Somehow I learned that, and also when my parents were calm I also learned how to feign calmness on the outside and stuff things inside really really well. Not how to actually retain calmness.
Ya...I wish my mom and grandma knew how to help me I still feel bad when I would have horrible HORRIBLE meltdowns but we have learned ways to help me with my ADHD and I'm so happy that they were willing to help and understand me
That “I’ll give you something to cry about” thing! I remember thinking, even as a kid, thinking “what is wrong with you? Obviously there’s something that cry about because I’m crying! How is creating more reasons to be upset a solution?” I was raised on sarcasm and criticism. I still think “I’ll give you something to cry about.” is one of the worst most unreasonable things to say to anyone, especially a child. Such a trigger phrase.
It really stings to hear, especially when you it meant you'd end up being beat. I guess that's why I learned that the best way to control my emotions is to hurt myself for feeling that way
I was given a belt or ruler to the wrist every time I forgot to bring my homework back as a child. I literally had ADHD. I needed help, not punishment...
I also find confrontations at work hard. People upset for good reasons but I'm not the guy who can fix it. Step one, coworker comes in my lab and yells about stuff- glares at me and expects me to fix it... Step two, my hands start shaking and I'm worthless for the rest of the work day. Most times I go to my boss's office and hide while he chews out the offender...
@@captainmaim I hope you understand this colleage better, perhaps it would be cool if you talk him/her about glitter bottles, it perhaps might help you both, he and you, because you won't be stressed and drained for the rest of the day. Perhaps do you have hypersensitivity? Like feeling very strongly émotions?
So when you’re like me and you have ADHD and these emotions, but you’re also a person who got REALLY good at repressing or hiding true feelings... it causes problems 😂
@@rubyfroggatt5603 I defiently agree, even though my parents, relatives, and some teachers know I have adhd, it still feels overwhelming to cry in front of the entire class. The thing is with me is that I barely cry and I never really feel angry when people do me wrong, I just simply walk away. I know that this might seem that Im emotionally numb but Im good at suppressing my emotions so the only real thing I feel when I'm getting yelled at is sadness.
Oh my god yes, I had this problem for most of my life and only started undoing it about a year and a half ago. Because of it, I’m only now learning what’s normal for my emotions and even my body mainly in terms of discomfort. Oh also because of this I thought I might be ace and aro for a few months aaaaaand nope I’m the opposite I’m pan.
I think the grown up version of meltdowns is crying. You've cried a lot in your videos I always thought that was super relatable. I once cried in public and my classmates were like "weird I've never seen you cry in my life" and my seatmate told them "bruh she cries over math every other day"
Same this year i would get too anxious with maths and stuff cuz it was smth that needed a lot of help and focus so i spent most of the year missing everyday i had maths and when i had exams my teacher would say the smallest thing and i cried out of nowhere it got really embarrasing since it happened a couple of times
There's two types for me. Crying and outburst of anger. Like I'm slowly getting overwhelmed and then I don't notice it until I mess up in a game or something and want to destroy it. I never do destroy it of course, but I've definitely deleted phone apps out of frustration, which is the more rational option. It's really bad though if that last straw happens to be something someone said or did though because then I tend to hurt that person with my words.
For me it begins with severe anger and a lot of yelling at whatever (or whoever) angered me then it seeps into severe sadness. Now i’m someone who pushes my emotions away so when i burst i become an ever destructive whirlwind of death
@@litchtheshinigami8936 oh no 🥺 it's easier said than done but oppositely you should accept your emotions as they are coming, not bottleing them up, im so happy I managed to do so early. It's less destructive i think. But as I still explode (just less strongly) it isn't good as well. Not only for the others but also because I didn't yet learned to process things calmly.
yep. sometimes i just hit a breaking point and snap. its super embarrasing afterwards and i really need to work on controling my emotions. (i have found some calming outlets in origami, nail art, rubiks cubes, and excercise) i still struggle with this to this day
I've found that the best way to deal with this is to walk away from the situation. Step outside, go into another room, go for a walk, it doesn't matter. I think part of the reason we lose control when our emotions kick in is that it seems to be all we can think about. We get stuck in the present and don't consider how our current behavior can affect the people around us. Pulling yourself away from what is troubling you for even a few minutes can help tremendously to calm you down and maintain rational thinking. Just my two cents, hope it helps 😊
Argh I just had a meltdown over wanting to find a cheap flip phone. Cried for an hour. I think my smartphone causes anxiety for me and makes my ADD worse. Looking for a flip phone caused me to hyperfocus and I wasted five hours, not including the hour of crying. Think I need a glitter bottle.
The sad thing is so many parents DO go for the belt...including my mother in law😒 now my husband is a grown man struggling so much with his emotions & was never helped with his adhd as a child. Please be kind & patient with kids.
Yeah, I feel his pain. My parents weren't easy to anger, but I had a lot of meltdowns, so I did get yelled at quite a bit, and remember being spanked sometimes. It made me afraid of my father for quite some time. I realize that he likely angered easier because he's living with undiagnosed ADHD himself(it's really obvious now that I know the symptoms). That didn't excuse him of course, but learning that made me feel less scared.
@@captainmaim I don't understand what you talk about when you say "bump". Perhaps it's my limited understanding, but if you would be kind to explain me I'd be grateful 😊
I am a mom with a 9-year-old daughter that has ADHD. I try so hard to be the best for her. I have been told so many times that I just need to discipline her more, mostly by my parents. I don't think that works. We have the meltdowns so frequently. I am really appreciating your videos so that I can be a better mom to her. Thank you!
Thank you so much infinitely for doing your bests efforts to understand your child. Despite I do not know you personally, the very fact of you being there searching answers and constructive methods speak by itself.
I have adhd, and my 7 year old son does as well. The biggest change in his meltdowns was when I stopped letting my anger take over and doling out punishments. I started sitting with him and talking it out. Letting him know that he wasn't in trouble, and I was there for him. When he was more calm, we discussed actions that would have repercussions (hitting, throwing, breaking things), and the improvements in his ability to manage himself has been amazing.
Yer right that more-more-more discipline isn't the answer. At the same time though, ADHD causes someone to be VERY wrapped up in their own head and to not be present in the real world. Too much lenience and a child won't learn anything because they won't know they even should. What does work is talking it out. Making it clear you are not there to fight them or get them in trouble, but there to talk about what they are thinking, feeling, and giving them something grounded to think about that brings them down to earth. So much time in their head can make them selfish and self-centered so they get angry when things don't go their way. Talk to them about what isn't going their way and come to an understanding. Keep their mind grounded and real when it needs to be. I'm an ADD child going off to college. It's tough being raised by parents who never knew this but try the best they can in the only ways they know how because the way they know is not what works for me.
Yeah, I burst into tears at work last week. I had gotten all my laundry done and all my dishes clean and I was feeling like SUPER ADULT... Then the very next day, I forgot I was supposed to be in to work an hour early. I spent the entire 30 minute drive yelling at myself for being irresponsible, and when my boss was SUPER understanding about my lateness because she ALSO has ADHD, I burst into tears of self disappointment. I'm not the over-emotional type of ADHDer. I tend to shove down my own feelings and have a very laid-back attitude. I rarely get angry or sad, and I never cry. So now I'm wondering if it'll always be a balancing act... As parts of my life get more under control, other parts start come apart. I get my house clean and then am late to and have emotional episodes at work? But at least I've managed to keep up with dishes and laundry without being late again. Here's hoping for a slightly better, more productive 2020...
You've gotten routine and habit down, but sudden changes to routine are a different challenge entirely. You might not have systems for them yet, like setting reminders, checking your planner the day before or my favourite, obsessing over it so I can't forget (not recommended, very stressful).
Oh, so true! 🤣😬 I often congratulate myself for being on top of something only to turn around and realise that while I was organising that so well, I forgot a family member's birthday...or a bill...or a staff meeting! #adhdlife
@@LawNerdAmber I would agree that everything has gotten worse or just stayed very bad. Money stuff is a bit better... I quit smoking... Um... Laundry and dishes are still a constant disaster. My work increased my hours the past 5 months after a coworker initially went on maternity leave and then decided she wasn't coming back. My hours are about to go back to normal so part of me thinks I'll be able to get myself back to a healthier place, but I don't actually believe it. There's a voice in my head that tells me that things only ever get worse and never better, and any attempt to improve my productivity or housekeeping is a huge, futile waste of my time and energy. I know that if I don't believe things can better then they really can't... But I just don't have any proof that they do. I'm like a yo-yo dieter, but for productivity programs and cleaning...
@@JimmieHammel sounds like maybe you are like how I was growing. Tuning out and pressing down emotions because parents didn't know how to handle them. It was a great strategy for a child. Problem was it didn't go away when became an adult. For me, pressing down emotions caused more pain that lead to addictions.
So, up until this point in my life I had only been told that ADHD affects my attention span. I had no idea that there was more to it. After watching a lot of the videos on your channel I realized that I am not alone when it comes to my personality, emotions, etc.. It's been an eye opener for me, and I thank you for that.
Yep! We have issues with emotional regulation. Bad situations trigger a cascade of memories of past bad situations and make things worse than what they actually are.
I was a "good kid" for pretty much my whole life, including in my teens. My mom always used to say she was so relieved I never had a rebellious teen phase. I did, she just never saw it because I did everything quietly or in private. My meltdowns took the form of me crying silently into my pillow at night because I was overwhelmed, or completely checking out of a family outing if I sensed tension. My younger brother had a proper rebellious teen phase and got into a lot of trouble, so I felt pressured to be the "good kid" in order to not give my parents anything else to stress over.
I dont care how long ago this was posted I kind of related to it by the fact that my mom said the same thing about me and it was my older brothers that were supposed to be leading by example and cause most of the trouble, and then by the time it was my turn to do the things my parents had a lot tighter of a leash.
Oh damn, I wasn't sure I can relate to that video, but reading that, despite being only child I went through things the same way, keeping things to myself like that
I’m 22 taking calculus for the first time and it’s so frustrating to not understand the chapters. I was having a small meltdown about feeling like a failure for weeks and like there was no point in trying and my mom said “you’ve taken hard classes before, I would’ve expected you to handle this better” I was surprised by that and I think it shows sometimes family doesn’t really always understand ADHD
"my mom said “you’ve taken hard classes before, I would’ve expected you to handle this better” I was surprised by that and I think it shows sometimes family doesn’t really always understand ADHD" that's not only not understanding ADHD, it's not understanding things in general. ppl think just because you did hard stuff once that doing hard stuff is easy for you overall, which it isn't.
My mom tells me to "calm down" and it makes it worse, i usually get anxiety and have trouble breathing and cry when I'm late for something or I can't find something. It's so annoying
DuskPunkZebra I usually say “if you are not going to help me calm down you need to leave me alone right now” that way, I can avoid them further escalating it. The problem arises when some people wont respect that, especially if it’s family you live with. (I live with my grandparents who don’t respect that so I literally just avoid them most of the time.) I’ve stopped speaking to any “friend” that wont respect my boundaries though, and it helped a lot so I wanted to offer that advice. I know it’s hard, but it’s worth considering at least. For me, it’s about putting my mental health first so I can do better overall.
Ella I've learned that telling me to calm down doesn't help either. Now I know why. I too have ADHD and I also have anxiety. I've learned to stay calm but the situation can make a big difference and who you are dealing with. I think that I need to make a glitter bottle and make an emotional tracker.
As a parent who has ADHD and a child with it, this is really important. Understanding why we melt down, feeling frustrated and not being able to express it. I love the Bottle idea!
Thank you so much infinitely for doing your bests efforts to understand your child. Despite I do not know you personally, the very fact of you being there searching answers and constructive methods speak by itself.
Same!!! Mine responded with anger and it wasn't until my partner's parents didn't respond to me like that that I cried and said "wow, I have never had that"...
+angelstouch92 mine responded that way too. Of course, it didn't help that my Dad also had ADHD but his was undiagnosed. My mom would reprimand me afterwords and ask me to explain myself when, I really couldn't.
honestly i think everyone who had a hard adhd childhood is now part of the few % of really strong people that are left in this generation who still think about stuff in a good way so the next generations only hope is that we can give them our views and get them away from this "i dont care about nothing" mindset
trying to unlearn my parents anger has taken my entire life. i only realized recently while being in a relationship that i haven’t been doing a great job of controlling it rather than repressing it and just blowing up at a different time. i feel super bad when i do it, and often recognize it’s irrational, but it’s super hard to calm down lol
I am 28 years old, was told I had ADHD when I was a kid. My mom always said their is nothing wrong with me and to just fix my problems. After a long long struggle in life, I was recently diagnosed again, but didn't think anything about it.... then I found you! I have been in hyper focus for 12 hours watching and learning as much as I can. I feel so unbelievably blessed that you took the time to create these videos! I have finally FINALLY figured out why my brain reacts different. Since I'm now almost 3o, I'd love to see a video on how to change 30 years of habits, or how to cope when you have had ZERO support your whole life. Much love and appreciation for you and everything your doing! I'd love to help others someday!
That's exactly how I feel. I was never diagnosed until I turned 18 and wasn't ever told anything about how it makes things different, besides attention span problems and hyper focus. That was a little over 20 years ago even now and all they've recommended for it back then is counseling and meds. Nothing else was EVER mentioned on how to tailor things with counseling, such as which coping methods might work best. When I was first diagnosed, adult ADHD was still widely misunderstood, and if you had to switch providers to someone who didn't believe in it, you were screwed if you took much-needed meds for it because you'd subsequently get yanked off of them based on the whims and principles of someone who didn't even know you, much less how you function. To this day, my parents still stigmatize me for being and thinking things differently, and I'll be 39 in 3 months. Ironically, two of these 3 parents (I've had a long-time step parent) THEMSELVES have adult ADHD!!! They utterly trash me and have tried to make me feel like dirt over being different over things of which they themselves are guilty. It's humiliating being "parented" when you're pushing 40. =( I've watched only 3 vids here so far, yet I subscribed after watching just two!! After a life wracked with regret and self-loathing over with is wrong with me -- most of these feelings caused by my own parents misunderstandings -- now I can finally learn to forgive myself for real, instead of harboring the lingering guilt that has haunted me since I was 11. I think it's pretty safe to say that you've changed my life drastically, and during a time of year when I need it most. I don't believe that there's any proper way to thank someone for such a great gift yet here is my gratitude all the same.
I was diagnosed as a child too with the same thing “You’ll grow out of it” I’m 39. I am not just getting help for it because it was a dark secret what was “wrong” with me. I don’t have melt downs like outwards it’s more internal and they are awful.
Zmajevo Gnijezdo I’m 21. I have meltdowns too. It’s so embarrassing sometimes. I can control them a little more now, of course that’s probably because I isolate myself so much they only come when I’m alone or with family. But I’m learning to accept that excess energy and just let myself get it out. As long as I don’t cause damage to anything anymore, or minimal damage. Idk. Slowly we cope a little better maybe.
Recently, after I heard about the traits people with ADHD have, I figured that my wife might have ADHD - im not qualified to diagnose but I had my suspicion. When I talked to her about it she had no idea what ADHD is but felt that there were too many similarities. Again, none of us are qualified to diagnose but I thought that it couldn't hurt seeking more information - especially on how to act as the significant other to a person with ADHD. I have now watched a few videos here and I feel enlightened. Things that never crossed my mind and I feel like I have grown a better understanding of my wife and no matter if she has ADHD or not, I believe we have gotten even closer after I tried to implement some ideas I got from watching this channel. If anything, I love my wife more now than before because I feel like I understand her more. She is the most beautiful person in the world to me and I now have a better idea on how to support her in what she does. Thank you so much for your videos, they have really helped me - not only when it comes to understanding ADHD, but also to make me understand more people in general. You really do make the world a better place so keep it up!
I am 36. I have one of these on my desk at work so when I'm on the phone, trying to keep calm and not get frustrated, I can shake it and watch the pretty patterns. I feel like all cubicles should have them.
I have bottles of wood preservative on my desk. As the dyes fall out it changes colour. If i am frustrated i can shake the colour back. (I am a lab tecnician for a wood preservative company)
I'm crying so bad right now.. my son just got diagnosed with adhd and now this has helped me understand all the things I was struggling with. thank you so much
Well, I'm 32 and just cried when you described the calming bottle and how it works. My emotional regulation is clearly a tad off still. I'm working on getting my ADHD officially diagnosed and treated. In the meantime my sister-in-law (who's a licensed therapist) is helping me with some education and strategies. So glad I stumbled on your channel!
There’s got be a parenting school for the parents that react with anger. It’s so scary for kids to go through that especially when they feel like they have to escape from there caregivers
The issue is that a large portion of people are not even fit to be parents in the first place. But they don't give a sh.t and decide to have babies anyways, as if there were no repercussions or massive responsibilities that come with doing that. TL&DR: A lot of people are actually really, really dumb.
@@KeenestObserver i agree yes, but saying people are dumb is just as "ADHDers has just to try harder" or "this child only needs more discipline" : completely useless and unproductive and end up worsening behaviours
@@aeea8318 No but like, most people are actually dumb when it comes to deciding to have a baby. They are actually so unaware of the consequences, responsibilities and the amount of suffering this can lead to it is baffling. If potential parents were to read a message like mine, at least it would raise their awareness and maybe make them think twice about conceiving a child instead of doing it for giggles. It's not a laughing matter. People need to grow up and properly think.
I'm sorta pissed that my parents did everything wrong regardless of me trying to talk to them about the issue of how I was feeling.. when I have a child with adhd I'll definitely remember how I felt so I can communicate better
I have ADHD and have a little girl who is 8... I think she has it also and I definitely remember what it was like as a child. It helps a lot to understand and be there for them :-)
I often cry when I watch these videos. The way Jess explains ADHD and the things I often feel and go through but can't put into words. Trying to explain to my mom and friends why It's so hard to do simple things that they can do so easily. But not being able to properly express myself. And then I found these videos a couple months ago. And I just tear up a little because finally I don't feel alone. And I have a better understanding of how I can help myself. Thank you so much Jessica.
I would like something so they could happen less, not to calm down after you had them. Because I know that for like a job or a superficial relationship with someone if they saw you have one even for a second you ruined your chances, everything else would have been damage control for that little moment. Also I know that people over time would get tired of you because of meltdowns and leave you, only people who really love you would stay and even then would become bitter if this gets to tiring.
I'm in the Same situation as you, I'm 15 and 10th grade and I have such a hard time with meltdowns in school, I try to control it, but it can be hard sometimes. If you have any tips they would be greatly appreciated. Some things that I learned are first of all go to the bathroom so at least your in public then I'll take a few deep breaths and try to talk myself through it, then I'll wash my face or take a tissue and wipe my eyes if I had been crying.
I’m almost 40. Still learning this. I still have meltdowns. The feelings can be like filling a cup of water. Once it’s full, that’s where most people stop. But we are like that glass of water in the bottom of a filling pool. It’s cool at first, then you’re full, and overflowing, and then…. Totally drowned.
Abeydah Qureshi omg.. I did too. I have a four year old that is unfortunately following in my ADHD footsteps and it is just tearing me up inside.. this was just amazing..
Me five, my eight year old daughter was diagnosed on Monday. RUclips suggested a video from this channel to me this morning because I watched a video on fidget toys last weekend because RUclips apparently feels like I need them (and they are right). And now I am at work surrounded by people I have my back to right now trying to gather my self up and stop tearing up before they notice. i didn't want my kids to have to do this. Just the channel I needed, just when I needed this information/perspective. Wish I wasn't at work right now though.
Adult Diagnosis here: Over time the high emphasis on Discipline in my upbringing just taught me to have inward meltdowns of self-flagellation. This is the only Self Soothing method I have. Do you have any episodes on the relationship between ADHD and childhood trauma? I think that is imperative.
As a 44 year old adult who was finally diagnosed with ADHD - I realize as a child my embarrassing meltdowns had a LOT to do with this! I also had my own version of a glitter bottle - a clear bottle of shampoo. I’d turn it upside down and watch the bubbles slowly float to the top and it was like a moment of zen, lol. Thank you for this channel as I navigate my own ADHD journey as well as being a mom to an 11 year old with ADHD! 💪🏻😘
I still have meltdowns and I’m 38 😂 my little one has a lot of meltdowns, she’s 11. I love her so much 💕 I just wait for her to get done and stretch out my arms to give her a big bear hug and clean her tears 💕
Hi! I have ADHD and I think your videos are incredibly helpful. Learning that a lot of my issues are related to or caused by my ADHD really helps put things into perspective, and that's made it easier for me to keep control and manage my life and relationships. Thank you for all the hard work you put into your videos. Please make more! 😄 PS I'm the type who fixates on eyes more than the average person does (or should). I usually have to watch your videos several times because your eyes are ridiculously pretty and I can stop focusing on them. But seriously, please make more videos 😂😂😂
Missing the bus.... Gets me every time! It's the checking the time when it comes, and procrastinating to leave at the last second, and it coming a minute before the set time, or just being flat out late and running to the stop and still missing that darn bus. So incredibly frustrating. And can throw my whole day off. You are not alone, my friend!
Do you have insomnia? This is a big part of my ADHD the lack of sleep make my emotions 100x worse. I have just found the key to over come this, in progress at the moment. I was asked by a adhd tutor where I go when upset. I isolate myself in my bedroom, if sad, angry or having a melt down. My subconscious sees my room as negative. I was asked what calms me down and where my happy place is, I said outside or with nature. I'm currently decorating my room and putting plants in there. I had a melt down the other day, I did not go in my room, I isolated myself at end of the garden. It lasted 5 mins!!! I sat in the garden an extra 30 mins, walked inside happy. I was shocked, normally I spend the rest of the day hating myself. Find your happy place, even if you picture somewhere in your mind, I hope that helps
sad.... I never really had that when I was a kid. it probably would have been a great idea for meltdowns..... it's hard to cope with emotions even as an adult. lady, thank you for this video. my hubby is very grateful to you =)
Looool, I feel that one My struggle with being older is that these tools feel to childish for me, but as a child I never had them, and when you want to learn something you can't skip the basics... So I try to ditch the skepticism & the shame, and I try to take the "childish" & simple steps, to learn those basics. And it really helps, but it's also really really hard
@@karimghaly7708 that's pretty ignorant. Besides, ADD is an archaic term now, it's just different levels of ADHD, some aren't hyperactive but it isn't to say that they don't have other pretty major symptoms.
Thank you, thank you very much. I'm having a baby girl and now I know what to do when she needs. I think it will really help her, as I myself loved to look at bottles with some liquid, mixing it and observing it flow. Thank you.
I am soooo glad I found this channel. My 10yr old son really struggles with his emotions. Your videos are a wealth of information to this mom trying to understand adhd and my child. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. ✌🏻💕😊
As a mom of a child with ADHD and Autism, I don't think the words thank you are enough for your amazing videos. I have learned so much from you. So THANK YOU!!! You and your videos are a blessing!
Thank you so much. I feel so bad for my mom, because I have melt downs all of the time (thanks anxiety and depression). I just found this and I think this will help a lot. I hope my dad doesn't get mad when he sees this. Only time will tell.
I would cry at everything as a kid. It was a regular thing for me even when I wasn’t sad. I was told I had ADHD but it was never explained to me that it was more than just being hyper and due to my masking I was taken off my medication. These videos, I’ve only just started watching maybe 1-2 month ago, have been helping me understand why I do the things I do. I’ve been romantically interested in people that I knew liked me back and I ran away literally. It helps to know that other people have been in a similar position
When I was 10 I threw a tantrum everyday in school over tiny things I look back at that and I’m embarrassed since my whole class saw. Now I still get angry very easier but I’ve learned to handle it now so I just walk away now so I can calm down
I just started watching your videos, and I'm not gonna lie; when you were holding the glittery bottle and explaining what you'd say to a child, I started crying. I felt that deep.
I still tend do get somewhat meltdowns as an adult especially when i'm running late because i can't find something. It just feels so overwhelmingly frustrating. Fortunatly, most of the time i'm alone when that happens but i still feel so embarrassed afterwards
Hey, only been diagnosed at almost 43 - ridiculously difficult to find useful information to help - the diagnosis explains a lot - but my life has gone South in recent years - anyway - great videos :-)
when i was younger i needed to punch something during my really bad meltdowns, sometimes things broke and i felt embarressed afterwards. Now i´m 17, and i sometimes still have meltdowns... i am now aware of them and i don´t want to break anything so i kind of direct my anger (emotions) to myself which results in hitting myself or grabbing my hair and so on, anyone else do this?
I'm 19 and I do this. I don't usually tell anyone about this, but I claw my skin since I have really long fingernails, because if I don't, I'll break something, and it feels like I might hurt someone on accident. Something I've found has helped is squeezing an ice cube in one or both hands. The sudden cold kind of takes my attention away from the thing that triggered the meltdown, and it gives your hands something to do that isn't hurting yourself/something else. Sticking my hands under a cold faucet works a bit too. You're not alone
same i'm 15 and when i was younger my meltdown would consist of so. many. tears. and thrashing around. they still do. but now i also get physically aggressive too. like i need to punch stuff. and i always feel bad afterwards. so i just chew on my fingers, nails, jewelery and clothes.
Something from DBT that may help is holding a piece of ice between your nose and upper lip. The intense cold literally reduces the blood flow to the part of your brain where anger is created. Cold on the hands can distract, and intense cold on the face stimulates this reflex to reduce the blood flow. Some people say it takes 15-20 seconds. For me, it seems pretty instant. I made it a habit to have a piece of ice handy before making phone calls where I expected to be on hold or have to navigate those horrific menus. It stopped me from throwing my phone across the room or screaming so much I'd strain my vocal cords.
Ig in a way, when I turned 11 I stated struggling w self harm as a result of poor emotional coping and If I couldn’t escape the situation I would j think abt how I was going to hurt myself, which fsr helped me cope a lot
My daughter always directs it towards herself rather than outwards so she would hit or bite herself rather than break or punch things. You are not alone
Jessica, you are a shining star. Thank you for your openness and generosity; by making your videos you're changing lives. There are so many things I want to say in this one comment, and I'm gonna say them all. I'm turning 40 this year. Although my diagnosis happened 23 years ago, one evening of bingeing your videos has given me more *applicable* strategies for functioning productively than I've retained through reading, suggestions, regular coaching, and old-fashioned trial & error. It's one thing to 'know' the statistics, what's happening in one's own melon, the importance of routines, but dry information doesn't teach anything about making necessary behavior changes so the car keys stay found and the laundry gets done. You're also providing language to express things our ADHD Brains seriously struggle to share with those around us. This an immense treasure, and I'm excited to send links to friends who have asked me questions, then watched me stumble through answers as if I didn't know what I was talking about and grow frustrated they didn't understand. A few videos won't tell them everything, but will provide a clearer explanation of how our perception and thinking differs and lead to better conversations. This is the video I chose to comment on because it hit me hardest. With all the other challenges we face every day, it's Very Important to remember that emotions are also affected - and I'd never ever applied that concept to my childhood. It casts a new light on so many memories, fitting them into the greater puzzle. You'll be an incredible ongoing resource for my continuing growth. Keep being awesome!
Why did I straight up start sobbing when you stared into the glitter bottle? I remember having full blown meltdowns because I allegedly had nothing to wear… in high school. These meltdowns have continued into adulthood, but luckily, only seem to happen when I’m at home and with the person I’m most comfortable with, my partner. Unfortunately, he has to put up with them. He has ADHD; I have ADHD and am autistic. We express our issues and emotions in VERY different ways. He’s medicated, and I cannot be. I’m in therapy! I’ve really seemed to get my emotions regulated when in public or working (from home), but I feel that’s just the result of my masking for 33 years. Your content continues to help me and millions of others - thank you for being here!
the point that kids learn behaviours by WATCHING parents, instead of only hearing what's taught is so important! some parents often think teaching by words is enough, but that is not where most of the learning takes place
I have SUCH a vivid memory of having a meltdown as a teen over my hair not being how I wanted and my parents getting so angry with me, forcing me to go to school and me sitting and crying in the nurses office while she looked at me like I was a spoilt brat for crying over 'nothing'. No one tried to help or understand me even while I was falling apart because I wasnt a disruptive kid. Now I cry over everything and still have no idea how to control it :/
Thank you for sharing. I use a snow globe on my desk at the office. When the pressure builds up, I shake snow globe and watch as glitter settles. It’s amazing how much relief my brain gets and a meltdown is prevented. It’s nice to understand why watching the glitter settles my brain and helps me get back to the present moment.
Hi! I've hit a point where starting things is almost impossible, and I end up spending all day everyday on the internet or just daydreaming... I go see friends, and do some stuff when I'm reminded, but other than that.... I can't work or school because the forced focus on easy-to-mess-up monotonous tasks feels like it's sucking out my very soul and I've actually made myself sick on purpose a few times to avoid it because I'd rather be in pain than go through it... Lately I haven't even been able to do things I want/like to do, like crafting or video games DX Help??????
Man, this video hits hard. I have so much respect for my parents nowadays for staying strong with what I put them through as a teenager. I would have extreme meltdowns on the regular, and destroy my room/things, hit myself, scream, etc up until the age of 17. And I would have less intense but still terrible meltdowns that mainly consisted of screaming at my parents u til the age of 21. I'm now age 26 and haven't had one in quite a few years, and when something frustrates me I'm able to better handle myself without freaking the F*ck out. But it took me a LONG time and finding a good medication to get there. Also, my bi-polar disorder surfaced really rapidly and severely once I got adolescence, and I think that just made things 2x worse. My parents are troopers for sure
I’d love to reiterate that “people don’t judge the child’s behavior, but the parents’ reaction to it.” The amount of times my trauma has been triggered by hearing super mean parents berate their upset children as if it’s doing a favor to everyone else around them, I can’t even
This is really great when we're having meltdowns because of emotional disregulation, but I find that I struggle a lot more when I'm having too much sensory input for me to process. I could be working for like four hours straight with music playing, but then when my brain needs a break, even the smallest sounds can really bother me, or even be painful. The best thing to do, of course, is go somewhere dark and quiet for a few minutes to calm down and reset, but that isn't always possible. Is there something I can do about this? I'm 23 and still have this problem, even though I've gotten pretty good at managing my emotions.
I focus on breathing and count down slowly from 30 with eyes closed ( this can be explained as "ahh getting a migraine, trying to prevent it" to others ) I'm an auditory Learner so I talk thought out a lot, ironically mask mandates help me do this un noticed. Don't underestimate how calming a few good deep breathes can be :)
This is a very late reply so maybe you've found this solution already, but earplugs help so much for this! I use Flare ones, they don't block any sounds they just cut out the distortion and it helps SO much - I no longer have to go and hide under the pillows in my room after a long day at work, it's incredible! There's also loop which I think are similar :)
When I was little I often had silent meltdowns. Those continued up until now. I’ve always been oddly emotional, getting worked up really easily, and it’s so great finally understanding the cause of yet another aspect of my life
Stop it you're making me cry. I wish I had these supports when I was a kid. Instead I was treated like I was the problem that I had to deal with and suppress. You're an amazing person, and an inspiration. Keep spreading the good word of ADHD
I'm starting to cry a little, I'm only 16 and I still have meltdowns like I'm 7 when I don't get what I want or get disappointed or something goes wrong that I hadn't planned. My mom continues to yell at me and treat me like I'm worthless because she thinks everything is my fault, and I have horrible HORRIBLE anger issues. I have PTSD and a mood disorder so anger management feels nearly impossible... I'm worried that she'll never understand that I have such a hard time not yelling and arguing when I'm overwhelmed and all I've been shown is anger, so now it's my first response. but seeing this video had helped a lot, like, I don't feel like its all my fault anymore. yeah I have work to do, but.. it feels good to know I'm not as much of a bad kid as she says I am
@@foxymochakitten hey, i wrote this like 4 years ago and its so interesting reading this back now. i am living independently and really thriving!! i have really great friends and people around me who love me and wanna see me succeed. my mother isnt in my life anymore and its really better that way!! im getting good treatment :) thank you for your well wishes!
omg im 17 kind of had a meltdown before (and during) the school play i woke up late and didnt realize i hadnt taken my meds and well that explains the reason i literally could not stop crying and yeah ended up yellng everyone just leave me alone n i was hiding till the intermission was over lol i am making one of those bottle things i need one
Wow I'm only 1 minute in, and already messaging my mother with "I know I was difficult", I do go from 0-100, in 1 second flat! Though I don't stay mad long, I used to beat myself up alot about melt downs.... After watching most of your videos, I've learned to deal, cope, and motivate myself better!!! My wife has noticed as well. Thank you for these!!!
BayLaugh Animations yup. Thats a good idea. Also it helps if you made it together with them and tried to make it an awesome, fun, and joyful experience for them. Seeing the glitter bottle will hopefully trigger those calm and happy bonding emotions and memories from the day it was made. I would even take it a step further and really plant seeds of nurture and validation. Meaning the day you make it say stuff like "next time you see this bottle i want you to remember how much i love you and believe in you, and remember to be proud of yourself, cuz if you can make this awesome bottle, you can do ANYTHING" . Just thinking of stuff that would've help me when I was a kid, so it might work for all kids.
As much as people want to say the parent can't do anything about it, their wrong. Being told your normal, being treated with respect and being talked to like an adult, a kid will calm down. I have always shown all the signs of ADHD and my father never made me feel different and unable. Instead of even thinking to medicate me, he understood that I was smart and thought a lot, so he always gave me things to learn from and problems to solve. He would give me a map and ask how long it would take to get some where, what way to go, and how much gas we would use. In the case of my young cousin, he was medicated. I was there before and after and noticed that his issue was that he didn't get enough love and understanding. When he was with me and my dad it was a whole other world then watching him with his mother. I have not been diagnosed and am certainly no expert, nor can I even say I know much about it. But I think how you raise your child has a HUGE impact on how they learn to deal with their ADHD growing up.
While a lot of people do need medication, I agree that some parents just medicate without trying to put the work in. My family didn’t want to change their behavior or let me go on medication at first! They settled on medication when I pointed out they can’t just ignore my problems... And while many people’s families do that and have perfectly good intentions, I can’t help but wonder how much crossover there is for people like me that became the target in an abusive family for being nueroatypical. You’re spot on about the respect; they never respected me. (I’m okay right now, just reflecting.)
Dear god. My obsession with collecting mini-snowglobes suddenly makes so much sense now. ...Seriously though, I agree with everyone else; maybe I just need to do another quick look, but it'd be nice to have a video on how to deal with adult meltdowns. Or advice to others on how to cope with someone else having one, as this has caused a great deal of strain between me and friends/(especially) family in the past.
Oh my gosh I never put 2 and 2 together.. I had a magnificent collection of disney ones when I was a teenager. But, I could not stand the music aspect of them.
This is a beautiful video. It really shows that you have been through these things yourself, and want to help other children and parents deal with meltdowns. You're a great person. :)
My parents taught me to deal with emotions taught me that the only way were bottling and rage. So I sure he explode later over small stuff, or always feel angry. Yay!
me at 24 watching you because they failed to diagnose me as a child and I don't know how to deal with most problems corelated to me ADHD. 10/10 content BTW.
As an adult with ADHD and autism meltdowns are super difficult. Thankfully my uncle is super understanding and I work with him. My meltdowns have decreased a ton since being around him.
When i have a meltdown, I lose control. I literally can't stop myself. I don't think, I just act. After its over, I feel very depressed. I hate when this happens because someone always gets hurt and I feel like I lose a little bit of myself. My mom gets upset with me and says I am clearly insane. Maybe I am. My sister says the same to me. My brother wants to help me, but I always push him away. I don't know how to describe how I feel, so all I can do is scream until my head hurts and I'm dizzy. I throw things and hit things and I can't stop myself. It's like my brain goes on autopilot and I'm just sitting there screaming and flailing. I just want to know if there is anyone out there who goes through the same thing I do.
Oh yes between 15-19 i was really bad. But now with 23 i learned how to not get to this point. If my heart starts racing i will know OK you now need to calm down OR youll have a break down. I tell myself 5 times and mostly i decide to calm down because i know what will happen. 🙋🏽♀️ oh and yes after a melt down i feel so depressed cant come out of these fix thoughts and hate myself for a moment. It takes time till i'm ok again. But this feeling is the worst.
Thank you so much. I haven't been diagnosed yet. But my wife has said for years I'm severe adhd. I've refused to listen. But with increasing challenges and problems occurring over time I started trying too see what is up with me. I listened to my wife.... ... ... yup. She was right I was wrong, and your videos have helped me begin a way of organizing, shaping, and creating better responses to my reactions to my life. Thank you so much for everything.
Me watching the video: Oh I don’t think I ever had meltdowns, interesting Me reading the comments describing being so angry and wanting to break things, throwing things, bursts of crying out of disappointment, something small not working out causing you to get upset or cry because of the buildup: Ok yeah I had and have meltdowns...
You're right, in my experience, I've never judged kids for their public meltdowns, whatever the reasons may have been, but whenever a parent exploded back I couldn't help but think "That explains a lot". I really should work on that, because I really don't think we should judge people anyway, for the two minutes we see of strangers and their kids in public while we're trying to get our next box of cereal it really isn't fair to judge and assume anything about them and their lives so quick.
Does anyone else with adhd end up in tears if things aren’t going their way?
Also frustrated crying :)
O my goodness. the feeling of being the one to plan an entire day beach trip with multiple people only for them to change the plan when we are there.
Haha oh yeah
@@beyondgenesis2954 omg unexpected changes in plans are so frustrating!
yes
"when you respond with anger kids learn to respond with anger" the amount of real that is
I have so many embarrassing past that i really regret going to school anymoar
Yep, learned it from my dad.. very very hard habit to break
Somehow I learned that, and also when my parents were calm I also learned how to feign calmness on the outside and stuff things inside really really well. Not how to actually retain calmness.
@@Kutsushita_yukino You just have to let it go. Every day is a new day. Don't let the other kids provoke you - don't give them that power!
Ya...I wish my mom and grandma knew how to help me I still feel bad when I would have horrible HORRIBLE meltdowns but we have learned ways to help me with my ADHD and I'm so happy that they were willing to help and understand me
'Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about' was the soundtrack to my childhood
same
But did it work? ;D
@@ErikISkogen nope! not once!
Many kids like me didn't even get a warning.
It just made me scared of my parents.
That “I’ll give you something to cry about” thing! I remember thinking, even as a kid, thinking “what is wrong with you? Obviously there’s something that cry about because I’m crying! How is creating more reasons to be upset a solution?” I was raised on sarcasm and criticism. I still think “I’ll give you something to cry about.” is one of the worst most unreasonable things to say to anyone, especially a child. Such a trigger phrase.
My mom always says that
It really stings to hear, especially when you it meant you'd end up being beat. I guess that's why I learned that the best way to control my emotions is to hurt myself for feeling that way
My parents would say that mainly my dad.
I was given a belt or ruler to the wrist every time I forgot to bring my homework back as a child. I literally had ADHD. I needed help, not punishment...
@@poetinmyheart94 Damn, that hurt to read.. I'm sorry that happened
Explains why I’ve had emotional meltdowns into my 20s, I just thought I was bad at being a person
You are not alone. 🤗🥰
I also find confrontations at work hard. People upset for good reasons but I'm not the guy who can fix it. Step one, coworker comes in my lab and yells about stuff- glares at me and expects me to fix it... Step two, my hands start shaking and I'm worthless for the rest of the work day. Most times I go to my boss's office and hide while he chews out the offender...
@@captainmaim I hope you understand this colleage better, perhaps it would be cool if you talk him/her about glitter bottles, it perhaps might help you both, he and you, because you won't be stressed and drained for the rest of the day.
Perhaps do you have hypersensitivity? Like feeling very strongly émotions?
@@aeea8318 yeah, unrelated anxiety/panic attacks.
I still have them at 32.
So when you’re like me and you have ADHD and these emotions, but you’re also a person who got REALLY good at repressing or hiding true feelings... it causes problems 😂
I completely agree.
@@rubyfroggatt5603 I defiently agree, even though my parents, relatives, and some teachers know I have adhd, it still feels overwhelming to cry in front of the entire class. The thing is with me is that I barely cry and I never really feel angry when people do me wrong, I just simply walk away. I know that this might seem that Im emotionally numb but Im good at suppressing my emotions so the only real thing I feel when I'm getting yelled at is sadness.
Oh my god yes, I had this problem for most of my life and only started undoing it about a year and a half ago. Because of it, I’m only now learning what’s normal for my emotions and even my body mainly in terms of discomfort. Oh also because of this I thought I might be ace and aro for a few months aaaaaand nope I’m the opposite I’m pan.
I'm in this photo and I don't like it
Yeah it does
I think the grown up version of meltdowns is crying. You've cried a lot in your videos I always thought that was super relatable. I once cried in public and my classmates were like "weird I've never seen you cry in my life" and my seatmate told them "bruh she cries over math every other day"
Same this year i would get too anxious with maths and stuff cuz it was smth that needed a lot of help and focus so i spent most of the year missing everyday i had maths and when i had exams my teacher would say the smallest thing and i cried out of nowhere it got really embarrasing since it happened a couple of times
There's two types for me. Crying and outburst of anger. Like I'm slowly getting overwhelmed and then I don't notice it until I mess up in a game or something and want to destroy it. I never do destroy it of course, but I've definitely deleted phone apps out of frustration, which is the more rational option.
It's really bad though if that last straw happens to be something someone said or did though because then I tend to hurt that person with my words.
For me it begins with severe anger and a lot of yelling at whatever (or whoever) angered me then it seeps into severe sadness. Now i’m someone who pushes my emotions away so when i burst i become an ever destructive whirlwind of death
@@litchtheshinigami8936 oh no 🥺 it's easier said than done but oppositely you should accept your emotions as they are coming, not bottleing them up, im so happy I managed to do so early. It's less destructive i think. But as I still explode (just less strongly) it isn't good as well. Not only for the others but also because I didn't yet learned to process things calmly.
Never once cried in class until I worked really hard study for a quiz in my hardest class. Knew the material well and still failed.
did anyone click on this hoping for help with adult ADHD meltdowns??
yep. sometimes i just hit a breaking point and snap. its super embarrasing afterwards and i really need to work on controling my emotions. (i have found some calming outlets in origami, nail art, rubiks cubes, and excercise) i still struggle with this to this day
I've found that the best way to deal with this is to walk away from the situation. Step outside, go into another room, go for a walk, it doesn't matter.
I think part of the reason we lose control when our emotions kick in is that it seems to be all we can think about. We get stuck in the present and don't consider how our current behavior can affect the people around us.
Pulling yourself away from what is troubling you for even a few minutes can help tremendously to calm you down and maintain rational thinking.
Just my two cents, hope it helps 😊
Argh I just had a meltdown over wanting to find a cheap flip phone. Cried for an hour. I think my smartphone causes anxiety for me and makes my ADD worse. Looking for a flip phone caused me to hyperfocus and I wasted five hours, not including the hour of crying. Think I need a glitter bottle.
Yes bish make a bottle
Maybe this explains why I have always loved my lava lamp. For the last 40 years
The sad thing is so many parents DO go for the belt...including my mother in law😒 now my husband is a grown man struggling so much with his emotions & was never helped with his adhd as a child. Please be kind & patient with kids.
My mum that used virtually anything to hit my sister and I when we were growing up to "correct us": I'll pretend I didn't see that
Yeah, I feel his pain. My parents weren't easy to anger, but I had a lot of meltdowns, so I did get yelled at quite a bit, and remember being spanked sometimes. It made me afraid of my father for quite some time.
I realize that he likely angered easier because he's living with undiagnosed ADHD himself(it's really obvious now that I know the symptoms). That didn't excuse him of course, but learning that made me feel less scared.
I told my dad recently that he doesn't like me. I'm 44. Fist bump to your husband. *bump*
Yeah parents out there! please be kind, patient, and careful!
@@captainmaim I don't understand what you talk about when you say "bump". Perhaps it's my limited understanding, but if you would be kind to explain me I'd be grateful 😊
I am a mom with a 9-year-old daughter that has ADHD. I try so hard to be the best for her. I have been told so many times that I just need to discipline her more, mostly by my parents. I don't think that works. We have the meltdowns so frequently. I am really appreciating your videos so that I can be a better mom to her. Thank you!
Thank you so much infinitely for doing your bests efforts to understand your child. Despite I do not know you personally, the very fact of you being there searching answers and constructive methods speak by itself.
I have adhd, and my 7 year old son does as well. The biggest change in his meltdowns was when I stopped letting my anger take over and doling out punishments. I started sitting with him and talking it out. Letting him know that he wasn't in trouble, and I was there for him. When he was more calm, we discussed actions that would have repercussions (hitting, throwing, breaking things), and the improvements in his ability to manage himself has been amazing.
Yer right that more-more-more discipline isn't the answer. At the same time though, ADHD causes someone to be VERY wrapped up in their own head and to not be present in the real world. Too much lenience and a child won't learn anything because they won't know they even should. What does work is talking it out. Making it clear you are not there to fight them or get them in trouble, but there to talk about what they are thinking, feeling, and giving them something grounded to think about that brings them down to earth. So much time in their head can make them selfish and self-centered so they get angry when things don't go their way. Talk to them about what isn't going their way and come to an understanding. Keep their mind grounded and real when it needs to be.
I'm an ADD child going off to college. It's tough being raised by parents who never knew this but try the best they can in the only ways they know how because the way they know is not what works for me.
@@codemonkey6173 very helpful thank you
I understand and relate
Yeah, I burst into tears at work last week. I had gotten all my laundry done and all my dishes clean and I was feeling like SUPER ADULT... Then the very next day, I forgot I was supposed to be in to work an hour early. I spent the entire 30 minute drive yelling at myself for being irresponsible, and when my boss was SUPER understanding about my lateness because she ALSO has ADHD, I burst into tears of self disappointment.
I'm not the over-emotional type of ADHDer. I tend to shove down my own feelings and have a very laid-back attitude. I rarely get angry or sad, and I never cry.
So now I'm wondering if it'll always be a balancing act... As parts of my life get more under control, other parts start come apart. I get my house clean and then am late to and have emotional episodes at work?
But at least I've managed to keep up with dishes and laundry without being late again. Here's hoping for a slightly better, more productive 2020...
You've gotten routine and habit down, but sudden changes to routine are a different challenge entirely. You might not have systems for them yet, like setting reminders, checking your planner the day before or my favourite, obsessing over it so I can't forget (not recommended, very stressful).
Oh, so true! 🤣😬 I often congratulate myself for being on top of something only to turn around and realise that while I was organising that so well, I forgot a family member's birthday...or a bill...or a staff meeting! #adhdlife
Checking in 1/2 way into 2021. Is it better yet? It's gotten worse for me.
@@LawNerdAmber I would agree that everything has gotten worse or just stayed very bad. Money stuff is a bit better... I quit smoking... Um... Laundry and dishes are still a constant disaster. My work increased my hours the past 5 months after a coworker initially went on maternity leave and then decided she wasn't coming back. My hours are about to go back to normal so part of me thinks I'll be able to get myself back to a healthier place, but I don't actually believe it. There's a voice in my head that tells me that things only ever get worse and never better, and any attempt to improve my productivity or housekeeping is a huge, futile waste of my time and energy.
I know that if I don't believe things can better then they really can't... But I just don't have any proof that they do. I'm like a yo-yo dieter, but for productivity programs and cleaning...
@@JimmieHammel sounds like maybe you are like how I was growing. Tuning out and pressing down emotions because parents didn't know how to handle them. It was a great strategy for a child. Problem was it didn't go away when became an adult. For me, pressing down emotions caused more pain that lead to addictions.
wouldn't it be great to live in a world where we all helped each other and judged less
It would be a very different world for sure
yep, society is just full of too much tension
Yeah. I hope after covid we might learn to be kinder and more understanding to our neighbors but imo it might be a stretch.
@kevin willems ✨ intellectual ✨
If only
So, up until this point in my life I had only been told that ADHD affects my attention span. I had no idea that there was more to it. After watching a lot of the videos on your channel I realized that I am not alone when it comes to my personality, emotions, etc.. It's been an eye opener for me, and I thank you for that.
that is bc not many people understand it.
Same
Yep! We have issues with emotional regulation. Bad situations trigger a cascade of memories of past bad situations and make things worse than what they actually are.
Emotional regulation was a symptom for diagnosis but apparently isn't anymore I have rsd and non of the doctors know what that is
@@domocunliffe4936 If you know better than your doc, you're doing a goid job at knowing our disorder. 👍🏼
I was a "good kid" for pretty much my whole life, including in my teens. My mom always used to say she was so relieved I never had a rebellious teen phase. I did, she just never saw it because I did everything quietly or in private. My meltdowns took the form of me crying silently into my pillow at night because I was overwhelmed, or completely checking out of a family outing if I sensed tension. My younger brother had a proper rebellious teen phase and got into a lot of trouble, so I felt pressured to be the "good kid" in order to not give my parents anything else to stress over.
This, right here! This is me too.
I dont care how long ago this was posted I kind of related to it by the fact that my mom said the same thing about me and it was my older brothers that were supposed to be leading by example and cause most of the trouble, and then by the time it was my turn to do the things my parents had a lot tighter of a leash.
Wow you just made me realize I went through this too
Oh damn, I wasn't sure I can relate to that video, but reading that, despite being only child I went through things the same way, keeping things to myself like that
Same. I would just start crying for no reason at random moments for years and no one thought that was worth checking out.
I’m 22 taking calculus for the first time and it’s so frustrating to not understand the chapters. I was having a small meltdown about feeling like a failure for weeks and like there was no point in trying and my mom said “you’ve taken hard classes before, I would’ve expected you to handle this better” I was surprised by that and I think it shows sometimes family doesn’t really always understand ADHD
"my mom said “you’ve taken hard classes before, I would’ve expected you to handle this better” I was surprised by that and I think it shows sometimes family doesn’t really always understand ADHD"
that's not only not understanding ADHD, it's not understanding things in general. ppl think just because you did hard stuff once that doing hard stuff is easy for you overall, which it isn't.
My mom tells me to "calm down" and it makes it worse, i usually get anxiety and have trouble breathing and cry when I'm late for something or I can't find something. It's so annoying
DuskPunkZebra I usually say “if you are not going to help me calm down you need to leave me alone right now” that way, I can avoid them further escalating it. The problem arises when some people wont respect that, especially if it’s family you live with. (I live with my grandparents who don’t respect that so I literally just avoid them most of the time.) I’ve stopped speaking to any “friend” that wont respect my boundaries though, and it helped a lot so I wanted to offer that advice. I know it’s hard, but it’s worth considering at least. For me, it’s about putting my mental health first so I can do better overall.
The words "calm down" to me are like nails on a chalkboard board and make everything 100 times worse
I get mad when people fuss at me
@Ella I had one today when I forgot my cleats
Ella I've learned that telling me to calm down doesn't help either. Now I know why. I too have ADHD and I also have anxiety. I've learned to stay calm but the situation can make a big difference and who you are dealing with. I think that I need to make a glitter bottle and make an emotional tracker.
As a parent who has ADHD and a child with it, this is really important. Understanding why we melt down, feeling frustrated and not being able to express it. I love the Bottle idea!
Thank you so much infinitely for doing your bests efforts to understand your child. Despite I do not know you personally, the very fact of you being there searching answers and constructive methods speak by itself.
this video made me cry to be honest, because I kinda wish my parents knew to do that for me when I was a kid.
Same!!! Mine responded with anger and it wasn't until my partner's parents didn't respond to me like that that I cried and said "wow, I have never had that"...
+angelstouch92 mine responded that way too. Of course, it didn't help that my Dad also had ADHD but his was undiagnosed. My mom would reprimand me afterwords and ask me to explain myself when, I really couldn't.
honestly i think everyone who had a hard adhd childhood is now part of the few % of really strong people that are left in this generation who still think about stuff in a good way so the next generations only hope is that we can give them our views and get them away from this "i dont care about nothing" mindset
did they beat you like mine did? my parents' idea of punishing a misbehaving kid is a beating. My folks are idiots though so I forgave them long ago.
+Mark Gleason If you mean spanking and throwing stuff? Then yes. Mine did.
trying to unlearn my parents anger has taken my entire life. i only realized recently while being in a relationship that i haven’t been doing a great job of controlling it rather than repressing it and just blowing up at a different time. i feel super bad when i do it, and often recognize it’s irrational, but it’s super hard to calm down lol
"It also helps to make sure they are fed and had a nap"
I'm 22 so why does this still hit so close to home 😭😭😭
I’m 20, same.
I am 28 years old, was told I had ADHD when I was a kid. My mom always said their is nothing wrong with me and to just fix my problems. After a long long struggle in life, I was recently diagnosed again, but didn't think anything about it.... then I found you! I have been in hyper focus for 12 hours watching and learning as much as I can. I feel so unbelievably blessed that you took the time to create these videos! I have finally FINALLY figured out why my brain reacts different. Since I'm now almost 3o, I'd love to see a video on how to change 30 years of habits, or how to cope when you have had ZERO support your whole life. Much love and appreciation for you and everything your doing! I'd love to help others someday!
Hi new brain!!! Welcome to the tribe!
That's exactly how I feel. I was never diagnosed until I turned 18 and wasn't ever told anything about how it makes things different, besides attention span problems and hyper focus. That was a little over 20 years ago even now and all they've recommended for it back then is counseling and meds. Nothing else was EVER mentioned on how to tailor things with counseling, such as which coping methods might work best. When I was first diagnosed, adult ADHD was still widely misunderstood, and if you had to switch providers to someone who didn't believe in it, you were screwed if you took much-needed meds for it because you'd subsequently get yanked off of them based on the whims and principles of someone who didn't even know you, much less how you function. To this day, my parents still stigmatize me for being and thinking things differently, and I'll be 39 in 3 months. Ironically, two of these 3 parents (I've had a long-time step parent) THEMSELVES have adult ADHD!!! They utterly trash me and have tried to make me feel like dirt over being different over things of which they themselves are guilty. It's humiliating being "parented" when you're pushing 40. =( I've watched only 3 vids here so far, yet I subscribed after watching just two!! After a life wracked with regret and self-loathing over with is wrong with me -- most of these feelings caused by my own parents misunderstandings -- now I can finally learn to forgive myself for real, instead of harboring the lingering guilt that has haunted me since I was 11. I think it's pretty safe to say that you've changed my life drastically, and during a time of year when I need it most. I don't believe that there's any proper way to thank someone for such a great gift yet here is my gratitude all the same.
Brandon Vanwagoner sad
Brandon Vanwagoner look up indigo children/ adults
I was diagnosed as a child too with the same thing “You’ll grow out of it” I’m 39. I am not just getting help for it because it was a dark secret what was “wrong” with me. I don’t have melt downs like outwards it’s more internal and they are awful.
"Eh, it's only a bottle. How effective could that-.... Ooh that's pretty! Oh, I see..."
+David Copeland I WIN
Test it out. when you feel overwhelm try it out. You'll be surprised how effective it really is
David Copeland lol
It's so beautiful! 😍
For me that does not work anything that is supppose to calm me down makes me anxious and stressed so i cant use these strategies.... }:
im 23 and still melt down
Zmajevo Gnijezdo I’m 21. I have meltdowns too. It’s so embarrassing sometimes. I can control them a little more now, of course that’s probably because I isolate myself so much they only come when I’m alone or with family. But I’m learning to accept that excess energy and just let myself get it out. As long as I don’t cause damage to anything anymore, or minimal damage. Idk. Slowly we cope a little better maybe.
I'm 53 and still have meltdowns. Not proud of it, but I also wish people wouldn't dump me as a friend because of it.
Me too
Zmajevo Gnijezdo i am 16 I melt down often
Same. Help. Need more coping mechanisms. SOS SOS SOS.
Recently, after I heard about the traits people with ADHD have, I figured that my wife might have ADHD - im not qualified to diagnose but I had my suspicion. When I talked to her about it she had no idea what ADHD is but felt that there were too many similarities. Again, none of us are qualified to diagnose but I thought that it couldn't hurt seeking more information - especially on how to act as the significant other to a person with ADHD. I have now watched a few videos here and I feel enlightened. Things that never crossed my mind and I feel like I have grown a better understanding of my wife and no matter if she has ADHD or not, I believe we have gotten even closer after I tried to implement some ideas I got from watching this channel. If anything, I love my wife more now than before because I feel like I understand her more. She is the most beautiful person in the world to me and I now have a better idea on how to support her in what she does.
Thank you so much for your videos, they have really helped me - not only when it comes to understanding ADHD, but also to make me understand more people in general. You really do make the world a better place so keep it up!
Had your wife watched these videos, too?
I wish more people, especially spouses, were like you. Kudos to you for being supportive.
This was so beautiful to read. I wish you both a lifetime of love and happiness
Anyone else absolutely shook at that well spoken 10 year old who knows they have anxiety?
10 seconds in and I started reading comments...
+Lord Kish Empire haha :D know that all too well
Same litterly I started reading them at like 8-9 secs in
Dude, I was taking a shower during the video! Lol!
OMG you win haha
thats what i always do and i dont write a comment after i watched, i kinda write it piece by piece through the vid xD
I am 36. I have one of these on my desk at work so when I'm on the phone, trying to keep calm and not get frustrated, I can shake it and watch the pretty patterns. I feel like all cubicles should have them.
Callcenter?
I really wouldn't ever be able to do a job like that. Wouldn't last a day.
I'm 35 and I keep bubbles on my desk for emergencies :)
I have bottles of wood preservative on my desk. As the dyes fall out it changes colour. If i am frustrated i can shake the colour back. (I am a lab tecnician for a wood preservative company)
jake beckley haha thats funny, incognito
idk i feel like i would just get distracted lol
I'm crying so bad right now.. my son just got diagnosed with adhd and now this has helped me understand all the things I was struggling with. thank you so much
Well, I'm 32 and just cried when you described the calming bottle and how it works. My emotional regulation is clearly a tad off still. I'm working on getting my ADHD officially diagnosed and treated. In the meantime my sister-in-law (who's a licensed therapist) is helping me with some education and strategies. So glad I stumbled on your channel!
Me too and I came to the comments looking for you because I’m sure I couldn’t be the only one. I cried about the bottle too
There’s got be a parenting school for the parents that react with anger. It’s so scary for kids to go through that especially when they feel like they have to escape from there caregivers
theres anger management and therapy
There are totally parenting classes! In cities, you can usually locate them through a local social media group.
The issue is that a large portion of people are not even fit to be parents in the first place. But they don't give a sh.t and decide to have babies anyways, as if there were no repercussions or massive responsibilities that come with doing that.
TL&DR: A lot of people are actually really, really dumb.
@@KeenestObserver i agree yes, but saying people are dumb is just as "ADHDers has just to try harder" or "this child only needs more discipline" : completely useless and unproductive and end up worsening behaviours
@@aeea8318 No but like, most people are actually dumb when it comes to deciding to have a baby. They are actually so unaware of the consequences, responsibilities and the amount of suffering this can lead to it is baffling. If potential parents were to read a message like mine, at least it would raise their awareness and maybe make them think twice about conceiving a child instead of doing it for giggles. It's not a laughing matter. People need to grow up and properly think.
My "glitter bottle" is the lake, when i'm feeling emotionally overwhelmed, hanging out by the water, the waves and open sky do wonders for the nerves.
I'm sorta pissed that my parents did everything wrong regardless of me trying to talk to them about the issue of how I was feeling.. when I have a child with adhd I'll definitely remember how I felt so I can communicate better
+Alpha '95 ehhh you and me both
+How to ADHD I'm honestly glad you made this channel
I have ADHD and have a little girl who is 8... I think she has it also and I definitely remember what it was like as a child. It helps a lot to understand and be there for them :-)
Asperger's and ADHD here and I just avoid stressful things, so I never get meltdowns. I'm working on that though : )
ME too!!!!!!!!! I have both and I take Ritalin and Ribone !!!!!
I often cry when I watch these videos. The way Jess explains ADHD and the things I often feel and go through but can't put into words. Trying to explain to my mom and friends why It's so hard to do simple things that they can do so easily. But not being able to properly express myself.
And then I found these videos a couple months ago. And I just tear up a little because finally I don't feel alone. And I have a better understanding of how I can help myself. Thank you so much Jessica.
I got those ocean wave projector lamps for $20 on Amazon. It makes your whole ceiling look like you're underwater. It really helped me.
No clue what they are, but I want one. Going to Amazon now... probably finding 500 other things before remembering what I was looking for 🤣
@@Eveline260 haha same
How about how to deal with adult meltdowns?
Winter Matherne I would love a video like this!!!!
Now I just smoke weed and play with my glitter bottle.
I had one yesterday. I don't ever remember losing control like that as an adult. It was gnarly.
I tried jumping it helps my autism
I would like something so they could happen less, not to calm down after you had them.
Because I know that for like a job or a superficial relationship with someone if they saw you have one even for a second you ruined your chances, everything else would have been damage control for that little moment.
Also I know that people over time would get tired of you because of meltdowns and leave you, only people who really love you would stay and even then would become bitter if this gets to tiring.
I try to control my meltdowns at school because I am 13 and in 8th grade! Her videos help me understand how to deal with ADHD!
I'm in the Same situation as you, I'm 15 and 10th grade and I have such a hard time with meltdowns in school, I try to control it, but it can be hard sometimes. If you have any tips they would be greatly appreciated. Some things that I learned are first of all go to the bathroom so at least your in public then I'll take a few deep breaths and try to talk myself through it, then I'll wash my face or take a tissue and wipe my eyes if I had been crying.
Rochel Leah Solow i just hide my face and pretend im sleeping but the hyperventilating gives me away alot loo
lol*
I literally teared up watching this. I will be making as many as possible for my very adult ADHD self.
I’m almost 40. Still learning this. I still have meltdowns. The feelings can be like filling a cup of water. Once it’s full, that’s where most people stop. But we are like that glass of water in the bottom of a filling pool. It’s cool at first, then you’re full, and overflowing, and then…. Totally drowned.
I started to tear up when you described the bottle as the mind and such. I didn't realize how much I relate to these videos.
I starting tearing up around 2:40 ..its so true
Wow, me too. I swear I did..
me four
I'm at 1:03 and tearing up.
Abeydah Qureshi omg.. I did too. I have a four year old that is unfortunately following in my ADHD footsteps and it is just tearing me up inside.. this was just amazing..
Me five, my eight year old daughter was diagnosed on Monday. RUclips suggested a video from this channel to me this morning because I watched a video on fidget toys last weekend because RUclips apparently feels like I need them (and they are right). And now I am at work surrounded by people I have my back to right now trying to gather my self up and stop tearing up before they notice. i didn't want my kids to have to do this. Just the channel I needed, just when I needed this information/perspective. Wish I wasn't at work right now though.
Adult Diagnosis here: Over time the high emphasis on Discipline in my upbringing just taught me to have inward meltdowns of self-flagellation. This is the only Self Soothing method I have.
Do you have any episodes on the relationship between ADHD and childhood trauma? I think that is imperative.
what a girl! where have you been all this time?? thank you for creating this channel. You just got a new subscriber +How to ADHD
yay! Hi new brain! Welcome
+How to ADHD You should consider a TED talk. Oh my . You will rock
Alvaro Figueroa +how to adhd
I would love to see Jessica and Edward do an #earbiscuits interview with Rhett and Link! #GMM #rhettandlink
How to ADHD I just subscribed not too long ago also! :-) I think you could do a great Ted talk if you do one!
As a 44 year old adult who was finally diagnosed with ADHD - I realize as a child my embarrassing meltdowns had a LOT to do with this! I also had my own version of a glitter bottle - a clear bottle of shampoo. I’d turn it upside down and watch the bubbles slowly float to the top and it was like a moment of zen, lol. Thank you for this channel as I navigate my own ADHD journey as well as being a mom to an 11 year old with ADHD! 💪🏻😘
Oh by the gods: I totally forgot that I used to do this. 🤣 Inwould spend sooooo long watching the shampoo bubbles!!
I still have meltdowns and I’m 38 😂 my little one has a lot of meltdowns, she’s 11. I love her so much 💕 I just wait for her to get done and stretch out my arms to give her a big bear hug and clean her tears 💕
Hi! I have ADHD and I think your videos are incredibly helpful. Learning that a lot of my issues are related to or caused by my ADHD really helps put things into perspective, and that's made it easier for me to keep control and manage my life and relationships. Thank you for all the hard work you put into your videos. Please make more! 😄
PS
I'm the type who fixates on eyes more than the average person does (or should). I usually have to watch your videos several times because your eyes are ridiculously pretty and I can stop focusing on them.
But seriously, please make more videos 😂😂😂
*can't
+Victoria Salvación Ikr!
she doesn't blink
haha they are mesmerizing lol
I totally agree!😊
I'm 27 and still have meltdowns when I miss the bus or just am too tired. It's humiliating and I can't stop it.
I had one today. Hugs help.
u guys should try xanax + dextroamphetamine
Missing the bus.... Gets me every time! It's the checking the time when it comes, and procrastinating to leave at the last second, and it coming a minute before the set time, or just being flat out late and running to the stop and still missing that darn bus. So incredibly frustrating. And can throw my whole day off. You are not alone, my friend!
Me too... :C I'm an adult too. But crying and nap makes it feel a little better
Do you have insomnia? This is a big part of my ADHD the lack of sleep make my emotions 100x worse. I have just found the key to over come this, in progress at the moment.
I was asked by a adhd tutor where I go when upset. I isolate myself in my bedroom, if sad, angry or having a melt down. My subconscious sees my room as negative. I was asked what calms me down and where my happy place is, I said outside or with nature. I'm currently decorating my room and putting plants in there. I had a melt down the other day, I did not go in my room, I isolated myself at end of the garden. It lasted 5 mins!!! I sat in the garden an extra 30 mins, walked inside happy.
I was shocked, normally I spend the rest of the day hating myself. Find your happy place, even if you picture somewhere in your mind, I hope that helps
sad.... I never really had that when I was a kid. it probably would have been a great idea for meltdowns..... it's hard to cope with emotions even as an adult. lady, thank you for this video. my hubby is very grateful to you =)
One thing that helps me out is being alone for an hour or two. Sometimes I bring my dog with me. She also helps.
Anyone else get abused by their parents for being lazy/angry/not paying attention only to realize later in life that you had ADHD the whole time
As an adult with late diagnosis of ADD I need wayyyyy more help than a glitter bottle *cries*
Looool, I feel that one
My struggle with being older is that these tools feel to childish for me, but as a child I never had them, and when you want to learn something you can't skip the basics...
So I try to ditch the skepticism & the shame, and I try to take the "childish" & simple steps, to learn those basics.
And it really helps, but it's also really really hard
ADD diagnosed people don't have meltdowns they just are unable to focus well
@@karimghaly7708 there's a lot more to ADHD then a lack of focus. People with ADHD often have a hard time controlling their emotions.
You need therapy probably. Going undiagnosed into adulthood can leave you with some traumas that wouldn't affect an neurotypical person half as much.
@@karimghaly7708 that's pretty ignorant. Besides, ADD is an archaic term now, it's just different levels of ADHD, some aren't hyperactive but it isn't to say that they don't have other pretty major symptoms.
Thank you, thank you very much. I'm having a baby girl and now I know what to do when she needs. I think it will really help her, as I myself loved to look at bottles with some liquid, mixing it and observing it flow. Thank you.
Congratulations!! Sounds like you're gonna make an amazing father
How to ADHD just be the best you can be 😀
Hump day
Is reading RUclips comments 3 seconds in a symptom of ADHD ?
Guccipanda she has a video titled how do you know if you have adhd
No, not really....
also: watching the video on 1.5x speed
Me lol.
Is being annoyed when a video doesn’t have comments to read through as you watch/listen to the video also a symptom of ADHD? 😂
this just made me drop a tear for my 7 year old son and I will 1000% be making a bottle with him tomorrow after school! thank you so much!!!
+Kevin Jacobson Aw!! Love hearing that!!! Post on Twitter or Facebook with #glitterfall and I'll share/retweet!
Kevin Jacobson same
I am soooo glad I found this channel. My 10yr old son really struggles with his emotions. Your videos are a wealth of information to this mom trying to understand adhd and my child. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. ✌🏻💕😊
Thank you for educating yourself :) i wish my parents knew better lol
Good luck to you!^^
As a mom of a child with ADHD and Autism, I don't think the words thank you are enough for your amazing videos. I have learned so much from you. So THANK YOU!!! You and your videos are a blessing!
Thank you so much. I feel so bad for my mom, because I have melt downs all of the time (thanks anxiety and depression). I just found this and I think this will help a lot. I hope my dad doesn't get mad when he sees this. Only time will tell.
I would cry at everything as a kid. It was a regular thing for me even when I wasn’t sad. I was told I had ADHD but it was never explained to me that it was more than just being hyper and due to my masking I was taken off my medication. These videos, I’ve only just started watching maybe 1-2 month ago, have been helping me understand why I do the things I do. I’ve been romantically interested in people that I knew liked me back and I ran away literally. It helps to know that other people have been in a similar position
When I was 10 I threw a tantrum everyday in school over tiny things I look back at that and I’m embarrassed since my whole class saw. Now I still get angry very easier but I’ve learned to handle it now so I just walk away now
so I can calm down
I just started watching your videos, and I'm not gonna lie; when you were holding the glittery bottle and explaining what you'd say to a child, I started crying. I felt that deep.
I still tend do get somewhat meltdowns as an adult especially when i'm running late because i can't find something. It just feels so overwhelmingly frustrating. Fortunatly, most of the time i'm alone when that happens but i still feel so embarrassed afterwards
@Antonio Padilla i don't think i know what you mean 😅
Hey, only been diagnosed at almost 43 - ridiculously difficult to find useful information to help - the diagnosis explains a lot - but my life has gone South in recent years - anyway - great videos :-)
when i was younger i needed to punch something during my really bad meltdowns, sometimes things broke and i felt embarressed afterwards.
Now i´m 17, and i sometimes still have meltdowns... i am now aware of them and i don´t want to break anything so i kind of direct my anger (emotions) to myself which results in hitting myself or grabbing my hair and so on, anyone else do this?
I'm 19 and I do this. I don't usually tell anyone about this, but I claw my skin since I have really long fingernails, because if I don't, I'll break something, and it feels like I might hurt someone on accident. Something I've found has helped is squeezing an ice cube in one or both hands. The sudden cold kind of takes my attention away from the thing that triggered the meltdown, and it gives your hands something to do that isn't hurting yourself/something else. Sticking my hands under a cold faucet works a bit too.
You're not alone
same i'm 15 and when i was younger my meltdown would consist of so. many. tears. and thrashing around. they still do. but now i also get physically aggressive too. like i need to punch stuff. and i always feel bad afterwards. so i just chew on my fingers, nails, jewelery and clothes.
Something from DBT that may help is holding a piece of ice between your nose and upper lip. The intense cold literally reduces the blood flow to the part of your brain where anger is created. Cold on the hands can distract, and intense cold on the face stimulates this reflex to reduce the blood flow. Some people say it takes 15-20 seconds. For me, it seems pretty instant. I made it a habit to have a piece of ice handy before making phone calls where I expected to be on hold or have to navigate those horrific menus. It stopped me from throwing my phone across the room or screaming so much I'd strain my vocal cords.
Ig in a way, when I turned 11 I stated struggling w self harm as a result of poor emotional coping and If I couldn’t escape the situation I would j think abt how I was going to hurt myself, which fsr helped me cope a lot
My daughter always directs it towards herself rather than outwards so she would hit or bite herself rather than break or punch things. You are not alone
Jessica, you are a shining star. Thank you for your openness and generosity; by making your videos you're changing lives.
There are so many things I want to say in this one comment, and I'm gonna say them all.
I'm turning 40 this year. Although my diagnosis happened 23 years ago, one evening of bingeing your videos has given me more *applicable* strategies for functioning productively than I've retained through reading, suggestions, regular coaching, and old-fashioned trial & error. It's one thing to 'know' the statistics, what's happening in one's own melon, the importance of routines, but dry information doesn't teach anything about making necessary behavior changes so the car keys stay found and the laundry gets done.
You're also providing language to express things our ADHD Brains seriously struggle to share with those around us. This an immense treasure, and I'm excited to send links to friends who have asked me questions, then watched me stumble through answers as if I didn't know what I was talking about and grow frustrated they didn't understand. A few videos won't tell them everything, but will provide a clearer explanation of how our perception and thinking differs and lead to better conversations.
This is the video I chose to comment on because it hit me hardest. With all the other challenges we face every day, it's Very Important to remember that emotions are also affected - and I'd never ever applied that concept to my childhood. It casts a new light on so many memories, fitting them into the greater puzzle.
You'll be an incredible ongoing resource for my continuing growth.
Keep being awesome!
Why did I straight up start sobbing when you stared into the glitter bottle? I remember having full blown meltdowns because I allegedly had nothing to wear… in high school. These meltdowns have continued into adulthood, but luckily, only seem to happen when I’m at home and with the person I’m most comfortable with, my partner. Unfortunately, he has to put up with them. He has ADHD; I have ADHD and am autistic. We express our issues and emotions in VERY different ways. He’s medicated, and I cannot be. I’m in therapy! I’ve really seemed to get my emotions regulated when in public or working (from home), but I feel that’s just the result of my masking for 33 years. Your content continues to help me and millions of others - thank you for being here!
the point that kids learn behaviours by WATCHING parents, instead of only hearing what's taught is so important! some parents often think teaching by words is enough, but that is not where most of the learning takes place
I have SUCH a vivid memory of having a meltdown as a teen over my hair not being how I wanted and my parents getting so angry with me, forcing me to go to school and me sitting and crying in the nurses office while she looked at me like I was a spoilt brat for crying over 'nothing'. No one tried to help or understand me even while I was falling apart because I wasnt a disruptive kid. Now I cry over everything and still have no idea how to control it :/
Thank you for sharing. I use a snow globe on my desk at the office. When the pressure builds up, I shake snow globe and watch as glitter settles. It’s amazing how much relief my brain gets and a meltdown is prevented. It’s nice to understand why watching the glitter settles my brain and helps me get back to the present moment.
If you are short of AdderaII for your ADHD then get more at darkfax.com
No prescription is Required..
Hi!
I've hit a point where starting things is almost impossible, and I end up spending all day everyday on the internet or just daydreaming... I go see friends, and do some stuff when I'm reminded, but other than that....
I can't work or school because the forced focus on easy-to-mess-up monotonous tasks feels like it's sucking out my very soul and I've actually made myself sick on purpose a few times to avoid it because I'd rather be in pain than go through it...
Lately I haven't even been able to do things I want/like to do, like crafting or video games DX
Help??????
Man, this video hits hard. I have so much respect for my parents nowadays for staying strong with what I put them through as a teenager. I would have extreme meltdowns on the regular, and destroy my room/things, hit myself, scream, etc up until the age of 17. And I would have less intense but still terrible meltdowns that mainly consisted of screaming at my parents u til the age of 21. I'm now age 26 and haven't had one in quite a few years, and when something frustrates me I'm able to better handle myself without freaking the F*ck out. But it took me a LONG time and finding a good medication to get there. Also, my bi-polar disorder surfaced really rapidly and severely once I got adolescence, and I think that just made things 2x worse. My parents are troopers for sure
I’d love to reiterate that “people don’t judge the child’s behavior, but the parents’ reaction to it.” The amount of times my trauma has been triggered by hearing super mean parents berate their upset children as if it’s doing a favor to everyone else around them, I can’t even
I can relate SOOO MUCH I CRED EVERYTIME I COULDNT FIND SOMETHING. Now I know why and I can explain to my mom why I was so crazy it was just my ADHD
This is really great when we're having meltdowns because of emotional disregulation, but I find that I struggle a lot more when I'm having too much sensory input for me to process.
I could be working for like four hours straight with music playing, but then when my brain needs a break, even the smallest sounds can really bother me, or even be painful. The best thing to do, of course, is go somewhere dark and quiet for a few minutes to calm down and reset, but that isn't always possible. Is there something I can do about this? I'm 23 and still have this problem, even though I've gotten pretty good at managing my emotions.
I focus on breathing and count down slowly from 30 with eyes closed ( this can be explained as "ahh getting a migraine, trying to prevent it" to others ) I'm an auditory Learner so I talk thought out a lot, ironically mask mandates help me do this un noticed. Don't underestimate how calming a few good deep breathes can be :)
App for guided meditation!!!
This is a very late reply so maybe you've found this solution already, but earplugs help so much for this! I use Flare ones, they don't block any sounds they just cut out the distortion and it helps SO much - I no longer have to go and hide under the pillows in my room after a long day at work, it's incredible! There's also loop which I think are similar :)
When I was little I often had silent meltdowns. Those continued up until now. I’ve always been oddly emotional, getting worked up really easily, and it’s so great finally understanding the cause of yet another aspect of my life
Physical touch helps in my experience. A hug is what really works for me
Stop it you're making me cry. I wish I had these supports when I was a kid. Instead I was treated like I was the problem that I had to deal with and suppress. You're an amazing person, and an inspiration. Keep spreading the good word of ADHD
wow.... i also have adhd, this spoke to me on so many different levels...
I'm starting to cry a little, I'm only 16 and I still have meltdowns like I'm 7 when I don't get what I want or get disappointed or something goes wrong that I hadn't planned. My mom continues to yell at me and treat me like I'm worthless because she thinks everything is my fault, and I have horrible HORRIBLE anger issues. I have PTSD and a mood disorder so anger management feels nearly impossible... I'm worried that she'll never understand that I have such a hard time not yelling and arguing when I'm overwhelmed and all I've been shown is anger, so now it's my first response.
but seeing this video had helped a lot, like, I don't feel like its all my fault anymore. yeah I have work to do, but.. it feels good to know I'm not as much of a bad kid as she says I am
Sending you love...
It won't be like this forever, I promise, and you're not alone
@@foxymochakitten hey, i wrote this like 4 years ago and its so interesting reading this back now. i am living independently and really thriving!! i have really great friends and people around me who love me and wanna see me succeed. my mother isnt in my life anymore and its really better that way!! im getting good treatment :) thank you for your well wishes!
@@gostcade1254 oh goodness, I didn't see the timestamp. I'm so happy things are better for you now, sending you lots of well wishes C:
omg im 17 kind of had a meltdown before (and during) the school play i woke up late and didnt realize i hadnt taken my meds and well that explains the reason i literally could not stop crying and yeah ended up yellng everyone just leave me alone n i was hiding till the intermission was over lol i am making one of those bottle things i need one
My inner 5 year old wants to say: Thank you for seeing me 😭😭
Wow I'm only 1 minute in, and already messaging my mother with "I know I was difficult", I do go from 0-100, in 1 second flat! Though I don't stay mad long, I used to beat myself up alot about melt downs.... After watching most of your videos, I've learned to deal, cope, and motivate myself better!!! My wife has noticed as well. Thank you for these!!!
Lmao if my parents would've given me the glitter bottle when having I meltdown I would've smashed it
And then been upset Bcuz all the color stuff ran out on the floor :(
That's why you give it to the kid before the full meltdown
BayLaugh Animations yup. Thats a good idea. Also it helps if you made it together with them and tried to make it an awesome, fun, and joyful experience for them. Seeing the glitter bottle will hopefully trigger those calm and happy bonding emotions and memories from the day it was made. I would even take it a step further and really plant seeds of nurture and validation. Meaning the day you make it say stuff like "next time you see this bottle i want you to remember how much i love you and believe in you, and remember to be proud of yourself, cuz if you can make this awesome bottle, you can do ANYTHING" . Just thinking of stuff that would've help me when I was a kid, so it might work for all kids.
*might not
RUclips Hero my first thought was, my kid would crush that in a second
As much as people want to say the parent can't do anything about it, their wrong. Being told your normal, being treated with respect and being talked to like an adult, a kid will calm down. I have always shown all the signs of ADHD and my father never made me feel different and unable. Instead of even thinking to medicate me, he understood that I was smart and thought a lot, so he always gave me things to learn from and problems to solve. He would give me a map and ask how long it would take to get some where, what way to go, and how much gas we would use.
In the case of my young cousin, he was medicated. I was there before and after and noticed that his issue was that he didn't get enough love and understanding. When he was with me and my dad it was a whole other world then watching him with his mother.
I have not been diagnosed and am certainly no expert, nor can I even say I know much about it. But I think how you raise your child has a HUGE impact on how they learn to deal with their ADHD growing up.
Maybe the map was like your glitter bottle
While a lot of people do need medication, I agree that some parents just medicate without trying to put the work in. My family didn’t want to change their behavior or let me go on medication at first! They settled on medication when I pointed out they can’t just ignore my problems...
And while many people’s families do that and have perfectly good intentions, I can’t help but wonder how much crossover there is for people like me that became the target in an abusive family for being nueroatypical.
You’re spot on about the respect; they never respected me. (I’m okay right now, just reflecting.)
I know what you mean. My grandmother treated me like an adult. I was lovely and calm in here company.
By the way, those tips work on every child regardless fron the issue, instead of ignoring the issueand hoping it disappears.
@@torilee6677
Dear god. My obsession with collecting mini-snowglobes suddenly makes so much sense now.
...Seriously though, I agree with everyone else; maybe I just need to do another quick look, but it'd be nice to have a video on how to deal with adult meltdowns. Or advice to others on how to cope with someone else having one, as this has caused a great deal of strain between me and friends/(especially) family in the past.
Oh my gosh I never put 2 and 2 together.. I had a magnificent collection of disney ones when I was a teenager. But, I could not stand the music aspect of them.
@howtoadhd, it's a year since this comment, so just checking in - is there a video for adult meltdowns now too?
Thank goodness for you reminding me this basics. Cause being an ADHD mom and parenting an ADHD boy is “sometimes” really really REALLY HARD. 🙄🙋🏻♀️🤔
7 years later and this video finds its way to me. The guy with the ADHD son.
I cannot possibly express what a gift this video is. Thank you.
I was crying and my mom turned up the radio and I cryed even louder
This is a beautiful video. It really shows that you have been through these things yourself, and want to help other children and parents deal with meltdowns. You're a great person. :)
My parents taught me to deal with emotions taught me that the only way were bottling and rage. So I sure he explode later over small stuff, or always feel angry. Yay!
me at 24 watching you because they failed to diagnose me as a child and I don't know how to deal with most problems corelated to me ADHD.
10/10 content BTW.
Bro this comment exactly and I'm 33.
As an adult with ADHD and autism meltdowns are super difficult. Thankfully my uncle is super understanding and I work with him. My meltdowns have decreased a ton since being around him.
Me *who has severe adhd*: *explaing to my dad why I act the way I do
My dad: your using adhd as an excuse
My psychiatrist: umm yeah she’s right
So relatable
🥺🥺🥺
When i have a meltdown, I lose control. I literally can't stop myself. I don't think, I just act. After its over, I feel very depressed. I hate when this happens because someone always gets hurt and I feel like I lose a little bit of myself. My mom gets upset with me and says I am clearly insane. Maybe I am. My sister says the same to me. My brother wants to help me, but I always push him away. I don't know how to describe how I feel, so all I can do is scream until my head hurts and I'm dizzy. I throw things and hit things and I can't stop myself. It's like my brain goes on autopilot and I'm just sitting there screaming and flailing.
I just want to know if there is anyone out there who goes through the same thing I do.
Ainsley Mason yes you’re definitely not alone, had these a lot at 7-11 yrs. Don’t worry it does get less frequent and easier to control in the end.
I have always had them but the key thing is I know why now. I go to bed.
Oh yes between 15-19 i was really bad. But now with 23 i learned how to not get to this point. If my heart starts racing i will know OK you now need to calm down OR youll have a break down. I tell myself 5 times and mostly i decide to calm down because i know what will happen. 🙋🏽♀️ oh and yes after a melt down i feel so depressed cant come out of these fix thoughts and hate myself for a moment. It takes time till i'm ok again. But this feeling is the worst.
If you are short of AdderaII for your ADHD then get more at darkfax.com
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When you have meltdowns in the middle of band class over not understanding /that one solo/.
me to
Thank you so much. I haven't been diagnosed yet. But my wife has said for years I'm severe adhd. I've refused to listen. But with increasing challenges and problems occurring over time I started trying too see what is up with me. I listened to my wife.... ... ... yup. She was right I was wrong, and your videos have helped me begin a way of organizing, shaping, and creating better responses to my reactions to my life. Thank you so much for everything.
Where were you 50 years ago when I really needed you? Bless your kind wise heart.
Me watching the video: Oh I don’t think I ever had meltdowns, interesting
Me reading the comments describing being so angry and wanting to break things, throwing things, bursts of crying out of disappointment, something small not working out causing you to get upset or cry because of the buildup:
Ok yeah I had and have meltdowns...
Shake it off! Shake it off! Literally!
You're right, in my experience, I've never judged kids for their public meltdowns, whatever the reasons may have been, but whenever a parent exploded back I couldn't help but think "That explains a lot". I really should work on that, because I really don't think we should judge people anyway, for the two minutes we see of strangers and their kids in public while we're trying to get our next box of cereal it really isn't fair to judge and assume anything about them and their lives so quick.
why did the calming bottle explanation make me cry?? it felt like I was a kid again and someone actually cared enough to try to explain my brain to me
So here I am a 43 year old lady, not yet diagnosed, but seriously considering a calming glitter jar. It sounds like a great idea