Disney's ARTEMIS FAIL

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  • Опубликовано: 6 сен 2024
  • #artemisfowl #disney #disney+
    On this episode of Weird Movies With Mark, I talk about Artemis Fowl, Disney's 125 million dollar bomb
    Thanks for subscribing!
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Комментарии • 874

  • @ThatJohnKillion1970
    @ThatJohnKillion1970 4 года назад +680

    A 90 minute movie that feels suspiciously like the 13th episode of the 6th season of a TV show you've never seen before.

  • @poeterritory
    @poeterritory 4 года назад +528

    Anyone who managed to get through this movie, so they can review it, has my deep respect.

    • @sweetjohnny8211
      @sweetjohnny8211 4 года назад +10

      I had a hard time making it through the commercials.

    • @Greendalewitch
      @Greendalewitch 4 года назад +22

      I downloaded this movie and I still want my money back.

    • @oneopinion6806
      @oneopinion6806 4 года назад +8

      I fell asleep a few times, had to keep rewinding from the big bubble popping thinking I'd missed a bunch of plot. Turned out I missed an action set piece (the troll fight) and a faster death and rebirth than Chewbacca. Good times.

    • @Turtleproof
      @Turtleproof 4 года назад +3

      @@oneopinion6806 Oh come on, I would think the same thing because I would have passed out, too, but there were two ships and Rey was too damn stupid to not sense where Chewbacca's life force was and that it was still present after the OTHER ship went explodey boom boom.

    • @deathsyth8888
      @deathsyth8888 4 года назад +6

      Same goes for people who saw Cats so we wouldn't have to. They are the true heros.

  • @RealLukeWilson
    @RealLukeWilson 4 года назад +344

    Eoin Colfer didn’t so much “support” Disney’s changes as he did accept $1,000,000 of the mouse’s pocket change to *say* he supports it.

    • @JustNatax3
      @JustNatax3 4 года назад +42

      Honestly, I'd say that for a shit ton of money too lmao

    • @sydneyslaughter7163
      @sydneyslaughter7163 4 года назад +7

      I KNEW IT!

    • @1slayer959
      @1slayer959 4 года назад +10

      Yeah.
      I knew from day one that he sold out.

    • @nitrosherbert888
      @nitrosherbert888 4 года назад +2

      Remember you probably unseen newer Simpsons but comic book I said the movie was s***

    • @craigmckenzie5466
      @craigmckenzie5466 4 года назад +15

      Meanwhile Disney gives Lucas billions for Star Wars, and yet he has no problem saying he doesn't like what they did with it. Apples and oranges I know, but still.

  • @KardboardKenny
    @KardboardKenny 4 года назад +332

    i'm so old, that i can remember when the Disney label was a sign of quality.

    • @ericv00
      @ericv00 4 года назад +18

      Dear god...

    • @gristlyknave831
      @gristlyknave831 4 года назад

      What was the best thing they've come out with recently anyway?

    • @ericsmith718
      @ericsmith718 4 года назад +1

      lol

    • @justincoleman3805
      @justincoleman3805 4 года назад +9

      It never was.

    • @darrelsam419
      @darrelsam419 4 года назад +14

      Same here. I remember when I used to be excited for any movie or show related to Disney. Not anymore.

  • @MrYomaaaan
    @MrYomaaaan 4 года назад +230

    I grew up reading Artemis Fowl, and seeing it being treated like this almost feels like a personal insult. Watching this movie feels like a bunch of 70 year old got together to make a film for 5 year olds. Pretty sure Eoin Colfer was Disney'd into saying that he 'supports' the changes.

    • @cyte112
      @cyte112 4 года назад +32

      I heard this movie was in development so long, and went through so many changes, that Eoin gave up on resisting anything.

    • @dmichael7144
      @dmichael7144 4 года назад +13

      MrYomaaaan by "Disney'd" you mean paid a bunch of money, right?

    • @andrew4029
      @andrew4029 4 года назад +6

      Kinda the same thing that happened to "Ender's Game" really...

    • @latenightgaming5057
      @latenightgaming5057 4 года назад +6

      Reminds me alot of George and starwars too🤔
      🤬 Disney dude

    • @leia3772
      @leia3772 4 года назад +10

      Same for me! I was so excited till I saw the trailer then just said, "Nope, I'm good." Just seeing him surfing or just in school was enough for me to know Disney didn't care lol.

  • @maxkennedy7430
    @maxkennedy7430 4 года назад +244

    You know a film is so badly made and boring when you feel more investment for a fisherman.

    • @Maxxplayne
      @Maxxplayne 4 года назад +2

      FLM

    • @ericv00
      @ericv00 4 года назад +20

      I'm a fisherman, and this hurts my feelings...

    • @MrECrafter
      @MrECrafter 4 года назад +17

      ​@@ericv00 I care for you

    • @maxkennedy7430
      @maxkennedy7430 4 года назад +6

      ericv00 I care for you as well.

    • @driftercarbon
      @driftercarbon 4 года назад +11

      This movie should have been about him. He's bound to have a more interesting character arc than Artemis. Imagine the therapy bills from this experience.

  • @12345.......
    @12345....... 4 года назад +207

    "Watching this movie was a weird experience"
    That's a bold statement from Mark

    • @rosebudbaxter4671
      @rosebudbaxter4671 4 года назад +2

      🙌🙌🙌 Seriously.

    • @kenrickeason
      @kenrickeason 4 года назад +1

      If The Room is an amazing experience and this movie is a weird experience.. Oh boy we are in for a ride of hell..

    • @irwinisidro
      @irwinisidro 4 года назад +4

      While wearing a Twin Peaks shirt.

  • @NextToToddliness
    @NextToToddliness 4 года назад +49

    That Bono joke forced a very sharp and cacophonous "HA!" out of me. It literally escaped me like an excised demon. Kudos.

  • @ralphbagel3184
    @ralphbagel3184 4 года назад +215

    Eoin is just pronounced like Owen
    Source: I live in Ireland and had a classmate with the same name

    • @cyte112
      @cyte112 4 года назад +19

      Neat, I had no idea. Totally thought it was 'Ian'.

    • @Churro_Flaminguez
      @Churro_Flaminguez 4 года назад +9

      Artemis is the name of a Greek goddess. So there's that bit of name confusion from Owen/Eoin.

    • @JohannaMueller57
      @JohannaMueller57 4 года назад +4

      my guess was on Éowyn

    • @flagflow1232
      @flagflow1232 4 года назад +5

      And meanwhile in Scotland, Ewan is pronounced like Iuan.

    • @AverageWagie
      @AverageWagie 4 года назад +8

      @@Churro_Flaminguez It's a running joke in the books that people keep teasing Artemis for having a girl's name.

  • @Nikolaos-Koemtzis
    @Nikolaos-Koemtzis 4 года назад +120

    The part that they talked "science stuff" it reminded me of Neil Breen "Quantum energetic technology" "we are not ready" "scientific telepathy entitlement" etc

  • @bolsops
    @bolsops 4 года назад +56

    "holy crap thats a weird spot for the tv" was too much to handle

  • @martianmilfhunter6229
    @martianmilfhunter6229 4 года назад +87

    2:00 if you order hagrid from wish....

    • @JustNatax3
      @JustNatax3 4 года назад +8

      Me: Mom can we get some Hagrid later
      Mom: No we have Hagrid at home
      Hagrid at home:

  • @darrengaroutte7744
    @darrengaroutte7744 4 года назад +44

    To anyone who hasn't read the books and is equally confused the time freeze in the book was used because fairy magic diminishes during the day so they halt time to just before dawn. Also, the first book was about Artemis ransoming Holly Short back to her people for 1 ton of gold.

    • @SlapstickGenius23
      @SlapstickGenius23 3 года назад +3

      I occasionally read the Artemis Fowl books. Sadly, the Artemis movie is so fucked from the start.

    • @breakingames7772
      @breakingames7772 2 года назад +3

      Even your explanation makes zero sense

    • @darrengaroutte7744
      @darrengaroutte7744 2 года назад +2

      The story is very fantastical. I would recommend reading the book as it does set up the climax fairly well.

    • @atomicspartan131
      @atomicspartan131 2 года назад +3

      @@breakingames7772 it makes more sense when you read the book. It’s genuinely good if you care to read it. You could probably burn thru it in about 2 hours or less depending how fast you read

  • @cleaveredford-lane273
    @cleaveredford-lane273 4 года назад +180

    I almost died laughing when I saw Judi Dench's costume

    • @crixxxxxxxxx
      @crixxxxxxxxx 4 года назад +16

      She’s 2 for 2 after that fur carpet she wore in “Cats”

    • @anikmonette2140
      @anikmonette2140 4 года назад +4

      @@crixxxxxxxxx Oh God... Not something I wanted to remember!

    • @tumblingworm737
      @tumblingworm737 3 года назад +2

      Well. I mean she is a Dame Commander of the Order of the British Empire. Can she do no less?

    • @kaiokendo
      @kaiokendo Год назад

      You didnt see her in Riddick lol

  • @Ciborium
    @Ciborium 4 года назад +123

    What did Judi Densh do to piss off her agent this bad? Cats? Artemis "Top o' the mornin" Fowl?

    • @FischerFilmStudio
      @FischerFilmStudio 4 года назад +12

      She dropped out of the James Bond franchise.

    • @jarrodedson5441
      @jarrodedson5441 4 года назад +2

      @@FischerFilmStudio bad decision

    • @livardo
      @livardo 4 года назад +29

      She's at the "don't give a fuck" stage of her career I guess.

    • @jamesmaysflyingwashingmach7459
      @jamesmaysflyingwashingmach7459 4 года назад +1

      I thought she was dead?

    • @nemo99nemo83
      @nemo99nemo83 4 года назад

      ​@@jamesmaysflyingwashingmach7459 No, but she's going to be blind.

  • @markmark6408
    @markmark6408 4 года назад +29

    So one day Judi Dench looked around and realized she could use some more pocket change for her retirement fund and accepted this. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

    • @arthas640
      @arthas640 2 года назад +1

      Some actors/actresses will make movies like this as much for kids as for the money. Dennis Hopper played Bowser/King Koopa for his kids and for his younger viewers for example. Especially with older actors they dont really know what kids these days like so they see a famous franchise like Mario or Artemis Fowel and think "I bet the kids will like this!". With all the special effects in movies like this it can be almost impossible to tel what the end product will look like too, epseically with scifi and fantasy where the special effects are like 90% of what you see. Christopher Lee had a mini melt down one time because much of one of the Star Wars movies was just him standing in a green room, sometimes alone, waving a stick around and reciting lines to an empty room and he didnt even have a clue how the fight scenes would look until the film was almost finished months after he'd filmed the scenes.
      For some actors, especially distinguished ones, their image can be really important to them and their legacy plays into that. Alec Guinness was old, already super famous, and originally didnt expect to make much for Star Wars IV: A New Hope but just did it for some spare cash and because Scifi was becoming a thriving genre and popular with the kids so part of his motivation was making a film that the younger generation would enjoy. He actually loved the fame it brought him and the legacy it built because not only was he famous for being a distinguished Shakespearean actor but he was also suddenly famous with kids rather than just their parents, and after the film became famous he loved it since he knew he'd be remembered for decades because of it. The new solid gold toilets in his mansion probably also helped though.

  • @engineer-of-souls
    @engineer-of-souls 4 года назад +47

    One thing that shows how much of a mess the production of this movie must have been is the appearance of The Book. In the posters Artemis is holding The Book of The People, a "fairy bible" containing their magical laws and the cornerstone of his plan in the novels. It's prominently present even in the character poster released a week before the movie came out. But the Book is nowhere to be seen in the movie. It was clearly a big part of the film at some point but was hastily cut out during reshoots and the complete restructuring of the movie.

    • @justincoleman3805
      @justincoleman3805 4 года назад +3

      The Book? What a clever name. Now I get why fans of The Collection Of Paper With Words On It are so upset.

    • @lazarus2691
      @lazarus2691 4 года назад +6

      @@justincoleman3805
      It's a little more than that. It's written in the fairy language and roughly translates to 'The book of the people' in English.
      They call it 'the book' for short, but the word 'book' is used with special emphasis in their language, since it's supposed to be their equivalent of a Bible or Quran.
      Still fairly generic, but not *quite* as bad as you make it out to be.

    • @jarrodedson5441
      @jarrodedson5441 4 года назад +3

      @@justincoleman3805 yeah because that's why people are so upset

  • @MewJoy
    @MewJoy 4 года назад +112

    It's been years since I read the book, but I remember the trailer having a deleted scene where Artemis and his body guard confront a fairy in the slums (you know, where the book starts), so I know this movie got chopped to pieces and the narration by Mulch was added on last minute. I think Disney was worried about making Artemis a criminal mastermind, so they didn't. Now, he's just boring.

    • @leia3772
      @leia3772 4 года назад +4

      I forgot all about that clip! Hahhhh but I'm not surprised, they butchered this thing beyond recognition.

    • @Lazrael32
      @Lazrael32 4 года назад +1

      @@TimLake we almost got a spider-man movie where he wasn't a super hero, but a monster. a literal Spiderman. I want to say thank god cannon never made it..... but i kinda wish i could see that movie.

    • @teddybearkiller5271
      @teddybearkiller5271 4 года назад +8

      Well of course not! Disney can't have any characters that are morally gray! You're either a good person, a bad person or a person that looks good on the surface but deep down is truly evil......according to there twist villains that is.
      (P.s never read the books but might check them out.)

    • @leia3772
      @leia3772 4 года назад +6

      Teddybear Killer definitely read the books! Ever couple of years I go back and reread at least one. The series really leaves an impression.

    • @teddybearkiller5271
      @teddybearkiller5271 4 года назад +3

      @@leia3772 When I have the time I will. :)

  • @snarferyasmr3739
    @snarferyasmr3739 4 года назад +96

    Someone needs to set up a Patreon for Judi Dench.

    • @justincoleman3805
      @justincoleman3805 4 года назад +9

      Yes. Because the incredibly wealthy need our help.

    • @jarrodedson5441
      @jarrodedson5441 4 года назад +5

      @Nathaniel Arndt yeah her agent needs to be fired

    • @ericjourdain892
      @ericjourdain892 3 года назад +2

      I actually like that she enjoys working, subject be damned.

  • @docsnake
    @docsnake 4 года назад +51

    My mind seriously wandered several times watching this, and I'm one that loves to watch Mark's videos. I can't even begin to imagine what it must've been like to watch the actual movie.

  • @Mockthenerd
    @Mockthenerd 4 года назад +25

    Parks outside with a lorry full of gold: "Yep, I agree to the changes to my book!"

    • @arthas640
      @arthas640 2 года назад

      it was hilarious how he did a 180 later and told some reporters that the film was "a truly horrifying parody of Lord of the Rings"... you know, after he'd been paid and after the movie was panned by both his fans and by critics and after any chances of a sequel died.

  • @Mibit911
    @Mibit911 4 года назад +59

    Artemis foul, and dads secret collection of percolators and bongs

    • @-..-_-..-
      @-..-_-..- 4 года назад +4

      saw your reference to percolators then looked up at the video and saw mark's shirt and considered the possibility i was in the matrix for a moment

    • @Mibit911
      @Mibit911 4 года назад +1

      @@-..-_-..- good cup of coffee isn't it?

    • @davidbonar5190
      @davidbonar5190 4 года назад +1

      @@Mibit911 damn fine

  • @annyeonghaseyothisfight5897
    @annyeonghaseyothisfight5897 4 года назад +136

    "Well this one's easy
    BOZO"
    😂😂😂😂

    • @Johannesburg777
      @Johannesburg777 4 года назад +7

      I take it he's not a U2 fan lol

    • @arthas640
      @arthas640 2 года назад

      I think too many people overlook Bono's skills because of his activism, too many people act like he's some Beatles level musical genius when he's just a mid quality pop artist.

    • @nickgodfrey1148
      @nickgodfrey1148 2 года назад +1

      @@arthas640 good singer but way too sanctimonious and pompous to be taken seriously.

    • @arthas640
      @arthas640 2 года назад +3

      @@nickgodfrey1148 agreed. Hes a mid level pop singer with top level renaissance artist ego.

    • @nickgodfrey1148
      @nickgodfrey1148 2 года назад

      @@arthas640 😆

  • @ShireenPlays
    @ShireenPlays 3 года назад +5

    8:15 "Top of the morning." Caught me off guard, I can't breathe!!! OMG! 😂🤣

  • @scrambled5948
    @scrambled5948 4 года назад +15

    Disney got lucky because if this was released in theatres, it would have been a bomb

  • @FischerFilmStudio
    @FischerFilmStudio 4 года назад +16

    Im also just so fucking tired of the whole “you’re a badass kid and you’re the chosen one to save us all!” Trope. In the books Artemis proves that he’s a genius and cunning, but he often makes reckless mistakes. In the movie he just is cool because we’re told he’s cool. Book Artemis is an villainous mastermind, movie Artemis is a piece of cardboard that supposedly is a badass in disguise without earning it.

    • @arthas640
      @arthas640 2 года назад

      Same, too many films/books JUST rely on the kids inherited traits or his birthright and not any actual skill on their part. I wasnt a huge fan of the books but he was a flawed kid and made mistakes but he was also extremely intelligent and used his cunning to both one up the adults but also prove himself. In the movie he felt more like a set piece, just a macguffin that got passed from scene to scene until the end of the movie. He reminded me of Bella from Twilight: just a passive blank slate that plot points happen to without having much impact on the story.

  • @ericv00
    @ericv00 4 года назад +45

    More like: Artemis Foul
    ...I'm sure I'm the only one who has made that joke.

    • @lazarus2691
      @lazarus2691 4 года назад +3

      I'm fairly sure that joke was first made in the first book nearly 20 years ago.

    • @jarrodedson5441
      @jarrodedson5441 4 года назад

      @@lazarus2691 oh joy

    • @planescaped
      @planescaped 2 года назад

      More like Artemis *Foul!*
      Freaking nailed it....

  • @user-xl1ve1ce6l
    @user-xl1ve1ce6l 4 года назад +26

    I was watching it with my aunt and uncle and the whole time I was thinking to myself, "This is really boring...or am I just tired?..." Turns out, it really is an awful movie.

  • @johannesseyfried7933
    @johannesseyfried7933 4 года назад +8

    "I am Artemis Fowl. I don't go on Adventures. I have People who do that for me."

    • @cayreet5992
      @cayreet5992 3 года назад

      Usually, those 'people' are Butler.

  • @imacookie1217
    @imacookie1217 4 года назад +39

    "Oh well this one's easy."
    *BOZO*

  • @ian_b
    @ian_b 3 года назад +2

    "Discount Waterworld" made me do that involuntary laugh when you sort of blurt and little spittles pepper your monitor.

  • @skraegorn7317
    @skraegorn7317 4 года назад +19

    I didn’t think YA novel adaptations got worse than Eragon and Percy Jackson, but Disney really surprised me here

    • @cleobinx
      @cleobinx 4 года назад

      I actually like Eragon lol

    • @JoseOrtiz-fz3xi
      @JoseOrtiz-fz3xi 4 года назад

      @@cleobinx Same. 😂

    • @SlapstickGenius23
      @SlapstickGenius23 3 года назад

      I’ve Seen the much better (but still divisive) books that plain bad Eragon was based on. Similar for the books that the Percy Jackson films were based on.

    • @arthas640
      @arthas640 2 года назад

      I hate Eragon, the books were amazing (especially for ones written by a teenage amateur) but the movie was a generic turd. It reminded me of those old B movies from the 70s and 80s where they'd make a random B movie first and then attach the name of a famous franchise to it later. Wizards of the Lost Kingdom comes to mind where the second one was a completely unrelated film and they just attached an intro to the film to connect it to the first film despite the 2 being completely unrelated. Eragon felt like a random generic fantasy film they just made a few changes to and then slapped the Eragon name onto in the hopes of making bank.

  • @mannersmakythman
    @mannersmakythman 4 года назад +10

    i've been in the fandom since 2009 and let me tell you we all knew this was gonna happen lmao, it's been rumoured forever that they would smash the first and second books together and change all these things but actually seeing it happen is surreal and wretched

  • @DenerWitt
    @DenerWitt 4 года назад +33

    Man, when they have to brute force try to make a character cool you know he is not cool at all!

  • @zm1te38
    @zm1te38 4 года назад +42

    My family wanted to watch this and luckily I didn't want to

  • @hatednyc
    @hatednyc 4 года назад +7

    This kid is such a genius he never figures out his old man is a thief?

  • @Blitzo8390
    @Blitzo8390 4 года назад +124

    Why does everything wanna ruin Judi Dench’s credibility?

    • @keithmartin1328
      @keithmartin1328 4 года назад +17

      Oh Judi, dear o dear. I would love to know how her agent sold this movie to her. Because she should sue him.

    • @zacheryhole3294
      @zacheryhole3294 4 года назад +8

      @@keithmartin1328 thats easy disney+money

    • @kaykutcher2103
      @kaykutcher2103 4 года назад +4

      She's a frequent theatre collaborator of Kenneth Branagh the director of this so called "film" so my guess is not enough funds for a new play but more than plenty of confidence that their careers won't be ruined.

    • @Blitzo8390
      @Blitzo8390 4 года назад +2

      kay kutcher Then explain Cats?

    • @skinnylattes
      @skinnylattes 4 года назад +9

      Her agent secretly hates her

  • @antoniodiavolo
    @antoniodiavolo 4 года назад +19

    I read the books when I was like 8 and I remember after reading the first one, I was like “Why hasn’t this been made into a movie yet?”. You could have literally adapted the first book directly and made a great 1.5-2hr movie. It wasn’t that hard.

    • @arthas640
      @arthas640 2 года назад +1

      i cant even fathom why they took 2 full length books that each could have been a 90 minute movie and tried cramming them both into 1 movie, yet Hollywood also thought that the Hobbit, a book that should have been a 2 maybe 3 hour movie and stretched it into three 2-3 hour movies.

  • @Joscha276
    @Joscha276 3 года назад +3

    I remember the book being really good, especially dom was an absolute badass and the time freeze had an effect that artemis figured out a genius way to avoid. Holly was held captive and had her powers taken and she was resisting, everything had so much suspense to how things would turn out. Not this movie tho, apparently. Sad.

  • @AverageWagie
    @AverageWagie 4 года назад +4

    This movie was in development for sooo long, I remember when I was a kid enamoured with the books and read rumours online about plans of a possible movie starring NICHOLAS HOULT. You know, back when he was the right age to play Artemis (and he would have made a damn good Artemis, mind you). He's 30 now, so that's how long hollywood execs have had to figure out how to adapt the book and not make it terrible.

  • @bigred22685
    @bigred22685 4 года назад +9

    3:57 Dude. It's rare I get hit with such a wave of nostalgia that it makes me drop my jaw. I forgot all about those sound effect books from the late 80s. Thank you.

  • @JesseReviews
    @JesseReviews 4 года назад +47

    This movie quite honestly is on my Mt. Rushmore of worst movies I've ever seen.

    • @justincoleman3805
      @justincoleman3805 4 года назад +5

      What a waste of a perfectly good mountain.
      Both yours and the real mt rushmore.

    • @MiraSubieGirl
      @MiraSubieGirl 4 года назад +1

      Is Spice World on that mountain? Whats the other 3 I need to know...

    • @MiraSubieGirl
      @MiraSubieGirl 4 года назад +3

      @@justincoleman3805 No way! Disagree... they are the 4 most influential Men in the creation of the Greatest Nation on Earth.
      No im not American, but as far as World history goes... Those 4 Men are just awesome.

    • @RomanticViper
      @RomanticViper 4 года назад +2

      @@justincoleman3805 Pipe down, Commie.

    • @SurferMan127
      @SurferMan127 4 года назад +3

      Yeah, it’s this, The Room, Battlefield Earth, and Jack & Jill. I don’t pick on under-financed bad movies.

  • @cr0-okedglasses814
    @cr0-okedglasses814 4 года назад +9

    5:13
    Oh my gosh! He called Butler, Dom, his real name! The movie legit call him by his real name so many times that he just called him by his real name? That’s a major part of Butler’s character! Butler Rule #2: never give out your real name! The only thing that’s higher is keep your protectee safe.
    We figure out his name in like the 4th book!
    It’s a simple thing not to do! Movie, just call him literally anything else! I’m so mad about this because it takes effort to put something dumb into the movie, while leaving it out will take nothing and a happier audience. There’s no energy nor time being wasted if you do! What the absolute crap were they thinking!

  • @Virtualglue
    @Virtualglue 4 года назад +45

    I never cared for child like heros. Just seems insulting and a cheap shot to get the younger crowd involved.

    • @justincoleman3805
      @justincoleman3805 4 года назад +5

      What about child like empresses?

    • @Virtualglue
      @Virtualglue 4 года назад

      @@justincoleman3805 Same thing, just different gender.

    • @meric2363
      @meric2363 4 года назад +5

      I only mean a little offense to this but your opinion is pretty stupid. Every piece of media has a target demographic and having a protagonist be the same age as that demographic is standard and in no way "cheap or insulting" and by extension, what is the alternative? Are adult protagonists not then an insulting cheap shot to get the adult crowd involved? And are all school-aged stories off-limits if only adult protagonists are allowed? Should coming of age stories all be banned now since protagonists are only allowed to already be of-age?

    • @lazarus2691
      @lazarus2691 4 года назад +4

      I mean Artemis isn't the hero in the books, he's the villain, who then reforms into an anti-hero, then regresses back to villain for a while, before eventually leaning towards hero as an adult.
      He hardly seemed like a kid in the books anyway. You tended to forget his age, he could have easily been written as someone older.
      (Well, except for the few instances where being child-sized allowed him to say, sit in fairy chairs comfortably)
      Anyway, that worked just fine for the young audiences of the books. No reason it wouldn't have worked in the film, but god forbid Disney break mold and try something new.

    • @pyrrhusofepirus8491
      @pyrrhusofepirus8491 4 года назад +1

      Brent Smith remember when one of Disney’s villains was a ruthless religious extremist who tried to drown a deformed baby and has a deep prejudice against a certain group, but then sexually lusts and desires over someone of that very same group he hates. Sending him into a crisis between his human wants and his religious teachings, leading to him burning and killing those of the very same city he swore to protect in his Inquisitorial Crusade?
      That was a fun time.

  • @WilfredoWolganG
    @WilfredoWolganG 3 года назад +4

    Throughout the review all I kept wondering was "Is the old fisherman going to be alright?"

  • @danhaynes7897
    @danhaynes7897 4 года назад +4

    "....and he's like HOLY CRAP thats a strange table to put a tv"

  • @jessyjulie5506
    @jessyjulie5506 4 года назад +4

    I remember when they announced this movie was being made, I wanted Tom Felton to play him. Now he's like 30.

    • @SlapstickGenius23
      @SlapstickGenius23 3 года назад +1

      This film has had a really long and troubled production history that led to the final product being plain horrible to watch!

  • @monsterhanna6691
    @monsterhanna6691 4 года назад +4

    "Holy crap, that's a weird place for a TV." 😂

  • @Mr_Porter
    @Mr_Porter 4 года назад +24

    Soooo....(deep breath) you're telling me that a fairy flew across the house full speed with her arms out Raiden style and basically gave the bodyguard a 'peck push' with magic and that alone healed his internal bleeding from being crushed by a giant troll and instantly revived him ?! (heavy exhale)
    Yeah you're that totally makes sense now that I think about it.

  • @nicks1451
    @nicks1451 4 года назад +16

    I'm gonna start a list of people who should just never ever grow a beard.
    1.) Josh Gad
    2.) Andrew Luck
    3.) Kathy Bates

    • @jarrodedson5441
      @jarrodedson5441 4 года назад +1

      Who the other 2 people?

    • @arthas640
      @arthas640 2 года назад

      Whoever thought that JOSH GAD the goofy, baby faced, squeaky voiced actor who looks like me when i was 14 was the ideal actor to play a serious, bearded, badass with a gruff voice should be tied to a chair, covered in sausage gravy, and fed to starving weasels

  • @codebracker
    @codebracker 4 года назад +6

    Ironically the dwarf eating dirt and having tentacle hair is basically the only things that are actually from the book. Well that and the kidnapping.
    Basically all of the weirdness is artifacts from the book that no longer makes sense because they cut out half the plot and replaced it with bland action tropes

    • @arthas640
      @arthas640 2 года назад

      crazy how most fantasy movies get ruined by stretching 1 book into 2 or 3 movies and this one got the exact opposite treatment and had multiple books crammed into a single film, and they seemed to have tried to compensate by relying more on tropes then the actual lore/plot of the books.

  • @TheWorldLuvsABastard
    @TheWorldLuvsABastard 4 года назад +19

    I'm just glad this movie was so bad that Mark reviewed it. Now I get to have a WMWM episode.

    • @jarrodedson5441
      @jarrodedson5441 4 года назад

      I did like one character in this film .. take a guess who... I'll give u a guest it ain't the main character and or the butler... mainly because I feel disgusted that they have a black dude working for a white person... Do you see the problem here

    • @corymelvin2030
      @corymelvin2030 3 года назад

      What does WMWM mean??

    • @TheWorldLuvsABastard
      @TheWorldLuvsABastard 3 года назад

      @@corymelvin2030 Weird Movies With Mark

    • @joetowers4804
      @joetowers4804 3 года назад

      @@jarrodedson5441 That is a problem. It would also have been a problem if a black person had not been in the movie. Where's the representation then?!

  • @leightnite3056
    @leightnite3056 4 года назад +8

    Yeah, I couldn't make it through this one! The old, "Let's just throw money at this and it'll work routine "!

  • @DareToBeDeviant
    @DareToBeDeviant 4 года назад +6

    "Something happens [...] I don't know what's going on." should've been the tagline printed on the movie poster, as said by Mark and (likely by) the screenwriter who pitched this to producers.

  • @Bertaut
    @Bertaut 4 года назад +24

    It's just pronounced "Owen" as in the non-Irish version of the name.

  • @clarencepeterson8646
    @clarencepeterson8646 Год назад +3

    "And he's like, holy crap, that's a weird spot for a TV." 😆

  • @TheVoojooze
    @TheVoojooze 4 года назад +17

    Yo, Mark - the name "Eoin" is just "Owen" before it was anglicised. So it's pronounced "Owen". 👍

  • @dragonfly6955
    @dragonfly6955 4 года назад +3

    I'm glad the fisherman survived Q.Q

  • @davidmayberry3190
    @davidmayberry3190 4 года назад +6

    I haven't watched the movie or read the books but wouldn't it have made a lot more sense to kidnap the kid and make the dad get the macguffin?

  • @milestrombley1466
    @milestrombley1466 4 года назад +31

    The Last Airbender: "Welcome to the party!"

    • @TF2Fan101
      @TF2Fan101 4 года назад +7

      *Percy Jackson series peeks in the door*
      PJ: Hi, me and Dragonball Evolution are looking for the Bad Movie Adaptations Anonymous club. Is this the right place?

  • @rmjl1793
    @rmjl1793 3 года назад +4

    The biggest insult to the source material is Artemis being TOLD about faeries rather than using his immense intelligence to discover them on his own. He's supposed to be a kid genius and yet is just told everything in the movie

  • @locotelocot
    @locotelocot 4 года назад +34

    Did Dana Carvey have anything to do with this movie???? Sounds Master of Disguiseish!!!!!!

    • @ANT96-x8d
      @ANT96-x8d 4 года назад +4

      Mark should do Freddy Got Fingered next

    • @doctorthirteen5727
      @doctorthirteen5727 4 года назад +1

      Stuff actually happens in that movie. Stupid stuff but at least it's...stuff.

    • @ANT96-x8d
      @ANT96-x8d 4 года назад

      But some are calling it a secret work of genius

    • @Patrick-bn5rp
      @Patrick-bn5rp 4 года назад

      @@doctorthirteen5727 I feel like I'm one of the few people who likes that movie. I really love how much effort went into the set design, and how badly it clashes horribly with the bizarre, stupid, nonsensical writing.

    • @SlapstickGenius23
      @SlapstickGenius23 3 года назад

      I’ve watched master of disguise, which is so bad it’s good, that it’s actually my favourite bad movie of my youth.

  • @matthewstewart5566
    @matthewstewart5566 4 года назад +14

    Played a drinking game while watching this with my bro. We were hammered halfway in 10/10 recommend.

    • @chanceneck8072
      @chanceneck8072 4 года назад +2

      I´m gonna go now and buy me some Absynthe, let´s see if I can keep up with you guys.....

  • @BAN3FromNoWhere
    @BAN3FromNoWhere 3 года назад +5

    Artemis Fowl the book series is awesome, one of my favorite series, even though I haven't read all of them yet.
    Artemis Fowl the movie is a gorilla punch to the face followed by being thrown into a dumpster full of flaming garbage. Of the smelliest type.
    How you made it through this, I may never know, but next time you're digging this deep into the trash heap, I'll send you a bottle of whatever it was.

    • @cayreet5992
      @cayreet5992 3 года назад +1

      If you finish the series, consider reading the Fowl Twins afterwards (which is a spoiler unless you've already read 'Lost Colony'). A lot of fun.

  • @Irt816
    @Irt816 4 года назад +2

    Love you for making this. After waiting for the movie for 19 years it was disheartening to watch the mess they came up with.

  • @toddpeterson5904
    @toddpeterson5904 4 года назад +14

    Golden acorn. More like golden plug

  • @jedh3721
    @jedh3721 3 года назад +1

    I love the -surprisingly solid- theory that right before release, they decided to change the entire damn plot and add in the acorn McGuffin. This forced them to re edit the entire movie and force scenes to be re contextualized via ADR which caused the movie to turn out like it did.

  • @irishemogirl6720
    @irishemogirl6720 4 года назад +3

    Eoin is pronounced Owen and Saoirse is pronounced seer-sha. It means 'freedom' in Gaelic (pronounced gal-ic).

  • @cjwrench07
    @cjwrench07 4 года назад +1

    Thanks Mark. I was thinking of watching this movie with my nephew, but now I know to volunteer his Fantasy-hating Dad instead.
    I owe him one for volunteering me to watch Trolls:World Tour with all the kids.

  • @forty_two42
    @forty_two42 2 года назад +1

    I've been taking a rip from the bong everytime you say "Artemis" I'm 5 minutes into this 15 minutes video and I'm pretty baked. I gotta go to my nieces winter concert man. Why did I do this.

  • @angelina-qh2og
    @angelina-qh2og 4 года назад +3

    Lol stop I totally had the same story books with the sound effects buttons on the side 😂 God I feel old

  • @seanlarkin5454
    @seanlarkin5454 4 года назад +1

    Well, Mark, I found your channel a couple months ago, and I have now finished watching every single video you've made. I guess now I'm stuck anxiously waiting for the next one just like everyone else.

  • @Greendalewitch
    @Greendalewitch 4 года назад +33

    I downloaded this movie and I still want money back.

    • @jamstonjulian6947
      @jamstonjulian6947 4 года назад +12

      I've only watched reviews and I want my money back

    • @sweetjohnny8211
      @sweetjohnny8211 4 года назад +7

      I didn't watch this movie and I still want a refund!

    • @Greendalewitch
      @Greendalewitch 4 года назад +4

      @@sweetjohnny8211 My friend only heard of it and still wanted refund.

    • @jarrodedson5441
      @jarrodedson5441 4 года назад

      @@jamstonjulian6947 I watched it on Disney plus.. and eh I'll just never watch it again

    • @jarrodedson5441
      @jarrodedson5441 4 года назад

      @@sweetjohnny8211 for what?.... He childhood being ruined?

  • @earlenewallace8445
    @earlenewallace8445 4 года назад +2

    They tried to "Last Airbender" this movie by trying to cram a series of stories that would normally take several films into one. Frankly, Tolkien couldn't follow this plot. Thank you Mark for humorously trying to make sense of this over budgeted nonsense 😄

  • @irishjoe2941
    @irishjoe2941 4 года назад +4

    Oh hi Mark

  • @SiblingBandBrooklyn
    @SiblingBandBrooklyn 3 года назад +1

    Fuck! That “top o the morning” line made me spit my coffee all over my phone.

  • @storm_filter
    @storm_filter 2 года назад +1

    thanks mark, I've been bingeing your content for several days. cheers

  • @genericname34
    @genericname34 4 года назад +1

    I can only imagine how much this lost Disney. It cost $125m to make, plus the marketing (limited compared to normal release)... easily ate $100 million

  • @whitemagus2000
    @whitemagus2000 3 года назад +1

    5:47 And the symbol of Leprecon is a 20 sided dice.
    So it's a D&D movie. This makes much more sense now.

  • @6ViolinRed
    @6ViolinRed 4 года назад +2

    Basic Timeline:
    1979: Weinstein brothers found Miramax.
    1993: Disney purchases Miramax.
    2001: (Apr.) First Artemis Fowl book released. Miramax purchases the rights to adaptation with Lawrence Guterman (Cats & Dogs; Son of the Mask) to direct and Jeff Stockwell (The Dangerous Lives of Altar Boys, Bridge to Terabithia, Children of the Machine, A Wrinkle in Time) to write.
    2003: Author (Colfer) claims screenplay is finalized and casting would start soon.
    2004-2010: "Development hell"
    2011: Jim Sheridan (My Left Foot, In the Name of the Father, The Boxer, Get Rich or Die Tryin', Brothers, Dream House) attached to direct and Saoirse Ronan in talks to play Holly Short.
    2013: Disney announces its intent to adapt the first two books in the series. The film was to be produced by Disney and The Weinstein Company. Executive producers would be Robert De Niro and long-time producing partner Jane Rosenthal along with Michael Goldenberg (Contact, Peter Pan, Harry Potter 5, Green Lantern) to write the script.
    2015: Disney in talks with Kenneth Branagh (6 Shakespeare adaptations, Thor, Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit, Cinderella, Murder on the Orient Express) to direct, playwright Conor McPherson to write, and long-time Branagh producing partner Judy Hofflund to executive produce.
    2017: (Sept.) Disney announces that the adaptation would be released in August 2019. Judi Dench is in talks for a role. (Oct.) Disney removes Harvey Weinstein as a producer and terminates partnership with Weinstein Company. (Dec.) Disney casts Ferdia Shaw (Artemis Fowl), Dench (Commander), Josh Gad (Mulch Diggums), Lara McDonnell (Holly Short), Nonso Anozie (Butler). Public complaints over miscasting.
    2019: Film release delayed to May 2020
    2020: Film release cancelled due ot pandemic, moved to Disney+ for streaming. (Mar. ) Colfer supposedly supported the changes made to the story
    www.msn.com/en-us/entertainment/gaming/artemis-fowl-author-supports-the-changes-in-disneys-movie/ar-BB10DYXB)
    Branagh's ideas that made into the final film even though he didn't direct it: Casting Anozie as Butler. Turning Fowl character from child villain to "to find the humanity inside the character before going on a journey."

    • @imaadshahrukh4829
      @imaadshahrukh4829 3 года назад

      Considering that pervert ruined that Alex Rider movie, this movie being bad is no surprise.

  • @adamd839
    @adamd839 4 года назад +1

    You always provide good content Mark but the best thing about your Artemis Fowl video is the Twin Peaks t-shirt. Where can I get one of those, I love it...

  • @MrJohndoakes
    @MrJohndoakes 8 месяцев назад

    2:03 Those things are "Maunsell Forts", they date from WWII and are out in the Thames and Mersey Estuaries right off the British coast. The British military abandoned them in the 1950s and one or two were used as bases for pirate radio stations in the 1960s-1970s.

  • @justinwilliam4644
    @justinwilliam4644 4 года назад +2

    "talks like this too" looooool

  • @chanceneck8072
    @chanceneck8072 4 года назад +8

    I got a notification - thought "nah"
    I got it recommended - thought "nah"
    Then I took a closer look at who MADE this video - INSTANTLY CLICKED!!!!

  • @nelsonnoname001
    @nelsonnoname001 4 года назад +1

    That discount water-world is a real place, was a radio and AA defense for Britain during WW2

  • @DickLongFlop14
    @DickLongFlop14 Год назад

    The “holy crap that’s a weird spot for a tv” gets me every time 😂

  • @owenfitzgerald3219
    @owenfitzgerald3219 4 года назад +1

    I'm Irish, and you were spot on with "Bozo" hahaha.
    Picking Colin Farrel to be someone who in a film in a teaching capacity is even more implausible that all the fantasy shit.
    (Lower Elements Police Recon) L.E.P.RECON. - OH JESUS THAT'S SO BAD IT'S VOMIT INDUCING, and to think that was written by someone Irish.
    How the hell did Judi Dench wind up doing this, was it a contractual obligation, does she need the money that badly?
    So they find the golden love egg behind a painting of Fowl Senior.
    Are the people in green meant to be Leprechaun's. If so, Leprechaun's were never creatures of the air.
    Fredia Shaw who played the titular Fowl was 15/16 when it was made, so that shows how long it was waiting to get made.
    This does look like a terrible film.

  • @slenders1ckn3ss
    @slenders1ckn3ss 4 года назад +1

    Artemis Bowel. I can't unhear it now.

  • @jamesmccarthy6764
    @jamesmccarthy6764 2 года назад +2

    Eoin is pronounced the same as Owen!
    It's the more common spelling in Ireland.

  • @Jaggedice23
    @Jaggedice23 4 года назад

    3:50 I totally had that same book! I remember loving the flushing bug sound. Latterly pressing it for every sound prompt.

  • @raydehn5565
    @raydehn5565 3 года назад +1

    😆 the bono joke is pure gold

  • @mirandawesley7466
    @mirandawesley7466 4 года назад +6

    His reaction to this movie is the way the White House is handling COVID...raw confusion.

    • @Romannumerals_
      @Romannumerals_ 4 года назад +1

      Lord Krythic congratulations... ?

    • @pickeljarsforhillary102
      @pickeljarsforhillary102 4 года назад +1

      With all the sniffing of people that Biden does, wouldnt he have contracted every possible strain of Covid-19 by now?

  • @indianapolisjones1615
    @indianapolisjones1615 2 года назад +1

    The Fishermen was falling for 30 minutes like Loki!

  • @travelers8607
    @travelers8607 4 года назад +1

    Do Ishtar, next! :D
    Or Basket Case III (including its trailer that shows the ENTIRE film)!

  • @TeatroGrotesco
    @TeatroGrotesco 2 года назад

    Some people when they can't pronounce something just run thru it and apologize quickly, while our host instead leans into it, I mean way into it with unnecessary examples. Excellent.

  • @OrbGoblin
    @OrbGoblin 4 года назад +1

    Ah man I totally forgot about those Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle books w/the soundboard, that shit was awesome!

  • @greghicks8961
    @greghicks8961 4 года назад +2

    This is the first youtube video I have ever see with 0 thumbs down votes. I know that I have just doomed you, but right now (including my up vote) there are 983 up votes and 0 down votes. Congratulations and sorry for dooming you! :)

  • @sirbyronthetall9335
    @sirbyronthetall9335 4 года назад

    If I ever finish my freakin book and should it do well, I will make sure the mouse never freakin touches it! Period.
    Love the shirt!

  • @irwinisidro
    @irwinisidro 4 года назад +1

    Idk if this was meant for theaters or directly to Disney +. But wouldn't it be better as a series just so there would be more content with Disney+ as their flagship show? It would also help expand the story.

  • @julioagua
    @julioagua 4 года назад +1

    Yeah, I died with "BOZO" XD