After being in this type of relationship, your radar for bullshit/abuse levels up to about 1,000. You won’t tolerate anything anymore. You’re hyper vigilant with the patterns. You just know. It’s important that people educate themselves, even if they’re single bc these ppl are everywhere! We deserve unconditional love!! You’re worthy!! Don’t forget it!
THANK U IM SO GLAD TO HEAR A POSITIVE THOUGHT ON THE FUTURE AND BECAUSE OF UR COMMENT IT L SSENS MY FEAR OF BEING ABLE TO GET THRU THE LONG TERM AFFECTS I FEAR SO DEEPLY. ITS THE FIRST TIME I FEEL SOME HOPE FOR MYSELF IN BEING ABLE TO GET THRU WHAT IM HOPING THAT IM FINALLY READY TO FACE AND GET THRU. I CAN ONLY HOPE THIS IS THE WORST OF WHAT I WILL FACE IN LIFE. ITS MOST DEFINATELY ONE OF THE MOST DIFFICULT AND TERRIFYING SITUATIONS IVE EVER BEEN THRU AND ALSO THE FIRST I’VE HAD TO DEAL WITH ON MY OWN. I WOULDNT EVER WISH THIS UPON ANY HUMAN BEING… NOT EVEN MY WORST ENEMY! THANK U AGAIN FOR MAKINGA HUGE DIFFERENCE IN A PERFECT STRANGERS LIFE!
Both absolutely lovely comments here that I treasure. It is really nice when someone brings someone else, hope and encouragement. I am so thankful for the community of education, recognition, and support. Yes, they are everywhere. They target more isolated people, so once we have been impacted by or even targeted, sometimes within our own families, we become more vulnerable as it is an intentionally isolating type of abuse, which makes it easier for these human predators to target us again. They often connect and triangulate their abuse if it is also psychological and includes a smear campaign.
@@shannon6692 I hope you will be okay and I hope you have support and don't let the predator know before you make your moves and I hope you get out swiftly and far away so you can make a fresh and happy start.
So true. Just got out of a relationship from a BPD woman. I'm hyper sensitive to the manipulation. When I see this pattern in other people, I walk away immediately. I won't allow anyone to manipulate my time anymore.
Lies and Infidelity is a very serious issue to deal with and it’s a major threat to most marriages and relationships.Scars left behind from a narcissist husband is hard to erase from the mind. I was reluctant at first about finding the truth about my cheating husband but I’m glad I finally took the courage for it .I got help from Cyber Hack Solutions as he helped clone my cheating husband’s phone and I got access to all his phone call logs, emails, text messages both deleted texts and also social media chats; whatsApp , Facebook, Instagram without having access to his phone because he is mostly out of town due to the nature of his work and I was able to track his location too, all I provided was his phone number to this wonderful hacker. This was very revealing for me as he’s a serial cheater until I got into his phone and ended things.I’m glad to uncover his, lies, secrets and Infidelity. You can contact this amazing Hacker David via gmail (cyberhack003) or text and call on his phone and WhatsApp : +15303784744
Wandering Free I feel absolute trust shouldn’t be overemphasized in a relationship, smartness is also very important. There’s a popular saying that “don’t trust too much because that too much might hurt you so much”. A Narcissist shouldn’t be trusted, they have this excessive interest or admiration of themselves and they’re very toxic!. My greatest disappointment was discovering my wife cheating on me through the help of Cyberhackingsage who helped cloned her cellphone and i was able to read all her messages and uncover my wife’s infidelity without having to touch her phone. All i did was share my wife’s number with Cyberhackingsage and i got access to her Facebook, WhatsApp and text messages both deleted and incoming ones with a remote link on my phone. Thanks to Cyberhackingsage, now i have enough evidence for my divorce. You can contact him ( cyberhackingsage@gmail )Or Text/Call and WhatsApp him on +15713758467. Thank me later.
It's SUCH a bizarre pattern of behaviour. Really disturbing and terrifying to be involved with. Yuck. I have been in relationships with them... NO MORE. NEVER AGAIN. Love yourself enough to break the habit, the addiction, the familiarity of it. These people will NEVER change or bring you happiness.
Daughter 1118 yes, both of parents are narcissists, and so are my brothers...crazy upbringing for me, but as the scapegoat I was lucky and found my way and into the light!
h3arty I heard scapegoats often get away without any fuckups! I mean they do get traumatized but golden kids get screwed much worse, by becoming narc too
codyopj if they go in therapy , they COULD improve. Problem: They think nothing is wrong with them. Instead they blame others. They might wake up, when they really really hit bottom. Then they go into therapy. OR : Commit suicide.
The narcissist desperately wants you. Then ... slowly but surely ... The narcissist desperately wants to be rid of you and, if possible, completely destroy you.
Pip Pipster Absolutely! He comes to seek, kill and destroy what they could never be. Look up these three words: the Jezebel Spirit. It’s just not only physical but also a spiritual warfare.
@@pippipster6767 They don't just go from desperately wanting you, to wanting to get rid of you..that wouldn't make sense..just to clarify. The devaluing comes only After you go against them. It is important to understand and recognize the pattern..
Col Nohman I completely disagree. It is absolutely not necessary for the victim to go against the narcissist in any way for the narcissist to want to be rid of the victim. That’s part of the madness of it. Yes, you are right, that doesn’t make sense. But the narcissist doesn’t make sense. In fact the more the victim tries to cooperate and make things work the worse it will get. That’s why the victim gets so worn down. The victim is trying to progress matters with someone who does not want to actually progress things. Trying to progress things with a person who wants to create stress and misery and pointless arguments and to wear down and control and ultimately destroy the victim with all the gaslighting, blame shifting, crazy making, projection and so on. I do agree however that the order of events is glorification (or love bombing) followed by being put on a pedestal for a while, followed by devaluation (can be a subtle and long process) followed by discard. And the cycle will repeat it self if the victim permits it - ie. allowing the narcissist back after discard. But each time the narcissist is allowed back the cycle is shorter and harsher. The narcissist comes back to punish. This is how it is. Although things can be different with different narcissist obviously. The process can be quick or slow. But, generally speaking the pattern is as above. It does not require the victim to go against the narcissist for any of this.
I loved the way he made me feel so special. I am a love/sex addict, so he was my drug of choice and he knew it. Funny thing is, I never actually had sex with him. He never loved me.
Praise the most high for you not staying that was the best thing that you ever did in your life continue to go strong and be strong and continue to watch and pray because it's so many out there
The hardest part to realize as a survivor of not just one, but three narcissitic relationships since teenage years, is that my intuitive self shot off warnings in the beginning. I didn't listen, instead choosing heart over head in the moment. Finally at 53, I have the knowledge I've always wanted and needed. Videos like this are so important because we can see we're not alone and learn how to detach and seperate from the narcissist. Mahalo ❤
I think this cycle happens to a person when they are chosen to be the narcissistic supply. Others will be treated normal and have no clue what’s happening.
Literally described my current relationship. I can't exactly pay for help in the current situation. It's like quick sand. The relationship did a complete 180 when I moved in. Run my friends run far away.
I am in a relationship with a narcissist, he blocked me for 6 weeks and then called me out of the blue to argue. Thank you for this video it has really helped me see sense and say no to the belittling.
I was with a narcissist for years. The narcissist has since married. Won't be long before the divorce. I'm applying to law school next week. Be strong.
Consider yourself very lucky getting away from the narcissist, and pray for his new mate, there's debate over whether or not you should warn them probably not in the situation
Malicious! Was at receiving end of it...Leaving us confused! Part of the control...meaning! " Do you thing I care about you? I don't! But I do!" At the time I was afraid of physical abuse so I use to ignore him...I wish I could have told him " F...off! every time but I couldn't:( I forgot to say : " I successfully divorced him because weather I was co dependent or delusional about love and my desire for family. I KNEW ALL ALONG THAT HE SHOULDN'T BE THAT WAY!
@@celiaverdinho54 I got over the feeling of telling everyone off- by, remembering I'm in control of myself, while they are not. And, you can say nothing....very powerful. YOU WON. without saying a word. you're on to the game, and, you can let it go because you learned a very valuable lesson. LESSON: Keep your Radar up to date and working;-)
@Vanessa wuuuut....I take offense to that. But very nice of you to try to generalize this statement..sometimes helps for simpler minds and is refreshing for communication. Very good rationalization. 😉
Your Spirit is powerful. Pay attention to that inner knowing. Read books, find people to learn about and admire, and emulate. The world will always have naysayers. Find your own tribe, know yourself. And, focus on creating your life to do good and be joyful;)
Thank God for RUclips and Thank God for you!!! Truly a Godsend!!! You have given me exactly what I needed. Been in marital counseling for 6 months trying to explain this. I'm done now though. No more narcissistic abuse for me.
The problem is they also watch you tube and some are Cerebral therefore able to be Chameleons...So we will have as harder time to figure who are we dealing with if indeed they choose to...They can easily reflect our desires and manoeuvre into our world. I hope I can see the next one coming:)
I was hurt and heart broken when a very big problem occurred in my marriage seven months ago, between me and my wife . so terrible that she took the case to court to file a divorce. She said that she cannot continue to stay with me again,and she said "I don't love you anymore" So she took her things out of the house and made me and my children passed through several emotional pain. I tried all my possible means to get her back,after much begging,but all to no avail.and she confirmed it that she has made her decision,and she never wanted to see me again. So one evening,as i was coming back from work,i meant an old friend of mine who asked of my wife .So i explained every thing to him, so he told me that the only way i can get my wife back, is to visit a prophet to know what is really behind this issue, because it has really worked for other people too. So i never believed in spell, but i had no other choice than to follow his advice. Then he gave me the Email address of the prophet. prophetehiagwina@gmai l.com. So the next morning, i sent a mail to the address he gave to me, and the prophet respond the following day and assured me that i will get my wife back the next day. Hopefully I believed since my friend recommended me to him, ,so we discussed and told me everything that i need to do. Then the next morning, So surprisingly, my wife who didn't call me for the past 7 months, gave me a call to inform me that she was coming back. So Amazing!! So that was how she came back that same day ,with lots of love and joy, and she apologized on her mistake ,and for the pain she caused me and my children. Then from that day ,our relationship was now stronger than how it were before ,by the help of a prophet . So, i will advice you out there if you have any problem contact PROPHET EHIAGWINA, i give you 100% guarantee that he will help you.. Email him at: prophetehiagwina@ gmail. com or call/whatsapp +2348139182295 prophet ehiagwina can help solve problems such as: genetic battle spell to kill or distroy your enemy spell to get a good job win lottery dealing narcissist spell Avenge someone Spell to someone and many more
I feel like all the clout is around Dr. Ramani, but I found Dr. Fox and another channel of Dr. Les Carter and they are so refreshing and seem les emotionally invested in the subject and more clinical about it and I like that.
I like the way u described "would u say the words the Narc uses to my friend" This is a good point. I walked out of my 6year relationship after i lost every possesion i had. He had demons in him at the point where i wanted to kill myself. Every time he calls i have to keep remind myself that and stay away from him. He is charming and big time player. I'm glad I'm out of this situation and i will never ever let any one treat me like this again. Thank you for the video Sir.
It’s obviously more complex. Even during the love bombing stage the codependent starts the notice odd behaviour. Narcissists continually reframe reality to manage their very fragile self esteem. They will notice their narcissist parter has a very different recollection of past events mainly concerning people. Once they move into the shame based comments/projecting and more controlling behaviour the codependent will attempt to slowly back off. To the narcissist this is seen as an attack because the narcissist feels they aren’t being treated as they feel their entitled to be treated. More severe shame based comments/projecting follow. The codependent starts making more serious plans to leave the narcissist. This triggers the narcissist worst fears, abandonment:( If the codependent is grade A supply the narcissist will do anything they can to keep their hostage. Except the one thing that would actually work! Turn into a decent human being. The problem being the narcissist already believes themselves to be a top notch human being. They believe their false better self to be their real self. Deep down the narcissist knows every relationship has a used by date. This is why they always have back up supply on standby. Its hard to have a relationship when you’re to insecure to see your parter as an equal:( ps forgive my poor grammar
Stephen Ireland I believe you explained it or worded it better then he did. I understand what he’s is trying to say because I’m already aware of this but for someone who is new to learning about the cycle - your explanation is more accurate.
@@wunderdoggy the highest highs and the lowest lows. Never had someone made me feel euphoria like that, and never had someone bring me so close to suicide. Its so hard to break the cycle but it's necessary
Thank you for this explanation of the cycle. It's very helpful and validating. Many therapists deny NPD or narcissistic traits. That can leave those affected by such relationships feeling even more alone and ashamed. I appreciate your work towards creating healthy awareness.
Where is the worksheet? I was married to a narcissist for 20 years finally left him. Met an old friend from 30 years ago only to find out after a month that he was just like my husband!! Needless to say I nipped it in the bud before I got trapped for another 20 years.
@@junegray5506 I'm 62 and I'm having the same ..about to break up with a 7 month relationship tomorrow..tried to call it quits with him many times but he knew how to lure me back..sad
@@sabrehunt3603 thank you for your reply. I now believe we are not ready to leave, until we are ready. That is until we recognise our own value and take the power we have inside us and have denied for so long. Wasting our energy on someone who doesn’t value us, is ultimately our choice.
Women especially are attracted to narcissists because we mistake it for confidence. Culturally, we women are raised to seek out the narcissistic male. Look for more humble men who are quick to accept responsibility, will easily apologize, and have good relationships with their family members.
It’s not hard to spot them when you have had experience. Need to be around a lot of people. Empathetic or not, we must be selective. People- listen to your instincts and trust your mind. It’s night and day between one and a genuine partner. It’s absolutely obvious once you’re out of one, so don’t step in the same shit twice!
Pip Pipster true but after one experience and practiced learning, you have to pay attention to nuances. Every time I’ve been spot on with seeing someone’s true colors. A small thing always leads to a big one...
Pip Pipster for example I chase very sexy women, like 8,9,&10 looks. Yesterday this girl goes on her 2nd date with me. She planned the place, time, etc. First date she was so fun and charming, kissed me. Texting was a little off through the week and I sensed it. Kinda hot and cold or slightly rude. I didn’t care but she wanted to still go. Invited her over to breakfast and we had fun. As we pull up to the trail we were about to hike, it’s like 2pm. She says, ‘hey I got dinner plans at 6 so we have to be back by then’ I respond, ‘oh is it a date?’ She says ‘yes it’s our 2nd as well, but some guys get the wrong impression of what I want’. Now I could’ve tried to compete and show her an amazing day. Instead, I walked right to my car and told her if she wants a ride back to get in. I never looked her in the face after. I didn’t care to discuss it with her besides saying, ‘I’m not an opening act and you’re a waste of my time- and you’re done dictating my day. I have other things to do with my life’. I didn’t say another word as she tried to process and tell me that she thought I only wanted to be friends, yet she found me attractive, etc. Didn’t buy it. She asked why I was driving 95mph. I said, ‘to get home and on with my day that’s half over’. She’s absolutely beautiful and I ditched her and deleted her number without scolding or fighting. Hard Boundaries. That is what I would want my son to do. Then I worked out and relaxed. Yes, I know her and I aren’t together, but that is super rude. Set the clock on me while I make you breakfast, drive you to a hike so you can make out with someone else later at his place? Tip of an iceberg. I have far worse stories, but they start off with little pebbles causing small ripples. Maybe it was an overreaction, but I’ve been kicked around way too often by beautiful women in the past. Notice those ripples before you get lost in the waves and months or years go by. You’ll be a shell of yourself and realized you could’ve literally done anything you really wanted over that time. That happened to me too. Empower yourselves people. Trust your instincts. Take back what is yours.
Jason Maruszak Yes. But a clever covert (like the one I knew) could play the game and do all the right things and say all the right things for months and months. But once you’re up to your neck in it - then the trouble begins. A lot of people get caught like this. It’s like the stories you hear of everything being super wonderful, but the very day after the marriage the mask comes off and it’s basically full-on misery. These situations are not straightforward.
YES...you WILL be ok when it ends, it's better to be alone than with a narcissist!!!!! ALWAYS!!!! You'll be better when it ends, and you'll be happier.
In the abandonment phase (with a parent), I find it's characterized by neglect: weeks or months without calling or any contact while paying massive amounts of attention to another sibling. In a friendship situation I've seen the belittling phase be extremely subtle, starting with just not being interested in any movie or tv show I'm interested in, while insisting that we always watch what they want.
Sorry about you family. It sucks not having unconditional love from your own parents. I recommend the friend that sticks closer than a brother-Jesus. Also find out what makes you thrive. Hobbies, interests, nature, music, learning new skills. The best revenge is thriving!!! ❤
You literally described my ex-husband! I knew he had a mental illness but didn't what it was and of course he didn't think he had a problem. I was with him for 5 years, worse 5 years of my life! It ended 4.5 years ago and I still haven't been able recover from the belittling and the massive manipulation that came with it and that's with over 2years of psychotherapy. Iv also been diagnosed with BPD, the combination of the two illnesses were a match made in hell! I don't trust my decisions any more and am gripped with intense fear and anxiety when I try to move forward, doesn't help that when I have tried to date I keep picking men with mental illnesses, what the hell🤔😳 I'm hoping that leaning more about my BPD will help me heal and make better choices. You're videos have helped me have more awareness in what I'm going through and have been really helpful, thank you.
Anna Inneo you will heal, my ex wife was a narcissist and it ended in a month and a half of the marriage because she chose to leave. There was constant manipulation, she made it seem like she was cheating and even brought another guy into the relationship. She hated it when I put God and his rules first in the relationship. They hate boundaries. She hated that she couldn’t drink and she hated the fact that it was a rule that we had to go through scriptures often. She had no interest and she done a lot of the belittling and would often break a lot of the rules. She would send me away to a hotel in the abandoning stage obviously I wouldn’t actually go but this is when it became physical abuse cos I wouldn’t leave her sight. I learnt my lesson never again!
Anna Inneo I experienced the same thing only difference is, this was from a girl who claimed to have borderline personality disorder. apparently what I learned was they go through the same idealize, devalue, discard stages as narcissists.
Hey sis I'm sorry to hear about your story but I want to direct you to the Bible Mark 5:1-20 if you are a Believer or if you read your bible this will help you understand that we are not dealing with just human beings these are demons in human beings they has entered into them the Bible says the Devil comes to steal kill and to destroy and that's whats going on when you understand that this is more spiritual than natural and realizing that you was in the Twilight Zone you can come out and pray and ask the Most High God to heal you and to deliver you from that cycle of that pain he will deliver you you won't forget what you've been through but it won't affect you anymore and I'll be praying for you sis it's a beautiful place to be out of that Twilight Zone shalom!!!!!💖
I do like how you ask people to break it down and write about it a little at a time to reflect, see red flags and so it is not so overwhelming. Baby steps like the movie, "What About Bob"...lol. Love it!
My ex actually admitted that she enjoyed make up sex more than normal relationship sex, I had to endure this cycle on a weekly basis, just so she could get her kicks. Other times she was hypersexual, it was an intense merry go round of emotions. Needless to say I'm now at a point where I just can't begin to trust anyone with my heart again, so I spend my time concentrating on my work, my health and my future. Being on my own is a pleasure, I've found out things about myself I'd either not realised or forgot.
i caught my husband cheating with the help of darkwebprohack You can contact them on WhatsApp/call/text +17076225057 email darkwebprohack@gmail com,they can help you hack others whatapp,fb,ig,snapchat,calls,they bring back deleted messages from your spouse phone
You are such a good person Dr. Fox. Thank you so much for taking the time to help us out. I wish you were my Dr. I think im ready to leave finally. Ive been broken into pieces and have no self worth at all. Your a blessing from God..i truly believe that!!💗💗🙏🙏
In my experience the belittling is intended to break down your self-esteem. This provides them with someone who will strengthen their ego because they want to control you. When they have power over you, you are less likely to leave them and they don't want to be abandoned. When you pull away, they start treating you well so you feel like they aren't a bad person or maybe you were just overreacting to how they were treating you. I always felt bad for them. I knew deep down what they did was wrong but I felt that it would get better and I could help them by being the best I could be. They didn't care about me all. I could barely get a full idea out of my mouth before I was interrupted. They didn't care about my thoughts, ideas, or feelings, and literally told me, "You don't get to feel that way." I had to learn what self-esteem was and stop pitying them, and stop thinking I could be their savior. I can't change others, I can only save myself from their abuse.
I love how succinctly Dr. Daniel Fox explained both the cycles as well as offered concrete thoughts, ideas, and patterns we can add to our toolbox! Very insightful video, even had to take notes. Am looking forward to viewing far more of his videos due to his easy, informational, presentation style! Awesome job, and thanks for all your efforts in de-mystifying this relationship cycle!
Yes - but if you inflict a permanent no contact that will deliver a massive narcissistic injury - plus you free of the N. BUT ... make sure permanent. If you go back you’re toast.
Moth’s Mummy It’s a cycle because the narcissist is let back in. Abandon, return. On, off. Hot, cold. Push, pull. The only way to break the cycle is to make the abandonment permanent by NOT allowing any return. The narcissist works out what the victim will tolerate and will always go to those limits. The only way to end it is to end it permanently.
I just left a relationship that you just described! Awesome info you just shared! He really belittled me & disrespected me & when I responded he would make me seem crazy. This is Amazing how the Universe sent me to this page! Nothing happens by accident- I refuse to loose a nights sleep over that character...Life goes on- I love me so much more❤
I think me and my partner were both on the narcissistic spectrum. I have been working on myself and I see the old me as a immature child. I try now to keep her in check and have been doing therapy and watch at least a few hundred videos on personality issues and cptsd. I think the key to getting a narcissistic to change it to explain what they are doing is a Defense mechanism and not all the way their fault. But their responsibility to change it and educate themselves.
Thanks for explaining that cycle. I can see that my psychiatrist used the same techniques on helping me decide to give up on my marriage and refuse to be abused any longer.
Dr. Daniel Fox Dr. Daniel Fox sorry. I didn't explain myself well. My psychiatrist used the process of questioning to help me be aware and heal from the abuse from my ex. He helped me immensely to remove the shame and obligation i felt and put the ownership of the abuse on my ex. The narc cycle of the relationship was done by my ex for years. You explained this cycle perfectly.
Still upsets me to hear this. I went back for a second run just so he could destroy me again! 6 years of my life putting up with too much and getting too little after the love bombing.
I went through a similar circumstance. 3 months after my discard...she is already posting her new relationship status as "Engaged". She played me out for 5 years before I saw the mask drop. Sadly, I was naive and denied the signs when they should've been so obvious to me. She ran the usual smear campaign which I largely ignored. But subconsciously I knew something was going on behind my back. I should've quit her during the 1st Hoovering Attempt. Unfortunately, this info wasn't available to me nor was I aware of it.
You went back because it's VERY hard not to stay or go back for different reasons. You are obviously a Lover not a Narc. Stay strong and look after your mental and physical health!
@@darring.9161 You are a Lover! Someone else will appreciate your kind spirit. If you are a good person no one can smear. Did well to ignore. So you are strong! I did 25 years which correctly divided half of it filled with sadness/rejection and danger for me. So Life and Love shouldn't SUCK so bad but Does. So live and LEARN
Thank you 🙏 it’s a process bc one day it’s like he seems so sweet and committed but once a conflict arises it’s like a switch!! I can never compare the two and I get so confused. It’s like 2 different people and that’s why letting go is hard
Dear Doctor Fox, Im sending a big thank you from Prague, CZ to u, you literally helped me realize so much!😶 Last night, Ive dealt with my3rd and hopefully last breakup with my narcissistic ex-partner and now Im feeling like ... enlighted. Its like a 'I was blind but now I see' kind of a thing. Your explanation is the best one till now, love the clarity and accuracy, it's seriously impressive! Thx! Jess 🧚🏼♀️
i caught my husband cheating with the help of darkwebprohack You can contact them on WhatsApp/call/text +17076225057 email darkwebprohack@gmail com,they can help you hack others whatapp,fb,ig,snapchat,calls,they bring back deleted messages from your spouse phone
i got a inheritance about 4 years ago it's in savings and he won't let me touch the money im half blind and have limited sight. if i even got to the bank id have to split town and he would watch the atm etc and hunt us down. not worth it
You can be the most wonderful, talented, attractive, and giving person in the world. Remember it isn't you, it's them. The telling comment is " I want someone to love me" not " I want to love someone". They are always self-centered.
Yes, I do deserve to be addressed with respect. Thank you...I think and feel this coming into my being. I appreciate the information you have imparted Dr. Fox 🦊
I love that I found you randomly! I instantly connected with your therapeutic voice which allowed me to hear and comprehend your lesson. Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge!
Or it's also called. The love bombing/Idealization phase, devaluation, and discard. Then the hoovering phase. That's why no contact is so important. It's because you need to avoid this cycle from happening again.
Excellent presentation ! Married couples go through this cycle all the time, whether they admit it or not. This is a very common phenomenon in today's world. Children, more often than not, act as that magic cement that keeps the family bonded; they act as a centripetal force, a force that pulls towards the center. All three components are very useful and helpful. Thank you Dr. Fox !!
Very helpful in recovering. Mine pretty much went from Love bombing to an immediate discard but trying to keep me in background on a string and bread crumbing me. Interesting she had warned me that she can be 'spicy' and if she gets belittling that she needs put in her place and that side can not be let out. It is like she knows she has this - but we went directly skipping that - to being discarded and pursuing others. Definitely seeking professional guidance. The Love bombing stage is definitely disorienting to go from that to 180 degrees the other direction.
I regret not viewing your youtube segment years earlier. I was told recently that my friend/boyfriend is a narcissist and I hesitated on believing him until I watched your video. Your video could have saved a lot of heartache, despair, tears, moving expenses and much more. Thank you for all the information, you don’t know how much this means to me.
He didn't belittle my looks but everything I said. He'd purposely undermine my comments to one-up me and make me feel small, wrong, and less smart as him. I pointed this out and all he did was deny and make me feel crazy for thinking he did this.
Thank you for this video. I'm trying so hard to leave after so many attempts so many times I was sure it was fine he hoovers me back in. No matter how badly I want to hope there will be change I need to acknowledge and realize there won't be any. Your videos really are helpful to those who fall victim to narcissists.
This is me and my ex I just broke up with. She put me through this over and over dozens of times, even with a few breakup-makup instances in there. I had no idea she was a narcissist until a few days ago when I started researching to find out "what could I have done to save it". Seems like my answer is "nothing".
Michael Whitlow it took me 30 years to figure out my wife was a narc. All I know is no matter how I did it, said it, fixed it , solved it, I was wrong and could never make her happy. My views on anything were debated. Never agreed with my point. Belittling and disrespect finally got to me.
Michael Whitlow don't even stop learning about this wicked predator Michael. I was sucked know and out of this demons life for 15 years. I made the mistake of marrying him. It has taken me 15 years of pain, humiliation, questioning myself worth and I could go on. These videos and many more empathic people and couldn't seokorsnthat post videos are and have been my friends in my most desperate times. They have brought hope knowing that I'm not the only sucker. My best advice? Don't ever share what you have and will be learning with her, her family, and her friends. Leave and don't ever look back. You got scammed from a life scammer. Like a criminal. Except this demon NEVER changes. Ever: ( God Bless you Michael
nothing I'm in the same situation I'm finding everything out now it's so heartbreaking in unbelievable but it's the truth I was in denial now I'm not I have a 4 month baby with him and this is the hardest thing I'm going threw I'm loosing my mind 😢
Yes same here he started as he said my soul mate .... it all seemed so surreal at the beginning and like you’ve finally met this person who was created just for you... he was so believable and kind and seemed to be my perfect match in every way then the marriage was so quick... so rushed! It went weird at the honeymoon and the abuse began the very 1st day back from the honeymoon.... I can’t describe the horrific feelings that brought to me....I had already changed my Life, quit my job to move to his home way out in the country... all my things were there. I felt so Isolated ... Thank God I started googling it all, Learned about Narcissism and was able to escape with my Life I feel it would had gotton so much worse if I stayed longer than what I had to.... My suggestion is RUN as fast as you possibly can
I belive the glorifying only happens in the beginning. At least for me it did. Once the cycle Is complete, the next rounds of 'glorification' is replaced by 'breadcrumbing.' Its never the same as the initial glorification nor to that level after that. Initially, the probably do genuinly idealise you until they realise that just like any human being, you have flaws. After that, they don't look at you the same way. You become too ordinary and sub-par to them.
Omg I was wondering why everyone else gets loved bombed multiple times but I only got it once. That was confusing. I guess that's because once I'm hurt I don't forgive. I guess the people that fall for it again can be love bombed again? Not me. I wish I was love bombed more than once because I'd rather have that knowing it was fake then nothing. Meh
@@melmelbry5754 exactly that!! Your walls are higher, your less permeable than others etc. Not being love bombed again is not necessarily a bad thing AT ALL. it's got NOTHING to do with your worth, weather they love you etc etc. NOTHING at all! It likely means that, you are just harder to get through. Your more boundaried. Succumbing to Lovebombing and hoovering thereafter can actually be an insult or indicative of many other deep seated, primitive issues and wounds within someone. Take it from me, hoovering and lovebombing wastes time, sucks you dry and eventually emaciates you to death. Lovebombing kills
Very true. Thank God we are able to voice out with true studies against all these toxic Narcissist who kills people with their abuse. They love to be there, glorifying-belittling-abandoning. Its exactly true. These Narcissist wants to hv the last word& treating people in that 3cycle.
It seems that if there is no treatment for people with NPD , then you can't ever have a healthy relationship with them ! Which is both sad for the people that love them , and the NPD person. As if they are doomed to go through life with a string of broken relationships forever !! Devastating diagnosis to say the least !
Sam Vaknin developed a new cure (the first ever) called Cold Therapy which involves re-traumatizing the NPD patient. The problem is getting these bastards to realize they are evil, destructive, and need therapy. More info here: ruclips.net/video/JnzqYIb5VEs/видео.html
It is possible to recover from narcissism but it takes someone willing to see themselves and do the work. That's the first step that many people with narcissism struggle with - because when you shine that light on the narcissism you have to really work with the wounds and darkness within it. There are many helpful modalities that I know people have used on their journey to heal from narcissism, like internal family systems, somatic experiencing, 12 steps work, even therapeutic work with psychedelics. The first step is admitting the narcissism in the first place.
Cat Henderson I think the most fundamental problem with narcissism is the need to be and be seen as perfect. If a narcissist’s human imperfection is exposed, their deep-seated shame about themselves comes out and they go into a shame spiral. It is simply unbearable, so they go back into their shell of the pathological grandiose self (“False Self”). Every trauma further hardens this shell to the point that over time it gets stronger and they get even more defensive and ashamed. As you can imagine, this is an extremely insidious and difficult cycle to break. Shining the light on narcissism feels much like putting your hand in a flame and hoping for it to go out. Easier to remain in the cycle, no matter how miserable it is. In the moment, it is the less painful of two evils.
They do what they want, please don’t feel sorry for them being in continuous broken relationships. They love the dysfunction that’s why they pretend and lie to get victims. Only have sympathy and compassion for their victims.
At some point I realized that I mirror people that I admire. I loved my narc but when I mirrored her I became a hateful unhappy addict. Still recovering from it. I never knew people were capable of this
Awesome information, thank you. Even only for BPD and traits I'm glad to have these questions to work with on my own until I get a counselor again. I feel like no mental health professional ever understood this deep emotional pain with possible BPD traits that I have regarding some of my issues. I always found them so deep seated and painful that they were next to.impossible to.describe. I got some core content resolved with self-help and counseling over the years so now I'm looking forward to going there. I know it's possible to heal. I'm just so grateful for your positive presentation of those issues. That's healing as well.
Thank you for empowering me with the knowledge to analyse critically my rlnship into such minute details. It makes sense all the events and occasions of the cycles I've gone through. Have been married for 18 yrs, and only recently got to realise the crux of my rlnship problem. Used to blame myself, but now I understand. Truly appreciate your sharing, Dr. Fox.
I appreciate this concise introduction to the cycle of the narcissists’ behavior. I have seen it to be true first hand and know you are speaking a truism about it works.
Really clear information regarding narcissists - I have many narcissistic family members (no longer immediate, 1st was 'Dad') and my brother-in-law has just begun the belittling phase with me after 28 years of knowing him at a distance. He's been visiting more often and just started in on me. I reclaimed my power this time, and I'm going to 'gray rock' him.
He said I couldn’t possibly do better than him.. 😂😂 I knew it was toxic abuse when I heard it. We were engaged and his constant flirting in front of me, ego and disrespect was over the top. As I was saving money to move out, he cut off my money and kicked me out. Wanted to see me completely destroyed. Glad to be free from that demon. He is currently chasing the girl he was conditioning when I lived w him. I had to shut down social media accounts to be free from flying monkeys. I can’t get far enough away fast enough.
When you're raised in a sociopathic/narcissistic family, you are the perfect prey for a cluster b personality disordered individual. The only way to protect yourself is Self-Love and boundaries, boundaries, boundaries!
A magnificent video & information.....thank you so much for sharing your expertise.....I feel so empowered now after being belittled for decades by 2 older narcissistic siblings😖😤---Thank you Dr Fox
The more malignant the individual, the more likely they are to use trauma bonding techniques to get their "target" addicted to them; that malignant individual may be a narcissist, a borderline, sociopath or psychopath, but the results are often the same...a combination of PTSD-like symptoms along with some Stockholm Syndrome-like feelings. It's best to walk out...IMMEDIATELY...at the very first signs of devaluing or belittling and never look back, except maybe to laugh at the bullet you dodged.
This is just what I needed to know. I needed an expert on this matter, so bad. Another of Doctors won't take my case because it's too Complex for them. Thank you, Dr. Fox for breaking it down and for the worksheet. Thank the other Doctors on here for bringing awareness to the most vulnerable in the family and work and people environment. 🙏
This happened to me and I am still having trouble believing it..he had my thoughts and emotions so distorted that I didn't know what was real anymore. I really had to take a step back and ground myself and really see it for what it was and I was floored. He discarded me like trash you take to the curb and blamed me and twisted it all on me. A man I knew for 7 years replaced me for A MAN( whom he claims is just a friend..I have to wonder) he knew for only one month.
Regardless of your personal issues, we get into relationships to improve our lives not to make them worse get a toy and a self-help book :-) until you can find somebody that respects you is more important than loves you. Every factor in society human beings can change for the better. Except narcissist they'll never change 100% never do
Good point.... It can be detrimental if their criticism of u relates to feelings u have about yourself. It is like a resonant frequency and truly amps up the effect their words and abuse.
Im wondering if he really is a Narc , or what type of Narc because he has never abandon me .everything else mentioned describes him ,But im the one who always ends the relationship.
Alex R they try to do this so that you start a fight or threaten to leave or leave them so that you look like the bad guy and they look superior and gain sympathy. So sick.
Yeah they don’t have to leave you to discard you. They’ll withdraw & belittle you until you leave them so they walk away looking like the victim. That’s what happened to me. As long as you’re with them you’re playing their game.
@@fiercekitty13 yup, I'm the one who left or who discarded twice, too confused to know the difference. But I'm pretty sure I'm the narcissist, I never keep a relationship very long.
I realize that people who stay too longtime in the relationship with a Narc, they often have weaken mentality, low self estem, low standard, especialy lack of selflove and emotional codependency. I dated a Narc for 6 months last year. During this relationship i always put myself in the deserve to be loved position and taking position. I didnt give him anything, just a little carring. It made him get mad and told me that i considered myself is princess to require.
Yes!They are the princesses so he lasted 6 month! If u behave like a Narc yourself " You are not good supply. I guess, Congrats! Good on you as you went through without being abused!
@@celiaverdinho54 many times, he said he loves me and want to have sex with me. I told him buy me a nice house, a nice car as a married gift to me. Then i would acept his wish. He looks embarrassed and he said he saving money to buy them to me 🤪🤪🤪
Hi guys! I just wanted to say I was with my wife for 10 years and put up with this pattern over and over. Until I realised what was really going. The abuse is not our fault, but allowing it to continue is, and thats a hard realisation but very necessary to move on and not find the same pattern in someone else. We were or are the co-creators of our reality. And therefore we must learn to set clear boundaries upon who we are, and to make sure they are respected. Once I did that, I was surprised to see how few people truly respected me and was a much bigger cleanup job then I anticipated. But I do feel cleansed, love myself and am ready to face whatever comes my way without freaking out or getting emotional anymore. Those who love and appreciate me will show themselves willingly. I say this, but I still have lingering fears of being alone, and lonely. Thats my next target. thanks for reading!
That was like with my 2nd bf. I know he thinks he's better than everyone but says or does things that show it really subtly. I can't figure out what kind he was. He didn't love bomb me but he also didn't have empathy and liked it if I cried. He could pretend though, very badly, and fake cried if I was going to leave him. It was so weird. He would always pull me back in but didn't want me when I was there or only wanted me when other friends had the hots for me or tried to flirt with me. He wasn't grandiose or "whoa is me" covert. So I have ZERO idea what he was. But he had to be a narc. He judged everyone and barely respected anybody except Joe Rogan and other UFC dudes. What the heck was he? I have to know.
It took me five long years to except that he was one . I knew it , just didnt want to except it. Never agqin will i play their game !!!! Thanks doc for the tools to help me explore what i truly need for me to be happy !!!!
After being in this type of relationship, your radar for bullshit/abuse levels up to about 1,000. You won’t tolerate anything anymore. You’re hyper vigilant with the patterns. You just know. It’s important that people educate themselves, even if they’re single bc these ppl are everywhere! We deserve unconditional love!! You’re worthy!! Don’t forget it!
THANK U IM SO GLAD TO HEAR A POSITIVE THOUGHT ON THE FUTURE AND BECAUSE OF UR COMMENT IT L SSENS MY FEAR OF BEING ABLE TO GET THRU THE LONG TERM AFFECTS I FEAR SO DEEPLY. ITS THE FIRST TIME I FEEL SOME HOPE FOR MYSELF IN BEING ABLE TO GET THRU WHAT IM HOPING THAT IM FINALLY READY TO FACE AND GET THRU. I CAN ONLY HOPE THIS IS THE WORST OF WHAT I WILL FACE IN LIFE. ITS MOST DEFINATELY ONE OF THE MOST DIFFICULT AND TERRIFYING SITUATIONS IVE EVER BEEN THRU AND ALSO THE FIRST I’VE HAD TO DEAL WITH ON MY OWN. I WOULDNT EVER WISH THIS UPON ANY HUMAN BEING… NOT EVEN MY WORST ENEMY! THANK U AGAIN FOR MAKINGA HUGE DIFFERENCE IN A PERFECT STRANGERS LIFE!
Both absolutely lovely comments here that I treasure. It is really nice when someone brings someone else, hope and encouragement. I am so thankful for the community of education, recognition, and support. Yes, they are everywhere. They target more isolated people, so once we have been impacted by or even targeted, sometimes within our own families, we become more vulnerable as it is an intentionally isolating type of abuse, which makes it easier for these human predators to target us again. They often connect and triangulate their abuse if it is also psychological and includes a smear campaign.
@@shannon6692 I hope you will be okay and I hope you have support and don't let the predator know before you make your moves and I hope you get out swiftly and far away so you can make a fresh and happy start.
So true. Just got out of a relationship from a BPD woman. I'm hyper sensitive to the manipulation. When I see this pattern in other people, I walk away immediately. I won't allow anyone to manipulate my time anymore.
Crazy how it goes from, " he's my soul mate" to " he's a demon from hell." Very trauma bonding.
Lucifer 🐍
Lies and Infidelity is a very serious issue to deal with and it’s a major threat to most marriages and relationships.Scars left behind from a narcissist husband is hard to erase from the mind. I was reluctant at first about finding the truth about my cheating husband but I’m glad I finally took the courage for it .I got help from Cyber Hack Solutions as he helped clone my cheating husband’s phone and I got access to all his phone call logs, emails, text messages both deleted texts and also social media chats; whatsApp , Facebook, Instagram without having access to his phone because he is mostly out of town due to the nature of his work and I was able to track his location too, all I provided was his phone number to this wonderful hacker. This was very revealing for me as he’s a serial cheater until I got into his phone and ended things.I’m glad to uncover his, lies, secrets and Infidelity. You can contact this amazing Hacker David via gmail (cyberhack003) or text and call on his phone and WhatsApp : +15303784744
She said I was the love of her life...yes crazy
Wandering Free I feel absolute trust shouldn’t be overemphasized in a relationship, smartness is also very important. There’s a popular saying that “don’t trust too much because that too much might hurt you so much”. A Narcissist shouldn’t be trusted, they have this excessive interest or admiration of themselves and they’re very toxic!. My greatest disappointment was discovering my wife cheating on me through the help of Cyberhackingsage who helped cloned her cellphone and i was able to read all her messages and uncover my wife’s infidelity without having to touch her phone. All i did was share my wife’s number with Cyberhackingsage and i got access to her Facebook, WhatsApp and text messages both deleted and incoming ones with a remote link on my phone. Thanks to Cyberhackingsage, now i have enough evidence for my divorce. You can contact him ( cyberhackingsage@gmail )Or Text/Call and WhatsApp him on +15713758467. Thank me later.
yes i agree!!! ....im abotu to end one relationship T_T ....i hate it
It's SUCH a bizarre pattern of behaviour. Really disturbing and terrifying to be involved with. Yuck. I have been in relationships with them... NO MORE. NEVER AGAIN. Love yourself enough to break the habit, the addiction, the familiarity of it. These people will NEVER change or bring you happiness.
Daughter 1118 yes, both of parents are narcissists, and so are my brothers...crazy upbringing for me, but as the scapegoat I was lucky and found my way and into the light!
h3arty I heard scapegoats often get away without any fuckups! I mean they do get traumatized but golden kids get screwed much worse, by becoming narc too
Alla Kitaeva. Absolutely right!
I think Dr. Fox would disagree with you on the never changing part. I'm sick to death of people like you stigmatizing this mental illness.
codyopj if they go in therapy , they COULD improve. Problem: They think nothing is wrong with them. Instead they blame others. They might wake up, when they really really hit bottom. Then they go into therapy. OR : Commit suicide.
They’re predators:
1. Secure target
2. Drain target
3. Discard or destroy target
@h No. They know exactly what they are doing.
afakkob yab No, lack of insight is a huge component of personality disorders.
I have seen them to be pre meditated
Rinse, repeat.
The Shining Ones
💯
The narcissist desperately wants you.
Then ... slowly but surely ...
The narcissist desperately wants to be rid of you and, if possible, completely destroy you.
Pip Pipster
Absolutely! He comes to seek, kill and destroy what they could never be. Look up these three words: the Jezebel Spirit. It’s just not only physical but also a spiritual warfare.
Its not exactly that order..u skipped that its always a reaction
Col Nohman
I don’t understand.
@@pippipster6767 They don't just go from desperately wanting you, to wanting to get rid of you..that wouldn't make sense..just to clarify. The devaluing comes only After you go against them. It is important to understand and recognize the pattern..
Col Nohman
I completely disagree.
It is absolutely not necessary for the victim to go against the narcissist in any way for the narcissist to want to be rid of the victim. That’s part of the madness of it.
Yes, you are right, that doesn’t make sense. But the narcissist doesn’t make sense. In fact the more the victim tries to cooperate and make things work the worse it will get. That’s why the victim gets so worn down. The victim is trying to progress matters with someone who does not want to actually progress things. Trying to progress things with a person who wants to create stress and misery and pointless arguments and to wear down and control and ultimately destroy the victim with all the gaslighting, blame shifting, crazy making, projection and so on.
I do agree however that the order of events is glorification (or love bombing) followed by being put on a pedestal for a while, followed by devaluation (can be a subtle and long process) followed by discard.
And the cycle will repeat it self if the victim permits it - ie. allowing the narcissist back after discard. But each time the narcissist is allowed back the cycle is shorter and harsher. The narcissist comes back to punish.
This is how it is. Although things can be different with different narcissist obviously. The process can be quick or slow. But, generally speaking the pattern is as above. It does not require the victim to go against the narcissist for any of this.
Why can't we see this when it's happening.. 😢Petrified to ever fall in love again
Me too
I've decided that I'd rather concentrate on myself than 'fall in love' again. I just can't bring myself to trust someone, anyone.
We be thinking it’s love at first
I loved the way he made me feel so special. I am a love/sex addict, so he was my drug of choice and he knew it. Funny thing is, I never actually had sex with him. He never loved me.
I bet you saw it. You just ignored it
As soon as the belittle stage started... 2 weeks, I was gone. That was it. I didn't accept it.
Praise the most high for you not staying that was the best thing that you ever did in your life continue to go strong and be strong and continue to watch and pray because it's so many out there
Same here! Soon as I saw wht he was...I put him out.
LindyLooo99
GOOD FOR YOU 💪
@@theoneandonlymoni6204 Good for you. You saved yourself. Smart!
good for you. I believed all the belittling.
After in a relationship with a person like this....You will be so happy with yourself and not need to look for another!!!
This is exactly how I feel.. Also my boundaries have gone from 0-100. I don’t tolerate anything anymore.
This is exactly me now! I don't want anybody after the horrifying experienced
The hardest part to realize as a survivor of not just one, but three narcissitic relationships since teenage years, is that my intuitive self shot off warnings in the beginning. I didn't listen, instead choosing heart over head in the moment. Finally at 53, I have the knowledge I've always wanted and needed. Videos like this are so important because we can see we're not alone and learn how to detach and seperate from the narcissist. Mahalo ❤
Belittling also consists of glorifying someone else in front of us in an attempt to make us smaller.
This!
That's called triangulation.
Triangulation in action.
Yes 💯
Yes, very true.
It has taken me 24 years to figure out that my significant other was a narcissist.
I always wondered why I wasn't good enough.
Wow... He saw me a mile away!!!!! I was ripe for the picking.
You fell for their future faking skills - sorry to say😕
I no. She's always wents. Other boys or men that chats. Her up. I away got it not good enough my clothes. Not good enough. Not good enough 🤔😏🙄
I think this cycle happens to a person when they are chosen to be the narcissistic supply. Others will be treated normal and have no clue what’s happening.
I think you are right!
underrated comment, this is how people turn schizo from the injustice of being trapped in that position, like my grandma.
People will not believe you necessarily either
Man this is so true!
Not necessarily, gaslighting can be so strong that at times it’s hard to understand what’s happening and they just feel trapped
I am so much healthier ! I feel strong enough to say no to belittling, finally. Thank God ! And you Dr. Fox !
Helena Chase ❤️❤️❤️
why thank him twice?
Literally described my current relationship. I can't exactly pay for help in the current situation. It's like quick sand. The relationship did a complete 180 when I moved in. Run my friends run far away.
RUN, that is the ONLY option.
Please please get out NOW somehow! It will get worse. So, please!
So many of us here have done it! Not easy but you can you can you can!
I am in a relationship with a narcissist, he blocked me for 6 weeks and then called me out of the blue to argue. Thank you for this video it has really helped me see sense and say no to the belittling.
❤
This guy is literally a genius
I agree ! He's 1 of my favorites ! Luv him so much !
He’s a Psychologist
I was with a narcissist for years. The narcissist has since married. Won't be long before the divorce.
I'm applying to law school next week. Be strong.
yeah!!!
Congratulations
I'm fine today. Life goes on. Law school later this year.⚡🤠⚡
,
Consider yourself very lucky getting away from the narcissist, and pray for his new mate, there's debate over whether or not you should warn them probably not in the situation
sometimes the belittling is combined with a pretend compliment.
Malicious! Was at receiving end of it...Leaving us confused! Part of the control...meaning! " Do you thing I care about you? I don't! But I do!" At the time I was afraid of physical abuse so I use to ignore him...I wish I could have told him " F...off! every time but I couldn't:( I forgot to say : " I successfully divorced him because weather I was co dependent or delusional about love and my desire for family. I KNEW ALL ALONG THAT HE SHOULDN'T BE THAT WAY!
@@celiaverdinho54 I got over the feeling of telling everyone off- by, remembering I'm in control of myself, while they are not. And, you can say nothing....very powerful.
YOU
WON. without saying a word. you're on to the game, and, you can let it go because you learned a very valuable lesson. LESSON: Keep your Radar up to date and working;-)
@Vanessa wuuuut....I take offense to that. But very nice of you to try to generalize this statement..sometimes helps for simpler minds and is refreshing for communication. Very good rationalization. 😉
Sorry u feel that way. I hate the phrase.
Your Spirit is powerful. Pay attention to that inner knowing. Read books, find people to learn about and admire, and emulate. The world will always have naysayers. Find your own tribe, know yourself. And, focus on creating your life to do good and be joyful;)
Thank God for RUclips and Thank God for you!!! Truly a Godsend!!! You have given me exactly what I needed. Been in marital counseling for 6 months trying to explain this. I'm done now though. No more narcissistic abuse for me.
The problem is they also watch you tube and some are Cerebral therefore able to be Chameleons...So we will have as harder time to figure who are we dealing with if indeed they choose to...They can easily reflect our desires and manoeuvre into our world. I hope I can see the next one coming:)
I was hurt and heart broken when a very big problem occurred in my marriage seven months ago, between me and my wife . so terrible that she took the case to court to file a divorce. She said that she cannot continue to stay with me again,and she said "I don't love you anymore" So she took her things out of the house and made me and my children passed through several emotional pain. I tried all my possible means to get her back,after much begging,but all to no avail.and she confirmed it that she has made her decision,and she never wanted to see me again. So one evening,as i was coming back from work,i meant an old friend of mine who asked of my wife .So i explained every thing to him, so he told me that the only way i can get my wife back, is to visit a prophet to know what is really behind this issue, because it has really worked for other people too. So i never believed in spell, but i had no other choice than to follow his advice. Then he gave me the Email address of the prophet. prophetehiagwina@gmai l.com. So the next morning, i sent a mail to the address he gave to me, and the prophet respond the following day and assured me that i will get my wife back the next day. Hopefully I believed since my friend recommended me to him, ,so we discussed and told me everything that i need to do. Then the next morning, So surprisingly, my wife who didn't call me for the past 7 months, gave me a call to inform me that she was coming back. So Amazing!! So that was how she came back that same day ,with lots of love and joy, and she apologized on her mistake ,and for the pain she caused me and my children. Then from that day ,our relationship was now stronger than how it were before ,by the help of a prophet . So, i will advice you out there if you have any problem contact PROPHET EHIAGWINA, i give you 100% guarantee that he will help you.. Email him at: prophetehiagwina@ gmail. com or call/whatsapp +2348139182295
prophet ehiagwina can help solve problems such as:
genetic battle
spell to kill or distroy your enemy
spell to get a good job
win lottery
dealing narcissist spell
Avenge someone
Spell to someone
and many more
I feel like all the clout is around Dr. Ramani, but I found Dr. Fox and another channel of Dr. Les Carter and they are so refreshing and seem les emotionally invested in the subject and more clinical about it and I like that.
I like the way u described "would u say the words the Narc uses to my friend"
This is a good point.
I walked out of my 6year relationship after i lost every possesion i had. He had demons in him at the point where i wanted to kill myself. Every time he calls i have to keep remind myself that and stay away from him. He is charming and big time player.
I'm glad I'm out of this situation and i will never ever let any one treat me like this again.
Thank you for the video Sir.
Don't ever go back!!
WOOOHOOO FERAH! POWER ON. ❤️
It’s obviously more complex. Even during the love bombing stage the codependent starts the notice odd behaviour. Narcissists continually reframe reality to manage their very fragile self esteem. They will notice their narcissist parter has a very different recollection of past events mainly concerning people. Once they move into the shame based comments/projecting and more controlling behaviour the codependent will attempt to slowly back off. To the narcissist this is seen as an attack because the narcissist feels they aren’t being treated as they feel their entitled to be treated. More severe shame based comments/projecting follow. The codependent starts making more serious plans to leave the narcissist. This triggers the narcissist worst fears, abandonment:( If the codependent is grade A supply the narcissist will do anything they can to keep their hostage. Except the one thing that would actually work! Turn into a decent human being. The problem being the narcissist already believes themselves to be a top notch human being. They believe their false better self to be their real self. Deep down the narcissist knows every relationship has a used by date. This is why they always have back up supply on standby. Its hard to have a relationship when you’re to insecure to see your parter as an equal:( ps forgive my poor grammar
Very well thought out comment..ty
Very true
#NailedIt
Stephen Ireland I believe you explained it or worded it better then he did. I understand what he’s is trying to say because I’m already aware of this but for someone who is new to learning about the cycle - your explanation is more accurate.
Lies. That would NOT work..dont leave out that the co dependent is fucked up too.
It takes TWO to dance..
I was that abused person. My female narcissist ex-partner was the devil and the sweetest person in one body. Avoid at all costs.
God back and forth back and forth.
"avoid at all cost"
I agree with you,100% percent...
@@wunderdoggy the highest highs and the lowest lows. Never had someone made me feel euphoria like that, and never had someone bring me so close to suicide. Its so hard to break the cycle but it's necessary
Thank you for this explanation of the cycle. It's very helpful and validating. Many therapists deny NPD or narcissistic traits. That can leave those affected by such relationships feeling even more alone and ashamed. I appreciate your work towards creating healthy awareness.
@zumzy u I'm sorry to hear about your pain, I don't know why these idiot's get in a relationship let alone a marriage if they don't love us
soleil
Only a therapist wholly ignorant of NPD (or traits) would dismiss it.
@@wendydrummond7395 l
@@pippipster6767There are a lot of therapists who are narcissists also.
The "Glorifying " phase is usually called the "love bombing" phase by others.
I like glorifying
toneman335
Same difference
@@pippipster6767 I like glorifying because your basking in each other's reflected glory it has nothing to do with love.
Chemical love.
I noticed that too - there’s nothing original here. He’s just used synonyms to make it seem like it’s his. 1. Love bomb. 2. Devalue 3. Discard.
Where is the worksheet? I was married to a narcissist for 20 years finally left him. Met an old friend from 30 years ago only to find out after a month that he was just like my husband!! Needless to say I nipped it in the bud before I got trapped for another 20 years.
My learning was in discovering why I was attracted to Narcs why they targeted me. Still learning at 72 years of age.
Go Helen 👍
@@junegray5506 I'm 62 and I'm having the same ..about to break up with a 7 month relationship tomorrow..tried to call it quits with him many times but he knew how to lure me back..sad
@@sabrehunt3603 thank you for your reply. I now believe we are not ready to leave, until we are ready. That is until we recognise our own value and take the power we have inside us and have denied for so long. Wasting our energy on someone who doesn’t value us, is ultimately our choice.
Women especially are attracted to narcissists because we mistake it for confidence. Culturally, we women are raised to seek out the narcissistic male. Look for more humble men who are quick to accept responsibility, will easily apologize, and have good relationships with their family members.
M my piece of advice is if you're dating a narcissist get out of the relationship and run away and never look back!!
I really appreciate that you provide such a huge amount of information and these worksheets for free. Thank you.
It’s not hard to spot them when you have had experience. Need to be around a lot of people. Empathetic or not, we must be selective. People- listen to your instincts and trust your mind. It’s night and day between one and a genuine partner. It’s absolutely obvious once you’re out of one, so don’t step in the same shit twice!
Jason Maruszak
Covert type very hard to spot - only see it when mask drops ... usually up to your neck in it by then.
Coverts = particularly dangerous
Pip Pipster true but after one experience and practiced learning, you have to pay attention to nuances. Every time I’ve been spot on with seeing someone’s true colors. A small thing always leads to a big one...
Jason Maruszak
Agree learning key thing. Without the knowledge you’ve had it.
Pip Pipster for example I chase very sexy women, like 8,9,&10 looks. Yesterday this girl goes on her 2nd date with me. She planned the place, time, etc. First date she was so fun and charming, kissed me. Texting was a little off through the week and I sensed it. Kinda hot and cold or slightly rude. I didn’t care but she wanted to still go. Invited her over to breakfast and we had fun. As we pull up to the trail we were about to hike, it’s like 2pm. She says, ‘hey I got dinner plans at 6 so we have to be back by then’ I respond, ‘oh is it a date?’ She says ‘yes it’s our 2nd as well, but some guys get the wrong impression of what I want’. Now I could’ve tried to compete and show her an amazing day. Instead, I walked right to my car and told her if she wants a ride back to get in. I never looked her in the face after. I didn’t care to discuss it with her besides saying, ‘I’m not an opening act and you’re a waste of my time- and you’re done dictating my day. I have other things to do with my life’. I didn’t say another word as she tried to process and tell me that she thought I only wanted to be friends, yet she found me attractive, etc. Didn’t buy it. She asked why I was driving 95mph. I said, ‘to get home and on with my day that’s half over’. She’s absolutely beautiful and I ditched her and deleted her number without scolding or fighting. Hard Boundaries. That is what I would want my son to do. Then I worked out and relaxed. Yes, I know her and I aren’t together, but that is super rude. Set the clock on me while I make you breakfast, drive you to a hike so you can make out with someone else later at his place? Tip of an iceberg. I have far worse stories, but they start off with little pebbles causing small ripples. Maybe it was an overreaction, but I’ve been kicked around way too often by beautiful women in the past. Notice those ripples before you get lost in the waves and months or years go by. You’ll be a shell of yourself and realized you could’ve literally done anything you really wanted over that time. That happened to me too. Empower yourselves people. Trust your instincts. Take back what is yours.
Jason Maruszak
Yes. But a clever covert (like the one I knew) could play the game and do all the right things and say all the right things for months and months.
But once you’re up to your neck in it - then the trouble begins. A lot of people get caught like this. It’s like the stories you hear of everything being super wonderful, but the very day after the marriage the mask comes off and it’s basically full-on misery.
These situations are not straightforward.
YES...you WILL be ok when it ends, it's better to be alone than with a narcissist!!!!! ALWAYS!!!! You'll be better when it ends, and you'll be happier.
In the abandonment phase (with a parent), I find it's characterized by neglect: weeks or months without calling or any contact while paying massive amounts of attention to another sibling. In a friendship situation I've seen the belittling phase be extremely subtle, starting with just not being interested in any movie or tv show I'm interested in, while insisting that we always watch what they want.
Sorry about you family. It sucks not having unconditional love from your own parents. I recommend the friend that sticks closer than a brother-Jesus. Also find out what makes you thrive. Hobbies, interests, nature, music, learning new skills. The best revenge is thriving!!! ❤
You literally described my ex-husband! I knew he had a mental illness but didn't what it was and of course he didn't think he had a problem. I was with him for 5 years, worse 5 years of my life! It ended 4.5 years ago and I still haven't been able recover from the belittling and the massive manipulation that came with it and that's with over 2years of psychotherapy. Iv also been diagnosed with BPD, the combination of the two illnesses were a match made in hell! I don't trust my decisions any more and am gripped with intense fear and anxiety when I try to move forward, doesn't help that when I have tried to date I keep picking men with mental illnesses, what the hell🤔😳 I'm hoping that leaning more about my BPD will help me heal and make better choices. You're videos have helped me have more awareness in what I'm going through and have been really helpful, thank you.
Anna Inneo you will heal, my ex wife was a narcissist and it ended in a month and a half of the marriage because she chose to leave. There was constant manipulation, she made it seem like she was cheating and even brought another guy into the relationship. She hated it when I put God and his rules first in the relationship. They hate boundaries. She hated that she couldn’t drink and she hated the fact that it was a rule that we had to go through scriptures often. She had no interest and she done a lot of the belittling and would often break a lot of the rules. She would send me away to a hotel in the abandoning stage obviously I wouldn’t actually go but this is when it became physical abuse cos I wouldn’t leave her sight. I learnt my lesson never again!
Anna Inneo I experienced the same thing only difference is, this was from a girl who claimed to have borderline personality disorder. apparently what I learned was they go through the same idealize, devalue, discard stages as narcissists.
It's so true ... It's hard to even trust anyone that you've tried to be in a relationship with
#sadbuttrue
Hey sis I'm sorry to hear about your story but I want to direct you to the Bible Mark 5:1-20 if you are a Believer or if you read your bible this will help you understand that we are not dealing with just human beings these are demons in human beings they has entered into them the Bible says the Devil comes to steal kill and to destroy and that's whats going on when you understand that this is more spiritual than natural and realizing that you was in the Twilight Zone you can come out and pray and ask the Most High God to heal you and to deliver you from that cycle of that pain he will deliver you you won't forget what you've been through but it won't affect you anymore and I'll be praying for you sis it's a beautiful place to be out of that Twilight Zone shalom!!!!!💖
Anna Inneo sometimes people get mis diagnosed with BPD when in fact they have CPTSD. Please make sure your diagnosis is correct.
I do like how you ask people to break it down and write about it a little at a time to reflect, see red flags and so it is not so overwhelming. Baby steps like the movie, "What About Bob"...lol. Love it!
I think this also applies to close friendships. Great video!!
OMG ! I thought I was losing my mind after learning my bf behavior was actually a mental health issue. It’s so energy draining for me
My ex actually admitted that she enjoyed make up sex more than normal relationship sex, I had to endure this cycle on a weekly basis, just so she could get her kicks. Other times she was hypersexual, it was an intense merry go round of emotions.
Needless to say I'm now at a point where I just can't begin to trust anyone with my heart again, so I spend my time concentrating on my work, my health and my future. Being on my own is a pleasure, I've found out things about myself I'd either not realised or forgot.
i caught my husband cheating with the help of darkwebprohack You can contact them on WhatsApp/call/text +17076225057 email darkwebprohack@gmail com,they can help you hack others whatapp,fb,ig,snapchat,calls,they bring back deleted messages from your spouse phone
You are such a good person Dr. Fox. Thank you so much for taking the time to help us out. I wish you were my Dr. I think im ready to leave finally. Ive been broken into pieces and have no self worth at all. Your a blessing from God..i truly believe that!!💗💗🙏🙏
In my experience the belittling is intended to break down your self-esteem. This provides them with someone who will strengthen their ego because they want to control you. When they have power over you, you are less likely to leave them and they don't want to be abandoned. When you pull away, they start treating you well so you feel like they aren't a bad person or maybe you were just overreacting to how they were treating you. I always felt bad for them. I knew deep down what they did was wrong but I felt that it would get better and I could help them by being the best I could be.
They didn't care about me all. I could barely get a full idea out of my mouth before I was interrupted. They didn't care about my thoughts, ideas, or feelings, and literally told me, "You don't get to feel that way." I had to learn what self-esteem was and stop pitying them, and stop thinking I could be their savior. I can't change others, I can only save myself from their abuse.
I love how succinctly Dr. Daniel Fox explained both the cycles as well as offered concrete thoughts, ideas, and patterns we can add to our toolbox! Very insightful video, even had to take notes. Am looking forward to viewing far more of his videos due to his easy, informational, presentation style! Awesome job, and thanks for all your efforts in de-mystifying this relationship cycle!
Wow. That's EXACTLY his cycle. The abandonment kills me.
Yes - but if you inflict a permanent no contact that will deliver a massive narcissistic injury - plus you free of the N.
BUT ... make sure permanent.
If you go back you’re toast.
Moth’s Mummy
It’s a cycle because the narcissist is let back in. Abandon, return. On, off. Hot, cold. Push, pull.
The only way to break the cycle is to make the abandonment permanent by NOT allowing any return.
The narcissist works out what the victim will tolerate and will always go to those limits.
The only way to end it is to end it permanently.
For the first time someone explains this where I can understand it! Thank you.
I just left a relationship that you just described! Awesome info you just shared! He really belittled me & disrespected me & when I responded he would make me seem crazy. This is Amazing how the Universe sent me to this page! Nothing happens by accident- I refuse to loose a nights sleep over that character...Life goes on- I love me so much more❤
Thanks, miss.
I think me and my partner were both on the narcissistic spectrum. I have been working on myself and I see the old me as a immature child. I try now to keep her in check and have been doing therapy and watch at least a few hundred videos on personality issues and cptsd. I think the key to getting a narcissistic to change it to explain what they are doing is a Defense mechanism and not all the way their fault. But their responsibility to change it and educate themselves.
Thanks for explaining that cycle. I can see that my psychiatrist used the same techniques on helping me decide to give up on my marriage and refuse to be abused any longer.
Bishop Edwards I’m so sorry to hear that you had this experience from someone who is supposed to help you. Be well and stay strong!!
Dr. Daniel Fox Dr. Daniel Fox sorry. I didn't explain myself well. My psychiatrist used the process of questioning to help me be aware and heal from the abuse from my ex. He helped me immensely to remove the shame and obligation i felt and put the ownership of the abuse on my ex. The narc cycle of the relationship was done by my ex for years. You explained this cycle perfectly.
Whew, that's great to hear. Thanks for clarifying.
Still upsets me to hear this. I went back for a second run just so he could destroy me again! 6 years of my life putting up with too much and getting too little after the love bombing.
I went through a similar circumstance.
3 months after my discard...she is already posting her new relationship status as "Engaged". She played me out for 5 years before I saw the mask drop.
Sadly, I was naive and denied the signs when they should've been so obvious to me.
She ran the usual smear campaign which I largely ignored.
But subconsciously I knew something was going on behind my back.
I should've quit her during the 1st Hoovering Attempt.
Unfortunately, this info wasn't available to me nor was I aware of it.
I’m honestly in the middle of going back myself and find myself in this cycle all over again. I’m a big empath!! 😢
You went back because it's VERY hard not to stay or go back for different reasons. You are obviously a Lover not a Narc. Stay strong and look after your mental and physical health!
@@darring.9161 You are a Lover! Someone else will appreciate your kind spirit. If you are a good person no one can smear. Did well to ignore. So you are strong! I did 25 years which correctly divided half of it filled with sadness/rejection and danger for me. So Life and Love shouldn't SUCK so bad but Does. So live and LEARN
Thank you 🙏 it’s a process bc one day it’s like he seems so sweet and committed but once a conflict arises it’s like a switch!! I can never compare the two and I get so confused. It’s like 2 different people and that’s why letting go is hard
Dear Doctor Fox, Im sending a big thank you from Prague, CZ to u, you literally helped me realize so much!😶
Last night, Ive dealt with my3rd and hopefully last breakup with my narcissistic ex-partner and now Im feeling like ... enlighted. Its like a 'I was blind but now I see' kind of a thing.
Your explanation is the best one till now, love the clarity and accuracy, it's seriously impressive! Thx! Jess 🧚🏼♀️
i caught my husband cheating with the help of darkwebprohack You can contact them on WhatsApp/call/text +17076225057 email darkwebprohack@gmail com,they can help you hack others whatapp,fb,ig,snapchat,calls,they bring back deleted messages from your spouse phone
I can’t deal with belittling, it effects my sex, mainly, and feels like he can find someone better. So...goodbye.
I'm experiencing that right now
Right on ladies.
@@lorissawilliams4870 Say goodbye mama. You would never allow him to treat your precious baby girl this way, treat yourself at least this well. 🌹
Are you talking about the Narcissist or BPD? 😳
@@colnohman5255 anybody.
I learned the hard way. You gotta have an exit.
i got a inheritance about 4 years ago it's in savings and he won't let me touch the money im half blind and have limited sight. if i even got to the bank id have to split town and he would watch the atm etc and hunt us down. not worth it
Jump out the window..
Thank you for YOUR time doctor Fox. Your work is pure empowering.
Alla Kitaeva,your lovely smile can make the news!
You can be the most wonderful, talented, attractive, and giving person in the world. Remember it isn't you, it's them. The telling comment is " I want someone to love me" not " I want to love someone". They are always self-centered.
Yes, I do deserve to be addressed with respect. Thank you...I think and feel this coming into my being. I appreciate the information you have imparted Dr. Fox 🦊
You've described all my romantic relationships. You'd think I'd notice after nearly 40 years! Eyes are opened now.
I was so confused with the hot and cold, I thought I was the one who's too sensitive...
Trust your gut!!
I love that I found you randomly! I instantly connected with your therapeutic voice which allowed me to hear and comprehend your lesson. Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge!
Or it's also called. The love bombing/Idealization phase, devaluation, and discard. Then the hoovering phase. That's why no contact is so important. It's because you need to avoid this cycle from happening again.
Excellent presentation ! Married couples go through this cycle all the time, whether they admit it or not. This is a very common phenomenon in today's world. Children, more often than not, act as that magic cement that keeps the family bonded; they act as a centripetal force, a force that pulls towards the center. All three components are very useful and helpful. Thank you Dr. Fox !!
Very helpful in recovering. Mine pretty much went from Love bombing to an immediate discard but trying to keep me in background on a string and bread crumbing me. Interesting she had warned me that she can be 'spicy' and if she gets belittling that she needs put in her place and that side can not be let out. It is like she knows she has this - but we went directly skipping that - to being discarded and pursuing others. Definitely seeking professional guidance. The Love bombing stage is definitely disorienting to go from that to 180 degrees the other direction.
That is very kind of you to share the worksheet 😊 it's given me food for thought as I keep entering these unhealthy relationships
Wonderful!
Dr. Fox
Thank you for this. You have been such a help for me, please keep up your good work.
Dr. Fox, do you have any videos with ACE implications in personality disorders? Are they at all connected?
Survivor OfMany ACE implications are Adverse Childhood experiences and how they affect your future health.
I regret not viewing your youtube segment years earlier. I was told recently that my friend/boyfriend is a narcissist and I hesitated on believing him until I watched your video. Your video could have saved a lot of heartache, despair, tears, moving expenses and much more. Thank you for all the information, you don’t know how much this means to me.
I’m so glad this video was helpful. Be well.
He didn't belittle my looks but everything I said. He'd purposely undermine my comments to one-up me and make me feel small, wrong, and less smart as him. I pointed this out and all he did was deny and make me feel crazy for thinking he did this.
That happened to me as well.
Thank you for this video. I'm trying so hard to leave after so many attempts so many times I was sure it was fine he hoovers me back in. No matter how badly I want to hope there will be change I need to acknowledge and realize there won't be any. Your videos really are helpful to those who fall victim to narcissists.
This is me and my ex I just broke up with. She put me through this over and over dozens of times, even with a few breakup-makup instances in there. I had no idea she was a narcissist until a few days ago when I started researching to find out "what could I have done to save it". Seems like my answer is "nothing".
Michael Whitlow it took me 30 years to figure out my wife was a narc. All I know is no matter how I did it, said it, fixed it , solved it, I was wrong and could never make her happy. My views on anything were debated. Never agreed with my point. Belittling and disrespect finally got to me.
Michael Whitlow don't even stop learning about this wicked predator Michael. I was sucked know and out of this demons life for 15 years. I made the mistake of marrying him. It has taken me 15 years of pain, humiliation, questioning myself worth and I could go on. These videos and many more empathic people and couldn't seokorsnthat post videos are and have been my friends in my most desperate times. They have brought hope knowing that I'm not the only sucker. My best advice? Don't ever share what you have and will be learning with her, her family, and her friends. Leave and don't ever look back. You got scammed from a life scammer. Like a criminal. Except this demon NEVER changes. Ever: ( God Bless you Michael
Giv in and be a slave..u cud hav dun something. Not recommending, but pointing out.
nothing I'm in the same situation I'm finding everything out now it's so heartbreaking in unbelievable but it's the truth I was in denial now I'm not I have a 4 month baby with him and this is the hardest thing I'm going threw I'm loosing my mind 😢
Did not no other. People was the same as me. For 60 years from 13 1963 now on my own. It's bin hard work but I did love her. 🇬🇧😏🙄🤔
Yes same here he started as he said my soul mate .... it all seemed so surreal at the beginning and like you’ve finally met this person who was created just for you... he was so believable and kind and seemed to be my perfect match in every way then the marriage was so quick... so rushed! It went weird at the honeymoon and the abuse began the very 1st day back from the honeymoon.... I can’t describe the horrific feelings that brought to me....I had already changed my Life, quit my job to move to his home way out in the country... all my things were there. I felt so Isolated ... Thank God I started googling it all, Learned about Narcissism and was able to escape with my Life I feel it would had gotton so much worse if I stayed longer than what I had to.... My suggestion is RUN as fast as you possibly can
I belive the glorifying only happens in the beginning. At least for me it did. Once the cycle Is complete, the next rounds of 'glorification' is replaced by 'breadcrumbing.' Its never the same as the initial glorification nor to that level after that. Initially, the probably do genuinly idealise you until they realise that just like any human being, you have flaws. After that, they don't look at you the same way. You become too ordinary and sub-par to them.
Omg I was wondering why everyone else gets loved bombed multiple times but I only got it once. That was confusing.
I guess that's because once I'm hurt I don't forgive. I guess the people that fall for it again can be love bombed again? Not me. I wish I was love bombed more than once because I'd rather have that knowing it was fake then nothing. Meh
@@melmelbry5754 exactly that!! Your walls are higher, your less permeable than others etc. Not being love bombed again is not necessarily a bad thing AT ALL. it's got NOTHING to do with your worth, weather they love you etc etc. NOTHING at all! It likely means that, you are just harder to get through. Your more boundaried. Succumbing to Lovebombing and hoovering thereafter can actually be an insult or indicative of many other deep seated, primitive issues and wounds within someone. Take it from me, hoovering and lovebombing wastes time, sucks you dry and eventually emaciates you to death. Lovebombing kills
exactly!
Very true. Thank God we are able to voice out with true studies against all these toxic Narcissist who kills people with their abuse.
They love to be there, glorifying-belittling-abandoning.
Its exactly true. These Narcissist wants to hv the last word& treating people in that 3cycle.
It seems that if there is no treatment for people with NPD , then you can't ever have a healthy relationship with them ! Which is both sad for the people that love them , and the NPD person. As if they are doomed to go through life with a string of broken relationships forever !! Devastating diagnosis to say the least !
Sam Vaknin developed a new cure (the first ever) called Cold Therapy which involves re-traumatizing the NPD patient. The problem is getting these bastards to realize they are evil, destructive, and need therapy. More info here: ruclips.net/video/JnzqYIb5VEs/видео.html
@@Tidoublemy lol.........the ex narc knows what he does but he enjoys demonically controlling people too much to get help
It is possible to recover from narcissism but it takes someone willing to see themselves and do the work. That's the first step that many people with narcissism struggle with - because when you shine that light on the narcissism you have to really work with the wounds and darkness within it. There are many helpful modalities that I know people have used on their journey to heal from narcissism, like internal family systems, somatic experiencing, 12 steps work, even therapeutic work with psychedelics. The first step is admitting the narcissism in the first place.
Cat Henderson I think the most fundamental problem with narcissism is the need to be and be seen as perfect. If a narcissist’s human imperfection is exposed, their deep-seated shame about themselves comes out and they go into a shame spiral. It is simply unbearable, so they go back into their shell of the pathological grandiose self (“False Self”). Every trauma further hardens this shell to the point that over time it gets stronger and they get even more defensive and ashamed. As you can imagine, this is an extremely insidious and difficult cycle to break. Shining the light on narcissism feels much like putting your hand in a flame and hoping for it to go out. Easier to remain in the cycle, no matter how miserable it is. In the moment, it is the less painful of two evils.
They do what they want, please don’t feel sorry for them being in continuous broken relationships. They love the dysfunction that’s why they pretend and lie to get victims.
Only have sympathy and compassion for their victims.
At some point I realized that I mirror people that I admire. I loved my narc but when I mirrored her I became a hateful unhappy addict. Still recovering from it. I never knew people were capable of this
Life is never dull when we're willing to learn and build insight. I wish you well.
@@DrDanielFox ? Do you think that makes me a narc?
I had a major stroke cuz of her n suicidal thoughts. I need to hear the truth
Awesome information, thank you. Even only for BPD and traits I'm glad to have these questions to work with on my own until I get a counselor again. I feel like no mental health professional ever understood this deep emotional pain with possible BPD traits that I have regarding some of my issues. I always found them so deep seated and painful that they were next to.impossible to.describe. I got some core content resolved with self-help and counseling over the years so now I'm looking forward to going there. I know it's possible to heal. I'm just so grateful for your positive presentation of those issues. That's healing as well.
I know about the pain you are trying to describe and I know how indescribable it is
Very clear, easily understandable, and enlightening
2020. Expose them!
Thank you for empowering me with the knowledge to analyse critically my rlnship into such minute details. It makes sense all the events and occasions of the cycles I've gone through. Have been married for 18 yrs, and only recently got to realise the crux of my rlnship problem. Used to blame myself, but now I understand. Truly appreciate your sharing, Dr. Fox.
Awesome analogy, what a awakening. Thank you for sharing this video!
I appreciate this concise introduction to the cycle of the narcissists’ behavior. I have seen it to be true first hand and know you are speaking a truism about it works.
Also works with friendship as well.
Really clear information regarding narcissists - I have many narcissistic family members (no longer immediate, 1st was 'Dad') and my brother-in-law has just begun the belittling phase with me after 28 years of knowing him at a distance. He's been visiting more often and just started in on me. I reclaimed my power this time, and I'm going to 'gray rock' him.
Dr Daniel fox,
Thank you so much for this video. This was so eye opening I appreciate the video. 💕
Brilliant video. Thanks Dr Fox 👍
He said I couldn’t possibly do better than him.. 😂😂 I knew it was toxic abuse when I heard it.
We were engaged and his constant flirting in front of me, ego and disrespect was over the top. As I was saving money to move out, he cut off my money and kicked me out. Wanted to see me completely destroyed. Glad to be free from that demon. He is currently chasing the girl he was conditioning when I lived w him. I had to shut down social media accounts to be free from flying monkeys. I can’t get far enough away fast enough.
Thank you for a most illuminating and clear explanation; all you said is true.
I’m so glad you found the video helpful and I wish you all the best.
The mindfulness and meditation book "30 Days to Overcome a Toxic Relationship" is pretty good. I believe it's by Harper Daniels.
This guy is amazing he knows his stuff.
Thank you very much and I wish you all the best.
When you're raised in a sociopathic/narcissistic family, you are the perfect prey for a cluster b personality disordered individual. The only way to protect yourself is Self-Love and boundaries, boundaries, boundaries!
A magnificent video & information.....thank you so much for sharing your expertise.....I feel so empowered now after being belittled for decades by 2 older narcissistic siblings😖😤---Thank you Dr Fox
The more malignant the individual, the more likely they are to use trauma bonding techniques to get their "target" addicted to them; that malignant individual may be a narcissist, a borderline, sociopath or psychopath, but the results are often the same...a combination of PTSD-like symptoms along with some Stockholm Syndrome-like feelings.
It's best to walk out...IMMEDIATELY...at the very first signs of devaluing or belittling and never look back, except maybe to laugh at the bullet you dodged.
This is just what I needed to know. I needed an expert on this matter, so bad. Another of Doctors won't take my case because it's too Complex for them. Thank you, Dr. Fox for breaking it down and for the worksheet. Thank the other Doctors on here for bringing awareness to the most vulnerable in the family and work and people environment. 🙏
I'm so glad this video was helpful for you. I wish you well.
I observed my ex discard me every full moon. Full on tantrum and explosions.
I’m currently going through that now. He lives in California.
Woa this is happening to me its a full moon this weekend
Interesting.
Oh fuck, same dude. For a whole year, every month. I didn't know this is a sign 😭
I love the cycle idea. It is so real ! Thank you. God bless you🤲🏻
This happened to me and I am still having trouble believing it..he had my thoughts and emotions so distorted that I didn't know what was real anymore. I really had to take a step back and ground myself and really see it for what it was and I was floored. He discarded me like trash you take to the curb and blamed me and twisted it all on me. A man I knew for 7 years replaced me for A MAN( whom he claims is just a friend..I have to wonder) he knew for only one month.
45 yrs on stated I was "trash"
Years. I still can't believe anyone could be so deceptive. And be so good at it. It's frigging crazy.
It certainly can be. Be safe and be well.
Regardless of your personal issues, we get into relationships to improve our lives not to make them worse get a toy and a self-help book :-) until you can find somebody that respects you is more important than loves you. Every factor in society human beings can change for the better. Except narcissist they'll never change 100% never do
Good point.... It can be detrimental if their criticism of u relates to feelings u have about yourself. It is like a resonant frequency and truly amps up the effect their words and abuse.
Im wondering if he really is a Narc , or what type of Narc because he has never abandon me .everything else mentioned describes him ,But im the one who always ends the relationship.
Alex R they try to do this so that you start a fight or threaten to leave or leave them so that you look like the bad guy and they look superior and gain sympathy. So sick.
Yeah they don’t have to leave you to discard you. They’ll withdraw & belittle you until you leave them so they walk away looking like the victim. That’s what happened to me. As long as you’re with them you’re playing their game.
@@fiercekitty13 yup, I'm the one who left or who discarded twice, too confused to know the difference. But I'm pretty sure I'm the narcissist, I never keep a relationship very long.
Wow I love how you build awarenesses and provide real techniques and strategies for coping with each stage
I realize that people who stay too longtime in the relationship with a Narc, they often have weaken mentality, low self estem, low standard, especialy lack of selflove and emotional codependency. I dated a Narc for 6 months last year. During this relationship i always put myself in the deserve to be loved position and taking position. I didnt give him anything, just a little carring. It made him get mad and told me that i considered myself is princess to require.
Yes!They are the princesses so he lasted 6 month! If u behave like a Narc yourself " You are not good supply. I guess, Congrats! Good on you as you went through without being abused!
@@celiaverdinho54 many times, he said he loves me and want to have sex with me. I told him buy me a nice house, a nice car as a married gift to me. Then i would acept his wish. He looks embarrassed and he said he saving money to buy them to me 🤪🤪🤪
Anh Nguyen Yes keep it up he’ll eventually run off for good 🤣
You are amazing. Thank you for the link to the forms of the questions. These are very good questions to ask.
Hi guys! I just wanted to say I was with my wife for 10 years and put up with this pattern over and over. Until I realised what was really going. The abuse is not our fault, but allowing it to continue is, and thats a hard realisation but very necessary to move on and not find the same pattern in someone else. We were or are the co-creators of our reality. And therefore we must learn to set clear boundaries upon who we are, and to make sure they are respected. Once I did that, I was surprised to see how few people truly respected me and was a much bigger cleanup job then I anticipated. But I do feel cleansed, love myself and am ready to face whatever comes my way without freaking out or getting emotional anymore. Those who love and appreciate me will show themselves willingly. I say this, but I still have lingering fears of being alone, and lonely. Thats my next target. thanks for reading!
Thank you so much for making this video!!
You’re very welcome I’m glad you found it helpful.
I was never love bombed. Evwn from the beginning, I wasnt sure if he even liked me.
Wasnt a narc then
That was like with my 2nd bf. I know he thinks he's better than everyone but says or does things that show it really subtly.
I can't figure out what kind he was. He didn't love bomb me but he also didn't have empathy and liked it if I cried. He could pretend though, very badly, and fake cried if I was going to leave him. It was so weird.
He would always pull me back in but didn't want me when I was there or only wanted me when other friends had the hots for me or tried to flirt with me.
He wasn't grandiose or "whoa is me" covert. So I have ZERO idea what he was. But he had to be a narc. He judged everyone and barely respected anybody except Joe Rogan and other UFC dudes.
What the heck was he? I have to know.
It took me five long years to except that he was one . I knew it , just didnt want to except it. Never agqin will i play their game !!!! Thanks doc for the tools to help me explore what i truly need for me to be happy !!!!