same. not paying bills, putting off friends, not exercising, not accomplishing anything. I take meds, shower, eat, watch youtube, tidy a few things (not the other 99%). just responding to messages requires so much effort
Watching RUclips is a dangerous, very unspecific step. It's easy to spend more time doing that than you want and at some point the relaxing break with a video or two starts draining your energy again as you feel guilt for continuing to watch more.
You are definitely not a failure. As you mentioned, you have a 7-month-old, and I’ve noticed that many parents of neurotypical and neurodiverse children often arrive late and apologize for feeling unreliable. Your incredible brain is adjusting to sleep deprivation, which, interestingly, is commonly recognized as a method of torture. You are working hard and doing your best to bring compassion into your life.
True that! My little AuDHDer had colic for a year. We slept in 20min naps at night (no day naps). My only goal then was for both of us to survive it! 🥴 I still feel like a constant failure as I'm constantly pulled in 5 directions at once - so of course I drop the ball now and then! - but I darn well made sure he got his diagnoses, meds, and accommodations at school. He is fed, clothed, warm and pretty darn happy. I know logically THAT is what matters and I'm succeeding, despite that constant nagging feeling. Motherhood while working part time AND being a dual-carer (running my mum's home, meds, shopping etc as well) is the hardest thing I've ever done, so I'm working on adding more self-care (and grace) into my life. If nothing else, I can say I'm struggling "RIGHT NOW" as I know in time it will pass. I also try to catch myself on negative self-talk, by saying "what would I say if a friend was saying this?" I hope these 2 framing prompts help. 💗
Im 30. Stuck in a dead-end job, recently failed another relationship (my ex literally left me saying he wants to date a “normal” woman which is fair but still hurt like hell to hear cause not once in my life have i ever felt normal or good enough), my mum died last summer. I no longer have a family, rarely any friends (mostly living thousands of kms away in different countries). The only reason i havent given up my life is because of my adopted dog, Vincent❤️dogs really are angels
Your not alone, my life story is a mirror of most of what you wrote. I also learned to make peace with what I do have instead of what I don't and that gratitude means the world to me. My great pyrenees is also my best friend/family.
You deserve to be loved by someone who will love you for who you are ❤ My deepest condolences about your mom. She is still here for you and I know she’s cheering you on and helping you in ways you can’t even see right now. Things will get better, just keep holding on ❤
Reaallly appreciate the pace of your speech and the minimal nonsense words. My attention sticks. I can easily stay with the full video. I have just been diagnosed. At 77. Very overdue for assistance. And every little thing helps.
Haha! Thank you. Only just discovering my neurodivergence- at this end of my life- you can imagine the hurricane of emotions and the importance of me gaining some control- finally. So much of old age is entropy, and Adhd is not helpful in warding it off.
@@dianaking8828definitely helpful to look for ADHD resources in your area. It is now a federally recognized disability(in the United States) and many states have recognized it as such. Due to this many resource centers exist that might be able to help point you on the path to making your life easier. You say at the end of your life, but every year life expectancy has been increasing. Even simple organizing tools can really help, such as label makers and clear storage containers. If nothing else, if you really aren't sure of your long term prospects, if you happen to have children, reorganizing with help could help your kids or grand children when *knock on wood* it is your time to go. It is NEVER too late to seek out help. I have to work on that myself as well.
@@alibongois indeed. I was in shock for awhile. Then pleased and now I’m angry. My dr is reluctant to give me stimulants because of my age. ( Adlerall & retinol are out) So I’m trying Bupropion an antidepressant which can impact adhd in some cases. I’m in very early experimental stage but suspect I will have to rely on new tools and techniques. Trouble ,is my coping & masking strategies seem hard wired now. Good luck with your journey
Also a reminder for anyone watching this when the video was posted, if you also have seasonal depression then this time of year can make those feelings even stronger! Check in with your doctor or therapist or a friend if you need some external support. Take care, friends 💜
For some reason it literally hadn't crossed my mind that I could be under the effects of Seasonal depression despite feeling the same every time this season rolls around. Big duh moment here.
I have long covid. My buildings have fallen down and my infrastructure needs upgrading. I'm struggling. Your video has given me a way to articulate my difficulties. Thank you once again!
This came at such an important time! I've literally been asking myself constantly over the past week: why is everything I do seemingly wrong? Thank you, Jessica!!!
Oh it just gets very hard w/ kids. They take a lot of mental and emotional effort. And there's not much of a village for most of us. Give it 5 years, and be very kind to yourself. Devon Price, discussing his book "Laziness Does Not Exist", offered the advice: "start with the assumption that you're already doing too much" and that was an eye opener for me.
I’m in the last few weeks of my bachelor’s degree, but I’m so burned out and physically ill from working and studying while socially isolated that I don’t know how I’m going to get through the last few assignments to earn my diploma. This was a helpful video.
I had a rough time at my parents house and moved into a kind of Teen care house (I'm living in germany, so I don't know if this is normal at other countries) at 17. They still didn't understand adhd and we did get into arguments, but it was far less Personal and I was able to have more control over my life. Also, I had some time to heal from trauma I had gained at my parents, I got a better relationship with food, I could leave the room when overstimulated, ect. I had learned a lot at that time and spent a LOT of time and energy on building routines and getting better, dealing with my adhd, ect. I am very creative and there's a bunch of crafts I love doing but didn't find the time or energy to do at my parents - so I also finally started doing that. I painted, I made beaded animals, I tried crocheting, I wrote on my book, ect. Then, school started and everything kinda collapsed. I was in school until 17:00 almost every day and since we HAD to be "home" at 18:00 for lunch, I didn't have time to talk to new found friends after school, which has always been a Thing i had loved doing (also, a way to Stall going home to my parents) and then they expected me to sit down with them and tell them about my life (I don't know why) and were angry that I didn't - but I was just EXHAUSTED. I would just go to sleep. (Also, i had met my yet boyfriend, whom I texted constantly) During that time, I was expected to change rooms. my room, which I loved (it was big and bright and I just felt very comfortable), was right next to the Office. we had someone move out downstairs and someone going to move in - they wanted the New one to be next to the Office, so I had to go downstairs. (I was actually still pretty new, I was there for a year in total) My "new room" was less than half as big as my Former room. With all my crafting stuff, books, clothes, ect., even if I did have had the time to unbox my stuff, the room just would have been too small. So I lived out of Boxes. and my room was never tidied up. Also, being alone downstairs, instead of next to the Office, made me feel kinda lonely. and it made it even harder to go in there to tell them about my day. I got 18 and not long after, they told me, if I wouldnt step up, I couldn't stay. I tried, I tried my absolute hardest, but the problem was, i had ALREADY been trying my hardest BEFORE that. And the added pressure and anxiety sure didn't make it better? Then they asked me if I already knew what I was going to do if they'd kick me out. I said no, because I knew my parents wouldnt take me back in. But they insisted, I had a plan, so in a panic, I said that I didn't think my grandparents would take me, but I would at least ask them. a few hours later, I got a call from my grandma, furious for "telling them they would take me in". Apparently they had just called my grandparents without asking and told them I said that, eventhough I didn't really. Well, that was the last stroke for me, we got into an argument and i got thrown out. My boyfriends mother already hated me for being in that Teen care System (it's like the same that has orphanages, I think) and because she was sure I was a gold digger or something and my parents "sure had their reasons to throw me out" (of course, she never asked, only assumed). He still got my stuff and hid it in his parents Garage and I went to my best Friend for some time. well, i went from friend to friend, until I found myself not having any place to go anymore. that's how I ended up being homeless for nearly a year (at 18!). now, I am living in my own appartment, with my boyfriend, since September. my Routinen are dead and my energy is always super low. I am not usually able to craft or do anything from my Hobbies and it really makes me sad, because I'd love to - and i always feel I'm loosing important practice. Everything I worked on is just gone... I constantly feel like I am wasting time and opportunities and I just keep thinking about how great life WILL be, once I'm better and that just hurts because I really do want to live in and enjoy the moment. but it's hard. because I don't feel much like myself and i cant do much. I'm not currently working (I'm getting money for mental health reasons, german System, I don't know how to explain) and "only" doing household Chores but that already feels like soooo much and I know most people would call what I'm doing holidays or something but I've never been more exhausted. Suddenly having my own appartment, doing Chores, cooking and feeding myself regularly, ect. ect. honestly is already overwhelming as it is. then add the trauma I try to heal from because of being homeless and even more trauma because now with my own place and a Partner who truly loves me, stuff my parents did comes back to me... Like, what do you mean, you don't scream at me when I break something? that's NOT normal? it's a lot to Deal with. And seeing how all my work in building routines, building MYSELF, in some way, is just gone. God, that hurts. And I've always struggled a lot with the whole "feeling like I'm not fullfilling my potential" thing and now that just hits even harder. because I spend my days doing seemingly nothing, being absolutely exhausted by that alone and feeling in every part of my body that I couldnt do more if I tried. but then also knowing that there have been times where I had done three times as much as my peers because I had fun doing so, there had been times where people were amazed by my skills and I knew, I would become an author AND a good cook AND work in science AND always be there for my friends AND be an artist AND do acting and and and... And i know that technically, I could probably do all of that. But I can't. And if I try to be positive and tell myself, i'll just need some time to heal and readjust, then I find myself not living in the moment again. just dreaming for a future I cant work on. not be happy but just hope to be happy in the future. (of course, there are happy moments, but it's just not the usual state for me right now). I'm really Stuck in that mindset right now and I really hope it will get better... but also really don't know what to do... if you have read all that, wow. and thank you so much. honestly, just writing that has felt good but knowing others might read it, feels even better. kind of less lonely...
I read it. I hear you. You are trying so hard, and healing takes a lot of energy. I remember a roommate of mine who used to come home from therapy and sleep like a log for 3 hours! I'm so glad you have a safe place, and someone who loves you, and from there you can build the life you want, one brick at a time. ❤
It's difficult enough to manage your time alone, more so with someone in your life. Routine is your/our friend. Until I finally found and adjusted to a steady job, time to myself just wasn't possible! That is most definitely when it's hardest.
Lagom. The Swedish philosophy of “just enough”. I’ve been trying to think in that way to help balance my drive of wanting to do the more when I cannot balance the more, to remember sometimes “just enough” is enough and more is “too much”. I’ve been watching videos from Scandi channels because they have amazing philosophies about slower living and taking moments or doing less to achieve more happiness. It’s really helpful to my brain. Even if I can’t always manage to follow it. 😅 As always, you’re awesome. Thanks for being you.
'Infrastructure' is such a powerful metaphor. One I've been in need of for a while now. For my part, I'm trying to abandon nuerotypical systems and getting organized in ways that work with me.
I’m working on emotional regulation. I can’t always control my executive output to the extent I’d like to, but what I can have more control over is my response to my “fails”. Like rather than having my top goal be executive function, my top goal should be to be kind to myself. To be gentle with myself even when I make mistakes or burn out. That’s the only way I can get back on track anyway. ❤
I appreciate you posting this. I am struggling with feeling like I’m regressing. I was diagnosed with ADHD as a kid, but meds and routine worked. In adulthood the meds aren’t as effective and life is just more responsibilities… It’s good to know I’m not alone and progress doesn’t have to be linear.
Damm this is exactly what I'm working through today. I learned that sometimes my gratitude prompts feel pointless because of what I'm balancing so instead of being grateful for my dog or a person, I write down everything that makes me grateful for them. The why behind the what, sometimes even the how. What makes me smile. Then I think about how I can walk in a good way, honoring the past and being attentive to the future to live better in the now
I can’t tell you how nice this was, I’m really struggling today especially and this video just kinda showed up, and honestly thank you for not only providing us with these strategies but making us feel less alone. Sometimes it’s really easy to feel like I’m the only one feeling like this and watching you accomplish the things I want to one day truly does give me hope.
Awwwww yeah I figured I wasn't the only one... and you're right it can be so easy to feel like we're the only one. And honestly for all that we accomplish... we definitely still have our struggles (which is kinda mentioned in the video a little with the not checking emails)... and sometimes we struggle a loooooot.
I don't even have ADHD but this video came in such a perfect time in my life, I'm in the process of halting construction in my life and I loved your take on it xD
Thank you for talking about this and specifically as a parent. Its easy to say "stop and smell the roses" but for many of us, trying to undo sometimes decades of damage AND be a "normal person" AND support our own kid's often special needs so they dont grow up like we did feels impossible even when you have a partner. Im doing it all on my own and I feel like I'm doing it poorly but I also can't stop because other futures depend on me.
I don't think words can express how much I need this video. I've been crying off/on for the past two days (including in therapy, in which I never cry) because I'm failing over and over and it's wreaking havoc on my life. This video won't solve my issues, but it's a reminder that there are tools to deal with it...
I cannot control the burnout because I cannot control the workflow. I either get what they tell me to get done or I get in trouble, lose hours, and possibly leave that job. :
Theoretically ADHD is now a federally recognized disability. If you have a doctor's diagnosis for ADHD or ADD, you qualify for help from the government via SSI and other resources as well. Take a look in your area for ADHD resources and see if there is a place near you that can help. They can help you get started by helping you reduce the number of hours you can work or helping you negotiate with your employer to help reduce your workload. If your work won't work with your ADHD they aren't your friend and those same resources can help you find a job or career that supports your ADHD as well. Many resource centers have ADHD approved companies that have gotten audited for ADHD support and tools for success.
@kingzach74 I know about those things, but I don't WANT those things. I also seriously don't want reduced hours. If anything, I'd want MORE hours, so I have more time to process and possibly even get karts or other areas repaired. I can also guarantee that none of those ADHD friendly jobs are ones that keep my brain entertained. I want to be a mechanic, and I'm pretty sure "mechanic" is not an ADHD friendly job in context.
@kingzach74 While you are not wrong, unfortunately there are companies who will manufacture "issues" that get around those "protected class" characteristics.
I'm in my 30s and just finished my 3rd semester of upgrading in college (that i didn't have the chance to go to earlier in life) so I can figure out what I enjoy. I haven't stopped feeling like I'm failing every course of every semester (except English) since I started. I haven't failed a single one, but the terror I feel is so aggressive. Edit: (Cuz I forgot what I was going to say) I cut back on courses for next semester. It is going to take a little longer, but I've already taken this long, and an additional three months isn't really going to matter in the long run. Knowing I have a little less on my plate has already reduced my stress a bit.
I should watch more of your videos, my ADHD is driving me insane!! Thank you for giving us advice, advice from a neurotypical person never works for me 😭
We definitely have a lot! And there's a book to if you can afford it - there are ebook and audiobook versions too. But of course, our videos are always free :)
Take one day at a time. Don't catastrophize things that haven't happened yet. The same ADHD gift of easily forgiving others, apply to yourself. If it didn't get done today it's ok. Having kids changes your thinking and you have to be adaptable any situation that pops up. Kid gets sick? You have to call into work or work after hours to make it happen. Protect the most import goals and the least important ones will fade into the background. Up till now the relationship you've protected the most is with yourself. Now it's time to protect your daughter.
Something you briefly touched on which I think is important, is that your mom did all of these things and it feels like you should be able to as well. Our parents are often our first and primary roadmap for who we FEEL like we're supposed to be at various stages of our lives. It's very important to remember that they are different people, and they also grew up at a different time. They likely did not do everything the same way their parents did either, often times for good reason. It's okay to be your own person and navigate today's world to the best of your ability.
Oh my God, 6:50 got me. Doing things for others is definitely my biggest struggle right now while I'm trying to juggle life and get my career ramped up. Thank you SO much for always making videos that very directly address what so many of us face!
I was finally diagnosed with ADHD last summer even though I've "known" for years. Figured I was successful enough with my homemade tools that it didn't matter. But I realized how much it affected my spouse so now I'm far more thoughtful, present, and venerable. As you shared here, I thought about giving up some volunteer work in order to further support my hobbies and family. Just taking time for that consideration is awesome. Thank you!
Not the same thing, but I have cancer and I'm currently going through chemo. The interaction with my ADHD is... sobering. I now know why I've been so extremely and uniquely burnt out with my PhD and other life goals for a long, long time - my cancer is slow growing, so it's possible I've had it for years. And yet I'm still struggling with making peace with where I am at the moment and the things I can't do. Definitely hard not to overbuild and even reduce my load when that doesn't align with my sense of self and my dreams. But you have to look your limits in the eye. And I'm already succeeding by surviving chemo and fighting this cancer.
I hope I didn’t just miss this but what about asking for help? One thing I realized I needed to do that really helped my mental health when I became a mom was asking others to do things for you. I’m guessing your family or people around you could probably pitch in more, especially with the baby. I think as moms we have this idea that WE need to do the things in order to be a “good mom”. Have your husband take her to swim lessons every other time or even every time. Make a plan with others and see what you can delegate. It does wonders and clears up time if only so you can just be alone. Being a new mom is tough and we have to learn to give ourselves grace. I remember thinking “other people can do all this, why can’t I??” Well, maybe they aren’t happy or just barely making it, too. Delegate, delegate, delegate!
For me, with an autistic brain, the keys to building a fulfilling life are 1.) the infrastructure side of things, which on the financial side is something I struggle with a lot, 2.) making sure that I'm curating my commitments at least in part based on how much meaning they hold for me. I can deal with a lot more stress, and still feel fulfilled, if the struggle results in a meaningful contribution to the greater good that I believe I am uniquely positioned to offer. Not just doing things for myself helps me stay fulfilled, for sure. Respecting my special interests, and picking up spoons from them when I can, is definitely a part of the infrastructure that's easy to overlook. Just being fulfilled in the first place helps me do more things.
Great metaphors--infrastructure, city buildings, etc. One problem we have is an inability to explain ourselves to others, but metaphors like those can help. Excellent comments in this thread build on your metaphors. Thanks for that--and for everything you do for/with us and yourself.
Wow. I needed to see this video in 2016 (I didn't, life went mayhem). It does still work to imagine I knew this at the time. I am not good at combining the messages of 'always try your best, you can do anything but you have to put your mind to it' and 'take it easy, be grateful, don't be such a perfectionist'. This right here is the missing piece. Fulfillment requires infrastructure. Crucial. Curation & Rotation are new concepts for me too - and very practical and strategic. I feel like this is a very personal theme for you as well, and I am very proud of how you can talk about it with expertise, while still feeling how hard it can be to navigate. Sending much love, thank you for this video ❤
You have no idea how relatable this is!! I’m a senior in college & recently got dx with T1 diabetes so what you said at around 2:25 really resonated with me. I was finally getting the hang of working with my brain when this big change came along and now i’m struggling in ways i haven’t struggled with in a while. It’s been a hard change but it’s forced me to curate my life just like you mentioned. I’ve been focusing more on myself than on other ppl and external accomplishments. To answer your question: What genuinely improves my life is prioritizing myself I realized that i got so swept up in the productivity culture that i would procrastinate activities that brought me joy bc they weren’t “productive” So I started going to the gym more bc being active really helps ease my anxiety. I’m also trying to paint more. I absolutely love it and find that it helps me slow down and be present but i haven’t been prioritizing it for the last few years bc of academics.
I really love the infrastructure comparison. It has me thinking in metaphors and visualizations. What is the village of my life? It definitely has a library (reading), so now I'm thinking how can I improve that? My local library IRL has benches, flowers, and a big garden. It doesn't take a lot to make a space more enjoyable, like metaphorically planting flowers. Going to my life village's library means reading a book, but maybe it's an audiobook and I go for a walk. Or it's reading a book my friend recommended so we can talk about it and bond. I'm definitely going to run with this metaphor, haha.
You always know what to post to make me feel hopeful again. I am struggling with depression and burnout because my mom is fading in front of me thanks to stupid ALS and I gave up therapy and crafting and everything to help her. My husband and son are actually encouraging me to add to my life because I have nothing to look forward to every day. I work, I care for my mother (who lives with me). But it's a learning process and I will get good at it, because of YOU!
I want to give you a hug, I've always been in a russian roulette of hyperfixations onto teh next thing, it isn't until now that I'm consciously deciding to keep going in certain things for this amount of time and drop others and I feel teh message of less is more
Hi, I was diagnosed with ADHD three weeks ago. I am 51 year old. I has been dificult. But what i thik it helps is minimalism. Having less, to focus on what is more important. I think i find this concept so attractive cause i feel overwhelmed so many times. I hope this helps. Jessica, i love your videos. Thank you so much for sharing your story.
This is one of the most important lessons I had to learn in life and am still busy implementing again and again in accordance to how my life keeps changing. It's so important to make priorities and not let yourself guide mostly by expectations from others. For some this is especially hard, since I feel like working 20-30h/week is only compatible with seeing a few friends once a few months. After trying again and again I have not yet found another workable solution that would allow for me to have a richer social life while not having to settle for no job. Some in a similar situation think I made the wrong choice but so far I'm the happiest I've ever been - and with less guilt ❤
I have so many ideas for creative projects I'm excited about, but it's only when other people are involved that I actually get them done. Being accountable to myself can sometimes feel like trying to make it through Times Square NYE, to get to a hot dog stand 5 blocks away. And I don't even know if any hot dogs will be left by the time I get there. This is more the longterm projects.
I relate to this so strongly. It has been a major theme in my life this year and it's been coming to a head. Too much stuff. Too many responsibilities. Too much stimulation. I'm having trouble "stopping building" as well. Your metaphor about infrastructure is really helpful. Thank you, Jessica!
Earlier this year I decided my three priorities in life are my career, my wellness, and my marriage. That’s really helped me figure out what to say no to and and where I need to shore up to support those three things!! My spouse and I have non negotiable scheduled date night every week. Having that evening together is one of the best things we’ve done to support our relationship!
thank you so much for this!! i’ve been having a lot of trouble at work lately post-election, when depression left me with little energy left for my detail-heavy, deadline-oriented job. i started making a lot of mistakes that my boss was annoyed with me for (helloooooo rsd!), and then bam. my mom got a cancer diagnosis and i’ve moved back home to care for her. this metaphor is so helpful, because my instinct is to work more and work harder so i can stop feeling like i’m failing at my job, but the infrastructure simply isn’t there right now. it’s been really hard, so i appreciate this discussion a lot ❤
Jessica, it’s not just sleep and infrastructure- very important things! It takes years for a postpartum women to fully recover. Just because we regain our menses doesn’t mean our bodies have recovered (9-12 year olds aren’t ready either!). Hormones stay wacky, internal organs need to reshift, our gastrointestinal systems are often impacted by loose connective tissue from pregnancy and the trauma of being squished… so many things our bodies need grace and time to heal. Our push-push society and comparing ourselves to others who we don’t really see when they are at their worst (& who may have different needs/recovery) is really hard. It’s a lot. I almost set my house on fire multiple times, lost purses, keys, coffee cups in public places or off the roof of my car, locked my baby in the car with the keys (damn those easy lock doors!) ran out of gas… it was the most intense, most horrible, happiest time of my adult life.
I've figured out that my perfectionism was destroying my drive to continue doing things I loved doing. Letting go of being OUTCOME focus and rather journey focused has been helping a lot. Also removing time wasters helps too. Doom scrolling and what not.
This episode hit me squarely between the eyes! I’m currently in way over my head with a commitment that will end in March. I’ve made it abundantly clear that I will be stepping down at the end of my term, as it’s just plain stressing me out. My son and his wife will be having twins in April, and priorities change. This one’s a no-brainer!
We're at very different stages of our ADHD journeys, but also struggling with the same failures at the moment, which is comforting in a way. I'm 19, and not even two years on from my diagnosis. I just realised how little infrastructure I have for a mostly barren city. Most of my buildings were built for me by society, except from my hobby skyscrapers haha. I need to build more of what I want whilst learning the correct infrastructure. I love simplifying this issue into the metaphor that you used, makes it a lot less intimidating and big! Thanks for making me and thousands of others feel less alone! :)
Thank you. Just what I needed to hear today. I woke up this morning with the persistent thought/feeling that I was a burden and your video was the first thing that popped up when I opened up RUclips.
very very relatable. i just don’t know how to cut out things because i have so many things i want to do. the only thing i WANT to cut out i can’t bc it’s work and obviously i need to work or i will not eat. and all the stuff i am passionate about is not easy to make a living doing
I can completely relate to having coping skills seem to suddenly stop working. I’ve thought of it like a snake growing and shedding its skin. I think that every once in a while we outgrow our skills like a snake outgrows its skin. Thank you for this video! It’s perfect timing!
I have been kind of curating for a year now. It involved deep dives into my people pleasing so I could indeed withdraw with some relationships that were unhealthy and unreciprocated, and stepping back from commitments outside of work when they impacted my day job. It's so freeing and beautiful. Thanks for this encouragement!
I started going back to uni to finish up my degree after I got diagnosed with ADHD and the whole package (depression etc), and been advised to take a break. At first everything going smoothly, I'm listening to the lectures, taking notes, studying and more. But as time goes on the burden is building up (more work, more assignment, more projects), and I keep slowing down and it's feeding my anxiety. I never felt more of a failure then now, since I guess I couldn't blame myself for *not* knowing what to do. This video helps me realise I'm not alone so thank you.
We talk about this in the mom's group at my work. We all feel pressure to perform (or worse, overperform) in all the things all of the time, but it's physically impossible to do them all well. We need to give ourselves the grace to let lower priorities slide
Hey, I hear you. I have fear that I won’t be able to handle things so I don’t embark on them. My life is too small (really it is!) and I’m slowly learning what I can do to liven things up a bit. Being brave. Some days.
My issue with "improving my life" is that there are SO MANY must dos, and so anything enriching and fulfilling takes a backseat to the have-tos. Building more is not always the solution but also cutting down on things often feels like cutting down on quality of life. I would say specific examples is that I find my work schedule extremely difficult to work with. 8 (& 1/2 with required unpaid lunch) hours results in 40hrs (& 2 1/2 unpaid lunch) a week. It's honestly difficult between dealing with a delayed circadian rhythm to everyone else, and needing extra time to transition between things, needing extra time to recover from tasks especially social ones AND dealing with chronic pain and fatigue. I have a lot of tools, but there are certain things that cannot change, or cannot change easily or would be a major risk and sacrifice (like working for myself could result in more hours worked, less pay, and unstable health insurance which I absolutely need). There are simply too many factors outside of my control, and finding ways to put more control on it often means extra time and energy I do not have.
I agree I find it so exhausting trying to look like I'm working 8 hours a day despite it being unrealistic for me and the fact that no one else is working hard for all 8 hours a day either. Being forced to live unauthentically is soul crushing.
It might help to think of what you are describing as the concept of self-trust. Trusting the infrastructure you have built and not adding more filler is incredibly hard, and something that I am struggling with myself right now.
Incredibly enough, yesterday I was longing for a Jess video. Today, I am feeling like a complete failure. I haven’t watched this yet, but I know I need it. Thank you in advance, Jess. You are amazing.
Thanks Jessica you have this amazing ability to post relatable videos in a time of crisis for me i have had to learn from burnout i needed to un build, thank you so much you are a blessing ❤ i needed this reminder. I feel like I'm failing massively i needed this
I literally had a big cry session yesterday about how I feel like a failure and like I'm stuck. I kind of pulled myself out of that. But still, I clicked really fast on this video. Can definitely use your kind words right now
I have a lot of goals I want to do daily, because it's been said to help other people if they do it every day. But when I'm feeling consistently overwhelmed, I'll make the daily tasks into weekly, my weekly tasks into monthly. I loved your idea of seasonal tasks. December reminds me there's a ton to do this season and I already have a filled up schedule. So that'll be another time slot I can try to open up for myself.
I went through a trauma healing journey using the Grief Recovery Handbook. I feel so much lighter, but I no longer know how to adult and do all the things I want to do-- like have a cleanish house without it taking a grueling weekend. I still have so much in my "city" to unbuild but I haven't known where to start. This is really helpful. Thank you!!!
I had this realisation a short time ago and have been actively dismantling the stressful parts of my private and business life. I'm looking for success in a simple, active and fulfilling life
This is actually something I've been dealing with a lot lately. Unknowingly hit my burnout limit and kept trying to force myself to function for a solid week before I melted down. Took me a hot minute to recognize what I was talking about was burnout, and then had to sit back and look at the stress that piled up over the past few weeks and felt...well not dumb but...like I should've seen it sooner? But that's how it goes sometimes. Trying to work within my limits, and hell figure out my limits again is frustrating, because I'm like you were describing in the video, I wanna do all the things, but I just...can't at the moment. I just did a medication adjustment, and honestly, going to look at that concept of "mental infrastructure". Never really thought of it that way before, but I like it. Thanks as always for this channel, and hopefully I'll be able to support more than the occasional comment sometime!
You have no idea how much I relate to this video right now. I'm a first-time mom to a 5 month old, my mom died in 2023 in February and Christmas was her favorite time of year, so winter sucks for me now. I feel like I have a lot wrong with me even though my friends and my husband are very supportive which is something I'm still not used to lmao
I'm feeling this lots this month. Just stopped enabling my deeply traumatized niece. What started as helping them out of abuse ended up them becoming abusive 😢 And recovering from being severely sick.
Setting boundaries is important but hard --- not only because it's hard to make "downsizing " choices but also because others have become accustomed to what you do/provide. So part of this involves managing others' expectations (which can get push back)
ADHDer but this is true for everyone. What we need to feel content, not overwhelmed or always rushing to do everything is the opposite. We biologically and mentally need to pace. Have peaceful breaks, rest, relax, true fun. We live in a world that is about 'succeeding'. Earning more, or the prestige of your career, perfect house, always beautifully presented, not only slim but fit etc. Who is this for? Ourselves or 'other people's' approval so then we can feel good about ourselves. For me mediation helps to slow my mind, a feeling of peace and from that I get some clarity. Often its about realizing I'm pushing myself and the insanity of that. Living with pauses, time to transition to the next thing, scheduled breaks, self care (not I have to go to the gym pressured type), scheduled rest and fun not only transforms my life into manageable and enjoyable but also, counter intuitively, I achieve more. Tasks are easier because I'm not doing them when depleted, things work out better, I see easier ways of doing things and realise some things are just irrelevant and oet them go. Because I've available for others rather than exhausted or thinking about a problem or my next task to relationships feel more connected and warm. Lots of ways to do. Mindfulness, ie whatever you're doing just be doing that; being outside, gardening, walking, sitting on the grass, listening to the birds sing or for me the wind moving in the branches of trees; singing in the shower; write a list of things you are grateful for (I had a shower today, I enjoyed feeling the sun on mu face),; hugs; rest; a massage. Anything that helps you just be and let go of over thinking, ruminating and doing. Look for and create those monents of peace and letting go. More is not better. What are you afraid of if you slow down?
I cant tell you how much I needed this video today. I am a mom to a 3 year old and 3 month old and I have been getting so frustrated with myself for not being able to keep up with all the things I want to do. I can think of two ways that I have been trying to be kinder to myself in this way: 1. when I "want" something, I take some time to consider why I want it. Do I want to buy a house because everyone else my age is buying a house? or do I want to because its the best choice for my family (spoiler alert: its not the best choice for my family right now). This way I am taking on new things because I want to, not because I feel like I should. 2. I can focus the boredom into doing new things with what I already have instead of adding something new. For example, instead of trying to make a bunch of new friends because i'm bored, I've been trying to try new things with the friends and family who I already know well. This way I satisfy my need for novelty without overwhelming myself and stretching all of my relationships too thin.
My brain always likes shiny new things or experiences. I have learned to ask myself, what the new things will cost energy wise and is that really what I want to spend my energy on. Now I often turn down new things in favor of exploring and enjoying the things I have already built.
I see myself heading where you're at. I'm wanting to add more music now that I don't hate the thought of playing my violin anymore (depressed and anxious response solved by therapy). But, I can see myself building too much. I'm busy enough as is, and this video made me think I need to prioritize and decide if music is important enough to me to add (and consequently let something else go). Thank you for this!!!!! ❤❤❤
This really hit. I’ve spent so much of my life doing all the things. And I enjoy most of them, so I have a hard time saying no to new things. I’m finally at a point now where that doesn’t need to be the case. But I’m so used to doing all the things, both to survive and to prove myself, that I have no idea how to handle not being constantly overwhelmed >_
Thank you so much for this video. I saw this after a night of bad sleep over work which I feel I am failing at. I took on a new and challenging job just before I found out that I was pregnant. So now I am in my second trimester, and I feel like it is just too much, but I can not stop, because I am freelancing, and otherwise without income. And to be honest, the tough job of parenthood is starting to scare me more and more. I know that at this point I should not work more to make up for my failures. Right now taking time for myself is actually way more effective to actually get more done, and in a better way. But it is so counter intuitive! Especially when I am stressed...
How I now feel successful is a combination of many of the things you mentioned. - because we have an "out of sight out of mind" problem, I have reminders of all the places I've been, certificates of achievement etc around the place to remind me of success - I have really worked on reminding myself that "the grass is always greener where you water it" - not only is the world set up for neurotypicals, but it's a patriarchy and financially I realistically cannot have achieved what my parents/grandparents did. Keeping these realities at hand provides context to my "failure to achieve" certain societal expected milestones
I get stuck in this cycle often and I was just about to add more to my plate when I watched this video. I'm going to take some time and decide if I'm just seeking stimulation or if I actually want to add more to my plate. Taking time to be mindful and grateful for what I've already built is a struggle. One thing that has helped me stop and be grateful is putting up pictures that remind me of events or moments I'm proud of or people I don't get to see as often. I spend so much time looking forward that I often forget to look back at what I've already achieved.
Laying things down is an interesting task. At 66 having juggled child, work etc etc I am faced with laying things down because of my age with ADHD. It is a challenge to make laying down (and growing old) ADHD friendly but I am working on it!
I'm planning for a no spend year. My frivolous spending is out of control. A no spend year seems extreme. But desperate times call for desperate measures. I'm hoping this year to do more of the projects I have lying around, declutter hard core, get a meal planning routine in place, start reading again, etc. Wish me luck!
Hi dear. Being a doctor and self diagnosed myself for adhd only just recently that when I am in my 30’s now. This shows how we as a society are so ignorant about neurodivergent personality. I am a practicing physician but even in my medical school, not much importance was given to psychiatry as a subject. I finally got all the answers why I behaved the way I behaved all my life. I always felt there is something wrong about me. Even though I have been an above average student throughout my life. Was able to crack a competitive exam for medical school. Still I always felt it was not enough, as I thought I could do so much better and worked hard so much. Even after that there was something which was compromising my efficiency. I have been researching for quite sometime now about ADHD in adults. The facts I am discovering is mind blowing. Now I can make out my parents also showed traits of adhd and even my siblings. Even they agree with all the symptoms which I shared with them about Adhd. So Adhd do run in families for sure. In my med school we were always taught about adhd being a behavioural disorder specific to children. But no one either knew or cared to explain that if left undiagnosed in childhood can continue in adulthood and the symptoms may not be as obvious as you can see in a child with Adhd. I am lucky to have found your channel recently. I just wish I could find it sooner. The stuff that you’re doing is mind blowing. Being an Adhder its not easy thing which you’re doing. Having a RUclips channel to create awareness about Adhd, written your own book about adhd and so many other stuff that you’re doing is really great and astonishing. It’s like I have discovered a sister who can understand me so well and giving me solutions to all my problems which I had faced all through my life. I wish I could collaborate with you in near future. If there are any opportunities where I can be involved I would be grateful. Thanks a ton love. ❤️
A lot of improving my life has been discovering what makes *me* happy rather than trying to do what society expects of me. The things I want are simpler than the average household, not in the amount of work it takes but in working with what I have to get where I want to go. I'm trying to move away from consumerism and being more intentional with my purchases, especially since my funds are extremely limited.
Thank you so much for sharing this, Jessica, and I relate. This reminds me of the parallels between personal overwhelm and our economic model’s fixation on infinite growth on a finite planet. Which is funnelling us toward collapse in many senses of that word, bringing down many other species and beings in our crazed wake. But, to you, Jessica. Thank you X
My woman has ADHD. So I’m trying to learn as much as I can here on this channel
@e.ukpong - You are amazing for doing that. Your post gives me hope🙏🏾🫶🏾🥹
you're the best
Good for you brother - every bit helps.
While you’re in this, check out attachment theory. It helps relationshipping so much.
Heidi Priebe has a great channel
H.eidi P.riebe has a great channel
Have to type it weird due to RUclips’s strangeness…
same. not paying bills, putting off friends, not exercising, not accomplishing anything.
I take meds, shower, eat, watch youtube, tidy a few things (not the other 99%). just responding to messages requires so much effort
Watching RUclips is a dangerous, very unspecific step.
It's easy to spend more time doing that than you want and at some point the relaxing break with a video or two starts draining your energy again as you feel guilt for continuing to watch more.
Same here 😢
@@sebastianjostYes its hard
@zezezep As if you were describing my own life right now
You are definitely not a failure. As you mentioned, you have a 7-month-old, and I’ve noticed that many parents of neurotypical and neurodiverse children often arrive late and apologize for feeling unreliable. Your incredible brain is adjusting to sleep deprivation, which, interestingly, is commonly recognized as a method of torture. You are working hard and doing your best to bring compassion into your life.
True that! My little AuDHDer had colic for a year. We slept in 20min naps at night (no day naps). My only goal then was for both of us to survive it! 🥴
I still feel like a constant failure as I'm constantly pulled in 5 directions at once - so of course I drop the ball now and then! - but I darn well made sure he got his diagnoses, meds, and accommodations at school. He is fed, clothed, warm and pretty darn happy. I know logically THAT is what matters and I'm succeeding, despite that constant nagging feeling.
Motherhood while working part time AND being a dual-carer (running my mum's home, meds, shopping etc as well) is the hardest thing I've ever done, so I'm working on adding more self-care (and grace) into my life. If nothing else, I can say I'm struggling "RIGHT NOW" as I know in time it will pass. I also try to catch myself on negative self-talk, by saying "what would I say if a friend was saying this?"
I hope these 2 framing prompts help. 💗
Im 30. Stuck in a dead-end job, recently failed another relationship (my ex literally left me saying he wants to date a “normal” woman which is fair but still hurt like hell to hear cause not once in my life have i ever felt normal or good enough), my mum died last summer. I no longer have a family, rarely any friends (mostly living thousands of kms away in different countries). The only reason i havent given up my life is because of my adopted dog, Vincent❤️dogs really are angels
Your not alone, my life story is a mirror of most of what you wrote. I also learned to make peace with what I do have instead of what I don't and that gratitude means the world to me. My great pyrenees is also my best friend/family.
💔
You deserve to be loved by someone who will love you for who you are ❤ My deepest condolences about your mom. She is still here for you and I know she’s cheering you on and helping you in ways you can’t even see right now. Things will get better, just keep holding on ❤
I think its our culture. Love is so hard to find. And people are so selfish. As a Christian the only thing that helps is hope for heaven.
@bianka94825 Oprah wasn't Oprah until she was in her 40s you still have time!
Reaallly appreciate the pace of your speech and the minimal nonsense words. My attention sticks. I can easily stay with the full video. I have just been diagnosed. At 77. Very overdue for assistance. And every little thing helps.
I do my best! Some of it is definitely editor magic! (There is a lot of cut content of me just... rambling or tangenting lol)
Haha! Thank you. Only just discovering my neurodivergence- at this end of my life- you can imagine the hurricane of emotions and the importance of me gaining some control- finally. So much of old age is entropy, and Adhd is not helpful in warding it off.
@@dianaking8828definitely helpful to look for ADHD resources in your area. It is now a federally recognized disability(in the United States) and many states have recognized it as such.
Due to this many resource centers exist that might be able to help point you on the path to making your life easier.
You say at the end of your life, but every year life expectancy has been increasing. Even simple organizing tools can really help, such as label makers and clear storage containers.
If nothing else, if you really aren't sure of your long term prospects, if you happen to have children, reorganizing with help could help your kids or grand children when *knock on wood* it is your time to go.
It is NEVER too late to seek out help. I have to work on that myself as well.
I am still fighting for Meds at 50.... ❤ Amazing and emotional to get a diagnosis at 77 🌹
@@alibongois indeed. I was in shock for awhile. Then pleased and now I’m angry. My dr is reluctant to give me stimulants because of my age. ( Adlerall & retinol are out) So I’m trying Bupropion an antidepressant which can impact adhd in some cases. I’m in very early experimental stage but suspect I will have to rely on new tools and techniques. Trouble ,is my coping & masking strategies seem hard wired now.
Good luck with your journey
Also a reminder for anyone watching this when the video was posted, if you also have seasonal depression then this time of year can make those feelings even stronger! Check in with your doctor or therapist or a friend if you need some external support. Take care, friends 💜
For some reason it literally hadn't crossed my mind that I could be under the effects of Seasonal depression despite feeling the same every time this season rolls around. Big duh moment here.
Do NOT check with your doctor. They’ll just put you on meds. Research how to help yourself naturally 😊
I am crying my eyes out.. My whole life was a 'failure' for me. 😢😢I am happy to be in this community where I know I am not alone🥺
Yes. Same 💗
Been sick for weeks and feeling so bad about myself, this came at the perfect moment.
Been sick for the past 5 days and I feel like a failure since I missed 2 days of work. The timing couldn't be better.
Timing was….coincidence or fate? I say both ❤
I have long covid. My buildings have fallen down and my infrastructure needs upgrading. I'm struggling. Your video has given me a way to articulate my difficulties. Thank you once again!
😔
Having language to help people understand is so important.
I'm just avoiding everything.
Same 😢
I wish there were some magic to snap you out of it, but i believe in you.
Me too ❤
This came at such an important time! I've literally been asking myself constantly over the past week: why is everything I do seemingly wrong?
Thank you, Jessica!!!
Awwwww I hope this video can help then!
Oh it just gets very hard w/ kids. They take a lot of mental and emotional effort. And there's not much of a village for most of us. Give it 5 years, and be very kind to yourself.
Devon Price, discussing his book "Laziness Does Not Exist", offered the advice: "start with the assumption that you're already doing too much" and that was an eye opener for me.
I’m in the last few weeks of my bachelor’s degree, but I’m so burned out and physically ill from working and studying while socially isolated that I don’t know how I’m going to get through the last few assignments to earn my diploma. This was a helpful video.
I had a rough time at my parents house and moved into a kind of Teen care house (I'm living in germany, so I don't know if this is normal at other countries) at 17. They still didn't understand adhd and we did get into arguments, but it was far less Personal and I was able to have more control over my life. Also, I had some time to heal from trauma I had gained at my parents, I got a better relationship with food, I could leave the room when overstimulated, ect. I had learned a lot at that time and spent a LOT of time and energy on building routines and getting better, dealing with my adhd, ect. I am very creative and there's a bunch of crafts I love doing but didn't find the time or energy to do at my parents - so I also finally started doing that. I painted, I made beaded animals, I tried crocheting, I wrote on my book, ect. Then, school started and everything kinda collapsed. I was in school until 17:00 almost every day and since we HAD to be "home" at 18:00 for lunch, I didn't have time to talk to new found friends after school, which has always been a Thing i had loved doing (also, a way to Stall going home to my parents) and then they expected me to sit down with them and tell them about my life (I don't know why) and were angry that I didn't - but I was just EXHAUSTED. I would just go to sleep. (Also, i had met my yet boyfriend, whom I texted constantly) During that time, I was expected to change rooms. my room, which I loved (it was big and bright and I just felt very comfortable), was right next to the Office. we had someone move out downstairs and someone going to move in - they wanted the New one to be next to the Office, so I had to go downstairs. (I was actually still pretty new, I was there for a year in total) My "new room" was less than half as big as my Former room. With all my crafting stuff, books, clothes, ect., even if I did have had the time to unbox my stuff, the room just would have been too small. So I lived out of Boxes. and my room was never tidied up. Also, being alone downstairs, instead of next to the Office, made me feel kinda lonely. and it made it even harder to go in there to tell them about my day. I got 18 and not long after, they told me, if I wouldnt step up, I couldn't stay. I tried, I tried my absolute hardest, but the problem was, i had ALREADY been trying my hardest BEFORE that. And the added pressure and anxiety sure didn't make it better? Then they asked me if I already knew what I was going to do if they'd kick me out. I said no, because I knew my parents wouldnt take me back in. But they insisted, I had a plan, so in a panic, I said that I didn't think my grandparents would take me, but I would at least ask them. a few hours later, I got a call from my grandma, furious for "telling them they would take me in". Apparently they had just called my grandparents without asking and told them I said that, eventhough I didn't really. Well, that was the last stroke for me, we got into an argument and i got thrown out. My boyfriends mother already hated me for being in that Teen care System (it's like the same that has orphanages, I think) and because she was sure I was a gold digger or something and my parents "sure had their reasons to throw me out" (of course, she never asked, only assumed). He still got my stuff and hid it in his parents Garage and I went to my best Friend for some time. well, i went from friend to friend, until I found myself not having any place to go anymore. that's how I ended up being homeless for nearly a year (at 18!). now, I am living in my own appartment, with my boyfriend, since September.
my Routinen are dead and my energy is always super low. I am not usually able to craft or do anything from my Hobbies and it really makes me sad, because I'd love to - and i always feel I'm loosing important practice. Everything I worked on is just gone... I constantly feel like I am wasting time and opportunities and I just keep thinking about how great life WILL be, once I'm better and that just hurts because I really do want to live in and enjoy the moment. but it's hard. because I don't feel much like myself and i cant do much. I'm not currently working (I'm getting money for mental health reasons, german System, I don't know how to explain) and "only" doing household Chores but that already feels like soooo much and I know most people would call what I'm doing holidays or something but I've never been more exhausted. Suddenly having my own appartment, doing Chores, cooking and feeding myself regularly, ect. ect. honestly is already overwhelming as it is. then add the trauma I try to heal from because of being homeless and even more trauma because now with my own place and a Partner who truly loves me, stuff my parents did comes back to me... Like, what do you mean, you don't scream at me when I break something? that's NOT normal? it's a lot to Deal with. And seeing how all my work in building routines, building MYSELF, in some way, is just gone. God, that hurts.
And I've always struggled a lot with the whole "feeling like I'm not fullfilling my potential" thing and now that just hits even harder. because I spend my days doing seemingly nothing, being absolutely exhausted by that alone and feeling in every part of my body that I couldnt do more if I tried. but then also knowing that there have been times where I had done three times as much as my peers because I had fun doing so, there had been times where people were amazed by my skills and I knew, I would become an author AND a good cook AND work in science AND always be there for my friends AND be an artist AND do acting and and and... And i know that technically, I could probably do all of that. But I can't. And if I try to be positive and tell myself, i'll just need some time to heal and readjust, then I find myself not living in the moment again. just dreaming for a future I cant work on. not be happy but just hope to be happy in the future. (of course, there are happy moments, but it's just not the usual state for me right now).
I'm really Stuck in that mindset right now and I really hope it will get better... but also really don't know what to do...
if you have read all that, wow. and thank you so much. honestly, just writing that has felt good but knowing others might read it, feels even better. kind of less lonely...
I read it. I hear you. You are trying so hard, and healing takes a lot of energy. I remember a roommate of mine who used to come home from therapy and sleep like a log for 3 hours! I'm so glad you have a safe place, and someone who loves you, and from there you can build the life you want, one brick at a time. ❤
@pjp9383 thank you I needed that so much 🥺❤️
It's difficult enough to manage your time alone, more so with someone in your life. Routine is your/our friend. Until I finally found and adjusted to a steady job, time to myself just wasn't possible! That is most definitely when it's hardest.
@@johnnesbit793 thank you! I guess I do just kinda have to take my time 😅
@@johnnesbit793 thank you! I guess I do just kinda have to take my time 😅
Lagom. The Swedish philosophy of “just enough”. I’ve been trying to think in that way to help balance my drive of wanting to do the more when I cannot balance the more, to remember sometimes “just enough” is enough and more is “too much”. I’ve been watching videos from Scandi channels because they have amazing philosophies about slower living and taking moments or doing less to achieve more happiness. It’s really helpful to my brain. Even if I can’t always manage to follow it. 😅
As always, you’re awesome. Thanks for being you.
10:10 made me cry because I’m learning that lesson right now
'Infrastructure' is such a powerful metaphor. One I've been in need of for a while now.
For my part, I'm trying to abandon nuerotypical systems and getting organized in ways that work with me.
I’m working on emotional regulation. I can’t always control my executive output to the extent I’d like to, but what I can have more control over is my response to my “fails”. Like rather than having my top goal be executive function, my top goal should be to be kind to myself. To be gentle with myself even when I make mistakes or burn out. That’s the only way I can get back on track anyway. ❤
I appreciate you posting this. I am struggling with feeling like I’m regressing. I was diagnosed with ADHD as a kid, but meds and routine worked. In adulthood the meds aren’t as effective and life is just more responsibilities… It’s good to know I’m not alone and progress doesn’t have to be linear.
yeeaaahhhh the adult responsibility load can be a tough one. But I'm glad to hear the video has helped :)
Damm this is exactly what I'm working through today. I learned that sometimes my gratitude prompts feel pointless because of what I'm balancing so instead of being grateful for my dog or a person, I write down everything that makes me grateful for them. The why behind the what, sometimes even the how. What makes me smile. Then I think about how I can walk in a good way, honoring the past and being attentive to the future to live better in the now
I can’t tell you how nice this was, I’m really struggling today especially and this video just kinda showed up, and honestly thank you for not only providing us with these strategies but making us feel less alone. Sometimes it’s really easy to feel like I’m the only one feeling like this and watching you accomplish the things I want to one day truly does give me hope.
Awwwww yeah I figured I wasn't the only one... and you're right it can be so easy to feel like we're the only one. And honestly for all that we accomplish... we definitely still have our struggles (which is kinda mentioned in the video a little with the not checking emails)... and sometimes we struggle a loooooot.
I don't even have ADHD but this video came in such a perfect time in my life, I'm in the process of halting construction in my life and I loved your take on it xD
awwww thank you it means a lot!!
Thank you for talking about this and specifically as a parent. Its easy to say "stop and smell the roses" but for many of us, trying to undo sometimes decades of damage AND be a "normal person" AND support our own kid's often special needs so they dont grow up like we did feels impossible even when you have a partner. Im doing it all on my own and I feel like I'm doing it poorly but I also can't stop because other futures depend on me.
I don't think words can express how much I need this video. I've been crying off/on for the past two days (including in therapy, in which I never cry) because I'm failing over and over and it's wreaking havoc on my life. This video won't solve my issues, but it's a reminder that there are tools to deal with it...
I cannot control the burnout because I cannot control the workflow. I either get what they tell me to get done or I get in trouble, lose hours, and possibly leave that job. :
Yeeaaahhhhhh, there are some things we can't control and those can be tough when they're causing us a lot of stress.
Theoretically ADHD is now a federally recognized disability. If you have a doctor's diagnosis for ADHD or ADD, you qualify for help from the government via SSI and other resources as well.
Take a look in your area for ADHD resources and see if there is a place near you that can help. They can help you get started by helping you reduce the number of hours you can work or helping you negotiate with your employer to help reduce your workload.
If your work won't work with your ADHD they aren't your friend and those same resources can help you find a job or career that supports your ADHD as well. Many resource centers have ADHD approved companies that have gotten audited for ADHD support and tools for success.
@kingzach74 I know about those things, but I don't WANT those things. I also seriously don't want reduced hours. If anything, I'd want MORE hours, so I have more time to process and possibly even get karts or other areas repaired. I can also guarantee that none of those ADHD friendly jobs are ones that keep my brain entertained. I want to be a mechanic, and I'm pretty sure "mechanic" is not an ADHD friendly job in context.
@kingzach74 While you are not wrong, unfortunately there are companies who will manufacture "issues" that get around those "protected class" characteristics.
@@jesselasalle5104maybe tell your co-workers to help you with the constant information overload??
I'm in my 30s and just finished my 3rd semester of upgrading in college (that i didn't have the chance to go to earlier in life) so I can figure out what I enjoy.
I haven't stopped feeling like I'm failing every course of every semester (except English) since I started.
I haven't failed a single one, but the terror I feel is so aggressive.
Edit: (Cuz I forgot what I was going to say) I cut back on courses for next semester. It is going to take a little longer, but I've already taken this long, and an additional three months isn't really going to matter in the long run. Knowing I have a little less on my plate has already reduced my stress a bit.
I should watch more of your videos, my ADHD is driving me insane!! Thank you for giving us advice, advice from a neurotypical person never works for me 😭
We definitely have a lot! And there's a book to if you can afford it - there are ebook and audiobook versions too. But of course, our videos are always free :)
Do please see if there are ADHD resource centers near you. They are very helpful as well.
Take one day at a time. Don't catastrophize things that haven't happened yet. The same ADHD gift of easily forgiving others, apply to yourself. If it didn't get done today it's ok. Having kids changes your thinking and you have to be adaptable any situation that pops up. Kid gets sick? You have to call into work or work after hours to make it happen. Protect the most import goals and the least important ones will fade into the background. Up till now the relationship you've protected the most is with yourself. Now it's time to protect your daughter.
Something you briefly touched on which I think is important, is that your mom did all of these things and it feels like you should be able to as well. Our parents are often our first and primary roadmap for who we FEEL like we're supposed to be at various stages of our lives. It's very important to remember that they are different people, and they also grew up at a different time. They likely did not do everything the same way their parents did either, often times for good reason. It's okay to be your own person and navigate today's world to the best of your ability.
Oh my God, 6:50 got me. Doing things for others is definitely my biggest struggle right now while I'm trying to juggle life and get my career ramped up. Thank you SO much for always making videos that very directly address what so many of us face!
I was finally diagnosed with ADHD last summer even though I've "known" for years. Figured I was successful enough with my homemade tools that it didn't matter. But I realized how much it affected my spouse so now I'm far more thoughtful, present, and venerable. As you shared here, I thought about giving up some volunteer work in order to further support my hobbies and family. Just taking time for that consideration is awesome. Thank you!
Hi! You really helped me! Because of your channel, I got diagnosed! Thank you so much!😊
Not the same thing, but I have cancer and I'm currently going through chemo. The interaction with my ADHD is... sobering. I now know why I've been so extremely and uniquely burnt out with my PhD and other life goals for a long, long time - my cancer is slow growing, so it's possible I've had it for years. And yet I'm still struggling with making peace with where I am at the moment and the things I can't do. Definitely hard not to overbuild and even reduce my load when that doesn't align with my sense of self and my dreams. But you have to look your limits in the eye. And I'm already succeeding by surviving chemo and fighting this cancer.
I hope I didn’t just miss this but what about asking for help? One thing I realized I needed to do that really helped my mental health when I became a mom was asking others to do things for you. I’m guessing your family or people around you could probably pitch in more, especially with the baby. I think as moms we have this idea that WE need to do the things in order to be a “good mom”. Have your husband take her to swim lessons every other time or even every time. Make a plan with others and see what you can delegate. It does wonders and clears up time if only so you can just be alone. Being a new mom is tough and we have to learn to give ourselves grace. I remember thinking “other people can do all this, why can’t I??” Well, maybe they aren’t happy or just barely making it, too. Delegate, delegate, delegate!
I love your vids so much you have helped me since my ADHD was there Thank you jess xx
For me, with an autistic brain, the keys to building a fulfilling life are 1.) the infrastructure side of things, which on the financial side is something I struggle with a lot, 2.) making sure that I'm curating my commitments at least in part based on how much meaning they hold for me. I can deal with a lot more stress, and still feel fulfilled, if the struggle results in a meaningful contribution to the greater good that I believe I am uniquely positioned to offer. Not just doing things for myself helps me stay fulfilled, for sure.
Respecting my special interests, and picking up spoons from them when I can, is definitely a part of the infrastructure that's easy to overlook. Just being fulfilled in the first place helps me do more things.
Great metaphors--infrastructure, city buildings, etc. One problem we have is an inability to explain ourselves to others, but metaphors like those can help. Excellent comments in this thread build on your metaphors. Thanks for that--and for everything you do for/with us and yourself.
Wow. I needed to see this video in 2016 (I didn't, life went mayhem). It does still work to imagine I knew this at the time.
I am not good at combining the messages of 'always try your best, you can do anything but you have to put your mind to it' and 'take it easy, be grateful, don't be such a perfectionist'.
This right here is the missing piece. Fulfillment requires infrastructure. Crucial.
Curation & Rotation are new concepts for me too - and very practical and strategic.
I feel like this is a very personal theme for you as well, and I am very proud of how you can talk about it with expertise, while still feeling how hard it can be to navigate.
Sending much love, thank you for this video ❤
You have no idea how relatable this is!!
I’m a senior in college & recently got dx with T1 diabetes so what you said at around 2:25 really resonated with me. I was finally getting the hang of working with my brain when this big change came along and now i’m struggling in ways i haven’t struggled with in a while.
It’s been a hard change but it’s forced me to curate my life just like you mentioned. I’ve been focusing more on myself than on other ppl and external accomplishments.
To answer your question:
What genuinely improves my life is prioritizing myself
I realized that i got so swept up in the productivity culture that i would procrastinate activities that brought me joy bc they weren’t “productive”
So I started going to the gym more bc being active really helps ease my anxiety. I’m also trying to paint more. I absolutely love it and find that it helps me slow down and be present but i haven’t been prioritizing it for the last few years bc of academics.
I really love the infrastructure comparison. It has me thinking in metaphors and visualizations. What is the village of my life? It definitely has a library (reading), so now I'm thinking how can I improve that? My local library IRL has benches, flowers, and a big garden. It doesn't take a lot to make a space more enjoyable, like metaphorically planting flowers. Going to my life village's library means reading a book, but maybe it's an audiobook and I go for a walk. Or it's reading a book my friend recommended so we can talk about it and bond. I'm definitely going to run with this metaphor, haha.
The comparison to infrastructure is very helpful for me, thank you for framing it this way!
You always know what to post to make me feel hopeful again.
I am struggling with depression and burnout because my mom is fading in front of me thanks to stupid ALS and I gave up therapy and crafting and everything to help her.
My husband and son are actually encouraging me to add to my life because I have nothing to look forward to every day. I work, I care for my mother (who lives with me).
But it's a learning process and I will get good at it, because of YOU!
I want to give you a hug, I've always been in a russian roulette of hyperfixations onto teh next thing, it isn't until now that I'm consciously deciding to keep going in certain things for this amount of time and drop others and I feel teh message of less is more
Hi, I was diagnosed with ADHD three weeks ago. I am 51 year old. I has been dificult.
But what i thik it helps is minimalism.
Having less, to focus on what is more important. I think i find this concept so attractive cause i feel overwhelmed so many times.
I hope this helps.
Jessica, i love your videos.
Thank you so much for sharing your story.
Thank you for being so vulnerable in public. Your honesty is appreciated.
This is one of the most important lessons I had to learn in life and am still busy implementing again and again in accordance to how my life keeps changing. It's so important to make priorities and not let yourself guide mostly by expectations from others. For some this is especially hard, since I feel like working 20-30h/week is only compatible with seeing a few friends once a few months. After trying again and again I have not yet found another workable solution that would allow for me to have a richer social life while not having to settle for no job. Some in a similar situation think I made the wrong choice but so far I'm the happiest I've ever been - and with less guilt ❤
I have so many ideas for creative projects I'm excited about, but it's only when other people are involved that I actually get them done. Being accountable to myself can sometimes feel like trying to make it through Times Square NYE, to get to a hot dog stand 5 blocks away. And I don't even know if any hot dogs will be left by the time I get there. This is more the longterm projects.
5:20 you’re so real for that ❤
I relate to this so strongly. It has been a major theme in my life this year and it's been coming to a head. Too much stuff. Too many responsibilities. Too much stimulation. I'm having trouble "stopping building" as well. Your metaphor about infrastructure is really helpful. Thank you, Jessica!
Please talk more about this I feel like this came in at the right time
Earlier this year I decided my three priorities in life are my career, my wellness, and my marriage. That’s really helped me figure out what to say no to and and where I need to shore up to support those three things!! My spouse and I have non negotiable scheduled date night every week. Having that evening together is one of the best things we’ve done to support our relationship!
thank you so much for this!! i’ve been having a lot of trouble at work lately post-election, when depression left me with little energy left for my detail-heavy, deadline-oriented job. i started making a lot of mistakes that my boss was annoyed with me for (helloooooo rsd!), and then bam. my mom got a cancer diagnosis and i’ve moved back home to care for her. this metaphor is so helpful, because my instinct is to work more and work harder so i can stop feeling like i’m failing at my job, but the infrastructure simply isn’t there right now. it’s been really hard, so i appreciate this discussion a lot ❤
Jessica, it’s not just sleep and infrastructure- very important things! It takes years for a postpartum women to fully recover. Just because we regain our menses doesn’t mean our bodies have recovered (9-12 year olds aren’t ready either!). Hormones stay wacky, internal organs need to reshift, our gastrointestinal systems are often impacted by loose connective tissue from pregnancy and the trauma of being squished… so many things our bodies need grace and time to heal. Our push-push society and comparing ourselves to others who we don’t really see when they are at their worst (& who may have different needs/recovery) is really hard. It’s a lot. I almost set my house on fire multiple times, lost purses, keys, coffee cups in public places or off the roof of my car, locked my baby in the car with the keys (damn those easy lock doors!) ran out of gas… it was the most intense, most horrible, happiest time of my adult life.
I've figured out that my perfectionism was destroying my drive to continue doing things I loved doing. Letting go of being OUTCOME focus and rather journey focused has been helping a lot. Also removing time wasters helps too. Doom scrolling and what not.
I find this framing very helpful and relevant.
Hang in there friend, this is a season in life. You’ll get through this!
This episode hit me squarely between the eyes! I’m currently in way over my head with a commitment that will end in March. I’ve made it abundantly clear that I will be stepping down at the end of my term, as it’s just plain stressing me out. My son and his wife will be having twins in April, and priorities change. This one’s a no-brainer!
We're at very different stages of our ADHD journeys, but also struggling with the same failures at the moment, which is comforting in a way. I'm 19, and not even two years on from my diagnosis. I just realised how little infrastructure I have for a mostly barren city. Most of my buildings were built for me by society, except from my hobby skyscrapers haha. I need to build more of what I want whilst learning the correct infrastructure. I love simplifying this issue into the metaphor that you used, makes it a lot less intimidating and big! Thanks for making me and thousands of others feel less alone! :)
Thank you. Just what I needed to hear today. I woke up this morning with the persistent thought/feeling that I was a burden and your video was the first thing that popped up when I opened up RUclips.
very very relatable. i just don’t know how to cut out things because i have so many things i want to do. the only thing i WANT to cut out i can’t bc it’s work and obviously i need to work or i will not eat. and all the stuff i am passionate about is not easy to make a living doing
I can completely relate to having coping skills seem to suddenly stop working. I’ve thought of it like a snake growing and shedding its skin. I think that every once in a while we outgrow our skills like a snake outgrows its skin. Thank you for this video! It’s perfect timing!
As an urban planner with ADHD and still learning how to work with my brain, I really love and appreciate the city building analogy ❤
Oh this hit PERSONALLY 😭
Thank you so much! I was just sitting here feeling like a failure and saw your message. It changed my day.
I have been kind of curating for a year now. It involved deep dives into my people pleasing so I could indeed withdraw with some relationships that were unhealthy and unreciprocated, and stepping back from commitments outside of work when they impacted my day job.
It's so freeing and beautiful. Thanks for this encouragement!
I started going back to uni to finish up my degree after I got diagnosed with ADHD and the whole package (depression etc), and been advised to take a break.
At first everything going smoothly, I'm listening to the lectures, taking notes, studying and more. But as time goes on the burden is building up (more work, more assignment, more projects), and I keep slowing down and it's feeding my anxiety.
I never felt more of a failure then now, since I guess I couldn't blame myself for *not* knowing what to do.
This video helps me realise I'm not alone so thank you.
We talk about this in the mom's group at my work. We all feel pressure to perform (or worse, overperform) in all the things all of the time, but it's physically impossible to do them all well. We need to give ourselves the grace to let lower priorities slide
From one adhd mother to another - THANK YOU
Thank you for making this video specifically for me.
Hey, I hear you. I have fear that I won’t be able to handle things so I don’t embark on them. My life is too small (really it is!) and I’m slowly learning what I can do to liven things up a bit. Being brave. Some days.
Perhaps there's a way in this annalogy to not buld more but just go camping for life to feel biger? Try some thing out without commiting?
@ thanks Owen. A good perspective for me to hang my hat on (in so many other things😊)
My issue with "improving my life" is that there are SO MANY must dos, and so anything enriching and fulfilling takes a backseat to the have-tos. Building more is not always the solution but also cutting down on things often feels like cutting down on quality of life. I would say specific examples is that I find my work schedule extremely difficult to work with. 8 (& 1/2 with required unpaid lunch) hours results in 40hrs (& 2 1/2 unpaid lunch) a week. It's honestly difficult between dealing with a delayed circadian rhythm to everyone else, and needing extra time to transition between things, needing extra time to recover from tasks especially social ones AND dealing with chronic pain and fatigue. I have a lot of tools, but there are certain things that cannot change, or cannot change easily or would be a major risk and sacrifice (like working for myself could result in more hours worked, less pay, and unstable health insurance which I absolutely need). There are simply too many factors outside of my control, and finding ways to put more control on it often means extra time and energy I do not have.
I agree I find it so exhausting trying to look like I'm working 8 hours a day despite it being unrealistic for me and the fact that no one else is working hard for all 8 hours a day either. Being forced to live unauthentically is soul crushing.
It might help to think of what you are describing as the concept of self-trust. Trusting the infrastructure you have built and not adding more filler is incredibly hard, and something that I am struggling with myself right now.
Incredibly enough, yesterday I was longing for a Jess video. Today, I am feeling like a complete failure. I haven’t watched this yet, but I know I need it. Thank you in advance, Jess. You are amazing.
Thanks Jessica you have this amazing ability to post relatable videos in a time of crisis for me i have had to learn from burnout i needed to un build, thank you so much you are a blessing ❤ i needed this reminder. I feel like I'm failing massively i needed this
I literally had a big cry session yesterday about how I feel like a failure and like I'm stuck. I kind of pulled myself out of that. But still, I clicked really fast on this video. Can definitely use your kind words right now
I am finishing medical school and this video resonated with me even more than any of the other amazing videos that you’ve put out! Thank you
I have a lot of goals I want to do daily, because it's been said to help other people if they do it every day. But when I'm feeling consistently overwhelmed, I'll make the daily tasks into weekly, my weekly tasks into monthly. I loved your idea of seasonal tasks. December reminds me there's a ton to do this season and I already have a filled up schedule. So that'll be another time slot I can try to open up for myself.
I went through a trauma healing journey using the Grief Recovery Handbook. I feel so much lighter, but I no longer know how to adult and do all the things I want to do-- like have a cleanish house without it taking a grueling weekend.
I still have so much in my "city" to unbuild but I haven't known where to start. This is really helpful. Thank you!!!
This is perfect timing! Studying while working full time really sucks
I had this realisation a short time ago and have been actively dismantling the stressful parts of my private and business life. I'm looking for success in a simple, active and fulfilling life
This is actually something I've been dealing with a lot lately. Unknowingly hit my burnout limit and kept trying to force myself to function for a solid week before I melted down. Took me a hot minute to recognize what I was talking about was burnout, and then had to sit back and look at the stress that piled up over the past few weeks and felt...well not dumb but...like I should've seen it sooner? But that's how it goes sometimes. Trying to work within my limits, and hell figure out my limits again is frustrating, because I'm like you were describing in the video, I wanna do all the things, but I just...can't at the moment. I just did a medication adjustment, and honestly, going to look at that concept of "mental infrastructure". Never really thought of it that way before, but I like it. Thanks as always for this channel, and hopefully I'll be able to support more than the occasional comment sometime!
Thank you SO much for your honesty and vulnerability. It is so huge for your community. I’m grateful. ❤
You have no idea how much I relate to this video right now. I'm a first-time mom to a 5 month old, my mom died in 2023 in February and Christmas was her favorite time of year, so winter sucks for me now. I feel like I have a lot wrong with me even though my friends and my husband are very supportive which is something I'm still not used to lmao
Living your own authentic life without others ruining it is key to this
I'm feeling this lots this month. Just stopped enabling my deeply traumatized niece. What started as helping them out of abuse ended up them becoming abusive 😢
And recovering from being severely sick.
Setting boundaries is important but hard --- not only because it's hard to make "downsizing " choices but also because others have become accustomed to what you do/provide. So part of this involves managing others' expectations (which can get push back)
ADHDer but this is true for everyone. What we need to feel content, not overwhelmed or always rushing to do everything is the opposite. We biologically and mentally need to pace. Have peaceful breaks, rest, relax, true fun. We live in a world that is about 'succeeding'. Earning more, or the prestige of your career, perfect house, always beautifully presented, not only slim but fit etc. Who is this for? Ourselves or 'other people's' approval so then we can feel good about ourselves.
For me mediation helps to slow my mind, a feeling of peace and from that I get some clarity. Often its about realizing I'm pushing myself and the insanity of that. Living with pauses, time to transition to the next thing, scheduled breaks, self care (not I have to go to the gym pressured type), scheduled rest and fun not only transforms my life into manageable and enjoyable but also, counter intuitively, I achieve more. Tasks are easier because I'm not doing them when depleted, things work out better, I see easier ways of doing things and realise some things are just irrelevant and oet them go. Because I've available for others rather than exhausted or thinking about a problem or my next task to relationships feel more connected and warm.
Lots of ways to do. Mindfulness, ie whatever you're doing just be doing that; being outside, gardening, walking, sitting on the grass, listening to the birds sing or for me the wind moving in the branches of trees; singing in the shower; write a list of things you are grateful for (I had a shower today, I enjoyed feeling the sun on mu face),; hugs; rest; a massage. Anything that helps you just be and let go of over thinking, ruminating and doing. Look for and create those monents of peace and letting go.
More is not better.
What are you afraid of if you slow down?
I cant tell you how much I needed this video today. I am a mom to a 3 year old and 3 month old and I have been getting so frustrated with myself for not being able to keep up with all the things I want to do. I can think of two ways that I have been trying to be kinder to myself in this way:
1. when I "want" something, I take some time to consider why I want it. Do I want to buy a house because everyone else my age is buying a house? or do I want to because its the best choice for my family (spoiler alert: its not the best choice for my family right now). This way I am taking on new things because I want to, not because I feel like I should.
2. I can focus the boredom into doing new things with what I already have instead of adding something new. For example, instead of trying to make a bunch of new friends because i'm bored, I've been trying to try new things with the friends and family who I already know well. This way I satisfy my need for novelty without overwhelming myself and stretching all of my relationships too thin.
My brain always likes shiny new things or experiences. I have learned to ask myself, what the new things will cost energy wise and is that really what I want to spend my energy on. Now I often turn down new things in favor of exploring and enjoying the things I have already built.
I see myself heading where you're at.
I'm wanting to add more music now that I don't hate the thought of playing my violin anymore (depressed and anxious response solved by therapy). But, I can see myself building too much. I'm busy enough as is, and this video made me think I need to prioritize and decide if music is important enough to me to add (and consequently let something else go).
Thank you for this!!!!! ❤❤❤
This really hit. I’ve spent so much of my life doing all the things. And I enjoy most of them, so I have a hard time saying no to new things. I’m finally at a point now where that doesn’t need to be the case. But I’m so used to doing all the things, both to survive and to prove myself, that I have no idea how to handle not being constantly overwhelmed >_
Thank you so much for this video. I saw this after a night of bad sleep over work which I feel I am failing at. I took on a new and challenging job just before I found out that I was pregnant. So now I am in my second trimester, and I feel like it is just too much, but I can not stop, because I am freelancing, and otherwise without income. And to be honest, the tough job of parenthood is starting to scare me more and more. I know that at this point I should not work more to make up for my failures. Right now taking time for myself is actually way more effective to actually get more done, and in a better way. But it is so counter intuitive! Especially when I am stressed...
How I now feel successful is a combination of many of the things you mentioned.
- because we have an "out of sight out of mind" problem, I have reminders of all the places I've been, certificates of achievement etc around the place to remind me of success
- I have really worked on reminding myself that "the grass is always greener where you water it"
- not only is the world set up for neurotypicals, but it's a patriarchy and financially I realistically cannot have achieved what my parents/grandparents did. Keeping these realities at hand provides context to my "failure to achieve" certain societal expected milestones
I get stuck in this cycle often and I was just about to add more to my plate when I watched this video. I'm going to take some time and decide if I'm just seeking stimulation or if I actually want to add more to my plate. Taking time to be mindful and grateful for what I've already built is a struggle. One thing that has helped me stop and be grateful is putting up pictures that remind me of events or moments I'm proud of or people I don't get to see as often. I spend so much time looking forward that I often forget to look back at what I've already achieved.
Laying things down is an interesting task. At 66 having juggled child, work etc etc I am faced with laying things down because of my age with ADHD. It is a challenge to make laying down (and growing old) ADHD friendly but I am working on it!
I'm planning for a no spend year. My frivolous spending is out of control. A no spend year seems extreme. But desperate times call for desperate measures. I'm hoping this year to do more of the projects I have lying around, declutter hard core, get a meal planning routine in place, start reading again, etc. Wish me luck!
Hi dear.
Being a doctor and self diagnosed myself for adhd only just recently that when I am in my 30’s now. This shows how we as a society are so ignorant about neurodivergent personality. I am a practicing physician but even in my medical school, not much importance was given to psychiatry as a subject.
I finally got all the answers why I behaved the way I behaved all my life. I always felt there is something wrong about me. Even though I have been an above average student throughout my life. Was able to crack a competitive exam for medical school. Still I always felt it was not enough, as I thought I could do so much better and worked hard so much. Even after that there was something which was compromising my efficiency.
I have been researching for quite sometime now about ADHD in adults. The facts I am discovering is mind blowing. Now I can make out my parents also showed traits of adhd and even my siblings. Even they agree with all the symptoms which I shared with them about Adhd. So Adhd do run in families for sure.
In my med school we were always taught about adhd being a behavioural disorder specific to children. But no one either knew or cared to explain that if left undiagnosed in childhood can continue in adulthood and the symptoms may not be as obvious as you can see in a child with Adhd.
I am lucky to have found your channel recently. I just wish I could find it sooner. The stuff that you’re doing is mind blowing. Being an Adhder its not easy thing which you’re doing. Having a RUclips channel to create awareness about Adhd, written your own book about adhd and so many other stuff that you’re doing is really great and astonishing.
It’s like I have discovered a sister who can understand me so well and giving me solutions to all my problems which I had faced all through my life.
I wish I could collaborate with you in near future. If there are any opportunities where I can be involved I would be grateful.
Thanks a ton love. ❤️
This caption has been me this entire year....I've felt like I've been failing at life 🥺🥴😔🫣
I needed this today. Really really really REALLY needed this.
A lot of improving my life has been discovering what makes *me* happy rather than trying to do what society expects of me. The things I want are simpler than the average household, not in the amount of work it takes but in working with what I have to get where I want to go. I'm trying to move away from consumerism and being more intentional with my purchases, especially since my funds are extremely limited.
Thank you so much for sharing this, Jessica, and I relate. This reminds me of the parallels between personal overwhelm and our economic model’s fixation on infinite growth on a finite planet. Which is funnelling us toward collapse in many senses of that word, bringing down many other species and beings in our crazed wake.
But, to you, Jessica. Thank you X