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feeling unseen & finally accepting that.
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- Опубликовано: 29 мар 2024
- ngl, this was a bit hard for me to film. I still hope this message reaches someone. Do you feel unseen?
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Sweetums, I sometimes use affiliate links. That means I receive a small commission if you purchase some of the products I mention in my videos. The price you pay for products does not change, it actually supports me and that is much appreciated. Please know that I always keep it real cute and adorable, that any product I use and review on my channel is honest, unbiased and will (in my opinion) make you glow for a living. Thank you kindly.
Howdy hey baes! Addressing a few things:
1. Feeling Unseen ≠ Feeling inferior or defeated. I don’t believe that I am anything less than gorgeous aka gorgiana and I stand by that.
2. Accepting that there are intentional forces to tear down Black women’s self esteem, image and likeness ≠ to succumb to those forces and not be the best version of yourself and be confident anyway. Like be for real.
3. Me choosing to wear my natural hair doesn’t put me in the early 2010s natural hair warrior box that had all of us in a chokehold to pick each other apart. I will still take pride in my vanity, dress well and glam my face as I choose (or not bc I’m lazy some days 🤣). Having natural hair is no longer the political statement that it used to be.
4. Being an individual allows space for balance. Being unique doesn’t have to be a monolith. My hair is bomb, but it’s not my entire identity. I wish for more women to decenter their obsession with fitting into a label so much and to be free.
5. Finally, thank you for being receptive to my content. I will always embrace candor when sharing my opinions.
Always remember that you glow for a living because you are lit from within, beyond skin deep. ♥️
Thanks for the content. You got a new subie from South Africa. I also enjoy how calm you are as you present your videos. I may not agree with everything, however, you truly are a pleasure to watch. looking forward to more videos. God Bless you.
Why thank you so much. I appreciate that. I like to think of my vids as a FaceTime call to my friends. If that makes senses lol. The world is so crazy so why not insert a calm 20 minutes into the day, you know? Welcome to my channel and God bless you too. 🫶🏾♥️☺️
Lol you are that "brunch with the girlies" type of girl. Enjoy the rest of your day. looking forward to more videos@@EvieAswiti
Omg I love brunch!!!!! Mocktail era though. Mimosas only for special occasions!
I love this ❤
I’m only 23 (just turned it 2 weeks ago) but I’m reaching a point in life too where I only want to be authentically myself. I wear my short natural hair out even if I don’t feel 100% confident. I work out and I’m trying to be closer to God in my own way. A lot of people my age aren’t doing that and won’t be attracted to that but it’s ok. I also love that I keep attracting creators with this mindset and it’s only confirming that I’m on the right path for me and my journey ❤
Happy belated bday! Stay on your journey. Prioritize your health, your mindset, your vanity and learning to not be codependent on external validation. It’ll serve you well in the long run I promise 💕
It's sad that at our healthiest as a black woman is when we are the most marginalised. It's like we cant catch a break I'm so happy black women Are starting to prioritise themselves
Yep it’s exhausting but I am getting over that ‘unseen’ hump and just accepting that I am gorgeous anyway. I’m still going to be fine(r) and be the best version of myself no matter what.
@@EvieAswitiat least you know you Are gorgeous! It's a matter of remembering no matter what
Perioso babes!
I love this❤❤❤
The most authentic and genuine thing you can do for yourself is to love yourself, as you are, no matter who likes it/agrees with it or not. You are absolutely beautiful and your skin is radiant and flawless, never ever forget you matter, you deserve to take up space and most importantly remember to never betray yourself just to appease others. Lift your head up beautiful girl! I am sending you hugs and so many blessings!!! Please don't forget that comparison is the thief of joy and we only have one life to live, we should never waste it comparing ourselves to others, and also never forget no one absolutely NOBODY is like you, you are one of a kind. I love your natural beauty and you should too!!!
This warmed up my heart. Thank you so much!
Girl, preach! Lol
You may be alone physically, but you are not alone spiritually and mentally. I understand and I am living a similar life as a black woman.
To be honest im confused. People in the natural community say that natural hair is beautiful, unique and other races of women are jealous. Black men say they hate wigs and they love natural hair, skin and features. Yet many of these women feel unseen. How can that be? The black community gives so many mixed messages. With all the people who insist they prefer natural, no one should feel unseen.
more on this in part 2
Black men like natural hair if it’s a certain curl pattern. Loose. Mixed looking hair, skin, and features. They ostracize the everybody else.
Black men often have a preference when it comes to natural black women
I feel like at this point it’s important to not focus on what men “prefer” and focus on what makes you feel the best for yourself. That’s a hard path to go down but it’s the best path. Men and their preferences are very fleeting and changes in the blink of an eye. They often times say they want one thing but go for another, it’s a moot point to focus on
@@Mysteriuminiquitatis1998couldn’t agree more. Men are never satisfied
This reminds me of your video response of "I have pretty privilege" to a creator, I don't remember her name. Her video was about the fact that she doesn't have pretty privilege, and she is ok with it.
I remember responding to you because your response was about the fact that she has the wrong mindset, which I disagreed with because it wasn't about her mindset. It was about her accepting that she isn't the most physically desirable. I feel like now you also arrived at the same conclusion. In my opinion this is the best place to be. Don't depend on other people's validation. Not everyone is pretty. So what? There is so much more to a person than their looks.
I still have pretty privilege and benefit from it. I don’t think I’m ugly lol. But I see your perspective, this video is similar to hers. I also see Stephco’s sentiments too.
I see many people (men, women, children) wearing natural hair in the Carolinas. I would never move to a Miami, Atlanta, Houston, LA etc. Too many people dying for attention, gender wars, party culture, baddie culture, and hook up culture.
And before someone jumps under this comment.. I'm not saying none of these things can apply to the Carolinas but there is a blatant difference in the culture.
Edit: I went to Atlanta recently and I will say I saw more people with natural hair in everyday life including the surrounding cities. However I cannot speak on what hair is worn during the club scene in the core of Atlanta.
This is such a good point. Living in major cities definitely can show an illusion of what reality is…
So true!
NYC too 😔
@@tammya5403 really? I always thought of NYC as the most embracing of the natural, diverse, artsy, edgy, or "different" aesthetic. Has it changed?
I live in South Bronx and nyc is still as diverse as ever. Sure there are "baddies" like anywhere else but plenty of normal average women just existing, living their lives. @@MT-yx5cu
I've been unseen since I was a child
I started conditioning myself on how to deal in my teens
As I got older and you see how things are around you
You adapt
And now I'm a middle aged woman who is extremely unseen
I even purposely made myself unseen
I would be lying if I said it didn't hurt and how sometimes I wish it was different
But because of my situation I assume it's for the best and I usually prefer to be unseen
I enjoyed your video
A word on femininity: So “yin” hair types (any hair types that have/hold a wave or curl) are actually an expression of the feminine aspects of creation. The coils or waves of the hair might be likened to the waves of water. Water is unbounded and fills up spaces. This frequency of fullness can be seen in African phenotypes which is such a beautiful expression of the Divine Mother.
Present society standards might be more “yang” based (or masculine) and this trickles into everything including perceptions of “beauty”. It’s only a flaw in perception (and really only exits online).
You’re a very pretty woman.
Thank you so much for the compliment and sharing this perspective. ♥️
Hey Beautiful Evie. I'm 47 and found out early in my 30s whatever space you want, you have to create it. I found friends who were like me, I found my tribe and we started to do things WE loved. Thats always my advice to younger women. Be around people you enjoy and do the things you love and create the space for it. Love your content :)
This is just what I needed to hear. Thank you and I will be implementing it!
I find this concept fascinating.. I have two friends when they are at work and wear their hair how it naturally grows, no one really engages with them . Once they silk press or “blow out” straighten their hair, all of a sudden they are seen and spoken to and get hair compliments !
I think social media has warped the minds of pple where they can’t think for themselves . It’s like many have turned to a bot where they only recognize one type of “woman specimen” which are the ones with surgically altered bodies and extensions …
Honestly I love being unseen. In Washington I’m unseen when I moved to the south (GA) in 2008 I couldn’t go anywhere without being stopped. When I moved back to Wa in 2015 I went back to being unseen and I love being able to go places and enjoy my peace.
And you’re right about the top creators. They all look a certain way, their house looks the same down to the glass they drink out of. I feel like if you’re not getting the buss down weave or beat face no one wants to watch you. My RUclips channel grows very slow, but I’m me and I don’t know how to be any other way. I don’t wear makeup and I don’t wear heals for no reason lmao. And I’m fine.
You are beautiful and your skin is glowing beautifully
Thank you love!
Girl, I get you! I think you meant.. It’s hard being a non-stereotypical black girl in 2024! Being educated, different and having unique interests, makes it so hard for us to fit in; However, I’m happy you’re coming to terms with it. So am I :) p.s lots of love from Seattle, WA!
Yes!!! This is it. This is the one! Also hello fellow Seattleite! 👋🏾
I so resonate with this topic. I would recommend diving into hanging out in not typically “black” spaces. It will open your eyes more and help you to feel more like your individual self. You are not a black woman, you are an individual with dark brown skin that has specific viewpoints and experiences. Yes to Part 2!
💯
I find it super interesting how being black in America is so different from how I experienced being black in Canada. Idk if America just has higher rates of colourism or featurism but I started wearing natural hair in 10th grade after a health scare from relaxers and I never really felt I was chosen less for it.
I even cut my hair short in 2019 in my first year in uni and got a a lot of compliments and praise for it. I think location is the absolute biggest factor.
Toronto definitely does put emphasis on the baddie aesthetic but outside of Instagram you rarely see “baddies” walking around the city, just regular people many with natural hair. Also wigs are a thing here but braids and protective styles seem to be more common. I personally have never worn a wig
I’m also Ghanaian and I’m deep into the west African community in Toronto and have always felt welcomed there, maybe you need to find your community? Doesn’t even have to be tied to nationality, I dance at a studio downtown that’s mostly white and have made so many friends and never felt othered there.
Yep, I agree I still am building my community. I think what I’m trying to drive home is that I’m freeing myself of the “matrix” of what a Black woman is supposed to look like and act like in order to belong. I’ve accepted that being different comes with certain things, and I’m at peace here.
The US is definitely bad for black girls’ self esteem. It’s too much in so many ways. The constant focus on race in a mixed society is a breeding ground for problems, and I think black girls have to deal with the bad end of the stick constantly. It’s not healthy at all.
Omg could I please know more about the dance studio, am also in Toronto
I deleted my Instagram due to trying to stop shopping. I have t seen a 30 inch middle part wig w/ baby hair since. Women in real life don’t look like this 😅
I agree with your comment about Canada. I am personally very pleased that It seems to be less of a pressure cooker to conform than it seems to be in The United States in terms of rocking our natural hair. I've lived in various places across the country and now live in Toronto. I have worn my hair natural for decades and have never been pressured by, say, my corporate workplace to change my hair (4c) or use fake hair ro make it look European.
Your honesty is so refreshing, and you’re so soothing to listen to! I don’t think it’s wrong to desire attention as a woman, it’s an emotional need that is valid when healthily moderated. However, sometimes I think being ‘unseen’ is a blessing in disguise because the payoff in your confidence (and subsequently higher quality people you attract) is priceless.
Yes I agree it’s not wrong, it’s human nature. I like your perspective about the blessing in disguise! It all works out when the focus is on quality indeed. 😊
This video is so real. I just comb my Locs out and wearing my fro is different. People are literally saying certain things that makes me feel like the preferred me with the Locs. Y’all saying I’m ugly now or something 😂😂 now I’m stuck on not getting them back. F@&k what y’all like. Love my kinks or stay away atp. I will do what I want and be comfortable with it.
You’re so pretty, so I KNOW you are rocking the hell out of that gorgeous fro. Afros go very well with a confident smile, so make sure to pair the two. Spray a nice hair perfume so when you walk past people they feel as though they just walked by living flower.🌸🌸🌸
@@AminaPhilosophy Youre a gem ❤️❤️❤️
Obviously as a white, almost 40yr old woman, who lives in WA state, I know that our experiences in our surroundings and everything else is different but I can tell you that about 3 years ago i hit a point that I am the most lonely in a group of people and the most comfortable in my house with my family. I am sorry that life is such a catch 22 for you as a black woman. I know that its a catch 22 for all of us women but I can’t imagine the vast ends of the spectrum it effects black women like yourself. I have subbed to your channel and can’t wait to watch and listen to you in your selfish era!
Aw thank you so much. I realized that feelings of loneliness and being unseen is temporary. I’m still going to create the best life ever bc happiness is a choice! Also I’m from Washington, so what a coincidence. Stay tuned, fellow Washingtonian! 🏔️🌲
Let's just say I have been on the planet a little longer.😊 It has always been this way. I had to build my world and put the people in there that only I wanted. Go to places, do things and claim spaces where maybe people thought it was strange or even wrong that I wss there. I also followed my own aesthetic sense when people found it strange or not for me. I have been alone quite a bit but it has been worth it. I know who I am. I love your statements. Keep on keeping being you. What else is there really?
Yessss. I resonate with this. We are born to create. so why not do that? Thank you so much for the encouragement and wisdom.
This video was powerful! I can relate- when I cut my natural hair off & wore a short afro, I found in California other ethnicities were attracted to me but a lot of black men were not. However, as my hair grew out, I was magically noticeable by more black men. I think your take on makeup is a healthy one & I applaud you for doing what makes you feel good about yourself rather than depending on outside validation. There’s something super freeing, refreshing & liberating about listening to this video. Thank you for posting!
You are so welcome and I so happy this resonated with you!
Hi Evie! Thanks for this video. It needed to be said because the ignoring of natural girlies is one of those things that people just don’t talk about and deny when/if it does come up. I live in Houston too and did the big chop a couple years ago (although I’ve been natural since 1996). I thought my invisibility had to do with being over 40 but I learned that some of it has to do with how I’m perceived.
Racism in Texas is different and I feel like some white people are offended that we embrace our natural hair. Some black women dislike the fact that we aren’t “hiding” behind wigs and weaves and feel shame when they see us. Black men a lot of times like the look but they embrace the coupling with whites and Latinos more than they appreciate the natural aesthetic or see our hair beauty as competition with their hair beauty. And thennnnn you get the genuine folks who come in all shades, ages and backgrounds who will give you a smile, compliment or nod of approval.
It can be frustrating but I’ve learned to embrace my look, rock it out and not care how I’m being perceived. If I get a wink or a holla, that’s just lagniappe (I’m from Louisiana) …it means bonus or a little something extra.
Keep doing what you’re doing mama…love the content!
Omg yesss I totally know what you’re talking about! Texas dynamics are soooo different. Love it here still but it’s an adjustment for sure. Thank you so much! ☺️ I’ll keep going
Dallas native here with Louisiana roots as well. I've noticed much of what you've said. And the part about black men hair-competing with women is funny and sad 😂 because I can definitely see that, even though I've never thought about it... Don't let a dude think he's extra special because he's got soft hair and light eyes from whatever mixing 😂
The dynamics amongst black people in the South as a whole are very different and change depending on where you are in the south. Not to mention the unspoken, but loudly evident trauma that stems from slavery, race classifications, etc. Black culture is so rich, deep, and loud (for lack of a better word) down south, but it's still very self-critical. I've always had a different vantage point, so to speak, than wigs/weaves vs natural fro because I've always had long natural hair... but probably 90% of the time it's been straight. Maybe a mix of why is that it can feel like a big task doing it since it's so thick. But as I self-reflect, maybe it's also that part of my identity has been in having long hair, and the internal thought is, what if I'm perceived different if I have it any other way... Cut short, always curly, etc? Hmm, definitely things to think about.
It definitely has a lot to do with the environment and society you live in. The US seems to hate dark skin black women. But I love that you totally accept yourself regardless ❤
Yes the US really does. But I will still ✨shiiiiiiiine✨ baby!
Dark skin in general, there are South Asians (women esp.) who feel invisible in this society as well.
@@Minney-Me yes the might experience colorism from they own groups , but black women experience it from everyone
Thank you for this! ❤ I had a conversation on this very topic with my mom earlier today! I am also in my transition era and becoming the woman I am destined to be, not what society wants. It is up to ME (and only me) to love myself; I can’t depend on the world to do it. I completely agree with everything you said and would love a part 2!
Aww, you’re so welcome. We are beautiful and wonderfully made. Heavy on the ‘I can’t depend on the world to do it’ though. Whew! 👏🏾
You are absolutely not alone!
And I find it fascinating the differences you found in Houston compared to Seattle. It's very similar here in Chicago. There's a lot of black folks here who wear their hair naturally - to the point that it's not something people even doubletake unless you're in a specific (usually high-level corporate) space. And its becoming even more normalized with a lot of parents having their kids wear their hair natural and teaching them how to take care of their natural hair. At least from what I've seen.
Whereas, my family in Mississippi will gasp when they see someone out with a wash and go if it doesn't look "presentable enough." But there's still progress there. Younger generations are continuing to highlight the beauty in natural hair all over the country, even if it's more slow-moving in the South as most things tend to be (even when the population doesn't want that).
This was a very refreshing and cathartic watch. Thank you for showing up, being you, and sharing your thoughts. You made my day
I love that! You’re so welcome. Appreciate you receiving my perspective 😊♥️
I’m very lucky that my blk girlfriends and i wear their natural hair majority of the time, we’re in our early twenties (older gen z) and appreciate the instagram baddie aesthetic but just don’t care as much i guess. Houston humidity makes wigs and weave way too high maintenance for me and my friends personally! I workout and don’t wanna be bothered with an itchy scalp because i wanna keep some box braids cute tbh 😭 Like seriously, most of the women in my family are rockin either locs or their natural floof. Every once in a while someone will be brave and slap on a wig but other than that it’s not popular among us lol
I think if you keep looking, you’ll find your herd! Even if they’re slightly younger, Houstonian natural hair girls are here i promise! Unfortunately i don’t have tips on how to find these like minded people but i have noticed a lot of the naturals here are either dorky or artsy, or both! I suggest looking to concerts or museums or even recreational & water parks. The naturals in these settings seem to be easiest to strike convos with imo. Good luck 🍀🎉
ALSO TRY BARNES & NOBLES PLS!!! istg you’ll find at least one!
This is great advice!!! Thank you thank you 💕🫶🏾
Evie I’m literally tearing up. I have felt the same for the last few months. I’m just tired of being run by validation. I feel like going against the grain on a lot of things. Not in an unhealthy way, I’m not looking to wild out at all lol I’m just looking to be myself and explore what I like without validation. I’m subscribed for sure sis because I want to be in more spaces like this. It feels refreshingly organic. Thank you for stepping out and speaking up
🥹🙌🏾 So happy I decided to press record on this subject. You’re so welcome, love. Happy to have you here and make an impact.
Hey Evie!!!!
I like the conversations you are introducing to this platform. I have a few things I would like to share. The first being that I went a year without makeup. I did this after a break up I got off of social media and I never felt more loved in my whole life. It was so nice not to feel the need to put some on and it became a healthy habit of mine now. Many women do makeup and wigs for a vast amount of reasons but it stopped being fun to me and started to feel like a chore and that's when I knew God was bringing me to a different stage of life. The second thing is I went back to wearing my natural hair and I have noticed the only people that are picky about it are other black folks. When my curls are defined they love it but if I pick it out and wear it as an afro their internalized self hate starts to show btw I also use to live in Washington state and yes the black women wore their natural hair or braids very rarely wigs/weaves and getting surgeries to keep up with trends.. What I've come to learn is godliness with contentment is great gain. So many woman following a fake esthetic are unhappy and still getting cheated on. I don't go clubbing and although i'm not looking for someone right now I wouldn't want to find someone at a bar. I'm with you on not going to places just because that's where people assume women in their 20s are supposed to be.I've been unsubscribing to many yt this past year they all look and sound the same and I'm just not here for it Love this message Ms.Evie looking forward to your next conversation starter girl!
“Godliness with contentment is great gain” 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 Yess you are speaking life unto me! I feel the same with makeup. Most days I wear none and if I do I go for the “Glossier model” look bc I don’t need much. When I go out is when I love to go glam and really enhance my features! I do realize that the more I wear my fro out the less I care and the more my confidence shines! i think most ppl are attracted to confidence anyway. I’m just happy that my content resonates and benefitted you so much! Let’s me know I’m on the right path so thank you so much. I’m humbled. ♥️💕🫶🏾
@@EvieAswiti Yes, your natural look is Killing it 🙌🏾this resonated so much Evie !! Keep up the good work and look fabulouso as you say while doing it :)
Wow this was a very interesting topic. I have lived in Houston for 18 years and I’ve yet to find my community. Three years ago I became Muslim so this has put a new layer of feeling unnoticed and that is because now I cover my hair and dress modestly. With that there are no more compliments on my hair or the way I have dressed myself. Also the majority of the Islamic communities of Houston have their own communities based on the country they come from or their part of the world. These communities don’t tend to be very welcoming due to language barriers and also just not feeling the need to get to know a new person. So I’m othered double now. With that I’m also happy because no one is really paying attention to me anymore I can just focus on what I’m doing and not who is looking. Also this video made me look back into my past and I realized that I have always been the one to reach out to a new person and welcome them so being in Houston where I don’t know who is new is kind of like what do I do now lol!! Anyway I don’t know how long you’ve been in Houston but I welcome you my sister! There is so much to do in this part of Texas and so much to see!
Thank you so much for the warm welcome! 🤗
I’ve always been visible in the eyes of men but invisible in the eyes of women 😔 I’ve watched females friends get along great with females but I’ll be ignored by them. I just hate how y’all only care about male attention it’s sooo annoying. But nobody talks about how mean and nasty women be towards other women. Male attention caused women to be mean and nasty towards me and pick my looks apart, I wear my real all the time. When you don’t center male attention it’ll come naturally.
Female Friendships and interpersonal relationships have been on my mind for a WHILE WHILE. I’ve had the same experience of being excluded or picked on bc of the attention I get from men or just people in general saying I’m pretty or just being drawn to me since I’m a bit of a charismatic.
I’ll def add this topic to the list of future vids for sure 💕
Yeah I have no female friends. It sucks.
THANK YOU! I wish I could find friends who think like this. This is exactly where I am mentally and it’s so peaceful and freeing. I try to explain my new mindset to my close friends, but they are really vain and they seem to be stuck in the "needing attention based on their appearance" phase and it's so off-putting to me now.
Definitely the life of a caterpillar in a cocoon going through metamorphosis 😩
First I'd like to say thank you for making this video, I needed this so much. It was so authentic and I really appreciate that you were vulnerable enough to share your experience with not feeling seen. I go to an HBCU and I'm in a sorority so I often feel like there are certain expectations or labels that I have to fit into at my school to be respected or validated and I didn't realize how restricting it is. This video was truly inspiring, you've really given me strength. Because it I'm seriously gonna start working on easing back into my authentic self and pushing the boundaries of who I'm "supposed" to be. Also being a leader in my community hopefully I can inspire others to be individuals like you inspired me to. Thank you again♥
This blessed me. You are so welcome. Thanks for watching.
love this video... and im very much seated for part two!!!!
Thanks boo! Noted 😉
Authentic people attract other authentic people. Unfortunately there are not that many people with the courage to be themselves, so at times it will feel lonely at times. But stay the course because when that special person comes along they will see your authenticity and completely embrace you and your uniqueness. Believe me in the long run it is much better to wait for that special person, and not waste your time with shallow insecure men full of self hate.
Thank you. This blessed me.
You favor Jackie Aina to me. You have beautiful skin. I know how you feel. I love natural hair and I feel overlooked too . However, I just continue to wear my natural hair proudly.
Yes! She’s like a blend of jackie and kelly roland
For me this invisible feeling extends much further than just socially, it extends into professional life too. Always doing so much work to never get any recognition or compensation for it. I live in houston also but im from the midwest. I am ready to leave.
i love your content!! you speak the real truth❤ It wasn’t melancholy at all, I was snapping my fingers to everything you said. Id love a part 2. Can you expand on the part where people not liking you bc you’re changing and asserting boundaries? I’ve dealt with this too, friends ditching me bc I’m not kissing ass no more!
Thanks a lot! ☺️
@@EvieAswitiomg youre welcome! i just added more to my comment lol. Have a great day 🩷
@maeesther1 omg yes I definitely can. some friend’s can def switch up on you when you are done being convenient to them. I too, am not kissing anybody’s behind. Nope no ma’am.
Brilliant video. The same applies to the job market/career. So many things just feels unoriginal hence originality stands out in the crowd, which can often be frightening and isolating. But trust that you're on the right path. If you can, do some more travelling, explore thr corners of earth. 💐💐
So true!! Speak it! Very empowering to all women in this day and age!!
Love it!!❤❤
Thank you, thank you, thank you. ☺️ Much love and light for your support!
Thank you for your vulnerability. This is something I’ve thought about for years but never openly discussed because I thought it was just me. ❤
I thought it was just me too. Glad we out here!
You’re awesome and inspiring. I am in a similar season, after spending a lifetime making my living and my reputation on being “seen.” It’s hard to feel yourself disappearing because you don’t get lip injections/fake hair/ fake nails/a full beat of make-up, but I’m 42 and I’m over non stop performing “beauty” so that I have a seat at the table.
Thank you so much. Happy you also have that awareness.
Love this! I made my notes earlier today in regards to this. Now that i d decided to stop wearing wigs. Thank u for sharing.❤
I've stopped looking for validation from people rather than male or female. I don't look to have anyone or any companionship.
Sis, this is pure amazing chat . Thank you so very much ❤ thank you❤
You are so very welcome. 🤗
Hi! I agree wholeheartedly with this message. I definitely live my life outside the box! For example, I wear my natural hair very short, and for some people in society a woman is “supposed” to have long hair. I choose not to wear makeup but that doesn’t mean I give people shade who choose to wear it…. On another note, what are your thoughts on the idea that women are supposed to look “put together/dressed up” most of the time? I like that you do things against the grain!
Wow this was DEEP! It takes a level of self awareness to realize that you are unseen so I commend you on that. I have been natural 19 years and its been a journey. On my channel I talk about when I first wore my hair in a natural hairstyle in 2010 I was shocked at how many compliments I received from ppl of all races/ethnicities. The thing about validation is that its not necessarily a bad thing. We as humans benefit from a certain level of external validation. If I would have gotten negative reactions to my natural hair I may have not been natural for this long. But when you live for external validation alone it can become very problematic. You need internal validation first because its longer lasting. External validation wears off quick. Look forward to pt 2!
Thank you so much friend! You hit the nail on the head
Oh my gosh! Yes, to all of this. The pressure now is unreal. It's weird... honestly I remember going through the judgement in my mid 20s from tweens -teens judging me 😂. I still go through it now in my 30s, it's unreal I don't understand why they are comparing themselves to anyone that is older than them. I just live carefree and have that inner child come out randomly, because that's when I feel free. Keep up the content, I'm here for it🙏🏾❤️🦋
Thank you so much for this. I’ve been feeling this way for years. I recently cut my hair off & feel amazing
You’re welcome
I think the other thing to have to come to terms is in this lifetime this might be how it always will be. ( wigs , ect ) being seen as the thing.
I felt this.. especially at 9:20
I feel seen watching this video. Thank you! These are my thoughts about things today.
Oh yay! Mission accomplished.
I see you. I needed this message since I big chopped my hair and doing my decentering men journey (even though I’m married)… i would like to know if you would be open to doing a group or creating a community outside of Houston.
My YT audience is my community outside of Houston 🫶🏾🫶🏾🫶🏾🫶🏾
I’m engaged and am interested in this decentering men journey! I noticed the other day how even tho I’m partered I still find myself presenting for the male gaze when I go into society. And I wanna unpack that and why I’m constantly viewing myself through the lens of a man. I’m constantly learning new things I have to unlearn.
@@marajones1828 me too! It’s a conditioning from my conservative background and idolizing marriage personally
Part 2 part 2!!
Very transparent videos friend appreciate your openness
Thanks for supporting friend ♥️🫶🏾
It would be so easier not to care if people would just let you be. I don't want validation from you, but you sure as hell better not antagonize me for it. Trying to live my life in peace.
I'm trying to teach this to my students, that someone "being weird" near you is not an affront, but the adults in their lives do it, so why being any different for their and the people around them's internal peace?
You never let that Garlic bread 🥖 rest 😂😂😂😂 i love it!
Hahaha you’re an OG subbie I see you!!! 🤭🤭🤭🥖🧈 I love garlic bread though.
You’re so beautiful 😍
Thank you so much!
Congrats on your journey. My girlfriend recently moved to US from S. Korea and she been having a hard time finding her place. My family and I have been instrumental in helping her find her place. I hope you have support system.
Thank you so much for sharing. I realize I do need to build up my community.
You felt that way when you've moved to Houston, I felt that way when I moved to New York and now Mexico City. (Eventually I found a tribe of Black women where I DO feel seen but it's not DESIRED. It's just feeling seen and known.)
yesss to finding your tribe. 👏🏾
I respect your decision and what you’re saying but for me I’m not willing to be invisible & eliminate my chance of finding a partner to prove a point. My natural hair is beautiful but it won’t get me where I need to be in life. My face with no makeup is beautiful but again it won’t get me the results I want. But I admire your strength.
Thank you. That’s totally fair.
I do a style of braids suited for my face, I have good brows so only brush them, some eye makeup to make it pop cuz it’s my best facial feature 😊 it’s small stuff and I feel you on ‘proving a point’ If I wanted to prove a point (that I love my natural hair and face, which I do!) it would hold me back from doing this little things I enjoy that work for me in and out. There is so much beauty to be explored whilst detaching from what society says about you and putting your love for beauty and yourself first
I think this honesty is better than the I wear make up for myself thing people Love to spew
I love the honesty, I wear my natural hair out but I still love makeup because I know it yields different results
This is a really interesting take. But how is her wearing her natural hair trying to “prove a point” ? and how is getting a partner who only found you attractive when you manipulated your natural beauty to fit Eurocentric standards a win?
Great video! Thank you! ❤
You’re so welcome! Thank you 😊
I agree with you.. I changed my hanging area which made me feel alone.
our environment matters a lot
We see you ❤❤❤ you should watch Salkis Re. 😊
lol I don’t think I have the mental capacity to consume content like that 😂 That kind of rhetoric is everywhere and I want to avoid that! Thank you for watching and the support always.
@@EvieAswiti oh wow thats shocking her channel is so powerful sobering truth! I thought for sure you were on our frequency. 🤭 keep being you.
@jdd6958 I’ve never heard of her until now but I’ll be open to check out her content
@@EvieAswiti whew child! Her lives are good. 🫠🫠🤩🥰
@jdd6958 😂 I’m gonna check her out
definitely relate
I’m glad!
😆 not too much on Houston. Born and raised here. You can do what you want most people are not going to care but we’re fun to hang out with.
And Welcome to Houston.
lol 😂 I definitely don’t regret my move I still love it here. Thanks for the warm welcome!
@@EvieAswiti No Problem. 😊
Can you do a hair routine?
you read my mind! New upload. ☺️ ruclips.net/video/fZYgOsOWXVw/видео.html
This is so sad. I am so grateful that I was born black in the Caribbean. I have never felt that I had to wear a wig to be desirable. I have had my hair tennis ball short on three occasions. Alternating between straight and natural without thought. And I have never done wigs. I did braids once decades ago, for about 3 weeks. My husband loves short natural hair. So does one of my ex-boyfriends. My sister has never had her hair long. Always never more than an inch long, and she is seen as glamourous and recently married a non-black person. Do black American men really dislike real hair? You need to move to the Caribbean where you can be your normal natural self. You look like any normal woman in my country.
Watching from Tacoma 🙋🏾♀️
Hi! 👋🏾
Could you make a wash day please, am in love with your hair
You are very beautiful. Besides "afro" hairstyle have you tried other styles? Mohawk, head-band, scarf, cornrows would suit you well...masculine men love feminine women and the essence women exude when we put effort. Your light is impossible to ignore. Sometimes people need a way to engage by way of complimenting a new hairstyle to "break the ice" Much love xo
I love wash and gos bc they’re so easy! I will want to do cornrows at some point. Like the early 2000s video vixen style cornrows. Thanks for the compliment love!
@@EvieAswitiget into hallee berry half cornrows😩😍 would eat
🫶🏾
💕❤️
I think you could consider getting a natural haircut shape that suits you face. Lisa Alamode is a great example and she has similar features to you ❤
until my hair grows out long, I wanna try extensions that match my hair texture blown out! When I get bored of my afro
👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
i knew it. I just watched your level up video and you look freaking stunning and gorgeous. You literally look like kelly rowland. Again, has nothing to do with your hair texture, has everything to do with you hair being short and not framing your face. Natural hair, especially your grade definitely has the ability to frame your face when it's long. Videos like these are irritating and paint a false narrative. Women like you are why non BW ask me do i have trouble getting a man as a UADSBW...
Yes I personally love long hair on me! I’m excited to have my hair grow out healthy and long over time. Until then, I’ll just wear extensions that match my hair texture when I wanna switch it up. Thank you so much! Also, what is UADSBW?
@@EvieAswiti Of Course! Unambiguous Dark Skin Black Woman.
@truthspeaker8863 oh okay gotcha. All these acronyms chile 🤣 thank you!
Don’t straighten it no more
Your video is very nice
But there is a Big problem with your video
If you want to be seen, the maximize thinness. That will make you extremely noticeable and men absolutely love thin women. Notice I said men not just one type. You need a conventionally beautiful and healthy looking figure and wear dresses and make up. I have seen you made up and you look pretty and tasteful. I know as a woman, my opinion doesn't count but I know when a woman is working with her goods well.
hey girl this is too too real!!!🫶🏾🫶🏾
Thanks boo! Please share 🫶🏾