that's the vibe I get from you. Maybe that's why the two of you clash.
Bless you. Your struggles are so real and I m hoping everything gets easier. Raising a child is hard, adoption is hard and you're so strong. I have barely lived a drop of the ocean you're in and it felt like hell to me. These videos are extremely helpful, thank you so much for the knowledge and insightfulness you and your family are sharing with and gifting the world.
Thank you Esther, for sharing your heart an struggles with us. You do a wonderful job in explaining everything your dealing with day to day. I can’t begin to imagine how you must feel. My husband also has a busy practice & I am also a mom to 3 children. I have watched so many adoption videos, and it has crossed my mind. Thankfully, I found your channel and have learned so much from watching your videos! It’s refreshing to have someone share their experiences with such openness and honesty. Please keep sharing & updating. Your a beautiful mom and an inspiration to us all!
I'm an adoptive mom and have experienced some struggles with our child. You're sharing valuable information. My question is, at what point will you reach out for additional help for Levi? Having 3 young children, one with emotional and behavioral issues, and a husband who works so much, how can you handle Levi's needs alone? Maybe because I'm a retired Speech-Language Pathologist, I see such value in therapy (in Levi's case, possibly child behavioral therapy). This would give you someone to come alongside you and Levi to teach you strategies to help him and to give support. I think you've been an amazing mom during this time with Levi but everyone has a breaking point and needs help along the way.
Hi, thank you for your advice, I have long ago reached out for help for Levi, but I was turned away by many therapists saying he’s too young and we need to wait till he turns 3.
@@koreanfamilyadventures8140 I'm so sorry to hear that! Where I live, in Kentucky, we have wonderful therapy services through First Steps until 3 years of age. At three, the public school system is responsible for evaluation and services if deemed necessary. If not public school services, then private therapy is an option. I understand things work differently in different states. I was hoping to encourage you to seek more support but I should have realized you had probably already sought that out. Please forgive me for offering unneeded advice 💛.
I am an adoptive and foster mother. I have experienced very similar to you with our recent foster daughter that came to us at age 15 months. She also had the same sleep problem, would wake up every hour or two in a panic and scream (waking up the entire house). After a month of that, she has adjusted and is sleeping much better through the night. But let me tell you, it is a special kind of mental torture to be sleep deprived and hear screaming all day. I felt like I had to get ready for war everyday. Only adoptive and foster parents will understand this kind of mental fortitude you must have. My husband and I have very little people in our friend circle now because I know non adoptive/foster parents will never understand our struggle. The secondary trauma I have experienced has changed me. In some ways for the better and some for the worst. You have to accept the changes. That was hard for me to understand because I was grieving my old life and my old self. God has called us to foster and we believe that we are doing His work with these children. My adopted son came to us at 6 months and experienced a lot of trauma during that time, but yes since he was “so young” he has had more time to heal and make more connections in his brain. My foster daughter has more recent trauma and it will probably take her years to catch up on everything assuming she doesn’t experience more trauma in the future. She still has random shouts/screams during the day, I think she will need a behavioral coach to help her because the screaming throughout the day is driving us all crazy. Thank you for sharing. It is a hard road to walk. I wish less people would glamorize adoption on social media because all adoptive and foster parents are struggling. We all are.
Thank you so much for this comment, yes o know exactly to the T what you wrote here. No one can understand what it’s like unless they’ve walked this particular path, and it is def a lonely place to be in. I also had to cut out my friend circles and just have a very tight knit small circle now. I’m also going to talk about this in my next video in part 2.
Thank you so much for sharing your story and your struggles. I’m so grateful that I stumbled upon your video. We are going through exactly the same thing with our adoptive daughter that will turn three in October. We adopted her when she was 11 months old and same as you I, my husband and 3 of our biological children suffering from secondary trauma. Some days are so bad that I don’t see any hope in the end of the tunnel. But when she comes to me and says: “Mommy I love you too much!” and giving me a kiss and a hug, my heart melts and everything is worth while. It will take a very long time to re-wire the brain but I definitely see the improvement and will do my absolute best to help her. You are so amazing and I feel your pain. We are all in this together. Sending so much love and peace to your home 💕
Yes, it is very rough isn’t it? You described it just the way I’ve been feeling, it feels like a tunnel and you thought it would open up after one mountain, but you had no idea that after passing through 10+ mountains the tunnel still has no opening. I wish someone had told me about this before I adopted to better prepare me for the realities.
Exactly like that! I wish I knew better as well. Those pre adoption trainings are definitely not enough. I feel like your video made so much sense but I already been through all of it myself so I understand and relate to every word you’re saying. For someone who is just wanting to adopt those words don’t have the same meaning. I hope that many future adoptive families will watch your video and will be more prepared. And if their child doesn’t have all the symptoms so good for them. Also is there anyway I can talk to you in private? I have something to share that might help.
No girl I totally get your feelings. I thank God for people like you that can care for children in need. I know I don't have the mental stability to do it. I feel overwhelmed for you just hearing about the struggle.
I was interested to listen to this, and your on-going journey to being a Mum to Levi. I am a 71 year old woman, and I have had depression and anxiety all my adult life, and in fact didn't know until I was in my 40's that it was depression and anxiety. There wasn't so much information or the internet then as there is now, and after spending so much time in therapy and money trying other modalities to heal myself. I eventually discovered only in the last year that I have CPTSD (Complex Post traumatic Stress Disorder.) It is the same to a degree as PTSD except it is as the word suggests more complex, also CPTSD is related to childhood trauma that you have carried all through your childhood into adulthood. My dis-regulation was caused from a mother who did not bond with me and in fact showed total emotional neglect. I was told it would have effected me the same as a child that was in care. CPTSD is dis-regulation of the nervous system, in fact it is believed therapy can sometimes make your condition worse, unless you find specific therapist trained in trauma and somatic healing, because all you are doing is re-traumatising yourself by going over all the trauma that happened to you. This definitely happened to me. Where the healing has to take place is with the somatic body. Trauma is held and contained in your body. I suggest an incredible source of information is a lady called Irene Lyon who has many videos on RUclips explaining this and talking and explaining how the nervous system works and and what happens to it when it is dis regulated. (This video explains all trauma that has happened any time in your life not just childhood.) Though this is for healing as adults she does mention how as an adult you can help your children to become regulated which is primarily to do with you being regulated, but I am sure it will help you understand also how illness is caused through a dis- regulated nervous system. I hope this can go some way to helping you and all your family. Love from the UK
Bless you Esther A true woman of God It’s hard to be honest and transparent in this world but you are doing so for the good of others. I have thought of y’all and will be praying for you all. May Creator continue to give you strength and bless you.
Ester I’m sure you felt so alone in your thoughts and feelings. I’m glad you found someone to talk to that truly validated your feelings. Let you know you are not alone in your feelings. Bless you for this honesty!
I never had an inkling about the challenges of adoption until my best friend adopted a 16 year old boy. This friend is a social worker in the field of adoption, and has fostered over 30 children through the years. (She also had four bio children, all teens or young adults at the time of adoption) The boy she adopted came to the US from another country’s orphanage when he was 11 years old, where he had lived his entire life. By the time he was 16 his first adoptive family had enough of his behavior and that is when my friend and her husband adopted him. My friend was well aware of all the pitfalls of adoption after having been in the field for over 25 years. She put all her knowledge into creating a home where his needs could be met and structure was given. But, of course, problems aren’t easy to overcome by that age, and he left home as soon as he turned eighteen. Now, nearly twenty years later he still struggles, but in an odd way he doesn’t really know he does, because his brain never had the chance to develop normal people to people skills and it’s all he knows. For example, he calls my friend and her husband “Mom” and “Dad”, but he also uses those terms for any adult who has taken him in since he ran away. Living with Reactive attachment disorder is his reality and always will be. I’m so happy that Levi came to live with you at such a young age. God is guiding you all the time. So remember that when you are weak He is strong. I know that having the family issues that you do is more than any of us non-adoptive people can understand. Thank you for sharing your struggles and heartache, and I will be waiting for your next update!
Yes, many don’t understand trauma. And many tend to blame the parents for the child’s trauma, as if had the parents done more, the child would be okay. I have such heart for families who have adopted over a decade ago and still struggling and literally just surviving day to day. I know that those parents have given their ALL esp the first few years before they completely got burned and wiped out. Reactive attachment disorder, adhd etc is not something that people can easily overlook, even if behavioral psychiatrists themselves were to walk the same path as many of us, I’m not sure if things would be diff. I spoke with a therapist and she said prior to adopting she would just give the typical therapy and tell parents to try harder, but once she became an adoptive mom, it hit her the realities of these parents were struggling with and she herself even now is struggling.
@@koreanfamilyadventures8140 There are also lots of Korean adoptees adopted into families that have/are physically and emotionally abusing them. It is sad and difficult for adoptees, even those who have loving adoptive families. There is just too much trauma and emotional baggage.]
You don’t know how important these videos are for adoptive parents. I wish more parents showed and talked about the real and the raw. We would be more equipped to help our kids and ourselves. I feel there would be less harm in parents mental health as well as less harm in attachment. Also a lot less rehoming adoptions. Knowledge is power it truly is. P.S. I love your hair color and style!
Thank you for being authentic. I understand from my own experience with foster care/adoption how complex and exhausting it is. Keep showing up! You are doing much better than you think you are!!
I had no idea what it was like for you,. You've definitely enlightened me. Glad to see that you are having some improvement. Hang in there mama! You've got this.
You are such a thoughtful person. Levi‘s loss is huge and his grief is not sugarcoated in your family. It has a place, it is seen. Of course, it is absolutely normal that a child‘s grief lasts for a longer period of time. His improvements are appreciated though and you know exactly where his behaviours come from. Please do not let toxic comments bother you too much. Some people should be getting a diagnosis for themselves 🙈 You are obviously doing a great job. However, you are still a human.... Please be kind to yourself!
That is not a personality defect, it's imperative that you get a good therapist and one that has empathy. You are so stong to recognize that you need help, and seek it out. Bless your heart.
Our brains are amazing. You are doing a great job. I think the information you are sharing is very important. I think your adopted son will one day thank you for all your efforts.
Esther, Thank you Esther for your honest account of what adoption can be for so many. You are changing the world. Also I couldn’t help but think all through this video one day as he is a grown man and sees the lengths of love that you and your family extended to him the healing that may continue and the bond that may continue to form. Sending so many healing blessings to you and your whole family. Thank you for your service 🙏🏼
Hi Esther. This video randomly popped up on my recommendations and I was so surprised to see a familiar face. We were in Korea at the same time for custody and at the embassy the same day as you all. Praying for continued progress for sweet Levi, improved health for you, and peace for the family as a whole. ❤️
This video is so important. Thank you for you candour. I think it’s really important that conversations are had and there is more openness around the issues of not only being a parent but the issues that come up during adoption. The good, the bad and the ugly. All you see out there is the cute gotcha day videos. You don’t see the adjustment’s, the up’s and down’s. Bravo to you for seeking professional help when you needed it and for sharing and raising awareness about these issues and the process of adoption that goes beyond taking custody of your child. .
Your doing so great and amazing insight to Levi and for your self . It’s Levi’s mental health and yours . I don’t have children but I was a shit child apparently . I remember screaming for hours on end as a little kid. They figured out when I was 17 I was adhd and at 34 high functioning autism . I just think you are an amazing woman . I like your honesty as well . All your info is so detailed . 👍
My mother had to leave me at 6 months to get a job in a city 4 hours away... I feel like that affected me somehow . I could not stop crying for years . I had neuro feedback therapy and that helped me stop crying day in and out . I had several rounds of that but I was lucky to have family support .
Thank you very much for making these videos. Everyone says so but I will say it too : as a person who wishes to adopt in the future, this is very eye-opening. I know that even if I may be aware of some aspects, it will still hard. But preparing beforehand is always right. Thank you very very much !
Dear Esther, you are such a gift for the adoption community. Thank you for your insights, sharingsand knowledge*I wish you all the best for your family*
appreciate your honesty in sharing. It's not easy to share the challenges. Please don't let the judgmental comments get to you. Wishing you and your family health and happiness together.
My heart is breaking for you all. I’m sending so much love and support to you sweet mama ❤️ I always lookout for new videos from you, but understand how limited your time is with all that you are dealing with. Take much care of yourself and all of your precious family. Much love ❤️
I was so happy to see another video from you. I can relate to so much in your video. I’m not an adoptive parent, but with my biological children. I’m being transparent now, and will say I admire you even more that you are sticking this out and have not had a distrupted adoption. You DO have to think of you as well. As you said (and I was told the same) you have to look after yourself as who else will do it? I’m so sorry that although things have improved for you, you are still facing struggles. No one knows what it is like until they go through it themselves.. Take care 💕
love listening to this. I adopted 16 years ago from Guatemala. I had a bio child as well. our experience was very smooth and our son had very little trauma and I know how lucky we were. yet still no one prepared us for many of our issues. thank you for sharing...it will help so many others.
You are incredible for recognizing and implementing professional help for the mental and emotional change. That is incredible strength no doubt. Many resort to withdrawal because of the significant guilt and shame they tend to feel. Some turn to medicine to remedy the sleep or the fatigue. Only the strong will seek support to accept and face these changes. It's not easy, and some feel that they can only handle "the easy way out". That's why stories of resilience, determination, and faith are important to share. It's stories like these that saved countless lives, families, and homes.
Hi Esther! Im sending all my love to you and your family. I was raised by my biological family most of the time but was sent to a host family from when i was 9 months to almost 5 years old. So I kinda had a gotcha day when my mom, who seemed a complete stranger to me, came to pick me up. I didn’t take well to be separated from my host mom and cried a lot flying overseas with my biological mom. I remember to feel quite lonely at the beginning. But things got better. You’re doing a fantastic job and Levi is growing, he will become someday aware of all the struggles and appreciate all what you did. In the mean time please take care of yourself!!! Hugs and kisses!!
Thrilled to see a new video Esther. So glad to hear that you are getting more sleep, I honestly don't know how you have coped.. I am so sorry that you have gone through so much to give Levi a stable, loving home. I send you my best wishes. I totally agree with you about needing to speak to someone who is walking the same path. I lost my beloved husband twenty months ago, and the only people I feel able to relate to are friends who have also been bereaved. Love from Susan in UK.
I’m so terribly sorry to hear about your loss, I can’t imagine how your heart is feeling. And yes, the only people who understands this journey is people who walked the same path.
I'm busy working so will try to write more later, but as I have mentioned before I think you are doing a great job in terms of proactively doing your best and also in being transparent. I am adopted and although I don't feel particularly traumatized I really appreciate you being so honest for the sake of other (potrential) adopters.
Esther you look great so happy to see you it's been so long... you're a wonderful person levi couldn't have gotten a better mom... may God continue to bless ur family... you guys was chosen by God for levi trust me everything will work out for the best... love you guys
I am sure a bunch of adoptive parents (if they had Levi) would have re-homed him -- in other words, give him up to another family who wants him, This happens a lot and it is heartbreaking. Thank you for sharing honestly, At least you have one advantage, you are Korean like Levi.
I would call that a disadvantage! They should not adopt from the same cultural background IMO, adopting Chinese or any other Asians, or blacks, Indians etc. would make a big different. They and the baby Levi have the same mind of thinking, which leading to a tangled situation.
뉴욕에서부터 인사드립니다! 저희도 한국에서 해외 입양한지 3계월 째입니다. 정말 중요한 말씀 많이 나눠주신 것 감사합니다 ❤️🙏 I’m deep in the sleep struggles right now and am very encouraged and sobered by your sharing. Thank you for always giving perspective to these matters and being so vulnerable. 응원합니다!
3개월이면 아마도 가장 힘들고 지치고 힘든 시기입니다. 저는 지금도 정말 힘들지만, 그때를 생각하면 갑자기 숨이 막힐정도로 어텋게 표현을 해야할지 모르겠습니다. 길게 보시지 마시고 아침이 일어나시면 전쟁터에 나간다 생각하시고, 저녁이 되면 오늘도 어텋게 하루를 마감해구나 라고 생각하시고 그냥 하루 하루를 버티시는게 버틸수 있습니다.
Esther, you are so inspirational, you have been through alot, plus Covid, give yourself a break, give yourself a spa day and reconnect your feelings are valid, praying for some comfort for you and your family many blessing.
Thank you for being so open and honest about your experiences and also about how trauma affects your entire family and how you are struggling with mental health. I have expeirience with adopting two children from the foster care system and I recognise many of the things and behaviours that you describe. It is good to allow yourself to grieve for the way you’re family has changed and for the struggles Levi’s adoption has caused your two other sons. Your lives have been turned upside down. One thing that I would recommend you from my experience is to also not rule out a diagnosis for Levi other than the immense trauma that he has experienced as an infant. As you said he may have been exposed to alcohol (and/or drugs) in uturus but there may also be mental health issues running in his biological family that may explain some of his behaviours. It may be a good thing for you and your two biolocal sons as well as for Levi to find a trusted (church) family member or friend who can take care of Levi once in a while for a few days so that you can have some rest focus on yourself and work on a healthy relationship with your husband and two sons. You invest so much in understanding by reading, informing yourself in various ways and through therapy and that is all good but what is also important is stepping back sometimes and rest. Pieces of the puzzle will sometimes fall in it’s place when you take a step back.
I do not want to take away from the trauma of adoption but sometimes there is a difficult child. Not a bad child just a demanding, hard headed, strong will child that can turn any family’s life upside down! This can happen when there is no adoption or trauma that has hit a family. It is extremely hard and can turn your life upside down!
This is very true too. Yes it’s hard to tell right now, with adoption, transition, trauma, terrible two’s, and personality characteristics, we just have to wait it out for few years and see.
I so appreciate your honesty. I just love how you share your struggles. From what you know, is this pretty common with children adopted from other countries, or just very common in adopted children. I feel bad for you, but love how dedicated you are to the well being of your children. I wonder if he displayed this behavior around his grandparents, or was it just with you and David? Do you get out of the house and have time away with friends? For your own mental health? I'm just sorry you are having these struggles. Is their a "moms group for adoptive parents?" A place to share struggles and hear suggestions that might help you in your situation. I just applaud you for your honesty and videos that I'm sure help others. You're right, a mom's job is the hardest job out there!
I don’t have children of my own but I have taken care of many kids in my lifetime. Some can be such little monsters! It makes me wonder now if they had experienced trauma from 0-3yo. Thank you for your very educational video. I pray for better days for your family! I am happy that Levi made some improvements, and that you are taking better care of yourself.
As an adult adoptee I am learning so much about myself from your videos. My family is great, but I don't think that they would care to do the work with me to heal. They pretty much wrote me off years ago due to my depression and periods of anger. They just don't understand and no matter how much I try to explain they don't get it. Even my siblings. They say we had a great life so I don't know what you're talking about but they were with their biological family. I always felt different inside. Not unwanted or unloved. Just different in a way that I can't explain.
I am not an adult adoptee so I may not understand what you’re going through. However, I never felt like I fit into my very large family. I also suffered from depression and anxiety for years. My family used to tell me my condition was not real (I was diagnosed later), that I was being dramatic, and that we had a good life so how can you be the way you are when everyone else is fine? My family is great but I keep a distance. I feel a sense of emptiness or lack of connection when I am with them but that’s ok. I acknowledge those feelings and am ok with who I am.
Thank you for sharing this. We are adoptive family and I can related everything you said.. I feel relief knowing that I am not alone.. We knew it would be hard but it is beyond our expectations.
Thank you for sharing your experience. Your explanation of primary and secondary trauma was very informative. I work for a school district in special education. I don't know if you have pursued this, but he could be evaluated by your school district (if he is turning 3 or older) and he may be eligible to receive services in social emotional in a preschool setting.
Yes that's correct. Usually intake through Child Find takes places 2/3 months before they turn 3, as they must begin services starting on their 3rd birthday.
Have you looked into your local regional center? In California we have Regional Centers that serve children under 3. I’m not sure if all states have regional centers but I believe it is national. They provide lifetime services for people who qualify - it does not need to fall all on you if his issues do not resolve themselves as time goes on. And it is easier to qualify under three rather than over three years old.
Esther, Thank you so much for this video. Listening to you feel like someone finally gets it. I can relate to all these you are sharing. We went to pick up our 11 years old son from Taiwan August 2020. We just made our one year anniversary. The struggles are so real. It has not been an easy year but I too also believe there is hope. Just wanted to say Thank you. Power of love in the Lord will get us through. Prayers to you.
Yes, it’s so hard isn’t it? I’m sure it’s much harder for you Bcus he’s older. I think we have it hard. then I listen to other parents and I can’t even say anything.
@@koreanfamilyadventures8140 So thankful to listen to you talking. I think different stages has different challenges but at the end of the day, the struggles for the adoptive parents are real and hard for others to understand unless they have walked in the same path. sometimes, wants so much to talk to someone yet no one really interested in listening the "real" stuff. One thing I need to learn from you is to seek help. someone once share, two steps forward, one step backward and we will keep going. Focus on the wins. Looking back, the progress is there and we know God's holding our hands. Take care Esther. (really feel like giving you a hug now haha). Thanks again Esther.
This video is so important, I had No idea how hard it is, I don't think many who adopt or want to adopt unfortunately are or realise that he trauma even small babies come with and what Huge effect not having a primary caregiver and abandonment has on their lives. What makes it even worse is that these adoption organisation s don't seem to either, or maybe they don't care or are so overwhelmed with orphans that they can't do what is best for each kid even if they want. Like I don't think your son probably would have had to come with so much baggage and trauma if they have like maybe been more avare of early child development. Though it must be impossible to take away completely how hard you try because No matter what there will be trauma from abandonment in an adopted child. This I don't think many people really understand or consider and specially those who say it's just toadopt or who expect the child should be and show gratefulness to them and be happy just because they have been adopted.
I'm so happy to hear there is some improvement, I don't know the adoption experience BUT I do know how getting no sleep can affect your Health, it makes it harder each day to cope with things & that most definitely can cause depression, exhaustion ect. I hope things really improve for you & your family, I believe the more he feels secure the better he will be, Keeping you all in Prayer.. 🙏
I hope you are better and happier now, and hoping Levi is still with your family. If not, it's not your fault or anyone's, life is short, not everyone can be saved or or you might not be the perfect match to save him... But if he does still live with your family, he would be around 5yr old, aggression should be corrected. It might inappropriate to say in this way, but it's like having a puppy, you need to be the boss not the pet, the withdrawing you were doing was not helping, he's your child now, your responsibility, stand up and be a strict parent you should be. What you would do if he was your biological child? Treat him the same way. Good luck, and you deserve a happy ever after!
I pray for you Levi is not RAD! You are working hard to combat it and no one can say you haven’t done so much for Levi. I know some friends who have dealt with RAD and you may have PTSD from everything you deal with. I have been where you are except I had four kids. My adopted child was not throwing tantrums of anger etc so not RAD but it was all day left by manipulating mind games and it will drive you crazy. Her whole personality changed from a good child into a spoiled brat the minute her MeMaw walked in the door. She tried to pull off these acts like we were abusive to her because she could get her way by acting like that to the point Mema had to stop coming over. It was all manipulating mind games. It traumatized the whole family. It’s still going on and she’s an adult
@@koreanfamilyadventures8140 I’m very sad for you. I didn’t know he actually had RAD. From what I’ve been reading I knew he had the symptoms. I also know what RAD is and how it usually ends up, but I also remember what David said if you get a difficult child. He’s right of course so I will pray things get better for you. God sent you this experience for a reason and maybe you will help other RAD parents. By the way your parents look like they are wonderful parents and a great support for you. I hope everyone comes out of this ok.
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Thank you for the update. You are the only adoptive parent on the internet who tells the honest, frank and rare truth. You are truly helping someone else by peeling back the curtain and revealing how hard it is. Thank you!
I agree.
The 18 months is a huge accomplishment!! So inspired by your perseverance, love, and strength. The vulnerability you share is the most valuable human connection.
This!! ⬆️
Esther - I only recently learned of infant trauma and how it affects even newborns ; it's rare to hear about so your sharing this is hopefully a step in raising awareness for future parents and could change lives and even save a child from further trauma or stresses. I can't out into words the amount of awe I& gratitude I have for your courageous ability to put this vlog & information out there for others. I will continue to pray for you & your family. I cried several times for all of you. I'm glad you have been graced with more sleep than you were getting. I pray you can keep up the informative videos for others irregardless of any negativity you may receive. This is not easy to be so honest and transparent in the public eye but your doing great! May God bless each and every member of your family. 🌺💐🌷
Y un Hugh huccuh mm
I am not an adoptive parent but I've been following you and your family since your very first video. They are so informative and this is certainly an area that need raised awareness. Thank you so much for sharing! I am rooting for you, Levi, David, Seth and Ezra!
I kept looking to see if there was an update. So happy you all are getting that much needed sleep.
The honesty and openness is so appreciated! I am in such awe of your ability to persevere through the tough times and to be open with others with your family struggles. Literally you are Superwoman
I have watched all of your vlogs and I know the judgement has been harsh. The topic however is so interesting. No matter where you feel you are at, I think you look 10 years younger than in your prior videos. So I think you are getting better sleep and are adjusting better. I hope it continues to get better and happier with Levi and the boys. You are human. Give yourself some grace. My prayers are with you for good health and happiness.
Esther, I hope you know that one day Levi will look at you and David and he will see, after everything he went through right at the beginning of his life, the two people that never gave up on him. His first two constants in life and the people that taught him what unconditional love means and he will love you right back with the same strength that you now muster up fighting for his well-being. You are an amazing mother and woman and most importantly you are Levi's hero.
Thank you for your videos, I would love to adopt one day (currently still in law school) and your videos are an absolutely incredible resource!
He will not remember what went on when he was 18 months old. Most
kids don’t remember what went on at 5 years old.
Yes Levi will reciprocate the love he received from his adoptive parents.
Thank you so much for your honesty, I can't tell you how helpful it is. My husband and I are looking into adoption and have found no one is willing to be honest about what it's really like. It's so helpful to hear an honest account of what's really involved.
Appreciate you so much, I will be praying for you and your family.
Yes I also ran into the same problem. I had read and heard so many stories from adoptees, it was important for me to hear their story so my child would not have to repeat a similar story. But when I adopted and struggles were so real, I wanted to hear from adoptive moms, what their journey and real stories were like. But no one wanted to speak up or be honest because the judgement is so harsh in adoptive world. So it’s important for me to share these.
You do the adoption community a tremendous service with your in-depth, brutally honest observations of your experience. Every adoption experience is unique-and it sounds like you have faced so many challenges. Kudos to you for sharing your journey so openly and providing so much helpful information about this process for others. I think my two big takeaways thus far are patience and seeking help. Your patience with Levi's needs (while taking care of your other two boys!) and recognizing the causes of his behaviors is tremendous. Sharing your experiences in seeking help from counselors and therapists will hopefully encourage others to do the same. This is no sprint-it's a marathon and you and your family have the training and endurance to cross that finish line! You have a beautiful family and we are all rooting for you!!!
I so love what you wrote about that this is not a sprint but it’s a marathon, I can do relate to that. Thank you so much!
@@koreanfamilyadventures8140 I am so happy there was a useful little kernel in there for you... You will finish this race!
Hi Esther, thank you so much for your transparency and vulnerability. It’s hard to admit you’re struggling and not doing well. I can’t imagine what you’re going through, and have never walked your path before…but I am a mom of two young boys and have always thought about adoption as a possibility for our family. Thank you for this informative, detailed explanation of trauma and how you and your family are dealing with it all. You and your family are literally illustrating and exemplifying Jesus to this little scared boy, by showing him what it means to sit with him in his pain and endure it with him, to step into the brokenness of his trauma. Anyways, my heart and prayers go out to you. May each day bring you a step closer to healing.
Omg, haven't watched yet..just got so excited, I jumped right in. Been looking forward to this yet it popped up unexpectedly. TY for braving the online community with YOUR adoption journey (as each is unique).
Acceptance is key. To accept the child and its trauma, anxiety and anger as it is. Many adoptive parents are not ready for it, they want the child to be how they want it to be. Not what the child actually needs.
this really further testifies to me that you can never know the extent of someone's life by their social media! whenever you post pictures on Instagram, Levi looks so happy and cute. I find myself assuming things are all better and adjusted. Then I watched this video and realize the pain behind that cute smile. And of all your struggles! It also makes me realize the full picture of adoption. You are the first I have found to be so open with everything. Other videos just show the gotcha day and the coming home parts. It all seemed to magical and happy. I appreciate your honesty in promoting adoption, but also preparing people for the struggles they will face.
Yes thank you for that, and this is the reason why I make these videos because social media can really portray a diff picture. It has wiped many families due to this aspect. I feel before I adopted, had someone, a mom esp who adopted had told me of what is really behind trauma and adoption, I would have been somewhat prepared. So it’s important for me to make these videos esp for moms out there struggling now, majority behind closed doors suffering alone.
I understand how hard it can be to handle a toddler like Levi, it’s hard to handle our biological babies but an adopted baby even harder. You looked so emotional while you talking about your experienced with Levi, I do hope you not regret yourself because you have adopted Levi. One an half year old when Levi entered your family I can imagine how hard it must be for a little man specially if Levi had experienced lots of things in his life such as abuse or whatever it might be, at that age already understand of feeling scared, fear and he is longing for love and connection, but as long as you not resent him specially his emotional needs he will slowly become a child that you wish for ( hopefully). My parents adopted three children and I’m sure it was hard at that time but now all my adopted siblings are doing amazing they all very successful and they have their own family with their kids, we all very close with each other and the most important is they all love my parents. I prayed that one day Levi will grow up become a man with kind heart, he will be able to overcome any traumatic experiences in his life so he will have a great future that will make you proud of him.
That is wonderful to hear, stories like what you share gives hope to adoptive families. Your parents are amazing.
I'm not a woman, but I want to be an adoptive father some day in the relatively near future. I was adopted myself, but I also experienced abuse from the woman who adopted me. Your videos help me appreciate so much more what trauma comes with adoption itself and what we can do as adults to help adopted children.
You are such a beautiful Mother, Im truly grateful for your honesty . As a foster parent and an adoptee myself I find it so helpful to listen to you articulate what is happening in your family’s adoption journey You are so transparent and relatable you will help many people to understand what is going on in their own struggles. Thank you ! You are a Blessing. Im Praying for your beautiful family
So glad to see you again! I think that you and David are doing an extraordinary job raising your boys, and dealing with the challenges after Levi's adoption. Your transparency and honesty are testaments to you wanting to help others, and your encouragement to other adoptive parents is very REAL.
I am also glad that you realized it was important for you to get help & support from a therapist. We all have to take care of our mental well-being, just as we take care of our physical health!
I look forward to hearing more about your precious family!
You are a brave, wonderful mom & David too is a great dad. I have so much respect for both of you especially after listening to everything you have spoken about in today's video.
May God bless your family 💚
I used to have very fluffy and romantic thoughts about adoption but after watching your honest videos I realised that adoption is not for the faint hearted and one must count the cost before jumping in. Thank you for sharing. Levi is so blessed to have you
Yes, it’s unfortunate that many if not majority have the same view you had including myself.
I'm just glad Levi didn't have a mom who deals with his aggression with aggression. This behavior could cause many parents to go to abuse, and I can't imagine how that would affect him. You seem like a mom who is very soft spoken,as opposed to me, who did her share of yelling,as I came from a family of yelling. You seem so patient. I would have hit the bottle long ago!
I’ve just started watching ...we adopted 3 infant brothers (foster care ,but having them since birth )
They had traumatic womb experiences and 1 year worth of traumatic health and life support experiences ...they were born drug addicted and both families had severe mental health issues ...I understand where you are ...I am praying for you ...We have done and tried every therapy , therapeutic living ...I search for and try to convince everyone I can that so much of their issues are trauma based .
My heart pours out for you .. therapy is a must ..I depend on my therapy ..I actually have a man who is much older and life seasoned and therapy seasoned .
One thing he says in his 40 plus years experience is that there are 2 traumas that are lifetime experience for people ..they are child sexual abuse and the other is adoption , even like me who had a great adoption when I was born ..but I began to learn how much of my own ways of processing through life is based a cellular level rejection ..anyway I’m sorry to go on but I just want you to know you are fully in my heart and prayers
I really appreciate your transparency. Thank you for being so vulnerable! I cannot imagine how difficult it is… through this video, I am learning how great is a mom’s love and how incredible is God’s love. Praying for your family!
This is so important and crucial information! Thank you so much for your honesty and transparency! I have always been interested in one day adopting but had no idea on how deep and all-encompassing trauma affects everything. You are doing God's work in raising awareness and sharing knowledge.
You are such a great parent. Although my children are older than yours and not adopted, I learn something from each of your videos. I check routinely to see if a new video has been posted. Thanks for your efforts to make these videos.
I am so happy to see your update. Having similar experience, I know how it feels and it is difficult for people who don't have similar experience to understand. Please ignore some of the harsh comments. My boy is starting kindergarten tomorrow and we feel we have overcome the hardest part and things could only get better. Fighting!
What a hopeful thing to hear! Thank you so much for sharing that with me.
You certainly contribute so much to the adoptive and foster community. I love that you keep Levi’s struggles so hidden, as in not filming him or your other children when they are struggling, to protect him online but that you are also honest about them. Finding this kind of information is hard and it’s very validating to hear. Some of the comments you get are very harsh, preachy or judgemental and I hope that you know you do help people. One thing I would look at is - as someone else mentioned - sensory issues etc. It can be a big adjustment for the whole family to discover your loved one has been suffering with something unseen, I would not take it on face value that all the behaviours are grief or trauma related, though those are certainly reason enough. Thank you for making these videos.
Yes, I had also considered RAD or ADHD, but I was told by several therapists to wait till he’s 3.
one of the best vlogs on RUclips. I love how you express and explain in details your ordeal, while keeping young Levi in the center of the whole story and you both are so empathetic.
"THE TRAUMA HAS A TARGET -- THE CAREGIVER." So true. My daughter also spent the first two years of her life with three caregivers before coming to us from Korea, and as a two year old, she was furiously angry. (A toddler is so helpless to change the things they don't like) Things did settle down for most of her growing up years. It's good that you have resources to help understand your little guy's problems. Forty years ago there was almost no information available..
It's interesting that you talk about your toddler acting as if everything is all about him...that's the vibe I get from you. Maybe that's why the two of you clash.
😅
Bless you. Your struggles are so real and I m hoping everything gets easier. Raising a child is hard, adoption is hard and you're so strong. I have barely lived a drop of the ocean you're in and it felt like hell to me. These videos are extremely helpful, thank you so much for the knowledge and insightfulness you and your family are sharing with and gifting the world.
Thank you Esther, for sharing your heart an struggles with us. You do a wonderful job in explaining everything your dealing with day to day. I can’t begin to imagine how you must feel. My husband also has a busy practice & I am also a mom to 3 children. I have watched so many adoption videos, and it has crossed my mind. Thankfully, I found your channel and have learned so much from watching your videos! It’s refreshing to have someone share their experiences with such openness and honesty. Please keep sharing & updating. Your a beautiful mom and an inspiration to us all!
I'm an adoptive mom and have experienced some struggles with our child. You're sharing valuable information. My question is, at what point will you reach out for additional help for Levi? Having 3 young children, one with emotional and behavioral issues, and a husband who works so much, how can you handle Levi's needs alone? Maybe because I'm a retired Speech-Language Pathologist, I see such value in therapy (in Levi's case, possibly child behavioral therapy). This would give you someone to come alongside you and Levi to teach you strategies to help him and to give support. I think you've been an amazing mom during this time with Levi but everyone has a breaking point and needs help along the way.
Hi, thank you for your advice, I have long ago reached out for help for Levi, but I was turned away by many therapists saying he’s too young and we need to wait till he turns 3.
@@koreanfamilyadventures8140 I'm so sorry to hear that! Where I live, in Kentucky, we have wonderful therapy services through First Steps until 3 years of age. At three, the public school system is responsible for evaluation and services if deemed necessary. If not public school services, then private therapy is an option. I understand things work differently in different states. I was hoping to encourage you to seek more support but I should have realized you had probably already sought that out. Please forgive me for offering unneeded advice 💛.
I know it came from a caring heart and you meant well. Thank you for caring.
May God bless you Esther. I truly feel your pain AND your love toward Levi and the entire family.
I am an adoptive and foster mother. I have experienced very similar to you with our recent foster daughter that came to us at age 15 months. She also had the same sleep problem, would wake up every hour or two in a panic and scream (waking up the entire house). After a month of that, she has adjusted and is sleeping much better through the night. But let me tell you, it is a special kind of mental torture to be sleep deprived and hear screaming all day. I felt like I had to get ready for war everyday. Only adoptive and foster parents will understand this kind of mental fortitude you must have. My husband and I have very little people in our friend circle now because I know non adoptive/foster parents will never understand our struggle. The secondary trauma I have experienced has changed me. In some ways for the better and some for the worst. You have to accept the changes. That was hard for me to understand because I was grieving my old life and my old self. God has called us to foster and we believe that we are doing His work with these children.
My adopted son came to us at 6 months and experienced a lot of trauma during that time, but yes since he was “so young” he has had more time to heal and make more connections in his brain. My foster daughter has more recent trauma and it will probably take her years to catch up on everything assuming she doesn’t experience more trauma in the future. She still has random shouts/screams during the day, I think she will need a behavioral coach to help her because the screaming throughout the day is driving us all crazy.
Thank you for sharing. It is a hard road to walk. I wish less people would glamorize adoption on social media because all adoptive and foster parents are struggling. We all are.
Thank you so much for this comment, yes o know exactly to the T what you wrote here. No one can understand what it’s like unless they’ve walked this particular path, and it is def a lonely place to be in. I also had to cut out my friend circles and just have a very tight knit small circle now. I’m also going to talk about this in my next video in part 2.
Thank you so much for sharing your story and your struggles. I’m so grateful that I stumbled upon your video. We are going through exactly the same thing with our adoptive daughter that will turn three in October. We adopted her when she was 11 months old and same as you I, my husband and 3 of our biological children suffering from secondary trauma. Some days are so bad that I don’t see any hope in the end of the tunnel. But when she comes to me and says: “Mommy I love you too much!” and giving me a kiss and a hug, my heart melts and everything is worth while. It will take a very long time to re-wire the brain but I definitely see the improvement and will do my absolute best to help her.
You are so amazing and I feel your pain. We are all in this together. Sending so much love and peace to your home 💕
Yes, it is very rough isn’t it? You described it just the way I’ve been feeling, it feels like a tunnel and you thought it would open up after one mountain, but you had no idea that after passing through 10+ mountains the tunnel still has no opening. I wish someone had told me about this before I adopted to better prepare me for the realities.
Exactly like that! I wish I knew better as well. Those pre adoption trainings are definitely not enough. I feel like your video made so much sense but I already been through all of it myself so I understand and relate to every word you’re saying. For someone who is just wanting to adopt those words don’t have the same meaning.
I hope that many future adoptive families will watch your video and will be more prepared. And if their child doesn’t have all the symptoms so good for them.
Also is there anyway I can talk to you in private? I have something to share that might help.
Yes! Can you msg me private via Instagram? Korean family adventures? With my email sometimes it goes to my junk mail and I don’t always get it.
No girl I totally get your feelings. I thank God for people like you that can care for children in need. I know I don't have the mental stability to do it. I feel overwhelmed for you just hearing about the struggle.
I was interested to listen to this, and your on-going journey to being a Mum to Levi.
I am a 71 year old woman, and I have had depression and anxiety all my adult life, and in fact didn't know until I was in my 40's that it was depression and anxiety. There wasn't so much information or the internet then as there is now, and after spending so much time in therapy and money trying other modalities to heal myself. I eventually discovered only in the last year that I have CPTSD (Complex Post traumatic Stress Disorder.) It is the same to a degree as PTSD except it is as the word suggests more complex, also CPTSD is related to childhood trauma that you have carried all through your childhood into adulthood.
My dis-regulation was caused from a mother who did not bond with me and in fact showed total emotional neglect. I was told it would have effected me the same as a child that was in care.
CPTSD is dis-regulation of the nervous system, in fact it is believed therapy can sometimes make your condition worse, unless you find specific therapist trained in trauma and somatic healing, because all you are doing is re-traumatising yourself by going over all the trauma that happened to you. This definitely happened to me.
Where the healing has to take place is with the somatic body. Trauma is held and contained in your body.
I suggest an incredible source of information is a lady called Irene Lyon who has many videos on RUclips explaining this and talking and explaining how the nervous system works and and what happens to it when it is dis regulated. (This video explains all trauma that has happened any time in your life not just childhood.)
Though this is for healing as adults she does mention how as an adult you can help your children to become regulated which is primarily to do with you being regulated, but I am sure it will help you understand also how illness is caused through a dis- regulated nervous system. I hope this can go some way to helping you and all your family. Love from the UK
I have nothing but major respect for you and David. Fighting!!
Bless you Esther
A true woman of God
It’s hard to be honest and transparent in this world but you are doing so for the good of others.
I have thought of y’all and will be praying for you all. May Creator continue to give you strength and bless you.
Yes, wonderful comment. Glad to see Esther getting such support and good feedback for what she is doing for future families.
Ester I’m sure you felt so alone in your thoughts and feelings. I’m glad you found someone to talk to that truly validated your feelings. Let you know you are not alone in your feelings. Bless you for this honesty!
Love your honesty. It’s so hard and most people will never understand. Blessings to you and your husband.
I never had an inkling about the challenges of adoption until my best friend adopted a 16 year old boy. This friend is a social worker in the field of adoption, and has fostered over 30 children through the years. (She also had four bio children, all teens or young adults at the time of adoption) The boy she adopted came to the US from another country’s orphanage when he was 11 years old, where he had lived his entire life. By the time he was 16 his first adoptive family had enough of his behavior and that is when my friend and her husband adopted him.
My friend was well aware of all the pitfalls of adoption after having been in the field for over 25 years. She put all her knowledge into creating a home where his needs could be met and structure was given. But, of course, problems aren’t easy to overcome by that age, and he left home as soon as he turned eighteen. Now, nearly twenty years later he still struggles, but in an odd way he doesn’t really know he does, because his brain never had the chance to develop normal people to people skills and it’s all he knows. For example, he calls my friend and her husband “Mom” and “Dad”, but he also uses those terms for any adult who has taken him in since he ran away. Living with Reactive attachment disorder is his reality and always will be.
I’m so happy that Levi came to live with you at such a young age. God is guiding you all the time. So remember that when you are weak He is strong. I know that having the family issues that you do is more than any of us non-adoptive people can understand. Thank you for sharing your struggles and heartache, and I will be waiting for your next update!
Yes, many don’t understand trauma. And many tend to blame the parents for the child’s trauma, as if had the parents done more, the child would be okay. I have such heart for families who have adopted over a decade ago and still struggling and literally just surviving day to day. I know that those parents have given their ALL esp the first few years before they completely got burned and wiped out.
Reactive attachment disorder, adhd etc is not something that people can easily overlook, even if behavioral psychiatrists themselves were to walk the same path as many of us, I’m not sure if things would be diff. I spoke with a therapist and she said prior to adopting she would just give the typical therapy and tell parents to try harder, but once she became an adoptive mom, it hit her the realities of these parents were struggling with and she herself even now is struggling.
@@koreanfamilyadventures8140 Thank you for taking a moment to reply, as I know that your free time is precious.
@@koreanfamilyadventures8140 There are also lots of Korean adoptees adopted into families that have/are physically and emotionally abusing them. It is sad and difficult for adoptees, even those who have loving adoptive families. There is just too much trauma and emotional baggage.]
You don’t know how important these videos are for adoptive parents. I wish more parents showed and talked about the real and the raw. We would be more equipped to help our kids and ourselves. I feel there would be less harm in parents mental health as well as less harm in attachment. Also a lot less rehoming adoptions. Knowledge is power it truly is.
P.S. I love your hair color and style!
Thank you for being authentic. I understand from my own experience with foster care/adoption how complex and exhausting it is. Keep showing up! You are doing much better than you think you are!!
I’ve been waiting for an update. So glad to hear from you. Honesty on adoption is very important (as an adoptee myself and I hope to adopt someday).
I’m so happy about the improvements. You and your husband are doing a great job. I hope things continues to improve.
Keeping you, and your family in my prayers. You are a truly amazing woman and mother, sending hugs from a small town in Indiana.
So happy to hear from you! I was so worried!
I’m so happy to see a video from you 🥺🤍
I had no idea what it was like for you,. You've definitely enlightened me. Glad to see that you are having some improvement. Hang in there mama! You've got this.
You are such a thoughtful person. Levi‘s loss is huge and his grief is not sugarcoated in your family. It has a place, it is seen. Of course, it is absolutely normal that a child‘s grief lasts for a longer period of time. His improvements are appreciated though and you know exactly where his behaviours come from. Please do not let toxic comments bother you too much. Some people should be getting a diagnosis for themselves 🙈 You are obviously doing a great job. However, you are still a human.... Please be kind to yourself!
That is not a personality defect, it's imperative that you get a good therapist and one that has empathy. You are so stong to recognize that you need help, and seek it out. Bless your heart.
Our brains are amazing. You are doing a great job. I think the information you are sharing is very important. I think your adopted son will one day thank you for all your efforts.
Esther,
Thank you Esther for your honest account of what adoption can be for so many. You are changing the world. Also I couldn’t help but think all through this video one day as he is a grown man and sees the lengths of love that you and your family extended to him the healing that may continue and the bond that may continue to form. Sending so many healing blessings to you and your whole family. Thank you for your service 🙏🏼
I’ve been thinking about y’all lately. I’m glad to see these updates.
Hi Esther. This video randomly popped up on my recommendations and I was so surprised to see a familiar face. We were in Korea at the same time for custody and at the embassy the same day as you all. Praying for continued progress for sweet Levi, improved health for you, and peace for the family as a whole. ❤️
Oh wow! Are you the couple from texas? I’ve been wanting to get in touch with our group!
Can you send me a private message on my Instagram? Korean family adventures, I want to connect.
This video is so important. Thank you for you candour. I think it’s really important that conversations are had and there is more openness around the issues of not only being a parent but the issues that come up during adoption. The good, the bad and the ugly. All you see out there is the cute gotcha day videos. You don’t see the adjustment’s, the up’s and down’s. Bravo to you for seeking professional help when you needed it and for sharing and raising awareness about these issues and the process of adoption that goes beyond taking custody of your child. .
Your doing so great and amazing insight to Levi and for your self . It’s Levi’s mental health and yours . I don’t have children but I was a shit child apparently . I remember screaming for hours on end as a little kid. They figured out when I was 17 I was adhd and at 34 high functioning autism . I just think you are an amazing woman . I like your honesty as well . All your info is so detailed . 👍
My mother had to leave me at 6 months to get a job in a city 4 hours away... I feel like that affected me somehow . I could not stop crying for years . I had neuro feedback therapy and that helped me stop crying day in and out . I had several rounds of that but I was lucky to have family support .
Thank you very much for making these videos.
Everyone says so but I will say it too : as a person who wishes to adopt in the future, this is very eye-opening.
I know that even if I may be aware of some aspects, it will still hard. But preparing beforehand is always right.
Thank you very very much !
Yes you are so right. Nothing can prepare you for it,…. But it is diff when you are aware of it going into it.
Dear Esther, you are such a gift for the adoption community. Thank you for your insights, sharingsand knowledge*I wish you all the best for your family*
Excellent. Thank you for Every video. You are helping soooo very much and you are so very appreciated! Lots of love to you and your family.
appreciate your honesty in sharing. It's not easy to share the challenges. Please don't let the judgmental comments get to you. Wishing you and your family health and happiness together.
Hi Esther. I just want to give you a big hug. Thank you for this vlog
My heart is breaking for you all. I’m sending so much love and support to you sweet mama ❤️ I always lookout for new videos from you, but understand how limited your time is with all that you are dealing with. Take much care of yourself and all of your precious family. Much love ❤️
I was so happy to see another video from you. I can relate to so much in your video. I’m not an adoptive parent, but with my biological children. I’m being transparent now, and will say I admire you even more that you are sticking this out and have not had a distrupted adoption. You DO have to think of you as well. As you said (and I was told the same) you have to look after yourself as who else will do it? I’m so sorry that although things have improved for you, you are still facing struggles. No one knows what it is like until they go through it themselves.. Take care 💕
love listening to this. I adopted 16 years ago from Guatemala. I had a bio child as well. our experience was very smooth and our son had very little trauma and I know how lucky we were. yet still no one prepared us for many of our issues. thank you for sharing...it will help so many others.
You are incredible for recognizing and implementing professional help for the mental and emotional change. That is incredible strength no doubt. Many resort to withdrawal because of the significant guilt and shame they tend to feel. Some turn to medicine to remedy the sleep or the fatigue. Only the strong will seek support to accept and face these changes. It's not easy, and some feel that they can only handle "the easy way out". That's why stories of resilience, determination, and faith are important to share. It's stories like these that saved countless lives, families, and homes.
Hi Esther! Im sending all my love to you and your family. I was raised by my biological family most of the time but was sent to a host family from when i was 9 months to almost 5 years old. So I kinda had a gotcha day when my mom, who seemed a complete stranger to me, came to pick me up. I didn’t take well to be separated from my host mom and cried a lot flying overseas with my biological mom. I remember to feel quite lonely at the beginning. But things got better.
You’re doing a fantastic job and Levi is growing, he will become someday aware of all the struggles and appreciate all what you did. In the mean time please take care of yourself!!!
Hugs and kisses!!
Thrilled to see a new video Esther. So glad to hear that you are getting more sleep, I honestly don't know how you have coped.. I am so sorry that you have gone through so much to give Levi a stable, loving home. I send you my best wishes. I totally agree with you about needing to speak to someone who is walking the same path. I lost my beloved husband twenty months ago, and the only people I feel able to relate to are friends who have also been bereaved. Love from Susan in UK.
I’m so terribly sorry to hear about your loss, I can’t imagine how your heart is feeling. And yes, the only people who understands this journey is people who walked the same path.
I'm busy working so will try to write more later, but as I have mentioned before I think you are doing a great job in terms of proactively doing your best and also in being transparent. I am adopted and although I don't feel particularly traumatized I really appreciate you being so honest for the sake of other (potrential) adopters.
Esther you look great so happy to see you it's been so long... you're a wonderful person levi couldn't have gotten a better mom... may God continue to bless ur family... you guys was chosen by God for levi trust me everything will work out for the best... love you guys
I have endless respect for you.
I am sure a bunch of adoptive parents (if they had Levi) would have re-homed him -- in other words, give him up to another family who wants him, This happens a lot and it is heartbreaking. Thank you for sharing honestly, At least you have one advantage, you are Korean like Levi.
I would call that a disadvantage! They should not adopt from the same cultural background IMO, adopting Chinese or any other Asians, or blacks, Indians etc. would make a big different. They and the baby Levi have the same mind of thinking, which leading to a tangled situation.
Yayyyy I’m so glad you’re back!!! ❤️ I am sorry to hear about you not doing well. My prayers are with you all.
You are amazing and your updates are so positive and yet, very real. Praying for your family and the journey ahead.
뉴욕에서부터 인사드립니다! 저희도 한국에서 해외 입양한지 3계월 째입니다. 정말 중요한 말씀 많이 나눠주신 것 감사합니다 ❤️🙏 I’m deep in the sleep struggles right now and am very encouraged and sobered by your sharing. Thank you for always giving perspective to these matters and being so vulnerable. 응원합니다!
3개월이면 아마도 가장 힘들고 지치고 힘든 시기입니다. 저는 지금도 정말 힘들지만, 그때를 생각하면 갑자기 숨이 막힐정도로 어텋게 표현을 해야할지 모르겠습니다. 길게 보시지 마시고 아침이 일어나시면 전쟁터에 나간다 생각하시고, 저녁이 되면 오늘도 어텋게 하루를 마감해구나 라고 생각하시고 그냥 하루 하루를 버티시는게 버틸수 있습니다.
Esther, you are so inspirational, you have been through alot, plus Covid, give yourself a break, give yourself a spa day and reconnect your feelings are valid, praying for some comfort for you and your family many blessing.
Thank you for being so open and honest about your experiences and also about how trauma affects your entire family and how you are struggling with mental health.
I have expeirience with adopting two children from the foster care system and I recognise many of the things and behaviours that you describe. It is good to allow yourself to grieve for the way you’re family has changed and for the struggles Levi’s adoption has caused your two other sons. Your lives have been turned upside down. One thing that I would recommend you from my experience is to also not rule out a diagnosis for Levi other than the immense trauma that he has experienced as an infant. As you said he may have been exposed to alcohol (and/or drugs) in uturus but there may also be mental health issues running in his biological family that may explain some of his behaviours.
It may be a good thing for you and your two biolocal sons as well as for Levi to find a trusted (church) family member or friend who can take care of Levi once in a while for a few days so that you can have some rest focus on yourself and work on a healthy relationship with your husband and two sons. You invest so much in understanding by reading, informing yourself in various ways and through therapy and that is all good but what is also important is stepping back sometimes and rest. Pieces of the puzzle will sometimes fall in it’s place when you take a step back.
Yes, I’m considering RAD or ADHD. We won’t know till he turns 3 though.
Hello Esther, you're doing great...
DON’T BE TOO HARD ON YOURSELF or how you think you're raising your kids 💗💗..
🤗🤗
God's got you.
I do not want to take away from the trauma of adoption but sometimes there is a difficult child. Not a bad child just a demanding, hard headed, strong will child that can turn any family’s life upside down! This can happen when there is no adoption or trauma that has hit a family. It is extremely hard and can turn your life upside down!
This is very true too. Yes it’s hard to tell right now, with adoption, transition, trauma, terrible two’s, and personality characteristics, we just have to wait it out for few years and see.
It’s so great hearing the honest truth
얼마나 많은 일들이 있었을지, 많은 노력을 하셨을지 제가 가늠할수도 없지만, 정말 수고하셨다고 꼭 안아드리고 싶어요 💕
정말 대단한 엄마의 사랑이세요..
3세이전의 일이 계속 영향을 미친다는 사실은 놀랍네요…
멀리서나마 힘 보내드립니다!!
Keep praying 🙏 you and your family is doing a great job ✌️ ✌️ 💯 keep up the good work ❤️ 👍 👍 💯
I so appreciate your honesty. I just love how you share your struggles. From what you know, is this pretty common with children adopted from other countries, or just very common in adopted children. I feel bad for you, but love how dedicated you are to the well being of your children. I wonder if he displayed this behavior around his grandparents, or was it just with you and David? Do you get out of the house and have time away with friends? For your own mental health? I'm just sorry you are having these struggles. Is their a "moms group for adoptive parents?" A place to share struggles and hear suggestions that might help you in your situation. I just applaud you for your honesty and videos that I'm sure help others. You're right, a mom's job is the hardest job out there!
I don’t have children of my own but I have taken care of many kids in my lifetime. Some can be such little monsters! It makes me wonder now if they had experienced trauma from 0-3yo. Thank you for your very educational video. I pray for better days for your family! I am happy that Levi made some improvements, and that you are taking better care of yourself.
So happy to see an up date!
Love you guys. You are an inspirational mother
This was great information for parents in general. Thanks you. 👍🏽👍🏽
As an adult adoptee I am learning so much about myself from your videos. My family is great, but I don't think that they would care to do the work with me to heal. They pretty much wrote me off years ago due to my depression and periods of anger. They just don't understand and no matter how much I try to explain they don't get it. Even my siblings. They say we had a great life so I don't know what you're talking about but they were with their biological family. I always felt different inside. Not unwanted or unloved. Just different in a way that I can't explain.
I am not an adult adoptee so I may not understand what you’re going through. However, I never felt like I fit into my very large family. I also suffered from depression and anxiety for years. My family used to tell me my condition was not real (I was diagnosed later), that I was being dramatic, and that we had a good life so how can you be the way you are when everyone else is fine? My family is great but I keep a distance. I feel a sense of emptiness or lack of connection when I am with them but that’s ok. I acknowledge those feelings and am ok with who I am.
Thank you for sharing this. We are adoptive family and I can related everything you said.. I feel relief knowing that I am not alone.. We knew it would be hard but it is beyond our expectations.
Thank you for sharing your experience. Your explanation of primary and secondary trauma was very informative.
I work for a school district in special education. I don't know if you have pursued this, but he could be evaluated by your school district (if he is turning 3 or older) and he may be eligible to receive services in social emotional in a preschool setting.
Yes, I’ve looked into a lot of things, but they wait till kids are 3. He’s not 3 yet.
Yes that's correct. Usually intake through Child Find takes places 2/3 months before they turn 3, as they must begin services starting on their 3rd birthday.
Have you looked into your local regional center? In California we have Regional Centers that serve children under 3. I’m not sure if all states have regional centers but I believe it is national. They provide lifetime services for people who qualify - it does not need to fall all on you if his issues do not resolve themselves as time goes on. And it is easier to qualify under three rather than over three years old.
@@Rosie4540 I wrote a post to her about regional centers - she should be getting more help. I was in special Ed for 40 years in San Francisco.
Yup! Just saw it! Thank you soooooo much for this info! I was turned away several times and they told me to come back when he turned 3.
Esther, Thank you so much for this video. Listening to you feel like someone finally gets it. I can relate to all these you are sharing. We went to pick up our 11 years old son from Taiwan August 2020. We just made our one year anniversary. The struggles are so real. It has not been an easy year but I too also believe there is hope. Just wanted to say Thank you. Power of love in the Lord will get us through. Prayers to you.
Yes, it’s so hard isn’t it? I’m sure it’s much harder for you Bcus he’s older. I think we have it hard. then I listen to other parents and I can’t even say anything.
@@koreanfamilyadventures8140 So thankful to listen to you talking. I think different stages has different challenges but at the end of the day, the struggles for the adoptive parents are real and hard for others to understand unless they have walked in the same path. sometimes, wants so much to talk to someone yet no one really interested in listening the "real" stuff. One thing I need to learn from you is to seek help. someone once share, two steps forward, one step backward and we will keep going. Focus on the wins. Looking back, the progress is there and we know God's holding our hands. Take care Esther. (really feel like giving you a hug now haha). Thanks again Esther.
I imagine it really bothers your boys nerves also. They seem so well behaved
Yes that is a lot to go through! Bless your hearts.
Thank you for your honesty
This video is so important, I had No idea how hard it is, I don't think many who adopt or want to adopt unfortunately are or realise that he trauma even small babies come with and what Huge effect not having a primary caregiver and abandonment has on their lives. What makes it even worse is that these adoption organisation s don't seem to either, or maybe they don't care or are so overwhelmed with orphans that they can't do what is best for each kid even if they want. Like I don't think your son probably would have had to come with so much baggage and trauma if they have like maybe been more avare of early child development. Though it must be impossible to take away completely how hard you try because No matter what there will be trauma from abandonment in an adopted child. This I don't think many people really understand or consider and specially those who say it's just toadopt or who expect the child should be and show gratefulness to them and be happy just because they have been adopted.
I'm so happy to hear there is some improvement, I don't know the adoption experience BUT I do know how getting no sleep can affect your Health, it makes it harder each day to cope with things & that most definitely can cause depression, exhaustion ect. I hope things really improve for you & your family, I believe the more he feels secure the better he will be, Keeping you all in Prayer.. 🙏
I hope you are better and happier now, and hoping Levi is still with your family. If not, it's not your fault or anyone's, life is short, not everyone can be saved or or you might not be the perfect match to save him... But if he does still live with your family, he would be around 5yr old, aggression should be corrected. It might inappropriate to say in this way, but it's like having a puppy, you need to be the boss not the pet, the withdrawing you were doing was not helping, he's your child now, your responsibility, stand up and be a strict parent you should be. What you would do if he was your biological child? Treat him the same way. Good luck, and you deserve a happy ever after!
Thank you💫. Much appreciated.
Ahh!!! I have been waiting and watching for updates!!!!
I pray for you Levi is not RAD! You are working hard to combat it and no one can say you haven’t done so much for Levi. I know some friends who have dealt with RAD and you may have PTSD from everything you deal with. I have been where you are except I had four kids. My adopted child was not throwing tantrums of anger etc so not RAD but it was all day left by manipulating mind games and it will drive you crazy. Her whole personality changed from a good child into a spoiled brat the minute her MeMaw walked in the door. She tried to pull off these acts like we were abusive to her because she could get her way by acting like that to the point Mema had to stop coming over. It was all manipulating mind games. It traumatized the whole family. It’s still going on and she’s an adult
He does have RAD and ditto to everything you wrote, that’s exactly everything we are dealing with.
@@koreanfamilyadventures8140 I’m very sad for you. I didn’t know he actually had RAD. From what I’ve been reading I knew he had the symptoms. I also know what RAD is and how it usually ends up, but I also remember what David said if you get a difficult child. He’s right of course so I will pray things get better for you. God sent you this experience for a reason and maybe you will help other RAD parents. By the way your parents look like they are wonderful parents and a great support for you. I hope everyone comes out of this ok.