What we can learn from narcissists | Keith Campbell | TEDxUGA
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- Опубликовано: 14 май 2024
- What do Kylie Jenner and the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge have in common? Dr. W. Keith Campbell argues that both require a little bit of narcissism. As head of UGA's Department of Psychology and a leading scholar on narcissism, Dr. Campbell has devoted more than 20 years to studying narcissism and in his tenure, has authored more than 150 academic publications. His talk addresses the complex implications of narcissism: how we can harness its power and avoid failing under its influence.
Dr. W. Keith Campbell is Head of the Department of Psychology. He holds a BA from the University of California at Berkeley, an MA from San Diego State University, and a PhD from the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. Dr. Campbell is the author of more than 150 scientific articles and chapters, and the books, When You Love a Man Who Loves Himself: How to Deal with a One-way Relationship, The Narcissism Epidemic: Living in the Age of Entitlement (with Jean Twenge), and The Handbook of Narcissism and Narcissistic Personality Disorder: Theoretical Approaches, Empirical Findings, and Treatments (with Josh Miller). His work on narcissism has appeared in The New York Times, USA Today, and Time, and he has made numerous radio and television appearances, including The Today Show, NPR’s All Things Considered, Fox News, and CNN.
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at ted.com/tedx
As a person who was married to a narcissist for 5 years I would steer far from this mans light take on the dangers present in a relationship with one. They are tricky and present themselves much different to the world than they are behind closed doors. The only way to be safe is to go full no contact. Kindness is seen as weakness and they will not grow out of it with more love or undersanding
yeah, i don't think he's talking about the ones that are both psychopaths and narcissistic...actually, i don't think he's even talking about the ones that meet the diagnosis of a personality disorder...but that just have narcissistic traits.
@@tdelbruegge I think what he's talking about is self-absorption, not narcissism. Very, very different things.
Star Hunter I really wish they would stop referring to the actual personality disorder as narcissist coz that just means someone who’s vain. NPD is dangerous & we victims end up with anxiety,PTSD..it makes me cringe to hear him say so lightly “a little manipulative”
Nothing outs them more than that unwitnessed behavior launching into rage...over nothing. Behind closed door behavior designed to project a mental burden onto you. Yep everything is twisted into double binds of narc logic. Throw in some narc speak and you don't know what your sitting beside. Those who have been through experiencing a cluster b definitely have a more malovent definition of the word narcissist.
Yeah. I don't think people should be confusing someone with a narcissistic personality disorder with someone who might just be a little arrogant or selfish. I don't refer to people as narcissists if I am not specifically pointing out "Narcissistic personality disorder". And you're right...these people are toxic individuals that are best avoided. They will manipulate all those around them at all times.
For those who have to deal with one because it is a family member, it should be done on your terms and keep an arms length away from them and at the end of the day, you get away. Always keep in mind these people are manipulators that do not think like you do. That's what they take advantage of.
The only thing I learned from my Narc, was how to run and run fast. In the totally opposite direction. Never to be seen again. Like seeing an agent in the matrix, run!
and how long were u with this guy.i bet probly for way too long which would be after about a week.didnt u?
Exactly
😆👏👏👏
@@shanehester5317 😷👈😆
Congrats. I stuck it out twenty plus years. You were bright.
In the last "argument" I had with my narcissist ex bf he literally told me he expected me to "bow down to him". I laughed out loud & walked out the door to never be controlled by him again. Please anyone who is in an abusive relationship with someone who may be narcissistic, know your worth & that you deserve to be around people who appreciate you, & want to see you smile everyday.
That was powerful "People Who Want To See You Smile Everyday" Simple but true advice and would have saved many
THEY ARE SO DANGEROUS they destroy everything they touch...this should not be treated this so lightly.
Morgan Helfrich Yeah the guy don’t know what he’s talking about. No one knows unless they’ve been a deep relationship with a true narcissist. People just have this stereotype of a narcissist , but it’s just far from the truth.
Yeah, big difference between:
“Hey honey, wanna hear about how awesome I am? High five!”
and
over 20 years of being manipulated into believing I was the sole reason for all of *his* abuse, all of *his* anger, rage, lies, unhappiness, failures, and shame.
20 years of being gaslighted until I didn’t just *think* I was crazy...
I *knew* I was.
Because by then, I actually *was*
And I didn’t just *think* I wasn't good enough...
I *knew* I wasn’t.
Because I never was and never *could* be.
It’s been 4 years since our marriage ended and I’m through the worst of it. I’m still working through stuff, but I’ll be ok. At least he’s out of my heart, and most importantly, out of my head. My kids will be dealing with the emotional and psychological trauma of his abuse for many more years, probably for the rest of their lives.
Yep, I’d take an ‘awesome high-fiver’ over a husband with npd any day.
Tiffany Cheshire 🙏
if what u say is true why do so many ladies decide to be with these type guys.
@@shanehester5317 Because they are seductive and charming.
The narcissist is: ....what's in it for me.
They are deficient in empathy.
They will try to knock you down to inflate themselves. (Even when asked about this, the narcissist said it is a matter of his policy.)
Perfectly stated~ Thanks so much!
Not exactly true I have empathy and morals.
I learned that the more love you put into a narcissist the more they will hate you for it. So as you are giving your heart to this person they are plotting to destroy you. Eventually they have you right where they want you. Which is on the end of their puppet string.
So very true
This is a joke.. he isn’t talking about how they attack you and make you cry when you haven’t done anything wrong at all..
Nor the manipulation. Or what about about the crushing loneliness and low confidence that a person in a relationship with them feels.
narcissism is dark, complex and difficult for anyone to understand unless they have experienced it. Most people that are actually in a narcissistic relationship don’t even 100% understand it...
is this guy even qualified to talk about this?..
I think he is a narcissist himself...
Sarah Pascoe good f#+ing luck with that! Do you think a narc wants your help? Well they don't. All they want is the attention, they would have liked help they would have worked their way out themselves, but that's not what they want. Spend your time trying to heal somebody else's soul and you'll get so stuck into their riddicolous spiral of damage that then you'll spend double of the time to heal yourself and guess what? They won't be there for you because they will always have other issues. Because their life matters more, no matter how much love, generosity, kindness you will give. No matter if you try to heal them, make them feel safe.
Everyone has to save themselves and you can only help who wants the help. All the rest is suicidal!
Aurora Verstegen I think he might be a narcissist
@@selynasteriska All the rest is suicidal. I would never have imagined that this type of abuse almost made a once strong, independent and sweet woman, not want to live.
I think TED talks are generally very good. But here they should not even do this topic if they are just going to give it a pop-psychology look. I just don’t think they would want to be that real and dark. NPD is real and hugely damaging to all who have any close relationship with one with it.
Hey Ted. Why don't you talk about true narcissism. ( Malignant Narcissism ) A near complete lack of empathy which results in highly corrosive actions to innocent people...about the machiavellian wolf in sheeps clothing who has no compassion or love and how they live in a barren world of bleak, cold hopelessness.
Thats true narcissism.
You should have done the TED Talk!
Steve Robson actually that's sociopathy. they usually go somewhat hand in hand though.
yeah pretty much by definition...
Covert Marc's are even worse because they are subtle and "normal" The partner is the crazy one with all the problems. :(
Sandra Muns but half of those who claim to have suffered thusly will usually be the one called the covert narcissist because those without control over their emotions will always project their own insecurities. this is kindergarten Jung... that's not universally true. but most of those girls who think they keeping meeting narcissists turn out to be the ones diagnosed narcissistic. don't put too much weight in the gender specifics here either... it's not universally one way or another. but that specific case is all too common.
NPD/abusive personality disorder is much more than 1% to 2% of the population. It's much more mainstream than what he's describing.
There's no such thing as abusive personality disorder. Abuse is often a choice, and personality disorders are diagnosed for people whose own lives are harmed by their pattern of thought, emotion and behaviour. Most abusers are not significantly harmed by their abusive behaviour, and literally cannot be described by a pathology - it's been tried plenty with war criminals.
Kim McLeod. I totally agree with you. This needs to be out in the open, because it’s on the rise and it will destroy communities.
Until falling for a narcissist the year my husband died as well as many important people in my life, I never imagined that kind of abuse. It dam near destroyed me. I'm still and prob always will be strongly affected by it.
My heart goes out to you. That's terrible. Only you now how that feels. I have one living next door. my life is hell but, I'm learning to ignore him and try to forgive, not easy, you were trapped.Don't blame yourself. I hope time is a healer for you and you'll see the sun once more your message here, is the first step of letting go, talk to someone if it helps. Write you feelings down, then try to put it behind you. The person may not be around anymore, but their power remains. I have harbored bad feelings and bitterness. thoughts that eat away at myself. don't carry a stone around , get rid of it.in your shoe. Try to think and focus on other things. I wish you luck. in my prayers. Pete.
Kimberly Tagert m
Grace Lovell thank you Grace I am,getting stronger daily and realiaxing that it's a big epidemic that we need to make people more aware of.
Kimberly Tagert me too, smeared, falsely accussed with police, psychological abduction, gaslighting,triangulation etc full breakdown material. people need to know these remorseless bullies should be contained as their evil is like dealing with a demonic haunt, no escape,families and reputations destroyed because of these liars. it disgusts me hearing anyone applaud bad character.
Kimberly Tagert Same story here Kimberly. Met mine at a grief group of all things. If I may play a card for us, if they can prey upon the grieving there are no boundarys to the people they target. Stay safe & keep learning.
"They are more likely to be A LITTLE MANIPULATIVE"??? Seriously??? This guy is TOTALLY misrepresenting narcissism. He is clueless about how dangerous and destructive it is. He is NOT helping.
And he is underestimating the number of narcissists. It is NOT 1% of the population. At least, in Washington DC it is about 50% of the population and in NYC maybe 30%. People here are manipulative, egoistic, flaky, exploitative, etc.
i believe he is talking about the ounce of "healthy" narcissim in each one of us. I don't think he understands NPD or the effects it has on others.
he's dumbed it down for those who havent had the first hand life decimating narcissistic experience.
@@thelillypad9567 And that's why people throw around the term "narcissist" like everyone has a little narcissism in them. No, everyone doesn't of course. People can have selfishness or even a bit of an inflated ego, but that isn't narcissism. Young people can be quite selfish and grow out of it because it is that age where they take things for granted and have a little bit of a entitlement attitude before they learn how things work in the real world.... that isn't narcissism.
Wish people could do a better job identifying psychopaths, sociopaths and narcissists vs. your typical selfish jerks out there.
Society rewards this type of behavior. Think of a car sales man. If you feel bad about every time you rip someone off, your not going to last very long. Politicians lie, cheat, and steal on a daily basis. Lie, cheating and stealing can and does get you higher on the cooperate ladder.
Wow, the comments are so much better to read compared to listening to this Ted Talk. GO Real People!!
Saw your comment and decided to read the comments and skip the talk! I can imagine how lightly this guy talks about narcissism based on the comments. Clearly, he doesn't really understand it.
Not really.
That's right. I agree.
This guy is out to lunch narcissism is an epidemic. Half of my office are narcs. 6 out 13. I have a degree in psyche. 4 are covert and 2 overt. Narcissism is a very big problem in society today
2 Timothy 3:1-7
But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people. ...
Fzig555, the jezebel
Lindey Coombs Completely Agree. Very dangerous people
The speaker also has a couple of degrees in psychology, and does clinical research on narcissism and NPD.
Agreed. Cluster B's are at an all time high in current society
I think this is a clear example of someone that views Narcissism from the outside, having never experienced a truly narcissistic person.
I was raised by a narcissist, and have - unfortunately - dated narcissists in the past. While they appear incredibly interesting to the outside world, their hearts are empty. And they are incapable of sacrificial love.
I disagree with his take on this personality disorder.
I just decided to cut ties with a narcissist because I was mentally drained. Let’s just say he didn’t take it well.
Why do you label them as such?
If you go to work, and you're like, "Everybody suck up to me. High-five. I'm awesome!" And then you go home, and you're like, "Hey kids, Daddy's awesome. High-five Daddy." And then you're like, "Hey honey, wanna hear about how awesome I am?" You could eventually be the President of the United States.
What's amazing is his voters just can't see it. I find that so mind boggling.
Donovan Michael seems like you both have real narcissism for thinking your better than and smarter than people you don't know about.
They tolerate it because he is honest about himself and appears to the baser nature of his constituents- as does any other politician. They figure- at least he'll succeed in a business sense.
Nailed it! 🤣
....this is literally how my dad spoke to us all
Gotta agree with other comments, this takes narcissism way too lightly. The impact of it on my own life is immeasurable, even though I was not the direct target. From the time I was very young, I recognized my aunt was not right and stayed away from her whenever we had contact. My mom and I lived outside of the country so most of the first 12 years of my life, but up until I was born, when my mom was 37, she lived in close proximity to the rest of the family. So a lot of the damage done to my mom was done before I was born. She is one of the most amazing people I've ever met (and I'm really not just saying that because she's my mom) and she comes off as very confident and happy but she not just zero self-esteem but negative self-esteem. The fact she raised me to have positive self-esteem is basically a freaking miracle, that's how little she has- and it is definitely because of her, because while my aunt is the most destructive, none of my aunts or uncles are mentally healthy, nor are my cousins now. I escaped the worst of the damage by being raised so far away during crucial formative years, though by no means did I escape it all. The biggest difference seems to be I turned my problems inwards whereas they all turned it towards other people. (For anyone thinking it's not possible to have postive self-esteem and still be affected by stuff like this and other mental illness, it is indeed possible, just apparently really, really uncommon) By the time we reestablished ourselves back near family, I was almost a teenager and finally able to recognize just how messed up things were. And, for the first time in her life my mom had someone to tell her that no, this wasn't normal or her fault, _and_ I was willing to stand up to my aunt. The details would literally take a book (or several) to explain but I'll try to paraphrase the results.
At the same time I was standing up to my aunt I also became sick with a rare disease that doctors told me I was in my head so my mom and I had to focus for 6 years before the correct diagnosis. Which wasn't even cured by the initial surgery and the rare disease is actually a spontaneous mutation that gave me a rare genetic disease that caused specific endocrine tumors that can (and have) reoccur at any time. Why is this relevant? Because my aunt, along with help from my paternal genetic contributor (who was very psychologically abusive to my mom) managed to convince very nearly everyone my mom has ever know (save my grandparents) that my mom has brainwashed me _and has been making me sick for over 25 years._ Despite medical proof and testimony that yes, 8 am sick and that no, I *choose* not to have contact with any relative, save my mom.
Despite 20 years away from them, endless therapy and mental and emotional support, my mom is still one of the most damaged people I know. But again, the difference is she turns all the pain inwards (gee, I wonder where I learned it) because that is what a narcissist taught her she deserved. The scariest part, is from what I've read, pretty standard for what happens with narcissists. Oh sure, the specific details change, but not how they operate or the amount of sheer damage they do. I consider myself and my mom pretty lucky for breaking away because not everyone can. There's so much of an emphasis on "but FAAAAAMILY!" that people are pressured into not cutting these people out or their families off and are treated like bad people if they do!
So yeah... narcissism is not to be taken lightly. I think what's going on today is a problem with people being self-absorbed which is *not* the same as being a narcissist.
A toxic but compelling manipulator boss gave me a PhD in narcissism
Lol me too
It was my very own mother 😑
You don't DECIDE to not be a narcissist! WTF??? This guy is a hack! You don't just tell someone to not be a narc and to not have too big an ego. Narcissists have NO EMPATHY. They don't give a DAMN what you tell them.
@Nicholas Ramirez Haltenhof NO, a Narc can ACT like they have empathy to extract more information from you. HOWEVER listen closley to their choice of words, usually it's totally off from what a "normal" person would say in that situation and describing that emotional state of mind.. highly mechanical and they usually have a list of "emotionalwords" they repeat, even if many of the times you wonder why they used that word when it does not really fit into the situation.. like a totallu colorblind person that has learned from others how colors look like so they try their best to describe them. Their emotions are highly limited .. they can feel sadness .. just for you to feel sorry for them (manipulation) .. when they are always a victim in any situation.
@Nicholas Ramirez Haltenhof I'm talking about someone that has NPD .. "ordinary narcissist" would be just an ordinary person that has a little more narc traits..
Narcissists CAN decide to heal, but it's extremely rare. They have to essentially run out of options to the point where they have no choice but to face themselves.
Narcissists like you more when you don’t question them, they prefer to have an upper hand over you. When my husband started getting frequent night calls, I would ask and he would just wave off those calls as unimportant. At a time i could take no more of his lies, I decided l deserve to know what was going on. A friend of mine referred me to this Sage hacker (cyberhackingsage@gmail. com) who helped clone his phone without physically touching it. All I did was send his phone number to this Sage hacker and through a remote link sent to my mail, I was able to access all of his texts, emails, Facebook and Instagram chats, real-time call listening and his long deleted messages as if the phone was physically with me. My husband was a cheating Narcissist and I’m glad i found out all his secrets and infidelity. Perhaps, you are in a similar situation and you need help or you just crave that extra teeny bit of closure, I urge you get in touch with them Via Gmail ( cyberhackingsage@gmail. com) or text and WhatsApp them on +15713758467. Thank me later.
@Nicholas Ramirez Haltenhof lol, no narcs do not have empathy! They only care about themselves!
The word is misleading, they are psychopaths so normal initially, the subtle abuse escalates into horrific daily rage tantrums.
They pathologically lie which is their key to power & why they feel superior to the non-liars. It's a very dangerous disorder not to be underestimated or confused with being vain
I was a little confused while listening to this talk. Because I know if you have full blown narcissist personality disorder you are very much like and maybe are a psychopath. So when I heard this I got confused but thanks for clearing it up for me and letting me realize that it shouldn't be taken as someone who is vain.
Yeah I’m superior to most people 🤘🏿because I’m doing me
Narcissism is not rare. The 1-2 % is because they rarely get psychological help. They follow standards to get the attention they missed from their childhood. Following standards should be about their results, not whether we get enough love or not. Narcissists have pathological envy and will tear down skilled people because of their fragile sense of self-worth. They are dangerous to your health because of the PTSD that occurs, and PTSD can take years to heal, damaging our economy, adding needless health costs, and ruining people's lives. It's also a disorder that is increasing when most other disorders are stable.
Consciousness Exploration I agree with every word you say!!!! Sooo TRUE!!!☺️✌️
That is a pretty interesting view, and modern western societies have this problem *baaaad*.
Consciousness Exploration
Well said
The trauma and PTSD that results from narcissism is an huge social crisis that needs to have a light shined on it. I have had personal experiences that have awakened me to the collective crisis that this is. Time is up....it's either give in to the narcissists or start healing.
Now I know why my ex husband, the king of all malignant covert narcissists, loves this show!!! His disorder is validated and encouraged as healthy! Hey Ted, why don’t you wake up and come watch my 6 year old yell and scream and cry in anguish and has low self esteem suddenly and bc the covert sneaky father he has, he is not allowed to have feelings and in my home, I’m doing the opposite. Heard of brainwashing to the point where you lost your identity and sense of reality!! That happened to me and it’s the worst thing I’ve ever experienced. I’m recovered mostly but my child didn’t have a chance to even have an identity.
I don`t like this. It treats the matter waaay too lightly.
I would sum up this speech as glib.
He was talking about the 3 types, and then specialised on grandiose narcissism. His background is in organizational psychology. I come across him alot.
Most people on this RUclips comments section are interested in vulnerable narcissism. He should do another talk on this type. His journal papers are very good. Im interested in the dark side of leadership, so I am familiar with him. If you want to learn more about vulnerable narcissism then try checking out psychology today website, Adrian Furhnom is very good on this topic.
My policy with narcissists is to steer clear and if unable, to be careful them, while at the same time being assertive with them.
This guy obviously has zero experience with a real narc.
Aubrey Or maybe he is one
What a silly thing to say. He is social psychologist who does clinical research on narcissism.
He has over 100 studies and like 60,000 citations and what do you have to show you do not have any knowledge about narcissism’s? Likes on your comment
Made my laugh..made my day. Thank you. ;) @@andresmarquez6279
Doctors/psychologists-state opinion, as they are actually educated on the subject
McDonald’s worker named Aubrey: he doesn’t know what he’s talking about FOH
A “little manipulation.”??? A little? That’s all they do is manipulate!
And lie to cover up more lies and set people up by constant provoking.. education is key!!!
😹 I wondered if someone would pick up on that
they only live to lie. lie to everyone about everything all the time as an existential quality even toddlers pickup on; and that is what you call a talent for survival.
Narcissism is not about high five and talking about ones self. If that is all it was it would not be such an issue. Narcissistic can wound and distruct anothers mental health. They can also split and gurt themselves etc.
The main traits are
1. Manipulators, play mind games.
2. Gigantic ego
3. Lack of empathy
4. Attention seeker
5. Give silent treatments
6. They do not have any kind of honesty
7. Liars
8. Sorry is not in their dictionary, they never mean it
And there are many people- better people who deserve TED Talks than this guy. Tell me something I don't already know.
I don't need a stand up comedian to inform me on this subject, thank you very much.
Help me pls
I feel no one deserves to be in a relationship with a narcissist they are terrible people that feel entitled thank God for my friend who referred me to an hacker and i was able to hack my narcissist partner's phone, all i did was to share his phone number with (geniustracker) without touching his phone and see all the proofs i needed for a divorce and even terrible things they had planned contact John to help he is a genius. You can text/call +1 (415) 323-6758 or reach him on WhatsApp +1 (724) 330-3252 and also write to Via Gmail (geniustracker701) and don't forget to thank me later...
The term narcissism is used too loosely. It's far too comflext for us to ignore!!!
I almost died 2ce in my 20 years marriage with narcissist. There isn’t anything good to learn from them.
Dr. Campbell did an excellent job of a quick overview of narcissism, especially in just 10 minutes. He's a excellent speaker and professor. I don't agree with most of the comments here. There are a lot of different types of narcissism, and Dr. Campbell views the subject objectively and with empathy.
** Edited for clarity
Thank you! Finally a comment from a thinking person here! :) Have a good day)
You're teaching narcissism? Oh my god. You're talk is shallow and irresponsible.
And dangerous.
The only thing to know about a true narcissist is how to get away from these disturbed/toxic people as fast as possible.
I can't understand how this is a Ted Talk at all. I specialize in narcissistic abuse and essentially, Keith Campbell didn't have much to say about how narcissism impacts relationships. Being in a relationship with a narcissist is soul crushing and confusing. A trauma bond is formed and you feel like you can never escape. He is talking about ice bucket challenges?! This has motivated me to do try to do a Ted Talk of my own on the dangers of being with a narcissist. Thanks for inspiring me!
he makes narcissism sound harmless. so wrong.
I was abused emotionally & verbally by a narcissist. I have since left but it deeply affected me. But I have to disagree with your statement, personally. I have a few core values that I practice even when no one is looking. 1) I will never dehumanize anyone, for any reason. 2) I believe there is something to be learned from everyone, listen to people like they know something you do not.
Despite the terrible abusive & controlling nature of my narcissistic experience, I learned a few invaluable life lessons from him, & that experience. For one, when someone shows you who they really are, believe them the first time. & to understand how to have compassion for those who are broken inside. I knew he was pathological, & it allowed me to take a step back & forgive him for the abuse he put me through. It has helped me immensely to let go of the grudge in my soul.
I don't think this speaker was deliberately trying to to minimize the horrors of narcissism, but more to shed light on it from a different perspective. That is kind of what TED is about, new ideas. So for that, I thought it was a good talk.
Lol sounds like society has just evolved to make men more confident than women and we see men as narcissist... but the echo part was interesting. We like people who echo our thoughts ha ha
This topic is treated too flippantly for entertainment purposes and it’s very destructive.
The speaker is very impressive. He doesn’t seem to have a single scar! That’s truly awesome. Now to place my ego back in the toolbox. ✌️
He does not have a single scar because he has obviously never met a narcissist in his lifetime!
8 minutes in and I still don’t see what is to be learned from narcissists based on his speech. I don’t see the relevance of the Kylie anecdote....how does that help ME?! Social media has only inflated their egos 1000%
Nothing. It was utter low level rubbish.
As someone who both suffered from a narcissistic father and struggles with having his nature not all of us are the same in the same way not everyone with extreme anger issues hits their wife. We're normal people with dark tendencies at times. I fight my own nature constantly.
Narcissistic abuse is real and insidious. What we really learn is to love ourselves, so that we’re not drawn into the idealization of a narcissist who will then devalue, and eventually discard us.
I trained quite a few guys at work. I never got tired when they told me how good I was. Asked them to repeat it again and again. And again.
I think another a good way to rephrase the argument that "well need a bit of narcissism in our lives" is not to call it narcissism at all, but say "there's a healthy percentage seeking validation". Everyone loves being complimented, doing good things for others to make good bonds, and being Narcissistic does in fact get you places in your career and life, is sadly a game we have to play cautiously. None deserves to be a doormat or a human sacrifice.
Narcissism as many scholars and psychologist argue is so hard to track down because is such an inconsistent phenomenon that the only consistency is the same result; people feeling confused, angry and in despair. Because we can't fully track it down we can't really make simple and easy to understand examples of it that feel precise. I hear the argument that Social media is to blame at the moment (which is a solid point) but that model of behavior cant fully applied to all Narcissistic people. I have experienced people that are quite empathic and still use it and people that show be quite Narcissistic yet they don't indulge in traditional social media presence yet they seek validation in more straight forward ways like work and relationships. You see how strange that feels? We can consider social media a training camp for Narcissism and yet disconnecting doesn't keep us safe from developing Narcissistic tendencies or meeting Narcissistic people in the present moment.
Another example is Narcissistic people never seek psychological help because they feel they are so grandiose. I try not to fixate on that trait too much because I believe that Narcissists have mental health too, because they can't act remorseful to their victims or recognize they have a grandiose ego. The isolation and people running away constantly might make them overtime anxious and depressed which might lead to treatment because their sickness is too bothersome. This doesn't mean they will get diagnosed with Narcissistic traits they will get treated for depression and anxiety and there is where the data gets murky by psychologists informing that NPD is very rare.
The only assertive point that I can advise to people is just to BE VERY CAREFUL, offline, online, with family, friends, lovers, co-workers. All suspicions of someone being a Narc are valid, yet taking action over the matter is something you have to really walk on your toes and if you're absolutely convinced... LEAVE AND SAVE YOURSELF!!!! but quietly.
I feel no one deserves to be in a relationship with a narcissist they are terrible people that feel entitled thank God for my friend who referred me to an hacker and i was able to hack my narcissist partner's phone, all i did was to share his phone number with (geniustracker) without touching his phone and see all the proofs i needed for a divorce and even terrible things they had planned contact John to help he is a genius. You can text/call +1 (415) 323-6758 or reach him on WhatsApp +1 (724) 330-3252 and also write to Via Gmail (geniustracker701) and don't forget to thank me later...
@@iniubongnkanga9390 hacking someone's phone is a serious overstep of boundaries.
Narcissism is incurable and leaves pain long after the death of the narcissist.
I think the answer is creating better childhoods. I believe narcissists are made and there isn't one out there that isn't also a victim.
@@rocker99908 Stop narcissists from breeding and looking after children and much of the damage can be avoided. Treatment for narcissist abuse victim takes far too long assuming it is possible.
The narcissist can find treatment if they want it or just remain narcissists causing minimal injury.
@@kynchan3332 how do you stop people from breeding?
@@rocker99908 Test them for narcissism first then perform surgery on them.
Of course that would mean I would not be born, but I am perfectly fine with that. My solace was working 60-100 hours a week to be too tired to feel the recurring pain that comes with dwelling during free time and repeating that for 20+ years to avoid meeting the source of narcissism.
@@kynchan3332 what if the test isn't 100% accurate sometimes
My narcissistic alcoholic ex husband destroyed mine and my kids lives
Yes it’s a very dangerous disorder that ruins people’s lives!!
I've been struggling with understanding why a family member acts the way they do, and this video gave me some insight into their behavior. It's tough to deal with, but understanding where they're coming from is a step in the right direction.
Way more than 1% or 2% of the population. Ijs..
Yes this person is not talking about people with NPD or malignant narcissism. He should have mentioned it.
Susanne C he did. He specified in the beginning how he wasn't talking about people with NPD.
My professor at UGA. Great guy and most of the people commenting don't realize there are multiple forms of narcissists. You all see to be mixing that up with a sociopath.
Galina Must ^^^ Exactly.
Thank you! It is very dissappointing to read comments here.
Well, that's ten and a half minutes I can't get back.
I like how the comment section is confusing narcissism, npd, aspd and sociopathy all at the same time.
Thank you. Finally a comment from a thinking person. :) Have a good day!
Same, seems like the term is becoming a "buzzword".
Thank you! I thought I was the only one disagreeing with the comments section “ it seems a lot of people confuse narcissistic people with psychopaths !
As someone who has had my entire life thoroughly ruined by narcissistic family members I am frankly annoyed that this person has delivered such a light hearted take on narcissism.
Why not talk about the scheming Machiavellian mother who favours one child while systematically underfeeding another to stunt their growth and limit their chances of finding a partner, Keith?
Why not talk about the same mother who constantly berates their child with 'you're useless', 'you're hopeless' only for that child to realise in their late 40s that those undermining evaluations occurred while studying for the important exams he sat at age 16.
Why not mention that the 'you're hopeless' trope was continued just long enough after passing all his exams to conceal the reason it was being used (to undermine confidence in being able to achieve anything significant). After three months when I probably wouldn't associate the invalidation with what I was trying to achieve, the 'you're hopeless' accusation was dropped - only for the "you'll never get a wife" stuff to start.
Obviously you can't be expected to know the specifics of my situation, but in general you should know better, Dr Campbell.
This video is like saying "go in that cage and play with the hungry lion - don't worry, he's just like a bigger version of your cat".
Narcissists will do their best to hurt you if you ever have the bad luck to cross their path.
1-2% of the population has narcissism?! No, more like 10%. This guy has no idea what an actual narcissist is in the clinical sense. He should use a different word than narcissism to describe what he's talking about.
He's talking about people who are extroverts and show off, no one will ruin anyone's life by posting selfies and getting famous for very little harm in itself. Narcissists ruin people's lives.
No, he said that narcs are a mix of covert and overt traits. Bible says the gene for it is in all of us, but at the top end of the spectrum is the malignant. It is the Pride Disease.
In Washington DC it's 50% narcissist, in nyc about 30%. They flock to these places.
@@Exsugarbabe1 They particularly ruin the lives of those closest to them.
If someone mentions the word narcissist a wave of hatred and disgust comes soon after so it's really not a term to use for open communication of any kind.
Way more of the population is NPD than 1-2% in corporate, politics, religious organizations and the list goes on and on. Lots of damage happening to non NPDs.
DdddfBriah FourWorlds
Briah FourWorlds I absolutely AGREE
jeffifer junniper Dr. Ramani says 70%
Please make a video in which you speak directly to the Narcissists themselves, and offer your suggestions, techniques, strategies, therapies, etc., that they might utilize to heal, emiliorate, soften, diminish, de-weaponize, etc., their dysfunctional and hurtful behaviors. I thank you in advance.
Yes!!!! Someone needs to be able to help others to talk to Narcissists and some how, get them to understand how they are acting and what it is doing to the people they "love". With so much research out there, why hasn't this been done. I will help!!!
Near the end of his lecture he talks about one of his students (in another lecture) watching a video of a Kardashian driving around in a Ferrari while he was speaking. By the end of this lecture, you will understand why she was doing that.
I just read the title and it caught my attention bc I did learn & made look at myself and the role I was playing I am not taking blame for the craziness & lies of the narcissist behavior but I did focus on myself & continue to work & evolve as a human and sometimes I wonder if I wld of grown & begin to see myself and life on a whole new level
This is exactly what a narcissistic person would say. They have this great speech about the pros of who they are while down playing their horrendous cons.
In all seriousness, when you stated "We Have to use out ego and then put it back to live our lives" We Are different from our egos. Those are not who we are but help us become who we want to be. Narcissist hold on to their ego and manipulation and that's what they live their life through. I have an ex husband this way and his birth mother told me she is very narcissistic amongst other things. I wanted to get back together with him but his mother scared me. I knew he'd never change and printable grow worse if he didn't change. He Had 10 minutes to talk to us on this video. We Know narcissistic people do terrible things but this video is about what they can do differently without talking to then like they are monsters.
Jasmine Jay he freaking starts out by saying that he is NOT talking about the kind of people with the full blown disorder. Just the grandiosity and vanity which enables people to feel like others will be interested to know that they are driving their Ferrari... he isn't inciting anybody to be manipulative or abusive. Just to think highly of themselves. He is advising us to put our egos to good use.
That’s what I was thinking!!
Dear Mr.Campbell, I hope you raised your kids as good and proper narcissists. And one day when you get old and sick and you need them......you will see....;-) Wish you a great day
Narcissism is the pursuit of gratification from vanity or egotistic admiration of one's idealised self-image and attributes. If we are so concerned about it, why do we see the social need to encourage and reward it? Political leadership, movie and sporting stars, etc. Kyle hits the nail on the head: narcissism can be put to good use, but don't let the ego take over.
Grace and Kimberly. My heart goes out to you. How sad. I hope to discuss it helps in the healing process. I have a narc neighbor. It's very hard, but I don't want to hate anyone, but at times it's hard not to. What he has done to me hurts so much. He constantly finds ways to make my life a misery. I was brainwashed as a child, bullied at school, But now, I no longer blame myself. I am me, and not changing for anyone. They have the problem, not me. When I think of a;; the dreadful things that happen in the world as I write, and someone has nothing better to do, than put others down and hurt them, it shows just how much these people are sick. I have to pray for strength. I just hope, you will get over this in time. It's very hard. In my prayers, it helps. moog.
Really enjoyed it! Thank you ☺️
Narcissists are predators. This guy hasn't addressed them at all. This isn't even educational. This video puts uneducated people in pure danger. He knows absolutely nothing about narcissists. Unbelievable
Exactly, Kathy Venne. That's what I was thinking. It's very disturbing.
@HARDEY LEONE He's not talking about narcissism. He thinks he is, but he's not. He's talking about selfishness and self-absorption, which are *not* the same as narcissism. Narcissism *destroys lives.* A lot of lives. Taking issue with the fact this guy is basically saying that "some" narcissism is good is incredibly dangerous (not to mention demeaning to people who have been or are victims or narcissists) are not making it "about their pain." They are correcting dangerous advice, because again, *narcissism destroys lives.*
So stop commenting telling multiple they're wrong, you selfish twit.
How would you change the video to inform people properly?
...to get away from them and their realities....
I've got one. I did not know what he was. But that is not ALL he is. He isn't one of the ones for whom there is no hope. The important thing is that I've discovered what I am since he came along. And it takes narcissism to survive them. I used to be like him. One day he will be like me. Because I used to be like him, I am surviving him. I don't know if we will make it as a couple, but I know I will be able to heal either way, and I will be better for the experience.
You're amazing. Keep up the hard work.
this speaker is clueless on the topic. His talk should be discarded.
Vivienne Schultz just like yours
What are you credentials to imply such thing? What is your background and experience? Dating/marrying one sociopath and calling him narcissist because you couldn't figure the proper noun?
I have high levels of narcissism yet have high levels of empathy, iv learned how to mirror but don't use it unless I want to make a friend but it wears me out rather than inspires me. I learned a lot off the narcissist I met. If I didn't meet the narcissist I wouldn't have done the self help that set me free of chronic anxiety
THANK YOU.
Don't become the person who abused/ betrayed you.
Yup that guy likes to comment on the internet
He seems to know very little about Narcissism - either the level most of us have which is generally considered healthy, the varying spectrum of traits which range from bad to worse, right up to the actual disorder which is a destroyer of lives. Some variation of the Cluster B personality disorders exist in about 1 in 7 - that means 1 billion people impacting the other six. Yes, I agree - his heavily diluted and breezy summary is apt to do more harm than good -
Apologies come very easy to me after dealing with a narcissist
The comments here which say this speaker doesn't know what he's talking about provide a good indicator that the word "narcissism" has been misapplied to behaviors that are abusive, not narcissistic. Abuse is not a feature of narcissism. Abuse is more likely an indicator of anti-social personality disorder, addiction, alcoholism, anger management or something else. Somehow the word "narcissism" has come to mean something other than its clinical meaning. Abuse = ASPD, not NPD. The speaker's statistics and explanation are correct.
Even ASPD is severely misunderstood. People with it can have real friends for example, and are diagnosed based on criminal/disruptive behaviour which isn't necessarily abusive, sometimes just about getting thrills from theft and similar kinds of law breaking. Plus it has been correlated with childhood abuse and neglect as well as poverty.
YES!!! Finally a comment from a thinking person! Thank you and have a good day!
Thanks for your input. Much needed.
Like the others have said thank you for a halfway decent comment. People highly misunderstand narcissism and they seem to blow up every time it's mentioned.
I learned nothing
This talk is really refreshing as rather than condemn, judge, compare, negativate, evock guilt..., there is a healthy approach to look at narcissism from a certain number of angles relatively.
I would add that we have both good and bad ego.
The call for progress within each person encourages a personal attempt to seek and find one's limitlessness in a healthy way. Anytime we are ready to. This is Trust at its best. As it is self trust.
Thank you Doctor. 🌷
I really love the book called No bad parts
Truly recommend it ❤
The most important Ted Talk of my life
These are some of the best comments I have ever read
His speech on Narcissists is pretty bland!
Ugh. It’s those covert ones you gotta watch for. Oh the lies. The life destruction.
Our society was always narcissistic as we can’t escape from our egos - it’s our essential part and being self aware of myself is really important- my true motives and reasonings
Without ego we won’t thrive
Plus our society is based on entertainment- it never changed
However , he is right if getting rid of leaders there will be no fun
So, I would be careful and I am pretty sure that we will be unhappy when fun people will be out of sight so good to reflect on myself and be honest
And I came to conclusion that I like to be entertained however by being aware of my true feelings I still able to work on my better me without blaming others and projecting on them insecurities
The same thing we can learn from Electric Fences....."KEEP AWAY"
i think the book i'm writing is destined for an award. I think the poems i write are so much better than i read online. I only have confidence in my writing life, not in most other areas of life, because i feel i found myself as a writer. Sounds grandiose right ?
I survived a 33 year marriage to an extremely malignant narcissist. I'm lucky to be alive. It is a very serious, extremely dangerous and terribly sad mental disorder. I don't think genuine narcissism is anything to take lightly, or to want to aspire to. I think I do understand he means well, but true narcissism has no virtue, or admirable quality in it whatsoever.
I’d be perfectly happy with cat videos and Keith asking how I’m doing 🤣
We underestimate the hole to which they possess..we underestimate how sick they are. That's why people keep trying and going further for them.
He's completely WRONG!!!! 👎🏾👎🏾👎🏾
I believe the numbers are off the only way we've 1% stat is because narcs answered questions. In my exp/ Liars etc ...& How frightening Encouraging Narcissism to the little ones.
TY:)
I think he has some great point. I’ve lived with narcissist abuse, but he is pointing out the most common traits we see EVERYWHERE we look.
Extroversion and Narcissism are NOT the same thing. We seem to be mistaking one for the other and OMG they are not remotely similar. One is a destructive personality style that often enough hovers just on the side of criminality but not enough for the law to do anything, the other (extroversion) is a trait displayed by NPDs and normals. It's NOT harmful and does not thrive on humiliating, harming, denegrating, endangering and abusing people. Massive difference
Oh trust me once you have been married to one you know what a narcissist is!
I feel no one deserves to be in a relationship with a narcissist they are terrible people that feel entitled thank God for my friend who referred me to an hacker and i was able to hack my narcissist partner's phone, all i did was to share his phone number with (geniustracker) without touching his phone and see all the proofs i needed for a divorce and even terrible things they had planned contact John to help he is a genius. You can text/call +1 (415) 323-6758 or reach him on WhatsApp +1 (724) 330-3252 and also write to Via Gmail (geniustracker701) and don't forget to thank me later...
Your personal experience is hugely important and not to be discounted. Ever. It's your truth as survivors. You must hold onto it. It's what helps you heal. And while you do so, and collect knowledge and understanding along the way, it's important to avoid the seductive trap of equating the knowledge of someone like Dr. Keith Campbell and the many untrained gurus on RUclips who are making it up as they go along.
This man has been studying the subject of narcissism--the trait and the disorder--for much of his life. I'm glad he's sharing his wealth of knowledge, and it's a welcome antidote to so much of the nonsense on the internet.
I'm encouraged that many of you are listening and taking in what he has to say. I'm a little discouraged that some are discounting facts provided by an internationally renowned expert in the field of narcissism. From expedience I know it's because he dared to draw upon the scientific evidence for "adaptive narcissism," which, to date, is is measured by 4 different instruments (a component of the NPI, LA; "admiration," on the NARQ; "autonomous narcissism," on Wink's measures; and "healthy narcissism on the NSS). The evidence for healthy narcissism, which I think of simply as seeing ourselves through slightly rose colored glasses, is rigorous (replicated again and again) and cross-cultural. It's also called self-enhancement.
All he's saying is that when people become so attached to that rosy view of themselves that they become blind to needs and feelings of others, that's when they're likely to lie, steal, cheat--hurt others--and be diagnosed with disordered narcissism, or narcissistic personality disorder.
Bear in mind, too, that although he doesn't elaborate on it, the danger of losing the capacity for healthy self-enhancement is that we fall into relationships with narcissistic friends and pattern--becoming Echo to their Narcissus (I call this echoism).
You have a right to your opinion, of course. But in science, we have to support our theories with facts. I can tell you that Dr. Campbell has decades of research and studies, with thousands of narcissists, informing everything he says. He literally wrote the book on narcissism.
It's called the Handbook of Narcissism and Narcissistic Personality Disorder (and he's the co-editor).
Get off your high horse. Psychology is not exact science and your facts have very blurry bounds. He wrote a book doesn't make him right. Thanks for letting me know which book not to waste my time on.
His book belongs in FICTION section. Then I'm OK with tales he's telling.
I don't think clinical narrsissum is as rare as you think it is.
Go trade some rare Pokémon. People who are not trying to get more powerful are very few
Watch *The Imaginary Gallery* with *TJ* . He has a great of putting things and deserves more subscribers. Also fan of thrive after abuse and many others x
This guy is wrong on a lot of his points....let him go thru a "relationshit" with one and then talk about it...totally different story!!
Learn the difference between narcissism and sociopathy ;) Then you'll understand that his points are right.
@@stephanebedos2112 others here agree with me. Read other comments here. I have 30 years experience and education in the field.
Psychopath,Sociopath,Narcissist,Borderline? I know them all. Read the other comments below.
I know someone who needs to listen to this. Ice bucket challenge LMAO she did this with our kids… Classic narcissist!
Dealing or living with a narcissist is miserable. .Run away from them. that is all.
Narcissism can be good if it’s controlled and used in a good way 🤷🏽♂️ and people here are saying their partners were this and that 🤦🏽♂️
Ignorance is bliss, they say...
I think the hypersensitiv narcissism description is not the same diagnose as the grandiose narcissism. In both cases the individual aims at holding on to a reality construct, but the hypersensitiv does not always have grandiose beliefs about themselves, only convictions of spiritual truths, which experience the standard of regular selfishness and elevated vanity as very toxic. There is no common language.
Please invite Prof. Sam Vaknin to do a talk on Narcissism.
Hey, so after reading many of the comments I find myself sort of on the line.
I was in a devastating relationship with a Narcissist so I know how actually dangerous that are, yet on the other side of the coin I do agree with this guy about learning something from Narcissistic individuals.
We all have a certain amount of Narcissism in us, and especially after being involved in an intimate relationship with a real NPD person, well that relationship can help us sort of meter ourselves a little better as to; when to be more assertive, when to toot our own horns and when not to.
We're all amazing individuals, and it brings to mind one thing that Dr.McCoy said from the original Star Trek, which if memory serves me is,
"In all the stars in this galaxy, and billions of galaxies more, in all of that and perhaps even more, thers is only 1 Jim Kirk"
There is only one of each of us in all the know universe, and I think that is something we should focus on a little more.
i was in a relationship with a narcissist that might be a sociopath or psychopath as well. The whole relationship I questioned my self worth. He would lift me up just to stomp me down over & over again for 3 years. Everyone told me to get out & run away, but I couldn’t see why, I was in love with all the good we had that I honestly pushed all the bad aside to make him happy. But the truth was he was happy when he made me feel low. He was the happiest when he knew I had given him control. The moment I stood up for myself was the moment it got physical. He made me out to be the “crazy” woman online & his friends would laugh at me for the things he did to me. I was embarrassed, ashamed & low. The whole thing was so stressful I landed myself in the hospital with a heart problem. Even then I didn’t see it for what it was. He was no where to be found as I would collapse on the floor from poor circulation. Even then “I was making up illnesses for attention not until a friend of mind introduced me to this Instagram user (@Tech_Expert211) who helped me to access my husband's phone & gave me all the necessary informations I need so i can get a divorce,now I'm free from my narc husband ...i can totally recommend him to virtually everyone cause he saved my dying life..
And ever since then i always share my story to save victims out there who are frustrated with there Narc and are looking for a way out......
Very cruel people, they get pleasure out if hurting others. Leaning on sadistic. Get away from this relationship.
I feel no one deserves to be in a relationship with a narcissist they are terrible people that feel entitled thank God for my friend who referred me to an hacker and i was able to hack my narcissist partner's phone, all i did was to share his phone number with (geniustracker) without touching his phone and see all the proofs i needed for a divorce and even terrible things they had planned contact John to help he is a genius. You can text/call +1 (415) 323-6758 or reach him on WhatsApp +1 (724) 330-3252 and also write to Via Gmail (geniustracker701) and don't forget to thank me later...