Hi everyone! Let me know in the comments below what's your biggest lesson from this episode! Also you can get my top three most powerful meditations FOR FREE here: ➡️ www.AaronDoughty.com/FREE
What I learned was that never do something out of your own comfort zone. That is to be authentic. Realize the inner child issues does not make who you are today.
I learned to let go and do own I don't care what other people think I started a RUclips page to help people.. Sorry Aaron but you talk way to much about your ex step mom let me ask you are you ready to let it go of your inner child wounds? If you need a element healing I will offer you one free to help you let go
Knowing I need to set more boundaries. This is very difficult as a mother because you sacrifice so much. Do you have examples of different types of boundaries and when to use them?
Aaron when you said (paraphrased) “codependents say ‘ooh, I just love deeply’. You don’t, you just abandon yourself”. I felt my heart drop. I realized that I was telling myself I love a man deeply and I wanted him to accept my love. I started tearing up bc I realized I was giving him all the love that I wasn’t able to give to myself
Mmmm interesting why do we feel we can give rather than receive.. however I feel I’ll never receive the support n help I give or is that isn’t in the method or way I want it to be or is that I’m not able to receive it
Codependency is not needing other people's energy or being needy. Codependency is putting others feelings and desires before yours and compromising yourself.
Agreed! And trying to control outcomes in order to feel safe & secure. *Personally I think, we need to let go of being told or thinking that are needs, are not important or invalid- for most codependants that is the core of where codependancy was created. Shame. ❤🙏
If one looks to other people, alcohol, addictions, etc because they are using it to fill their voids and they feel the neeeeeed it, then there is codependency there. If you neeed someone else's energy then it is a form of dependence. Anytime you reach out of yourself to fill your voids that is a form of codependency. I'm not trying to argue with you at all. This topic is part of my work and I've studied it as a therapist, intuitive, and healer.
@@CaraHealBeFree I can appreciate that, but there is HEALTHY INTERDEPENDENCE. The Codependancy & Narcissism, as well as addictions and compulsion I refer to are clinical. Everything in moderation. After all the nature of our universe is duality. Everything is polarities, integration is the goal. Human Beings are not isolating individualists- connection and belonging are integral & embedded in our very essence. Ie:As such the dynamic of masculine & Feminine with an individual and the relationships we experience with reception & action. Too many spiritualists want to push the Everything is in us concept. Which is true, but we only evolve individually through the mirror of the external. ❤🙏 Blessings
“When you are unattached, you have inner freedom. You have no investment in a particular outcome, and so you do what is necessary in the moment. You explore every option and are receptive to all new information. You do all that you know to do, and then trust, because you have no attachment to either the result or how the result is produced.” - Charlene Belitz I’ve always loved this quote. It invokes that grounded, secure energy within me reminding me of what surrender can look like for us- in love, in work, in everything ❤️
*For a more realistic view on relationships you might like reading "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man: What Men Really Think About Love, Relationships, Intimacy, and Commitment" by Steve Harvey. I like having outcomes and I usually get them. It saddens me to look at people judging themselves badly for having a goal or wanting an outcome, or having an expectation, there's nothing wrong with it. Can you imagine a world where people have no expectations, no agreements at all and no promises kept? Well, here's the utopia that could unfold, let's say you go to the post office and you don't expect for the people serving you to be there, or you open the faucet and no water runs through because you shouldn't expect to have water services running perfectly, you go to catch a train at **8:00** and it doesn't show up because hey, it's wrong to have expectations. I think people delude themselves thinking they have no right to desire an outcome or expect something, since they are not sure if they'll get it they decide it's normal they should have no expectation. I call bullshit to this.* *You can have expectations, for instance if you want to get married you better be transparent and let another know you are dating with that intention in mind. You are not forcing it upon someone else, just that eventually this is what you're after, you can take your time to see if you guys like each other or not, and if not then you're free to spend your time dating someone who might be interested in wanting similar things to you. Being authentic is knowing what you want, it's not necessary to vent it out on the first date, just be sure you will get it and feel the fulfillment of it within yourself already so you don't have needy energy. But that's all to it, enjoy the ride towards the practical fulfillment, but don't be a person with no vision. The bible warns against it, it says "Where there is no vision, people perish". Sure, we can live even with no conveniences at all, out in the woods, with no modern shelter, heat, electricity, no attachments. Do you think this is what life is about? Life is interesting because we can define visions for ourselves and get it. But you can't get something that you can't even define.*
After my break-up, I was in deep depressed shit. I did all the meditation, the surrounding myself with community practice but I still felt terrible. But this REFRAMED MY MINDSET. No wonder I am miserable. I am needy and co-dependent. My self worth, my mood and everything depends on how many people loves me, whether I have a lover, whether I am needed, or someone values my existence. What I have is lack of boundaries and detachment from those that does not serve me. Thank you! This is like a blueprint to my problem now
Currently in this state as well, and I have now learned to reframed my mindset and go back to having a secure attachment, than becoming anxious throughout my previous relationship. I miss being single where I was independent and secure of myself, now I don't need a partner unless they're secure as well.
Before my mom passed away the last profound thing she said was We have to take our power or energy back from our loss things we have poured our Love into. Build our energy back up and work on ourselves.
My mum and brother are narcissistic I had a terrible upbringing . Still wanted them to love me . Started watching you for about 8 months . And now I am orthentic . They don't like me anymore. But I am glad I am free from them . I am 67 took a long while but thanks to you l am happy now and free . Thank you .
Hey buddy, I'm a nice guy, people pleaser. I need to let go of a narcissist wife that has almost ruined my life. Your videos have been a source of strength and comfort in this awakening. Thank you brother.
My heart goes out to all human souls who had to go through pain growing up. You can and will heal. If you put in the work. I, too, didn't have a good relationship with my mother. She's no longer in my life. I wish her well. Not all mothers are mothers. Not all fathers are fathers.
I, a recovering anxious, just had a meeting with an avoidant woman who is also working on her shit. After listening to you Aaron, we had the easiest conversation ever. I'm like, just breath my energy back in, just breath it in. I didn't project, I didn't go after her. I said things I was always afraid to say in the past. After getting over the first whoa, I can't believe I just said that!, things just flowed along and she really enjoyed the conversation. I was being true to what I believed, speaking my truth. No idea what will happen. I am 72 years old, and learning faster than I ever have in my life. You are doing a good thing, Aaron.
This is really insane... How easy it is for us to repeat patterns.. when we think that we are over something but in reality the healing progress is mere illusion and we keep repeating the same cycle again and again..
I’ve noticed too that being a people pleaser and a nice guy is cowardly. It takes courage to be authentic. I have found the Universe rewards me when I am courageous and authentic.
I found a lot in common for myself. I am very self-critical...I constantly doubt myself...I always think I am worse than others, especially regarding work achievements. But at the same time, I am very empathetic towards others....always see the best in people and it often ends up hurting me. Why are we so critical and sometimes even cruel to ourselves, but we treat others with love and respect.
We should stop suspecting everyone of bad intentions. People who treat us badly are not necessarily bad, they can also be sick. Think about people who have schizophrenia, depression, and other disorders. Before we judge someone as a monster, let's first make sure that our loved one has not developed a mental illness that could result in suicide.
They are some people that think that you are speaking only to them. It happens to celebrities as well. I do agree with him, you have to set boundaries and protect yourself. That's why celebrities have bodyguards.
YES! ONLY this past few days i realize my big sister has an infeareer disorder n that leads her to behave certain way. at last i break free bcos i hold her as my autority figure!!
WHAT do you mean. if your inner code is off like in a narcassist he is sticking to creating pain, trauma, abuse and harm to everyone around him or her.
Damn great content man. I now realize that all the hate and resentment I may have felt toward someone rejecting me in the past is not worthy of hanging onto at all. I now look back and I see that no one owes me anything and I don't owe anyone anything. This shift alone has virtually vanished my social anxiety. It's still there at times but I view it and I channel it completely differently now.
I feel the exact same way! I now realize that no one has ever “abandon” or “reject” me! Is was only me projecting my wounds and fears and reacting to what was happening outside…that is changing completely how I’m seeing and feeling myself, I’m so grateful
What I love about this is that it is a lesson for ALL relationships (not just romantic) but also in business. I am always putting out music and music videos with the energy of NEEDING and almost begging people to like it and share it. That hasn't worked for me for the last 10 years LOL and hearing you talk about it really snaps me into reality. Posting and sharing with people because I simply love to make music and share it is the way to go! Thank you for sharing this
Thank you so much, Aaron. Ive been too nice, too needy for new friends since my darling husband passed 2 years ago. People prey on a widows vulnerability! Now, Im roaring back to my authentic, assertive, unique, self. I dont want to be popular. I want to be simply my true, free spirited, spiritual, non conformist self! Im loving finding my inner Tiger again! 💚💚💚
Aaron, you have no idea how much your videos are helping me every day lately. I’ve been having a difficult time with a breakup and whenever the tears start to flow I put one of your videos on and get my wits about me. Thank you.
To the *worthwhile person* 🌟 seeing this, I know life is hard. It’s hard living, filled with struggles and challenges. The constant pressure to overcome and become. However you can overcome and make it better, all the seeds and keys of greatness are within you. Get up and press on. I wish you all the best in life ❤️. You can do it.
Omg, you are so right! It's a good thing to know we're all connected BUT if you're co-dependent you actually need to feel the separation especially with people who are toxic. This makes perfect sense to me. Thank you.
This resonates deeply with me. I was a nice girl, people pleaser, & very codependent specially with romantic relationships. Now that I am older I have understood that is ok to say no & also to have self love. Thank you Immensely Aaron for sharing your Amazing Words of Wisdom with us for that we are immensely grateful My Soul Embraces your Amazings Souls Divine Souls of Light Namaste 🙏 💝
You’re so kind because you still are trying to say you met a stage four clinger that literally stalked you and crossed your boundaries. You definitely are allowed to feel safe and I’m glad you realize this.
What you said about empaths "feeling the separation" between them and others is so powerful. I feel it's totally what I needed to hear, as I usually feel "too connected" to other people to the point I am doing all the things you mentioned. THANK YOU!
😊 You seem calmer, more confident, and self-assured now. Your former energy in your earliest videos seemed more frantic and desperate. I’m happy that I could be a witness to your journey-it’s been authentic. Thank you for inspiring my own healing and growth! ❤️
Aaron...yeah your energy has definitely shifted and i can literally see it and feel it in this video..i m recently going through that passive aggressiveness thing you talked about and when you explained it...it hit deep...I m literally feeling so calm right now..thanks for again being the catalyst to my yet another spiritual awakening.
Thank you. This was the most helpful tip I have heard to breaking codependency, to see the flame and others as separate! What a freaking relief!! Thank you!
I feel much safer with nice guys. Guys who are helpers and kind and gentle and sweet. Also, my boyfriend that I’m in love with started as a friend who I wasn’t interested in at all, he broke through the friend zone and we’re talking about marriage now. So nice guys definitely finish first to me
I believe the nice guys Aaron is referring to is the codependent/people pleaser that do it out of unconscious programming. Some people are just temperamentally agreeable and it isn’t a programmed pattern that give off the neediness vibe.
I’ve been doing your candle technique and I’m also focusing more on being in my body. It’s been helping a lot. I had this weird connection with someone and basically he has very bad ptsd. He was emotionally unavailable and I was anxiously attached. I was thinking of him all the time. He had a lot of stuff going on in his life and became barely responsive. He did something that really hurt me, not thinking to tell me at all. He then called me selfish for only thinking of myself when I got angry at him. The funny part is that as a codependent, I was always thinking of him and self abandoning. Interesting how my self abandoning and putting all the attention to him was selfishness to him. Lesson learned!
It feels to me like you are talking about my SP. Same situation, same response I've got from him when I felt ignored. It was terrible I spent thinking of him for almost 4 yrs 24 s/day in the end I felt scared because it felt he was manipulating my energy.
@Carla Beatriz it's a terrible feeling. Hope you're over him and nurturing yourself. Six months later, I rarely think of him. I'm still releasing some resentments in general about relationships, but I'm feeling much more whole. Best wishes! 🩷
Do you watch a real candle or do I need to close my eyes and imagine the flame. This is my first couple of days of trying it and also I can not find a way to feel or bring the energy back to me. Please help me anyway you can. I want to be myself again
@jasonlewis6926 a real candle. Ask your guardian angel or anyone you pray to to help you clear your energy and restore, return, and integrate your energy that you left outside of yourself. Ask for healing.
Dude, I felt this so hard! Especially the part where you essentially said "you know when you're going through a transformation and you become angry at yourself for the past?" I connected to that because I've been working on inner work and manifestation for the past 2 years with a specific focus on building my confidence. I had become judgemental to others who didn't believe in themselves, and even my old self, because I felt impatient in wanting to help others or wanting to change my old self. It definitely takes a bit of time to adjust and shift into a more confident or non-people pleaser state in a humble and loving way - found it SOO easy to judge and stuff because of the Ego. Even started hating the fact that Egos exist! But they do exist for a reason for our protection as an organism on Earth. However, we do not need to judge what is or isn't. Great job at explaining that in this video. Thanks again for your videos Aaron, and hopefully people will be more respectful of you trying to just enjoy your present moment! Keep up the good work man :)
Aaron this information is game changing!! Within this last year, I've been really into energy work, understanding chakras and meditation. But your breakdown of shadow work, being authentic and what it means to be in your own frame is POWERFUL!! It allows for the meditation to be transformational not just relaxing. I just learned I am an empath and as strong as I appear, I have not been very good at holding my own frame. It has caused me emotional exhaustion to the point of wanting to leave my entire family (I'm married with 4 children, 28, 17, 15,13) 28yro is out of the house living her life. I have terrific kids, I just learned I don't have boundaries and it's most likely due to having an alcoholic mother. I have been pouring and pouring out at a higher rate than pouring in! I am exhausted!! My mother is still alive and nothing about her has changed. I'm not slamming her because although she was/is an alcoholic, she was a loving and present mother. However there was (and remains) an undercurrent of "It never being enough" of her being a victim and my sister and I to this day, despise a victim mentality. I am now 55 and feel like I'm out of gas and it is 100% related to all of what you're saying! Not having boundaries, people pleasing, being an empath. FUCK THAT!! I stopped doing a lot of things!! I've got work to do!! IT'S A NEW DAY! THANK YOU
I feel like this video was made for me!! Recently started a journey to become more independent and less co-dependant and never realised before how much damage I was doing to myself! Finally spending time to choose me bc at the end of the day, I’m with me for the rest of my life!!
I’m so happy to be on your live!! You have helped me so much I had Anxious attachment and you help me explain this to my friends and for myself!! I love it! I’m now looking to attract positive love 💕
Be proud of yourself that you've become such an inspiration to so many people! You are helping others discover their authentic selves as well. I struggle with social anxiety too, but can't really make my mark on the world and help the human race expand, in isolation with no connection.. I struggle with that stuff too. You are SAFE you are LOVED you are PROTECTED 🙏
Love this about separating. It’s so selfless!!! - you’re so right. So disembodied to be all one! I know I’ve been there! I’m now on the other side ❤️.. that’s where the power is xx
Aaron!!! We had almost an identical upbringing. What you are talking about caused me to have intimate relationship problems for over 30 years. Only after my dad passed did I address this issue because I needed to know why I couldn't sustain a romantic relationship. Thank you for all you do. You have helped me and so many others!!!
This year I learned about Limerence. I had an extremely imbalanced and lost friend who was suffering from this. I was a bit startled because to me it strongly resembled the delusions of fantasy in the mind of a narcissist. Healthy people don’t fall in love with strangers online they have never even talked to. 🙏 Namaste
Hey Aron! I dont think people are only attracted to you and your old energies. I think what you do attracts men and women, and the thing is that not too many guys are spiritual, like you and I think girls have a tendency to be attacted to spiritual men. This is coming from another man! Also your explanation and videos about neediness helped me a lot. I used to add people to my facebook to have meaningful relationships with and I could not even meet up one of them. I let go of that neediness and boom, people started to add me on facebook and started talking to me. Phase 2 for me is, how not to be needy now :D
You may want to examine why you engage in Facebook. I was on for seeking approval and acceptance. How many friends did I have, how many likes did I get, who said I was pretty. I realized that I needed to work on self acceptance and self love. I have completely stopped Facebook. I don’t miss it. Start by deleting people you don’t talk to often or you barely know. It’s been freeing. Good luck.
I will tap into my logic to make important decisions at this time and not be swayed by my emotions. And I will remain flexible in my thinking so I can learn from others who may have valuable knowledge I need at this time.
I've been a people pleaser and a "nice guy" for so long, it's kinda hard to act differently, cause I don't know how not to exactly, cause being blunt a lot times borders on being rude, or at least in my mind trying not "hurt" people - cause tensions and also constantly thinking other people think you're somehow weird and off, is a terrible way to live but I am and will be working on that vigorously
I resonate with this heavy!!! When I was growing up, especially as a little girl, I was outspoken, vocal and felt free to be me, but I let the formative years of bullying get to me and it followed me well into my early 20's and mid 20's. But as a more confident, whole woman in her late 20's, I have had awakening and in the healing phase. Thank you for this!
Aaron-I know this sounds funny but I am an elementary school teacher and I feel the same way about being out in public! I’ve taught in the same town for over a decade and a trip to Wal-Mart means running into 10 people I know-lol! Luckily, most people are respectful of my time but I can’t imagine how awkward that would be for you for someone to want to stop and have a long conversation. Boundaries are absolutely important. But you know what I thought as you were talking about people thinking you’re their soulmate or twin flame?! There’s a good chance that many of your subscribers are in your soul group! That’s why we resonate with you! It doesn’t mean that boundaries should be crossed of course. That’s part of our human experience-learning to be in our own frame (as you so eloquently explain). Thank you for being vulnerable and always sharing the real you and your own circumstances. It makes you SO much more relatable than those who don’t share who they are. You are a great teacher, Aaron!
I recently found your channel and I’m having a whole personality change. Last year was so tough for me I’m so glad to have found your videos their so informing and helpful!
I will never be with a “nice guy” again. They’re not really so nice because their codependency actually means they care more about being validated and needing you to make them feel good rather than genuinely caring about you. They care about you only to the extent that they keep you happy enough to stay so you show them the validation they crave. They’re not bad people but it’s not conducive to a good relationship and leaves the partner actually feeling lonely.
There are some good aspects of what you said….. the Need to help is focused on being validated. ( what is actually pretty usual ) - real help means not to expect anything for it - this is actually one of the best attitudes someone can have.
@@christiandreblow8458 true. I actually think empathy is still good. I don’t think empathy are narcissistic. It’s only narcissistic when someone cares only about their own needs at the expense of another. And both narcs and empathy can do that. All narcs do it but not all empathy do it so discerning can be tricky
I used to be scared to be vulnerable because I thought I wouldn’t be accepted. Thanks to you I’ve realized my worth and how amazing I am as a person. Sending my love out to you :)
I definitely was a people pleaser. After watching many of your videos, watching the same ones time to time. Numerous times, working on myself. My shadow self. I have realized the past trauma that has created this persona of me. I’ve stopped people pleasing and it’s been the best feeling I’ve ever had. I feel lots of happiness and energy return to me. Energy and happiness that I sadly have never had. And I am 28 years old. Aaron doghty you have changed my life for the better and I appreciate you and respect you. Thank you.
Omg! I used to be such a “People Pleaser”! I took on that persona, because some of my siblings were failing in Life and I felt I had to take over and try to over please my Parents. This way they wouldn’t be too disappointed or sad. I think I also picked it up from my Mom. She would over extended herself by helping everyone. I did the same. Until, I felt like a fool. I felt no one appreciates me, because they thought it was normal practice for me to do for them. Not anymore. I assist people to help themselves… But, they have to assist me when I need help. I delegate now. I never over-extended myself anymore. I’m 50 now… No more! The rest of my Life is mine. ❤❤❤
Hey Aaron, love & appreciation from India, I’ve been watching your videos for more than a year now. I need to be honest with this, your videos and ideas/opinions have helped me outgrow low-vibrations & many more other things. Do continue making videos & spreading your experiences. Just a tip, you should actually write a book consisting of all the topics you’ve covered. I’m sure it will be a great help for people all over the globe. Your vibe is amazing! Keep on
I'm here bc I am dating someone who I am realizing is codependent. It's very unattractive and you hit it spot on with the masculine feminine dynamics. It's repelling and on a primative level we don't trust the man to provide. Women can say they an earn and take care of themselves, etc, but as a woman, you will be 'out of commission' in that way when pregnant and you do want a partner you can trust to handle things, make decisions, protect, and provide which codependent men do not display. Also someone intelligent can sense the manipulation which I will admit here is very very subtle, but it communicates mistrust and disrespect. I actually really liked this guy, but when I noticed he mirorred everything thing I did, and he couldnt answer a direct questions, I became so unattracted to him that I felt nauseous when he tried to kiss me.
I don’t find loving deeply wrong, i love intense people. However i do believe you better love someone deeply and intensely if they and only love you the same back. I have a friend who manifested her partner, and at the time i was very afraid i was codependent, i have certain needs in a relationship I haven’t felt have been met yet. She said people used to tell her she was too sensitive / emotional etc she needs to reduce that for her partner. i voiced my codependent concerns to her and she said, she thought she was codependent too, but then she said codependency happens when a partner lacks what you need, so you keep asking. But if you find your Match, the person who does what you want by nature, you are not codependent anymore. And that took me aback, because it is true. Imagine someone by nature giving you the love YOU WANT naturally, would you be begging? For example, i don’t find it weird to get validation from a partner, we want someone to lift us up in times we are struggling. We want compliments and someone to be proud of us. Imagine you’re a guy who loves praise, but ends up with a partner who isn’t verbal, just loves to joke and compliments aren’t part of their way of being. The guy becomes 🥁 needy for what they love, they’ll seek ways to get the compliment or praise out of their partner, going into a rabbit hole of now doing something that the person likes because maybe only then they’ll be complimented. Hence, codependency. You put yourself last, seeking a characteristic someone doesn’t have. Now let’s say the guy ends up with a partner that is by nature the type to PRAISE the living hell outta him, does he seek praise anymore? Is he needy for it? Does he change himself to please? No, because he is with his perfect match. If you are in a relationship with someone who doesn’t have nor give what you need, you either manifest them to change, or leave and find someone who by nature already has what you’re looking for. Do not settle, opposites DO NOT attract, and you shouldn’t fall for anyone just because they’re NICE. Find someone who matches your love language and is able to provide you with things you naturally love. There is no harm wanting to be loved by someone else. I compliment myself too but i still want it from a partner to be the only one in their eyes. Choose your life partner wisely and you won’t have to be codependent ever again.
The only time I’ve felt safe in a relationship is when I’m on not in love with the other person… I didn’t love someone who deeply cared and adored me, and then I finally let myself have feelings and I got deeply hurt. Not being in love I had control and there was no risk of being hurt or feeling attached.
I really appreciate your video's! I lost myself again because I went back to my ex and it's just horrible! I just started getting codependent again for no reason. I had to listen to this again. Detaching and going to move out. It's just so draining
I watched this over and over as I suspected I was being needy in a New 3 1/2 month relationship and it’s so painful to see the truth in videos like this . So I watched this around lunch time yesterday for the last time as I was driving to my partners house . Then this morning she confirmed my suspicions that I was pushing her away by being needy . I’m a little scared that I’ve arrived at this place at 54 years old I’m certainly going to be making the effort to better myself love and peace to you all x
Thank you Aaron for you videos. Going into self. Finding what serves you. Making/feeling separation. Settling boundries. Then putting out better energy and repelling the people that sucks your energy. Healing and Letting go. Filling your own cup. Beautiful. I am creating a better version of myself. In a life transition. Lost my job and alot of other things however it's not a loss. It's a win. It gave me a spiritual awakening. Much love. Keep doing what your doing.
What Aaron speaks about with trauma is 100% true. To those that haven't had that out of body experience or been to that plane...you won't truly understand what he's talking about. It can be a walk though hell, but man...he nailed it perfectly.
That authentic was on point. People think being vulnerable is bad..but I think it depends...but we also need to stay aware of ourselves too cuz we can slip and make our boundaries weak
Aaron, bro you are speaking right through to my SOUL! I’m currently on a deep self-discovery journey and I just stumbled upon your videos today! I’ve only watched 2 videos so far but man have you already brought so much clarity and understanding to my situation! Thank you, this was truly what I’ve been seeking for the past couple weeks. You’re describing me perfectly, which will now be the old me. I am reborn!👏🏽👊🏽💪🏽
I was very needy in my last relationship. Everything you talked about,Aaron,I did it. I always seemed to want to be in his frame,and not in my open frame. Fast forward 22 months and I still struggle with how I behaved in my relationship with him
Forgive yourself. You did the best at the time with what you knew and with what you had. Look at it this way, you can now see where your mistakes were made and more than likely will never repeat it! You've grown- woohoo 🙌🏻❤️✅
Codependents shouldn't be afraid to make mistakes. When they do make mistakes the people who will forgive or not make it such a big deal are the people they should keep. That's it!
Authenticity. Saying and doing what I have every right to say and do because I have a right as a human being to my boundaries. I have pretended to be at fault just to keep the peace. I have let someone have their way with me because I was more concerned with him feeling rejected and his ego if I said no. Something as simple as realizing I actually have the right to my boundaries and people have a right to their own boundaries was a life changer for me.
I found myself hyperindependent, but upon falling for someone else with childhood trauma, found myself in codependent patterns and people pleasing energy. It felt very conditional and not like the unconditional love I know is out there. My father is the same way, alone by choice but because our attachments to people just get so deep and we abandon ourselves. Working on healing this on a cellular level. Your videos always help me process. Thanks dude
I just heard your latest podcast snd I just want to say that I like the repetition and the various ways you reinforce the same idea so that I can get it in my subconscious mind and I also enjoy hearing about your ex step moms stories. It helps me to understand your back story so that I can better understand you now. She needs to be put on blast anyways and it helped me out a lot deal with my toxic family! I’m glad you always follow your instinct and are always true to yourself! Ugh haters are irrelevant. You do not have to explain why you do what you do if they were intelligent they would already understand 🙏🏾
Watching your vids Are always a very emotional time for me because you’re so open and vulnerable about everything that Has happened in your life that it just gives me the strength to be that person I want to be and not be scared about being vulnerable my mother is narcissistic the father of my youngest child is narcissistic my younger sister is narcissistic and she’s my half-sister she’s not my mothers daughter she’s my father‘s daughter but I’ve noticed that my mother always deflects things onto my fathers side of the family as though they are what’s wrong with me MEOWING she being a narcissist and narcissistically abusing me mentally my entire life is what has caused problems within my mentality and then as a result I always sought out Narcissis so that I could help them but it backfired on me so now I’ve decided that I DFC about anyone but me!!! I have to make sure that I am happy, healthy, wealthy, and wise. I am the only person I am responsible for on this planet besides my children until they are of legal age.
Omg I love your tube. I was an independent person before and don’t care any BS people. I take Own charge my life and suddenly I met a guy I was did not realise it that i lost myself on him .i was expect being get validated from him and finally we broke up , I was broken Heart until I was browsing about how to move on after Break up , I was watching and hearing many Ted talks and you tube, THIS ONE - CO- pendent talks are awake me and slap my face and I talked to my self “ WTF and what’s wrong with me” Now I am Back to my self where I am Being badass and no care other people validated whatever what I do. I am more confident now and awake ! THANK U!!!!
This is RIDICULOUSLY GOOD - this should have 1 mILLION views and likes. It’s absolutely insane. The amount of therapy and coaching and suffering I’ve had and this is streets ahead. Thank yOU
So powerful!!! Beyond grateful- I can’t even begin to explain how synchronistic this is for me to come across this message at this time- THANKYOU SO MUCH!!! 🎇🎇🎇💜🙏
Great video! I was watching to see if any signs I might find to what happened in my last longterm relationship about her and I being dependent on each other, and ways I could not be on anyone. Nothing clicked until I heard you say sacrifice your happiness to help someone else, which is exactly what I did for the last 4 years. My ex developed a severe alcohol problem after her parents died within a week of each other, I tried everything I could to help her but nothing really worked. I wasn't happy but I was staying because I loved this woman and wanted to help her out of her darkness so she could be better and we could start a family together, I sacrificed my time, health, and happiness trying to pull her out of the worst place she's ever been. When I needed her most she left me, making me feel like not only did I waste my time but that I didn't matter that much to her. She now tells me that I did everything right and she couldn't have asked for a better partner during all that but that it wasn't what she needed and I should have walked away. The whole thing has left me feeling bitter resentment towards her, and now she wants nothing to do with me and blames me for her drinking.
being an alcoholic really sucks.Have to really hit bottom and want it bad. I'm struggling now but aware of it which has me looking at it different way. I hope it was ok to reply. I just identify with what u said. thanks 🙂👍
@@heathercrane5949 I'm not trying to let go but to work things out with her. I may have messed things up though, and I really hope I didn't mess up too badly. I've been in quite a few relationships in 20 years and I feel like this is the woman I'm meant to be with, just not right now with the way her problems are. I thought I could help her get through it but I was unable to incite that change within her and now I realize that she has to really want it, but she didn't and I was unaware of that.
Don't worry anymore my friend, I know of a man who can help you bring your ex back within 3 days. He helped me a few days ago He does a perfect work I'm assuring you, you gonna testify ....
Thank you Aaron,this was powerful ❤️ I’ve been doing your frame technique and yes it does make a difference on how I feel within myself. And also I am able to observe other peoples shadow aspects a lot easier,I’m able to understand them and be more compassionate. Much love to you,thank you for everything that you do. 😊🙏🏼❤️
You’re very brave and authentic sharing all those trauma! And it’s very reassuring people actually can do that. That people will actually look at their past and figure things out! Thank you! 😊
One thing you could tell your friend who is struggling with his fear of failing at his Handyman business is this: One of the life experiences that help shape truly successful people along their development path is having a business that fails. You learn so much more from what you have tried that didn't work, than you do from what you did right. All of your experiences - and the more diverse the better, add tools to your experience toolbox and make you more ready for your next venture to be successful.
Thank you Aaron, I have been looking for connection in the way of people who relate to my soul. This is why I don't have to apologise for being me and meeting my own needs. No more saying sorry for having boundaries that don't fit others expectations ❤
When you talk about people saying “oh I just love deeply (&that’s why I have such a big heart and get hurt all the way), but you don’t love yourself” damn that hits different. Something that I realised a while ago is that it’s ego attachment, not ‘loving’ or ‘caring’. It’s caring with the expectation someone is gonna care for you back, tenfold.
Don't worry anymore my friend, I know of a man who can help you bring your ex back within 3 days. He helped me a few days ago He does a perfect work I'm assuring you, you gonna testify ....
I used to watch your videos like a year or two ago and you are SO MUCH MORE RELAXED and GROUNDED than you used to be. In the past you were very high-strung and your videos were a bit anxiety-provoking for me and hard to watch except in small doses. Now you are so chill and much easier to listen to. It's lovely to see someone doing the work and to be able to WITNESS their change over time! Proof that you're the real thing, and not just someone faking it for money like some coaches. Keep being you, Aaron!
Just recently subscribed to you. Co-dependency for me wS a result of child abandonment, only recently at the age of 37 am I now making boundaries with toxic relationships and letting go of him and I becoming self aware. I am now starting to feel like my true self. Great videos Thank you 👍
I think I understand what you mean to communicate and it's a powerful message. But I think though two consepts are being confused. There's a big difference between being nice and pleasing. You are nice to others because that balances your energy and make you feel good about your self. You please other people to make them feel good and make them like you. A lot of people including myself spend a lifetime working on our niceness. I actually have a lot of temper and aggesion in my wich I am learning to transform into niceness because it makes my social life so much better and I feel so much better about myself. You can be honest and authentic in many different ways. But being it in a nice way has for a lot of people proven to be the best way. I also know how codependency can make you loose yourself. That you are so afraid to loose an other person that you bend over backwards to keep them. And I think you are right that this strategy was developed early on. And I think it is very hard to change when you are in the pain of being scared of loosing someone. I will try your candle technique. Thanks for sharing ❤️❤️❤️❤️
@@Soneelicious No. I mean when you are in peace and good spirit your energies are balanced. Being nice and speaking your mind is not a contradiction. Everyone chooses in which way they speak their mind. You can be honest in a kind way. You can be honest in a detached way but you can also be brutally honest. It's a choice.
This is what exactly I was looking for. Thank you for bringing up codependency issues in such an easy and simple form👌👌. I have started to realise my codependent patterns and working on it.✌️
Don't worry anymore my friend, I know of a man who can help you bring your ex back within 3 days. He helped me a few days ago He does a perfect work I'm assuring you, you gonna testify ....
I would love you to make more videos about this subject. They're really helping me break my co-dependency attitudes and become more emotionally independent in a healthy way. Thank you for your efforts. ❤
Aaron please read this: The person you described the first minutes of your video, had a psychotic disorder - called erotomania. Everything described seems like this psychotic disorder. That's stated as a disease that can become very psychotic and in the end schizophrenic
Hi everyone! Let me know in the comments below what's your biggest lesson from this episode! Also you can get my top three most powerful meditations FOR FREE here: ➡️ www.AaronDoughty.com/FREE
What I learned was that never do something out of your own comfort zone. That is to be authentic. Realize the inner child issues does not make who you are today.
I learned to let go and do own I don't care what other people think I started a RUclips page to help people.. Sorry Aaron but you talk way to much about your ex step mom let me ask you are you ready to let it go of your inner child wounds? If you need a element healing I will offer you one free to help you let go
That happens when you become a public person. Fans you perhaps dont want!
THE BEST video you ever made!!! Period
Knowing I need to set more boundaries. This is very difficult as a mother because you sacrifice so much. Do you have examples of different types of boundaries and when to use them?
Aaron when you said (paraphrased) “codependents say ‘ooh, I just love deeply’. You don’t, you just abandon yourself”. I felt my heart drop. I realized that I was telling myself I love a man deeply and I wanted him to accept my love. I started tearing up bc I realized I was giving him all the love that I wasn’t able to give to myself
Ooof. Accurate.
Mmmm interesting why do we feel we can give rather than receive.. however I feel I’ll never receive the support n help I give or is that isn’t in the method or way I want it to be or is that I’m not able to receive it
100% me
same here :/
"He's scared, She's scared" I would recommend reading this book. It helped me a lot. I hope you soon start to love yourself as you deserve!
Codependency is not needing other people's energy or being needy. Codependency is putting others feelings and desires before yours and compromising yourself.
Agreed! And trying to control outcomes in order to feel safe & secure. *Personally I think, we need to let go of being told or thinking that are needs, are not important or invalid- for most codependants that is the core of where codependancy was created. Shame. ❤🙏
If one looks to other people, alcohol, addictions, etc because they are using it to fill their voids and they feel the neeeeeed it, then there is codependency there. If you neeed someone else's energy then it is a form of dependence. Anytime you reach out of yourself to fill your voids that is a form of codependency. I'm not trying to argue with you at all. This topic is part of my work and I've studied it as a therapist, intuitive, and healer.
@@CaraHealBeFree I can appreciate that, but there is HEALTHY INTERDEPENDENCE. The Codependancy & Narcissism, as well as addictions and compulsion I refer to are clinical. Everything in moderation. After all the nature of our universe is duality. Everything is polarities, integration is the goal. Human Beings are not isolating individualists- connection and belonging are integral & embedded in our very essence. Ie:As such the dynamic of masculine & Feminine with an individual and the relationships we experience with reception & action. Too many spiritualists want to push the Everything is in us concept. Which is true, but we only evolve individually through the mirror of the external. ❤🙏 Blessings
Codependency is all of those things: needing someones energy, being needy, putting others before you, not putting up boundaries.
Dang that story was creepy. I'd be tripped out too. super weird. sorry that happened to you man.
“When you are unattached, you have inner freedom. You have no investment in a particular outcome, and so you do what is necessary in the moment. You explore every option and are receptive to all new information. You do all that you know to do, and then trust, because you have no attachment to either the result or how the result is produced.” - Charlene Belitz
I’ve always loved this quote. It invokes that grounded, secure energy within me reminding me of what surrender can look like for us- in love, in work, in everything ❤️
Love this! 💕
*For a more realistic view on relationships you might like reading "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man: What Men Really Think About Love, Relationships, Intimacy, and Commitment" by Steve Harvey. I like having outcomes and I usually get them. It saddens me to look at people judging themselves badly for having a goal or wanting an outcome, or having an expectation, there's nothing wrong with it. Can you imagine a world where people have no expectations, no agreements at all and no promises kept? Well, here's the utopia that could unfold, let's say you go to the post office and you don't expect for the people serving you to be there, or you open the faucet and no water runs through because you shouldn't expect to have water services running perfectly, you go to catch a train at **8:00** and it doesn't show up because hey, it's wrong to have expectations. I think people delude themselves thinking they have no right to desire an outcome or expect something, since they are not sure if they'll get it they decide it's normal they should have no expectation. I call bullshit to this.*
*You can have expectations, for instance if you want to get married you better be transparent and let another know you are dating with that intention in mind. You are not forcing it upon someone else, just that eventually this is what you're after, you can take your time to see if you guys like each other or not, and if not then you're free to spend your time dating someone who might be interested in wanting similar things to you. Being authentic is knowing what you want, it's not necessary to vent it out on the first date, just be sure you will get it and feel the fulfillment of it within yourself already so you don't have needy energy. But that's all to it, enjoy the ride towards the practical fulfillment, but don't be a person with no vision. The bible warns against it, it says "Where there is no vision, people perish". Sure, we can live even with no conveniences at all, out in the woods, with no modern shelter, heat, electricity, no attachments. Do you think this is what life is about? Life is interesting because we can define visions for ourselves and get it. But you can't get something that you can't even define.*
Wow! What great quote! Thanks for sharing 😊
Beautiful quote ❤️❤️❤️❤️✌️
Well said! 🦋
Wake up with gratitude in your heart and count your blessings instead of worrying over everything that can go wrong 🕊️✨💕
This has transformed my life
Amen
Yes
I'm s0 ready!!! & listening
I’m “like” number 666!
Angel number meaning: related to self-love, balance and refocusing
After my break-up, I was in deep depressed shit. I did all the meditation, the surrounding myself with community practice but I still felt terrible. But this REFRAMED MY MINDSET. No wonder I am miserable. I am needy and co-dependent. My self worth, my mood and everything depends on how many people loves me, whether I have a lover, whether I am needed, or someone values my existence. What I have is lack of boundaries and detachment from those that does not serve me. Thank you! This is like a blueprint to my problem now
we love you yannie
I feel you… thankfully to this channel and therapy I am getting better 🙌
Currently in this state as well, and I have now learned to reframed my mindset and go back to having a secure attachment, than becoming anxious throughout my previous relationship. I miss being single where I was independent and secure of myself, now I don't need a partner unless they're secure as well.
Before my mom passed away the last profound thing she said was We have to take our power or energy back from our loss things we have poured our Love into. Build our energy back up and work on ourselves.
My mum and brother are narcissistic I had a terrible upbringing . Still wanted them to love me . Started watching you for about 8 months . And now I am orthentic . They don't like me anymore. But I am glad I am free from them . I am 67 took a long while but thanks to you l am happy now and free . Thank you .
Never too late to heal and change ❤️
Fantastic well done
Much love to you gail. How awesome. ❤
Hell yeahhh
I loved reading your post!!! I’m sooo happy for you that they don’t like you anymore. Enjoy your freedom babe! You rock
Dr. Ramani ( she is on you tube too), says that if you survive a narcissistic relationship and get free of it you are a super hero!
Understatement of the century
Agreed
Thank you for sharing ‼️
*If you are reading this, never ever give up. We will succeed. I'm cheering for you!*
Have a great day! 🖤
You too. 💝
thank you, same to you..
❤❤
Live alone until you can take care of yourself.
Hey buddy, I'm a nice guy, people pleaser. I need to let go of a narcissist wife that has almost ruined my life. Your videos have been a source of strength and comfort in this awakening. Thank you brother.
How are u now
@@zoomrud999 stronger with the clearest vision I've ever had. I see things for what they are and no longer give the benefit of the doubt.
My heart goes out to all human souls who had to go through pain growing up. You can and will heal. If you put in the work. I, too, didn't have a good relationship with my mother. She's no longer in my life. I wish her well. Not all mothers are mothers. Not all fathers are fathers.
I, a recovering anxious, just had a meeting with an avoidant woman who is also working on her shit. After listening to you Aaron, we had the easiest conversation ever. I'm like, just breath my energy back in, just breath it in. I didn't project, I didn't go after her. I said things I was always afraid to say in the past. After getting over the first whoa, I can't believe I just said that!, things just flowed along and she really enjoyed the conversation. I was being true to what I believed, speaking my truth. No idea what will happen. I am 72 years old, and learning faster than I ever have in my life. You are doing a good thing, Aaron.
Thank you, great In spirition from a young 60yr old
This is really insane... How easy it is for us to repeat patterns.. when we think that we are over something but in reality the healing progress is mere illusion and we keep repeating the same cycle again and again..
I’ve noticed too that being a people pleaser and a nice guy is cowardly. It takes courage to be authentic. I have found the Universe rewards me when I am courageous and authentic.
I found a lot in common for myself. I am very self-critical...I constantly doubt myself...I always think I am worse than others, especially regarding work achievements. But at the same time, I am very empathetic towards others....always see the best in people and it often ends up hurting me. Why are we so critical and sometimes even cruel to ourselves, but we treat others with love and respect.
Same here
We should stop suspecting everyone of bad intentions. People who treat us badly are not necessarily bad, they can also be sick.
Think about people who have schizophrenia, depression, and other disorders. Before we judge someone as a monster, let's first make sure that our loved one has not developed a mental illness that could result in suicide.
If a grown adult has a pattern of mistreating people they should seek help and develope better patterns.
They are some people that think that you are speaking only to them. It happens to celebrities as well. I do agree with him, you have to set boundaries and protect yourself. That's why celebrities have bodyguards.
YES! ONLY this past few days i realize my big sister has an infeareer disorder n that leads her to behave certain way. at last i break free bcos i hold her as my autority figure!!
No to the narcissistic ppl
“Though Many May Move With No Principles, Stick To Your Inner Code”
Love this!!
WHAT do you mean. if your inner code is off like in a narcassist he is sticking to creating pain, trauma, abuse and harm to everyone around him or her.
@@ptk51 CODE is formulated conducted to act and proceed unnatural to the appeasement of self. Narraciscism takes no code just baseline human desire.
Damn great content man. I now realize that all the hate and resentment I may have felt toward someone rejecting me in the past is not worthy of hanging onto at all. I now look back and I see that no one owes me anything and I don't owe anyone anything. This shift alone has virtually vanished my social anxiety. It's still there at times but I view it and I channel it completely differently now.
Amazing
I feel the exact same way! I now realize that no one has ever “abandon” or “reject” me! Is was only me projecting my wounds and fears and reacting to what was happening outside…that is changing completely how I’m seeing and feeling myself, I’m so grateful
Becoming your most authentic self. Leaning into tension causes growth. Being fully you weeds out people who actually do not love you.
What I love about this is that it is a lesson for ALL relationships (not just romantic) but also in business. I am always putting out music and music videos with the energy of NEEDING and almost begging people to like it and share it. That hasn't worked for me for the last 10 years LOL and hearing you talk about it really snaps me into reality. Posting and sharing with people because I simply love to make music and share it is the way to go! Thank you for sharing this
Ohhh thank you this resonated so much!!
nice try, not clicking your channel
Good vibes you got this!
Yasssss mamas! Love this
Thank you so much, Aaron. Ive been too nice, too needy for new friends since my darling husband passed 2 years ago. People prey on a widows vulnerability! Now, Im roaring back to my authentic, assertive, unique, self. I dont want to be popular. I want to be simply my true, free spirited, spiritual, non conformist self! Im loving finding my inner Tiger again! 💚💚💚
Hearing you speak about being authentic gives me permission to be authentic too. To be myself and not care what other people think about me.
Me too! I’m trying…. Not there though
Codependent
Aaron, you have no idea how much your videos are helping me every day lately. I’ve been having a difficult time with a breakup and whenever the tears start to flow I put one of your videos on and get my wits about me. Thank you.
Your energy is much calmer these days and less hyper. Thank you for all that you do 🙏🏼
What a weird comment who cares
@@devonwick2004 Different people notice different things. I like random stuff like this.
To the *worthwhile person* 🌟 seeing this, I know life is hard. It’s hard living, filled with struggles and challenges. The constant pressure to overcome and become. However you can overcome and make it better, all the seeds and keys of greatness are within you. Get up and press on. I wish you all the best in life ❤️. You can do it.
💝
Omg, you are so right! It's a good thing to know we're all connected BUT if you're co-dependent you actually need to feel the separation especially with people who are toxic. This makes perfect sense to me. Thank you.
This resonates deeply with me. I was a nice girl, people pleaser, & very codependent specially with romantic relationships. Now that I am older I have understood that is ok to say no & also to have self love. Thank you Immensely Aaron for sharing your Amazing Words of Wisdom with us for that we are immensely grateful My Soul Embraces your Amazings Souls Divine Souls of Light Namaste 🙏 💝
💜💜💜
You’re so kind because you still are trying to say you met a stage four clinger that literally stalked you and crossed your boundaries. You definitely are allowed to feel safe and I’m glad you realize this.
What you said about empaths "feeling the separation" between them and others is so powerful. I feel it's totally what I needed to hear, as I usually feel "too connected" to other people to the point I am doing all the things you mentioned. THANK YOU!
😊 You seem calmer, more confident, and self-assured now. Your former energy in your earliest videos seemed more frantic and desperate. I’m happy that I could be a witness to your journey-it’s been authentic. Thank you for inspiring my own healing and growth! ❤️
Aaron...yeah your energy has definitely shifted and i can literally see it and feel it in this video..i m recently going through that passive aggressiveness thing you talked about and when you explained it...it hit deep...I m literally feeling so calm right now..thanks for again being the catalyst to my yet another spiritual awakening.
Thank you. This was the most helpful tip I have heard to breaking codependency, to see the flame and others as separate! What a freaking relief!! Thank you!
I feel much safer with nice guys. Guys who are helpers and kind and gentle and sweet. Also, my boyfriend that I’m in love with started as a friend who I wasn’t interested in at all, he broke through the friend zone and we’re talking about marriage now. So nice guys definitely finish first to me
So there is hope! TFS 💞
At what point did you notice your feelings change toward him? Did he perhaps detach himself from the outcome and thus attract you?
This is how your father was, nice guy who respect women?
I believe the nice guys Aaron is referring to is the codependent/people pleaser that do it out of unconscious programming. Some people are just temperamentally agreeable and it isn’t a programmed pattern that give off the neediness vibe.
He wasn't your 1st choice, its not gonna end well for him..you will be fine though
I’ve been doing your candle technique and I’m also focusing more on being in my body. It’s been helping a lot. I had this weird connection with someone and basically he has very bad ptsd. He was emotionally unavailable and I was anxiously attached. I was thinking of him all the time. He had a lot of stuff going on in his life and became barely responsive. He did something that really hurt me, not thinking to tell me at all. He then called me selfish for only thinking of myself when I got angry at him. The funny part is that as a codependent, I was always thinking of him and self abandoning. Interesting how my self abandoning and putting all the attention to him was selfishness to him. Lesson learned!
It feels to me like you are talking about my SP. Same situation, same response I've got from him when I felt ignored. It was terrible I spent thinking of him for almost 4 yrs 24 s/day in the end I felt scared because it felt he was manipulating my energy.
@Carla Beatriz it's a terrible feeling. Hope you're over him and nurturing yourself. Six months later, I rarely think of him. I'm still releasing some resentments in general about relationships, but I'm feeling much more whole. Best wishes! 🩷
Do you watch a real candle or do I need to close my eyes and imagine the flame. This is my first couple of days of trying it and also I can not find a way to feel or bring the energy back to me. Please help me anyway you can. I want to be myself again
@jasonlewis6926 a real candle. Ask your guardian angel or anyone you pray to to help you clear your energy and restore, return, and integrate your energy that you left outside of yourself. Ask for healing.
Does he comes from Índia? The very same Situation 😔
Dude, I felt this so hard! Especially the part where you essentially said "you know when you're going through a transformation and you become angry at yourself for the past?" I connected to that because I've been working on inner work and manifestation for the past 2 years with a specific focus on building my confidence. I had become judgemental to others who didn't believe in themselves, and even my old self, because I felt impatient in wanting to help others or wanting to change my old self. It definitely takes a bit of time to adjust and shift into a more confident or non-people pleaser state in a humble and loving way - found it SOO easy to judge and stuff because of the Ego. Even started hating the fact that Egos exist! But they do exist for a reason for our protection as an organism on Earth. However, we do not need to judge what is or isn't. Great job at explaining that in this video. Thanks again for your videos Aaron, and hopefully people will be more respectful of you trying to just enjoy your present moment! Keep up the good work man :)
Aaron this information is game changing!! Within this last year, I've been really into energy work, understanding chakras and meditation. But your breakdown of shadow work, being authentic and what it means to be in your own frame is POWERFUL!! It allows for the meditation to be transformational not just relaxing. I just learned I am an empath and as strong as I appear, I have not been very good at holding my own frame. It has caused me emotional exhaustion to the point of wanting to leave my entire family (I'm married with 4 children, 28, 17, 15,13) 28yro is out of the house living her life. I have terrific kids, I just learned I don't have boundaries and it's most likely due to having an alcoholic mother. I have been pouring and pouring out at a higher rate than pouring in! I am exhausted!! My mother is still alive and nothing about her has changed. I'm not slamming her because although she was/is an alcoholic, she was a loving and present mother. However there was (and remains) an undercurrent of "It never being enough" of her being a victim and my sister and I to this day, despise a victim mentality. I am now 55 and feel like I'm out of gas and it is 100% related to all of what you're saying! Not having boundaries, people pleasing, being an empath. FUCK THAT!! I stopped doing a lot of things!! I've got work to do!! IT'S A NEW DAY! THANK YOU
I feel like this video was made for me!! Recently started a journey to become more independent and less co-dependant and never realised before how much damage I was doing to myself! Finally spending time to choose me bc at the end of the day, I’m with me for the rest of my life!!
I’m so happy to be on your live!! You have helped me so much I had Anxious attachment and you help me explain this to my friends and for myself!! I love it! I’m now looking to attract positive love 💕
@Joy Guidry I wish the best for you and your family. Be easy on yourself. You are awesome!
Same here!! I'm hoping to heal from being an anxious attachment to a secure attachment style.
Be proud of yourself that you've become such an inspiration to so many people! You are helping others discover their authentic selves as well. I struggle with social anxiety too, but can't really make my mark on the world and help the human race expand, in isolation with no connection.. I struggle with that stuff too. You are SAFE you are LOVED you are PROTECTED 🙏
Love this about separating. It’s so selfless!!! - you’re so right. So disembodied to be all one! I know I’ve been there! I’m now on the other side ❤️.. that’s where the power is xx
Aaron!!! We had almost an identical upbringing. What you are talking about caused me to have intimate relationship problems for over 30 years. Only after my dad passed did I address this issue because I needed to know why I couldn't sustain a romantic relationship. Thank you for all you do. You have helped me and so many others!!!
This year I learned about Limerence. I had an extremely imbalanced and lost friend who was suffering from this. I was a bit startled because to me it strongly resembled the delusions of fantasy in the mind of a narcissist.
Healthy people don’t fall in love with strangers online they have never even talked to.
🙏 Namaste
Hey Aron! I dont think people are only attracted to you and your old energies. I think what you do attracts men and women, and the thing is that not too many guys are spiritual, like you and I think girls have a tendency to be attacted to spiritual men. This is coming from another man! Also your explanation and videos about neediness helped me a lot. I used to add people to my facebook to have meaningful relationships with and I could not even meet up one of them. I let go of that neediness and boom, people started to add me on facebook and started talking to me. Phase 2 for me is, how not to be needy now :D
You may want to examine why you engage in Facebook. I was on for seeking approval and acceptance. How many friends did I have, how many likes did I get, who said I was pretty. I realized that I needed to work on self acceptance and self love. I have completely stopped Facebook. I don’t miss it. Start by deleting people you don’t talk to often or you barely know. It’s been freeing. Good luck.
My mom is a narcissist she would and still does punish me for anything I do to better my life it’s insane . I have to cut cords from her asap
It's time to change the way I see myself, overcome my programming and become authentic 💝🕊️
I will tap into my logic to make important decisions at this time and not be swayed by my emotions. And I will remain flexible in my thinking so I can learn from others who may have valuable knowledge I need at this time.
I've been a people pleaser and a "nice guy" for so long, it's kinda hard to act differently, cause I don't know how not to exactly, cause being blunt a lot times borders on being rude, or at least in my mind
trying not "hurt" people - cause tensions and also constantly thinking other people think you're somehow weird and off, is a terrible way to live
but I am and will be working on that vigorously
I resonate with this heavy!!! When I was growing up, especially as a little girl, I was outspoken, vocal and felt free to be me, but I let the formative years of bullying get to me and it followed me well into my early 20's and mid 20's. But as a more confident, whole woman in her late 20's, I have had awakening and in the healing phase. Thank you for this!
Aaron-I know this sounds funny but I am an elementary school teacher and I feel the same way about being out in public! I’ve taught in the same town for over a decade and a trip to Wal-Mart means running into 10 people I know-lol! Luckily, most people are respectful of my time but I can’t imagine how awkward that would be for you for someone to want to stop and have a long conversation. Boundaries are absolutely important. But you know what I thought as you were talking about people thinking you’re their soulmate or twin flame?! There’s a good chance that many of your subscribers are in your soul group! That’s why we resonate with you! It doesn’t mean that boundaries should be crossed of course. That’s part of our human experience-learning to be in our own frame (as you so eloquently explain). Thank you for being vulnerable and always sharing the real you and your own circumstances. It makes you SO much more relatable than those who don’t share who they are. You are a great teacher, Aaron!
I recently found your channel and I’m having a whole personality change. Last year was so tough for me I’m so glad to have found your videos their so informing and helpful!
"they're" (they are) ... not "their"
@@pattyray4841 okay
I wish all men a year filled with great energy, strong willpower and pure happiness. 💪
As well as all women 💪
I will never be with a “nice guy” again. They’re not really so nice because their codependency actually means they care more about being validated and needing you to make them feel good rather than genuinely caring about you. They care about you only to the extent that they keep you happy enough to stay so you show them the validation they crave. They’re not bad people but it’s not conducive to a good relationship and leaves the partner actually feeling lonely.
I agree, in a way the "empath" is a narcissist too. & Aaron mentioned it too in another video.
There are some good aspects of what you said….. the Need to help is focused on being validated. ( what is actually pretty usual ) - real help means not to expect anything for it - this is actually one of the best attitudes someone can have.
@@christiandreblow8458 true. I actually think empathy is still good. I don’t think empathy are narcissistic. It’s only narcissistic when someone cares only about their own needs at the expense of another. And both narcs and empathy can do that. All narcs do it but not all empathy do it so discerning can be tricky
Ooof this
I used to be scared to be vulnerable because I thought I wouldn’t be accepted. Thanks to you I’ve realized my worth and how amazing I am as a person. Sending my love out to you :)
I definitely was a people pleaser. After watching many of your videos, watching the same ones time to time. Numerous times, working on myself. My shadow self. I have realized the past trauma that has created this persona of me. I’ve stopped people pleasing and it’s been the best feeling I’ve ever had. I feel lots of happiness and energy return to me. Energy and happiness that I sadly have never had. And I am 28 years old. Aaron doghty you have changed my life for the better and I appreciate you and respect you. Thank you.
Omg! I used to be such a “People Pleaser”! I took on that persona, because some of my siblings were failing in Life and I felt I had to take over and try to over please my Parents. This way they wouldn’t be too disappointed or sad. I think I also picked it up from my Mom. She would over extended herself by helping everyone. I did the same. Until, I felt like a fool. I felt no one appreciates me, because they thought it was normal practice for me to do for them. Not anymore. I assist people to help themselves… But, they have to assist me when I need help. I delegate now. I never over-extended myself anymore. I’m 50 now… No more! The rest of my Life is mine. ❤❤❤
Hey Aaron, love & appreciation from India, I’ve been watching your videos for more than a year now. I need to be honest with this, your videos and ideas/opinions have helped me outgrow low-vibrations & many more other things. Do continue making videos & spreading your experiences. Just a tip, you should actually write a book consisting of all the topics you’ve covered. I’m sure it will be a great help for people all over the globe.
Your vibe is amazing! Keep on
I'm here bc I am dating someone who I am realizing is codependent. It's very unattractive and you hit it spot on with the masculine feminine dynamics. It's repelling and on a primative level we don't trust the man to provide. Women can say they an earn and take care of themselves, etc, but as a woman, you will be 'out of commission' in that way when pregnant and you do want a partner you can trust to handle things, make decisions, protect, and provide which codependent men do not display. Also someone intelligent can sense the manipulation which I will admit here is very very subtle, but it communicates mistrust and disrespect. I actually really liked this guy, but when I noticed he mirorred everything thing I did, and he couldnt answer a direct questions, I became so unattracted to him that I felt nauseous when he tried to kiss me.
That’s your gut telling you there was something really wrong with this dude! Trust it!!
I don’t find loving deeply wrong, i love intense people. However i do believe you better love someone deeply and intensely if they and only love you the same back.
I have a friend who manifested her partner, and at the time i was very afraid i was codependent, i have certain needs in a relationship I haven’t felt have been met yet. She said people used to tell her she was too sensitive / emotional etc she needs to reduce that for her partner. i voiced my codependent concerns to her and she said, she thought she was codependent too, but then she said codependency happens when a partner lacks what you need, so you keep asking. But if you find your Match, the person who does what you want by nature, you are not codependent anymore. And that took me aback, because it is true. Imagine someone by nature giving you the love YOU WANT naturally, would you be begging?
For example, i don’t find it weird to get validation from a partner, we want someone to lift us up in times we are struggling. We want compliments and someone to be proud of us.
Imagine you’re a guy who loves praise, but ends up with a partner who isn’t verbal, just loves to joke and compliments aren’t part of their way of being. The guy becomes 🥁 needy for what they love, they’ll seek ways to get the compliment or praise out of their partner, going into a rabbit hole of now doing something that the person likes because maybe only then they’ll be complimented. Hence, codependency. You put yourself last, seeking a characteristic someone doesn’t have.
Now let’s say the guy ends up with a partner that is by nature the type to PRAISE the living hell outta him, does he seek praise anymore? Is he needy for it? Does he change himself to please? No, because he is with his perfect match.
If you are in a relationship with someone who doesn’t have nor give what you need, you either manifest them to change, or leave and find someone who by nature already has what you’re looking for. Do not settle, opposites DO NOT attract, and you shouldn’t fall for anyone just because they’re NICE. Find someone who matches your love language and is able to provide you with things you naturally love. There is no harm wanting to be loved by someone else. I compliment myself too but i still want it from a partner to be the only one in their eyes. Choose your life partner wisely and you won’t have to be codependent ever again.
The only time I’ve felt safe in a relationship is when I’m on not in love with the other person… I didn’t love someone who deeply cared and adored me, and then I finally let myself have feelings and I got deeply hurt. Not being in love I had control and there was no risk of being hurt or feeling attached.
MY GOODNESS 😞😞😞
I really appreciate your video's! I lost myself again because I went back to my ex and it's just horrible! I just started getting codependent again for no reason. I had to listen to this again. Detaching and going to move out. It's just so draining
I watched this over and over as I suspected I was being needy in a
New 3 1/2 month relationship and it’s so painful to see the truth in videos like this . So I watched this around lunch time yesterday for the last time as I was driving to my partners house . Then this morning she confirmed my suspicions that I was pushing her away by being needy . I’m a little scared that I’ve arrived at this place at 54 years old I’m certainly going to be making the effort to better myself love and peace to you all x
If you're reading this I'm praying something amazing happens for you today.🙏🏼❤️
Thank you Aaron for you videos. Going into self. Finding what serves you. Making/feeling separation. Settling boundries. Then putting out better energy and repelling the people that sucks your energy. Healing and Letting go. Filling your own cup. Beautiful. I am creating a better version of myself. In a life transition. Lost my job and alot of other things however it's not a loss. It's a win. It gave me a spiritual awakening. Much love. Keep doing what your doing.
What Aaron speaks about with trauma is 100% true. To those that haven't had that out of body experience or been to that plane...you won't truly understand what he's talking about. It can be a walk though hell, but man...he nailed it perfectly.
That authentic was on point. People think being vulnerable is bad..but I think it depends...but we also need to stay aware of ourselves too cuz we can slip and make our boundaries weak
The people who mind don’t matter, and the people who matter don’t mind.
Aaron, bro you are speaking right through to my SOUL! I’m currently on a deep self-discovery journey and I just stumbled upon your videos today! I’ve only watched 2 videos so far but man have you already brought so much clarity and understanding to my situation! Thank you, this was truly what I’ve been seeking for the past couple weeks. You’re describing me perfectly, which will now be the old me. I am reborn!👏🏽👊🏽💪🏽
I was very needy in my last relationship. Everything you talked about,Aaron,I did it. I always seemed to want to be in his frame,and not in my open frame. Fast forward 22 months and I still struggle with how I behaved in my relationship with him
Forgive yourself. You did the best at the time with what you knew and with what you had.
Look at it this way, you can now see where your mistakes were made and more than likely will never repeat it!
You've grown- woohoo 🙌🏻❤️✅
So forgive and get back together.
@@philosopherprince339 I know that won’t be happening .
Codependents shouldn't be afraid to make mistakes. When they do make mistakes the people who will forgive or not make it such a big deal are the people they should keep. That's it!
Authenticity. Saying and doing what I have every right to say and do because I have a right as a human being to my boundaries. I have pretended to be at fault just to keep the peace. I have let someone have their way with me because I was more concerned with him feeling rejected and his ego if I said no. Something as simple as realizing I actually have the right to my boundaries and people have a right to their own boundaries was a life changer for me.
I found myself hyperindependent, but upon falling for someone else with childhood trauma, found myself in codependent patterns and people pleasing energy. It felt very conditional and not like the unconditional love I know is out there. My father is the same way, alone by choice but because our attachments to people just get so deep and we abandon ourselves. Working on healing this on a cellular level. Your videos always help me process. Thanks dude
I just heard your latest podcast snd I just want to say that I like the repetition and the various ways you reinforce the same idea so that I can get it in my subconscious mind and I also enjoy hearing about your ex step moms stories. It helps me to understand your back story so that I can better understand you now. She needs to be put on blast anyways and it helped me out a lot deal with my toxic family! I’m glad you always follow your instinct and are always true to yourself! Ugh haters are irrelevant. You do not have to explain why you do what you do if they were intelligent they would already understand 🙏🏾
Watching your vids Are always a very emotional time for me because you’re so open and vulnerable about everything that Has happened in your life that it just gives me the strength to be that person I want to be and not be scared about being vulnerable my mother is narcissistic the father of my youngest child is narcissistic my younger sister is narcissistic and she’s my half-sister she’s not my mothers daughter she’s my father‘s daughter but I’ve noticed that my mother always deflects things onto my fathers side of the family as though they are what’s wrong with me MEOWING she being a narcissist and narcissistically abusing me mentally my entire life is what has caused problems within my mentality and then as a result I always sought out Narcissis so that I could help them but it backfired on me so now I’ve decided that I DFC about anyone but me!!! I have to make sure that I am happy, healthy, wealthy, and wise. I am the only person I am responsible for on this planet besides my children until they are of legal age.
Omg I love your tube. I was an independent person before and don’t care any BS people. I take
Own charge my life and suddenly I met a guy I was did not realise it that i lost myself on him .i was expect being get validated from him and finally we broke up , I was broken Heart until I was browsing about how to move on after Break up , I was watching and hearing many Ted talks and you tube, THIS ONE - CO- pendent talks are awake me and slap my face and I talked to my self “ WTF and what’s wrong with me” Now I am
Back to my self where I am
Being badass and no care other people validated whatever what I do. I am more confident now and awake ! THANK U!!!!
This is RIDICULOUSLY GOOD - this should have 1 mILLION views and likes. It’s absolutely insane. The amount of therapy and coaching and suffering I’ve had and this is streets ahead. Thank yOU
So powerful!!! Beyond grateful- I can’t even begin to explain how synchronistic this is for me to come across this message at this time- THANKYOU SO MUCH!!! 🎇🎇🎇💜🙏
32:29 Candle Detachment Meditative Exercise ❤
This is a true gift… you give true tools and your extremely unique. Thank you
Great video! I was watching to see if any signs I might find to what happened in my last longterm relationship about her and I being dependent on each other, and ways I could not be on anyone. Nothing clicked until I heard you say sacrifice your happiness to help someone else, which is exactly what I did for the last 4 years. My ex developed a severe alcohol problem after her parents died within a week of each other, I tried everything I could to help her but nothing really worked. I wasn't happy but I was staying because I loved this woman and wanted to help her out of her darkness so she could be better and we could start a family together, I sacrificed my time, health, and happiness trying to pull her out of the worst place she's ever been. When I needed her most she left me, making me feel like not only did I waste my time but that I didn't matter that much to her. She now tells me that I did everything right and she couldn't have asked for a better partner during all that but that it wasn't what she needed and I should have walked away. The whole thing has left me feeling bitter resentment towards her, and now she wants nothing to do with me and blames me for her drinking.
being an alcoholic really sucks.Have to really hit bottom and want it bad. I'm struggling now but aware of it which has me looking at it different way. I hope it was ok to reply. I just identify with what u said. thanks 🙂👍
@@heathercrane5949 I just lost a friend due to alcohol abuse yesterday too, so it is even more difficult right now 😔
@@heathercrane5949 I'm not trying to let go but to work things out with her. I may have messed things up though, and I really hope I didn't mess up too badly. I've been in quite a few relationships in 20 years and I feel like this is the woman I'm meant to be with, just not right now with the way her problems are. I thought I could help her get through it but I was unable to incite that change within her and now I realize that she has to really want it, but she didn't and I was unaware of that.
I'm sorry you had to go through that. I hope things get better for u both.
@@dreamseeker2346 I'm very sorry for your loss 😥. Many prayers 🙏
Every morning I listen to your videos while I get ready for work and that will never change
Don't worry anymore my friend, I know of a man who can help you bring your ex back within 3 days. He helped me a few days ago He does a perfect work I'm assuring you, you gonna testify ....
Wha'tsapp him for help
Thank you Aaron,this was powerful ❤️
I’ve been doing your frame technique and yes it does make a difference on how I feel within myself.
And also I am able to observe other peoples shadow aspects a lot easier,I’m able to understand them and be more compassionate.
Much love to you,thank you for everything that you do. 😊🙏🏼❤️
You’re very brave and authentic sharing all those trauma! And it’s very reassuring people actually can do that. That people will actually look at their past and figure things out! Thank you! 😊
One thing you could tell your friend who is struggling with his fear of failing at his Handyman business is this:
One of the life experiences that help shape truly successful people along their development path is having a business that fails. You learn so much more from what you have tried that didn't work, than you do from what you did right. All of your experiences - and the more diverse the better, add tools to your experience toolbox and make you more ready for your next venture to be successful.
Thank you Aaron, I have been looking for connection in the way of people who relate to my soul. This is why I don't have to apologise for being me and meeting my own needs.
No more saying sorry for having boundaries that don't fit others expectations ❤
I'm glad i opened my mind to healing and fell into one of your videos. I just appreciate how real you are. Thank you.
When you talk about people saying “oh I just love deeply (&that’s why I have such a big heart and get hurt all the way), but you don’t love yourself” damn that hits different. Something that I realised a while ago is that it’s ego attachment, not ‘loving’ or ‘caring’. It’s caring with the expectation someone is gonna care for you back, tenfold.
Don't worry anymore my friend, I know of a man who can help you bring your ex back within 3 days. He helped me a few days ago He does a perfect work I'm assuring you, you gonna testify ....
Wha'tsapp him for help
I used to watch your videos like a year or two ago and you are SO MUCH MORE RELAXED and GROUNDED than you used to be. In the past you were very high-strung and your videos were a bit anxiety-provoking for me and hard to watch except in small doses. Now you are so chill and much easier to listen to. It's lovely to see someone doing the work and to be able to WITNESS their change over time! Proof that you're the real thing, and not just someone faking it for money like some coaches. Keep being you, Aaron!
I needed today. I keep getting turned down for all of these jobs. And I really want to build my own business
Just recently subscribed to you.
Co-dependency for me wS a result of child abandonment, only recently at the age of 37 am I now making boundaries with toxic relationships and letting go of him and I becoming self aware. I am now starting
to feel like my true self.
Great videos
Thank you 👍
Courage is found within fear.
Making the jump requires courage. Your friend will take the jump & like many of us, he will sour above the clouds 🧡
I just found you and you crack me up! In a good way. Love those curse words sprinkled in. You are so helpful!
I think I understand what you mean to communicate and it's a powerful message. But I think though two consepts are being confused. There's a big difference between being nice and pleasing. You are nice to others because that balances your energy and make you feel good about your self. You please other people to make them feel good and make them like you. A lot of people including myself spend a lifetime working on our niceness. I actually have a lot of temper and aggesion in my wich I am learning to transform into niceness because it makes my social life so much better and I feel so much better about myself. You can be honest and authentic in many different ways. But being it in a nice way has for a lot of people proven to be the best way. I also know how codependency can make you loose yourself. That you are so afraid to loose an other person that you bend over backwards to keep them. And I think you are right that this strategy was developed early on. And I think it is very hard to change when you are in the pain of being scared of loosing someone. I will try your candle technique. Thanks for sharing ❤️❤️❤️❤️
You mean being kind balancing out energy cause being a “nice girl/guy” ain’t good
@@Soneelicious No. I mean when you are in peace and good spirit your energies are balanced. Being nice and speaking your mind is not a contradiction. Everyone chooses in which way they speak their mind. You can be honest in a kind way. You can be honest in a detached way but you can also be brutally honest. It's a choice.
This is what exactly I was looking for. Thank you for bringing up codependency issues in such an easy and simple form👌👌. I have started to realise my codependent patterns and working on it.✌️
Don't worry anymore my friend, I know of a man who can help you bring your ex back within 3 days. He helped me a few days ago He does a perfect work I'm assuring you, you gonna testify ....
Wha'tsapp him for help
I have that nice girl syndrome shadow. Overgivong rather than equal and balanced. You are completely relatable.
When you mistreat yourself to ensure they stay above that threshold of treatment/ mistreatment, you know you've got a problem.
I would love you to make more videos about this subject. They're really helping me break my co-dependency attitudes and become more emotionally independent in a healthy way.
Thank you for your efforts.
❤
Aaron please read this: The person you described the first minutes of your video, had a psychotic disorder - called erotomania. Everything described seems like this psychotic disorder. That's stated as a disease that can become very psychotic and in the end schizophrenic
Here doing the work. I know that the wounds I experienced in foster care were not my fault, but healing is my responsibility. I. Will. Heal.