Thank you so much for addressing this! I’ve been saying for years how ghosting is a huge narcissistic trait. I’m so tired of people sweeping it under the rug as, “acceptable.” It goes far deeper, and is a huge red flag. I was ghosted after a year and a half relationship. Not dating, not online, not “hooking up,” a RELATIONSHIP. This cowardly narcissist will hopefully step on a Lego, barefoot, everyday for the rest of his miserable life.
I went on a date once with what I assume was a narcissist of sorts. While having a meal together he generally spoke about himself a little too much, didn't seem interested in getting to know me at all. He excused himself to go to the bathroom and never came back 😂. Left me with the tab. Not that I minded, it was a relief at that point. I didn't hear from him again for nearly a month and I never contacted him during that time because I thought he was a bit of a knob. Out of the blue he texted me about 4 or 5 weeks later and asked me if I wanted to know why he had ghosted me at the restaurant. I replied that nope, I wasn't interested in the slightest. He nevertheless proceeded to tell me why. He said it was because I was too fat to date. I was literally 5ft 4" and about 50kg. 😃🤣, I never replied to him. He sent me loads of text messages later asking me what I thought about what he said and he was met with radio silence from me. I ghosted the ghoster and it drove him nuts. 😀
What a perfect day to revisit these disturbing (dark, chilling, sinister, frightening) yet educational videos. There are those who romanticize you, but there are many of us who appreciate the stark reminder of what you are, and who learn from you. Many thanks, HG. Happy Halloween!
I was a bit relieved to hear you say that "occasionally" a "normal" can be the ghoster. I ghosted once and it wasn't an easy thing to do but completely necessary. HE was the narcissist and he was suffocating me with the constant texts, angry accusations....I tried repeatedly to explain that I couldn't continue with the relationship any longer. It fell on completely deaf arrogant ears so finally I snapped....I was done....I simply disappeared....and not a single regret. I felt I could breathe again! Thanks HG! This was a really valuable lesson to hear!
This video so perfectly describes my experience with someone who over the past 3 years placed me on and off the shelf. I was always confused and trying to fix the situation, to acclimate to this person. Now, thanks to your videos, which I have voraciously devoured over the past year, I am absolutely certain about what this person is and why, as well as what I need to do about it. Thank you H.G.! Thank you for using your curse to bless the rest of us!
HG, you’re the best. The clarity of understanding why ghosting happens, goes a long way to help heal the hurt and the confusion as to what’s happening and why. Thank you ❤️
That's exactly what mine has done & even tho I have watched video after video & knew he was a Narcissist I found myself texting him excessively to the point of embarrassment & got a grip on myself! I've been NC for over a week now & I feel so much peace! Anyone who behaves in this manner Narc or not should just be ignored right back & cut out of your life! Your time is precious & we shouldn't waste it on someone toxic!!!
I've ghosted before, well I've tried to explain I need space and to let a friend down lightly but they was quite persistent and I ended up completely shutting down and ghosting. I feel so bad about it but it seemed more uncomfortable to keep rejecting the person.
I never knew this behaviour was Narcissistic, but I learned that they were bizarre, unhealthy, unbalanced, immature, time wasting & rude. They taught me to be wary & vigilant for these types of characters whilst dating. I was primed for these behaviours & I wouldn't invest early on. I developed a thick skin by being rational.
This ghosting behavior is apparently becoming recognized as a normal thing that occurs on dating sites. I saw a brief article about it a few days back.
My Dad ghosted me on and off when I was a kid then totally on my 36th birthday. He drunkenly told me to f*** off (over the phone) and I've not heard from him since. I'm nearly 50 now and the thought of him still scares and upsets me. This weakness in me is one of the reasons he always hated me I think. Though I understand him better through HG it still hurts like a bugger.
Thank you HG because listening to you and especially this episode means I have realised that I dated a narcissist a long time ago but the hurt and confusion remained for some years. I didn't understand the term ghosting really but that's exactly what happened to me after we had split up. I was heart broken and couldn't understand what I could have possibly done wrong as one minute he loved me and the next he wanted to split up. I spent the majority of that time living on an emotional knife edge. I was young and it was really difficult. However, some months down the line he asked me out. Odd I thought but obviously I went as he knew I would and it was like old times again. Then I didn't hear from him again but later found out a few weeks later that he had married in Las Vegas to the ex girlfriend who had dumped him a few weeks before their wedding some time previous to dating me. I was devastated. Even over 20 years later I fully expect that one day he will get in touch again. Life has moved on but now know it wasn't and never was me at fault.
22 ys of marriage. He got up for work and never came back. Change his phone moved in with co worker 30 yrs his junior Totally shattered me. Been 2 mos.
There ARE times when Empaths may appear to ghost their friends. I had to cut ties with friends because they kept contacting narcissists in my family. The No Contact circle enlarged. I couldn't say sorry old chums but you can't be trusted to trigger a hoover
HG, if you don't mind, I have a question to you, as an expert. How would you qualify a behaviour, when a person drastically, out of the blue changes (for no obvious reason) a level of intimacy in a friendship and doesn't want to explain what's the reason of it? Someone who treated me for years as a good friend, suddenly vanished for 3 months, then re-appared to degrade me me to an acquaintance, who deserves no explanation. Quite a shocking change. This person still comments my posts on social media, but there's no private communication between us anymore. I believe many empaths deal with similar situation... . Is it a narcissistic ghosting-zombeing situation?
HG, my boyfriend of several years started ghosting me after he gave me covid and I became sick. That led to me being discarded. Why do you they discard when you become sick.
Honestly, it's insanely traumatic and damaging. I'm talking anxiety, panic attacks, self-chastisement, obsessive thoughts/questions, lack of appetite, sleep deprivation, etc. Please don't do this to anybody. Just don't ghost. If you don't want to engage or continue getting to know them, be kind and leave them a thoughtful goodbye message. It may hurt them in the short term and it may even lead to more questions/pleading from them but they will eventually cope and move on with the understanding that it just wasn't meant to be (i.e. you can't force somebody to love you or care about you). But atleast it won't leave them shell-shocked, betrayed, and traumatized like ghosting does. I don't think it's just Narcs that ghost tbh. I think it's mostly DAs (Dismissive Avoidants) with unaddressed childhood traumas. P.S. Ghosting isn't referring to the phenomena where you stop talking to friends/family consistently in a certain season of life when you're going through a lot of hardship and want to be left alone to figure things out. This is an intentional, abrupt, (often) permanent cutting of communications without any apparent reason or explanation.
Thank you HG for this great video. Can you please give some timing for ghosting. If I had been on a first date with someone. When shall I consider myself ghosted before I block him? after 3 days? 1 week?
I like the phrase “other cogs,” I think that’s really true, mother always had many cogs. 😂 But I didn’t mind that, she needed a lot of social attention and she didn’t put it all on me. In the case of family members you can’t really ever fully leave, it can help to know it may not be malicious or personal, the person is just busy with their cogs.
What about if friends just suddenly ghost you despite having a completely mundane conversation? I've always hated people who ghost and these friends of mine are the types to ghost other people, but I thought I would be excluded from that behavior because I always tried to make sure I was there for them, no matter what. But somehow I ended up being ghosted by one friend for a year for no reason, then another friend just suddenly doing the same thing (although the reason I suspect she has is because of a difference in politics). While I was feeling awful and getting anxiety over how the one friend ghosted me for a year, I saw how he was living his life on social media and it was really hurtful. He then waltzed back into my life and was asking how I was doing as if he hadn't ghosted me for a year. Spent an entire night crying because I was so hurt and insulted by his behavior that I broke up our friendship for good and blocked him. I'm feeling that this other friend just might be the same way, so I'm trying to brace myself. You're ticking off all the boxes here, enumerating all the messy emotions I'm feeling from wondering what I could have possiblh done to these people.
Hmm. Autistic people (including myself) will cut someone off completely if they feel attacked and I think this is due to years of being used and abused because we have been naive and clueless about social cues. It’s a protective action and driven by traumatic experiences. Another scenario; when someone becomes obsessed and continually contacts you to a point where you’re overwhelmed and feel trapped and panicky. I’ve certainly disappeared in these circumstances as I had no idea how to get the message across when the other party is not accepting the problem. Maybe this is heartless but it’s a self defense mechanism.
you need to listen to HG videos on marriage to a narcissist. Saving a marriage to a narcissist is rarely a sound emotional and psychological strategy Get out and stay out is HG’s advice I have been married to two narcissist I am sick of being treated as an appliance, personal assistant and all around fixer. 10 years is enough.
Something that I question. This guy is a self-described narcissist. So why does he spend time and energy divulging these helpful insights? It would appear to be a contradiction
Well in defence of ghosting sometimes it’s just better to do so. Esp if the person you are ghosting seems like the clingy controlling type. I have ghosted a few people after a week or so because trying to say “no thanks” really hurts a lot of peoples thin skins. Nobody is owed an explanation for anything and if someone just up and ghosts you just respect their decision and don’t take it personally.
![Seungmin "그렇게, 천천히, 우리(As we are)" | [Stray Kids : SKZ-PLAYER]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/kAzmhLHePqU/mqdefault.jpg)
Thank you so much for addressing this! I’ve been saying for years how ghosting is a huge narcissistic trait. I’m so tired of people sweeping it under the rug as, “acceptable.” It goes far deeper, and is a huge red flag. I was ghosted after a year and a half relationship. Not dating, not online, not “hooking up,” a RELATIONSHIP. This cowardly narcissist will hopefully step on a Lego, barefoot, everyday for the rest of his miserable life.
I went on a date once with what I assume was a narcissist of sorts. While having a meal together he generally spoke about himself a little too much, didn't seem interested in getting to know me at all. He excused himself to go to the bathroom and never came back 😂. Left me with the tab. Not that I minded, it was a relief at that point. I didn't hear from him again for nearly a month and I never contacted him during that time because I thought he was a bit of a knob. Out of the blue he texted me about 4 or 5 weeks later and asked me if I wanted to know why he had ghosted me at the restaurant. I replied that nope, I wasn't interested in the slightest. He nevertheless proceeded to tell me why. He said it was because I was too fat to date. I was literally 5ft 4" and about 50kg. 😃🤣, I never replied to him. He sent me loads of text messages later asking me what I thought about what he said and he was met with radio silence from me. I ghosted the ghoster and it drove him nuts. 😀
Maybe he was an amateur narcissist? Talk about lower level.
How awful!!! This guy is a plain rude liar with an IQ of an amoeba.
so refreshing to hear that they are sometimes served with their own medicine!
What a perfect day to revisit these disturbing (dark, chilling, sinister, frightening) yet educational videos. There are those who romanticize you, but there are many of us who appreciate the stark reminder of what you are, and who learn from you. Many thanks, HG. Happy Halloween!
Thank you ChrisMarie.
sometimes tho: ghosting is a wake-up call. the call to get out, stay out.
This video brought clarity to situation, with my dad, that would have taken years of therapy and 1000’s of dollars to pick apart. TY
I was a bit relieved to hear you say that "occasionally" a "normal" can be the ghoster. I ghosted once and it wasn't an easy thing to do but completely necessary. HE was the narcissist and he was suffocating me with the constant texts, angry accusations....I tried repeatedly to explain that I couldn't continue with the relationship any longer. It fell on completely deaf arrogant ears so finally I snapped....I was done....I simply disappeared....and not a single regret. I felt I could breathe again! Thanks HG! This was a really valuable lesson to hear!
This video so perfectly describes my experience with someone who over the past 3 years placed me on and off the shelf. I was always confused and trying to fix the situation, to acclimate to this person. Now, thanks to your videos, which I have voraciously devoured over the past year, I am absolutely certain about what this person is and why, as well as what I need to do about it. Thank you H.G.! Thank you for using your curse to bless the rest of us!
HG, you’re the best. The clarity of understanding why ghosting happens, goes a long way to help heal the hurt and the confusion as to what’s happening and why. Thank you ❤️
That's exactly what mine has done & even tho I have watched video after video & knew he was a Narcissist I found myself texting him excessively to the point of embarrassment & got a grip on myself! I've been NC for over a week now & I feel so much peace! Anyone who behaves in this manner Narc or not should just be ignored right back & cut out of your life! Your time is precious & we shouldn't waste it on someone toxic!!!
I've ghosted before, well I've tried to explain I need space and to let a friend down lightly but they was quite persistent and I ended up completely shutting down and ghosting. I feel so bad about it but it seemed more uncomfortable to keep rejecting the person.
I never knew this behaviour was Narcissistic, but I learned that they were bizarre, unhealthy, unbalanced, immature, time wasting & rude.
They taught me to be wary & vigilant for these types of characters whilst dating.
I was primed for these behaviours & I wouldn't invest early on. I developed a thick skin by being rational.
Happened every time! I know better now! Thanks HG!
This ghosting behavior is apparently becoming recognized as a normal thing that occurs on dating sites. I saw a brief article about it a few days back.
Well, you nailed my Mother's behaviour on text. Perfectly.
Well done, HG. Tell us what it REALLY means. Definitely a red flag in the correct context.
My Dad ghosted me on and off when I was a kid then totally on my 36th birthday. He drunkenly told me to f*** off (over the phone) and I've not heard from him since. I'm nearly 50 now and the thought of him still scares and upsets me. This weakness in me is one of the reasons he always hated me I think. Though I understand him better through HG it still hurts like a bugger.
Thank you HG because listening to you and especially this episode means I have realised that I dated a narcissist a long time ago but the hurt and confusion remained for some years. I didn't understand the term ghosting really but that's exactly what happened to me after we had split up. I was heart broken and couldn't understand what I could have possibly done wrong as one minute he loved me and the next he wanted to split up. I spent the majority of that time living on an emotional knife edge. I was young and it was really difficult. However, some months down the line he asked me out. Odd I thought but obviously I went as he knew I would and it was like old times again. Then I didn't hear from him again but later found out a few weeks later that he had married in Las Vegas to the ex girlfriend who had dumped him a few weeks before their wedding some time previous to dating me. I was devastated. Even over 20 years later I fully expect that one day he will get in touch again. Life has moved on but now know it wasn't and never was me at fault.
22 ys of marriage. He got up for work and never came back. Change his phone moved in with co worker 30 yrs his junior
Totally shattered me. Been 2 mos.
I have been ghosted by several men 😂 I use to like dirt bags - thank Christ I grew out of this
You choose them...
@@killjoyredux8361 well that’s right I did but I am saying thank goodness I grew out of them 😂
This Halloween series is brilliant
Thanks!
Thank you Deborah.
Where were u 20 years ago as am empath narcs have ruined my life and broken my heart.
There ARE times when Empaths may appear to ghost their friends. I had to cut ties with friends because they kept contacting narcissists in my family. The No Contact circle enlarged. I couldn't say sorry old chums but you can't be trusted to trigger a hoover
You rock H.G.Tutor!
HG, if you don't mind, I have a question to you, as an expert.
How would you qualify a behaviour, when a person drastically, out of the blue changes (for no obvious reason) a level of intimacy in a friendship and doesn't want to explain what's the reason of it?
Someone who treated me for years as a good friend, suddenly vanished for 3 months, then re-appared to degrade me me to an acquaintance, who deserves no explanation. Quite a shocking change. This person still comments my posts on social media, but there's no private communication between us anymore. I believe many empaths deal with similar situation... .
Is it a narcissistic ghosting-zombeing situation?
I need more information and recommend you organise a consultation
HG, my boyfriend of several years started ghosting me after he gave me covid and I became sick. That led to me being discarded. Why do you they discard when you become sick.
Thank you
Honestly, it's insanely traumatic and damaging. I'm talking anxiety, panic attacks, self-chastisement, obsessive thoughts/questions, lack of appetite, sleep deprivation, etc. Please don't do this to anybody. Just don't ghost. If you don't want to engage or continue getting to know them, be kind and leave them a thoughtful goodbye message. It may hurt them in the short term and it may even lead to more questions/pleading from them but they will eventually cope and move on with the understanding that it just wasn't meant to be (i.e. you can't force somebody to love you or care about you). But atleast it won't leave them shell-shocked, betrayed, and traumatized like ghosting does. I don't think it's just Narcs that ghost tbh. I think it's mostly DAs (Dismissive Avoidants) with unaddressed childhood traumas.
P.S. Ghosting isn't referring to the phenomena where you stop talking to friends/family consistently in a certain season of life when you're going through a lot of hardship and want to be left alone to figure things out. This is an intentional, abrupt, (often) permanent cutting of communications without any apparent reason or explanation.
Why we empath are addicted to narcissist? Thank you for your work. It helps me a lot
Trauma bond and soul tie
Thank you HG for this great video. Can you please give some timing for ghosting. If I had been on a first date with someone. When shall I consider myself ghosted before I block him? after 3 days? 1 week?
👻 good choice for Halloween 🎃 😆
I have ghosted a couple of narcs
I like the phrase “other cogs,” I think that’s really true, mother always had many cogs. 😂 But I didn’t mind that, she needed a lot of social attention and she didn’t put it all on me. In the case of family members you can’t really ever fully leave, it can help to know it may not be malicious or personal, the person is just busy with their cogs.
What about if friends just suddenly ghost you despite having a completely mundane conversation? I've always hated people who ghost and these friends of mine are the types to ghost other people, but I thought I would be excluded from that behavior because I always tried to make sure I was there for them, no matter what. But somehow I ended up being ghosted by one friend for a year for no reason, then another friend just suddenly doing the same thing (although the reason I suspect she has is because of a difference in politics). While I was feeling awful and getting anxiety over how the one friend ghosted me for a year, I saw how he was living his life on social media and it was really hurtful. He then waltzed back into my life and was asking how I was doing as if he hadn't ghosted me for a year. Spent an entire night crying because I was so hurt and insulted by his behavior that I broke up our friendship for good and blocked him. I'm feeling that this other friend just might be the same way, so I'm trying to brace myself. You're ticking off all the boxes here, enumerating all the messy emotions I'm feeling from wondering what I could have possiblh done to these people.
Sometimes communication drops to see if the other person actually chooses to communicate. Is it empathetic to be the one who always contacts first?
Happy Halloween H.G.
Chalene Theron did the same to Shaw Penn.
Hmm. Autistic people (including myself) will cut someone off completely if they feel attacked and I think this is due to years of being used and abused because we have been naive and clueless about social cues. It’s a protective action and driven by traumatic experiences.
Another scenario; when someone becomes obsessed and continually contacts you to a point where you’re overwhelmed and feel trapped and panicky. I’ve certainly disappeared in these circumstances as I had no idea how to get the message across when the other party is not accepting the problem. Maybe this is heartless but it’s a self defense mechanism.
I think I've dealt with it in my personal life, usually the narcissist did it.
The woman who has been ghosting me is actually training to be a nurse - a profession that requires empathy!
Many people in the medical field do NOT have empathy
Did you just ruin rom coms for me?! 😂 That’s ok, I haven’t watched a romantic comedy I liked since the 90’s. Happy Halloween 👻
When you are married to this person who is s narcissist and you want to save your marriage what is the best way to react to the ghosting.
you need to listen to HG videos on marriage to a narcissist. Saving a marriage to a narcissist is rarely a sound emotional and psychological strategy Get out and stay out is HG’s advice
I have been married to two narcissist I am sick of being treated as an appliance, personal assistant and all around fixer. 10 years is enough.
I ghost to have the upper hand.
Something that I question. This guy is a self-described narcissist.
So why does he spend time and energy divulging these helpful insights?
It would appear to be a contradiction
Virginity lost
Well in defence of ghosting sometimes it’s just better to do so.
Esp if the person you are ghosting seems like the clingy controlling type. I have ghosted a few people after a week or so because trying to say “no thanks” really hurts a lot of peoples thin skins.
Nobody is owed an explanation for anything and if someone just up and ghosts you just respect their decision and don’t take it personally.
This video brought clarity to situation, with my dad, that would have taken years of therapy and 1000’s of dollars to pick apart. TY