One thing i learn is to forgive father like that and dont put any expectation on him at all Accept that he is like me broken, yes, he is wrong but what is to be done? No what for us children of absent father or mother is, to start look in future Try to check your self-esteem, if it's low, it will be huge problem
@@vonn2221 I have had low self-esteem for a long time. I feel unworthy of anyone, whether friendship or romance. I never tell anything about myself to anyone. So, people who know me don't know about my chaotic life.
@@vonn2221 I feel it. My self-esteem is still the same, it hasn't changed that much. I tend to close myself off from other people. Therefore, other people don't feel close and don't know me deeply. No, I have never been in any relationship
@@rizkajp and i want to tell you, i feel what you feel. I loved you and i hope you get better, since that feeling of unworthiness, the loneliness, the pain and maybe even the depression, all of it is horrible Try called God, if he can help me with some miracle, he can help you too In the past i read bunch of psychologies books, many biographies etc for years, and all of it cant help me In the past ,my self-esteem and depression etc was gone for a moment then i continue suffer, living was painful for me But i find God as my resting place, someone that i can rely, someone i talk about myself too, idk how he do it, but by each Bible verse i read and event that happened, i find my confidence and accept my own self, something that my own family cant accept or cant related Since i have hobbies and thinking pattern that so different from them, even my peers too
My father left my mum when she was pregnant me. Unfortunately my mum passed away on 2008,,,then I started to look for my father. I found him on 2017 BT still now no connection between me and him ..he doesn't care at all about me .BT deep down in my heart I love him and I need him in my life. He doesn't care about me...now I learn to accept the situation as it is. It's not easy because I lost my mum. Sometimes when u facing a lot of challenges in my life I need someone who can help me and support me BT no one. I always pray to God almighty I need a strength to deal with this pain. I'm going through a lot right now BT my father doesn't care about me..
SORRY to hear that. Life is very unpredictable. I will tell you though that your journey is not in vain. God tests those he loves and not a single soul is tested which that it cant bare. I promise its its not easy nor is it going to be JUST okay but you are special. I met people whos whole family have died in their arms in war. People like these are treasures they have something special to be tested as such. Just know that your tests is your closeness to GOD. IT may be taboo for me to say this but its true. I do pray YOUR father reaches out.
sorry to hear about your absent father.... if you can't get a father, what you need is a father figure. you can find father figures in your community, church, etc...
You have the same story as me, he didn't think it was possible for him to have a child in a one night stand so he never accepted me, and even when I found him at the age of 22, I gave him the option to get to know me and he never took it and passed away two years later. I understand you, but you are not alone ❤❤❤❤
I am very sorry to hear this, just know that him not wanting to be present in your life is not your fold. I am sure that you are very strong. When your father gets old, he will definitely have regrets, as he is likely to end up alone. Him abandoning you, is him having deep rooted issues. None of this is your fault. I can sadly relate, my father too abandoned me. Be strong ❤
My dad was always so unreliable and such a liar. I was 13 and he told me “the phone works both ways” lolol At one point he lived about 15 minutes away from me and NEVER came to see me or invite me over. The only reason I knew where he lived is because his gf at the time invited me 😅 He’s stood me up numerous times. When he did pick me up, he left me with his baby mom (my half sibling’s mom) I have a better relationship with her than him 😂 but Thank God for my Grandaddy (his STEPfather) He calls, text me nearly every day, and SHOWS me some effort.
We have the same life smh, oh let me add that he was never there then on my birthday called and said "hey, your 18 now im not giving you anymore childsupport" The only support he ever gave he couldnt wait to stop. "oh, happy birthday, babygirl"
I had the same similar story. My dad would not want to pick me up on his visitation days at times and when he did make an effort he never really planned anything fun to do. He’d take my sister and I to his house and have us watch tv and not really spend any time with us. Then as a teen we moved almost an hour away and he never came to see us for years. We had to go to him. Ugh it took me awhile to get over it but I did. Thank God I had my Grandpa who loved spending time and taking us places and made so much effort to visit us a lot, if not for him my heart would be broken forever.
We’ve had the same life but it seems as if you guys have found a way out. I’ll be 30 in 8 days and I’ve realized that I’ve been a terrible person all my life because of my terrible life starting with how my father did me. I haven’t been able to cope and I don’t have any sense of self worth or love. It’s a really really sad tragic and lonely life. I be wanting to die daily yet God keeps me here to suffer. Then he had the audacity to give me kids like I’m a stable person … I weep for them because they have me.
I duno I think it hurts mu father was absent and I always feel that hole like of they died I'd accept but when father choose to abandon their kids it makes u feel not wanted
@@susiehowe18 it's like having father but not having it at the same time Idk if you going to believe this or not because how parents have hurt us, so we probably doubt goodness of God I just want to tell you, it's not God intention, it's human inability to not sinning that make the suffering of other Some parents more egoist, they only care what benefit him and not other, it include their children And in Bible God say about that he will never abandon or forget us even thought our parents leave us If you accept God as your father, he will fill that role and never abandon you Even if you fail etc, he still there and will accept you when ask forgiveness He can become eternal father for us, one that never betray, can be trust and stready yet i doesnt mean he dont teach if we do wrong, he will reprimand us, but he will never stop love us like human parents does. The only disadvantage is probably you can see him like how you see physical father, but if you truly willing to accept him, he will show how he be with you, you'll just know he there Human after the falling in sin have been under control of sin, they cant stop their fleshly desire, all about "me", and it hurt the children Because the expectation to children, etc is for them get the glory/ praise And most parents that we have now is never truly surrender to God, so they raise their children with their own way, with what they saw as right and fit, so ofc the result is not pretty
Such a wise and beautifully articulate speaker, tears fell multiple times throughout her speech. I could write a 10 page essay about my personal problems but you not I really have time for that and from a 3rd Person Point of View it's probably also a waste of time. Don't know what I am trying to really get at but thank you to this Speaker and the TED Team.
I’m 100% on board with this subject for girls but as a motherless son (due to abandonment) it’s frustrating to not be able to find almost anything about the mental of boys in that situation. I like to think I’ve managed it by now being 28 but there was a time I needed this type of material for my situation and there’s simply not. They just saying “you’ll have too much emotional attachment to women in your life or have none” and that’s pretty obvious. I want a deeper dive into that side of things for kids coming up into it now
😂 inwas literally searching for "fatherless men" "growing up with an absent father as a boy" ... This video came up first 😂 Nobody gives af about us. I'm actually researching to see how it impacted me. I also am involuntarily estranged from my daughter by her vindictive mom.
My father was barely around, and had serious mental health issues, and my stepfathers were abusive alcoholics, so ive never had A good fatherly roll model in my life.
My ex wife essentially pushed me out, drove a wedge between my two daughters, lied about me to them, and successfully alienated them from me. Eventually, I gave up and moved on.
Sir, sometimes it's better to keep on initiating a relationship with your children no matter what. Their mother is giving you bad rep, and you have identified that, so what do you do in that case? 1. Prove them wrong. Make your children see that their mother is wrong. Moving on makes you seem weak and it also makes you look like you don't care enough for them. And this is all that your daughters will tell you in the future because that's probably what they think of you right now. Redeem yourself. Do it for your children, there's still time and life is too short.
As a 19 year old who's suferring immensely and trying to look for my deadbeat father I've never met before his name and his last name are not my birth certificates and idek where am I going to start looking for him but my mother might have a clue but then again I don't want to open up closed wounds all I can say to you sir is that please don't give up on your daughters and keep fighting to initiate contact with them whenever you can. You don't know how painful and mentally tolling it is to have an absent father since birth. Please appreciate your daughters and fight for them whenever you can do it for your daughters.
The sad thing is this video only has 5k views and the newest female rap video sending every bad message possible to impressionable girls has 2.5 milli. That needs to be reversed for anything to change in a positive way.
As someone who has a present absent father I always wondered if it would be better without him in my life at all. It’s almost more painful having a father actually know you and still not want to be actively present. Phone calls now and again but that’s the extent of our relationship. I sometimes wish he just wasn’t around at all. My self confidence is in the floor and always has been, if my own father doesn’t want to know me why would anyone else…
Sorry to hear that! Just know that you matter and it’s his loss! I have an absent Father and I just now started to think that maybe’s his absence was God’s protection over me. Be blessed!!!
There's a quote from a native american movie called "Smoke Signals" that deeply affected me. "How do we forgive our Fathers? Maybe in a dream Do we forgive our Fathers for leaving us too often or forever when we were little? Maybe for scaring us with unexpected rage or making us nervous because there never seemed to be any rage there at all. Do we forgive our Fathers for marrying or not marrying our Mothers? For divorcing or not divorcing our Mothers? And shall we forgive them for their excesses of warmth or coldness? Shall we forgive them for pushing or leaning for shutting doors for speaking through walls or never speaking or never being silent? Do we forgive our Fathers in our age or in theirs or their deaths saying it to them or not saying it? If we forgive our Fathers, what is left?
What about a father good for his daughter and visting his daughter every week, takes care of very well, takes his daughter with her mom to hospital when she is sick, finds a way to spend more time with his daughter, like admiting his daughter a school far from her home so that he can get the opportunity to see his daughter every day, the reason is the mother is trying to limit his time with his daughter. He doesnt want to be absent but the mother is trying hard, she wants to get back together, but he does not.
@@YitbarekAssefa-y6b while they tell us about being present fathers I think they also need to speak to some mothers who weaponize children and use them as a bargaining chip to get their way. 10 years of shared custody have been an absolute horror show coz the mother wants things her way or no way.
If fathers is programed wrong could they be damage to our daughters eg a religion father which religion limits. Same time who am I to take my child from a religion father when I had one myself I loved very much
That's.. not the topic of this particular video. Go look those up if you want to watch them. Quit trying to blame everything on women like a little tiny baby and grow up a bit. This is why no woman wants to be around you.
3:47 - The low self-esteem and poor development parts are very true.
@@mbabes08 Indeed.
I was very confused and lost because I never had a father as a child and didn't receive any guidance from him. This made me a severe introvert.
One thing i learn is to forgive father like that and dont put any expectation on him at all
Accept that he is like me broken, yes, he is wrong but what is to be done? No what for us children of absent father or mother is, to start look in future
Try to check your self-esteem, if it's low, it will be huge problem
@@vonn2221 I have had low self-esteem for a long time. I feel unworthy of anyone, whether friendship or romance. I never tell anything about myself to anyone. So, people who know me don't know about my chaotic life.
@@rizkajp do you still feel so right now? How better your self-esteem? And how about your relationship?
@@vonn2221 I feel it. My self-esteem is still the same, it hasn't changed that much. I tend to close myself off from other people. Therefore, other people don't feel close and don't know me deeply. No, I have never been in any relationship
@@rizkajp and i want to tell you, i feel what you feel. I loved you and i hope you get better, since that feeling of unworthiness, the loneliness, the pain and maybe even the depression, all of it is horrible
Try called God, if he can help me with some miracle, he can help you too
In the past i read bunch of psychologies books, many biographies etc for years, and all of it cant help me
In the past ,my self-esteem and depression etc was gone for a moment then i continue suffer, living was painful for me
But i find God as my resting place, someone that i can rely, someone i talk about myself too, idk how he do it, but by each Bible verse i read and event that happened, i find my confidence and accept my own self, something that my own family cant accept or cant related
Since i have hobbies and thinking pattern that so different from them, even my peers too
My father left my mum when she was pregnant me. Unfortunately my mum passed away on 2008,,,then I started to look for my father. I found him on 2017 BT still now no connection between me and him ..he doesn't care at all about me .BT deep down in my heart I love him and I need him in my life. He doesn't care about me...now I learn to accept the situation as it is. It's not easy because I lost my mum. Sometimes when u facing a lot of challenges in my life I need someone who can help me and support me BT no one. I always pray to God almighty I need a strength to deal with this pain. I'm going through a lot right now BT my father doesn't care about me..
SORRY to hear that. Life is very unpredictable. I will tell you though that your journey is not in vain. God tests those he loves and not a single soul is tested which that it cant bare. I promise its its not easy nor is it going to be JUST okay but you are special. I met people whos whole family have died in their arms in war. People like these are treasures they have something special to be tested as such. Just know that your tests is your closeness to GOD. IT may be taboo for me to say this but its true. I do pray YOUR father reaches out.
sorry to hear about your absent father.... if you can't get a father, what you need is a father figure. you can find father figures in your community, church, etc...
You have the same story as me, he didn't think it was possible for him to have a child in a one night stand so he never accepted me, and even when I found him at the age of 22, I gave him the option to get to know me and he never took it and passed away two years later. I understand you, but you are not alone ❤❤❤❤
We are with you my brother
I am very sorry to hear this, just know that him not wanting to be present in your life is not your fold. I am sure that you are very strong. When your father gets old, he will definitely have regrets, as he is likely to end up alone. Him abandoning you, is him having deep rooted issues. None of this is your fault. I can sadly relate, my father too abandoned me. Be strong ❤
My dad didnt want to be around so by 17 i just accepted this and moved on.
May God guide, bless ,protect and provide for you.
My dad was always so unreliable and such a liar. I was 13 and he told me “the phone works both ways” lolol At one point he lived about 15 minutes away from me and NEVER came to see me or invite me over. The only reason I knew where he lived is because his gf at the time invited me 😅 He’s stood me up numerous times. When he did pick me up, he left me with his baby mom (my half sibling’s mom) I have a better relationship with her than him 😂 but Thank God for my Grandaddy (his STEPfather) He calls, text me nearly every day, and SHOWS me some effort.
We have the same life smh, oh let me add that he was never there then on my birthday called and said "hey, your 18 now im not giving you anymore childsupport"
The only support he ever gave he couldnt wait to stop.
"oh, happy birthday, babygirl"
I had the same similar story. My dad would not want to pick me up on his visitation days at times and when he did make an effort he never really planned anything fun to do. He’d take my sister and I to his house and have us watch tv and not really spend any time with us. Then as a teen we moved almost an hour away and he never came to see us for years. We had to go to him.
Ugh it took me awhile to get over it but I did. Thank God I had my Grandpa who loved spending time and taking us places and made so much effort to visit us a lot, if not for him my heart would be broken forever.
We’ve had the same life but it seems as if you guys have found a way out. I’ll be 30 in 8 days and I’ve realized that I’ve been a terrible person all my life because of my terrible life starting with how my father did me. I haven’t been able to cope and I don’t have any sense of self worth or love. It’s a really really sad tragic and lonely life. I be wanting to die daily yet God keeps me here to suffer. Then he had the audacity to give me kids like I’m a stable person … I weep for them because they have me.
Having a supportive community is the key. That would be nice.
I would argue that an absent father is better for the child's mental health than a present but abusive one.
Both will negatively impact u x
I duno I think it hurts mu father was absent and I always feel that hole like of they died I'd accept but when father choose to abandon their kids it makes u feel not wanted
@@susiehowe18 it's like having father but not having it at the same time
Idk if you going to believe this or not because how parents have hurt us, so we probably doubt goodness of God
I just want to tell you, it's not God intention, it's human inability to not sinning that make the suffering of other
Some parents more egoist, they only care what benefit him and not other, it include their children
And in Bible God say about that he will never abandon or forget us even thought our parents leave us
If you accept God as your father, he will fill that role and never abandon you
Even if you fail etc, he still there and will accept you when ask forgiveness
He can become eternal father for us, one that never betray, can be trust and stready
yet i doesnt mean he dont teach if we do wrong, he will reprimand us, but he will never stop love us like human parents does. The only disadvantage is probably you can see him like how you see physical father, but if you truly willing to accept him, he will show how he be with you, you'll just know he there
Human after the falling in sin have been under control of sin, they cant stop their fleshly desire, all about "me", and it hurt the children
Because the expectation to children, etc is for them get the glory/ praise
And most parents that we have now is never truly surrender to God, so they raise their children with their own way, with what they saw as right and fit, so ofc the result is not pretty
What about present but emotionally absent while the other parent is abusive?
I would think a present and healthy father is better than an absent or present but abusive father .
Such a wise and beautifully articulate speaker, tears fell multiple times throughout her speech.
I could write a 10 page essay about my personal problems but you not I really have time for that and from a 3rd Person Point of View it's probably also a waste of time.
Don't know what I am trying to really get at but thank you to this Speaker and the TED Team.
No one speaks about the mothers that push the fathers away.
I’m 100% on board with this subject for girls but as a motherless son (due to abandonment) it’s frustrating to not be able to find almost anything about the mental of boys in that situation. I like to think I’ve managed it by now being 28 but there was a time I needed this type of material for my situation and there’s simply not. They just saying “you’ll have too much emotional attachment to women in your life or have none” and that’s pretty obvious. I want a deeper dive into that side of things for kids coming up into it now
😂 inwas literally searching for "fatherless men" "growing up with an absent father as a boy" ... This video came up first 😂
Nobody gives af about us.
I'm actually researching to see how it impacted me. I also am involuntarily estranged from my daughter by her vindictive mom.
@@nin1269 I’m fortunate enough to be in a 50/50 state but I feel that pain. No one cares about dudes struggles especially if it’s an outlier
jordan peterson. be glad your mother left. mine is a headcase, and she left all 3 of her kids ruined for a good life. atleast you have your sanity.
Warren Farrell
My father was barely around, and had serious mental health issues, and my stepfathers were abusive alcoholics, so ive never had A good fatherly roll model in my life.
My ex wife essentially pushed me out, drove a wedge between my two daughters, lied about me to them, and successfully alienated them from me. Eventually, I gave up and moved on.
😂😂😂weak
how bout take care of your goddamn kids or pick a better woman to impregnate so you don’t abandon your kids .
yep, governments design for despotic dictatorship control, destroy everything that makes good strong moral just people.
Sir, sometimes it's better to keep on initiating a relationship with your children no matter what. Their mother is giving you bad rep, and you have identified that, so what do you do in that case? 1. Prove them wrong. Make your children see that their mother is wrong. Moving on makes you seem weak and it also makes you look like you don't care enough for them. And this is all that your daughters will tell you in the future because that's probably what they think of you right now. Redeem yourself. Do it for your children, there's still time and life is too short.
As a 19 year old who's suferring immensely and trying to look for my deadbeat father I've never met before his name and his last name are not my birth certificates and idek where am I going to start looking for him but my mother might have a clue but then again I don't want to open up closed wounds all I can say to you sir is that please don't give up on your daughters and keep fighting to initiate contact with them whenever you can. You don't know how painful and mentally tolling it is to have an absent father since birth. Please appreciate your daughters and fight for them whenever you can do it for your daughters.
The sad thing is this video only has 5k views and the newest female rap video sending every bad message possible to impressionable girls has 2.5 milli. That needs to be reversed for anything to change in a positive way.
FACTS!
sure let’s talk about female rap when these male rappers have the biggest influence and ONLY say bad things about women
🌈🙏🙏🙏🙏💜✝️💜🕊️🙏🌈
Hope you shared this then?
Female rap? Lol. If you think that's bad, don't listen to male rap.
As someone who has a present absent father I always wondered if it would be better without him in my life at all. It’s almost more painful having a father actually know you and still not want to be actively present. Phone calls now and again but that’s the extent of our relationship. I sometimes wish he just wasn’t around at all. My self confidence is in the floor and always has been, if my own father doesn’t want to know me why would anyone else…
Sorry to hear that! Just know that you matter and it’s his loss! I have an absent Father and I just now started to think that maybe’s his absence was God’s protection over me. Be blessed!!!
Powerful, impactful and inspiring. Thank you so much, ma.
There's a quote from a native american movie called "Smoke Signals" that deeply affected me. "How do we forgive our Fathers?
Maybe in a dream
Do we forgive our Fathers for leaving us too often or forever
when we were little?
Maybe for scaring us with unexpected rage
or making us nervous
because there never seemed to be any rage there at all.
Do we forgive our Fathers for marrying or not marrying our Mothers?
For divorcing or not divorcing our Mothers?
And shall we forgive them for their excesses of warmth or coldness?
Shall we forgive them for pushing or leaning
for shutting doors
for speaking through walls
or never speaking
or never being silent?
Do we forgive our Fathers in our age or in theirs
or their deaths
saying it to them or not saying it?
If we forgive our Fathers, what is left?
What about a father good for his daughter and visting his daughter every week, takes care of very well, takes his daughter with her mom to hospital when she is sick, finds a way to spend more time with his daughter, like admiting his daughter a school far from her home so that he can get the opportunity to see his daughter every day, the reason is the mother is trying to limit his time with his daughter. He doesnt want to be absent but the mother is trying hard, she wants to get back together, but he does not.
@@YitbarekAssefa-y6b while they tell us about being present fathers I think they also need to speak to some mothers who weaponize children and use them as a bargaining chip to get their way. 10 years of shared custody have been an absolute horror show coz the mother wants things her way or no way.
It is the journey for those who face it
How do you feel about a father leaving, after his previous partner said for them to get back together he had to cut his own daughter out of his life ?
That partner is not worth having around.
Praise God 🙏🏽
Worthwhile video
My father abandons his daughter, me, everyday.
Thank you💕☀️
This is not really talking about the impact of an absent father, because some of the things that she mentioned is actually true.
6:38 how do I forgive my abusive father, who’s caused so much pain in my life 😢
So sorry dear. God will help you to continue stronger than you began
❤ yes
Amen 🎉
What was the point of the talk? I don’t get it.
If fathers is programed wrong could they be damage to our daughters eg a religion father which religion limits. Same time who am I to take my child from a religion father when I had one myself I loved very much
Stay away from daddy issues ⚠️
Yeah what about a neglectful mother that only values her cereer.
That's.. not the topic of this particular video. Go look those up if you want to watch them.
Quit trying to blame everything on women like a little tiny baby and grow up a bit. This is why no woman wants to be around you.
333 likes. Struggles..