Sex, Bickering, & Resentment in Marriage // Marriage Q&A
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- Опубликовано: 12 июл 2024
- You all love it when Zach joins me so we're doing a q&a today! Join us for some laughs, some advice, and a good time 😘
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I didn’t expect such controversy over this video or this topic and I realized we probably should’ve gone more in depth about the beauty of sex and biblical marriage. I want to assure you that, like I mentioned in the video, we respect one another’s wishes and would never force the other to do something they don’t want to do. It is OUR choice to serve each other in this way and always end up enjoying intimacy, even if we weren’t in the mood to begin with. I feel there should be a follow up video on these topics to go deeper and explain better why and how this works 🤎
if it works for you guys and you are both happy then it’s all good! Ppl are always finding this to stir up 😒
I enjoyed your take on the subject and agree with you. I felt you did right by your explanation but some people... this is the first video of yours I have watched since having my own little 11 months ago, I am excited to start watching you again though.
They are really just looking for something to nit pick about. Literally anyone who follows you guys knows this isn’t a situation where you’re saying “I’m not in the mood, let’s get this over with” and then you hate every minute of it. That’s ridiculous.
@@jimmyjeopardy You’re blowing this out of proportion. She didn’t say anything about him TAKING anything. She said she GIVES him what he needs, because she’s an adult woman who understands that people have sexual needs and that a healthy sex life is extremely important to a healthy relationship. You don’t have to be religious to understand this.
The concept of serving one another in marriage and sharing our bodies selflessly is biblical, wonderful, and absolutely in line with Scripture. It is done out of love, not to be tinged with resentment (as D has always made clear) and applies to BOTH parties. Also, both parties are to respect when the other is not in a good place to be intimate, for whatever reason. It's a reciprocal process to keep one another satisfied while also giving one another the freedom to say no.
The result is rewarding and gratifying for both if done with a pure heart and intentions as Scripture says to do. It's voluntary and a beautiful thing. ❤ Hugs Delilah and thank you so much for your honesty! 😊
My only issue with the sex portion is my mom used to say this exact thing and it never taught me consent. It just taught me to let him do whatever he wanted whether I wanted it or not and it lead to a very unhealthy mentality and abusive relationship. My body is mine before it is ever anyone else’s regardless of our marriage or relationship.
I’m so sorry 🤎 I probably should have dove deeper into this topic, but it is important to note respect for one another. It’s my choice, and we always ended up enjoying it together, even if I didn’t want to at first.
@@LoeppkysLife please don’t be sorry!! You didn’t do anything wrong! I understand that, I should’ve gone into more context as well, my mom didn’t explain how the husband should fully respect your choice to not have sex. You did a good job explaining your relationship boundaries which I greatly appreciated in this video.
wait wait wait.... so it isn't just my husband who goes to sleep at the same time I do, sleeps through the late night wake ups, continues to sleep in, and then complains that he's soooooooo tired all darn day?!? this is one issue I have also had to work on with being resentful.
The best is when they are like “the baby slept through the night!” and I’m like no YOU slept through the night - baby and I were up a few times lol.
@@ashleybeazley YES! It makes me want to rip my hair out!! And then they have the AUDACITY to ask me if he can take a nap. >:(
Sleep apnoea can make you feel like you haven't slept at all. Your doctor can help with diagnosis and treatment.
Relate to this COMPLETELY
I've definitely struggled with this big time and have just retrained myself to believe that men need the uninterrupted sleep more. Him being tired is more annoying to me than me being tired so I just let him sleep lol
I always find it interesting to hear people perspectives on arguing in front of children. Growing up my parents fought a lot and it was really hard to hear. Even to this day I dont like hearing even little "bickering" type arguments from them. Now as a wife and parent myself I really dont want my children to feel that same discomfort. I would suggest that it is possible to have a disagreement and corresponding conversation without it being an argument or even bickering therefore kids learn conflict resolution without the emotional component. My husband has taught me by example a lot about how tone of voice can totally alter a conversation (he is so good at staying even keeled therefore not escalating anything). Tone of voice is soo soo key!
I love that!
This is the most realistic spouse q&a
Sex in a marriage when you view it in a biblical stance is really beautiful. It is a form of communication between each other 🧡
I agree with you on the sex part and I hope this could maybe clear up some things for people who are confused about that part who are up for reading this;
I think what they meant when they said “serving each other with sex in a marriage” does NOT mean either person is entitled to force themselves upon the other. It’s more about it’s *agreed* upon (by both partners) that you will be open to sex if the other person wants it, even if you aren’t in the mood right away. Delilah also did say that if she’s really not feeling good, Zach respects that and doesn’t push, as should every partner. There is a difference between not being in the mood vs REALLY not wanting it. And your partner should know the difference. If not, please communicate it!
As someone with a low sex drive as well, honestly we would rarely have sex if we only waited for when I was “in the mood.” But when I say yes even when I’m not in the mood, usually I’m in the mood in few minutes (it’s called foreplay, it doesn’t mean “yes go straight in” 😂). And if I’m just REALLY not in the mood, he respects that and stops. So please please don’t misinterpret what she means. It really is a beautiful thing and can make a marriage healthy IF there is proper communication involved 🧡
This comment said everything. She did mention that he respects her boundaries. 💖
This was a perfect explanation and exactly how I interpreted what Delilah said ☺️
Well said!
Love how zack is getting more comfortable around the camera! ❤️
I understand where you are coming from Delilah, but there are Some people out there who take those bible passages to mean that a woman HAS to have sex when her husband wants. Marital rape was not even considered a real assault until very recently and is even glamorized in movies (hello Gone with the Wind). So I think it is important for women to know that they ALWAYS have a choice. I think its fine to decide you want to serve your partner even if you are not in the mood, but it should be a choice made freely and without pressure
It is my CHOICE to serve my spouse in that way. And we always enjoy our time together even if I wasn’t in the mood to begin with. According to the comments I guess i didn’t make that clear enough 😕
YES! Delilah´s message is for healthy mental men. Zack is adorable and super healthy. Women should be able to keep things in perspective ... does the Bible talk about that???
@@LoeppkysLife the phrase I do it even if I’m not in the mood basically says you just lay there and he does his thing. So yes it sounds very rapy and very triggering. You have to consider that there are people who have been taught this and have sacrificed their bodies and have trauma from having to endure sex even when not enjoying it at all. So yes if you’re gonna throw that phrase out, explain what it means.
@@violettababenko4847 she acknowledged further explanation can be helpful but that might have been your interpretation for that phrase based on your own understanding, experiences, influences, etc. I did not assume that's that she meant at all. Not at all what I pictured or where my mind went. It's fine to give your feedback but be cautious of overgeneralizing.
Sometimes you’re not super feeling it but end up enjoying it even if at first is like man I’m tired but I love you so I’m down . Not an absolute no that’s different. My goodness
I just love watching you. I am 74 and it’s so reassuring to see the way my marriage views and raising children are still being lived. Keeping it all Christ centered is so important. Thank you for all the work you do making these wonderful videos😘
Some of us are still holding onto the good values 🙏
The Zach quotes are gold in this video!
“I met with my youth pastor & he gave me a book but I didn’t read it.” “I’m learning a lot in this talk too.” 😂
I absolutely love when you do these kinds of videos. It's so refreshing to see you openly admit that you're flawed and human just like everyone else. You don't pretend to be someone you're not, and it makes me love watching your videos even more 🤎
“It’s not up to you to change your husband. Just pray for him” I needed that soooo much. Been putting everything in the lords hands and this is confirmation that it’s what I should be doing!
When I first got pregnant all of a sudden I lost all libido, I just didn‘t want to have sex and when we did I just felt so disgusting. It lead to not having sex for a week, then two weeks then in a month and this extremely low (it actually felt like „negative“ libido, if that makes sense 😅) libido didn‘t stop until I weaned our baby. And then all of a sudden it just kicked in SO hard 😂 but what I want to say is that even in a marriage you shouldn‘t feel committed to have sex with your spouse if it makes you feel very very bad, like it hurts or makes you cry or gives you the feeling of being „used“ (that‘s what I was feeling like). Actually that shouldn‘t be a tipp, in a healthy relationship your partner or spouse should sense this or respect this when you‘re talking about it. Anyways, love seeing your marriage, you seem so fresh and happy and healthy! :)
He would never force me into anything and respects me and my feelings fully! 🤎
Totally agree! If you don't feel like it no matter whats the reason you shouldn't feel pressured to do a thing!!
@@LoeppkysLife I totally felt that when you were saying that in your video! :)
@agatha chris I would typically agree with you (if sex is part of a marriage agreement at the beginning, one partner can’t take it off the table forever with no discussion - it’s a vital part of life for most people) but when pregnancy and breastfeeding is in the mix, the pregnant partner has completely given over their body and mind to growing a child for the marriage and family, and can’t do anything during that period to change the total hormonal changes that caused, in this case, a complete loss of libido. You literally medically can’t do anything to change it safely and are just along for the ride. In the grand scheme of a marriage, two years (pregnancy + about a year of breastfeeding) isn’t actually that long. Ideally it wouldn’t be two years of true no contact/no sex, but saying that the pregnant partner just “closed up shop” in this case doesn’t really reflect the HUGE sacrifice they are making for the family to even exist. Being pregnant is amazing (I just went through it), but it’s also a radical act. And husbands should be prepared that such a radical act might have a radical impact on their life while their wife is going through it. Why should the wife have to go through pregnancy and breastfeeding without any impact on their husband? How cruel that would be.
Thank you for your answer, couldn‘t have said it better!
As far as libido goes, your gender doesn’t have nearly as much of an impact of how high your libido is as much as your *hormones* do. Sex drive is based on hormones therefore any surge of other hormones can disrupt that or ramp it up. So don’t blame yourself if you’re stressing or you’re breastfeeding or it’s prenatal or postpartum, cause all of those seasons involve hormone shifts.
yes!
Absolutely, but we also can't blame our partners who may be in a totally different place in terms of sexual desire because of their own hormones. So discussion and love for one another is key.
@@annarocha3254 If they are alone in that sex drive, that are able to take care of that for themself, by themself
I would love to learn about how you both planned finances together in your early marriage days and now!
There's a LOT about her serving and accepting him, but not much about him serving and accepting her. A rec curing theme regarding marriage in the Bible is reciprocation.
You guys are so cute!!! I'm cracking up through this video. It's so lovely seeing you guys lovingly pick on eachother. Yall are the best!
Zach getting inappropriate was hilarious😆☺️
Exactly what I needed 💛 It's always a good day when you upload
I loved the idea of doing a series on how you guys handle your finances together! My husband and I also got married very young (I was 18 and he was 20) and this has always been difficult to navigate. I love your videos and thank you for sharing your lives with us! ❤️
I think Zach’s personality came out in this video compared to last ones, and I LOVE IT 😂🙌🏽 you two have chemistry and it’s so fun to watch!! 💗
I love the behind the scenes 😆.
These laundry / Q&A videos are the best. You are so down to earth about life and your couple and parenting. Makes us want to be better as a couple and parents.
Delilah - I love how you speak about religion. I am not religious or spiritual - however I really do appreciate the strength and joy you find in your faith.
I love how you talk to your children about faith - in a recent vlog when you were telling Eloise she is beautiful because God made her and all things God makes are beautiful it made me so happy that you are setting that amazing example for your daughter and ensuring she is happy with who she is.
I personally cannot support religion in my own life - too many of the churches in my area have been absolutely horrid to members of the LGBTQ+ community - preaching love then refusing to love and respect family members that come out as gay or trans. But it does make me happy to see others who find joy, love and strength in their religion and faith.
I'm happy you don't force your faith on your viewers, but instead share what it means to you and what lessons you take from your faith to hold close to your heart.
Thank you for sharing how faith plays a part in your marriage - I do enjoy seeing how others handle things in their marriage/relationship that I have also come across in my partnership (not married but together for 7 years with a 1 year old)
For everyone watching, I want to remember you that your body is YOURS and only YOURS. It's not because you are married that you can do things to your spouse that they don't want you to.
Love this! Thank you for opening up your marriage to us. None of us are perfect, but it’s so nice to know how other couples with a Christ-centered marriage are doing things.
Finishing up the video and I absolutely loved this! So funny, open and relatable. It makes me realize alot of things are normal, and a reminder to pray for the things we can't change. William's cuteness definitely stole the show at the end lol.
There were so many things I could relate to in this one, like the sleeping in, being a "nagging wife", or not keeping your feelings in :). It's nice to know that other people / couples struggle with the same things I so. Thank you vor being so honest about things that don't go that smoothly in your lives or your marriage. RUclips can sometimes make you feel like other people's lives are "perfect", I appreciate that you're sharing things you struggle with.
I love seeing another healthy Christian relationship! Being able to teach each other is so amazing. You guys are awesome!!
This was the cutest vlog ever! I loved this so much. Y’all are adorable!
I'm laughing so hard and I'm not even at the end! Can't wait to share this with my husband when he gets home!
"I'm praying for you honey!"
**leg pat**
🤣👏
The fact that you both are having fun and stil being very serious about these answers is so enlightening and so much joy pours out 🥰🥰🥰🥰
The chemistry in this Q & A was hilarious 😅
Delilah and Zach, I just want to say thank you for your vulnerability and for sharing with the world, your life, and your relationship. It is really inspiring and encouraging as a young married woman wanting to start a family and feeling nervous about how kids will affect my husband and I's relationship. I cannot thank you enough and I admire how you talk about God and the bible and his presence in your lives. For other videos, I would be very interested in your budgeting advice as well as maybe a video on what conversations or resources you guys used to prepare for parenting and how to parent/discipline. Thank you again, I love your content and your adorable family.
I really appreciate the trueness of your relationship on social media, whereas all you see in social media is sugar coated relationships taken out of a movie (which doesn’t actually exist)
It’s refreshing to see and hear people who love each other who dont have the necessity of being viewed as perfect.
This is one of my favorite videos from you all! Love the realness, the editing, the humour, all of it!
Please make couple sit down chats more often!! Love this!! Y’all are such an encouragement to you get couples & young parents like myself!! Hugs from TX 💕
I really enjoyed this video I learned so much on how I can do better in my marriage. Thank you so much for sharing! Also Zack is hilarious 😂
These just keep getting better! Keen to hear how you feel you have improved/learner
in the next Q&A ☺️
You two are just too sweet together🥺 HUGE role models to me as I get ready to marry someday💕
generic music over the innappropriate conversation ahaaha videos with zach are always fun to watch, just the two of you interacting and sharing pov
not on purpose but you crack me up
If you're both comfortable with it, I think it would be fun if you guys shared some of your childhood and early dating photos with us..watching your reactions and interactions with each other is always so fun!!
This one was so great. I laughed so much! Thanks for making it!
You guys are adorable. True love shows. You are being authentic with what you believe and everyone will have their opinions.. but I respect your transparency and honesty. Authenticity, in my opinion, is more important than beliefs. I live a similar lifestyle and align with some things although I’m not Christian, it’s not an offense to hear it in the language of Christianity. I’ve love watching your videos and really respect how much you do and how genuine you are. We need more of that in this world.
Ps, how many balls are you guys attending! 😂
This was fun 😄 I enjoyed seeing this side of you 2. You guys are a wonderful couple
I absolutely love watching you guys laugh together! Show us more of these kinds of videos!! I love these.❤️❤️
Your videos save me each time I feel like motherhood drains me.. Washing the bottles, etc. I play your videos like I'm talking to a friend. Thank you.
My daughter keeps looking at the screen saying "dada! dada!" My husband is also named Zach, and they look pretty similar so it's confusing to her hahaha. Great video! :)
Did you know that your last name means Freedom in Slovak language? :)
Love watching your videos. I found your channel back in May when I was pregnant with my first and trying to figure out how to navigate pregnancy. My hormones made me manic (very uncharacteristic of me) and your videos have helped me find calm and peace. You also remind me to let go and be better to my husband.
Watching you both makes me smile it’s how my husband and I were. Value each other and your time together as tomorrow is not guaranteed. Love each other at every chance 💕🤗🇦🇺
God bless your marriage. We need to see more positive marriages like yours❤️😇
The idea of financial series sounds great! I'd love to hear more in-depth about what you have learnt along the way 🙂
I love the bits you added about the back and forth on the tech. It was hilarious and real.
Thank you so much for posting this. I feel so incredibly convicted by so many of the topics you covered. I really felt that God was speaking through you! We had a baby five months ago, and we also have a two year old. Having kids makes working on marriage so much harder, and I’ve been praying for God to show me what to do to make things better. I’ve been feeling out of step with my husband recently, and watching your video has helped me figure out what I need to work on. Thank you. 💕
this is one of my favorite videos you guys have done together!! you guys are so sweet and giggly
Loved this! YES to a budgeting series 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻
I don’t always comment, but just wanted to say that I think you guys are doing so great at being parents and being spouses. Keep up the great work!
Enjoyed this for sure. Please do make a series
Such a lovely couple, I thoroughly enjoy watching the two of you together!
Love these videos, it's one of these a couple years ago that got me to start watching your channel :)
You guys are sooooo cute🥰thanks for sharing all these aaaaand William is just the icing on the cake! He is super super sweet❤️
I love it when you guys do these. Your so funny and cute together. And your also wise beyond your years. I'm 37 and married for almost 8 years and I always learn something from you. Thanks 😊
I love seeing this fearless, normal open honesty from u guys. Makes us all know, we r all the same in some ways. Great job not holding back 🥰 proud of u both xxoo love n support from Red Deer💗
You guys are so cute together! Thank you for sharing this video and answering these questions for us!!!
This whole video was just perfect 🤣 the jokes and the advice - so good 👏
Love seeing you two together, you are so sweet 🥰😍
Happy New Year kids. You have a beautiful family and I love watching you guys. I am 55 years old, and you make me smile every day; I see you and you make me remember the basic day to day lovely family life with kids, and also the wildness of it. I´m done, but miss the feeling. Enjoy it!!!! Thank you for your beautifulness!!
This was very sweet and fun. Loved seeing this part of your relationship 🤣
I’m literally crying tears from laughing. -things got mildly inappropriate. With the saxophone music 😆🤣🤣 I’m trying to hard not to bust out laughing as it’s after midnight and my family is sleeping. The zoom in when Zach said he never read the book and the mic flashback. Oh my goodness. I need to remember I can’t at watch your videos late at night because I have to hold in the cackles.
You guys are so genuinely amazing and I thank God for you and that you have this channel. Delilah I loved your honest at the beginning about how God is showing you where you need to work on yourself by these questions. I love when He gently teaches us through others. He’s used you many times for me. You’re so humble and meek. The Godly attributes I aspire to be. 🤍
Loved how natural you were together in this video x
Zach reminds me so much of my husband. Love you two together!
I appreciate you sharing so vulnerably about your relationship. thank you so much. Also happy new years hope its starting to warm up in Saskatchewan :)
Gosh you guys are the best! Thank you for showing us what a healthy relationship looks like! Sending love from Slovakia!
I'm from Slovakia too! ☺️
While I do completely agree saying no (to anything) out of spite is wrong. A husband not respecting “not being in the mood” sounds like they need to take stock of the reasons you are not feeling sex and do the work to help you rather than make it another chore for you…
He does respect me not being in the mood, like I said in the video. However, just because I’m not in the mood, doesn’t mean I can’t get in the mood 😊
@@LoeppkysLife i totally meant this as a royal “you”. It’s easy to see you and your husband love and respect each other :)
@@heidiadkins4871 hi just to let you know that the “royal you” doesn’t exist. I think maybe you’re getting the “royal plural” (we) mixed up with the use of “one”. In this case you would use “one” instead of “you”. The royal plural is when royalty use the term “we” to refer to themselves. Just to let you know! Sorry if this comes off as rude I’m just a big English language nerd haha
@@bluebell8899 interesting facts. Did not know this.
Why would you want to have sex with your partner if you know they’re not in the mood? a big part of having sex is knowing that your partner is enjoying it too
Can't respect any man that will use his wife's body for his needs, looking her in the eyes and knowing that she is not enjoying it at all, and still be able to do it.
Seems like men are hardwired with this constant sex thing but they don’t go through the things us women do (the different moods and hormone fluctuations, dealing with house duties and just being tired) they don’t have any of these to deal with so that’s why they are constantly ready to be in the aroused state, plus the hormone testosterone which is dominant in them seems like it make you aroused 24/7 aggressive etc. they don’t know what it feels like to be pregnant, in pain, nausea, swollen feet, go through painful childbirths, c sections, episiotomies, tears, hormonal shifts, postpartum depression, sore breast and at the same time still have to deal with the babies and or older kids, the house chores, sometimes work etc with a happy demeanor, the worry because sometimes women develop cancer after multiple births because of hormonal changes etc so much more and still have to be in a happy mood to lay down every 5 mins to have sex 😒😒😒
@@nicolepilgrim3142 if that’s the case, take care of your needs yourself. I would hate if my partner was just doing something for me even though they were getting the same fulfillment from it that I would be. That would be a turn off
@@nicolepilgrim3142 this is not true and can be a really damaging mindset. I thought this way when I married my husband and for the first two years I was the one who often had to ask for sex and also got rejected which was so painful because then I thought something was wrong with me because I thought men just wanted to have sex all the time so why didn't he want to ask me to have sex or want to have sex when I asked.
Yeah 100% if it isn't mutual its not happening bc it's supposed to be fun not a chore
Thanks for being so open and sharing this with us! Knowing the real you makes me like your videos that much more!
Loved this one today! You guys are so cute! And everything you said my husband and I laughed and agreed with.
Thank you for making this video.
Marriage is a gift of yourself to your spouse. Nowadays people are so guarded in their marriage due to fear their spouse will in some way take advantage of them. All this does is limit the growth in your relationship with your spouse. When spouses (husband and wives) are willing to live a life of service to each other it doesn’t leave room for selfishness because you know the other person has your best interest at heart, not their own. It’s critical to have a marriage rooted in honor, love and mutual respect.
Beautifully written !
I loved this video !!!!! I’m a young married woman with four babes and this was just so relatable and cute ! Thank you for not pretending to have it all figured out !!!!!!
12:10 pausing to have a whole Bible study on my own to auto examine myself on this one 😅🥰… I’ll be right back and praying for all of us in this beautiful life-God-given-journey of marriage …
You both look very happy and relaxed! I loved the video and I am sure there are many more things to be said in future talks ❤
I really appreciate you giving ideas as to what to say instead of "always" or "never" I have always heard this advice, but it is hard in the moment to think of an alternative!
I am constantly trying to work on myself and my marriage. It's been hard task until our son was born but we have great relationship (that still needs work). You guys are big inspiration and such a beautiful couple! Thank you for sharing your experiences and your life 🙏
I am DYING!! Zach is just too hilarious! Way to go Zach… preferably nothing! 🤣🤣🤣
I love love 🥺🥺🥺 you guys are so stinkin cute my GOSH😍😍😍 I also really like your honesty and understanding of eachother!!
Guys, this was such a good video, such a good, warm and funny😄 you made my evening ❤️
Absolutely loved this video! You guys had me laughing! Love seeing you guys have a good time together & that you are still learning (as Zach said, I'm still learning from this lol) it is encouraging to me in my own marriage 🙂
you two are wonderfully playful with each other! Sweet couple!
ooh my god. I enjoyed watching that video sooo much. Like oh m gosh. I love seeing you two together😍✨
I think it's good that you do have arguments in front of the kids. My parents never argued or even disagreed in front of us. If my mom made a statement dad just agreed and complied. I think it was really hard on my siblings and I because we didn't learn to resolve conflict.
Really good advice love your videos and I'm so glad I get to watch and support 😊❤
Delilah, I love your laugh!
You guys are beautiful!!! I love how real you kept it; no gloss overs. Kudos.
Ps
A word of advice from another mother of two…don’t let a rough pregnancy deter you from more children. I did, and deeply regret it. The rewards of bringing another soul to nourish and cherish (and hopefully lead to the Lord) into this world will greatly outweigh the momentary discomfort.
Couldn’t agree with this more.
I laughed several times during this video, you guys are funny together!!
thank you for sharing!! love listening to how you guys feel about each other's relationship and how to grow it
Thank you for always creating such uplifting, wholesome, and honest content 💕
Oh my goodness the dating memories got me choked up, y’all are so cute. I love how honest you are about working on bettering yourself for your partnership, something I am too working on as well. I have a question; how do you work through hurt or past hurt that your actions have caused your partner?
I think its important to move on, just as Zach mentioned. Don't harbour a grudge (against your partner). Forgive yourself - noone is perfect !!
You guys look refreshed!
Aw, I loved this video; very real and authentic; you two are a beautiful couple.
I loved this video so much!