Reducing Your Exposure: How Do You Handle Toxic In-Laws?
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- Опубликовано: 15 сен 2024
- From family gossip to more serious encounters like drug use and alcoholism, we weigh in on if and when there is a right time to distance children from toxic in-laws.
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#inlaws #familygossip #boundaries
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Toxic family = implement boundaries and uphold them. It's actually good for your children to see healthy boundaries placed and upheld. Family or not, toxic people do not deserve a role in your life and you don't owe them anything.
10000%
Amen
Been struggling with this but my mom Is blaming me also it's been some disloyalty
@@Mosiano I've been there. That can make it all the more difficult. I feel for you with that.
I 100% agree with Moriah. Set STRICT boundaries! There are more things you can do to manage toxic family members too..ruclips.net/video/y_wI0zN78Sk/видео.html
I’m not leaving my child with anyone I can’t trust to cover and protect them the way their father and I do. No exceptions.
NAH. If parents AND in-laws are toxic, they are NOT clapping eyes on these little ones. Family isn’t a title, it’s a verb. If you don’t value me enough to BE family, you don’t get any of it
Exactly
Facts Adrienne. Gossiping takes away from people feeling the security of a family foundation.
So true!!!!!!!
Adrienne, you’re absolutely right. Unfortunately, not all families are like that.
So so true!!!
She is so blessed - it sounds like she has a really lovely family.
My husband and I don't even deal with the toxic folks in our family. Haven't seen them for years. And I don't care who it is, grandparents, uncle, aunties, etc if you disrespect me or my husband, my kids won't even know they exist. Period I 100% agree with Adrienne
Right?!! The kids can't miss someone who they don't know exist!!
There are two sides to every story I’m sure you and your husband aren’t innocent 100%.
Adrienne didn't say that at all she said you shouldn't just give up on your in laws because they're family and if they're toxic the kids should be supervised when they visit
@@TheKingT17 bruh first of all you don't know me so I suggest you stfu trying to insinuate anything, better yet projecting yourself onto us
@@alexusrenee9903 ade said toxic people shouldn't be in your life. And they shouldn't. Simple
Adrienne is sooo spot on. Loyalty is everything ✨
I will never leave my kids unattended with people I don't feel comfortable or safe with. I've been no contact with my in laws for two and half years and for good reason. My husband and I made this decision because its what's best for our family. If they're capable of harming grown adults, they're definitely capable of harming innocent children.
I love this Adrienne. Gossip and toxicity is real.
I still don’t get why people hangout with toxic family members, especially the ones you don’t like, just because they are family.
To be cordial. I also think its a respect thing. Just because I don't like someone in my family it does not mean I am going to pretend they don't exist. .
Just because someone is blood-related to you doesn't automatically make them a good person, to you or to anyone else in your life.
There is someone in my family that I have completely cut off, and I would never bring around a future husband or kids to see them because they have a track record of extremely toxic behavior. I would be protecting their peace by maintaining this permanent distance.
I know that’s right!!!
I love what Adrienne said!! Spot on!!
I completely agree with A. Because if the in laws have a problem with my skin color then my children will definitely have a problem with being accepted by them as well. I'd most definitely would have to protect my children.
I love Adrienne's take on this! I feel the same way but the way she worded is much better than I had thought of. 🙏
👏🏾👏🏾
Garcelle looks amazing. Her hair is cute today.
I know right! Her outfit and hair, everything looked bomb! Actually all of them looked beautiful😍😍😍😍😍
She’s inspired me with all the clips she uses in her hair. So sweet
I agree with Adrienne on not gossiping! Passive aggressiveness is way more damaging than confronting the issue in love and sorting it out
I have some horrifyingly toxic family members (a sister and a nephew that the sister contaminates) so I stay far away from them. *My peace is too valuable to voluntarily allow others to destroy it.* Regardless of what others say for selfish or religious reasons, *You Have The Right To Decide Who Is Allowed To Be In Your Life!*
My job as a mother is to protect MY children from whomever is toxic family or not.
1:18 'My children ' May God make it happen for you Munchkin 🙏 ✨ ❤ 💖. One day we shall play these old clips as a testimony 🙏 The same way we have been replaying Jeannie's old clips. 🤩🥰
Amen!🙌❤
I have already explained to my kids that not everyone gets along well. Some people just don't like each other, but that's separate from loving them. That's the understanding I have given them about their great-grandmother and I. I refrain from saying negative things about her when they are near and I'd hope she would do the same. However, I don't personally interact with her anymore unless absolutely necessary. I am firm believer that kids understand more than adults think they do and my children have confirmed this in my life. So, I don't lie to them. I just show them a real life example of what to do with toxic people and that's just to not be near them at all.
Me too Thank you
Depends on what kind of toxicity and how old the kids are.
I agree ! I don’t get along with my mother in law but sometimes she watched our kids but my oldest has a cell phone and she doesn’t let anyone talk about me and she will let me know if she’s uncomfortable.
Here’s my thing, I’ve tried over and over with my mother in law every time she disrespected me and my kids aren’t going anywhere without me. So she just won’t see them. I’ve been called out of my name and all
Yup I will keep them away from toxic relationships including family 😑
There’s a difference between a small disagreement with grandpa and like an actual toxic or abusive relative. Cuz if my relative being toxic these kids ain’t setting FOOT near them
Speak Adrienne!!! That’s it!
I'm close to one of my former daycare kids' mom, and she told me her and her mother in law haven't spoken in over a year because the last time she saw her, she told her that she had never been her daughter in law, she was always just "that woman" her son married...they been married for 20 YEARS and her mama in law never liked her. I couldn't imagine it yall. She ain't let her two kids around her husband's mama since.
That's wrong though, will the grand mom hurt the kids?
They are her son's kids. She has a right to them, her genes run in them like it or not. If she is not physically, emotionally and verbally abusive to them then she should see her grandkids.
The grand mom has a right not to like her daughter in law, you can't be forced to like someone and she has her reasons.
Is her husband okay with her withholding his children from his mother? I'm thinking if the roles were reversed and the husband and his father in law or mother in law disnt get along, would the wife allow her husband to stop their kids from seeing her parents?
It's a very sensitive issue.For me it would depend on how they treated the kids and wether they spoke about me in front of the kids or not.If they are loving to them so be it but once those kids grow up and realise you don't like their mum or Dad they'll naturally distance themselves.Let your children see for themselves.As long
@@mareek2007 in most cases us females are very emotional and don't care about the mans feelings.
If he don't take our side everyone gets punished for that.
@@melmel7011 her own son has never had a good relationship with her. I don't know the whole story but they both decided to keep their kids away from her because she was starting to be negative towards their children because of their mom
@@mareek2007 he's okay with it because he himself has never had that good of a relationship with her, tried to let his kids have one, and she started being negative towards them and trying to drag them into the problems she had w their mom (this is a five year old and a 4 year old).
I’m going through this, but with my own mom. I just had my first child and I grew up seeing so much toxicity. I really don’t want my mom around my baby and I’m catching hell for it.
Preach, Adrienne. But it happens!
Agree with Adrienne! 💯
My grandma kept cussing at my mom; didn't see homie for 10 years😌
Adrienne that blue suit is everything 💎🥶😻 you ladies look great!
So what happens when they continually break boundaries and your husband isn’t on board to cut them off? But also won’t hold them accountable. I’ve always got to be the bad guy.
Same here
am I the only one who likes that Garcel didn't change her thin eyebrows, she maintained them and looks good on her
This makes me feel for many people who also happen to have really hard relationships as adults with their own parent which makes it worse cuz you can’t fix what issue is between ur spouse and ur parent let alone urself and ur parent ! Candiace from #RHOP is a perfect example of that… she actually on Sunday’s reunion had said she herself had took weeks from speaking to her mom because of sun stuff her mother said on the show about Candiace’s HUSBAND… and it hurt her to the point where she feels bad being around her own husbands family because of the things her mother says to embarrass him ! And I think as an adult if your parent respects you and what you have they would do well enough to eithe make the relationship work and be there for all the moments especially once grandchildren are involved… or simply separate themselves ! It’s ok to set boundaries
You betta set those boundaries it will bring you so much peace in ur life you just don’t know!!
So true Adrienne love it ❤️❤️❤️❤️👍👍
Facts Adrianne!
Going through this currently. Sadly I have to live with my parents and they hate my husband. We are in a tight place and we're stuck and it's heart breaking. We for into a huge fight right before my birthday and thanksgiving. So we spend Thanksgiving at a restaurant in stead or a home cooked meal because they spoke so bad about my husband. Seriously broke my family about and I'm right in the middle.
What did your husband do for them to have hate toward him it had to be a reason.
I agree loyalty is everything I’m not about talking behind backs I’m saying that to your face . And if they talking crap around my kid about me bye
HOLY👏🏽SPIRIT👏🏽ACTIVATE 👏🏽
The Real set look really good Merry Chistmas
NOPE my sister is TOXIC my children do not have anything to do with her period. She is a toxic and horrible person. My family has issues with this but I do not care.
I don’t care if you’re a grandparent, grandma, grandpapi, if you are toxic we will distance ourselves from you. Period Pooh.
I hope Adrienne's okay. Her voice sounds a little hoarse today. Maybe from lots of singing on tour?
She explained on The Real's IG that her voice is hoarse due to the holidays, she went crazy on Garcelle's birthday then on game night with her family. Adrienne called herself Raspy Rhonda, she's so cute! Get well soon Adrienne!
Covid was a nice excuse to not get together . I don’t deprive the relationship but I don’t advocate . Grandpa died and mom in law is more than welcome to our boys but I decided going forward not to be the initiator. Back story . My mom in law is white, I am black . I’ve tried to educate but she is willingly unaware and I’m exhausted . One Christmas she gave me Santa stockings with their names on it but one baby was white and one was black . The one that was white happened to be the one for my child with the less melanin and the black one was the one with the most this was when they were babies and I chose not to say anything but every year I took them out I got mad . Long story short I through them away . Never said anything but as time has gone by I realize I either stay away as much as possible or continue to bite my tongue I don’t choose the latter ! Happy holidays everyone!
Completely agree with Ade.. we literally have family meeting 🤣
I feel like they always miss a certain type of toxic family member. They don’t have to be drug users or talk bad about you* specifically. They can be manipulative, overbearing/controlling, have outdated world views, etc.
Exactly ❤️
Can we talk more on this topic!
Love the decorations .
I agree if you have a problem talk to the person not everyone else and then when it’s resolved its over never to be brought up again - that’s how you move forward with emotional intelligence- unfortunately not all people have that and love to linger on and bring up something that happened 10 years ago
You ladies are awesome!
This is my life! I’ve had 2 in laws attack me and I feel like the mother is the puppet master
Glad both sets of in-laws (husband’s parents remarried) and I get along great.
don't discuss boundaries just start implementing them
My boyfriends mother posted a pic of him and his ex on fb when me and him have been dating for 3 or 4 yrs at that point. Is it wrong of me to say i dont miss her and the problems she created ever since she passed?
I agree with Garcele, I relate to her situation
Ade sounds sick I hope she’s good!!!
I totally agree with you ladies.
Adrienne 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
It’s not just the in-laws that you should distance yourself from...it’s actually family members...I used to live with my mother and sister...I would leave my clean clothes on a particular counter in the house and my mother told me that my sister used to gossip to her about me having holes in my socks...this was a small thing, but those little resentments she kept inside were like little seeds of poison inside her...she never once told me about the holes in my socks to my face...a lot of those little remarks she would make behind my back and she would always wonder why I slowly but surely distanced myself from her...Now i seldom communicate with her for years at a time until some major family event occurs ...toxicity big or small is never good for anyone anywhere
I'm glad they gave examples because toxic gets thrown around very liberally. If someone doesn't agree, they toxic. If someone doesn't kiss ass, they toxic.
Run hide, move to box 😂😂😂😂😂
Do not know if that is how I was brought up but parent/child relationship was established and very clear of roles that every individual has in familial unit. If a child disagrees to a subject matter they are to do that with respect. I think wherein lies any hurt is when maybe boundaries might have been established and not verbalized as have mutual understanding for reason of making everyone feel heard and teaching by example thru behavior. Because a parent will always parent and how to approach sensitive subjects might require constructive forethought for building up in grander scheme of things
yes adrienna ... family means loyalty
I have never clicked so fast on a topic. Didn't have to give it a second thought haha.
I only keep decent ones around my children. Call it weird if you like but my 2 best friends are my brother’s wife and my husband’s sister🤷♀️
Sicilian's throw potatoes in our family what should we do 😮😂😂😂😂😂true😂
I pray for my future husband's family to be people of somewhat integrity and not meddling busy bodies. I truly believe to some extent you do marry the family especially if they have a strong influence on your spouse 🙏🏽
My mother-in-law treated my kids and myself real bad verbal abuse, But my husband says i should forgive her but 13 years of her making me feel im not good enough and im stupid is unforgivable!!!! or should i forgive her????
I wish there was something we could do about toxic parents when a child goes between homes I hate how one of the parents will talk bad about the other parent in front of the child I know not all parents do it I'm a step mom and we just don't talk about my stepsons mother because there is no need too and it's sad when she does it in front of him I mean even when hes video calling his dad before bed some comments or discussions should be said another time unfortunately as a I once was a step child myself I know as being told several things so young and than getting older I held a grudge with my father for the things my mother said about him all the time even tho he was supporting us children and calling and seeing us I listened to what she had drilled in my head over the years now as an adult I have such a good relationship knowing what I know now but I feel so bad for being a brat when I was younger for things my mother said instead of just getting to know my dad and enjoying the time spent with him toxic parents need to take some parenting classes for real
This is spot on. Thank you.
Some grandparents, uncles and aunties just suck. Never would my kids be around people who don’t love and respect me. Idgaf who they are.
My Xs mother always talked bad about me to him and when they split they did it around my children. My daughter let them have it and told them that she didn't care what issues her mom and dad had but if you ever speak my mom's name again and she's not here, that will be the last time you see me and my brothers. She was 10
What if they are racist or major political differences?
Love these ladies. Missing Jeannie Mai Jenkins
Fun fact: sometimes in laws aren’t the toxic ones. It’s YOU who thinks that they are the toxic once’s but it’s you lol.
true. I don't have any issues with my in laws, they all love me. Even ex in laws who were once difficult.
The key is being humble, seek peace at all times no matter how rude they are.They eventually turn around, if they don't.. still continue being good to them and never lower yourself to their level. Iv had one of the most hot tempered mother in laws, she has never loved anyone, she has given me her stinking attitude plenty of times. What I do is brush it off, I also keep quiet when she goes off on a rant about literally nothing.
I'm glad to say she loves me so much and even gifts me money. She just gave me some this morning iv just had a tragic situation happen to me. Note: me and her son are long separated.
Say it again
Yes, because my MIL has not respected my boundaries and has told me she questions my ability to be a mother, you lost the privileges.
If they can greet my kids when we differ why should i allow my kids to be closer to the
So teach your kids to stay around family even when it makes them uncomfortable because they're family? Even when supervised you shouldn't be encouraging your kids into situations where it causes emotional distress solely because they might not be around long or they're family. It is detrimental in life to not only create healthy relationships and maintain old ones. But also it's important to know that family isn't above your mental health or your child's.
One of the many reasons I don’t want to have children. I would not leave my children with my family. If I was there and we were doing something in a public location maybe. I love my family but I’m aware now as an adult that they have unhealthy mentalities and do not respect boundaries.
I’m going thru that now not with my mother or father in law but with a sister in law who doesn’t like me due to the fact that my husband married me and not her friend that we was previously with on and off for 15 yrs. I been going thru this for 5 yrs (mind been married for 5yrs) I was suppose to have 3 flower girls but she refused to allow her daughter to be in the wedding at the last minute herself didn’t attend. She verbally attacked my mother talking about me and the real issue is that it is causing issues in my marriage due to my husband is “so family” that he really don’t put his foot down but yet I’m the one who have to be the one to forgive and move on but how many times do I do this? So after she talked about me to my own mother that was the last straw and I decided not to attend any family functions if she was going to be there and because of that I didn’t spend any time with my husband on his 50th birthday. Smh
oh yeah i stood home n enjoyed myself
i love my grandmother but if i could have chosen the way i grew up my grandmother would not live with my mom and i.
Garcelle looks amazing 🔥🔥
Oh gawd. That’s the worst
How about if they talk bad about the mother AND also talk badly of the kids being "just like their mom" on social media.
👏👏👏👏👏Well said Ladies
what do u do if your ex bastard husband tries to turn your kids againt you and is so nasty?? we have shared care and so i cant even stop his toxicity
The blue looks great on you
I agree. I have a inlaw that indirectly insulting. E. G. As soon as I turn my back she gossips about my body & features. Only women is blond and skinny is good enough.
Adrienne sounds sick
Adrienne 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
I see you Adrienne😉
🗣don't allow your kids around people actively going through addiction issies
Adrianne is better than me because my reaction would’ve been 😒😒😒
I unfortunately do not get along with my mother in law. She is very passive aggressive and jealous . Always criticizing everything I do … the way I clean, cook, list goes on. Now we have a 3 month old baby and it’s hard because I don’t want to be anywhere near her but at the end of the day she is his grandma 😏
Toxix = Bye
“SONJA!”
😂
Ade looking outfit super office bosslady
My grandmother and aunt talked horribly about my mother.
Wait are they rich😂😂😂😂😂😂
Where's Jeannine?
Maternity leave