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How To Have A Healthy Biblical Relationship With Your In-laws
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- Опубликовано: 15 май 2018
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When we say "I do" we are saying yes to the person we have fallen in love with. However, that person comes from a family and part of marriage is navigating how to respect both sets of family. Marriage is about two people who have different backgrounds and upbringings becoming one, making their own unique family.
In-laws and extended families is one of those areas of marriage that can be a source of contention for couples. We get asked quite a bit of questions for advice on how to respect these relationships while still trying to work together in marriage to build the family God desires.
In this episode, we chat about marriage and in-laws. We take a look at some scripture that help us understand the significance of being one in marriage. We also talk about boundaries.
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Show Notes:
(3:40) Genesis 2:24
(21:24) 1 Timothy 5:8
(25:43) Ephesians 6:1
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I failed to love my wife fully during our marriage and when the kids came. It was like certain situations I turned to my parents more than my wife on certain decisions and that was on me. My parents (mostly my mom) always seemed to go against what my wife was asking, or wanted to change the terms. It got very bad and I tried very hard to patch up the relationship by sending emails, phone calls, talking in person, hand written letters, but in the end we are now in a severed relationship. I forgive my mom, but while trying to fix a relationship with everyone, almost lost my wife and I will never do that again. This topic is so complicated and complex and I feel for anyone going through it. My advice is that husbands need understand that their wife always comes first, this is your calling and what God has put together.
Leave your parents and cleave ( that means completely separate and attach unwaveringly ). to your wife and love her like Christ loves the church.
Thank you for this comment. I am dealing with this and it’s created such a great schism
I get what y'all are saying, but many in-laws would set up opposition& feel hurt by even a simple sit down discussion about boundaries. I failed to do it early & when my husband and I finally had that conversation it was very civil and level headed on our end but was not well received. Many parents have issues about letting go of their grown children in marriage. It is a heart issue that they need to take to the Lord in prayer !
I wonder how immature in laws dealt with both their sets of in laws.
@@manichairdo6346 my mother in law is currently the caretaker of her elderly, bedridden in laws. She sees it as part of her duty to her husband, her in laws in turn treat her like crap. After all of her sacrifices they behave very entitled and disrespectful. She has a difficult time with them but is assisted everyday to take care of them by a hired helper.
You are so right
@@naty1012 Our father sees everything.
Do you have any children Naty? Im so lost.. im pregnant with our third.
These people are sneaky. They strike in a pack.
I had to set strict boundaries with my mother in law then all of a sudden my relationship with everyone else in my husband's family turned to dust.
One word responses in texts and sometimes no response at all. These people won't even look at me in my eyes anymore.
Of course im now seen as the b word.
Im trying to pretend like nothing is wrong around them but its exhausting.
Recently we told my mil and fil we were pregnant and by the next weekend everyone already knew. Mil took it upon herself to tell her whole family. Knowing that we ALWAYS wait a good while to share bc of 3 previous miscarriages.
So the next time we were with his family I was the only one that didn't know that my pregnancy was no longer a surprise to anyone.
This wouldn't be so difficult if my husband was on my side but he proves time and time again, he is part of that pack... he adds more fuel to the fire by sharing our marital issues and disagreements to them.
Im a new Christian, 2 years now, everything in me tells me divorce is wrong and i try with everything I have not to focus on the negative. Its so difficult when you feel like you are constantly being mauled and husband us on the side of the ones doing it...
I needed this video. My MIL is a negative person and she is moving in with my husband and I. I have been struggling with giving up my home privacy, having my husband to myself and dealing with a negative personality daily. Please pray for me. I need God to soften my heart.
🥺🥺🥺 i believe in some seasons God teaches us to love by bringing around the unloveable. It is a tough one
I would have moved out . That is not fair. It is your home your job isn’t to be a martyr.
We just had our inlaws move in too. So hard. Feeling God's pruning. God bless you.
My mil thrives on the feeling of being "needed" and "wanted". It is a serious part of her existence. Made me feel terrible early in marriage because her wanting to feel "needed" and "included" put a strain on my marriage. After years of tears, prayers, hurt, damage, healing, Godly counsel, deliverence...I can say it gets better. Things have not changed mainly on her end but mine, God helped me to have peace in the midst of the storm.
liaciaria did you ever just talk to her, ever ask her anything , neediness is the feeling I have because I’m back to feeling like I’m this young kid not even being included
@@Kate98755 Yes I did, it did not go well. She does not own up to stuff, she behaves the way she does she said to be friendly and get close to be but clearly it is not working. She badly wanted a daughter and I'm the only "daughter" she will ever have. I could understand that but the needy behaviour stems from her deep need to be loved and accepted by her son after being cheated on. She have since forgiven her partner but I can tell there are scars. She also had problems conceiving my husband so when she did he became her whole world and she never wants to let him go, not even as an adult and into my capable hands.
@@Kate98755 I gathered all this over the years and reading between the lines, she is never this open with me. She is very secretive but will want to know all my business and be around me for the majority of the day if I give her a chance.
@@Kate98755 Once we got into a heated argument and anytime I mentioned the words "my husband" in conversation she shouted back to me "MY SON" as though it's a competition. It was so crazy I never forgot it. I have since forgotten many things that occurred but I never forgot that. She also called my parents in for a "meeting" ridiculed me outside of my presence then she called my husband and I and she and her husband took turns bashing me in their presence. I am still living here only because my husband and I cannot currently afford to move out.
What a rude, mean mil. Ugh.
To those who are struggling with toxic in-laws, parents, any family members and any other toxic folk coming in between your marriage. I say this...don't give up on your marriage, live a Godly and holy life so that God will answer your prayers, ,pray for God to give you or your spouse to have a backbone against those toxic kinfolks, pray for protection for your marriage, pray for your spouse and yourself, seek Godly biblical wise marriage counselors and keep walking with God no matter what happens, talk with your spouse, set firm boundaries with toxic parents and in-laws and toxic family members, If in-laws refuse to change and are being disrespectful distant yourself. You got to do what you got to do for the sake of you and your family. God want people to be free not bound to any ungodliness. Any ungodliness or wickedness should not be tolerated, it does not matter the title whether it is mom, dad, siblings, aunts, uncles, or cousins. God want us to be at His feet not some ungodly person who is manipulative and controlling. You don't have to subject your family to that foolishness by extended family members. If you keep bowing down to ungodly in-laws, parents, any family members, anybody who are downright nasty and wicked, if you're a believer, it will hinder your walk with God and your Christian walk very difficult if you continue to keep these toxic ungodly people around. God does not care about titles like people do. If they're wicked and ungodly disobeying Jesus by going about destroying people's marriage God does not want us to honor that if anything Jesus want us to be free, either by distancing, going low or no contact. Jesus does not want us to be blind to satanic schemes by toxic family members and other folks who are not right with God. Be at Jesus feet not man's or woman's but at God's feet. When toxic people keep making ungodly decision and will not change, you got to let them go and let God deal with them. you can't keep coming to some body's aid. they will drag you down and drown you along with them. When God tell's you to let toxic people go, than it's time to let go. Put Jesus first your family( your spouse and kids) second, Your church family third and extended family( parents, in-laws, siblings, aunts, uncles cousins, grandparents last. God is a God of order not confusion. We will be praying for you guys. God bless.
That's what I'm saying. They are dragging me down. My wife is attach to the umbilical cord to them. Always puts them first before me.
I deal with that issue of wanting to go back to my family. I am 3 years in and it is seriously the hardest thing. The Lord opened my eyes to how how my family was my comfort zone instead of Him and my husband.
Thank you for your message of love, the part where yous mentioned someone not liking you but that doesn’t change the way you should behave, regardless of their actions we need to walk in love no matter their response awesome 👍🏾
I needed to hear this right in this moment! There seems to be a double standard when it comes to my husband's family and mine. Trying to get on one page with my husband about this but feeling very discouraged. Feels like and has felt like the true queen in his life is his mom, not his wife.
You two were extremely helpful and a great encouragement to me and my husband with handling my mother-in-law in a more Christ like manner. This episode was what I needed today and I'm so glad I happened upon it!
Thank you!
Thank you for this video.
I deal with feelings of anger, jealousy sometimes for no reason towards my husband and his family. One issue is boundaries with us and his brother. At times they get swept up in video games every single day all night long and our marriage suffers. Also my MIL isn’t as concerned about mental health as I am. Being diagnosed with anxiety disorder and depression at times we clash.
Prayer would be appreciated.
Also, we had a long distance relationship. He was in Oklahoma I was in Ohio and we travel now due to his work as a welder. Sooner or later we will have to choose where to settle our roots down and have a family.
I also have health issue and my mom knows me 100% and can help me and meet my needs a lot more than my MIL who at times acts as a man and is very tough. Since she only had sons. So. 😩
Oh my goodness! So timely!!!
Just wanted to send a friendly reminder to everyone...yes implement these biblical principles AND keep bringing your issues to the Lord. HE is the ONLY ONE who change the hearts of man(mankind). Scripture says some plant some water but it is God who gives the increase....so even if your implementation of these biblical principles isn't well received keep them and let God handle the rest. ❤
So true you gotta set boundaries,Parents can become protective and undermine the spouse in defense
of course. all non-blood related in-laws that join the family are a potential threat. god forbid they form an alliance and break up the family. the mother in law simply wants the kids she gave birth to, to be close forever. she wants her kids to stay her kids. that relationship doesnt end and should be respected. if the boundaries of that family is respected, the boundaries of the newly formed family can be respected. you just need to go the extra mile to establish trust
Thank you guys!! My fiancée and I were just trying to find ways to set boundaries with the in-laws and this is so incredibly timely! God bless!!
How do you set boundaries when still in school and living under your parents roof?
Glad you guys are doing something virtually no couple does before getting married -talking about the coming problems. It isn't a matter of 'if' you'll have in-law problems - you WILL. The only way your marriage will survive is by being tough and consistent with boundaries and other means of keeping especially the mother-in-law behind the designated line. If you both don't show strength and consistency in protecting your marriage, your mother-in-law will see this as a sign of weakness and you'll have nothing but hell until she dies.
Thank you for all your videos and BOOKS!! NEWLY WED AND I FEEL GOD MOVING IN OUR MARRIAGE!
StephanieLee Arango congratulations! 🎉 🎈 enjoy!
I really feel left out with my in-laws. They are crazy about my husband and you can feel the favoritism. I understand that is their son but I feel so excluded. I'll hug his mom and she goes to him like. NOW LET ME GIVE YOU A BIG HUG . I'm like, wow . I'm in group message, his dad says I love you all, the siblings responds back, the dad responds back individually to the 2 and then I respond, its silent. My husband responds, his dad immediately responds I love you! ... kinda hurtful
Narcisistic
wow that's so painful
I wouldn’t be in the group chat . I also wouldn’t consider myself a sibling . I don’t consider my self a “part” of my husbands family. Realistically I am not. I have my own family I grew up in. My own parents. They are my in laws. A separate family from my and husbands.
I feel your pain. Your husband should be the one to say "dad! You didn't respond to my wife. Are you trying to exclude her?" He should call out the behaviour until they start to do better. He should be the one to protect you.
Yeah...that's real tough to experience...but I know satan also has a way of making us very sensitive to things that he knows pushes our buttons. He loves mess!! I'm not sure why u don't get an deserved response to the texts, but also notice who is behind the pain this experience brings. We wrestle not against flesh and blood...Resist him and he will flee...tables turning may not happen immediately, but he is definitely somewhere in the shadows enjoying ur disconnection from the family.
My fiancé called off the wedding which was suppose to be today... due to every conversation we shared it was also including her mother. Her mother was making smart remarks towards me about how it’s not too late to back out cause their closeness wouldn’t bend. My fiancé wouldn’t say anything to her mom respectfully or at all to her mom about how I felt after every time she made that remark towards me. So here I am.. single. She didn’t care to talk about anything and called the entire thing off... the mom called me and cussed me out telling me to come grab my belongings. My life....
Rejoice. You've had a narrow escape, Trent. One day, you may find a woman who is loving and strong, independent, and who wants to build a life and future with you. Marriage is where 2 people leave their parents, become one and cling to each other.
It was good 4 you. Didn’t need 2 be with a woman who values her mother’s opinion more than she values marrying you.
This is an awesome video. My partner and I are going through this exact issue of boundaries with in laws.
What if you have a mother in law who refuse to accept her new role and refuse to respect our boundaries?
Have the boundaries clearly been set? And is your spouse on the same page. It really will take teamwork and hard conversations.
@@MarriageAfterGod my mother in law wants my husband to divorce me. What to do
Me Me Your mother in law is out of line and your husband needs to put her in her place and support you! Well that’s my opinion
@@LisaLisaCJ wow, I'm so sorry to hear that. But most men would do that if given a choice, they choose the one who gave birth to them. He shouldn't have to choose though, she should have separated herself from y'all union.
@@moanachase1277 you would be suprised how many grown men are unwilling to do that even out of love.
I teared up. Thank you so much for putting this video Up and working to put this information out there. I needed this.
Nice that you both agree with each other. Hard to come by how u both agree. And i agree with you both.
The "I do's" part last an few minutes...marriage is a lifetime pursuit.
im so appreciative of this episode thank you so much!
This video came at the right time for us. Thank you! My husband and I have been having a difficult time with his father (and my father-in-law). He is a nice man, but he has struggled with drug addiction for as long has my husband can remember, so he has not been a large part of my husband's life. Lately, he has made a series of particularly poor choices, and he has become increasingly dependent on my husband and me for support. I want them to have a good relationship, but I'm becoming resentful of him. I feel that he takes advantage of my husband's kind and forgiving nature. He says he wants to get better, but he doesn't take any action or accept any real life-changing advice or help. We invite him to church almost every week, and he tells us he knows that he should give his life back to the Lord, but he doesn't. Prayers would be much appreciated!
Cailin Davis will do be strong ❤️. Keep praying
To those who are struggling with toxic in-laws, parents, any family members and any other toxic folk coming in between your marriage. I say this...don't give up on your marriage, live a Godly and holy life so that God will answer your prayers, ,pray for God to give you or your spouse to have a backbone against those toxic kinfolks, pray for protection for your marriage, pray for your spouse and yourself, seek Godly biblical wise marriage counselors and keep walking with God no matter what happens, talk with your spouse, set firm boundaries with toxic parents and in-laws and toxic family members, If in-laws refuse to change and are being disrespectful distant yourself. You got to do what you got to do for the sake of you and your family. God want people to be free not bound to any ungodliness. Any ungodliness or wickedness should not be tolerated, it does not matter the title whether it is mom, dad, siblings, aunts, uncles, or cousins. God want us to be at His feet not some ungodly person who is manipulative and controlling. You don't have to subject your family to that foolishness by extended family members. If you keep bowing down to ungodly in-laws, parents, any family members, anybody who are downright nasty and wicked, if you're a believer, it will hinder your walk with God and your Christian walk very difficult if you continue to keep these toxic ungodly people around. God does not care about titles like people do. If they're wicked and ungodly disobeying Jesus by going about destroying people's marriage God does not want us to honor that if anything Jesus want us to be free, either by distancing, going low or no contact. Jesus does not want us to be blind to satanic schemes by toxic family members and other folks who are not right with God. Be at Jesus feet not man's or woman's but at God's feet. When toxic people keep making ungodly decision and will not change, you got to let them go and let God deal with them. you can't keep coming to some body's aid. they will drag you down and drown you along with them. When God tell's you to let toxic people go, than it's time to let go. Put Jesus first your family( your spouse and kids) second, Your church family third and extended family( parents, in-laws, siblings, aunts, uncles cousins, grandparents last. God is a God of order not confusion. We will be praying for you guys. God bless.
@@user-qy4sz3tw4w well said, I deal with a substance abusing brother in law, toxic grandparents-in law, narcissistic father in law& passive aggressive boundary overstepping mother in law. I live with all of them. I am only alive by God's Grace. Making 5 years of marriage at the end of this month.
@@naty1012 You live in the same house? Why?
@@manichairdo6346 financial issues...economic downturn in country...renting would lower my chances of building a house in the future.
Amen, being Christlike can also mean drawing boundaries with a graceful spirit. I have had to do this a very times, and it goes against my desire to be compliant. Sometimes, you have to nicely say, “ Excuse me, that is none of your business.” And smile.
Great video to encourage couples.. to seek Godly wisdom and discernment, in their situations that come up. Often there can be a wedge situation that one person doesn’t admit to, and praying is the only way to help them. It can also happen with friends, especially if the person had those friend previous to the marriage and the other spouse is seen as an , “ outsider”
There are also many issues that arise from conflicting loyalties in second marriages that are unique to that situation. Having children from other marriages definitely complicates. Praying you will never have to experience that, but some of us do.
I watched this again, and wanted to add, I am guilty of not praying enough for those who are offensive, to me personally and to my relationship with Christ.
Not only do I neglect this, and need to pray for salvation for those who are not walking with Christ, but also I struggle and need prayer for how to deal with the evil influences I can’t stand to be around and never know what to say or how to handle it. I have prayed , not on a consistent basis, and have given up in some ways. For instance, witchcraft interests. I usually am silent, trying to not to cause a problem for my husband.
I know I’m 5 years late on this video but I’m a few years into my marriage and this is the absolutely perfect video. Thank you so much for this post because I agree 100% with you guys in your explanation of how things should be.
Ok I could so so use prayer today bcs my husband and I are planning to talk with my mother- in- law about boundaries. She usually gets very offended so I'm struggling with a ton of anxiety. But I know we need to do this especially now bcs she lives with us. Thank you a ton!❤
How did things go with the talk?
How did it go????
Hi!🖐 It went better than I thought... it was tense for sure at moments, but I think my husband and I being united together was key. A lot has happened since then. It still has been a difficult relationship with my MIL, but I've been seeing a counselor so getting a fresh perspective really helps. Thx for asking😉👍
@@erint933 I'm so glad to hear that 🤗
Praying that we will b on the same page & my spouse will talk to his toxic mom. When we were looking for a home she came along & acted like the house we were gonna buy was for her... it was stressful!
Wow I know the feeling. My husband's dad wants to control when, where and what car my husband buys. It was so stressful for him he just refused to buy the car altogether. My in laws have abandonment issues so they never want my husband to leave the nest.
Wow❗️
Y’all all really good and gave me hope for my marriage. The verses you read cover almost all situations until you hear how crazy my story is. In short, what if you have a spouse that wants to be controlled by her parents and uses culture as an excuse?
Good message! I would love to hear a message on how you can help your spouse receive Jesus. I pray daily for my husband and try my best to show him the love of Christ.
You guys are inspirational! Thank you!!
Andrea Ridenour I was married to an unbeliever and I know the struggle. It’s a battle in your own home.
Never give up,never give in.
Give him Jesus's love through you.
Pray for him and show him the love of Christ through your actions.
This is REALLY good! I love you guys! You’re so inspirational, and give great advice. 💗
This was amazing. Thank You for sharing.
What if my husband doesn’t want to set boundaries with his family and won’t even have a discussion with me where there are needed boundaries. We live within 5 minutes of his family.
He’s very open and quick to say what he wants boundaries to be with my family or even prevent us from seeing them, but won’t allow the conversation to even happen in regards to his family. He will also often times incline his ear to his dads wishes above mine and will take his fathers side and oppose me.
I can’t control him or make him change and with him being head of the household I feel powerless but to just yield and trust in God. Though it’s hard to not become embittered towards both him and his family.
This is so insightful, thank you for sharing your wisdom and for pointing us back to the Lord in situations where I know I personally struggle to see beyond the conflict/ person. Glory to God !!
Thank you so much God bless you abundantly
Thank you, thank you very much. This is very insightful. God bless you.
My MIL lives with us full time. Definitely have to learn this.
Now I understand more why God told Abraham to leave his Fathers land.
So good thank you so much. Boundaries are so important. It's not so easy to deal with this topic but you explained it really good.
Boundaries only work when you're actually enforcing them -in the real world of dealing with in-laws.
Thank you so much for this topic..God bless 🙏🙏
Healthy relationship w my in laws means as minimal contact as possible. My husband is 46 , I’m 45 - both our 2nd marriage.
My FIL is a narcissist, & my MIL enabler victim type . They live down the street .
Hopefully we will be moving further away . Distance is key .
Thank you for your wisdom. May God bless you!
Thank You BOTH this was a much needed video I enjoyed watching. Im desling with something right now and this helped in some way. God bless you both!!
This is so good.
Awesome stuff! Thank you.
This is soo good ♡
I feel so free hearing all this !!!
Great message.
I pray me and my husband gets on one accord it’s so hard
In today's society with high rates of divorces, I would encourage anyone entering a marriage to not cut off your original blood family. If your spouse is encouraging you to cut off your family that should be a red flag. When you marry someone it doesn't mean you divorce your mother/father. That Bible verse is often taken out of context. Yes you leave to start a new family unit but don't divorce your original family because the day will come when you might need them again. I know many people who divorce their wife/husband and go their separate ways, even marry someone else. However, your blood is your blood forever! You can get another husband or wife but you only get one mother/father and that is for life!
True story: I know this guy married a wife/woman 62 years of marriage then his wife dumped him after he had a stroke and left him penniless. It was his family/sister who took him into her home and took care of him until his death.
Most countries reverence their in-laws and are thankful to parents for raising their spouse for them. It's only in American culture there's this negativity towards in-laws. It's umbilical and goes along with the narcissist, pagan lifestyle of American culture. All through the Bible are examples of reverence for parents and for blood lines.
Especially if you're a woman but also guys, please find a way to maintain your family relationships as well as your marriage. Don't allow anyone to come between your family. Such a person is selfish and does not have your best to interest. Run!
I'm late to comment but I got blasted on another site for saying the same thing, if someone is separating you from friends and family run! It is isolating you, red flags. The blood family picks up the pieces, you only get one set of parents and siblings are the only people who you know your whole life
This is very very timely. Thank youu. ❤️
This was so good! Thank you for sharing.
Hey guys,
Thank you so much for putting biblical wisdom and personal vulnerability out there for us to learn from. I really appreciate it and I genuinely took a lot away from this video.
Just one quick observation- Aaron, it seemed to me like you interrupted and corrected your wife a lot. Like, a noticeable about that made me a little uncomfortable. Maybe it’s just me struggling with submission or maybe it was excited nerves to get out everything you were passionate to say or maybe it’s something that happens without your awareness?
You guys are great, though. Thanks again.
Normally, we heard. we're dealing with toxic mother-in-law. But different happened to me, which is I had to dealing with my father - in - law. My relationship with my husband is so good and great. We are great together, but the problems are where my father - in - law took over our marriage business. He tried to control everything until our legal marriage. My father - in - law took away my husband back to America now it almost 3 months there and my father-in-law not allowing my husband return to me. Pointing on me and making me feel guilty for whatever he did to our marriage. I prayed every night and seeking help from God for my husband. I'm confused. Idk what to do, just putting everything in God hands.
How does one deal with in-laws who are offended by the notion of boundaries..? Hubby is amazing at dealing with them and having the hard conversations but has gotten to the point of not bothering from not getting anywhere
MY answer to them being offended is "Tough !." Make clear to them there will be boundaries and they will be enforced whether your in-laws like them or not.
My mother n law took over. Even paid for the divorce and many times disrespected me in front of my children. Congratulations to her and her daughter!
Thx again this is so good, I'm listening a 2nd time bcs issues have come up with mom in law and I so want to learn healthy boundaries, and how to communicate them with someone who easily gets offended. That's actually a question- how to talk about boundaries if an in law gets easily hurt, offended, or is critical? My other question is I'm wondering if y'all have shared your marriage story? You touched on struggles and goodness we've had struggles too. I'd love to hear how you worked through them, became stronger as a married couple? Thx so much👍
My fiancé and his dad don’t have good communications skills. So they have fights and I’m trying to get fiancé to take his dad off bank accounts. Sure. They were started when he was fifteen. But he should have his own accounts at 36. I don’t have any bank account and even if I did. I stopped having my parents on them when I was eighteen. Now. I’m doing my best to be patient and not to nag at him about it. But I did tell him that it had to be done before we’re married. Also he has Williamson’s disease. And his parents have always sheltered him. Made decisions for him and so on. I love him. But it’s hard to get him to understand that this is a boundary issue he and his parents have never established.
My wife and her father have enmeshed relationship. They are the married couple. It wreaks havoc in our marriage and she hears these messages and continues to put him first in everything and then complains that our marriage sucks. She even sends him pictures and talks about them with him about there life instead of me. The only way I know what my kids are doing is to snoop on her phone. Looks like a already left a similar comment here before. I’ll leave this one up anyway
So sorry to hear, I feel the same. Maybe your wife needs counselling to accept the truth of what she has been doing to you.
I currently am pregnant with our first child and my husbands mother tells him to divorce me constantly and speaks horrible things over our unborn child and he just lets her. We are suppose to come one flesh. Pls pray for me
💔I've been though HELL AND BACK with my husband MOTHER side of her family....HER TOO. NO DIS RESPECT BUT I'M JUST UNHAPPY ALL THE WAY AROUND IN MY MARRIAGE
May God help you, heal, strengthen and delight your heart! 🙏
wow, i've had a similar dream! but i dreamt i had fishing hooks in my chest, tugging me in different directions... i realized my heart was hooked on a couple things. since then, i ripped out the hooks... rending my heart in the process... it hurt, but God was there to heal my broken heart, and I was free from the pull of those worldly/fleshly hooks of the siren's song.
Yes, some in-laws or in- loves do intervene on purpose!
Awesome!!!
I also realize my husband is a problem, as well. If he does anything for me. He has to do the same for her. If I get my hair fixed she wants to know who did it and wants hers done. My clothes, she wants to know where I bought it.. it's seems like obsession and Infatuation with me. He tells her everything. Financially he has put her first and allowed our bills to be delinquent. Almost foreclosed on our home to save her home that she almost lost. There are members in our congregation that I'm close with. She has now befriend them only to let them know we don't get alone. I don't want a relationship with her now. We are passed that point. But I do want peace. Again, any ideas of what I can do going forward?
You leave the marriage. There’s nothing you can do. If he has missed your point for years. He disqualified you as his wife.
Pray for your marriage. Don't give up on it. My mother did the same to my wife friended her friends on fb and talked to them privately. Wants everything we have, but your husband has to put a stop to it because his the leader of your household.
This is exactly what I needed, thank you immensely. I have a situation that is so tricky...my mom in law has cancer and is moving in with us for a time and in that move is coming from out of state. So we'll be her only support at least at first. What's been hard, so hard, is that she doesn't seem to see the union my husband and I have and she tells us what to do and tells us how our schedule will be when she arrives. I truly care about her although I've been extremely stressed because she is a very strong personality and I'm more a keep the peace person (but not so good bcs people pleasing comes out). I'm so thankful for the advice you gave and through the Word. I'm wondering if you have advice if the son/daughter of the in-law isn't willing to set boundaries with their parent- how can the other spouse function in a healthy way? Thank you so much :-)
Hope things are going well, that sounds really tough, praying holy spirit is leading you through this and giving you strength to be truthful about your needs and wants and set healthy boundaries, also that holy spirit would draw you and your husband close together in agreement and that He would soften and humble your mil so that she can really appreciate you and what you're doing for her with genuine heartfelt gratitude.
In my case the inlaws have always loved me. Maybe in the bigining im shocking because i have tattoos. That i fix by wearing long sleeves when im with older people it jus shoks hem too much. Then i find it easy to hve. Relationship since i am really close with my grandparents.
Also never get involve in gossip family gossip or family drama or controversy. I jut keep a diplmatic distance. And also i dont like to involve inlaws in any of he marriege problems or conplain. I would be very upset if a husband tells personal stuff to his parents.
Sorry this might have been great, but it needs to clarify that this is about tolerating parents in laws. It may have mentioned how do parents survive the children in laws, but it did not.
Everytime we have tried to set up boundaries it has made my in laws upset. How do we do that, which a HIGHLY sensitive family member. We haven’t even been disrespectful or rude and pointing out anything that is uncomfortable has caused issues .
What if your mil is a narcissist? What if she does not want me in her life, only my husband?
To those who are struggling with toxic in-laws, parents, any family members and any other toxic folk coming in between your marriage. I say this...don't give up on your marriage, live a Godly and holy life so that God will answer your prayers, ,pray for God to give you or your spouse to have a backbone against those toxic kinfolks, pray for protection for your marriage, pray for your spouse and yourself, seek Godly biblical wise marriage counselors and keep walking with God no matter what happens, talk with your spouse, set firm boundaries with toxic parents and in-laws and toxic family members, If in-laws refuse to change and are being disrespectful distant yourself. You got to do what you got to do for the sake of you and your family. God want people to be free not bound to any ungodliness. Any ungodliness or wickedness should not be tolerated, it does not matter the title whether it is mom, dad, siblings, aunts, uncles, or cousins. God want us to be at His feet not some ungodly person who is manipulative and controlling. You don't have to subject your family to that foolishness by extended family members. If you keep bowing down to ungodly in-laws, parents, any family members, anybody who are downright nasty and wicked, if you're a believer, it will hinder your walk with God and your Christian walk very difficult if you continue to keep these toxic ungodly people around. God does not care about titles like people do. If they're wicked and ungodly disobeying Jesus by going about destroying people's marriage God does not want us to honor that if anything Jesus want us to be free, either by distancing, going low or no contact. Jesus does not want us to be blind to satanic schemes by toxic family members and other folks who are not right with God. Be at Jesus feet not man's or woman's but at God's feet. God bless.
I have that in my life. Except my husband is a narcissistic person too. 8 years of verbal/emotional, sexsual abuse i got the courage to get help outside our church(they inabled him and blamed me) and wound up seperated. 2 years into fighting... becasue holy spirit told me no to a divorce and has since told me to be still and wait.. he and his mom are close(enmeshed/toxic soul tie) and he sees them often and she has completely cut me and my kids off. Its so hard. I pray often the my husband would have a revelation of whats going on. I forgave all betrayl involved during some deliverance and since then have felt more prayerful for who has been involved in our lives. This is hard and can be even beyond hard....painful and devastating if we let it. Hang on to Jesus. Cry out with all you have for your marrige and family. Jesus will not leave you alone in this. He will equip and heal you. Im still praying for reconciliation for my marrige💜
God does not force people to stay in physically or emotionally abusive relationships. If he doesn’t want to change, he’s never going to.
My sister and I have had a hard relationship for years. Since I move 4 hours away from her, she became pregnant and now I praying about whether I am supposed to be there for my nephew or stay where I'm at. I guess I'm just asking for prayer on clarity on that from God. It's something I've waited for so many years (a relationship with my sister) so it's hard to think that I have to be away from her
Good godly wisdom, that I will be applying, in Jesus' name, thank you very much. Loving our family as we would want to be loved, furthermore, loving our family as God has loved us. Proverbs 15: 22 "Without counsel plans fail,
but with many advisers they succeed."
She's right their opinions too.
All this Mother in law wants is to visit my grands maybe once a month. I'll pick them up, take to enjoy themselves and feed them well. Love, hug, kiss and feel like I'm alive too. I'm sick of begging!
Bible :
Three Gifts of Marriage: Companionship, Passion and Purpose.
Ephesians 5:25: "For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her." 9. Genesis 2:24: "Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh."
In verse 12, Jesus added: “The one who can accept this [teaching] should accept it.” Marriage is a matter of free choice; God does not coerce anyone into it. If anyone wants to marry, then he or she should accept the responsibilities of marriage.
The rest of the people's no matter who is to be should not interfere with married couples! No matter what's... whoever try to bring sorrow to couples relationship is sin.
God said correct and discipline your child not an adult children's therefore parents should not have provocative manner to their adults child especially not to theirs daughters in law. The healthy boundaries are way to have healthy relationship.
Respect and love come Both Way not one way if is one way is red flag that's mean toxic!
God love us and we love God! Never one side... Only devil's love our soul!
Please pray for me I know that this is all going to work in Gods favor and will because that is who he is he is faithful to does that have faith it’s been a big toll on me and my partner and I know in some way it’s because my partner still doesn’t understand that we as one our marriage should be first and my feelings and our home always come last for him just as long as his parents but mostly his mom is not hurt
I know that the first person to watch my steps and want my best interest is my father Jesus Christ but at this point I’m not sure if me talking privately with my In law is the best decision to make since she has came to me with lost of insults and my husband not saying anything in that view but when I agreed to be the bigger person he said I think it would be best
How do I send these to my toxic in laws? 🤣😂
Thoughts on a mother in law living with a new married couple?
What with parents in law and his whole family calling me a solicitation women just because I'm from another country? I never called him (now my husband) in my country he begged me to come here and to marry him?
How do you deal with an unhealthy brother and sister in law bond?
The only good thing my MIL is that it show me the mom and grandmother I do not want to be
My partners sister ruined our relationship. I really miss him
But my daughter in law has not left her family, her family gets access to all holidays first, I’m tired of trying. I have healthy boundaries, i no longer want to be the mom, the last second babysitter, she won’t talk to me or my daughter....sits and is on her phone instead of just looking up and pretending to visit. The older generation used to be relied on, this self differentiation that you’re overly working is also dismissive to elders. We’re not just your babysitter out to dinner, I’m left at their house, no dinner for me and they push it and stay out so long,
It sounds like she is tolerating you. I was like that with my MIL too. It became apparent that I will never become good enough for her. She would always complain about which side of the family was getting more visits or attention. We both finally became tired in trying to please her, so my husband made up excuses so I could have minimal contact with her. When I was forced to see her, I tried to stay busy to avoid talking to her. We're nice to her, but it's hard to give respect when I feel i am being respected
This is a complex topic, husbands need to love their wives just as Christ loves the church. Jesus died for the church, Christ will never put the church last and He is always mindful of the church. Husbands are not doing their best to love their wives as leaders. It's not easy dealing with a mama's boy.
My husband and I are apart right now. We lived in his mom's backyard for the first year 1/2 of our marriage. She was mad when we moved. Made it terribly hard on my husband. I'm not sure he would set boundaries with her . I am praying for reconciliation with him. BUT I am scared.
I pray that you receive God's strength, but why are you scared?
Because she is mean and gets too involved in our relationship. He is facing a felony charge against me right now. His mom has been very cruel to me. Where he has said he is still too connected to her and her to him. Absolute truth! I was the other woman. He is 57 and runs to her with our problems. He never saw any value in me or our marriage. He also stood up for his friends first. I am too scared to believe he wants change within himself.
@@RachelSmith-vm2jt I'm facing the same thing nowadays. 🙏Please reply👈 marriage for God..
@@RachelSmith-vm2jt same problem.. Please reply 👈 marriage after God..
@Marriageafter God....when violence has entered the marriage,and the problem mother in law has blamed me,for her sons actions???? We are in the courts . He is facing a felony. I am committed to my covenant with The Lord. I just cannot see trusting him after his assault,and now she is trying to manipulate me for him.
My in- laws do not respect people’s boundaries. They want their children to have spouses that they can control, and that they can manipulate.
My in-laws did not respect people‘s boundaries. They want their children to have spouses that they can manipulate and control.
It will be nice if you let your wife talk more. She is wise and definitly has a lot to say, buy you often interfere with your comments. It will be much more interesting if you take a step back and let her talk😊
Do u cling to the wife when she is behaving disrespectful to your mom though ? How do you u balance that
What if your enmeshed wife and father in law hear this message from 100 different people 100 different ways and say I don't care what you think. They'll worship god all day long until you talk about this then they'll flip you off. 13 years of marriage and we still haven't started being a couple.
What if my father in law molested my wife as a little girl and never repented
Is it normal to be clingy?
Most of the time daughter in law doesn't accept her mother in law as her own mother
Can you clarify why this is important? I have my own mom so I’m not sure why I would need to accept my husband’s mom as my own. 🤔 just curious
I would like clarification as well?
Or reverse
my in-laws hate me, i dont really know why. they hate me so much that they not connecting with her son. mu in laws disrespect me bcoz i dot come from a rich family, they worship money.
I am in the same situation and what’s worse I have a husband who refuses to stand up or defend me. I told him how I felt and he literally told me it was my fault because I wasn’t forgiving. I had forgiven years of mental abuse by his family particularly his mum and his sister. His mum is the worst, openly attacking me on social media and I am made to keep quiet because my husband told me, I had too. I am full of bitterness and rage now.. been married 18 years and not sure if I want to be married like this for another 30 more. I’m more resentful of my coward husband. I wait on the Lord for my relief.
Should my mother in law share the expenses of her moving in?
Your mother-in-law should not be moving in, period. If there's still time to stop it, stop it.
I do have to say that when my husband is about to duck tape my car engine back together best believe I'll call my dad! Lol let's just say my husband wasn't happy I went around him on that.
I can't live with them. I have live with them for 4 years now. They always try to run my life and be the parents. They do not respect. It gotten to the point I want to leave my wife and she can stay with her parents. The funny thing is that my in laws are believers. They always fight, always talk negative of me.
Why don't you get your own home, El?
@@manichairdo6346 surely it can't be that easy otherwise he would have done it already.
Lord have mercy❗️
My story is not much different from yours😁. After much drama made by my in laws right from the wedding time, we got separated after one year. Now the whole family moved in our house, his father is head of the family now and mother makes all the decision, his brother’s family is also a part in the house now. What I am still confused is they claim themselves to be believers.
Are you guys listening to our conversations or something?! 😂👍
:) Maybe
Seriously, its like they're watching my life haha
Love you bro...but please work on cutting off and interrupting your wife...let her finish he thought
Why did you delete my comment?