Imposter Syndrome About Autism
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- Опубликовано: 19 окт 2024
- Free therapy with Allison.
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I laughed so hard at Allison responding “I could” to Gabe’s request to be swaddled
😂me too
Allison is amazing when she goes into therapist mode, you can tell she'd be such a good therapist. The questions she asks, the way she listens, and the advice she offers are just impeccable.
I have this thought almost every episode
I feel like every argument Gabe was making Allison could have dismantled aggressively and that Allison didn't is just a testament to how much she cares about Gabe.
Gabe, thanks for being an autistic trans-masc bisexual disaster with me. Also found out later in life. Also recently transitioned. If you have a hard time with self compassion, start by imagining you're looking at another guy who's really just trying to get through another day
Yeees, love the club (even though it's exhausting to be in it, haha)
I hate asking for accommodations for my disability. But I’ve also realized that advocating for myself can help foster an environment where other people feel more comfortable asking for help.
Yes! Sometimes it helps me to think: I'm normalising this!
i kept thinking "why are you hitting yourself? why are you hitting yourself?" about phantom in the beginning. so cute tho
It was scratching?
I've found that voicing my needs in a 'neurotypical' way has helped me be more confident asking for accommodations.
Examples: - I don't want to go to a certain restaurant because it's loud --> "I don't like the food there, could we go to [insert several good options] instead?"
- Someone keeps voice messaging me and I find it hard to process stuff --> "I like to be able to check back on my message to scan them quickly, could you type messages instead?"
it's not lying per se, but it's a way to get what you need without the whole autism ''discussion" which I can't always be bothered with.
"I don't like that restaurant because it's loud" seems like a reasonable reason by itself to not want to go there. But I also think you're right, and not just for neurodivergent people, if you know from experience that someone isn't going to respect your true feelings on something, I feel it's ok to lie to them to get the same result, they brought the lie on themselves.
Yeah, that might work and, bonus, you're not an inconvenience to neurotypical people. Hurray...
I would think this is a kind of masking as well.
And even "No, let's go somewhere else" is enough. "I don't want to go there". We don't have to explain ourselves. If they ask why, you can also say "I don't really like there". A good general expression might be: "I don't like the vibe there". (The vibe is too loud. Because of sound waves.)
And when someone questions you too much, the appropriate answer is: "Is this an interrogation?" And then: "You know what, I'll just eat on my own where I don't have to justify my experiences."
@@jasmint3207 If you go active aggressive with "Is this an interrogation?" I'll go, "I want to understand you to strengthen our relationship." And if you'll throw "You know what, I'll just eat on my own where I don't have to justify my experiences." I'll go, "Why are you punishing yourself by alienating me?"
Yes I've learned that being vague and isolating specific concerns is easier than trying to get someone to understand autism. I often say "i have chronic health issues" or "i have trouble with xyz." Even better if I preemptively suggest solutions. If you project firmness and willingness to take responsibility for your own needs people tend to respond better than if you tell them specific labels or give them too much power bc just have no idea wtf those labels mean and unlike me they are not willing to do any research to learn more lol.
Last year I was at a big, loud restaurant with a big group and I could hardly understand anyone and had a headache and was sooo uncomfortable... if I had been there with just one or two friends, I would have asked them to go somewhere else but in this case we were too many (and also carpooled).
So I psyched myself up and went to a server to ask them if mayyybe it might be possible to access that speaker above our table and turn down the music a little bit... they said they couldn't access that specific speaker and I was already like "oh ok nevermind" but they said they could turn it down for the whole room and they did! She was actually really friendly and nice about it.
I felt so bad for inconveniencing everyone and imposing my needs on everyone in the room and changing the experience for them.
But later two people of my group said that at the beginning the music had been much too loud for them and they could hardly understand anythingy but then it got better! 😮
So I wasn't the only one! There are others! I even helped them as well and noone complained that it was too quiet afterwards :) We are many :)
I love this comment so much!
@@abbypierce4196 It was so great! Everything was much better afterwards, I could enjoy the evening instead of suffering. People reacted well.
So I'm here to bring you this message: We can just ask for something! Often times, people will oblige! Some will be annoyed but still do it. And some will do it and be nice about it :)
Thank you for sharing this story. It means a lot to me. Such real life instances give me strength to be able to stand-up for myself.
@@sexyscientist I'm glad to hear that :)
Allison seems like a great listener in this video
As a late-diagnosed autistic myself, I relate to this so much. For me, it has gotten easier with time to ask for accomodations, at least with other neurodivergent people and my support system. It helped me to think of it as me looking out for myself, and growing to accept that people who doesn't respect that, doesn't respect me. I deserve someone who looks out for me, and sometimes that looks like taking a nap, saying no, or asking someone to turn the music off. It's not fun or easy, but it's really worth it.
This is so relatable. I wonder if Gabe talks to Allison about it often because they don't feel comfortable talking to other people about it. I definitely talk about it more with my partner and some friends when I'm having to mask a lot at work. It's really hard to feel too autistic for the neurotypical world while also worrying that you don't look autistic enough for people to believe you when you ask for an accommodation.
I inconvenience everyone from the first meeting. I don't feel good about it.
The intersection of ableism and middle child syndrome is real and frustrating. Your needs do actually matter.
Allison you guided this convo in the same way I would want to do for a friend or my partner….i’m so glad we are all here together in 2024 knowing where we (I’m including myself lol) were 10+ years ago. It’s hard to Realize Stuff but we’re just continuing to learn how to be ourselves :) always!
I feel like sometimes after you get diagnosed and when you’re in treatment, there is pressure to be a “good patient”, “good neurodivergent person” who is always able to do the “correct” thing for your mental health. At least, I feel like there is that pressure when you’re talking about mental health online
Yes, I absolutely feel that pressure.
I have that same issues as Gabe it seems like. The shame around feeling like im burdening people or that others have it worse is so real! Talking about it regularly is key. I need to remind myself constantly that whatever i have going on is just as valid as anyone else’s shit and they wont scold me for asking for a little understanding from time to time
I would love for you guys to talk more about autism! I am also late diagnosed and I struggle so much with accepting myself and asking for accomodations when I need them
I put some tips in the comments in case others find them helpful, but I also just imagine I'm a straight cis white man who would literally ask for anything they wanted (forget about needed!), and that can also help lol.
@@MustBeM 😂😂 that's a good idea! I'm cosplaying as someone who has the audacity
i have the same problem with trying to take up space in people's lives. it's fucking hard. I'm 43, so it takes as long as it takes
As a fellow late diagnosed AUDHD person who also semi-recently started taking T, it’s been great to hear you talk about this stuff!
Thank you, Gabe, for being willing to post about this stuff, and thank you, Allison, for always holding space, having kind/encouraging words, and for some of the comedic relief (and for sharing about your vulnerable stuff in other vids too) ❤
I would have never imagined when I started watching JBU that we'd end up with vids like these but I am so glad that I stook around❤Thanks to both of you for all you've taught me!
I found this very heartwarming and reaffirming! As someone who deals with a version of this in my own way (mental illness and chronic pain) it really reminded me of conversations with my partner! Alison’s gentle but firm support is wonderful to see, her therapist side really popped out! Loved this vid and sending you both love. Inspired me to send a little video to my partner, acknowledging the ways I’ve grown and thanking them for their role and support in that!!! Thank you both!!!
As someone who also needs more accommodations than the average person, I'm super here for this kind of discussion. Things that I think might help Gabe:
1) framing it not as "ugh I'm being a burden by asking for accommodations" but as a "people who love me want me to feel well, and if I don't inform them about a minor adjustment on their part that would significant positive effect on me, I'm actually insulting them/devaluing our relationship/[insert whatever negative thing that you don't wanna do]". because that's basically true, you're either making them unknowingly complicit in your self-harm (which 'pushing through' and not speaking up about your needs almost always is) or you're robbing them of the opportunity to help you feel better, which might in turn bring the two of you closer. for close day-to-day relationships like roommates and romantic partners especially, everyone benefits from you feeling as well as possible (and possibly everyone suffers when you're suffering, though to a lesser degree), so why wouldn't they be invested in helping you achieve that outcome? reframing it not as a burden but actually almost a favor that you're doing them has been huge for me.
2) embrace your own accommodations unapologetically. for me that's been wearing sunglasses at the movie theater (on top of my regular glasses lol), wearing earplugs at concerts, standing on my tiptoes when the bus drives over cobblestones and potholes, disappearing at family gatherings, etc.. do people notice that and think I'm weird ? yeah, probably. but I'd rather be thought of as weird than be in pain that I could've avoided and whose absence significantly improves my quality of life. also maybe framing it as "guess I'm just weird!! 🤪" would make it easier to ask for stuff rather than thinking of it as an Autism Thing? I'm not autistic so take this with a grain of salt, but ultimately does it matter *why* you need certain accommodations? The fact is that you do, and they help you. So your choice is not between needing them or not needing them, but between honouring them or harming yourself. And I bet you have other strong preferences that have nothing to do with autism and maybe you even find it way easier to be over-the-top aggressive about those, so maybe being like "yeah I'm weird/lazy/weak/etc., so what" opens up a gateway where it doesn't feel quite as vulnerable to be advocating for yourself.
3) I know this may not be possible for everyone, but by far the best thing I have done for my mental health in recent years is allowing myself to occasionally behave like a small child around a trusted person. for me that's my mom, who will tuck me into bed or sing the same lullabies she did when i was a child if i ask. it took a long time for us to get to a level of closeness and trust for me to be able to ask for things like that - I had to be really vulnerable and honest about my childhood and my current struggles, and I was really lucky that was able to listen and take accountability for her role in it - but now it's great to have a safe place, to feel cared for, to get really deep fundamental assurances like "you are loved" and "I'm so glad you exist" and "you are welcome in this world" that I didn't necessarily get when i was growing up. I know a lot of people don't have those kinds of relationships with their parents (or even the possiblity of them), but perhaps there's a sibling or a best friend, or maybe a more distant relative who could fill that role? (maybe not a romantic partner, cuz that can muddle things up) someone who's either known you since childhood and can thus provide that link to your childhood self, or someone who is significantly older than you and can fill that parental role. i really cannot recommend it enough for people who grew up in unstable, abusive, or emotionally volatile households; having someone behave to you now the way your caregivers should've behaved then can heal a lot of really deep wounds (like *fundamentally* deep), which of course has wide-raging positive effects on the rest of your mental health
good luck to Gabe and anyone else reading this who is struggling with advocating for their needs! you are important, and you deserve to feel well!
this is so profound tysm im screenshoting every paragraph to look back at later
@@cooliohoolio30 aw that's lovely to hear! hope some of this helps you 💜
I asked if Gabe would be willing to share more of his journey with Autism on the Patreon and considering how intensely imposter he feels about it, this was a really brave and open couch show. I identified SO STRONGLY with the statement "I feel like too much of an inconvenience." I have a variety of more obscure, invisible or misunderstood disabilities, I began self-diagnosing as autistic in 2021, and I have a rare and very life-upending sleep disorder called "non-24 hour sleep-wake cycle." I also have PTSD, anxiety and depression (most of that as a result of not getting the support I needed when I was younger). I'm beginning to grapple with gender and sexuality stuff now in my 30's, and I'm not even surprised now when a new thing pops up because I just seem to be a confluence of so many "differences." I was always " a lot" when I was younger, and I will often project this onto other people who don't see me that way. My family culture is unfortunately still "___ is a lot," so that definitely doesn't help things.
This is really unfortunate, but when I started to have chronic migraines in the late 2010's, they were so bad and constant that they actually gave me permission to finally ask for my sensory needs to be met. I could finally wear sunglasses and headphones everywhere, and I could ask people to turn the lights down or not wear strong perfumes at gatherings. I'm trying to engage the way I asked for considerations with my migraines and use that for my other needs as well, but it's really tough when you've lived so long without proper diagnoses and when you feel like "too much" all the time.
phantom's adorable scratching at the start 😭
Internalised ableism is so hard to work through ❤ sending love ❤️
I don't have a formal diagnosis, but it's been EVIDENT that I was autistic since childhood. I masked hard from age 13 to 28 and then finally had the ultimate, most needed meltdown where I quit my job, dumped my whole friend group, and couldn't move for two months. I've been reborn since. I live a much kinder, quieter life for myself. We are so broke, because I can't work full-time anymore, but I am not mean and tired and paranoid anymore.
"We"? Did you have a partner to take care of you during your meltdown?
You can tell Alison studied something related to phycology. The questions she ask sound a lot like the questions my therapist asks 😂
Being late diagnosed is so hard. I've been there (and am still there). Over time I've gotten better at problem solving and learning how to communicate my needs in ways that are vague enough for ppl not to have the chance to project their own prejudices onto me. But fighting the shame and the "maybe I'm just worse at life than other ppl" is the biggest obstacle imo
I am 37 and got diagnosed with ADHD and ADD when I was 6. Now combination ADHD. I still I have imposter syndrome. I think most early diagnosed people feel the same way. Especially back in the 90s and 00s when the prevailing sentiments were that you would 1 “grow out of it” or 2 “you did it once, why can’t you do it again”
I feel like it’s a super common theme with ADHDers and Autistic ND people to doubt ourselves when we are constantly doubted by society.
All the internet hugs
Just because you don't melt down when you are in public doesn't mean you don't shut down instead
I'm currently in a very similar spot as gabe and this was actually helpful. hearing someone talk about the same things i've been going through/thinking about and then also having allison challenge them x
im LOOSING my MIND with Phantom's hand-paw thing the first 50 seconds
Real! I still havent told some of my closest friends almost two years after the diagnosis. Too embarassed. Some I've told have beed inspired to think about their own neurodivergence, but instead of being happy for them, I am kind of resentful, because I've wanted this things for myself, this was supposed to be MY story. Regarding asking for accommodation, it's also really hard for me, but I am very slowly getting better, starting with small things.
Also, my weighted blanket arrived today, so maybe I will try and swaddle myself 😭✨
I've seen in a few places recently that AFAB folks have gotten misdiagnosed with bipolar only to learn later they are Autistic. As someone with bipolar, I'm curious if this has been a part of Gabe's experience at all. Or if not, how do those dual diagnoses interact
In the middle of the night last night I was thinking about how I am ok being uniquely me and taking up space in a lot of ways but also perplexed how I struggle with setting boundaries to meet my needs which has led to autistic burnout... thank you for being self-aware enough to provide me with the insight I was looking for, Gabe.
Your dog at the beginning. Awww.
Love the new audio quality. This is the first time I haven't had to plug in headphones to understand y'all.
4:02-4:11 I feel like I'm complaining and being weak when I ask for accommodation. - This!! I had a conversation with my employer about me being ill for a long time and how we can prevent it in the future. And the whole conversation I felt like I was just complaining, while everybody already gave their best to help me. Like I was being ungrateful for them keeping me around, even though I do good work.
Okay now that I’m in grad school I notice when Allison is doing MI. In like “oh she’s practicing reflective listening” lol
It’s hard to ask for accommodations. I’ve found that it’s easier for me to ask for accommodations for my chronic illness than my neurodiversity, which is wack. I think it’s because when I ask for something for my illness, people can understand better? Idk. I’m good at it with friends but find it very very difficult with others. My bf is wonderful with it though- I don’t even have to ask. That’s the best, when it becomes “normal” to them, like he turns down his phone brightness before showing me videos. I get what you mean when you say you don’t see other people as a burden but see yourself as one (paraphrasing here).
My little trick is reframing it to be for other people. I am an example and need to show my friends that i am a safe person to ask for accommodations from but also that accommodations are even a possibility so i need to ask for my accommodations
What patreon goal do we need to reach for Allison to swaddle Gabe on camera?
Please talk about autism more! As someone diagnosed in my 20s, it is so helpful to hear about all the nuances and journeys other people share in it. Also forever wish Gabe made event flyers for every event ever. He posted one he made on insta a bit ago that was autistic inclusive and it just made my brain so happy even if I wasn’t even going to the event.
I’m just smiling so hard at this dog!!!! *scratch scratch scratch scratch* !!!! Just keeps on going !!!!
Honestly, I don't really have tips for how to feel better about asking for things. I have been in therapy for years and it took me a while to even think myself on equal footing as other (thinking that my needs are as valid as others'). I still have some apprehension about asking for things that I want/need, but it does feel like even if I am not there 100% yet, I have been improving on that. I think maybe a thing that I attribute it to, it is to be more vocal about anything and everything. Any thought or feeling that I have I try to let it out, as simple as it may be. Like liking a food while having dinner with your friends. Taking about a commercial you are watching, talking about things you see while driving. I find it that reeling in after being more outward is easier than being passive and trying to "turning it up." At least that is how it kinda seems to work for me. Either way, sorry for the long comment. I hope you realized your worth more and more, Gabe. Take care both!
The 'when do I get to be baby' resonates so much, I feel so seen and understood
When i can’t decide whether to advocate for myself/ask for accommodation or if that’s being too annoying, i phrase it with a “because” like instead of saying “can we turn down the lights” ill say “it would make my brain so happy and able to pay better attention to you if i turn this down” or something. It lets them know that i will be better company (a better listener, a more pleasant person to be around, less jittery, etc) and they will be less bothered by my weirdness, once the situation is made less overwhelming
I recently started hanging out with a queer group that is full of autistic and trans people. They're really cool. Adjusting the lights and music volume in rooms and that kind of stuff is NOT a problem at all. Whatever makes them feel the most comfortable, life is hard enough on its own. Gabe, you're not a burden in any way, you're a person with needs.
Woop. Never been here so early. I'm autistic and late diagnosed too, I love when you guys talk about it
this is going to sound almost too simple to be a solution but I feel like it could really help. I really relate to what Gabe is saying, and what has been really helpful to be is practicing radical self compassion and love. Truly making the effort during as many hours as possible a day to care for ourselves. Also Allison's suggestion to practice asking for accomodations with friends is an excellent idea. Practice it going well and having good results and sometimes being hard and sucking. By trying over and over you will be begin to notice how not big of a deal it is. Good people worth having around will enjoy being accommodating for people they care about most of the time. Those are people worth having around. Also Gabe don't be so hard on yourself for not knowing 100% how to navigate this, you can give great advice and be a role model in many ways but also have your own things you have to figure out for yourself still, we all exist at different times for ourselves. Anyways, I hope this message resonates with you!
Gabe, I completely understand. My parents knew and were told by teachers and doctors to get me diagnosed and help, but it wasn’t until I was fourteen that a mental health professional spoke to me about it that I knew. I was evaluated and diagnosed quickly thereafter and it’s been a decade now. I still question it every day of my life even though I know it to be true. I think this is part of the difficulty of late diagnosis, but what helps for me is considering if all of my struggles were happening to someone else, would I believe them? The answer is always yes, but it’s hard to grapple with this everyday.
I struggle with something very similar but it’s important to take small steps to take up more room. We are conditioned to worry about what other people would think and if they may or may not judge us but this is too important to wait any longer.
Gabe, it is anti-community to not ask for help. Every time you don't ask for help capitalism wins.
That’s what I always tell my friends !!
Thanks I needed to hear this
Capitalism wins whether you like it or not. Gabe's fit? There's no way that was handmade or ethically sourced. We all embrace capitalism every single day whether you like it or not. How's that phone you made this comment on?
@@SaltySteffu must be fun at parties
the purpose of psychological diagnostics is to help ppl with what troubles them. pathological in psychology is not so much about the phenomena themselves but about how they trouble the patients cause every human is capable of thoughts and behavior that could fall under some possible pathology. psychological diagnosis is more of a utilitarian tool than anything. obsessing over contingent categorizations doesn't help.
I believe that a major perspective shift in any marginalized space is realizing that it’s not that “you’re taking up space”, but that oppressive systems ARN’T making space for you. Ableism makes you feel like you should be able to do things alone without accommodation and isolates individuals from Community. Transphobia or negative stereotypes of queerness as being “too much” is society still enforcing societal expectations on how people need to behave. Etc. There’s a lot of layers and oppressive ways of thinking that need to be that need to be addressed and broken down. But this takes time, education, community, and kindness. 💖 Wishing you the best!
Gabe, I relate so hard to this!
Still just suspected autistic (my assessment process starts on Tuesday) but I have a lot of imposter syndrome and history of being hyper-independent. I've bulldozed over my own boundaries and needs my whole life and, now that I've reached a new low and am way more affected by sensory things or general overwhelm, I have a hard time knowing how to accommodate myself, much less ask for accommodations from others. I have always prided myself on being flexible, adaptable, not needing things from others, and being able to help others so, now that I realise that that is unsustainable, I am floundering.
I am also a middle child of three, the other two being very "difficult" children. So my needs have always been "less" than theirs. Just to add to your theory on middle children 😅.
I felt like it was a big deal to do my grocery shopping things (wearing sunglasses and earplugs) in front of friends. But I love when people feel open about telling me ways to make them more comfortable. Sometimes I just have to pretend I'm someone else.
So I've been doing this thing lately where a couple times a year I decide what the next chapter of my life will be. (I know it's kinda silly but whatever). Literally earlier today, before watching this video, I wrote down in my notes app "next chapter: take action!". Not sure if this is a spring thing or an autism thing (I'm audhd) but thought it was funny
you dont need a conclusion. hearing about your journey helps with mine
was thinking of what to type in a comment and then went "i mean, idk, i struggle in the same ways as gabe. i just lie and come up with other reasons to avoid shit & i only kind of ask the ppl i'm closest with" and then i remembered i have designated myself the Angry Friend. i get angry on my friends' behalf bc so few ppl i know do that for themselves. i'm there to be like HEY NO, FUCK THAT, YOU DESERVE BETTER! WTF WAS THAT SHIT?! ABSOLUTELY NOT!
and if it doesn't warrant that response we work together and find the nuanced accurate response for the situation, them raising their indignation and me lowering mine. lol
anyway i realized no one does that for me and i don't do it for myself.
so maybe you can relate, gabe, being angry on yours friends' behalf. and imagine you're talking to a friend or advocating for a friend and not yourself. you'd be so concerned, compassionate, and upset if they were in pain and severe discomfort and were too afraid to ask for a little bit of help! so you'd do it for em no questions asked! so maybe try doing that for yourself? idk. //sigh. it's hard. i'm REALLY impressed by allison bc i ALSO have ocd and i struggle w that shit too. lol
I've been tryi g to formulate a good comment, nothing's working. Well, thank you for sharing your feelings on this, Gabe, I felt a lot of that
Also as an adult, you have many more tools for emotional regulation, which is often why someone may have a meltdown, when they've not been about to regulate
To be fair, some neurodivergent people do take the asking for accommodations a bit far. But also, it’s their right to ask and find out. Identifying one’s needs (vs wants, would-be-nice-to-haves, cravings, yearnings, etc) is a lifelong journey, I fear.
Ha, I just had a conversation with a friend today about how I hate asking anyone for anything. For me, it’s less about worrying that I’m inconveniencing people with my neurodivergent needs (though a bit of that too,) and more that it’s always been difficult for me to break through the inertia of not saying anything in order to bring attention to myself I guess. And maybe a fear that instead of a simple yes or no, the answer will be more complicated or they’ll require further explanation from me, and my processing time is often slow and I have trouble understanding what they’re saying, so it’ll be a stressful mess and often not worth the effort. And if I learn that what I’m asking for isn’t possible, for some reason I find that embarrassing? Plus if I’m already overwhelmed by the environment, I’m like 100x less capable of doing any of that! So… yeah asking for anything is hard 😅
perfect timing for me for this video. thank you guys!
Being a compassionate person means also being compassionate to yourself. So if you want to be a compassionate person you can't just be compassionate to others. If you're ignoring your needs, that's not compassionate. This mentality has helped me. Maybe it can help someone else.
Yeahhh when you’re socialized as a girl and grow up masking your autism really hard and just letting it rocket around secretly inside you and tell yourself to get over everything it’s hard to ask for what you need when you finally recognize the validity of those needs, and there can be resentment for people who’s needs get put first so easily! It’s so much easier to just keep it to yourself but it can be really liberating when you’re around people you feel safe enough with to ask for what you need
I see a third of a therapist personally
I can’t help but think that part-and only part-of this is female socialisation. We’re taught to accommodate others, and it’s hard to shake. I learned a lot about this watching my trans son inhabit aspects of masculinity.
I recommend earplugs to tolerate loud places for longer. The ones that I have are called Earasers.
I think talking about autism a lot is a common way to assimilate the topic for other people and for yourself. But when you only discover late in life that you are on the spectrum and specially when you mask a lot or are very well-versed, the confusion is real. The guilt, shame, all the feelings that one can feel when discovering a condition, hitting you constantly. It's a lot!
AND I ALWAYS TALK ABOUT ON WHY CAN'T I BE BABY AAAAAA
it's so hard to be able to see too much, when people seem to see so little x_x
I really like this mic setup!
Hey y'all! Thank you both for being truly authentic - Hey Gabe, I'm a 41 year old neurodivergent trans man (currently healing from top surgery) it's never too late to ask someone to wrap you up like a baby queer burrito, pat your head, and tell you you're amazing -
As a neurotypical person with many neurodivergent people in my life, I strongly prefer when people are direct about their needs. I love them and making an accommodation is not a big deal if it means they can be comfortable. I find the over-explaining or the overly-apologetic approach annoying because its like why do you think I would say no? Just voice your need and lets move on.
Love these uploads !
WHOA so much has happened since the last time I watched
I think of the joy I get in accomodating someone's needs and how I wouldn't wanna deny my friends and loved ones that. And with work, well I can only assume that's when the male privilege of being just kind of a dick comes in 🤷🏻♂️
This video made me love you guys more!!!♡
Yay to self compassion
This doesn’t really sound like a poser syndrome. It sounds like internalized ableism with aspects of being in unable or unwilling to let go grind culture and I believe that you have to give your own comfort for someone else’s, which is often seeming people who grew up socialized female.
I think one thing that is important knowledge with this is how you were also viewing others.
If you can’t tell someone to turn the lights down, turn the volume down, you need a sensory break, etc. what are you saying about people who need full care? What about people who use AAC? People who have to ask for an interpreter at every single meeting and are often denied it even at the hospital because they’re Deaf? When we do not deconstruct our ableism, we are harming other disabled people.
It is beneficial for us and our well-being, and our ability to function to the stigmatized disability work to become anti-ableist but it is life or death for people who need full care and have an entire system built around harming them. It’s life or death for people who are refused access to their own medical information because they aren’t given an interpreter of death for people who are conservatorships and guardianship.
It is our duty as people who are disabled, but don’t need full care, or access our medical information or communicate without AAC to purposely deconstruct the things that we believe that harm are disabled siblings so we can be there ally’s.
As a 33 yr old who is also going through the whole process of "do i have autism" after several years (pretty sure it's yes but still have imposter syndrome) I can say that part of why it's still hard for me to ask for accommodations is that I'm still figuring out what things actually impact me and what things would actually help
Have you heard of rejection sensitive disorder? I have adhd and I’ve learned it’s common when you’re neurodivergent
Y’al posted this the DAY I got diagnosed with Autism 😂
Omg allison saying gabe should take action and gather evidence if people really get annoyed with them instead of just worrying about it hit so close to home....
If Gabe at some point in the future wants to share more his late Autism discovery, I'd personally really love to hear about it. (Coming from someone who suspects, they also might have Autism.)
I feel like anytime he mentions it on the podcast, I really relate to what he is saying.
what helps me to ask for things I need is knowing when I get what I need I can give more to others cause my capacity changes when my needs are met (another trans autistic person)
also to not communicate my needs is lying to people and not giving them the space to meet my needs which of course they would rather do than let me be in sensory agony
Gd, every video, I identify with Gabe more and more. A neurodivergent bisexual with a fear of expressing their own needs? How does he know me?
Gabe my brother, you should consider psychoanalysis- Great way to get curious about yourself and learn how to have all your feelings and thoughts
oh also having earplugs on hand has been a life saver. I use loops. they're easy to lose tho. i have like 3.5 pairs 😅
I understand, Gabe! And I feel seen.
IMO, it's less of a matter of us neurodivergent asking for more and it's that society don't want to give more. With the loud restaurant example, if I'm with a bunch of co-workers, we are seen as outliers and the solution never is "find a place that works for everyone", but instead "Mike can sit by himself outside".
Every day I feel more like Gabe is basically me. 😳
Allison is reaching her limit of Gabe’s unnecessary pathologizing here
What the dog doin
itching
I get migraines and had a concussion a few years back, so my sensory issues tend to lead to debilitating migraines, which has forced me to ask for what I need more. I'm not sure if meltdowns are similar but thinking about asking for your needs as preventative healthcare might be helpful? idk. I'm not perfect at it of course and it depends on the situation.
I have a lot of imposter syndrome I have diagnosed ADHD and autistic traits but I have a lot of uncertainty. I also have fear about pursuing a dx both because I'm afraid I'll be told it's not that & I'm an imposter and because an autism dx effects your ability to immigrate and to get trans health care in some places. I dont plsn on doing either but I also dont want to rule them out either.
I feel the need to be so baby. I am baby, but I'm not allowed to be baby because I can push through and be mommy. I am not mom!
Oh how i feel you. I JUST want to be baby
I'm wondering of you still have the bipolar diagnosis? Or was that a misdiagnosis of the autism then? :)
I think he's definitely still bipolar, he often talks about su--- ideation and the mental struggle against mania etc.
i think all this ppl with this diagnosis their disease needs a new name cause actual autism is literally much more severe. For example i know someone with aspergers there is no way what Gabe suffers from compares to that not to say it isnt a treatable pathology but never before have I heard him say about sensory issues or seen disconfort and trust for autism patients its extremely creeplking and pronounced.
Do you need more than the average person or is the world built to meet the needs of nueurotypical people and not you. Like everyone has differing needs no matter who they are but the world was made by neurotyplical people for neurotypical people and us asking for accommodations is really just asking to be on the same playing field as everyone else.
thanks for your honesty and transparency as always. random, but ive been thinking it forever and feel the need to say it even if it comes off weird lol: allison, i have an odd envy of how feminine your hands are. your nails are always painted and you always have jewelry on and its distracting (in a good way) lol
Simultaneously self-indulgent and masochistic. Why seek permission to live your life?