The simplest way to figure out if an ISTP likes you is if they're there. No ISTP in their right mind would waste their time being somewhere they don't want to be. I know I don't. Same reason why we hate inauthenticity and lying. They're a waste of time. We hate people who waste our time.
I love everyone- in the spiritual sense and within my circle of influence, especially my relatives. But I don't bond with everyone- even some of my relatives, even though I feel like I can establish a rapport with anyone.
ISTP female - I’m older. So might have more rules of my own: 1 Don’t insist I hang out with you everyday. Let me have my space. 2 Just because I’m quiet and a good listener don’t use me as your therapist. 3 Be Honest . Dishonesty = manipulation. 5 Respect my privacy. Don’t ask intimate questions. Trust me. If I want you to know I will let you know. 6. Don’t maliciously gossip about others around me. I will keep you at arms length. Are we flexible? I don’t know. Maybe you can tell by my rules that I’m not. 😁
#2 and #6 especially are SO SO true for me as well!!! (And especially the "if I provide a solution don't get offended" also.) Do you have any ideas on how to handle that?
I’m over here like, “PREACH!” Lol I always have rules for friendships... 1) If I give you advice, answer a question. or provide information, I expect you to take it. If you refuse to even do anything with the information I’ve given you and continue to bring me the problem I have already resolved, I will no longer speak to you. 2) Be prepared for me to randomly come in and out of conversations. Time frames may be 5 minutes or 5 years. Don’t hold me to time frames. Wherever I stop, I promise I will pick it back up as if no time has ever passed. 3) I am not your scapegoat and I am not your keeper. I am also not your therapist. If you can’t assume responsibility for your own actions, don’t even bother me. 4) Never expect me to take sides... I will never choose you over another person, I will always choose myself. It doesn’t mean I don’t care or love you, I simply refuse to be divided, and it is easier for me to choose myself and to remain neutral. 5) Don’t ask me for truth but then get mad. Everything I say comes from a place of honesty. So, if I say something, I mean it. It isn’t intended to be hurtful, it’s intended to be truthful 6) Don’t expect me to text you back immediately... don’t be needy or clingy. I’ll try to respond as soon as I can but sometimes I’m busy. Also, no I don’t know when I won’t be busy. Clearly, I don’t have a lot of friends >.> most people can’t even get past rule no. 1
#1 and 4 are very relatable to me and I think almost everything😂I don't care no matter how close we are,whether you're a family, relative, or someone I know. If you did shit,you'll get shit. If you're wrong, you're wrong. If you don't like me then bye. I'll gladly walk myself out becos I don't really care. After all you're just another human like any other human.😂
I do not agree with the last one. Don’t call people needy, everyone has needs which show in different ways, some more often some less. If you shame them for it, they’ll stop opening up and feel really bad... trauma bad... and yes, this is my “trauma” speaking. You can say that it costs energy to attentively interact with someone and that you have a right to choose the time and place to read what they wrote/ pick up the phone (because when I finally do, I‘m 100% present), but don’t shame them. I don’t know if it’s a me thing or an ISTP thing, if I’m even one, but I at least have very specific things I react very sensitively to. The word needy is on that list. Everyone has needs and shouldn’t feel ashamed about them. It’s a need not a want and you can spiral down really quickly if to many of them aren’t met.
the first rule is so rightttt, i was annoyed when someone complaints to me and i came out with a solution FOR THEM to ignore it, since then, i replied their texts late unless important djdjsksk it's better that way anyway.
thankfully, I have youtube app on my t.v., but I do this a lot. It was really bad when I was in high school and would completely zone out during a lecture.
I am a male ISTP 40s. If people were in our heads they would cry at the sweet things we think about people. We just dont know how to say it or get nervous that it will be awkward if we did say it. I really enjoyed your content Thank you =-)
A day to a year to warm up? Sounds legit. Some people I have an instant connection with, but others it takes time. It all boils down to are we on the same page and can I trust this person?
Great list. Another part of being too rigid for me is when someone or something is so inflexible that it cannot be changed. An example would be if a friend and I, an ISTP, have made a dinner date or whatever. If something comes up and it has to change on either end, the friend has to be willing to reschedule and not be angry about it. Lol I don't know why but the ability to reschedule and not be upset about it is huge for me. I guess it's because I personally would not take offense to it happening to me. In fact I'd view it as a kindness. Not sure if that's just me though!
Same here, although to me it often feels like refusing to reschedule is manipulative, like trying to guilt me into keeping the commitment. They don't realize I won't be heartbroken to never deal with them again, it's actually a sign of my interest and commitment that I *am* willing to reschedule rather than just cold drop it.
I am istp from korea and I 100% relate to you. I get stressed when someone like my parents or others try to control me. Eventhough I usually do not see others’ intention, I just feel it when it comes to manipulation. I feel really annoyed about that. Also being authentic is the very thing I always talked about regarding the relationship. I don’t need any fake and useless conversation at all. On the top of that, being too rigid or being not flexible enough was the only reason why I used to fight with my boyfriend before. I just watched this video to improve my english, but I couldn’t agree more. thumbs up.
I had a friend in school, she is ENFJ and she was always trying to make others do things for her. Once she tried to do this with me and I was really rude, It was in impulse, but then she never tried to make this again with me. (Maybe I was a little dramatic but I could see how manipulative she was being with others).
I'm a male ISTP in my 30s. I can really relate to #3, as I've encountered more than a few people whose motives didnt match their overly nice, superficial behavior. I'm not saying everyone acts this way and there are plenty of people who are genuine. However, I can most definitely relate to hearting people who are genuine but come off as serious, compared to people who are superficially nice but only act that way because that's the "mask" they put on.
ISTP here. My rules, kinda: 1- Don't force me to do anything, even hanging out 2- Don't waste my time gossiping 3- Don't talk drugs with me 4- Give me my space 5- don't be fake 6- don't kiss my ass for asking me to do something for you, just ask me and I'll gladly help you out 7- Don't you ever turn your back on me, that shit really hurts 8- don't try to outsmart me, that pisses me off 9-don't try to be funny when we both know something is not 10- don't pressure me to talk all the time, if you can't appreciate silence then go away 11- I may be cold sometimes but I'm not gonna lie to you, ever. 12- don't break my concentration 13- I'm a good listener but I hate listening to bullshit problems 14- I hate videogames so don't ever invite me to play. But I do love board games that require thinking 15- Don't be an asshole to me 16- I'm a great secret keeper, just because I don't give a shit about telling others your secrets 17- if you're gonna give me a present, do it yourself, though it's crappy I appreciate it more 18- if you're a woman and I show affection just bring around you it doesn't mean I like you, it means I love you as a friend 19- don't be disrespectful around me 20- don't forget any of the above
As an istp, I’d say we hate any emotional people except infp who know when we want to be alone so they leave us alone Edit: and that they are open minded to hear other’s opinions
This was very insightful for me, thank you for this great video. I am an Infj and have been with an Istp and now I understand the whole situation better. There is so much to you that people don’t see. You guys are awesome and I mean it.
I am INFJ, I feel lucky to be. However my bf is ISTP and hard to understand sometimes. I think this is going to help me a lot. I am going to try not to ask him to do certain chores or at certain times. I am going to put up a list of his to dos and just leave it, see if it makes a difference.
My rules: 1. Acknowledge each other's right to be independent. Everyone has secrets, they are part of things that belong to the host and only the host has the right to manage those secrets, don't think people owe you explanation for everything going on in their lives just because you are in relationship together. Same goes for decisions, even the stupid ones. You can suggest things, you can invite people somewhere, but do that only ONCE and LISTEN to their decision. And just accept it. It's not just about refusing to control other person, it's also about understanding that other people have their own heads on their shoulders, you are equals in the relationship and you are allowed to have different interests, priorities, judgements and other wondeful shit, so unless there's a huge fucking trouble coming your way and you're gonna die because of it, always assume the other person knows what they're doing with their life. You may be friends, but you're still separate people with separate lives. My friend should be _very_ well attuned to the feeling of boundaries and should be confident enough in himself and realistic enough in views on humanity to acknowledge the natural human egoism as healthy and right norm that should be taken into consideration in relationships. 2. Don't just be ready to ping-pong thoughts and ideas with each other, but also have good _skill_ in detecting what's logical and what isn't. My friend should have decent skill of separating emotion and logic and they should value logic over emotion. 3. Be a troll in spirit, but not a mean one. My friend's natural way of having fun discussion should be banter and well-intentioned mutual trolling. It must matter to them that the 'food' they troll (not just when it's me, but also when it's anyone else) enjoys the process and maybe trolls back, but they should still feel most natural when they're on a wave of sharp and friendly mocking banter. Be cool about being trolled, too, so that we could troll each other and be trolled. Sharp words, but friendly attitude. 4. Consider the other's goals and priorities. My friend should remember we are different people, not project their needs on other people and not give advice based on those projections. That's just fucking stupid. While the first rule from my comment speaks about _actions_ that acknowledge other's independence, this one speaks more of how you view other people in your head, even when you don't act in any way. My friend should strive to gain the most accurate picture of reality, people included. If they escape into their comfy imagined projections and refuse to learn and change throughout their life, I consider them signing on to their own degradation. They are living talking dead people and there's no potential in an already dead friend. 5. Have thick skin and be a seeker of truth, not a shoulder to cry on. My friend should despise social demands to amend facts for the sake of someone's feelings. It's actually part of the rule from the video - don't be fake. Don't be fake to me, don't be fake to society. When it's a matter of survival, it's totally fine to bullshit your way through some company of influential bullshitters, that's how the world works unfortunately, but when it doesn't reflect on your survival or it does but you don't have a real pressing need to survive right now (for example, you just want more perks, but you'd be perfectly fine without them), don't be fake. 6. Take responsibility. Every decision you make, every feeling you feel - it's you and not something or someone else who's responsible for them. Control yourself, consider the consequences of your actions, acknowledge your mistakes, don't be limited by social norms or rigid ethics. Also part of being responsible is being a consequentialist and moral relativist, because first means you look at the results of your actions, not intentions, when you decide something, and second means you don't take your own personal ethical code and project it on the rest of the world, proclaiming it the Objective Ethical Standard or whatever. You should be the master of your mind, feelings, decisions - not the other way around. If you aren't, then you're not a person, you're an animal, and you can't possibly be equal to me and be my friend.
Hahaha! I feel like you’re speaking about my life. While studying electrical engineering, professors and fellow classmates tried to “force” me to join SWE too! Ugh…. It really turned me off before I could even give it a chance to form my own opinion. I get this so much. Oh! And I remember their disappointment when I didn’t follow what they “suggested”
This is so accurate. I have a sister that is “fake” without even noticing and it’s hard for me to take almost things she says without a grain of salt. She’s caught up in being a “nice person” which is fine. The world needs more of those, but because she’s so caught up in being one she can’t take the reality that she’s very willing to attack others or twist the truth to conform with her idea. And in doing so, goes against her whole point. Let’s just say, I’m glad I only see her rarely.
ISTP-A/T here, honestly I don’t know how I can tell the difference but you can just tell if it’s fake or just excitement. I feel like people who are just excited, the excitement feels more natural to me. I guess i over think it like crazy bc its the when, how, does it make sense, does it seem forced or planned that will help me to fish out a fake person.
Yay Im glad I subscribed, this came on my feed just when I was getting frustratingly bored :D Your list is spot on! Especially controlling people, where their invitations are orders. I really struggled with people like that in high school and it made me reluctant to have any friends for a while. Now I am a bit better at spotting mature people that are more chill and supporting at the same time.
♀️ISTP Rule of DON'T for those we really care about. Don't break our trust by doing something to us behind our back after we told you not to do that. We can and most likely will go out of our way to rain all kinds of hell on you before cutting you out of our lives forever!
Number two really spoke to me. I make time for the ones who matter. I respect both your time and mine. To know if an ISTP likes you, they'll be there. That said, I'm rather curt and forward because of it. I'd add that respect comes before trust, and trust comes before affection. Not sure if it's an ISTP thing or a normal thing. Time is the most valuable resource.
ENTP here, if I’m super super friendly when we barely know each other it’s 99% likely because they were unfortunate enough to talk to me about one of my obscure interests 😂 I mean, I like to be friendly to everybody because it makes life easier, but when somebody’s actually interested in what I’m talking about I turn into an energizer bunny, especially because ISTPs aren’t afraid to disagree and I Love the debate. Also, every time I say something irrational and an ISTP’s questions force me to admit I jumped the gun, my respect for them goes up every time!
I agreed with all of it except I don't mind super friendly people. I quite like it when people are super friendly. I can almost always tell when someone is genuine or not though. If they are fake friendly then no thanks. But I think some folks are just friendly as their personality.
I am an INFJ and my wife is an ISTP. I’ve come to realize that my love of gray compliments her love of black and white but I know not to start to share some weird insights I get on things especially if they are based purely on my intuition . I’ve also learned to not be so rigid and to allow myself to be spontaneous and to agree to do things spontaneously. Thanks for sharing your peeves. It helps to remind me of the things that sabotage our relationship
This is the same for the INFP, especially fake people. i feel sorry for fake people, they have a really hard accepting themselves. if I weren't an INFP i would definitely love to be an ISTP, I have so much respect for ISTPs
This was helpful! I know a guy who is an ISTP and I wouldn’t say we are very good friends but we aren’t strangers either. Anyway I want to get to know him more and be friends with him so I’m trying to figure out how. So thanks for this video!
What a relief to know that I am not alone!! Female ISTP! Being independent thinker, deciding things for themselves not according to other people or societal value is really big for me too. And that may take a while. It is like cat sniffing, touching, and staring at something if it is worth to invest your time on. Great video.
The point about being open to reason was so accurate. I can disagree with anyone if they are reasonable and flexible with their views, and have empathy for reasonable people with different views, but have none for people with a different opinion who get offended by my views
Actually a good list. I have people in my life that I care about who at times do any or all of these things. Those relationships are harder and more stressful, but I value the outcome of the friction, namely growth. Besides that, knowing that every personality type tends to want everyone else to be like themselves and their ideal, I can be aware of that weakness in myself and others going into a relationship. Knowing that weakness puts me in a better position to do that person good. And contributing something of value is one thing ISTPs LOVE to do! It also puts me in a position to not be manipulated if that’s what’s needed, since I can then choose what matters to me whether or not a person is telling me to choose it. -ISTP
No.1,2,3 are so true darn😂I remember all the times my teachers compliment me in front of the class. I was always like "crap,crap,crap. shut up. pls just stop. shut up. I don't want this. I did not say nor did that for things to turn out like this. Ugh! I hate this. This is so awkward."😂I also recall the time when my science teacher once said that I might have a photographic memory after my reporting and I was like "Damn. Putting me in a tight spot once again." That then became a thing in our class which made me very annoyed and irritated. I really wanna just shout to their faces and unleash the beast within me and be like "NO.As I said I don't have a photographic memory,you idiots!How many times do I have to say that and repeat myself?!I've done my research long ago as I was studying psychology becos I'm bored and no person with photographic memory was ever recorded in history!You can research that if you want so enough with this bullshits!" But of course I didn't say that and just ignored them letting them make a fool of themselves. I am also indeed very suspicious to those people who compliment me openly and are like so over-the-top. To those too friendly towards me despite being strangers and not that close. Becos I've once read that anyone who praises you openly always bears an ulterior motive and I've seen a lot of these things in movies and other stuffs. So like what's your real goal for approaching me and saying such exaggerating nonsensical and unrealistic things? And the 'controlling' thing is so real. When I feel like I'm being controlled or like I think I'm about to be controlled and this situation could and would certainly lead to controlling later on somewhere in the future, I'd then immediately walk away from that person and discard them. There are a lot of times also where I purposely make people hate me,dislike me,or be discouraged of me in order to gain freedom. Like be free from their expectations and other stuffs.
I dislike people... A lot. That's why I dislike interactions with others. I tolerate people, but I'm glad when they give me reasons to not deal with them.
I just listened the first minute or so and I just had to stop to think. As an ISTP, I was wondering, why am I truly so quiet and akward with new people and why it's so hard for me to let them in my life. One of the reasons I narrowed it down, was that actively I'm trying to save both of us very akward moments. I believe that ISTP's true self is much more unfiltered than most types, maybe even the most unfiltered. Mostly the most crude, vile and hardcore things are the best and the most funniest things in life, for me atleast. But you never know what topic is off-limits when you don't know the other person. For me, nothing is so sacred in the world you couldn't make a joke out of it, not even my own little dick or balding head. Some topics surely are not simply funny, like death. I do feel like I have to hold back so much, it's way more easier to not say anything, than testing the waters by sheer luck. You need to find the right group for everyone to enjoy a very crude joke you just tought up, not leaving anybody offended. Sometimes saying vile things is the only way I'm intrested in operating, everything else is a show for the masses. One other reason I thought, that I believe it's way more easier for me to relate to other people by our shared experiences, than at an emotional level. Theres always some funny memory or an event we can both watch back and laugh about and share an experience that way. I stopped making new friends at the age of 12. I have 8 good friends now, wich is sometimes more than I could handle, and i've known them all for 18-23 years. I know these people trough-and-trough, what type of parenting they had, everything about them, and they know me. This is the group of people I don't need watch myself in. Everything goes, sometimes it's even lowkey expected of me to go little over the line and everyone laughs. I currently believe I don't need to make any more good friends in my lifetime. Life itself can change though.
About the schedule. Not sure if I'm right, but I suspect you may have described the reason behing disliking it imprecisely. From my experience, fixed start and especially end time for hangouts are insulting not because the person isn't ready to move things around in their schedule (as if you measure what things your friends are ready to sacrifice for you or some such bullshit), but because it just feels insincere _in the moment_ when you were just chatting with someone and having fun and then they deftly wrap it up as if you were not on equal ground in your relationship, but it was you who had an appointment with someone and now your hour is up and you have to pay and leave, like you're the only one interested in the relationship going and the other one's just waiting for the check or something. When people try to organize relationship and fit them into schedule like it's some business deal they have to make, it takes away the free improvisational spirit of building and transforming the relationship, makes them cheap and less authentic, because the closeness was _planned_ , it didn't spring out on its own like the real thing should. Relationship should just _happen_ (and I'm talking any kinds of informal relationships, not just romantic ones) to you, not the other way around, it's their core nature to be spontaneous.
Someone in the family is an ISTP, seems like they have a hard time expressing extraverted feeling or outward feelings in general. Is that something that improves with age do you think, like a fine wine??
Yes and no. 44 yo ISTP here. I have never been expressive and probably never will be, but I've gotten much better at explaining the fact that I'm not very expressive. For example, 20 years ago, I would simply tell someone, "You're doing it wrong." Now I would say, "You're doing it wrong, but you should know that's a complement coming from me, and even though I don't show it, I am pleased with your hard work."
@@legacy030 I have found that books on neuro linguistics processing aka NLP helped me to deal with the feeling personalities. Instead of saying I dont care about how you feel , I say , I dont care about how I feel about ( insert problem etc..) my feelings wont help me with the solution . We both want a solution , because that will make US Feel better about whatever it may be ...Just a example.
This family member is the nicest of guys, a hard-working family man, but when I come over to visit my sister, my brother-in-law won't come and meet me at the door, greet me, or ask how I've been. But he's known to have a 45-minute discussion with the new guy behind the counter at the small engine shop.
Not just a need to appeal to their logic, but logic based in their sensory. Beyond that is something that isn't trusted or is considered uncertain (to them). And since it's uncertain to them, getting them to subscribe to that would feel like controlling or rigid. Moreover trying to get them to see more than a step or two beyond the immediate sensory can feel to them like manipulating a situation. Getting ISTPs to look beyond their box, even when for a really good reason and very well intentioned, is a difficult operation.
The "don’t be fake part" is the determining factor for choosing to befriend someone. I can spot insincerity right away and it drives me mad. I’m not fake either and that’s why many people have disliked me
I do t have many rules, just one: be honest and tell me if u r upset by something I did, because everyone is Diff i try best to understand the other person
I really wonder how y'all would even recognise so so well who's manipulative and who's not. I don't think any particular type likes to be controlled, forget manipulated or faked. I really just sounds like a slightly nicer INTP-like "I think I'm always right and I want you to say what I think but not because you guessed I thought that but because you genuinely believe it." I don't believe that is specific to ISTPs either. From what you were saying it just looks as if you thought you were smarter than everyone else, which you might in many matters be but I doubt you are *that* good at the recognition of disingenuous behavior. I didn't mean to hate or anything just tried to spare my critical perception of what you said. Have a good day
Okay, I’m still new to this mbti thing but from what I can gather (from thread comments in addition to video istp descriptions) I think it’s our exterior presence. For example, while we are in a room of people I think most of us are quietly observing. While observing, our facial expressions and body language are pretty much blank while we process what’s going on in the room. Most other people may translate our exterior behavior as judging, or unimpressed, or simply bored of those around us. Personally, I’ve been greeted with hostility while doing what I just described here. Most times these confrontations end with a new acquaintance but others, a stare down and a mental note to forget that person’s face.
Do ISTPs hate duplicity that isn't fake? Let's say, that someone gives an ISTP a genuine compliment, but they were primarily motivated to give them that compliment so that they could make the ISTP in question feel good and build a relationship with them so that they could be a better team player, etc. Would this feel viscerally disgusting to ISTP?
I find it interesting that you even ask that question. I do not consider the compliment in your example to be genuine. It is rather manipulative. To answer your question: It would feel disgusting. If someone does that I would avoid them in the future. You imply that ISTPs are not Team Players. That is not true. If the situation requires working together an ISTP has no trouble working in a group. If the job can be efficiently done by one person - why bother working with a team.
Number two really spoke to me. I make time for the ones who matter. I respect both your time and mine. To know if an ISTP likes you, they'll be there. That said, I'm rather curt and forward because of it. I'd add that respect comes before trust, and trust comes before affection. Not sure if it's an ISTP thing or a normal thing. Time is the most valuable resource.
The simplest way to figure out if an ISTP likes you is if they're there. No ISTP in their right mind would waste their time being somewhere they don't want to be. I know I don't. Same reason why we hate inauthenticity and lying. They're a waste of time. We hate people who waste our time.
Huh! What a thoughtful insight! I am ISTP myself but I could never find words to describe this "I-am-here-for-you-not-talking-shit" thing. Thanks!
This is what I always say to my friend who needs constant validation that I still like her: if I didn't like you, I wouldn't be around you lol.
Yasss, we hate people who waste our time.
Nailed it. Nothing I hate more than wasters of time.. especially my time
Right!!!
People think that ISTPs are always judging when we are quiet or somenthing but we are like I don't hate you but don't love you...
I love everyone- in the spiritual sense and within my circle of influence, especially my relatives. But I don't bond with everyone- even some of my relatives, even though I feel like I can establish a rapport with anyone.
ISTP female - I’m older. So might have more rules of my own: 1 Don’t insist I hang out with you everyday. Let me have my space. 2 Just because I’m quiet and a good listener don’t use me as your therapist. 3 Be Honest . Dishonesty = manipulation. 5 Respect my privacy. Don’t ask intimate questions. Trust me. If I want you to know I will let you know. 6. Don’t maliciously gossip about others around me. I will keep you at arms length. Are we flexible? I don’t know. Maybe you can tell by my rules that I’m not. 😁
* if you have a problem. I’ll help you. Don’t use me as a therapist to dwell on something everyday. If I provide a solution don’t get offended.
#2 and #6 especially are SO SO true for me as well!!! (And especially the "if I provide a solution don't get offended" also.) Do you have any ideas on how to handle that?
100%
Where is #4?
Sek Ranger Oh my gosh I can’t believe I didn’t notice that
I’m over here like, “PREACH!” Lol
I always have rules for friendships...
1) If I give you advice, answer a question. or provide information, I expect you to take it. If you refuse to even do anything with the information I’ve given you and continue to bring me the problem I have already resolved, I will no longer speak to you.
2) Be prepared for me to randomly come in and out of conversations. Time frames may be 5 minutes or 5 years. Don’t hold me to time frames. Wherever I stop, I promise I will pick it back up as if no time has ever passed.
3) I am not your scapegoat and I am not your keeper. I am also not your therapist. If you can’t assume responsibility for your own actions, don’t even bother me.
4) Never expect me to take sides... I will never choose you over another person, I will always choose myself. It doesn’t mean I don’t care or love you, I simply refuse to be divided, and it is easier for me to choose myself and to remain neutral.
5) Don’t ask me for truth but then get mad. Everything I say comes from a place of honesty. So, if I say something, I mean it. It isn’t intended to be hurtful, it’s intended to be truthful
6) Don’t expect me to text you back immediately... don’t be needy or clingy. I’ll try to respond as soon as I can but sometimes I’m busy. Also, no I don’t know when I won’t be busy.
Clearly, I don’t have a lot of friends >.> most people can’t even get past rule no. 1
#1 and 4 are very relatable to me and I think almost everything😂I don't care no matter how close we are,whether you're a family, relative, or someone I know. If you did shit,you'll get shit. If you're wrong, you're wrong. If you don't like me then bye. I'll gladly walk myself out becos I don't really care. After all you're just another human like any other human.😂
This si so accurate, like, INSALY accurate
I do not agree with the last one. Don’t call people needy, everyone has needs which show in different ways, some more often some less. If you shame them for it, they’ll stop opening up and feel really bad... trauma bad... and yes, this is my “trauma” speaking. You can say that it costs energy to attentively interact with someone and that you have a right to choose the time and place to read what they wrote/ pick up the phone (because when I finally do, I‘m 100% present), but don’t shame them.
I don’t know if it’s a me thing or an ISTP thing, if I’m even one, but I at least have very specific things I react very sensitively to. The word needy is on that list. Everyone has needs and shouldn’t feel ashamed about them. It’s a need not a want and you can spiral down really quickly if to many of them aren’t met.
the first rule is so rightttt, i was annoyed when someone complaints to me and i came out with a solution FOR THEM to ignore it, since then, i replied their texts late unless important djdjsksk it's better that way anyway.
cant rlly agree with u
If you’re an ISTP then you started reading the comments and zoned out from what she was saying 😂 not cause the video isn’t interesting, but..
You're not wrong
I feel called out lol
@ Jessica Ivana
😌
thankfully, I have youtube app on my t.v., but I do this a lot. It was really bad when I was in high school and would completely zone out during a lecture.
I’ve never felt so personally attacked, I had to go back like 3 minutes
People always ask if I'm mad at them. I'm just indifferent. Then i start thinking about why they think I'm mad at them...😐
Haha this is so true, one of my friends even got afraid to talk to me because she thought i was mad at her
I am a male ISTP 40s. If people were in our heads they would cry at the sweet things we think about people. We just dont know how to say it or get nervous that it will be awkward if we did say it. I really enjoyed your content Thank you =-)
A day to a year to warm up? Sounds legit. Some people I have an instant connection with, but others it takes time. It all boils down to are we on the same page and can I trust this person?
I get it about the “control”. Don’t push us into things. Just let us stand back and learn and choose. If you push we will walk.
Very true. Manipulation through flattery is horrid
I would also add "don't smother" and "don't assume that because I'm not talking I'm not interested"
Great list. Another part of being too rigid for me is when someone or something is so inflexible that it cannot be changed. An example would be if a friend and I, an ISTP, have made a dinner date or whatever. If something comes up and it has to change on either end, the friend has to be willing to reschedule and not be angry about it. Lol I don't know why but the ability to reschedule and not be upset about it is huge for me. I guess it's because I personally would not take offense to it happening to me. In fact I'd view it as a kindness. Not sure if that's just me though!
Always ready to change plans , on a moments notice .
Same here, although to me it often feels like refusing to reschedule is manipulative, like trying to guilt me into keeping the commitment. They don't realize I won't be heartbroken to never deal with them again, it's actually a sign of my interest and commitment that I *am* willing to reschedule rather than just cold drop it.
I think it’s because we’re in the moment and if a change comes up, and especially if it’s a better plan, I’m down.
I am istp from korea and I 100% relate to you. I get stressed when someone like my parents or others try to control me. Eventhough I usually do not see others’ intention, I just feel it when it comes to manipulation. I feel really annoyed about that. Also being authentic is the very thing I always talked about regarding the relationship. I don’t need any fake and useless conversation at all. On the top of that, being too rigid or being not flexible enough was the only reason why I used to fight with my boyfriend before.
I just watched this video to improve my english, but I couldn’t agree more. thumbs up.
I had a friend in school, she is ENFJ and she was always trying to make others do things for her. Once she tried to do this with me and I was really rude, It was in impulse, but then she never tried to make this again with me. (Maybe I was a little dramatic but I could see how manipulative she was being with others).
Just curious, but are you sure she's ENFJ rather than ESFJ?
@@PowerRedBullTypology for sure, they are the most manipulative I've come across! 😆
Exactly the same thing happened but she was an ENFP unbelievable 🙄
Totally relate. Old ISTP dude, but this was exactly my thinking in my 20’s.
I really enjoyed this video. As an ISTP it's so refreshing to hear someone who actually gets it
I'm a male ISTP in my 30s. I can really relate to #3, as I've encountered more than a few people whose motives didnt match their overly nice, superficial behavior. I'm not saying everyone acts this way and there are plenty of people who are genuine. However, I can most definitely relate to hearting people who are genuine but come off as serious, compared to people who are superficially nice but only act that way because that's the "mask" they put on.
ISTP here. My rules, kinda:
1- Don't force me to do anything, even hanging out
2- Don't waste my time gossiping
3- Don't talk drugs with me
4- Give me my space
5- don't be fake
6- don't kiss my ass for asking me to do something for you, just ask me and I'll gladly help you out
7- Don't you ever turn your back on me, that shit really hurts
8- don't try to outsmart me, that pisses me off
9-don't try to be funny when we both know something is not
10- don't pressure me to talk all the time, if you can't appreciate silence then go away
11- I may be cold sometimes but I'm not gonna lie to you, ever.
12- don't break my concentration
13- I'm a good listener but I hate listening to bullshit problems
14- I hate videogames so don't ever invite me to play. But I do love board games that require thinking
15- Don't be an asshole to me
16- I'm a great secret keeper, just because I don't give a shit about telling others your secrets
17- if you're gonna give me a present, do it yourself, though it's crappy I appreciate it more
18- if you're a woman and I show affection just bring around you it doesn't mean I like you, it means I love you as a friend
19- don't be disrespectful around me
20- don't forget any of the above
As an istp, I’d say we hate any emotional people except infp who know when we want to be alone so they leave us alone
Edit: and that they are open minded to hear other’s opinions
This was very insightful for me, thank you for this great video. I am an Infj and have been with an Istp and now I understand the whole situation better. There is so much to you that people don’t see. You guys are awesome and I mean it.
I am INFJ, I feel lucky to be. However my bf is ISTP and hard to understand sometimes. I think this is going to help me a lot. I am going to try not to ask him to do certain chores or at certain times. I am going to put up a list of his to dos and just leave it, see if it makes a difference.
My rules:
1. Acknowledge each other's right to be independent. Everyone has secrets, they are part of things that belong to the host and only the host has the right to manage those secrets, don't think people owe you explanation for everything going on in their lives just because you are in relationship together. Same goes for decisions, even the stupid ones. You can suggest things, you can invite people somewhere, but do that only ONCE and LISTEN to their decision. And just accept it. It's not just about refusing to control other person, it's also about understanding that other people have their own heads on their shoulders, you are equals in the relationship and you are allowed to have different interests, priorities, judgements and other wondeful shit, so unless there's a huge fucking trouble coming your way and you're gonna die because of it, always assume the other person knows what they're doing with their life. You may be friends, but you're still separate people with separate lives. My friend should be _very_ well attuned to the feeling of boundaries and should be confident enough in himself and realistic enough in views on humanity to acknowledge the natural human egoism as healthy and right norm that should be taken into consideration in relationships.
2. Don't just be ready to ping-pong thoughts and ideas with each other, but also have good _skill_ in detecting what's logical and what isn't. My friend should have decent skill of separating emotion and logic and they should value logic over emotion.
3. Be a troll in spirit, but not a mean one. My friend's natural way of having fun discussion should be banter and well-intentioned mutual trolling. It must matter to them that the 'food' they troll (not just when it's me, but also when it's anyone else) enjoys the process and maybe trolls back, but they should still feel most natural when they're on a wave of sharp and friendly mocking banter. Be cool about being trolled, too, so that we could troll each other and be trolled. Sharp words, but friendly attitude.
4. Consider the other's goals and priorities. My friend should remember we are different people, not project their needs on other people and not give advice based on those projections. That's just fucking stupid. While the first rule from my comment speaks about _actions_ that acknowledge other's independence, this one speaks more of how you view other people in your head, even when you don't act in any way. My friend should strive to gain the most accurate picture of reality, people included. If they escape into their comfy imagined projections and refuse to learn and change throughout their life, I consider them signing on to their own degradation. They are living talking dead people and there's no potential in an already dead friend.
5. Have thick skin and be a seeker of truth, not a shoulder to cry on. My friend should despise social demands to amend facts for the sake of someone's feelings. It's actually part of the rule from the video - don't be fake. Don't be fake to me, don't be fake to society. When it's a matter of survival, it's totally fine to bullshit your way through some company of influential bullshitters, that's how the world works unfortunately, but when it doesn't reflect on your survival or it does but you don't have a real pressing need to survive right now (for example, you just want more perks, but you'd be perfectly fine without them), don't be fake.
6. Take responsibility. Every decision you make, every feeling you feel - it's you and not something or someone else who's responsible for them. Control yourself, consider the consequences of your actions, acknowledge your mistakes, don't be limited by social norms or rigid ethics. Also part of being responsible is being a consequentialist and moral relativist, because first means you look at the results of your actions, not intentions, when you decide something, and second means you don't take your own personal ethical code and project it on the rest of the world, proclaiming it the Objective Ethical Standard or whatever. You should be the master of your mind, feelings, decisions - not the other way around. If you aren't, then you're not a person, you're an animal, and you can't possibly be equal to me and be my friend.
As an INTP you have my respect ✊
Hahaha! I feel like you’re speaking about my life. While studying electrical engineering, professors and fellow classmates tried to “force” me to join SWE too! Ugh…. It really turned me off before I could even give it a chance to form my own opinion. I get this so much. Oh! And I remember their disappointment when I didn’t follow what they “suggested”
This is so accurate. I have a sister that is “fake” without even noticing and it’s hard for me to take almost things she says without a grain of salt. She’s caught up in being a “nice person” which is fine. The world needs more of those, but because she’s so caught up in being one she can’t take the reality that she’s very willing to attack others or twist the truth to conform with her idea. And in doing so, goes against her whole point. Let’s just say, I’m glad I only see her rarely.
ISTP-A/T here, honestly I don’t know how I can tell the difference but you can just tell if it’s fake or just excitement. I feel like people who are just excited, the excitement feels more natural to me. I guess i over think it like crazy bc its the when, how, does it make sense, does it seem forced or planned that will help me to fish out a fake person.
God I love ISTPs weirdness - ENTP here
You’re spot on! Great job! -ISTP bro
Your facial expression when you said "Don't be fake" is the perfect display of how we feel about fake people! 🤮😉
I just heard "mechanical engineering" and immediately subscribed :)) I'm also a mechanical engineer, also female, and I can relate so much.
I just got officially typed as an ISTP, and I was just about to get into mechanical/aerospace engineering after finishing my IT degree xD
Yay Im glad I subscribed, this came on my feed just when I was getting frustratingly bored :D
Your list is spot on! Especially controlling people, where their invitations are orders. I really struggled with people like that in high school and it made me reluctant to have any friends for a while. Now I am a bit better at spotting mature people that are more chill and supporting at the same time.
♀️ISTP
Rule of DON'T for those we really care about. Don't break our trust by doing something to us behind our back after we told you not to do that. We can and most likely will go out of our way to rain all kinds of hell on you before cutting you out of our lives forever!
What your talking about really relates to how I perceive things. Thanks for the vid
Number two really spoke to me. I make time for the ones who matter. I respect both your time and mine. To know if an ISTP likes you, they'll be there. That said, I'm rather curt and forward because of it.
I'd add that respect comes before trust, and trust comes before affection. Not sure if it's an ISTP thing or a normal thing. Time is the most valuable resource.
ENTP here, if I’m super super friendly when we barely know each other it’s 99% likely because they were unfortunate enough to talk to me about one of my obscure interests 😂
I mean, I like to be friendly to everybody because it makes life easier, but when somebody’s actually interested in what I’m talking about I turn into an energizer bunny, especially because ISTPs aren’t afraid to disagree and I Love the debate. Also, every time I say something irrational and an ISTP’s questions force me to admit I jumped the gun, my respect for them goes up every time!
Got that right! Hate when when people try to control me, or tell me what to do with my life...
I agreed with all of it except I don't mind super friendly people. I quite like it when people are super friendly. I can almost always tell when someone is genuine or not though. If they are fake friendly then no thanks. But I think some folks are just friendly as their personality.
This list is good. For me number 1 is definitely the most relatable I can’t stand people trying to pressure me into something.
Same. It pisses me off very quickly. Then they act surprised when I actually say something about it cuz I appear to be chill with most things
I am an INFJ and my wife is an ISTP. I’ve come to realize that my love of gray compliments her love of black and white but I know not to start to share some weird insights I get on things especially if they are based purely on my intuition . I’ve also learned to not be so rigid and to allow myself to be spontaneous and to agree to do things spontaneously. Thanks for sharing your peeves. It helps to remind me of the things that sabotage our relationship
This is 100% accurate to me as well (another ISTP). I would've thought this was across the board for all humanity, but perhaps not? :-)
This is the same for the INFP, especially fake people. i feel sorry for fake people, they have a really hard accepting themselves.
if I weren't an INFP i would definitely love to be an ISTP, I have so much respect for ISTPs
You have saved bout 15 of my friendships by directing them to this video. Thank you.
This was helpful! I know a guy who is an ISTP and I wouldn’t say we are very good friends but we aren’t strangers either. Anyway I want to get to know him more and be friends with him so I’m trying to figure out how. So thanks for this video!
What a relief to know that I am not alone!! Female ISTP!
Being independent thinker, deciding things for themselves not according to other people or societal value is really big for me too. And that may take a while. It is like cat sniffing, touching, and staring at something if it is worth to invest your time on. Great video.
Finally someone who is not inxx
I don’t even like compliments if they are justified or not
Istp
The point about being open to reason was so accurate. I can disagree with anyone if they are reasonable and flexible with their views, and have empathy for reasonable people with different views, but have none for people with a different opinion who get offended by my views
Very insightful video. As an istp I can totally agree with what you said.
Actually a good list. I have people in my life that I care about who at times do any or all of these things. Those relationships are harder and more stressful, but I value the outcome of the friction, namely growth. Besides that, knowing that every personality type tends to want everyone else to be like themselves and their ideal, I can be aware of that weakness in myself and others going into a relationship. Knowing that weakness puts me in a better position to do that person good. And contributing something of value is one thing ISTPs LOVE to do! It also puts me in a position to not be manipulated if that’s what’s needed, since I can then choose what matters to me whether or not a person is telling me to choose it.
-ISTP
This is great! I hadn't really broken this stuff down for myself, and it all really rings true.
No.1,2,3 are so true darn😂I remember all the times my teachers compliment me in front of the class. I was always like "crap,crap,crap. shut up. pls just stop. shut up. I don't want this. I did not say nor did that for things to turn out like this. Ugh! I hate this. This is so awkward."😂I also recall the time when my science teacher once said that I might have a photographic memory after my reporting and I was like "Damn. Putting me in a tight spot once again." That then became a thing in our class which made me very annoyed and irritated. I really wanna just shout to their faces and unleash the beast within me and be like "NO.As I said I don't have a photographic memory,you idiots!How many times do I have to say that and repeat myself?!I've done my research long ago as I was studying psychology becos I'm bored and no person with photographic memory was ever recorded in history!You can research that if you want so enough with this bullshits!" But of course I didn't say that and just ignored them letting them make a fool of themselves. I am also indeed very suspicious to those people who compliment me openly and are like so over-the-top. To those too friendly towards me despite being strangers and not that close. Becos I've once read that anyone who praises you openly always bears an ulterior motive and I've seen a lot of these things in movies and other stuffs. So like what's your real goal for approaching me and saying such exaggerating nonsensical and unrealistic things?
And the 'controlling' thing is so real. When I feel like I'm being controlled or like I think I'm about to be controlled and this situation could and would certainly lead to controlling later on somewhere in the future, I'd then immediately walk away from that person and discard them. There are a lot of times also where I purposely make people hate me,dislike me,or be discouraged of me in order to gain freedom. Like be free from their expectations and other stuffs.
I dislike people... A lot. That's why I dislike interactions with others. I tolerate people, but I'm glad when they give me reasons to not deal with them.
I just listened the first minute or so and I just had to stop to think. As an ISTP, I was wondering, why am I truly so quiet and akward with new people and why it's so hard for me to let them in my life. One of the reasons I narrowed it down, was that actively I'm trying to save both of us very akward moments. I believe that ISTP's true self is much more unfiltered than most types, maybe even the most unfiltered. Mostly the most crude, vile and hardcore things are the best and the most funniest things in life, for me atleast. But you never know what topic is off-limits when you don't know the other person. For me, nothing is so sacred in the world you couldn't make a joke out of it, not even my own little dick or balding head. Some topics surely are not simply funny, like death. I do feel like I have to hold back so much, it's way more easier to not say anything, than testing the waters by sheer luck. You need to find the right group for everyone to enjoy a very crude joke you just tought up, not leaving anybody offended. Sometimes saying vile things is the only way I'm intrested in operating, everything else is a show for the masses.
One other reason I thought, that I believe it's way more easier for me to relate to other people by our shared experiences, than at an emotional level. Theres always some funny memory or an event we can both watch back and laugh about and share an experience that way. I stopped making new friends at the age of 12. I have 8 good friends now, wich is sometimes more than I could handle, and i've known them all for 18-23 years. I know these people trough-and-trough, what type of parenting they had, everything about them, and they know me. This is the group of people I don't need watch myself in. Everything goes, sometimes it's even lowkey expected of me to go little over the line and everyone laughs. I currently believe I don't need to make any more good friends in my lifetime. Life itself can change though.
About the schedule. Not sure if I'm right, but I suspect you may have described the reason behing disliking it imprecisely. From my experience, fixed start and especially end time for hangouts are insulting not because the person isn't ready to move things around in their schedule (as if you measure what things your friends are ready to sacrifice for you or some such bullshit), but because it just feels insincere _in the moment_ when you were just chatting with someone and having fun and then they deftly wrap it up as if you were not on equal ground in your relationship, but it was you who had an appointment with someone and now your hour is up and you have to pay and leave, like you're the only one interested in the relationship going and the other one's just waiting for the check or something. When people try to organize relationship and fit them into schedule like it's some business deal they have to make, it takes away the free improvisational spirit of building and transforming the relationship, makes them cheap and less authentic, because the closeness was _planned_ , it didn't spring out on its own like the real thing should. Relationship should just _happen_ (and I'm talking any kinds of informal relationships, not just romantic ones) to you, not the other way around, it's their core nature to be spontaneous.
Omg! Imagine having siblings that do EXACTLY what these dont’s describe hahaha!! It effing sucks let me tell you
Someone in the family is an ISTP, seems like they have a hard time expressing extraverted feeling or outward feelings in general. Is that something that improves with age do you think, like a fine wine??
ISTP solves the problem , as usual .
Yes and no. 44 yo ISTP here. I have never been expressive and probably never will be, but I've gotten much better at explaining the fact that I'm not very expressive. For example, 20 years ago, I would simply tell someone, "You're doing it wrong." Now I would say, "You're doing it wrong, but you should know that's a complement coming from me, and even though I don't show it, I am pleased with your hard work."
As a 15 year old ISTP.... I sure hope that’s the case because I have the exact same problem :/
@@legacy030 I have found that books on neuro linguistics processing aka NLP helped me to deal with the feeling personalities. Instead of saying I dont care about how you feel , I say , I dont care about how I feel about ( insert problem etc..) my feelings wont help me with the solution . We both want a solution , because that will make US Feel better about whatever it may be ...Just a example.
This family member is the nicest of guys, a hard-working family man, but when I come over to visit my sister, my brother-in-law won't come and meet me at the door, greet me, or ask how I've been. But he's known to have a 45-minute discussion with the new guy behind the counter at the small engine shop.
As an INTP, this is highly relatable.
Not just a need to appeal to their logic, but logic based in their sensory. Beyond that is something that isn't trusted or is considered uncertain (to them). And since it's uncertain to them, getting them to subscribe to that would feel like controlling or rigid. Moreover trying to get them to see more than a step or two beyond the immediate sensory can feel to them like manipulating a situation. Getting ISTPs to look beyond their box, even when for a really good reason and very well intentioned, is a difficult operation.
Im an intp female and identify so much with you :)
I TOTALLY AGREE, these things really annoy the hell out of me and are a total turn off -Istp
The "don’t be fake part" is the determining factor for choosing to befriend someone. I can spot insincerity right away and it drives me mad. I’m not fake either and that’s why many people have disliked me
Last comment, you mentioned you didnt know if it was true for all ISTP. I cant say that either but i can say that they are correct for me as well =-)
Those are my 3 also . I’m ISTP .
I agree with 1st and 3rd reason most
Oh my god, yes! I HATE IT WHEN STRANGERS BEHAVE AS IF IM THEIR BEST BUDDY WTF I DONT KNOW YOU GET AWAY FROM ME
Sending this to my ENFJ best friend lmao
You read me like a book
Well spoken!
07:34 You nailed it.
You’re just like my sister 😂 how you talk especially!
dictator! ;)
This is very informative, thank you! :)
Thank you for this video
Video starts at 2:38
Thank you.
Correcttion #1 is not controlling it's smothering. #2 take your own advice when others correct you. #3 what if the person is genuine??
yes! DONT BE FAKE! my top among the 3. Or else you'll get a sarcastic smile
Wow....you got me all of it.☺
Yes! I agree. Thanks for posting. -ISTP
I do t have many rules, just one: be honest and
tell me if u r upset by something I did, because everyone is Diff i try best to understand the other person
I'm also taking engineering and an istp 👁️👄👁️
I have always wanted curly hair because it seemed low maintenance. [ISTP]
As a curly ISTP, I can assure you - it's not low maintenance :D
Agreed with all
I really wonder how y'all would even recognise so so well who's manipulative and who's not. I don't think any particular type likes to be controlled, forget manipulated or faked. I really just sounds like a slightly nicer INTP-like "I think I'm always right and I want you to say what I think but not because you guessed I thought that but because you genuinely believe it." I don't believe that is specific to ISTPs either. From what you were saying it just looks as if you thought you were smarter than everyone else, which you might in many matters be but I doubt you are *that* good at the recognition of disingenuous behavior.
I didn't mean to hate or anything just tried to spare my critical perception of what you said.
Have a good day
You dont have to agree just cant dismiss it maybe? 6:41
Why are there so many videos on how to befriend an istp?
Okay, I’m still new to this mbti thing but from what I can gather (from thread comments in addition to video istp descriptions) I think it’s our exterior presence. For example, while we are in a room of people I think most of us are quietly observing. While observing, our facial expressions and body language are pretty much blank while we process what’s going on in the room. Most other people may translate our exterior behavior as judging, or unimpressed, or simply bored of those around us. Personally, I’ve been greeted with hostility while doing what I just described here. Most times these confrontations end with a new acquaintance but others, a stare down and a mental note to forget that person’s face.
Do ISTPs hate duplicity that isn't fake?
Let's say, that someone gives an ISTP a genuine compliment, but they were primarily motivated to give them that compliment so that they could make the ISTP in question feel good and build a relationship with them so that they could be a better team player, etc.
Would this feel viscerally disgusting to ISTP?
I find it interesting that you even ask that question.
I do not consider the compliment in your example to be genuine. It is rather manipulative.
To answer your question: It would feel disgusting. If someone does that I would avoid them in the future.
You imply that ISTPs are not Team Players. That is not true. If the situation requires working together an ISTP has no trouble working in a group.
If the job can be efficiently done by one person - why bother working with a team.
I like to comment as i watch. So on 4:43. Here is what i know about ISTP women they can do everything a man can do but better. #beastasheck =-)
I love you
I would not have joined either.
how do u get along with ESTJs? They are supposed to be your ideal type. But they are very controlling.
ISTP female here. My dad is an ESTJ and I get along with him just fine
@ISTP Ahmed Well Im talking about the MBTI definitions of ISTP/ESTJ
Your personality looks like a guy from a youtube channel named: Fight Science
He teaches an advanced form of self-defense techniques.
ISTP it that like an insane clown thing?
addicted to minis and loving it Hahaha bro *what*
@@1classikai I am just wondering what an ISTP is ;)
@@addictedtominisandlovingit3912 Same. Apparently, they are my 2nd highest relationship type.
@@christiancarter255 what's #1
@@addictedtominisandlovingit3912 my #1 is INTP
What ideal trade for istp..?
Electrician
Woidworking
Mechanic
Carpenter
Your opinion..???
Why is your vid so quiet?
You aren't an ISTP.
Why you say that ?
What is she then
@@wendynguyen4176 ISTJ
@@JohnCharlesRome Doubt.
Number two really spoke to me. I make time for the ones who matter. I respect both your time and mine. To know if an ISTP likes you, they'll be there. That said, I'm rather curt and forward because of it.
I'd add that respect comes before trust, and trust comes before affection. Not sure if it's an ISTP thing or a normal thing. Time is the most valuable resource.