I am sooooooo thankful for the part about the 'I don't call it more feminine or more male, it's just more me' idea...wow. really got me, because THAT is a habit I could definitely let go of and by doing so move so much more to me/towards me. Thanks for the inspo...and thanks for being open-hearted. :)
Piercings have been a wonderful thing for me. I used to feel so awkward and anxious when I caught people looking at me in public. Now it's like, I KNOW what they're looking at. And I don't feel as anxious.
I love how playfully and openly you discuss experimenting with gender and self-expression. Your kind approach to noticing your preferences and honoring yourself is so lovely!
I'm allergic to most metals, so I can't get any more piercings, but I've found that tattoos have been such a great way for me to express myself and feel more comfortable in my body. I love the idea of being covered in art!
You react to surgical steel and sterling silver also? I ask because I know I reacted to cheap clip on earrings I had and didn't know why. That's when I discovered my metal allergy. I haven't been specifically tested yet, but I haven't had any trouble so far with the two metals I mentioned. But tattoos are definitely a good was to express yourself for sure.
Cheap metals are a problem for me, yes, but I've also had some difficulties with sterling silver. My body just seems to reject most foreign metals. It would certainly be helpful to get tested!
Titanium or niobium may work for you. Sterling silver is usually 92.5% silver and 7.5% copper, which can still cause allergies if you're really sensitive to it.
I just recently started doing this. I started with cutting my hair short. I've had so many different haircuts. I found that I like mohawks, fohawks, and undercuts. Then as for scent I also really like men's cologne and soaps. I started using men's suave shampoo and old spice wolfthorn spray! I might gauge my ears. I'm thinking about that one.
I found this through lurking on a terf forum. In what I think was a confusing attempt to mock you, they described what I thought sounded like an absolutely wonderful video - and I was right. Thank you for sharing all this. As a non-binary person who is currently tattoo- and piercing-less, but has lately been mulling over the idea of changing that, I find this video confirming.
Haven't worn my earring in a while.Gotta go through and pick some I like.Had a nose piercing,but it closed.*Sigh* I'll get that re-done soon.I really loved it.
I love this so much and thank you for all of it. As I explore my own identification as non-binary it has less and less to do with my outward expression and more and more to do with my inward presence. “My fashion and expression thereof” are subordinate to my thoughts, emotions and reactions to life and people, my grounding as neither male or female. My gender is me. Not clothes or scent. Im not trying to antagonize at all. Just different I guess. Keep doing you! Again, thank you so much.
I swear I didn't watch this video until tonight. But, I went and got my ears pierced 6 days ago. So good timing. I'm fortunate to work somewhere where it doesn't matter (restaurant business). On that note, I recommend to anyone interested seeking out a professional piercer rather than having it done at a place at the mall or a big box store. The professional piercer will use sterile equipment and a new sterile needle rather than the gun that the places at the mall use. It was a good experience. I asked someone for a local reference and then read reviews on the shop to find a reputable place.
Love your video! I have always been drawn to women's things. I have made small changes and I know it is right when when I look in the mirror and feel happy. I started wearing larger hoop earrings and got my nose pierced. I have also grown my hair out. I feel more at ease with myself. I don't want to become a women. I like nourishing both my masculine and feminine sides. Not hiding my feelings has been stress reducing.
Why are hoop earrings “women’s things”? What does long hair have to do with female? Loads of men have long hair. Stop stereotyping sex and gender for goddness sake.
Thank you so much for been here, doing all this material, about your experience and sharing yourself as well as your knowledge. It´s really valuable and helping.
I'm allergic to all perfumes and colognes. The only thing I can wear are female body sprays which are Cherry Blossom, Lavender, Vanilla, or Mint, otherwise I will sneeze my head off.
I feel gender neutral too!! I kinda want to get some more unconventional piercings. Atm I really want to have an industrial piercing, cause I love how it looks and it's not really gendered!
Love the video (I always do,) but hate the music. (Actually, it's just turned up too loud for your generally soft voice.) But as always, good thoughts to consider. Thanks.
I have been doing this for a while now but the other way around, preferring women's deodorant cologne spray (playboy and lynx brands as they are somewhere in between obvious female and obvious male aromas.) Also wearing tall teez and baggy wool-woven styled cardigans. (Winter here btw.) My hair is long as hell too!
I agree that often the most significant changes a person can make are often very small and insignificant to outside observers. I happen to be married and both transgender and intersex yet I choose to respect my spouse in everything. So I do those simple things for myself like grow my hair down to my shoulders and beyond. My earrings are fantastic and from time to time I go beyond that. I am very open with my spouse out of love and respect, it is the only way we as humans can thrive. It did take a while for my spouse to take this all in. Ideally she would fully embrace Hannah in the flesh as well as in my soul but that would be too much to expect. So we just keep on loving each other everyday in the little ways. We are not just survivors, we cling to our love. I may change but our love will not. Is Hannah real? Oh yes.
I'm still trying to not worry about what people think when I smell more feminine or wear more feminine clothing... I was assigned male at birth, and every fibre of my being tells me I'm not really male. I recently just came out to my mom and I also saw a gender therapist, but I have no idea what to say. It feels like I might get denied hormones because of my nervousness/shyness... Please, any advise would be greatly appreciated!
This was great... I've been playing around with scent... more feminine... I like it... My kids do too. :-) I'd love to find a "happy medium" with how I present myself. How about tips on clothing... Thank you.
I was given a perfume for Christmas called tommy girl. It’s a Hilfigure. And I find it more pleasantly neutral than my old Vera wang. I have to agree, the men’s department for perfume is much more appealing to me than anything in the women’s. And it isn’t because I’m attracted to men. I would even try using aftershave if I ever found a cent I liked. I remember one time I compared the Calvin cline sents obsessed for him and her, aside from the nauseatingly gendered nature of the names, I would hands down the him version of it so damn much more pleasant than the her version. This struck me as odd at the time but now, it’s just obvious. A lot of feminine gendered perfumed are overpowering, pungent and straight up garish in my opinion.
I listened to some of your tips in another and was pleased to realize I was already doing some of the things you recommended,v unprompted. I'd be happy to continue to listen to more suggestions like these. :)
hey dara, i've watched u on and off for a couple of years. ...well, i've been seeing a gender therapist for about 3-4 months now, and not my last appointment (the one before that) she mentioned u, and how u had surgery and are nonbinary. i knew about u, of course lol. but, i just wanted u to kno she was really excited to mention u to me :D i think IT IS rlly cool, cuz you're an older person who is nonbinary. a lot of "nonbinary" ppl are pretty young, and a lot of ppl who are against trans ppl think "nonbinary" is just a fad. i'm a person, whose struggled with their gender identity for years and tried to fit into the binary. for sure, i'm more on the male spectrum but it's maybe like 60-70% ATLEAST with my gender expression. my gender identity might be less than that or about the same, i'm not sure. and honestly, i'm a person who HATES attention. i like to be left alone, and get a lot of anxiety when i get a lot of attention. i can say for myself, that being nonbinary or atleast considering it doesn't feel like a fad. i honestly believe that gender is a spectrum and there's different levels of identities, ect. just thinking of these different identities, might be complicated, but it's also freeing for a lot ppl, like myself. i don't have to be 100% male, ect. thanks for these videos too. :)
I think gender is applicable only if you let it be. I was wearing Stetson then it was a "men's" cologne, before Lady Stetson. I wore it after, too. I liked it better in the men's cologne. Now there are several colognes for both him/her/they. I am cis fem hetero but I do not like labels. I do not play by gender norms. I am going to wear, use, be who ever I am at any given moment. I will not apologize for that. I know others just like me in this. I know a man married to a women who wears shirts and carries a purse sometimes. It isn't to be anything other than what we are, outside the labels. I wish for the day when we can all be whatever. Especially in marriage. We should be able to be with the person we love no matter what that looks like. Just because! No reason that we have to explain it to anyone. I like the "Do You" talk I have been hearing. That is just what should be.
no name its sort of like, you dont have to make big changes to experiment with your gender expression but you can do something really subtle that others may not automatically associate with gender but they help you figure out how youd like to express your gender in sorts of a baby steps way
@@xz740 Hmm, for instance when I curl my lashes and put on some brown mascara etc., it's really a matter of opinion if that qualifies as anything else than a style choice. On the other hand, you could say it doesn't change the gender presentation much. On the other hand, it is a form of self expression that may or may not be gender related. So 1) how you appear on the ouside, and 2) your rationale for making style choices, are two different things.
When I started viewing your videos, it was focused on helping trans people (I was questioning) now it seems like your focus has shifted to so called non-binary people, of which, you claim to be one. Just how large is the non-binary community? You are also in a butch lesbian relationship. In the past, one would ask if you were, "The Man", in the relationship. How do you reconcile being a butch lesbian and non-binary? I am 52 years old, so if my use of certain words is old fashioned and triggering, please forgive me, but these are new concepts to my generation.
Just as a follow up, is there anything shameful in being a butch lesbian, that you have to call yourself gender neutral? Full disclouse; butch lesbians scare me. I was in my 20s when I was a volunteer at a community radio station. I was a control room operator, and when the lesbians had their show, they would kick me out of the studio, because I was (and still am) a man. It was quite intimidating to me, to say the least, so I avoid butch lesbians , but I think you are OK, for what that's worth.
I've calculated that 1/3 of the messages I receive are from those who identify as non-binary. So, my plan is to produce a video once every three videos that addresses this community. As for my relationship, I'm not sure where you might have heard I'm in a butch lesbian relationship? You are right that it is difficult to find the words to describe who I am in the context of my relationship. Most folks assume I am in a lesbian relationship, going with the assumption that both myself and my wife are females. If I have the opportunity to explain in more depth what is truly going on, I do address the fact that since I don't identify as female, that technically I am not in a "same sex" relationship. I try not to confuse my audiences too much, as this can be a concept that goes over a lot of peoples heads. But I'm hoping that in the coming days this will be a conversation that can be had more often.
+Dara Hoffman-Fox Several months ago I went to a bathhouse event for ftm trans. It was open to everybody. It was my first exposure to MTF. Although the had beards, they were very shy about exposing their bodies. I wonder if that's why you are getting tattoos. I realize that you are non binary but I know many if not most men who don't have tattoos, but my dad did, but I never felt the need to get one. I guess that's why I referred to you as butch. Perhaps macho would be a better word?
![Felix "Unfair" | [Stray Kids : SKZ-PLAYER]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/Oswujxm2Ag0/mqdefault.jpg)
![I.N "HALLUCINATION" | [Stray Kids : SKZ-PLAYER]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/n5B5q1Hwt_U/mqdefault.jpg)
I am sooooooo thankful for the part about the 'I don't call it more feminine or more male, it's just more me' idea...wow. really got me, because THAT is a habit I could definitely let go of and by doing so move so much more to me/towards me. Thanks for the inspo...and thanks for being open-hearted. :)
Awesome :)
"....I just know that it makes **scents** for me!"
.....Badum tsssss!
Piercings have been a wonderful thing for me. I used to feel so awkward and anxious when I caught people looking at me in public. Now it's like, I KNOW what they're looking at. And I don't feel as anxious.
Nothing to do with gender
I love how playfully and openly you discuss experimenting with gender and self-expression. Your kind approach to noticing your preferences and honoring yourself is so lovely!
I'm allergic to most metals, so I can't get any more piercings, but I've found that tattoos have been such a great way for me to express myself and feel more comfortable in my body. I love the idea of being covered in art!
You react to surgical steel and sterling silver also? I ask because I know I reacted to cheap clip on earrings I had and didn't know why. That's when I discovered my metal allergy. I haven't been specifically tested yet, but I haven't had any trouble so far with the two metals I mentioned.
But tattoos are definitely a good was to express yourself for sure.
Cheap metals are a problem for me, yes, but I've also had some difficulties with sterling silver. My body just seems to reject most foreign metals. It would certainly be helpful to get tested!
Titanium or niobium may work for you. Sterling silver is usually 92.5% silver and 7.5% copper, which can still cause allergies if you're really sensitive to it.
Shu Ying Chia Oh, I didn't know that. Thank-you!
Herb Dino You're welcome! :)
I just recently started doing this. I started with cutting my hair short. I've had so many different haircuts. I found that I like mohawks, fohawks, and undercuts. Then as for scent I also really like men's cologne and soaps. I started using men's suave shampoo and old spice wolfthorn spray! I might gauge my ears. I'm thinking about that one.
Nothing to do with gender
@@xz740 nothing to do with this person's comment
Faddist13 It’s on a gender video, which seems to prompt discussion of fashion.
I found this through lurking on a terf forum. In what I think was a confusing attempt to mock you, they described what I thought sounded like an absolutely wonderful video - and I was right. Thank you for sharing all this. As a non-binary person who is currently tattoo- and piercing-less, but has lately been mulling over the idea of changing that, I find this video confirming.
What does tattooes and piercing have to do with gender?? You are confusing gender with style choices.
I appreciate how you make exploring gender playful and soothing.
Haven't worn my earring in a while.Gotta go through and pick some I like.Had a nose piercing,but it closed.*Sigh* I'll get that re-done soon.I really loved it.
I love this so much and thank you for all of it.
As I explore my own identification as non-binary it has less and less to do with my outward expression and more and more to do with my inward presence. “My fashion and expression thereof” are subordinate to my thoughts, emotions and reactions to life and people, my grounding as neither male or female. My gender is me. Not clothes or scent. Im not trying to antagonize at all. Just different I guess.
Keep doing you!
Again, thank you so much.
In terms of scents I think I might start off with peppermint before trying out more fruity and flowery scents.
I swear I didn't watch this video until tonight. But, I went and got my ears pierced 6 days ago. So good timing.
I'm fortunate to work somewhere where it doesn't matter (restaurant business).
On that note, I recommend to anyone interested seeking out a professional piercer rather than having it done at a place at the mall or a big box store. The professional piercer will use sterile equipment and a new sterile needle rather than the gun that the places at the mall use. It was a good experience. I asked someone for a local reference and then read reviews on the shop to find a reputable place.
Love your video! I have always been drawn to women's things. I have made small changes and I know it is right when when I look in the mirror and feel happy. I started wearing larger hoop earrings and got my nose pierced. I have also grown my hair out. I feel more at ease with myself. I don't want to become a women. I like nourishing both my masculine and feminine sides. Not hiding my feelings has been stress reducing.
Why are hoop earrings “women’s things”? What does long hair have to do with female? Loads of men have long hair. Stop stereotyping sex and gender for goddness sake.
Thank you so much for been here, doing all this material, about your experience and sharing yourself as well as your knowledge. It´s really valuable and helping.
I'm allergic to all perfumes and colognes. The only thing I can wear are female body sprays which are Cherry Blossom, Lavender, Vanilla, or Mint, otherwise I will sneeze my head off.
I have a growing collection of "men's" fragrances. I enjoy so many more of them vs transitionally feminine ones.
That’s got nothing to do with gender. You can wear whatever fragrances you want.
I just got your book in the mail the other day, and now I just came across this video.
I only wear female perfumes now, as a male gender fluid. Drakkar is something that I just can't give up though. :)
So you just switch “cologne gender” and you’re a different gender? I see.
I feel gender neutral too!! I kinda want to get some more unconventional piercings. Atm I really want to have an industrial piercing, cause I love how it looks and it's not really gendered!
For scents, as a non binary individual, I use Palo Santo oil. Completely "earthy" and gender non-specific. Thanks Dara, great tips!
Love the video (I always do,) but hate the music. (Actually, it's just turned up too loud for your generally soft voice.) But as always, good thoughts to consider. Thanks.
I have been doing this for a while now but the other way around, preferring women's deodorant cologne spray (playboy and lynx brands as they are somewhere in between obvious female and obvious male aromas.) Also wearing tall teez and baggy wool-woven styled cardigans. (Winter here btw.) My hair is long as hell too!
Nothing to do with gender. This is just style choices.
changing eye glasses shape would be a good way to change a look
Nothing to do with gender
I agree that often the most significant changes a person can make are often very small and insignificant to outside observers. I happen to be married and both transgender and intersex yet I choose to respect my spouse in everything. So I do those simple things for myself like grow my hair down to my shoulders and beyond. My earrings are fantastic and from time to time I go beyond that. I am very open with my spouse out of love and respect, it is the only way we as humans can thrive.
It did take a while for my spouse to take this all in. Ideally she would fully embrace Hannah in the flesh as well as in my soul but that would be too much to expect. So we just keep on loving each other everyday in the little ways.
We are not just survivors, we cling to our love. I may change but our love will not. Is Hannah real? Oh yes.
I'm still trying to not worry about what people think when I smell more feminine or wear more feminine clothing... I was assigned male at birth, and every fibre of my being tells me I'm not really male. I recently just came out to my mom and I also saw a gender therapist, but I have no idea what to say. It feels like I might get denied hormones because of my nervousness/shyness... Please, any advise would be greatly appreciated!
What is a feminine smell? What is more feminine clothing? Stop stereotyping what women are “supposed” to be like. STOP.
This was great... I've been playing around with scent... more feminine... I like it... My kids do too. :-)
I'd love to find a "happy medium" with how I present myself. How about tips on clothing... Thank you.
These videos are helpful. all the research and learning from various sources is helpful.
This video was really helpful to me, thank you! The way you look at things is very refreshing and eye-opening.
Thank you so much..your an inspiration.....thank you..
I was given a perfume for Christmas called tommy girl. It’s a Hilfigure. And I find it more pleasantly neutral than my old Vera wang. I have to agree, the men’s department for perfume is much more appealing to me than anything in the women’s. And it isn’t because I’m attracted to men. I would even try using aftershave if I ever found a cent I liked. I remember one time I compared the Calvin cline sents obsessed for him and her, aside from the nauseatingly gendered nature of the names, I would hands down the him version of it so damn much more pleasant than the her version. This struck me as odd at the time but now, it’s just obvious. A lot of feminine gendered perfumed are overpowering, pungent and straight up garish in my opinion.
Ck-1 a fragrance for a man or a woman.... Im cracking myself up looking back at me as a kid.
I love your videos!
(💕Brazilian Fan, here!🇧🇷)
I listened to some of your tips in another and was pleased to realize I was already doing some of the things you recommended,v unprompted. I'd be happy to continue to listen to more suggestions like these. :)
hey dara, i've watched u on and off for a couple of years. ...well, i've been seeing a gender therapist for about 3-4 months now, and not my last appointment (the one before that) she mentioned u, and how u had surgery and are nonbinary. i knew about u, of course lol. but, i just wanted u to kno she was really excited to mention u to me :D i think IT IS rlly cool, cuz you're an older person who is nonbinary. a lot of "nonbinary" ppl are pretty young, and a lot of ppl who are against trans ppl think "nonbinary" is just a fad. i'm a person, whose struggled with their gender identity for years and tried to fit into the binary. for sure, i'm more on the male spectrum but it's maybe like 60-70% ATLEAST with my gender expression. my gender identity might be less than that or about the same, i'm not sure. and honestly, i'm a person who HATES attention. i like to be left alone, and get a lot of anxiety when i get a lot of attention. i can say for myself, that being nonbinary or atleast considering it doesn't feel like a fad. i honestly believe that gender is a spectrum and there's different levels of identities, ect. just thinking of these different identities, might be complicated, but it's also freeing for a lot ppl, like myself. i don't have to be 100% male, ect. thanks for these videos too. :)
The whole video is in tiles for me
I love your videos. Truly inspiring. Wish i lived in the states. Would so definitely come to you for some therapy sessions.
You’ll learn a lot about clothing, make up and style, but nothing about therapy
thanks for the tips Dara
I think gender is applicable only if you let it be. I was wearing Stetson then it was a "men's" cologne, before Lady Stetson. I wore it after, too. I liked it better in the men's cologne. Now there are several colognes for both him/her/they. I am cis fem hetero but I do not like labels. I do not play by gender norms. I am going to wear, use, be who ever I am at any given moment. I will not apologize for that. I know others just like me in this. I know a man married to a women who wears shirts and carries a purse sometimes. It isn't to be anything other than what we are, outside the labels. I wish for the day when we can all be whatever. Especially in marriage. We should be able to be with the person we love no matter what that looks like. Just because! No reason that we have to explain it to anyone. I like the "Do You" talk I have been hearing. That is just what should be.
Especially don;t use the label “cis” then.
Thank you so much (:
hey do you have an email? I want to talk to you about hormones and itll help me a lot
Difficult to concentrate with a dammed piano playing throughout.
How is all of this gender-related? This is just playing around with your style
no name its sort of like, you dont have to make big changes to experiment with your gender expression but you can do something really subtle that others may not automatically associate with gender but they help you figure out how youd like to express your gender in sorts of a baby steps way
@@markusnyman4768 So that is nothing to do with gender. It is just changing styles.
@@xz740 Hmm, for instance when I curl my lashes and put on some brown mascara etc., it's really a matter of opinion if that qualifies as anything else than a style choice. On the other hand, you could say it doesn't change the gender presentation much. On the other hand, it is a form of self expression that may or may not be gender related. So 1) how you appear on the ouside, and 2) your rationale for making style choices, are two different things.
@@markusnyman4768 Putting on mascara is just putting on mascara. Nothing to do with gender.
@@xz740 Are you saying that as a dry philosophical statement, or do you have an agenda?
The more of your videos I watch, the more I can't believe I didn't realize I was genderqueer before.
Meadow Rae Yeah funny that. You are being indoctrinated.
When I started viewing your videos, it was focused on helping trans people (I was questioning) now it seems like your focus has shifted to so called non-binary people, of which, you claim to be one. Just how large is the non-binary community?
You are also in a butch lesbian relationship. In the past, one would ask if you were, "The Man", in the relationship. How do you reconcile being a butch lesbian and non-binary?
I am 52 years old, so if my use of certain words is old fashioned and triggering, please forgive me, but these are new concepts to my generation.
Just as a follow up, is there anything shameful in being a butch lesbian, that you have to call yourself gender neutral?
Full disclouse; butch lesbians scare me. I was in my 20s when I was a volunteer at a community radio station. I was a control room operator, and when the lesbians had their show, they would kick me out of the studio, because I was (and still am) a man. It was quite intimidating to me, to say the least, so I avoid butch lesbians , but I think you are OK, for what that's worth.
I've calculated that 1/3 of the messages I receive are from those who identify as non-binary. So, my plan is to produce a video once every three videos that addresses this community.
As for my relationship, I'm not sure where you might have heard I'm in a butch lesbian relationship? You are right that it is difficult to find the words to describe who I am in the context of my relationship. Most folks assume I am in a lesbian relationship, going with the assumption that both myself and my wife are females. If I have the opportunity to explain in more depth what is truly going on, I do address the fact that since I don't identify as female, that technically I am not in a "same sex" relationship. I try not to confuse my audiences too much, as this can be a concept that goes over a lot of peoples heads. But I'm hoping that in the coming days this will be a conversation that can be had more often.
+Dara Hoffman-Fox When I wrote the comment I was in a strange place, so I apologize for my snarckiness. I had no right to make assumptions.
+Dara Hoffman-Fox Several months ago I went to a bathhouse event for ftm trans. It was open to everybody. It was my first exposure to MTF. Although the had beards, they were very shy about exposing their bodies. I wonder if that's why you are getting tattoos. I realize that you are non binary but I know many if not most men who don't have tattoos, but my dad did, but I never felt the need to get one.
I guess that's why I referred to you as butch. Perhaps macho would be a better word?
+Albert Giesbrecht I meant my first exposure to ftm!
These piercings and tattoos and short hair is the lesbian look.
Was not is