As someone with autism, I wasn’t ever diagnosed a child but all of my obvious autism symptoms I was told were not appropriate. Masking aka trying to hide the ‘tism is quite literally a survival tactic. The most common example of stimming is hand flapping on rocking picking, one of mine is I crack all my bones. The teacher is discriminating against the student, and forcing someone to mask is actually really harmful to our nervous systems because we are constantly monitoring everything we do along with the things around us when we are masking, it literally kills us. Most people don’t care because “you’re distracting” “you’re being weird” “why can’t you be normal” and trust me WE WANT NOTHING MORE THAN TO LIVE NORMALLY, existing is quite literally painful.
I‘m a physical therapy student on once during an internship in a neurological clinic I had an autistic patient. During our first session, she told me about it and apologized about talking a lot. The clinic was understaffed and often times, I got the feeling that due to stress, personal needs where a little bit abandoned. I tried to listen to her and we talked a lot about her fears and worries. When she left, she thanked me profusely and said I really helped her a lot. That made me so happy!
I feel this to mu absolute core. Finally got my adhd dx at 40! Still waiting on asd dx... but my son's specialists have all pretty much confirmed my suspicion ("OH yes I see many autistic traits in you" etc), scored really high on the qa test online, and have a kid (probably 2) with AuDHD.... I've had to learn to let that be enough for now, as I try to keep advocating for myself. (I'm so much better at advocating for my kids and others... which I'm learning is another trait haha) Sending you love, encouragement and solidarity...
I have dx ADHD myself, and one child with dx ADHD and another child who has Autism. And I see many Autistic traits in my ADHDer kiddo and in myself, as well as my youngest child. We are all ranging from severely stimming almost all day long (hi there! That would be me….😅) all the way down to stimming only when bored or feeling anxious (oldest ADHDer) and my autistic little guy is a bit in the middle. We are a fully neurodivergent household and so I think that helps us in understanding each other better and in being accommodating to everyone, the downside is we all feel like someone is mad at us pretty much all the time, even though nobody is, but thanks to our lovely nervous system being on hyperdrive, we are either OVER picking up on subtle things, or blowing through them completely and not even recognizing them. 😬🤦♀️ We have a fun and unique house 😂❤
It's not that people can pretend to not be autistic it's that they do something called masking. This is done by nearly everyone who has ADHD and autism to some degree. It is basically holding back on divergent traits that would make you stand out in order to not make other people uncomfortable or not become ostracized because your brain works differently. It's very taxing and can be very stressful, especially as time goes on with no break. This makes masking harder as you need you stim to calm but you're trying not to stim to fit in. Stimming can be anything done repeatedly from rocking your body back and forth to flapping arms to tapping your foot to clicking your pen repeatedly, anything of the like.
My oldest masks and suppresses stimming while in school. Last year their first year of in person learning they started having seizures. Through testing we have been able to find that the stress from suppression and masking causes them. The school that they go to is amazing and has given them alone time in a room so they can stim in between lessons.
Yup my son flaps his hands or repeats certain sounds (not sure if this is echolalia for him or part if his gestalt language processing or both). I on the other hand had certain things drilled into my head and would be punished for non-conforming. Language and communication also are my special interests (both because of genuine curiosity and some trauma sprinkled in), so it was very hard to unmask and people didn't believe I could be/am autistic. People, let alone myself, didn't know I was autistic til my mid 20s and I got my schizoaffective diagnosis in my early 30s like 2 years ago when my symptoms became unmanageable. Also, it's worth mentioning that the awareness we have today is not the same as we did in the early 2000s, the 90s and below. This awareness is very new over these last few years. Many parents didn't want to get their kids diagnosed and have labels. ADHD was a hot topic, so people also didn't want to potentially force their kids to be on medications. Adults were, and still are to a degree, have difficulty getting diagnosed and most awareness is geared towards children these days (which isn't a bad thing, but does neglect to take into consideration the adults that struggle with or without diagnoses). Getting diagnosed is usually very difficult. Even with someone like me that is on the schizophrenia spectrum. When I was having my symptoms become unmanageable it was hard to get doctors to take my symptoms seriously. I wound up getting sent to the psychward by my caseworker because next step would be DCFS and welfare checks, but he works with people that are on this schizophrenia Spectrum too and he knew I was being neglected by doctors. I was only supposed to be on a 72 hour hold but it wound up taking 42 days to stabilize me because yeah, I wasn't lying and my brain was doing what it wanted lol.
I didn't see this comment/thread when I just left my string of comments. Yay, fellow ND brain's and folks that love an ND brain, with spreading knowledge and bringing awareness! Sending so much love, encouragement and solidarity to you all.
I met a lady at the park who has Tourette’s syndrome. She kept yelling the “N” word and then apologizing and explaining to anyone in earshot she has Tourette’s. Our kids played together and we had a really lovely conversation. I asked her what the biggest challenge was with her condition. She explained that it is hard to be in public spaces because people who don’t understand get mad at her for saying inappropriate things. Their anger causes an increase in her tics until she can hardly do anything but loudly curse. She said that she appreciates people who treat her with compassion and especially those who assume good will. She is an awesome mom and says that, fortunately, her child does not repeat her tics. They are teaching him about her condition and about appropriate language.
I always wondered what it was about Tourette’s that causes them to blurt out those kind of words, cause it isn’t like they are wanting to. I wonder if there is some impulsiveness problem that causes them to. I have pretty severe ADHD and it sucks honestly. I can’t imagine what life is like with Tourette’s. Now my ADHD brain wants to go and dive down a deep hole and study everything about the condition cause now I’m really interested and intrigued and want to learn more about it 😂 If you have any information, for those of us who aren’t very educated on the condition, can you share?? I am always trying to learn more information about the lesser known/studied conditions. ❤
@@Desert_Dreamer24I’m no expert, but I have read that swear words are “stored” in a different part of your brain than normal language. It is stored in the memory/emotion processing part of the brain. A person can suffer brain damage that basically erases the language part of their brain, yet still be able to curse. It’s a more primal/basic function like being able to cry and grunt.
I have Tourette’s where I repeat things. After I’ve said it, or in stressful situations will redo an entire conversation on both sides (to see where communication would’ve been better I think) Either way, I will always be the odd one out call crazy or just annoying… I rather enjoy my reclusive life now
This is really sad to hear, I was bullied in school. Honestly I'm not sure why. Half the people that bullied me, ended up trying to be friends with me later. I think it was because I wasn't a "cool kid". Fortunately I have never minded marching to the beat of my own drum. My best friend has a child ASD and he is the kindest person I've ever met, thinking of anyone being mean to him or anyone with any type of divergent disorder, makes my blood boil.
Oh 1000%. I was never diagnosed until my late 20s so I never knew for the longest time what it was even though I knew I was different. I will give it some slack as back when I was a child it was the 90s to early 2000s so it still was very unknown. I will never forget the time I overheard a conversation between & my 4th grade teacher. She said I would never be able to do anything on my own, I would never be able to make friends & I'd never hold down a job so it was best to send me to a special school for kids with my issues. While that did bring me down for a while, jokes on her now though as I'm a CAD tech with many wonderful friends & in a loving 10 year relationship 🥰 I still think back & realize so much of what that & other teachers did to me that I didn't realize was just bullying.
Yes, my children with ASD are adults now and so many of the teachers were the worst bullies. I feel for the kids in speech. That teacher should be ashamed.
First story: You can't win with people like this. If he wouldn't have stopped to ask her if she knew what ATP was, she could have gotten upset with him for that! "How dare he not take the time to make sure I understood all of the terminology"
No literally haha, the fact that she is asking what creatine does but gets offended when he’s making sure she understands the molecular systems that create energy in our bodies (clearly because she didn’t even know what creatine does) if he didn’t ask she would have just accused him of “mansplaining” smh.. can’t win
The irony is she’s the sexist one. She’s being quite the a misandrist by assuming that because he’s a man he was talking down to and managed to extrapolate a lot based off his gender alone.
I taught sixth grade. When a student had an IEP, I had to attend several meetings with the SPED (special resource and education team) and the parents of the student to make sure that the IEP was understood and upheld in my classroom and the resource classroom. Teachers are legally obligated to uphold IEPs. I had to literally sign each IEP. We are also obligated to follow HIPAA privacy laws in regards to students. Ignoring an IEP will result in punitive actions for the teacher and ultimately can cause you to be terminated. The school could be financially obligated to pay for a private tutor if an IEP is not followed.
Second Story brings back flashbacks of my son. He basically has mild tourette's. He had an IEP in middle school, and his teachers would refuse to follow it because they said he didn't have it. PBS at the time had a documentary on tourettes. I recorded it, took it to the school, and made every teacher watch it. It did not help. I had one teacher tell him that he wasn't smart enough and to go home, stand in front of a mirror, and practice saying, "may I help you please?" Because he would be nothing more than a server when he got older. Let's just say she doesn't have a job anymore. I had to threaten to get lawyers involved. Let's just say they hated my guts.
As someone with autism this actually made me cry. I’ve had this same argument with myself and with others. Why can’t I be normal why can’t I just be social. Oh my God. My heart broke into a million pieces hearing that.
Had to do a lot of group projects over zoom during the pandemic and can confirm it is some level of hell. In my groups people usually just wouldn't talk to each other and then somebody would wing it when we were asked questions 🥴
"Faking not having autism" is called masking. It's something more commonly seen in autistic women and depending on how your autism presents it can range from difficult to impossible to do. Basically all of your energy is spent on monitoring social cues and mimicking other people's dialogue, behavior, attitudes to "blend in." It erases any of your own personality and can lead to a plethora of identity issues later in life - plus it's draining - little energy to do anything other than monitor every movement you make, word you say, and be hyper aware of your environment. This can also lead to autistic "meltdowns" once you get home and stop masking, as you're overstimulated and exhausted. When it comes to school, you can basically put your energy into masking or put it into learning, but doing both is near impossible (from my own experience at least). But as they say, if you have met one person with autism, you've met one person with autism - because it presents so differently for everyone.
That being said, I major in ASL interpreting -and eye contact is a mandatoy part of ASL's grammar and syntax. So there are certain areas of academics that do require you to do uncomfortable things that might necessitate making yourself uncomfortable and/or that career is not something necessarily plausible with your disability. For me that's something I am capable and willing to do. OP seems to be in high school though and/or this class is not degree relevant. So unless OP is majoring in public speaking at a university - the point deduction for a non-required class due to autistic stimming is ableist. I think it would of been better for the teacher to offer advice in a non-judgmental way and help them figure out tips or tricks for navigatinig public speaking as applicable to their life.
I wish when I was a child I had known that my stimming wasn’t something I needed to hide, I didn’t even realize that I have spent my ENTIRE LIFE masking and mirroring, and it really does make it hard to know who you actually are. The way you just explained all that made me realize that I am so burnt out every day because of that. Because I am constantly masking, constantly mirroring, constantly trying to stop stimming, that when I finally am alone, I almost overstim and even do some SIBs 😩
I think what riley was getting at is that he didn’t know that autistic people can mask. Masking is something neurodivergent people do to hide their symptoms and appear more neurotypical. This however takes a toll on them mentally and physically and can contribute to burnout which studies have seen can actually leave them with brain damage. I have adhd and was late diagnosed because i was unconsciously masking my whole childhood. I watch a lot of tv so i would teach myself how to act by how they acted, and im also a woman so my adhd symptoms are not as noticeable as the mainstream (male orientated) symptoms.
Yes, I was sitting here internally screaming “masking”.😂 I’m glad you made this comment because I could see the panic on Riley’s face as he was trying to explain what he meant lol. Which is funny because people who he would have offended knew what he meant
Story 1: doesn't matter what OP does because Kylie would have done anything to make him bad, for being male. Story 2: I have two kids on an IEP and the Special Ed teachers are the main coordinators for the curriculum. OP needs to talk about the situation with their curriculum coordinator so they can educate the teacher. If this is post- secondary, this needs to go to the Dean of their instructor's department. John's Story: movie is called "God's Not Dead" there's some that came after that but I didn't watch them 😂 Story 3: OP and the others need to speak up. Protect Gabby please 🙏.
Hear me out: there needs to be a pamphlet that is given to all college students when they enroll that lays out group project dynamics and how to navigate group project management 😅 if they insist on having us continue group projects then they need to teach some of these people how to interact with others. Believe it or not, common sense ISNT COMMON 😅
Stimming is self simulation and comfort performed by many neural atypical people. Like op said the rocking and punching the podium is how they stimm i rock as well among other things like rolling things like smooth rocks in my fingers. It self stimulates me and brings me comfort for my asd and focus as well as an outlet for my adhd energy when i need to be reasonably still
What Riley is saying is that autistic people sometimes mask as neurotypical which is highly distressing as autistic person. My kid is autistic so I'm in the know. I think he just mistook what it was please let him know about this being this way
I work for a local (to me) school district and deal with students that have IEP's. This type of stuff that the student is describing would most certainly be in an IEP and it is possibly illegal (depending on where they are) and definitely unethical for the teacher to hold these things against them and lower a grade because of it. You can definitely file a complaint with the district because of that teacher's behavior. The district and the teacher could even be sued over it and the student would win because an IEP is considered a legal document (at least in my district, we have that stated as policy) and the teacher is violating the IEP.
Word of advice: NEVER tell anyone that has a disorder to just fake not having it. I know you mean well, but that teacher was being discriminatory and OP wasn't at fault. When people encourage this behavior it only makes it more difficult for those who can't "hide" their disorders.
Things I was not expecting today: hearing about students being forced to watch God's Not Dead. Reminds me of being in catholic classes and being sat in a giant auditorium while we watched Passion of the Christ then being coerced into confession when the movie was over. Kids were CRYING, and I'm just like... nah.
Suggestion to Sophia about the tinfoil hats if you want to remake them: use a big funnel as a base then glue the tin foil to it so the hats keeps their shape.😊😊😊
stimming is movements, so like rocking back and forth, tapping or twistching a finger, repeatedly tapping a foot, its a soother and cope that are NOT controlled even with medication. Some ppl will spend YEARS in OT trying to overcome stimming as the only form of therapy considered successful at this and even then most never ever stop. Another similar thing is scripting. This can be facts, pages from a book, geography, space, or entire commercials and scripts from games if they are gamers. This is another diffcult to treat trait as it is done in the same situations as stimming does. Also to riley about pretending to not have autism. WEll that is how we used to cope, anyone over 30 unless severe were expected to function normally and were treated as if we can control it. So we read what normal behaviour, human behaviour, expressions, body language, we learned it from books so we could fake it and blend it. Didn't work for everyone, but it did for many. WHile socially we are still treated like garbage altho ppl pretend they treat us fair or equal but then hate us, the younger crowds now are much more accepted and it is recognized and accepted as such so atlteast now ppl can come forward and complain when something unjust like that story happens, teacher will be disciplined and her grade will be fixed if she files a formal complaint over the discrimination.
Riley: as a late diagnosed audhd adult (44yo), I recognize that you're young & still learning. I'm old 😅 & still learning new things every day. I hope no one was too terrible towards you for whatever you said. 🥰✌🏽
I think the response would be “I’m sorry, I wasn’t aware I was doing anything misogynistic. I’ll do all I can to keep that in check going forward, but I have felt some animosity directed at me, and think we need to discuss on how to better work together or potentially regrouping.”
As good as that response is I don’t think it would have worked. She was looking to make an enemy of him no matter what. She would have twisted those words to try to get it in her favor again even if it wasn’t rational.
One thing to know is an IEP (Individualized Education Plan) has accommodations and it explains where the child's strengths & weaknesses are. Teachers usually do not read this IEP, even though they claim they do. What this teacher said makes me soooooo angry. Can you expect an Alcoholic to just stop drinking cold turkey? NO it takes time & there may be relapses. As the teacher he should be helping & encouraging. NOT pushing this child over the cliff. He has caused irreparable damage to this child's self worth, self esteem & labeled the child a failure. UNEXCCEPTABLE!!!! WTH!!!! The discussion should have revealed real goals, not telling this child to stop being him/herself. Does anyone want to experience what this child is going through? It takes a strong person to just live life with these issues. This teacher needs to be disciplined!!
AP and dual enrolled are 2 different things. Dual enrolled courses are taught (usually) at local colleges, for full college credit and college grade. AP classes are usually taught at high school and might give you college credit, but maybe not. All classes, schools, and states have different rules.
Second Story related. I had a teacher fail my final exam for having a panic attack. Also gave the same grade to those who helped me calm down. She had reviews prior to the test and my group did perfectly. She knew I knew my stuff. This was a in a high school elective. She also did another cruel thing to me regarding my anxiety but that’s unrelated to final exams. Teachers need to be understanding of the variety of mental capabilities of their students. I have a close friend with school smarts difficulties and had one of those plans. the amount of teachers that ignored it is disgusting.
Teacher here! IEP’s are required by law to be followed. If that teacher wasn’t following OP’s IEP then they’re full on in the wrong and it’s essentially breaking the law.
2nd story: If you get a C or lower in Dual Enrollment, you can actually be put on Academic probation for college before you graduate high school. I found out after I graduated when I got a C in the history class. Dropped to a C for the same reasons, being ADHD
Im actually going through something similar to an IEP plan process myself. Its basically a plan the school, teachers, specialty teachers, advice from drs, therapists etc and parents basically come to an agreement on strategy to best help the student with any sort of learning disability or diagnosis that can affect executive function, social skills etc. Idk if that made sense or not. I just havent seen any other comments explaining anything and this community seems to be empathetic with a desire to learn about different experiences... so figured i through in what ive learned/am learning. If more people understood, and wanted to understand, this world wouldnt be quite so abrasive, and downright abusive.
Second Story: People who do not face disabilities like OP do not understand on consistent struggle to mask( or to "pretend to be normal") really is. I have learning disabilities and get consistently told " I don't have a disability because I act so normal" NO I'm an adult who was forced to learned to be "normal" and hide as much as i could. When I let them go people get so pissed because suddenly I'm not 'easy' to deal with. I feel so much for the kid, all that constantly struggle and effort just slap away as nothing in one conversation because a teacher couldn't care long enough to see it. It's heart breaking and can crush the confidence I know I'm projecting a bit cause of my own experiences but this needs to be brought up to the school
Clearly, the teacher has never heard of Temple Grandin. She changed the ENTIRE livestock agriculture industry, is a university professor, and is able to present fascinating information even with all of her "awkwardness" (quotes because I don't think it takes away from her lectures at all). She is a wonderful person and vital to modern agriculture!
Getting an IEP is not easy, SO very important and comprehensive for the student involved. My so. Was 4 when testing began- he was granted the IEP after testing was complete and some schools did the bare minimum wow others allowed him to make a choice where and when he would like to use it (in high school he was embarrassed but worked incredibly hard to succeed) I’m still shocked how many people in the education field are unaware what it means and what can be done to help both teachers and students get the most use of it.
I'm autistic and what Riley's referring to is called masking, and it's a very useful social skill for many autistic people. We have to appear like we aren't in many cases
My daughter is autistic and I had to pull her out of kindergarten because they wanted her to go to the school for kids with disabilities. The problem, she was too smart and helpful. I literally serious she went into kindergarten fully prepared, probably should have jumped a grade. They would hand out worksheets front and back. You were told do the first page and wait for the class to finish before turning it over. But she would be done in a couple minutes and the class almost 10. She was caught several times flipping it over. Another thing during clean up from play time she would help the other kids in different sections. Another red flag. I was a volunteer aid, so I saw this and tried my best to explain to her that she had to try to follow the teacher rules, I also explained to her teacher the problem. They would have a green teddy if the class was good that day; and a red for any misdeeds and she would point out that my daughter was the fault. This was 25 years ago and the proud moment to start homeschooling.
I had to do quite a few speeches in a few of my English classes middle school and jr high. But never a debate. I remember this one I did a whole presentation on Shakespeare’s poetry. I even dressed up in the most elaborate dress my mom had and started my speech out with the oh Romeo line and went into saying everyone knows that line and his plays but few know his poetry lol
I've always loved my mum, even when I was tiny, and she's totally my hero. However when I was 5 I absolutely ADORED my older brother and followed him everywhere. I think the mum needs to look at it from Boston's point of view, maybe think back to the sort of people she looked up to when she was little.
First story: apologising and claiming responsibility reinforces Kylie’s sexist behaviour (let’s be clear, SHE is the misogynist). Create space for their feelings of discomfort to fall back onto them, instead of falling on you. Let the silence of everyone’s shock be deafening for a moment, then very calmly respond with something brief, to the effect of; - “I dont think that was fair” - “I feel that was uncalled for” - “that felt quite harsh” - “I’m sorry, but I don’t agree” - “I don’t think I did anything to warrant that” Leave it at that (shift everyone’s attention and if you can’t, physically leave). Make note of this interaction and give teaching staff a precautionary heads up to cover your bases.
Riley, it’s called masking. They are so scared to show their discomfort that they act like everything is fine until they are back in their safe space where they have a breakdown. My son is autistic. Stimming is a repetitive behavior that regulates their brain and calms their senses. Public speaking is scary and uncomfortable for most people so an autistic person will stim to calm themselves. My son spins his lanyard to calm himself.
For the dual enrollment my brother did something called IB, and his college credits will not have counted right out of high school, which means he he would have to retake all of his courses, and he got a scholarship to the school of mines for an engineerz the way he got around that was going into the military. So he will only have two years left six years out from when he graduated high school.
I have 2 autistic children the term Riley is looking for is called masking. Some people with autism can mask their symptoms. My kids do stim and the teachers in their school have been amazing in understanding that they can't help if their stimming causes a distraction in class.
As a Special Education teacher, the second story is appalling. Also “rating progress by relative” is exactly what an IEP does. It lists accommodations that help all students access the curriculum. Taking points off for stimming is not just cruel, it is potentially illegal. Stimming is a self-soothing mechanism. It is something people do to self-regulate. You make a kid stop rocking back and forth and suddenly he’s having a panic attack. I hope he went to his case manager.
Mum and Dad are not usually heroes to their own children, they already have a special job as parents. They should be happy he has real life heroes that he hangs out with sometimes
10:04 nothing you do will make her feel better. I deal with a family member who does this. They want to feel attacked they want to fight. They want it and they want to be backed up by others
Second story: OP isn't in the wrong. I had this issue with an AP math teacher and social studies teacher. The teachers and school must comply with a 504 plan. Every student gets an advocate and this advocate goes to bat between you and the teacher. The parents also need to step in. I was happy to hear the end result of this story.
Story 1: I would have said "I think we must speak with a school staff member to mediate this because your accusations are concerning. Maybe have the other members be present to make sure we say what happened"
I have a petty group project story; I was in an elective class with a couple girls from the Degree program I was in and we were in a group together and we had one person in our group who was in a different program. Well we had a meeting and one group member was late, who was in our program so while we were waiting we were chatting as we all agreed to wait until our fourth member arrived. My classmate in the same program and I started talking about another project that was due very soon for one our program classes, all of a sudden the guy from the other program gets up and leaves and I was like WTF? And that is when the girl turns to me and shows a message this guy sent her outside of our group chat and has asked her out, she had a boyfriend at the time and turned him down. Not to sure what was going through the guys head, maybe he thought I knew about the asking my classmate out and was freezing him out, but he berated us over our group chat and then left. The next class our Professor comes and talks to us to be sure that we would be okay in a group with one less person, we said yes, then the Professor asked us what happened, so I said “Well, all I know is he asked out so and so and then got upset at us for chatting with each other and left the group.” OurProfessor looked stunned and said that we would not be penalized for having one less group member we said that we would be okay, we ended get getting an A in our project the guy tried to do it alone and I think just barely got a passing grade.
As a parent i will separate my kids if they are fighting and they need to cool down, however it is so incredibly wild that someone would separate their kids for loving each other so much..like how selfish and jealous can you be to consider taking your 5 year Olds hero away from him when he's seemingly a great influence?! That's insane!! And I'm sorry but I don't expect my kids to look at me like a hero for doing the basic parental responsibilities that's wild. 🙄😳😂
I remember I always had to force myself into the group because people never gave me tasks to do, even when I said "hey i can do that" So glad I dont have to deal with that for a while XD
For the women's studies story; there was absolutely nothing he could have said or done at any point. She had already made a judgment and decision about him before he ever uttered a word.
So there's a movie called "God's not dead" and it was the same movie/story line but it was an ethics professor instead of a bio professor and it was TERRIBLE
When i was a kid i successfully applied to a school because i wanted a reward in a mobile game. So throughout highschool i kept getting college assignments but i would always ignore them lol. Then one day i decided to randomly unsubscribe because i felt too guilty as the professor kept thanking me for participating lol.
First story, only response I can think of is, "I'm sorry that anything I said or did came across as misogynistic. That wasn't my intention. " 😂 Also, that movie was "gods not dead," and it was super cringe.
For story 2, Autistic ppl DO fake it and pretend to be neurotypical all the time. There is incredible pressure on is to conform and not be "weird". This is called masking and its exhausting and leads to autistic burnout, anxiety, depression, and suicidality.
Second story: Sam you cant apologize for something you didnt do. If you havent killed, sa'ed, or robbed anyone, you shouldn't apologize for doing so. It devalues your words and the act of apologizing itself. If someone wants you to apologize for something you didnt do to make them feel better, its because they are terrible people that cant face reality and prioritize their feelings over everything else. These are not people you ever want to get along with.
as an autistic person: role playing as someone who doesn’t have autism is called “masking” and it’s extremely detrimental to mental health when as a rule and can cause burnout that in socials, domestically and all other things that makes baseline existence outside of those things the only thing you can maintain… “role playing” as allistic too much causes autistic people a lot of harm.
like… you wish ppl w autism could fake it, sure! i do all the time. and that’s a luxury i have over “less functional” autistic people… but it takes a HUGE tole on our mental health. i didn’t even realize i was autistic til i was 30 per diagnosis, and my apartment is a mess.. my work suffers… and that all relates to how much my other job of pretending to NOT be autistic takes hours from everything else. there’s just not enough room for that full time to be also functional.
Story nr 1: Do not apologise. It just gives credence to their delusions. Say that we have a group project to deliver and if there are creative differences just do your part and don't discuss anything else. It's not worth the hassle.
Welp, I have Asperger's, but it don't really affect to much day to day interactions, and most people don't even know until someone who does know or have experience with people who also have my condition say something or ask. But I do have my moments where it's obvious
He definitely should not drop out of the class. If he does then he won’t get credit for all the rest of his work in the semester which could affect his gpa, loan eligibility and his graduation timeline. The other two people in the group are on his side. OP doesn’t deserve to be punished because of one bad character in their group. They need to take this issue to the professor
You know what's funny when he tried to apologize in that first story to the girl who accused him of being a misogynist it sounded like he was gaslighting apologizing
re: story 1 based on how OP is telling it. I think that girl has some personal problems that she needs to work out with-as it is common for people who are THAT into calling people out for very small non repeating behavior and calling it something extremely problematic. (Like she just has a problem with guys in general) She obviously likes being in control... so if you did admit to her claims just to get her off her back... you're kinda just making it worse. 1. you're like feeding her ego by saying she's correct 2. she seems a lil crazy so you're basically giving her AMO to slander you cause you just admitted to her claims. I'd just be very careful admitting something about yourself you don't believe to people in your communities just to get them off your back. Based on all these wild ass Reddit stories there are some crazies out there ((and I have trust issues lol))
I had 25 of my personal photos stolen by creepy dudes of my Facebook page and made into memes for a page scene by millions. What did i do? I was just funny. I feel you riley.... Sounds like he was upset you didn't want him on honestly
So, the op with ASD needed to work more and do more because they have ASD because the teacher took off points for stimming and because op isn't good at public speaking in an English class? Weird.
First story, to diffuse the situation (although she was clearly looking for a reason to hate him) I would have said something like "I'm sorry that my words/actions offended you, that was never my intention, what can I do to remedy this and make you more comfortable."
Yes, its called masking.... and its absolutely exhausting, and can lead to other mental and physical health problems later on.... especially if one is made to feel like they have to mask all the time for their own survival needs (to be accepted, to not piss off an abusive parent or partner, and just the physical and emotional exhaustion and toll it can take on ones body, mind and soul... its like the whole world is telling you you arent fit to be around, you are unacceptable as you are, etc etc... imagine how that might feel. Then imagine how that might feel, if you didnt have a diagnosis or any clue of what makes you seem so different and off-putting to others.. Thank you for having compassion when discussing these scenarios.
Damn y'all are making me feel old 😂 I graduated in 2009 anyways I am absolutely livid with this teacher who apparently has no fucking brain since he doesn't seem to know about Autism but to OP I am so proud, happy and excited for you because I know how hard public speaking is for me and some others who don't have Autism so for you to do this class and face your fears and/or weaknesses is absolutely amazing 😍 I really hope and pray you are able to achieve any goals and dreams you have!!! 🥰😍
First story, girl out there giving us feminists a bad rap. She asked a question she could have googled and then holds a grudge against him for asking if she knew what something else was so he could answer thoroughly. I honestly think she was probably setting him up to fail for ammo later
If you have an IEP the school is legally obligated to accommodate you. When you have an IEP it states what you need it for and what accommodations you need. TEACHER KNOW THIS! This is a lawsuit!
Being a self described feminist isnt a red flag… too many people are afraid to just say “yeah i think women should be equal to men”. Gatekeeping it is a different issue
I feel for the kid with ASD and applaud his tenacity. That said, college is supposed to prepare you for a career. There's too much DEI in higher education and in the workplace. You need to be able to compete with everyone, regardless of race, ethnicity or disability. Would you be ok getting on a plane knowing exceptions were made for your pilot to pass the test for a pilot's license? Would you pick a doctor knowing they didn't have to perform to the same expectations as others in medical school? It may not be fair, but life isn't fair and only the best and brightest should rise to the top.
As someone with autism, I wasn’t ever diagnosed a child but all of my obvious autism symptoms I was told were not appropriate. Masking aka trying to hide the ‘tism is quite literally a survival tactic. The most common example of stimming is hand flapping on rocking picking, one of mine is I crack all my bones. The teacher is discriminating against the student, and forcing someone to mask is actually really harmful to our nervous systems because we are constantly monitoring everything we do along with the things around us when we are masking, it literally kills us. Most people don’t care because “you’re distracting” “you’re being weird” “why can’t you be normal” and trust me WE WANT NOTHING MORE THAN TO LIVE NORMALLY, existing is quite literally painful.
It's called masking and it is a survival tactic. Many neurodiversions do this. It is both a good and a bad things.
I‘m a physical therapy student on once during an internship in a neurological clinic I had an autistic patient. During our first session, she told me about it and apologized about talking a lot. The clinic was understaffed and often times, I got the feeling that due to stress, personal needs where a little bit abandoned. I tried to listen to her and we talked a lot about her fears and worries. When she left, she thanked me profusely and said I really helped her a lot. That made me so happy!
I feel this to mu absolute core. Finally got my adhd dx at 40! Still waiting on asd dx... but my son's specialists have all pretty much confirmed my suspicion
("OH yes I see many autistic traits in you" etc), scored really high on the qa test online, and have a kid (probably 2) with AuDHD.... I've had to learn to let that be enough for now, as I try to keep advocating for myself. (I'm so much better at advocating for my kids and others... which I'm learning is another trait haha)
Sending you love, encouragement and solidarity...
I have dx ADHD myself, and one child with dx ADHD and another child who has Autism.
And I see many Autistic traits in my ADHDer kiddo and in myself, as well as my youngest child. We are all ranging from severely stimming almost all day long (hi there! That would be me….😅) all the way down to stimming only when bored or feeling anxious (oldest ADHDer) and my autistic little guy is a bit in the middle.
We are a fully neurodivergent household and so I think that helps us in understanding each other better and in being accommodating to everyone, the downside is we all feel like someone is mad at us pretty much all the time, even though nobody is, but thanks to our lovely nervous system being on hyperdrive, we are either OVER picking up on subtle things, or blowing through them completely and not even recognizing them. 😬🤦♀️
We have a fun and unique house 😂❤
It's not that people can pretend to not be autistic it's that they do something called masking. This is done by nearly everyone who has ADHD and autism to some degree. It is basically holding back on divergent traits that would make you stand out in order to not make other people uncomfortable or not become ostracized because your brain works differently. It's very taxing and can be very stressful, especially as time goes on with no break. This makes masking harder as you need you stim to calm but you're trying not to stim to fit in. Stimming can be anything done repeatedly from rocking your body back and forth to flapping arms to tapping your foot to clicking your pen repeatedly, anything of the like.
That's so true and sometimes getting a decent diagnosis is so hard because of that
My oldest masks and suppresses stimming while in school. Last year their first year of in person learning they started having seizures. Through testing we have been able to find that the stress from suppression and masking causes them. The school that they go to is amazing and has given them alone time in a room so they can stim in between lessons.
Yup my son flaps his hands or repeats certain sounds (not sure if this is echolalia for him or part if his gestalt language processing or both). I on the other hand had certain things drilled into my head and would be punished for non-conforming. Language and communication also are my special interests (both because of genuine curiosity and some trauma sprinkled in), so it was very hard to unmask and people didn't believe I could be/am autistic. People, let alone myself, didn't know I was autistic til my mid 20s and I got my schizoaffective diagnosis in my early 30s like 2 years ago when my symptoms became unmanageable.
Also, it's worth mentioning that the awareness we have today is not the same as we did in the early 2000s, the 90s and below. This awareness is very new over these last few years. Many parents didn't want to get their kids diagnosed and have labels. ADHD was a hot topic, so people also didn't want to potentially force their kids to be on medications. Adults were, and still are to a degree, have difficulty getting diagnosed and most awareness is geared towards children these days (which isn't a bad thing, but does neglect to take into consideration the adults that struggle with or without diagnoses). Getting diagnosed is usually very difficult.
Even with someone like me that is on the schizophrenia spectrum. When I was having my symptoms become unmanageable it was hard to get doctors to take my symptoms seriously. I wound up getting sent to the psychward by my caseworker because next step would be DCFS and welfare checks, but he works with people that are on this schizophrenia Spectrum too and he knew I was being neglected by doctors. I was only supposed to be on a 72 hour hold but it wound up taking 42 days to stabilize me because yeah, I wasn't lying and my brain was doing what it wanted lol.
I didn't see this comment/thread when I just left my string of comments. Yay, fellow ND brain's and folks that love an ND brain, with spreading knowledge and bringing awareness!
Sending so much love, encouragement and solidarity to you all.
I met a lady at the park who has Tourette’s syndrome. She kept yelling the “N” word and then apologizing and explaining to anyone in earshot she has Tourette’s. Our kids played together and we had a really lovely conversation. I asked her what the biggest challenge was with her condition. She explained that it is hard to be in public spaces because people who don’t understand get mad at her for saying inappropriate things. Their anger causes an increase in her tics until she can hardly do anything but loudly curse. She said that she appreciates people who treat her with compassion and especially those who assume good will. She is an awesome mom and says that, fortunately, her child does not repeat her tics. They are teaching him about her condition and about appropriate language.
See this was awesome of you
I always wondered what it was about Tourette’s that causes them to blurt out those kind of words, cause it isn’t like they are wanting to. I wonder if there is some impulsiveness problem that causes them to. I have pretty severe ADHD and it sucks honestly. I can’t imagine what life is like with Tourette’s.
Now my ADHD brain wants to go and dive down a deep hole and study everything about the condition cause now I’m really interested and intrigued and want to learn more about it 😂
If you have any information, for those of us who aren’t very educated on the condition, can you share?? I am always trying to learn more information about the lesser known/studied conditions. ❤
@@Desert_Dreamer24I’m no expert, but I have read that swear words are “stored” in a different part of your brain than normal language. It is stored in the memory/emotion processing part of the brain. A person can suffer brain damage that basically erases the language part of their brain, yet still be able to curse. It’s a more primal/basic function like being able to cry and grunt.
I have Tourette’s where I repeat things. After I’ve said it, or in stressful situations will redo an entire conversation on both sides (to see where communication would’ve been better I think)
Either way, I will always be the odd one out call crazy or just annoying… I rather enjoy my reclusive life now
As a parent of a person with ASD, I can tell you that teacher bullies are more common than most people realize.
I agree. Looking back some teachers I've had were quite shitty
This is really sad to hear, I was bullied in school. Honestly I'm not sure why. Half the people that bullied me, ended up trying to be friends with me later. I think it was because I wasn't a "cool kid".
Fortunately I have never minded marching to the beat of my own drum.
My best friend has a child ASD and he is the kindest person I've ever met, thinking of anyone being mean to him or anyone with any type of divergent disorder, makes my blood boil.
Oh 1000%. I was never diagnosed until my late 20s so I never knew for the longest time what it was even though I knew I was different. I will give it some slack as back when I was a child it was the 90s to early 2000s so it still was very unknown. I will never forget the time I overheard a conversation between & my 4th grade teacher. She said I would never be able to do anything on my own, I would never be able to make friends & I'd never hold down a job so it was best to send me to a special school for kids with my issues. While that did bring me down for a while, jokes on her now though as I'm a CAD tech with many wonderful friends & in a loving 10 year relationship 🥰 I still think back & realize so much of what that & other teachers did to me that I didn't realize was just bullying.
Yes, my children with ASD are adults now and so many of the teachers were the worst bullies. I feel for the kids in speech. That teacher should be ashamed.
First story: You can't win with people like this. If he wouldn't have stopped to ask her if she knew what ATP was, she could have gotten upset with him for that! "How dare he not take the time to make sure I understood all of the terminology"
you are correct. some people are perpetually offended
No literally haha, the fact that she is asking what creatine does but gets offended when he’s making sure she understands the molecular systems that create energy in our bodies (clearly because she didn’t even know what creatine does) if he didn’t ask she would have just accused him of “mansplaining” smh.. can’t win
The irony is she’s the sexist one. She’s being quite the a misandrist by assuming that because he’s a man he was talking down to and managed to extrapolate a lot based off his gender alone.
@@Redfern4 it just seems like you hate men but okay 👍
I taught sixth grade. When a student had an IEP, I had to attend several meetings with the SPED (special resource and education team) and the parents of the student to make sure that the IEP was understood and upheld in my classroom and the resource classroom. Teachers are legally obligated to uphold IEPs. I had to literally sign each IEP. We are also obligated to follow HIPAA privacy laws in regards to students. Ignoring an IEP will result in punitive actions for the teacher and ultimately can cause you to be terminated. The school could be financially obligated to pay for a private tutor if an IEP is not followed.
Second Story brings back flashbacks of my son. He basically has mild tourette's. He had an IEP in middle school, and his teachers would refuse to follow it because they said he didn't have it. PBS at the time had a documentary on tourettes. I recorded it, took it to the school, and made every teacher watch it. It did not help. I had one teacher tell him that he wasn't smart enough and to go home, stand in front of a mirror, and practice saying, "may I help you please?" Because he would be nothing more than a server when he got older. Let's just say she doesn't have a job anymore. I had to threaten to get lawyers involved. Let's just say they hated my guts.
She ought to hate her own stupid ass 😂 well done mommma
Wow that's some Professor Umbridge level game. I'm glad you showed her the consequences.
As someone with autism this actually made me cry. I’ve had this same argument with myself and with others. Why can’t I be normal why can’t I just be social. Oh my God. My heart broke into a million pieces hearing that.
Doing group projects over zoom, with people you've never met is some level of hell
Add to it people in different time zones, because University can be online only and class cohorts can be Hawaii to New York.
It truly is, there should be an exemption from doing groups on the internet
Had to do a lot of group projects over zoom during the pandemic and can confirm it is some level of hell. In my groups people usually just wouldn't talk to each other and then somebody would wing it when we were asked questions 🥴
"Faking not having autism" is called masking. It's something more commonly seen in autistic women and depending on how your autism presents it can range from difficult to impossible to do. Basically all of your energy is spent on monitoring social cues and mimicking other people's dialogue, behavior, attitudes to "blend in." It erases any of your own personality and can lead to a plethora of identity issues later in life - plus it's draining - little energy to do anything other than monitor every movement you make, word you say, and be hyper aware of your environment. This can also lead to autistic "meltdowns" once you get home and stop masking, as you're overstimulated and exhausted. When it comes to school, you can basically put your energy into masking or put it into learning, but doing both is near impossible (from my own experience at least). But as they say, if you have met one person with autism, you've met one person with autism - because it presents so differently for everyone.
Thank you, I was about to mention masking but wanna check comments first.
That being said, I major in ASL interpreting -and eye contact is a mandatoy part of ASL's grammar and syntax. So there are certain areas of academics that do require you to do uncomfortable things that might necessitate making yourself uncomfortable and/or that career is not something necessarily plausible with your disability. For me that's something I am capable and willing to do. OP seems to be in high school though and/or this class is not degree relevant. So unless OP is majoring in public speaking at a university - the point deduction for a non-required class due to autistic stimming is ableist. I think it would of been better for the teacher to offer advice in a non-judgmental way and help them figure out tips or tricks for navigatinig public speaking as applicable to their life.
I wish when I was a child I had known that my stimming wasn’t something I needed to hide, I didn’t even realize that I have spent my ENTIRE LIFE masking and mirroring, and it really does make it hard to know who you actually are.
The way you just explained all that made me realize that I am so burnt out every day because of that. Because I am constantly masking, constantly mirroring, constantly trying to stop stimming, that when I finally am alone, I almost overstim and even do some SIBs 😩
I think what riley was getting at is that he didn’t know that autistic people can mask. Masking is something neurodivergent people do to hide their symptoms and appear more neurotypical. This however takes a toll on them mentally and physically and can contribute to burnout which studies have seen can actually leave them with brain damage. I have adhd and was late diagnosed because i was unconsciously masking my whole childhood. I watch a lot of tv so i would teach myself how to act by how they acted, and im also a woman so my adhd symptoms are not as noticeable as the mainstream (male orientated) symptoms.
I've been thinking I have adhd more and more. My masking and coping mechanisms just doesn't seem to be a thing for most other people
They also say girls tend to mask more than boys on average
It also takes a toll on NTs, accommodating their ND loved ones. Both function differently.
Yes, I was sitting here internally screaming “masking”.😂 I’m glad you made this comment because I could see the panic on Riley’s face as he was trying to explain what he meant lol. Which is funny because people who he would have offended knew what he meant
Story #2: I'm with Maria. I would've told that girl to stfu and focus on her part of the project. I hate ppl who go looking for unnecessary drama.
Story 1: doesn't matter what OP does because Kylie would have done anything to make him bad, for being male.
Story 2: I have two kids on an IEP and the Special Ed teachers are the main coordinators for the curriculum. OP needs to talk about the situation with their curriculum coordinator so they can educate the teacher. If this is post- secondary, this needs to go to the Dean of their instructor's department.
John's Story: movie is called "God's Not Dead" there's some that came after that but I didn't watch them 😂
Story 3: OP and the others need to speak up. Protect Gabby please 🙏.
Kylie is a misandrist. 100%
Hear me out: there needs to be a pamphlet that is given to all college students when they enroll that lays out group project dynamics and how to navigate group project management 😅 if they insist on having us continue group projects then they need to teach some of these people how to interact with others. Believe it or not, common sense ISNT COMMON 😅
Stimming is self simulation and comfort performed by many neural atypical people. Like op said the rocking and punching the podium is how they stimm i rock as well among other things like rolling things like smooth rocks in my fingers. It self stimulates me and brings me comfort for my asd and focus as well as an outlet for my adhd energy when i need to be reasonably still
It's wild that Sam graduated in 2015. I didn't realize we are the same age 😅
What Riley is saying is that autistic people sometimes mask as neurotypical which is highly distressing as autistic person. My kid is autistic so I'm in the know. I think he just mistook what it was please let him know about this being this way
I work for a local (to me) school district and deal with students that have IEP's. This type of stuff that the student is describing would most certainly be in an IEP and it is possibly illegal (depending on where they are) and definitely unethical for the teacher to hold these things against them and lower a grade because of it. You can definitely file a complaint with the district because of that teacher's behavior. The district and the teacher could even be sued over it and the student would win because an IEP is considered a legal document (at least in my district, we have that stated as policy) and the teacher is violating the IEP.
Word of advice: NEVER tell anyone that has a disorder to just fake not having it. I know you mean well, but that teacher was being discriminatory and OP wasn't at fault. When people encourage this behavior it only makes it more difficult for those who can't "hide" their disorders.
Things I was not expecting today: hearing about students being forced to watch God's Not Dead. Reminds me of being in catholic classes and being sat in a giant auditorium while we watched Passion of the Christ then being coerced into confession when the movie was over. Kids were CRYING, and I'm just like... nah.
That's a form of torture! That movie is ass.
I feel attacked, "get rekt Sid." *double middle finger*
Suggestion to Sophia about the tinfoil hats if you want to remake them: use a big funnel as a base then glue the tin foil to it so the hats keeps their shape.😊😊😊
when OP said they hated that they hated that they couldn't be normal, I cried. my son is autistic and I could help but think of him.
stimming is movements, so like rocking back and forth, tapping or twistching a finger, repeatedly tapping a foot, its a soother and cope that are NOT controlled even with medication. Some ppl will spend YEARS in OT trying to overcome stimming as the only form of therapy considered successful at this and even then most never ever stop. Another similar thing is scripting. This can be facts, pages from a book, geography, space, or entire commercials and scripts from games if they are gamers. This is another diffcult to treat trait as it is done in the same situations as stimming does.
Also to riley about pretending to not have autism. WEll that is how we used to cope, anyone over 30 unless severe were expected to function normally and were treated as if we can control it. So we read what normal behaviour, human behaviour, expressions, body language, we learned it from books so we could fake it and blend it. Didn't work for everyone, but it did for many. WHile socially we are still treated like garbage altho ppl pretend they treat us fair or equal but then hate us, the younger crowds now are much more accepted and it is recognized and accepted as such so atlteast now ppl can come forward and complain when something unjust like that story happens, teacher will be disciplined and her grade will be fixed if she files a formal complaint over the discrimination.
I am so incredibly proud of asd op with the ignorant teacher...and their parents!
this makes my heart happy.
Lmao John's speech teacher is so sweet for that, teachers/profs absolutely DESPISE reopening assignments.
AYO, THE STIPULATION, THAT DOES NOT SOUND LEGAL, I AM CRYIIING 😂😂😂😂😂
As someone with ASD.... I feel their stress and pain. I really do. ♥️
Riley: as a late diagnosed audhd adult (44yo), I recognize that you're young & still learning. I'm old 😅 & still learning new things every day. I hope no one was too terrible towards you for whatever you said. 🥰✌🏽
I think the response would be “I’m sorry, I wasn’t aware I was doing anything misogynistic. I’ll do all I can to keep that in check going forward, but I have felt some animosity directed at me, and think we need to discuss on how to better work together or potentially regrouping.”
As good as that response is I don’t think it would have worked. She was looking to make an enemy of him no matter what. She would have twisted those words to try to get it in her favor again even if it wasn’t rational.
Final story. Awe...I would have cried with joy to think that he thinks so much of his half brother.
One thing to know is an IEP (Individualized Education Plan) has accommodations and it explains where the child's strengths & weaknesses are. Teachers usually do not read this IEP, even though they claim they do. What this teacher said makes me soooooo angry. Can you expect an Alcoholic to just stop drinking cold turkey? NO it takes time & there may be relapses. As the teacher he should be helping & encouraging. NOT pushing this child over the cliff. He has caused irreparable damage to this child's self worth, self esteem & labeled the child a failure. UNEXCCEPTABLE!!!! WTH!!!! The discussion should have revealed real goals, not telling this child to stop being him/herself. Does anyone want to experience what this child is going through? It takes a strong person to just live life with these issues. This teacher needs to be disciplined!!
AP and dual enrolled are 2 different things. Dual enrolled courses are taught (usually) at local colleges, for full college credit and college grade. AP classes are usually taught at high school and might give you college credit, but maybe not. All classes, schools, and states have different rules.
As a person who stims it can be flapping hands moving back and forth and it just gives that good feeling in my brain. Just for a better example
Second Story related. I had a teacher fail my final exam for having a panic attack. Also gave the same grade to those who helped me calm down. She had reviews prior to the test and my group did perfectly. She knew I knew my stuff.
This was a in a high school elective.
She also did another cruel thing to me regarding my anxiety but that’s unrelated to final exams.
Teachers need to be understanding of the variety of mental capabilities of their students.
I have a close friend with school smarts difficulties and had one of those plans. the amount of teachers that ignored it is disgusting.
Teacher here! IEP’s are required by law to be followed. If that teacher wasn’t following OP’s IEP then they’re full on in the wrong and it’s essentially breaking the law.
2nd story: If you get a C or lower in Dual Enrollment, you can actually be put on Academic probation for college before you graduate high school. I found out after I graduated when I got a C in the history class. Dropped to a C for the same reasons, being ADHD
Im actually going through something similar to an IEP plan process myself. Its basically a plan the school, teachers, specialty teachers, advice from drs, therapists etc and parents basically come to an agreement on strategy to best help the student with any sort of learning disability or diagnosis that can affect executive function, social skills etc.
Idk if that made sense or not. I just havent seen any other comments explaining anything and this community seems to be empathetic with a desire to learn about different experiences... so figured i through in what ive learned/am learning.
If more people understood, and wanted to understand, this world wouldnt be quite so abrasive, and downright abusive.
Second Story: People who do not face disabilities like OP do not understand on consistent struggle to mask( or to "pretend to be normal") really is. I have learning disabilities and get consistently told " I don't have a disability because I act so normal" NO I'm an adult who was forced to learned to be "normal" and hide as much as i could. When I let them go people get so pissed because suddenly I'm not 'easy' to deal with. I feel so much for the kid, all that constantly struggle and effort just slap away as nothing in one conversation because a teacher couldn't care long enough to see it. It's heart breaking and can crush the confidence
I know I'm projecting a bit cause of my own experiences but this needs to be brought up to the school
Clearly, the teacher has never heard of Temple Grandin. She changed the ENTIRE livestock agriculture industry, is a university professor, and is able to present fascinating information even with all of her "awkwardness" (quotes because I don't think it takes away from her lectures at all). She is a wonderful person and vital to modern agriculture!
Getting an IEP is not easy, SO very important and comprehensive for the student involved. My so. Was 4 when testing began- he was granted the IEP after testing was complete and some schools did the bare minimum wow others allowed him to make a choice where and when he would like to use it (in high school he was embarrassed but worked incredibly hard to succeed)
I’m still shocked how many people in the education field are unaware what it means and what can be done to help both teachers and students get the most use of it.
I'm autistic and what Riley's referring to is called masking, and it's a very useful social skill for many autistic people. We have to appear like we aren't in many cases
My daughter is autistic and I had to pull her out of kindergarten because they wanted her to go to the school for kids with disabilities. The problem, she was too smart and helpful. I literally serious she went into kindergarten fully prepared, probably should have jumped a grade. They would hand out worksheets front and back. You were told do the first page and wait for the class to finish before turning it over. But she would be done in a couple minutes and the class almost 10. She was caught several times flipping it over. Another thing during clean up from play time she would help the other kids in different sections. Another red flag. I was a volunteer aid, so I saw this and tried my best to explain to her that she had to try to follow the teacher rules, I also explained to her teacher the problem. They would have a green teddy if the class was good that day; and a red for any misdeeds and she would point out that my daughter was the fault. This was 25 years ago and the proud moment to start homeschooling.
I had to do quite a few speeches in a few of my English classes middle school and jr high. But never a debate. I remember this one I did a whole presentation on Shakespeare’s poetry. I even dressed up in the most elaborate dress my mom had and started my speech out with the oh Romeo line and went into saying everyone knows that line and his plays but few know his poetry lol
I've always loved my mum, even when I was tiny, and she's totally my hero. However when I was 5 I absolutely ADORED my older brother and followed him everywhere. I think the mum needs to look at it from Boston's point of view, maybe think back to the sort of people she looked up to when she was little.
First story: apologising and claiming responsibility reinforces Kylie’s sexist behaviour (let’s be clear, SHE is the misogynist). Create space for their feelings of discomfort to fall back onto them, instead of falling on you. Let the silence of everyone’s shock be deafening for a moment, then very calmly respond with something brief, to the effect of;
- “I dont think that was fair”
- “I feel that was uncalled for”
- “that felt quite harsh”
- “I’m sorry, but I don’t agree”
- “I don’t think I did anything to warrant that”
Leave it at that (shift everyone’s attention and if you can’t, physically leave). Make note of this interaction and give teaching staff a precautionary heads up to cover your bases.
Riley, it’s called masking. They are so scared to show their discomfort that they act like everything is fine until they are back in their safe space where they have a breakdown.
My son is autistic. Stimming is a repetitive behavior that regulates their brain and calms their senses. Public speaking is scary and uncomfortable for most people so an autistic person will stim to calm themselves. My son spins his lanyard to calm himself.
For the dual enrollment my brother did something called IB, and his college credits will not have counted right out of high school, which means he he would have to retake all of his courses, and he got a scholarship to the school of mines for an engineerz the way he got around that was going into the military. So he will only have two years left six years out from when he graduated high school.
I have 2 autistic children the term Riley is looking for is called masking. Some people with autism can mask their symptoms. My kids do stim and the teachers in their school have been amazing in understanding that they can't help if their stimming causes a distraction in class.
As a Special Education teacher, the second story is appalling. Also “rating progress by relative” is exactly what an IEP does. It lists accommodations that help all students access the curriculum. Taking points off for stimming is not just cruel, it is potentially illegal. Stimming is a self-soothing mechanism. It is something people do to self-regulate. You make a kid stop rocking back and forth and suddenly he’s having a panic attack. I hope he went to his case manager.
Mum and Dad are not usually heroes to their own children, they already have a special job as parents. They should be happy he has real life heroes that he hangs out with sometimes
I was forced for years to watch gods not dead and they loved it soooooo much 😹 I’m pretty sure I had to do a home repot on it for punishment once 😹
10:04 nothing you do will make her feel better. I deal with a family member who does this. They want to feel attacked they want to fight. They want it and they want to be backed up by others
No, Op should not bow down to the Karen in story 1. She is a POS. Why didn't he talk about her bullying of the whole group?
Second story: OP isn't in the wrong. I had this issue with an AP math teacher and social studies teacher. The teachers and school must comply with a 504 plan. Every student gets an advocate and this advocate goes to bat between you and the teacher. The parents also need to step in. I was happy to hear the end result of this story.
Story 1: I would have said "I think we must speak with a school staff member to mediate this because your accusations are concerning. Maybe have the other members be present to make sure we say what happened"
I have a petty group project story; I was in an elective class with a couple girls from the Degree program I was in and we were in a group together and we had one person in our group who was in a different program. Well we had a meeting and one group member was late, who was in our program so while we were waiting we were chatting as we all agreed to wait until our fourth member arrived. My classmate in the same program and I started talking about another project that was due very soon for one our program classes, all of a sudden the guy from the other program gets up and leaves and I was like WTF? And that is when the girl turns to me and shows a message this guy sent her outside of our group chat and has asked her out, she had a boyfriend at the time and turned him down. Not to sure what was going through the guys head, maybe he thought I knew about the asking my classmate out and was freezing him out, but he berated us over our group chat and then left. The next class our Professor comes and talks to us to be sure that we would be okay in a group with one less person, we said yes, then the Professor asked us what happened, so I said “Well, all I know is he asked out so and so and then got upset at us for chatting with each other and left the group.” OurProfessor looked stunned and said that we would not be penalized for having one less group member we said that we would be okay, we ended get getting an A in our project the guy tried to do it alone and I think just barely got a passing grade.
Sam was giving Caractacus Potts vibes with that Automellette 😭🤣🤣🤣
They legit made a breakfast machine you always see in a scientists home in cartoons lol
As a parent i will separate my kids if they are fighting and they need to cool down, however it is so incredibly wild that someone would separate their kids for loving each other so much..like how selfish and jealous can you be to consider taking your 5 year Olds hero away from him when he's seemingly a great influence?! That's insane!! And I'm sorry but I don't expect my kids to look at me like a hero for doing the basic parental responsibilities that's wild. 🙄😳😂
The toxic gossip train😂😂😂
12:20 the word Riley wants is masking and I’ve heard it can be very stressful to do.
I remember I always had to force myself into the group because people never gave me tasks to do, even when I said "hey i can do that"
So glad I dont have to deal with that for a while XD
For the women's studies story; there was absolutely nothing he could have said or done at any point. She had already made a judgment and decision about him before he ever uttered a word.
No one talking about his assignment, "the importantce of gradatude" Just screams "thank me for being your evil teacher, OR else i will fail you."
32:32 THAT WILD
Awesome theme idea!!
My son has ADHD and does stimming to keep his focus while doing public speaking or taking tests. Leg bouncing and/or pacing.
So there's a movie called "God's not dead" and it was the same movie/story line but it was an ethics professor instead of a bio professor and it was TERRIBLE
When i was a kid i successfully applied to a school because i wanted a reward in a mobile game. So throughout highschool i kept getting college assignments but i would always ignore them lol. Then one day i decided to randomly unsubscribe because i felt too guilty as the professor kept thanking me for participating lol.
Lol y I thought Riley was gone say he looked like Sid from Ice Age 😂😂
First story, only response I can think of is, "I'm sorry that anything I said or did came across as misogynistic. That wasn't my intention. " 😂 Also, that movie was "gods not dead," and it was super cringe.
For story 2, Autistic ppl DO fake it and pretend to be neurotypical all the time. There is incredible pressure on is to conform and not be "weird". This is called masking and its exhausting and leads to autistic burnout, anxiety, depression, and suicidality.
With autism it's very common for people to "mask" which is essentially role playing being "normal"
Stimming is more like tapping, rocking, flapping hands... clapping, bouncing foot etc...
Second story: Sam you cant apologize for something you didnt do. If you havent killed, sa'ed, or robbed anyone, you shouldn't apologize for doing so. It devalues your words and the act of apologizing itself. If someone wants you to apologize for something you didnt do to make them feel better, its because they are terrible people that cant face reality and prioritize their feelings over everything else. These are not people you ever want to get along with.
as an autistic person: role playing as someone who doesn’t have autism is called “masking” and it’s extremely detrimental to mental health when as a rule and can cause burnout that in socials, domestically and all other things that makes baseline existence outside of those things the only thing you can maintain… “role playing” as allistic too much causes autistic people a lot of harm.
like… you wish ppl w autism could fake it, sure! i do all the time. and that’s a luxury i have over “less functional” autistic people… but it takes a HUGE tole on our mental health. i didn’t even realize i was autistic til i was 30 per diagnosis, and my apartment is a mess.. my work suffers… and that all relates to how much my other job of pretending to NOT be autistic takes hours from everything else. there’s just not enough room for that full time to be also functional.
32:33 took me a sec but the atheist hit by the car reminds me of the Gods not dead movie
Story nr 1: Do not apologise. It just gives credence to their delusions. Say that we have a group project to deliver and if there are creative differences just do your part and don't discuss anything else. It's not worth the hassle.
The movie you are talking about is GOD'S NOT DEAD and Willy from duck dynasty and his wife are in it as well
Welp, I have Asperger's, but it don't really affect to much day to day interactions, and most people don't even know until someone who does know or have experience with people who also have my condition say something or ask. But I do have my moments where it's obvious
Heard the first line. Definitely drop out. No win situation. 😂😂
He definitely should not drop out of the class. If he does then he won’t get credit for all the rest of his work in the semester which could affect his gpa, loan eligibility and his graduation timeline. The other two people in the group are on his side. OP doesn’t deserve to be punished because of one bad character in their group. They need to take this issue to the professor
@QueenOfTheZombieApocalypse i was joking, of course. I was going off the title like Sam, Sophia and John do.
Don't forget you also lose the $200-$500 for the duo enrollment too
You know what's funny when he tried to apologize in that first story to the girl who accused him of being a misogynist it sounded like he was gaslighting apologizing
re: story 1
based on how OP is telling it. I think that girl has some personal problems that she needs to work out with-as it is common for people who are THAT into calling people out for very small non repeating behavior and calling it something extremely problematic. (Like she just has a problem with guys in general)
She obviously likes being in control... so if you did admit to her claims just to get her off her back... you're kinda just making it worse. 1. you're like feeding her ego by saying she's correct 2. she seems a lil crazy so you're basically giving her AMO to slander you cause you just admitted to her claims.
I'd just be very careful admitting something about yourself you don't believe to people in your communities just to get them off your back. Based on all these wild ass Reddit stories there are some crazies out there ((and I have trust issues lol))
I had 25 of my personal photos stolen by creepy dudes of my Facebook page and made into memes for a page scene by millions. What did i do? I was just funny. I feel you riley.... Sounds like he was upset you didn't want him on honestly
So, the op with ASD needed to work more and do more because they have ASD because the teacher took off points for stimming and because op isn't good at public speaking in an English class? Weird.
Group projects were always something
Last story: mom sounds like a LEGIT narcissist.
My mom did shit like that.
riely's story about his bully, idky gave really heavy this guy has a crush or weird obsession on riely, or he is just havily spoiled/bratty
First story, to diffuse the situation (although she was clearly looking for a reason to hate him) I would have said something like "I'm sorry that my words/actions offended you, that was never my intention, what can I do to remedy this and make you more comfortable."
Yes, its called masking.... and its absolutely exhausting, and can lead to other mental and physical health problems later on.... especially if one is made to feel like they have to mask all the time for their own survival needs (to be accepted, to not piss off an abusive parent or partner, and just the physical and emotional exhaustion and toll it can take on ones body, mind and soul... its like the whole world is telling you you arent fit to be around, you are unacceptable as you are, etc etc... imagine how that might feel. Then imagine how that might feel, if you didnt have a diagnosis or any clue of what makes you seem so different and off-putting to others..
Thank you for having compassion when discussing these scenarios.
1st Story: I would have straigt said: "I'm not mysogynist I just don't like you in particular"
Riley is talking about masking I think
Love you guys 🎉 you misspelled stories in your title ❤
Tourette’s is NOT mostly bad words. It’s mostly uncontrollable movements. Tourette’s is distressing while stims are comforting
Damn y'all are making me feel old 😂 I graduated in 2009 anyways I am absolutely livid with this teacher who apparently has no fucking brain since he doesn't seem to know about Autism but to OP I am so proud, happy and excited for you because I know how hard public speaking is for me and some others who don't have Autism so for you to do this class and face your fears and/or weaknesses is absolutely amazing 😍 I really hope and pray you are able to achieve any goals and dreams you have!!! 🥰😍
First story, girl out there giving us feminists a bad rap. She asked a question she could have googled and then holds a grudge against him for asking if she knew what something else was so he could answer thoroughly. I honestly think she was probably setting him up to fail for ammo later
If you have an IEP the school is legally obligated to accommodate you. When you have an IEP it states what you need it for and what accommodations you need. TEACHER KNOW THIS! This is a lawsuit!
Being a self described feminist isnt a red flag… too many people are afraid to just say “yeah i think women should be equal to men”. Gatekeeping it is a different issue
God's not dead is the movie you're thinking of I believe.
I feel for the kid with ASD and applaud his tenacity. That said, college is supposed to prepare you for a career. There's too much DEI in higher education and in the workplace. You need to be able to compete with everyone, regardless of race, ethnicity or disability. Would you be ok getting on a plane knowing exceptions were made for your pilot to pass the test for a pilot's license? Would you pick a doctor knowing they didn't have to perform to the same expectations as others in medical school? It may not be fair, but life isn't fair and only the best and brightest should rise to the top.