Hi Dara, thanks for addressing these issues. I am in the over 60 crowd and now have been on HRT for over a year and half. Most everything has been good. When I first started living full time I worried about going into a room and having everyone stare at me. But I found that was just a fear and not reality. I have found it best to project myself as one walking into room as if I own the room. Not long ago while traveling by air, I was saddled with long lines at the ladies restrooms at the airports. But actually no one even gave me a second look while I patiently waited for my turn to a stall. Also, I think it’s best that one be comfortable and not worry about passing/not passing. Thanks for your words of wisdom you presented.
@ Pamela Bishop that is fantastic that you have been able to pass! I hope that life just keeps 🙏 getting better 🙏 ✨️ every day for you ❤️ 💙 Remember beautiful sister ❤️ 💕 💖 that God ❤️ 💖 😊 😘 💙 💕 loves you just as you are, and wants you to live 😊 😘 ❤️ 💖 💙 ☺️ 😊 your very best 👌 👍 😍 life! Just keep on being a bright 🌞 ✨️ light ✨️ 💛 ♥️ 💖 of love ❤️ 😍 💖 ❣️ 💕 💘 for yourself and for others, especially your LGBTQ+ brothers and sisters 😀 😊 We have to stick together ❤️ 😀 😊 😄 ☺️ 😉
I'M 76yrs. old & just started HRT month & 1/2. I really should have done this decades ago. I feel great & entirely comfortable for the first time in my life.
@ Kristen Connors I thought that I was a late blossoming 🌸 flower, because my number 😅 is ❤️ 42 years! You ❤️ are big inspiration for me sister ❤️ 💕 💖 💓 💗 💛
Thanks for the reaffirming statements in your video. I'm 68. Been at this for 8 months. You are a part of my support system. I discover more of myself every day. So much happier this way 🥰. E
Dara, you’re amazing. I’m fighting harder with the conflict I feel inside. I work in a male dominated environment and I’m married with a gorgeous wife and have two beautiful girls. I’m trying to find a safe haven amongst the two. I’m 37 and the inner girl wants to escape but I’m repressing hard. Maybe over compensating and I can’t see a release. I’m hiding in sheer fear of everything. Love your videos- found you today and watched 4 already. Thank you
Thank you so much for Part 2. I'm 66 and just started my transition MTF, on HRT for only a month now. I go back and forth as to passing, from feeling I look good enough for me to be who I really am but then at other times feeling paralyzed, stuck and depressed. I retired a little over 2 years ago and moved to a sparsely populated area that is politically more conservative than the very liberal San Francisco Bay area where I lived for 40+ years. Thankfully I have a good therapist and am able to attend a trans support group (but both requiring a 3 hour drive one way). I also find so much inspiration reading about much younger people finding their way through the transition process. God Bless them and also all my older trans brothers and sisters.
agile analyst it's true though. About 7 weeks ago, I came out to myself. Can't remember why all of a sudden I said I was transgender female. Have suicidal thoughts still, but there unwelcome now, where as before, I was actively looking for new ways to kill myself.
Dara, I've been seeing a gender therapist for about 6 weeks. Now I know some ppl get assessment and only have few visits, and get their hrt letter. My mental health issues are abundant and life long. But I feel that not starting hrt now, is more detrimental, trying to get my mental health issues dealt with. Besides the fact hrt grows breast(not big but a start), but it changes the body. I think I can be passable and with certain surgeries, even attractive. Being 47 has it's pitfalls (wish I was born in different era), but there's no going back for me. Even tucking, which is a nuisance, is not going to stop me. As soon as I can get my breast argumentation done, I'll live full time as true self. Any comments?
I will be 70 in a couple weeks. It is very hard to find information with respect to people transitioning in my age group. You hit every button that I’m dealing with right now. Thank you for the great video.
Wow great video! Today I turned 47 years old. I am in the military active duty and have wanted to transition MtF for some time now, but politics have derailed my efforts the last 4 years. Passing is something I think about daily, however, I’m getting to the point now that I just don’t care what others think. Of course I might be naive saying this, but I only have one life. I’d rather die trying to be happy than not take any action and continue to be miserable, depressed, and suicidal.
Your Mother, upbringing, Religious teachings, peer Prejudiced views, trying to fit in, family opinions, you are Hitting All the POINTS . You are a Very Good Clinician.
I honestly can't thank you enough for this video, just know you are saving a lot of people's lives, I think you just saved mine, I'm 51 and so so tired of pretending, I'm starting slow, wearing perfume, a little bit of mascara, and each step makes me feel happier. I also agree about giving ourselves time, it's not easy changing your whole life and start a completely new one in just a matter of months, I know it most likely take me a while but that is ok, the process is what I'm enjoying and I really hope I can do it! Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart!
Thank you Dara! Your videos help me so much. I’m transitioning at age 47. But it’s ok. I can’t dwell on the past. I can only move forward. I am happy with my results. Hugs!!!
Have you always had these feelings? I guess what I am trying to ascertian is whether transitioning will feel like one of my previous phases when I get a bit older which I think it won't but a bit of age has always exposed me for a fool.
Thank you, Dara for bringing up this topic with clarity, honesty & compassion. I'm in my late 50s mtf. I'm thankful that times have changed to the point that "passing" is less an issue today than it was in my youth. I remember when "passing" was essential & doctors & therapists were in essence "gatekeepers" letting in only the fortunate few. Today is so much better for the young person dealing with gender dysphoria. Not perfect but still day & night compared to back in the 70s & 80s when I first sought counseling. I remember as a teen seeing a therapist for the first time & believe it or not he didn't know what the hell I was talking about! Worse, he had no idea whom I should be seeing but it was evident it wasn't him. What a debacle. In the 80s I had better luck with a "transsexual" therapist but no luck attaining HRT. It wasn't until the early 2000s I was finally seeing a competent therapist who helped me attain HRT as well as laser facial hair removal. Progress has been slow for the trans community but progress there still is and for that I am grateful.
Since I have a complete head of hair, low testosterone, relatively low density of facial/body hair, and higher than usual baseline estrogen levels, I hope that I 🙏 won't have too much difficulty getting rid of my facial/body hair! I really hope that 🙏 I won't have to have to undergo a lot of electrolysis, once I start blocking the testosterone and boosting my estrogen levels medically, as I understand that the hormone therapy will thin and slow the growth of my facial/ body hair 😀 That is a very good 👍 side effect !
hi Dara, thank you for doing these videos I am 57 and have just started my transition. I have been on HRT now for a month. I haven't noticed anything yet except for my brain changes. life seems a whole lot better already. keep up the good work. Amanda
Thank you so much for these two videos on later in life transitioning.Im 58 and am thinking about transitioning. you have answered my questions and given me a lot of useful information to consider.
Thanks Dara. This information is good. Personally, I haven't really cared what other people think of me. Sometimes I get clocked and I never let it anger or upset me because if I act negatively, that person may get the impression that transgender people are angry unhappy people. I am facing the question of whether or not to live full time as myself. Living as my male birth gender was killing me on the inside. I have actually started my transition process. But it is my concern for others in my life, specifically my wife and children, that have created the only doubt that I still have to go full time. I guess a part of me is worried about the possibility of being alone at 53 years old. I've asked my wife to try loving the person she married, even with the change in outward appearance, one day at a time for now. Keep up the good work Dara. We look to you for additional insight.
very good video...you are quite knowledgeable, compassionate, experienced and obviously caring. i feel so much better after watching parts one and two...thank you, Dara.
I worried about passing for a very long time. It contributed to my extremely long 12 year transition which was almost in stealth. Now with the benefit of hindsight I realise my fear was largely unfounded. Once my facial hair was removed and HRT had worked its magic the rest is socialisation. My voice has been my other challenge but today I am beyond happy. Every trans person’s journey is different but it isn’t just a physical challenge. The emotional, spiritual and existential changes are enormous and continue to bring me much joy and unexpected delight.
Thank you so much for covering transitioning from this angle. I have not yet begun, but most of your points have dominated my thoughts for a long while. Very informative video 💕
I'm 28 years of age and consider that to be 'later in life' purely because all my peers I have who have transitioned or are in the process of doing so are either 12-20 or 45-60 and there never seems to be anyone in between...... I'm too old to be a 'young adult' but I'm not old enough to even be middle aged. Yet I've been struggling with my gender identity since I was 19 and haven't fully figured out how to express it even after all this time. It's strange because I often feel like I'm literally the ONLY ONE that feels this way because I can't find anyone in my age range who thinks/feels like me or who DIDN'T know from childhood that they were different than how they were born. It's a hard place to be stuck in.... I feel alone all the time. it's nice to see videos like this, even if they usually only talk about super young or much older people.
Dear Dara, thank you for your helpful videos. I am 55 already and the fear of not passing is keeping me from transitioning. I feel female inside for a very long time, but being tall, having broad shoulders getting bald and having massive body hair everywhere, but on my head makes me desperate that no amount of hormones will others make me see as a woman. It is good to have your advice to listen to, although i finally have to take the decision for myself. You are really doing a wonderful work with your videos.
I've been realizing that I'm trans but I'm struggling with moving to the next steps. I've been thinking about talking to a therapist then taking it from there. I really don't have problems passing because currently I'm always mistaken for a male my problem is the fallout from my family. 😞
"that question of whether or not you' re gonna pass you won' t be able to answer that , until you actually try and see what it's like " ....I keep this in mind cause I think you said all in this phrase!
your right on with the all the points, i have found that i hate lying to my self,presenting my self as a man,and knowing i'm female just with out the means of making it right.
Hi I really enjoyed it your video on transitioning in later life I am 59 year old transgender woman who is on hormones for close to two months I do go out as my true self in public all the time. But I'm still forced to work as a man at work I have one Ally at work the HR Manager she's very helpful I find your videos very informative and useful thank you. Ealane
very well done Dara, although I am way past this point in transitioning, I found myself revisiting things you cover in this video, that at the time worried be, but now are comforting to know that times have gotten better somewhat and that transitioning later in life may have some disadvantages, but also advantages as well. Please continue to be amazing, and let us know how we can support you as well....your friend...River
Three and a half years later this is still spot on. I am a large guy 6'2" with broad shoulders who always knew I was a woman on the inside but like you said those early days with the negative reaction from society really scared me away from the subject altogether. I know I would never 'pass' but I am beginning to realize maybe that's okay. So much work has been done by the pioneers that came before making this more socially acceptable. Recently, I found the actress Gwendoline Christie (the large woman who played a knight in Game of Thornes) is actually 6'3" with broad shoulders. She is so pretty, maybe there is hope for me, but even she as a cis woman has a hard time fitting in sometimes, she plays many androgynous roles. Perhaps that could be a fall back point, a more androgynous look. I talked with my life partner and she has been so supportive. I might take a few baby steps forward. Oh, and I finally got around to ordering your book and I am very excited for it to arrive. Much love Dara, Thank you.
You are so awesome, I am one of those that wants to transition later in life. I'm a 52 year old MTF transgender. I'm hoping I can get a transgender therapist through my insurance otherwise I'm going to have to pay cash. Thank you very much once again. I keep learning from you. I love your videos ❤❤❤
corkedfever At this exact time, I feel really sh**y I'm just really tired I guess. But other than that, I feel alright. Not to much has changed yet. I did notice a tiny bit of breast growth and it's making me happy, so there's that
Lady of the Lake Lucky, I'm too depressed for hrt, so have to wait, but I want to grow boobs, even though I'm getting breast argumentation, when I can.
After a lifetime of pretending to be a man and knowing I wanted to be a girl I lived with constant GD. I have dealt with the world as a man would with success. The man I portrayed was a lie for benefit of the world. At 78 I gave up my phony male persona to the past and became a female for the future. I am the lover to my male body. He is my host and I am his ghost. I did my own SRS on my mind.
Hi Dara , Love your videos and I'm recommending them to my trans support group. The ability to pass can be directly effected by the ability to raise needed financial resources. Have you broached this angle of transition? It will require far more money to reverse effects of testosterone development the older you are when you begin transition. Surgeries etc just to mitigate aging let alone feminization can be daunting and one needs to be prepared for this reality.
Thank you for this video. I'm 62 Afab and realizing I'm non binary, agender. None of these 'options' were even a notion in my early life. There was no RUclips or Facebook etc... to make us aware. There were 2 genders. Period. I interpreted my confusion as various things that never matched how I felt, and caused chaos in my life. My amab 35 yr old kid just came out as transfeminine, non binary also, so we're both technically in that 'later in life' category, although they have a lot more access to the community than I do. Because of the life I'm leading now I won't transition any time soon because it would be too disruptive to family, and I just don't feel it would be fair to them. It's nice to hear your ideas and it helps ease my anxiety to feel understood. I have been searching for information geared towards older people just discovering who they are, and have come up empty handed until today. Thank you!
I like your videos they are full of information. I am FTM I am 64 I have been gay and out since age 19 but I have always been a tomboy butch thru my life. I've been on T for over 3 yrs. I'm happy with my decision to change. I haven't had my top surgery yet I am passing as male except for my top. I want to meet other gay women or MTF but I'm having a hard time with it.
Hi Dara, thanks for the another great video. I began my transition 18 months ago at age 57. I am grateful to have a good therapist. Passing is currently my biggest concern. In fact, it's become a barrier to going full-time. I am currently about half-time, for the past 15 months. I can pass some of the time, but that not enough to transition at work. I have a great job and I don't want to lose it, either specifically because I am transgender (which I don't think will happen) or because being known as transgender makes it impossible for me to effective in my job and I lose my job due to poor performance. I have changed the gender marker on my birth certificate, and I would very much like to officially change my name and all the rest of my documents, but I don't want to do that till I am confident that I'll pass 85% of the time. I feel as though FFS can be my way to pass, and I want it desperately, but I can't afford it just now. I need to get past this mental and monetary roadblock. It's all I can think about.
This is one of the most difficult challenges I run into with many of my clients, and of all ages really. Trying to move past the mental roadblock can be tricky, since it is a realistic concern. Hopefully more insurances will cover FFS in the near future - it is a medical necessity for many!
Hey Dara, I can relate to the older transitioned. I’m 63 and how I wish I had done this at least 30 years ago. But it would have been impossible for me. I feel like a free woman 💕
I think it is important to watch You Tube videos from different perspectives. Dr. Z PHD offers advice based on clinical knowledge and years of academic research. You offer insights based on your experiences which is very helpful and more empathetic IMHO.
Thanks for another great video. These are all the concerns I've had. I'm a 40 year old black trans female who's just started my social transition. I have developed male pattern baldness although I seem to be managing that well but all the years of shaving has left my chin a bit rough. I have more concerns about this and I always wonder if this would give me away when I start on hormones or weather my skin will become smoother...
Dara, this is a very rich and thorough look at all those questions that follow "Should I transition?" especially the topic of passing. These questions run through my head everyday. This is a good solid outline of many different but related topics and concerns that I have regarding transitioning. Thank you for your very thoughtful and on the spot answers and suggestions to help ease the transition and help empower me and others who need to hear this!
I'm 50yo ftm and I have felt (known) I'm male all my life. I'm now about to start testosterone but worry that I will never pass because the wrong hormone has had too many years to affect my body and voice and basically the right hormone can only do so much to over ride that. I just hope that I can at least pass for myself and feel better within. I always say that hormone transition is like a plastic surgery lottery where you go in with no idea what you will come out looking like. I think it's better to be realistic and seek out experiences of older trans people to gain a more accurate picture of what may happen.
Can anyone help me with facial hair? I'm 14 and too shy to tell my parents I may be trans, so I'm figuring out ways to secretly feel more like me. Is it possible to do anything to stop growing facial hair without any form of surgery?
I am 45. I am comfortable but I ask the question could I fully pass. I have been blocked from taking hormones (long story). Yeah if I take a step back it’s amazing to just be able to be more me. However there’s always this question. Can I pass fully. The reason is I get dysphoric thinking I am no more than a cross dresser. But yeah also really complicated, married with a child. But I am aware that I need to remain grateful for where I am and how I am able to present. I have so much support and feel very lucky!
I call the problem shyness because it is quite similar...we feel everyone is focused on us and thinking negatively...it's not true for the most part. Many never notice us, some do and only a few really think negatively but mostly to their selves.
I've been alive long enough to remember when it was illegal here to transition, and later legal but the hurdles thrown up by the law were such that it was effectively impossible. It wasn't until 2015 that those laws were changed here. Even now getting medical and mental health help as a transgender person is extremely difficult here, the waiting lists are so long that they seem almost designed to get people to give up trying. And yes, the stigma around transgender people being so strong that the only word for it that existed was the insulting "transvestite". And this prevented me from seeking help, and showing my female identity in public, until this year 2022. My main fear now is that my underlying medical problems will prevent me from getting HRT and/or surgeries, or that I'll be considered "too old to undergo transition" by the time I finally get through the waiting lists by the medical professionals or the bureaucrats making the rules. As for passing or not, at the moment I know I'm not very passable even though I try to do what I can through the clothes I choose, shaving several times a day, haircut, and things like that. Therefore for now at least I consider people addressing me as ma'am or miss a compliment, rather than those addressing me as sir a failure. But I'm sure that'll change in time.
I am 52 mtf ( pre hrt), my main concern is that I am a big hairy bear. I had my chest and back and arms and.feet waxed on September, but it grew back within a few weeks and I just don't want to bother with removing body hair, but I want to be able to show off my hopefully large bosoms ;)
I'm 59 yrs. old and I don't want to take HRT (mtf), but I want to get an Orchiectomy. Will there be enough feminine change to the body at that age. By the way, I am taking Spironolactone and I'm on Risperidone which have given me feminine breast formation and my hair is fine. I am not balding. I am 5"5' and weigh 130 lbs. I would like your opinion to my question.?
it really hurts to think about that i could’ve started at like 23 when i really started having those thoughts. here i am at 27, over half a year into hrt.
Blend in ?? lol i,m 6ft 4ins tall ,,, blending in has always been impossible :) who wants to blend in ? i want to stand out , ha ha ,, good advice though , thank you
I'm 31 and only just looking at transition. But for me I really don't care about passing in the eyes of others. For me the point of transitioning is to be me not to change myself in order to pass as the steriotypical image of that gender. Having said that because I'm ftm I feel that I'm not as much of a risk of abuse by not passing. There are plenty of cis women who where mens clothes so I don't exactly stand out. But I do worry that the fact that I don't actually feel I need to pass means I'm not trans enough to transition. For me I have huge dysphoria around my chest and hips if I can change my body to relieve that dysphoria or wear clothes that hides these areas that really is all I care about.
Oddly enough, while I worry about not passing and being an “ugly chick”, I have lost count of how many times I have been maam’d at Drive-up windows and even in some public situations.
I am a few months away from turning 54. I have self-medicated off and on over the past few years and I am now seeking out a gender therapist in east central Indiana. Your videos have helped so much already, I can’t thank you enough for making them. God bless!
I remember telling friends in the late 70's I wanted to be a girl. They looked in dismay. I finally came out to a few friends around 2010 again. I started transitioning in late 2013.
Hello I'm 46 and I want to transition to my true gender which is female I'm from ohio I've done research my question is what kind of Drs do I need what type of therapists do I need
I was 47 when I began my transition. My advice is have an open and honest conversation with your GP. Ask them who they can refer you to so you can discuss the correct and healthiest way for you personally. This usually an endocrinologist or, as in my case, an internal medicine doctor. Once you have chosen a specialist, contact them and see if they require a letter from a gender therapist and if they can recommend one for you. These are just some basic steps. Good luck on your journey.
I Am 28 years MtF transgender and 5 monts on HTR i Am verry happy That i pass but my voice and mannorrisme give people doubts ,. 😛😀 Its no big deal for me
for mannerisms go to a mall or a park and people watch!! watch how the women interact with not just men but every one the try to mimic them ,soon it will become natural . for your voice you might think about a voice therapist! hopes this helps! and good luck in the transition
I'm 45 self medicated for five months then stopped tried to surpress ed it all.i dress parti me as much as I can but want to be fulltime one day.want to just be accepted as a woman .as a woman I feel comftable not strange .
I am transgender by gender ID, thinking of transitioning, worry about doing it at 30, but love your videos. Any suggestion for resources if you don't have insurance or money for whole process?
I AM 61 I came out 2 half years ago. I don't take time to listen to the b.s. just live my life as a Christian lady. I go to church almost every Sunday and everything is going well. Thanks always Lisa God bless.
Dara, why use the term queer? isnt that a set back? and also an incorrect term? the term and mening queer is odd ,strnge misfit weird so why does society use this term queer to iidentify human beings who re independant of their sexual identity? this term queer is abused and misused and should only be used in its proper place NOT to be used to discribe pioneers ,human beings who lchoose to live their own independant life style I am TRANS but consider myself nothing more but a woman in blossum I start full HRT in december right now i am pre HRT but been getting hormone therpy from dietary estrogen for a while now preparing for my medical appt. for HRT medical treatment from the doctor I been waiting my whole life for this and very excited !!! and AGAIN the term QUEER does not belong in any term discribing the lbgt community we are not weird ,odd or starnge we are AWESOME !! I LOVE YOUR VIDEOS AND I LOVE YOU !!! - --- GWYNN
You are soooo wonderful..presenting ALL the aspects and touching on ALL the things I think about (as a 70 year old). And, yeah, I have grown up with knowledge of all the "stigma" and it has 'scared' me into the closet for 50 years-never stopped me fro cross dressing tho!!!! but my "girl" is DEMANDING t 'come out' so we're taking cross gender hormones and, ya know?? I will die w/ a cute little set 'cause I ALWAYS wanted t have a 'set' (NO...not Pamela Anderson double DD's). But, I digress....this IS a "TY" to you for a wonderful (WONDERFUL) presentation. And I have lived too many years as a male to EVER be able to 'present' as female but I would love to be able to wear my pretty dresses outside w/o fer of being beat up.....sigh...
I think you should not transition, neither early in life nor later in life. You should wonder what is the hidden cause of your gender dysphoria and its origin. Did you have a narcissistic mother or father or both ? Did someone abuse you emotionally or physically when you were young ? Did you feel neglected and not loved, not seen, not heard, not protected ? Were you overprotected by a parent ? Was there enmesment ? Was it safer for your mum to have a "castrated" boy who wants to become a girl because she had been surrounded by toxic males ? Is it safer for your mum to have a daughter who wants to transition into a man because her daughter would be the fantasy of an ideal husband ? Or maybe because the mother subconsciously needs to be the only woman and can't let go of this need ? (Like in "Snow White"). There is penis envy for all the little girls from the age of 3 to the age of 7 and the castration anxiety for little boys. In my view it is an error to choose the path of transitioning. A lot of people feel a mismatch between what they feel inside and their physical appearance, not only transpeople. We should accept our human condition and our human limitations. Frustration is part of life. We can't control everything, we can't choose, select everything. Hormones can be very dangerous. They can give cancer or heart attacks. Surgeries are unnatural and it is sad and barbaric to cut healthy limbs. It is high risk. There are often complications. I don't think most transpeople have internalised transphobia but they probably have internalised an abuser, an early abuser who made them feel less than and who is still inside them later in life. Why should you accept a "cure" that is worse than the symptoms ? In reality there is nothing wrong with you even if the gender in your brain is different from your body. Anyway to have the proof of this you would need a scanner of your brain. You can still embrace both, your brain and your body and accept reality and your uniqueness.
Corinne Godard, have you ever questioned if you are cis gender? No? Nobody tells you, you just know. Just as trans people know they are trans. You are clearly not aware that trans people are born, not nurtured. Scientists have proven that there is a key point when the male brain is created (you know that we all start as female, right?) by an injection of testosterone which can be blocked by some quite common compounds; thalidomide is one. The brain therefore remains female but the body gets its testosterone, thus creating a brain/body mismatch. There are plenty of websites carrying this information and these should show up if you Google the subject.
With such logic, even if it was true (it isn't: many trans kids / people had trauma, but many didn't and have very good parents) we wouldn't give antidepressants to depressed people..."ignore the solution to make you blooming and happy and just suck it up and live in low key to unbearable depression / cringe until you die" doesn't sound like a great argument. My mother often says "let me be sole judge of what helps me live" and I have nothing to add to that.
Hi Dara, thanks for addressing these issues. I am in the over 60 crowd and now have been on HRT for over a year and half. Most everything has been good. When I first started living full time I worried about going into a room and having everyone stare at me. But I found that was just a fear and not reality. I have found it best to project myself as one walking into room as if I own the room. Not long ago while traveling by air, I was saddled with long lines at the ladies restrooms at the airports. But actually no one even gave me a second look while I patiently waited for my turn to a stall. Also, I think it’s best that one be comfortable and not worry about passing/not passing. Thanks for your words of wisdom you presented.
@ Pamela Bishop that is fantastic that you have been able to pass! I hope that life just keeps 🙏 getting better 🙏 ✨️ every day for you ❤️ 💙 Remember beautiful sister ❤️ 💕 💖 that God ❤️ 💖 😊 😘 💙 💕 loves you just as you are, and wants you to live 😊 😘 ❤️ 💖 💙 ☺️ 😊 your very best 👌 👍 😍 life! Just keep on being a bright 🌞 ✨️ light ✨️ 💛 ♥️ 💖 of love ❤️ 😍 💖 ❣️ 💕 💘 for yourself and for others, especially your LGBTQ+ brothers and sisters 😀 😊 We have to stick together ❤️ 😀 😊 😄 ☺️ 😉
I'M 76yrs. old & just started HRT month & 1/2. I really should have done this decades ago. I feel great & entirely comfortable for the first time in my life.
@ Kristen Connors I thought that I was a late blossoming 🌸 flower, because my number 😅 is ❤️ 42 years! You ❤️ are big inspiration for me sister ❤️ 💕 💖 💓 💗 💛
Thanks for the reaffirming statements in your video. I'm 68. Been at this for 8 months. You are a part of my support system. I discover more of myself every day. So much happier this way 🥰. E
Dara, you’re amazing. I’m fighting harder with the conflict I feel inside. I work in a male dominated environment and I’m married with a gorgeous wife and have two beautiful girls. I’m trying to find a safe haven amongst the two. I’m 37 and the inner girl wants to escape but I’m repressing hard. Maybe over compensating and I can’t see a release. I’m hiding in sheer fear of everything. Love your videos- found you today and watched 4 already. Thank you
Your story is so inspirational for me. I trust you have found your way to stop repressing your feelings.
Thank you so much for Part 2. I'm 66 and just started my transition MTF, on HRT for only a month now. I go back and forth as to passing, from feeling I look good enough for me to be who I really am but then at other times feeling paralyzed, stuck and depressed. I retired a little over 2 years ago and moved to a sparsely populated area that is politically more conservative than the very liberal San Francisco Bay area where I lived for 40+ years. Thankfully I have a good therapist and am able to attend a trans support group (but both requiring a 3 hour drive one way). I also find so much inspiration reading about much younger people finding their way through the transition process. God Bless them and also all my older trans brothers and sisters.
Love that. "Transitioning to feel better, not to feel worse!" That's a real "Whoa!" moment
Darla, thanks for your extremely substantive discussion of what folks are facing
agile analyst it's true though. About 7 weeks ago, I came out to myself. Can't remember why all of a sudden I said I was transgender female. Have suicidal thoughts still, but there unwelcome now, where as before, I was actively looking for new ways to kill myself.
Dara, I've been seeing a gender therapist for about 6 weeks. Now I know some ppl get assessment and only have few visits, and get their hrt letter. My mental health issues are abundant and life long. But I feel that not starting hrt now, is more detrimental, trying to get my mental health issues dealt with. Besides the fact hrt grows breast(not big but a start), but it changes the body. I think I can be passable and with certain surgeries, even attractive. Being 47 has it's pitfalls (wish I was born in different era), but there's no going back for me. Even tucking, which is a nuisance, is not going to stop me. As soon as I can get my breast argumentation done, I'll live full time as true self. Any comments?
I will be 70 in a couple weeks. It is very hard to find information with respect to people transitioning in my age group. You hit every button that I’m dealing with right now. Thank you for the great video.
Wow great video! Today I turned 47 years old. I am in the military active duty and have wanted to transition MtF for some time now, but politics have derailed my efforts the last 4 years.
Passing is something I think about daily, however, I’m getting to the point now that I just don’t care what others think. Of course I might be naive saying this, but I only have one life. I’d rather die trying to be happy than not take any action and continue to be miserable, depressed, and suicidal.
Your Mother, upbringing, Religious teachings, peer Prejudiced views, trying to fit in, family opinions, you are Hitting All the POINTS .
You are a Very Good Clinician.
9:10 Wigs, they are awesomely cool, the possibilities and options such freedom to express yourself differently from day to day!
Having worn them for 2 years, they also present a lot of opportunities for being clocked..
I honestly can't thank you enough for this video, just know you are saving a lot of people's lives, I think you just saved mine, I'm 51 and so so tired of pretending, I'm starting slow, wearing perfume, a little bit of mascara, and each step makes me feel happier. I also agree about giving ourselves time, it's not easy changing your whole life and start a completely new one in just a matter of months, I know it most likely take me a while but that is ok, the process is what I'm enjoying and I really hope I can do it! Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart!
Thank you Dara! Your videos help me so much. I’m transitioning at age 47. But it’s ok. I can’t dwell on the past. I can only move forward. I am happy with my results. Hugs!!!
well done Jeri...
Transition from Female to Non-binary in 2018 at age 72, had top surgery at age 73
I’m 61 and am just walking through the door and this is really helping me!!!
Have you always had these feelings? I guess what I am trying to ascertian is whether transitioning will feel like one of my previous phases when I get a bit older which I think it won't but a bit of age has always exposed me for a fool.
I'm 33 and just starting on this journey, this video was really helpful thank you
Thank you, Dara for bringing up this topic with clarity, honesty & compassion. I'm in my late 50s mtf. I'm thankful that times have changed to the point that "passing" is less an issue today than it was in my youth. I remember when "passing" was essential & doctors & therapists were in essence "gatekeepers" letting in only the fortunate few. Today is so much better for the young person dealing with gender dysphoria. Not perfect but still day & night compared to back in the 70s & 80s when I first sought counseling. I remember as a teen seeing a therapist for the first time & believe it or not he didn't know what the hell I was talking about! Worse, he had no idea whom I should be seeing but it was evident it wasn't him. What a debacle. In the 80s I had better luck with a "transsexual" therapist but no luck attaining HRT. It wasn't until the early 2000s I was finally seeing a competent therapist who helped me attain HRT as well as laser facial hair removal. Progress has been slow for the trans community but progress there still is and for that I am grateful.
Hi I’m 64 and just starting.
63 here and starting 😊
52 just starting ❤👗
52 and 16 weeks into HRT
Since I have a complete head of hair, low testosterone, relatively low density of facial/body hair, and higher than usual baseline estrogen levels, I hope that I 🙏 won't have too much difficulty getting rid of my facial/body hair! I really hope that 🙏 I won't have to have to undergo a lot of electrolysis, once I start blocking the testosterone and boosting my estrogen levels medically, as I understand that the hormone therapy will thin and slow the growth of my facial/ body hair 😀 That is a very good 👍 side effect !
hi Dara, thank you for doing these videos I am 57 and have just started my transition. I have been on HRT now for a month. I haven't noticed anything yet except for my brain changes. life seems a whole lot better already. keep up the good work.
Amanda
Thank you so much for these two videos on later in life transitioning.Im 58 and am thinking about transitioning. you have answered my questions and given me a lot of useful information to consider.
Thanks Dara. This information is good. Personally, I haven't really cared what other people think of me. Sometimes I get clocked and I never let it anger or upset me because if I act negatively, that person may get the impression that transgender people are angry unhappy people. I am facing the question of whether or not to live full time as myself. Living as my male birth gender was killing me on the inside. I have actually started my transition process. But it is my concern for others in my life, specifically my wife and children, that have created the only doubt that I still have to go full time. I guess a part of me is worried about the possibility of being alone at 53 years old. I've asked my wife to try loving the person she married, even with the change in outward appearance, one day at a time for now. Keep up the good work Dara. We look to you for additional insight.
very good video...you are quite knowledgeable, compassionate, experienced and obviously caring. i feel so much better after watching parts one and two...thank you, Dara.
I worried about passing for a very long time. It contributed to my extremely long 12 year transition which was almost in stealth. Now with the benefit of hindsight I realise my fear was largely unfounded. Once my facial hair was removed and HRT had worked its magic the rest is socialisation. My voice has been my other challenge but today I am beyond happy. Every trans person’s journey is different but it isn’t just a physical challenge. The emotional, spiritual and existential changes are enormous and continue to bring me much joy and unexpected delight.
I really found transitioning later in life part 1 & 2 helpful. Will there be a part 3?
Thank you so much for covering transitioning from this angle. I have not yet begun, but most of your points have dominated my thoughts for a long while. Very informative video 💕
I'm 28 years of age and consider that to be 'later in life' purely because all my peers I have who have transitioned or are in the process of doing so are either 12-20 or 45-60 and there never seems to be anyone in between...... I'm too old to be a 'young adult' but I'm not old enough to even be middle aged. Yet I've been struggling with my gender identity since I was 19 and haven't fully figured out how to express it even after all this time. It's strange because I often feel like I'm literally the ONLY ONE that feels this way because I can't find anyone in my age range who thinks/feels like me or who DIDN'T know from childhood that they were different than how they were born. It's a hard place to be stuck in.... I feel alone all the time. it's nice to see videos like this, even if they usually only talk about super young or much older people.
Dear Dara, thank you for your helpful videos. I am 55 already and the fear of not passing is keeping me from transitioning. I feel female inside for a very long time, but being tall, having broad shoulders getting bald and having massive body hair everywhere, but on my head makes me desperate that no amount of hormones will others make me see as a woman. It is good to have your advice to listen to, although i finally have to take the decision for myself. You are really doing a wonderful work with your videos.
I've been realizing that I'm trans but I'm struggling with moving to the next steps. I've been thinking about talking to a therapist then taking it from there. I really don't have problems passing because currently I'm always mistaken for a male my problem is the fallout from my family. 😞
Love your videos. Clear and helpful and compassionate
That was very helpful (both parts), thank you!
"that question of whether or not you' re gonna pass you won' t be able to answer that , until you actually try and see what it's like " ....I keep this in mind cause I think you said all in this phrase!
your right on with the all the points, i have found that i hate lying to my self,presenting my self as a man,and knowing i'm female just with out the means of making it right.
I just watched this AND its very good glad i found it answered lots of my own questions
Hello am in my 42 age. And started in January 2019 on hrt and still ask people if i am passing as a woman. Thanks you for the video. Helps a lot.
Hi I really enjoyed it your video on transitioning in later life I am 59 year old transgender woman who is on hormones for close to two months I do go out as my true self in public all the time. But I'm still forced to work as a man at work I have one Ally at work the HR Manager she's very helpful I find your videos very informative and useful thank you. Ealane
very well done Dara, although I am way past this point in transitioning, I found myself revisiting things you cover in this video, that at the time worried be, but now are comforting to know that times have gotten better somewhat and that transitioning later in life may have some disadvantages, but also advantages as well. Please continue to be amazing, and let us know how we can support you as well....your friend...River
i am lucky pre-t i passed alot of the time and now with hormones i pass all the time, even my voice does over the phone.
Three and a half years later this is still spot on. I am a large guy 6'2" with broad shoulders who always knew I was a woman on the inside but like you said those early days with the negative reaction from society really scared me away from the subject altogether. I know I would never 'pass' but I am beginning to realize maybe that's okay. So much work has been done by the pioneers that came before making this more socially acceptable. Recently, I found the actress Gwendoline Christie (the large woman who played a knight in Game of Thornes) is actually 6'3" with broad shoulders. She is so pretty, maybe there is hope for me, but even she as a cis woman has a hard time fitting in sometimes, she plays many androgynous roles. Perhaps that could be a fall back point, a more androgynous look. I talked with my life partner and she has been so supportive. I might take a few baby steps forward. Oh, and I finally got around to ordering your book and I am very excited for it to arrive. Much love Dara, Thank you.
Great Series! I'm 54, 2 months on T and thank you for your videos!
That's awesome!
You are so awesome, I am one of those that wants to transition later in life. I'm a 52 year old MTF transgender. I'm hoping I can get a transgender therapist through my insurance otherwise I'm going to have to pay cash. Thank you very much once again. I keep learning from you. I love your videos ❤❤❤
I just started HRT last week on the lowest dose. I really want to know how my body will change or how it feels. I'm excited, but scared
its been at least a month now, how do you feel?
corkedfever At this exact time, I feel really sh**y I'm just really tired I guess. But other than that, I feel alright. Not to much has changed yet. I did notice a tiny bit of breast growth and it's making me happy, so there's that
Lady of the Lake Lucky, I'm too depressed for hrt, so have to wait, but I want to grow boobs, even though I'm getting breast argumentation, when I can.
Now it has been year, did you stick with it or stop?
Thanks Dara for this installment. It has been about 18 months. Any part 3 in the works?
After a lifetime of pretending to be a man and knowing I wanted to be a girl I lived with constant GD. I have dealt with the world as a man would with success. The man I portrayed was a lie for benefit of the world. At 78 I gave up my phony male persona to the past and became a female for the future. I am the lover to my male body. He is my host and I am his ghost. I did my own SRS on my mind.
Dara, these videos are SO helpful! Thanks for all your awesome work.
Thank you Sarah! :)
Hi Dara , Love your videos and I'm recommending them to my trans support group. The ability to pass can be directly
effected by the ability to raise needed financial resources. Have you broached this angle of transition? It will require far more money to reverse effects of testosterone development the older you are when you begin transition. Surgeries etc just to mitigate aging let alone feminization can be daunting and one needs to be prepared for this reality.
Thank you for this video. I'm 62 Afab and realizing I'm non binary, agender. None of these 'options' were even a notion in my early life. There was no RUclips or Facebook etc... to make us aware. There were 2 genders. Period. I interpreted my confusion as various things that never matched how I felt, and caused chaos in my life. My amab 35 yr old kid just came out as transfeminine, non binary also, so we're both technically in that 'later in life' category, although they have a lot more access to the community than I do. Because of the life I'm leading now I won't transition any time soon because it would be too disruptive to family, and I just don't feel it would be fair to them. It's nice to hear your ideas and it helps ease my anxiety to feel understood. I have been searching for information geared towards older people just discovering who they are, and have come up empty handed until today. Thank you!
I like your videos they are full of information. I am FTM I am 64 I have been gay and out since age 19 but I have always been a tomboy butch thru my life. I've been on T for over 3 yrs. I'm happy with my decision to change. I haven't had my top surgery yet I am passing as male except for my top. I want to meet other gay women or MTF but I'm having a hard time with it.
And I agree fully it takes time! Very cool video thank you!
I'm almost 45... I think I should be ok but am still very nervous about everything. Seeing a therapist has helped me focus my thoughts a bit at least.
Hi Dara, thanks for the another great video. I began my transition 18 months ago at age 57. I am grateful to have a good therapist. Passing is currently my biggest concern. In fact, it's become a barrier to going full-time. I am currently about half-time, for the past 15 months. I can pass some of the time, but that not enough to transition at work. I have a great job and I don't want to lose it, either specifically because I am transgender (which I don't think will happen) or because being known as transgender makes it impossible for me to effective in my job and I lose my job due to poor performance. I have changed the gender marker on my birth certificate, and I would very much like to officially change my name and all the rest of my documents, but I don't want to do that till I am confident that I'll pass 85% of the time. I feel as though FFS can be my way to pass, and I want it desperately, but I can't afford it just now. I need to get past this mental and monetary roadblock. It's all I can think about.
This is one of the most difficult challenges I run into with many of my clients, and of all ages really. Trying to move past the mental roadblock can be tricky, since it is a realistic concern. Hopefully more insurances will cover FFS in the near future - it is a medical necessity for many!
Thanks for your work! Looking forward to the rest of the series.
I follow your journey as I'm just starting my medical transition after socially transitioning 18+ months ago. I appreciate your insights.
Thank you SO much for making this video Dara!
I am almost 30 years old and i think i am too weak to transition, i just couldnt do it...
Hey Dara, I can relate to the older transitioned. I’m 63 and how I wish I had done this at least 30 years ago. But it would have been impossible for me. I feel like a free woman 💕
Finally a video for me.. 😬
I just turned 43 and I didn't start hormone treatment until I was 41.
I think it is important to watch You Tube videos from different perspectives. Dr. Z PHD offers advice based on clinical knowledge and years of academic research. You offer insights based on your experiences which is very helpful and more empathetic IMHO.
Thanks for another great video. These are all the concerns I've had. I'm a 40 year old black trans female who's just started my social transition. I have developed male pattern baldness although I seem to be managing that well but all the years of shaving has left my chin a bit rough. I have more concerns about this and I always wonder if this would give me away when I start on hormones or weather my skin will become smoother...
Thank you. i am 41 and am 3 months in my transition. thank u
Thank you for your videos. They have been so helpful!
Dara, this is a very rich and thorough look at all those questions that follow "Should I transition?" especially the topic of passing. These questions run through my head everyday. This is a good solid outline of many different but related topics and concerns that I have regarding transitioning. Thank you for your very thoughtful and on the spot answers and suggestions to help ease the transition and help empower me and others who need to hear this!
I'm 50yo ftm and I have felt (known) I'm male all my life. I'm now about to start testosterone but worry that I will never pass because the wrong hormone has had too many years to affect my body and voice and basically the right hormone can only do so much to over ride that. I just hope that I can at least pass for myself and feel better within. I always say that hormone transition is like a plastic surgery lottery where you go in with no idea what you will come out looking like. I think it's better to be realistic and seek out experiences of older trans people to gain a more accurate picture of what may happen.
Hello I can relate to that. I'm in my 60's
Can anyone help me with facial hair? I'm 14 and too shy to tell my parents I may be trans, so I'm figuring out ways to secretly feel more like me. Is it possible to do anything to stop growing facial hair without any form of surgery?
I am 45. I am comfortable but I ask the question could I fully pass. I have been blocked from taking hormones (long story). Yeah if I take a step back it’s amazing to just be able to be more me. However there’s always this question. Can I pass fully. The reason is I get dysphoric thinking I am no more than a cross dresser. But yeah also really complicated, married with a child. But I am aware that I need to remain grateful for where I am and how I am able to present. I have so much support and feel very lucky!
Thank you, Thank you, Dara
I call the problem shyness because it is quite similar...we feel everyone is focused on us and thinking negatively...it's not true for the most part. Many never notice us, some do and only a few really think negatively but mostly to their selves.
I've been alive long enough to remember when it was illegal here to transition, and later legal but the hurdles thrown up by the law were such that it was effectively impossible.
It wasn't until 2015 that those laws were changed here.
Even now getting medical and mental health help as a transgender person is extremely difficult here, the waiting lists are so long that they seem almost designed to get people to give up trying.
And yes, the stigma around transgender people being so strong that the only word for it that existed was the insulting "transvestite".
And this prevented me from seeking help, and showing my female identity in public, until this year 2022.
My main fear now is that my underlying medical problems will prevent me from getting HRT and/or surgeries, or that I'll be considered "too old to undergo transition" by the time I finally get through the waiting lists by the medical professionals or the bureaucrats making the rules.
As for passing or not, at the moment I know I'm not very passable even though I try to do what I can through the clothes I choose, shaving several times a day, haircut, and things like that.
Therefore for now at least I consider people addressing me as ma'am or miss a compliment, rather than those addressing me as sir a failure. But I'm sure that'll change in time.
I am 52 mtf ( pre hrt), my main concern is that I am a big hairy bear. I had my chest and back and arms and.feet waxed on September, but it grew back within a few weeks and I just don't want to bother with removing body hair, but I want to be able to show off my hopefully large bosoms ;)
Thank you. Loss of strength is a concern of mine too, as I workout twice a week. Still on the fence.
Albert Giesbrecht electrolysis, which you'll need for SRS, but supposedly better
I'm 59 yrs. old and I don't want to take HRT (mtf), but I want to get an Orchiectomy. Will there be enough feminine change to the body at that age. By the way, I am taking Spironolactone and I'm on Risperidone which have given me feminine breast formation and my hair is fine. I am not balding. I am 5"5' and weigh 130 lbs. I would like your opinion to my question.?
I am so glad I waited till 58 to come out i am 61 now. It took me 3 years to get to wear i am passing. Please be careful.
it really hurts to think about that i could’ve started at like 23 when i really started having those thoughts. here i am at 27, over half a year into hrt.
very helpful! Thank you
I would like to know more about this
I'm 20 and I feel like I'm too old to start transitioning and be able to pass.
Passing, is the Societal issue that's Important. No getting around it.
Seriously important for People's Peace of Mind.
Hi Dara: thank you for your post.
Blend in ?? lol i,m 6ft 4ins tall ,,, blending in has always been impossible :) who wants to blend in ? i want to stand out , ha ha ,, good advice though , thank you
I'm 31 and only just looking at transition. But for me I really don't care about passing in the eyes of others. For me the point of transitioning is to be me not to change myself in order to pass as the steriotypical image of that gender. Having said that because I'm ftm I feel that I'm not as much of a risk of abuse by not passing. There are plenty of cis women who where mens clothes so I don't exactly stand out. But I do worry that the fact that I don't actually feel I need to pass means I'm not trans enough to transition. For me I have huge dysphoria around my chest and hips if I can change my body to relieve that dysphoria or wear clothes that hides these areas that really is all I care about.
I'm a 53 year old trans woman transitioning (still) Have been for years. Need to do it for good. it's financial!
Oddly enough, while I worry about not passing and being an “ugly chick”, I have lost count of how many times I have been maam’d at Drive-up windows and even in some public situations.
I am a few months away from turning 54. I have self-medicated off and on over the past few years and I am now seeking out a gender therapist in east central Indiana. Your videos have helped so much already, I can’t thank you enough for making them. God bless!
I remember telling friends in the late 70's I wanted to be a girl. They looked in dismay. I finally came out to a few friends around 2010 again. I started transitioning in late 2013.
Hello I'm 46 and I want to transition to my true gender which is female I'm from ohio I've done research my question is what kind of Drs do I need what type of therapists do I need
I was 47 when I began my transition. My advice is have an open and honest conversation with your GP. Ask them who they can refer you to so you can discuss the correct and healthiest way for you personally. This usually an endocrinologist or, as in my case, an internal medicine doctor. Once you have chosen a specialist, contact them and see if they require a letter from a gender therapist and if they can recommend one for you. These are just some basic steps. Good luck on your journey.
I Am 28 years MtF transgender and 5 monts on HTR i Am verry happy That i pass but my voice and mannorrisme give people doubts ,. 😛😀 Its no big deal for me
for mannerisms go to a mall or a park and people watch!! watch how the women interact with not just men but every one the try to mimic them ,soon it will become natural . for your voice you might think about a voice therapist! hopes this helps! and good luck in the transition
😁wish I was already on HRT like you though...
I get called a sir and sometimes a she. I just go with the flow.The chances of me seeing these these people again is minimal.
I'm 45 self medicated for five months then stopped tried to surpress ed it all.i dress parti me as much as I can but want to be fulltime one day.want to just be accepted as a woman .as a woman I feel comftable not strange .
The only passing I am looking for is I want to look like my vision of my true self
I am transgender by gender ID, thinking of transitioning, worry about doing it at 30, but love your videos. Any suggestion for resources if you don't have insurance or money for whole process?
I AM 61 I came out 2 half years ago. I don't take time to listen to the b.s. just live my life as a Christian lady. I go to church almost every Sunday and everything is going well. Thanks always Lisa God bless.
How about someone in their 70's.
In the Bible belt is hard and scary at first.
Dara, why use the term queer? isnt that a set back? and also an incorrect term? the term and mening queer is odd ,strnge misfit weird so why does society use this term queer to iidentify human beings who re independant of their sexual identity? this term queer is abused and misused and should only be used in its proper place NOT to be used to discribe pioneers ,human beings who lchoose to live their own independant life style I am TRANS but consider myself nothing more but a woman in blossum I start full HRT in december right now i am pre HRT but been getting hormone therpy from dietary estrogen for a while now preparing for my medical appt. for HRT medical treatment from the doctor I been waiting my whole life for this and very excited !!! and AGAIN the term QUEER does not belong in any term discribing the lbgt community we are not weird ,odd or starnge we are AWESOME !! I LOVE YOUR VIDEOS AND I LOVE YOU !!! - --- GWYNN
🥰
what is important is the body parts,looks are cool but not that important
You are soooo wonderful..presenting ALL the aspects and touching on ALL the things I think about (as a 70 year old). And, yeah, I have grown up with knowledge of all the "stigma" and it has 'scared' me into the closet for 50 years-never stopped me fro cross dressing tho!!!! but my "girl" is DEMANDING t 'come out' so we're taking cross gender hormones and, ya know?? I will die w/ a cute little set 'cause I ALWAYS wanted t have a 'set' (NO...not Pamela Anderson double DD's). But, I digress....this IS a "TY" to you for a wonderful (WONDERFUL) presentation. And I have lived too many years as a male to EVER be able to 'present' as female but I would love to be able to wear my pretty dresses outside w/o fer of being beat up.....sigh...
So fake it till you make it.
I think you should not transition, neither early in life nor later in life.
You should wonder what is the hidden cause of your gender dysphoria and its origin.
Did you have a narcissistic mother or father or both ?
Did someone abuse you emotionally or physically when you were young ?
Did you feel neglected and not loved, not seen, not heard, not protected ? Were you overprotected by a parent ?
Was there enmesment ?
Was it safer for your mum to have a "castrated" boy who wants to become a girl because she had been surrounded by toxic males ?
Is it safer for your mum to have a daughter who wants to transition into a man because her daughter would be the fantasy of an ideal husband ? Or maybe because the mother subconsciously needs to be the only woman and can't let go of this need ? (Like in
"Snow White").
There is penis envy for all the little girls from the age of 3 to the age of 7 and the castration anxiety for little boys.
In my view it is an error to choose the path of transitioning.
A lot of people feel a mismatch between what they feel inside and their physical appearance, not only transpeople.
We should accept our human condition and our human limitations.
Frustration is part of life.
We can't control everything, we can't choose, select everything.
Hormones can be very dangerous.
They can give cancer or heart attacks.
Surgeries are unnatural and it is sad and barbaric to cut healthy limbs. It is high risk.
There are often complications.
I don't think most transpeople have internalised transphobia but they probably have internalised an abuser, an early abuser who made them feel less than and who is still inside them later in life.
Why should you accept a "cure" that is worse than the symptoms ?
In reality there is nothing wrong with you even if the gender in your brain is different from your body.
Anyway to have the proof of this you would need a scanner of your brain.
You can still embrace both, your brain and your body and accept reality and your uniqueness.
Corinne Godard, have you ever questioned if you are cis gender? No? Nobody tells you, you just know. Just as trans people know they are trans. You are clearly not aware that trans people are born, not nurtured. Scientists have proven that there is a key point when the male brain is created (you know that we all start as female, right?) by an injection of testosterone which can be blocked by some quite common compounds; thalidomide is one. The brain therefore remains female but the body gets its testosterone, thus creating a brain/body mismatch. There are plenty of websites carrying this information and these should show up if you Google the subject.
With such logic, even if it was true (it isn't: many trans kids / people had trauma, but many didn't and have very good parents) we wouldn't give antidepressants to depressed people..."ignore the solution to make you blooming and happy and just suck it up and live in low key to unbearable depression / cringe until you die" doesn't sound like a great argument.
My mother often says "let me be sole judge of what helps me live" and I have nothing to add to that.