How To Avoid A Sex-Starved Marriage - with Michele Weiner-Davis
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- Опубликовано: 18 авг 2024
- Get the book, "How To Avoid a Sex-Starved Marriage" today amzn.to/2FhPClb.
Bestselling author and relationship guru Michele Weiner-Davis could save your marriage by helping you revitalize your sex life. It is estimated that one in three married couples struggle with mismatched sexual desire. Do you? If you want to stop fighting about sex and revitalize your intimate connection with your spouse, then listen while Noel Meador interviews Michele about her new book, The Sex-Starved Marriage. Michele will help you understand why being complacent or bitter about sex might cost you your relationship. Get the book today...amzn.to/2FhPClb
The worst part about being the partner with high sexual desire, is that if you are successful in suppressing your sexual desire in order to make life easier for both of you, you're still expected to be able to bounce the moment she/he finds the mood.
TAPriceCTR because they are in control. It's always IF and when THEY want it. Took me many years to really admit that. But do they care? Nope.
Exactly
@@oambitiousone7100 im not banging my mom
It is interesting that we do suppress for the survival of our marriages. It is hard to see the changes in my own sexual expression. Just trying to get myself to be able to open up to be receptive to being entered when the obvious advances are happening. It is like something has been broken inside of me. Years of horrible fighting and crying and grief from feeling denied and not desired and not being taken led to packaging up my sexual self into a ducktaped box and buried 6 feet under. It is now at a point where my husband has some desire and it is hard to relax enough to really get into it. It is usually over before it even gets started for me so that makes it even harder. I've been digging for ways to make this better. It isnt anyone's responsibility to evoke my sexual desires and pleasure but my own. It all starts in the mind and we just have to find a way to drop into the body and put abilities to feel, give and receive pleasure without all of the chatter and anxiety coming from the mind. It is definitely challenging but I'm here for the long haul and not giving up. Challenge excepted I am just seeing as an invitation to go deeper and hopefully find out what sacred union is really about. The holy grail
@@oambitiousone7100
You missed the point entirely
Marrying someone when you have no desire for them, is simply cruel.
When the desire ends, the marriage is over.
When Michele described the couple, and the man explained how he felt when he is rejected by his wife ...so so TRUE !
jcglock40 then anger resentment negativity spills over to work performance, attitude ,other people in your life it can ruin allot more than the marriage
I’m screwed still 3.5 years later over the last seven years of constant rejection.
If you follow her advice and none of it gets your spouse to pay attention, then it's time to consider Divorce.
Cake Batter fact
Or a distraction
This is something I am working on in my marriage.
The big issue, is my partner is not willing to communicate on the issue. It is frustrating. When there was some discussion, it felt like a power game shift.
I felt in some ways it would degrade respect me.
I ended up pulling away, sleeping in another room. Drinking, reading, karaoke in the living room by myself, studying. Then any attempt by my partner to build bridges, it was civil sometimes warm, sometimes cold, and keep enough space.
After several weeks, it starts to create tension. The loss of cuddling and other things also affects your partner. They will want to be cuddled as well.
Now is a good time to discuss each other's emotional needs. Why those needs are important. This does open the doors a bit. Communication is very important.
Sex that doesn't provide the emotional bond the marriage is over. It is just like having casual sex, it isn't something special for you to share together.
Relationships aren't just about sex, but when there is no sex- that's ALL they're about.
Sex is like air ... it's no big deal unless you aren't getting any. Sex is the oxygen of marriage.
True. Mine has none and it's all I can focus on when I look at her.
@Jennifer Boehm - This video isn't for man-hating shrews.
@Jennifer Boehm what the shit are you doing in this video if you don't care about sex get a life
The truth is staying attracted beyond 5 to 10 years...surprised anyone stays together
Communication is key!!!
My wife gaslights this issue. Pushes me away then is said I'm not there. Then denies doing it
wow this is the best talk i have seen and heard .... my husband is s stubborn and i can feel myself pulling away ....because he nevet wsnts sex .... it is hesrt breaking for me
I think a woman (or a man) who is deficit or lacking in Affection for their spouse, needs to seriously ask her or himself "Why am I this way?" toward the one I vowed to live out my life with in a joyous union.
What’s the bottom line?
Men have stronger hormonal desire by far. Women need to understand this and give this love to men. When they know and still refuse, then they’ve broken their vows.
@Jennifer Boehm, it's obvious you are SINGLE. I'm married, I mow the lawn, clean the house, shovel the snow, do the dishes, do the laundry, pay the mortgage, pay the electric, pay the gas, pay for the Internet, pay for the cable, etc. I make our 3 kids their breakfast and lunch every single day. My wife does NOT do the laundry, does NOT clean, etc. Women don't do anything in 2018, y'all are lazy whiners. All the men I work with do it all to why you lazy women talk, yep talk about how tired you are. I get less than 6 hours of sleep while my wife gets 8 plus, yet she's tired. Same for all the other guys I know. Then y'all don't give it up. Think of it as a chore. I don't like mowing the lawn in 95 degree weather but it has to get done. Give your husband a tug every now and again. Oh wait, you don't have a husband. No guy would want you, men want sex 4 or 5 times a DAY. We are very nice and don't bug you for sex that many times a day. Y'all women need to step it up.
Believe me missy, no sane, self respecting man would even consider you a sentient being.
It's about control. Always has been, always will be.
@Jennifer Boehm - How come they are "his" children until you get to family court then they are your children and you get custody and child support payments? You are a real charmer, bet men run and hide when you come around.
@@blankhank2850 do you honestly want some people to reproduce? Seriously?
Getting married = the worst thing I have ever done. If I could do life over I would enjoy women for about 5 years each & end the relationship before "they" start turning on me.
SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO SMART AND RIGHT, THATS ABOUT THE TIME TO LEAVE ANY RELATIONSHIP AND GERMANY MANY YEARS AGO WAS GOING TO PASS A LAW THE MARRIAGES WERE ONLY FOR 5 YEARS BUT THE WOMEN STOPPED THAT BECAUSE THEY WOULD HAVE THE RIGHT TO SUE AND SCREW MEN OVER,
Sounds like a personal problem 😅
Marriage counseling was the worst thing we ever did, killed it dead.
It only takes one thing to make a man happy. Want to keep your man happy & not worry about him having an affair? Then give him what he needs. That's all it takes.
Since women can't do this, don't get married. There's nothing good about marriage. It sucks.
What about what a woman needs? Just get yourself a sex doll seeing that you can't cope with a real human.
kassakassa90 a woman rarely knows what she wants.
@@kassaArt How about you BOTH do everything in your power for your partner. Treat them like a king or queen. Make sure that they are so happy that they could not even imagine a better life. Remembering that every individual has different needs. Find them. Work on it. Remember that love means GIVING. For both of you.
Once you achieve this I don't think that sex will be a problem.
@@smitajky this great advice, thanks!😊
Been married 15 years, most of them mostly sexless. I have tried everything I can think of, talked to her about it till I'm blue in the face and nothing. It's always I'm too tired, I don't feel well, having a tough time emotionally, or some other reason. I know the real reason - she loves me but isn't in love....just won't admit it. I can't leave due to the financial ramifications due to our 3 kids. The thing I cling to is knowing that in 10 years when the kids are grown I can leave and enjoy the rest of my life. Do not get married guys.....nothing in it for you in today's day and age.
You can say 'do not get married, there is no benefit to men' all day until you are blue in the face. Men won't listen because they think if they get married, they will get all the sex they want...lol... I have been preaching this for 25 years, but it seems nobody is listening.
She keeps you in hostage. Unacceptable.
@formula112967 - Same happened in a month marriage relationship.
It's an easy fix though - especially when unwed, and having my own house.
10+ years and no matter what you do to help the situation, it just never changes. Take care of self.
28 years of sexless marriage. I have done all of thee things and more. I'm done, Has soon as I have the money to hire a lawyer I file for divorce.
I hope you realize how very typical your marriage is. Most husbands eventually just give up on mission impossible (sex with their own wives) and get sex elsewhere when possible while continuing to work 60 hours a week to feed the kids, pay the mortgage, and keep up with their wives' profligate spending habits.
9 more years and my daughter will be old enough for me to leave. 13 years married and the best we’ve gone is 3 times a year and now it’s even less. I’m just a tool for her to get her needs met.
It doesn’t get any better brother
@@samhynds5913 No it has not.
Low desire women? Then why in an affair they are again hot and sexual again. Like they are making an effort for anyone other than their husband. .
Yes, I was once in what I thought was a sexless marriage. I was wrong.
Very, very common. It's the well-documented 4 year phenomenon. Women begin to prowl after 4 years ... it's biological.
@ there was plenty of sex in my marriage ...it was her office manager who was getting it.
Might be worth checking out Esther Perel. She's a phychotherapist and author who has some really interesting insights on infidelity:)
Because they are the most selfish, destructive people on earth
Michele...you have the most balanced viewpoint on this topic. I wish my wife would listen to this, but she won’t.
She's defective drop her and leave her or better yet commit adultery that way you can avoid divorce. Don't tell her about the adultery
As the country and western song says, It's hard to kiss the lips at night, that chew your ass all day.
That pretty much sums it up. By the end of the day the last thing you want to do is engage with a man-hating bitch.
I actually played that song for my wife once. She had a moment of repose. Like all women, she thought all she had to do was pop out a tit and I'd instantly jump her. Imagine her shock when I just said no.
@ yup, and then when they do offer sex they think they can just roll over and say something like, "are going to do it or what?" with that bitchy tone like she is offering a bone but you better eat it fast and get it over with so she can go back to what ever the hell she was doing.
When I started telling my wife, "nah, I'm good" she immediately accused me of sleeping around or porn. I told her that I didn't sign up for marriage just to get scraps from a bitchy wife and she can take her half assed cunty attitude elsewhere. Of course she then "tries" for a few weeks and soon after turns bitchy and the cycle continues.
I have noticed that entitlement is the main issue with this, and women are simply entitled. They think that her husband is a personal assistant and when he is NOT her personal assistant (and bank account) then she turns bitchy like she was screwed over. Then her bitchiness makes the whole relationship toxic and eventually winds up in divorce. All this could be prevented if women were not so entitled.
How do you avoid a 'sex starved marriage'? Avoid getting married in the first place.
This is what I call cowardness. Dont do it because then you dont have to fight.
Materialistic narcissistic egoistic mentality.
@@fallenslave6684 - "cowardness" ... what, you dropped out of the fourth grade??
The only winning move is not to play.
@@fallenslave6684 Or you can do it and have to fight, if that's what you want. 🤷♂
She is right on point. Very smart woman. She's so right!
This woman is ON POINT!
Power dynamics--spot on! I took back my power with the divorce papers. Plunged into living below the poverty line, being a single parent of 3 ( one with autism), and had to essentially start over as the only property I left with were my children's things and my personal possessions that I came into the marriage with. I even left furniture and paintings I had previous to the marriage so his world wouldn't be as severely disrupted.
Would I do it again? Absolutely! We are better parents and more authentic friends. And I get to rely on myself to get my sexual needs met. I describe the feeling as 'drunk with liberty'!
If I had that conversation with my wife, she'd tell me to shut up and go watch some porn. Her phone is higher priority than I'll ever be.
just stop doing anything that she needs/wants from you until she starts carrying her weight in the relationship.
EnemyAce88 get out man
Find her Achilles heel. The phone will go......
Did you leave yet?
That is why my wife's cell phone is in my corporation's name. I can track it, read her text messages, review her call log or shut it down anytime I want. Guys. use your head and get out in front of your wives. They're really not that smart.
I do all the little things, putting my wife first. Come home from 24 hour shifts as a firefighter and get my daughter up for school so she can sleep in. I take over evenings of dinners and do bedtime with my daughter so my wife can watch tv and relax. It’s endless. Getaways for herself as Mother’s Day gifts, airbnb trips as a family as surprises and constant words of affirmation and acts of service and trying my best at emotional connection. If it wasn’t for me coming in for hugs and kisses even I wouldn’t get Jack shit. I work 60+ hours/2 jobs so she can be the stay at home mom she wanted to be. I leave notes, give back rubs foot rubs, the list goes on. I take care of my health and fitness and image, and living depressed and get belittled for wanting more and wanting my wife and our romance and spark back. At the end of my ropes, not looking good.
Sounds like you treat your wife like a queen.
Marriage is not about one person getting everything they want at the expense of destroying the other.
Sometimes we have to face the fact that a person has issues that we can’t fix no matter how much we do for them.
Something is broken ( not saying that is the case in your situation)
At the end of the day we should not have to beg for love and affection and intimacy in our marriage.
It shone a given.
So sad for you.
You sound like a wonderful and caring husband.
All the best to you.
Michele Weiner’s insight is extraordinary. She, however, tries to be PC by referring to “the low desire person”, when 99% of the time she should just be saying, “the woman”.
It is so absolutely true that the act of sexual intimacy brings men transparently close to their woman by knocking down all of the psychological barriers between the two of them; sadly, in our culture, many, many women have become incredibly self centered, self-absorbed creatures who only want to participate if/when they are “in the mood”. By beginning to participate, women BECOME primed and “in the mood”, however it’s very rare that woman (on the whole) are regularly “in the mood” on their own. Then they’ll make an instantaneous decision when their man approaches them, asking “Am I in the mood?”. The answer is inevitably NO, BECAUSE WOMEN DO NOT NORMALLY WALK AROUND BEING “in the mood”. Bottom line: For men, the sexual act creates a bridge from the man’s heart to the woman’s heart and allows him to love her with a tenderness that she desires.
Jaco, you nailed it. I've been studying this for close to a year. I'm no expert but it is so hard on many men. I've read all the: help with the house work, put the kids to bed, clean dishes, compliment, and I believe in helping take down her stress. I also believe we need to become her best listener not fix it man (tell your boss this, say this to Mary) just listen (why do you think Mary said that, how did that make you feel?) All these things are great advice and men need to become better at doing them. But some women are just like you say selfish. Men are tempted to look at porn and that is selfish and should stop. Women are tempted another way. Satan is still works on women too. They have a different weakness, my husband doesn't need this, it's all about him, he needs to do everything right and then maybe. It's super frustrating.
@@justincoats7236 most women are lesbians
This is sick thinking. A man has no right to a woman's body. There is no "sex right."
@@tonysam1955 that's right as long as they are not married in marage wife's body belongs to the husband and husbands body belongs to the wife who ever disugry can happily live single for ever
Well said Jaco
Like the Nike slogan, "Just do it."
Or somebody else will.
Facts
Divorce is the answer
Here's the short and sweet solution - NEVER GET MARRIED!
DO.... NOT.... DO.... IT....!
...just dont.
How would people raise kids if not in a marriage? A nuclear family is the best option, despite its challenges. Other methods have serious flaws. Single parenthood is detrimental. Not procreating will make us extinct. I'd rather find a better solution than to take yours, sir. Don't let yourself be defeated. Life's challenges are meant to be overcome, not run away from.
Just letting you know De Facto relationships also count as Marriage in certain circumstances. Too much power to one side I'm afraid.
@@deyahdn3
To be honest - I don't give a flying fuck about the human race...
decades upon decades have proven to me that it contains nothing worth saving.
of course it goes both ways... but its a 90/10 split....
From Esther Perel: women tire of monogamy much sooner than men. They need a plot, some risk, intrigue. Men just plug and play the same script for 20 yrs and can’t understand why she’s dead . It starts in her head!
You just proved my point. Wanna go away for a weekend with the girls ?? Only for you to screw someone else. Don’t think so
Perel is from Europe so she expresses the thinking there . But the problems in a marriage with no sex are steaming from other problems like : emotional and psychological abuse of the woman , money problem , control ….the desire is gone in this scenario .FOREVER …..
When you bring it out into the open (like marriage counseling) you're negotiating desire. The best outcome of Negotiated desire is Obligated compliance.
Sometimes the 'Why' the other person agrees to sex is irrelevant, the action is important not the reasoning going on in their head.
but ideally you want the other person to WANT to have sex, not feel Obligated to have sex, because the sex tends to be better.
If the other person is not "in the mood", it would be beneficial to know if "they are not in the mood WITH YOU, or WITH ANYONE"
IF it's WITH ANYONE, that's something the other person need to sort out within themselves.
If it's WITH YOU, that's something You have control over. You can take steps to make yourself more attractive, and less Unattractive.
The couple in therapy that was talked about around minute 8-9, it might work if the woman isn’t a covert narcissist like my ex. She’d say one thing in therapy and it goes right out the window once she walks out the building.
I was just thinking none of this would work with a narcissist. I wish I had a time machine.
Agree!!! My wife also.
Jeff Clawson yeah I got a couple good months after having a similar counseling session and then things began to go right back to where they were
The story at 8:00 is sooo me. I hear myself say this almost every night. 5 years we have had no sex. I have tried being vulnerable, angry and back to vulnerable. It makes no difference so I stay quiet.
Why does western culture think men and women have equal sexual needs. They don't, and every man reading this knows that. Yet, we pretend otherwise. I pity the men.
@Jennifer Boehm Classy. You sound like a real catch.
@ I don't have enough hands to upvote you, sorry.
As an older man who has experience with this, I can comment. Men know that women's sexual desire falls immediately after the honeymoon. It's something we are told by our fathers when we hit puberty, we hear in comedy routines, and see in movies all the time. Apparently it has been considered a joke until recently. The problem arises when their sexual activity falls below our needs, We want sex a lot but we need sex at some lower level. We can accept a reduction in our sex lives to take into account fatigue, busy lives, THAT time of the month, etc., but if we're not getting it at some minimal level (which is different for everyone) then we are enduring sexual deprivation which builds to starvation over time. Women should be counseled by their mothers about this, but american puritanism runs deep and no one is ready to be open about how couples should be prepared to address it.
@@agoodpitch9 are u saying all women are asexual how stupid is that
@@agoodpitch9 if there need is very low then they should get a man with erectile dysfunction perfect for them
In ten minutes I learnt more for free than thousands of dollars of counselling which ended in divorce anyway
I get sooooooo tired of people saying it's comunication. I have been trying to communicate for numerous years. Absolutely nothing has worked, now my dick is about to quit working so I guess she gets what she wants. About ready to just forget it and check out.
Just divorce her and hire a prostitute in Nevada
Way past sex starved. I think it's all but over. What a shame. I love her with all my heart and spirit.
Take it from an old man who's been around the block twice--your "love" is in her toilet. What you need is your self-respect, and your assets well protected. “They do not choose a man because they love him, but because it pleases them to be loved by him.” --Kevin Solway
The quicker a woman becomes bored with a man, the more shallow she is.
Me too - what's the answer? It would kill her if you sought sex elsewhere - so there's masturbation - gee thanks, is this my life now?
Have you talked to her about it? If you guys are still in love there must be a way for you to work it out!
100% right!! Everything said, I'm going through.
I'm going through this, me and my boyfriend have not been intimate in 10 months. He does not seem to desire any intimacy or even show interest. It's kind of embarrassing to talk about because usually the man is all over the woman smh.
Christina Johnson I have the exact same problem it makes me feel completely unwanted..it really is such a huge part of marriage or a relationships..i always think about making the first move but I have become to afraid of rejection. I feel so lonely and unattractive..my husband really does have the attitude it's just sex, sex isn't the only part of a relationship..it's just sucks
kara Hudgel Try looking super attractive everytime you go out I bet he'll take notice
Mrs. Wilson that doesn't work whatsoever.
Christina Johnson - I'm there with you lady- anyone find any support groups?
Christina Johnson I am going through the same thing. I have been married for 10 years. And I am at the point of walking away from my marriage. I feel so lonely, so heart broken. There is no reciprocity. Right now I am so confused. Desperately I sought counseling with my pastor and all I got from him was that I am supposed to pray it through and remain humble.
You can’t bring it back if your wife says it’s not important, flirting is only for new couples, I know people who are married and are happy without sex, blah blah blah. Selfish to the core. My wife doesn’t want to connect with me. If she connects with me then her dad would feel less important. She has no problem telling me who her number one man is. They have an enmeshed relationship. That’s another story altogether
Michele thank you so much, as I watch this interview regarding your book A Sex Starved marriage, you really shed some light on some of the issues that I face in my marriage. I will definitely buy your regarding this issue. Thank you so much,
This is a good video. I'd send this to my wife if I knew she would really watch it with an open attitude.
Facts
Everyone in the comments wants to just avoid marriage. I think communication, keeping romance alive , SPACE(attraction grows in space), and not giving up on each other as you grow are what it takes.
I read this book decades ago when my wife began turning off the tap. (As my wife herself actually said, "I have kids now and a husband with a good, stable income, so I don't need sex anymore.") I seriously tried the advice in this book, but to no avail. Men marry to fuck, women marry to relax, and the latter have no sympathy for their hardworking celibate husbands. Avoid marriage at all costs!
When you're dating, you had better make sure that sex will not become an issue in the future. Make it part of your vows to one another, privately or publicly, to support one anothers' sexual needs. When we go into a relationship knowing that that is what is expected of one another, the resolution is much easier to achieve.
What I find interesting is if she has low or no sexual desire, then why doesn’t she just give him a pass? Control and selfishness.
I've come to the conclusion that I would rather spend my whole entire life with my wife and never have sex than to spend my life with any other woman on planet earth and have the best sex 3times a day.... my wife means more to me than sex..... facts... I will love her as Christ did the church.... Amen
If your wife cares so little about your needs that she is cool with neglecting your sexual needs, then she is not as great as you think. Your devotion to her is NOT reciprocated by her..........
I don't see the problem.... i've been married 35 yrs and I can tell you - I can have sex any time she wants.
Lol
LOL ... can't we all!!
Funny
Haha
Guess I'm quite lucky: in 33 years she never said no. Never had the headache argument.
Married women, it's our job to provide sex for our husband. A relationship/marriage is only as good as the sex that comes with it.
Tried to talk to her. She accused me of wanting her body only for sexual self gratification. She said she wouldn't disrespect herself in such a demeaning way. She then said I have a problem and I need help. I'm so demoralized I can't even successfully masturbate anymore.
Tell her that tomorrow you will have sex with a real woman. Since you married to her, she will be your first choice, but if she not in the mood (again) then you will find somebody who is!
Seven years since my wife let me touch her. menopause is cruel
I’ve thought long and hard about the situation and the very noticeable preference of older men for younger women and used to think, it’s cause they’re prettier. The desire for sex is pleasure driven. It is easy to understand. Then one day it occurred to me that maybe the desire for sex is not mainly driven by the desire for pleasure. Maybe deep in our (human subconscious) the desire for sex is mainly (unknown to our conscious minds) more driven by the desire to procreate. Once I started thinking about this I thought that explains everything. Women go through menopause, no chance of procreation anymore and the sexiness, flirtation and the seeking of male companionship dies when her egg production ceases. Men on the other hand slow down from the craziness that exists when we’re teens or 20 somethings but the possibility of procreation never really ends and so we get out of sync with our female partners.
The book did not work for us. I doesent get deed into the phycology dynamics going on. Seek the red pill, learn dread game.
Good advice but optimism won't help me. Problem is she doesn't care if the marriage ends. Only interested in PR and money. I'm stupid for trusting what she said to me in the beginning and how she behaved with me in the beginning. Then it's over along with endless excuses.
I'm sure there are some honest women out there... 🤔
I quit initiating entirely several years ago. There's only so much rejection a person can take before they shut down. I no longer view my wife as a sexual person anymore. She is a non-gendered being that lives in the house with me.
Thank you so much for sharing this video
My sexless marriage is that, wife had back surgery Nov. 2020; I was 68, she was 60; Of course, sex pretty much dwindled away 1-2 years prior to the Back Surgery; Feb 2021 rolled around and she took a fall in the Bathroom---nothing broken but, she stopped walking and has not walked or been able to stand since; It is doubtful she will walk/stand again and is wheelchair bound; Now at 71, I am more or less a caregiver performing "all" Nursing duties to care for her; Sex "walked out the front door" 4-5 yrs ago.
Ufff, that’s hard man. I’m sorry.
He he, first I didn't push, but now after 15 yrs of rejection, I have started confronting. Anger is her answer.
But the sex stops
Then the intermacy stops
Then any touching at all intiated by the sex dodging partner starts.
Then prayng together and communicating stops.
How to avoid a sex-started marriage? Marry a guy you're sexually attracted to instead of for so-called "more mature" reasons. Women settling in the looks department is what's behind high divorce rates, sexless marriages, unstable relationships, cheating, and demanding/controlling behavior. A man's looks DO matter. Men have been raised to believe otherwise, and women are raised to act accordingly. It's no wonder why marriages are often so full of drama and resentment!
Anony Mous what if the man looks good but the woman just isn't interested in sex... this is my case. I am not bragging but I was a model and am in very good shape, I work out several times a week. I hear things like, it hurts, I just don't like it... now it had been almost 2yeara
Lucien Blue, all women will try to reduce or cut off the sex after they are complacent with their man. The best way to get her wet again is to take charge and demand sex from her. Let her know that you are a man and have expectations that are either going to be met by her, or by some other woman, it is her choice.
She will be resentfull and try to give you shitty/half-assed sex the first time or two, but she will usually get turned on that she is doing it with a man who is taking charge in no time.
The one thing that dries up women the fastest is a man that she can walk all over. But a man who does not take shit from her will drench her undies.
I don't understand why this is, but I DO understand that this is 100% true.
I would never send my wife away for a weekend with the girls. I don’t do sloppy seconds. If she wants time away from me, it’s time for divorce. I just divorced my wife of 31 years. I should have left her 20 years ago. The stress is gone, I feel younger and my natural hair color is returning. I guess she made me so miserable that my head and beard had turned completely white by the time I was 54
So hair color even returns when you remove the stressor?
@@dennisrobinson8008 not sure how common it is but for me it has. I still have some grey and that is ok but I had been completely white head and beard for years. Divorced my ex and have color returning. Freaking amazing
@@Jeffyinthehills it is. I know stress and mental clarity returns. Also hormone levels go to a better level. And thinning hair may thicken. Didn't hear about the grey hair thing.
You sound delightful
@@oambitiousone7100 I am. Thank you
Same story as in the TEDx talk.
Such a smart lady...why can't women understand this .
jcglock40 satan tempts women differently, that's my opinion. I hear you.
@@justincoats7236 your opinion is extremely wrong
@@justincoats7236 amen.
@@abisamraj4408 his opinion is perfect.
@@abisamraj4408 satan tempts us.
A couple that pray to Jeshs each day do not divorce
Experience has taught me that the way to prevent a sexless relationship is to not marry, have relationships with, or date women.
Either way there is no sex, but by excluding women the man avoids the 50 per cent probability that he will be divorce raped in the Family Court.
Women change after a man has been stupid wnough to enter into the one-sided marriage contract.
Their legs go together and they pull the pin on the fat grenade.
Cully Schmetterling so many totally let themselves go. Mine just shut the legs when she got pregnant.
Once the sex stops on the side of the woman , it’s over. Men need to cut ties and leave!!!!!!!!!!!
12 years with no sex, does that work for definition of the sex starved marriage? Men do learn and when you are told no long enough you will stop asking. If you look up a study, "40 years married 15 to 20 years of sex" (something like that anyway). The conclusion is that almost all long term relationships we be platonic given time. The real issue is marriage itself and long relationships, these need to be avoided completely unless you really need to raise kids. if you want kids then raise them up well all the time planning on a likely divorce when they get out of high school. The secret to a long term relationship is very low exceptions, and always have some money that does not have the others name on it so you can bail out, always hope for the best and plan for survival.
My female partner REFUSES to lose the 60 pounds that puts her in the obese category [5' 0", 201 lbs.] For a man, much goes through the eyes. And then she thinks that I, her husband, "took it away". Some people just can't smell the coffee, I guess.
She is wonderful.
Isn't that a problem when one spouse expresses a need or desire, in this case the desire for sex, and the other person says that is no big deal? Isn't there a deeper desire and problem here than the desire for sex?
Interesting comment Kit but from watching the video I don't believe that was the issue here.
Brian Hoyt Yes and it's hard not to get resentful when this partner who is supposed to love you won't go out of their confort zone to make you happy. It makes you wonder if they do really love you.
Kit you seem to be bitter and resentful. Wife bashing video? A woman did this video. Why is it that when women share how they feel and a man Ignores her feelings that he's a brute, a beast, and lazy however when a man's share his feelings on something and his wife doesn't agree that he's lazy a d pathetic. I think we are watching different videos. I hope we never meet. Happy Holidays.
@@brianhoyt3780 - OMG ... you're another fucking cuckold White Knight. Get the fuck out of here.
Watch a spouses actions!! For the love of god. If the low drive person doesn’t give to your fulfill your needs, run. They don’t care about you.
So far I have not heard much talk of a man's needs. Between work and trying to "be there for her and me time needs" when does a man have time to recharge and get desire back? Maybe she thinks men just need to "get off" and they will be ok.
ALL women think ALL men are automatically horny at the drop of a hat. That's what the ignorant media has told them.
Buying the book.
Nothing works ...__...
Me and my wife just watched the sex-starved relationship video...we came to a big question...married for 15 years but my significant other does not love me the same as I do.
Divorce has come up a few times but it it's getting to a head and do yo have suggestions ??
Don't get married.
No such thing as "implied consent" in or out of marriage. Nobody is owed a sexual relationship.
@@tonysam1955 don't get into a relationship if you're not willing to meet your partner's NEEDS, as simple as that, it's a torture to have a partner like this
This is the worst advice what I ever heard.
Look if you dont want to get married dont have sex!
If you cannot stop then get married
Adulterry makes you a fool
I was married for 30 then got a divorce. If I have ANY advice for any man.... Do not get married, EVER! Marriage is just a business contract, that’s all. The terms are way favorable to the woman. If you want to partner up, that’s ok but do not get marred, ever. People change as they get older, always. If you are not happy in the relationship, you can walk. When you are divorced, most of the business assets go to the woman, always. Men are royally screwed. That’s why you see sexless marriages. The man sees if he walks, he loses big time. So he stays in misery not to lose all he has worked for. That’s why I have tried to warn men, DO NOT GET MARRIED, EVER!!! I see young guys getting married at work and I think, they are making the biggest financial mistake of their lives. Just live with your girlfriend. Hell, even have kids, but do not marry her, ever. Sure, you might have to take care of your child, but you won’t have a chance in front of a judge if you were married, ever. It’s just how our legal system is set up.
Beware of common law marriages. A lot of states in the US will consider cohabitation for two years or more as marriage and treat it the same.
Just because you have a bad marriage ,dont forbid other people to marry lol
Uninterested MEN??? Hmmm... not on my planet!
LOL
The whole idea that "women's sex drives are as strong as men's" or "men lose sex-drive, too" are politically correct dogma stemming from the lies of feminism. The whole reason that marriage counselors think that men are the low-desire partner just as often as women is because in the 99.99% of marriages wherein the man needs sex and the woman doesn't care, the couples never go to counseling. (The man just continues working sixty hours a week to feed and finance the self-centered little bitch on the couch, with his own needs never being met.) It's only the 0.01% of marriages where the man actually has lost sex drive and the woman still wants it, that the low-desire partner gets dragged in front of the marriage-judge.
In my dreams! I finally almost jumped ship. Regretted that I didn't follow through.
My husband just got out of prison after two years, and I waited on him and raised our child for two years! And he and I were intimate once, and since then nothing. What's wrong with me?! Did I get fat, or ugly? I'm so lonely, I can't keep my hands of him and he won't touch me. What do I do?
He probably likes prison shower stuff now....
Amber Forbes It’s not always about YOU. The man has been thru a life changing two years.
So sorry for you, it's most likely not you. Let me give you the reason for 90 percent of men who don't 1. Her is pounding to porn. No one should watch porn. It distorts reality. 2. Extreme stress or depression. Could be he feels like crap from being in prison. 3. Low testosterone. Maybe medication, age. 4. Another woman. 5. You've been over critical and you're not close. I really wish you could just have a good talk and fix it but it's rarely that easy.
Amber Forbes consider that he may have been raped while he was in prison. By another dude. That is enough to completely remove the desire from just about any guy. In fact it is enough to potentially cause a guy to commit suicide. If that really did happen to him, you putting your hands all over him would be enough to bring back that horrible memory. He may have been intimate once with you, hoping he could get back into the old rhythm of continued intimacy, and then had old memories in the prison overwhelm him. That is assuming that your statement of being intimate only once refers to just the time after he got out of prison, and not the time before he was in prison.
Here is one of the reasons why a man getting raped is so detrimental to him. Men are taught from a young age to be the leaders of their future families. Part of being a leader is the willingness to sacrifice non-stop for their families in the future. Let that sink in for a moment. A worthy comparison is imagine as a woman being taught by other women that all you would ever be good for in life is just giving men sex. The flipside of that is men's reality. Men are taught they have value as a leader only if they can provide for the family. Continuing from that point, in prison the man gets raped. Forced by another man. There is no clearer way for a man to be told he is not a leader within society than to be rendered powerless against another man. Many men would take death over being raped because at least there is hope of a better place on the other side of death.
He's gay, he probably dropped the soap.. leave him you don't deserve that shit, hurts like crap..
Women get married and think men are going to change, while men get married and think women are going to stay the same. 3:40 - 3:52 BINGO
Problem is when I bring, or try to bring the subject up, my wife gets angry " you got sex on the brain, we are to old for that" But zero times in 15 yrs????????
It's the worst when you're monogomous with a polyamorous man who gets more into his other partners than you and has no interest in you after a few years pass, but he doesn't have any problem wanting the other women. It's fucked up. I keep hoping he will change his mind and be interested in me again.
I'm sorry. He had lost interest. Stop banging your head against the wall.
No porn..passionate clean holy sex..no self stimulation or infidelity or birth control. Men lead and provide and protect.....women obey and have children and make a home.
Screw that. No pun intended. I don't obey no man.
Her - "I dont want to have sex with you and i dont want you to have sex with anyone else."
Him - "So you dont want me to have any sex? Oh, ok good deal. Thanks."
Exactly! This makes me think of the restaurant analogy. A sexless marriage is like making an agreement to eat at only one restaurant for the rest of your life and then they close the restaurant! Or worse, the restaurant is closed to you, but not others.
If you're not connected to your self, how can you be connected to another?
Wow. This hits home to a T!!!
Which part?
I'm as visual as any man, and Michele's visual aspect just sent the last of my libido into the Marianna abyss. Even if a man were endowed the same as a Rhino, he still would have trouble getting straight for the task if the object of his lust requires a speculum designed for a whale.
Esther Vilar, 1971:
“Even though intercourse may give a man pleasure in the long run, it is nothing more than a service to a woman, in which the man is the better lover, arousing desire more skillfully, quickly; and making it last longer.” p76
“A woman will certainly feel happy when she has an orgasm - but it is not the most intense pleasure she knows. A cocktail party, or buying a new pair of aubergine colored patent-leather boots, rates far higher.” p84
“Behind a woman’s bad decision how often there is another woman.” --Christopher DeGroot
At root of this topic is a fundamental misapprehension--women marry for love, which they confuse with emotional ecstasy, which ideally for them precedes sexual ecstasy. Wrong reason to marry for.
Most women are lesbians they don't Desire men
And if u love other things more than sex then don't get Mari live your materialize heaven and I know many girls who love sex mor than anything especially bisexual women and men like football more than sex
@@abisamraj4408 Really? Lesbians don't desire men?
Maybe women in your world are mostly lesbian, but not here:
www.thedailybeast.com/just-how-many-lgbt-americans-are-there
Actually no woman is 100% straightHi! Have you ever had sex or made out with or kissed or cuddled suggestively in your underpants with a straight girl? Me too! Why? Because 60 percent of heterosexual women are attracted to other women, according to Shane, your pants and a new study from Boise State University.
The study interviewed 484 heterosexual women. 60 percent said they were sexually attracted to other women, 45 percent had kissed another woman and 50 percent had same-sex sexual fantasies.
Elizabeth Morgan, the study�s cohort leader, has concluded that �women, due to their friendlier nature, are often more openly affectionate with others of the same-sex.� Also:
�Women are encouraged to be emotionally close to each other. That provides an opportunity for intimacy and romantic feelings to develop.�
Mmmk. But seriously, why are 60 percent of heterosexual women attracted to other women? Because women look good. See:
These numbers have changed over time (in 1994, scientists found only 7.5% of ALL women reporting same-sex desire)�and every time a new survey like this comes out, it turns out that more and more girls want to ride the hobby horse with you all the way around the�Niagara�Falls area, over the river and through the woods.
In 2010, OKCupid found that amongst its users, 1 in 3 straight women had hooked up with another woman, and of those who haven�t, 1 in 4 would like to. In a 2007 interview with feminist author Jennifer Baumgardner, who used to date Amy Ray, Baumgardner spoke on this generational shift:
Do you think ladies dating ladies is actually more common now, or is it just more visible?
It�s more common and obviously more visible. Visibility gives people the idea to do things. Acting on a desire is based on having opportunities. You know in the movie version of�The Hours�when, out of nowhere, the �40s housewife kisses her neighbor? Stuff like that did happen, but there was no framework to put it in. I think now there are a lot of entry points to kissing a girl.
It�s almost become a rite of passage.
My mom would be shocked to learn that any of her friends had kissed a girl. I don�t know if it�s just that they wouldn�t own up to it, but I�ve grilled her and she hasn�t done it. I can�t think of any of my own friends who�haven�t. It is still shocking if you thought you were straight to suddenly be in love with a woman, but I think it makes a difference that you�re not as likely to be rejected by your family, or fired, or beaten up.
Go find a straight girl to make out with but don�t get emotionally involved. Maybe you can help her discover her latent bisexuality or homosexuality or otherwise queeriosity, and then she can come fight about labels on the internet. �Is queeriosity a word? It should be.
, Edit box
28:30 on is my favorite part
Women hate men, they use no sex, and wholesale shaming on the use of prostitutes and por n as weapons in marriage.
If you are a man with higher desire then find something on the side, all of those suggestions do not work, once you do this she will move the goalposts and moan about something else,use a hook up site or a prostitute or if you can then have an affair, but never ever tell her.
She will divorce you and take your money,which might be what she wants anyway. She evaded this question when the interviewer pushed it
Wow, that’s my marriage… I’m the husband
And to the men who no longer want it: My father had prostate cancer and had the entire prostate removed. He has zero sex drive. But my step- mother still wants sex--my father calls her a Hot Mama.:) He makes sure her needs are met through various ways as well as non-sexual such as writing love letters to keep the intimacy between them strong.
Of course, the fact that a daughter and a father can talk frankly about their individual sex lives speaks volumes--in my opinion. :)
Men, watch and listen to Bettina Arndt a psychologist on RUclips, she has a 20and 30-minut videos of women’s changing attitudes all too soon after marriage. They lose interest in sex leaving men wondering what did they do wrong. Women’s chemistry changes after marriage and the husband is out in the cold wondering what is going on because she is just not interested anymore. I did not know about Bettina Arndt until the age of 76. I am writing so men will know what to expect when they get married or live with someone.
Mercy / pity sex is the worst.
Low desire in men is Americas best kept secret.
Low desire for American women is America's best kept secret.
I am a woman.. And in sexless marriage for 5 years now. In 2021 once v had... After that never.. I am so so soooooo pissed off.. Being so much deeply connected to his family im unable to take a stand for myself
“Just did it” for years. Learned to hate it. This fake it til you make it is rubbish.
5:55 Why I have my own bedroom.
She says the exact same thing in every video. I want new. I want more. New
PORN. It's free, it doesn't talk back, and it leaves immediately.
Check out Covenant Eyes youtube channel.
Porn destroys your brain more than heroine
Gives you depression
Promotes and fuel sex slave traffiking, pedophilia
And, this are only a little part.
Check out Covenant Eyes youtube channel.
@@fallenslave6684 - Pure horseshit.
@@fallenslave6684 Why is your name - Fallen Slave ? Are you a victim of social unjust ?