Nonbinary Q&A with Dara Hoffman-Fox
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- Опубликовано: 10 сен 2024
- Posted by Dara Hoffman-Fox (they/them):
One of my coaching clients recently came to me with a few questions that, as a "fellow" nonbinary person, they wondered if I'd be comfortable answering for them. I thought, "I bet these are questions other folks would ask... Heck yeah, let's make a video!"
Here are the questions I'll be touching on...
When you realized you were nonbinary, did you come out right away or was it more of a process?
When you realized you were nonbinary, how hard was it to tell: your partner, your family, your friends
Before telling people, did you ever feel like it was overwhelming and wished to not have to deal with it?
In your eyes, what is the most difficult thing being nonbinary?
Have you had good experiences when dealing with doctors and them understanding you as a nonbinary patient?
What are 3 things you wished you knew before your surgery? (can be positive or not so positive things)
Maybe I can make this a regular thing??? Put any questions you have below and we'll see!
Music: www.bensound.com
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I really appreciate this video, especially your comment about living in society as someone who is non binary. I am agender and although the little "paper cuts" that I experience daily don't hurt much on their own, they can add up to a lot of pain over time. It is nice to hear someone else understands that.
I have a request; if you choose to put background music in your videos, would you please be able to add captions for those of us with sensory/auditory processing issues? It is difficult for my brain to understand what you are saying when there is additional noise in the background, even if it is quiet. What you are saying is SO important and valuable that I want to be able to hear and understand every word! Thank you so much!
What has been of great help to me is to "allow my masculinity to express my femininity and to allow my femininity to express my masculinity" as ultimately I feel I am an expression of both, as both are within me. Bringing a greater sense of freedom to just be "me" in all my expression. As for pronouns I now don't mind either way M or F, if someone calls me sir or ma'am I don't mind anymore after all they don't know me from a bar of soap, my friends just call me Steph.
Dara, thank you so much for this video! Not long ago i realised i am nonbinary which is kinda strange and new for me. I feel really vulnerable and even scared now, and your videos, your calmness and confidence support me so much these days. I'm glad i came across your channel :)
You're wonderful!
How do you know medical transition is right for you? The more I think about micro-dosing hormones the more unsure I feel. It feels like an even split between things that would benefit me (like fat redistribution, muscle gain, facial features) and things that would be harmful to me (increased body hair, hair loss…). I’m also pretty neutral on voice deepening and bottom growth. I’m just looking for guidance and I feel like resources for non-binary people aren’t as prevalent as resources for binary trans people. I also have a fair amount what I call “trans imposter syndrome” where I feel like I shouldn’t be so concerned about it because my dysphoria isn’t as bad as other peoples… I realize that other people’s experience or pain doesn’t take away from my own but I just have a hard time wanting to speak about it or take up space in those areas. Can anyone relate to this?
Thank you for sharing your experience!
I’ve also had a breast reduction as a nb person and also got it approved as something non trans related. Didn’t mention I was trans but told them to go as small as possible. I’m glad I had the surgery because it did elevate some dysphoria but I’m considering looking into getting a mastectomy because I feel that it would better correlate with who I am. However, I’ve heard that the waiting lists for trans health care is ridiculously long here (Sweden) so I’ve been putting it off because I feel others are more deserving than me.
Any tips for a nonbinary person to navigate the process of defining their sexuality with the limited language we have and how that relates to partners. For instance if someone was AFAB and identified as nonbinary and had a binary female partner would they describe that as a homosexual relationship? What if the binary partner views themselves as heterosexual and are just attracted to androgynous presentation? I know that is a lot to unpack, but I am curious how a nonbinary person would articulate sexuality to a cis person.
Ultimately just get funky with it, you don’t need a label for love ❤️
your videos and your book have been so helpful for me - thank you!!
Just wanted to say thanks for the video. It really helped hearing your answers. i've just finished your book, doing all the exercises, and discovered that I'm probably more of a non-binary person rather than mtf. Huge thanks! Now I'm exploring this part of the spectrum and feeling very comfortable with it.
H and I just watched this together and very much enjoyed your perspective here.
I have issues around menstruation I got my tubes removed and an IUD inserted to control my periods. I had children and I'm sterile but they won't approve me for a hysterectomy. Is there anything that can be done to help that part? I'm already pretty flat chested I just need to loose some weight and I will be my non-binary self (less boobs). I don't think I have dysphoria because of that, but I really feel intense about the periods. I'm ace-demi so I'm not as concerned about my looks per say.
What have the changes you've experienced on low-dose T been and how fast did they occur? It would be interesting to me if you shared what dose you are on if you are comfortable.
i have the same question! thank you
Hi! I would really like a video about dosing T and stuff (because I see people going on low T, but they also get too much masculine results for me, so I don’t know what to do) . It would be really helpful ! Thank u!
Hi Dara, I'd love to know how you go about correcting people when/if you are misgendered. I struggle to figure out how to step in or what to say, especially when being Ma'amed... I don't know of a nonbinary variant for sir or ma'am and while I'm fine and would prefer sir, I sound and present decently femme at present. I know people are trying to be polite, so it's hard to then correct them. The papercuts thing feels very true though. Thanks!
Dara, I'd like to know more about gender identity and high intelligence (I prefer the term 'brilliance' as a self-identifier). I also wonder if clients have expressed a desire to come out as non-religious or agnostic as they transition from one sense of self to a new one.. I see these all as interrelated from my experience as a person.
I had an issue recently with my VA PCP not recognizing myself as a trans woman who has not transitioned. He expressed to me that to him, being transgender meant that you have transitioned, or in his words, were a transsexual. That was very disheartening to me. You don't have to fully transition or transition at all in order to be transgender... I simply felt reduced by his comment. Finding a doctor that is not just sensitive, but aware to what being transgender means seems to be a challenge, especially in a rural area.
Hey, I have a question I'd be very happy to see you answer, if you are comfortable: What has been your experiences and thought processes around being non-binary and working as a therapist, both with trans/non-binary and cis folk? I'm asking as I might end up in that position and I just wonder how I'll feel and go about it, as the therapeutic relationship is quite different from other relationships in some ways and I think it's gonna be a challenge to navigate with future clients and maybe also just my own level of comfort. Would love to hear from you on the subject, but I'd understand if you don't wanna do so publicly.
Hello there Dara, having a blessed day I hope 😊
Many thanks for this! Are you still microdosing T?
Daragood se you!! I'm ( a unaffirmed mtf 'senior trans person' in excellent , readily visible physical condition , ,Still wearing the same size levis I wore in high school) ,, ,persistently experiencing severe difficulties. meeting a 'special'(intellectually, personal interests, romantically,compatable)
MTF person unaffirmed ok, , whom is NOT, ,ISO a one time sexual experience but, , , is interested in nurturing a dedicated intimate friendship!!
YES,, ,I've tried numerous online "trans dating sites". .What a disgusting fruitless experience!!! There are no respectable nightclubs my vicinity!!
Dara, ,, have you any suggestions as to how respectable, genuine, trans humans may locate/contact other respectable trans persons, 'penpals', ok, ,, would be a very applicable topic for one of your vids/blogs . . .GoodThings 2U