Girl Issues From Guy's Perspectives || Father Knows Something Podcast
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- Опубликовано: 10 июл 2024
- Welcome back to Father Knows Something! Real People. Real Stories. Real Dad advice with a dash of ADHD, and maybe a couple of millennials chiming in from time to time to add their takes.
This week's episode has Jerry and Justin giving a boys' perspectives on "girl" issues. From managing friendships to dealing with another girl when she's crossing the line, this episode dives in to some big issues women can face. What are your thoughts on these ones? Have any advice that would be better than the boys'?!
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Index:
00:00 -- Start
03:37 -- Story 1 Friend distancing but still calls me close?
13:28 -- Story 2 BF's friend's fiancé is a bully..
22:49 -- Story 3 Friends actions hurting my feelings..
30:10 -- Story 4 Casual hookup turned into feelings?
38:44 -- Story 5 Called out a girl in my club..
Story 1: as someone who struggles with PTSD, brain fog, medical issues, and more… I’ve totally been the friend who disappears. 90% of the time nobody did anything wrong, and I’m not trying, but if it’s not immediately in front of me I forget it exists. I open the text and read it but can’t respond in that moment and then forget about it, or then feel guilty when I remember 2 weeks later so I don’t reach out. I’m just saying it’s possible that her friend is struggling more than anyone realizes and doesn’t have it in her right now to be the best friend she once was.
Story 2: I feel for you, writer. What a crappy place to be. Avoid hanging out with that model fiancee as much as you can, protect your peace. You don't have to deal with that. Let your boyfriend know how important it is to you, how she has hurt you repeatedly and he should respect your feelings and support you.
Also if you have it in you, you can stand up to her and call it out when she says something rude. Taking the high road doesn't have to mean she walks all over you and gets what she wants.
Wanting to flag the end comment aka a "my mom said she's not pretty enough to be a model" feels odd?? Seems like there is some weird competitiveness there and if I heard that from a friend it wouldn't have sat well with me.
@@savannahleigh9910 You have to put yourself in the place of a woman whose body and appearance has been criticized unprovoqued by this random girl, friend of a friend. She's reacting in a "Who do you think you are?" type of way "What do you think gives you the right to talk to me like that? You're not that pretty anyways" And for me that's a pretty natural response
My advice on the first story: your friend is most likely in a dark place mentally and could really benefit from some relaxed friend time. I have battled depression for a while and love when people meet me where i am. It might take some light pushing and convincing. Text her something to the effect, "i miss you, i am coming over this week for a pj movie night. Complete with popcorn, wine, and ice cream. What day works for you?" (You can switch it to your house if she seems reluctant to have/cant have people in her space.) It is very possible she would love to hang out but has many reasons keeping her away. Such as not wanting to be in public, difficulty getting ready (showering, makeup, hair, dressing). She might also be having a hard time keeping up with cleaning and such, therefore not wanting to invite people over.
Exactly. I went through something similar and the difference in the responses from two of my closes friends was insane. One called me and asked if I’m okay and if not I’m always there to talk. The other one got insulted and took me not calling her or hanging out with her very personally, and had the same attitude as OP. It made me realise how self centered some people can be, no empathy for their friends at all.
I LOVE what Jerry said about friendship not being about expectation, it's about the gift of friendship. If it's not natural, don't put such high expectations on it. I'd never heard that before but it rings true!
Story 2: Limit contact. If your boyfriend wants to hang out with the two of him, I wouldn't go or be selective. Your boyfriend is part of the problem as he doesn't see why you have a problem. His best friend is always going to be there. The fiancée will, too, unless they break up. Your boyfriend should be sticking up for you. Your boyfriend, his bestie, and his girlfriend are not great people to he around. I think you could find a better relationship.
People who are very insecure with themselves sometimes take it out on others who are happy with themselves. It sounds like the fiancée is very insecure as she keeps putting you down. Toxicity like this isn't healthy to have in your life.
Yeah the boyfriend is dropping the ball here
The fiancée sounds like the biggest pick me girl, putting down only the other girl. She's not going to ridicule the men, of course. Is such a red flag that no one stands up for her, and everybody laughs along. When the bf told her it wasn't a big deal, she should have said well because she is not doing it to you.
Next time she tries to make some lame joke like the one about the salad, op should stay unbothered and quiet and ask in front of everyone "I dont get it. Was that supposed to be a joke?"
You nailed it. Especially if the fiancée is here to stay, OP needs to communicate her boundaries now before things could potentially get worse. And if I were OP, I'd pay attention to how my bf reacted to me saying that the behavior bothers me so much that I'm not attending all the hangouts.
THIS, the boyfriend saying that OP is “overreacting” just makes me mad. Your SO should always stick up for you, especially if something is bothering you that much and disturbing your peace. Even MORE if someone is disrespecting you. The bigger problem I see here is her boyfriend
Story 2: Personally, I would start making intelligent comments to question the models intentions infront of everyone so she feels ridiculous and knocks off the behaviour on her own. For example: when she says " yeah your pcos is your excuse hahahaha" say, "just wondering, did you say that to be helpful or hurtful?" boom watch her feel stupid.
I love love love that question!!!!
F
Story 1: I have the exact same type of friendship with my bestfriend. My advice is to talk to the friend ask her what's going on? Tell her how much she means to you and you want to be there for her. My best friend and I also had almost a 2 year period where she was silent. I thought she needed space... so I waited. We are friends again after we talked everything out.
Story 1.
I'm an female army veteran 48 years old. I feel for the lady who can't be reached. I suffer from complex PTSD and a mood disorder. 1st assults came from my first husband which included being strangled ( while I was 6 months pregnant with his daughter) then beat up and had him cut up the clothes I was wearing. 2nd assult was from a drug induced sexual assult from a group of male and female co-workers. I suppressed this memory for 20 years untill I was in therapy for being strangled.
There are more reasons I stay away from people but my trust in humanity. I can't even start on my second husband. He was a narcissist and bad father and step father.
Now I don't trust anyone besides my small family unit.
Trauma causes me to doubt myself and everyone around me. No they (my family) don't know all that happened but I'm afraid of being judged and scrutinized for my behavior.
Although I try to look confident, I'm afraid of other people, men and women.
I feel I will never live up to my full potential and I'm letting everyone down.
My heart goes out to the young woman who found the deceased person because that can implode not only your faith in God, but your community, and your world view. My advice, go to her and keep going to her because she feels broken. I know I have friends I'm afraid of just because I doubt myself. Go to her frequently and tell her you love her and charish her friendship. Just be with her. Let her cry and be emotional. She needs to heal with a friend! Most of us can't afford therapist.
Be kind, loving and open,
Best wishes
For story 1: This story make me so sad. I haven't had a long conversation with my best friend for longer than a year, just occasional "Hi, how are you doing" every couple months. We used to be roommates, hang out every weekend, but we've been living in different cities for 4 years now. I've been depressed because of college and been feeling very isolated from everyone. I really hope she still has faith in me.
Edited for a typo.
For the first story, I feel like it is very normal to not just go over to somebody’s place. Even if you live in the same town. At least speaking from my experience it’s very normal to check in on people through text message or phone calls, and very out of the way or abnormal to actually go to their house.
(I wrote the first comment only halfway through the conversation) while I do agree that a conversation would be best… You can’t always expect a conversation out of somebody. A conversation is a two-way street. It Has to be communicative between both people. And if the other person doesn’t want to have that conversation for whatever their reasons are, like PTSD, then that’s their choice. I don’t agree that the bridesmaid situation was thrust upon her. The bride obviously wants her there for a reason. Now if she hasn’t responded in this long, then the bride should move on from it. Because again, a conversation takes two people. Two people willing to discuss. And if the other person is not responsive, then you have to cut your losses. And it may not be from anything on your doing. It may be some thing totally regarding them. And that’s OK. And the bride should understand at some point that that is OK for the other person to not be OK with what they want to discuss.
Story 5.. this is gonna be controversial.. some disrespectful people need to get their sh*t rocked. But.. I also realize violence is never the answer lol. So that’s more me responding emotionally. Take it with a grain of salt lol. I wholeheartedly agree the boyfriend NEEDS to speak up and check her. Period. And if he downplays it or doesn’t stand up for his woman.. trash. Dump him sis. There are many men in this world who are more than willing to give you what you deserve. And stand up for you. And treat you the way you should be. And handle things the way that they should be. Period.
❤❤❤ MY dad never knew how to treat us so glad u guys are here.
Love father knows something and two hot takes. Really helps me get through my day. Deal with some mental health stuff and i just want to thank morgan jerry justin and fam for realy helping me without even knowing it ❤ awesome group
Not jumping to conclusions but some sort of addiction could be a possibility for the first story. Fluttering in and out of her life and occasionally communicating. It could be anything but it's certainly a possibility
For story 3 - your friends needs to adopt the etiquette to ALWAYS stick with the plans you made first unless there’s an emergency or a certain circumstance come up. Don’t cancel plans with one just bc the other sounds fun and they won’t be included. My bestie used to cancel all the time bc of money and I never understood more behind that l. We fought and didn’t speak for months but we managed to talk and now we get together at least once every month or so to catch up and hang out after really getting deep into what happened and why
I hope morgan feels better soon! I loved this episode with you guys such insightful advice 💗
I feel like story 1 was mental health related, potentially having nothing to do with the friend and she may actually really want to hangout? I personally shut down when going through something hard, it’s something I’m working on, but I have basically disappeared in the past. I am unable to fake having a good time, don’t want to be down when we’re supposed to be doing something fun, so I won’t do anything until I’m able to have a good time. I feel guilty, and do actually want to see the friend that’s reaching out, but I simply don’t have the energy.
You shouldn’t feel guilty. If you needing space causes people to not want to be in your life anymore then they just don’t have enough love for you as a friend. Someone who truly cares for you and your well being will understand and even check up on you.
Omg thank God 😅 I ran out of things to listen to and had already saw you weren’t here today and was bummed. Was going to relisten to an old THT episode then BAM- you were here! Before midnight CST even!
Feel better soon Morgan ❤
Thank you
Jerry and Justin!!
They're baaaaaack
Story 4: I get where J&J are coming from and I don't necessarily disagree that it wouldn't hurt to explore something more with the guy... But I just can't help but think that OP is only enamored with this guy because he asked her to spend the night and gave her his number. It just seems like this guy showed the teeeeeeeniest bit of interest in her, and she took it and ran with it.
OP, if you're reading this, please be careful. Take things really slow, keep seeing other people, and do some research about limerence. Getting obsessed over a guy that you've hooked up with twice isn't healthy. You said you've only been single for a few months, so I suspect that maybe you still have some healing to do before entering into another relationship.
The info on the model's looks is pertinent, in my opinion. If she isnt a knockout, she is probably extremely insecure. For whatever reason she sees OP as competition. OP is not competition, and model is not competition to OP. Do not allow yourself to engage in any competitive vibes with her. Period.
Love Justin and Jerry together
Story 1: one of my best friends that I made at a serving job when we were both 21ish sound super similar to this situation (minus the traumatic incident that OPs friend went though. We were together all the time then she moved and I didn’t hear back from her for 10 months. I was so worried that she wasn’t okay or that I did something wrong. When she finally texted me back I just cried from relief. It turns out that she has really bad anxiety and the longer she went without responding the more guilt she felt and she just didn’t know where to start w a reply.
Now years later we text dump about every 6 months with updates and life events. It was a huge adjustment from how our friendship was but I still value her and have so much love for my dear friend. 🫶🏼 sometimes it just takes changing the expectation from and for our friends.
Thank you so much for being a Father figure for those of us who don’t have one ❤
I look forward to this podcast every week! Especially as someone who doesn’t have a healthy father figure. This podcast is so important and special 💐💕
Story 2: As a fellow PCOS and migraine-sensitive girlie, I totally get the writer's frustration with trying to live your unique life--taking care of yourself--and not getting that neutral or positive support. I agree with what others are saying--she's not worth the confrontation. She either can't or chooses not to empathize with you. You could have an elegant, succinct explanation of your goals or choices and it still wouldn't "work." I'm in my 30s, so I've had my share of time to learn "They're not going to sincerely hear me out. Plenty of other people will, so I'll just be vulnerable with them."
If I wanted to say something smug or snide to someone being rude about my health choices, I'd say, "Well, you've made it very clear that you're a model and not a doctor, so I think I'll keep doing what my doctor recommends." My heart goes out to y'all with visible and invisible challenges.
Love you guys thank you for the episode
What a great surprise on this weekday night. Can’t wait to listen. Love you guys thanks for all the great advice. Whether it applies to my life or not, I still get something out of it as far as practicing more rational thinking and reactions to different situations
Awhh so happy you're here! Honestly I feel like I become a little more zen and level headed as I edit the ones I'm not in lol -Morgan
Last story- for sure have your boyfriend say something if he’s comfortable with it. Don’t make it any bigger though by going back to her and if they are your real friends she’s talking shit to then they’ll stick up for you- maybe ask them to do that as well. Sounds like a high school drama thing and as long as you trust your man- fuck her. He is your man after all. ;)
omg story 4 validated me so much i swear when i went through my last break up, i did the same thing and felt really guilty like i have to be tough and single and not sleep around so much and keep an emotional wall up!! so much guilt was on my mind just for living my life!!! SO GLAD she shared this story cause trust me girl, SAME lol it’s okay to live your damn life & follow your heart!!!!!!! ❤❤❤
love y’all! 💗💗
Checking in from “on the moon” 😂 you guys are great!
Excited for this theme ❤
I love your quote about wits.. was is "win a battle of wits with a fool, and what do you win?" Is that a jerry quote?? I will remember this at work on tuesday lol
I love this podcast!
Jerry: I don’t drink at the shows. Jerry at the Tempe show: SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS😂
Great episode! ❤
First here!!! Hello Dad & Justin ❤ Love the show and you guys.
LOVE YOU TOO. You were quick with it. So glad you're joining us
Oh this one will be good
first!! 41 seconds ago! love you guys and two hot takes also!
WE LOVE YOU!! Thanks for being here so quick
Subscribed ✔️
For story number 4.. (NOT SL*T SHAMING AT ALL) but there are a few things that are red flags. The fact that she says she hast to drunkenly hook up with people is a red flag. Promiscuity is usually a result of trauma. I know she said that she had a good relationship with her father, and the trauma might not stem from her father, but I do have an inclination that it stems from somewhere. This is speaking from personal experience. If you have to drunkenly hook up with somebody every weekend, then that is not necessarily a green flag… More than likely a red flag… And more than likely a reason to look introspectively. Which leads me to believe that the only reason she is interested in the new guy is because he is doing to her exactly what she has done to the men before her. Which again, is a result of trauma. Or at least some unresolved issues. I would advise to, Again look into respectively and figure out what’s really going on. (I based this analysis before I heard Dads take)
I totally agree
Need more dad accepts big scary lesb-- I may not can say that awful word, of which I am one. Anyway I came out to homophobic fam, yest at 33 (for Jesus). And it was a splash of showing daddy what I gentleman was in fact.. excommunicated; thank god. anyway, I clearly think you’re the best dad ever. Thanks for doing this crap for the ppl who need it 😊 cause here’s the thing, at my age I still feared ramifications of my family not approving of me; in what felt evil of me to “do to them”…so I know it’s rough on way younger ones.. I’m autistic and was stupidly held back by the belief we need our family.
Poorly written but I’ll throw this out. ❤
Ps: 8 grandkids in fam, someone had to fall rear first onto the sword of gay. Good talk 😂
33:39 this guy is in a relationship! And he's only playing around
are these podcasts not on spotify ?
They’re on Spotify too :)
What kind of mics do y’all use?
Shures and podmics :)
First story ,she maybe in love with him ...can't stand to see them together .
For the second story, I agree. Do not engage. Do not feed into her cockiness. I firmly believe that if you give someone rope, they will hang themselves. Metaphorically speaking, of course. Just remain cordial and polite and well mannered. Even if it pains you. Take the highroad.
Story #4: This is from a place of concern. You need to step back and look at your choices in life. The meaningless Hook ups show signs you don’t have a solid sense of self or self esteem. Some therapy may be needed to discover your boundaries and self worth. Remember people treat you how you let yourself be treated. This is dangerous behavior for any person. Disease, unwanted pregnancies and also straight up being murdered by a man you don’t even know the name of and no one will ever find your body. Is that how you want your life to be? Sex isn’t worth that. If you ever want something deep you have to first love yourself and treat yourself right otherwise no one else will ever treat you right. This isn’t too shame you for casual sex this is the hopefully shine a light on some really dangerous red flag behavior and to tell you that you are worth more than how you are treating yourself. I wish you understanding and love.
Story 2: I think both ladies are mean to each other.
Casual Sex girl is damaged and she is not being safe. It's great for the guy but she is a dangerous person that could turn vindictive real quick. Toothpaste isn't going back in and it is just a mess.
thanks for keeping me company at work every week guys 🩷 wishing you a speedy recovery morgan ❤️🩹
Thank you
Something to listen to on my rides to TMS therapy now🫶🏻 sending love from MN