Omg. You are SO GOOD at this. I know you have a lot of experience, but I STILL want to tell you how great you are at giving advice! This video is awesome! 💪🏻
great video. I just have one question, what if your spouse is actually a bear? what if they do intend to hurt you? when they get so angry because of unhealed traumas, they want to take it out on you and make you hurt. even admit it...
Actually I am a bear when I get angry at my husband and I need to take out my ancien traumas because He hurted me a lot so I am striving to try to get through it and overcome my past griefs but I want patience from him . that's my opinion about it.
The perceived part of criticism hits hard. How the heck do I fight the phantoms that she imagines me saying, and I haven't said? Eg, she may ask my opinion, and I simply say (flatly, I know when I use inflections that are meant to provoke, and that would be justified on her end) "I don't think that's a good idea" and suddenly she's going off about how I don't have to say she's stupid or a terrible person. I can't fight your imaginary version of me woman.
I mean, I can face that dragon, if she voices it. But often she doesn't, and then she's mad for things I didn't say, that I don't even know she has imagined me to have said.
Kivlor, sounds like you two need a new way of communicating and a marriage therapist might be a good investment so she and you can learn some new ways to communicate and have a third part with you at the beginning to help navigate perceptions.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV thanks for the response! I've tried to get her to go to individual and marital counseling without success, but it's worth another try. Worst she can say is no. Btw, thank you for the great videos. It was hard for me to be willing to take on all the responsibility like you recommend. It's so easy to get caught up in resentment and feeling like I'm in this alone. I can see that has been terribly unhealthy for me, for her and our kids. Once you start, stopping is hard though.
I guess if Mr Jenkins would do a "how to swim" video, he would give advice like "don't sink" - and although it's correct I'm not sure it is all that helpful.
So you are saying you don't understand what to do based on what Dr. Paul said? If Dr. Paul was doing a how to swim video he'd probably say something like. "Don't just sit there and sink, wave your arms and kick your legs". Don't be critical > be humble. Don't look at your spouse as a bad person> look at your spouse as the person you chose to love. Understanding you have control over your thoughts can change your perspective. If you change your perspective you can change your actions and reactions. Changing your actions and reactions can change your life. Including your marriage.
Thanks for reminding us yes we have to work on ourselves continuously in order to live a healthy marriage.
Sihern Bouaoud, yes, we want the marriage to thrive.
Omg. You are SO GOOD at this. I know you have a lot of experience, but I STILL want to tell you how great you are at giving advice! This video is awesome! 💪🏻
Thank you so much!!
i hope this works it sure sounds logical!❤
Very good video as usual and the timing was perfect too. 😊
Susanna Progress, awesome.
great video. I just have one question, what if your spouse is actually a bear? what if they do intend to hurt you? when they get so angry because of unhealed traumas, they want to take it out on you and make you hurt. even admit it...
Actually I am a bear when I get angry at my husband and I need to take out my ancien traumas because He hurted me a lot so I am striving to try to get through it and overcome my past griefs but I want patience from him . that's my opinion about it.
B T, hopefully you can get some therapy to help both of you deal with the trauma and your spouse can heal.
That's abuse and needs to be taken care of another way. Get help before it becomes physical.
If you want it, work for it.
Agreed.
Awesome Doctor,that was a great piece of advice
Glad you think so!
What do you do if your spouse refuses to even speak to you or your children.
Brigitt, we can't control others and their behavior, only ours.
So when you've grown and changed and your partner resents your changes?
Invite them to come along on the journey.
The perceived part of criticism hits hard. How the heck do I fight the phantoms that she imagines me saying, and I haven't said?
Eg, she may ask my opinion, and I simply say (flatly, I know when I use inflections that are meant to provoke, and that would be justified on her end) "I don't think that's a good idea" and suddenly she's going off about how I don't have to say she's stupid or a terrible person.
I can't fight your imaginary version of me woman.
I mean, I can face that dragon, if she voices it. But often she doesn't, and then she's mad for things I didn't say, that I don't even know she has imagined me to have said.
Kivlor, sounds like you two need a new way of communicating and a marriage therapist might be a good investment so she and you can learn some new ways to communicate and have a third part with you at the beginning to help navigate perceptions.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV thanks for the response! I've tried to get her to go to individual and marital counseling without success, but it's worth another try. Worst she can say is no.
Btw, thank you for the great videos. It was hard for me to be willing to take on all the responsibility like you recommend. It's so easy to get caught up in resentment and feeling like I'm in this alone. I can see that has been terribly unhealthy for me, for her and our kids. Once you start, stopping is hard though.
I guess if Mr Jenkins would do a "how to swim" video, he would give advice like "don't sink" - and although it's correct I'm not sure it is all that helpful.
So you are saying you don't understand what to do based on what Dr. Paul said?
If Dr. Paul was doing a how to swim video he'd probably say something like. "Don't just sit there and sink, wave your arms and kick your legs".
Don't be critical > be humble.
Don't look at your spouse as a bad person> look at your spouse as the person you chose to love.
Understanding you have control over your thoughts can change your perspective. If you change your perspective you can change your actions and reactions. Changing your actions and reactions can change your life. Including your marriage.
Thanks for watching.
I feel like
Damned if you do
Damned if you don’t
It can feel that way. I hope you can turn things around.
Talk to slow good advice tho.
I have a vocal disorder, you can speed up the video.
💙
Thank you!