I needed this so much today! My depression is spiraling because of my 13 year old. I have to take control of my emotions and well-being. Thank you for this 🙏🏼
This was very good fuel for thought, anyone who is listening to this channel is at least willing to try to learn something new as an adult and I congratulate them for getting this far for now
I have been very broken over issues with my teens. Thankyou for eloquence and simplicity: I am mastering "my job is to love them", and that's helpful and I am duly humbled you put it into perspective. I appreciate the creative way you highlighted and defined what all control teenagers have, although I was whimpering "buts" and "no's" as the scales seemed to, (at first) tip all their way. Defining the control over things I have REALLY helped. My anger and frustration has CALMED. I feel positively about the future. With tears in my eyes, I thank you. Peace
In the Roman Empire, teenager's were considered adults at age 16. At first I thought it was because they were more mature. Now I realize they did it to get them the hell out of the house sooner!
This made me chuckle. I have an unruly 15 yr old daughter who has made my life as miserable as she possibly can for the past 9 months!!! Love her dearly but my GOD, it never ends. I'm hoping to gain some useful information to help save my own sanity here!
Thank you soo much, I really needed this, and will continue watching your videos. My son is 12, he is an honor student, but father is not involved to much, I am a single parent. Lately, my son disrespects me by telling me I am fat, and I do not have a good job. Sometimes he makes fun of my accent, my hair..the list goes on. Besides school work he is extremely inactive at home, playing video games, and watching youtubers. I have a feeling that a lot of his "roasting" comes from those "cool" youtube videos of disrespectful teenagers. I took his video game this morning, because he was about to be late for school, and when I nagged him to rush, he spilled out how bad job I have, not paid good...always finding the points to hurt me. So, I have a bad job, but It pays for the internet, so you will be taken it away..that is what I control. I just wish, he naturally starts respecting me more. I feel very sensitive, and emotional, because he realy hurts my feelings..especially he knows how ro press the buttons of my own insecurities. I am just shocked how he talks to me. He has all neccecities provided, and does great in school. He puts me down soo much, that I am loosing my self esteem! I find it constantly trying better to provide him with more quality things, so he does not lacks anything, or I am not a bad providing parent. I am taking him vacations, such as skiing, and historical sightseeing of other cities..yet in my son's eyes, I AM STILL not a good enough!
His words to you should not be allowed, Iena eleven. This saddens me. He should talk to you as he wants to be talked to and he wouldn't want someone to say those things to you. Money and things do not equate love. Please talk to him and tell him that disrespectful talk will not be tolerated. You are good enough, and more.
It is probably very tough, however war will lead to war. Its important to make interactions between you two friendly. Yes there are great intentions, but if he wants to go with a friend for some event even something very pleasant like a vacation may be irritating. Disrespect shouldn't be tolerated but you also shouldn't blame it on the Games and content creators, they likely aren't the cause. Perhaps the child is frustrated with no father figure or a parent figure he feels like he can talk to. No matter how caring a parent may be then may not always be the Right adult for the child. I'd recommend enforcing rules and not tolerating the disrespect but also not trying to start a war of Shallow threats.
I think this is an example of training each other. He knows that if he talks negativity twards you, you give him something he wants. Imagine if he didn't get anything from you when this happens. Be confident in your self and believe your a good parent because the most important thing is loving your child. If you have that, then you see what you control. Thank you for sharing this story. I hope this is helpful, as some one who is still a kid, I can assure you that your son is only thinking about his wants and doesn't process you and how you feel. It's so me times learned with time but just teach them that you feel pain like they do. :)
Thank you for sharing this with parents. You have change my stile of life by just loving my daughter and being positive when talking to her. You are a master of psychology. 🙏🏽 thank you.
Same, my 15 year old doesn't even want to live with anymore because he refuses to take the schoolbus. His mom drives him everywhere and he's just being very pouty. 15 year old baby. Like I'm going to start going out of my work schedule to bring him to school and back in freezing weather everyday.
Sir I appreciate your suggestions. My Grandson Is 16 and we are beyond this! He has dropped out of school, he is drinking ,smoking, popping pills, he has stolen some items from me, hes disrespectful! He threatens me, he is nothing but obstructive! Meaning, he will be opposite of whatever I say, ask, of him to do! If I say up, hes going to say down! He loves, being defiant! He sneers this devilish sneer on his face, he purposely is trying to push my buttons, this is what I have an issue with ! He refuses, to bathe, I'm so uncomfortable in my home!!! He refuses to clean up after his self, and will purposely continue, to harass me, going into my room to get what it is he wants that I have removed from his access! He doesnt care what I say! I have tried everything, I barely hanging on to being the adult in the home! He is trying to intimidate me, by the fluctuation of his voice, yells at me curses at me, calls me bitch hoe, I need to take my ass out in the street were I belong and sell my ass! He calls me crack head , crazy, I'm weird, I'm stupid, I need help, all this with the intent to get me to loose my temper! Sometimes I do! I cuss his ass out! I tell him to stop talking to me this way, he says no, he doesnt have to! No consequences are ineffective or rewards really matter to him! Hes hurting! I know he is! Hes angry! I think hes very confused! He doesnt like to be told a dam thing, not even to clean up after his self! He does and says things with the intent to hurt me , my feelings! I tell him, if you dont want me telling you shit then do what your supposed to do! That is go to school, cleaning up after his self, follow the rules! He is manipulative! Vendictive, a liar! Takes no responsibilty for anything! It's always someone else's fault, never his! He wants things, yet will not do what needs to be done to do what he wants!? Playing foot ball, grades and needed to be C or higher, one semester only! The nicer I try to be, the worse he gets! I'm drained, I'm very sad, hurt! Frustrated, desperate, feel like I've failed him! Very concerned about his future! No school, anger management, lies, irresponsible! How will he maintain a job? I'm afraid he's going to be an abusive man to women! Because he is cowardly!!! Hes really a scared kid! But. He displays anger, trying to be a bad ass, someone who he is not in anyway! I'm afraid for his safety because he hangs out with. His behavior! The only thing he is doing is getting home by 11 pm. Which I'm grateful for! He has to be here by 11 or he gets locked out the the night! There have been time when he has arrived late! He doesnt want to hear shit, just open the door he says. Quit talking to me he says. I dont let him in with that attitude! Hell bang ,yell and knock on the door ,Ive called the police! Yhey do nothing! Im the one that can get in trouble necause hes a minor and I'm responsible! I dont care! Take me to jail! He needs to hey his ass home on time, if he doesnt want to get locked out! I mean that shit! I have to do something! I keep yeinh him this is going to happen and nothing happens, no consequences I need to do something to show him I'm serious there are consequences got his actions! I'm am the adult! You will follow the rules here. Or find somewheres else to stay! I'm having a difficult time loving him right now!!! He turns people against me, lies about why things are the way they are! He says it's because I dont want to hey him back in school that's why hes not going! He doesnt want to go ! He would love to see me go to jail! He was dropped from school, please help. I'm making my self ill!
How are you doing Rachel ? Any improvement ? My son has SOME" of these behaviors, but then is very loving again. Hes 17, but I worry like hell that he isn't going to be ok out there as an adult :/
Haha, All American Dream Chaser. She could find work to do around the neighborhood, like cleaning houses, yard work, or other things. She would be her own boss then. : ) Just a thought. Thank you for watching.
A positive mindset, Lamach Williams. I don't prescribe medications and I can help with ideas on how to have a positive mindset. Get my book, Pathological Positivity. In it there is a prescription for positivity.
I love your videos! I will say proverbs says a wise son brings joy to his father but a foolish one brings grief to his mother. We have all been on the wrong side of this as teens. On the parent side I can testify that wise proverb is true. I gotta work on staying positive like you said because my son will probably pull through this like most of us did.
The first few minutes I didn’t like this and thought this dude was cracked, but for whatever reason I kept listening and I am so glad I did. I’m gonna go watch that Be Positive video next. Thanks sir!!
I’m so excited to try the new way !! Positive attitude- the only thing I can control Access negotiations: reject of the deal? Fine. I believe you are bright to figure things out without my help. Oh my!! Thank you so much!!
Oh, yes, rachel matos. Our parenting does change as our child enters new stages and the college time is interesting as they gain more autonomy. Thank you for the suggestion.
All of these teenagers are commenting and making excuses. I'm 25, so I still have good memories from my teen years. Listen teens, even if you are a teen, do not speak for all teens. Everyone is different. Some teenagers have good excuses for their rebellion, but some teens are just lazy and mean because they want to get all of the benefits without putting in any work. Most teens just don't want anyone telling them to do anything
I took my child’s toys and all extra inessential items and threw them in 3 garbage bag thinking this 5 year would cave. She only had a bed and small dresser. She played with 3 pieces of paper for 3 weeks and never asked for any of her items back. I knew I was in trouble then and forever.
I really appreciate this video but this is difficult. How many of us can really feel we can show unconditional love when all interactions of daily life are defined by such a transactional relationship.
W Shray, thank you for watching and trying to understand. Love is a choice and a verb that you have to choose. Some people seem easier to love than others, yet everyone deserves love. I want to be on your team. We have other videos on parenting teenagers, and we have the Positive Parenting playlist for a wide variety of subjects: ruclips.net/p/PLq2mRDkHEBPCclxt6agg3wrLBRkL7CCwU. Please feel free to check it out. I also want you to be aware of a free 25 minute parenting breakthrough call with a Live On Purpose coach. If you would like to take advantage of that, please go here to schedule: DrPaulJenkins.com/breakthroughcall You can also have your teenagers watch any of the videos from our "Just for kids and teens" playlist: ruclips.net/p/PLq2mRDkHEBPCicx6xcJ5ZJzVe9UBlRTQV. We've got a lot of positive feedback from the kids about the videos. It might help them become more mature and responsible!
This is coming from a teen. The best piece of advise I can give you is to prioritizing honesty over a positive relationship. I don't want to come out of my room and see my mom or dad smiling at me everyday. Teenagers lives are hell 24/7 and it feels like forced positivity even if its not intended to be. We have constant social drama, puberty, sexual tension, and if you live in the United States a fear of going to school because of school shootings. That's a fear all teens share. Just express to your teen that you understand that their world is very chaotic and scary and that you are always there for them and they can always talk to you, even if they choose not to knowing that they can is a big help. Don't always have a positive view on everything but just have an optimistic view on the problems that they and the world are facing.
@@livefromtheground7274 You are misunderstanding what I meant. Honesty is more important than positivity, because false positives can be extremely toxic. No I don't want my parents to scoul at me I am not a sociopath I just want my parents to understand my problems more than just fake smiles, hugs, and buying me things.
I have a 17 yr old who is very disrespectful. She lost akot of her priviledges over the years because of that. She made friends with a group of kids who do pop pills, get drunk, high and constantly fight each other. She started running away. Her and her friend stole from a salon. My husband got her and turned her in. He brung her home after they released her but she put up a struggle. She rather be out because says shes free to do whatever she wants. My husband told her either she gives 100% cooperation in behaviour or she goes straight to rehab. She calmed down and listened. We did struggle with her attitude though. Last night she was so disrespectful that we ended up in a really bad argument. The next day she was ok until we asked to do laundry. She refused to do it right and was so disrespectful. She ended up leaving to my moms. It makes me feel like i failed so badly. Im also scared for her. What do you advise?
Lupita Serrano, first I want to say that you are not a failed parent. These are her choices that she made, despite you teaching her otherwise. We have more videos for you on our Positive Parenting playlist: ruclips.net/p/PLq2mRDkHEBPCclxt6agg3wrLBRkL7CCwU Some I recommend that you start with are: "What To Do When Your Teenager Is Out Of Control" - ruclips.net/video/-y8R7xUAg60/видео.html "Positive Parenting Strategies For The Teenage Years" - ruclips.net/video/nNC7RpaPt3o/видео.html "How To Deal With A Rude Disrespectful Child" - ruclips.net/video/ooLvznV3Ffc/видео.html I also want to let you know that we have a free 25 minute parenting breakthrough call. If you would like to take advantage of this for more ideas specific to your situation, please go here to schedule: DrPaulJenkins.com/breakthroughcall I sincerely hope things can improve with your daughter. Thanks for being at Live On Purpose TV.
Oh my God! You are sooo good. The way you explained the whole concept struck the right cord and I agree with you 100%. My daughters are almost entering the teenage and I can feel the struggle and frustration already. I firmly believe that in order to handle this phase well like a pro, the most important thing to change is the attitude, language and behaviour of the parents. Most of the time it’s not even the teenagers, it’s the parents who make the situation worse. By changing ourselves, we will win half the battle already.
I came back here to rewatch it after one year. My 13 going to be 14 yrs old boy doesn’t grow any mature yet has becoming worsened. Reading the comments below, I know I’m not the only one who is on this roller coaster ride alone. Teenage hormones confuse me, I’m so discouraged by his behavior & everything going on in our life. I wish there’s a portal that I can speed travel to another time, places where I can be a happy person again. I woke up to prepare breakfast and packed his lunch as usual today. But I didn’t want to look at his face even though he said good morning (reluctantly) to us. No conversation in the car only good bye from him when I dropped him off at school. I don’t know, I am tired, I actually don’t mind paying a bit more so that kids can stay longer in school. Having someone who is not their family members to teach them family value, moral standard are way more effective than us, their own parents.
pipiannz c, you might consider going to drpauljenkins.com/breakthroughcall. You might need some more help to find the joy in this child and learn to connect with him.
I remember spending much of my teenage years (20 years ago!) being angry at my parents for not allowing me to experience the natural consequences of my actions (I.e. grounding me if I chose not to go to work one day). Thanks to your video, I can see that they were trying to control the aspects of my life that they couldn’t/shouldn’t. So helpful to see this and am gaining insights on how I can approach this with my own child. Thank you for taking the time to make these valuable videos! ☺️
Thank you so much for this video. I have been having difficulties with my teenager. I just don't know what to do... but your advice will help I am sure.
Lovely video😄. It made me draw a conclusion that teaching does not take place a stage three. We only have 8 years to teach about values and characters or rather it is very minimal
Yes I have a difficult teenage son. He's very defiant and he likes to talk back and he gets punished for it but he still does the same thing. If there's no reward or something in it for him to stop being that way he'll still do the same thing. Such a lazy kid too doesn't want to do anything,no school work,no chores, he claims I'm the maid. Lol ! .
Well, I've watched a lot of parenting videos from a lot of channels, and have yet to find anything that references the problem I am having and how to fix it. I have an very unloving marriage. My husband has bipolar depression and he goes through very aggressive mood swings with me. He was very abusive to me in the past. He is less abusive than he was, but he is still extremely verbally abusive to me. He used to accuse me of cheating on him, and flirting, even though he admits I actually gave him no reason to believe these things. In actuality he is the one that has cheated on me. Yet, he would call me all sorts of names, cuss, scream at, and threaten me. Now that I am older, heavier, and less attractive, he rarely accuses me of cheating, but he still verbally attacks me, because I am supposedly "trash," "a useless excuse for a human," "a piece of sh**," a "cu**," a "bit**," "a loser," "worthless," a "nigg**," etc. He says these things in front of the kids too. I have tried to take the kids and separate from him in the past, but I always ended up having to go back to him before I got court ordered child support, because I was on the verge of being unable to pay rent and/or utilities. Truthfully, neither he or I can afford to support the children if we separate, because we will both have separate rents and utilities to pay. Anyway, lately, the things he says about me have rubbed off on the kids. The older kids are very disrespectful toward me and the younger children. They are not usually like that to my husband or to each other; and they are always nice to people outside our family. But, when they do something they shouldn't, such as being extremely rude to the smaller children, and I tell them they should stop and I try to reason with them as to why the way they are behaving is wrong, they just mock me, yell at me, insult me, and sometimes call me names. Then I will try to send them to their room or take away privileges (like using their cell phone, or not allowing them to play video games, or not allowing them to go to their friends' house for dinner). But, they will tell me I can't tell them what to do, because their dad is the boss and he'll take their side and let them do whatever they want. I tell them I am their mother and I will discipline them when I see fit. One of them literally told me, "If you don't like what we do, just ignore us instead of disciplining us. If parents love their kids they should let them do whatever they want, because it's better for their kids to grow up to be annoying adults than for the kids to grow up to hate them." Anytime I lecture them about something they've done wrong they tell me I'm "punishing" them. As if telling them how their inappropriate actions affect others and reasoning with them on what they could do instead, is a punishment. I am not talking about harping on a subject and nagging. I'm talking about just mentioning it to them right after the did something wrong. The other day, my older son brought my younger son to tears, because when he asked him to play with him, he told him he was an "annoying loser," and "No one likes you. Go die in a hole." I told him he had to apologize. He then told me I was a "loser," an "worthless," and "no one cares about you," and that supposedly everyone "sees you're nothing but fat, lazy, trash; because all you do is stay at home with kids," (he was talking about his two sisters that are too young to go to school). I told him he wasn't allowed to use his cell phone. He played on it as I told him this, and said he doesn't have to do what I say. Of course, his dad said he could continue to play on his phone. I told my son that I am his mother and I do have a right to tell him what to do. I told him that both myself and his father have a right to tell him what to do. I told him that even though his dad was saying he didn't have to listen to me, he knows in his heart that he does. I reminded him that when his dad tells him to do something, or not to do something, I never tell him he doesn't have to listen to him, because it's disrespectful and rude for one parent to do that to the other. I told him I expect him to show me the say respect he has toward his father, instead of a nasty attitude. Sure, I was frustrated, so I had a rude tone of voice and I raised my voice, but I wasn't calling him names or insulting him, or anything like that. Then my husband said it's his house we live in, not mine, because he has a job and I don't so what he says goes and he says the kids don't have to listen to me. SO, my son told me, "Yeah, if you don't like my attitude you can move out!" My husband has been telling the older children that I am "bullying" them any time I tell them they can't do something they want to do, or tell them to do a chore, or lecture them for something bad they did (like bullying the smaller children, or lying, or talking back when they can't go somewhere or do something they want to do). Seriously, I can tell my 8 year old to take a shower and brush his teeth, three different times over a three hour period, nd my husband will tell him, "You don't have to listen to that naggy bit**. She is just bullying you, because she doesn't like you." Then the next time I say the smallest thing to that son, such as, "Hey, can you bring me your dinner plate so I can wash it, please?" He will say something like, "Stop nagging me! I know you don't like me, but you don't have to bully me all the time!" At one point, my eight year old son's teacher contacted me and said my son was acting odd at school, because any time she got on to him in the slightest, such as saying, "You need to sit back in your seat, stop talking to your friends, and focus on learning," he will start whining ang getting very defensive. He'll say things to her like, "Why are you picking on me? You're just bullying me because you don't like me." Well, both I and his father talked to him about how he needs to mind and respect his teacher and take responsibility of his behavior instad of blaming her by saying she is picking on him. He hasn't done that at school anymore. But, he and the teenagers still act this way and say these things to me. I know it's because their dad keeps undermining me. Of course, I get angry when they act like this, and I have yelled at them and had a rude tone of voice with them when they act like this. I have called them, "brats," and "idiots," and even cussed at my husband and them (I've said something like, "shut the Fu** up! You're being an ASSHO**.") before. But, I have only cussed like that twice, over an 1 1/2- 2 year period, when they are yelling, insulting, and name calling me daily over that same period of time. But, I almost never do that; because I purposefully try to avoid doing or saying anything that makes the lies my husband keeps propagating against me to seem true. But, lately, for about 1 1/2 years, they have been acting like this, my husband and the three teenagers, and now the 8 year old, on a daily basis, over and over again. Sometimes one child will go a day or two without acting this way, but the other kids and my husband will; so everyday at least three people are acting like this toward me. I am to the point where I actually feel like I want to try to take just the two littlest kids and move out and give up on a relationship with my other kids, unless they grow up and realize their dad is brainwashing them against me. I think this is what he is trying to make me do. But, I don't want to give up on them and abandon them, because I love them, even if they don't care anything about me. He is doing this on purpose too. His mother is estranged from him and the rest of his siblings and they call her by her first name instead of mom. He admitted to me that when he was a child and teen he hated his mom nd thought she was a terrible person, and he and his siblings all told her on an almost daily basis that they didn't love her and they wanted her to leave, because their dad kept telling them she was a bad person and she didn't love them. He also slandered her, but at the time he believed the lies about his mom, and only years later did he find out they weren't true (like she supposedly cheated on the dad, over and over again, when she never did). Eventually, their mom got sick of it and left. Most of her kids have admitted to me that they know their dad tried to brainwash them against her and they treated her horribly; but, they still want nothing to do with her and hate her because she left them. So, my husband is trying to do to my kids what his dad did to him and his siblings. I don't want to leave and abandon my kids. But, my heart is breaking every day because I am being accused of being a horrible person, and everyone is treating me like trash constantly, when I really haven't done anything wrong, except for on rare occasion raising my voice (one or twice a week) or cussing (one every 6-8 months), because of the constant verbal attacks.
Chante Moody, this has been going on a long time and there is probably nothing you can do to fix it without changing a few things. You can leave or you could get a job and begin saving to leave. Keep in contact with your children no matter what you decide and reach out for some help so you can get clear on what your next step should be.
I have a hard time knowing what to do because i basically raised myself. My parents were pretty much absent so I never know if I'm trying to be their friend or parole officer
Love Life, sounds lonely. I'm not sure what age you are and how present they are now. Decide what kind of relationship you want to have with them and then work toward that.
I truly hope this helps. I am a 70 year old grandfather raising 3 grandchildren. I’ve had them for 12 years this February. I realize I had to learn better parenting skills Very fast early on. I was very angry for being put in this situation until I started to view Dr Jenkins classes. The anger I was feeling wasn’t helping me at all. I had a boy that was not honest, a 13 year old granddaughter talking and sending not appropriate pictures to a boy and a younger granddaughter watching all the disfunction, yet was and still is an A student. The video on control and maturity with the chart really helped and got me thinking. I got all three of them at the dinner table one morning and with a piece of poster board and drew what they controlled and what I could control and why”by law I had to provide them with. Good gracious the impact that had. That was what they were waiting for, and the negotiating began. Long story short, boy and oldest is 17. Has a 4.0 GPA and made 1590 on his SAT. Can’t wait to graduate HS and has already applied and been accepted to 4 major universities and wants to double major in Neuroscience and Music, and works part time. Middle granddaughter 16 after a loving conversation with me understood the negative impact her behavior would have on her future. She is great! Well, the youngest now 13 soon to be 14 is doing great. I’m not angry anymore and I’m happy. I don’t scream and holler anymore. So funny, they all make their bed, keep their room clean ( for the most part) and do their own laundry. Now if I can get them to get their laundry out of the dryer, my day will be great. I don’t worry about where they are going or who they are with or what they’re doing. I have a tool for that that I rarely use anymore. They know now I am here for them and Truly love them o matter what and even if. Thanks Dr J
Thank you for sharing your experience and how you changed your parenting for different results. So glad you are there for your grandkids and took on this monumental task.
What do I do when I provide my 15 yr old son with the seasonally appropriate clothing and he still chooses to wear basketball shorts and short sleeves year round? Will the school think he's being neglected?
Hi P Villalobos - there are several videos on the channel that you might find helpful - I'd recommend starting with the Positive Parenting playlist. DrPaul ruclips.net/video/kc7YmtLLlu0/видео.html
What if I get in trouble for him not going to school? Just lay down and let him quit? Go sign him out? That's for good. He is a senior. What if he comes to his senses and it's to late? I am completely lost and confused on this.
Jennifer, he is the one that will suffer the consequences. Talk to the school and see what your responsibilities are within your state and then make a decision with all the information you can get.
Hi I have teenager how doesn’t care about earning for example my son is 15 years old ask if he can go to summer camp that he love all his friends are going so I tell him to do better in school and he can go then his answer is no never mind I don’t like school
Aicha Iharratane, do you know what your son really loves? Explore what he is passionate about and then encourage and support him in that one thing. Thank you for commenting.
Aicha Iharratane mines do the same thing! 😡 I told him all he’s going to get from me is 3 hots ( meals) and a cot ( housing) 😂 his face was priceless 😂
I respect you as a Dr. but no teenager will be in control at a place where I pay all the bills, buy food, etc. Now they have some privileges but no control. That's what's wrong with this generation to much control has been placed in their hands.
It's an honor to have someone who is willing to raise their grandson at Live On Purpose TV, Daniele M. We have more on our Positive Parenting playlist: ruclips.net/p/PLq2mRDkHEBPCclxt6agg3wrLBRkL7CCwU
Set boundaries so you don't get sucked into the parent role and have a conversation about your friendship. Sounds like the friend may need some emotional maturity so ask her to watch some videos you have discovered lately and then you can talk. Thanks, Kas Stoner.
How do i fix the controls when other parents completely against?? my 13 yr old girl...we don t have relation anymore...she s 24/7 watching gaming lives ect.. lives on sofa ..just like dad and he doesn t see issue with her stay up till 3am cz he s doing same .. esp. since lockdowns...all else is less important washing tidying go for walk?? even when we had a dog..she hardly took him out ..she s very defiant and become rude to me and siblings..snappy always ...i lost her and her dad always cover for her to point allow her to lie when i used to catch her at 1am with phone she said she didn g have... i m tired of fighting at 3 am to get her to slp...her slp all wrong ... i feel i have stranger in house.. i caught text to her friend saying when she ll have own room i won t bd able to take laptop away... her dad ....seems oblivious ...we have lots issues in marriage ..this gettinv me soo down. i wrote her letter cz we don t really talk anymore...she ripped. I don t know what to do i m resentful ..angry frustrated ...i ask hr to fo smtg she totally ignores me ..her 5 min...are like .hours or days ..do i end up beong irritayed with her always...or try ignore her ? .i m soo worried abt her future i feel i failed her lots ..i was very critical of her bug tfied support her anytjg she needed...i failed giving her more time and love ...now scared it s late? i can t talk well sith her dad ..cz ..he blames me for everythg...does not see the harm ..i find him ignorantly negletful
Marzia Turello, there is so much going on here. I would encourage you getting a counselor or coach to help you wade through what has been building for years. You can schedule with one of our coaches at www.drpauljenkins.com/breakthroughcall or access training at go.liveonpurposecentral.com.
How can we encourage our teens(age 14) to get involved with activities - both in school and after - especially when we know their strengths ? Should we make them do something when we assume (know) they will like it and thank us afterwards ? They say "no" to almost everything we suggest. In the past, they both happily participated in different things, including sports, camps, and a few clubs. Note: they are not lazy and very good academically. THANKS !
Annette Valentine, I am glad they are up on their academics and understand your wanting them to socialize more or be involved in activities. You could talk to them and if they are not opposed, tell them you would like them to try (fill in the blank), and if they did, what would they like in turn? Maybe their interests are not the usual things that kids do and you might have to look a little harder to find their niche.
I have a bonus daughter that takes things from her dad and my home. (in this case it was a new shirt I bought my oldest daughter.. all kids got new clothes for school). So, most of the kids share clothes and some are swapped. That isn't the issue. I saw her put it in her bag. I asked if my daughter told her she could have it.. of course it was said that she did. But the next time my daughter was home she was mad her shirt was gone. My bonus daughter now says she didn't take it and I accused her of being a thief. Which all I said was it was in her bag. (Her dad heard me). Anyway him and I are moving so I packed up all the clothes to back to their mom's. In thesr clothes she "finds" the shirt.. which I know for a fact wasn't there. So her mother calls her dad saying I called the daughter a thrift and the shirt was in there and I'm overstepping my place. Anuway I feel like this child is trying to get her mom to hate me which in return will cause issues for her dad. She 100% lied to make me out to be a yelling, name-calling crazy woman, and a liar.. she's 13. I just don't know what to do to stop the lying and to make peace with her. She came over last night and didn't say anything about it to me.. it hurt me horrible!
Sara Hubbard, this child feels that she has little control over her life and the decisions that get made for her. Her parents divorce, her father re-marries, introduces new people that she is told to love, in addition to new step-siblings and now her dad is moving. 13 is not an easy age. Of course she is trying to cause problems with you and her mother, don't let her. You are going to have to let it go and work on loving her and finding positive things about her.
S. B., I get it. Teens are difficult. Consider a membership to go.liveonpurposecentral.com. We can help with a shift in your perception that could help.
Hi Dr., is it appropriate to withhold laundry from children? Surely clean clothes and hygiene is part of the freebies list? Could letting children/teens get too dirty be viewed as a form of neglect?
My 13 year old is being very rude and disrespectful to my new partner. We recently moved from Canada to the States to start a new life with him. And this challenging behavior has been going on way before he entered into our lives. She doesn’t like him and thinks he is too bossy. Meanwhile she is totally bossy, demanding, disrespectful to both of us, rude, and angry. She’s ok as long as she is getting what she wants. My partner feels upset about how she treats him, and wants to give her consequences for being rude, like turning off the WiFi. I am a bit nervous that will only make her more resentful. I have tried talking about what she is feeling with her, and have explained that I want to live in a happy home and can she please be nice to him? But she doesn’t care, and says she will only be nice if he is nice. Any advice about how to navigate this situation would be appreciated!!!
Erica Mary Johnson, she needs consequences and cutting the WIFI seems to be reasonable. Check out some of the other videos on the parenting playlist for teenagers. Get clear on what you control and what she does. It won't get better until she realizes there are consequences and you should be giving them. There are three rules in the home, Respect Yourself, Respect Others and Respect Property.
Live On Purpose TV ok thank you so much, it’s good to get your feedback. When she was little I read parenting books which emphasized looking beyond whatever challenging way the child is behaving to the underlying emotions, and address that. So with my daughter I have done a lot of overlooking, and getting to what’s really going on for her is hit or miss. She is still self centered and doesn’t care enough about others. I have read that punishments only increase resentment and ultimately make the behavior worse, so I have backed off from giving them, and focused on natural consequences. But in my experience this approach hasn’t worked very well for me. Any comments about this kind of parenting approach?
Live On Purpose TV I have another question - my partner wants to turn off her WiFi for things like if she wastes food, or leaves a package of chips open on the counter, or walks through the house with her outdoor shoes on etc. I feel like this might be too much. Kids do stuff like this, and I don’t feel like it’s necessarily intentional. I don’t want to create an overly strict and harsh environment in the house. She gets really upset when we turn off the WiFi, and cries and yells, and the drama and stress of it is worse then the thing she did wrong. I don’t know if I can handle more of it. My partner thinks this is the only way to get her to respect house rules, and we just have to go through the storm and eventually she will comply. However he says that he will comply with however I feel to deal with her. What are your thoughts about this?
Carla H., so many factors at play here. I wouldn't give in so he or she gets control. You will need more guidance and counseling. You can get in touch with one of the Live On Purpose coaches.
Im watching this video b/c I cant deal w my 17 y/o sons attitude anymore. Im a single mom and its just me and him in the house. I think he resents not having a man around. I can't even hit him anymore b/c hes bigger and stronger than me. Hes such a rude moody person and I don't understand why b/c he has everything he wants and needs. Hes going away to college in the fall and I can't wait but I hate feeling that way.
Charlotte Buchanan, Life does indeed sound difficult at the moment. Please try to practice positivity yourself, no matter what and even if... (Just a little spin off the love them line). Build a more positive future for yourself now.
If my child doesn't want to revise with me or show me homework, I understand that is their choice but should I restrict what I provide until they do what I want?
Let him take responsibility for his work and he fails then you can help him to make a plan that will be more likely to lead to success. It is better if our kids can fail at something a time or two before they leave home so they can be taught how they turn things around to become successful, Maria Keenan.
@@sarahbrennan1342 Hi Sarah, I haven't had this come up since. Like Paul says guess I should let her fail her next test and then discuss it further but I'm thinking she still wont want me to help with her schoolwork :-(
Maria Keenan my god... we are having the same issues here.. when it comes to school work and tests. We leave it.. and see if he revises and doesn’t really. We have backed off going on about do your homework do your homework.. we try talking and told we are annoying. I have knots in my stomach thinking about it.. lol... they say the penny drops. I hope so. Keep me posted how u getting on.. 🌟
@@sarahbrennan1342 I went thru that. I got them to leave Barry conicovs exam success audio subliminals on 24/7. I am listening to a parent child subliminal of his that works by getting the parent to change...
I like your idea but teens now a days are way different. Just as your example about access to being driven to school. You have mentioned in your other video to not bail out. So as parent we tried to negotiate but was rejected. The teenager figures out a way, walking to school as an example. We let them control their actions and let them understand the consequences. But what if for example they arrived to school late and got asked why he/she is late? Obviously the child will then say, “ well mom/dad didn’t drop me off because I didn’t agree with their terms.”. So what will happen next? Teacher/s will get involve and parents are in trouble. What I am getting at is, it is really hard sometimes to do things with our children for the sake of good intentions if there are someone trying to get involve and takes away our right for being a parent. Another thing is that teens believe they have rights for everything and if their rights were not validated it can get messy. Even if it means humiliating their own parent/s.
I would hope the school would see through this line. I wouldn't have a problem calling them and talking to the counselor so they know what you are doing, jm.
i will try to send your messages to some of my friends who are facing problems concerning this issue .could you help me complete my studies ?.thank you
It depends on the child and if it is the first time or the third. How long do you think he needs to be without said privilege for him to have time to think about how much life would be better if he had done what he was supposed to or not done something. You know your child best, Maria Keenan.
Thank you for your teachings. I've learnt so much through them and discovered how effective they are. But here I question if this kind of transaction can be beneficial for teenagers. It sometimes turns into a conditional love, where the child is not loved for who he is but for who he is supposed to be. And I want to make the child understand that school can be a useful tool in his future and not that he has to perform well so that he can get some advantages. I think it's needed to establish deals and to negotiate and understand each one's expectations but I don't think a parent should impose to the child how often to go to school and how to perform because as you said "It's not in his power and the teen will find ways to not do it". Missing school can be connected to the emotional struggle the teen goes through and I think it's better to see the cause of this behavior. I think what you propose is needed but I don't like the "if you do that....then, I will..." approach. It sounds like conditional love.
I hear what you are saying, but sometimes kids can't see as far as a parent, they haven't climbed up as far on the mountain so they don't have the same view. When there is something that would be advantageous for the child, but they can't see it yet, then we offer an incentive to get them to join in. Sometimes it is precisely because of who they are that they need the extra nudge, Dana Stoian. Thank you for commenting.
If i do that "transaction/deal" thing, i bet my daughter will absolutely think that is a threat, not a deal. Even when i was giving her advice (kindly) she thought i was scolding her :(
True! I followed the T method and I realised it can turn into a fun transaction also what really touched me is and shifted my pain was to see my girl with positivity and gratitude Thank you so much!
I have numerous questions about how to become the eldest sibling, can I make a video request about that topic? Because my siblings are way younger than me and it's so hard to keep them in one piece most of the time... Thanks
@@LiveOnPurposeTV Since my parents have a very busy life, I have to take over their responsibility. My siblings are way younger than me and I don't like their super-naughty attitude, I have always a hard time dealing with their mischief and make my siblings follow me. Thank you for the help.
Can I get a bit of advice please I have a 13yo daughter . And everytime i allow a bit of wiggle room for her so too speak for instance . If she’s good in school she gets money at the end of the week . Also there are 2 rules I ask for her too follow . 1 don’t be disrespectful and 2 is home at set time . She just will not accept the rules at all and if I take her phone from not following the simple rules she is so disrespectful and say some horrible things and it’s so hard too deal with . Iam just asking for some extra tips maybe or where ism going wrong . Thank you
Carlton, I am not sure that you are doing anything wrong, except possibly letting her know that it bothers you. This is tough, but you need to tell her she does not need to be happy about the consequences, and if she disrespects you further, the phone will stay gone longer.
Live On Purpose TV thank you very much for the reply . Trouble is I actually don’t think she means too be disrespectful one minute she is a angel next minite a devil if that makes sense she haven’t started her first period yet so this mite have something too do with it . Iam trying my best too tell her Iam here for her . But I also thing that she knows how to pull at my heart strings . It’s so difficult to know when iam being too harsh or too easy . My days are filled up by thoughts of what’s going to happen today because it’s everyday there’s something new . Iam emotionally drained to the point I can’t fight no more Iam just too tired
My kid thumps and gets physical with us if we ask to complete the school assignments and threatens us with self harming and using bad words .my kid recently turned teen.how to deal with it. As we live in an apartment so its difficult . Please suggest .my kids was not like this before.
Varsha Raj, thank you for watching Live On Purpose TV - I hope we can be of service to you. Get clear on what you control and what you don't. You cannot control your son's behavior, but you do control the internet, transportation services, devices, etc. We have some resources to assist you, and you're welcome to use none, one, or all of them. Some videos that may be helpful are: "Teaching Kids Responsibility - Positive Parenting" - ruclips.net/video/1SFIc2LsHyA/видео.html "Positive Parenting Strategies For The Teenage Years" - ruclips.net/video/nNC7RpaPt3o/видео.html "What To Do When Your Teenager Is Out Of Control" - ruclips.net/video/-y8R7xUAg60/видео.html "Deal With Difficult Teen" - ruclips.net/video/N9l6jJu38xQ/видео.html "How To Deal With Your Angry Teenager" - ruclips.net/video/VhbKrhU-J4s/видео.html "How To Deal With Teenagers Swearing" - ruclips.net/video/bnOGdLihLJ8/видео.html We have more on our Positive Parenting playlist: ruclips.net/p/PLq2mRDkHEBPCclxt6agg3wrLBRkL7CCwU I also want to offer a free 25 minute call with one of our Live On Purpose coaches. You and/or your son may need some coaching or counseling, and this can help you determine which route to take. If you would like to schedule a call, please go here: DrPaulJenkins.com/breakthroughcall Additionally, I just launched Live On Purpose Central - a place for all things positivity, including parenting. Please check it out and see if it is something you would be interested in: liveonpurposecentral.com/order-form1590696228507
@@LiveOnPurposeTV Thanks for replying. But she threatens us if we take her phone away. And thumps on the floor so badly in the midnight. We live in apartment
@@beautifulmind2667 If your daughter continues to misbehave, you can continue to remove access to privileges. That includes preferred food (like dessert), even a bedroom, or the door to her bedroom. Be calm during all of this. The punishment is not about your mood, it's about her behavior. You can say something like, "As soon as you speak calmly to me as I am to you, we can start discussing how you can earn back the lost privileges." I encourage you to try this, and if things don't improve take advantage of the free call. : )
Yeah ok, I want to see you be positive when your daughter spits in your face and disrespect you, I want to see you smile and be positive when they steal from you. This is why I hate psychiatrist. Do people have no clothes, nothing better than an old school beating Once in a while
I like very much all the info but man... Very tiring listening to someone speaking softly then LOUDLY the softly then LOUDLY... This remind me of some pastor in churches, so tiring!
It was actually very entertaining and beautifully presented in my opinion. Thank you so much @Live on purpose tv!!! I would discard his comment if I were you:)
Beautiful Vdo, if it's not too late, you can suggest to your daughter that she watch this video: "7 Tips For How To Stay Focused On Homework" - ruclips.net/video/HITmerDfbT4/видео.html. Thanks for watching Live On Purpose TV.
I think your viewers could benefit from a video on Mother’s with mental illnesses. I have PTSD, BPD and Fibromyalgia. I’ve came a long way since my diagnoses but still I am sometimes given a crossed look or not being communicated with and I sink either to very depressed or angry. We are both in therapy so we are putting forth the efforts to heal. Thanks again!
Dear Sir , I really appreciate your effort to educate parents first that how to deal with adhd kids . My son is 14 years old n has been hyperactive throughout his childhood . First we parents thought that he may be mischevious but later on we realised he is having problem in learning school tasks . He is a bit talkative , aggressive with his younger sister but quite good with elder sister n brother . He cannot memories well his school home works . It feels that his mind is stuck badly .he makes the same mistakes after learning or practicing . Contrary , he is good in playing video games , making papers aeroplanes ,some home chores . When we teach him , he seems distracted easily by watching clock or just started touching hair or rubbing hands etc . I am quite upset becoz he was doing o'levels but could not qualify in good marks . He himself thinks that his memory is weak . I want to know is his behaviour cureable without medicines ?? Secondly , he seems misfit for science , commerce nd humanity subjects then what other option is left for me to educata such boy who seems uninterested in studies . Plz suggest me something which can be helpful in his studies . Regards
How are you treating the ADHD, Anjum Muzzamil? We don't know that your son is not fit for these things until he is treated, whether that is medicine, diet or other therapies. Talk to your doctor or others who deal with ADHD kids and find out what they have done. Ask your son what he is passionate about and get him going in that direction.
I needed this so much today! My depression is spiraling because of my 13 year old. I have to take control of my emotions and well-being. Thank you for this 🙏🏼
Berenice_dolls, you are very welcome.
This was very good fuel for thought, anyone who is listening to this channel is at least willing to try to learn something new as an adult and I congratulate them for getting this far for now
Love for Trail, we are all on a journey, glad to be on it with all of you.
I need this im going through some very hard times with my daughter i need a godsend in my life
Hang in there, sarah kelly, honored to be on your team.
i hear u i just prayed like take over my body lord
Don’t let or make her watch the Maury show
I need this too. I'm having a terrible time with my 18 year old son.
I’m having a sucky time myself as a teen, life sucks as a teen
I have been very broken over issues with my teens. Thankyou for eloquence and simplicity: I am mastering "my job is to love them", and that's helpful and I am duly humbled you put it into perspective. I appreciate the creative way you highlighted and defined what all control teenagers have, although I was whimpering "buts" and "no's" as the scales seemed to, (at first) tip all their way. Defining the control over things I have REALLY helped. My anger and frustration has CALMED. I feel positively about the future. With tears in my eyes, I thank you. Peace
What an honor to have you at Live On Purpose TV, Shaynel Ahmed. Thank you for watching.
I'm watching this at 12 I'm gonna watch the video of how to be positive because I don't like my own attitude :(
Willybean08, that is awesome. You can do it.
In the Roman Empire, teenager's were considered adults at age 16. At first I thought it was because they were more mature. Now I realize they did it to get them the hell out of the house sooner!
Haha, The Huntress. Aren't teenagers wonderful?
Exactly
Y'all are funny soooo glad I'm not alone starting to feel like I'm on Mars with a teen monster that wants to eat me
LMAO! That made my morning.
This made me chuckle. I have an unruly 15 yr old daughter who has made my life as miserable as she possibly can for the past 9 months!!! Love her dearly but my GOD, it never ends. I'm hoping to gain some useful information to help save my own sanity here!
Thank you soo much, I really needed this, and will continue watching your videos. My son is 12, he is an honor student, but father is not involved to much, I am a single parent. Lately, my son disrespects me by telling me I am fat, and I do not have a good job. Sometimes he makes fun of my accent, my hair..the list goes on. Besides school work he is extremely inactive at home, playing video games, and watching youtubers. I have a feeling that a lot of his "roasting" comes from those "cool" youtube videos of disrespectful teenagers.
I took his video game this morning, because he was about to be late for school, and when I nagged him to rush, he spilled out how bad job I have, not paid good...always finding the points to hurt me. So, I have a bad job, but It pays for the internet, so you will be taken it away..that is what I control.
I just wish, he naturally starts respecting me more. I feel very sensitive, and emotional, because he realy hurts my feelings..especially he knows how ro press the buttons of my own insecurities.
I am just shocked how he talks to me.
He has all neccecities provided, and does great in school. He puts me down soo much, that I am loosing my self esteem! I find it constantly trying better to provide him with more quality things, so he does not lacks anything, or I am not a bad providing parent. I am taking him vacations, such as skiing, and historical sightseeing of other cities..yet in my son's eyes, I AM STILL not a good enough!
His words to you should not be allowed, Iena eleven. This saddens me. He should talk to you as he wants to be talked to and he wouldn't want someone to say those things to you. Money and things do not equate love. Please talk to him and tell him that disrespectful talk will not be tolerated. You are good enough, and more.
It is probably very tough, however war will lead to war. Its important to make interactions between you two friendly. Yes there are great intentions, but if he wants to go with a friend for some event even something very pleasant like a vacation may be irritating. Disrespect shouldn't be tolerated but you also shouldn't blame it on the Games and content creators, they likely aren't the cause. Perhaps the child is frustrated with no father figure or a parent figure he feels like he can talk to. No matter how caring a parent may be then may not always be the Right adult for the child. I'd recommend enforcing rules and not tolerating the disrespect but also not trying to start a war of Shallow threats.
I think this is an example of training each other. He knows that if he talks negativity twards you, you give him something he wants. Imagine if he didn't get anything from you when this happens. Be confident in your self and believe your a good parent because the most important thing is loving your child. If you have that, then you see what you control. Thank you for sharing this story. I hope this is helpful, as some one who is still a kid, I can assure you that your son is only thinking about his wants and doesn't process you and how you feel. It's so me times learned with time but just teach them that you feel pain like they do. :)
He sounds narcissistic...get help now before it's too late...good luck
Great Videos! I recently taught a series at my church entitled, " Tips on how NOT to kill your kids!". I have used some of your material - good stuff.
Interesting title. I bet it grabbed some people's attention. Feel free to share the videos with your class. Thank you for watching.
Thank you for sharing this with parents. You have change my stile of life by just loving my daughter and being positive when talking to her. You are a master of psychology. 🙏🏽 thank you.
I appreciate your kindness, scordero1967. Honored to be on your team.
I like the way you communicate the issues. I appreciate the approach. I just wish a resolution was that easy.
Simple and easy are not the same thing. It takes lots of effort, patience and love, Dino Giosso.
2 years later and this pops up in my feed right on time. Thank you for this timeless video! 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽 I have a 16 year old girl and I am not okay!! 😭😭😭
Glad it was helpful! RAWKSTARtm, good luck.
Same, my 15 year old doesn't even want to live with anymore because he refuses to take the schoolbus. His mom drives him everywhere and he's just being very pouty. 15 year old baby. Like I'm going to start going out of my work schedule to bring him to school and back in freezing weather everyday.
I have a 17 year old and its gotten ugly. I too am not ok
Im with you on this
Sir I appreciate your suggestions. My Grandson Is 16 and we are beyond this! He has dropped out of school, he is drinking ,smoking, popping pills, he has stolen some items from me, hes disrespectful! He threatens me, he is nothing but obstructive! Meaning, he will be opposite of whatever I say, ask, of him to do! If I say up, hes going to say down!
He loves, being defiant! He sneers this devilish sneer on his face, he purposely is trying to push my buttons, this is what I have an issue with ! He refuses, to bathe, I'm so uncomfortable in my home!!! He refuses to clean up after his self, and will purposely continue, to harass me, going into my room to get what it is he wants that I have removed from his access! He doesnt care what I say!
I have tried everything, I barely hanging on to being the adult in the home! He is trying to intimidate me, by the fluctuation of his voice, yells at me curses at me, calls me bitch hoe, I need to take my ass out in the street were I belong and sell my ass! He calls me crack head , crazy, I'm weird, I'm stupid, I need help, all this with the intent to get me to loose my temper!
Sometimes I do! I cuss his ass out! I tell him to stop talking to me this way, he says no, he doesnt have to!
No consequences are ineffective or rewards really matter to him!
Hes hurting! I know he is! Hes angry! I think hes very confused!
He doesnt like to be told a dam thing, not even to clean up after his self!
He does and says things with the intent to hurt me , my feelings!
I tell him, if you dont want me telling you shit then do what your supposed to do! That is go to school, cleaning up after his self, follow the rules!
He is manipulative! Vendictive, a liar! Takes no responsibilty for anything! It's always someone else's fault, never his! He wants things, yet will not do what needs to be done to do what he wants!?
Playing foot ball, grades and needed to be C or higher, one semester only!
The nicer I try to be, the worse he gets!
I'm drained, I'm very sad, hurt! Frustrated, desperate, feel like I've failed him! Very concerned about his future! No school, anger management, lies, irresponsible! How will he maintain a job?
I'm afraid he's going to be an abusive man to women!
Because he is cowardly!!! Hes really a scared kid! But. He displays anger, trying to be a bad ass, someone who he is not in anyway!
I'm afraid for his safety because he hangs out with.
His behavior!
The only thing he is doing is getting home by 11 pm.
Which I'm grateful for! He has to be here by 11 or he gets locked out the the night!
There have been time when he has arrived late! He doesnt want to hear shit, just open the door he says. Quit talking to me he says. I dont let him in with that attitude! Hell bang ,yell and knock on the door ,Ive called the police! Yhey do nothing! Im the one that can get in trouble necause hes a minor and I'm responsible!
I dont care! Take me to jail! He needs to hey his ass home on time, if he doesnt want to get locked out!
I mean that shit! I have to do something! I keep yeinh him this is going to happen and nothing happens, no consequences I need to do something to show him I'm serious there are consequences got his actions!
I'm am the adult! You will follow the rules here. Or find somewheres else to stay!
I'm having a difficult time loving him right now!!!
He turns people against me, lies about why things are the way they are! He says it's because I dont want to hey him back in school that's why hes not going! He doesnt want to go ! He would love to see me go to jail!
He was dropped from school, please help.
I'm making my self ill!
Rachel Raya, you can talk to one of our Live On Purpose Coaches by scheduling a call at www.drpauljenkins.com/breakthroughcall.
I’m sorry but he would be in a group home or the police called until you gain control back...
How are you doing Rachel ? Any improvement ? My son has SOME" of these behaviors, but then is very loving again. Hes 17, but I worry like hell that he isn't going to be ok out there as an adult :/
@@willjackson4505 I’m going through the same situation and I agree with you at that point the streets can have them if they don’t know how to act
We need to lower the working age laws. I want to send my teenage daughter to work in the coal mines. She would be the boss I am sure.😂
Haha, All American Dream Chaser. She could find work to do around the neighborhood, like cleaning houses, yard work, or other things. She would be her own boss then. : ) Just a thought. Thank you for watching.
Ha ha
Shell probably quit lol
What drugs can I take to keep me in a positive happy mood all the time
A positive mindset, Lamach Williams. I don't prescribe medications and I can help with ideas on how to have a positive mindset. Get my book, Pathological Positivity. In it there is a prescription for positivity.
Gratitude works for me everytime ♥️
I Dunno bud, taking a walk release dopamine☺💗
Lamach Williams 😂😂😂
Endorphins from first thing in the morning walks
I love your videos! I will say proverbs says a wise son brings joy to his father but a foolish one brings grief to his mother. We have all been on the wrong side of this as teens. On the parent side I can testify that wise proverb is true. I gotta work on staying positive like you said because my son will probably pull through this like most of us did.
Christian Ministries by Karl, It is so rewarding when they come out on the other side, believe me.
The first few minutes I didn’t like this and thought this dude was cracked, but for whatever reason I kept listening and I am so glad I did. I’m gonna go watch that Be Positive video next. Thanks sir!!
Thank you for watching, Cana Lingenfelter. Appreciate you sticking with it.
I’m so excited to try the new way !!
Positive attitude- the only thing I can control
Access negotiations: reject of the deal? Fine. I believe you are bright to figure things out without my help.
Oh my!! Thank you so much!!
This is so great. So needed. Need one for how to deal with a teen/college student.
Oh, yes, rachel matos. Our parenting does change as our child enters new stages and the college time is interesting as they gain more autonomy. Thank you for the suggestion.
Rachel Matos you are so right. Paul when are you doing the college phase? I need it urgently 😲
All of these teenagers are commenting and making excuses. I'm 25, so I still have good memories from my teen years. Listen teens, even if you are a teen, do not speak for all teens. Everyone is different. Some teenagers have good excuses for their rebellion, but some teens are just lazy and mean because they want to get all of the benefits without putting in any work. Most teens just don't want anyone telling them to do anything
Cashay Saunders, thanks for commenting.
I took my child’s toys and all extra inessential items and threw them in 3 garbage bag thinking this 5 year would cave. She only had a bed and small dresser. She played with 3 pieces of paper for 3 weeks and never asked for any of her items back. I knew I was in trouble then and forever.
liv, that is one strong-willed child.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV ya she’s a teenager now... 😩😩
I really appreciate this video but this is difficult. How many of us can really feel we can show unconditional love when all interactions of daily life are defined by such a transactional relationship.
W Shray, thank you for watching and trying to understand. Love is a choice and a verb that you have to choose. Some people seem easier to love than others, yet everyone deserves love. I want to be on your team. We have other videos on parenting teenagers, and we have the Positive Parenting playlist for a wide variety of subjects: ruclips.net/p/PLq2mRDkHEBPCclxt6agg3wrLBRkL7CCwU. Please feel free to check it out.
I also want you to be aware of a free 25 minute parenting breakthrough call with a Live On Purpose coach. If you would like to take advantage of that, please go here to schedule: DrPaulJenkins.com/breakthroughcall
You can also have your teenagers watch any of the videos from our "Just for kids and teens" playlist: ruclips.net/p/PLq2mRDkHEBPCicx6xcJ5ZJzVe9UBlRTQV. We've got a lot of positive feedback from the kids about the videos. It might help them become more mature and responsible!
LOVE THIS!! Love your positive attitude to interact w teen. Can u come talk to my teen? 😂
We do have coaching services if you want to reach out through the website.
This is coming from a teen. The best piece of advise I can give you is to prioritizing honesty over a positive relationship. I don't want to come out of my room and see my mom or dad smiling at me everyday. Teenagers lives are hell 24/7 and it feels like forced positivity even if its not intended to be. We have constant social drama, puberty, sexual tension, and if you live in the United States a fear of going to school because of school shootings. That's a fear all teens share. Just express to your teen that you understand that their world is very chaotic and scary and that you are always there for them and they can always talk to you, even if they choose not to knowing that they can is a big help. Don't always have a positive view on everything but just have an optimistic view on the problems that they and the world are facing.
Ian Thomas, thank you for sharing. We need to be in this together.
Wow, so your parents weren’t teens? Would you rather they scoul at you? I pray you re read this and see how unreasonable this sounds
@@livefromtheground7274 You are misunderstanding what I meant. Honesty is more important than positivity, because false positives can be extremely toxic. No I don't want my parents to scoul at me I am not a sociopath I just want my parents to understand my problems more than just fake smiles, hugs, and buying me things.
I have a 17 yr old who is very disrespectful. She lost akot of her priviledges over the years because of that. She made friends with a group of kids who do pop pills, get drunk, high and constantly fight each other. She started running away. Her and her friend stole from a salon. My husband got her and turned her in. He brung her home after they released her but she put up a struggle. She rather be out because says shes free to do whatever she wants. My husband told her either she gives 100% cooperation in behaviour or she goes straight to rehab. She calmed down and listened. We did struggle with her attitude though. Last night she was so disrespectful that we ended up in a really bad argument. The next day she was ok until we asked to do laundry. She refused to do it right and was so disrespectful. She ended up leaving to my moms. It makes me feel like i failed so badly. Im also scared for her. What do you advise?
Lupita Serrano, first I want to say that you are not a failed parent. These are her choices that she made, despite you teaching her otherwise. We have more videos for you on our Positive Parenting playlist: ruclips.net/p/PLq2mRDkHEBPCclxt6agg3wrLBRkL7CCwU
Some I recommend that you start with are:
"What To Do When Your Teenager Is Out Of Control" - ruclips.net/video/-y8R7xUAg60/видео.html
"Positive Parenting Strategies For The Teenage Years" - ruclips.net/video/nNC7RpaPt3o/видео.html
"How To Deal With A Rude Disrespectful Child" - ruclips.net/video/ooLvznV3Ffc/видео.html
I also want to let you know that we have a free 25 minute parenting breakthrough call. If you would like to take advantage of this for more ideas specific to your situation, please go here to schedule: DrPaulJenkins.com/breakthroughcall
I sincerely hope things can improve with your daughter. Thanks for being at Live On Purpose TV.
I hope you get this one and I am a teenager and I love your videos it's awesome and I think every teenager should watch your videos.
Thank you! Please share away.
Oh my God! You are sooo good. The way you explained the whole concept struck the right cord and I agree with you 100%. My daughters are almost entering the teenage and I can feel the struggle and frustration already. I firmly believe that in order to handle this phase well like a pro, the most important thing to change is the attitude, language and behaviour of the parents. Most of the time it’s not even the teenagers, it’s the parents who make the situation worse. By changing ourselves, we will win half the battle already.
I made a video about that also. Watch this one: ruclips.net/video/vVsdzTr6ydM/видео.html.
I really needed these videos right now. Thank you for posting. It's really putting things into perspective.
Some days can be difficult with teenagers, Carly S. Glad the video helped. Hang in there.
I came back here to rewatch it after one year. My 13 going to be 14 yrs old boy doesn’t grow any mature yet has becoming worsened. Reading the comments below, I know I’m not the only one who is on this roller coaster ride alone. Teenage hormones confuse me, I’m so discouraged by his behavior & everything going on in our life. I wish there’s a portal that I can speed travel to another time, places where I can be a happy person again. I woke up to prepare breakfast and packed his lunch as usual today. But I didn’t want to look at his face even though he said good morning (reluctantly) to us. No conversation in the car only good bye from him when I dropped him off at school. I don’t know, I am tired, I actually don’t mind paying a bit more so that kids can stay longer in school. Having someone who is not their family members to teach them family value, moral standard are way more effective than us, their own parents.
pipiannz c, you might consider going to drpauljenkins.com/breakthroughcall. You might need some more help to find the joy in this child and learn to connect with him.
pipiannz c I’m re watching too 🥰
Your suggestion sounds very modern and effective. I’ll apply it with myself and my rebel teenager right away! Let’s see how it turns out!
Wishing you the best.
I remember spending much of my teenage years (20 years ago!) being angry at my parents for not allowing me to experience the natural consequences of my actions (I.e. grounding me if I chose not to go to work one day). Thanks to your video, I can see that they were trying to control the aspects of my life that they couldn’t/shouldn’t. So helpful to see this and am gaining insights on how I can approach this with my own child. Thank you for taking the time to make these valuable videos! ☺️
Kate Nelson, sometimes the hardest part of parenting is letting the child experience consequences. Glad you are changing things up for your child.
Thank you so much for this video. I have been having difficulties with my teenager. I just don't know what to do... but your advice will help I am sure.
You are so welcome! Kat W, honored to be on your team.
there are camps for defiant teens,.boot camps that work, don't give in to their crap and whining about it, do it ..
Thank you very much. You are very helpful to us, since it is the high issue that parents need to tackle conflicts with their teenagers
Our pleasure, honored to be on your team.
Lovely video😄. It made me draw a conclusion that teaching does not take place a stage three. We only have 8 years to teach about values and characters or rather it is very minimal
Siza Mathebula, thank you so much for being here on the channel.
love air food shelter clothing....EVERYTHING ELSE IS NEGOTIABLE
Nasima A, yep and even the clothing as in it doesn't have to be designer or what is popular.
Ikr, ruled out choking right up front! 🤣
Yes I have a difficult teenage son. He's very defiant and he likes to talk back and he gets punished for it but he still does the same thing. If there's no reward or something in it for him to stop being that way he'll still do the same thing. Such a lazy kid too doesn't want to do anything,no school work,no chores, he claims I'm the maid. Lol !
.
Margaret Nicola B, he thinks you are the maid? Wow, he is in for a rude-awakening.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV Lol Yep
boot camp girl,.send him there..
Well, I've watched a lot of parenting videos from a lot of channels, and have yet to find anything that references the problem I am having and how to fix it.
I have an very unloving marriage. My husband has bipolar depression and he goes through very aggressive mood swings with me. He was very abusive to me in the past. He is less abusive than he was, but he is still extremely verbally abusive to me. He used to accuse me of cheating on him, and flirting, even though he admits I actually gave him no reason to believe these things. In actuality he is the one that has cheated on me. Yet, he would call me all sorts of names, cuss, scream at, and threaten me. Now that I am older, heavier, and less attractive, he rarely accuses me of cheating, but he still verbally attacks me, because I am supposedly "trash," "a useless excuse for a human," "a piece of sh**," a "cu**," a "bit**," "a loser," "worthless," a "nigg**," etc. He says these things in front of the kids too. I have tried to take the kids and separate from him in the past, but I always ended up having to go back to him before I got court ordered child support, because I was on the verge of being unable to pay rent and/or utilities. Truthfully, neither he or I can afford to support the children if we separate, because we will both have separate rents and utilities to pay.
Anyway, lately, the things he says about me have rubbed off on the kids. The older kids are very disrespectful toward me and the younger children. They are not usually like that to my husband or to each other; and they are always nice to people outside our family. But, when they do something they shouldn't, such as being extremely rude to the smaller children, and I tell them they should stop and I try to reason with them as to why the way they are behaving is wrong, they just mock me, yell at me, insult me, and sometimes call me names. Then I will try to send them to their room or take away privileges (like using their cell phone, or not allowing them to play video games, or not allowing them to go to their friends' house for dinner). But, they will tell me I can't tell them what to do, because their dad is the boss and he'll take their side and let them do whatever they want. I tell them I am their mother and I will discipline them when I see fit.
One of them literally told me, "If you don't like what we do, just ignore us instead of disciplining us. If parents love their kids they should let them do whatever they want, because it's better for their kids to grow up to be annoying adults than for the kids to grow up to hate them."
Anytime I lecture them about something they've done wrong they tell me I'm "punishing" them. As if telling them how their inappropriate actions affect others and reasoning with them on what they could do instead, is a punishment. I am not talking about harping on a subject and nagging. I'm talking about just mentioning it to them right after the did something wrong.
The other day, my older son brought my younger son to tears, because when he asked him to play with him, he told him he was an "annoying loser," and "No one likes you. Go die in a hole." I told him he had to apologize. He then told me I was a "loser," an "worthless," and "no one cares about you," and that supposedly everyone "sees you're nothing but fat, lazy, trash; because all you do is stay at home with kids," (he was talking about his two sisters that are too young to go to school).
I told him he wasn't allowed to use his cell phone. He played on it as I told him this, and said he doesn't have to do what I say. Of course, his dad said he could continue to play on his phone. I told my son that I am his mother and I do have a right to tell him what to do. I told him that both myself and his father have a right to tell him what to do. I told him that even though his dad was saying he didn't have to listen to me, he knows in his heart that he does. I reminded him that when his dad tells him to do something, or not to do something, I never tell him he doesn't have to listen to him, because it's disrespectful and rude for one parent to do that to the other. I told him I expect him to show me the say respect he has toward his father, instead of a nasty attitude. Sure, I was frustrated, so I had a rude tone of voice and I raised my voice, but I wasn't calling him names or insulting him, or anything like that. Then my husband said it's his house we live in, not mine, because he has a job and I don't so what he says goes and he says the kids don't have to listen to me. SO, my son told me, "Yeah, if you don't like my attitude you can move out!"
My husband has been telling the older children that I am "bullying" them any time I tell them they can't do something they want to do, or tell them to do a chore, or lecture them for something bad they did (like bullying the smaller children, or lying, or talking back when they can't go somewhere or do something they want to do). Seriously, I can tell my 8 year old to take a shower and brush his teeth, three different times over a three hour period, nd my husband will tell him, "You don't have to listen to that naggy bit**. She is just bullying you, because she doesn't like you." Then the next time I say the smallest thing to that son, such as, "Hey, can you bring me your dinner plate so I can wash it, please?" He will say something like, "Stop nagging me! I know you don't like me, but you don't have to bully me all the time!"
At one point, my eight year old son's teacher contacted me and said my son was acting odd at school, because any time she got on to him in the slightest, such as saying, "You need to sit back in your seat, stop talking to your friends, and focus on learning," he will start whining ang getting very defensive. He'll say things to her like, "Why are you picking on me? You're just bullying me because you don't like me."
Well, both I and his father talked to him about how he needs to mind and respect his teacher and take responsibility of his behavior instad of blaming her by saying she is picking on him. He hasn't done that at school anymore. But, he and the teenagers still act this way and say these things to me. I know it's because their dad keeps undermining me.
Of course, I get angry when they act like this, and I have yelled at them and had a rude tone of voice with them when they act like this. I have called them, "brats," and "idiots," and even cussed at my husband and them (I've said something like, "shut the Fu** up! You're being an ASSHO**.") before. But, I have only cussed like that twice, over an 1 1/2- 2 year period, when they are yelling, insulting, and name calling me daily over that same period of time. But, I almost never do that; because I purposefully try to avoid doing or saying anything that makes the lies my husband keeps propagating against me to seem true. But, lately, for about 1 1/2 years, they have been acting like this, my husband and the three teenagers, and now the 8 year old, on a daily basis, over and over again. Sometimes one child will go a day or two without acting this way, but the other kids and my husband will; so everyday at least three people are acting like this toward me. I am to the point where I actually feel like I want to try to take just the two littlest kids and move out and give up on a relationship with my other kids, unless they grow up and realize their dad is brainwashing them against me. I think this is what he is trying to make me do. But, I don't want to give up on them and abandon them, because I love them, even if they don't care anything about me.
He is doing this on purpose too. His mother is estranged from him and the rest of his siblings and they call her by her first name instead of mom. He admitted to me that when he was a child and teen he hated his mom nd thought she was a terrible person, and he and his siblings all told her on an almost daily basis that they didn't love her and they wanted her to leave, because their dad kept telling them she was a bad person and she didn't love them. He also slandered her, but at the time he believed the lies about his mom, and only years later did he find out they weren't true (like she supposedly cheated on the dad, over and over again, when she never did). Eventually, their mom got sick of it and left. Most of her kids have admitted to me that they know their dad tried to brainwash them against her and they treated her horribly; but, they still want nothing to do with her and hate her because she left them.
So, my husband is trying to do to my kids what his dad did to him and his siblings. I don't want to leave and abandon my kids. But, my heart is breaking every day because I am being accused of being a horrible person, and everyone is treating me like trash constantly, when I really haven't done anything wrong, except for on rare occasion raising my voice (one or twice a week) or cussing (one every 6-8 months), because of the constant verbal attacks.
Chante Moody, this has been going on a long time and there is probably nothing you can do to fix it without changing a few things. You can leave or you could get a job and begin saving to leave. Keep in contact with your children no matter what you decide and reach out for some help so you can get clear on what your next step should be.
New subscriber here. Excellent video 😁. Thank you for the tips 🙏🏽
Thanks for subscribing, Edosa Egiebade. Honored to be on your team.
I have a hard time knowing what to do because i basically raised myself. My parents were pretty much absent so I never know if I'm trying to be their friend or parole officer
Love Life, sounds lonely. I'm not sure what age you are and how present they are now. Decide what kind of relationship you want to have with them and then work toward that.
I love your videos !!
Gringa vai te contar, glad you are a part of our community.
My child is only 2 and I’m watching this 😂 I am so terrified about what’s
Gonna come
I totally get that, Meredith Elise. Never too soon to start learning ways to deal with teens.
I truly hope this helps. I am a 70 year old grandfather raising 3 grandchildren. I’ve had them for 12 years this February. I realize I had to learn better parenting skills Very fast early on. I was very angry for being put in this situation until I started to view Dr Jenkins classes. The anger I was feeling wasn’t helping me at all. I had a boy that was not honest, a 13 year old granddaughter talking and sending not appropriate pictures to a boy and a younger granddaughter watching all the disfunction, yet was and still is an A student.
The video on control and maturity with the chart really helped and got me thinking.
I got all three of them at the dinner table one morning and with a piece of poster board and drew what they controlled and what I could control and why”by law I had to provide them with.
Good gracious the impact that had. That was what they were waiting for, and the negotiating began. Long story short, boy and oldest is 17. Has a 4.0 GPA and made 1590 on his SAT. Can’t wait to graduate HS and has already applied and been accepted to 4 major universities and wants to double major in Neuroscience and Music, and works part time.
Middle granddaughter 16 after a loving conversation with me understood the negative impact her behavior would have on her future. She is great! Well, the youngest now 13 soon to be 14 is doing great.
I’m not angry anymore and I’m happy. I don’t scream and holler anymore.
So funny, they all make their bed, keep their room clean ( for the most part) and do their own laundry. Now if I can get them to get their laundry out of the dryer, my day will be great.
I don’t worry about where they are going or who they are with or what they’re doing. I have a tool for that that I rarely use anymore. They know now I am here for them and Truly love them o matter what and even if.
Thanks Dr J
Thank you for sharing your experience and how you changed your parenting for different results. So glad you are there for your grandkids and took on this monumental task.
What do I do when I provide my 15 yr old son with the seasonally appropriate clothing and he still chooses to wear basketball shorts and short sleeves year round? Will the school think he's being neglected?
Celisa Lou, no, he isn't alone at this age. Be ready for the question.
How can I help my bipolar teen-ager? She has negative behavior and fluctuates with being respectful.
Hi P Villalobos - there are several videos on the channel that you might find helpful - I'd recommend starting with the Positive Parenting playlist. DrPaul ruclips.net/video/kc7YmtLLlu0/видео.html
I have also added bipolar teens to our topic list for future videos - honored to be on your team!
What if I get in trouble for him not going to school? Just lay down and let him quit? Go sign him out? That's for good. He is a senior. What if he comes to his senses and it's to late? I am completely lost and confused on this.
Jennifer, he is the one that will suffer the consequences. Talk to the school and see what your responsibilities are within your state and then make a decision with all the information you can get.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV Thank you very much for answering me.
Would you describe him as intelligent but not giving the effort that he’s capable of?? If so I may have help for you.
@@bestbetdan well I love him so I would never say that kind of thing. He thinks outside of the box but fails most classes.
Hi I have teenager how doesn’t care about earning for example my son is 15 years old ask if he can go to summer camp that he love all his friends are going so I tell him to do better in school and he can go then his answer is no never mind I don’t like school
Aicha Iharratane, do you know what your son really loves? Explore what he is passionate about and then encourage and support him in that one thing. Thank you for commenting.
Aicha Iharratane mines do the same thing! 😡 I told him all he’s going to get from me is 3 hots ( meals) and a cot ( housing) 😂 his face was priceless 😂
I respect you as a Dr. but no teenager will be in control at a place where I pay all the bills, buy food, etc. Now they have some privileges but no control. That's what's wrong with this generation to much control has been placed in their hands.
Turner Family, I think I hear what you are saying. Thanks for watching.
Love this .... I am raising my grandson he is 14
It's an honor to have someone who is willing to raise their grandson at Live On Purpose TV, Daniele M. We have more on our Positive Parenting playlist: ruclips.net/p/PLq2mRDkHEBPCclxt6agg3wrLBRkL7CCwU
What if it’s a friend to another friend? I sometimes feel like a parent to my friend.
Set boundaries so you don't get sucked into the parent role and have a conversation about your friendship. Sounds like the friend may need some emotional maturity so ask her to watch some videos you have discovered lately and then you can talk. Thanks, Kas Stoner.
How do i fix the controls when other parents completely against??
my 13 yr old girl...we don t have relation anymore...she s 24/7 watching gaming lives ect.. lives on sofa ..just like dad
and he doesn t see issue with her stay up till 3am cz he s doing same .. esp. since lockdowns...all else is less important washing tidying go for walk??
even when we had a dog..she hardly took him out ..she s very defiant and become rude to me and siblings..snappy always ...i lost her and her dad always cover for her to point allow her to lie when i used to catch her at 1am with phone she said she didn g have... i m tired of fighting at 3 am to get her to slp...her slp all wrong ... i feel i have stranger in house.. i caught text to her friend saying when she ll have own room i won t bd able to take laptop away...
her dad ....seems oblivious ...we have lots issues in marriage ..this gettinv me soo down.
i wrote her letter cz we don t really talk anymore...she ripped.
I don t know what to do i m resentful ..angry frustrated ...i ask hr to fo smtg she totally ignores me ..her 5 min...are like
.hours or days ..do i end up beong irritayed with her always...or try ignore her ?
.i m soo worried abt her future i feel i failed her lots ..i was very critical of her bug tfied support her anytjg she needed...i failed giving her more time and love ...now scared it s late?
i can t talk well sith her dad ..cz ..he blames me for everythg...does not see the harm ..i find him ignorantly negletful
Marzia Turello, there is so much going on here. I would encourage you getting a counselor or coach to help you wade through what has been building for years. You can schedule with one of our coaches at www.drpauljenkins.com/breakthroughcall or access training at go.liveonpurposecentral.com.
Wow I am so greatful I found you You really made me feel better and gave me some valuable advise I think could actually help us Thank you 💚
Glad to have you at Live On Purpose, amber Isaac. Identify the principle, then apply it to your situation.
The teenager -
Becomes 'hulk'.
Thanks for watching, Psychic Truth!.
How can we encourage our teens(age 14) to get involved with activities - both in school and after - especially when we know their strengths ? Should we make them do something when we assume (know) they will like it and thank us afterwards ? They say "no" to almost everything we suggest. In the past, they both happily participated in different things, including sports, camps, and a few clubs. Note: they are not lazy and very good academically. THANKS !
Annette Valentine, I am glad they are up on their academics and understand your wanting them to socialize more or be involved in activities. You could talk to them and if they are not opposed, tell them you would like them to try (fill in the blank), and if they did, what would they like in turn? Maybe their interests are not the usual things that kids do and you might have to look a little harder to find their niche.
just turned 15 and i wonder how my parents see me
ღ Shenzai_2006 ღ, that might be an interesting conversation.
Ask them I’m sure they want to know. Communication is always key
I have a bonus daughter that takes things from her dad and my home. (in this case it was a new shirt I bought my oldest daughter.. all kids got new clothes for school). So, most of the kids share clothes and some are swapped. That isn't the issue. I saw her put it in her bag. I asked if my daughter told her she could have it.. of course it was said that she did. But the next time my daughter was home she was mad her shirt was gone. My bonus daughter now says she didn't take it and I accused her of being a thief. Which all I said was it was in her bag. (Her dad heard me). Anyway him and I are moving so I packed up all the clothes to back to their mom's. In thesr clothes she "finds" the shirt.. which I know for a fact wasn't there. So her mother calls her dad saying I called the daughter a thrift and the shirt was in there and I'm overstepping my place. Anuway I feel like this child is trying to get her mom to hate me which in return will cause issues for her dad. She 100% lied to make me out to be a yelling, name-calling crazy woman, and a liar.. she's 13. I just don't know what to do to stop the lying and to make peace with her. She came over last night and didn't say anything about it to me.. it hurt me horrible!
Sara Hubbard, this child feels that she has little control over her life and the decisions that get made for her. Her parents divorce, her father re-marries, introduces new people that she is told to love, in addition to new step-siblings and now her dad is moving. 13 is not an easy age. Of course she is trying to cause problems with you and her mother, don't let her. You are going to have to let it go and work on loving her and finding positive things about her.
Fun?! I'm about to have a nervous breakdown
S. B., I get it. Teens are difficult. Consider a membership to go.liveonpurposecentral.com. We can help with a shift in your perception that could help.
Simply brilliant Paul!
Thank you!
Im going through hard times with my daugter .i need psychological support otherwise ill fall sick
My best to you and your daughter.
Thank you so much for these videos and topics
Glad you like them!
Hi Dr., is it appropriate to withhold laundry from children? Surely clean clothes and hygiene is part of the freebies list? Could letting children/teens get too dirty be viewed as a form of neglect?
Adrian Cuerva, if they have access to cleaning their clothing, then it could be a choice.
If you give your kids enough love they grow up with sound enough judgment
Creating that attachment will go far towards raising healthy kids, Ana Lara.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV yep, I agree.
I saw a meme years ago. “Mothers of teenagers understand why animals eat their young.”
Haha, humor is a good release. Thanks for sharing.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV - You’re welcome!
1. Water runs downhill.
2. Don't lick your fingers.
You got it!
Wow after listening to so many videos, this has been the most helpful. The T chart was an amazing tool for visual understanding. Thank you so much.
Sabrina Toglia, thank you for letting me know.
My 13 year old is being very rude and disrespectful to my new partner. We recently moved from Canada to the States to start a new life with him. And this challenging behavior has been going on way before he entered into our lives. She doesn’t like him and thinks he is too bossy. Meanwhile she is totally bossy, demanding, disrespectful to both of us, rude, and angry. She’s ok as long as she is getting what she wants. My partner feels upset about how she treats him, and wants to give her consequences for being rude, like turning off the WiFi. I am a bit nervous that will only make her more resentful. I have tried talking about what she is feeling with her, and have explained that I want to live in a happy home and can she please be nice to him? But she doesn’t care, and says she will only be nice if he is nice. Any advice about how to navigate this situation would be appreciated!!!
Erica Mary Johnson, she needs consequences and cutting the WIFI seems to be reasonable. Check out some of the other videos on the parenting playlist for teenagers. Get clear on what you control and what she does. It won't get better until she realizes there are consequences and you should be giving them. There are three rules in the home, Respect Yourself, Respect Others and Respect Property.
Live On Purpose TV ok thank you so much, it’s good to get your feedback. When she was little I read parenting books which emphasized looking beyond whatever challenging way the child is behaving to the underlying emotions, and address that. So with my daughter I have done a lot of overlooking, and getting to what’s really going on for her is hit or miss. She is still self centered and doesn’t care enough about others. I have read that punishments only increase resentment and ultimately make the behavior worse, so I have backed off from giving them, and focused on natural consequences. But in my experience this approach hasn’t worked very well for me. Any comments about this kind of parenting approach?
Kids need two things, love and discipline. Too much overlooking is taken as approval.
Live On Purpose TV Right. Thanks for clarifying this for me.
Live On Purpose TV
I have another question - my partner wants to turn off her WiFi for things like if she wastes food, or leaves a package of chips open on the counter, or walks through the house with her outdoor shoes on etc. I feel like this might be too much. Kids do stuff like this, and I don’t feel like it’s necessarily intentional. I don’t want to create an overly strict and harsh environment in the house. She gets really upset when we turn off the WiFi, and cries and yells, and the drama and stress of it is worse then the thing she did wrong. I don’t know if I can handle more of it. My partner thinks this is the only way to get her to respect house rules, and we just have to go through the storm and eventually she will comply. However he says that he will comply with however I feel to deal with her. What are your thoughts about this?
It's karma. We did this to our parents!
Stay Focused, oh, the circle of life. Haha.
If you rigidly adhere to rules, your teen will be tempted to look for loopholes
Aw13#1
Smyrna, I think this could be a video on its' own.
Any advice on teens who run away to gain control and how to effectively deal with that?
Carla H., so many factors at play here. I wouldn't give in so he or she gets control. You will need more guidance and counseling. You can get in touch with one of the Live On Purpose coaches.
A lot harder with 3 teenage foster kids 13, 14 and 17.
That can be very difficult. You are amazing.
I provided all of it she’s 19 now and is in college it still wasn’t enough she was still trying to run me and my house so the cut off was necessary
Nancy Rentas, and that is an option.
As a teenager if my dad would adress me like that i would be confused and slightly scared
keep uwu-ing, I guess it could keep them guessing. Not a bad thing.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV its doing its job hihi :3
Im watching this video b/c I cant deal w my 17 y/o sons attitude anymore. Im a single mom and its just me and him in the house. I think he resents not having a man around. I can't even hit him anymore b/c hes bigger and stronger than me. Hes such a rude moody person and I don't understand why b/c he has everything he wants and needs. Hes going away to college in the fall and I can't wait but I hate feeling that way.
Charlotte Buchanan, Life does indeed sound difficult at the moment. Please try to practice positivity yourself, no matter what and even if... (Just a little spin off the love them line). Build a more positive future for yourself now.
don't hit your kids, it will turn against you in the future big time
If my child doesn't want to revise with me or show me homework, I understand that is their choice but should I restrict what I provide until they do what I want?
Let him take responsibility for his work and he fails then you can help him to make a plan that will be more likely to lead to success. It is better if our kids can fail at something a time or two before they leave home so they can be taught how they turn things around to become successful, Maria Keenan.
Maria Keenan how things now
@@sarahbrennan1342 Hi Sarah, I haven't had this come up since. Like Paul says guess I should let her fail her next test and then discuss it further but I'm thinking she still wont want me to help with her schoolwork :-(
Maria Keenan my god... we are having the same issues here.. when it comes to school work and tests. We leave it.. and see if he revises and doesn’t really. We have backed off going on about do your homework do your homework.. we try talking and told we are annoying. I have knots in my stomach thinking about it.. lol... they say the penny drops. I hope so. Keep me posted how u getting on.. 🌟
@@sarahbrennan1342 I went thru that. I got them to leave Barry conicovs exam success audio subliminals on 24/7.
I am listening to a parent child subliminal of his that works by getting the parent to change...
Thank u soooo much for sharing! God Bless
Thank you, sara abram. Honored to be on your team.
brilliant! Thanks for this.
You are welcome, Avivit Hagby, better days ahead.
I like your idea but teens now a days are way different. Just as your example about access to being driven to school. You have mentioned in your other video to not bail out. So as parent we tried to negotiate but was rejected. The teenager figures out a way, walking to school as an example. We let them control their actions and let them understand the consequences. But what if for example they arrived to school late and got asked why he/she is late? Obviously the child will then say, “ well mom/dad didn’t drop me off because I didn’t agree with their terms.”. So what will happen next? Teacher/s will get involve and parents are in trouble. What I am getting at is, it is really hard sometimes to do things with our children for the sake of good intentions if there are someone trying to get involve and takes away our right for being a parent. Another thing is that teens believe they have rights for everything and if their rights were not validated it can get messy. Even if it means humiliating their own parent/s.
I would hope the school would see through this line. I wouldn't have a problem calling them and talking to the counselor so they know what you are doing, jm.
I wish your books were available on Storytel
ishatuli, I am not familiar with the platform.
Live On Purpose TV It’s an audiobook platform
i will try to send your messages to some of my friends who are facing problems concerning this issue .could you help me complete my studies ?.thank you
Thank you for sharing the videos, Marwa Gad.
Also, say they agree to the terms and then get a detention one day. How long would you with-hold privileges?
It depends on the child and if it is the first time or the third. How long do you think he needs to be without said privilege for him to have time to think about how much life would be better if he had done what he was supposed to or not done something. You know your child best, Maria Keenan.
Thank you for your teachings. I've learnt so much through them and discovered how effective they are. But here I question if this kind of transaction can be beneficial for teenagers. It sometimes turns into a conditional love, where the child is not loved for who he is but for who he is supposed to be. And I want to make the child understand that school can be a useful tool in his future and not that he has to perform well so that he can get some advantages. I think it's needed to establish deals and to negotiate and understand each one's expectations but I don't think a parent should impose to the child how often to go to school and how to perform because as you said "It's not in his power and the teen will find ways to not do it". Missing school can be connected to the emotional struggle the teen goes through and I think it's better to see the cause of this behavior. I think what you propose is needed but I don't like the "if you do that....then, I will..." approach. It sounds like conditional love.
I hear what you are saying, but sometimes kids can't see as far as a parent, they haven't climbed up as far on the mountain so they don't have the same view. When there is something that would be advantageous for the child, but they can't see it yet, then we offer an incentive to get them to join in. Sometimes it is precisely because of who they are that they need the extra nudge, Dana Stoian. Thank you for commenting.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV Beautifully said, thank you. :)
as a teenager... this is so bad and so manipulative
Stefano Chaves, how so?
If i do that "transaction/deal" thing, i bet my daughter will absolutely think that is a threat, not a deal. Even when i was giving her advice (kindly) she thought i was scolding her :(
Yan Zhan, I wish you the best.
Noooo Fun !!! Is pure pain!
Once you can step back a bit, it if fun. I find teenagers humorous.
True! I followed the T method and I realised it can turn into a fun transaction also what really touched me is and shifted my pain was to see my girl with positivity and gratitude
Thank you so much!
I loveeeeeeee this! Makes me feel better 😏😀
Great! Thank you for watching and commenting.
Absolutely brilliant amazing
Susan Foxwell, honored to be on your team.
I have numerous questions about how to become the eldest sibling, can I make a video request about that topic? Because my siblings are way younger than me and it's so hard to keep them in one piece most of the time... Thanks
Neko HaCkEr, I will add it to the list, just wondering why it is your responsibility to keep them in one piece. Sounds like the parents' role.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV Since my parents have a very busy life, I have to take over their responsibility. My siblings are way younger than me and I don't like their super-naughty attitude, I have always a hard time dealing with their mischief and make my siblings follow me. Thank you for the help.
Can I get a bit of advice please I have a 13yo daughter . And everytime i allow a bit of wiggle room for her so too speak for instance . If she’s good in school she gets money at the end of the week . Also there are 2 rules I ask for her too follow . 1 don’t be disrespectful and 2 is home at set time . She just will not accept the rules at all and if I take her phone from not following the simple rules she is so disrespectful and say some horrible things and it’s so hard too deal with . Iam just asking for some extra tips maybe or where ism going wrong . Thank you
Carlton, I am not sure that you are doing anything wrong, except possibly letting her know that it bothers you. This is tough, but you need to tell her she does not need to be happy about the consequences, and if she disrespects you further, the phone will stay gone longer.
Live On Purpose TV thank you very much for the reply . Trouble is I actually don’t think she means too be disrespectful one minute she is a angel next minite a devil if that makes sense she haven’t started her first period yet so this mite have something too do with it . Iam trying my best too tell her Iam here for her . But I also thing that she knows how to pull at my heart strings . It’s so difficult to know when iam being too harsh or too easy . My days are filled up by thoughts of what’s going to happen today because it’s everyday there’s something new . Iam emotionally drained to the point I can’t fight no more Iam just too tired
My kid thumps and gets physical with us if we ask to complete the school assignments and threatens us with self harming and using bad words .my kid recently turned teen.how to deal with it. As we live in an apartment so its difficult . Please suggest .my kids was not like this before.
Varsha Raj, thank you for watching Live On Purpose TV - I hope we can be of service to you. Get clear on what you control and what you don't. You cannot control your son's behavior, but you do control the internet, transportation services, devices, etc. We have some resources to assist you, and you're welcome to use none, one, or all of them. Some videos that may be helpful are:
"Teaching Kids Responsibility - Positive Parenting" - ruclips.net/video/1SFIc2LsHyA/видео.html
"Positive Parenting Strategies For The Teenage Years" - ruclips.net/video/nNC7RpaPt3o/видео.html
"What To Do When Your Teenager Is Out Of Control" - ruclips.net/video/-y8R7xUAg60/видео.html
"Deal With Difficult Teen" - ruclips.net/video/N9l6jJu38xQ/видео.html
"How To Deal With Your Angry Teenager" - ruclips.net/video/VhbKrhU-J4s/видео.html
"How To Deal With Teenagers Swearing" - ruclips.net/video/bnOGdLihLJ8/видео.html
We have more on our Positive Parenting playlist: ruclips.net/p/PLq2mRDkHEBPCclxt6agg3wrLBRkL7CCwU
I also want to offer a free 25 minute call with one of our Live On Purpose coaches. You and/or your son may need some coaching or counseling, and this can help you determine which route to take. If you would like to schedule a call, please go here: DrPaulJenkins.com/breakthroughcall
Additionally, I just launched Live On Purpose Central - a place for all things positivity, including parenting. Please check it out and see if it is something you would be interested in: liveonpurposecentral.com/order-form1590696228507
@@LiveOnPurposeTV Thanks for replying. But she threatens us if we take her phone away. And thumps on the floor so badly in the midnight. We live in apartment
@@beautifulmind2667 If your daughter continues to misbehave, you can continue to remove access to privileges. That includes preferred food (like dessert), even a bedroom, or the door to her bedroom. Be calm during all of this. The punishment is not about your mood, it's about her behavior. You can say something like, "As soon as you speak calmly to me as I am to you, we can start discussing how you can earn back the lost privileges." I encourage you to try this, and if things don't improve take advantage of the free call. : )
Thanks for the tips
You bet
Didnt get the lick my fingers part
Old plumber's joke. Sorry. Thanks for watching.
thank you, this is very helpful
You are welcome, Krismae Dilag. Honored to have you at Live On Purpose TV.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV when I apply your advices, it really helps a lot and now I manage my difficulties on dealing with my kid. Thank you again.
Yeah ok, I want to see you be positive when your daughter spits in your face and disrespect you, I want to see you smile and be positive when they steal from you. This is why I hate psychiatrist. Do people have no clothes, nothing better than an old school beating Once in a while
Ruben Vargas, consider a breakthrough call with a coach at www.drpauljenkins.com/breakthroughcall
I chosed not to ever become a dad as a teenager, now I’m an adult. I’m married an I have a teenage daughter 😂 (my wife had a daughter when I met her).
Haha, yep, life throws us curve-balls from time to time. Thanks for watching, Jose Ortega. I hope the video helped.
I like very much all the info but man... Very tiring listening to someone speaking softly then LOUDLY the softly then LOUDLY... This remind me of some pastor in churches, so tiring!
I hear you, SadSky TristeCiel. I do have a vocal disorder that makes it hard to speak sometimes, I will have to review and see if that is the issue.
I like it it interject a positive vibe
It was actually very entertaining and beautifully presented in my opinion. Thank you so much @Live on purpose tv!!! I would discard his comment if I were you:)
Thanks. Now they don't work!
The teenagers don't work? Linxcion, let me know what you mean.
Haha, great empowerment to parents(who really love their kids).Great teaching!!!
Thanks, Grace.
wt can i do my daughter to focus for study her exam comming, i am now out of country?
Beautiful Vdo, if it's not too late, you can suggest to your daughter that she watch this video: "7 Tips For How To Stay Focused On Homework" - ruclips.net/video/HITmerDfbT4/видео.html. Thanks for watching Live On Purpose TV.
Shew, thank you!
Buffy Breeden, thank you for watching.
I think your viewers could benefit from a video on Mother’s with mental illnesses. I have PTSD, BPD and Fibromyalgia. I’ve came a long way since my diagnoses but still I am sometimes given a crossed look or not being communicated with and I sink either to very depressed or angry. We are both in therapy so we are putting forth the efforts to heal. Thanks again!
Dear Sir ,
I really appreciate your effort to educate parents first that how to deal with adhd kids . My son is 14 years old n has been hyperactive throughout his childhood . First we parents thought that he may be mischevious but later on we realised he is having problem in learning school tasks . He is a bit talkative , aggressive with his younger sister but quite good with elder sister n brother . He cannot memories well his school home works .
It feels that his mind is stuck badly .he makes the same mistakes after learning or practicing .
Contrary , he is good in playing video games , making papers aeroplanes ,some home chores .
When we teach him , he seems distracted easily by watching clock or just started touching hair or rubbing hands etc .
I am quite upset becoz he was doing o'levels but could not qualify in good marks . He himself thinks that his memory is weak .
I want to know is his behaviour cureable without medicines ??
Secondly , he seems misfit for science , commerce nd humanity subjects then what other option is left for me to educata such boy who seems uninterested in studies . Plz suggest me something which can be helpful in his studies . Regards
How are you treating the ADHD, Anjum Muzzamil? We don't know that your son is not fit for these things until he is treated, whether that is medicine, diet or other therapies. Talk to your doctor or others who deal with ADHD kids and find out what they have done. Ask your son what he is passionate about and get him going in that direction.
This is genius
Thanks, T Fizzle. Glad to have you at the channel.
Why am I here
I'm *12*
Hey, Bummy Channel, find out what your parents are watching. Great idea.
So you know how not to act. Embed it in your memory for life.
Oh god I forgot about this comment, 😂
I'm 14 now and I don't act like that-